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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,239 --> 00:00:08,441 - guys with kidsis taped in 2 00:00:06,239 --> 00:00:08,441 Front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:09,776 - smith has the ball. 4 00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:09,776 He's looking to pass it. 5 00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:11,544 Gives it to anthony. 6 00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:11,544 Anthony may drive. 7 00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,713 No, he kicks it off to novak 8 00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,713 For the three. 9 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:18,251 And it's good. 10 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:18,251 [cheers] 11 00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:19,252 - bam. 12 00:00:19,285 --> 00:00:21,654 - yeah. 13 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,723 Nick, I got 14 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,723 A serious parenting dilemma. 15 00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,191 - talk to me. 16 00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,559 - hey, hey, hold on. 17 00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:28,194 Why do you only ever ask nick 18 00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:28,194 To solve 19 00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:29,362 Your parenting dilemmas? 20 00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:30,563 He's got two kids. 21 00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:33,400 I've got, like, four. 22 00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:36,269 - "Like, four." yes, why 23 00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:36,269 Wouldn't I seek your counsel? 24 00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:37,804 - it's hard 25 00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:37,804 To keep track, man. 26 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:39,305 I haven't slept 27 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:39,305 In six years. 28 00:00:39,339 --> 00:00:41,410 I'm tired. 29 00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:43,243 This morning, 30 00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:43,243 I tried to put a shirt 31 00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:46,146 On my legs 32 00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:46,146 For five minutes. 33 00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:49,416 I love you, kids, but you're 34 00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:49,416 Making daddy stupid. 35 00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:51,785 - what's your dilemma, chris? 36 00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:53,620 - well, it's time to feed ernie, 37 00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:53,620 And at this stage 38 00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,689 In his development, 39 00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,689 He needs to drink whole milk, 40 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,558 But the bar only has 2%. 41 00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,226 What do I do? 42 00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,620 - you know what a dilemma is, 43 00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,620 Right, chris? 44 00:01:02,950 --> 00:01:05,432 A dilemma is having to decide 45 00:01:02,950 --> 00:01:05,432 Which of your rugby teammates 46 00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:07,600 You're gonna eat 47 00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:07,600 To stay alive. 48 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,636 - look, I just don't want 49 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,636 To screw up. 50 00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:12,772 Sheila already doesn't trust me. 51 00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:12,772 - stop. Stop. Okay? 52 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,274 Sheila doesn't get 53 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,274 To play into this. 54 00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:15,275 You guys are divorced. 55 00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:16,443 Ernie is your kid too. 56 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:17,777 You need to stand up 57 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:17,777 To her. 58 00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:19,379 - yeah. 59 00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:19,379 Your kid was wearing 60 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,613 A beret the other day. 61 00:01:20,646 --> 00:01:22,549 That's not right. 62 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:23,650 - I know. 63 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:23,650 I try to stand up to her, 64 00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,218 But it's pointless. 65 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,720 I can't win, 66 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,720 'cause she just says, 67 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:27,821 "He grew inside me," 68 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:27,821 And boom, 69 00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:29,489 Argument's over, 70 00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:30,890 ernie can't watch goodfellas 71 00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:30,890 With me. 72 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,926 - you talking to me? 73 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:35,628 You talking to me, 74 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:35,628 Goodfellas? 75 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:36,896 - I don't know 76 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:36,896 What you're doing. 77 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,265 That's not a line 78 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,265 From anything. 79 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,902 - oh, my god. 80 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,902 Your baby's adorable. 81 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,872 - thank you. 82 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,872 Yeah. 83 00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:48,108 - what's wrong with him? 84 00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:48,108 Hey. 85 00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:49,642 - excuse me, excuse me. 86 00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:49,642 Hi. 87 00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,845 I'm sorry. 88 00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,845 My friend here's a little rusty. 89 00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:53,545 And I think 90 00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:53,545 What he meant to say was, 91 00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:55,715 "Thank you. 92 00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:55,715 My name is chris. 93 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:56,883 "I am single, 94 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:56,883 I'm a lawyer, 95 00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:58,518 "And although I feel 96 00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:00,860 "That stationery 97 00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:00,860 Is an appropriate gift 98 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,389 "To give to a close friend, 99 00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:04,491 I'm a pretty cool guy, and I'd 100 00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:04,491 Love to buy you a drink." 101 00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,292 That is what you meant 102 00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,292 To say, right, chris? 