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1
00:00:02,689 --> 00:00:04,551
You bring brain-freeze
on yourself.
2
00:00:04,620 --> 00:00:05,896
I guess I went a little haywire
3
00:00:05,965 --> 00:00:08,241
when we bet who could
drink a polar-freeze the fastest.
4
00:00:08,310 --> 00:00:09,310
[ Groans]
5
00:00:09,344 --> 00:00:10,965
Well, if it'’s any consolation
6
00:00:11,034 --> 00:00:12,931
at this difficult
time, you lost.
7
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,551
So according to our deal
8
00:00:14,620 --> 00:00:16,931
you owe me one
giant surprise gift.
9
00:00:18,275 --> 00:00:20,241
Kinkle, spellman.
10
00:00:20,310 --> 00:00:20,793
[ Shrieks]
11
00:00:20,862 --> 00:00:22,068
[ Gasps]
12
00:00:22,137 --> 00:00:24,827
Is Mr. Kraft still dating
your aunt Zelda?
13
00:00:24,896 --> 00:00:26,965
No. See? I'’m
in denial about it.
14
00:00:27,034 --> 00:00:28,379
You better go.
15
00:00:28,448 --> 00:00:30,758
Hey, kids. We were just
getting ready to watch a video.
16
00:00:30,827 --> 00:00:32,862
Why Don'’t you join us?
17
00:00:32,931 --> 00:00:34,413
That is, if you think
18
00:00:34,482 --> 00:00:36,482
you can handle the
bittersweet anarchy
19
00:00:36,551 --> 00:00:38,413
of Billy Jack goes
to Washington.
20
00:00:38,482 --> 00:00:40,172
Cool... ooh!
21
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:42,931
Oh, brain-freeze... I
better get him home.
22
00:00:59,758 --> 00:01:02,551
Baywatch, the early years.
23
00:01:09,068 --> 00:01:10,241
Salem, quit staring at me.
24
00:01:10,310 --> 00:01:11,448
Sorry.
25
00:01:11,517 --> 00:01:13,068
I just can'’t stop reliving
26
00:01:13,137 --> 00:01:14,620
the disgusting spectacle
27
00:01:14,689 --> 00:01:16,931
I witnessed at
that table last night.
28
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:20,275
Aunt hilda told her "I could
have been a great dancer" story?
29
00:01:20,344 --> 00:01:21,896
Right where you'’re sitting
30
00:01:21,965 --> 00:01:24,896
Zelda was making goo-goo
eyes with the Casanova
31
00:01:24,965 --> 00:01:27,103
of the hall pass, Willard kraft.
32
00:01:27,172 --> 00:01:29,068
Ew! Gross-gross-gross-
gross-gross!
33
00:01:29,137 --> 00:01:31,724
Think happy thoughts,
like bunnies and flowers.
34
00:01:31,793 --> 00:01:33,393
I'’m glad aunt Zelda'’s
found a boyfriend
35
00:01:33,448 --> 00:01:34,862
but couldn'’t it have
been a mammal?
36
00:01:34,931 --> 00:01:36,827
Personally, i'’m over it.
37
00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:39,931
Oh, sure, I had issues
with my sister dating a man
38
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,965
who'’s still hopelessly
in love with me
39
00:01:42,034 --> 00:01:44,000
but then I just
decided to let it go.
40
00:01:44,068 --> 00:01:45,448
I suggest you do the same.
41
00:01:45,517 --> 00:01:47,317
You'’re right. It'’s not
like he'’s moving in.
42
00:01:47,379 --> 00:01:48,379
[ Laughing]
43
00:01:49,034 --> 00:01:51,068
[ Shrieking]
44
00:01:51,137 --> 00:01:52,551
Good morning, ladies.
45
00:01:52,620 --> 00:01:54,896
Where'’s my zoozoo?
46
00:01:54,965 --> 00:01:56,310
Zelda: Is that my monkey?
47
00:01:56,379 --> 00:01:58,448
Ugh. Friends Don'’t let friends
48
00:01:58,517 --> 00:02:00,413
talk baby talk.
49
00:02:00,482 --> 00:02:01,724
There she is.
50
00:02:01,793 --> 00:02:03,620
Ready for your
breakfast gordita?
51
00:02:03,689 --> 00:02:05,275
Ooh.
52
00:02:05,344 --> 00:02:06,551
Ooh, it looks
53
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:07,689
muy bueno.
54
00:02:07,758 --> 00:02:09,931
I'’ll tell you what muysmy bueno
55
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,000
is when you wear
your hair up like that.
56
00:02:12,068 --> 00:02:15,103
[ Whistling and cooing]
57
00:02:15,172 --> 00:02:17,206
I'’ll live through this;
I'’ll live through this.
58
00:02:17,275 --> 00:02:18,206
It'’s not working.
59
00:02:18,275 --> 00:02:20,965
Oh, Sabrina, I almost forgot...
60
00:02:21,034 --> 00:02:23,482
I can'’t drive you to
school this morning
61
00:02:23,551 --> 00:02:27,103
but, luckily, Willard said
he'’d be delighted to take you.
62
00:02:28,310 --> 00:02:29,793
Super.
63
00:02:31,896 --> 00:02:33,551
And Sabrina didn'’t
get brain-freeze
64
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,793
because she allows the
slush to sit in her mouth
65
00:02:35,862 --> 00:02:37,793
and reach body
temperature before exposing it
66
00:02:37,862 --> 00:02:39,206
to her soft palette.
67
00:02:39,275 --> 00:02:40,655
You spend entirely too much time
68
00:02:40,724 --> 00:02:42,068
at frozenslushy.Com.
