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1
00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:04,896
The day is alive with the
wonder of Wednesday.
2
00:00:04,965 --> 00:00:08,517
To me, it'’s just another
day with eight nipples.
3
00:00:08,586 --> 00:00:09,862
What'’s wrong?
4
00:00:09,931 --> 00:00:12,241
I can'’t remember what
it was like to be human.
5
00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:16,172
This voice used to bark orders
to a legion of mercenaries.
6
00:00:16,241 --> 00:00:18,724
Now it begs two
old maids for catnip.
7
00:00:18,793 --> 00:00:21,482
I believe the correct
term is "spinsters."
8
00:00:21,551 --> 00:00:23,137
Come on, you big
wuss, suck it up.
9
00:00:23,206 --> 00:00:24,862
Take it like the
man you used to be.
10
00:00:24,931 --> 00:00:26,758
I know what you can'’t resist.
11
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,586
Your favorite cat toy.
12
00:00:28,655 --> 00:00:30,827
I Don'’t need your pity.
13
00:00:32,793 --> 00:00:33,827
This is serious.
14
00:00:33,896 --> 00:00:35,931
Usually he thrives on our pity.
15
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,000
Let'’s go see if he
wants his tummy rubbed.
16
00:00:40,172 --> 00:00:41,482
Zelda: You coming, hilda?
17
00:00:41,551 --> 00:00:43,241
Huh? Oh, i'’m sorry.
18
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:44,689
It isirresistible.
19
00:01:03,275 --> 00:01:05,896
May I have this slam dance?
20
00:01:09,724 --> 00:01:10,907
Get your peanut
butter dandies here,
21
00:01:10,931 --> 00:01:11,941
compliments of the committee
22
00:01:11,965 --> 00:01:14,724
to elect Willard
kraft principal.
23
00:01:14,793 --> 00:01:16,931
Here you go. Tell your
folks to vote early and often.
24
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,793
Is it true principal
larue is out?
25
00:01:18,862 --> 00:01:20,862
Well, not yet, but
his contract is up,
26
00:01:20,931 --> 00:01:23,931
so i'’m throwing
my hat in the ring.
27
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,620
Why? Because I want
that extra $418 a year.
28
00:01:27,689 --> 00:01:28,862
And with you in charge,
29
00:01:28,931 --> 00:01:30,689
the cheerleaders
can finally gain
30
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,724
power of attorney
over the dance fund.
31
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,551
If I can lure enough
votes with my dandies.
32
00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:36,931
Here you go, Libby.
33
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,379
Ew. What?
34
00:01:38,448 --> 00:01:40,379
Maybe if you offered
them with milk.
35
00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:41,724
Excellent idea.
36
00:01:41,793 --> 00:01:43,000
Uh, gordie?
37
00:01:43,068 --> 00:01:45,172
Would you get me a few
gallons of milk, please?
38
00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:46,655
But I have violin practice.
39
00:01:46,724 --> 00:01:50,000
Running my errands
comes before rock '’n'’ roll,
40
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:50,931
so if you
41
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,000
Don'’t want to raise your family
42
00:01:53,068 --> 00:01:54,758
in detention...
43
00:01:54,827 --> 00:01:58,103
So, has anyone asked you to
the St. Patrick'’s day dance yet?
44
00:01:58,172 --> 00:01:59,586
No, but between you and me,
45
00:01:59,655 --> 00:02:01,344
there'’s someone I wish would.
46
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:02,689
Really? Let me guess. Um, Jerry.
47
00:02:02,758 --> 00:02:03,689
No.
48
00:02:03,758 --> 00:02:04,793
Pat?
49
00:02:04,862 --> 00:02:05,872
Sabrina, you
aren'’t going to get it.
50
00:02:05,896 --> 00:02:07,172
Jimmy? No.
51
00:02:07,241 --> 00:02:09,758
It'’s gordie. Ken?
52
00:02:09,827 --> 00:02:11,448
Look, i'’ve gotten to know him
53
00:02:11,517 --> 00:02:12,896
since I started orchestra.
54
00:02:12,965 --> 00:02:15,655
He'’s sort of the Kevin
costner of the string section.
55
00:02:15,724 --> 00:02:17,665
Well, then, we have to get
him to ask you to the dance.
56
00:02:17,689 --> 00:02:19,620
Well, i'’ve been
dropping serious hints,
57
00:02:19,689 --> 00:02:21,482
but he hasn'’t been
picking up on them.
58
00:02:21,551 --> 00:02:23,000
Sabrina: Hey, gordie!
59
00:02:23,068 --> 00:02:24,379
Hey, did you see that, uh
60
00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:26,103
St. Patrick'’s day dance poster?
61
00:02:26,172 --> 00:02:28,034
You know, val loves to dance.
62
00:02:28,103 --> 00:02:30,931
In fact, she loves to
be asked to dance.
63
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,413
Mr. Kraft needs milk!
64
00:02:35,586 --> 00:02:39,655
See? You can'’t be subtle.
65
00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:41,344
A surprise party
is just the thing
66
00:02:41,413 --> 00:02:43,103
to make Salem
forget he'’s not a man.
67
00:02:43,172 --> 00:02:45,068
I hope his old address
book is in there.
68
00:02:45,137 --> 00:02:46,377
It won'’t be much of a surprise
69
00:02:46,413 --> 00:02:47,453
if we'’re the only guests.
70
00:02:47,517 --> 00:02:50,068
"The universe v. Saberhagen:
71
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:52,620
Confiscated personal effects."
72
00:02:52,689 --> 00:02:54,413
Two ricolas.
73
00:02:54,482 --> 00:02:57,103
One dry cleaning
receipt for a velvet cape.