103 00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:08,294 - yes. 104 00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:08,294 That is what I meant to say. 105 00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:12,132 And stationery 106 00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:12,132 Is a timeless gift. 107 00:02:12,165 --> 00:02:13,500 Can we buy you a drink? 108 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,869 - sure. 109 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,869 Why not? 110 00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:18,571 Oh, how could I say no 111 00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:18,571 To that face? 112 00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:24,210 - okay. 113 00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:24,210 Smell check. 114 00:02:25,978 --> 00:02:27,447 - yeah, we're good. 115 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,116 - * life is how you're living * 116 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,851 * ooh-ooh * 117 00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:34,554 * wake up 118 00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:34,554 Where you want to be * 119 00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:36,122 * hey, hey * 120 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,291 * you and me * 121 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:39,426 * we're happy * 122 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,161 * ooh-ooh * 123 00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:44,964 * we need our friends 124 00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:44,964 Like the sun * 125 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:48,168 * why would you walk 126 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:48,168 When you can run? * 127 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,703 * everybody sing along * 128 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:52,405 * why would you walk 129 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:52,405 When you can run? * 130 00:02:57,944 --> 00:02:59,879 - megan invited me 131 00:02:57,944 --> 00:02:59,879 To the knicks game. 132 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,481 - ooh, boom. 133 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:04,451 - boom. 134 00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:06,453 Nicely done, 135 00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:06,453 Little wingman. 136 00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:07,954 Way to hook your dad up. 137 00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:07,954 - yeah. 138 00:03:08,540 --> 00:03:09,522 That was my job 139 00:03:08,540 --> 00:03:09,522 In college. 140 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,658 And like you I often had puke 141 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,658 On my shirt. 142 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,193 Huh? 143 00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:14,494 - wait, wait, wait, 144 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:15,662 I can't go 145 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:15,662 To the game with megan. 146 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,397 I have ernie till monday 147 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,397 This week. 148 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,399 - hey, figure it out. 149 00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:20,934 You have a chance 150 00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:20,934 To go to the knicks game 151 00:03:20,966 --> 00:03:22,535 With a beautiful woman. 152 00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,871 I'm a stay-at-home dad 153 00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,871 With four kids. 154 00:03:24,904 --> 00:03:26,706 You know what I do every day? 155 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:29,642 I stay at home 156 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:29,642 With four kids 157 00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,845 While marny gets to go 158 00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,845 To work, 159 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,413 And clark, 160 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,413 He broke our tv. 161 00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:34,447 Do you have any idea 162 00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:34,447 How desperate 163 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:35,749 My situation is? 164 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:35,749 Look at me. 165 00:03:35,781 --> 00:03:37,417 Look what you've done to me! 166 00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:41,688 I'm all riled up! 167 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:42,989 - just get sheila 168 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:42,989 To watch him. 169 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:44,391 - no. 170 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:44,391 No way. 171 00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:45,591 If I tell sheila 172 00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:45,591 I have a date-- 173 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,227 - stop. 174 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,227 Stop. 175 00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:49,228 She does not get to tell you 176 00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:49,228 What to do anymore. 177 00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:51,430 - we do. 178 00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:53,990 And you're going. 179 00:03:53,990 --> 00:03:55,735 - look, chris, this is 180 00:03:53,990 --> 00:03:55,735 Why you moved into our building. 181 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:56,936 So we could look after you 182 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,105 And play with your life. 183 00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:00,540 - [giggles] 184 00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:06,460 - hi, ernie. 185 00:04:06,460 --> 00:04:08,615 - sheila, how did you get 186 00:04:06,460 --> 00:04:08,615 In my apartment? 187 00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,483 - I had a key made. 188 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,951 - did you hear that, chris? 189 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,887 Your ex-wife had a key made 190 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,887 To your apartment. 191 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,223 Fun. 192 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,223 Normal. 193 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,658 - what are you doing here? 194 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,600 - well, I'm here 195 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,600 To make sure 196 00:04:20,930 --> 00:04:21,461 That your apartment is safe 197 00:04:20,930 --> 00:04:21,461 For our son. 198 00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:22,796 Now I see that you've painted. 199 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:23,963 Is it lead-free? 200 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:25,265 - no, it's lead-only. 201 00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,670 I ordered it from the '50s. 202 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,969 - oh, I don't miss that. 203 00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:31,504 - and did you see 204 00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:31,504 The abandoned well 205 00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,640 That we dug in the bathroom? 206 00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:38,478 - oh, I don't miss you. 207 00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,820 - oh, hey, would you mind 208 00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,820 Watching ernie 209 00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:43,883 For a bit tomorrow? 