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I love this time of year...
2
00:00:03,724 --> 00:00:05,413
Christmas Carols, sleigh rides
3
00:00:05,482 --> 00:00:06,862
gigantic electric bills.
4
00:00:06,931 --> 00:00:08,310
Want to give us a hand?
5
00:00:08,379 --> 00:00:09,310
In a sec.
6
00:00:09,379 --> 00:00:10,827
I'’m revising my wish list.
7
00:00:10,896 --> 00:00:13,206
I'’m hoping for a
computer, a mountain bike
8
00:00:13,275 --> 00:00:15,793
and a ski jacket.
9
00:00:15,862 --> 00:00:16,896
You'’re not exactly
10
00:00:16,965 --> 00:00:18,758
the little match girl, are you?
11
00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:21,068
Those sound pretty
expensive, Sabrina.
12
00:00:21,137 --> 00:00:24,586
I know. That'’s why I prepared
a list of backup gift ideas
13
00:00:24,655 --> 00:00:26,586
in a variety of price ranges.
14
00:00:26,655 --> 00:00:28,103
Got to go.
15
00:00:28,172 --> 00:00:29,689
And you'’ll note on the bottom
16
00:00:29,758 --> 00:00:31,827
i'’ve listed the times
I won'’t be around
17
00:00:31,896 --> 00:00:33,413
so you can wrap my presents.
18
00:00:33,482 --> 00:00:34,482
Don'’t worry.
19
00:00:34,517 --> 00:00:36,379
I went through
that "gimme" phase.
20
00:00:36,448 --> 00:00:37,517
It'’ll pass.
21
00:00:37,586 --> 00:00:39,586
You'’re right.
22
00:00:39,655 --> 00:00:41,689
Hey, gimme that wise man.
23
00:00:41,758 --> 00:00:44,482
Well, guess we'’re
almost finished decorating
24
00:00:44,551 --> 00:00:45,965
except for the tree.
25
00:00:50,379 --> 00:00:51,586
You know, it'’s lovely
26
00:00:51,655 --> 00:00:54,655
but Christmas is
a mortal holiday.
27
00:00:54,724 --> 00:00:57,034
Shouldn'’t we do the
tree the mortal way?
28
00:00:57,103 --> 00:00:59,724
Okay. I'’ll conjure
up a plastic one.
29
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:00,793
No, no. I meant
30
00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:02,551
shouldn'’t we go and buy a tree
31
00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:04,137
and decorate it by hand?
32
00:01:04,206 --> 00:01:05,862
All right.
33
00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:11,724
Where do they sell trees?
34
00:01:11,793 --> 00:01:13,034
The forest?
35
00:01:30,896 --> 00:01:32,827
Too much Rouge?
36
00:01:37,586 --> 00:01:39,551
I can'’t decide
whether I should shoot
37
00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:41,620
for a: The computer
and mountain bike
38
00:01:41,689 --> 00:01:43,275
b: The computer and ski jacket
39
00:01:43,344 --> 00:01:45,206
or c: All of the above.
40
00:01:45,275 --> 00:01:47,172
I'’d hate to be there if
you got a savings bond.
41
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,068
You want to go
to the mall with me
42
00:01:49,137 --> 00:01:51,275
and do some Christmas
present research?
43
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:55,000
Can'’t. Got a job at
hilmann'’s as a Santa claus.
44
00:01:55,068 --> 00:01:57,344
Is that just for the
holiday season?
45
00:01:57,413 --> 00:01:58,413
It'’s an okay job.
46
00:01:58,448 --> 00:02:00,344
What bothers me
is the kids go home
47
00:02:00,413 --> 00:02:03,103
thinking they'’ll get
everything they asked for.
48
00:02:03,172 --> 00:02:05,586
A lot of them will be
awfully disappointed.
49
00:02:05,655 --> 00:02:06,586
Aw, poor kids.
50
00:02:06,655 --> 00:02:08,000
Should I ask for a helmet
51
00:02:08,068 --> 00:02:09,310
with the mountain bike
52
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,379
or do you think
that'’s just implied?
53
00:02:11,448 --> 00:02:13,344
The American
army was defeated...
54
00:02:13,413 --> 00:02:16,931
Sabrina: Should I get the
mountain bike or the jacket?
55
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,724
Definitely the mountain bike.
56
00:02:18,793 --> 00:02:22,586
George Washington
relocated to valley forge.
57
00:02:22,655 --> 00:02:25,137
Mountain bike,
George Washington...
58
00:02:28,068 --> 00:02:28,896
Sabrina.
59
00:02:28,965 --> 00:02:33,517
Sabrina? We'’re talking
about a very bloody war.
60
00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:34,758
Why are you smiling?
61
00:02:34,827 --> 00:02:37,551
Because i'’ve been desensitized
62
00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:39,310
by popular culture.
63
00:02:41,103 --> 00:02:42,862
Salem: Oh, I see.
64
00:02:42,931 --> 00:02:45,793
First you kill the tree,
and then you humiliate it.
65
00:02:45,862 --> 00:02:48,068
Doing mortal things
the mortal way
66
00:02:48,137 --> 00:02:49,172
just feels right.
67
00:02:49,241 --> 00:02:51,137
My thumbs are numb.
68
00:02:51,206 --> 00:02:53,724
I was thinking, when
we'’ve finished with the tree
69
00:02:53,793 --> 00:02:56,103
we could roast some
chestnuts the mortal way.
