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.
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- guys with kidsis taped in
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Front of a live studio audience.
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- boys, the time has come.
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We've been without a tv
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For six months.
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Now, we've had some quality time
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As a family, but...
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It's time to put
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All that behind us.
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The great sale is near.
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Boys: black friday!
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- yes. Yes!
14
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I just have to be one
15
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Of the first seven people
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In line when they open the doors
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The night of thanksgiving,
18
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And I will take home
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A $4,000 television
20
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For $100!
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- okay, gary.
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Have fun in line.
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- oh, marny, I'm surprised
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How well you're taking
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That I'll be missing
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Thanksgiving
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To spend three days
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In line.
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This level of understanding
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Is out of character
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For you and...
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Giving me
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The heebie-jeebies.
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- oh, I'd be furious
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If I actually thought
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You were gonna miss
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Thanksgiving.
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- oh, you don't think
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I can do it?
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- gary, you don't do well
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With cold.
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You actually have yoda
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Warm up the toilet seat for you.
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- it's part of the boy's
45
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Allowance, all right?
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Men, gather round.
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They told the pilgrims
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That they would die
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On the cold shores of america.
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- a lot of them did.
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- in honor of those
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Who didn't,
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I'm getting me
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A big-ass tv.
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Good-bye, family.
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I love ya.
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[door slams]
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- I like that guy.
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- * why would you walk
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When you can run? *
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* everybody sing it out *
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* why would you walk
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When you can run? *
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- oh, sheila,
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It shouldn't be this hard
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To figure out who gets ernie
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For thanksgiving.
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- fine.
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Let's cut to the chase.
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Ernie, who do you want
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To spend thanksgiving with?
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I'm joking.
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But if he somehow
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Does indicate me,
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I think we should honor it.
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Fine. Um, how about this?
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Since we can't decide,
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You, me, and ernie spend
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His first thanksgiving
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Together.
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- so just me, my son,
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And my ex-wife.
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Should we really kill
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A turkey for that?
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- you know, I could see
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What my friends are doing.
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- I hate your friends.
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You hate your friends.
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- who doesn't hate
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Their friends?
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- I don't.
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I love my friends.
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- well, what are they doing
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For thanksgiving?
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- uh, nick and emily
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Are going to his cousin's.
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Gary's waiting in line for three
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Days to get a cheap tv.
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- oh, I never thought I'd know
100
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One of those people.
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Uh, well, okay.
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It's too bad.
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I was thinking,
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If they were around,
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I would have them
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All over.
107
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- you would? Why?
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- well, I live
109
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In the building now.
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You all have your sunday night
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Dinners together,
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And I'm never included.
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I don't get to use
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The costco card you all share.
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- would you ever buy
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In bulk?
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- ugh. No.
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But I would like the opportunity
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To decline.
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The truth is, I always feel
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A little like
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An outsider here.
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Having everyone over
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For thanksgiving
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Would be a great opportunity
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For me to become
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Part of the group.
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But now it'll just be you,
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Me, ernie,
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And whatever delicious treat
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Pbs has on tap for us.
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- oh, ernie,
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We're in trouble.
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Uh, actually, you know,
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Marny is free.
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And I'm sure I could get
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Nick and emily
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To change their plans, so--
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- great. Then that's settled.
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Just like the pilgrims
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Won over the wampanoag,
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This thanksgiving,
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I too will win over a group
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Of unsophisticated savages.
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- mm. Emily,
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You have outdone yourself
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With the stuffing this year.
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- that is not cooked yet.
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There are raw eggs in that.
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You'll get salmonella.
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- I mean, the damage is done.
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I'm gonna keep at it.
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- hey.
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Get this.
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Sheila and I couldn't decide
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Who gets ernie for thanksgiving,
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So it's just gonna be the three
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Of us in her apartment.
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- ha, ha, ha!
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That sounds terrible.
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- [taunting]
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* you have to go to sheila's *
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- and so do you two.
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- what?
