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1
00:00:02,034 --> 00:00:03,206
Aunt hilda, what'’s going on?
2
00:00:03,275 --> 00:00:05,275
I came over as soon
as I got your message.
3
00:00:05,344 --> 00:00:06,586
It'’s Zelda.
4
00:00:06,655 --> 00:00:09,034
She and professor carlin
broke up... for good this time.
5
00:00:09,103 --> 00:00:11,586
At least that'’s what it sounded
like through the keyhole.
6
00:00:11,655 --> 00:00:14,620
Poor aunt Zelda, she
must be devastated.
7
00:00:14,689 --> 00:00:15,965
Whoa. [ Sniffing]
8
00:00:16,034 --> 00:00:18,137
What is that delicious smell?
9
00:00:18,206 --> 00:00:20,758
That, my dear, is the
sweet smell of heartbreak.
10
00:00:20,827 --> 00:00:23,862
Every time Zelda has a really
horrific breakup, she cooks.
11
00:00:23,931 --> 00:00:25,517
Well, that sounds
like a sensible way
12
00:00:25,586 --> 00:00:27,034
to deal with an
emotional crisis.
13
00:00:27,103 --> 00:00:28,448
Oh, hi, Sabrina.
14
00:00:28,517 --> 00:00:30,034
I made appetizers.
15
00:00:30,103 --> 00:00:32,034
Go ahead, take two.
16
00:00:32,103 --> 00:00:33,896
They'’re small.
17
00:00:33,965 --> 00:00:36,310
Mutton?
18
00:00:36,379 --> 00:00:39,482
Unfortunately, she'’s had the same
breakup menu for the last 400 years.
19
00:00:39,551 --> 00:00:43,206
And the more upset she
is, the bigger the spread.
20
00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:44,413
She seems pretty upbeat.
21
00:00:44,482 --> 00:00:46,344
Maybe she'’s not
as upset as you think.
22
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:49,241
Dinner is served.
23
00:00:52,931 --> 00:00:54,896
Okay, maybe she is upset.
24
00:00:54,965 --> 00:00:57,896
And I need to pull
out my big jeans.
25
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:08,931
♪ Life'’s changing around me,
and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪
26
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:15,448
♪ i'’m reaching out and
living by my rules... ♪
27
00:01:15,517 --> 00:01:18,620
♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪
28
00:01:18,689 --> 00:01:22,758
♪ I wanna make it last...
29
00:01:24,862 --> 00:01:28,275
♪ '’cause i'’m out
on my own now ♪
30
00:01:28,344 --> 00:01:32,931
♪ and I like the way it feels.
31
00:01:37,896 --> 00:01:39,241
Dig in, everyone!
32
00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:40,931
And make sure you
leave room for dessert.
33
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,551
I made my specialty:
Honeyed calf marrow.
34
00:01:43,620 --> 00:01:45,413
[ Gasping]: In a cup or a cone?
35
00:01:45,482 --> 00:01:47,275
Aunt Zelda, look, are you okay?
36
00:01:47,344 --> 00:01:49,379
I heard about your breakup
with professor carlin.
37
00:01:49,448 --> 00:01:50,551
Oh, please.
38
00:01:50,620 --> 00:01:52,517
Getting rid of Arthur
is the best thing
39
00:01:52,586 --> 00:01:53,758
I could ever have done.
40
00:01:53,827 --> 00:01:54,872
And now that the last decent man
41
00:01:54,896 --> 00:01:58,482
on the planet wants
absolutely nothing to do with me,
42
00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:00,275
i'’m free to return
to the carefree,
43
00:02:00,344 --> 00:02:02,172
fabulous life of a single woman.
44
00:02:02,241 --> 00:02:03,896
[ Sobbing]: Try the haggis
45
00:02:03,965 --> 00:02:05,344
while it'’s still warm.
46
00:02:06,758 --> 00:02:08,310
I feel so bad for aunt Zelda.
47
00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:10,010
We can'’t just sit here
and gorge ourselves
48
00:02:10,034 --> 00:02:11,862
while she'’s in there
crying her eyes out.
49
00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:13,034
Sure we can.
50
00:02:13,103 --> 00:02:14,344
Dibs on the snout.
51
00:02:14,413 --> 00:02:16,000
Fine, but I get the ears.
52
00:02:18,137 --> 00:02:20,965
[ Cauldrons bubbling][ Sobbing]
53
00:02:21,034 --> 00:02:21,965
Oh, no.
54
00:02:22,034 --> 00:02:23,724
Aunt Zelda, Don'’t cry.
55
00:02:23,793 --> 00:02:25,517
Well, you'’re right.
56
00:02:25,586 --> 00:02:27,344
I'’m making the gruel salty.
57
00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:28,517
Oh, that'’s okay.
58
00:02:28,586 --> 00:02:30,286
It'’ll cut the sweetness
from the calf marrow.
59
00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:31,482
I just want to say that
60
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:33,689
I Don'’t like the way
professor carlin treated you.
61
00:02:33,758 --> 00:02:35,758
Oh, this isn'’t
just about Arthur.
62
00:02:35,827 --> 00:02:40,034
It'’s about the monumental
mess i'’ve made of my love life.
63
00:02:40,103 --> 00:02:41,241
Yeah, aunt hilda said
64
00:02:41,310 --> 00:02:42,976
you'’ve done a lot of
cooking over the years.
65
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,103
It'’s true.
66
00:02:44,172 --> 00:02:45,344
But it'’s not the men
67
00:02:45,413 --> 00:02:47,655
who walked away from
me that i'’m upset about.
68
00:02:47,724 --> 00:02:50,689
It'’s the man I walked
away from... Gabriel.
69
00:02:50,758 --> 00:02:52,068
The archangel?
70
00:02:52,137 --> 00:02:53,827
No, that was hilda'’s squeeze.
