All language subtitles for signed sealed delivered one in a million 2016 1080p web h264-failed_track3_[eng]

[***]

HEY! HOLD ON!

WHOA. JUST IN TIME, HUH?

JUST IN TIME.

WAIT!

I'M SORRY,
I'M JUST...

YOU KNOW THAT FEELING

WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO
DROP A LETTER IN THE BOX,

AND THEN YOU FREEZE,

AND THEN THAT WEIRD VOICE
IN YOUR HEAD YELLS "WAIT!"

BUT WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?

I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, I'M NOT A KID
ANYMORE, RIGHT?

AND I CAN'T WAIT FOREVER.

NEITHER CAN I.

SORRY.

I JUST DON'T WRITE
A LOT OF LETTERS.

SEE, IT'S LIKE
RIPPING OFF A BANDAGE,

YOU JUST GOTTA DO IT FAST
AND SCREAM, RIGHT?

DON'T SCREAM.

[LIGHT CHUCKLE]

OKAY.

WHAT GOOD IS A LETTER
IF YOU DON'T MAIL IT?

OKAY.

HERE GOES!

OKAY. BYE.

[***]

[SERVER, GRAHAM]:
ARE NOT.

[SERVER, NIKKI]:
ARE TOO.

ARE NOT.

WANNA BET?
JUST LOOK AT THEM.

THEY DANCE LIKE
THEY KNOW THE STEPS,

BUT THEY CAN'T
FIND THEIR RHYTHM.

MAYBE THEY
KNOW THE STEPS

BUT THEY'VE LOST
THEIR RHYTHM?

SOMETIMES THINGS
CHANGE, I GUESS.

BUT THAT WON'T
HAPPEN WITH US.

"NIKKI AND GRAHAM
FOREVER," RIGHT?

[CHUCKLES
AS CELL PHONE RINGS]

AH, I GOTTA GET THIS.

I'LL DO
THE APPETIZERS.

THANKS.

LOVE YOU.

[PHONE BEEPS ON]

HEY.

NO. NOT YET.

I NEED TO FIGURE OUT
THE BEST WAY TO DO THIS.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

BUT I'VE GOT THIS HANDLED.
JUST TRUST ME.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

[BEEPS PHONE OFF]

[***]

[SOBBING]

[TELEVISION PROGRAM
PLAYS FAINTLY]

NOW, HERE WE GO!

NO...

NO. NO.

AHH!

* OH, YEAH, BABY

* LIKE A FOOL I WENT
AND STAYED TOO LONG *

* NOW I'M WONDERING
IF YOUR LOVE'S STILL STRONG *

* OOH, BABY

* HERE I AM
SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED *

* I'M YOURS

* MM

* THEN THAT TIME I WENT
AND SAID GOODBYE *

* NOW I'M BACK
AND NOT ASHAMED TO CRY *

* OOH, BABY

* HERE I AM

* SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED

* I'M YOURS

* AHH!

* HERE I AM

GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE.

NORMAN, RITA, SHA--

MS. McINERNEY.

HAPPY MONDAY, OLIVER.

[OLIVER]:
ANYTHING PRESSING?

UH, NO. JUST THE USUAL.

EXCEPT FOR THIS.

OH...

[SNIFFING]

HMM.

PINE TAR...

AND EVERGREEN.

THE FLORIDA YEW, I BELIEVE?

OH! THE FLORIDA YEW

ONLY GROWS IN
NORTHERN FLORIDA,

ON THE EASTERN SIDE OF
THE APALACHICOLA RIVER.

SADLY, WE WILL NEVER KNOW
THAT STORY.

NORMAN, WILL YOU DISPATCH
TO THE MIAMI BRANCH?

YOU GOT IT.

OH! I MIGHT STOP BY PASSPORTS.

ELEANOR GOT
A NEW BLENDER

AND SHE'S MAKING
SMOOTHIES.

-DOES ANYBODY WANT ONE?
-OOH. YES, PLEASE.

I'M IN.

I'M A YOO-HOO MAN, USUALLY,
BUT I MIGHT TRY BRANCHING OUT.

[NORMAN]: OH...

'KAY.

PERHAPS WE SHOULD USE THIS TIME
TO, UM, GET A JUMP

ON OUR "IMPOSSIBLY RIPPED
AND MANGLED" BOX.

[***]

WE USUALLY DO THOSE
AT THE END OF THE MONTH.

UNLESS YOU WANT TO

BRANCH OUT
WITH THAT, TOO?

[ANNOUNCEMENT BLARES]:
OLIVER O'TOOLE, PLEASE REPORT

IMMEDIATELY TO THE OFFICE
OF POSTAL SECURITY.

O'TOOLE TO O.P.S.

WE SHALL SEE.

SO, WHAT HAPPENED WITH
YOUR DATE SATURDAY NIGHT?

DID YOU WEAR THE PINK DRESS?

YES.

AND?WHAT HAPPENED AT THE END?
DID HE KISS YOU?

WELL...

WELL, SOMETHING HAPPENED,

'CAUSE HE IS
DRINKING SMOOTHIES,

AND HE ALMOST
CALLED YOU SHANE.

NO, HE DIDN'T.

YES, HE DID.
HE SAID, AHEM--

[AS OLIVER]:
"GOOD MORNING, UH, SH--

MS. McINERNEY."

THERE WAS NO "SH--"

I DIDN'T HEAR A "SH."

[ANNOUNCEMENT]: SHANE McINERNEY
TO THE FRONT DESK.

SHANE McINERNEY.

WHAT IS GOING ON TODAY?

SHANE!

DO I--?

IT'S NIKKI.
YOUR SERVER FROM SATURDAY NIGHT.

UH-HUH.

UH-HUH.

THAT'S RIGHT. A DUCK.

AND A CAN OF BEANS!

BEANS.

NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE IT.

UH-HUH. YEAH.

YEAH. HE JUST ARRIVED.

GOT IT.

[HANGS UP]

O'TOOLE.

MR.KIMSICLE.

GLAD TO
HAVE YOU ABOARD.

WE NEED A MAN
WHO KNOWS THE ROPES--

THE SAILS,
THE LAY OF THE LAND,

THE WHOLE ENCHILADA,
FROM STEM TO STERN.

COULD YOU...
ELABORATE?

NOW, THAT IS WHAT I MEAN.

WE NEED A SMART GUY AROUND HERE
WHO KNOWS ABOUT ELABORATING.

OH.

FOUR DAYS AGO,

AN UNIDENTIFIED PERPETRATOR

REMOVED THE MAIL
FROM THIS MAILBOX

AND REPLACED IT
WITH A DUCK.

UH, I BELIEVE
THAT MAY BE A GOOSE.

YOU'RE THINKING
ALREADY.

I LIKE THAT.

[SNIFFS]
THREE DAYS AGO,

THE MAIL
WAS TAKEN FROM HERE

AND REPLACED WITH
TWO TINY PEOPLE IN A TENT.

SO, A WEDDING
CAKE TOPPER,

A GOOSE,

AND MAY I ASSUME
A THIRD MAILBOX

YIELDED A CAN
OF KIDNEY BEANS?

AH, YES, YOU MAY.

AND YOU MAY
ALSO ASSUME

THAT YOU

AND THAT WEIRD LITTLE TASK FORCE
OF YOURS

ARE GOING TO FIND THIS GUY.

I'M NOT QUITE SURE

THIS FALLS UNDER THE AEGIS
OF THE DEAD LETTER OFFICE.

PERHAPS THE POLICE OR F.B.I.--

O'TOOLE!

IF WORD GETS OUT

BEFORE WE KNOW
WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH,

WE COULD HAVE RAMPANT HYSTERIA
RUNNING ALL OVER THE PLACE.

WE NEED TO KEEP THIS IN-HOUSE
AS LONG AS WE CAN.

HAS ANYONE DUSTED THE BEANS
FOR FINGERPRINTS?

THAT LITTLE GUY IN YOUR OFFICE,
WITH THE SUITCASE,

DOESN'T HE USUALLY DO THAT?

YES, BUT--

AND THE OTHER TWO,

THE SKINNY ONE
AND THAT "SHANE" GAL.

MS. McINERNEY.

OH, SHE IS A LIVE-WIRE.

NOTHIN' GETS PAST HER, HUH?

NOT THAT I'M AWARE OF.

SO THERE ARE NO OTHER LEADS?

OH, JUST ONE.

YEAH, THIS WAS FOUND SATURDAY
IN BOX 458.

IT'S SOME KIND
OF FANCY LANGUAGE,

LIKE GREEK OR PERUVIAN.

IT'S LATIN.

OR LATIN.

I'M GUESSING

THAT IS A CLUE
OF MASSIVE PROPORTIONS.

YES.

YES, IT'S DEFINITELY A CLUE.

[CHUCKLES]

I LOVE THIS GUY!

ONE MORE DAY.

IF I HAD JUST WAITED
ONE MORE DAY

AND THOUGHT IT THROUGH,

BUT NO, I HAD TO SEND IT.

I HAD TO SAY IT--

"LET'S GET MARRIED."

THEN I GIVE IT TO THE MAILMAN
AND, FOR A FEW HOURS,

I ACTUALLY FEEL,
YOU KNOW... HOPE.

UNTIL...

OH, GOD, IF HE GETS IT NOW,

I'LL BE UTTERLY
HUMILIATED,

OR WORSE--
MORTIFIED.

OR...

WHAT'S WORSE--
MORTIFIED OR PITIED?

NIKKI,

GETTING A LETTER BACK
ONCE IT'S MAILED

IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE.

THEN THAT'S IT.

LISTEN.

FILL THIS OUT,

THEN HAVE THEM COME GET ME.

I'LL WALK THIS ONTO THE FLOOR
AND I'LL LOOK FOR IT MYSELF.

HEY! EVERYTHING OKAY?

YEAH.
STRANGE, THOUGH.

IT WAS OUR WAITRESS
FROM MONTALDO'S.

SHE NEEDED
A FORM 10-67E.

SO TELL ME
ABOUT THAT DINNER!

WELL, LET'S SEE.

START FROM
THE BEGINNING.

HE WAS REALLY NERVOUS AT FIRST.

AND THEN WE STARTED DANCING
AND THINGS GOT BETTER, UNTIL...

UNTIL...?

UNTIL WE STOPPED DANCING.

[ROMANTIC INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS
AS PATRONS QUIETLY CHAT]

[OLIVER]:
"THE WATER IS WIDE,

"I CANNOT CROSS O'ER,

AND NEITHER HAVE I
THE WINGS TO FLY..."