165
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- I'm calling in the favor
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You owe me from your wedding.
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- no.
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- no.
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- not now. You can't.
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It's thanksgiving.
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- yes, now.
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You two told me
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You'd give me anything
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If I was trash can annie's date
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To your wedding.
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- huh. Trash can annie.
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- I really wish you would stop
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Calling my sister that.
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You know,
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She hasn't gotten drunk
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And fallen in a trash can
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In eight months.
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- okay, then that's that.
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So we are going
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To sheila's.
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- [sighs]
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A deal is a deal.
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- but if we do this,
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You've finally gotta tell us
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How you stopped trash can annie
191
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From getting drunk
192
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And ruining our wedding.
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- I let her get
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A little handsy with me,
195
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You know.
196
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I'm not proud of it.
197
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I'm a little proud of it.
198
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- oh!
199
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Whoo! It's much colder out here
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Than I thought it would be.
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You know, I've been keeping
202
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My hands down in my pants,
203
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:59,632
But everybody keeps staring.
204
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:02,102
You know, can I--can I warm 'em
205
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Up on your stove, man?
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- sorry.
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Every man for himself.
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That's just the way
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It is
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Out here on the line.
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00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:10,643
- [together]
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Hey, hup!
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00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,846
- okay, well, uh,
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Can we at least all huddle
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Like penguins for warmth?
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Will somebody at least
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Lay on top of me?
218
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I promise I'll be cool.
219
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:42,942
- gary?
220
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,211
- whoa. Oh, my god.
221
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,211
It's morning.
222
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:46,646
[laughs]
223
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,810
I made it.
224
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,150
[cackles]
225
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,150
I made it!
226
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,318
- here, we brought you a--
227
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,318
- ooh!
228
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,853
Oh, yeah. Ooh.
229
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:57,323
- wow.
230
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:57,323
- mm.
231
00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:00,160
- looks like a walrus
232
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Eating a seal.
233
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,662
- marny was right.
234
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,662
This was a bad idea, man.
235
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,197
I don't think
236
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I'm gonna make it.
237
00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:05,765
- gary, it's only been
238
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One night.
239
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,268
- I don't care.
240
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,268
It's cold!
241
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:11,271
I don't like these people.
242
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:11,271
They're mean to me.
243
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,273
They didn't even want
244
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To cuddle with me,
245
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'cause they're
246
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A bunch of jerks!
247
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:18,144
Boys: dad!
248
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- hey!
249
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:20,246
What's up, boys?
250
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,815
- good.
251
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,815
Dad, how are you doing?
252
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:23,650
- great. A couple
253
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:23,650
Of homeless guys came over
254
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:25,118
At 4:00 in the morning
255
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:27,687
And taught us kung fu
256
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:27,687
For an hour.
257
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,155
- come on, gary.
258
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,155
- what?
259
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,724
- stop pretending.
260
00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:32,826
I know you're miserable.
261
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:35,362
Let's just go home.
262
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,964
We'll make you some
263
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,964
Hot chocolate,
264
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:39,699
Some soup.
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00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,868
I'll run you a nice bath.
266
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,803
- can I eat my soup
267
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,803
In the bath?
268
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,772
- whatever you want.
269
00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,407
- dad, don't do it!
270
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:52,145
- the pilgrims died so you
271
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:52,145
Could get a big-ass tv!
272
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,847
- you're right, boys.
273
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,383
I'm not going anywhere.
274
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,383
I can do it.
275
00:06:56,416 --> 00:07:00,320
- all right, gary.
276
00:06:56,416 --> 00:07:00,320
Suit yourself.
277
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:03,289
But it's gonna be
278
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:03,289
Record-low temperatures tonight.
279
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,291
- bring it on.
280
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,291
Bring it on!
281
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,427
I'm tough!
282
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,427
I'm strong!
283
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,129
[laughs]
284
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:12,320
[sobbing]
285
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What am I gonna do?
286
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:13,800
I'm gonna die out here.
