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1
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,482
Calling all blondes.
2
00:00:04,551 --> 00:00:06,551
Calling... all... blondes!
3
00:00:06,620 --> 00:00:08,241
We read you, obnoxious cat.
4
00:00:08,310 --> 00:00:09,689
Notice anything different?
5
00:00:09,758 --> 00:00:10,862
You threw up on the sofa?
6
00:00:10,931 --> 00:00:11,965
I said different.
7
00:00:12,034 --> 00:00:13,517
It'’s the clock on the VCR.
8
00:00:13,586 --> 00:00:15,172
I programmed it.
9
00:00:15,241 --> 00:00:17,517
It'’s not blinking
12:00 anymore.
10
00:00:17,586 --> 00:00:18,965
Isn'’t that great?
11
00:00:19,034 --> 00:00:20,448
Yeah, that'’s what i'’d call it
12
00:00:20,517 --> 00:00:21,758
if I were being sarcastic.
13
00:00:21,827 --> 00:00:23,827
I didn'’t know we had
a clock on the VCR.
14
00:00:23,896 --> 00:00:26,413
And we could have fixed it
ourselves if we had wanted to.
15
00:00:26,482 --> 00:00:27,724
We'’re witches.
16
00:00:27,793 --> 00:00:29,068
You dames are just bitter
17
00:00:29,137 --> 00:00:30,793
because i'’m the
man of the house
18
00:00:30,862 --> 00:00:32,689
and I know how to
do the manly stuff.
19
00:00:32,758 --> 00:00:33,931
Well, you certainly have
20
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,655
the scratching
yourself part down.
21
00:00:35,724 --> 00:00:36,965
Zelda: If you really want
22
00:00:37,034 --> 00:00:38,448
to impress us
23
00:00:38,517 --> 00:00:40,068
program this.
24
00:00:42,241 --> 00:00:44,241
I didn'’t know we had a clock
25
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:45,758
on our scoreboard.
26
00:01:01,689 --> 00:01:04,965
We cooked up a great
show for you tonight.
27
00:01:11,379 --> 00:01:13,517
You know, fixing that VCR
28
00:01:13,586 --> 00:01:15,655
got my testosterone pumping.
29
00:01:15,724 --> 00:01:18,862
Mr. Can opener, meet
your worst nightmare...
30
00:01:18,931 --> 00:01:20,137
Mr. Screwdriver.
31
00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:22,000
I'’ll get it.
32
00:01:23,103 --> 00:01:24,551
You know, in most homes
33
00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:27,137
the mail comes in
little white envelopes.
34
00:01:27,206 --> 00:01:29,103
It'’s from your cousin Mortimer.
35
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:31,793
He'’s coming to help you
discover the family secret.
36
00:01:31,862 --> 00:01:34,068
Sabrina, I should warn you
37
00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:37,206
your cousin
Mortimer is a wigician.
38
00:01:37,275 --> 00:01:38,413
A wigician?
39
00:01:38,482 --> 00:01:40,275
A witch who works as a magician.
40
00:01:40,344 --> 00:01:41,344
How cool.
41
00:01:42,344 --> 00:01:45,413
I mean, how unspeakably tragic.
42
00:01:45,482 --> 00:01:46,896
He was so gifted.
43
00:01:46,965 --> 00:01:49,275
He could have done so much.
44
00:01:49,344 --> 00:01:51,655
Instead he chose to
squander his talents
45
00:01:51,724 --> 00:01:53,551
entertaining gullible mortals.
46
00:01:53,620 --> 00:01:56,620
And the worst part is,
he'’s not even good at it.
47
00:01:59,758 --> 00:02:01,758
[ Coughing]
48
00:02:01,827 --> 00:02:03,103
Ta-da!
49
00:02:03,172 --> 00:02:05,620
That'’s magician
for "i'’m here."
50
00:02:05,689 --> 00:02:08,241
Oh, no, please,
you'’re too kind.
51
00:02:08,310 --> 00:02:10,137
This must be Sabrina.
52
00:02:10,206 --> 00:02:11,275
Okay, enough small talk.
53
00:02:11,344 --> 00:02:12,517
Discuss the family secret
54
00:02:12,586 --> 00:02:13,724
and let him be on his way.
55
00:02:13,793 --> 00:02:14,896
He'’s a very busy man
56
00:02:14,965 --> 00:02:16,551
and this is cruise
season, after all.
57
00:02:16,620 --> 00:02:17,724
No, there'’s no rush.
58
00:02:17,793 --> 00:02:19,689
I'’ve got a gig tomorrow night
59
00:02:19,758 --> 00:02:22,689
at the westbridge "y"
and you'’re all comped...
60
00:02:22,758 --> 00:02:25,206
If you Don'’t mind
eating family style.
61
00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:26,379
Well...
62
00:02:26,448 --> 00:02:28,275
Wait, i'’m going to
show you my new closer.
63
00:02:28,344 --> 00:02:30,000
Nothing up here, nothing up here
64
00:02:30,068 --> 00:02:31,068
nothing up here...
65
00:02:31,103 --> 00:02:32,310
But what have we here?
66
00:02:32,379 --> 00:02:34,689
And, oh, look at this.
67
00:02:34,758 --> 00:02:36,862
I knew it was coming,
yet i'’m still delighted.
68
00:02:36,931 --> 00:02:38,586
And...
69
00:02:38,655 --> 00:02:40,103
A pickle.
70
00:02:40,172 --> 00:02:42,000
It'’s supposed to be a nickel.
