All language subtitles for s b t b s02e02 1080p web h264-ggez (1)_track3_[eng]

- All right, guys.
Come on, bring it in.

Listen up: we got
a long season ahead of us.

But if we work real hard
and bust our butts,

I guarantee
we're gonna crush Valley.

What?
What is it?

I know my fly isn't down.

That's why I only wear
track pants.

- Coach, Valley doesn't have
a team anymore.

Some kid got hurt
so they cancelled the season.

- Wait, you can get hurt
playing football?

- Yeah, if you're a wimp.

The NFL won't even
let you dive helmet-first

into a defenseless player
anymore.

- Well, when
you say it like that,

I mean, that sounds reasonable.

- Guys, football
is totally safe.

Watch, I'll prove it.

Jamie, I'm gonna
go across the middle.

Aisha, I want you to hit me
while I'm in midair.

And lead with your helmet.

All right,
if you would, please.

- Here you go, Coach.

- This is the greatest day
of my life.

[exciting music]

* *

- All right.
- Ready.

Set, hut.

* *

[all oohing]
- [grunts]

- Oh!

- [groans]

Still got it.
Oh...

[school bell rings]

- * When I wake up
in the morning *

* Alarm gives out a warning *

* I don't think
I'll ever make it on time *

* By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look *

* I'm at the corner
just in time *

* It's all right *

* It's all right,
saved by the bell *

* It's all right,
it's all right *

* Saved by the bell *

* It's all right *

* 'Cause I'm saved
by the bell *

[bell rings]

- Hey, stop nervously tapping
your pen on your desk.

Mason's freestyle
rapping to the beat.

- People say I'm insane

but it's a side effect
of my Accutane.

- Relax, you're gonna win.

- But what if I don't?

Last year,
being Class President

wasn't just something I did,
it was who I was.

I can't think of a new defining
personality trait.

I'm bad at sports

and I'm not horny enough
to be a horse girl.

- Daisy, listen,
if you win, great.

And if you don't,
that's okay too.

There's a lot more to you

than one big thing
you did last year.

[intercom beeps]
- Good morning, Bayside.

A couple of
quick announcements.

Student Council results
are in.

And your new Junior Class
President is

Daisy Jiménez.

- I told you.
- Vice President Gil Vatooley.

Treasurer Nadia Coleman.
Secretary is School Sucks--

Very funny, guys.
Who wrote this in?

- It is not joke!

School Sucks is
very common name in Belarus.

- And one final announcement.

Due in part to Coach Slater's
horrific accident,

the football season is
canceled for safety reasons.

It will be replaced
with nothing.

- There's a lot more to you

than the one big thing
you did last year?

- That was a lie
to make you feel better.

- Got it.

- Ron,
you cannot cancel football.

- Why?
You hate football.

- No, I don't.
I love it.

I love how it glorifies
violence and objectifies women.

I think it's cool.

- Jessie, could you get to
whatever this is really about?

I'm trying to eat my morning
gruel before it gets warm.

- Okay, fine.
[sighs]

I'm gonna tell Jamie
about the divorce this week,

so nothing else bad can happen.

I've been doing a "Weekend at
Bernie's" with his hermit crab.

- Oh, Jessie, I'm so sorry.
It must be tough.

- René and I talked about it,
and we both decided

it would be best
if I was the one to tell Jamie.

- Judy and I didn't have kids,

so I never had
to have this conversation.

It was hard enough
telling our dog,

who did ultimately end up
testifying against me in court.

Divorce, it's the worst.

- Not if you have a plan,
it isn't.

Which is why I've been working
every day

with my therapist Dr. Joanne
to come up with this.

In this file is a script

for the perfect
divorce conversation.

- Okay, well, how do you know
what Jamie's gonna say?

- Well, he's my son.
I know everything about him,

which is why I know
the best way to do this.

I'm gonna take him to a place
he loves, stick to the script,

and then as a final touch,

give him a cup of his favorite
pudding from when he was a kid.

- I don't know, Jessie.

When Judy said
she was leaving me,

I didn't do what she expected.