287
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:15,335
I'm gonna die.
288
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,370
- I'm so jealous
289
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,370
You get to die.
290
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,706
I have to go to sheila's.
291
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- what's going on?
292
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,440
Is ernie okay?
293
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:25,378
- he's fine. Why?
294
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,813
- because you called me
295
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,813
At 11:00 at night
296
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:28,314
And told me to get up here
297
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:28,314
Right now.
298
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,500
- I'm just trying
299
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,500
To figure out a theme
300
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:31,418
For tomorrow's
301
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:31,418
Thanksgiving feast.
302
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,220
I'm toying with period garb.
303
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:37,570
We will each represent
304
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:37,570
A native american tribe.
305
00:07:37,570 --> 00:07:39,392
I call penobscot.
306
00:07:37,570 --> 00:07:39,392
Yes.
307
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:40,894
- no, sheila, my friends
308
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:40,894
Aren't like your friends.
309
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,762
You don't have to impress them.
310
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,762
- oh, chris.
311
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,980
You don't come back
312
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,980
From a bad dinner party.
313
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,766
You remember my friend
314
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,766
Dana baumgartner.
315
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,690
- yeah.
316
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,690
- her souffle didn't rise.
317
00:07:49,690 --> 00:07:52,372
She was an outcast.
318
00:07:49,690 --> 00:07:52,372
She had to move...
319
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,174
To new jersey.
320
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,476
- sheila, stop making
321
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,476
Yourself crazy
322
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:57,977
Before you freak out, okay?
323
00:07:58,780 --> 00:07:59,879
Just keep it simple.
324
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:02,115
- yes. Simple.
325
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,218
Simple like a play.
326
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,218
Oh! Help me write a play!
327
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:13,927
- no cuts.
328
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:13,927
- no cuts.
329
00:08:14,270 --> 00:08:15,128
- no cuts.
330
00:08:14,270 --> 00:08:15,128
- no cuts.
331
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,363
- no cuts.
332
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,363
- no cuts.
333
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:19,366
- no cuts.
334
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:19,366
Oh, hey, baby.
335
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:20,400
- all right, gary.
336
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:22,680
Enough is enough.
337
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,403
Today is thanksgiving,
338
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:25,405
And you need to be
339
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:25,405
With your family,
340
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:27,774
Having a terrible time
341
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:27,774
At sheila's.
342
00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:29,409
So just pack--
343
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:33,313
Are you wearing your socks
344
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:33,313
On your hands?
345
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,480
- I am.
346
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:36,383
Plus I switched spots
347
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:36,383
So I could sit
348
00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:38,418
On this heating grate.
349
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,520
What?
350
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,520
- so this is it.
351
00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,288
We're spending
352
00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,288
Thanksgiving apart?
353
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:45,358
- well, baby, we can spend
354
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:45,358
Thanksgiving here.
355
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:46,459
Grab the kids,
356
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,128
And come join us
357
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,128
In the queue.
358
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:49,896
[chuckles]
359
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:49,896
That's what ian calls it.
360
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,164
Ian's from england.
361
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,533
- I don't care!
362
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:55,502
Let's just buy the tv.
363
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,720
- we are not buying
364
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,720
A $4,000 tv.
365
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,541
Clark breaks a television
366
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,541
I paid $100 for,
367
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,900
I send him to his room.
368
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:04,911
He breaks a tv
369
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:04,911
I spent $4,000 for,
370
00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:07,514
I'm pressing charges.
371
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,516
- well, if you're looking
372
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,516
For your family,
373
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,170
We'll be at sheila's.
374
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:12,452
- ba--
375
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:12,452
- have a good day, ma'am.
376
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:16,220
- oh, shut up, ian.
377
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,260
[knock at door]
378
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,260
- oh.
379
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,495
[bright classical music]
380
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,798
Happy thanksgiving.
381
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:27,534
- wow, sheila.
382
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,403
I haven't been here.
383
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,403
Your place is so nice.
384
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:31,938
- thank you.
