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1
00:00:16,034 --> 00:00:18,689
How do you like
my new litter box?
2
00:00:18,758 --> 00:00:20,655
[ Sinister laugh]
3
00:00:20,724 --> 00:00:24,310
Halloween... is it just
a date on a calendar
4
00:00:24,379 --> 00:00:28,068
that people from england
Don'’t know about...
5
00:00:28,137 --> 00:00:30,413
Or is it a state of mind...
6
00:00:30,482 --> 00:00:32,965
Or is it a state of... being?
7
00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:36,655
I, frankly... Don'’t know...
8
00:00:36,724 --> 00:00:40,000
But come along on
our Halloween journey
9
00:00:40,068 --> 00:00:43,137
and maybe by the
end, we'’ll all know.
10
00:00:43,206 --> 00:00:44,551
[ Woman screaming]
11
00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:46,965
Is this lining real satin?
12
00:01:23,103 --> 00:01:24,965
Sabrina, could
you help me pick up
13
00:01:25,034 --> 00:01:26,379
some stuff this afternoon?
14
00:01:26,448 --> 00:01:28,241
"Water balloons, toilet paper
15
00:01:28,310 --> 00:01:29,758
dry ice, rotten eggs"?
16
00:01:29,827 --> 00:01:31,413
One more thing...
Could you find out
17
00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:33,965
where the biology lab gets
those pigs in formaldehyde?
18
00:01:34,034 --> 00:01:36,448
Is your mom on another
one of her crazy diets?
19
00:01:36,517 --> 00:01:37,827
Hey, we only have...
20
00:01:37,896 --> 00:01:40,413
33 hours and 12 minutes
left till Halloween night.
21
00:01:40,482 --> 00:01:43,068
We got to start planning
our pranks and tricks now.
22
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,068
I can'’t.
23
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:45,482
Dreama and I are
going to go look
24
00:01:45,551 --> 00:01:46,862
for after-school jobs today.
25
00:01:46,931 --> 00:01:49,241
We figured the best time to
do it would be after school.
26
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,862
But this could
be our last hurrah.
27
00:01:50,931 --> 00:01:52,206
My dad says that
28
00:01:52,275 --> 00:01:53,458
the westbridge city council'’s
29
00:01:53,482 --> 00:01:54,586
going to make it illegal
30
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:56,655
for kids over the age
of 17 to trick-or-treat.
31
00:01:56,724 --> 00:01:57,655
That'’s just wrong.
32
00:01:57,724 --> 00:01:59,482
Huh... and I was going to march
33
00:01:59,551 --> 00:02:01,689
against sweatshop
labor in the orient
34
00:02:01,758 --> 00:02:03,000
but now i'’ve got this.
35
00:02:04,655 --> 00:02:07,034
I can'’t believe how few
glamorous, high-paying
36
00:02:07,103 --> 00:02:08,482
after-school jobs there are
37
00:02:08,551 --> 00:02:10,689
for inexperienced teenagers.
38
00:02:10,758 --> 00:02:12,034
Life is so unfair.
39
00:02:12,103 --> 00:02:13,137
So...
40
00:02:13,206 --> 00:02:15,310
Have you decided if
you'’re an existentialist
41
00:02:15,379 --> 00:02:16,620
an idealist or a nihilist?
42
00:02:16,689 --> 00:02:19,241
Actually, currently,
i'’m an unemployed-ist.
43
00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:21,793
I thought you were in my
philosophy class. Sorry.
44
00:02:21,862 --> 00:02:23,769
Can you believe it... a
real, live college student
45
00:02:23,793 --> 00:02:24,724
was talking to you?
46
00:02:24,793 --> 00:02:26,586
College is going to be so great.
47
00:02:26,655 --> 00:02:28,931
We'’ll get to take
classes like philosophy
48
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,793
and hang out in places like this
49
00:02:30,862 --> 00:02:32,758
with guys who...
Take philosophy.
50
00:02:32,827 --> 00:02:34,034
Why Don'’t you get a job here?
51
00:02:34,103 --> 00:02:35,034
That'’d be great.
52
00:02:35,103 --> 00:02:36,103
This place is so cool
53
00:02:36,172 --> 00:02:37,689
and none of the
furniture matches.
54
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,103
Do you know how to make coffee?
55
00:02:39,172 --> 00:02:41,586
No, but if my cat can do
it when he'’s half-asleep,
56
00:02:41,655 --> 00:02:42,586
how hard can it be?
57
00:02:42,655 --> 00:02:44,689
Oh, excuse me, um...
58
00:02:44,758 --> 00:02:46,206
I'’d like to speak
to the manager.
59
00:02:46,275 --> 00:02:47,896
You from the health
department? No.
60
00:02:47,965 --> 00:02:48,965
Then, i'’m the manager.
61
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,724
I'’m also the cashier,
the table busser
62
00:02:50,793 --> 00:02:51,896
and the bouncer.
63
00:02:51,965 --> 00:02:54,103
As a matter of fact, you
know what they call me?
64
00:02:54,172 --> 00:02:54,620
What?
65
00:02:54,689 --> 00:02:55,689
Josh.
66
00:02:55,724 --> 00:02:58,000
Oh, well, excuse me
67
00:02:58,068 --> 00:03:00,000
Mr., uh, Josh, um...
68
00:03:00,068 --> 00:03:01,655
I'’m looking for a job.
69
00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:02,655
You are, huh?
