All language subtitles for s b t b s02e05 1080p web h264-ggez (1)_track3_[eng]

- Okay, guys.
We have a lot to get through

and not a lot of time.

So please, no interruptions.

- You should all be ashamed
of yourselves.

- I am!

- We are months
into the Spirit competition

and we are losing.

- Um, Mac, Daisy was just
in the middle of talking.

- Who are you? Have we met?
- I'm Gil.

Yesterday, you handed me
a very full aquarium and said,

"Whatever you do,
don't put this down,"

and then never came back.

- Yet I see
you don't have it now.

Anyway, I went undercover
at Valley to do some digging.

[mysterious music]

* *

- Cool walk, new kid.

- Should I go here?

I infiltrated
some of Valley's Spirit events

to see what those evil
bastards have been up to.

* *

[excited chatter]

* *

[laughs]

* *

[tattoo needle buzzing]

[indistinct chatter]

[music intensifies]

[gasps]

They're already
at 15,000 Spirit hours.

We're not even halfway there.

- So you went to Valley

and helped them
with their Spirit hours?

- That's not the point, Gil.

Bayside is losing.

I mean, we can't even pull off
the simplest prank,

like stealing their mascot

or trapping their school
in a giant hourglass.

Nobody is driving
this train, folks.

That's why I'm appointing
myself the Spirit Czar.

- No.

Look,
whether I like it or not,

I'm in charge
of the Spirit competition;

and it's on my to-do list,

along with
a million other things

like organizing the pep rally

and investigating whether
the Founders dance is racist.

Oh, actually, I can check
that one off--it is.

- Fine.
You can be Spirit Czar.

I just hope you don't live
to regret it.

- Did someone order 10,000
pounds of hourglass sand?

I need a signature
from a Spirit Czar.

- Oh, yeah.
She's right there.

- Unfortunately, I'm gonna
need separate signatures

for every pound of sand.

I don't make the rules.

- Okay.

[school bell rings]

- * When I wake up
in the mornin' *

* Alarm gives out a warnin' *

* I don't think
I'll ever make it on time *

[school bell ringing]

* By the time I
grab my books *

* And I give myself a look *

* I'm at the corner
just in time *

* It's all right,
it's all right *

* Saved by the bell,
it's all right *

* It's all right,
saved by the bell *

* It's all right *

* 'Cause I'm saved
by the bell *

[school bell ringing]

[upbeat music]

- So in the musical,

I play a cruise ship singer
named Penny LaPoix

and DeVante plays
a no-good dice-thrower

named Benny "The Finger"
Fingerson.

[hushed indistinct chatter]

Um, why is everyone
staring at me?

[gasps]
Oh, no, did my sex tape leak?

How will I handle
all the publicity?

- Have you guys seen this?

Some parents
at West Beverly High

are suing the school
to get a trans girl

kicked off
the soccer team.

- Oh.

Oh, guys, I'm fine.

When stuff like this happens,

everyone's instinct
is to be annoying and check in.

Please, just be normal.

all: Okay, yes,
let's all be normal.

- Be normal or else

I'll photoshop a tweet
where you insult BTS

and their fan Army will make
your life a living hell.

- Oh, nah, I'm good on that.
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- Oh, Daisy,

I know you said
I couldn't be Spirit Czar

but I found a good way
to rack up hours.

My godfather, Daniel Tosh,

said that he would consider
it community service

if we go to his shows
and laugh at all of his jokes.

- No, Mac.
I don't want your ideas.

And why did you put
a sack of hair labeled

"For Charity" in my locker?

- 'Cause my locker's already
full of hair, dum-dum.

- [sighs]
That's better.

Normal.

- Hey.

I benched the striker on
my soccer team so you can play.

You're starting the big game
on Friday, champ.

- What?

- Uh, what Coach Slater
means to say

is that we support you, Lexi,
and we're here for you.

- Yeah.

And if I ever run into those
parents from West Beverly High,

I'm gonna give them
a piece of my mind.

With my legs!

I've been practicing
Brazilian jiu-jitsu,

and I can cut a man in half
just using my thighs.

Just, uh, like that.

- All righty, okay.
See you, Lex.

- Today,
instead of English class,

Lexi, why don't you educate us

about the history
of trans rights?