69
00:02:42,137 --> 00:02:43,896
So what surprise are
you going to get her?
70
00:02:43,965 --> 00:02:45,172
I thought the biggest surprise
71
00:02:45,241 --> 00:02:46,517
might be no surprise.
72
00:02:46,586 --> 00:02:49,620
So what you'’re saying
is you need my help?
73
00:02:49,689 --> 00:02:51,965
[ Students jeering and laughing]
74
00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:56,586
I warned you to
roll up your windows
75
00:02:56,655 --> 00:02:58,551
when we hit school property.
76
00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:00,000
But you didn'’t say
77
00:03:00,068 --> 00:03:02,724
it was because students
pelt you with garbage.
78
00:03:02,793 --> 00:03:05,172
I thought that was implied.
79
00:03:05,241 --> 00:03:06,620
Now, if you'’ll excuse me
80
00:03:06,689 --> 00:03:08,758
these hallways are crying out
81
00:03:08,827 --> 00:03:10,793
for the iron fist of order.
82
00:03:12,689 --> 00:03:13,862
[ Groans]
83
00:03:13,931 --> 00:03:15,586
I have milk in my ear.
84
00:03:15,655 --> 00:03:17,793
"Nebraska steaks proudly offers
85
00:03:17,862 --> 00:03:21,137
"a belt-bustin'’ roundup
of flanks '’n'’ Franks
86
00:03:21,206 --> 00:03:24,862
sure to satisfy even your
most obese relatives."
87
00:03:24,931 --> 00:03:26,344
Mmm-gawa.
88
00:03:26,413 --> 00:03:27,517
Salem...
89
00:03:27,586 --> 00:03:28,689
[ Gasps]
90
00:03:28,758 --> 00:03:30,620
Did we see you
playing with a dog?
91
00:03:30,689 --> 00:03:33,034
Uh, absolutely not. Hate them.
92
00:03:33,103 --> 00:03:34,310
Aha.
93
00:03:34,379 --> 00:03:36,482
There'’s a trail of
slobber on your back.
94
00:03:36,551 --> 00:03:37,758
It'’s hair product?
95
00:03:37,827 --> 00:03:39,034
All right.
96
00:03:39,103 --> 00:03:41,655
He answers to "silky;"
His owner'’s a butcher;
97
00:03:41,724 --> 00:03:44,413
and i'’m letting him bat
me around to get meat.
98
00:03:44,482 --> 00:03:47,379
It'’s time you look into a
little thing we call "dignity."
99
00:03:47,448 --> 00:03:49,275
And get rid of that
steak catalogue.
100
00:03:49,344 --> 00:03:51,172
We know you Don'’t
read the articles.
101
00:03:51,241 --> 00:03:52,896
[ Laughing]: Stop.
102
00:03:52,965 --> 00:03:54,413
[ Laughing]
103
00:03:54,482 --> 00:03:56,379
No. No, Willard.
104
00:03:56,448 --> 00:03:59,137
I'’m sure hilda and
Sabrina won'’t mind.
105
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:00,620
Bye, monkey.
106
00:04:00,689 --> 00:04:01,896
[ Laughs]
107
00:04:01,965 --> 00:04:03,206
[ Imitating monkey chatter]
108
00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:04,965
Won'’t mind what?
109
00:04:05,034 --> 00:04:06,448
Willard'’s grandmother is doing
110
00:04:06,517 --> 00:04:08,068
a massive renovation
on her house
111
00:04:08,137 --> 00:04:09,896
so Willard needs a place to say.
112
00:04:09,965 --> 00:04:12,689
I told him he could use the
apartment over the garage.
113
00:04:12,758 --> 00:04:15,344
But we Don'’t have an
apartment over our garage.
114
00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:19,724
We do now.
115
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,103
By the way, I mind... a lot!
116
00:04:21,172 --> 00:04:23,793
In fact, i'’ve never minded
anything so much in my life!
117
00:04:23,862 --> 00:04:25,000
Don'’t you mind?
118
00:04:25,068 --> 00:04:26,241
Nope.
119
00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:29,827
I center on my chi,
and I am free from care.
120
00:04:29,896 --> 00:04:31,586
Well, i'’m not.
121
00:04:31,655 --> 00:04:33,103
I'’ll go mad, I tell you!
122
00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:34,344
Mad!
123
00:04:34,413 --> 00:04:35,862
Hey.hey. Any ideas?
124
00:04:35,931 --> 00:04:37,896
Think Sabrina would
like some car mats?
125
00:04:37,965 --> 00:04:39,620
That'’s not the
greatest gift idea
126
00:04:39,689 --> 00:04:41,034
when you Don'’t have a car.
127
00:04:41,103 --> 00:04:42,793
You know what?
It'’s not the greatest
128
00:04:42,862 --> 00:04:44,413
gift idea when you dohave a car.
129
00:04:44,482 --> 00:04:45,620
Hey!
130
00:04:45,689 --> 00:04:47,275
How about a photo
portrait of you two?
131
00:04:47,344 --> 00:04:49,551
But I already
bought the car mats.
132
00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:51,827
Hey, guys, what'’s up?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
133
00:04:51,896 --> 00:04:54,517
Oh, good. Valerie'’s
helping you pick out my gift.
134
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:56,413
Kraft: Attention, students.
135
00:04:56,482 --> 00:04:58,000
This is your vice principal.
136
00:04:58,068 --> 00:05:01,241
A recruiter from burger world
university will be meeting today
137
00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:03,551
with any interested
fifth-year seniors
138
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:06,275
and on a personal
note to Sabrina spellman
139
00:05:06,344 --> 00:05:10,000
your aunt wants us to bring
home bread and toilet paper.