70
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,137
You got any experience?
71
00:03:04,206 --> 00:03:05,482
"Experience"?
72
00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:07,965
I travel with my
own melitta filters.
73
00:03:08,034 --> 00:03:09,665
So, you'’ve got no idea
how to make coffee?
74
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,034
None.
75
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:11,827
Man: Could I get
76
00:03:11,896 --> 00:03:12,758
a little service?
77
00:03:12,827 --> 00:03:13,482
Oh, i'’m sorry.
78
00:03:13,551 --> 00:03:14,551
Oh!
79
00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:17,482
Nice save!
80
00:03:17,551 --> 00:03:19,896
If you can pour as well
as you catch, you'’re hired.
81
00:03:19,965 --> 00:03:20,965
Fantastic!
82
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,275
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
83
00:03:23,344 --> 00:03:24,827
This is going to make it hard
84
00:03:24,896 --> 00:03:26,482
to negotiate salary, isn'’t it?
85
00:03:29,137 --> 00:03:31,379
So... was the
roller coaster scary?
86
00:03:31,448 --> 00:03:32,758
"Scary"?
87
00:03:32,827 --> 00:03:34,793
They make you sign
an organ-donor form
88
00:03:34,862 --> 00:03:36,034
before letting you on.
89
00:03:36,103 --> 00:03:37,448
We rode upside-down
90
00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:40,137
holding boiling
soups and lawn darts.
91
00:03:40,206 --> 00:03:41,068
Hilda: And still...
92
00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:42,068
Not scary.
93
00:03:42,137 --> 00:03:44,103
Here it is the Halloween season
94
00:03:44,172 --> 00:03:46,655
and we can'’t find
one thing to scare us.
95
00:03:46,724 --> 00:03:48,172
Perhaps we should give
96
00:03:48,241 --> 00:03:51,620
that dentist who works
without novocaine another try.
97
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,000
In just a few hours
98
00:03:53,068 --> 00:03:55,724
people will be mistaking
me for Juan valdez.
99
00:03:55,793 --> 00:03:57,137
All right...
100
00:03:57,206 --> 00:03:59,068
Let me know what
you think and be brutal.
101
00:03:59,137 --> 00:04:00,793
Oh... [ gags]
102
00:04:00,862 --> 00:04:02,241
Oh, come on, it
can'’t be thatbad.
103
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,310
You try it.
104
00:04:05,793 --> 00:04:07,068
It'’s fine...
105
00:04:07,137 --> 00:04:09,034
Just a little chewy.
106
00:04:10,655 --> 00:04:11,758
It'’s been decades
107
00:04:11,827 --> 00:04:14,000
since i'’ve enjoyed the
sweet taste of terror.
108
00:04:14,068 --> 00:04:17,034
Your wait has come to an
end, my fright-craving friend.
109
00:04:17,103 --> 00:04:20,137
Suppose the three
of us go to a graveyard
110
00:04:20,206 --> 00:04:22,172
and i'’ll read some
of the ghost stories
111
00:04:22,241 --> 00:04:24,034
i'’ve written... The
tales of Salem.
112
00:04:25,379 --> 00:04:28,517
See? The mere prospect
paralyzes you with fear.
113
00:04:28,586 --> 00:04:32,655
No... but your sad little
suggestion gave me an idea.
114
00:04:32,724 --> 00:04:36,448
You know who writes
stories that are truly scary?
115
00:04:36,517 --> 00:04:37,758
Edgar Allan poe.
116
00:04:37,827 --> 00:04:39,000
You'’re right.
117
00:04:39,068 --> 00:04:41,517
Hey, let'’s make use
of our time-travel clock
118
00:04:41,586 --> 00:04:43,931
and invite him for
a Halloween dinner.
119
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,724
Don'’t tell me you'’re
scared by sissy-pants poe.
120
00:04:46,793 --> 00:04:48,620
Are you implying that the author
121
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,689
of the tell-tale
heart isn'’t scary?
122
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,034
His stories are scary
123
00:04:52,103 --> 00:04:54,310
'’cause I gave him
all his best ideas.
124
00:04:54,379 --> 00:04:55,758
If it weren'’t for old Salem
125
00:04:55,827 --> 00:04:59,172
you'’d be shivering
to the tell-tale kidney.
126
00:04:59,241 --> 00:05:02,241
Okay, here'’s the
correct way to bus a table.
127
00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:03,448
First, the trash.
128
00:05:03,517 --> 00:05:06,793
Try to avoid screaming
yuck at the top of your lungs.
129
00:05:06,862 --> 00:05:09,379
I once saw my vice-principal
in his boxer shorts.
130
00:05:09,448 --> 00:05:10,586
Not a peep.
131
00:05:10,655 --> 00:05:12,379
Next, the mugs, all right?
132
00:05:12,448 --> 00:05:13,620
I like to pretend
133
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:16,206
the half-full ones
mean good luck.
134
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:19,793
And then, you reach
the mother lode...
135
00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:21,793
A whole quarter tip!
136
00:05:21,862 --> 00:05:23,758
You think you can
handle that table?
137
00:05:23,827 --> 00:05:25,931
Yeah. Just hand
me a germ-laden rag
138
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,206
and i'’m on it.
139
00:05:27,275 --> 00:05:29,241
Oh, by the way, I
know it'’s last minute
140
00:05:29,310 --> 00:05:30,448
but is there any chance
141
00:05:30,517 --> 00:05:32,793
you could work the
night shift on Halloween?