70
00:02:56,172 --> 00:02:57,724
Oh, good grief, what'’s next?
71
00:02:57,793 --> 00:03:00,034
Drivingto the store?
72
00:03:00,103 --> 00:03:02,172
Hey, what'’d you get?
73
00:03:02,241 --> 00:03:05,689
Let'’s see: Meat glop, fruit
glop, vegetable glop and...
74
00:03:05,758 --> 00:03:06,862
Glop glop.
75
00:03:06,931 --> 00:03:08,896
Yum. Save me a seat?
76
00:03:08,965 --> 00:03:10,034
Always.
77
00:03:12,103 --> 00:03:14,448
Now, what sounds edible?
78
00:03:14,517 --> 00:03:16,000
A baked potato.
79
00:03:20,344 --> 00:03:23,103
[ Speaking Russian]
80
00:03:23,172 --> 00:03:24,758
Excellent.
81
00:03:24,827 --> 00:03:27,000
Where'’d you get that?
82
00:03:27,068 --> 00:03:29,724
Um, I ordered the kosher meal.
83
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,413
Want a bite?
84
00:03:31,482 --> 00:03:33,172
No, thanks.
85
00:03:33,241 --> 00:03:35,000
Smells like vodka.
86
00:03:35,068 --> 00:03:36,379
[ Grunts]
87
00:03:36,448 --> 00:03:37,586
For the last time:
88
00:03:37,655 --> 00:03:39,551
When I push, you pull. Got it?
89
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,206
Could you be a
little less technical?
90
00:03:42,275 --> 00:03:43,517
Keep trimming that tree
91
00:03:43,586 --> 00:03:44,689
and you'’ll be able
92
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:47,310
to use it in your car
as an air freshener.
93
00:03:48,517 --> 00:03:49,931
[ Sighs]
94
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,103
Hi, Harvey.
95
00:03:51,172 --> 00:03:53,448
Hi, Libby. Got any
plans for the holidays?
96
00:03:53,517 --> 00:03:54,724
Like it matters.
97
00:03:54,793 --> 00:03:56,103
I hate Christmas.
98
00:03:56,172 --> 00:03:58,103
What'’s your take on kwanza?
99
00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:00,344
I usually like the
presents, but this year
100
00:04:00,413 --> 00:04:03,137
I have to be around my
bratty stepbrother Russell.
101
00:04:03,206 --> 00:04:05,517
Really? Your family
has a brat in it?
102
00:04:05,586 --> 00:04:07,241
He colors with my lipsticks
103
00:04:07,310 --> 00:04:08,965
drips chocolate on my stuff
104
00:04:09,034 --> 00:04:11,137
and he can cry on cue.
105
00:04:11,206 --> 00:04:13,344
What'’s your problem, freak?
106
00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:16,620
Hoping Santa will give
you a personality this year?
107
00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:20,137
And a crossbow!
108
00:04:20,206 --> 00:04:21,275
Push, push!
109
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,896
Push! Push!
110
00:04:22,965 --> 00:04:26,206
I knew those lamaze
classes would pay off.
111
00:04:26,275 --> 00:04:27,965
There!
112
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,448
We have the makings
113
00:04:29,517 --> 00:04:31,482
of a beautiful fire hazard.
114
00:04:31,551 --> 00:04:32,551
What do you think?
115
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,241
That'’s what a mortal tree
116
00:04:34,310 --> 00:04:35,310
looks like?
117
00:04:35,344 --> 00:04:36,896
No wonder they drink
118
00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:38,310
during the holidays.
119
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,551
I'’ll conjure more
asparagus. Want some?
120
00:04:40,620 --> 00:04:43,379
No, thanks. You put too
much ketchup on yours.
121
00:04:45,793 --> 00:04:47,896
Hey, somebody
took a bite out of it!
122
00:04:47,965 --> 00:04:50,275
I did. You didn'’t conjure
your own asparagus.
123
00:04:50,344 --> 00:04:51,482
You took mine.
124
00:04:51,551 --> 00:04:53,862
Think there'’s something
wrong with my magic?
125
00:04:53,931 --> 00:04:55,241
Conjure something else.
126
00:04:55,310 --> 00:04:56,758
I could use some protein.
127
00:04:56,827 --> 00:04:58,034
How about a wharf rat?
128
00:04:58,103 --> 00:05:00,344
How about... a blouse?
129
00:05:02,413 --> 00:05:03,862
There. I'’m fine.
130
00:05:03,931 --> 00:05:05,241
And I have good taste.
131
00:05:05,310 --> 00:05:07,620
Zelda, how was the lecture?
132
00:05:07,689 --> 00:05:09,344
For a six-part dissertation
133
00:05:09,413 --> 00:05:12,448
on the reproductive
cycle of garden snails
134
00:05:12,517 --> 00:05:14,448
it was awfully dry.
135
00:05:14,517 --> 00:05:17,379
And, boy, it is really
getting cold outside.
136
00:05:17,448 --> 00:05:20,172
Here'’s a tip: Try
wearing clothes.
137
00:05:20,241 --> 00:05:22,931
Hey! What happened to my blouse?
138
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,413
It was my favorite...
139
00:05:24,482 --> 00:05:25,482
Green silk one?
140
00:05:25,517 --> 00:05:26,448
How many times
141
00:05:26,517 --> 00:05:28,068
do I have to tell you to ask
142
00:05:28,137 --> 00:05:29,793
before you borrow my clothes?