210 00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:43,883 - why? 211 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,553 - I have a date. 212 00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:47,620 - a date. 213 00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:49,956 - yes. 214 00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:49,956 - then no. 215 00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:52,992 - right. 216 00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:52,992 Right, 'cause, god forbid 217 00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:54,728 I actually move on 218 00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:54,728 With my life-- 219 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:58,980 - or is it maybe that I have 220 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:58,980 A date myself, chris? 221 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,500 - you have a date? 222 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,500 - yes, I do. 223 00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:02,669 - with, like, a man? 224 00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,704 - okay. 225 00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,704 Go away, nick. 226 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,406 Good-bye, nick. 227 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,406 - bye, sheila. 228 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:08,775 This is the scary lady 229 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:08,775 I was telling you about. 230 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,946 - come on, 231 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,946 You don't really have a date. 232 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:15,480 You're just jealous 233 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:15,480 That I have one. 234 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:16,850 - no, I do, chris. 235 00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,953 I have a date with a very tall 236 00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,953 And attractive man no less, 237 00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:23,623 A very tall and attractive 238 00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:23,623 Professional athlete man. 239 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,693 Kareem abdul-jabbar. 240 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:30,697 - you have a date 241 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:30,697 With kareem abdul-jabbar? 242 00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:32,565 - yes. 243 00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:32,565 - how'd you meet? 244 00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:35,568 - j-date. 245 00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,537 - okay, fine, 246 00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,537 Fine, don't help. 247 00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,673 I'll just get a babysitter. 248 00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,673 - no, no, no, no. 249 00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:42,108 Chris, no babysitters. 250 00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:42,108 We've talked about this. 251 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,177 They just throw your kid 252 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,177 In front of a tv 253 00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:46,646 And talk on their phone 254 00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:46,646 While drinking your wine 255 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,549 And making bathtub meth 256 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,549 With your cold medicine. 257 00:05:49,582 --> 00:05:54,870 - sheila, look, I'm sure-- 258 00:05:49,582 --> 00:05:54,870 - chris, he grew inside me. 259 00:05:54,870 --> 00:05:57,323 - fine. 260 00:05:54,870 --> 00:05:57,323 You win again. 261 00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:00,794 - thank you. 262 00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:00,794 Okay. Hi, ernie. 263 00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:02,896 Oh. 264 00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:02,896 I will see you on monday. 265 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,565 Okay? 266 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,565 Be good. 267 00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,670 Okay, here you go. 268 00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,670 - hi, buddy. 269 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,169 - okay. 270 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,604 - ernie, 271 00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:13,540 I am getting you 272 00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:13,540 A babysitter. 273 00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:15,742 And mommy is gonna like it 274 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,143 Because she's not gonna know 275 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,143 About it. 276 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:18,611 [blows a raspberry] 277 00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,354 - hello. 278 00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,354 [knock at door] 279 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,621 Come in. 280 00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:29,622 - hey, guys. 281 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,491 Glad I caught you 282 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,491 At home. 283 00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:33,727 - I'm always at home. 284 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,397 - right, so can I get the name 285 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,397 Of your babysitter? 286 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:39,265 - [laughs] 287 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:39,265 - babysitter? 288 00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:42,680 - yeah, you know, 289 00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:42,680 Someone you pay to come over 290 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,237 And watch your kids 291 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,237 While you have fun. 292 00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:45,405 - fun? 293 00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:47,273 - oh, yeah, you remember fun. 294 00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:50,310 That thing we used to have 295 00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:50,310 Before all this magic 296 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,212 Came into our lives. 297 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,810 - so just the name 298 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,810 Of your babysitter. 299 00:06:55,810 --> 00:06:58,840 - do you really think 300 00:06:55,810 --> 00:06:58,840 We have the disposable income 301 00:06:58,840 --> 00:06:59,652 To pay people 302 00:06:58,840 --> 00:06:59,652 To watch these kids? 303 00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:03,223 There are four of them. 304 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,558 They have bled us dry. 305 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:09,329 They broke the tv, man. 306 00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:12,432 - we have nothing. 307 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:16,690 [laughter] 308 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:20,407 That means 309 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:20,407 You have nothing too. 310 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,644 - mommy! 