71
00:02:42,068 --> 00:02:43,206
Oh, that'’s wrong.
72
00:02:43,275 --> 00:02:46,172
I... it'’s a new trick.
73
00:02:48,517 --> 00:02:50,620
Hey, you guys want
to go to the slicery
74
00:02:50,689 --> 00:02:51,862
after school today?
75
00:02:51,931 --> 00:02:54,137
We'’re only 200 pizzas
away from a free soda.
76
00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:55,482
I can'’t.
77
00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:56,551
My dad'’s out of town.
78
00:02:56,586 --> 00:02:57,965
I have to watch
my little brother.
79
00:02:58,034 --> 00:02:58,965
What about your mom?
80
00:02:59,034 --> 00:03:00,103
Is she sick or something?
81
00:03:00,172 --> 00:03:01,172
Very.
82
00:03:01,241 --> 00:03:02,931
She'’s... pregnant.
83
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,586
Pregnant?
84
00:03:05,655 --> 00:03:07,758
Congratulations, I guess.
85
00:03:07,827 --> 00:03:10,482
You mean your parents still...?
86
00:03:10,551 --> 00:03:11,931
Valerie, we'’re trying to eat.
87
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,241
I just thought at
their advanced age...
88
00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:15,482
Yeah, I know. I know.
89
00:03:15,551 --> 00:03:17,655
I can'’t get the
image out of my mind.
90
00:03:17,724 --> 00:03:18,724
[ Yelling]
91
00:03:19,965 --> 00:03:22,551
[ Chanting]:
Westbridge, westbridge
92
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:24,310
you'’re the tops.
93
00:03:24,379 --> 00:03:27,655
Wring eastbridge dry
like grungy old mops.
94
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:29,000
Yay!
95
00:03:29,068 --> 00:03:30,344
Tops, mops?
96
00:03:30,413 --> 00:03:32,862
Someone'’s been
reading moliere again.
97
00:03:32,931 --> 00:03:34,275
I have an announcement.
98
00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:35,655
There are a few spots open
99
00:03:35,724 --> 00:03:37,758
on the second-string
cheerleading squad.
100
00:03:37,827 --> 00:03:38,758
[ Students murmuring]
101
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,655
I know.
102
00:03:40,724 --> 00:03:42,379
We haven'’t had
an opening in years.
103
00:03:42,448 --> 00:03:43,793
Not since the time
104
00:03:43,862 --> 00:03:46,241
charlene snyder developed
that puzzling skin condition.
105
00:03:47,931 --> 00:03:50,517
One zit and...
106
00:03:50,586 --> 00:03:53,586
So, if you think you'’re
better than everyone
107
00:03:53,655 --> 00:03:55,034
sign up for tryouts.
108
00:03:56,551 --> 00:03:57,758
Hey, Libby
109
00:03:57,827 --> 00:03:58,965
you looked great out there.
110
00:03:59,034 --> 00:04:01,034
Take your seat.
111
00:04:01,103 --> 00:04:03,931
You know, I think i'’m going
to try out for cheerleading.
112
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,793
You ate your beef
stroganoff too fast
113
00:04:05,862 --> 00:04:07,758
and now your brain
stopped functioning.
114
00:04:07,827 --> 00:04:10,379
We got to say this while
you can still comprehend it.
115
00:04:10,448 --> 00:04:11,379
We all love you!
116
00:04:11,448 --> 00:04:12,379
What is wrong
117
00:04:12,448 --> 00:04:14,482
with wanting to
be a cheerleader?
118
00:04:14,551 --> 00:04:16,000
Oh, no, we'’ve lost her.
119
00:04:16,068 --> 00:04:17,137
It'’s eerie.
120
00:04:17,206 --> 00:04:19,000
It looks like
she'’s still with us.
121
00:04:20,137 --> 00:04:21,310
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
122
00:04:21,379 --> 00:04:23,000
I can dismantle this.
123
00:04:23,068 --> 00:04:24,344
All I have to do
124
00:04:24,413 --> 00:04:27,379
is spin my head
around about 33 times.
125
00:04:29,275 --> 00:04:31,758
Or smash it on the floor.
126
00:04:32,896 --> 00:04:34,862
I can'’t see what you'’re doing.
127
00:04:34,931 --> 00:04:37,827
Oh, thanks so much
for helping me rehearse.
128
00:04:37,896 --> 00:04:39,758
This is not supposed
to hurt at all.
129
00:04:39,827 --> 00:04:41,793
If you feel anything,
please speak up.
130
00:04:41,862 --> 00:04:42,448
Ow!
131
00:04:42,517 --> 00:04:43,344
I felt that!
132
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,000
Oh, I buy these in bulk.
133
00:04:45,068 --> 00:04:47,137
I'’m going to get another blade.
134
00:04:47,206 --> 00:04:48,793
Listen, in the meantime
135
00:04:48,862 --> 00:04:52,310
would you be good enough
to just sign this release?
136
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:53,655
Zelda: It'’s doesn'’t say
137
00:04:53,724 --> 00:04:56,137
anything about dismemberment,
mutilation, internal...
138
00:04:56,206 --> 00:04:57,241
Stop it!
139
00:04:57,310 --> 00:04:59,103
Oh, i'’m glad you guys are home.
140
00:04:59,172 --> 00:05:01,172
I'’m really worried
about Valerie.
141
00:05:01,241 --> 00:05:02,965
She'’s fallen in
with a bad crowd.
142
00:05:03,034 --> 00:05:04,172
Trekkies?
143
00:05:04,241 --> 00:05:05,241
No, worse.