142
00:05:32,862 --> 00:05:34,551
While everyone
else is goofing off
143
00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:35,758
I get to make coffee
144
00:05:35,827 --> 00:05:36,931
and wash dirty cups?
145
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,137
And clean the spill tray.
146
00:05:38,206 --> 00:05:39,724
All this and minimum wage?
147
00:05:39,793 --> 00:05:41,275
Where do I get my shots?
148
00:05:41,344 --> 00:05:42,620
Great news, hildie...
149
00:05:42,689 --> 00:05:44,206
Edgar Allan poe r.S.V.P.'’d.
150
00:05:44,275 --> 00:05:46,517
We'’re on our way
to being truly scared.
151
00:05:46,586 --> 00:05:48,896
Oh... he even wrote it in blood.
152
00:05:48,965 --> 00:05:50,551
Actually, I think
that'’s red crayon.
153
00:05:50,620 --> 00:05:52,724
Good... there'’s scary
and there'’s gross.
154
00:05:52,793 --> 00:05:53,896
[ Chuckles]
155
00:05:53,965 --> 00:05:54,896
Hi, Sabrina.
156
00:05:54,965 --> 00:05:56,482
How'’s our favorite
coffee maker?
157
00:05:56,551 --> 00:05:58,206
Uh, the correct
term is "barista."
158
00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,206
I love my job.
159
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:01,034
College kids are
so sophisticated.
160
00:06:01,103 --> 00:06:02,758
They talk about
art and literature
161
00:06:02,827 --> 00:06:03,862
and foreign films.
162
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,448
By the way, who'’s Jack kerouac
163
00:06:05,517 --> 00:06:07,379
what'’s cubism and
can I get a futon?
164
00:06:07,448 --> 00:06:09,320
Hey, while you'’re here,
can you give us a hand?
165
00:06:09,344 --> 00:06:10,793
Edgar Allan poe
is coming for dinner
166
00:06:10,862 --> 00:06:12,355
and we want the
house to be really scary
167
00:06:12,379 --> 00:06:13,620
so he'’ll be comfortable.
168
00:06:13,689 --> 00:06:15,665
I thought the sound of
clanking chains might be nice.
169
00:06:15,689 --> 00:06:17,586
[ Chains clanking]
170
00:06:17,655 --> 00:06:20,137
I was thinking
more along the lines
171
00:06:20,206 --> 00:06:21,344
of thunder and lightning.
172
00:06:21,413 --> 00:06:22,310
[ Thunder crashing]
173
00:06:22,379 --> 00:06:23,862
So much for the toolshed.
174
00:06:23,931 --> 00:06:25,137
Let'’s get decorating.
175
00:06:25,206 --> 00:06:27,482
It'’s my turn to hang
up the skeleton.
176
00:06:27,551 --> 00:06:28,482
You'’re dreaming.
177
00:06:28,551 --> 00:06:30,379
You always get to
hang up the skeleton.
178
00:06:30,448 --> 00:06:31,838
Well, then, it'’s
tradition... Gimme.
179
00:06:31,862 --> 00:06:32,862
No.
180
00:06:32,896 --> 00:06:34,176
Don'’t make me separate you two.
181
00:06:34,206 --> 00:06:35,482
What is it about this holiday
182
00:06:35,551 --> 00:06:37,034
that makes people
act so immature?
183
00:06:37,103 --> 00:06:38,689
Well, she started it.
184
00:06:38,758 --> 00:06:40,310
Pranks and hokey horror stuff.
185
00:06:40,379 --> 00:06:43,103
You know, lucky for me,
i'’ve got plans for Halloween.
186
00:06:43,172 --> 00:06:45,448
I'’m going to be working
at the coffee house.
187
00:06:45,517 --> 00:06:46,620
Sabrina, you'’re a witch.
188
00:06:46,689 --> 00:06:48,148
Witches can'’t run
away from Halloween.
189
00:06:48,172 --> 00:06:49,103
Watch me.
190
00:06:49,172 --> 00:06:50,586
I'’m done with
all this kid stuff.
191
00:06:50,655 --> 00:06:52,068
[ Man moaning eerily]
192
00:06:52,137 --> 00:06:53,413
Okay, that was ominous.
193
00:06:53,482 --> 00:06:55,241
It didn'’t scare me a bit.
194
00:06:55,310 --> 00:06:56,655
Me, either.
195
00:06:56,724 --> 00:06:58,862
Salem: You know,
i'’ve been thinking
196
00:06:58,931 --> 00:07:01,310
of revising my will
and leaving you
197
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,620
my entire collection
of pez dispensers.
198
00:07:03,689 --> 00:07:05,344
What do you want?
199
00:07:05,413 --> 00:07:07,379
A ride to the graveyard
tonight, please?
200
00:07:07,448 --> 00:07:08,379
No can do.
201
00:07:08,448 --> 00:07:09,724
I'’ve got to work.
202
00:07:09,793 --> 00:07:11,172
[ Eerie moaning]
203
00:07:11,241 --> 00:07:13,000
Oh, that'’s right.
204
00:07:13,068 --> 00:07:15,827
You'’ve got that nice
boss... Real generous guy...
205
00:07:15,896 --> 00:07:18,482
Always thinking of
others, giving of himself.