"GIVE US A BOAT
THAT CAN CARRY TWO

"AND BOTH SHALL ROW

TO YONDER SIDE."

I'VE NEVER HEARD
"TO YONDER SIDE."

ISN'T IT "AND BOTH SHALL ROW,
MY LOVE AND I"?

IT'S, UH, AN ARCHAIC TUNE.

TRADITIONAL LYRICS

OFTEN EVOLVE OVER TIME.

I JUST CHOSE
AN ALTERNATE TRANSLATION.

HUH.

[DINERS APPLAUDING AS SONG ENDS]

SHALL WE?

THANK YOU.

I SEE YOU'RE ENJOYING
THE CHAMPAGNE?

OH, YES,
IT'S AMAZING.

THE SERVICE HERE
IS EXCELLENT.

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING YET.
JUST WAIT FOR THE SHOW.

BY THE WAY, DO EITHER OF YOU
HAVE ANY FOOD SENSITIVITIES?

NO, WE DON'T.

GOOD.

WE HAVE AN AMUSE BOUCHE
FOR YOU THIS EVENING--

A SHRIMP-AND-SASHIMI CROUTON,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE CHEF.

"AMUSE BOUCHE."

A MILLENNIAL PHENOMENON.

[CHUCKLING]

A WHAT?

OH, HE JUST MEANS

THAT PEOPLE WEREN'T
HAVING THEIR...

"BOUCHES" AMUSED
BACK IN THE 20th CENTURY.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

I KNEW IT.

I'M SORRY?

MY BOYFRIEND WORKS HERE, TOO,

AND HE WAS SURE YOU GUYS
WERE ON YOUR FIRST DATE,

BUT I SAID NO WAY.

I MEAN, WITH THE CHAMPAGNE,
THE WAY YOU DANCE,

AND TALK ABOUT EACH OTHER,

THE WAY YOU EVEN KNOW
EACH OTHER'S ALLERGIES,

IT'S GOT TO BE
YOUR ANNIVERSARY, RIGHT?

NO, ACTUALLY,
WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

UH, OF COURSE,

"JUST" IS A RATHER
IMPRECISE QUALIFIER.

PERHAPS A MORE ACCURATE--

DID YOU SAY SOMETHING
ABOUT A SHOW?

AH, RIGHT! WHAT'S MONTALDO'S
WITHOUT THE SINGING WAITERS?

ANY REQUESTS?

YES, UH...
HOW SOON CAN YOU START SINGING?

OH, WHAT DO KNOW?
THAT'S OUR CUE!

[CRUNCHING LOUDLY]

HE REALLY SAID THAT?
"JUST FRIENDS"?

YEP! ROLLED RIGHT
OFF HIS TONGUE,

LIKE HE WAS ASKING
FOR MORE BUTTER.

OUCH.

OH, IT GETS WORSE.

YOU KNOW, UH, AHEM,

I ACTUALLY DO
HAVE AN ALLERGY--

A SLIGHT SENSITIVITY
TO ROSEHIP TEA,

BUT I DON'T EXPECT YOU
TO KNOW THAT.

I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND.

NO ROSEHIPS.

IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO LEARN
SOMETHING NEW ABOUT A FRIEND.

SPEAKING OF ROSES,

DID YOU EVER PLANT THAT CUTTING
FROM YOUR MOTHER'S ROSEBUSH?

OH, YOU MEAN THE ONE THAT
YOU SO THOUGHTFULLY GAVE ME

WHEN WE ALL WENT BACK EAST?

YES.

IT NEVER REALLY TOOK.

I THINK IT DIED.

OH, THAT'S A SHAME.

I KNOW. I KNOW. I--

I TRIED EVERYTHING
TO KEEP IT ALIVE.

I WATERED IT, I FED IT,

I TALKED TO IT.

[SHARPLY]: I FERTILIZED IT.

OH.

YOU KNOW THEY SAY
THE BEST FERTILIZER--

WHAT?

UH, SOME BOTANISTS HAVE NOTED
THAT ROSES TEND TO THRIVE

WHEN LOCATED NEAR
THE FINAL RESTING PLACE

OF A FAMILY PET...
[TRAILS OFF]

YOU THINK I SHOULD PLANT

A DEAD ANIMAL
UNDER MY ROSEBUSH?

WELL, ONLY IF YOU HAD ONE.

[ASTONISHED CHUCKLE]

A PET SOUNDS
PRETTY GOOD RIGHT NOW.

[PIANO MUSIC RISES]

[HOST]: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

MONTALDO'S SUPPER CLUB
PROUDLY PRESENTS

AN EVENING OF MUSIC
WITH YOUR TALENTED SERVERS.

OPENING OUR SHOW,
PLEASE WELCOME NIKKI AND GRAHAM.

[SINGLE NOTE STRIKES]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

* YOU'RE SO GOOD

* YOU'RE TOO GOOD
FOR ME, YOU ARE *

* YOU'RE THE BEST
DARNED PERSON *

* I HAVE KNOWN BY FAR

* IF I COULD

* YOU KNOW I'D NEVER
THROW THIS CURVE *

* YOU'RE A GODDESS

* AND I'M NOT
WHAT YOU DESERVE *

* WHAT I AM SAYING

* IS OUR THING MUST END

* AND THOUGH IT MUST

* I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

[NIKKI, POINTEDLY]:
"FRIEND." FRIEND!

* YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND?

* SURE

* YOU WANT TO
BE MY FRIEND? *

* OH, THAT'S NICE!

* YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND?

* I WANT A FATHER
FOR MY UNBORN CHILDREN *

* SOMEONE WHO'S IN TUNE

* AND SINCE
I'LL BE 29 NEXT MONTH *

* I WANT HIM RATHER SOON

* I WANT SOMEONE
TO BUY RUGS AND LAMPS WITH *

* AND SOMEONE
WHO'LL CO-SIGN... *

WOW! THE WHOLE SONG
WAS LIKE THAT?

YEP. FRIENDS, COMMITMENT,
DESPERATION, INFERTILITY...

IT WAS LIKE GROUP THERAPY
WITH SEAFOOD.

OHH...

IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME.

ELEANOR'S BLENDER
GOT STUCK ON "FRAPPE,"

AND I PICKED UP YOUR MAIL
FOR YOU FROM THE P.O. BOX.

OH, YOU ARE SO SWEET.

"$50 A MONTH
CAN SAVE

"THE BOUVET ISLAND

BURROWING
YELLOWTAIL OWL"?

$50. WOW.

OH, IT'S
A VERY WORTHY CAUSE.

HEY. UH, STRAWBERRY, MANGO,
AND BLUEBERRY?

[YOO-HOO LID POPS]

[***]

[SHANE]: OLIVER...

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE HAVE BEEN CHARGED

WITH THE GRIM TASK
OF INVESTIGATING

THE SYSTEMATIC
AND, FRANKLY,

BIZARRE PLUNDERING
OF THE UNITED STATES MAIL

FROM OFFICIAL RECEPTACLES
IN SOUTH DENVER.

WOW.

WHO WOULD DO
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

IT DOES HAPPEN,
I'M AFRAID.

NOT LIKE THIS.

THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL.

IT'S ONE OF OUR OWN.

"FORSAN ET HAEC
OLIM MEMINISSE JUVABIT"

HAS BEEN ENGRAVED
ON EVERY "DARK OF NIGHT" AWARD

FOR OVER A HUNDRED YEARS--
YOURS, MINE, MY GRANDFATHER'S.

[RITA]:
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

[OLIVER]: WELL,
IT'S FROM VIRGIL'S EPIC POEM

OF LOVE AND WAR.

THEY ARE WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
TO A SHIPWRECKED ARMY.

WHAT DOES
BEING SHIPWRECKED

HAVE TO DO
WITH THE POST OFFICE?

AH. COURAGE
AND PERSEVERANCE, NORMAN.

HALLMARKS
OF EVERY POSTAL WORKER

WHO'S PERFORMED HIS OR HER DUTY
IN THE FACE OF GREAT ODDS

AND RECEIVED ONE OF THESE.

"PERHAPS ONE DAY IT WILL BE GOOD
TO REMEMBER THIS."

[SHANE]:
REMEMBER WHAT?

BEANS, WEDDING CAKES,
AND A... DUCK?

IT'S A GOOSE.

REALLY?

MM-HMM.

WELL, ALL WE NEED
IS A PARTIAL PRINT,

AND THAT MIGHT BE ENOUGH
TO RUN THROUGH A DATABASE.

TOO BAD WE DON'T HAVE ONE.

MS. McINERNEY?

WELL, IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE
TO BREAK INTO

THE FBI FINGERPRINT SYSTEM,

BUT IT COULD TAKE SOME TIME--

LIKE 30 YEARS TO LIFE.

ARE YOU SURE
WE CAN'T JUST CALL THE POLICE?

WELL, LESTER WAS ADAMANT.

HE ISN'T EASY
TO SAY NO TO.

NOTHING.

THIS HAS BEEN WIPED CLEAN.

THIS GUY KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.

WE NEED SOMEONE
FROM LAW ENFORCEMENT

WHO CAN GIVE US
A PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE

OF THE SORT OF PERSON
WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE.

WE NEED, UH, WELL, WE NEED--

A "FRIEND"? LIKE DALE?

YES.

OH, WHO'S HE?

DALE IS A SHE.

DALE SINGS IN A CHOIR
AT OLIVER'S CHURCH.

DALE IS LOVELY.

WAIT. YOU WENT
TO OLIVER'S CHURCH?

MM-HMM. JUST
TO DROP SOMETHING OFF.

HE INTRODUCED ME.

SHE'S A SOPRANO.

AND A POLICE
OFFICER.

WELL, TO BE ACCURATE,
SHE WAS A POLICE OFFICER.

SHE'S NOW A SPECIAL AGENT

FOR THE STATE DIVISION
OF INVESTIGATIONS.

WELL, SHE SOUNDS PERFECT.

YES, SHE DOES.

RITA...

COULD YOU PACK UP THE BEANS
AND THE CAKE TOPPER,

AND THAT PIECE
OF PAPER?

AND MS. McINERNEY,
BRING YOUR COMPUTER

AND THE MAP OF
VIOLATED MAILBOXES.

IT'S NOT MUCH TO GO ON, BUT--

OH, MY GOSH.

OLIVER?

I THINK WE HAVE A WITNESS.

[***]

AND YOU'RE CERTAIN
YOU SAW HIM

TAKE THE MAIL
FROM THAT BOX?

POSITIVE!

HE LOCKED UP
AND STARTED WALKING AWAY,

AND THAT'S WHEN
I CAUGHT UP WITH HIM.