140
00:05:10,068 --> 00:05:12,000
Sabrina, is Mr. Kraft
living in your house?
141
00:05:12,068 --> 00:05:13,586
No. He'’s living over the garage
142
00:05:13,655 --> 00:05:15,137
which is further from the house
143
00:05:15,206 --> 00:05:16,620
than most restraining orders.
144
00:05:16,689 --> 00:05:18,000
I'’ll probably never see him.
145
00:05:19,413 --> 00:05:21,344
♪
146
00:05:49,793 --> 00:05:51,724
♪
147
00:06:01,068 --> 00:06:02,448
Salem, I have a few questions
148
00:06:02,517 --> 00:06:04,517
about carbon monoxide,
garage apartments
149
00:06:04,586 --> 00:06:06,724
and making something
look like an accident.
150
00:06:06,793 --> 00:06:08,379
[ Barks]Beg your pardon?
151
00:06:08,448 --> 00:06:09,689
I said, "what a pity.
152
00:06:09,758 --> 00:06:10,689
Now, roll over."
153
00:06:10,758 --> 00:06:11,896
[ Sighs]
154
00:06:11,965 --> 00:06:14,068
Berlitz'’ how to speak dog?
155
00:06:14,137 --> 00:06:15,413
I'’m improving myself.
156
00:06:15,482 --> 00:06:17,275
Man: Which way
to the biblioteca?
157
00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:18,827
[ Man barks]
158
00:06:18,896 --> 00:06:21,241
Shame on you, Salem;
Silky thinks he'’s your friend
159
00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:23,275
and you'’re just using
him for your own pleasure.
160
00:06:23,344 --> 00:06:25,344
I thought that was
the point of dogs.
161
00:06:25,413 --> 00:06:27,068
Besides, I amhelping him.
162
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:30,413
He'’ll never manage his owner
until he learns how to beg.
163
00:06:30,482 --> 00:06:33,379
If the result is beefsteak
for the cat, so be it.
164
00:06:33,448 --> 00:06:36,241
You can train him to chase
Mr. Kraft from the neighborhood.
165
00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:37,724
[ Barking]
166
00:06:37,793 --> 00:06:40,275
Stop asking me
where the library is.
167
00:06:40,344 --> 00:06:41,689
I'’m in crisis here.
168
00:06:43,517 --> 00:06:44,827
I can'’t take it anymore.
169
00:06:44,896 --> 00:06:46,310
Our house has become
170
00:06:46,379 --> 00:06:48,724
the Smithsonian of
his toenail clippings.
171
00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:50,655
Isn'’t he driving you crazy?
172
00:06:50,724 --> 00:06:52,413
I have made a personal choice
173
00:06:52,482 --> 00:06:54,551
not to be affected
by Willard kraft.
174
00:06:54,620 --> 00:06:56,068
He used your toothbrush.
175
00:06:56,137 --> 00:06:57,172
[ Inhales sharply]
176
00:06:57,241 --> 00:06:59,103
Deepcleansing breath.
177
00:06:59,172 --> 00:07:03,344
Both: ♪ love lift us
up where we belong ♪
178
00:07:03,413 --> 00:07:09,862
♪ where the eagles fly
on a mountain high... ♪
179
00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:10,931
Zelda...
180
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,862
You complete me.
181
00:07:12,931 --> 00:07:14,379
Zelda: Oh... you know what?
182
00:07:14,448 --> 00:07:16,275
I'’m going to get my
copy of love letters
183
00:07:16,344 --> 00:07:17,931
and we can read
them to each other.
184
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,000
Oh, yes.
185
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:28,103
That is one special lady.
186
00:07:28,172 --> 00:07:30,793
You know, you might
want to start thinking
187
00:07:30,862 --> 00:07:33,103
about calling me
"uncle Willard."
188
00:07:35,758 --> 00:07:39,241
Wha...? Well, they'’re
always looking for nuns, right?
189
00:07:39,310 --> 00:07:41,620
Just breathe and
let it go, Sabrina.
190
00:07:41,689 --> 00:07:44,000
Uh, you can call me
"uncle Willard," too, hilda.
191
00:07:44,068 --> 00:07:45,344
[ Door shuts]
192
00:07:46,965 --> 00:07:49,655
He must be destroyed!
193
00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:52,517
[ Barking]
194
00:07:58,689 --> 00:08:01,034
Oh, shoot. What'’s
the word for "floor"?
195
00:08:01,103 --> 00:08:02,103
Oh, yeah.
196
00:08:02,137 --> 00:08:04,379
[ Barks]
197
00:08:04,448 --> 00:08:06,724
So we'’d just be getting
Mr. Kraft out of here
198
00:08:06,793 --> 00:08:08,310
for aunt Zelda'’s own good.
199
00:08:08,379 --> 00:08:10,379
Absolutely. Someday
she'’ll thank us.
200
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:11,724
Shall we poison him?
201
00:08:11,793 --> 00:08:13,655
Don'’t you think
that'’s a little harsh?
202
00:08:13,724 --> 00:08:15,413
Love lifts them up
where they belong?
203
00:08:15,482 --> 00:08:17,620
I knew he was bothering you.
204
00:08:17,689 --> 00:08:19,482
We'’ve got to find
some dirt on kraft
205
00:08:19,551 --> 00:08:21,551
that will make Zelda
break up with him.
206
00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:24,379
Oh! Perfect...
"real life story."
207
00:08:24,448 --> 00:08:26,068
We need some dirt,
and we need it fast
208
00:08:26,137 --> 00:08:27,896
so give us the
scoop on Willard kraft.
209
00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:31,689
Welcome to real life
story'’s "mediocrity week."