No need to cite your sources.

You can just give us
a reading list after.

* *

- Um.

- Lexi, me and Joey Soloway
go to the same Gelson's.

They buy a lot of fennel.

Do you buy fennel?

- So I guess I'll never know
who my real mother is

or why they decided
to do IVF in a lab

where they breed animals
at the San Diego Zoo.

- Hi, Lexi?

- Are you my Uber Eats?

Uh, you've taken forever.

- No, this is Chloe.

She's the head of Prism,
the LGBTQ club.

- Oh.

- Yeah, we're planning
a protest at West Beverly High.

If you wanna come,
it's a sit-in

on the soccer field,
so just maybe don't wear heels.

- Oh, I have Barbie foot.
If I wear flats, I'll tip over.

- I've invited Lexi
to our events

like a million times,
but she never wants to come.

- Yeah, I'm good.
But it's so nice to meet a fan.

Here, take a Lexi magnet
for your fridge.

- Okay, uh--

Well, just so you know,
we have meetings every week

if you ever need help
dealing with all of this.

But I'm gonna go

'cause I did just see you
text security, "Remove her".

- All right, listen.
Between my show

and being the face
of a diet baby food in Finland,

I don't have time
to drop everything

and hold some poster at another
high school every week.

- Yeah, I totally get that.

But if we don't stand up
to hate now,

it's just gonna keep happening.

* *

- Slater says
you're the new team captain

and we have to carry you
to your next class.

- Sure.
Why not?

[sighs]

* *

- Hey, would you ever
maybe wanna

go on a real date with me?

Just to The Max.
I'm not rich.

But if you order a cup of soup,
then they legally

have to give you all the oyster
crackers you want.

It's in their by-laws.

- I love that you know
their by-laws.

And I would love to,

but I haven't exactly
told my mom about you yet.

- Oh.

I told my mom about you

'cause I kinda thought
that you were,

well, my girl--

- Hey, buddy.
So I got another idea.

A blood drive could get us
a lot of hours,

but the manual
doesn't specify human blood.

- No.
- You're being impossible.

It's like you don't even care
about the coveted Spirit Stick.

- Because I don't.

- All right, well,

I'll have to figure out
where to store 200 gallons

of pigs' blood.

Hey, Jim.

* *

- [sighs]
Sorry about that.

Um, you were saying
you considered me your--

- Oh, uh--

It was nothing.
Never mind.

- Well, I'm gonna tell
my mom about us.

- Thanks for coming in.

I know you don't usually
come to my office hours.

- Yeah, I prefer to get advice
from my psychic,

but he won the lottery again
so he's in the Maldives.

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine.
- Are you sure?

'Cause I've known
you a long time

and sometimes you say it's fine
but it's not.

Like, when your dad
forgot your birthday

and he woke up with it
tattooed on his forehead.

- It's also Meredith Vieira's
birthday.

Maybe she did it.

Okay.
Look, I was fine,

until that judgy girl
from the Prism Club

made me feel guilty that
I wasn't going to her protest.

- Lexi, no one should tell you
how and when to take a stand.

You'll find your own way
to fight back.

Even the smallest act
of protest

can make a difference.

- Right.

Which means
the hugest act of protest

might just solve
this whole thing.

- Wait, what whole thing?
Transphobia?

- Thanks, Dr. Spano.

You've really lit a fire
under my perfect ass.

[laughs]

- * There's only two things
a man really needs in life *

* A well-placed bet *

* And a sexy broad for a wife *

* But when that big old wave
hit our humble boat *

* My heart went a-sinkin' *

* But my dice went afloat *

- Stop!

- Oh, Lexi.
There you are.

You weren't here, so I was
forced to step into your role.

- I told him we could wait.

- The musical is canceled.

Instead, I'm gonna write a show
so powerful

that it solves transphobia.

Nay, all prejudice.

- Lexi, are you sure
this is a good idea?

We've been practicing
this musical for over a month,

and now you're just gonna
scrap it for a whole new play

you haven't even written yet?
- Uh, yeah.

That's exactly
what we're going to do.

And it opens this weekend.

- I'm so excited.

A play that changes the world.

[sobs]

- Dude, are you crying
at just the idea of a play?