71
00:02:53,896 --> 00:02:55,137
My Gabriel was a poet.
72
00:02:55,206 --> 00:02:56,793
A free-spirited witch
73
00:02:56,862 --> 00:03:00,068
who asked me to run
away with him, get married,
74
00:03:00,137 --> 00:03:02,482
climb the himalayas,
travel the galaxy.
75
00:03:02,551 --> 00:03:03,827
[ Sniffles]
76
00:03:03,896 --> 00:03:06,862
Like a fool, I said no,
sent him on his merry way.
77
00:03:06,931 --> 00:03:08,689
Why? He sounds so perfect.
78
00:03:08,758 --> 00:03:11,758
Or is "merry" a
euphemism for something?
79
00:03:11,827 --> 00:03:13,413
Oh, I was a young lass
80
00:03:13,482 --> 00:03:15,965
and thought my
work and my research
81
00:03:16,034 --> 00:03:18,241
were more important than love.
82
00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:21,551
Saying no to Gabriel
was my biggest regret.
83
00:03:21,620 --> 00:03:23,586
Here, look.
84
00:03:23,655 --> 00:03:27,724
This was taken just before
he asked me to marry him.
85
00:03:27,793 --> 00:03:30,275
Wow! He'’s like a total babe.
86
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:31,655
Look at this guy.
87
00:03:31,724 --> 00:03:33,965
I can'’t believe you let such
a gorgeous hunk get away.
88
00:03:34,034 --> 00:03:36,827
[ Crying]
89
00:03:36,896 --> 00:03:38,965
Okay, well, I guess I
can scratch therapist
90
00:03:39,034 --> 00:03:41,448
off my list of career options.
91
00:03:41,517 --> 00:03:42,965
Muttonloaf?
92
00:03:43,034 --> 00:03:44,620
You can cross sandwich maker
93
00:03:44,689 --> 00:03:46,551
off your list of career options.
94
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:49,206
Hey, did you take this picture?
95
00:03:49,275 --> 00:03:51,448
Oh, yeah. They'’re so sweet.
96
00:03:51,517 --> 00:03:53,241
She broke up with
him in high school,
97
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:55,448
but he carried a torch
for her for almost 60 years
98
00:03:55,517 --> 00:03:56,965
until they found
each other again.
99
00:03:57,034 --> 00:03:58,827
All that wasted time.
100
00:03:58,896 --> 00:04:00,551
Yeah. Isn'’t it amazing
how one decision
101
00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:01,931
can change your entire life?
102
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,241
I mean, what if they had
gotten together back then?
103
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,586
Well, she would have
spent the last 60 years
104
00:04:06,655 --> 00:04:08,034
as Mrs. Henry hungerdunger.
105
00:04:08,103 --> 00:04:09,310
Yeah, and we'’d be reading
106
00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:11,551
about all the great
times they had together.
107
00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:13,517
Wow, if you could
only change the past.
108
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,310
But you can'’t.
109
00:04:15,379 --> 00:04:16,862
Maybe youcan'’t.
110
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,172
Got to go.
111
00:04:19,241 --> 00:04:21,551
There'’s got to be something
on this magic cd-rom
112
00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:23,000
to change aunt Zelda'’s past.
113
00:04:23,068 --> 00:04:24,689
Oh, I can'’t imagine
going through life
114
00:04:24,758 --> 00:04:26,758
with a giant regret
hanging over my head.
115
00:04:26,827 --> 00:04:28,758
Hey, I regret not
invading Iceland
116
00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:32,137
when I had the chance, but
you Don'’t hear me bellyaching.
117
00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:33,689
If I could just go back in time
118
00:04:33,758 --> 00:04:35,379
I could-convince
her to say "yes"
119
00:04:35,448 --> 00:04:38,068
instead of "no" and all her
problems would be solved.
120
00:04:38,137 --> 00:04:39,344
There'’s got to be a way.
121
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,689
Spokesman: There is!
122
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:43,379
Just log onto
www.Visitthepast.Com
123
00:04:43,448 --> 00:04:45,862
and your time travel
worries will be over.
124
00:04:45,931 --> 00:04:47,655
Talk about direct marketing.
125
00:04:47,724 --> 00:04:48,965
[ Computer beeps]
126
00:04:49,034 --> 00:04:51,000
Welcome to visitthepast. Com
127
00:04:51,068 --> 00:04:53,758
your other realm Internet
time travel specialists
128
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,965
serving our community for
over three-and-a-half weeks.
129
00:04:57,034 --> 00:04:58,310
Look at these choices.
130
00:04:58,379 --> 00:04:59,517
"Right past wrongs."
131
00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:01,655
"Witness the creation
of the universe."
132
00:05:01,724 --> 00:05:03,206
"Find lost keys."
133
00:05:03,275 --> 00:05:06,034
If it'’s a specific moment in
time you'’d like to return to
134
00:05:06,103 --> 00:05:08,000
we'’ll need a visual
record of the event.
135
00:05:08,068 --> 00:05:09,862
I know just the thing.
136
00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:18,931
Hey, zellie, you got any
more homemade brew?
137
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,655
It'’s frabulous.
138
00:05:21,724 --> 00:05:25,620
I want to go back to the
moment this picture was taken.
139
00:05:25,689 --> 00:05:27,000
No problem.
140
00:05:27,068 --> 00:05:29,068
But first i'’m required
to inform you that
141
00:05:29,137 --> 00:05:30,251
visitthepast.com
is not responsible
142
00:05:30,275 --> 00:05:31,206
for the outcome of your trip
143
00:05:31,275 --> 00:05:32,596
or the altering of the
time-space continuum.
144
00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:33,931
Time travelers have been known
145
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,493
to experience nausea,
vomiting and premature hair loss.