210
00:08:31,758 --> 00:08:35,413
Tonight we explore the
strange journey of Willard kraft.
211
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:37,517
Elementary school
classmates describe him
212
00:08:37,586 --> 00:08:41,344
as "a loner," "an outsider"
and "doodie breath."
213
00:08:41,413 --> 00:08:42,862
Let'’s fast forward
through puberty.
214
00:08:42,931 --> 00:08:44,620
My hunch is it'’s ugly.
215
00:08:44,689 --> 00:08:46,793
Well, I know he
had a messy divorce.
216
00:08:46,862 --> 00:08:48,448
Ooh, hit "play."
217
00:08:48,517 --> 00:08:50,103
Host: Her name was Lucy
218
00:08:50,172 --> 00:08:52,275
the only woman
who could give Willard
219
00:08:52,344 --> 00:08:53,931
the courage to dream again.
220
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,068
Love transformed the
normally vexatious loner
221
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,137
into a frolicking free spirit.
222
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,137
Whimsy was his copilot.
223
00:09:01,206 --> 00:09:04,103
Indeed, Willard kraft
was in love with love.
224
00:09:04,172 --> 00:09:06,620
They were married in a
small private ceremony
225
00:09:06,689 --> 00:09:09,517
presided over by her
massage therapist.
226
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,827
They were so in love.
227
00:09:12,896 --> 00:09:15,517
I can'’t just sit here
and let Zelda get hurt
228
00:09:15,586 --> 00:09:17,034
by a man who still loves
229
00:09:17,103 --> 00:09:18,275
two other women.
230
00:09:18,344 --> 00:09:19,551
Two? Oh.
231
00:09:19,620 --> 00:09:20,827
Right.
232
00:09:20,896 --> 00:09:22,172
We'’ve got to bring her back.
233
00:09:22,241 --> 00:09:24,241
It'’s going to be so
hard on aunt Zelda.
234
00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:26,137
I Don'’t think I
can do that to her.
235
00:09:26,206 --> 00:09:29,103
Kraft: Has anyone seen
my antifungal foot ointment?
236
00:09:30,206 --> 00:09:31,758
Mr. Kraft with a past so juicy
237
00:09:31,827 --> 00:09:33,344
return to us his ex-wife Lucy.
238
00:09:35,344 --> 00:09:37,103
Ah...
239
00:09:37,172 --> 00:09:40,275
It'’s good to be back
in the mortal realm.
240
00:09:40,344 --> 00:09:41,655
"Mortal realm"?
241
00:09:41,724 --> 00:09:43,965
Wait a minute. You'’re a witch?!
242
00:09:48,724 --> 00:09:49,931
Mr. Kraft married a witch?
243
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,310
Well, of course, he
didn'’t know I was a witch.
244
00:09:53,379 --> 00:09:54,965
I thought it would be...
245
00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:56,586
Less confusing that way.
246
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,931
Oh, I have my magic again.
247
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,586
Oh, I adore the mortal realm.
248
00:10:04,655 --> 00:10:07,689
It'’s such a refreshing
change from where I live...
249
00:10:07,758 --> 00:10:09,793
The republic of infinite horror.
250
00:10:09,862 --> 00:10:11,206
Sounds exotic.
251
00:10:11,275 --> 00:10:12,724
It'’s near lake male superior.
252
00:10:12,793 --> 00:10:14,758
It'’s an awful part
of the other realm
253
00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:16,862
where women are
forbidden to use magic.
254
00:10:16,931 --> 00:10:18,689
Who came up with
that brainstorm?
255
00:10:18,758 --> 00:10:20,137
The men. The men.
256
00:10:20,206 --> 00:10:22,068
Why Don'’t you just
move to the mortal realm?
257
00:10:22,137 --> 00:10:24,827
My republic forbids a woman
to emigrate without a husband
258
00:10:24,896 --> 00:10:26,689
and that'’s why I
married Willard.
259
00:10:26,758 --> 00:10:28,310
And because you lovedhim.
260
00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:30,275
Okay.
261
00:10:31,482 --> 00:10:33,689
And I would do
anything to get him back.
262
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,931
Oh, dear, here
come the waterworks.
263
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,068
[ Sniffling]
264
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,517
So why did you two split up?
265
00:10:39,586 --> 00:10:42,344
Why does any
relationship go bad?
266
00:10:42,413 --> 00:10:45,379
Maybe I shouldn'’t have
turned him into a beast of burden
267
00:10:45,448 --> 00:10:47,551
or made out with
his best friend Dexter.
268
00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:48,724
The bottom line is
269
00:10:48,793 --> 00:10:50,206
Willard divorced me
270
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:53,896
and without him, I was
deported back to the I.H.
271
00:10:53,965 --> 00:10:55,275
Infinite horror.
272
00:10:55,344 --> 00:10:57,275
Right. Well, if it helps at all
273
00:10:57,344 --> 00:10:58,965
I think he'’s right downstairs.
274
00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,103
Really?
275
00:11:00,172 --> 00:11:02,896
I-I haven'’t seen
him since the day I...
276
00:11:02,965 --> 00:11:06,482
Left the fence
unlatched and he got out.
277
00:11:06,551 --> 00:11:08,689
She seems nice.
278
00:11:09,758 --> 00:11:10,931
[ Clanging]
279
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,172
[ Sighs]
280
00:11:12,241 --> 00:11:14,655
Boy, I shouldn'’t wait a
week to irrigate my ears.
281
00:11:16,241 --> 00:11:18,241
Mr. Kraft, we have
a surprise for you.
282
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:20,827
Willard, darling.
283
00:11:20,896 --> 00:11:22,517
No. No.