144
00:05:05,310 --> 00:05:06,965
She'’s trying to
become a cheerleader.
145
00:05:07,034 --> 00:05:08,034
What'’s wrong with that?
146
00:05:08,103 --> 00:05:09,551
At least you get to stand up.
147
00:05:09,620 --> 00:05:12,172
It'’s a known fact that
cheerleaders sleep upside down
148
00:05:12,241 --> 00:05:13,482
from rafters of old barns.
149
00:05:13,551 --> 00:05:16,172
Oh, honey, if Valerie
wants to be a cheerleader
150
00:05:16,241 --> 00:05:17,344
you have to let her.
151
00:05:17,413 --> 00:05:19,551
What'’s the harm if
it makes her happy?
152
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,931
I'’m not even going to
dignify that with a response.
153
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,034
Let me guess. This is not
154
00:05:24,103 --> 00:05:26,172
a good time to ask you
about the family secret?
155
00:05:26,241 --> 00:05:27,689
This is a critical time.
156
00:05:27,758 --> 00:05:30,103
I have to concentrate
on what i'’m doing.
157
00:05:30,172 --> 00:05:31,448
Don'’t you understand?
158
00:05:31,517 --> 00:05:32,517
What was I doing?
159
00:05:32,551 --> 00:05:34,862
Oh! Got it!
160
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,586
Wow!
161
00:05:37,655 --> 00:05:38,586
It worked!
162
00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:40,068
It never did that before!
163
00:05:40,137 --> 00:05:41,724
My legs!
164
00:05:41,793 --> 00:05:44,034
Oh, I better go get them.
165
00:05:45,172 --> 00:05:46,965
I think I left the
back door open.
166
00:05:47,034 --> 00:05:49,275
Usually it'’s the
audience that walks out.
167
00:05:49,344 --> 00:05:50,827
Um... hello?
168
00:05:50,896 --> 00:05:52,586
Anyway, back to Valerie.
169
00:05:58,068 --> 00:05:59,241
No!
170
00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:01,344
What are you doing?
171
00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:03,551
Friends Don'’t let friends
become cheerleaders.
172
00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:05,344
Look, i'’ve thought
about what you said
173
00:06:05,413 --> 00:06:07,137
but I still want to
be a cheerleader.
174
00:06:07,206 --> 00:06:09,034
I'’ve always wanted
to be a cheerleader.
175
00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:10,034
It just seems like fun.
176
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,034
But why, Valerie?
177
00:06:11,103 --> 00:06:12,137
I mean, you'’re so smart.
178
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:13,482
You could do so much more.
179
00:06:13,551 --> 00:06:15,793
You could be on the chess
club or the astronomy club
180
00:06:15,862 --> 00:06:16,896
or the debate team.
181
00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:18,793
Maybe I just want
to be a cheerleader.
182
00:06:18,862 --> 00:06:21,034
Look, you'’re going to
have to accept it, okay?
183
00:06:21,103 --> 00:06:22,172
I'’m going to try out.
184
00:06:22,241 --> 00:06:25,310
No president has ever
been a cheerleader.
185
00:06:25,379 --> 00:06:27,000
[ Yawning]: Hey, Sabrina.
186
00:06:27,068 --> 00:06:27,862
You okay?
187
00:06:27,931 --> 00:06:29,000
This pregnancy
188
00:06:29,068 --> 00:06:30,620
is really taking its toll on me.
189
00:06:30,689 --> 00:06:32,413
I was driving
around half the night
190
00:06:32,482 --> 00:06:34,793
looking for the right
breast cream for my mom.
191
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,862
Okay, the less we
talk about that subject
192
00:06:36,931 --> 00:06:38,137
the better.
193
00:06:38,206 --> 00:06:40,000
This cheerleading
thing is making me feel
194
00:06:40,068 --> 00:06:41,586
like I Don'’t know
Valerie anymore.
195
00:06:41,655 --> 00:06:43,758
I Don'’t see the harm
if it makes her happy.
196
00:06:43,827 --> 00:06:45,827
Everybody wants
Valerie to be happy.
197
00:06:45,896 --> 00:06:48,034
Am I the only one
who cares about her?
198
00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,482
[ Humming tune]
199
00:06:49,551 --> 00:06:50,724
[ Whistling tune]
200
00:06:50,793 --> 00:06:52,310
Oh, so that'’s why there'’s been
201
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:53,862
a busy signal the last hour.
202
00:06:53,931 --> 00:06:55,724
I'’ve been trying
to call my aunts.
203
00:06:55,793 --> 00:06:57,482
You know, when i'’m
done, you'’ll be able
204
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,000
to call anyone,
anytime you want.
205
00:06:59,068 --> 00:07:01,862
You mean, like we already do?
206
00:07:01,931 --> 00:07:03,586
Yes, but...
207
00:07:03,655 --> 00:07:06,862
My way shocks you
when you hit the seven.
208
00:07:06,931 --> 00:07:08,310
Oh, what perfect timing.
209
00:07:08,379 --> 00:07:10,137
Now you ask me anything you want
210
00:07:10,206 --> 00:07:11,586
about the family secrets.
211
00:07:11,655 --> 00:07:14,103
No question too big,
no question too small.
212
00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:15,517
Ask me anything you want.
213
00:07:15,586 --> 00:07:17,758
I know everything there is
to know about this family.
214
00:07:17,827 --> 00:07:19,965
Well, i'’d really like
to talk about Valerie.
215
00:07:20,034 --> 00:07:21,275
Never heard of her.