146
00:05:35,517 --> 00:05:37,310
Tax and license not included.
147
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:39,275
Your biggest worry
will be the fallout
148
00:05:39,344 --> 00:05:42,379
if Zelda discovers you'’ve been
messing around with her life.
149
00:05:42,448 --> 00:05:45,172
Well, she'’s not exactly thrilled
with the way it'’s going now.
150
00:05:45,241 --> 00:05:47,103
Besides, she doesn'’t
need to know about it.
151
00:05:47,172 --> 00:05:48,103
Anything else?
152
00:05:48,172 --> 00:05:49,448
Just keep your hands and arms
153
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:50,931
inside the wormhole at all time.
154
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,241
Happy traveling!
155
00:05:56,241 --> 00:05:57,586
Smart and true
156
00:05:57,655 --> 00:06:00,000
sweet, not shrew
157
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:02,172
brains and beauty
158
00:06:02,241 --> 00:06:05,103
oh, what a view.
159
00:06:09,413 --> 00:06:12,137
Oh, Gabriel, that was inspired.
160
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:13,793
One guess who inspired it.
161
00:06:13,862 --> 00:06:15,172
[ Beatnik clears throat]
162
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,310
Hey, man, i'’m doing
a life magazinelayout
163
00:06:17,379 --> 00:06:18,551
on up-and-coming poets.
164
00:06:18,620 --> 00:06:20,517
How about a shot
of you and your lady?
165
00:06:24,655 --> 00:06:25,655
Whew!
166
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,172
That web site guy was right.
167
00:06:27,241 --> 00:06:29,137
Time travel does
make you nauseous.
168
00:06:29,206 --> 00:06:32,931
Zelda, there'’s something
I have to ask you.
169
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,655
Oh, it'’s natural, all right.
170
00:06:35,724 --> 00:06:37,586
No. Something much deeper.
171
00:06:37,655 --> 00:06:40,172
I want us to roam the galaxy
172
00:06:40,241 --> 00:06:42,103
explore the stars
173
00:06:42,172 --> 00:06:44,034
the sea and the sand;
174
00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:45,827
take each day as it comes
175
00:06:45,896 --> 00:06:47,206
together.
176
00:06:47,275 --> 00:06:48,517
Zelda spellman
177
00:06:48,586 --> 00:06:50,172
I love you.
178
00:06:50,241 --> 00:06:51,827
Will you marry me?
179
00:06:53,103 --> 00:06:55,413
Oh, Gabriel, I love you, too.
180
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:56,965
But what about my work, my...
181
00:06:57,034 --> 00:06:58,413
Aunt Zelda, wait!
182
00:06:58,482 --> 00:06:59,724
Before you say anything...
183
00:06:59,793 --> 00:07:00,896
I beg your pardon.
184
00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:03,206
Did you just call
me "aunt" Zelda?
185
00:07:03,275 --> 00:07:04,655
Duh. Haven'’t been born yet.
186
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,758
Uh, I meant it in that, you know
187
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,931
"hey, daddio," "hey,
auntio" hepcat sort of way.
188
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,931
So, what can I
get you crazy kids?
189
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:12,655
Would you excuse us?
190
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:13,769
We'’re in the
middle of something
191
00:07:13,793 --> 00:07:14,586
kind of important here.
192
00:07:14,655 --> 00:07:16,793
And what is more
important than nourishment
193
00:07:16,862 --> 00:07:18,448
besides marrying your soul mate?
194
00:07:18,517 --> 00:07:21,586
So, if you are lucky enough
to find that person, hint, hint.
195
00:07:21,655 --> 00:07:23,551
I suggest taking
him up on that offer
196
00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:25,034
and trying the shrimp salad.
197
00:07:25,103 --> 00:07:26,689
It'’s enough for
three. Trust me.
198
00:07:26,758 --> 00:07:28,965
You'’re absolutely right.
199
00:07:29,034 --> 00:07:31,413
Gabriel, I will marry you.
200
00:07:32,379 --> 00:07:34,724
And dressing on the side.
201
00:07:34,793 --> 00:07:38,103
Zelda, you have made me
the happiest man in the world.
202
00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:40,482
Woo-hoo!
203
00:07:41,931 --> 00:07:45,172
Well, that went well.
204
00:07:45,241 --> 00:07:47,172
Oh, weird.
205
00:07:47,241 --> 00:07:50,379
Time travel makes you
nauseous and hungry.
206
00:07:54,965 --> 00:07:58,000
All i'’m saying is,
the hair is a little retro.
207
00:07:58,068 --> 00:08:00,000
The whole Cher thing has to go.
208
00:08:00,068 --> 00:08:02,344
And all i'’m saying is, i'’m
not taking fashion advice
209
00:08:02,413 --> 00:08:04,517
from a woman who dresses
like a giant pink rabbit
210
00:08:04,586 --> 00:08:05,586
to go to chem lab.
211
00:08:05,620 --> 00:08:06,931
Sabrina: Hey, guys.
212
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,724
How old is this cheese?
213
00:08:08,793 --> 00:08:10,758
Excuse me. Who are you?
214
00:08:10,827 --> 00:08:13,241
And why are your grubby
hands all over my string cheese?
215
00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:14,310
Sorry.
216
00:08:14,344 --> 00:08:15,413
Since when did you get
217
00:08:15,482 --> 00:08:17,206
so possessive about
your dairy products?
218
00:08:17,275 --> 00:08:20,137
Since I saw a complete stranger
rummaging through my fridge.
219
00:08:20,206 --> 00:08:23,206
I'’m not a stranger; I'’m
your roommate Sabrina.
220
00:08:23,275 --> 00:08:26,241
Right! And i'’m
lady bird Johnson.
221
00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:27,390
Miles: Hey, who'’s the chick?