74
00:02:57,172 --> 00:02:59,620
And no address book.
75
00:02:59,689 --> 00:03:00,758
A scepter?
76
00:03:00,827 --> 00:03:03,103
Oh, this is sad.
77
00:03:03,172 --> 00:03:04,344
What a day.
78
00:03:04,413 --> 00:03:07,034
I was playing matchmaker
for Valerie and gordie,
79
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:09,551
which is like the low
self-esteem Olympics.
80
00:03:09,620 --> 00:03:11,137
And Libby is politicking
81
00:03:11,206 --> 00:03:13,724
fop that known evil
called Willard kraft.
82
00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:16,000
And yet you'’re not a cat.
83
00:03:18,758 --> 00:03:20,655
Did I mention I almost
choked on a dandy?
84
00:03:21,965 --> 00:03:23,379
Oh, a rainbow.
85
00:03:23,448 --> 00:03:25,172
I hope that doesn'’t stain.
86
00:03:25,241 --> 00:03:29,172
Faith and begorra!
It'’s your loverboy!
87
00:03:31,827 --> 00:03:33,379
Roland, what'’s with the brogue?
88
00:03:33,448 --> 00:03:34,517
It'’s part of my new job.
89
00:03:34,586 --> 00:03:36,517
You know, after a lot of therapy
90
00:03:36,586 --> 00:03:39,482
I finally figured out why
you and I never clicked.
91
00:03:39,551 --> 00:03:40,724
Your personality?
92
00:03:40,793 --> 00:03:42,172
No. You'’re shallow.
93
00:03:42,241 --> 00:03:44,586
So I needed a glamorous
job to impress you.
94
00:03:44,655 --> 00:03:47,896
So say hello to
your dream date...
95
00:03:47,965 --> 00:03:49,482
Leprechaun Roland!
96
00:03:49,551 --> 00:03:51,620
Erin go bragh!
97
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:52,724
Erin go back!
98
00:03:52,793 --> 00:03:54,862
Look, Roland, how can I put this
99
00:03:54,931 --> 00:03:56,862
without hurting your feelings?
100
00:03:56,931 --> 00:03:57,931
You sicken me!
101
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,793
Hey, let'’s take it slow.
102
00:03:59,862 --> 00:04:03,448
We have the rest of our
lives to love each other.
103
00:04:03,517 --> 00:04:05,620
Hey, uh, you want to
give me a leg up here?
104
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,241
Roland...
105
00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:09,482
You'’re not helping.
106
00:04:09,551 --> 00:04:11,448
In fact, I think
you'’re enjoying this.
107
00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:13,000
Like you'’re not.
108
00:04:14,344 --> 00:04:16,275
Where are you going?
109
00:04:16,344 --> 00:04:18,137
I'’ll use the linen closet.
110
00:04:18,206 --> 00:04:21,517
Boy, you'’re sounding like
a ball and chain already.
111
00:04:21,586 --> 00:04:22,724
[ Kissing]
112
00:04:24,275 --> 00:04:26,206
[ Crying]
113
00:04:26,275 --> 00:04:30,379
He'’s weeping at a Richard
Simmons advertisement.
114
00:04:30,448 --> 00:04:33,482
This isn'’t just an infomercial.
115
00:04:33,551 --> 00:04:35,103
It'’s info-truth.
116
00:04:35,172 --> 00:04:37,103
Oh, we'’ve got to
find that address book.
117
00:04:37,172 --> 00:04:39,275
This is gordie, the
voice of westbridge
118
00:04:39,344 --> 00:04:41,896
with an important
announcement from Mr. Kraft.
119
00:04:41,965 --> 00:04:44,413
You are cordially
invited to a campaign rally
120
00:04:44,482 --> 00:04:46,793
to get your parents
to vote for Mr. Kraft.
121
00:04:46,862 --> 00:04:49,482
Anyone not attending
will be caned by Mr. Kraft.
122
00:04:49,551 --> 00:04:51,734
Well, as long as we Don'’t
have to eat any more dandies.
123
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:54,344
Oh, what'’s this?
124
00:04:54,413 --> 00:04:56,379
"Our secret love
will always last.
125
00:04:56,448 --> 00:04:58,448
"I'’ll wait for you
over the rainbow.
126
00:04:58,517 --> 00:04:59,724
Loverboy."
127
00:04:59,793 --> 00:05:01,896
Oh. Is there something
you need to tell me?
128
00:05:01,965 --> 00:05:03,586
Stupid junk mail.
129
00:05:03,655 --> 00:05:05,103
[ Stammering]
130
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,655
My locker is on
every mailing list.
131
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:10,896
Oh, geez.
132
00:05:10,965 --> 00:05:13,103
Everybody else sees this, right?
133
00:05:13,172 --> 00:05:14,965
I'’ll take that. Thank you.
134
00:05:15,034 --> 00:05:16,793
Roland!
135
00:05:16,862 --> 00:05:18,275
Hey!
136
00:05:18,344 --> 00:05:19,344
Oh, no.
137
00:05:19,379 --> 00:05:21,965
You'’ve caught me.
138
00:05:22,034 --> 00:05:23,896
Oh, hey, i'’ve
caught a leprechaun.
139
00:05:23,965 --> 00:05:26,103
Don'’t I get a pot of
gold and my book bag?
140
00:05:26,172 --> 00:05:27,655
We Don'’t do gold anymore.
141
00:05:27,724 --> 00:05:32,448
But you do get these coupons
redeemable for three wishes.
142
00:05:32,517 --> 00:05:35,620
Great. Well, I know
what my first one will be.
143
00:05:35,689 --> 00:05:37,655
I wish Roland would go away.