143
00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:32,034
Especially when i'’m
already wearing them.
144
00:05:32,103 --> 00:05:33,413
Something'’s wrong with me.
145
00:05:33,482 --> 00:05:34,862
I tried to conjure asparagus
146
00:05:34,931 --> 00:05:35,931
I got aunt hilda'’s.
147
00:05:35,965 --> 00:05:37,344
I tried to conjure a blouse
148
00:05:37,413 --> 00:05:38,586
I got yours.
149
00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:41,724
Whatever you do, Don'’t
conjure anything fur.
150
00:05:41,793 --> 00:05:44,137
What do you think it is, zeldie?
151
00:05:44,206 --> 00:05:46,620
Well, from what I
know, the problem
152
00:05:46,689 --> 00:05:48,068
may be psychological.
153
00:05:48,137 --> 00:05:50,137
Now, there'’s
nothing to be afraid of.
154
00:05:50,206 --> 00:05:53,586
Dr. Bull is a highly
regarded witch psychiatrist.
155
00:05:53,655 --> 00:05:54,793
She'’s got two doctorates
156
00:05:54,862 --> 00:05:56,344
from other realm universities
157
00:05:56,413 --> 00:05:57,586
and one from Utah state.
158
00:05:57,655 --> 00:05:58,862
And tell me again
159
00:05:58,931 --> 00:06:02,034
why I had to sign that
lobotomy release form?
160
00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:04,310
And that about wraps it up.
161
00:06:04,379 --> 00:06:05,482
Can I go now?
162
00:06:05,551 --> 00:06:08,034
Conjures things from
others, narcissism...
163
00:06:08,103 --> 00:06:11,103
Based on these symptoms,
one would conclude
164
00:06:11,172 --> 00:06:13,551
that you'’re suffering
from egotitis.
165
00:06:13,620 --> 00:06:15,206
Me? I'’m not the one
166
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,551
with a wall full of diplomas.
167
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:19,586
Attacks when provoked.
168
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:21,965
It'’s a textbook case.
169
00:06:22,034 --> 00:06:23,931
You'’re behaving
like a little girl.
170
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,931
Am not!
171
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,896
What say we have a
chat with your inner child?
172
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,206
Hey...
173
00:06:32,275 --> 00:06:33,482
I recognize you.
174
00:06:33,551 --> 00:06:36,103
You'’re the one that'’s
always encouraging me
175
00:06:36,172 --> 00:06:37,206
to run with scissors.
176
00:06:37,275 --> 00:06:38,379
Tell me, inner child
177
00:06:38,448 --> 00:06:40,413
what do you like most
178
00:06:40,482 --> 00:06:41,413
about Christmas?
179
00:06:41,482 --> 00:06:42,827
All the presents!
180
00:06:42,896 --> 00:06:45,068
Do you enjoy being
with other people
181
00:06:45,137 --> 00:06:46,068
at Christmas?
182
00:06:46,137 --> 00:06:48,241
If they bring me presents.
183
00:06:48,310 --> 00:06:49,586
Thank you.
184
00:06:49,655 --> 00:06:51,344
That will be all.
185
00:06:51,413 --> 00:06:53,931
Where'’s my presents?!
186
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,103
Sorry. I didn'’t know
187
00:06:55,172 --> 00:06:57,172
my inner child
would be so childish.
188
00:06:57,241 --> 00:06:59,206
Or sticky!
189
00:06:59,275 --> 00:07:00,931
I see what'’s happening here.
190
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,448
You'’re trying to recapture
191
00:07:02,517 --> 00:07:05,310
the excitement of
Christmas you felt as a child
192
00:07:05,379 --> 00:07:07,310
so you'’re acting like a child.
193
00:07:07,379 --> 00:07:08,586
Or, medically speaking
194
00:07:08,655 --> 00:07:11,344
a spoiled brat.
195
00:07:11,413 --> 00:07:12,620
So, do I need a shot
196
00:07:12,689 --> 00:07:14,758
or can I get away
with an inhaler?
197
00:07:14,827 --> 00:07:16,413
Hmm... it'’s not that easy.
198
00:07:16,482 --> 00:07:19,379
The cure for this malady
must come from within.
199
00:07:19,448 --> 00:07:21,241
You'’ve got to rediscover
200
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,000
the magic of Christmas.
201
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,206
And when you do
202
00:07:24,275 --> 00:07:26,517
your egotitis will go away.
203
00:07:26,586 --> 00:07:27,413
That'’s it?
204
00:07:27,482 --> 00:07:28,689
Except for this.
205
00:07:28,758 --> 00:07:31,275
$120, please.
206
00:07:31,344 --> 00:07:33,344
Zelda: Feeling a little more
207
00:07:33,413 --> 00:07:34,448
in the spirit, dear?
208
00:07:34,517 --> 00:07:35,586
I'’m trying
209
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,689
but I just Don'’t
feel very christmasy.
210
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,241
Maybe some music would help.
211
00:07:39,310 --> 00:07:41,068
Put on a Johnny Mathis album.
212
00:07:41,137 --> 00:07:42,896
Whatever. I'’ll try anything.
213
00:07:46,068 --> 00:07:49,275
I swear my Christmas
album was here a minute ago.
214
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,758
Come on, John,
get ahold of yourself.
215
00:07:53,689 --> 00:07:56,586
♪ O holy night...
216
00:07:56,655 --> 00:07:59,275
Is he the dreamiest, or what?
217
00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:01,137
And his voice is good, too.