WOULD YOU BE ABLE
TO RECOGNIZE HIM?

PROBABLY.
HE SEEMED SORT OF... SAD.

WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?

WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS,

THE MAIL
YOU'RE TRYING TO RETRIEVE

HAS NOT YET BEEN DELIVERED,

BECAUSE IT'S NOT YET
ENTERED THE SYSTEM.

THE UNFORTUNATE NEWS IS

WE BELIEVE THAT MAIL
HAS BEEN INVOLVED

IN A SERIES
OF UNAUTHORIZED TRANSFERS.

WHAT?

SOMEBODY STOLE
A BUNCH OF MAIL.

WELL, YOU'VE GOTTA
GET MINE BACK!

WE ARE MAKING EVERY EFF--

I HAVE TO GET IT BACK.
IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT.

THAT MAN HAS STOLEN HUNDREDS,
IF NOT THOUSANDS OF LETTERS.

I ASSURE YOU THAT EVERY ONE
OF THEM MATTERS TO SOMEONE.

THEY ALL
MATTER TO US.

NIKKI, THINK OF IT LIKE THIS,
IF THE LETTER'S REALLY LOST,

THEN AT LEAST GRAHAM
WON'T READ IT NOW, RIGHT?

BUT WHAT IF THE MAIL GUY DOES?

[NIKKI SIGHS]

I SHOULD NEVER
HAVE MAILED THAT LETTER.

AND I WOULDN'T HAVE,
IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIM!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

OH, HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT

"WHAT GOOD IS A LETTER
IF YOU NEVER MAIL IT?"

[SHANE]:
HE'S GOT A POINT.

LOOK, YOU WERE IN LOVE
AND YOU TOOK A RISK TO SAY SO.

YOU PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.

BUT NOW THE LETTER
IS OUT THERE...

I HAVE TO GET IT BACK.

I HAVE TO!

WELL, SEEING AS YOU'VE
COMPLETED FORM 67E,

AS SOON AS
THE MAIL IS RECOVERED,

WE WILL BE CERTAIN
TO RETURN IT TO YOU.

IN THE MEANTIME,

I'D LIKE YOU TO GO WITH NORMAN

TO ASSIST IN CREATING
A SKETCH OF OUR SUSPECT.

SURE.

DO YOU LIKE SMOOTHIES?

I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING
SHE'S NOT TELLING US.

SO DO I.

HI, RITA!

OH--

THIS IS NIKKI.

OH! HELLO!

HI.

THAT LETTER SHE WANTS BACK,

SHE THINKS SHE MAY HAVE
GIVEN IT TO OUR PERP.

[GASPS] WHOA.
YOU MET THE PERP?

HE DIDN'T SEEM LIKE A PERP.

BUT THEN AGAIN, YOU NEVER REALLY
KNOW SOMEBODY, DO YOU?

I REALLY KNOW RITA.

[***]

OH. I-- I REALLY LOVE
YOUR BLOUSE.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL COLOR.

THANK YOU.

I NEVER USED TO WEAR BLUE,
BUT I STARTED TO BECAUSE...

BLUE IS MY BOYFRIEND'S
FAVORITE COLOR.

OH...

MY EX-BOYFRIEND.

OH...

[SOBS]

SMOOTHIE?

STRAWBERRY, MANGO, BLUE--

SHH!

UH ...BERRY?

[SHANE]:
WOW. KIDNAPPING, EXTORTION,

COUNTERFEITING...

OH, WHEN YOU SAID
SHE WAS A POLICE OFFICER,

I WAS THINKING
PARKING TICKETS.

[AWKWARD CHUCKLE]

DESSERT THE OTHER NIGHT
WAS OUT OF THIS WORLD.

YOU SHOULD
HAVE TRIED IT.

YES. IT LOOKED
QUITE APPETIZING.

TRUST ME.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

MAYBE NEXT TIME IF WE--
UH...

OH, LOOK!

DOESN'T THAT WOMAN
LOOK A LITTLE

LIKE ELEANOR
IN PASSPORTS?

[JAZZY BAND MUSIC RISES]

[***]

[BOTH]: OOH!

[***]

[ALL APPLAUDING]

THAT WAS MICHAEL AND SOPHIA,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THEY'LL BE BACK LATER.

MY GOODNESS!

THAT WAS VIGOROUS.

I THOUGHT
THEY WERE GREAT.

I ALWAYS ENJOY
A SPIRITED PERFORMANCE,

BUT I GUESS I THOUGHT
THE ATMOSPHERE HERE

WOULD BE A BIT MORE, UH,
INTIMATE.

WELL, THE LAST TIME
I WAS HERE--

OH, YOU'VE BEEN HERE?

WELL, UH... AHEM.

I THINK THERE WAS
A SUNDAY BRUNCH

I MAY HAVE ATTENDED.

OR MAYBE IT WAS A LATE
LATE-AFTERNOON TEA-SLASH-DINNER.

OH.

YEAH, THE CHIEF
OF POSTAL SECURITY,

THAT MAN LESTER

IN INTERNAL AFFAIRS,

HE ASKED ME OUT.

YOU CAME HERE
WITH LESTER KIMSICLE?

HE WANTED TO
GET TO KNOW ME BETTER...

FOR SECURITY REASONS,
HE SAID.

OH, YOU WERE
ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS?

RIGHT.

[RELIEVED SIGH]

AND, IN THE INTEREST
OF FULL DISCLOSURE,

I WAS HERE ONCE WITH STEVE.

STEVE?

YOUR OLD FLAME
FROM WASHINGTON?

HE WAS HERE?

THIS IS WHERE
WE OFFICIALLY BROKE UP.

[AWKWARD CHUCKLE]

RIGHT THERE.

THAT TABLE WITH
THE LADY AND THE LOBSTER.

I SEE.

IT WAS WHEN I FIRST
MOVED TO DENVER,

AND HE HAD FLOWN IN
TO CHANGE MY MIND,

BUT BY THEN,
I HAD MET YOU-- GUYS,

AND...

I TOLD HIM
IT WAS OVER

AND HE SHOULD GO BACK TO D.C.

I'M SORRY

I...

CHOSE A PLACE

FRAUGHT WITH SO MANY MEMORIES
FOR OUR FIRST...

UH...

OUR FIRST...

OUR FIRST...?

I WONDER WHERE THE GENTLEMEN'S
CONVENIENCE MIGHT BE.

OH, IT'S
RIGHT OVER THERE.

PROBABLY.

[NIKKI]:
* THE MAN LEAVES

THANK YOU.

* AND I'M ON MY OWN

* I JUST SIT
AND SIMPLY WATCH THE DOOR *

* AND TELL MYSELF...

WAS IT, UH, CUSTARD,
CURD, OR MERINGUE?

I'M SORRY?

THE DESSERT.

SEE, I PREFER A FILLING
WITH CUSTARD OR A GOOD CURD.

MERINGUE ALWAYS SEEMS
A WASTE OF A GOOD EGG.

IT WAS A CUSTARD

WITH A CURD GLAZE.

AH.

OLIVER!

HELLO!

HI!

YOU REMEMBER SHANE.

YES, OF COURSE!
COME ON IN.

-PLEASE.
-THANK YOU.

[DALE]:
WELL, HE'S EDUCATED.

YOU DON'T GET A LOT OF
RANSOM NOTES IN LATIN.

BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO
MAKE A FORMAL REPORT?

WELL, FOR NOW,

I WAS HOPING
WE MIGHT HAVE

A RHETORICAL CONVERSATION
ABOUT THE SORT OF PERSON

WHO MIGHT DO THIS.

OKAY,

WELL, FROM WHAT I CAN TELL,

THIS RHETORICAL PERSON

PROBABLY WORKS
FOR THE POST OFFICE.

OLIVER FIGURED THAT OUT
RIGHT AWAY,

AND WE HAVE A DESCRIPTION
FROM SOMEONE

WHO HANDED OUR SUSPECT
THE LETTER ON SATURDAY NIGHT.

MALE, GRAY HAIR,
PROBABLY OVER 60 YEARS OLD,

AND HE SAID SOMETHING
TO OUR WITNESS

LIKE, UH,

"WHAT GOOD IS A LETTER
IF YOU DON'T MAIL IT?"

[CHUCKLES]

WELL, THAT SOUNDS
LIKE A PHILOSOPHER

WHO'S TIRED OF DREAMING.

HE WANTS SOMETHING,
HE KNOWS YOU WANT THE MAIL BACK,

SO HE'S KEEPING IT HOSTAGE.

YOU THINK
HE MIGHT BE DANGEROUS?

IT'S POSSIBLE.

OH, DEAR.

SO WE'RE LOOKING
FOR POSTAL CARRIERS

THAT ARE OVER 60
AND DEPRESSED?

[CHUCKLES] WELL,
THAT SHOULD NARROW IT DOWN.

YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE MORE
TO GO ON THAN THAT.

YOU HAVE A CAKE-TOPPER,
SOME BEANS, AND...

WHAT IS THIS? A GOOSE?

YES.

HMM. REMEMBER,
THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE MAIL.

HE'S PLAYING A GAME.

HE'S NOT JUST SENDING THIS
TO ANYBODY AT THE POST OFFICE.

HE WANTS SOMEBODY IN PARTICULAR
TO FIGURE THIS OUT,

AND HE WANTS TO PROVE THAT
HE'S JUST AS SMART AS THEY ARE.

SO, HE KNOWS THEM?

OH, YES.
AND HE HATES THEM.

SO, IF WE DON'T
FIGURE OUT THE GAME,

HE'S JUST GONNA
KEEP STEALING MAIL

AND LEAVING
WEIRD STUFF BEHIND?

I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU SEE, THE LATIN QUOTATION
IS DIFFERENT

FROM THE OTHER CLUES.

THIS LITERALLY SAYS
"REMEMBER THIS,"BUT--

BUT...

THERE'S
AN ALTERNATE TRANSLATION.

YES!

"PERHAPS SOMEDAY
IT WILL BE GOOD

TO REMEMBER THESE THINGS."

THESE THINGS!

RIGHT.

DOES THE POST OFFICE
KEEP A RECORD

OF THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE WON
THE DARK OF NIGHT AWARD?

I RAN A SEARCH
OF THE LIST

ON THE WAY OVER HERE,

AND I FILTERED FOR

DUCKS, GEESE,
CAKE DECORATIONS,

KIDNEY BEANS, BEANS,

YOU NAME IT,
AND ALL I GOT

WAS A HUNDRED YEARS
OF RECIPIENTS AND DATES.

