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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:09,776 - guys with kidsis taped in 2 00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:09,776 Front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:11,978 - [groans] 4 00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:11,978 - oh, lord! 5 00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:15,382 Look away, freddie. 6 00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:15,382 Look away! 7 00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:16,750 - the good news 8 00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:16,750 Is I'm raising him 9 00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:18,251 To think that this game 10 00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:18,251 Is called "Slice," 11 00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:20,987 And that I'm the best 12 00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:20,987 In the world. 13 00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:23,289 Chris, I'm gonna 14 00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:23,289 Bum a diaper for later. 15 00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:24,691 - you didn't 16 00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:24,691 Bring diapers again? 17 00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:26,393 What would you do 18 00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:26,393 If I was not around? 19 00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:28,280 - bum them from gary. 20 00:00:28,610 --> 00:00:29,763 - no! 21 00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,531 - why not? 22 00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:33,867 - because this is what 23 00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:33,867 Didn't happen this morning. 24 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,360 "Honey, I'm gonna spend the day 25 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,360 With the twins, 26 00:00:36,690 --> 00:00:39,205 But I'm gonna pack extra 27 00:00:36,690 --> 00:00:39,205 Supplies for my adult friend." 28 00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:41,410 - you know what, nick? 29 00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:41,410 It's--it's fine. 30 00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:42,642 Here, take a couple. 31 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,477 I got to run anyway 32 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,477 And put ernie down for his nap. 33 00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:45,812 - don't go. 34 00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:45,812 Relax. 35 00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,614 You're having fun. 36 00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,614 Ernie's having fun. 37 00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:50,160 - "Relax, have fun"-- 38 00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:50,160 You know, historically, 39 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,252 Listening to that advice 40 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,252 From you has ended badly for me. 41 00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:56,220 "Relax! It's totally cool to 42 00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:56,220 Wear a yankees hat at fenway." 43 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,391 - [laughing] Yeah! 44 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,391 Yeah, we got the crap 45 00:00:58,425 --> 00:00:59,859 Kicked out of us that day. 46 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,529 I lost my peripheral vision. 47 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,529 - anyway, I can't stay. 48 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,631 Ernie's got to stay 49 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,631 On his nap schedule. 50 00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:06,660 Gary, back me up on this. 51 00:01:06,990 --> 00:01:07,567 - don't look at me. 52 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,436 I have four boys 53 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,436 All under the age of eight. 54 00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:12,672 My only schedule is to cry 55 00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:12,672 A little every morning. 56 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,240 - if--if ernie doesn't nap-- 57 00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:15,909 - chris? Chris? 58 00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:15,909 You know what? I get it. 59 00:01:15,942 --> 00:01:17,610 It's your first kid, okay? 60 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,446 But if he misses a nap 61 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,446 Once in a while, 62 00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:21,381 It's not the end 63 00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:21,381 Of the world. 64 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:25,452 And if it is, I regret having 65 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:25,452 A nicoise salad as my last meal. 66 00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:26,886 - all right, 67 00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:26,886 You know what? 68 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,555 Maybe you're right. 69 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,555 I'll stay. 70 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:29,689 - good. 71 00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:32,258 Hup! 72 00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:33,727 Not again. 73 00:01:33,759 --> 00:01:37,229 Chris, why are all 74 00:01:33,759 --> 00:01:37,229 Your new clubs so slippery? 75 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,899 - * life is 76 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,899 How you live it * 77 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,768 - * ooh * 78 00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:44,471 - * wake up 79 00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:44,471 Where you want to be * 80 00:01:44,503 --> 00:01:46,206 - * hey, hey * 81 00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:48,108 - * you and me * 82 00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:48,108 - * ooh * 83 00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:50,710 - * we're happy * 84 00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:50,710 - * ooh, hey * 85 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:53,313 - * we need our friends 86 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:53,313 Like the sun * 87 00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:54,914 - * everybody singin' * 88 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,884 - * why would you walk 89 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,884 When you can run? * 90 00:01:57,917 --> 00:01:59,652 * everybody singin' * 91 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,655 * why would you walk 92 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,655 When you can run? * 93 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,130 - I got to hand it to you, nick. 94 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,130 This day is working out. 95 00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:12,766 I got to play golf. 96 00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:12,766 Ernie napped on the subway. 97 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,368 - and you napped 98 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,368 On the subway too. 99 00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:17,137 - we had a competition 100 00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:17,137 To see who could throw 101 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:19,406 The most puffs in your mouth. 102 00:02:19,439 --> 00:02:22,976 This guy named doug won. 103 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:24,844 - ready, gary? 104 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:24,844 - oh, yep. 105 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,513 - where you guys going? 106 00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:29,249 - I asked your wife to help me 107 00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:29,249 Organize my apartment. 108 00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:30,850 You know, there's a lot 109 00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:30,850 Of junk up there, 110 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,319 And marny 111 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,319 Won't throw anything away. 112 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:36,322 You know, we have a drawer full 113 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:36,322 Of baby hair and lost teeth? 