216
00:07:21,344 --> 00:07:22,448
Well, she'’s my best friend
217
00:07:22,517 --> 00:07:23,965
and she wants to
be a cheerleader.
218
00:07:24,034 --> 00:07:25,655
And somehow i'’ve
got to convince her
219
00:07:25,724 --> 00:07:27,004
that'’s she'’s making a mistake.
220
00:07:27,068 --> 00:07:29,517
Ah, then here'’s what you need.
221
00:07:29,586 --> 00:07:30,862
This will help.
222
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:35,448
A penny?
223
00:07:35,517 --> 00:07:37,344
I Don'’t think
Valerie'’s into bribes.
224
00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:38,827
No, that'’s not just a penny.
225
00:07:38,896 --> 00:07:39,827
With this penny
226
00:07:39,896 --> 00:07:41,655
you can look
right into her mind.
227
00:07:41,724 --> 00:07:44,172
You can tell what
she'’s thinking.
228
00:07:44,241 --> 00:07:46,689
I already know what she'’s
thinking and it all rhymes.
229
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:49,551
With this, you can
manipulate her thoughts.
230
00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:50,758
Where did you get
231
00:07:50,827 --> 00:07:52,034
such a cool trick?
232
00:07:52,103 --> 00:07:54,379
That was given to me by
the great Harry Houdini.
233
00:07:54,448 --> 00:07:58,448
All I had to do was promise
never to talk to him again.
234
00:08:02,517 --> 00:08:03,586
Val, hi.
235
00:08:03,655 --> 00:08:05,482
Look, i'’m really
sorry about yesterday.
236
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:08,000
I shouldn'’t have
tried to influence you.
237
00:08:08,068 --> 00:08:10,310
You only did it because
you care about me.
238
00:08:10,379 --> 00:08:11,517
Exactly.
239
00:08:11,586 --> 00:08:12,931
So, here.
240
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,310
Sabrina, you can'’t
buy my friendship.
241
00:08:15,379 --> 00:08:16,758
Especially for a penny.
242
00:08:16,827 --> 00:08:18,620
No. I learned a magic trick.
243
00:08:18,689 --> 00:08:19,689
Look.
244
00:08:22,206 --> 00:08:24,103
See? Disappeared.
245
00:08:24,172 --> 00:08:26,034
And you put down cheerleading?
246
00:08:26,103 --> 00:08:27,241
Good luck.
247
00:08:31,724 --> 00:08:33,758
Valerie, this is
for your own good.
248
00:08:43,965 --> 00:08:45,620
I'’ll show her.
249
00:08:49,034 --> 00:08:51,551
Now this is more like it.
250
00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,896
[ Chanting]: Hey,
presenting green and white.
251
00:09:00,965 --> 00:09:03,413
Hey, presenting
green and white...
252
00:09:03,482 --> 00:09:06,344
What is this, a united
way commercial?
253
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,620
Give me a break.
254
00:09:10,689 --> 00:09:12,517
Making fun of grandma
255
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:15,689
is more likethe
cheerleaders I know.
256
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:22,758
Come to the big rally.
257
00:09:22,827 --> 00:09:24,034
Bring your family.
258
00:09:24,103 --> 00:09:25,103
Here you go.
259
00:09:29,344 --> 00:09:31,310
What are you looking at, freak?
260
00:09:38,206 --> 00:09:42,655
Next up in our long-shot
category, Valerie birckhead.
261
00:09:42,724 --> 00:09:44,275
Uh... I changed my mind.
262
00:09:44,344 --> 00:09:46,413
I'’m not going to
try out anymore.
263
00:09:50,206 --> 00:09:53,793
Wonder if they give a
nobel prize for friendship?
264
00:09:58,034 --> 00:09:59,793
Oh. Morning, cousin Mortimer.
265
00:09:59,862 --> 00:10:01,965
Uh, yeah. "Mortimer,"
that'’s right.
266
00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:03,275
It'’s my agent.
267
00:10:03,344 --> 00:10:05,241
I wanted to tell you
the penny worked.
268
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,172
Great!
269
00:10:06,241 --> 00:10:07,241
I probably saved Valerie
270
00:10:07,310 --> 00:10:08,517
from a life of crime
271
00:10:08,586 --> 00:10:09,689
which, as everyone knows
272
00:10:09,758 --> 00:10:11,482
is what cheerleading
always leads to.
273
00:10:11,551 --> 00:10:12,482
I'’m so happy.
274
00:10:12,551 --> 00:10:13,862
What? Are you sure?
275
00:10:13,931 --> 00:10:16,413
Nothing? Not even a grand
opening for a gas station?
276
00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:17,413
Fine.
277
00:10:17,482 --> 00:10:19,655
Anything wrong?
278
00:10:19,724 --> 00:10:22,448
No. No, no, no. They just
canceled my gig at the "y."
279
00:10:22,517 --> 00:10:23,827
They replaced me with kit
280
00:10:23,896 --> 00:10:26,275
the talking car
from knight rider.
281
00:10:26,344 --> 00:10:28,275
I'’m sorry. I wish I
could do something.
282
00:10:28,344 --> 00:10:29,758
Oh, I know you want to help.
283
00:10:29,827 --> 00:10:31,172
If you would, you could
284
00:10:31,241 --> 00:10:32,965
but listen: I love
being a wigician.
285
00:10:33,034 --> 00:10:33,965
I just love it.
286
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:35,275
The wand, the applause
287
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:36,793
the different-colored scarves
288
00:10:36,862 --> 00:10:39,068
the second-hand
smoke... I love it!