I threw my clothes
out the window.

- Look, Ron,
I am a professional,

and I am pretty good

at figuring out
what people will say.

both: Oh, come on, Jessie.

No one can know exactly--
stop it.

Stop it.

Zebra.
47.

Rancho Cucamonga.

- How?

- Guys, I hate that football
got canceled

for safety reasons.

Like, I'm so mad I could punch
a locker right now...

if my doctor didn't say
any sudden movement

could cause what's left
of my spine to fly apart.

- We were just getting good.
We were winning games.

- I'm sorry, but a bunch
of parents called Toddman.

They had all these statistics
about how much trauma football

does to the body.

He tried to show me,
but I injured

the part of my brain
that processes numbers.

- How many parents called?
- Oh, man, like florbidy?

Maybe more.
Maybe like florbidy-goo?

- You know what?

If our parents caused this
then they can fix this.

We just need to stand up to
them and demand that we play.

- [hums softly]

- So what?
Your parents are scared

of football
and you're scared of them?

What are they gonna do,
take away your allowance?

- Oh, no,
if I lose that much income,

I'll drop a tax bracket

and I'll have
to reclassify my S-Corp.

- You should really be
reporting that as a gift, bro.

- Dude, it is a job.

I work at being a good boy.

- Guys, look.
We all agree that this sucks,

but maybe it's an opportunity
to try something new.

Bayside is full of activities
that aren't canceled,

including the sport
I loved the most

back in high school, wrestling.
- [groans]

- Oh, no, Aisha.
I think you should try it.

It's the closest you're gonna
get to playing football.

- Would I still get
to dominate my opponents

and crush their spirits

in front
of their friends and family?

- In some ways, even more so
because they don't

get to hide their shame
inside a helmet.

- All right.
I'm in.

- All right.
I'll see you at try outs.

Oh, hold on--I'm gonna give you
an inspirational thumbs up.

[groaning]

Oh, God!

- So did you hear
about football?

- Yes, and I know you're sad,
but before you get too down,

the Palisades has a club team
you can join.

The only thing is,
Judd Apatow is the coach,

and he puts Leslie Mann
in for every play.

- Thank you.
I appreciate

all the effort
you're making for me.

- Aw, honey, it's nothing.
- But, you know,

I'm actually kind of glad
football is canceled.

- Yes, of course
we can get a puppy.

Wait, what did you just say?

- Well, honestly, Mom,

you know, just between us?

I'm actually not great
at football.

Just really, really good.

- I had no idea
you wanted to quit.

That's not terrifying.
[laughs]

[quirky music]

How long have you
felt that way?

- Oh, I don't know.

Ten months.

I mean, that was the first time
I mentioned it to Craig.

Anyway, I gotta go to class,
but I love you.

- Love you.

* *

- 911, what's your emergency?

- Who the hell is Craig?

- Welcome to the first Student
Council meeting of the year.

As you know, Bayside is hosting

the Southern California
School Spirit competition.

[cheers and applause]

And I know a lot of you
are very excited

at the possibility
of beating Valley.

[all jeering]

- Like my father before me,

I will give my life
to beat Valley.

- That won't be necessary.

- No, I insist.

- Okay.

Anyway, one cool thing
about the competition--

we need 15,000 hours of
community service to qualify.

So let's give it up
for community service.

- [coughs]

- Really?
Nothing?

[rapid clapping]
Yes.

- Oh, nah, I wasn't clapping.

I was trying
to kill this mosquito.

Got it.
[cheers and applause]

- Anyway, who has any ideas
on how to fill this baby up?

- Oh!
What if we each got someone

to give us a dollar
and then they each got

someone to give them a dollar?

- That's not community service,
that's a Ponzi scheme.

- What if DeVante and I picked
up litter near a waterfall,

just the two of us?
- Okay.

Any ideas that aren't
obvious attempts at making out?

- Yes, what if Nadia and I
decide to pick up litter

with no plans of making out

but then whatever happens
happens?

- Okay, people, focus!
This is junior year.