218
00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:02,275
Wait a second.
219
00:08:02,344 --> 00:08:03,896
"Property of j. Mathis."
220
00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:06,206
Sabrina, you didn'’t
conjure up a cd.
221
00:08:06,275 --> 00:08:09,034
You just took one
from Johnny Mathis.
222
00:08:09,103 --> 00:08:10,413
Oh, man, Don'’t tell me
223
00:08:10,482 --> 00:08:12,551
my egotitis still
hasn'’t gone away.
224
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:14,620
Hey, maybe if I
open some presents
225
00:08:14,689 --> 00:08:16,586
i'’ll feel better.
226
00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:17,827
Oh, no!
227
00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:19,689
I shook that one. It was good!
228
00:08:19,758 --> 00:08:23,103
Sabrina, when you have egotitis,
you can'’t get any presents.
229
00:08:23,172 --> 00:08:25,034
Receiving gifts
only makes it worse.
230
00:08:25,103 --> 00:08:28,655
This better be
gone by my birthday.
231
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,896
What'’s Christmas
without presents?
232
00:08:33,965 --> 00:08:36,689
Have you ever noticed
that building with the steeple
233
00:08:36,758 --> 00:08:37,965
and the bells?
234
00:08:38,034 --> 00:08:40,413
There'’s got to be
something you guys can do.
235
00:08:40,482 --> 00:08:42,413
Well, there is someone
who could help.
236
00:08:42,482 --> 00:08:44,655
And we didn'’t call
him before because...?
237
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:46,344
He'’s a very big hoo-ha.
238
00:08:46,413 --> 00:08:47,068
Who is he?
239
00:08:47,137 --> 00:08:48,551
Bob.
240
00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:50,827
His parents didn'’t
know he'’d be important
241
00:08:50,896 --> 00:08:52,000
when they named him.
242
00:08:52,068 --> 00:08:53,931
Let'’s summon him
with the Bob song.
243
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,413
[ Humming starting note]
244
00:08:55,482 --> 00:08:57,724
♪ Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. ♪
245
00:08:57,793 --> 00:08:59,275
How do you remember
246
00:08:59,344 --> 00:09:00,551
the lyrics?
247
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:01,724
Hey, what'’s up?
248
00:09:01,793 --> 00:09:03,000
Oh, hello, Bob.
249
00:09:03,068 --> 00:09:04,172
We have a problem.
250
00:09:04,241 --> 00:09:06,586
Our niece Sabrina
has a case of egotitis.
251
00:09:06,655 --> 00:09:08,482
Ah, that'’s not
your only problem.
252
00:09:08,551 --> 00:09:09,413
It isn'’t?
253
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:12,103
You'’ve got one
sorry-looking tree.
254
00:09:12,172 --> 00:09:14,379
It'’d look better with presents.
255
00:09:14,448 --> 00:09:17,275
Oh, trying to recapture
the spirit of Christmas, huh?
256
00:09:17,344 --> 00:09:18,448
Mmm. Can you help?
257
00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:19,896
I'’ll give it a shot.
258
00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:21,068
I know.
259
00:09:21,137 --> 00:09:25,068
Say, why Don'’t you
and I take a little trip
260
00:09:25,137 --> 00:09:26,413
to Christmas past?
261
00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:28,517
No, it'’s been done.
262
00:09:28,586 --> 00:09:30,000
And trust me, the trip
263
00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:31,896
to the graveyard is depressing.
264
00:09:31,965 --> 00:09:34,344
Why Don'’t you and I
try to go and recapture
265
00:09:34,413 --> 00:09:36,344
your childhood
Christmas memories?
266
00:09:36,413 --> 00:09:37,620
And maybe have a look
267
00:09:37,689 --> 00:09:39,482
at the new chryslers.
268
00:09:39,551 --> 00:09:41,172
You have met
269
00:09:41,241 --> 00:09:42,827
this guy before, right?
270
00:09:44,965 --> 00:09:46,896
♪
271
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:17,655
Ow!
272
00:10:17,724 --> 00:10:19,965
Why'’d you hit me?
273
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,620
[ People arguing]
274
00:10:28,517 --> 00:10:31,241
Merry Christmas.
275
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:34,206
Cold, fun, snow
276
00:10:34,275 --> 00:10:35,482
Libby in trouble...
277
00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:37,758
I'’m beginning to feel
a lot like Christmas.
278
00:10:37,827 --> 00:10:40,724
Well, see, I told you it
was only a matter of...
279
00:10:40,793 --> 00:10:41,724
Ow!
280
00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:42,931
Oh, no. You okay?
281
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,172
Oh, no. I slipped
282
00:10:44,241 --> 00:10:46,206
on some ice, and
I Don'’t remember
283
00:10:46,275 --> 00:10:49,103
my ankle being the
size of a grapefruit.
284
00:10:49,172 --> 00:10:50,862
Don'’t worry. I'’ll
get you a cane.
285
00:10:50,931 --> 00:10:52,724
Oh, thanks.
286
00:10:52,793 --> 00:10:53,896
Man: My cane!
287
00:10:53,965 --> 00:10:55,413
What happened to my cane?
288
00:10:55,482 --> 00:10:56,758
Oh, just my luck.
289
00:10:56,827 --> 00:10:58,724
Don'’t tell me I
still have egotitis.
290
00:10:58,793 --> 00:11:00,793
Let'’s see: I'’m hurt,
grandpa'’s down
291
00:11:00,862 --> 00:11:03,758
and you'’re still worried
about getting presents.