284
00:11:22,586 --> 00:11:24,206
No-no-no, no, no. No-no-no.
285
00:11:24,275 --> 00:11:25,655
This is a bad dream.
286
00:11:25,724 --> 00:11:28,482
[ Screaming]
287
00:11:28,551 --> 00:11:31,724
I'’m so glad he'’s still alive.
288
00:11:33,379 --> 00:11:36,344
Hey, Valerie, I made an
appointment at a portrait studio
289
00:11:36,413 --> 00:11:39,000
and I have the perfect
way to get Sabrina there
290
00:11:39,068 --> 00:11:40,379
and keep it a surprise.
291
00:11:40,448 --> 00:11:42,034
I'’ll tell her war
has broken out
292
00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:44,586
and I have to take her
to a secret bomb shelter.
293
00:11:44,655 --> 00:11:46,310
Or you could just blindfold her
294
00:11:46,379 --> 00:11:48,137
and tell her it'’s a surprise.
295
00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:49,551
Okay.
296
00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:52,448
So much for the sound-effect
tapes i'’ve been making.
297
00:11:52,517 --> 00:11:53,862
Hello.
298
00:11:53,931 --> 00:11:55,793
Zelda: Oh, there
you are, stranger.
299
00:11:55,862 --> 00:11:57,551
I was beginning
to worry about you.
300
00:11:57,620 --> 00:12:00,862
Well, actually, I just came
by to borrow some coriander.
301
00:12:00,931 --> 00:12:03,620
I'’m making dinner for Lucy.
302
00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,241
Lucy'’s a nice lady.
303
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:06,310
Lucy?
304
00:12:06,379 --> 00:12:08,068
As in your ex-wife Lucy?
305
00:12:08,137 --> 00:12:09,344
Yes.
306
00:12:09,413 --> 00:12:12,517
Apparently, she left a
hole in my life, and I...
307
00:12:13,724 --> 00:12:15,379
You look nice, Zelda.
308
00:12:15,448 --> 00:12:16,448
Lucy: Willie-poo!
309
00:12:16,517 --> 00:12:17,931
Coming.
310
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,310
Say good-bye to uncle Willard.
311
00:12:20,379 --> 00:12:21,620
I go to the trouble
312
00:12:21,689 --> 00:12:24,551
of brewing you a cup
of my special herb tea
313
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:25,827
and you disappear.
314
00:12:25,896 --> 00:12:28,137
Is it just me or are men
getting less obedient
315
00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,517
than they used to be?
316
00:12:29,586 --> 00:12:30,862
You must be Lucy.
317
00:12:30,931 --> 00:12:32,206
I'’m Zelda.
318
00:12:32,275 --> 00:12:33,896
So nice to meet you.
319
00:12:33,965 --> 00:12:35,172
I really miss you.
320
00:12:35,241 --> 00:12:37,034
Drink your tea, dear.
321
00:12:37,103 --> 00:12:38,137
Oh.
322
00:12:39,482 --> 00:12:40,551
Oh.
323
00:12:40,620 --> 00:12:42,137
Lucy has pretty eyes
324
00:12:42,206 --> 00:12:46,103
and... thanks to her,
no more runaway mucus.
325
00:12:46,172 --> 00:12:48,068
No more tissues
in the sofa cushion.
326
00:12:48,137 --> 00:12:49,241
I can'’t wait.
327
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,620
Well, if you'’ll excuse us
328
00:12:50,689 --> 00:12:53,310
I think a certain Willie-poo
has a dinner to make.
329
00:12:53,379 --> 00:12:54,655
Right, a dinner.
330
00:12:54,724 --> 00:12:56,724
Oh, they seem civil...
331
00:12:56,793 --> 00:12:58,517
After all these years.
332
00:13:00,551 --> 00:13:03,689
I think i'’ll, uh,
take a little walk.
333
00:13:05,241 --> 00:13:06,275
It'’s working.
334
00:13:06,344 --> 00:13:07,413
Yay!
335
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:09,068
And aunt Zelda'’s okay, right?
336
00:13:09,137 --> 00:13:10,862
Absolutely. This
breakup was bound
337
00:13:10,931 --> 00:13:13,310
to happen sooner or
later, and let'’s face it...
338
00:13:13,379 --> 00:13:15,793
The sooner the breakup
the less pain... for us.
339
00:13:17,034 --> 00:13:19,827
[ Barking]
340
00:13:19,896 --> 00:13:21,965
[ Barks]
341
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,241
Yeah, baby
342
00:13:23,310 --> 00:13:24,793
I can taste the fillets.
343
00:13:24,862 --> 00:13:27,931
I'’ll just pretend his
frothy spit is a garnish.
344
00:13:29,310 --> 00:13:31,206
[ Barks]
345
00:13:31,275 --> 00:13:32,206
D-ohh!
346
00:13:32,275 --> 00:13:34,551
It'’s so nice that bothof you
347
00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:37,344
could join us for
a glass of wine.
348
00:13:37,413 --> 00:13:38,896
Well, I knew there was no way
349
00:13:38,965 --> 00:13:41,241
i'’d get this one out of
the house without me
350
00:13:41,310 --> 00:13:42,586
so I finally said
351
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,172
"Willie-poo, enough
with the foot rubs."
352
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,034
[ Zelda chuckles weakly]
353
00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:49,413
You know, he calls me "zoozoo."
354
00:13:49,482 --> 00:13:50,482
I do?
355
00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:52,137
Yes, and I call you "monkey."
356
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,172
Like some godless hairy primate?
357
00:13:54,241 --> 00:13:55,586
No...
358
00:13:55,655 --> 00:13:58,448
Like a cute little
monkey with big eyes...