144
00:05:37,724 --> 00:05:39,137
But, honey...
145
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,482
Salem: I just tried on
146
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:43,827
one of my old suits
147
00:05:43,896 --> 00:05:46,586
and I almost
suffocated in the sleeve.
148
00:05:46,655 --> 00:05:47,655
Whoa!
149
00:05:47,689 --> 00:05:50,172
Are these wish
coupons? How many?
150
00:05:50,241 --> 00:05:51,448
Three. Well, two.
151
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:54,172
I blew one ditching
Roland mcleprechaun.
152
00:05:54,241 --> 00:05:55,896
Sabrina, i'’ll be
your best friend
153
00:05:55,965 --> 00:05:58,137
if you use a wish to
turn me back into a man.
154
00:05:58,206 --> 00:05:59,620
Oh, please, please, please.
155
00:05:59,689 --> 00:06:00,827
You know I can'’t use magic
156
00:06:00,896 --> 00:06:02,413
to help you regain
your human form.
157
00:06:02,482 --> 00:06:04,482
It'’s a direct violation
of the witches'’ council.
158
00:06:04,551 --> 00:06:07,000
But one of Roland'’s coupons
wouldn'’t be yourmagic.
159
00:06:07,068 --> 00:06:08,137
If anyone found out,
160
00:06:08,206 --> 00:06:10,103
it'’d be his emerald
keister in a sling.
161
00:06:10,172 --> 00:06:11,793
Right, but last time
you were a man,
162
00:06:11,862 --> 00:06:13,310
you tried to take
over the world.
163
00:06:13,379 --> 00:06:15,206
No politics. Promise.
164
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:16,413
I just want to remember
165
00:06:16,482 --> 00:06:19,275
what it'’s like to be human.
166
00:06:19,344 --> 00:06:20,344
Please?
167
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:22,344
Well...
168
00:06:22,413 --> 00:06:23,551
Oh, please?
169
00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:26,000
Roland, I have a wish.
170
00:06:26,068 --> 00:06:27,137
Yes!
171
00:06:27,206 --> 00:06:28,551
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
172
00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:30,551
So Salem will enter the body
173
00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:31,655
of a student at school
174
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,103
so I can keep an eye on him.
175
00:06:33,172 --> 00:06:35,413
Preferably a young
Dan blocker type.
176
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:37,362
And i'’ll keep one wish
coupon to bring him back.
177
00:06:37,413 --> 00:06:38,586
No problem.
178
00:06:38,655 --> 00:06:40,379
Let'’s take Salem'’s
essence to school
179
00:06:40,448 --> 00:06:41,862
and find a suitable vessel.
180
00:06:41,931 --> 00:06:42,931
Do it.
181
00:06:42,965 --> 00:06:44,413
I wish Salem was human
182
00:06:44,482 --> 00:06:47,000
with all the
aforementioned disclaimers.
183
00:06:51,103 --> 00:06:55,620
Next time I lift my hat,
Salem enters the nearest body.
184
00:06:55,689 --> 00:06:57,137
B-But what about the cat?
185
00:06:57,206 --> 00:07:00,517
Oh, he'’s just a regular
house cat till Salem returns.
186
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:01,724
You'’re loving
187
00:07:01,793 --> 00:07:03,758
my new Cologne, aren'’t you?
188
00:07:07,206 --> 00:07:08,448
Oh, hello, Salem.
189
00:07:08,517 --> 00:07:09,862
Listen, we need a good...
190
00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:10,965
Haberdasher.
191
00:07:11,034 --> 00:07:12,620
And since you
know so many people
192
00:07:12,689 --> 00:07:14,793
who... haberdash,
would you happen to know
193
00:07:14,862 --> 00:07:16,517
where your old address book is?
194
00:07:16,586 --> 00:07:17,793
[ Meowing]
195
00:07:17,862 --> 00:07:20,655
Did he meow?
196
00:07:20,724 --> 00:07:23,793
"Vote for Mr. Kraft, or else."
197
00:07:23,862 --> 00:07:25,310
I thought of that slogan myself.
198
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:28,413
Sir, my thumb is
really starting to throb.
199
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:30,448
Oh, stop kissing
up and finish the job.
200
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:31,448
Oh, watch out!
201
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:32,689
You might cover
202
00:07:32,758 --> 00:07:35,206
the St. Patrick'’s
day danceposter.
203
00:07:35,275 --> 00:07:37,137
That poster... Hey, Valerie?
204
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:38,137
Yes?
205
00:07:38,206 --> 00:07:39,517
If I use the same tack holes,
206
00:07:39,586 --> 00:07:40,655
I might be able
207
00:07:40,724 --> 00:07:42,448
to avoid thumb surgery.
208
00:07:42,517 --> 00:07:44,000
Let'’s pick a vessel
to put Salem in.
209
00:07:44,068 --> 00:07:45,896
Well, what'’s going to
happen to the vessel?
210
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:46,965
I mean, student?
211
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,344
Once Salem'’s
done with the body,
212
00:07:48,413 --> 00:07:51,758
the kid will think he'’s been
home with the mumps. Duh.
213
00:07:51,827 --> 00:07:53,275
Okay, well, let'’s take our time
214
00:07:53,344 --> 00:07:54,482
and choose carefully.
215
00:07:54,551 --> 00:07:55,827
Okay, I pick that guy.
216
00:07:55,896 --> 00:07:58,068
Gordie, are you aware
there'’s a dance on Friday?
217
00:07:58,137 --> 00:07:59,172
Roland, wait!
218
00:07:59,241 --> 00:08:01,758
Gee, Valerie, I...