OH, AND A VERY NICE ARTICLE
ABOUT US HERE, OLIVER,

WHEN WE GOT OURS.

OH.

YOU NEVER MENTIONED THAT.

OH, WELL, IT WAS A BIT OF
A MIRACLE, FRANKLY.

[OLIVER AND DALE CHUCKLE]

OLIVER...

WHAT DID YOUR GRANDFATHER

RECEIVE HIS DARK OF NIGHT AWARD
FOR?

HE GAVE UP CHRISTMAS EVE
WITH HIS FAMILY

TO STAY
IN THE TERMINAL ANNEX

TO HELP A DAMAGED
SHIPMENT OF...

OF GOOSE EGGS
HATCH OVERNIGHT!

AND THE KIDNEY BEANS?

WHY KIDNEY BEANS,
WHY NOT PINTO OR LIMA?

BECAUSE YOU AND I
AND NORMAN AND RITA

HELPED A GIRL WHO NEEDED--

[OVERLAPPING]:
...A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT!

OLIVER,

WHAT DID YOUR FATHER
GET HIS FOR?

OH, HE NEVER RECEIVED ONE.

WELL, YES, HE DID.

I MEAN, IT'S RIGHT HERE--

"JOSEPH HENRY O'TOOLE".
THAT'S HIM, RIGHT?

YES, BUT...

THAT'S IT.
HE'S TARGETING O'TOOLES.

I NEED TO FIND MY FATHER.

[***]

[SLURPING]

I THINK HIS EYES
WERE FURTHER APART.

OKAY.

WHAT ABOUT THE SH--

[SLURPING]

[***]

THAT'S HER FOURTH
BLUEBERRY SMOOTHIE.

I THOUGHT BLUE
MADE HER SAD.

[RITA]: YEAH, WELL...

THAT'S WHAT WE DO

WHEN WE'RE GRIEVING
A RELATIONSHIP, NORMAN.

WE REREAD
ALL THE OLD LOVE LETTERS,

WE REVISIT ALL THE OLD PLACES.

WE SEE SOMETHING
LIKE THE COLOR BLUE

OR WE HEAR A CERTAIN SONG
AND...

WE CRY.

"WE"?

DID YOU BREAK UP
WITH SOMEBODY BEFORE ME?

YEAH. YEAH.

BOB.

YOU DATED A GUY NAMED BOB?

UH...

YEAH.

WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME THIS BEFORE?

'CAUSE I'M TELLING
YOU NOW! [CHUCKLES]

I DATED
A GUY NAMED BOB.

UH, HE USED TO
WORK AT THE ZOO,

AND THEN HE GOT
A JOB OFFER

AT THE BOUVET ISLAND
ANIMAL RESERVE,

AND HE SAID THAT

ANTARCTICA WASN'T A PLACE
FOR A GIRL LIKE ME,

AND-- AND THAT WE SHOULD
BREAK UP, YEAH.

OH, SO, YOU WENT OUT, UH,
A COUPLE OF TIMES?

WELL, HE LIKED TO TALK.

UH, HE HAD A LOT TO SAY.

[CHUCKLING]

WELL, HOW LONG DID HE TALK FOR?

A MONTH? A YEAR?

NORMAN...

FORGET IT.

HE'S OLD NEWS ANYWAYS,
RIGHT?

YEAH.

PRETTY MUCH.

HE'S THE GUY THAT
I SEND MONEY TO EVERY MONTH,

TO HELP SAVE THE BOUVET ISLAND
BURROWING YELLOWTAIL OWL.

YOU SEND YOUR OLD BOYFRIEND
$50 A MONTH?

I DON'T LOOK AT IT
LIKE THAT ANYMORE,

BUT HE'S DOING
GOOD WORK,

AND YOU KNOW HOW
I FEEL ABOUT OWLS.

YES, BUT--

NIKKI?

DID YOU NEED
ANOTHER SMOOTHIE?

[THUD]

THERE AREN'T ENOUGH SMOOTHIES
IN THE WORLD.

HERE.

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT IT?

WE WERE CLOSING UP
AND HE SAID HE WANTED TO TALK.

ARE YOU OKAY?

NIKKI, I, UH...

WHAT IS IT?

YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND
I'VE EVER HAD.

AND WHEN
WE SING TOGETHER,

IT'S LIKE WE WERE BORN
TO BE A TEAM.

I KNOW.

NOW WE'VE BEEN DATING
FOR, I DON'T KNOW--

A YEAR NEXT TUESDAY.
BUT?

THERE'S A "BUT" COMING,
I CAN FEEL IT.

IT'S JUST THAT...

[SIGHS]

THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

OH, GOD.

YOU'RE GONNA BREAK MY HEART,
AREN'T YOU?

LET ME EXPLAIN.

I COULDN'T STAND THERE
AND LISTEN

TO ANOTHER GUY TELL ME

"IT'S ALL MOVING TOO FAST,"

OR HE'S MET SOMEBODY ELSE...

OR HE NEEDS TO BE FREE.

SO I RAN AWAY.

AND HE DIDN'T EVEN FOLLOW ME.

SO I JUST KEPT GOING.

[SIGHING HEAVILY]

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW?

YES!

LIKE IN THE MOVIES.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING
THE WRONG MOVIES.

-[DOOR OPENS] YEAH.
-[SHANE]: WE'RE BACK!

HI!

HOW DID IT GO
WITH YOUR FRIEND?

IT WAS VERY ENLIGHTENING.

YES, IT WAS.

NORMAN,
HOW GOES THE SKETCH?

OH! WELL...

IT'S TAKING LONGER
THAN I THOUGHT.

WHATEVER YOU DO,

DON'T MENTION
THE COLOR BLUE.

UH, MISS BERGENS.

UH, I HEAR YOU'RE DEALING
WITH A BROKEN HEART TODAY.

SORRY THAT
YOU'RE HURTING.

I DO KNOW HOW THAT FEELS.

HOWEVER--

[PHONE RINGS]

OLIVER O'TOOLE.

IT'S HIM!

[GASPING COLLECTIVELY]

YOU FIGURED IT
OUT YET, SONNY?

SIR, WHOEVER YOU ARE,
YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF--

YOU'D BETTER GET ON THE BALL
AND WISE UP, JUNIOR,

OR YOU'RE NEVER GONNA
SEE THAT MAIL AGAIN!

NOW, SEE HERE. YOU--

NO, YOU SEE!
IF YOU CAN.

I'LL BE WAITING
FOR YOU. [CLICK]

HELLO?

I DIDN'T
HEAR IT ALL.

HE CALLED HIM
"JUNIOR".

[RITA GASPS]

HE SAID THAT IF WE DIDN'T
KEEP UP WITH HIM,

WE'D NEVER
SEE THE MAIL AGAIN.

NO! YOU CAN'T LET HIM
HAVE THOSE LETTERS!

YOU'VE GOT TO
GET MINE BACK.

YOU HAVE TO.

MISS BERGENS, I UNDERSTAND

THE PERSONAL NATURE
OF YOUR LETTER,

BUT IT'S UNLIKELY THAT HE'S READ
EVERY LETTER HE'S PURLOINED.

FACT IS, HE'S MUCH MORE LIKELY
TO DESTROY THEM, I'M AFRAID.

IT'S NOT
JUST WHAT I SAID,

IT'S WHAT'S IN IT.

WHAT'S IN THE LETTER?

$50,000.

[OLIVER]: FORGIVE ME.

YOU SAID THE CARD
YOU MAILED TO YOUR BOYFRIEND

CONTAINED $50,000?

OH,
EX-BOYFRIEND.

BUT I MAILED IT

SIX HOURS BEFORE
HE TURNED INTO MY EX.

WELL, IT'S A NICE
WAY TO SAY GOODBYE.

CAN'T YOU JUST

STOP PAYMENT
ON THE CHECK?

IT'S NOT A CHECK.

OUR ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY
WAS COMING UP

AND HE LOVES GETTING MAIL,

SO I MADE HIM A CARD
AND I WROTE,

"WHEN I MET YOU, IT WAS
LIKE WINNING THE LOTTERY."

AND ON
THE INSIDE I PUT--

UH-OH.

YEAH. A LOTTERY TICKET.

THEN WE BROKE UP,
AND I WAS WALKING HOME AND...

YOU KNOW THE WEATHERMAN
WHO DOES THE LOTTERY NUMBERS?

RAMON RODRIGUEZ!

WE KNOW RAMON.

[RAMON]: THAT'S RIGHT, SARAH,
THERE MAY BE RAIN,

BUT IT COULD STILL
BE A BEAUTIFUL DAY

FOR ONE LUCKY MEGAPOWER
SWEEPSTAKES PLAYER!

THREE.

SEVEN.

12.

15...

[SHRIEKING]: AHH!

[***]

THE NUMBERS ON THE TICKET

WERE THE DAY, YEAR,
AND TIME WE MET.

IT WON
FIVE OUT OF SIX.

AND NOW IT'S
WORTH $50,000.

MY GOODNESS.

I WORE BLUE FOR HIM.

I LEARNED TO COOK
TROUT FOR HIM.

HE REALLY LIKES TROUT.

OH.

WE WERE BOTH SAVING UP
TO MOVE TO NEW YORK

TO AUDITION FOR CLUBS
AND CABARETS TOGETHER.

WE HAD ALL THESE PLANS

AND I THOUGHT
MAYBE THIS TIME

I'D FOUND SOMEBODY
DIFFERENT.

BUT HE'S JUST LIKE
ALL THE REST, EXCEPT...

IF HE GETS
THAT LETTER NOW,

HE'LL BE RICH, TOO.

AND HE'LL GO
TO NEW YORK

AND I'LL JUST BE HERE...

COOKING TROUT.

ONE MUST NEVER REGRET
AN ACT OF LOVE, MISS BERGENS.

NEVER.

NORMAN, RITA,
WILL YOU PLEASE

COMPLETE THE SKETCH
WITH MISS BERGENS?

IF I'M NEEDED,

I'LL BE IN THE MAILBOX GRILLE.
EXCUSE ME.

[***]

OH!

[SHANE SIGHS]

HIS NOSE WAS KIND OF
BIG AND POINTY.

OKAY.

SORRY.

IT'S OKAY.

UH, YOU CAN PUT THAT
OVER THERE IN THE "OUT" BOX.

[***]

TO "BOB."

[***]

HEY.

DAD.

YOU LOOK GOOD.

OH. THANKS. PLEASE.

BEEN A WHILE.

YES, WELL,
I CALLED.

YOU'VE BEEN BUSY.

YEAH, I'VE TAKEN UP
HIKING AGAIN.