206
00:07:18,551 --> 00:07:20,896
Your point? Think
he'’dgive me a ride
207
00:07:20,965 --> 00:07:21,965
to the graveyard?
208
00:07:22,034 --> 00:07:23,310
You know, i'’m really surprised
209
00:07:23,379 --> 00:07:24,931
our special pumpkin-
flavored coffee
210
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,068
hasn'’t been more popular.
211
00:07:26,137 --> 00:07:28,068
You think it has anything
to do with the fact
212
00:07:28,137 --> 00:07:29,689
that it'’s a hideous
shade of orange
213
00:07:29,758 --> 00:07:30,862
and it tastes like pumpkin?
214
00:07:30,931 --> 00:07:32,448
Both: Trick or treat.
215
00:07:32,517 --> 00:07:34,000
None of the above.
216
00:07:34,068 --> 00:07:35,068
Great costumes, huh?
217
00:07:35,137 --> 00:07:36,827
You wouldn'’t believe
how hard it was
218
00:07:36,896 --> 00:07:38,103
to find ones that fit...
219
00:07:38,172 --> 00:07:40,103
And it'’s flame-retardant.
220
00:07:40,172 --> 00:07:41,320
Aren'’t you a
little old for this?
221
00:07:41,344 --> 00:07:44,655
Not until the city
council passes that law.
222
00:07:44,724 --> 00:07:46,068
Tonight is going
to be a Halloween
223
00:07:46,137 --> 00:07:47,448
for the record books.
224
00:07:47,517 --> 00:07:50,000
We'’re going to warm up by
egging coach koch'’s house
225
00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:51,275
work in a cow-tip or two
226
00:07:51,344 --> 00:07:53,758
and, time permitting,
wrap things up by streaking
227
00:07:53,827 --> 00:07:55,862
across old lady
blankenship'’s front yard.
228
00:07:55,931 --> 00:07:57,551
I'’m glad to see
you'’ve added subtlety
229
00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,034
to your bag of tricks this year.
230
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:01,103
Hey, harv, come on, why
are we still standing here?
231
00:08:01,137 --> 00:08:02,931
We should be out
there, burning poop.
232
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,586
Hey, I know how
you love tootsie pops
233
00:08:04,655 --> 00:08:05,935
so i'’ll save any I get for you.
234
00:08:05,965 --> 00:08:07,448
Uh, wash your hands first.
235
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:11,758
Cute kids.
236
00:08:11,827 --> 00:08:14,448
I guess that'’s what happens
when pregnant women smoke.
237
00:08:14,517 --> 00:08:16,000
Well, i'’ve got to
get to the library
238
00:08:16,068 --> 00:08:17,965
and finish my essay on
Shakespeare'’s comedies.
239
00:08:18,034 --> 00:08:19,834
I'’ve compared... now,
i'’m ready to contrast.
240
00:08:19,896 --> 00:08:21,736
Wait a minute... You'’re
going to leave me here
241
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:22,793
to run things by myself?
242
00:08:22,862 --> 00:08:24,631
Yeah, that'’s why I
asked you to work tonight.
243
00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:26,758
I really need
someone I can trust.
244
00:08:26,827 --> 00:08:29,172
The last guy I left here
rented it out to bikers.
245
00:08:29,241 --> 00:08:30,827
Well, how do you
know you can trust me?
246
00:08:30,896 --> 00:08:33,310
I'’ve only worked here one
day and I have very shifty eyes.
247
00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:34,793
I'’ll only be a couple of hours.
248
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,793
I'’ll be back in time
to help you close up.
249
00:08:36,862 --> 00:08:38,310
But what if someone
comes in here
250
00:08:38,379 --> 00:08:39,689
and wants to order something?
251
00:08:39,758 --> 00:08:41,241
You give it to them?
252
00:08:41,310 --> 00:08:42,206
I promise you,
253
00:08:42,275 --> 00:08:44,413
Halloween night here is so easy.
254
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,000
The place is a morgue.
255
00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:48,000
[ Eerie moaning]
256
00:08:54,482 --> 00:08:55,551
Josh was right.
257
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:56,793
I can handle this...
258
00:08:56,862 --> 00:08:58,517
And he'’s depending on me...
259
00:08:58,586 --> 00:08:59,689
[ Eerie moaning]
260
00:08:59,758 --> 00:09:01,034
And that'’s what'’s scary.
261
00:09:01,103 --> 00:09:02,827
Zelda: You'’re a witch, Sabrina.
262
00:09:02,896 --> 00:09:04,758
You can'’t run away
from Halloween.
263
00:09:04,827 --> 00:09:06,689
And that'’s just
the onset of senility.
264
00:09:07,655 --> 00:09:09,448
Uh...
265
00:09:09,517 --> 00:09:10,586
May I help you?
266
00:09:10,655 --> 00:09:13,379
I want to chop you
up in little pieces.
267
00:09:13,448 --> 00:09:14,517
You want what?
268
00:09:14,586 --> 00:09:16,137
I want a cup of coffee.
269
00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:20,068
Okay, i'’m just letting
270
00:09:20,137 --> 00:09:22,000
my imagination
get the best of me...
271
00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:24,068
But if I turn around
and he'’s got an ax
272
00:09:24,137 --> 00:09:25,896
he loses the
benefit of the doubt.
273
00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:29,206
Okay, um, well, would you like
274
00:09:29,275 --> 00:09:31,172
to join our
biscotti-of-the-month club?