And I have a big agenda.

So we need
to stop getting distracted

and start thinking
about ideas to--

[funky music]

* *

Handsome.

- Handsome?

- Hand some.
Ideas to hand some money

to people
who are down on their--sexy.

- That's exactly
what I pitched.

[record scratching]
- Time out.

It's not just me, right?

I mean, that boy is--

- Hey, I'm Gil, Vice President.
Sorry I'm late.

Has anyone suggested donating
fresh produce to communities

situated in food deserts?
I drew up a plan,

but it might be
too long and boring.

- Uh-oh.

You're not too late.
Gil, was it?

I was just about
to get into this year's agenda.

- You didn't write agenda.
You wrote a-wooga.

- [chuckles]
Autocorrect.

- You wrote it.

- Just don't tell anyone
I'm [indistinct].

- Wow.
- Guys, I have a crush on Gil.

- Wait.
Mac, Lexi, Jamie,

Daisy, Aisha, DeVante.

There's no Gil.
Who the hell is Gil?

- That cute new kid who won
Student Council Vice President.

- Oh, right.

He did that really
interesting speech

about my Twitter mentions.
Oh, wait.

That's just what I was reading
while he was talking.

- I like him.
What do I do?

- Just flirt with him
on social media

like a normal person.
Dur, bitch.

- Daisy doesn't have
social media.

The only thing
that her old-ass phone

has is a 1-800 number

that describes Instagram
to the elderly.

- Mm-hmm.
[phone buzzes]

- Picture one: your friend
Sara has a new vest.

She is not quite
pulling it off.

- [sighs]

I don't even know
if he likes me back.

[door opens]

Oh, God, he's here.
Do I have food in my teeth?

Should I have food in my teeth?
Would that be cute?

Like, I could smile
and he'd be like,

"Whoa, somebody likes carrots."

- Daisy, hey.
Just relax.

Invite him over
and see what happens.

- [sighs]

Hi, Gil!

- Girl, put your hand down.

- That is not
what I told you to do.

- What was that?
- Okay.

- Embarrassing.
- Okay, idea.

You make him
a mixtape of songs...

- That's not bad.
- Full of subliminal messages

that will make him
fall in love with you.

- There it is.

- Whatever, it works.
Listen.

- * Where are you going *

- Mac, even if
subliminal messaging worked,

everything you just said
raises major consent issues.

You're lucky I don't wanna give
you a whole speech about it.

- Yeah, I wonder why?

Daisy, listen
to what I'm saying.

Don't give me
a whole speech about it.

- Shoot, I have
wrestling try-outs.

But, Daisy, whatever Mac

is telling you to do,
do the opposite.

- No, do the opposite
of whatever Aisha

is telling you to do.

Good luck
at wrestling try-outs.

- Guys, I can't waste all year

crushing on some boy
who doesn't like me,

making goo-goo eyes at him
like some sort of DeVante.

- I mean, can't a man have zero
problems for one goddamn day?

Look, I'm sure tomorrow

I'll be chased by
a racist bird or whatever.

But for now, please,
can I just enjoy my joy,

you stupid dicks?
[phone chimes]

Oh, hey, baby.

- Daisy, I get it.
Having a crush on someone

who doesn't like you is
embarrassing and distracting.

I mean, before Jamie liked me,
I was in your shoes.

Not literally,
I'd jump off a roof.

Let me help you stop
having a crush on Gil.

- Wait, Lexi, you can do that?

- Let's just say there's
a reason everybody turned

on Jennifer Lawrence
for no reason.

And it's me, I'm the reason.

[laidback music]

* *

- Yo, your new captain's here.

- Ah, you know what?

That was
a cool enough entrance.

I'ma go ahead
and let you skip the line.

Go get 'em, champ.
[laughs]

- Thanks, Coach.
- All right, you got it.

[students cheer and clap]

- [laughs]
This is a joke, right?

- They call me The Fish.

Welcome to hell.

- Two-minute periods.
First to three takedowns.

[whistle blows]

[exciting rock music]

- [grunts]

all: Ooh.