311 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,413 - hey, how was 312 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,413 The princess party? 313 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,148 - fun. 314 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,582 Daddy, chase me. 315 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,520 - okay. 316 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,520 Here I come. 317 00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:35,422 I'm chasing you. 318 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,758 - oh, remember, we have 319 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,758 That ridiculous fundraiser 320 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,794 At violet's school 321 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,794 Tomorrow night. 322 00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:43,363 - oh, no. 323 00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:44,798 What's the theme this year? 324 00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:47,367 - "Set sail for a night 325 00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:47,367 Of fun and dancing 326 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,704 Aboard the ship of dreams-- 327 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,704 the titanic." 328 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:52,706 - and what happens 329 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:52,706 At the end of the night? 330 00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:54,374 You hog a piece of driftwood 331 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,843 That could easily accommodate 332 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,843 The both of us? 333 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,616 - hey, ernie. 334 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,119 I hear you have a hot date 335 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,119 Tomorrow night. 336 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,454 - I do. 337 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,454 - ooh. 338 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,560 I hope she's condescending 339 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,560 Like sheila 340 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:11,624 'cause I miss feeling badly 341 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,460 About my clothes 342 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,460 And education. 343 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,362 - all right. 344 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,362 - I went to colgate. 345 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,696 That is a good school. 346 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:20,332 - she can't hurt us here. 347 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:20,332 Okay? 348 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,802 - megan seems great, 349 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,802 But sheila won't watch ernie, 350 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,604 So I need a babysitter. 351 00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:26,239 - sheila's cool with you 352 00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:26,239 Getting a sitter? 353 00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:27,374 - no, couldn't be less cool 354 00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:27,374 With it. 355 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:28,675 Going behind her back. 356 00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:29,743 - oh, have carleen watch him. 357 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:30,877 Babies love her. 358 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,212 She's got big, 359 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,313 Squishy grandma boobs. 360 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,481 - yeah. 361 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,481 Kids sink into 'em 362 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,783 Like they're made 363 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,783 Out of nerf. 364 00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:38,751 - perfect. 365 00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:39,786 - so what are you gonna wear 366 00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:39,786 On your date? 367 00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:41,821 - uh... 368 00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:41,821 I was thinking this. 369 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,491 - no. No. Okay, I'm gonna take 370 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,491 You shopping tomorrow, 371 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:48,128 Unless you're gonna take her out 372 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:48,128 To a christian rock concert. 373 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:58,705 - can I help you gentlemen 374 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:58,705 Find anything? 375 00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:00,206 - yeah, hi, 376 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,775 My friend here 377 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,775 Is recently divorced, 378 00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,810 And he's got a hot date 379 00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,810 In a few hours, 380 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:06,279 And he needs to look... 381 00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:09,282 Better than this. 382 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:12,452 - yes, I understand. 383 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:12,452 I'll pull a few things. 384 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:16,156 - guys, I'm really glad 385 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:16,156 You pushed me. 386 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:17,791 I'm getting a sitter. 387 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:17,791 I'm going on a date. 388 00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:21,194 This is big. I feel 389 00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:21,194 Like I'm moving on with my life. 390 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,529 - clarky. 391 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,464 Don't you put that 392 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,464 In your underwear. 393 00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,800 Don't. 394 00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:29,235 Well, looks 395 00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:29,235 Like I'm buying a tie. 396 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:32,405 - wait. 397 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:32,405 No, what? 398 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,140 Your sitter 399 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,140 Just cancelled on me. 400 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,476 Tipoff's in, like, two hours. 401 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,476 What am I gonna do? 402 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,445 - okay. All right. 403 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,445 We're not gonna panic, right? 404 00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:39,546 We're gonna figure this out. 405 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,214 We are the same two guys 406 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,214 Who figured out 407 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,449 How to get back from cancun 408 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:45,151 With no clothes 409 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:45,151 And no passports. 