275
00:09:31,241 --> 00:09:32,758
[ Cash register keys clicking]
276
00:09:32,827 --> 00:09:34,448
I-I Don'’t think i'’ll be back.
277
00:09:34,517 --> 00:09:37,172
This coffee'’s so strong,
it could wake the dead.
278
00:09:37,241 --> 00:09:40,344
[ Eerie moaning]
279
00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:44,586
"Wake the dead."
280
00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:46,862
What was that guy talking about?
281
00:09:46,931 --> 00:09:49,379
I mean, this batch
was almost liquid.
282
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,068
See?
283
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,068
Everything'’s fine.
284
00:10:06,137 --> 00:10:07,793
So far, i'’ve served
five or six people
285
00:10:07,862 --> 00:10:09,413
and not a single
attempt on my life.
286
00:10:09,482 --> 00:10:10,413
[ Loud crash]
287
00:10:10,482 --> 00:10:11,413
[ Screams]
288
00:10:11,482 --> 00:10:12,620
All right, calm down.
289
00:10:12,689 --> 00:10:14,137
It'’s just the muffin tray.
290
00:10:14,206 --> 00:10:15,965
Muffins are not remotely scary.
291
00:10:16,034 --> 00:10:17,275
They'’re fat-free.
292
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:21,413
I'’m going to die!
293
00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:26,137
Hi, dreama.
294
00:10:26,206 --> 00:10:28,551
Hilda, i'’d like you
to meet Mr. Poe.
295
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:30,724
It'’s such a pleasure
to meet you.
296
00:10:30,793 --> 00:10:33,551
Thanks for the ride.
297
00:10:33,620 --> 00:10:35,689
That voice... it'’s so scary.
298
00:10:35,758 --> 00:10:38,689
May I take your cape?
299
00:10:38,758 --> 00:10:40,620
No garment could be scarier.
300
00:10:40,689 --> 00:10:42,862
This is the stuff of nightmares.
301
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:47,103
The only thing
scary about that cape
302
00:10:47,172 --> 00:10:49,793
is that he died in it and
never had it cleaned.
303
00:10:49,862 --> 00:10:52,758
Well, if no one wants to
listen to my horror stories
304
00:10:52,827 --> 00:10:54,103
i'’ll just go
305
00:10:54,172 --> 00:10:56,551
shred some beloved sweaters.
306
00:11:02,413 --> 00:11:03,838
Apparently, an a.A.
Meeting just let out.
307
00:11:03,862 --> 00:11:05,320
Would you mind giving
me a hand back here?
308
00:11:05,344 --> 00:11:07,827
I'’ve never really made
a cappuccino before.
309
00:11:07,896 --> 00:11:10,896
Oh, well that'’s where
good, old-fashioned
310
00:11:10,965 --> 00:11:13,448
American ingenuity
comes in handy.
311
00:11:13,517 --> 00:11:15,068
Okay, a little magic.
312
00:11:15,137 --> 00:11:17,241
Frothy milk, nice and hot-tay
313
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,448
whip me up two lowfat lattes.
314
00:11:19,517 --> 00:11:22,379
[ Making steaming noise]
315
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,586
Okay, there you go.
316
00:11:38,172 --> 00:11:39,448
There you are.
317
00:11:39,517 --> 00:11:41,655
Listen, Zelda forgot
to pick up the one thing
318
00:11:41,724 --> 00:11:44,137
that will make Edgar
Allan poe feel at home.
319
00:11:44,206 --> 00:11:45,758
An open bar?
320
00:11:45,827 --> 00:11:46,586
A black cat.
321
00:11:46,655 --> 00:11:47,482
Forget it.
322
00:11:47,551 --> 00:11:49,034
Fine. Then i'’ll go
323
00:11:49,103 --> 00:11:50,620
with my second choice.
324
00:11:50,689 --> 00:11:53,965
Quoth the raven, "bite me."
325
00:11:55,379 --> 00:11:57,103
Finally, we get a
moment to relax.
326
00:11:57,172 --> 00:11:58,896
I know. You know,
I have to admit
327
00:11:58,965 --> 00:12:01,379
before you got here,
I was feeling sort of...
328
00:12:01,448 --> 00:12:04,655
[ Thunder crashing]
329
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,137
Afraid.
330
00:12:09,448 --> 00:12:11,482
There'’s nothing
to be afraid of.
331
00:12:11,551 --> 00:12:13,586
It'’s just a severe
thunderstorm.
332
00:12:13,655 --> 00:12:15,793
On a calm, cloud-free evening.
333
00:12:15,862 --> 00:12:17,838
This has nothing to do with
my aunts trying to warn me
334
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,079
that I couldn'’t
avoid Halloween.
335
00:12:19,103 --> 00:12:20,034
[ Eerie moaning]
336
00:12:20,103 --> 00:12:21,172
Stop that!
337
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,620
Oh, good. I thought
that was my stomach.
338
00:12:23,689 --> 00:12:26,172
What kind of people
go out for coffee
339
00:12:26,241 --> 00:12:27,689
in weather like this?
340
00:12:27,758 --> 00:12:30,620
[ Moaning and groaning]
341
00:12:30,689 --> 00:12:33,655
The flesh-eating, zombie kind.
342
00:12:33,724 --> 00:12:36,827
[ Both screaming]
343
00:12:36,896 --> 00:12:39,034
Mmm! Oh!