385
00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:35,108
I have all my money
386
00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:35,108
And half of chris's.
387
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:38,780
- well, I-I made
388
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:38,780
An oreo pie.
389
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,379
I'm kind of famous
390
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,379
For it.
391
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,214
- oh, emily,
392
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,214
I'm sure you are.
393
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,550
However, I'm very excited
394
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,550
About this,
395
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,318
And I think
396
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,318
You will be too.
397
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:46,519
I have planned
398
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:49,556
A historically accurate
399
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:49,556
Thanksgiving meal,
400
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,292
Serving only foods the pilgrims
401
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,292
And the wampanoag
402
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:55,195
Would've actually eaten
403
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:55,195
On the first thanksgiving.
404
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:56,596
Yeah.
405
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:56,596
So, now, uh,
406
00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:59,599
Oreos weren't invented
407
00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:59,599
Until the 20th century,
408
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:00,967
And--fun fact--
409
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:04,504
the mayflowerarrived in...
410
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:08,800
- style?
411
00:10:08,410 --> 00:10:10,143
- 1620.
412
00:10:08,410 --> 00:10:10,143
- hey!
413
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:13,480
- that's right, violet.
414
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:13,480
God, who knew? Public school.
415
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,215
[chuckles]
416
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,418
Okay, now, I don't want this
417
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,418
To get mixed in,
418
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,488
So I will just put it
419
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,488
Out here.
420
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,590
- she kicked my pie
421
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,590
Out of the party.
422
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:27,560
- well, like with everything
423
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:27,560
With sheila,
424
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:30,196
We'll be fine
425
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:30,196
Once we start drinking.
426
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,531
- there's no booze.
427
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:33,333
- [together]
428
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:33,333
What?
429
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,502
- evidently, the pilgrims
430
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,502
Ran out of booze
431
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:38,238
On the ship ride over
432
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:38,238
From england.
433
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:41,341
Fun fact.
434
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,910
- hey, guys.
435
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,910
- aww.
436
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:47,514
- that is ridiculous.
437
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:50,160
- so no booze?
438
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:50,160
- no. No, no.
439
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:51,584
That's why I'm holding ernie
440
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:51,584
Right now,
441
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:56,890
'cause I know if I wasn't,
442
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:56,890
You would punch me.
443
00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:58,425
- mom, everything in here
444
00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:58,425
Is breakable.
445
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,627
I don't trust myself.
446
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,429
- I wish we were with dad.
447
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,898
- oh, boys, I wish we were all
448
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,898
Together too.
449
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:07,467
But we're still gonna have
450
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:07,467
A great thanksgiving.
451
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,969
I'm sure sheila has made
452
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,969
All your favorites,
453
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:12,539
Pumpkin pie
454
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:12,539
And mashed potatoes--
455
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:15,408
- do you smell fish?
456
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:15,408
- good nose.
457
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,410
I'm boiling a cod.
458
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,946
You know, they didn't have
459
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,946
Domesticated turkeys
460
00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:21,414
Or ovens back then.
461
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:22,615
That's why it's called
462
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:22,615
Cape cod,
463
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,840
And not cape turkey.
464
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,485
- that's a fun fact.
465
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,485
- fun fact.
466
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,121
- [laughs]
467
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,121
No. No. That was a joke.
468
00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:29,689
[laughing]
469
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:33,226
Oh, we are having
470
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:33,226
A festive time, huh?
471
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,694
- kill me.
472
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:38,331
- no. We are suffering
473
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:38,331
Through this together.
474
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,699
- I wish gary was here.
475
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:42,469
He'd have the guts
476
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:42,469
To kill me.
477
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,209
- so is everyone good?
478
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,477
Is everyone having
479
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,477
The best thanksgiving
480
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,946
Of their lives?
481
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,946
- hmm. Yeah.
482
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:57,650
More maple sap
483
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:57,650
On your hickory nuts?