222
00:08:27,448 --> 00:08:29,965
And how come she'’s
allowed to touch your cheese?
223
00:08:30,034 --> 00:08:34,137
Wait a minute. None
of you know who I am?
224
00:08:34,206 --> 00:08:39,241
Well... then I-I guess I
should probably, you know
225
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,793
go check out something
on my computer!
226
00:08:41,862 --> 00:08:43,827
Stop her!
227
00:08:43,896 --> 00:08:45,137
Ooh!
228
00:08:45,206 --> 00:08:47,137
Okay, there'’s got to
be a simple explanation.
229
00:08:47,206 --> 00:08:48,931
I'’ll just log onto
that web site and...
230
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,448
[ Pounding on door and shouting]
231
00:08:50,517 --> 00:08:52,206
Hey, where'’s my computer?
232
00:08:52,275 --> 00:08:54,172
Where'’s all my stuff?
233
00:08:54,241 --> 00:08:57,172
We'’re busting this door
down three, two, one!
234
00:09:01,344 --> 00:09:02,655
She'’s gone.
235
00:09:02,724 --> 00:09:03,965
God, that felt great.
236
00:09:04,034 --> 00:09:06,344
I'’ve always dreamt
of kicking in a door.
237
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:10,103
And since I did the kicking,
you can keep on dreaming.
238
00:09:10,172 --> 00:09:11,896
Okay, Don'’t panic.
239
00:09:11,965 --> 00:09:14,137
I'’ll just slip in,
grab my magic book
240
00:09:14,206 --> 00:09:16,241
and make sense
of what'’s going on.
241
00:09:16,310 --> 00:09:21,241
Which would be a lot
easier if my key fit the lock.
242
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,758
I thought I heard
someone at the door.
243
00:09:23,827 --> 00:09:25,689
Sabrina, what are you doing?
244
00:09:25,758 --> 00:09:27,862
Oh, you know, I just
came over to say "hi"
245
00:09:27,931 --> 00:09:30,172
and grab a couple of
things from my old room.
246
00:09:30,241 --> 00:09:32,103
Hey, where'’s the piano?
247
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,137
Sabrina, are you. All right?
248
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:35,793
Yeah, i'’m fine.
249
00:09:35,862 --> 00:09:38,206
Really? Because
we'’ve never had a piano
250
00:09:38,275 --> 00:09:41,241
and you Don'’t have a
room here, old or otherwise.
251
00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:44,827
Okay, this is house number
two i'’ve never lived in.
252
00:09:44,896 --> 00:09:47,482
Sabrina! Always a delight
to see you in our home.
253
00:09:47,551 --> 00:09:49,517
Well, something
worked out right.
254
00:09:49,586 --> 00:09:50,965
You are married, right?
255
00:09:51,034 --> 00:09:53,000
Of course. We'’ve
been married for years.
256
00:09:53,068 --> 00:09:54,793
Huh, no need to thank me.
257
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,000
Why would we?
258
00:09:56,068 --> 00:09:57,655
Something'’s definitely
wrong with her.
259
00:09:57,724 --> 00:09:59,413
She also thinks
she used to live here.
260
00:09:59,482 --> 00:10:00,793
Oh, this is what happens
261
00:10:00,862 --> 00:10:03,620
when you eat a whole
can of frosting for breakfast.
262
00:10:03,689 --> 00:10:04,862
[ Laughs]
263
00:10:04,931 --> 00:10:06,000
So, refresh my memory
264
00:10:06,068 --> 00:10:08,034
which isn'’t as good
as it used to be.
265
00:10:08,103 --> 00:10:10,344
Where would I find aunt hilda?
266
00:10:10,413 --> 00:10:13,034
Sabrina, now you'’re
really scaring me, dear.
267
00:10:13,103 --> 00:10:14,896
You live with hilda and Salem.
268
00:10:14,965 --> 00:10:16,586
God, I hate that
smug pottymouth.
269
00:10:16,655 --> 00:10:18,655
And i'’m not crazy
about the cat, either.
270
00:10:18,724 --> 00:10:19,655
Gabriel.
271
00:10:19,724 --> 00:10:20,655
Sorry.
272
00:10:20,724 --> 00:10:22,000
Would you excuse me?
273
00:10:22,068 --> 00:10:23,379
I'’m hosting a salon.
274
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:26,137
Today they'’re discussing
which came first:
275
00:10:26,206 --> 00:10:27,655
The poet or the rhyme.
276
00:10:27,724 --> 00:10:29,931
Oh, well, i'’m
waiting for the movie.
277
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,241
Okay, well, i'’ll let you two
get back to your domestic bliss
278
00:10:33,310 --> 00:10:36,413
and i'’ll just go to my place.
279
00:10:36,482 --> 00:10:39,103
You wouldn'’t happen to
know the address, would you?
280
00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:42,965
Well, the key fits
281
00:10:43,034 --> 00:10:46,275
so, unfortunately,
this must be home.
282
00:10:46,344 --> 00:10:47,586
Finally.
283
00:10:47,655 --> 00:10:50,448
You know, you forgot to
fold up your cot this morning.
284
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:51,793
Why are you dressed like that?
285
00:10:51,862 --> 00:10:53,965
Trying to class
up the act a little.
286
00:10:54,034 --> 00:10:55,620
Salem'’s idea. He'’s a genius.
287
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,068
You'’re a ventriloquist?
288
00:10:57,137 --> 00:10:58,551
Of course I am.
289
00:10:58,620 --> 00:10:59,758
Yup.
290
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:01,896
And me and my dummy
are going straight to the top.
291
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:04,862
That is, if my dummy'’d
quit moving her lips
292
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:06,724
and let me do the talking.
293
00:11:06,793 --> 00:11:07,931
If I Don'’t move my lips
294
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,965
people will think i'’m
not doing anything.