219
00:08:01,827 --> 00:08:03,355
[ In Salem'’s voice]:
I'’ll pick you up at 8:00.
220
00:08:03,379 --> 00:08:04,379
What kind
221
00:08:04,413 --> 00:08:05,655
of flowers do you like?
222
00:08:05,724 --> 00:08:06,758
Surprise me.
223
00:08:06,827 --> 00:08:08,103
That means roses.
224
00:08:08,172 --> 00:08:09,172
[ Clicks tongue]
225
00:08:11,068 --> 00:08:15,206
Sabrina, I think
gordie just hit puberty.
226
00:08:19,448 --> 00:08:20,379
Salem?
227
00:08:20,448 --> 00:08:21,448
Speaking.
228
00:08:21,482 --> 00:08:22,758
Man, standing rocks.
229
00:08:22,827 --> 00:08:24,907
Well, that was really nice
of you to ask Valerie out.
230
00:08:24,965 --> 00:08:26,275
Well, to get
gordie to ask val...
231
00:08:26,344 --> 00:08:27,931
Well, whatever just
happened was nice.
232
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,310
Well, I thought I might be of
some service while i'’m here.
233
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:31,827
It'’s just my way
234
00:08:31,896 --> 00:08:35,172
of saying thank you,
thank you, thank you.
235
00:08:35,241 --> 00:08:37,655
Do you think it'’s
obsessive-compulsive disorder?
236
00:08:37,724 --> 00:08:39,758
A party will bring
him back to normal.
237
00:08:39,827 --> 00:08:42,000
Thank goodness you
found that address book.
238
00:08:42,068 --> 00:08:44,551
Yeah, who would'’ve thought
it'’d be next to the phone?
239
00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:45,620
I just wish we knew
240
00:08:45,689 --> 00:08:47,379
what kind of
soiree he would like.
241
00:08:47,448 --> 00:08:49,206
Let'’s drop some
hints, but be subtle.
242
00:08:49,275 --> 00:08:50,344
Of course.
243
00:08:50,413 --> 00:08:52,827
Salem, what kind of
parties do you like?
244
00:08:52,896 --> 00:08:55,034
I like luaus. How
about you, Zelda?
245
00:08:55,103 --> 00:08:57,275
I like parties that
are more subtle.
246
00:08:57,344 --> 00:09:00,034
[ Meowing]
247
00:09:00,103 --> 00:09:02,931
Either we'’ve offended him,
or he heard the ice cream truck.
248
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,275
Stop it.
249
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:05,413
Oh.
250
00:09:05,482 --> 00:09:06,724
And where are you off to,
251
00:09:06,793 --> 00:09:08,241
enchantress of third period?
252
00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:09,241
English.
253
00:09:09,310 --> 00:09:10,379
Lucky English.
254
00:09:10,448 --> 00:09:12,724
I'’d better check these
books for hidden explosives.
255
00:09:12,793 --> 00:09:14,448
Okay, well, i'’ll see
you later, gordie,
256
00:09:14,517 --> 00:09:16,482
and Don'’t forget who
you'’re supposed to be.
257
00:09:16,551 --> 00:09:18,310
Oh. Identity crisis. Pep talk.
258
00:09:18,379 --> 00:09:19,758
Hey, sorry I got jealous
259
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,137
about that love letter.
260
00:09:21,206 --> 00:09:23,344
I know you had
nothing to do with it.
261
00:09:23,413 --> 00:09:24,896
I have no idea
262
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,241
how it got in there.
263
00:09:26,310 --> 00:09:28,448
Or got framed?
264
00:09:28,517 --> 00:09:29,793
[ Students cheering]
265
00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:31,562
Hey, do you think that
commotion'’s coming from
266
00:09:31,586 --> 00:09:32,769
where Valerie
and gordie went to?
267
00:09:32,793 --> 00:09:33,724
Oh, Don'’t worry.
268
00:09:33,793 --> 00:09:34,931
I'’ll go check for myself.
269
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,413
It'’s real silver.
270
00:09:37,482 --> 00:09:40,241
You know how often you'’re
going to have to clean this?
271
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:44,793
Salem! I mean, gordie!
272
00:09:45,931 --> 00:09:47,448
Okay, well, uh...
273
00:09:47,517 --> 00:09:50,206
"Have a good class" to you, too.
274
00:09:50,275 --> 00:09:51,827
What? What'’d I do?
275
00:09:51,896 --> 00:09:53,310
You were smooching.
276
00:09:53,379 --> 00:09:55,758
I thought you liked
me to cheer Valerie up.
277
00:09:55,827 --> 00:09:56,758
Not like that.
278
00:09:56,827 --> 00:09:57,862
I stand corrected.
279
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,655
So the weekend in
Vegas is a no-go?
280
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,655
Look, just go to
math and be gordie
281
00:10:02,724 --> 00:10:04,931
or you'’re going
back to the litter box.
282
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,896
I'’ll be good, cross my
gawky, adolescent heart.
283
00:10:09,931 --> 00:10:13,379
Hmm, high school politics.
284
00:10:13,448 --> 00:10:16,103
What could be more innocent?
285
00:10:18,724 --> 00:10:19,896
I'’ve got it!
286
00:10:19,965 --> 00:10:22,310
Please Don'’t say "fox
hunting party" again.
287
00:10:22,379 --> 00:10:23,689
Let'’s cast a spell and crash
288
00:10:23,758 --> 00:10:25,655
the best party that
Salem ever went to.
289
00:10:25,724 --> 00:10:26,827
Oh, that'’s great.
290
00:10:26,896 --> 00:10:28,482
Then we can re-create it.
291
00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:30,655
Hair of a dog, a
laugh that'’s hearty.