292
00:11:03,827 --> 00:11:05,586
Oh, smart money'’d be on "yes."
293
00:11:06,517 --> 00:11:08,517
Voila!
294
00:11:08,586 --> 00:11:10,310
You know, i'’ve got to admit it.
295
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:11,689
I'’m really proud of us.
296
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,793
We did it all by outselves
297
00:11:13,862 --> 00:11:16,000
just like a mortal family.
298
00:11:16,068 --> 00:11:17,344
Do you want
299
00:11:17,413 --> 00:11:19,103
to zap it, or should I?
300
00:11:19,172 --> 00:11:20,172
I will.
301
00:11:23,034 --> 00:11:25,172
A little gaudy,
Don'’t you think?
302
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:26,241
Sabrina: Help!
303
00:11:26,275 --> 00:11:28,758
Hurt Bob in the kitchen!
304
00:11:29,517 --> 00:11:30,655
You take it easy.
305
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,310
We'’ll get you an ice pack.
306
00:11:32,379 --> 00:11:34,137
Everything is going to be fine.
307
00:11:34,206 --> 00:11:36,344
Absolutely.
308
00:11:36,413 --> 00:11:37,689
[ Groans]
309
00:11:37,758 --> 00:11:39,620
Do you realize
what you'’ve done?
310
00:11:39,689 --> 00:11:41,103
What, Bob'’s going to sue?
311
00:11:41,172 --> 00:11:43,517
No! He'’s Santa claus.
312
00:11:43,586 --> 00:11:44,758
What?! that'’s right.
313
00:11:44,827 --> 00:11:46,482
You'’ve maimed father Christmas.
314
00:11:46,551 --> 00:11:51,482
So, I guess i'’m not the only
one not getting presents this year.
315
00:11:51,551 --> 00:11:52,620
So, if you'’re Santa
316
00:11:52,689 --> 00:11:54,172
how come you'’re not chubby?
317
00:11:54,241 --> 00:11:56,517
A combination of
cardiovascular exercise
318
00:11:56,586 --> 00:11:57,689
and weight training
319
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,448
or it could be that tapeworm.
320
00:11:59,517 --> 00:12:02,310
Anyway, i'’ve got a lot
of deliveries to make.
321
00:12:02,379 --> 00:12:03,586
Ho-ho-ho!
322
00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:05,172
[ Groaning]
323
00:12:05,241 --> 00:12:06,758
You are not going anywhere.
324
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,862
Isn'’t there someone
to fill in for you?
325
00:12:08,931 --> 00:12:10,310
A temp service or cousin?
326
00:12:10,379 --> 00:12:12,172
Well, there'’s always Mrs. Claus
327
00:12:12,241 --> 00:12:13,448
but I can'’t call her.
328
00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:14,689
She works for u.P.S.
329
00:12:14,758 --> 00:12:16,965
This time of year,
they'’re real crazy.
330
00:12:17,034 --> 00:12:19,896
Hilda and I have to stay
here and take care of you.
331
00:12:19,965 --> 00:12:21,068
There must be
332
00:12:21,137 --> 00:12:22,827
somebody.
333
00:12:22,896 --> 00:12:26,000
Me?! But Bob and I were
this close to curing my egotitis.
334
00:12:26,068 --> 00:12:28,241
A few more hours,
i'’ll be back to normal.
335
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,206
Can we just order
everyone something
336
00:12:32,275 --> 00:12:33,413
from a catalog?
337
00:12:33,482 --> 00:12:35,586
Okay, i'’ve got it.
338
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,862
Head due north
and look for reindeer.
339
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,482
But Don'’t take the first
"Santa'’s workship" exit.
340
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,586
Take the second.
341
00:12:41,655 --> 00:12:43,620
Salem: This is a
girl who has trouble
342
00:12:43,689 --> 00:12:46,241
getting to school on
time, and she'’s supposed
343
00:12:46,310 --> 00:12:49,344
to deliver millions of
presents by tomorrow morning?
344
00:12:49,413 --> 00:12:51,827
Am I the only one
who sees a problem?
345
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:57,275
You know, Salem,
that'’s an excellent point.
346
00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:08,413
"That'’s an excellent point."
347
00:13:08,482 --> 00:13:11,275
That is the last time I point
out the flaw in someone'’s logic.
348
00:13:11,344 --> 00:13:12,965
Mayday! Mayday!
349
00:13:13,034 --> 00:13:14,931
Intruder on the premises!
350
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:15,931
[ Whimpering]
351
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,758
Who are you?
352
00:13:17,827 --> 00:13:18,931
Sabrina. Don'’t panic.
353
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,689
Santa'’s had a little accident.
354
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,655
[ All yelling]No, it'’s okay.
355
00:13:22,724 --> 00:13:24,827
Um, i'’m going
to fill in for him.
356
00:13:24,896 --> 00:13:25,827
[ All yelling]
357
00:13:25,896 --> 00:13:27,379
No, I promise it'’ll be fine.
358
00:13:27,448 --> 00:13:29,862
Who are you?
359
00:13:29,931 --> 00:13:31,413
We'’re Santa'’s elves.
360
00:13:31,482 --> 00:13:33,275
I thought Santa'’s
elves were small.
361
00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:35,137
You'’re probably
thinking of Fritz.