- Why are you so slippery?
- My natural oils.

[whistle blows]

* *

- What the hell?

all: The Fish! The Fish!
The Fish!

- Stop pumping your fist, punk.

- I'll stop as soon as
they start chanting your name.

all: The Fish! The Fish!

- They're about to.
Watch this.

Tweet!

[all groaning]

- Hey, that was
some good stuff out there.

Okay, it's unfortunate
that The Fish

is the only person
in your weight class.

But don't worry about it,
you'll get there.

- Actually, I won't.
'Cause I quit.

- Oh, come on, Aisha, qui--ugh.

[dramatic music]

- Mac, I need one of
your creepy brainwashing tapes.

- Hey, don't call them that.

I'm actually in
a trademark dispute

with Dr. Hypnotico's
Creepy Brainwashing Tapes.

- You got anything that
will make the football players

brave enough
to stand up to their parents?

- You know, I just might.
Take a look.

[locker whirs]

- "Believe whatever I say."
- Mm-hmm.

- "Bequeath me
all of your money."

"Bradley Cooper,
Go Camping With Me"?

- Don't read all of those.
It's this one: bravery.

[upbeat music plays]
- * Where are you going *

* *

- So they think
they'll be hearing that,

but really
they're hearing this.

Stand up and confront
the things that scare you.

Your fears aren't real.

Unless you're Bradley Cooper.

In that case they are real
and you need Mac's protection.

- Daisy, step into my office.

- I thought that was
just something people said.

How'd you get an office
at school?

- The same way Max Landis
got his career.

I asked my dad.

Anyway, I talked to people
who talked to people

who hang out with Gil.

And when you hear
the sick twisted things

I learned about him,

you are going to stop
liking him immediately.

- I'm ready.
Bring it on.

- Okay, brace yourself.

Gil's dog...
- Mm-hmm?

- Is a rescue.

- Lexi, adopting a dog with
nowhere to go is a good thing.

- Nowhere to go?
[scoffs]

I know a coat factory
in Burlington.

Just kidding.
Unless, do you need a coat?

- What else did you find out?
- Mm, get this.

He is apparently a huge dork.

His favorite book
is a fantasy series called

"The Dungeon Songs
of Wheelengraffe."

- Mm-hmm.

Did they mention which one
was his favorite book?

- Mm, book 14.

- The one where they defeat
the Nargon Queen to retrieve

the sacred strand of hair?
Oh, that's the best one!

"Takes school seriously.
Learning Latin for fun.

Is always on a boring
high horse about something"?

- Ugh.

- Lexi, this is everything
I'm into.

You only made me
fall more in love with him.

[sighs]
This is hopeless.

- Look, I obviously haven't
dug deep enough.

But I promise, I'm gonna find
something about Gil that sucks.

Ooh, maybe he's nice

to his mom all the time,
like a little freak.

[quirky music]

* *

- Okay,
I feel a little foolish.

- You feel foolish?
Until this moment,

I thought the saying was
"hope springs a turtle."

- No, I mean, I don't know
everything about Jamie.

You were right, I can't predict
everything he's gonna do.

- Oh, I'm so glad
to hear you say that.

Because I was thinking
your plan was a little kooky.

But I'm terrified of conflict,
so I just waited until you left

and I screamed it
into this pillow.

- It was a little kooky,
wasn't it?

I mean, there's no way
for one little script

to cover
every possible scenario.

- [chuckles]

- Which is why I stayed up

all night
writing a thousand scripts.

- "In Case Jamie Tries
to Run Away,"

"In Case Jamie Thinks
It's His Fault,"

"In Case Jamie Thinks
It's Toddman's Fault?"

- Like I said,
every possible scenario.

- Oh, Jessie.

Look, I know you.

When you have a problem,
you're gonna do

whatever it takes
to make it go your way.

You have chained yourself to so
many bulldozers over the years,

the hardware store sells things
they call "Spano Guards."

- They don't work.

- But there are certain things
that you can't control.

Things you just have
to go through,

hoping for the best but knowing
they still could be the worst.