* *

- Oh, come on.

- Hector, cálmate.
Abuelita's sleeping.

It was impossible
to put her down for her nap

because she ate
too many Skittles.

- Hey, Mom.
I have to tell you something.

I've been dating a boy.

- No, you're not allowed
to date

until you get
on the Supreme Court

and then if you want to date
another justice, you may.

Chaperoned.
- Mom, come on.

- You are too smart
to let some boy

distract you
from your schoolwork.

There will be plenty of time
to meet guys.

- But I really like him,
and I think you would too.

- [sighs]

What's his name?

- Gil Vatooley.

- Mm.
Found him.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
He's cute.

Maybe too cute.

Honor roll.
Chess club.

He was in prison
because he held up a saloon?

Oh, that's just
a novelty picture he took.

With his mother.
On her birthday.

He seems like a nice nerd.

I can't believe I'm going
to say this,

but I'll allow it.

- Really?

- You think she's safe
'cause she's dating a nerd?

Ever heard of Joss Whedon?

- Just as long as it
doesn't affect your schoolwork.

Your grades start slipping,
this is over.

- Yes, of course.

Thank you, Mom.

Wow, I had scheduled a full
hour of getting screamed at.

Guess I'll go do my homework.

- Ay, Dios mio.

I just had a terrible dream.

The boy that you love
is cursed.

Listen to me=--in my dream,
a serpent visited you.

I heard the howl
of a two-headed dog,

and then you were stung
in the heart.

By a bee.

That's because
of one cursed boy.

One cursed boy.
[speaking Spanish]

- So I told my mom about Gil.

- Is she sending you away
to a remote convent

where all the nuns
are in love with each other?

I got bored
and read my mom's beach book.

- It actually went
pretty great.

Well, until my abuela said she
had a dream Gil is cursed.

- Ay!
No empieces con eso.

If everything my abuela said
was true,

El Cuco would have eaten me
ten times by now.

Bet you didn't count on me
keeping a nightlight

into my teens,
did you, you little bitch?

- Yeah, there's nothing
to worry about.

Curses aren't real.

[gasps]

- Okay, that was a coincidence.

Let's not freak out
over one bird.

- [gasps]
- All right.

Ay, Dios Mio.

- You!

This is your fault.
- Why do you always say that?

Last week, you blamed me
when you fell down the stairs.

- Someone should've told me

that I don't know
how to skateboard.

- I did.
- This is not about that.

Valley kidnapped our mascot.

I warned you if we didn't
strike first,

this would happen.

- So a stuffed animal is gone.
Buy a new one.

- [grunts] Trevor the Tiger
has been cubnapped!

Why don't you care?

Are you a mole for Valley
or something, huh?

- Mac.
- Huh?

- Mac!
Let go of her.

Both of you,
my office right now.

[suspenseful music]

- I'm fine, Principal Toddman.
Mac was just being crazy.

- Whoa!
Ableist language.

My mother identifies as crazy.

No, I called you both in here

because of
your behavior, Daisy.

- [scoffs]
My behavior?

- It's your lack
of school spirit.

- That's what I keep saying.

I pitched her pranks
that we could pull on Valley

and she's always like,

"Where will we get
that many lobsters, Mac?"

or "The UN defines that
as a war crime, Mac."

- The school Spirit competition
is very important to Bayside,

and we're not gonna win
that stick

if the person in charge
doesn't care about it.

- I know, but I also have
a million other things to do,

and study, and somehow keep up
with new fashion trends.

Is this anything?

- Look, I know you're new here

so you don't get
how deep this rivalry goes.

This goes back to the times

when cars were horses
and Netflix still mailed DVDs.

- Back in the 1800s,
Bayside was a mission

with a reputation
for having the coolest monks.

They would compete with Valley
and the other missions

to see who could do
the most good deeds.

And the winner of the
very first Spirit competition

was to receive
a special divining stick

which could point the way
to fresh water.

And guess what, Daisy.
Bayside won.

- And they found fresh water?

- No,
the water was contaminated

and they all died of diarrhea,
cursing Valley's name.

- I don't find this compelling.

- The point is, Daisy,
you may not care about this

but you are
the president of Bayside,

and the kids
who voted for you do.