344
00:12:39,103 --> 00:12:41,206
Ladies, that was the best meal
345
00:12:41,275 --> 00:12:42,551
i'’ve had in years.
346
00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:45,620
In the afterlife, they
Don'’t cook with salt.
347
00:12:47,448 --> 00:12:50,275
Can you believe how
much roast beef he ate?
348
00:12:50,344 --> 00:12:52,689
Talk about the pig
and the pendulum.
349
00:12:52,758 --> 00:12:53,965
And fourdesserts.
350
00:12:54,034 --> 00:12:55,965
Well, that will teach
you to serve rum cake.
351
00:12:56,034 --> 00:12:57,137
Still, we'’re lucky
352
00:12:57,206 --> 00:12:59,620
to have the scariest
writer of all time
353
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:01,241
as ourhalloween guest.
354
00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:03,689
Mr. Poe, would
this be a good time
355
00:13:03,758 --> 00:13:05,655
for you to read us a story?
356
00:13:05,724 --> 00:13:07,379
Absolutely.
357
00:13:07,448 --> 00:13:10,068
If you Don'’t mind, i'’d
like to read something new.
358
00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:11,482
[ Screams]
359
00:13:11,551 --> 00:13:14,103
I'’m just practicing.
360
00:13:14,172 --> 00:13:16,517
[ Pounding]
361
00:13:16,586 --> 00:13:17,896
I could be wrong
362
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,586
but I Don'’t think
that lock was built
363
00:13:19,655 --> 00:13:21,551
to withstand an
onslaught from the undead.
364
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:22,724
What are we going to do?
365
00:13:22,793 --> 00:13:23,793
I Don'’t know.
366
00:13:23,827 --> 00:13:24,896
Wait a minute.
367
00:13:24,965 --> 00:13:26,068
We'’re witches.
368
00:13:26,137 --> 00:13:28,551
I Don'’t feel like visiting
with walking corpses today.
369
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:30,034
Please make those
zombies go away.
370
00:13:30,103 --> 00:13:31,793
[ Pounding]
371
00:13:31,862 --> 00:13:33,310
Uh-oh.
372
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:34,665
We'’re going to
have to get rid of them
373
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:35,448
the old-fashioned way.
374
00:13:35,517 --> 00:13:36,310
What'’s that?
375
00:13:36,379 --> 00:13:39,310
Help! Help! Help! Help!
376
00:13:39,379 --> 00:13:41,344
[ Thunder crashing]
377
00:13:41,413 --> 00:13:43,310
[ Chains clanking]
378
00:13:43,379 --> 00:13:45,413
Zelda, would you mind
turning down your thunder?
379
00:13:45,482 --> 00:13:47,068
If you turn down
your clanking chains.
380
00:13:47,137 --> 00:13:48,068
[ Clearing throat]
381
00:13:48,137 --> 00:13:49,241
Very well.
382
00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:51,241
A poem by Edgar Allan poe.
383
00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,172
[ Phone rings]
384
00:13:53,241 --> 00:13:54,793
What is that ringing?
385
00:13:54,862 --> 00:13:56,517
A telephone.
386
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:57,448
That'’s how we
387
00:13:57,517 --> 00:13:59,137
communicate these days.
388
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,206
Haven'’t you people
ever heard of e-mail?
389
00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:02,689
Salem, get the phone!
390
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,689
Go ahead and curdle our blood.
391
00:14:04,758 --> 00:14:06,827
[ Spitting]
392
00:14:06,896 --> 00:14:10,965
[ Mimicking hilda]: Salem, we'’re
too busy being scared out of our wits
393
00:14:11,034 --> 00:14:12,379
to answer the phone.
394
00:14:12,448 --> 00:14:13,724
[ Normal voice]: Hello.
395
00:14:13,793 --> 00:14:15,413
Salem, exactly what
did my aunts mean
396
00:14:15,482 --> 00:14:17,620
when they said that I
couldn'’t avoid Halloween?
397
00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:19,310
I'’m fine, and how are you?
398
00:14:19,379 --> 00:14:20,172
Salem!
399
00:14:20,241 --> 00:14:21,965
If you run away from Halloween
400
00:14:22,034 --> 00:14:23,074
Halloween will find you...
401
00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:25,103
And it won'’t be happy.
402
00:14:25,172 --> 00:14:27,517
Oh! And... and once
Halloween has found you
403
00:14:27,586 --> 00:14:29,379
how do you get it to unfind you?
404
00:14:29,448 --> 00:14:31,862
That will require research.
405
00:14:31,931 --> 00:14:32,931
[ Growling]
406
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,241
Do it, and hurry!
407
00:14:35,310 --> 00:14:37,862
Right. Like i'’ve got
nothing better to do
408
00:14:37,931 --> 00:14:40,034
than save your
anti-Halloween butt.
409
00:14:43,310 --> 00:14:44,655
Of all the ways to go...
410
00:14:44,724 --> 00:14:46,103
Death by zombie!
411
00:14:46,172 --> 00:14:48,000
I can'’t bear to look!
412
00:14:50,344 --> 00:14:51,344
What are they doing?
413
00:14:51,413 --> 00:14:52,896
Are they clawing at our flesh?
414
00:14:52,965 --> 00:14:54,896
[ Music playing]
415
00:14:54,965 --> 00:14:57,137
Actually, they'’re
having a party.