289
00:10:39,137 --> 00:10:41,724
Well, when you put it that
way, who can blame you?
290
00:10:46,724 --> 00:10:48,758
[ Grunts absently]
291
00:10:49,827 --> 00:10:51,413
[ Gasps]
292
00:10:51,482 --> 00:10:52,620
Salem!
293
00:10:52,689 --> 00:10:54,206
He'’s in the freezer
294
00:10:54,275 --> 00:10:56,413
right next to the eskimo pies.
295
00:10:56,482 --> 00:10:57,517
Oh...!
296
00:10:59,068 --> 00:11:00,137
Avert your gaze!
297
00:11:00,206 --> 00:11:01,551
I'’m working with isotopes.
298
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:03,586
Salem, when are you planning
299
00:11:03,655 --> 00:11:05,758
to put all this stuff
back together?
300
00:11:05,827 --> 00:11:08,413
Relax. I'’m on a
journey of self-discovery.
301
00:11:08,482 --> 00:11:10,379
For instance, I just discovered
302
00:11:10,448 --> 00:11:13,000
that it'’s really cold
inside the freezer.
303
00:11:13,068 --> 00:11:14,793
My eyes are frozen open!
304
00:11:14,862 --> 00:11:16,758
Cousin Zelda, let me help you.
305
00:11:16,827 --> 00:11:17,931
No, Mortimer...
306
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,931
I insist, please. Step back.
307
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,758
Abracadabra, abracadunk
308
00:11:21,827 --> 00:11:24,551
please, someone help
us with all this junk!
309
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:27,586
Ah!
310
00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:31,862
Salem: Hilda? Zelda?
311
00:11:31,931 --> 00:11:33,517
Hello?
312
00:11:33,586 --> 00:11:35,275
[ Sniffs]
313
00:11:35,344 --> 00:11:37,689
Do I smell curry?
314
00:11:37,758 --> 00:11:40,379
I can'’t believe you
made him disappear.
315
00:11:40,448 --> 00:11:42,758
It has to do with
the... oh. See? Look.
316
00:11:44,448 --> 00:11:45,551
Trust me, val.
317
00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:47,448
Orchestra club is the way to go.
318
00:11:47,517 --> 00:11:48,793
Maybe you'’re right.
319
00:11:48,862 --> 00:11:50,517
Maybe that'’s where
my kind belongs...
320
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,551
In the darkest corner
of the orchestra pit
321
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:53,862
playing the triangle.
322
00:11:53,931 --> 00:11:55,206
That'’s the spirit.
323
00:11:55,275 --> 00:11:57,137
Now that you won'’t
have cheerleading practice
324
00:11:57,206 --> 00:11:59,000
every afternoon, we
can do what we want...
325
00:11:59,068 --> 00:12:01,103
Go to the mall; Try on
clothes we can'’t afford.
326
00:12:01,172 --> 00:12:02,448
Take naps.
327
00:12:02,517 --> 00:12:03,965
I'’m even willing
to go to that place
328
00:12:04,034 --> 00:12:05,586
where you paint
the plates and cups.
329
00:12:05,655 --> 00:12:07,034
Come on. What do you say?
330
00:12:07,103 --> 00:12:09,344
My mom could use
a new spoon caddy.
331
00:12:09,413 --> 00:12:10,551
This is going to be great!
332
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:12,103
You and me doing
everything together
333
00:12:12,172 --> 00:12:13,344
just like things used to be.
334
00:12:13,413 --> 00:12:15,241
Do you guys have any
idea where I can rent
335
00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:16,724
a mother goose karaoke machine?
336
00:12:16,793 --> 00:12:19,827
Harvey kinkle, king of
the conversation starters.
337
00:12:19,896 --> 00:12:21,655
My little brother'’s
birthday party is today
338
00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:23,344
and i'’m in charge
of the entertainment.
339
00:12:23,413 --> 00:12:24,758
Nothing. what did you get?
340
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,379
I'’ve been so busy
helping my mom
341
00:12:26,448 --> 00:12:27,862
I completely forgot.
342
00:12:27,931 --> 00:12:29,965
My dad is really
going to lay into me.
343
00:12:30,034 --> 00:12:33,103
I'’m telling you, it will be like
the final scene from braveheart.
344
00:12:33,172 --> 00:12:34,931
Hey, i'’ve got the perfect idea.
345
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,586
Oh. Maybe it'’s not
such a good idea.
346
00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:38,241
Please! Anything.
347
00:12:38,310 --> 00:12:40,827
My cousin Mortimer
is a wigici... magician
348
00:12:40,896 --> 00:12:43,931
and, um, he'’d be perfect
for your brother'’s party.
349
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,137
Do you think there'’s any
way we could get him?
350
00:12:46,206 --> 00:12:49,275
I'’m going out on a
limb, here, but, um... yes.
351
00:12:49,344 --> 00:12:50,586
Saba...
352
00:12:50,655 --> 00:12:52,551
Ah... oh. Oh, try again.
353
00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:55,137
And this time, try
bringing salemback.
354
00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:58,000
Okay. Cramflem blitz!
355
00:13:00,275 --> 00:13:03,931
Hey! That'’s how
I met my first wife.
356
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,586
Would you mind taking a seat
357
00:13:05,655 --> 00:13:07,275
with the others, please?
358
00:13:09,517 --> 00:13:12,275
Have I accidentally stumbled
into a Boston market?
359
00:13:12,344 --> 00:13:14,275
Hey! Great news,
cousin Mortimer.