292
00:10:30,724 --> 00:10:32,689
Take us to Salem'’s
favorite party.
293
00:10:34,862 --> 00:10:39,000
Well, judging from
the debauchery...
294
00:10:39,068 --> 00:10:40,172
[ Giggling]
295
00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:42,103
i'’d say we'’re in ancient Rome.
296
00:10:42,172 --> 00:10:43,689
Either that or it'’s
super bowl week.
297
00:10:43,758 --> 00:10:46,275
[ Fanfare]
298
00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:50,103
Caligula?
299
00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:51,862
I'’ve been called worse.
300
00:10:51,931 --> 00:10:56,931
Rompulous, fetch these
vixens some fig leaves.
301
00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,965
I'’ll teach them the
secret handshake.
302
00:11:01,034 --> 00:11:02,448
I'’ve seen enough.
303
00:11:05,413 --> 00:11:07,620
How about fox hunting?
304
00:11:07,689 --> 00:11:10,000
Is this seat taken?
305
00:11:10,068 --> 00:11:13,413
Yes... by someone I might
be caught dead talking to.
306
00:11:13,482 --> 00:11:14,379
[ Laughs]
307
00:11:14,448 --> 00:11:15,379
Cute kid.
308
00:11:15,448 --> 00:11:17,413
All right...
309
00:11:17,482 --> 00:11:18,551
The kraft campaign
310
00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:20,103
needs proven
techniques for winning.
311
00:11:20,172 --> 00:11:22,000
As if you'’d know any.
312
00:11:22,068 --> 00:11:24,551
Who do you think stuffed
the ballots in Chicago
313
00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:26,000
that got Kennedy elected?
314
00:11:26,068 --> 00:11:29,310
A lot of dead people
voted that year... twice.
315
00:11:29,379 --> 00:11:30,896
[ Deep laugh]
316
00:11:30,965 --> 00:11:33,000
What?
317
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:35,965
Ixnayon the
orruption-cay, capisce?
318
00:11:36,034 --> 00:11:38,310
What is the big idea of
you sitting with Libby?
319
00:11:38,379 --> 00:11:40,137
Uh, had to. Lab partners.
320
00:11:40,206 --> 00:11:41,482
We Don'’t like her, right?
321
00:11:41,551 --> 00:11:43,068
Right. Now go to math.
322
00:11:44,206 --> 00:11:45,827
What was that all about?
323
00:11:45,896 --> 00:11:47,896
Oh, you know, just
the usual pithy banter
324
00:11:47,965 --> 00:11:49,655
that peppers our
school hallways.
325
00:11:49,724 --> 00:11:51,838
You'’ve been hanging out
with gordie an awful lot lately.
326
00:11:51,862 --> 00:11:53,275
Harvey, we'’re talking
327
00:11:53,344 --> 00:11:54,275
about gordie here.
328
00:11:54,344 --> 00:11:55,344
The letter! Oh!
329
00:11:55,413 --> 00:11:57,241
I Don'’t think i'’m out of line,
330
00:11:57,310 --> 00:11:58,620
asking for an explanation.
331
00:11:58,689 --> 00:12:00,413
And I have one.
It'’s just i'’m having
332
00:12:00,482 --> 00:12:02,448
a hard time remembering
one right now.
333
00:12:02,517 --> 00:12:04,655
Is there a problem
here, farm boy?
334
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,758
'’cause I need
to talk to Sabrina.
335
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,068
What is your cousin doing here?
336
00:12:08,137 --> 00:12:10,620
Updating me on my uncle.
337
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:12,034
We'’ll be right back.
338
00:12:12,103 --> 00:12:13,931
So how'’s it going with Salem?
339
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,551
He'’s fine, but I have a
problem with a jealous boyfriend
340
00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:17,827
and your stupid love letter.
341
00:12:17,896 --> 00:12:18,827
Now, please go away.
342
00:12:18,896 --> 00:12:20,310
Not without a good-bye kiss.
343
00:12:20,379 --> 00:12:23,103
It'’s an Irish tradition.
344
00:12:23,172 --> 00:12:24,620
Go!
345
00:12:25,931 --> 00:12:27,793
Just how close a cousin is he?
346
00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:31,827
Do you think we should
invite Mary Ann mobley?
347
00:12:31,896 --> 00:12:34,482
She doesn'’t get
along well with Castro.
348
00:12:34,551 --> 00:12:36,068
Hey...
349
00:12:36,137 --> 00:12:38,310
Thanks for drinking my soda.
350
00:12:38,379 --> 00:12:39,793
What are you talking about?
351
00:12:39,862 --> 00:12:42,275
I'’ve got my own
right here... hey.
352
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:43,551
I'’m just like Dr. Pepper...
353
00:12:43,620 --> 00:12:45,620
So misunderstood.
354
00:12:45,689 --> 00:12:47,448
Caligula, now, why on earth
355
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,517
would you sneak home with us?
356
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,103
Ooh!
357
00:12:55,103 --> 00:12:56,379
What are you looking for?
358
00:12:56,448 --> 00:12:58,034
I'’ve completely
lost track of gordie.
359
00:12:58,103 --> 00:12:59,241
Yeah, me, too.
360
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:01,137
You know, he'’s not
the guy I thought he was.
361
00:13:01,206 --> 00:13:03,620
I'’m pretty sure he tried to
play footsie with me in band.
362
00:13:03,689 --> 00:13:04,965
I'’ll kill him.
363
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,896
I'’m not that upset.
364
00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:08,827
Gordie! Gordie!
365
00:13:08,896 --> 00:13:10,586
Okay, i'’m not imagining it.