484
00:11:57,684 --> 00:12:00,854
- wow, all you kids are
485
00:11:57,684 --> 00:12:00,854
In the clean plate club, huh?
486
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,423
And you know
487
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,423
What your reward is?
488
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:06,326
Knowledge.
489
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:06,326
[giggles]
490
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,428
You're welcome.
491
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:11,598
I'm gonna go check
492
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:11,598
On dessert.
493
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:13,633
- all right, boys.
494
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:13,633
What did you do with your food?
495
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:15,235
'cause I know
496
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:15,235
You didn't eat it.
497
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:16,736
- we did.
498
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:16,736
- no, you didn't.
499
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:19,639
You'd be dead.
500
00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:21,441
Tell us how kids hide food.
501
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,410
- please.
502
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:24,678
- when you're all not looking,
503
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:24,678
We scoop it up
504
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:26,546
All in our napkin
505
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:26,546
And throw it away
506
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,481
In the garbage
507
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,481
In the bathroom.
508
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:31,384
- okay, that gets rid of it,
509
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:31,384
But then what do we eat?
510
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,860
- [gasps]
511
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,860
We have three pounds of stuffing
512
00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:34,487
In our fridge.
513
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,722
- yes. Yes!
514
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,757
Okay, I will find a way
515
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,757
To sneak it up here.
516
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:39,526
- okay, but don't let sheila
517
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:39,526
Catch you.
518
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:40,627
She put all this pressure
519
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:40,627
On herself because she feels
520
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:42,696
Like she needs
521
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:42,696
To impress everyone.
522
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:47,667
- are you sure she didn't say
523
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:47,667
depresseveryone?
524
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:51,237
It's a little holiday
525
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:51,237
Word play for ya.
526
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,772
- all right, boys,
527
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,772
How many napkins would it take
528
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,441
To soak up this soup?
529
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,543
- no, for soup,
530
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,543
You spill your water
531
00:12:56,576 --> 00:13:01,470
To create a diversion
532
00:12:56,576 --> 00:13:01,470
And pour it in a houseplant.
533
00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:05,719
- is that how my ficus
534
00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:05,719
Keeps dying?
535
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,787
- you've said too much.
536
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,726
- "Dearest marny,
537
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:15,662
"I know I'm far from home
538
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:15,662
And missing thanksgiving
539
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:17,797
"With you and my boys.
540
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,660
"If it makes you feel
541
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,660
Any better,
542
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:24,437
I've grown to hate ian."
543
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,720
Oh. Hey.
544
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,908
It's almost time.
545
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,908
We'll be getting our tvs.
546
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,744
- maybe.
547
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:33,413
- what do you mean, maybe?
548
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:33,413
There are seven tvs,
549
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,415
And we're the first seven people
550
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,415
In line.
551
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:36,783
- [chuckles]
552
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,652
It's not the first seven people
553
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,652
In line.
554
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:40,820
It's the seven people
555
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:40,820
Who can fight their way
556
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:43,757
To the tvs first.
557
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:48,595
- oh.
558
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,563
All right, well,
559
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,298
I guess I'd better
560
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,298
Limber up.
561
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,367
[grunting]
562
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,375
Hey. That's funny.
563
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,375
You look familiar.
564
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:03,777
Do I know you?
565
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,845
You got kids that go
566
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,845
To my school or something?
567
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,615
- nah. I'm emmitt smith.
568
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,784
- [laughing]
569
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,784
Yeah, yeah!
570
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:13,860
You used to be a running back
571
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:13,860
For the dallas cowboys.
572
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,854
What, you in line
573
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,854
For a toaster or something?
574
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:16,823
- nah, I'm here for the tvs.
575
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,459
- oh, come on, man.
576
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,459
You got three super bowl rings.
577
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,861
You made some cash, right?
578
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,861
You don't need this.
579
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,563
- I did all right.
580
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:27,400
But I still love
581
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:27,400
Running past people, though.
582
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,735
- all right.
583
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,735
- I'm gonna stretch out.