410 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,786 - we called your mom. 411 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,786 - yeah. 412 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:50,757 And if necessary, 413 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:50,757 We will call her again. 414 00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:52,325 - forget it. 415 00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:52,325 It's a sign. 416 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:53,827 I'm not supposed 417 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:53,827 To go on this date. 418 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,228 Sheila didn't want me 419 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,228 Getting a sitter anyway. 420 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,263 - hey, hey, 421 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,263 You are not gonna bail. 422 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,766 I will watch ernie. 423 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,766 You are going on your date. 424 00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:01,601 - all right. 425 00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:01,601 That's settled. 426 00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:04,504 Clarky. 427 00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,972 That's a shoehorn, buddy. 428 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,376 That doesn't go there. 429 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:20,553 - ernie, are you ready to tap 430 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:20,553 Dance on the edge of insanity? 431 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:21,855 Huh? 432 00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:23,590 - hey, ernie. 433 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,225 Is chris here? 434 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,926 - no, carleen cancelled 435 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,926 On him, 436 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,796 So I am gonna take care-- 437 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,531 Wow. 438 00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:33,299 You look... 439 00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,803 Like you are going somewhere. 440 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:39,739 - nick, we have 441 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:39,739 Violet's school thing. 442 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,908 - I was under the impression 443 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,908 You did not want to go to that. 444 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:45,311 - I was looking forward to it. 445 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:45,311 - you said it seemed ridiculous. 446 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,447 - that's not the point. 447 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,447 - what is the point? 448 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,217 - do you need me to explain 449 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,217 What the point is? 450 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:54,621 - maybe just this one time. 451 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,223 Okay, 452 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,391 I know 453 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,391 How to make this better. 454 00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:00,794 I do. 455 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,495 Do you want to watch 456 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,495 Our wedding video? 457 00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:06,466 'cause I'm almost done 458 00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:06,466 Editing that. 459 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,834 - oh, my god. 460 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:10,637 - emily! 461 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,838 [door shuts] 462 00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:13,573 Don't judge me. 463 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,408 How many relationships 464 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,408 Have you made work? 465 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,544 Huh? 466 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,544 Yeah? 467 00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,790 - nick just doesn't get it. 468 00:11:19,790 --> 00:11:22,415 He goes off to work, 469 00:11:19,790 --> 00:11:22,415 And I am with the kids all day. 470 00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,651 - believe me, 471 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,921 I know, and then, when you 472 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,921 Do finally wind them down, 473 00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:30,623 They come back in and wind them 474 00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:30,623 Right back up 475 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,792 And then have to take 476 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,792 An "Emergency" call from work. 477 00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,661 - just when it's bath time. 478 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,396 - just when it's 479 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,396 Bath time. 480 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:40,433 - oh, yes, 481 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:40,433 I'm horrible. 482 00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:41,901 I always tell you, 483 00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:43,436 Staying home with the kids 484 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,372 Is the hardest job 485 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,372 In the world. 486 00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:46,439 - and I love it. 487 00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,607 But tonight I wanted 488 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,442 to board the lame titanic 489 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:52,612 And wear 490 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:52,612 These awesome elbow gloves 491 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:56,349 And eat something other 492 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:56,349 Than dinosaur chicken nuggets. 493 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,352 - ooh, but how good 494 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,352 Are those? 495 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:04,524 - he just doesn't understand 496 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:04,524 What my life is like. 497 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,892 - I get it. 498 00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,627 You know, I see it with gary. 499 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,497 How this man does it, 500 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,497 I don't know. 501 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,298 He is a saint. 502 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:13,867 - mm-hmm. 503 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,970 - and once in a while 504 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,970 He needs a break. 505 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:21,574 - that's right. 506 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:21,574 - and so do you. 507 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:25,780 You're dressed up to go out, 508 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:25,780 So I'm taking you out. 509 00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:26,513 - what? 510 00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:26,513 - get up. Let's go. 511 00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:29,683 - marny, you're a life saver. 