359
00:13:58,517 --> 00:14:00,241
And, now, he answers to "poo."
360
00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:01,620
There'’s a trade up.
361
00:14:01,689 --> 00:14:03,827
I'’ll get more wine.
362
00:14:03,896 --> 00:14:05,517
You two seem to
be getting along well.
363
00:14:05,586 --> 00:14:06,827
I like Lucy.
364
00:14:06,896 --> 00:14:08,862
She'’s a nice lady.
365
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:10,758
Oh, stop.
366
00:14:10,827 --> 00:14:11,931
I'’m sorry.
367
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,310
Was that... was that bad?
368
00:14:13,379 --> 00:14:16,000
No, dear, it'’s a
figure of speech.
369
00:14:16,068 --> 00:14:18,034
Y-Y-You'’re not
going to hit me then?
370
00:14:18,103 --> 00:14:19,448
[ Chuckling]
371
00:14:19,517 --> 00:14:20,655
Zelda: Well...
372
00:14:20,724 --> 00:14:22,344
Kraft: Ooh...
373
00:14:22,413 --> 00:14:24,241
I like your hair up like that.
374
00:14:24,310 --> 00:14:25,241
Lucy: Willard!
375
00:14:25,310 --> 00:14:26,620
You look dehydrated.
376
00:14:26,689 --> 00:14:28,586
[ Stammers]
377
00:14:28,655 --> 00:14:31,206
Uh, didn'’t you want
to tell Zelda something?
378
00:14:31,275 --> 00:14:32,586
Yes.
379
00:14:32,655 --> 00:14:33,689
[ Clears throat]
380
00:14:33,758 --> 00:14:35,931
Zelda, i'’m moving
out of the garage.
381
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,068
Lucy has room
for me at her place.
382
00:14:38,137 --> 00:14:39,827
So thanks.
383
00:14:39,896 --> 00:14:42,103
I see.
384
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,620
Well, let me tell yousomething.
385
00:14:44,689 --> 00:14:47,758
I-I got you cable
in that garage.
386
00:14:47,827 --> 00:14:49,068
What am I doing?
387
00:14:49,137 --> 00:14:50,310
I'’m groveling.
388
00:14:50,379 --> 00:14:52,793
I'’m debasing myself for a man.
389
00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:54,310
I sound like hilda.
390
00:14:55,758 --> 00:14:57,827
Well, we should go.
391
00:14:57,896 --> 00:15:00,344
Your best friend Dexter'’s
coming over, isn'’t he?
392
00:15:00,413 --> 00:15:02,517
Shall I carry you,
dear? No, not this time.
393
00:15:02,586 --> 00:15:04,655
We'’ll see ourselves out.
394
00:15:08,068 --> 00:15:10,379
I do not debase
myself for a man.
395
00:15:10,448 --> 00:15:11,862
I'’m worried about aunt Zelda.
396
00:15:11,931 --> 00:15:13,034
Oh, yeah, her.
397
00:15:13,103 --> 00:15:14,655
Boy, it'’s a good thing
398
00:15:14,724 --> 00:15:17,482
you found out about
it now, eh, zellie?
399
00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:19,413
I Don'’t blame Willard.
400
00:15:19,482 --> 00:15:20,758
He seems happy.
401
00:15:20,827 --> 00:15:22,620
You Don'’t mind?
402
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:25,172
Oh, when you truly
care about someone
403
00:15:25,241 --> 00:15:27,413
you-you want
what'’s best for them...
404
00:15:27,482 --> 00:15:28,896
But i'’m going to miss him.
405
00:15:28,965 --> 00:15:30,586
Told you it was for the best.
406
00:15:30,655 --> 00:15:34,068
I really Don'’t know why
I care about that man...
407
00:15:34,137 --> 00:15:36,206
Just he makes me so happy.
408
00:15:36,275 --> 00:15:38,413
Aunt Zelda, you Don'’t
know the whole story.
409
00:15:38,482 --> 00:15:39,862
Lucy'’s from the other realm.
410
00:15:39,931 --> 00:15:41,137
I brought her back.
411
00:15:41,206 --> 00:15:42,827
You what?
412
00:15:42,896 --> 00:15:44,965
Aunt hilda and I
brought her back.
413
00:15:45,034 --> 00:15:47,793
We had to; He did
yoga in a unitard.
414
00:15:47,862 --> 00:15:50,413
Wait a minute. Lucy'’s a witch?
415
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,586
Yeah, and she'’s using
magic to get him back.
416
00:15:52,655 --> 00:15:55,103
He doesn'’t like her;
It'’s the tea talking.
417
00:15:55,172 --> 00:15:57,793
How dare you two try to
break up Willard and me.
418
00:15:57,862 --> 00:15:59,172
Don'’t dwell on the past.
419
00:15:59,241 --> 00:16:00,655
You can compete with Lucy.
420
00:16:00,724 --> 00:16:03,413
Start brewing potions pronto.
421
00:16:03,482 --> 00:16:07,068
Try the all'’s-fair-
in-love-and-war spell.
422
00:16:07,137 --> 00:16:09,586
Quick. I think she'’s
ordering him an ear tag.
423
00:16:09,655 --> 00:16:11,103
Maybe one little potion.
424
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:17,448
I'’ve got to get
that modem fixed.
425
00:16:17,517 --> 00:16:19,206
Oh, look, your
hair'’s down again.
426
00:16:19,275 --> 00:16:22,758
I guess everything eventually
loses the battle with gravity.
427
00:16:22,827 --> 00:16:23,965
Judge: Silence!
428
00:16:24,034 --> 00:16:26,862
Do you know why the council
pulled you in here, ladies?