584
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,700
- oh, okay.
585
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,700
Gonna stretch out?
586
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:31,771
- hold on, homes.
587
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:31,771
What are you doing?
588
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:32,972
- I'm getting my stretch on,
589
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:32,972
Like you.
590
00:14:33,730 --> 00:14:34,607
- no, these are
591
00:14:33,730 --> 00:14:34,607
Secret stretches, man.
592
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:35,875
You can't be doing that.
593
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:40,647
I'm going back to my tent.
594
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:41,815
- is everyone having
595
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:41,815
A good time?
596
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:43,850
Why doesn't anyone
597
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:43,850
Want seconds?
598
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,852
Is the food bland?
599
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,852
I think it's a little bit bland.
600
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,821
But it's on theme.
601
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,821
Is it a good theme?
602
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,556
Am I limited by my theme?
603
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,891
Why aren't you answering me?
604
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,891
Do they hate me?
605
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:54,894
- sheila, calm down.
606
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,896
What is going on with you?
607
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,132
- [sighs and stammers]
608
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:02,769
Look. Ever since I moved
609
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:02,769
Below 72nd street,
610
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:05,472
All my old friends
611
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:05,472
Barely talk to me anymore.
612
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,740
And I can't be written off
613
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,740
By your friends as well.
614
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,677
I want them to like me.
615
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,145
And I want them to know
616
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,145
That there's more to me
617
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:16,490
Than just always being
618
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:16,490
The smartest one in the room.
619
00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:17,584
And that's why
620
00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:17,584
It has to go well.
621
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:18,918
Is it going well?
622
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,688
Again, why are you
623
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,688
Not answering me?
624
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,690
- it is!
625
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,690
It's going well.
626
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:24,924
Trust me.
627
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,426
- yeah?
628
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,426
- yeah.
629
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:27,794
- okay.
630
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:27,794
[exhales]
631
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,620
[exhales]
632
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,620
Okay.
633
00:15:29,950 --> 00:15:30,663
Okay.
634
00:15:29,950 --> 00:15:30,663
[laughs]
635
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:33,990
Oh! You know what
636
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:33,990
I'm gonna do?
637
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,802
I'm gonna break out
638
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,802
The ring stick.
639
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:38,638
See, you try to get the ring
640
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:38,638
On the stick.
641
00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:40,940
It's what the early settlers did
642
00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:40,940
To amuse themselves.
643
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,942
[laughs]
644
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:46,746
Buoyed their spirits while they
645
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:46,746
Were dying of exposure.
646
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,915
Everyone better buckle up.
647
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:54,187
What is this?
648
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:54,187
- chris!
649
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,889
What happened
650
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,889
To the warning signal?
651
00:15:55,922 --> 00:16:00,160
[caws]
652
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:02,429
Is that s-stuffing?
653
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:06,800
Is everyone eating stuffing
654
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:06,800
Out of a knockoff birkin bag?
655
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,835
- what makes you think
656
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,835
It's a knockoff?
657
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:12,572
- stitching, piping, lining.
658
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:15,909
- we're sorry.
659
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:15,909
We were just really hungry.
660
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,845
- so you didn't eat
661
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,845
My food.
662
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,914
- oh, we tried.
663
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,914
We really did.
664
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:22,582
But don't blame yourself.
665
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:25,785
You know, pilgrims were
666
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:25,785
Just really gross people
667
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:29,489
Who ate really gross things.
668
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:32,580
- so the meal was
669
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:32,580
A disaster.
670
00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:34,127
I am so sorry, everyone.
671
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,596
I can't imagine what you
672
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,596
Must think of me right now.
673
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,965
I-I am mortified.
674
00:16:39,650 --> 00:16:40,967
This food, I--
675
00:16:41,670 --> 00:16:44,700
I am so sorry that you shouldn't
676
00:16:41,670 --> 00:16:44,700
Even have to look at it.
677
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,940
So let me get it
678
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,940
Out of your sight.
679
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:49,209
- whoa, hey.