416
00:14:57,206 --> 00:14:59,413
[ Loud dance music playing]
417
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,551
[ Zombies yelling happily]
418
00:15:01,620 --> 00:15:05,551
[ Loud music playing]
419
00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:10,310
[ Zombies laughing]
420
00:15:10,379 --> 00:15:12,827
[ Screaming]
421
00:15:12,896 --> 00:15:14,827
♪
422
00:15:30,586 --> 00:15:31,758
[ Screams]
423
00:16:01,724 --> 00:16:03,655
♪
424
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:25,724
I'’m so fired!
425
00:16:25,793 --> 00:16:27,079
Josh is going to
be back any second
426
00:16:27,103 --> 00:16:28,034
and i'’m pretty sure
427
00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:29,413
zombies are messier than bikers.
428
00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:30,482
[ Phone rings]
429
00:16:30,551 --> 00:16:32,517
Excuse me.
430
00:16:32,586 --> 00:16:35,689
Oh! Oh! Sorry. Ooh!
431
00:16:35,758 --> 00:16:37,862
Ugh! Just because
their bodies are rotting
432
00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:40,310
doesn'’t mean they can'’t
shower once in a while.
433
00:16:40,379 --> 00:16:41,655
Hello.
434
00:16:41,724 --> 00:16:43,000
Salem: Here'’s the deal.
435
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:44,586
To get out of your predicament
436
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:46,862
you have to experience
the funof Halloween.
437
00:16:46,931 --> 00:16:50,172
Fun? i'’m up to
my arms in... arms!
438
00:16:50,241 --> 00:16:52,241
If I may suggest some fun
439
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:54,896
think of a trip to the graveyard
440
00:16:54,965 --> 00:16:57,034
to listen to Salem'’s
horror stories.
441
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:58,137
[ Dial tone]
442
00:16:58,206 --> 00:16:59,379
Hello?
443
00:16:59,448 --> 00:17:00,758
[ Growling]
444
00:17:00,827 --> 00:17:02,275
What fresh hell is this?
445
00:17:02,344 --> 00:17:03,620
You Don'’t understand.
446
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:06,620
My boss trusted me to
keep an eye on this place.
447
00:17:06,689 --> 00:17:08,034
If he comes back
and it'’s not...
448
00:17:08,103 --> 00:17:09,034
[ Screams]
449
00:17:09,103 --> 00:17:10,379
This is what happens
450
00:17:10,448 --> 00:17:12,620
when you try to reason with
someone who'’s decaying.
451
00:17:12,689 --> 00:17:14,275
Toilet paper!
452
00:17:14,344 --> 00:17:16,379
Oh, great, just what I need...
453
00:17:16,448 --> 00:17:17,862
More Halloween fun.
454
00:17:17,931 --> 00:17:19,275
Wait a minute.
455
00:17:19,344 --> 00:17:20,413
That iswhat I need.
456
00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:21,758
It'’s Harvey and Brad.
457
00:17:21,827 --> 00:17:24,241
Harvey, quit t.P.'’ing the
Christian science reading room
458
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,413
and get over here!
459
00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:27,482
Interesting
460
00:17:27,551 --> 00:17:28,724
clientele.
461
00:17:28,793 --> 00:17:31,482
What'’s that smell?
462
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,793
This is our last year we
can trick-or-treat, right?
463
00:17:33,862 --> 00:17:34,931
So let'’s make it count.
464
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,000
Gee, Sabrina,
465
00:17:36,034 --> 00:17:38,275
we thought you were
too mature for Halloween.
466
00:17:38,344 --> 00:17:40,275
Oh, stop talking
and start t.P.'’ing.
467
00:18:01,862 --> 00:18:02,724
They'’re leaving.
468
00:18:02,793 --> 00:18:03,838
Woo-hoo! We broke the spell.
469
00:18:03,862 --> 00:18:05,758
Oh, wait.
470
00:18:05,827 --> 00:18:08,275
Who forgot their foot?
471
00:18:08,344 --> 00:18:10,517
What did I tell you
about Sabrina'’s pranks?
472
00:18:10,586 --> 00:18:12,689
Her family takes
Halloween very seriously.
473
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,862
And you keep telling
me they'’re not weird.
474
00:18:14,931 --> 00:18:16,620
Harvey, you were
right, you know?
475
00:18:16,689 --> 00:18:18,793
Why not just loosen
up and enjoy Halloween
476
00:18:18,862 --> 00:18:19,862
as long as little kids
477
00:18:19,931 --> 00:18:21,482
aren'’t making fun
of us to our faces?
478
00:18:21,551 --> 00:18:23,379
You'’re the best.
479
00:18:24,655 --> 00:18:25,896
Poe: "I love you enough
480
00:18:25,965 --> 00:18:27,758
"to let you walk
481
00:18:27,827 --> 00:18:31,137
"but I love you too
much to let you run.
482
00:18:31,206 --> 00:18:33,206
"But you Don'’t want to walk.
483
00:18:33,275 --> 00:18:35,689
"You want to run.
484
00:18:35,758 --> 00:18:37,586
Let'’s skip."
485
00:18:37,655 --> 00:18:39,103
Part 17. Excuse me
486
00:18:39,172 --> 00:18:40,206
Mr. Poe.
487
00:18:40,275 --> 00:18:41,448
I Don'’t mean
488
00:18:41,517 --> 00:18:42,758
to interrupt, but we thought
489
00:18:42,827 --> 00:18:45,172
that you were going to
read us something less dull.