360
00:13:14,344 --> 00:13:15,655
I got you a gig...
361
00:13:15,724 --> 00:13:16,793
A magic show for Harvey'’s
362
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,241
little brother and his friends.
363
00:13:18,310 --> 00:13:20,965
All right! After 300
years of practicing for this
364
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,965
it'’s finally paying off. Yes!
365
00:13:23,034 --> 00:13:25,758
Sabrina, Mortimer doesn'’t
have time to do any magic shows.
366
00:13:25,827 --> 00:13:28,034
He'’s too busy trying
to bring back Salem.
367
00:13:28,103 --> 00:13:30,137
Oh, but we'’re getting closer.
368
00:13:30,206 --> 00:13:32,068
He just brought back a guy
369
00:13:32,137 --> 00:13:33,172
waiting for his cat scan.
370
00:13:33,241 --> 00:13:35,206
And a catskill'’s comedian.
371
00:13:35,275 --> 00:13:36,586
Everybody comfortable?
372
00:13:36,655 --> 00:13:38,344
I make a nice living.
373
00:13:38,413 --> 00:13:39,448
[ Wheezing laugh]
374
00:13:39,517 --> 00:13:40,655
And Sylvia
375
00:13:40,724 --> 00:13:42,724
and Irving katz
from new Rochelle.
376
00:13:42,793 --> 00:13:44,241
But no Salem!
377
00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:46,413
Then how do you explain
378
00:13:46,482 --> 00:13:47,758
Martha Washington?
379
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,206
I Don'’t know.
380
00:13:49,275 --> 00:13:50,620
Besides, I Don'’t think
381
00:13:50,689 --> 00:13:52,448
you really want
him around children.
382
00:13:52,517 --> 00:13:53,827
It'’s too late.
383
00:13:53,896 --> 00:13:55,413
The kids are going to be here...
384
00:13:55,482 --> 00:13:56,862
[ Doorbell rings]Now.
385
00:13:56,931 --> 00:13:58,310
I'’m going to put
386
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,103
this delicious piece of
cake... mmm-mmm...
387
00:14:01,172 --> 00:14:03,758
And put it in my... hat.
388
00:14:03,827 --> 00:14:05,310
Ha-ha-ha!
389
00:14:05,379 --> 00:14:06,655
There it goes.
390
00:14:06,724 --> 00:14:08,620
Say the magic words, children.
391
00:14:08,689 --> 00:14:11,551
All: The magic words!
392
00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:13,103
[ Wheezing laugh]
393
00:14:13,172 --> 00:14:17,586
Abracadabra, se... oh. Ooh. Ah.
394
00:14:17,655 --> 00:14:21,586
Oh. Oh, look! Flowers!
395
00:14:21,655 --> 00:14:23,482
And it wasa birthday cake.
396
00:14:23,551 --> 00:14:26,896
Thank you. You'’re too kind.
397
00:14:26,965 --> 00:14:31,137
Please give me a hand
for my assistant, Martha.
398
00:14:31,206 --> 00:14:34,689
Who are you people,
and where'’s George?
399
00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:36,896
Oh, Sabrina, I wish
you hadn'’t asked
400
00:14:36,965 --> 00:14:38,620
cousin Mortimer to do this.
401
00:14:38,689 --> 00:14:41,137
You just know something
horrible'’s going to happen.
402
00:14:41,206 --> 00:14:43,862
When are you two going to
cut cousin Mortimer some slack?
403
00:14:43,931 --> 00:14:45,793
He'’s just doing
what he loves...
404
00:14:45,862 --> 00:14:47,517
Not really well,
but he'’s doing it.
405
00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:48,965
He could'’ve been so much more.
406
00:14:49,034 --> 00:14:51,137
He could'’ve been a
novelist, chemist, professor.
407
00:14:51,206 --> 00:14:53,241
Maybe he doesn'’t want
to be any of those things.
408
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,068
Maybe he just wants
to be a magician.
409
00:14:55,137 --> 00:14:57,689
I mean, what'’s the harm in it
as long as it makes him happy.
410
00:14:57,758 --> 00:14:59,482
Just like Valerie. Got to go.
411
00:14:59,551 --> 00:15:01,344
Thank you. You'’re so kind.
412
00:15:01,413 --> 00:15:03,275
And now, I need a volunteer.
413
00:15:03,344 --> 00:15:05,034
A volunteer, a volunteer.
414
00:15:05,103 --> 00:15:06,379
How about you?
415
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:07,965
The birthday boy.
416
00:15:08,034 --> 00:15:10,482
Does he look old enough
to have dental records?
417
00:15:10,551 --> 00:15:13,241
Abracadabra, abracadiff...
418
00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:17,413
It'’s time for the
birthday boy to get a gift.
419
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:18,896
[ Gasping]
420
00:15:18,965 --> 00:15:19,965
Ah!
421
00:15:25,172 --> 00:15:28,310
Kids, this man is a
menace to society
422
00:15:28,379 --> 00:15:29,896
and household pets.
423
00:15:29,965 --> 00:15:32,551
You can expect to
hear from my lawyer.
424
00:15:32,620 --> 00:15:33,965
[ Sputtering]
425
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,172
Cat... talk.
426
00:15:35,241 --> 00:15:38,103
Ooh. My career go bye-bye.
427
00:15:38,172 --> 00:15:39,620
Okay. Up until now
428
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:42,068
every trick kind of
stunk, but that was great.
429
00:15:42,137 --> 00:15:43,586
All: Yeah!