512 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:33,860 Bye, gary. 513 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:33,860 - what? 514 00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:35,880 Yoda, pick up the chips, man. 515 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,525 Boy, if I had on the-- 516 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,525 [laughter] 517 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,399 - okay, kids, my wife may not 518 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,399 Be taking my phone calls, 519 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,601 But I refuse to let that ruin 520 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,601 Your good time. 521 00:12:48,635 --> 00:12:53,673 And so, freddie, 522 00:12:48,635 --> 00:12:53,673 Welcome to the octagon! 523 00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:57,110 Yes, you will-- 524 00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:57,110 [baby crying] 525 00:12:57,143 --> 00:13:00,413 We don't like the octagon! 526 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,648 Okay. 527 00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:03,683 - because of you, 528 00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:03,683 I just got stuck 529 00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:07,530 In my apartment on a sunday 530 00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:07,530 With all four kids. 531 00:13:07,530 --> 00:13:08,521 - how's that my fault? 532 00:13:07,530 --> 00:13:08,521 - because my wife 533 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:11,558 And your wife-- 534 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:11,558 Does that tv work? 535 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:12,959 [gasps] 536 00:13:13,590 --> 00:13:15,762 Oh, my god, we-- 537 00:13:13,590 --> 00:13:15,762 We're saved. 538 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,698 Clark, yoda, 539 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,698 Come for a prayer. 540 00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,537 - I keep it 541 00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,537 At my parents' house. 542 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:27,730 - wow. I've never gone 543 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:27,730 On a date with a girl 544 00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:29,409 Who's caught a marlin. 545 00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,811 - clearly that 546 00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,811 Is what your mistake has been. 547 00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:34,800 [cell phone rings] 548 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,783 - uh, it's my ex-wife. 549 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,586 - you're not gonna pick that up, 550 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,586 Right? 551 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,389 - go ahead. 552 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,389 I don't mind. 553 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,923 - hi, sheila. 554 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,923 What's up? 555 00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:45,558 - chris. You weren't answering 556 00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:45,558 Your phone. 557 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,930 I'm a little worried 558 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,930 About ernie. 559 00:13:47,930 --> 00:13:48,962 - oh, he's fine. 560 00:13:47,930 --> 00:13:48,962 - let's go, knicks! 561 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,697 - who is that? 562 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,832 Are you at the knicks game? 563 00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:55,535 I said no babysitters. 564 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,737 Who is watching ernie? 565 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,737 - me. I am. 566 00:13:57,771 --> 00:14:00,400 - so, if I go over 567 00:13:57,771 --> 00:14:00,400 To your apartment right now, 568 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:01,207 You'll be there? 569 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:01,207 - what's she saying? 570 00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,543 - yeah. 571 00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,543 Yeah, at home. 572 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:04,744 Where else would I be? 573 00:14:04,778 --> 00:14:05,845 - all right. 574 00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,814 We'll see. 575 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,616 - everything okay? 576 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,485 - yeah, I just need 577 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,485 To make a quick call. 578 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:16,656 - * I came to dance, 579 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:16,656 Dance, dance, dance * 580 00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:20,760 - granted, the school function 581 00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:20,760 Sounded like a stupid event, 582 00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:22,462 But that's not the point. 583 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:23,530 - see, that's exactly 584 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:23,530 What she said. 585 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,650 What is the point? 586 00:14:25,650 --> 00:14:27,534 - the point, 587 00:14:25,650 --> 00:14:27,534 My tall, idiotic friend, 588 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,602 Is that she doesn't care 589 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,602 About the event. 590 00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,710 She wants a night out. 591 00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:32,872 Dinner, dancing, 592 00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,874 Her man dressed in a suit. 593 00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:37,143 - adult stuff. 594 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,812 You're right. 595 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,812 I'm an idiot. 596 00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:41,181 - yeah, that's what 597 00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:41,181 I've been saying. 598 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:44,851 - * we gonna rock this club, 599 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:44,851 We gonna go all night * 600 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,753 - nick, where are you? 601 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,154 Sheila is on her way over. 602 00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:51,910 She has a key. 603 00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:51,910 Bolt the door. 604 00:14:51,910 --> 00:14:52,859 Why isn't he answering? 605 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,561 What if something happened 606 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,561 To ernie? 607 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,563 - I'm sure everything's fine. 608 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:59,665 - maybe. 609 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:59,665 You hear stories. 610 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,634 - megan, I'm so sorry. 611 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,570 I got to go. 612 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,905 - halvsies on some nachos? 613 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:08,775 - who are you? 614 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,619 - wow. 615 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,619 You're right. 