490
00:18:45,241 --> 00:18:46,137
She means
491
00:18:46,206 --> 00:18:47,931
something scary.
492
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,275
Horror?
493
00:18:49,344 --> 00:18:51,551
I haven'’t done
that tripe in years.
494
00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:55,137
There'’s a much bigger
market in inspirational writing.
495
00:18:55,206 --> 00:18:56,586
Is that what this is?
496
00:18:56,655 --> 00:18:58,172
Hilda, he'’s our guest.
497
00:18:58,241 --> 00:18:59,689
We have to be polite.
498
00:18:59,758 --> 00:19:03,275
"Rainbows and sparkles,
kittens in a box..."
499
00:19:03,344 --> 00:19:05,413
He'’s going down.
500
00:19:05,482 --> 00:19:06,241
I'’ll see you guys later.
501
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:07,310
And, uh...
502
00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:08,659
Don'’t let all the
crickets loose
503
00:19:08,724 --> 00:19:09,586
in Mr. Kraft'’s house
504
00:19:09,655 --> 00:19:10,931
till I get there.
505
00:19:12,448 --> 00:19:14,724
Okay, a quick cleanup,
and i'’m home free.
506
00:19:14,793 --> 00:19:16,320
So I Don'’t get fired
and take a lot of flak
507
00:19:16,344 --> 00:19:18,044
please help me clean
up before my boss gets...
508
00:19:18,068 --> 00:19:19,000
Sabrina?
509
00:19:19,068 --> 00:19:21,034
Oh... Josh. Hi.
510
00:19:21,103 --> 00:19:22,689
What happened to this place?
511
00:19:22,758 --> 00:19:24,448
Look at all this toilet paper.
512
00:19:24,517 --> 00:19:25,724
Oh, you wouldn'’t believe
513
00:19:25,793 --> 00:19:27,862
how many kids came
dressed as Mr. Whipple
514
00:19:27,931 --> 00:19:28,827
this year.
515
00:19:28,896 --> 00:19:30,103
I'’m sorry.
516
00:19:30,172 --> 00:19:32,241
I know it'’s easy to get
behind on your busing
517
00:19:32,310 --> 00:19:34,034
when you'’re the
only one here, but...
518
00:19:34,103 --> 00:19:35,379
Am I fired?
519
00:19:35,448 --> 00:19:37,413
I mean, I know I have
to clean up, and all
520
00:19:37,482 --> 00:19:38,689
but after that, am I fired?
521
00:19:38,758 --> 00:19:40,551
Well, it is Halloween.
522
00:19:40,620 --> 00:19:42,517
People should have fun.
523
00:19:42,586 --> 00:19:45,310
And we areinsured.
524
00:19:45,379 --> 00:19:46,379
Hey, what'’s that?
525
00:19:46,931 --> 00:19:48,241
I Don'’t see any...
526
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:49,965
[ Screaming]
527
00:19:50,034 --> 00:19:53,206
Wow, I guess this
wasworth $14.95.
528
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,724
Are you okay?
529
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:57,689
Yeah, as soon as my heart
starts beating again, i'’ll be swell.
530
00:19:57,758 --> 00:20:01,275
Well, I heard you liked them,
so I brought you a tootsie pop.
531
00:20:02,862 --> 00:20:04,310
Thanks.
532
00:20:04,379 --> 00:20:07,379
So really, i'’m not fired?
533
00:20:07,448 --> 00:20:09,931
"Though she screamed
as loud as she could
534
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,724
"not a sound could be heard
535
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:14,310
"for the water slowly
but inexorably Rose
536
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:16,931
"over her face, and
then over her eyes...
537
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,769
Poor Salem. He was so
determined to read his stories
538
00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:19,907
whether anyone listened or not.
539
00:20:19,931 --> 00:20:20,862
"Over her head
540
00:20:20,931 --> 00:20:24,862
until, at last, she
was no more."
541
00:20:24,931 --> 00:20:26,344
The end.
542
00:20:28,413 --> 00:20:29,862
See?
543
00:20:29,931 --> 00:20:32,620
I told you they were scary.
544
00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:34,137
My first mortal Halloween!
545
00:20:34,206 --> 00:20:35,517
I had such a great time.
546
00:20:35,586 --> 00:20:36,586
Yeah, it was fun.
547
00:20:36,655 --> 00:20:38,379
Your boss, Josh, he'’s great.
548
00:20:38,448 --> 00:20:40,355
Yeah, there'’s just one thing
that bothers me about him.
549
00:20:40,379 --> 00:20:43,517
What? i have a
huge crush on him.
550
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:50,827
So, what is it we learned
551
00:20:50,896 --> 00:20:52,862
in this week'’s episode?
552
00:20:52,931 --> 00:20:54,551
That, try as you may
553
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:57,310
you cannot run
away from Halloween.
554
00:20:57,379 --> 00:21:01,068
That you never really
know what lurks beneath
555
00:21:01,137 --> 00:21:03,689
your neighborhood sewer grate.
556
00:21:03,758 --> 00:21:08,034
And that... oh... Those
zombies were really scary.
557
00:21:08,103 --> 00:21:08,758
[ Grunting]
558
00:21:08,827 --> 00:21:09,827
Wha..!
559
00:21:10,551 --> 00:21:13,310
Oh, right. My coffee.
560
00:21:13,379 --> 00:21:16,000
Hey, where'’s my biscotti?
38698
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