295
00:11:10,034 --> 00:11:12,793
And that, Einstein,
would be the act.
296
00:11:12,862 --> 00:11:13,379
[ Rumbling]
297
00:11:13,448 --> 00:11:15,344
Whoa! What'’s going on?!
298
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,206
[ Train passes]Why
are we living in a dump?!
299
00:11:17,275 --> 00:11:18,724
Hey, what are you
complaining about?
300
00:11:18,793 --> 00:11:20,113
You'’ve got a roof
over your head.
301
00:11:23,034 --> 00:11:24,551
More or less.
302
00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:26,551
Oh! I Don'’t get any of this.
303
00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:29,413
I mean, i'’m supposed
to be in college.
304
00:11:29,482 --> 00:11:30,620
[ Laughs]
305
00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:32,379
Yeah, right. Between your grades
306
00:11:32,448 --> 00:11:35,551
and what a ventriloquist
brings home, I Don'’t think so.
307
00:11:35,620 --> 00:11:38,206
Aunt hilda, there'’s
something I have to tell you.
308
00:11:38,275 --> 00:11:39,379
I went back in time
309
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:41,724
I convinced aunt
Zelda to marry Gabriel
310
00:11:41,793 --> 00:11:43,310
and screwed up everything.
311
00:11:43,379 --> 00:11:43,931
What?
312
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,241
This isn'’t our real life.
313
00:11:45,310 --> 00:11:47,517
In reality, aunt Zelda
didn'’t marry Gabriel.
314
00:11:47,586 --> 00:11:48,689
We all lived together.
315
00:11:48,758 --> 00:11:50,896
And you were very happy,
owned a successful business
316
00:11:50,965 --> 00:11:52,862
and were dating the
president of a university.
317
00:11:52,931 --> 00:11:55,413
And no one considered the
cat the brains of the operation.
318
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:56,482
She'’s lying.
319
00:11:56,551 --> 00:11:59,000
You inflicted this life on me?
320
00:11:59,068 --> 00:12:02,965
Yes, but i'’m sure
I can get it back.
321
00:12:03,034 --> 00:12:04,137
Well, i'’m pretty sure.
322
00:12:04,206 --> 00:12:06,241
I just have to get back
on that web site now.
323
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,344
Where'’s your computer?
324
00:12:07,413 --> 00:12:09,034
Oh, I sent it out
to get detailed
325
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,448
along with my rolls Royce.
326
00:12:10,517 --> 00:12:13,137
Hey, hildie, chop
chop, it'’s show time!
327
00:12:13,206 --> 00:12:15,482
Oh, right. Now, if
you'’ll excuse me
328
00:12:15,551 --> 00:12:19,931
Salem and I are booked at
the off-ramp inn on route 17.
329
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,793
We'’re opening for carrot top.
330
00:12:23,724 --> 00:12:26,103
Where am I going
to find a computer?
331
00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:30,724
Hi.
332
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,172
There you are.
333
00:12:32,241 --> 00:12:33,586
I was getting worried about you.
334
00:12:33,655 --> 00:12:34,655
Ah, thank goodness!
335
00:12:34,689 --> 00:12:36,320
I know this isn'’t going
to make any sense to you
336
00:12:36,344 --> 00:12:37,700
but I Don'’t know
what I would have done
337
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:40,000
if you didn'’t know
who I was. Hold me!
338
00:12:40,068 --> 00:12:41,379
Josh, what'’s going on?
339
00:12:41,448 --> 00:12:43,517
No idea. I said
"hi" and the chicken
340
00:12:43,586 --> 00:12:45,413
delivery girl kind
of freaked out.
341
00:12:45,482 --> 00:12:46,482
Delivery girl?
342
00:12:46,551 --> 00:12:48,103
Yeah, and where'’s
our 12-piece combo?
343
00:12:48,172 --> 00:12:49,551
We'’ve been
waiting over an hour.
344
00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:51,965
Oh, my god, i'’m a
chicken delivery girl?
345
00:12:52,034 --> 00:12:53,103
And a really bad one.
346
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:56,413
Let'’s just grab something
across the street.
347
00:12:56,482 --> 00:12:58,931
I swear, I Don'’t even know her.
348
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,517
All of a sudden, she
just started pawing at me.
349
00:13:01,586 --> 00:13:04,724
Hey, I guess the lesson here is
350
00:13:04,793 --> 00:13:08,137
in the future I won'’t
change the past.
351
00:13:09,965 --> 00:13:12,068
Computer: Please enter
your other realm password.
352
00:13:12,137 --> 00:13:15,172
"Sabrina is hot."
353
00:13:15,241 --> 00:13:18,448
www.visitthepast.com
354
00:13:18,517 --> 00:13:19,931
[ beep]
355
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,620
What do you mean,
"out of business"?
356
00:13:21,689 --> 00:13:23,000
You can'’t do this to me!
357
00:13:23,068 --> 00:13:25,551
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Calm down, blondie.
358
00:13:25,620 --> 00:13:28,655
We had to close down because
of unforeseen complications.
359
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,206
Oh, let me guess,
changing the past
360
00:13:30,275 --> 00:13:31,965
destroyed all of your
customers'’ lives?
361
00:13:32,034 --> 00:13:33,655
Yeah, that'’s pretty much it.
362
00:13:33,724 --> 00:13:34,838
What am I supposed to do now?
363
00:13:34,862 --> 00:13:35,965
Well, you could visit me
364
00:13:36,034 --> 00:13:39,310
at my new website
www.Usedcauldrons.Com.
365
00:13:39,379 --> 00:13:41,219
We'’ve got some super
deals on brand name pots.
366
00:13:44,275 --> 00:13:46,448
There'’s got to be some
way to get my old life back.