680
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:49,209
- what are you doing?
681
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:50,944
- I'm clearing the table.
682
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:53,446
- oh, my god.
683
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:53,446
She's losing it.
684
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,617
[dishes clattering]
685
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:01,210
- all clear!
686
00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:04,156
- that was awesome!
687
00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:10,230
- okay.
688
00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:12,319
Well, that's it.
689
00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:15,902
I have caused a huge scene
690
00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:15,902
And ruined thanksgiving,
691
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:18,471
So write me off.
692
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,473
Make fun of me
693
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,473
Behind my back.
694
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,609
- what are you talking
695
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,609
About, sheila?
696
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,912
We're not gonna write you off
697
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,912
Just because we had
698
00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:29,115
One terrible,
699
00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:29,115
Terrible thanksgiving.
700
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:32,652
- yeah, and when we
701
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:32,652
Make fun of you, you know,
702
00:17:32,686 --> 00:17:33,953
We don't do it
703
00:17:32,686 --> 00:17:33,953
Behind your back.
704
00:17:34,540 --> 00:17:35,755
We do it
705
00:17:34,540 --> 00:17:35,755
Right to your face.
706
00:17:35,789 --> 00:17:38,580
For example,
707
00:17:35,789 --> 00:17:38,580
Can you see in infrared
708
00:17:38,910 --> 00:17:42,620
Like the other predators?
709
00:17:38,910 --> 00:17:42,620
See?
710
00:17:42,950 --> 00:17:43,697
- that's true. It's--
711
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,800
It's always right
712
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,800
In front of my face.
713
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,903
- always.
714
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,903
- always.
715
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,238
- see? I told you.
716
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,238
They don't care.
717
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:55,750
It's your friends
718
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:55,750
Who banish people to new jersey.
719
00:17:55,750 --> 00:17:56,276
And, you know,
720
00:17:55,750 --> 00:17:56,276
Speaking of which,
721
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:59,846
You should really call
722
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:59,846
Dana baumgartner.
723
00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:03,650
- eh.
724
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,850
That is so nice,
725
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:08,210
That you guys don't--
726
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:08,210
Don't feel that pressure
727
00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:10,623
Of trying to impress
728
00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:10,623
Each other.
729
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,292
I mean, look at you, emily.
730
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,940
You wore flats
731
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,940
To a holiday dinner.
732
00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:17,300
Who does that?
733
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:18,231
You do.
734
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,330
Because you don't care
735
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:22,680
What kind of impression
736
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:22,680
You make.
737
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:26,539
Oh. Yeah, yeah.
738
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,410
And, marny,
739
00:18:28,410 --> 00:18:31,440
Your husband abandoned you
740
00:18:28,410 --> 00:18:31,440
On thanksgiving
741
00:18:31,770 --> 00:18:33,813
To sit in line
742
00:18:31,770 --> 00:18:33,813
To buy a tv.
743
00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:36,116
I mean, and here you are,
744
00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:36,116
Without a care in the world
745
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,251
About how that makes
746
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,251
Your family look.
747
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:42,155
Oh, that must be so freeing.
748
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,663
- I hadn't thought of it
749
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,663
That way.
750
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:53,133
- even more incredible.
751
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,135
- you know what?
752
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:58,710
Gary didn't abandon me.
753
00:18:58,710 --> 00:19:00,140
I abandoned him.
754
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:04,244
Come on, boys.
755
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:04,244
My family should be together.
756
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:08,810
Even if it is
757
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:08,810
Standing in line.
758
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:09,716
- since we don't care
759
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:09,716
What people think,
760
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,840
I stuck a bunch
761
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,840
Of those oat rolls
762
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:15,210
In your heating vent.
763
00:19:15,210 --> 00:19:17,857
- wonderful, yoda.
764
00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,826
- hey.
765
00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,826
- hey!
766
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,162
What are you guys doing here?
767
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,162
- we came to join you.