366
00:13:10,655 --> 00:13:13,448
You'’re calling out
gordie'’s name in the hall.
367
00:13:13,517 --> 00:13:15,517
Why are you so
interested in him?
368
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:16,862
He owes me money?
369
00:13:16,931 --> 00:13:18,758
Oh, would you check
the boys'’ room for me?
370
00:13:20,068 --> 00:13:21,172
Salem, help.
371
00:13:21,241 --> 00:13:22,482
Call the cops!
372
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:23,896
[ Meowing]
373
00:13:23,965 --> 00:13:26,103
Or just sit there
and do nothing.
374
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:27,206
[ Whimpering]
375
00:13:27,275 --> 00:13:29,379
Gordie'’s not in
this bathroom either,
376
00:13:29,448 --> 00:13:31,310
but I did find Mr. Congeniality.
377
00:13:31,379 --> 00:13:32,482
Hiya, cutie.
378
00:13:32,551 --> 00:13:34,034
Hey, have you seen Salem?
379
00:13:34,103 --> 00:13:35,586
Last time I saw him,
380
00:13:35,655 --> 00:13:38,137
he was talking to some girl
and an old guy in the cafeteria.
381
00:13:38,206 --> 00:13:39,793
Something about
how to win an election.
382
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:40,655
Oh, no.
383
00:13:40,724 --> 00:13:41,724
Politics!
384
00:13:42,827 --> 00:13:44,310
What'’d you say to her?
385
00:13:44,379 --> 00:13:48,275
None of your milk-fed
business, farm boy.
386
00:13:48,344 --> 00:13:52,275
This may not be a
family I want to marry into.
387
00:13:52,344 --> 00:13:55,137
We start by announcing
that principal larue has gout
388
00:13:55,206 --> 00:13:57,034
anda secret family.
389
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,379
That'’s brilliant.
390
00:13:58,448 --> 00:14:00,551
Let the innuendo begin.
391
00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:02,793
With my know-how
and your hairline,
392
00:14:02,862 --> 00:14:04,769
we Don'’t have to stop at
this petty school election.
393
00:14:04,793 --> 00:14:06,413
We could take over the world!
394
00:14:07,586 --> 00:14:09,827
Did I say "world"?
395
00:14:09,896 --> 00:14:11,379
I meant "state."
396
00:14:11,448 --> 00:14:14,655
Oh, your biped
days are over, cat.
397
00:14:14,724 --> 00:14:18,310
Roland!
398
00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:20,275
Oh, Mr. Leprechaun!
399
00:14:20,344 --> 00:14:21,344
Aha!
400
00:14:21,379 --> 00:14:23,379
So now it'’s Mr. Leprechaun.
401
00:14:23,448 --> 00:14:25,689
Wait a minute, Mr. Leprechaun?
402
00:14:25,758 --> 00:14:28,275
Maybe I put it in my locker.
403
00:14:28,344 --> 00:14:29,793
Okay, now i'’m beginning
404
00:14:29,862 --> 00:14:31,379
to get suspicious.
405
00:14:31,448 --> 00:14:32,517
Now I remember!
406
00:14:32,586 --> 00:14:33,862
I left the coupon at home.
407
00:14:33,931 --> 00:14:35,379
Aha!
408
00:14:35,448 --> 00:14:38,655
Wait a minute. What coupon?
409
00:14:38,724 --> 00:14:39,896
[ Zelda screaming]
410
00:14:46,482 --> 00:14:49,586
Roland, where are you?
411
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:52,758
Oh, I wish you
would get over here.
412
00:14:52,827 --> 00:14:54,827
Your wish is my command.
413
00:14:54,896 --> 00:14:56,827
Where'’s the coupon?
414
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:57,827
It'’s gone.
415
00:14:57,896 --> 00:14:59,136
You wished for me to come here,
416
00:14:59,172 --> 00:15:00,172
so here I am.
417
00:15:00,241 --> 00:15:01,275
What?!
418
00:15:01,344 --> 00:15:02,586
You mean I blew my last wish?
419
00:15:02,655 --> 00:15:03,758
What am I going to do?
420
00:15:03,827 --> 00:15:05,620
Salem'’s not only
taking over the school;
421
00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:07,103
I think he skipped French.
422
00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:08,103
Now what?
423
00:15:08,172 --> 00:15:09,551
We'’re bounty hunters, ma'’am.
424
00:15:09,620 --> 00:15:11,482
We'’re here to catch
some lawbreakers.
425
00:15:11,551 --> 00:15:15,068
One black cat/boy, one
former emperor of Rome,
426
00:15:15,137 --> 00:15:17,379
a hilda, a Zelda, a Roland...
427
00:15:17,448 --> 00:15:18,482
And a Sabrina.
428
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,034
Got to go. Get her.
429
00:15:20,103 --> 00:15:22,137
♪
430
00:15:33,034 --> 00:15:35,965
♪
431
00:15:54,793 --> 00:15:56,793
Right this way, no sudden moves.
432
00:15:56,862 --> 00:15:58,344
I still Don'’t know
what I did wrong.
433
00:15:58,413 --> 00:15:59,758
You let Charlie toga party exit
434
00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:01,517
the other realm
and his time period.
435
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,448
Last time he got loose,
the '’60s happened.
436
00:16:03,517 --> 00:16:05,620
Zelda: Get your hand off my leg.
437
00:16:09,862 --> 00:16:11,793
Oh, this is a great
legal atmosphere,
438
00:16:11,862 --> 00:16:13,275
especially the vomitorium.
439
00:16:13,344 --> 00:16:14,931
Sabrina, I can'’t
believe you thought
440
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,655
you would get away
with changing Salem.