- Okay.
Well, if it's that important,

I guess I can somehow find some
more time to devote to this.

- Ooh, I got a ton
of great ideas for retaliation.

The first one, we have to
invent a type of cement

that tastes delicious.

* *

- Well, I did it!

I wrote a whole play
in one night.

- Oh!
- [giggles]

- Why is there a disclaimer
for epileptics

and non-pregnant women?

- Okay, people,
we're losing daylight.

Let's get this thing
on its feet.

- If I learned anything
from Dua Lipa's dancing,

it's the power
of lowering expectations.

So remember,
this is just a first draft.

"The place: Stonewall.

"The year: 1969...million.

"DeVante: an alien.

Sexy but doesn't know it."

- I don't know I'm sexy
or I don't know I'm an alien?

both: Both!
- Okay, I need to figure out

how we're gonna stage
the kickline at the end,

so please arrange yourselves in
order from best to worst legs.

- Hey, can we talk?

- Of course.
- Okay.

Are you sure this whole
play thing is a good idea?

- Yes, you're just afraid.
Don't you want to solve

transphobia the way
"Hamilton" solved racism?

- Look, I get it.

During the protests of 2020,
random kids from Bayside

kept texting me
just to check in.

I got so many white-guilt
Venmos, I bought an air fryer.

Look, what I'm saying is,
having a spotlight on you

that you didn't ask for sucks.

- Yeah, I hear you.

And you're right,
it is about the spotlight,

and we need one
that's even bigger.

[upbeat music]

- And that morning, I woke
and there was a bunch of nurses

and everything,

and my hands
were completely black.

- A serpent visited you.

I heard the howl
of a two-headed dog,

and then you were stung
in the heart by a bee.

- And that's how I found out

that I'm allergic
to my own fingernails.

- Hey, guys.
Welcome to The Max After Dark,

a romantic date venue
for teen couples.

Can I get you started
with some bread?

- Yes.

[screams]
Oh, no.

I've been visited
by the serpent.

- Okay, you don't
like the trick.

You know, I didn't want to be
in food service.

It's the only way I can
get people to watch my magic.

- Are you okay?
You seem a little on edge.

- This is gonna sound crazy,

but my abuela had a dream
that you were cursed.

- Jeez.
Really?

I mean,
I don't think I'm cursed.

I have been struck
by lightning twice,

but that's because I like
playing golf in the rain.

- No, of course
you're not cursed.

But it did freak me out.

- Well, she's probably
just trying to scare you.

My mom told me
that she knows someone

that got a girl pregnant

just by sharing popcorn
at the movies.

I know it's not true,

but I still get
two individual popcorns

even though it doesn't
make sense economically.

- Exactly.

Like, it sounds
so stupid when I say it now,

but I swear last night,

I couldn't fall asleep
because I was scared I would

"hear the howl
of a two-headed dog."

- [howls]
[dog whines]

Hey, buddy.

- Mac, why is there a dog
in your shirt?

- 'Cause she was cold,
Michael Vick.

You weren't gonna do anything,
so I went back undercover

and stole Valley's mascot.

Meet Bullinda the Bulldog.

- You stole a living dog?

- Mm.
- Too far!

Haven't you ever heard
of "an eye for an eye"?

- Yeah,
it leaves the whole world

looking like cool pirates.

Anyways, this is the last favor

that I'm gonna do for you,
Daisy.

* *

- What am I supposed
to do with her?

- Figure it out, Spirit Czar.

[dog barks]

* *

- Oh, look!
The Prism Club is here.

Lexi, maybe they can
help you clarify your message.

- Um, what exactly about my
message needs to be clarified?

- Uh, DeVante showed us
the script,

and some of this stuff
could be offensive.

Like, why does the Pope get
trampled by a cow in Act Two?

- Um, the cow
represents Harvey Milk,

and the Pope
represents Olivia Pope,

played by Kerry Washington
who shares a last name

with notorious slaveholder,
George Washington?

Read a book!

- Right. I'm just worried that

if this is the audience's
first exposure to trans lives,

it could do
more harm than good.

- Oh.
- What's happening

at West Beverly is scary
and I wish that solving it

was as easy as putting on
a play at Bayside,

but it's not.
- You're right.