114 00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,425 We could almost build 115 00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,425 Another person. 116 00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,527 - well, gary, you got 117 00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,527 The right woman for the job. 118 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,530 She keeps a label maker 119 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,530 In a box labeled "Label maker." 120 00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:45,165 - hmm. 121 00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:46,866 - this label maker 122 00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:46,866 Is the only thing 123 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,200 Standing between us 124 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,200 And chaos, nick. 125 00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:51,171 Chaos. 126 00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:53,373 Can you empty the dishwasher 127 00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:53,373 While I'm gone? 128 00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:54,708 - on it. 129 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,900 - thank you. 130 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,900 You've got the boys? 131 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:58,878 - yeah, they're in the box 132 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:58,878 Labeled "Boys." 133 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,748 - where are the boys? 134 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,748 - they're around here somewhere. 135 00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:03,783 - should we put them 136 00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:03,783 In the octagon, just to be safe? 137 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,152 - please. When I was little, 138 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,152 My mom used to send us out 139 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,854 To play in the woods-- 140 00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:11,958 The woods, 141 00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:11,958 Where bears live. 142 00:03:12,580 --> 00:03:14,194 - yeah, but your mom is... 143 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:17,329 - an angel? Is that what you 144 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:17,329 Were gonna say, chris-- 145 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:20,200 That my mother is an angel? 146 00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:22,680 [thud] 147 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:23,937 Looks like I found the boys. 148 00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,775 - what's the matter? 149 00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,775 - nothing. 150 00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:31,778 - nick, why aren't you 151 00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:31,778 Opening the door? 152 00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:32,978 - because it's locked. 153 00:03:33,790 --> 00:03:34,347 - what? 154 00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:39,850 - huh. Look at that-- 155 00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:39,850 It's locked for you too. 156 00:03:39,850 --> 00:03:41,353 [chuckles] 157 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,623 - de-clutter? 158 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,623 [scoffs] 159 00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:46,926 I don't need help de-cluttering, 160 00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:46,926 'cause everything is fine. 161 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,728 - really? 162 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,728 Fine? 163 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:51,970 Without looking down, 164 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:51,970 What color is our rug? 165 00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:53,966 - we have a rug? 166 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,102 - look, sometimes it's good 167 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,102 To have a third party come in 168 00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:59,339 To help you determine what 169 00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:59,339 You need and what you don't. 170 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:02,676 - [chuckles] Emily, really, 171 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:02,676 This is unnecessary. 172 00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,744 You should just be home 173 00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,744 With your family, 174 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,713 Minding your own-- 175 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:10,500 I don't want to say "Business," 176 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:10,500 'cause that sounds rude. 177 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,218 - I promise 178 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,218 It's gonna feel so good 179 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,920 Once we start 180 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,920 Throwing stuff out. 181 00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,422 - good! 182 00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,422 Hey, let's start 183 00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,656 With her six bags 184 00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,656 Of old maternity clothes. 185 00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:19,591 - hold on! 186 00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,461 What if I want 187 00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,461 To have another baby? 188 00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:24,931 - [laughs] 189 00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:24,931 Not with me, you're not. 190 00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:27,967 - well, I might meet 191 00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:27,967 Another man--younger, richer. 192 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,104 - great! Then he can buy you 193 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,104 New maternity clothes. 194 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,606 - sounds like these should go 195 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,606 In the charity pile. 196 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,642 - mm. 197 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,642 Charity pile. 198 00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:38,445 - how's this feeling? 199 00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:38,445 - good. 200 00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,914 Good. 201 00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,914 - no, not good. 202 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,830 Great! 203 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,830 Keep it going. 204 00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:45,251 [chuckles] 205 00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:45,251 Oh, hey. Oh, no, no, no. 206 00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:46,653 Emily, you don't have 207 00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:46,653 To worry about those. 208 00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,880 These are mine. 209 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,909 - oh, well, 210 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,909 Why do you still need these? 211 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,627 Are you still selling 212 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,627 Commercial real estate? 213 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,464 - I did. 214 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,464 - eight years ago! 215 00:04:57,497 --> 00:05:01,340 - sounds like garbage to me! 216 00:04:57,497 --> 00:05:01,340 - no, emily! 217 00:05:01,340 --> 00:05:03,703 Emily, we're here to focus 218 00:05:01,340 --> 00:05:03,703 On marny's stuff. 219 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,406 - well, I don't see 220 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,406 Marny's stuff or gary's stuff. 221 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:08,410 I just see stuff. 