441
00:16:16,724 --> 00:16:17,724
Although it does explain
442
00:16:17,793 --> 00:16:19,793
why I finally beat
the cat at scrabble.
443
00:16:19,862 --> 00:16:21,137
Silence!
444
00:16:21,206 --> 00:16:22,724
The trials begin.
445
00:16:22,793 --> 00:16:27,689
Now, who smuggled this
miscreant into the mortal realm?
446
00:16:27,758 --> 00:16:29,448
We didn'’t.He stowed away.
447
00:16:29,517 --> 00:16:30,241
Is this true?
448
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:31,379
Maybe.
449
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:33,586
But, your honor,
speaking man-to-man,
450
00:16:33,655 --> 00:16:35,862
they wanted me.
451
00:16:35,931 --> 00:16:38,448
We find hilda and
Zelda innocent,
452
00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:39,689
and caligula is sentenced
453
00:16:39,758 --> 00:16:42,206
to another hundred years
454
00:16:42,275 --> 00:16:46,655
of unbridled decadence
and nonstop partying.
455
00:16:46,724 --> 00:16:49,241
Same old, same old.
456
00:16:49,310 --> 00:16:51,275
Next case.
457
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,103
Who turned Salem into a human?
458
00:16:54,172 --> 00:16:55,965
Technically Roland
the leprechaun did.
459
00:16:56,034 --> 00:16:57,655
But I Don'’t see
what the big deal is.
460
00:16:57,724 --> 00:16:59,896
I mean, i'’m sure Salem is
just hanging around school.
461
00:16:59,965 --> 00:17:01,862
Really?
462
00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:07,413
And so it is with great pride
that I announce my plans
463
00:17:07,482 --> 00:17:08,896
to run for governor.
464
00:17:08,965 --> 00:17:13,103
If a wrestler can do it, why
not a vice principal? Huh?
465
00:17:13,172 --> 00:17:15,275
Thank you. Thank you.
466
00:17:15,344 --> 00:17:17,827
See? He is at school.
467
00:17:17,896 --> 00:17:19,827
And you say this
is Roland'’s fault.
468
00:17:19,896 --> 00:17:21,482
Right. Roland
granted the wishes,
469
00:17:21,551 --> 00:17:23,965
which I didn'’t ask for and I
should have used on clothes.
470
00:17:24,034 --> 00:17:25,862
So isn'’t heresponsible
for the results?
471
00:17:25,931 --> 00:17:27,758
Is that how you really see it?
472
00:17:27,827 --> 00:17:28,827
Yes.
473
00:17:28,896 --> 00:17:30,793
No.
474
00:17:30,862 --> 00:17:33,551
I'’m responsible.
475
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,034
I should have known better.
476
00:17:35,103 --> 00:17:37,275
I just... I felt so
bad for Salem.
477
00:17:37,344 --> 00:17:39,034
All I ask is that
the court be lenient
478
00:17:39,103 --> 00:17:41,068
and, if possible, please
let me skip the orgy.
479
00:17:41,137 --> 00:17:43,275
Sabrina, we find
you guilty of releasing
480
00:17:43,344 --> 00:17:44,862
a witch familiar
481
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,655
who is wreaking
havoc on the world,
482
00:17:46,724 --> 00:17:49,310
but since this is Rome,
let'’s do as the romans do.
483
00:17:49,379 --> 00:17:50,172
Speak Latin?
484
00:17:50,241 --> 00:17:51,172
No.
485
00:17:51,241 --> 00:17:52,758
Throw her to the lions.
486
00:17:52,827 --> 00:17:54,448
[ Gasping]
487
00:17:54,517 --> 00:17:56,275
Isn'’t that a little harsh?
488
00:17:56,344 --> 00:17:58,586
Why? She gets to
take that peashooter.
489
00:17:58,655 --> 00:18:00,137
Well, it'’s something.
490
00:18:00,206 --> 00:18:03,137
Remember, Sabrina,
lions can smell fear.
491
00:18:03,206 --> 00:18:06,172
Oh, so bravery will cover
the smell of my tender flesh?
492
00:18:06,241 --> 00:18:08,068
Before the carnage begins,
493
00:18:08,137 --> 00:18:11,172
ladies and gentlemen,
our national anthem.
494
00:18:11,241 --> 00:18:13,689
[ Violin playing]
495
00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:15,620
I hate it when nero fiddles.
496
00:18:15,689 --> 00:18:17,862
The home team always loses.
497
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,758
Hey, it'’s Roland and Salem.
498
00:18:21,827 --> 00:18:22,862
Oh, thank Zeus.
499
00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:25,896
I'’m sorry I ducked out on you,
500
00:18:25,965 --> 00:18:28,172
but I had to talk Charlie
power-monger here
501
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,862
out of taking down Microsoft.
502
00:18:29,931 --> 00:18:31,206
I thought I could resist power.
503
00:18:31,275 --> 00:18:32,724
[ Weeping]: But i'’m weak.
504
00:18:32,793 --> 00:18:35,379
I didn'’t want to
hurt you, Sabrina.
505
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,586
I just wanted to rule you.
506
00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:43,206
Your honor, i'’m
ready to be a cat again.
507
00:18:43,275 --> 00:18:46,827
Sabrina, once again
you'’ve dodged the bullet.
508
00:18:47,896 --> 00:18:49,758
That'’s the name of the lion...
509
00:18:49,827 --> 00:18:50,827
Bullet.
510
00:18:50,862 --> 00:18:52,482
Oh. Well, thank you, guys.
511
00:18:52,551 --> 00:18:53,965
If you'’ll excuse me now,
512
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:55,793
I think i'’m going to faint.