My play must be seen
by more than just Bayside.

- Not what I was saying.
- It should be broadcast on E!

Yeah.
I'll call them,

say I want them to film it as
a special episode of my show.

Then millions will see it
and be forever changed.

- Oh, I have to quit.

I cannot have America
seeing my nude butt.

- What?
DeVante, this is your fault.

No one would be quitting
if you hadn't

brought these haters in here.

I'm giving your parts
to Spencer.

- Uh, I'm not comfortable
playing Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm out.

- Hey, Lexi.

Just let us help you.
- You wanna help?

You can do lights.
I will perform all the roles.

Like I told the other triplets

before absorbing them
in the womb,

"This is a one-woman show!"

* *

- So how was your date?
Is he the one?

Is your wedding registry
gonna be at Texas Instruments?

- It was pretty sexy.

I played footsie with him
for, like, an hour.

Until I realized his foot
was actually a burrito

someone dropped
under the table.

- Okay, one more question.

Is there a reason that
there's a dog under your desk?

- Mac stole Valley's mascot
and now it's my responsibility.

I just have to care for it

until the Grand Spirit
Hostage Exchange,

which I guess can only happen
under a full moon?

- Well, I'm glad
that your date went well

and you didn't let your abuela
get into your head.

- Right?
I'm a woman of science.

- Yeah.
- Obviously, a curse isn't--

[gasps]
Oh, my God, a "B"?

Abuela was right.

[ominous music]

I've been stung in the heart...
by a "B."

[plucky music]

- Hey, Mom, I have some news
that's gonna upset you.

- Ay, honey, if you lost
your retainer again,

I am not paying for a new one.

This is the universe
telling you

to accept dental imperfection.

- I got a "B."

Like Abuela said,
I was stung by a "B."

And I know you said
I can only date

if I keep up my grades, so...

I'm prepared to break up
with Gil.

- Abuela has lots of dreams,
mijita.

When I was a teenager,

she had a dream
that if I wore a crop-top,

Satan would steal
my belly button

and put it
on his "altar of skanks."

- [sighs]

But cursed or not,

I feel like
I have too much on my plate.

Maybe there's no room
for a boy.

- Daisy,
the real curse in life is

it's really hard to balance
everything you care about.

Sometimes you do have
to give things up.

You'll figure it out.

- I just had
the most vivid dream.

The earth is gonna
swallow us up

if we don't have
candy for dinner.

- Okay.

* *

- Top o' the mornin', Miss.

I shall allow you to enter,

but none of
those trans people can.

Oh, yeah?
Well, I am trans.

Blimey.
I didn't know a trans woman

could be a rich style icon.

DeVante,
can I get a source four

with a chartreuse gel?
- I don't know how to do that.

- And now I shall fly away
from prejudice,

and into the moon.

* *

Um, excuse me.

Did I say,
"gently hover above prejudice"?

- Hey, can we talk for a sec?

Look, I think it's super cool

that you're doing this play
on your own.

And I love the script.

It's, like, L-O-L funny.

- Not my intent.
- Not even the stand-up set?

- That's the most serious part.

- Look, Lexi,
it seems really hard

doing all this by yourself.

- Yeah, it is hard.

It's hard doing it by myself

and hearing about this terrible
stuff all day, every day.

- I get that.

One alert on your phone
can ruin your entire week.

- Is this play a dumb idea?

- No, babe.

It's just ahead of its time.

By, like, 3,000 years.

- Look, I just thought
maybe I could stop

these exhausting cycles from
happening over and over again.

The bad news and the check-ins
and the pity.

Sometimes I feel so alone.

- Well, maybe it'd be easier
if you had someone

to help, you know, lift you up.

- But I have you to lift me up.

- But maybe this is a job
I'm not the best fit for.

- He's right.

Sometimes you just wanna talk
to someone who gets it.

Like when there's
a new "Verzuz" battle.

- You see Stevie Wonder
versus Lil' Kim?

- Oh, yeah, man.

Weird pairing,
but I was here for it though.

Hey, what about the Prism Club?

- Yeah, but that club is
just gonna be another bummer

where everyone
unloads their trauma.

- Well, if you ever want to go,
I could go with you.