222 00:05:08,410 --> 00:05:12,450 It's my gift. 223 00:05:08,410 --> 00:05:12,450 It's my curse. 224 00:05:12,450 --> 00:05:13,847 How's that feel? 225 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,450 - good. Good. 226 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:18,718 - yeah, no, we tried that, 227 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,420 But the safety mechanism 228 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,420 Must be broken. 229 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,880 Okay, okay, just get here 230 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,880 As soon as you can. 231 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,790 Maintenance guy's 232 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,790 On his way. 233 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,892 - oh, we don't need 234 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,892 The maintenance guy. 235 00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:29,696 I will get the boys to open 236 00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:29,696 The door from the inside. 237 00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:31,498 I'm coaxing them 238 00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:31,498 With a feather. 239 00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:33,332 - a feather? 240 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:37,337 Yeah, yeah, that's how they 241 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:37,337 Got those chilean miners out. 242 00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,439 - hey, man, 243 00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,439 I got to stop your wife. 244 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:41,107 You got a taser? 245 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,710 - uh, once she's organizing, 246 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,710 She can't be stopped. 247 00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:46,312 The taser just makes her mad. 248 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,448 - but she's throwing away 249 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,448 All my old work stuff-- 250 00:05:48,481 --> 00:05:52,786 Business cards, files, 251 00:05:48,481 --> 00:05:52,786 And my desktop zen garden! 252 00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:56,523 How am I supposed to relax 253 00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:56,523 Without my desktop zen garden? 254 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,457 - well, you could try 255 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,457 Setting warehouse fires. 256 00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:00,593 That worked for my cousin. 257 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,562 - chris, I'm gonna need you 258 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,562 To store all that 259 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:03,930 In your apartment, all right? 260 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:05,532 - we're a little busy 261 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:05,532 Right now, okay? 262 00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:07,167 Nick got the kids 263 00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:07,167 Locked in the bathroom. 264 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,737 - correction--nick got the kids 265 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,737 Unlocked from the bathroom. 266 00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,138 I got the doorknob off. 267 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:16,443 Now watch as the door 268 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:16,443 Swings wide open. 269 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,148 Well, not only 270 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,148 Have I not solved the problem, 271 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:26,152 But I can say with confidence 272 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:26,152 I have made it worse. 273 00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:28,555 You know, when freddie 274 00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:28,555 Makes that face, 275 00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:30,824 It means 276 00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:30,824 He's going number two. 277 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,300 - all right, now I got it. 278 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,300 I got it. 279 00:06:40,332 --> 00:06:42,680 Hey. 280 00:06:40,332 --> 00:06:42,680 Don't worry, kids! 281 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,637 String cheese coming through, 282 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,637 All right? 283 00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:47,730 - yeah. It's almost 284 00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:47,730 Like they designed string cheese 285 00:06:47,730 --> 00:06:49,750 To fit 286 00:06:47,730 --> 00:06:49,750 Through doorknob holes. 287 00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:51,644 This must be more common 288 00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:51,644 Than we think. 289 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,113 - okay, ernie 290 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,113 Doesn't like string cheese. 291 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,848 Plus, it's dinnertime. 292 00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,830 He only eats chicken 293 00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,830 Vegetable medley, okay? 294 00:06:57,830 --> 00:06:58,952 And if he doesn't get fed soon, 295 00:06:57,830 --> 00:06:58,952 There will be crying-- 296 00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:03,656 First from him, then from me, 297 00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:03,656 And I will see to it also you. 298 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,250 - we will figure 299 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,250 Something out. 300 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:06,693 - well, how do you expect 301 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:06,693 To feed him? 302 00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:09,829 Do--do you have a spoon 303 00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:09,829 That's six feet long? 304 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,931 - I do. 305 00:07:22,420 --> 00:07:23,543 - I can't believe 306 00:07:22,420 --> 00:07:23,543 This is working. 307 00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,178 - yeah, I thought 308 00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,178 About this one night 309 00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:27,470 Sitting across the table 310 00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:27,470 From marny, 311 00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:29,716 And I really wanted 312 00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:29,716 To eat her jell-o. 313 00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,510 - okay, uh, four degrees 314 00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,510 To the left. 315 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:32,520 - okay. 316 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:32,520 - good, all right, 317 00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:33,153 Okay, almost there. 318 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,287 Come on, ernie. Come on. 319 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,560 Take a bite-- 320 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,560 One last bite. 321 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,580 Okay, guys, we're gonna have 322 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,580 To sing the song again. 323 00:07:38,909 --> 00:07:40,600 It's the only way he'll finish. 324 00:07:38,909 --> 00:07:40,600 - no, no. I cannot do it. 325 00:07:40,930 --> 00:07:41,728 I can't sing the song, man. 326 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,630 It's gonna be stuck 327 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,630 In my head forever. 