616 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,821 This is so much easier 617 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,821 Than a bathtub. 618 00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:23,556 - yeah, the idea came to me 619 00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:23,556 When I was rinsing off 620 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,893 A rotisserie chicken 621 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,893 I recently dropped on the floor. 622 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,496 - where's ernie? 623 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,496 - what are you doing here? 624 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,132 - oh, thank god 625 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,132 You're okay. 626 00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,533 Why didn't you pick up 627 00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,533 Your phone? 628 00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,635 - 'cause I was dancing 629 00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,635 With gary. 630 00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:38,371 - okay, everything's fine. 631 00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,373 Sheila's not here. 632 00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,373 I made it. 633 00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,475 What'd you guys do 634 00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,475 To my apartment? 635 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:43,877 We got to clean this place up 636 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,478 And get you guys out of here 637 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,478 Before-- 638 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:46,780 - why is my son 639 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:46,780 In a sink? 640 00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:51,484 - well, I recently dropped 641 00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:51,484 A rotisserie chicken 642 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:53,186 On the floor... 643 00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,855 - chris, what is wrong 644 00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,855 With you? 645 00:15:55,889 --> 00:15:58,491 We specifically said 646 00:15:55,889 --> 00:15:58,491 No babysitters. 647 00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:05,832 - come on, sheila. 648 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,767 We're gonna be late. 649 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,270 - you really had a date 650 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,270 With kareem abdul-jabbar? 651 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,706 - yes, chris. 652 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,706 I do not lie. 653 00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:15,709 - hi, I am just a huge fan 654 00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:15,709 Of yours. 655 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,378 Um, and I actually have to go 656 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,378 Patch things up with my wife, 657 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:20,213 But I was wondering if, 658 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:20,213 Before I go, 659 00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:22,849 I could get a photograph of you 660 00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:22,849 Pretending to dunk my son? 661 00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,751 - sure. 662 00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,786 - that's a cool idea. 663 00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,786 Do mine too. 664 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,955 - no. 665 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,955 No one's dunking any babies. 666 00:16:29,550 --> 00:16:31,925 - why? 667 00:16:29,550 --> 00:16:31,925 - because it's a bad idea. 668 00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,661 - how is it a bad idea? 669 00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,661 It's awesome. 670 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:37,163 - chris, I said no. 671 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:37,163 - okay, you can't just say no 672 00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,431 Without having a good reason. 673 00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:40,300 - I do have a good reason-- 674 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,702 Grew inside me. 675 00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:49,409 - I don't care 676 00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:49,409 Where he grew. 677 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:50,543 - ho. 678 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:50,543 Here we go. 679 00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,445 - hold on. 680 00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,445 Wait for me. 681 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:53,913 - excuse me? 682 00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:55,448 - I ruined my date tonight 683 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,883 Because I let you 684 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,883 Make me crazy, 685 00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:58,551 And I'm not letting you 686 00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:58,551 Do that anymore. 687 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,321 I am in charge of ernie, 688 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,321 Not you, 689 00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:02,622 So you're just gonna have 690 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,424 To start trusting 691 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,424 My decisions, okay? 692 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,858 I'm ernie's dad, 693 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,858 And I know what I'm doing. 694 00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:10,329 Kareem abdul-jabbar, 695 00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:10,329 Dunk my baby. 696 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,366 - no. 697 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,366 Do not dunk that baby. 698 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,367 - dunk the baby. 699 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,367 - dunk the baby. 700 00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:17,936 - dunk it. 701 00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:17,936 Then dunk me. 702 00:17:18,380 --> 00:17:22,308 [all chanting "Dunk"] 703 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,378 [shouting] 704 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,481 [cheers] 705 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:35,789 Whoo. 706 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:36,823 - you got it? 707 00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:37,857 - oh, it's perfect. 708 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,526 - yeah. 709 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,494 - okay, hi, sweetheart. 710 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,494 Hi, hi, hi. 711 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:42,662 Are you happy? 712 00:17:42,696 --> 00:17:44,640 Did you prove your point? 