367
00:13:46,517 --> 00:13:49,034
Or at least figure out
who I am in this life.
368
00:13:49,103 --> 00:13:50,217
Hey, what are you looking at?
369
00:13:50,241 --> 00:13:52,758
Apparently, i'’m kind of rude.
370
00:13:52,827 --> 00:13:54,034
Sabrina, there you are.
371
00:13:54,103 --> 00:13:55,275
Harvey.
372
00:13:55,344 --> 00:13:57,793
You know your behavior
is totally unacceptable.
373
00:13:57,862 --> 00:13:59,793
When I agreed to hire
you at the chicken shack
374
00:13:59,862 --> 00:14:01,793
you and your probation
officer promised me
375
00:14:01,862 --> 00:14:03,000
you'’d clean up your act.
376
00:14:03,068 --> 00:14:04,172
I'’m on probation?
377
00:14:04,241 --> 00:14:06,482
And you'’re the manager
at the chicken shack?
378
00:14:06,551 --> 00:14:08,586
Assistant manager.
But i'’m still your boss.
379
00:14:08,655 --> 00:14:09,655
Now put your hat on.
380
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:10,827
I Don'’t have a...
381
00:14:10,896 --> 00:14:12,275
Oh, should'’ve seen that coming.
382
00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:14,344
We aren'’t by any
chance dating, are we?
383
00:14:14,413 --> 00:14:15,586
Come on, Sabrina
384
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,758
you know the chicken
shack frowns upon that.
385
00:14:17,827 --> 00:14:20,724
Well, if you know me
and Josh knows me
386
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,758
then maybe I could
just recreate my old life
387
00:14:22,827 --> 00:14:24,620
and it'’ll be like
nothing ever happened.
388
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:25,827
I Don'’t care what you do
389
00:14:25,896 --> 00:14:27,655
as long as you do it
in the chicken mobile.
390
00:14:29,551 --> 00:14:31,103
[ Knocking on door]
391
00:14:32,827 --> 00:14:34,379
Hi, it'’s me again.
392
00:14:34,448 --> 00:14:36,458
You must have a death wish.
What are you doing back here?
393
00:14:36,482 --> 00:14:38,655
Well, we seem to have
gotten off on the wrong foot.
394
00:14:38,724 --> 00:14:40,379
And I thought maybe
we could start fresh
395
00:14:40,448 --> 00:14:41,448
over a bucket of thighs.
396
00:14:41,517 --> 00:14:43,103
I'’ll take an
explanation instead.
397
00:14:43,172 --> 00:14:44,896
What do you want? Nothing.
398
00:14:44,965 --> 00:14:47,241
I just thought, you know,
maybe we could be friends.
399
00:14:47,310 --> 00:14:49,241
Maybe I could enroll
at Adams, move in here
400
00:14:49,310 --> 00:14:50,793
and, who knows,
maybe my presence
401
00:14:50,862 --> 00:14:52,793
would bring us all a
little closer together.
402
00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:54,551
It might if you reveal
the secret recipe
403
00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:56,758
of your 11 herbs and spices.
404
00:14:56,827 --> 00:14:58,862
Well, believe me,
I would if I could.
405
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,793
But I just want to say that
406
00:15:00,862 --> 00:15:02,827
I really, really like you guys.
407
00:15:02,896 --> 00:15:04,137
And if you Don'’t take me in
408
00:15:04,206 --> 00:15:05,907
i'’ll be forced to live
by the railroad tracks
409
00:15:05,931 --> 00:15:08,034
with my ventriloquist aunt
and her smart-mouthed cat.
410
00:15:08,103 --> 00:15:11,551
Okay, I think we
have a situation here.
411
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:12,931
Just back away from the chicken
412
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,206
and no one will get hurt.
413
00:15:15,275 --> 00:15:18,655
Would this have gone any
better if I had brought gravy?
414
00:15:18,724 --> 00:15:19,827
So I says to the guy
415
00:15:19,896 --> 00:15:23,000
that'’s no alley cat,
that'’s my mother.
416
00:15:23,068 --> 00:15:24,241
[ Rimshot]
417
00:15:26,344 --> 00:15:28,034
[ Sotto]: You'’re
moving your lips again.
418
00:15:28,103 --> 00:15:29,172
I thought we settled this.
419
00:15:29,241 --> 00:15:30,896
You stink!
420
00:15:30,965 --> 00:15:32,275
[ Booing]
421
00:15:32,344 --> 00:15:34,689
Okay, well, I think we'’re
going to take a little break.
422
00:15:34,758 --> 00:15:36,068
Anybody want to buy me a drink?
423
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:39,689
This is your act?
424
00:15:39,758 --> 00:15:41,448
You should'’ve been
here for our first set.
425
00:15:41,517 --> 00:15:42,517
One guy was on the floor.
426
00:15:42,586 --> 00:15:44,172
He was having a heart attack.
427
00:15:44,241 --> 00:15:46,586
So, any luck getting
our old lives back?
428
00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:48,135
You'’ve got your
hand up a cat'’s butt
429
00:15:48,172 --> 00:15:49,758
i'’m running around
town in a paper hat.
430
00:15:49,827 --> 00:15:50,896
What do you think?
431
00:15:50,965 --> 00:15:52,413
You'’re the one
who altered history.
432
00:15:52,482 --> 00:15:54,241
I'’m sorry, I know
this is all my fault.
433
00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:55,827
I just can'’t figure
a way out of it.
434
00:15:55,896 --> 00:15:58,413
I can only think of one person
who could possibly fix things
435
00:15:58,482 --> 00:16:00,103
but she and I
Don'’t really speak.
436
00:16:00,172 --> 00:16:01,793
Who'’s that? Your aunt Zelda.
437
00:16:01,862 --> 00:16:02,862
We haven'’t gotten along
438
00:16:02,931 --> 00:16:04,620
since the day she
and that poet...