430
00:15:43,655 --> 00:15:44,655
Did you like that?
431
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,379
A cat talking... My
greatest illusion.
432
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,241
Listen, could you vamp
till I try to find the kid?
433
00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:54,310
So.. Who here'’s
from out of town?
434
00:15:56,137 --> 00:15:58,310
Abracadiggy, abracadack...
435
00:15:58,379 --> 00:16:01,137
Oh, please, little boy,
won'’t you come back?
436
00:16:03,172 --> 00:16:05,103
What?!
437
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,620
Once again
438
00:16:06,689 --> 00:16:09,344
the great Mortimer has
astounded even himself.
439
00:16:09,413 --> 00:16:11,931
Listen, kid, you Don'’t
have to mention this
440
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,551
to your parents, okay?
441
00:16:13,620 --> 00:16:15,103
Here. Go.
442
00:16:15,172 --> 00:16:17,103
Sabrina: Val, I really blew it
443
00:16:17,172 --> 00:16:19,000
on this cheerleader thing.
444
00:16:19,068 --> 00:16:21,827
If there'’s something out there
that makes you happy, go for it.
445
00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:23,517
It doesn'’t matter what I think.
446
00:16:23,586 --> 00:16:26,206
And you'’re not just saying that
because tryouts were yesterday?
447
00:16:26,275 --> 00:16:27,758
Well, it'’s never too late.
448
00:16:27,827 --> 00:16:29,620
All you have to do is ask Libby.
449
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,724
[ Incredulous laughter]
450
00:16:31,793 --> 00:16:33,758
You want me to extend
451
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:36,413
the cheerleading
tryouts for her?
452
00:16:36,482 --> 00:16:37,620
That is too sad
453
00:16:37,689 --> 00:16:40,551
even for you.
454
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:42,241
Oh, yeah. Thatwent well.
455
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:47,137
Would right now be
convenient for you?
456
00:16:47,931 --> 00:16:50,241
Um... sure.
457
00:16:51,931 --> 00:16:53,758
Oh, Sabrina, i'’m
no cheerleader.
458
00:16:53,827 --> 00:16:55,724
I can'’t go through with this.
459
00:16:55,793 --> 00:16:57,758
Oh, what'’s there
to be scared of?
460
00:16:57,827 --> 00:17:00,103
I mean, sure, there is the
possibility of humiliation
461
00:17:00,172 --> 00:17:01,724
but this is high school.
462
00:17:01,793 --> 00:17:03,896
When isn'’t there the
possibility of humiliation?
463
00:17:03,965 --> 00:17:06,758
Oh, all right,
all right, i'’ll do it
464
00:17:06,827 --> 00:17:08,793
but on one condition.
465
00:17:11,172 --> 00:17:13,310
Thanks for doing
this with me, Sabrina.
466
00:17:13,379 --> 00:17:15,413
It'’s giving me the
confidence I need.
467
00:17:15,482 --> 00:17:17,965
Well, the phrase "you
owe me one" comes to mind
468
00:17:18,034 --> 00:17:19,758
yet it seems so inadequate.
469
00:17:19,827 --> 00:17:22,206
Here we have Sabrina spellman
470
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,206
and Valerie birckhead.
471
00:17:24,275 --> 00:17:26,413
Get ready for some comedy.
472
00:17:26,482 --> 00:17:29,103
Go westbridge!
473
00:17:29,172 --> 00:17:32,068
Together: Ready, set, hit it.
474
00:17:32,137 --> 00:17:34,275
Cut the "v"
475
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,586
dot the "i"
476
00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:38,931
curl the "c"
477
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,896
t-o-r-y
478
00:17:40,965 --> 00:17:44,448
v-i-c-t-o-r-y
479
00:17:44,517 --> 00:17:51,034
victory, that'’s our cry.
480
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:53,000
[ Polite applause]
481
00:17:54,034 --> 00:17:55,206
Was I okay?
482
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:56,896
Oh, yeah. You were incredible
483
00:17:56,965 --> 00:17:59,724
like, uh, Martha Graham
if she did sporting events.
484
00:18:00,896 --> 00:18:02,758
Okay. Now it'’s time
485
00:18:02,827 --> 00:18:06,068
for the essay portion
of your audition.
486
00:18:06,137 --> 00:18:07,551
"The effect of cheerleading on
487
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,620
the north American
free trade agreement"?
488
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,724
"Midis or minis:
How long and why"?
489
00:18:11,793 --> 00:18:13,586
No talking.
490
00:18:13,655 --> 00:18:16,172
Sabrina: Mortimer, I wish you
491
00:18:16,241 --> 00:18:17,793
didn'’t have to leave.
492
00:18:17,862 --> 00:18:19,793
I never got to ask you
about the family secret.
493
00:18:19,862 --> 00:18:22,000
You mean i'’m two
inches shorter for nothing?
494
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:25,655
Actually, I have hidden a
clue about the family secret
495
00:18:25,724 --> 00:18:27,551
somewhere in the house.
496
00:18:27,620 --> 00:18:30,965
Could you light me? I'’m late.
497
00:18:31,034 --> 00:18:32,448
Well, if I ever get
498
00:18:32,517 --> 00:18:34,758
the quarter out of my
ear, i'’ll send it to you.
499
00:18:34,827 --> 00:18:36,172
I'’m going to miss you.
500
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:37,724
See you.
501
00:18:46,586 --> 00:18:48,103
[ Gasping]
502
00:18:48,172 --> 00:18:54,413
Oh! On second thought,
maybe i'’ll take the closet.