429
00:16:26,931 --> 00:16:28,241
Because you'’re lonely?
430
00:16:29,931 --> 00:16:32,620
"Two witches battling
over a mortal..."
431
00:16:32,689 --> 00:16:34,724
A vice principal?
432
00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:37,931
He'’s a heartbeat away from
running the entire high school.
433
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,689
And he loves me. Your honor,
i'’m not involved with this...
434
00:16:40,758 --> 00:16:42,655
Silence!
435
00:16:42,724 --> 00:16:44,034
Well, you know the law.
436
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:46,413
The witches'’ council
has clearly stated
437
00:16:46,482 --> 00:16:48,172
that cases such as these
438
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,827
must be settled in
an appropriate forum
439
00:16:50,896 --> 00:16:53,655
one that is fair
and full of wisdom.
440
00:16:53,724 --> 00:16:55,655
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
441
00:16:55,724 --> 00:16:57,931
The Jerry springer show?
442
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,965
You know, uh, Zelda thought
443
00:17:01,034 --> 00:17:03,034
she had a good thing
going with Willard
444
00:17:03,103 --> 00:17:05,793
until ex-wife Lucy came to
town with a simple warning...
445
00:17:05,862 --> 00:17:08,689
"get your hands off my mortal."
446
00:17:08,758 --> 00:17:10,931
[ Whooping]
447
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,448
Why are they so excited?
448
00:17:12,517 --> 00:17:13,862
Because he'’s myman.
449
00:17:13,931 --> 00:17:16,517
You were just keeping
him warm till I got back.
450
00:17:16,586 --> 00:17:18,310
[ Audience oohing]
451
00:17:18,379 --> 00:17:19,793
Ob-obviously,
you'’re very upset.
452
00:17:19,862 --> 00:17:21,275
Uh, tell us how it all started.
453
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:22,584
Well, you have to understand...
454
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:24,310
Mr. Kraft is not just
Zelda'’s boyfriend.
455
00:17:24,379 --> 00:17:26,103
He'’s also my vice principal.
456
00:17:26,172 --> 00:17:27,103
[ Audience oohing]
457
00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:28,724
And myex-boyfriend.
458
00:17:28,793 --> 00:17:30,344
[ Audience oohing loudly]
459
00:17:30,413 --> 00:17:33,000
It was really hard living
with him, so we decided
460
00:17:33,068 --> 00:17:35,482
to bring back his ex-wife.[
Audience groaning]
461
00:17:35,551 --> 00:17:37,206
Look, we didn'’t
know she was a witch!
462
00:17:37,275 --> 00:17:38,724
Oh, everyone can just...
463
00:17:38,793 --> 00:17:40,965
[ Long bleep]
464
00:17:41,034 --> 00:17:42,137
[ Murmuring]
465
00:17:42,206 --> 00:17:43,137
She'’s not swearing.
466
00:17:43,206 --> 00:17:46,034
I know, but this way,
it sounds like she did.
467
00:17:46,103 --> 00:17:49,137
I think it'’s time now that
we, uh, bring out the mortal
468
00:17:49,206 --> 00:17:52,068
and, uh, maybe he can
decide, uh, which witch.
469
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,034
Please welcome Willard kraft.
470
00:17:54,103 --> 00:17:57,172
[ Audience booing]
471
00:17:57,241 --> 00:17:59,172
Lucy?
472
00:17:59,241 --> 00:18:01,137
And Zelda?
473
00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:03,862
Where am I?
474
00:18:03,931 --> 00:18:05,827
You'’re with me, dear;
Come and sit down.
475
00:18:05,896 --> 00:18:08,103
Don'’t do it, Willard; I
really care about you.
476
00:18:08,172 --> 00:18:09,620
She'’s just using you.
477
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:12,172
Honey, all the magic in your
bag couldn'’t get you a man.
478
00:18:12,241 --> 00:18:13,482
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
479
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:15,655
It'’s girl time!
480
00:18:15,724 --> 00:18:17,896
I didn'’t expect the show
would take this direction
481
00:18:17,965 --> 00:18:19,275
so we'’ll be right back.
482
00:18:19,344 --> 00:18:21,241
Silky boy!
483
00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:22,655
Stupid dog.
484
00:18:22,724 --> 00:18:24,344
He should be back by now.
485
00:18:24,413 --> 00:18:26,137
If he ran across
a tennis ball...
486
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,655
[ Crying]: I'’m doomed.
487
00:18:27,724 --> 00:18:30,551
We are back, and, of course,
now it'’s time for Willard to choose.
488
00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:32,724
Will it be Lucy or Zelda?
489
00:18:32,793 --> 00:18:34,034
I'’ll tell you what...
490
00:18:34,103 --> 00:18:36,206
Before we let him choose,
we do have a surprise.
491
00:18:36,275 --> 00:18:38,137
You see, we did a
potion check on Willard.
492
00:18:38,206 --> 00:18:39,689
[ Audience murmuring]
493
00:18:39,758 --> 00:18:41,517
Now, this is what a
normal man looks like.
494
00:18:41,586 --> 00:18:43,448
As you can see, very few potions
495
00:18:43,517 --> 00:18:46,379
because we, as witches,
have to remember
496
00:18:46,448 --> 00:18:49,310
that we cannot use
magic irresponsibly.
497
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,172
You know, there
are those that...
498
00:18:51,241 --> 00:18:53,068
I'’m-i'’m sorry, that'’s
my "final thought."
499
00:18:53,137 --> 00:18:54,206
That comes later.
500
00:18:55,827 --> 00:18:58,586
Let'’s check in on Willard.
501
00:18:58,655 --> 00:19:00,379
That is worse than
Elvis'’s autopsy.