328 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:44,864 - come on. 329 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:44,864 - just start high. 330 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:48,368 All: * I ate some food, 331 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:48,368 And I liked it * 332 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:52,720 * chicken 333 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:52,720 And vegetable medley * 334 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,760 * I ate some food, 335 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,760 Just to try it * 336 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:59,746 * I hope my tummy 337 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:59,746 Don't mind it * 338 00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:03,183 * food is so good, 339 00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:03,183 Food is so right * 340 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:06,286 * please eat your dinner 341 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:06,286 Tonight * 342 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,655 - oh, good boy! 343 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,655 Good boy, ernie! 344 00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:11,224 Okay, he ate it. 345 00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:11,224 Nice work, everyone. Whoo! 346 00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:13,827 - all right. Great. 347 00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:13,827 I got to get back upstairs. 348 00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:16,663 I can almost feel them throwing 349 00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:16,663 Away all of my old cologne. 350 00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:18,798 Where am I gonna 351 00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:18,798 Find a new bottle of canoe? 352 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,667 I got to get your wife 353 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,667 Out of my apartment. 354 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,135 - hey, no, no, no, no! 355 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,135 You got to keep her there. 356 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,671 Emily cannot know about this. 357 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,671 - why? 358 00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,706 - because a couple years ago, 359 00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,706 Violet locked herself 360 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,420 In a bathroom 361 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,420 Very much like this one. 362 00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:30,777 Actually, it was this one, 363 00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,712 And the mechanism 364 00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,712 To pop the lock 365 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:33,947 From the outside was broken. 366 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:35,115 - you knew the lock was broken? 367 00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,283 - can we save all of our 368 00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,283 Questions till the end, please? 369 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:38,418 Great. 370 00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,530 The difference was that violet 371 00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:41,688 Was old enough to open the door 372 00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:41,688 From the inside, 373 00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:43,823 And I told emily that 374 00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:43,823 I was gonna get the lock fixed, 375 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,191 And then I forgot. 376 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:47,930 And if she ever finds out 377 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:47,930 About this, 378 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,396 She's gonna hold it against me 379 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,396 For the rest of my life. 380 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,265 - hey, you choose to lie to 381 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,265 Your wife, that's your problem. 382 00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,100 - gary, she's never gonna 383 00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,100 Let me swing freddie around 384 00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:55,735 By his little arms again. 385 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,103 - his arms could come 386 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,103 Out of the sockets! 387 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,938 - that's not gonna happen. 388 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,107 - look, okay, 389 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,107 You're gonna owe me-- 390 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:02,709 I-I mean, big-time owe me. 391 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:04,778 You're gonna have to wash 392 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:04,778 My high chairs. 393 00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:07,781 I mean, deep-clean them, 394 00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:07,781 Like, take the covers off. 395 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:10,150 - yes. Done. 396 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:10,150 Thank you. 397 00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:11,351 - unbelievable. 398 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,153 You knew the lock 399 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,153 Was broken, 400 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,121 And you still 401 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,121 Didn't get it fixed. 402 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,890 - you know, chris, 403 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,890 Uh, a couple years ago, 404 00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:19,125 I did make a phone call to a guy 405 00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:19,125 About getting the lock fixed, 406 00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:21,795 But, uh, you clicked in 407 00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:21,795 On the other line, 408 00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:24,731 And I chose to take 409 00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:24,731 Your call instead. 410 00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:28,134 And I hoped like hell I'd never 411 00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:28,134 Have to tell you about that. 412 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,869 - shut up! 413 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,171 Where the hell 414 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,171 Is the maintenance guy? 415 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,806 You know what? 416 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,806 We don't even need him. 417 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,174 It's fine. 418 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,174 We don't need him. 419 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:35,408 [breathes deeply] 420 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,143 Ooh! 421 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,845 - what was that? 422 00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:41,470 - I thought maybe this 423 00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:41,470 Is one of those times 424 00:09:41,470 --> 00:09:43,316 When a parent 425 00:09:41,470 --> 00:09:43,316 Develops hulk strength. 426 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,185 - did you? 427 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,185 - no. 428 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:48,288 - no, you didn't. 429 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:48,288 No. 430 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:54,260 - dad! Emily threw away 431 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:54,260 All of our play-doh! 432 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:55,962 - it's a bloodbath! 433 00:09:56,620 --> 00:09:57,263 - what? Come here. 434 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,232 - marny, I know this 435 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,232 Has been hard for you, 436 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,469 But you have been great. 437 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,469 - thanks. 