362
00:13:35,206 --> 00:13:37,137
Whenever somebody
whips out a camera
363
00:13:37,206 --> 00:13:38,551
guess who always happens
364
00:13:38,620 --> 00:13:39,965
to be next to Santa?
365
00:13:40,034 --> 00:13:41,586
What are you building?
366
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:42,655
A cd player.
367
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:43,689
Seriously?
368
00:13:44,551 --> 00:13:45,862
Man, you guys are good.
369
00:13:45,931 --> 00:13:47,862
Yeah. Perhaps
you didn'’t know this
370
00:13:47,931 --> 00:13:49,344
but we'’re on a deadline!
371
00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:50,448
How about wrapping?
372
00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:51,586
Gotcha.
373
00:13:51,655 --> 00:13:52,724
How about a palm-sized
374
00:13:52,793 --> 00:13:53,793
digital camera?
375
00:13:53,827 --> 00:13:55,379
Not for me, but a friend
376
00:13:55,448 --> 00:13:57,172
who'’s fallen on hard times.
377
00:13:57,241 --> 00:13:58,586
We'’ll call him Salem.
378
00:13:58,655 --> 00:13:59,793
Oh, boy.
379
00:13:59,862 --> 00:14:02,172
Is there anything else
we can get you, Bob?
380
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:04,275
I Don'’t want to be
an imposition, please.
381
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,517
Bob, you could never
be an imposition.
382
00:14:06,586 --> 00:14:07,517
If you insist.
383
00:14:07,586 --> 00:14:08,724
How about a couple
384
00:14:08,793 --> 00:14:10,689
of cheeseburgers,
a chocolate malted
385
00:14:10,758 --> 00:14:11,793
and some chips?
386
00:14:11,862 --> 00:14:13,482
Hey, either of you gals up
387
00:14:13,551 --> 00:14:15,000
for a game of mousetrap?
388
00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:16,206
What will that be?
389
00:14:16,275 --> 00:14:17,275
A Ferrari, if someone
390
00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:18,896
would stop breathing
down my neck.
391
00:14:18,965 --> 00:14:21,482
I willif I can have
a pipe cleaner.
392
00:14:21,551 --> 00:14:23,241
Mayday! Mayday!
393
00:14:23,310 --> 00:14:24,413
Fritz is wound
394
00:14:24,482 --> 00:14:25,586
a little tight, isn'’t he?
395
00:14:25,655 --> 00:14:27,275
The "naughty/nice" list
396
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:28,275
is missing.
397
00:14:28,344 --> 00:14:30,000
And I keep running into Fritz
398
00:14:30,068 --> 00:14:31,862
underneath the mistletoe.
399
00:14:31,931 --> 00:14:33,931
Calm down. Everyone
retrace your steps.
400
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,689
That would put me back
underneath the mistletoe.
401
00:14:36,758 --> 00:14:37,862
Mayday! Mayday!
402
00:14:37,931 --> 00:14:39,724
He'’s beginning to
get on my nerves.
403
00:14:39,793 --> 00:14:40,896
I found the list!
404
00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:42,482
The reindeer ate it.
405
00:14:42,551 --> 00:14:44,758
What are you going to do?
406
00:14:44,827 --> 00:14:45,827
Me?
407
00:14:45,862 --> 00:14:46,862
You'’re in charge.
408
00:14:46,931 --> 00:14:48,689
Do you know how
many palms I greased
409
00:14:48,758 --> 00:14:50,034
to get on that "nice" list?
410
00:14:50,103 --> 00:14:51,448
And nobody made a copy?
411
00:14:51,517 --> 00:14:54,172
Oh, there is a copy
of the list on that thing
412
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:56,310
but none of us
know how to use it.
413
00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:57,517
Oh, I bet I can.
414
00:14:57,586 --> 00:14:58,827
It only takes a minute
415
00:14:58,896 --> 00:15:00,758
to learn how to
use these things.
416
00:15:00,827 --> 00:15:02,689
Yeah, Santa won'’t
let us touch it...
417
00:15:02,758 --> 00:15:03,896
Not since somebody
418
00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:05,620
got addicted to solitaire.
419
00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:07,000
Hilda, wait!
420
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:09,620
I'’ve got a few more
things for you to pick up:
421
00:15:09,689 --> 00:15:11,000
Two gallons of ice cream
422
00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:12,413
four lemon meringue pies
423
00:15:12,482 --> 00:15:15,448
a box of frozen onion rings
and a case of birch beer.
424
00:15:15,517 --> 00:15:18,068
Nobody makes a list like Santa.
425
00:15:18,137 --> 00:15:20,275
Let'’s go! It'’s almost
Christmas in Tokyo!
426
00:15:20,344 --> 00:15:21,862
Okay, here'’s your itinerary.
427
00:15:21,931 --> 00:15:23,931
We had triple "a"
make you a triptik.
428
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,344
Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
429
00:15:25,413 --> 00:15:27,103
I swear, one of these days...
430
00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:28,586
He does tend to overreact.
431
00:15:28,655 --> 00:15:30,965
The reindeer are sick!
432
00:15:31,034 --> 00:15:32,275
He may have a point.
433
00:15:32,344 --> 00:15:34,344
It must have been
the list they ate.
434
00:15:34,413 --> 00:15:35,793
What are we going to do?
435
00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:38,241
Will Zelda let us borrow
the station wagon?
436
00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:40,586
There'’s no time for that.
437
00:15:40,655 --> 00:15:42,896
These children need presents.