513
00:18:55,862 --> 00:18:57,551
Oh!
514
00:18:57,620 --> 00:19:00,206
No. She does not
need mouth-to-mouth.
515
00:19:01,827 --> 00:19:05,310
[ Crying]: Another
50 years as a cat.
516
00:19:05,379 --> 00:19:06,551
By the time I work off
517
00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:08,758
this extra time,
i'’ll be an old man.
518
00:19:08,827 --> 00:19:11,482
Many people are
vital in their later years.
519
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:12,724
Look at John Glenn.
520
00:19:12,793 --> 00:19:13,896
You look at him.
521
00:19:13,965 --> 00:19:15,389
You know, you really
should thank Roland
522
00:19:15,413 --> 00:19:16,941
for talking you into
turning yourself in.
523
00:19:16,965 --> 00:19:18,172
Oh, no thanks needed.
524
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:20,551
I did it for the love
of a good woman.
525
00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:21,620
Oh, so you met someone?
526
00:19:21,655 --> 00:19:23,551
You Don'’t like the
leprechaun thing, do you?
527
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:26,482
That'’s why I start an
exciting new job on Monday.
528
00:19:26,551 --> 00:19:28,172
Organ donor?
529
00:19:28,241 --> 00:19:29,034
Bounty hunter.
530
00:19:29,103 --> 00:19:30,137
So let'’s just hope
531
00:19:30,206 --> 00:19:31,655
next time we meet,
532
00:19:31,724 --> 00:19:34,206
it'’s not because there'’s a
price on your head, pretty lady.
533
00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:36,551
Well, i'’m tired.
534
00:19:36,620 --> 00:19:37,689
I'’m going to bed.
535
00:19:37,758 --> 00:19:39,482
I'’m sorry I made
you guys stand trial.
536
00:19:39,551 --> 00:19:41,758
I was just trying to give
Salem a nice present.
537
00:19:41,827 --> 00:19:43,827
Apology accepted.
538
00:19:43,896 --> 00:19:46,896
We'’re proud that you took
responsibility for your actions.
539
00:19:46,965 --> 00:19:47,862
Now for the bad news.
540
00:19:47,931 --> 00:19:49,275
Because of the time change
541
00:19:49,344 --> 00:19:51,413
from ancient Rome,
it'’s time for you
542
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:52,689
to go to school.
543
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:55,586
What? The sleep I get
in school is never as good
544
00:19:55,655 --> 00:19:57,620
as the sleep I get in a bed.
545
00:19:57,689 --> 00:19:59,009
I thought I already
had the mumps,
546
00:19:59,068 --> 00:20:00,379
but it sure does explain a lot.
547
00:20:00,448 --> 00:20:01,689
Yeah, especially the low voice
548
00:20:01,758 --> 00:20:03,000
and narcissistic tendencies.
549
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:04,931
I'’m just glad you'’re
back to your old self.
550
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,793
Okay, this is hard, so
i'’m just going to say it.
551
00:20:08,862 --> 00:20:11,517
Do you want to
go to the slicery?
552
00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:12,689
Love to.
553
00:20:12,758 --> 00:20:13,793
Really?
554
00:20:13,862 --> 00:20:15,413
[ Sighs]
555
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:17,000
I can'’t understand why you took
556
00:20:17,068 --> 00:20:18,379
such a dive at the polls.
557
00:20:18,448 --> 00:20:20,517
Well, I blame that
carrot-top weasel gordie.
558
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:22,517
Mother always said that freckles
559
00:20:22,586 --> 00:20:24,206
are the devil'’s fresco.
560
00:20:24,275 --> 00:20:26,379
Hello, Mr. Kraft.
561
00:20:26,448 --> 00:20:28,965
Here are your
detention slips, son.
562
00:20:29,034 --> 00:20:30,551
That ought to keep you occupied
563
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:33,103
through grad school.
564
00:20:33,172 --> 00:20:34,413
Rain check?
565
00:20:35,758 --> 00:20:36,793
Hey.
566
00:20:36,862 --> 00:20:38,551
Harvey, listen, I
owe you an apology
567
00:20:38,620 --> 00:20:40,310
for being so
distracted recently.
568
00:20:40,379 --> 00:20:42,862
It'’s okay. It'’s just
nice to talk to you
569
00:20:42,931 --> 00:20:44,724
without hundreds of other men
570
00:20:44,793 --> 00:20:46,344
vying for your attention.
571
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,827
Sabrina, I...
572
00:20:52,310 --> 00:20:53,896
Oh! You romantic, you!
573
00:20:53,965 --> 00:20:56,586
What? That'’s my signature.
574
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,689
It was you all along!
575
00:21:00,137 --> 00:21:01,586
Surprise.
576
00:21:01,655 --> 00:21:03,172
I think I need a nap.
577
00:21:03,241 --> 00:21:05,275
I recommend the
desks in language lab.
578
00:21:09,413 --> 00:21:11,758
Have a nice nap, Zelda.
579
00:21:11,827 --> 00:21:12,827
You, too.
580
00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:14,379
Did we forget something?
581
00:21:14,448 --> 00:21:17,000
Oh, they must be
here for Salem'’s party.
582
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:18,482
[ Gasping]: Salem'’s party!
583
00:21:18,551 --> 00:21:19,655
Okay, Don'’t panic.
584
00:21:19,724 --> 00:21:21,113
Turn on some music;
I'’ll get some dip.
585
00:21:21,137 --> 00:21:22,137
And the guest of honor.
586
00:21:27,827 --> 00:21:29,137
Oh, hello, Mary Ann mobley.
587
00:21:29,206 --> 00:21:32,896
And what is Castro doing here?
40563
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