438 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:05,205 You know, I actually feel 439 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:05,205 Lighter and clearer, 440 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,440 If you know what I mean. 441 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,440 - I do! 442 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:09,376 I do know what you mean! 443 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,312 Now, you're gonna want to chase 444 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,312 That organizational high 445 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,913 For the rest of your life! 446 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:17,384 - [chuckling] 447 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:17,384 Okay. 448 00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,853 - well, I guess it's time 449 00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,853 For me to go home, 450 00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:22,122 Because my job here is done. 451 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,224 - whoa, whoa. 452 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,224 No, you can't go home just yet. 453 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:27,260 - why not? 454 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:27,260 - because nick-- 455 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,231 Because I'm still hiding 456 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,231 All my old files 457 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:34,167 And things 458 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:34,167 That are still special to me. 459 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,168 [grunts] 460 00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,337 - [gasps] 461 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:41,274 - help me. 462 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:41,274 I'm a hoarder. 463 00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,781 - I can fix it, 464 00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,781 No problem... 465 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:51,117 If some genius 466 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:51,117 Hadn't taken the doorknob off. 467 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,253 You? 468 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:56,790 - well, you know, that could've 469 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:56,790 Been anyone, really. 470 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,925 - so there's nothing you 471 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,925 Can do? 472 00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,260 - it's really a lock problem. 473 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,262 You should've called 474 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,262 A locksmith. 475 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:06,990 Who's the genius 476 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:06,990 Who called me--you? 477 00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:07,534 - actually, that was chris. 478 00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:11,710 - I don't need 479 00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:11,710 To know your names. 480 00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:12,772 - thank you so much, victor, 481 00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:12,772 For coming by. 482 00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:15,275 We will factor all of this 483 00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:15,275 Into your christmas bonus. 484 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,943 - bonus? 485 00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:19,112 Oh, you mean the donation you 486 00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:19,112 Made in my name 487 00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:21,214 To the rock and roll museum? 488 00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:23,283 - that's our charity. 489 00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,118 [toilet bubbling] 490 00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:27,454 - that does not sound good. 491 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,356 - oh, okay, now they're playing 492 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,356 In toilet water! 493 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,324 - all right, well, you don't 494 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,324 Have to make it sound 495 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,992 Like a bad thing. 496 00:11:33,930 --> 00:11:34,461 They're--they're playing 497 00:11:33,930 --> 00:11:34,461 In toilet water! 498 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,196 See, it's all 499 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,196 In the attitude. 500 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:39,566 You just--you need to relax-- 501 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:39,566 - do not tell me to relax! 502 00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:41,401 Okay, you know why 503 00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:41,401 I'm not relaxed? 504 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:44,104 Because I've hung out 505 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:44,104 With you all these years. 506 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,406 Oh, why should I bring diapers? 507 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,406 Chris'll have them. 508 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,975 Why should I take notes 509 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,975 In class? Chris'll do it. 510 00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:50,810 Why should I pay rent? 511 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,813 I'll sleep on chris' couch 512 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,813 For a year after college, 513 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:56,483 Chip all his mugs. 514 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:59,319 - I will call a locksmith. 515 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:59,319 Calm down. 516 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,221 - no, you know what? 517 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,221 I'm done listening to you, okay? 518 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,889 Our kids are locked 519 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,889 In a bathroom, 520 00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:05,291 And I'm getting them out 521 00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:05,291 Right now. 522 00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:08,328 - yeah, by the way, 523 00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:08,328 I still have your hammer. 524 00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:11,197 - all right, I'm gonna--I'm 525 00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:11,197 Gonna make a hole in the wall. 526 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,499 I'm gonna reach in. 527 00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,401 I'm gonna have the kids 528 00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,401 Pass me the handle. 529 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,436 I'm gonna pop the lock back on 530 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,436 And open it from the inside. 531 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,104 - I'm sorry. What? 532 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,173 - don't worry, ernie. 533 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,173 Daddy's coming. 534 00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:22,308 - hey, are you crazy? 535 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:25,145 - right now? 536 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:25,145 Yes! 537 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,147 - what am I supposed 538 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,147 To tell emily? 539 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:30,216 - tell her to rela-a-x! 540 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:33,453 - hey, hey, hey, I can't hold 541 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:33,453 Your wife off much longer. 542 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,355 What's going on? 543 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,355 - he freaked out. 544 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,900 He's screwing up my apartment. 