768
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:26,320
- I still think this
769
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:26,320
Is extremely stupid,
770
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,335
But we're gonna be
771
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,335
Extremely stupid together.
772
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:30,170
As a family.
773
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:32,172
- [chuckles]
774
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:34,400
Oh, hug me tighter.
775
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,176
I can't feel my body.
776
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:40,113
- [caws]
777
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:40,113
- what?
778
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:41,648
- hey, guys.
779
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,149
Look, I know you didn't get
780
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,149
A lot to eat,
781
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,184
So in honor
782
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,184
Of thanksgiving,
783
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:46,686
I went to subway
784
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:46,686
And got some sandwiches.
785
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,154
There's turkey melts
786
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,154
And roast beef,
787
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:49,456
Something for everybody.
788
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,570
- thank you.
789
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,570
- there you go.
790
00:19:51,570 --> 00:19:51,958
And I kept the receipt,
791
00:19:52,580 --> 00:19:55,128
So you can just reimburse me
792
00:19:52,580 --> 00:19:55,128
At your leisure.
793
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:58,198
- oh, my god.
794
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:58,198
The bread is still warm!
795
00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:00,200
[cackles]
796
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:03,300
- see? Doesn't take much
797
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:03,300
To keep this crowd happy.
798
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,371
- oh, sheila, these sandwiches
799
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,371
Are so much better
800
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,206
Than your cooking.
801
00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:09,976
See? Right to your face.
802
00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:12,145
- boys, the doors
803
00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:12,145
Are about to open.
804
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:14,180
We are this close
805
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:14,180
To our goal.
806
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,683
There's only one thing
807
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,683
That stands in between us
808
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,219
And my big-ass tv.
809
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:22,222
[whispering indistinctly]
810
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,723
Okay?
811
00:20:23,757 --> 00:20:25,492
Now!
812
00:20:23,757 --> 00:20:25,492
Boys: [scream]
813
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:27,727
- run! Get it! Run!
814
00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:31,197
- boys, get off!
815
00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:31,197
Boys: [growling]
816
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:33,867
- wow.
817
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:33,867
Families coming together.
818
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,360
Now, that is the spirit
819
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,360
Of thanksgiving, huh?
820
00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:37,370
Oh.
821
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:40,407
Gary just climbed
822
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:40,407
That old man like a ladder.
823
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,943
Not in the spirit.
824
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,943
Not in the spirit at all.
825
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:51,510
- [grunts]
826
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,687
All right,
827
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,687
It's all hooked up.
828
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,523
And with the touch of a button,
829
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,523
We'll introduce
830
00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:59,526
Our newest and possibly favorite
831
00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:59,526
Family member.
832
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:02,862
Marny, would you like
833
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:02,862
The honors?
834
00:21:02,896 --> 00:21:06,933
- are you sure?
835
00:21:02,896 --> 00:21:06,933
- nope. I'll do it.
836
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:08,680
Ah!
837
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,103
All: [oohing and ahhing]
838
00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:11,638
- yeah.
839
00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:13,139
- now, I would not be
840
00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:13,139
A good friend
841
00:21:13,173 --> 00:21:15,942
If I didn't point out
842
00:21:13,173 --> 00:21:15,942
That that tv
843
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:19,512
Is far too big
844
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:19,512
For this apartment.
845
00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,810
I feel like I can say
846
00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,810
Those things
847
00:21:21,810 --> 00:21:22,515
Now that you all
848
00:21:21,810 --> 00:21:22,515
Have officially welcomed me
849
00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:24,551
Into your group.
850
00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:26,186
- what is she talking about?
851
00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:26,186
When did that happen?
852
00:21:26,219 --> 00:21:29,890
That didn't happen, right?
853
00:21:29,890 --> 00:21:31,458
- it happened.
854
00:21:31,491 --> 00:21:34,527
- then this is the blackest
855
00:21:31,491 --> 00:21:34,527
Friday of all.
856
00:21:38,980 --> 00:21:40,100
[chirping]
49884
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