438
00:15:42,965 --> 00:15:45,000
Okay, we'’ve all
had our little laugh.
439
00:15:45,068 --> 00:15:46,344
Now, take the nose off.
440
00:15:49,068 --> 00:15:50,344
Ready to rock?
441
00:15:50,413 --> 00:15:53,068
Is there still
something on my head?
442
00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:53,758
Good luck!
443
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:54,827
Godspeed!
444
00:15:57,310 --> 00:16:00,206
They'’re never going to make it.
445
00:16:00,275 --> 00:16:03,379
You-know-who is
ready for his pedicure.
446
00:16:03,448 --> 00:16:04,793
Yourturn.
447
00:16:04,862 --> 00:16:07,965
Bob: Zelda! I'’d like the
black cherry nail Polish.
448
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,344
It is not my turn.
449
00:16:09,413 --> 00:16:10,689
I clipped his ear hair.
450
00:16:10,758 --> 00:16:12,172
Iclipped his ear hair.
451
00:16:12,241 --> 00:16:14,896
How fast does that stuff grow?
452
00:16:14,965 --> 00:16:17,310
Well, that does it
for the baltic states.
453
00:16:17,379 --> 00:16:18,827
Want another pierogi?
454
00:16:18,896 --> 00:16:20,206
No, thanks.
455
00:16:20,275 --> 00:16:22,793
I'’ve already had moussaka,
baklava and pad Thai.
456
00:16:22,862 --> 00:16:25,482
What was I thinking?
457
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,758
Buck up. I see downtown
westbridge ahead.
458
00:16:27,827 --> 00:16:29,551
Hey, there'’s Libby'’s house.
459
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:31,620
Great, I can yack
in her stocking.
460
00:16:31,689 --> 00:16:33,724
No, I got her the
perfect present.
461
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,551
Merry Christmas, Libby.
462
00:16:40,310 --> 00:16:41,896
What?
463
00:16:41,965 --> 00:16:43,517
Here, Libby.
464
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,586
Merry Christmas.
465
00:16:45,655 --> 00:16:49,379
Oh, Russell, it'’s
a little jewelry box.
466
00:16:49,448 --> 00:16:50,724
I made it myself.
467
00:16:50,793 --> 00:16:55,206
Hey, want to split the roof
on my gingerbread house?
468
00:16:56,862 --> 00:16:59,241
So, you gave her love
for her stepbrother?
469
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,517
It seemed like the
right thing to do.
470
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:03,551
I would have given
her a lump of coal
471
00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:05,758
but i'’m not the one
wearing the red hat.
472
00:17:08,517 --> 00:17:10,527
♪ She'’ll be comin'’ around
the mountain when she comes ♪
473
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:11,724
♪ when she comes
474
00:17:11,793 --> 00:17:13,251
♪ she'’ll be comin'’
around the mountain ♪
475
00:17:13,275 --> 00:17:14,769
♪ she'’ll be comin'’
around the mountain ♪
476
00:17:14,793 --> 00:17:17,044
♪ she'’ll be comin'’ around the
mountain when she comes. ♪
477
00:17:17,068 --> 00:17:18,413
Yee-haw! Yee-haw!
478
00:17:18,482 --> 00:17:20,689
[ Chuckling]: Encore! Encore!
479
00:17:20,758 --> 00:17:24,551
Oh, but wait, now, how
about some more food first?
480
00:17:24,620 --> 00:17:26,931
Perhaps a bit more coq au vin?
481
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,862
Bob, Don'’t you think
you should maybe
482
00:17:28,931 --> 00:17:30,275
be watching the calories?
483
00:17:30,344 --> 00:17:32,862
Nah, it'’s just water weight.
484
00:17:32,931 --> 00:17:35,137
Band aids, cotton
balls, aspirin?
485
00:17:35,206 --> 00:17:38,724
What good is a first aid kit
without a stomach pump?
486
00:17:38,793 --> 00:17:39,896
Look. Harvey'’s house.
487
00:17:39,965 --> 00:17:42,068
I can'’t look down.
488
00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:44,068
What'’d you get
him for Christmas?
489
00:17:44,137 --> 00:17:45,241
A little miracle.
490
00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:48,551
Merry Christmas, Harvey.
491
00:17:52,103 --> 00:17:54,689
Hilda: I couldn'’t
sleep at all last night.
492
00:17:54,758 --> 00:17:56,206
I kept thinking about that line
493
00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:58,000
"he sees you when
you'’re sleeping."
494
00:17:58,068 --> 00:17:59,793
Merry Christmas!
495
00:17:59,862 --> 00:18:02,344
Salem: Must... eat... grass...
496
00:18:03,758 --> 00:18:05,482
Merry Christmas. How was it?
497
00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:06,689
You'’re looking
498
00:18:06,758 --> 00:18:07,965
at a changed woman.
499
00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:10,275
I Don'’t even care
if I get any presents.
500
00:18:10,344 --> 00:18:12,310
[ Gasps] Look!
501
00:18:12,379 --> 00:18:13,896
Your egotitis is gone.
502
00:18:13,965 --> 00:18:15,482
I bet there'’s someone
503
00:18:15,551 --> 00:18:17,931
that could use
this more than me.
504
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,241
[ Gasps]
505
00:18:26,103 --> 00:18:27,034
Well...
506
00:18:27,103 --> 00:18:28,551
Congratulations, Sabrina.