LIVE IN COLORADO,

YOU GOTTA GET OUT THERE
AND HIKE, RIGHT?

YOU DO?

WELL, I DO.

YOU SHOULD COME SOME TIME.

OH. I HAVE
A GREAT LOVE OF NATURE.

I WOULDN'T MIND
EXPANDING IT TO THE...

OUTDOORS.

OKAY.

[CHUCKLES]

IN THE MEANTIME,

SOUNDS LIKE
YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM.

YES. SOMEONE'S BEEN

STEALING MAIL FROM THE BOXES
IN THE BONNIE BRAE AREA,

I WAS HOPING
YOU MIGHT HELP US OUT.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M NOT SURE THEY'VE EVER
FORGIVEN ME OVER THERE

FOR DEFECTING

TO FEDEX.

I'M NOT EVEN
SURE YOU HAVE.

OH, OF COURSE, I HAVE.
YOU HAD YOUR REASONS.

SOMEDAY, YOU'LL TELL ME
WHAT THEY WERE.

MAYBE ON A HIKE.

PERHAPS YOU MIGHT TELL ME

ABOUT THAT DARK OF NIGHT AWARD
YOU WON, TOO.

AH.

WELL, IT WAS A WHILE AGO.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I NEVER KNEW ABOUT THAT.

I DIDN'T SPREAD IT AROUND,

AND IT HAPPENED
AFTER YOU LEFT HOME.

AH.

IT WAS NOTHING LIKE
WHAT YOU GUYS DID.

I JUST DELIVERED

A MISROUTED WEDDING DRESS
IN TIME FOR A WEDDING.

A WEDDING?

OLIVER!

IT'S FINISHED.

UH, NIKKI SAYS
IT'S REALLY CLOSE,

BUT WE CAN BRING HER BACK IN
IF WE NEED TO.

DO YOU KNOW
WHO THIS COULD BE?

YEAH. I DO.

WHO?

DUDLEY CURLY.

HE RESEMBLES
THE SKETCH WE HAD MADE

WITH THE HELP
OF A WITNESS,

AND HE MATCHES
THE PROFILE.

GOOD WORK.

SO, IT'S DUDLEY, HUH?

YES.

NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

HE WAS A MAIL CARRIER
FOR THE POSTAL SERVICE

FOR 45 YEARS.

AND IT'S PROBABLY
NO COINCIDENCE

THAT HE RETIRES TODAY.

THIS ISN'T LIKE
TAKING HOME PAPER CLIPS

AND STAPLERS
FROM THE OFFICE.

THIS IS THE U.S. MAIL,
DARN IT!

I WANT THIS MAN FIRED.

HE'S RETIRING.

WHAT'S THIS GOT
TO DO WITH YOU, ANYWAY?

DIDN'T YOU MUSTER OUT
AND SIGN UP FOR THE ENEMY?

I ASKED MY FATHER
TO HELP US

BECAUSE EVERY CLUE
THE SUSPECT LEFT SO FAR

HAS SOMETHING
TO DO WITH US--

MY GRANDFATHER,
MY FATHER, AND I

ALL WON DARK OF
NIGHT AWARDS.

I KNEW CURLY.

WE WERE FRIENDS ONCE.

THOUGHT IT WAS DUDLEY.

WE CALLED HIM CURLY.
HE DOESN'T LIKE DUDLEY.

NEITHER DO I.

GO ON.

CURLY AND I, UH,

HUNG OUT AND WATCHED
THE BIG GAME ON SUNDAYS,

WE WERE IN
THE BOWLING LEAGUE,

AND THEN
I WON THAT AWARD

AND GOT A NICE PROMOTION

AND HE JUST STOPPED
COMING AROUND.

WHAT DOES HE WANT?

WE DON'T KNOW.

HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO
HOLD THE MAIL RANSOM

UNTIL WE MEET HIS DEMANDS...

THAT HAVE NOT YET BEEN
SET FORTH.

I'M THINKING MAYBE I SHOULD JUST
GO OVER THERE AND TALK--

FORGET IT, O'TOOLE!

YOU DON'T QUIT
THE POSTAL SERVICE

THEN WALTZ BACK IN HERE
JUST BECAUSE WE NEED YOU.

ARE WE CLEAR?

CRYSTAL.

SECURITY!

WE ARE MOVING OUT!

[***]

[***]

DISPERSE! DEPLOY!

LOCK THAT DOWN!

WHAT ON EARTH...?

SET UP A PERIMETER
AND--

SHANE.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU
ONBOARD.

FEDEX!
STAY IN THE TRUCK.

THIS IS GOVERNMENT
BUSINESS.

RIGHT.

[RADIO CRACKLES]

HEADS UP, MEN!

KEEP YOUR NOSE
TO THE GRINDSTONE.

[RADIOS CRACKLING]

HERE WE COME, DUDLEY.

[MEGAPHONE SQUEALS]:
CURLY DUDLEY!

THIS IS LESTER KIMSICLE,
CHIEF OF POSTAL SECURITY.

WE HAVE
YOUR HOUSE SURROUNDED.

COME OUT
WITH YOUR HANDS UP.

UH, MR. KIMSICLE,
UH, WE BELIEVE--

STAND DOWN, O'TOOLE.

YOU'RE IN MY WHEELHOUSE NOW.

CURLY DUDLEY!

CAN... YOU... HEAR ME?

IT'S "DUDLEY CURLY".

CURLY DUDLEY,
DUDLEY CURLY,

I'M GONNA CALL YA "DUD," OKAY?

NO! IT'S NOT OKAY.

[MEGAPHONE SQUEALS]

WE'RE GONNA NEED
SOME PROOF OF LIFE HERE.

[DUDLEY]: WHAT?

PROOF OF LIFE.

WELL, I'M TALKING TO YOU,
AREN'T I?

YA MORON.

WELL, WE KNOW
YOU'RE ALIVE.

WE NEED TO KNOW
THE MAIL'S OKAY.

JUST SHOW US
YOU GOT IT.

[SLAM]

[RADIOS CRACKLING]

STEALING THE MAIL
IS A FEDERAL OFFENSE!

YEAH, WELL, I'M STILL EMPLOYED
UNTIL 5:00!

HOLD ON A MINUTE.

WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?

UH, TECHNICALLY,

THE MAIL
IS STILL IN THE POSSESSION

OF AN AUTHORIZED POSTAL CARRIER.

UNAUTHORIZED REMOVAL
IS, UM, A VIOLATION OF--

NORMAN?

EMPLOYEE
REGULATION 67K.

[OLIVER]:
BUT IT IS NOT A CRIME.

WELL, AT LEAST,

NOT UNTIL 5:00,
WHEN HE OFFICIALLY RETIRES.

[GRUMBLING SIGH]
FINE.

[CLICK]

WE'LL WAIT UNTIL 5:00,

AND THEN WE'RE COMING IN!

[DUDLEY]: I WOULDN'T DO THAT,
IF I WERE YOU.

I GET WHAT I WANT OR ELSE.

OR ELSE, WHAT?

DUD! OR ELSE WHAT?

OLIVER. LOOK.

[***]

[RITA]: OH, NO!
HE'S STARTED A FIRE.

UH, DUD?

NOW'S NOT THE TIME
TO HAVE A WEENIE-ROAST.

I DON'T THINK
HE'S MAKING LUNCH, MR. KIMSICLE.

HE'S GOING TO BURN THEM ALL.

[***]

HE SAYS HE'LL BURN THE LETTERS
IF HE DOESN'T GET WHAT HE WANTS,

BUT WHAT IS THAT?

HE GOT WHAT HE WANTED--
ATTENTION.

NOW HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH IT.

HE WAS ALWAYS PUTTING
THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE.

HE GOT THAT STICK-SHIFT BEFORE
HE LEARNED TO DRIVE BECAUSE--

OH, WOW.

WHAT?

BECAUSE I HAD ONE.

WHAT DO YOU SEE,
NORMAN?

DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
HE'S BURNED ANYTHING YET.

BUT HE'S THINKING ABOUT IT.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK LESTER COULD
ESCALATE THIS INTO A DISASTER

IF WE DON'T DO SOMETHING.

MS. McINERNEY,

IT MAY BE TIME
TO GIVE HER A CALL.

I KNOW.
I ALREADY CALLED HER.

DALE IS ON HER WAY.

[***]

DALE SHOULD BE HERE
IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT I AM GETTING HUNGRY.

THAT'S
A GOOD IDEA.

I BET DUDLEY'S
GETTING HUNGRY, TOO.

SHANE.

YOU'VE CHANGED
YOUR HAIR.

NO.

YOU KNOW,
AFTER THIS IS ALL OVER,

WE SHOULD...

NO.

MAY I HAVE THAT, PLEASE?

MR. CURLY!

I'M GOING OUT
FOR SANDWICHES.

CAN I GET YOU
ANYTHING?

PASTRAMI?

TURKEY?

CORNED BEEF AND CHICKEN SALAD
ON WHITE.

MY GOD,
THE MAN'S A SAVAGE.

DO YOU WANT
ANYTHING ON THAT?

JUST MAYO.
OH! AND SOME COLESLAW.

GOT IT.

NOW, PLEASE...

TRY NOT TO BURN ANYTHING
UNTIL I GET BACK, OKAY?

OKAY.

IF I GIVE THIS BACK TO YOU,

DO YOU PROMISE NOT TO USE IT
BEFORE I GET BACK?

WILL YOU LET ME
TAKE YOU TO DINNER AGAIN?

LESTER...

SO FAR
THE ONLY ONE HERE

BREAKING A FEDERAL LAW
IS YOU.

OKAY! OKAY.

[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]

[***]

HEY. I'VE GOT
EVERYBODY'S LUNCH ORDER,

AND THERE'S A DINER
AROUND THE CORNER.

I'LL TAKE HAM ON RYE.

OKAY. I'LL GET YOU
YOUR USUAL.

UH, PERHAPS
A CUP OF HERBAL TEA.

NO ROSEHIPS.

I'LL GRAB SOMETHING
FOR DALE, TOO.

ANY IDEA WHAT SHE'D LIKE?

UH, NO.

GOOD.

[RADIOS CRACKLING]

SO...

SHANE?

I'M SORRY?

YOU AND SHANE.

SOMETHING HAPPENED.

I MEAN,
YOU GUYS AREN'T--

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU'RE NOT CLICKING,
LIKE YOU USUALLY DO.

OH, WELL, I'D LIKE TO THINK
WE CLICKED A FEW TIMES THERE.

DID YOU EVER TAKE HER OUT,
LIKE I TOLD YOU TO?