545 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:39,259 - well, you are screwing up 546 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:39,259 My life, 547 00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:42,195 Which I'm used to, except that 548 00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:42,195 Now you're screwing up my kid. 549 00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:43,897 - hey, hey, hey, guys! 550 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,432 Calm down before we say 551 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,432 Something we can't take back. 552 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,100 - you don't need my help 553 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,100 Screwing up your kid, 554 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,435 'cause you're doing just fine 555 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,435 On your own. 556 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,636 Yeah, you're turning ernie 557 00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:51,371 Into an uptight mess 558 00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:51,371 Just like yourself. 559 00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:52,872 - well, I guarantee freddie's 560 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,307 The one who locked them 561 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,307 In the bathroom 562 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,543 Doing dumb-ass stuff 563 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,543 Like his dumb-ass dad. 564 00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,378 - okay, let's not say 565 00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,378 More than three things 566 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,680 That we can't take back-- 567 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,680 Let's cap it at three. 568 00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:03,550 - I am done 569 00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:03,550 Listening to you. 570 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,518 - [growls] 571 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,518 - what-- 572 00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,354 Okay. 573 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,389 I'm gonna reach in, 574 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,389 And get this handle back on, 575 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,391 And get the hell 576 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,391 Out of here. 577 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,226 Ow. 578 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,226 Damn it! 579 00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:14,461 - what's wrong? 580 00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:14,461 - I can't get my arm out. 581 00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:17,130 It's stuck on a nail 582 00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:17,130 Or something. 583 00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,665 - [laughs] 584 00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,665 Good! 585 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,667 Oh, what's the matter? 586 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,667 Your little t-rex arms 587 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,635 Too short to get me, huh? 588 00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:24,704 - ah! 589 00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:28,608 I misjudged the distance 'cause 590 00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:28,608 I have no peripheral vision. 591 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:37,830 - you know, guys, I think this 592 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:37,830 Would go a lot faster 593 00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,285 If you just cut his arm off. 594 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,421 - [groans] 595 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,421 Oh, thank you. Thank you. 596 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,890 Now--now, please, 597 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,890 Get the kids out. 598 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,557 - all right. 599 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,557 - and may I suggest doing 600 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,426 As much damage to the apartment 601 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,426 As possible? 602 00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:47,927 - just give us some room. 603 00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,562 We'll have them out 604 00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,562 In a couple minutes. 605 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,364 - hey, I have 606 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,364 A couple questions. 607 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,500 Hey, when you got the call, 608 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,500 Did you slide down the pole? 609 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:54,634 Did you use the siren? 610 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,703 I don't see the dog. 611 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,703 Is the dog here? 612 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,538 - sir, please, just step back. 613 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,538 - okay. 614 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,941 Hey, hey, I hear you guys eat 615 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,941 A lot of chili--is that true? 616 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,345 [babies crying] 617 00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:08,581 - thank god you're okay. 618 00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:08,581 [sighs] 619 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,316 I don't want you hanging out 620 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,316 With this kid anymore. 621 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,318 He's gonna get you both 622 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,318 Thrown in jail. 623 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,721 - well, at least he won't be 624 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,721 A constant bummer like your dad. 625 00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:18,425 "We shouldn't use the student 626 00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:18,425 Discounts--it's summertime"! 627 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:22,162 - you know what? I'm done. 628 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:22,162 I'm done taking care of you. 629 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,496 You don't want to be friends 630 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,298 With someone 631 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,298 Who's a constant bummer? 632 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:27,701 Guess what--you're not anymore. 633 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:27,701 - good! 634 00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,169 Yeah-- 635 00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,169 [door slams] 636 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,737 We never used to fight 637 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,737 Before we had kids. 638 00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,706 - [crying] 639 00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,706 - but that's not a dis on you. 640 00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:34,274 I love you. 641 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:36,443 It's okay. 642 00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:43,650 - nick? 643 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,151 - yeah, he's-- 644 00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:47,454 He did it. 645 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,396 - is he strapped in? 646 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,396 - no, he doesn't like that. 647 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:57,664 He'll be fine. 648 00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:58,732 - oh, just like he was fine 649 00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:01,434 When you locked him 650 00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:01,434 In the bathroom? 651 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:04,137 - see, freddie, 652 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:04,137 I am never gonna live this down, 653 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,306 And because of that, we will 654 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,306 Probably never be able to play 655 00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,309 The "Let go of the stroller 656 00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,309 For a second on the hill" game. 657 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,444 - you're still doing that? 658 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,444 - no! 659 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,146 Ha! 660 00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,515 - all right, 661 00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,515 Well, have fun at the park 662 00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:18,651 While I'm here 663 00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:18,651 Fixing your apartment. 