- [sighs]

I know you're right.

- In the moment, you'll know
the right thing to say.

- But what if I don't?

When my parents told me
they were getting a divorce,

it went about
as bad as it could go.

My mom was a wreck.

She had mascara
all over her face.

She looked like Johnny Depp
in, well, most of his movies.

And to top it off,
she forgot to make dinner.

So we had to eat popcorn
chicken from the gas station.

It was just a mess.

- That sounds really rough.

But maybe your mom
was just doing her best.

That's kind of
all anybody can do.

- Thanks, Ron.
You're a great listener.

- Well, it snakes one
to know one.

- The reason that I called you
all in here

is 'cause I don't think that
we should give up on football.

Look, I get that you're scared.

But you gotta stand up
for yourselves.

- Guys, she's right.

If you wanna fight
for football,

you gotta talk to your parents.

I'd do it, but for some reason,

none of your dads
let me talk to your moms.

- Our parents
are just too scary.

Last night, my dad said,
"I'm putting my foot down."

I haven't heard him say that
since he starred in an NBC show

about a soccer player
who fights crime with his feet.

- Oh, my God.

- I didn't wanna have
to do this

but I'm gonna play us a song.

- * Where are you going? *

[upbeat music playing]

* Where have you been? *

* You don't have
to tell me *

- That's so weird.
Suddenly I feel brave.

- I know what you mean.
- I feel amazing.

Like I can finally stand up
and confront

the thing that scares me.
- Yeah.

- And, Aisha,
damn it, it's you.

- Wait, what?

- I asked my parents
to cancel football.

- Me too.

We all did.
It is dangerous.

We were just scared to tell you
because we knew

you'd make a bunch of
withering facial expressions.

- Come on.

- Like that.
She's doing it, boys.

- Well, I'm not scared
of you anymore.

We've all moved on.

I play the flute now.

Chet started a garden.

Mostly herbs but he wants
to see where it goes.

- Coach, tell them to stop
being babies about this.

- Uh, Aisha,

I was kind of afraid to say it,
but I'm scared too.

I mean, if one of you guys
got hurt as bad as I did,

I wouldn't be able
to live with myself.

Come on, did you really
hate wrestling that much?

[somber music]

* *

- While we're all
being brave,

Ethan, I've been having sex
with your girlfriend.

- Bro.

I've been having sex
with yours.

- Bring it in, brother.
- [laughs]

Hey, you wanna go on
a double date some time?

[intercom beeps]
- Daisy Jiménez.

Please report
to Lexi's office.

Wait a minute, why the hell
does Lexi have an office here?

- Okay, Daisy.
Good news.

By posing as a dork
named Emily,

I was able to steal Gil's phone
to get dirt on him.

And you won't believe
who he's been texting.

- Probably someone that
makes him even more dreamy.

Who is it?
Malala?

Maluma?
Megarkle?

That's my nickname
for Meghan Markle.

- No, Daisy, he texted you
on the second day of school.

But you never got it
because of your ancient phone.

See.

- "Hey, Daisy,
it's Gil, your potential VP."

Fingers crossed emoji.

"I really liked your speech.

"Would you ever wanna grab
a burger at The Max

and talk about
Student Council?"

- Yeah, you never responded.

And then two days later,
he sent this.

"Gil again.
Sorry.

"Maybe that was weird to ask.

"I won't brother you again.
I meant brother.

"Brother.
Bother.

Duck."

- So he likes me,
but was acting weird

because he thought
I didn't like him?

- Which is exactly
what you're doing.

It's like you dorks
were made for each other.

[phone chimes, vibrates]

Oh, of course.
As you can imagine,

50 nerds immediately
fell in love with Emily,

and now they want Lexi
to help set them up with her.

Are you okay?
I thought you'd be happy.

- Yeah.
Why wouldn't I be?

[phone rings]
- Ooh.

Hey, it's Lexi.

Oh, yeah, hang on.
Emily is right here.

[coughing]

[nasally voice] Hey, it's Emily.
"Star Trek" and so on.