439
00:16:04,689 --> 00:16:06,344
Yeah, right... got married.
440
00:16:06,413 --> 00:16:08,172
Every time you say
something, I feel worse.
441
00:16:08,241 --> 00:16:10,655
Welcome to my world.
442
00:16:10,724 --> 00:16:11,862
I guess we have no choice.
443
00:16:11,931 --> 00:16:13,838
We'’re just going to have
to tell Zelda what you did.
444
00:16:13,862 --> 00:16:16,448
But if we tell her, then she'’ll
find out that her perfect life
445
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,379
is just the result of a
magical contrivance.
446
00:16:18,448 --> 00:16:20,482
We can'’t ask her to give
up her happiness for us.
447
00:16:20,551 --> 00:16:22,344
Why not? There'’s
got to be a way
448
00:16:22,413 --> 00:16:24,172
for aunt Zelda to
keep her perfect life
449
00:16:24,241 --> 00:16:25,482
and for us to get ours back.
450
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,620
If I could just get my
hands on a magic book.
451
00:16:27,689 --> 00:16:28,758
Zelda'’s got tons of them.
452
00:16:28,827 --> 00:16:30,527
We'’ll go right after
we finish our next set.
453
00:16:30,551 --> 00:16:32,241
Go now.
454
00:16:32,310 --> 00:16:33,655
We'’ll go now.
455
00:16:36,172 --> 00:16:38,172
Virtual strangers
they treat like royalty.
456
00:16:38,241 --> 00:16:41,379
But family, nothing but dirty
looks and restraining orders.
457
00:16:41,448 --> 00:16:42,758
Zelda: Unreasonable?
458
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,655
Since when is it unreasonable
459
00:16:44,724 --> 00:16:46,241
to want to spend
an evening alone?
460
00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:47,379
Zelda, please. Our guests.
461
00:16:47,448 --> 00:16:49,206
Guests? Don'’t you mean leeches?
462
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:51,000
I am sick and tired
of waiting on you
463
00:16:51,068 --> 00:16:53,379
and your pathetic
posse of parasitic poets.
464
00:16:53,448 --> 00:16:55,172
Leave the alliteration
to the professionals.
465
00:16:55,241 --> 00:16:57,596
"Professional" implies you
actually get paid for what you do.
466
00:16:57,620 --> 00:17:00,034
Oh, it always comes
down to money, doesn'’t it?
467
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:02,551
It does when one of us
has to work three jobs
468
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:03,655
in order to support us.
469
00:17:03,724 --> 00:17:05,206
You wanted to marry an artist.
470
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:07,931
Yeah, a con artist.
471
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,379
You promised to
show me the galaxy.
472
00:17:09,448 --> 00:17:11,931
The closest i'’ve gotten is
the inside of your Ford galaxie.
473
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,931
And even then, you
brought your stupid friends.
474
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,793
What are you saying,
you regret marrying me?
475
00:17:15,862 --> 00:17:17,620
Every single day of my life.
476
00:17:17,689 --> 00:17:18,793
Well, you did
477
00:17:18,862 --> 00:17:20,062
and now you'’re stuck with me.
478
00:17:20,103 --> 00:17:21,448
So, could you
hurry dinner along?
479
00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:23,068
The boys are
getting a little peckish.
480
00:17:23,137 --> 00:17:27,137
Oh, well, look who'’s here.
481
00:17:27,206 --> 00:17:28,896
Don'’t stand out in the cold.
482
00:17:31,034 --> 00:17:32,482
Well, well, well.
483
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,275
Look what the cat dragged in.
484
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:35,655
Oh, hi.
485
00:17:35,724 --> 00:17:38,827
You know, I really enjoyed
your last book of poetry.
486
00:17:38,896 --> 00:17:40,724
Though I would'’ve
enjoyed even more
487
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,689
if they'’d published
it on two-ply.
488
00:17:45,862 --> 00:17:47,379
Aunt Zelda, this is perfect.
489
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:49,734
I know exactly how to get you
out of your horrible marriage...
490
00:17:49,758 --> 00:17:51,182
Which is kind of my
fault to begin with.
491
00:17:51,206 --> 00:17:53,137
I Don'’t know what
you'’re talking about.
492
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:56,000
Gabriel and I have
never been happier.
493
00:17:56,068 --> 00:17:58,655
Now, if you'’ll excuse
me, I have guests.
494
00:17:58,724 --> 00:18:00,965
Happy?
495
00:18:01,034 --> 00:18:03,068
What does she takes
us for, complete idiots?
496
00:18:03,137 --> 00:18:04,241
Not a word.
497
00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:06,965
Clearly she'’s in denial.
498
00:18:07,034 --> 00:18:08,631
Do you know where she
keeps her magic books?
499
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:09,655
In the front hall.
500
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,137
Can you distract
a roomful of poets?
501
00:18:11,206 --> 00:18:12,206
Easy.
502
00:18:12,275 --> 00:18:13,862
With your clothes on?
503
00:18:13,931 --> 00:18:16,103
Oh.
504
00:18:18,413 --> 00:18:20,620
And so I says to the guy
505
00:18:20,689 --> 00:18:23,758
that'’s no alley cat,
that'’s my mother.
506
00:18:25,862 --> 00:18:27,137
Time... time...
507
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:29,310
"Time in a bottle."
508
00:18:29,379 --> 00:18:30,965
Time.
509
00:18:31,034 --> 00:18:33,103
"Subscribe to timemagazine."
510
00:18:33,172 --> 00:18:34,758
"Time travel." Perfect.
511
00:18:34,827 --> 00:18:36,310
Going somewhere? No!
512
00:18:36,379 --> 00:18:37,379
I mean, I wasn'’t.