664 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,653 - yeah, thank you, victor, 665 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,653 For taking time away 666 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:23,560 From your job 667 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:23,560 To do your job. 668 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,580 Who's smoking cigarettes for you 669 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,580 Up on the roof 670 00:15:25,580 --> 00:15:26,760 While you're down here? 671 00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,328 - don't get mad at victor. 672 00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:29,662 You're the one 673 00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:29,662 Who destroyed our apartment. 674 00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:32,298 - me? 675 00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:32,298 Okay, try chris. 676 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,768 He's the one who went crazy 677 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,768 And put a hole in our wall. 678 00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,369 - no, nick. 679 00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,369 He didn't go crazy. 680 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:37,937 You made him crazy. 681 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,806 - I'm sorry. 682 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,806 Are you taking his side? 683 00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,142 - there is only his side. 684 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:46,513 Nick, everything you do, 685 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:46,513 You always try to make it fun. 686 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,515 It's what I love 687 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,515 About you, 688 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,216 But you have to know 689 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,216 That sometimes 690 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:54,754 It can be very exhausting 691 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:54,754 To the people around you. 692 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,123 Now, I'm your wife, 693 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,123 And you make cute babies, 694 00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,292 So I put up with it, 695 00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,292 And I forgive it, 696 00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,628 But chris doesn't have to. 697 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:04,664 - so I'm the one 698 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:04,664 Who owes the apology. 699 00:16:04,698 --> 00:16:08,668 - yes, because it's all 700 00:16:04,698 --> 00:16:08,668 Your fault. 701 00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,603 - I'll go talk to him. 702 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,380 - sure. 703 00:16:12,380 --> 00:16:15,842 Go play with your friend 704 00:16:12,380 --> 00:16:15,842 While I fix your place. 705 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,344 - that's your job. 706 00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:18,712 - yeah, and I love my job, 707 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,714 Which is more 708 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,714 Than you can say. 709 00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:22,782 - I have the greatest job 710 00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:22,782 In the world. 711 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,352 I direct commercials. 712 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,352 I love my job. 713 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:28,221 - oh. 714 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,791 - and the secret ingredient 715 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,791 Is... 716 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:36,696 Uhh! Pear! 717 00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:38,498 - hey! 718 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:41,368 I found something 719 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:41,368 Very interesting 720 00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:45,739 Shoved in the back 721 00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:45,739 Of clark and yoda's closet-- 722 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,208 All of your stuff 723 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,208 That we threw away. 724 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:51,244 - you know, the boys 725 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:51,244 Must've done this. 726 00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:52,712 You know how much kids 727 00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:55,315 Love commercial real estate 728 00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:55,315 Promotional material. 729 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,250 - mm. 730 00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:59,819 Gary, look, I know 731 00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:59,819 I didn't want to throw away 732 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:03,590 All the old baby stuff, 733 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:03,590 But that's just a mom thing. 734 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,425 But you... 735 00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,862 Your business cards, 736 00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,862 Your briefcase... 737 00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,829 What's going on? 738 00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,699 - look, babe, 739 00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,699 I know it's hard to believe, 740 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,501 But one day all of our kids 741 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,502 Are gonna be 742 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,502 In school full-time... 743 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,538 Maybe even boarding school 744 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:22,442 Somewhere far, far away! 745 00:17:22,474 --> 00:17:25,545 And I'm gonna need 746 00:17:22,474 --> 00:17:25,545 Something to do. 747 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,747 And I feel if I throw out 748 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,747 All that stuff, 749 00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:29,916 Somehow, I'm throwing out 750 00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:33,520 All my connections 751 00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:33,520 To my old life... 752 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,855 And I won't be able 753 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,855 To find my way back. 754 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,392 All right, 755 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,392 I know it sounds stupid. 756 00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:42,162 - yeah. 757 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,232 Gary, you were great 758 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,232 At your job. 759 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:49,202 You are great 760 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:49,202 As a stay-at-home dad, 761 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,205 And I have absolutely no doubt 762 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,205 That you will be great 763 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,808 At whatever you decide 764 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,808 To do next. 765 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,810 - so... 766 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,812 Do I get to keep 767 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,812 All my old stuff? 