[chuckles]

Yeah.
I love Pokémon.

- I don't know
if you remember this park.

- Are you kidding?

I used to love
this place as a kid.

Those are the swings
where I broke my arm.

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, and the slide
where I broke my leg.

The jungle gym where
I broke my other arm.

Man, that was a wild day.

- You wanna sit?
- Yeah.

[sighs]

- Jamie,

I need to tell you something.

Your father and I--

- You guys are getting
a divorce, aren't you?

- Wait, you knew?

How did you know?

- Kinda just figured it out.

- Of course you knew.

[gentle music]

It's such a special thing
about you,

how perceptive you are.

I know this is really hard.

- Yeah.

- It was hard for me too
when I was a kid.

And I just wanted so much

for you to not have
to go through that.

But it's happening anyway.
It just sucks.

* *

- So what happens now?

Like, what's the plan?

- [crying]
I don't have a plan.

I only planned to stay married
to your father.

[sobbing]
Ugh!

I promised myself I wouldn't
cry like my dumb mom

and I am.

[soft quirky music]

Oh, what the hell?

I didn't even
wear mascara today.

Oh, my God, I'm a mess.

Do you want some old pudding?

- Hey, I think this expired,
like, 12 years ago.

- Oh, no.
You're right.

- It's okay.

You're just doing your best.

- You are so much kinder
than I was at your age.

Should we get some popcorn
chicken at the gas station?

- That sounds perfect.

- Oh, and let's call Nana
on the way.

I think I owe her an apology.

- Okay.
- Come on. [laughs]

- What?

Did Lexi find out
something horrible about Gil?

Is he one of those people
that stands up

as soon as the plane lands even
though he's in the back row?

- No.
Worse.

He's perfect
and he likes me back.

- Bitch, what?

- My mom got me this phone
so I wouldn't spend all day

texting with guys and shaking
my culito on TikTok.

- I know.

- But as much
as I complain about it,

it was a nice excuse
just to focus on school

and not have
to flirt with boys.

- You've flirted
with boys before.

I remember you having
a pretty sexy vibe

with Ryan
back in middle school.

- Aisha, he's my cousin.

- Then why do you have pictures
of him in your bedroom?

- They're of my whole family.
- Oh.

- It doesn't matter if Gil
likes me or not.

I can already feel
how bad I'm gonna be at this.

I wish I was more like you.

You're never scared
of anything.

- Okay.
Full disclosure.

I am currently terrified
of a tiny man named The Fish.

I quit wrestling.

- I mean, if you hated it--

- I don't even know
if I hated it.

I just hated being bad
at something.

I'm scared of feeling
like a loser.

- [sighs] Should we just
give up this time?

I mean, it's always right there
as an option

and we almost never do it.

[gentle acoustic music
playing]

Or what if you do
your scary thing

and I do my scary thing
and we just see how it goes?

- What?
Just like that?

What's got you feeling
so brave?

- I don't know.

Probably being
next to my best friend

who's always telling me

I'm more than the things
I've done before.

* *

- I love you.
- I love you.

Come on.

* *

[tape deck clicks,
music stops]

- Ol' Mac did it again.

[door opens]

[girls chattering indistinctly]

[energetic music playing]

- [high-pitched vocalizing]

* *

- * Yeah *

* Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo *

* Where are you going *

* Where have you been *

- Please.
I didn't do anything.

I did not do a single thing.
Please.

Please.
Please!

- * Don't leave
with your love please *

* Don't you leave me
here on my own *

* Don't leave
with your love *

* All alone *

[high-pitched vocalizing]

* Don't leave
with your love *

* Please, please *

* Don't you leave me
here on my own *

* Don't leave
with your love *

* All alone *

* Hey hey hey now now, baby *

* Don't leave
with your love *

* Don't you leave *

* Don't you leave me
here on my own *

* Don't leave
with your love *

* All alone *

* No no no, baby *

* Don't leave
with your love *

* Don't you leave *

* Don't you leave me
here on my own *

* Don't *

* Don't leave with your love *

* All alone *

* *