- Yeah, me too.

- Thanks, guys.

- Can I let go of this now?
My hands are getting rope burn.

- No, I need to call E!
to cancel the show.

Lift me higher
so I can get better reception.

* *

Hey, Jeff.
Can you hear me?

Yeah, we're not doing
the special anymore.

Well, I don't care.
Just put on

another "Botched" marathon
like you always do.

* *

- Hey, Gil.

We need to talk.

- Oh, that doesn't sound good.

[dog whines]
Hey.

Ah, you can't break up with me.

Look how great I am
with your dog.

- So yesterday, I got
my first "B" on a test,

and I know one "B"
is not a big deal but--

- What?
That's gonna torpedo your GPA.

I mean, you used to have
a perfect 4.0.

One "B", that's a--

both: 3.98888!

- Yeah.
- I totally understand.

I mean, if you need more time
to spend on school,

then I'm okay with that,

even if it means
that we can't be together.

- No.
You know what?

I may have a lot of stuff
on my plate,

but I'll find something else
to give up.

- You mean it?

- I'd actually like to be
your official girlfriend.

I think they call it
"going steady"

at this school for some reason.

- I'd love that.

[sentimental music]

* *

But what are you gonna do?

I mean, you can't let
your grades suffer.

You can't drop Student Council.

What else is there to give up?

- Quiet, Bullinda.

[suspenseful music]

* *

Hey, Mac.

I've been thinking.

You should be the Spirit Czar.

- Oh, my God.

You finally see
the talent in me.

I proved myself to you.

- No, you didn't.

I know you're gonna do
a bad job with this,

but it really doesn't
matter to me.

So take this dog.
Take all the work off my plate.

And guess what?

If you mess up,
the consequences are yours too.

- I won't let you down, Daisy.

- Again, you're definitely
going to.

[upbeat music]

* *

- Well, you guys win.
I'm not doing my play.

And I guess in a way,
it'll be nice for us to wallow

in our sorrows together,

so let us begin by singing

that old queer spiritual,
"Same Love" by Macklemore.

- Uh, Lexi, what exactly
do you think we do here?

- Oh, I assumed
it's sort of like AA.

You say your name,

how long you've been
a member of the community,

and then tell
your most horrific sob story

while drinking gray coffee.

- Yeah, okay.
We've done a really bad job

explaining what this club
is about.

Why do I let Spencer
handle our PR?

- [scoffs]

- Wait,
You guys drag Spencer too?

Maybe I do belong here.

- Chloe, should we get started?

- Yeah.
It has been a really hard week,

but we're not gonna let that
interrupt our lip sync battle.

- All right!
Let's get into this.

- But how can we waste time
on a lip sync battle

when there are so many more
important things

we could be doing?

- Uh, if we stopped the party
every time

something bad happened,
we would never have fun.

And in its own way,

queer and trans joy
is a form of resistance.

- It's kind of nice to be
a part of a community

where we have
each other's backs.

Spencer, give me the stage
or I'll convince your parents

to give you up
for adoption again.

[Kim Petra's "I Don't Want It
at All" playing]

- * Oh *

* I want all my clothes
designer *

* Ooh *

* I want someone else
to buy 'em *

* Yeah *

* If I cannot get it
right now *

* Now *

* I don't want it,
I don't want it *

* I don't want it at all *

* I don't want it,
I don't want it *

* I don't want it at all *

* *

* Give me
all of your attention *

* Ooh, give me summer
in the Hamptons *

* Yeah *

* If I cannot get it
right now *

* No, I don't want it,
I don't want it *

* I don't want it at all *

* I don't want it,
I don't want it *

* I don't want it at all *

* *

* Whoo, ah! *

* Give me summer
in the Hamptons *

* *

* Give me summer
in the Hamptons *

* *

* I don't want it at all *

* Give me summer
in the Hamptons *

* *

* In the Hamptons *

* In the Hamptons! *

* I don't want it *

* I want
all my clothes designer *

* Uh-huh, ooh *

* I want someone else
to buy 'em *

* Yeah *

* If I cannot get it
right now *

* Right now, right now *

* I don't want it,
I don't want it *

* I don't want it at all *

* I don't want it,
I don't want it *

* I don't want it at all *