768 00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:02,515 - [baby voice] 769 00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:02,515 If that's what you need to do. 770 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:05,180 - can we keep our stuff? 771 00:18:05,180 --> 00:18:07,854 Both: no! 772 00:18:09,723 --> 00:18:12,459 [knock at door] 773 00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,232 - [sighs] 774 00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,232 What do you want? 775 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,401 - I am not here for you. 776 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,401 I am here to speak with ernie. 777 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,937 May I please enter? 778 00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:35,348 Hi, ernie. 779 00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:36,883 I, uh... 780 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:40,220 I just came down here 781 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:40,220 To apologize. 782 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:41,855 I, uh... 783 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,423 I'm very sorry that I alone 784 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:46,860 Was the cause of you 785 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:46,860 Getting trapped in the bathroom. 786 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:50,263 I also said some things 787 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:50,263 That I didn't mean. 788 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,499 You are not going to be 789 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,499 A constant bummer like your dad. 790 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:55,802 If anything, 791 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:55,802 He's very responsible, 792 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,937 And that's--that's good, 793 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,937 Because that means 794 00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:00,807 That he's there for me 795 00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:00,807 When I need him. 796 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,309 If it weren't for him, 797 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,309 Your buddy freddie over there 798 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,378 Would've died of diaper rash 799 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,378 A long time ago, 800 00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:09,582 And I would be covered 801 00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:09,582 in mario brotherstattoos, so... 802 00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,351 I just wanted 803 00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,351 To tell you that, 804 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:14,554 And, uh, maybe your dad 805 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:14,554 Has something 806 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,489 He'd like to say to freddie? 807 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:22,762 [freddie babbling] 808 00:19:22,796 --> 00:19:25,565 - hey, fred. 809 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,436 Uh... 810 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,436 - [babbles] 811 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,837 - hi. 812 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,837 - [babbling] 813 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,839 - yeah. 814 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:36,409 I know I said, uh, that you're 815 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:36,409 Gonna end up in prison, 816 00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:38,578 But if you're anything 817 00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:38,578 Like your dad, 818 00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,460 It'll be one hell of a story. 819 00:19:40,460 --> 00:19:43,416 - montreal, 820 00:19:40,460 --> 00:19:43,416 New year's eve, 2001. 821 00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,485 - yeah. Apparently 822 00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,485 We took a mountie's horse 823 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,530 For a joyride, 824 00:19:47,530 --> 00:19:49,923 Woke up in a canadian jail. 825 00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,791 - they had the best 826 00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,791 Breakfast buffet there. 827 00:19:51,825 --> 00:19:54,600 We stayed for three extra days, 828 00:19:51,825 --> 00:19:54,600 Made a whole trip out of it. 829 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:55,628 - it was good. 830 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:59,733 I hope you and ernie 831 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:59,733 Have as much fun together 832 00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:02,200 As your dad and I have had... 833 00:20:02,350 --> 00:20:04,371 Without all 834 00:20:02,350 --> 00:20:04,371 The boating accidents, 835 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:07,640 The torn acls, 836 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:07,640 The lost security deposits. 837 00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,542 - it should say 838 00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,542 On the hot tub 839 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,411 That you can't bring it out 840 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,411 Onto a balcony. 841 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,460 [chuckles] 842 00:20:13,790 --> 00:20:15,615 So, um... 843 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,517 What do you say, ernie? 844 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,190 You forgive me? 845 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,592 - thank you. 846 00:20:34,340 --> 00:20:36,690 - come here, buddy. 847 00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,808 [sighs] 848 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,443 Yeah. 849 00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:46,813 We forgive you. 850 00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,782 But this christmas, 851 00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,782 You are not making a donation 852 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:51,117 In his name 853 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:51,117 To the rock and roll museum. 854 00:20:51,151 --> 00:20:54,721 - I mean, I'll have 855 00:20:51,151 --> 00:20:54,721 To talk to emily, but... 856 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,396 - [sniffing] 857 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:06,399 Okay, come on, guys. 858 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:06,399 Whose baby did it? 859 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,402 - not it. 860 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,402 - not it over here. 861 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:12,138 - oh, my god, 862 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:12,138 We are so it. 863 00:21:12,172 --> 00:21:14,740 - here's a diaper. 864 00:21:12,172 --> 00:21:14,740 - uh, buh, buh, buh-- 865 00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:15,775 You offend me, sir. 866 00:21:15,809 --> 00:21:17,711 - I have fully packed 867 00:21:15,809 --> 00:21:17,711 My diaper bag. 868 00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:19,479 - no. 869 00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:19,479 Impossible. 870 00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:21,715 - I got diapers, wipes, 871 00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:21,715 Ointment, sunscreen, 872 00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:24,184 Teething tablets, 873 00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:24,184 Burp cloths. 874 00:21:24,217 --> 00:21:25,652 I, too, can be 875 00:21:24,217 --> 00:21:25,652 The responsible one. 876 00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:28,254 - well, lookee here! 877 00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:28,254 - way to go. 878 00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:29,723 - unfortunately, 879 00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:29,723 The diaper bag itself 880 00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:32,920 Is at home in my apartment... 881 00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:32,920 [freddie cries] 882 00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:34,761 As is my wallet. 883 00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:34,761 Chris, your paying for lunch! 52541

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