YES.

BUT NOT BECAUSE
YOU SUGGESTED IT.

IT WAS SOMETHING I WANTED TO DO.

WE ACTUALLY WENT TO DINNER
AT MONTALDO'S ON SATURDAY.

TWO DAYS AGO?

GEE, IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!

WELL, I'D LIKE TO THINK
I'VE LEARNED TO...

WELL, NOT TO--

RUSH INTO THINGS.

OF COURSE. I GET IT.

SO, HOW'D IT GO?

[RADIOS CRACKLING]

I ORDERED YOU
A DOUBLE-PASTRAMI ON RYE.

THANK YOU
FOR TELLING ME THAT, RITA.

YOU'RE WELCOME.
OF COURSE.

[***]

YOU'RE KIDDING.

YOU ACTUALLY SAID
"WE'RE JUST FRIENDS"?

YES.

[LAUGHING]

WELL, NO WONDER SHE MENTIONED

ALL THOSE OTHER GUYS
SHE'D BEEN THERE WITH.

IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE.

SO? HOW DID IT ALL END?

WELL, I ACTUALLY LEFT,
FOR AWHILE.

I ACTUALLY
ALMOST CALLED YOU.

[NIKKI]:
* ...WATCH THE DOOR

* AND TELL MYSELF...

* I'M FINE ALONE

* OH, YES

* I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE

OVILEAR!

RAMON!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, I AM DINING WITH
THE MOST REMARKABLE WOMAN.

A MESMERIZING METEOROLOGIST.

I SEE THAT YOU
AND THE LOVELY SHANE

ARE GETTING...
WELL, DEEP IN CONVERSATION.

YES, WELL,
WE ARE DEEP INTO SOMETHING.

AHH! I ALWAYS KNEW
YOU TWO WOULD GET TOGETHER.

OH, NO, WE'RE NOT DATING,

WE'RE JUST ON A D...

WE'RE--

OVILEAR!

STOP THINKING.

YOU STARE
INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES,

YOU DRINK CHAMPAGNE,
YOU DANCE--

DANCE IS LIKE LOVE, MY FRIEND--

DON'T LOOK DOWN.

DON'T YOU MEAN

"LOVE IS LIKE DANCING,
DON'T LOOK DOWN."

MM, YES.

BUT IN THE END,
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE, HMM?

NOW, I MUST GET
BACK TO WORK.

IT'S LOTTERY NIGHT!

NOW, BE BOLD,
GO OUT,

FACE THE MUSIC.

AND STOP THINKING.

I SEE YOU.
STOP IT.

MA CHERIE!

[NIKKI]:
* WHY SHOULD I RUSH TO PROVE

* THAT I CAN BREAK MY HEART
ALL OVER? *

[JOE]:
SO HOW DID THE NIGHT END?

NOT WELL.

YOU KNOW,
I WAS NEVER PROUDER OF YOU

THAN THE DAY THAT I HEARD
ABOUT WHAT YOU DID

TO GET YOUR
DARK OF NIGHT AWARD.

YOU ACTUALLY
SAVED SOMEONE'S LIFE.

WELL, I-I HAD A LOT OF HELP.

"PERHAPS SOMEDAY

IT WILL BE GOOD
TO REMEMBER THESE THINGS."

SMART MAN, VIRGIL.

YOUR GRANDFATHER
WAS ALWAYS QUOTING HIM,

OR SHAKESPEARE OR THE BIBLE.

WHAT WAS THAT ONE
ABOUT LOVE AND POWER AND...?

"GOD HASN'T GIVEN US
A SPIRIT OF FEAR,

BUT OF POWER AND LOVE
AND A SOUND MIND."

AFTER WHAT
YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH,

I DON'T BLAME YOU
FOR BEING AFRAID, SON.

BUT... AT YOUR CORE,

THAT'S NOT WHO YOU ARE.

YOU DON'T GET AN AWARD LIKE THAT

WITHOUT LOVE, POWER,
AND SOUND MIND,

AND YOU DON'T GET MUCH ELSE
THAT MATTERS IN LIFE

WITHOUT THAT, EITHER.

I KNOW, YOU'VE BEEN
HURT IN THE PAST.

AND I'M GUESSING,
SOMEBODY'S HURT SHANE, TOO.

BUT IT SEEMS TO ME

THAT YOU'VE EACH GOT
WHAT IT TAKES TO TRY AGAIN

IF YOU'LL JUST... TRY AGAIN.

THERE YOU ARE!
HEY, YOU.

HI.

WELL, HELLO!

HI. SPECIAL AGENT DALE TRAVERS.

STATE DIVISION
OF INVESTIGATIONS.

[CHUCKLING]

[MEGAPHONE SQUEALS]

DUD!

THIS IS LESTER KIMSICLE,
CHIEF OF POSTAL SECURITY.

[DOOR OPENS]
I KNOW THAT!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SAY IT EVERY TIME.

AND STOP CALLING ME "DUD".

DUD, THERE IS
A GOOD-LOOKIN' FILLY HERE

FROM THE COLORADO STATE
DIVISION OF INVESTIGATIONS

OF... COLORADO.

IF YOU DON'T GIVE UP
BEFORE 5:00,

SHE'S GONNA TAKE YOU IN,

AND WE WOULD HATE
TO SEE THAT.

THEN GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT!

PLEASE. WE'RE
RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

[LESTER SIGHS]

DARN IT.

OKAY, WHAT DO YA WANT?
GIVE ME SOME DEMANDS.

I WANT MY LUNCH!

IT'S HERE.
IT'S HERE.

WE GOT YOUR GOD-AWFUL
CORNED BEEF

AND CHICKEN SALAD RIGHT HERE.

WELL, BRING IT
TO THE DOOR,

NICE AND SLOW,

AND I'LL GIVE YOU
MY LIST OF DEMANDS.

AND COME ALONE!

[***]

[***]

[DALE]: "FIND JOSEPH O'TOOLE
AND BRING HIM HERE.

"AND TELL HIM TO BRING
HIS DARK OF NIGHT AWARD.

IT BELONGS TO ME."

[OLIVER]:
I DON'T LIKE THIS.

I DON'T LIKE YOU GOING
IN THERE ALONE,

I DON'T LIKE
YOU GOING WITHOUT YOUR AWARD.

IT'S BACK HOME,
PACKED AWAY IN A MOVING BOX.

IT'S AN HOUR THERE
AND AN HOUR BACK.

THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME
TO GET IT BEFORE 5:00.

I CAN'T HOLD THE FEDS ONCE
DUDLEY'S OFFICIALLY RETIRED.

I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

BUT I'M GONNA NEED YOUR HELP.

NAME IT.

LET'S GO.

YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?

ONCE UPON A TIME,

A LOT OF LETTERS NEVER MADE IT
TO THEIR DESTINATION

BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO MY JOB.

I NEVER WANT TO
FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN.

IT'S STILL A LOT TO GIVE UP.

THAT'S WHAT
I LOVE ABOUT YOU, OLIVER.

THANK YOU.

IT'S TIME TO GO.

[***]

[RADIO CRACKLING]

IS NORMAN EVER GOING TO
COME OUT OF THE TREE?

I DON'T KNOW!
I THINK HE'S MAD

BECAUSE I DIDN'T
TELL HIM ABOUT BOB.

BOB?
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT BOB.

-WHO'S BOB?
-OH--

[HORN HONKING]

[BRAKES SCREECH]

[LESTER]: HEADS UP, MEN!

OKAY, DUDLEY,
YOU GOT YOUR O'TOOLE.

I'LL TAKE IT.

I'M NOT LETTING YOU
GO IN ALONE.

YOU GET INTO ANY TROUBLE,

YOU SAY THE MAGIC WORD
AND WE'LL HEAR YOU.

WHAT IS THE MAGIC WORD?

I DON'T KNOW.
HOW ABOUT, UH...

"HELP"?

[***]

[KNOCKING]

IT'S OPEN!

HEY, JOE.

LONG TIME, NO SEE.

HOW YOU DOIN', CURLY?

I'LL BE DOING BETTER
WHEN I GET WHAT I WANT.

TOSS IT OVER

AND THE MAIL'S YOURS.

[JOE]: NOT YET.
I WANT TO KNOW

WHAT ALL THIS HAD
TO DO WITH MY FAMILY.

YOU STILL DON'T GET IT.

MAYBE.

BUT I WANT TO
HEAR YOU SAY IT.

WELL, JOE,

WHEN I STARTED
AT THE POST OFFICE,

I WAS THE YOUNGEST PERSON EVER

TO BE NOMINATED
FOR ONE OF THOSE,

AND THEN THEY GAVE IT
TO YOUR DAD

FOR BABYSITTING SOME DUCKS.

ACTUALLY,
THEY WERE--

AND MY LAST CHANCE

AT GETTING ONE

WENT TO YOU
AND YOUR BUNCH.

YEAH, SURE,
YOU GOT SOME GIRL A KIDNEY,

BUT YOU'VE GOT OTHER CHANCES
TO WIN,

AND THIS WAS MY LAST.

AND WHAT ABOUT ME?

THAT ONE CUT THE DEEPEST.

I WAS THIS CLOSE TO THE DEADLINE
FOR NOMINATIONS.

I MEAN, NOBODY WAS GONNA

TOP ME
DROPPING THAT KID'S PROM DRESS

AT HER HIGH SCHOOL
AT THE LAST MINUTE

DURING THE PLATTE RIVER FLOOD.

I EVEN THREW IN A CORSAGE.

BUT MY PAL, JOE,

DELIVERS SOME GAL'S
WEDDING DRESS.

UM, THERE WAS
MORE TO IT THAN THAT.

RITA DID

SOME RESEARCH.

MY FATHER
DROVE HIS TRUCK

50 MILES
THROUGH A BLIZZARD.

IT BROKE DOWN.

HE WALKED
FIVE MORE MILES.

UPHILL. ON ICE.

WELL, I DROVE THROUGH
HAIL AND SLEET.

THE LODGE
CAUGHT ON FIRE.

MY FATHER PUT IT OUT.

WELL, MY PROM GIRL
MARRIED THE PROM BOY, OKAY?

AND THEY HAD SIX KIDS.

SIR, MY FATHER--

WHAT ARE
WE DOING HERE?

WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

YOU CAN GO AHEAD
AND KEEP THE CUP.

WE DON'T NEED IT
TO KNOW WHAT WE DID.

AND NEITHER DO YOU!

AND SOME DAY,

WHEN YOU LOOK BACK ON
HOW YOU GOT THIS CUP,

IT'S GONNA LOOK
PRETTY EMPTY.