513
00:18:37,448 --> 00:18:39,827
I was, uh, you know,
I lost my keys, I...
514
00:18:39,896 --> 00:18:41,862
I really Don'’t think
time travel is something
515
00:18:41,931 --> 00:18:43,586
you want to play
around with, Sabrina.
516
00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:47,586
Believe me, you'’re
preaching to the choir.
517
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:52,965
Hey, have any of you
ever heard my impression
518
00:18:53,034 --> 00:18:55,068
of Gabriel'’s poetry?
519
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:57,827
This isn'’t part of the act.
520
00:18:57,896 --> 00:18:59,862
It'’s called "ode
to a big fat ego."
521
00:19:01,413 --> 00:19:02,827
I think that I shall never see
522
00:19:02,896 --> 00:19:04,896
someone as talentless as me
523
00:19:04,965 --> 00:19:08,000
oh, others may be mediocre...
524
00:19:08,068 --> 00:19:10,689
Ooh, she rhymed
herself into a corner there.
525
00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:11,965
"Mediocre."
526
00:19:12,034 --> 00:19:14,068
Excuse me while I
go and choke her.
527
00:19:14,137 --> 00:19:17,034
You and I aren'’t finished.
528
00:19:17,103 --> 00:19:19,620
Oh, yes, we are.
529
00:19:19,689 --> 00:19:22,206
I need to mend the present
and return to the past.
530
00:19:22,275 --> 00:19:24,103
If I Don'’t get my old life back
531
00:19:24,172 --> 00:19:26,620
i'’ll spend my days
at the chicken shack.
532
00:19:26,689 --> 00:19:28,379
Whew, talk about bad poetry.
533
00:19:31,551 --> 00:19:33,448
Zelda spellman, I love you.
534
00:19:33,517 --> 00:19:34,862
Will you marry me?
535
00:19:34,931 --> 00:19:38,275
Oh, Gabriel, I love you, too.
536
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,724
But what about my work...
537
00:19:39,793 --> 00:19:41,344
No, wait! Don'’t do it.
538
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:42,758
Look, I know you
Don'’t know me...
539
00:19:42,827 --> 00:19:44,827
Well, you might, it'’s
hard to keep track...
540
00:19:44,896 --> 00:19:47,034
But i'’m begging you, see
him for who he really is.
541
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:48,103
He'’s a user.
542
00:19:48,137 --> 00:19:50,275
He'’ll never live up
to any of his promises.
543
00:19:50,344 --> 00:19:52,655
Your life and everyone
else'’s life will be miserable.
544
00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:54,655
Besides that, he'’s
really an awful poet.
545
00:19:54,724 --> 00:19:56,758
I was going to say "no" anyway.
546
00:19:56,827 --> 00:19:59,482
But thanks for your
support, whoever you are.
547
00:19:59,551 --> 00:20:00,586
You'’re welcome.
548
00:20:00,655 --> 00:20:01,827
Carry on, then.
549
00:20:05,482 --> 00:20:07,724
Sabrina, hi. What'’s going on?
550
00:20:07,793 --> 00:20:08,965
Honey, are you all right?
551
00:20:09,034 --> 00:20:10,034
I'’m not sure yet.
552
00:20:10,103 --> 00:20:12,034
Are you now, or have
you ever been married?
553
00:20:12,103 --> 00:20:14,379
No. Oh, i'’m so happy for you!
554
00:20:14,448 --> 00:20:16,689
I'’m guessing spell gone awry.
555
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,448
I know you'’re upset
about professor carlin
556
00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:19,655
but I just want you to know
557
00:20:19,724 --> 00:20:21,448
you made the right
decision about Gabriel.
558
00:20:21,517 --> 00:20:22,724
Oh, i'’m sure I did.
559
00:20:22,793 --> 00:20:24,103
You are?
560
00:20:24,172 --> 00:20:26,206
But what about all the
regrets you had yesterday
561
00:20:26,275 --> 00:20:27,344
about not marrying him?
562
00:20:27,413 --> 00:20:30,448
Oh, well, every time
a relationship ends
563
00:20:30,517 --> 00:20:31,896
I think of Gabriel.
564
00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:35,551
And then I remember the
bad poetry, the hangers-on
565
00:20:35,620 --> 00:20:38,620
and the fact that he
always "forgot" his wallet.
566
00:20:38,689 --> 00:20:40,931
Thank god I didn'’t end
up with that deadbeat.
567
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,172
Loser.
568
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,620
And you couldn'’t have
told me all this yesterday?
569
00:20:45,689 --> 00:20:47,172
Well, you didn'’t ask.
570
00:20:51,862 --> 00:20:53,827
Hi, i'’m home.
571
00:20:53,896 --> 00:20:55,241
What are you doing here?
572
00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:56,586
Oh, for the love of...
573
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,735
Look, you'’re just going to
have to believe me, okay?
574
00:20:58,793 --> 00:21:00,344
My name is Sabrina,
i'’m your roommate.
575
00:21:00,413 --> 00:21:01,931
We'’re friends. I
go to college here.
576
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,551
We work together
at the coffee house.
577
00:21:03,620 --> 00:21:05,413
I Don'’t deliver
chicken nor have I ever.
578
00:21:05,482 --> 00:21:06,793
Is that clear?
579
00:21:06,862 --> 00:21:08,068
Perfectly.
580
00:21:08,137 --> 00:21:10,068
But I still Don'’t know
what you'’re doing here.
581
00:21:10,137 --> 00:21:12,793
You were supposed to meet Josh
at the coffee house 20 minutes ago.
582
00:21:12,862 --> 00:21:15,448
Oops.
583
00:21:15,517 --> 00:21:17,241
Never mind.
584
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:18,862
Got to go.
585
00:21:21,241 --> 00:21:24,137
And people think
i'’m the ditzy one.
42836
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