503
00:18:54,482 --> 00:18:56,000
Harvey: It'’s weird.
504
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,413
I can'’t get the curry
smell out of my brother
505
00:18:58,482 --> 00:19:01,137
and he can'’t sleep
without sandalwood burning.
506
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:03,758
Oh, I went through that phase.
507
00:19:03,827 --> 00:19:05,758
[ Cheering]
508
00:19:05,827 --> 00:19:07,413
Oh, no. Here come
the cheerleaders
509
00:19:07,482 --> 00:19:09,482
to announce the new
squad. I'’m so nervous.
510
00:19:09,551 --> 00:19:10,862
Come on, Valerie.
511
00:19:10,931 --> 00:19:13,068
Cut the "v", dot
the "i", curl the "c..."
512
00:19:13,137 --> 00:19:14,310
Nowyou get the hang of it?
513
00:19:14,379 --> 00:19:16,379
Libby: I have the
results of our tryouts.
514
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:17,896
The new members
515
00:19:17,965 --> 00:19:21,448
of the second-string
cheerleading squad are:
516
00:19:21,517 --> 00:19:27,275
Renee Phillips, danita
Jones and Valerie birckhead.
517
00:19:27,344 --> 00:19:28,655
[ Squealing]
518
00:19:28,724 --> 00:19:29,827
Congratulations.
519
00:19:29,896 --> 00:19:31,000
Thank you.
520
00:19:31,068 --> 00:19:32,413
This is weird. I still like you.
521
00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:36,103
Use them with honor.
522
00:19:37,689 --> 00:19:39,275
A second-string cheerleader.
523
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:42,551
That means if a varsity cheerleader
dies or gains weight, i'’m in.
524
00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:45,172
Do you think some day i'’ll
look back on this moment
525
00:19:45,241 --> 00:19:47,206
and say it was the
happiest of my life?
526
00:19:47,275 --> 00:19:49,103
If the rest of your
life stinks, yes.
527
00:19:49,172 --> 00:19:51,655
Let'’s just hope this is
the start of something big.
528
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,862
And as for Sabrina spellman
529
00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:56,000
who also tried out...
530
00:19:56,068 --> 00:19:58,620
We'’ll be showing a
videotape of her audition
531
00:19:58,689 --> 00:20:00,862
in the gymnasium after...
532
00:20:00,931 --> 00:20:04,793
Am I to understand
I wasn'’t good?
533
00:20:07,275 --> 00:20:10,827
If you happen to find any
shrimp toast in the couch
534
00:20:10,896 --> 00:20:12,827
I... wouldn'’t say no.
535
00:20:12,896 --> 00:20:16,068
Hey! I think I found
Mortimer'’s clue.
536
00:20:16,137 --> 00:20:18,655
Okay. Now i'’m starting
to think he'’s weird.
537
00:20:18,724 --> 00:20:20,448
Well, Sabrina, you'’re
going to be getting
538
00:20:20,517 --> 00:20:21,827
a lot of clues like this.
539
00:20:21,896 --> 00:20:23,137
Once you'’ve gathered them all
540
00:20:23,206 --> 00:20:24,758
they'’ll spell out
the family secret
541
00:20:24,827 --> 00:20:26,413
but it'’s up to you
to figure it out.
542
00:20:26,482 --> 00:20:28,103
Okay. Well, it looks
like a superhero
543
00:20:28,172 --> 00:20:29,551
with "a-b-c" written on him.
544
00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:31,068
Is he alphabet man?
545
00:20:31,137 --> 00:20:32,413
No, no, no, no.
546
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:33,896
He'’s "spell-man."
547
00:20:33,965 --> 00:20:36,896
That means the family
secret'’s about us?
548
00:20:36,965 --> 00:20:38,931
I hope all the other
clues are this juicy.
549
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,827
I can'’t find Mortimer'’s
clue anywhere.
550
00:20:41,896 --> 00:20:43,586
Maybe it would help
if we think like him.
551
00:20:43,655 --> 00:20:44,827
Aunt hilda, I...
552
00:20:44,896 --> 00:20:46,310
Abracadoobie, abracadoo
553
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:48,034
help us uncover Sabrina'’s clue.
554
00:20:53,172 --> 00:20:54,620
Anybody hungry?
555
00:20:54,689 --> 00:20:57,172
I know a decent restaurant
around the corner...
556
00:20:57,241 --> 00:20:59,310
The Delhi lama.
557
00:21:04,517 --> 00:21:05,862
Wow. This place is tidier than
558
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,862
the appliance section
of a department store.
559
00:21:07,931 --> 00:21:09,344
You'’re not going to make me buy
560
00:21:09,413 --> 00:21:10,827
the extended warranty, are you?
561
00:21:10,896 --> 00:21:12,793
I had a spiritual
awakening in Calcutta...
562
00:21:12,862 --> 00:21:16,344
Not to be a holy man,
but to be a handyman.
563
00:21:16,413 --> 00:21:18,931
You finally have something
to do while you'’re awake.
564
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,275
Hilda: What'’s this?
565
00:21:20,344 --> 00:21:21,965
My mantra. You can'’t see it.
566
00:21:22,034 --> 00:21:27,344
A receipt for $3,000
worth of appliance repair?
567
00:21:27,413 --> 00:21:28,689
I'’m the man of the house.
568
00:21:28,758 --> 00:21:32,206
[ Sobbing]: This is
how men fix things.
569
00:21:33,965 --> 00:21:36,310
[ Squeaking]
39681
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