COME ON. COME ON!

THIS SAYS
"OLIVER O'TOOLE."

I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME
TO GET MY DAD'S.

YOU GAVE THIS UP
FOR YOUR DAD?

[***]

[SIGHING]

YOU KNOW,
WHEN A MAN RETIRES,

HE LOOKS BACK ACROSS THE YEARS
AND HE ASKS HIMSELF

WHAT DOES HE GOT TO SHOW
FOR HIS LIFE?

I GAVE MY HEART AND SOUL
TO THE POST OFFICE,

BUT NOBODY KNOWS MY NAME.

DUDLEY, CURLY--
NOBODY CARES!

I JUST WANT TO FEEL
LIKE I MATTERED IN THIS WORLD

BEFORE IT'S ALL OVER.

BUT NOBODY'S EVEN GONNA MISS ME.

[THUD]

I MISSED YOU...
FOR 13 YEARS.

WHAT GOOD...

...IS A LETTER,

IF WE DON'T MAIL IT?

WHAT?

SOMEWHERE IN THESE BAGS
IS A LOVE LETTER

A LADY NAMED NIKKI
MAILED LAST SATURDAY

BECAUSE OF THESE WORDS
YOU SPOKE TO HER,

YOU UNDERSTOOD

THAT WRITING A LETTER

AND PUTTING IT IN A MAILBOX

IS LIKE HANDING YOUR HEART
OVER TO A STRANGER.

JUST LIKE...

ASKING FOR LOVE
IS A RISK,

OR ASKING FOR ATTENTION
OR FORGIVENESS--

YOU HAVE TO MAIL THE LETTER
AND RISK WHATEVER HAPPENS NEXT,

OTHERWISE NOTHING HAPPENS.

SO WHETHER ANYONE

EVER APPRECIATES US
OR KNOWS WHO WE ARE, MR. CURLY,

THEY WILL KNOW
WHAT WE STAND FOR--

AND THAT MATTERS

TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON

WHO WROTE
EVERY ONE OF THESE LETTERS.

MY GOODNESS.

SIR.

THERE'S ONE HERE
FOR YOU.

[***]

THANK YOU.

"DEAR MR. CURLY--"

WELL, AT LEAST
SOMEBODY GOT IT RIGHT.

"MY MOMMY SAYS
YOU'RE GOING TO STOP WORKING

"AND YOU AREN'T GOING TO

BRING ANY MAIL TO US ANYMORE."

[BREATH TREMBLING]

"THAT IS...

THAT... THAT IS VERY SAD."

[BREATH SHAKING]

"I WILL MISS YOU.

"YOU BRING
ALL MY BIRTHDAY CARDS

AND LETTERS FROM GRANDMA."

[PAGE CRINKLES]

"AND YOU ALWAYS SMILE
WHEN I GIVE YOU COOKIES.

"I WISH
WE COULD GIVE YOU A PARTY,

"BUT OUR PLACE

IS TOO SMALL."

"BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT."

"LOVE...

BETSY."

ONE OF THOSE...

...IS WORTH
ONE THOUSAND OF THESE.

I FEEL LIKE A FOOL.

DON'T BOTHER.

WE'VE ALREADY GOT
ONE OF THOSE OUTSIDE.

[***]

SHANE!

THAT LETTER IS PROPERTY
OF THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE.

OH, WELL, SHE FILLED OUT
A 10-67E AT THE D.L.O., LESTER.

WELL, THEN SHE GETS IT
FROM THE D.L.O.

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S
SAKE. REALLY?

REGULATIONS ARE LIKE

THE LIFEJACKETS
ON THE GANGPLANK OF LIFE, MISSY.

GREAT WORK TODAY, THOUGH.

KEEP THAT UP,
I'LL BUY YOU DINNER.

OH. PLEASE... DON'T.

HAPPY TO DO IT.

HAPPY TO DO IT.

[FORCED CHUCKLE]

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

[JOE]: I'LL SEE YOU
AT THE PARTY?

SHOULD BE
INTERESTING.

[CHUCKLES]
CURLY'S A GOOD GUY.

HE JUST LOST HIS WAY
FOR A WHILE.

THINGS COULD'VE TURNED
OUT TERRIBLY FOR HIM

IF YOU HADN'T
HANDLED IT SO WELL.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

[***]

DUDLEY INVITED ME
TO HIS RETIREMENT PARTY.

YOU SHOULD COME.

MAYBE I WILL.

ARE YOU COMING
TO CHOIR PRACTICE TOMORROW?

I WOULDN'T MISS IT.

GOOD.

[***]

IT'S BLUE
WITH A BIG HEART STICKER.

NORMAN?

YOU KNOW
THAT "BURROWING YELLOWTAIL OWL"

THAT RITA SENDS MONEY TO?

YEAH.

WELL, BEFORE I STARTED SINGING,
I WORKED AT THE ZOO.

WOW. THAT IS
A COMPLETE CAREER 180.

YEAH.

WELL, I LEARNED A LOT.

AND THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT BOB.

WHAT DO THEY SAY?

CAST YOUR
DARK OF NIGHT AWARD

UPON THE WATERS

AND IT SHALL BE
RETURNED UNTO YOU?

LOOK AT YOU,
QUOTING SCRIPTURE.

[CHUCKLES]

I KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR YOU
TO GIVE THAT UP.

WELL, IT WAS EASIER
THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

IT'S ACTUALLY JUST
A SYMBOL, LIKE A--

LIKE...

LIKE THE ROSE CUTTING
THAT YOU GAVE ME.

YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE
IT DIDN'T TAKE,

IT DOESN'T DIMINISH
THE THOUGHT THAT WAS BEHIND IT.

"NEVER REGRET AN ACT OF--"

[NORMAN]:
OH! FOUND IT!

GREAT!

I CAN'T BELIEVE

I'M HOLDING
$50,000 IN MY HANDS.

SO... WHY AM I SO SAD?

BECAUSE NO MATTER
HOW MUCH YOU'VE WON,

IT CAN'T FIX
WHAT YOU'VE LOST.

UH, SATURDAY NIGHT
AT THE RESTAURANT,

I WAS SINGING THIS LOVE SONG,
REMEMBER?

AND I'D SUNG IT A MILLION TIMES,
BUT, FOR SOME REASON,

THAT NIGHT IT FELT LIKE I WAS
SINGING IT JUST FOR GRAHAM.

AND THEN IT HIT ME,

BEING SOME BROADWAY STAR
REALLY ISN'T MY DREAM.

BEING WITH GRAHAM...

BEING TOGETHER, ANYWHERE,

THAT'S THE DREAM.

THAT WASTHE DREAM.

AT LEAST, IT WAS MINE.

YOU KNOW, WHEN
I BROKE UP WITH BOB,

I WAS SO SAD.

I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER
FIND THE RIGHT MAN FOR ME.

[QUIETLY]: "BOB"?

BUT THEN MY MOM SAID "RITA,
DON'T BE IN SUCH A HURRY.

"THE PERFECT MAN IS OUT THERE,

"BUT HE'S STILL
IN THE OVEN, BAKING.

"AND IF YOU KEEP RUNNING
INTO THE KITCHEN

"AND OPENING THE DOOR,

HE'LL NEVER BE READY."

SO, I WAITED,
AND IT WASN'T EASY,

BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,
I SMELLED SOMETHING REALLY GOOD,

AND WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR...

THERE WAS NORMAN.

ALL DONE!

DING!

[LAUGHTER]

HE WAS
WORTH THE WAIT.

[NIKKI]:
I THOUGHT GRAHAM WAS, TOO.

HE SEEMED LIKE
SUCH A GOOD GUY, BUT...

WRONG OVEN, I GUESS.

LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.

NOW YOU CAN LIVE
A TROUT-FREE LIFE

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WEAR BLUE ANYMORE.

GOOD POINT.

MISS BERGENS,
THERE'S A VAST DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN CHOOSING A GOOD MAN

AND FINDING THE RIGHT MAN.

I HOPE YOU DON'T GIVE UP
UNTIL YOU FIND BOTH.

OKAY.

WELL...
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

OUR PLEASURE.

BACK TO WORK!

RIGHT!

OR I COULD JUST QUIT.

DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.

GO BACK TO WORK,
FACE THE MUSIC.

YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO.

[OLIVER]: MISS BERGENS,
WE'LL SEE YOU OUT.

BYE.

RITA?

WE HAVE TO TALK.

NORMAN, I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GOING TO SAY.

I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU
BEFORE ABOUT BOB,

BUT I DON'T FEEL ABOUT HIM
THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU,

AND I NEVER DID.

YOU'RE JUST GOING TO
HAVE TO TRUST ME.

OH, I TRUST YOU
COMPLETELY.

BUT I DON'T TRUST BOB.

I KNOW YOU WANTED
TO BELIEVE IT, BUT...

BOUVET ISLAND
DOESN'T HAVE ANY OWLS.

AND THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS THE BURROWING YELLOWTAIL.

BOB SCAMMED YOU.

OH.

I'M SORRY.

[SIGHS]

POOR BOB.

HE MUST HAVE
REALLY NEEDED THE MONEY.

YOU'RE AMAZING.

[CHUCKLES]

BUT I'M NOT GIVING HIM
ANY MORE MONEY!

HEY! DO YOU WANNA
GO GET DINNER?

I'VE GOT
AN EXTRA 50 BUCKS!

YEAH!

I'M STARVING.

[***]

NIKKI!

PLEASE HOLD ON.
I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I TRIED CALLING YOU
AFTER YOU RAN OFF,

BUT YOUR VOICEMAIL
WAS FULL

AND YOU DIDN'T
PICK UP.

WE DON'T HAVE TO
PRETEND ANYMORE, GRAHAM.

WE DON'T
HAVE TO TALK,

WE JUST
HAVE TO SING

AND SERVE BETTER-
THAN-AVERAGE FOOD

AT INFLATED PRICES

TO PEOPLE WHO THINK

GOING TO
A ROMANTIC RESTAURANT

ACTUALLY HAS ANYTHING
TO DO WITH LOVE.

NIKKI, PLEASE,
JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE.

ACTUALLY WHAT
I TRIED TO SAY,

BUT YOU WOULDN'T LET ME
IS I--

I LOVE YOU.

AND MORE THAN THAT,

I AM IN LOVE YOU,
AND MORE THAN THAT, EVEN.

WHAT'S MORE THAN THAT?

I DON'T KNOW,

"I LOVE YOU FOREVER" LOVE?