507
00:18:28,620 --> 00:18:30,586
You'’ve discovered
how to recreate
508
00:18:30,655 --> 00:18:32,655
the childhood
magic of Christmas:
509
00:18:32,724 --> 00:18:35,000
By making Christmas
magic for others.
510
00:18:35,068 --> 00:18:36,482
I could have used that suit.
511
00:18:36,551 --> 00:18:37,827
It was freezing out there.
512
00:18:37,896 --> 00:18:39,172
[ Laughs]
513
00:18:39,241 --> 00:18:41,758
Well, now that you'’re
cured, I can go home.
514
00:18:41,827 --> 00:18:43,517
But your ankle,
doesn'’t it hurt?
515
00:18:43,586 --> 00:18:45,000
Nah. I was faking it.
516
00:18:45,068 --> 00:18:46,758
You were?
517
00:18:46,827 --> 00:18:48,758
Yeah! To teach
me a lesson, right?
518
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:51,931
Well, there is that, plus I
could use a break from, uh...
519
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,758
"Mayday! Mayday!
Mayday! Mayday!"
520
00:18:53,827 --> 00:18:55,172
[ Bells jingling]
521
00:18:55,241 --> 00:18:57,034
Well, here'’s my ride.
522
00:18:57,103 --> 00:19:00,344
Next year, how about I have
a little monte cristo sandwich
523
00:19:00,413 --> 00:19:02,103
waiting for me by the chimney?
524
00:19:02,172 --> 00:19:03,241
Bob, there'’s some...
525
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:04,655
Ah, I almost forgot.
526
00:19:05,758 --> 00:19:07,620
For us?
527
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:08,827
[ Chuckles]
528
00:19:08,896 --> 00:19:11,448
"Mozart live at emperor
Joseph'’s court"?
529
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:12,793
Wow!
530
00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:14,379
I recorded it myself.
531
00:19:14,448 --> 00:19:16,724
Wolfy was really hot that night.
532
00:19:16,793 --> 00:19:19,310
"An invitation to a
meeting of the minds
533
00:19:19,379 --> 00:19:20,965
at Stephen Hawking'’s."
534
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:22,310
Oh, my goodness.
535
00:19:22,379 --> 00:19:24,517
I'’ve dreamed about this.
536
00:19:24,586 --> 00:19:28,620
That'’s why no one
ever stays mad at Santa.
537
00:19:32,655 --> 00:19:34,241
So, the next time you'’re abroad
538
00:19:34,310 --> 00:19:35,586
remember my simple rule:
539
00:19:35,655 --> 00:19:37,793
Kielbasa and Sauerkraut... yes.
540
00:19:37,862 --> 00:19:41,689
Kielbasa and menudo
and haggis... no.
541
00:19:41,758 --> 00:19:42,758
[ Doorbell rings]
542
00:19:42,793 --> 00:19:44,448
I'’ll get it.
543
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,103
Merry Christmas.
544
00:19:46,172 --> 00:19:47,379
Harvey.
545
00:19:47,448 --> 00:19:48,827
I got you a present.
546
00:19:50,965 --> 00:19:52,241
Oh!
547
00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:53,310
A mouse. In gray.
548
00:19:53,344 --> 00:19:54,758
That goes with everything.
549
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,137
I was planning to get
you the whole computer
550
00:19:57,206 --> 00:20:00,034
but then they took all those
taxes out of my paycheck.
551
00:20:00,103 --> 00:20:01,517
It was a wonderful thought.
552
00:20:01,586 --> 00:20:03,068
So, was it fun playing Santa?
553
00:20:03,137 --> 00:20:04,137
It'’s hard work.
554
00:20:04,206 --> 00:20:06,137
Don'’t I know it.
555
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,724
Oh, you'’ll never believe this.
556
00:20:07,793 --> 00:20:09,793
I got a call from the
department store.
557
00:20:09,862 --> 00:20:11,448
All the kids who came to see me
558
00:20:11,517 --> 00:20:13,172
got exactly what they asked for.
559
00:20:13,241 --> 00:20:14,344
It'’s like a miracle.
560
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:15,482
You'’re welcome.
561
00:20:15,551 --> 00:20:17,344
I mean, oh, look!
562
00:20:17,413 --> 00:20:18,862
Mistletoe.
563
00:20:18,931 --> 00:20:20,965
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
564
00:20:27,655 --> 00:20:30,137
Oh, boy! "The buttoned
down mind of Bob newhart."
565
00:20:30,206 --> 00:20:32,655
How'’d you know my other
album got all scratched?
566
00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:34,068
This is for you, zeldie.
567
00:20:34,137 --> 00:20:35,793
I made it the mortal way.
568
00:20:35,862 --> 00:20:37,517
Really?
569
00:20:37,586 --> 00:20:39,000
No. What'’d you get me?
570
00:20:39,068 --> 00:20:41,172
Something you'’ll really like.
571
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,724
[ Hilda gasps]
572
00:20:42,793 --> 00:20:43,965
Johnny Mathis?
573
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,758
Cool! This is the best
574
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:46,827
Christmas ever.
575
00:20:46,862 --> 00:20:51,379
♪ O holy night
576
00:20:51,448 --> 00:20:57,068
♪ the stars are
brightly shining ♪
577
00:20:57,137 --> 00:20:59,034
♪ it is the night
578
00:20:59,103 --> 00:21:04,482
♪ of our dear
savior'’s birth... ♪
579
00:21:04,551 --> 00:21:07,448
Great. I didn'’t get
anything for Johnny.
39243
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