502
00:19:00,448 --> 00:19:02,482
Well, I-I-I did it
for his own good.
503
00:19:02,551 --> 00:19:03,793
He was weak
504
00:19:03,862 --> 00:19:05,655
and if it got me out
of the infinite horror
505
00:19:05,724 --> 00:19:07,758
well, that was a sacrifice
I was willing to make.
506
00:19:07,827 --> 00:19:09,758
You'’ve got to drain him, Jerry.
507
00:19:11,344 --> 00:19:14,793
[ Cheering and applause]
508
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,793
Okay, uh, now, Willard,
you are back to normal.
509
00:19:18,862 --> 00:19:20,137
So, are you ready
510
00:19:20,206 --> 00:19:21,482
to make a decision?
511
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,620
Jerry, uh, this woman is still
512
00:19:23,689 --> 00:19:26,103
trying to kill me
513
00:19:26,172 --> 00:19:30,655
and this lady laughs
at my little jokes...
514
00:19:30,724 --> 00:19:32,172
[ Laughing]
515
00:19:33,758 --> 00:19:36,379
And has the sweetest smile.
516
00:19:36,448 --> 00:19:37,793
Oh.so...
517
00:19:37,862 --> 00:19:40,827
I guess i'’m what you'’d
have to call a "no-brainer."
518
00:19:40,896 --> 00:19:42,241
It'’s Lucy.
519
00:19:42,310 --> 00:19:43,379
Audience: What?
520
00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:45,724
I'’m only kidding
you. It'’s Zelda.
521
00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:46,896
No!
522
00:19:46,965 --> 00:19:48,137
[ Cheering]
523
00:19:48,206 --> 00:19:50,310
You change your
mind, you spineless slug
524
00:19:50,379 --> 00:19:52,724
'’cause I ain'’t goin'’
back to helltown.
525
00:19:52,793 --> 00:19:54,965
Oh, yes, you are.
526
00:19:55,034 --> 00:19:56,827
[ Cheering]
527
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,862
Audience: Jerry! Jerry!
528
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,310
[ Disgusted sigh]
529
00:20:00,379 --> 00:20:01,965
You know, everyone
laughs at that show
530
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,034
but, when you'’re on it,
something just takes over.
531
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,827
I hope you'’ve
learned your lesson.
532
00:20:05,896 --> 00:20:07,034
You claimedyou and Sabrina
533
00:20:07,103 --> 00:20:09,344
were helping Zelda when, in fact
534
00:20:09,413 --> 00:20:12,137
you were just helping
you and Sabrina.
535
00:20:12,206 --> 00:20:13,931
You did the same
thing with silky.
536
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,896
You weren'’t training
him to help silky.
537
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:17,275
It was all for Salem.
538
00:20:17,344 --> 00:20:19,413
I guess we were
both being selfish.
539
00:20:19,482 --> 00:20:21,689
Of course, in my
case, it worked out.
540
00:20:21,758 --> 00:20:23,000
Venison?
541
00:20:23,068 --> 00:20:24,068
[ Laughing]
542
00:20:24,103 --> 00:20:25,448
Oh, what a day.
543
00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:27,655
I just saw Willard home
and gave him a potion
544
00:20:27,724 --> 00:20:29,655
to keep him from
remembering any of this.
545
00:20:29,724 --> 00:20:31,137
Not another potion.
546
00:20:31,206 --> 00:20:33,310
Oh, it'’ll flush out
with his metamucil
547
00:20:33,379 --> 00:20:34,499
and, as soon as the swelling
548
00:20:34,551 --> 00:20:35,827
goes down in my jaw
549
00:20:35,896 --> 00:20:38,137
I want to talk to
you and Sabrina.
550
00:20:38,206 --> 00:20:39,206
Where is she?
551
00:20:39,275 --> 00:20:40,620
Valerie whisked her away.
552
00:20:40,689 --> 00:20:42,965
It seemed very important
and rather formal.
553
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,517
This had better
be a good surprise.
554
00:20:44,586 --> 00:20:46,103
It hasn'’t exactly
been the best day.
555
00:20:46,172 --> 00:20:48,724
Relax. Just have
a seat right here.
556
00:20:48,793 --> 00:20:50,931
Can I take my blindfold off now?
557
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,724
Shh... there'’s something
you should know.
558
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,172
Let'’s get this
show on the road.
559
00:21:01,862 --> 00:21:03,241
Just because i'’m
seeing your aunt
560
00:21:03,310 --> 00:21:05,344
Don'’t expect any special
treatment around here.
561
00:21:05,413 --> 00:21:06,655
I Don'’t, Mr. Kraft.
562
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,103
Yeah, no favors, no politics
563
00:21:08,172 --> 00:21:09,551
and no calling me "Willard."
564
00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:10,931
It'’ll be hard, but okay.
565
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,551
In fact, i'’m going
to have to give you
566
00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:13,655
detention this Friday.
567
00:21:13,724 --> 00:21:15,034
What? Why?
568
00:21:15,103 --> 00:21:16,482
'’cause your aunt Zelda told me
569
00:21:16,551 --> 00:21:18,137
you'’d been watching
Jerry springer
570
00:21:18,206 --> 00:21:19,586
instead of doing your homework
571
00:21:19,655 --> 00:21:21,275
and that just ain'’t
kosher, milady.
572
00:21:21,344 --> 00:21:21,931
She watches!
573
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,103
Hey!
574
00:21:23,172 --> 00:21:25,034
Don'’t take that tone with me.
575
00:21:25,103 --> 00:21:26,758
I am still vice
principal of this school
576
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,551
and I demand respect.
40264
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