IF THERE'S A "BUT" COMING,
I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

I WAS GOING TO BREAK UP,
BUT ONLY BECAUSE I--

I HAVE NO BUSINESS
GIVING YOU HOPE

THAT I CAN GO WITH YOU
TO NEW YORK.

BUT YOU'VE BEEN SAVING UP
FOR SO LONG.

I WAS,
BUT MY MOM--

MY MOM LOST HER JOB

AND FELL BEHIND
ON HER MORTGAGE PAYMENTS.

SHE DIDN'T WANT ME TO FIND OUT,
BUT I DID,

AND I HAD TO HELP HER OUT
BECAUSE SHE'S MY MOM

AND NOBODY ELSE BELIEVES IN ME
LIKE SHE DOES.

EXCEPT YOU.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

I COULDN'T LET YOU
PUT YOUR DREAMS ON HOLD

WHILE YOU WAITED FOR ME.

BUT AFTER YOU RAN OFF,
I KNEW I'D MADE A MISTAKE.

I JUST DON'T KNOW
HOW TO FIX IT.

OKAY.

FIRST OF ALL...

I "LOVE YOU FOREVER"
LOVE YOU, TOO.

AND SECOND,

I'M SORRY--

REALLY SORRY--
THAT I RAN OFF.

YOU WERE OBVIOUSLY IN THE OVEN

AND I DIDN'T REALIZE
YOU WERE DONE--

DON'T ASK.

BUT THIRD...

YOU ARE SO STUPID!

THANK YOU.

I MEAN, YOU'RE MY DREAM,
NOT NEW YORK!

AND WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
MAKES ME HAPPY,

AND I LOVE YOUR MOM,

AND IF WE'RE GONNA
BE TOGETHER FOREVER,

THEN WE CAN'T LET HER
LOSE HER HOUSE,

OTHERWISE WHERE WILL WE GO
FOR CHRISTMAS,

WHICH BRINGS ME TO--
WHAT ARE WE ON?

FOUR.

FOURTH...

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

IN A MINUTE!

GOOD. UM...

BY THE WAY,
WE WON THE LOTTERY.

I KNOW, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.

NO, WE WON THE LOTTERY.

OH. [CHUCKLES]

DON'T OPEN IT.

JUST KISS ME.

[***]

[STAFF APPLAUDING]

[***]

* MY HEART IS ON FIRE

* I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME

* GOTTA FIND OUT
IF YOU'RE STILL MINE *

[FOOTBALL GAME
PLAYS ON TELEVISION]

PLAY ANY SPORTS
IN HIGH SCHOOL, NORM?

I WAS A FOSTER KID,
SO I MOVED AROUND A LOT.

SPORTS ARE
THE FOUNDATION OF WAR.

LIKE PLAYING CHECKERS
WITH REAL PEOPLE,

ONLY YOU DON'T
GET HURT.

WHAT POSITION
DID YOU PLAY?

I WAS A FOSTER KID.
I MOVED AROUND A LOT.

I DIDN'T--

SHORT-STOP...

GOOD FOR YOU.

OH, YEAH, I LOVE TO DANCE.

IT'S VERY HARD WORK, THOUGH.

WELL, AT LEAST THE WAY
THAT I DO IT, ANYWAYS.

[GIGGLES]

HOW ABOUT YOU?

OH, I HAVEN'T
DANCED IN YEARS.

SHANE AND OLIVER
TOOK DANCE LESSONS ONCE.

WHERE IS SHANE?

I DON'T KNOW.

[SPEAKING QUIETLY]

I'VE HEARD OF COP BARS
AND I'VE HEARD OF SPORTS BARS,

BUT I'VE NEVER
HEARD OF...

WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME?

SURE.

WELL, EVERYONE NEEDS
A PLACE TO--

OLIVER.

HAVE SOME CAKE.

OH, THANK YOU.

SHANE HAD IT
SPECIAL-ORDERED.

FROM MONTALDO'S.

OH.

DALE, COULD YOU HELP ME
MIX SOME MORE PUNCH?

SURE.

LATER?

YES.

[***]

* KISSES...

* ARE SO DELICIOUS

* DISTRACT ME
ALL MY WISHES *

* AND MAKE THIS DAY
IN MY HEART... *

[NIKKI]:
* ...BEFORE *

[DINERS APPLAUDING]

I, UH,

TOOK THE LIBERTY
OF ORDERING DESSERT.

OH, THANK YOU.

WAS THAT RAMON
THAT I SAW LEAVING?

YES.

HE SENDS HIS REGARDS.

[CHUCKLES]

THAT GUY ALWAYS SHOWS UP
AT THE WEIRDEST TIMES.

YOU THINK THIS IS WEIRD?

ARE YOU GOING TO
TRY YOUR DESSERT?

UM, I'M NOT QUITE READY YET.

AHEM.

FORGIVE ME.

UH, IT GETS
A BIT HOT IN HERE.

BUT, UM,
I SUPPOSE YOU KNOW THAT,

BEING SO FAMILIAR
WITH THE PLACE.

OLIVER, LESTER IS AN IDIOT.

AND STEVE...

I HAVE BEEN OVER HIM
FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

YOU OWE ME
NO EXPLANATIONS, MS. McINERNEY.

BECAUSE YOU AND I
ARE JUST... FRIENDS?

THAT WAS AN UNFORTUNATE
TURN OF PHRASE, I'M AFRAID.

SO-- [SIGHS]

SO WHAT WAS TONIGHT?

WAS IT A DATE?

OR WAS IT JUST
OUR "LONG-PROMISED DINNER"?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
A QUIET DINNER

WITH GOOD COMPANY
AND GOOD CONVERSATION,

AND I DID WANT IT
TO BE SOMEPLACE SPECIAL...

AND I WANTED TO DANCE.

OLIVER,

I NEVER DANCED
WITH ANY OF THE OTHERS HERE.

I ONLY--

I ONLY DANCE WITH YOU.

WE COULD USE MORE PRACTICE.

I-I KNOW.

IF WE WE'RE GONNA GET
ANY GOOD AT IT.

I IMAGINE
WE COULD BE VERY GOOD.

I IMAGINE WE WOULD BE.

IF WE PRACTICED EVERY WEEK.

EVERY WEEK?

OH, I ONLY MEANT
IF YOU WERE SERIOUS...

I-I MEAN--

RIGHT.

[PIANO BEGINS TO PLAY]

RIGHT.

[HOST]: AND NOW,
RETURNING TO THE STAGE

WITH A VERY SPECIAL GOODNIGHT
FROM MONTALDO'S...

PLEASE WELCOME
MICHAEL AND SOPHIA.

* IF I LOVED YOU

* TIME AND AGAIN

* I WOULD TRY TO SAY

* ALL I'D WANT YOU TO KNOW

* IF I LOVED YOU

* WORDS WOULDN'T COME
IN AN EASY WAY *

* ROUND IN CIRCLES
I'D GO *

* LONGING TO TELL YOU
BUT AFRAID AND SHY *

* I'D LET MY GOLDEN CHANCES

* PASS ME BY

* SOON YOU'D LEAVE ME

* OFF YOU WOULD GO

* IN THE MIST OF DAY

* NEVER, NEVER TO KNOW

* HOW I LOVED YOU

* IF I LOVED YOU

[***]

* SOON YOU'D LEAVE ME

* OFF YOU WOULD GO

* IN THE MIST OF DAY

* NEVER, NEVER TO KNOW

* HOW I LOVED YOU

[SILENCE FALLS]

* IF

* I LOVED YOU *

[DINERS APPLAUDING]

[***]

[POP DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

OLIVER,
ARE WE DANCING?

NO, MS. McINERNEY.
WE ARE NOT.

OKAY.

[OLIVER]:
I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.

I LIKED THAT DESSERT.

IT WAS VERY GOOD.

I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT.

IT'S HARD TO FIND
A GOOD CURD THESE DAYS.

YES. TIMES HAVE CHANGED.

AND I'M VERY
OLD-FASHIONED, YOU KNOW.

I'M AWARE OF THAT.

AND WHEN LIFE
BECOMES COMPLICATED,

ONE FINDS ONESELF FALLING BACK

UPON THE TRADITIONAL
AND FAMILIAR.

ONE TAKES ONE'S TIME TO AVOID
THE RISK OF PRECIPITOUSNESS.

DOES ONE GET TO THE QUESTION?

AND YET...

WHAT GOOD

IS A LETTER
IF ONE NEVER MAILS IT?

IS THAT THE QUESTION?

NO. WHY DID YOU ORDER
LEMON CAKE FOR THE PARTY TODAY?

UM...

I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD HAVE
A SECOND CHANCE TO TRY IT.

AND YOU COULDN'T WAIT

UNTIL THE NEXT TIME
WE WENT TO MONTALDO'S?

OR DID YOU ASSUME
THERE WOULD BE NO "NEXT TIME"?

WELL, I...

WELL...

IT MAY SURPRISE YOU,

BUT I BELIEVE
IN SECOND CHANCES, TOO.

OKAY.

SHALL I SHOULD PUT IT
ON THE CALENDAR, THEN,

FOR SOMETIME THIS YEAR?

YES. HOW DOES
NEXT SATURDAY SOUND?

GREAT.

IT'S A DATE.

I MEAN, IT'S A--

IT IS A DATE.

SPEAKING OF
SECOND CHANCES--

MM-HMM?

HOW DO YOU LIKE MY HAIR?

WHAT?

DO YOU LIKE MY HAIR?

IT'S FINE.
UH, IT'S, UH, VERY...

I LIKE THE FLOWER.

GOOD.

AHEM.

IT'S THE FIRST
ROSE OF SUMMER.

NO!

IT TOOK AFTER ALL.

AND NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED
IN THE BLOOMING OF THIS ROSE.

[LAUGHING]

AND-- AND
YOU'D GIVEN UP.

I KNOW.

OH, ME OF LITTLE FAITH.

ALL IT TAKES IS A LITTLE.

COME ON!

[***]

* IT'S ALL GOOD

* IT GETS EVEN BETTER

* UP IN THE SKY

* THERE'S ALWAYS SUNNY WEATHER

* IT'S A PERFECT DAY

* AIN'T NOTHING WRONG
'CAUSE EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT *

* IT'S ALL GOOD
WHEN WE GET TOGETHER *

* WELL, NOW IT GETS BETTER

* WHEN YOU GOT WHAT MATTERS

* IT'S ALL GOOD

* IT GETS EVEN BETTER

* DOO, DOO-DOO
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO *

* DOO, DOO-DOO
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO *

* DOO, DOO-DOO
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO *

* IT'S ALL GOOD

[***]