713 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,366 - yeah. Yes. 714 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,366 As a matter of fact, I did. 715 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,767 Ernie's totally fine. 716 00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,602 Just like he always is 717 00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,602 With me. 718 00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:52,439 Look, sheila, raising a kid 719 00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:52,439 Is hard enough 720 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:53,973 And then being divorced 721 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:53,973 On top of that-- 722 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,770 We have to start working 723 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,770 Together for ernie's sake. 724 00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:02,649 - you're right. 725 00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:02,649 Okay. 726 00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,617 - hi. 727 00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,617 Hi. 728 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:05,785 You can pick him up tomorrow. 729 00:18:05,819 --> 00:18:09,220 Go enjoy your date. 730 00:18:05,819 --> 00:18:09,220 - okay. 731 00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:10,757 Okay, good-bye, 732 00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:10,757 My little prince. 733 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,525 I love you, I love you, 734 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,525 I love you, I love you, 735 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:13,893 I will see you tomorrow, 736 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:13,893 Okay? 737 00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:15,829 And I will think only of you 738 00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:15,829 Until then. 739 00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,297 - what about me? 740 00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:21,901 - yeah, what about you? 741 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,504 I cannot believe 742 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,504 You dunked my son. 743 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:27,400 - listen, sheila, 744 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:27,400 This is our first date. 745 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,476 You got to chill out 746 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,476 A little bit. 747 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:33,747 - no, you need to chill out, 748 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:33,747 Kareem abdul-jabbar. 749 00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:41,755 - way to go, man. 750 00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:41,755 You slayed the dragon. 751 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:45,658 - you know, it is fun 752 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:45,658 Playing with your life. 753 00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:59,372 - nick? 754 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,912 What is all this? 755 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:09,549 - this is the deck 756 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:09,549 of the titanic. 757 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:12,552 [my heart will go onplays] 758 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:13,553 * * 759 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,321 The year is 1912, 760 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:18,591 Passengers are huddled together 761 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:18,591 For warmth, 762 00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:20,927 Death hangs in the air. 763 00:19:21,270 --> 00:19:23,290 - and what's that? 764 00:19:21,270 --> 00:19:23,290 - ooh, haven't you heard? 765 00:19:23,290 --> 00:19:24,931 That is an iceberg. 766 00:19:25,310 --> 00:19:28,668 We've hit it. 767 00:19:28,702 --> 00:19:30,870 Now I know that we're 768 00:19:28,702 --> 00:19:30,870 Slowly taking on water 769 00:19:30,904 --> 00:19:35,375 And hundreds of poor people 770 00:19:30,904 --> 00:19:35,375 Are drowning belowdecks, 771 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:38,440 But I would be honored 772 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:38,440 If I could have this dance. 773 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:42,148 - I married 774 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:42,148 A crazy person. 775 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:44,451 - so do you forgive me? 776 00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,386 - if I must. 777 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:51,591 - well, then, 778 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:51,591 This is for you. 779 00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:54,794 - oh, it's beautiful. 780 00:19:54,828 --> 00:19:58,640 - it's the largest diamond 781 00:19:54,828 --> 00:19:58,640 In the world. 782 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:02,350 And it's filled 783 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:02,350 With lip gloss. 784 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,400 I love you. 785 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:05,772 - I love you too. 786 00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:14,140 - hey, baby. 787 00:20:14,470 --> 00:20:17,830 - oh, boy, 788 00:20:14,470 --> 00:20:17,830 She's back. 789 00:20:17,117 --> 00:20:20,520 - you are a good man. 790 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,822 - oh, baby, 791 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,822 I am a tired man. 792 00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:29,629 Correction: 793 00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:29,629 I'm a wide-awake man 794 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:32,766 With a slightly inebriated wife. 795 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,735 [knock at door] 796 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,735 - what are you doing in there? 797 00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:37,904 - let us in! 798 00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:37,904 - go away! 799 00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:42,800 - this is all we have anymore! 800 00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:44,110 - hurry before they 801 00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:44,110 Pick the lock. 802 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,382 - hey, sheila. 803 00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:51,985 Nah, I'm just sitting here 804 00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:51,985 watching goodfellas. 805 00:20:52,180 --> 00:20:53,620 No, of course not. 806 00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:57,223 Ernie's been in bed 807 00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:57,223 For an hour. 808 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,425 Okay, I'm sure 809 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,425 We'll talk tomorrow. 810 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:02,228 Okay, we used 811 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:02,228 To love each other. Bye. 812 00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:04,640 I mean, I found it funny. 813 00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:04,640 Okay, bye. 814 00:21:04,970 --> 00:21:08,680 We used to love each other. 815 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,370 Haven't heard from megan, 816 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,370 So I guess we can assume 817 00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:12,105 I blew that, 818 00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:12,105 But you know what? 819 00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:14,441 Doesn't matter. 820 00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:14,441 It's okay. 821 00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:16,760 As long as I got you, 822 00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:16,760 I'm good. 823 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,713 Sons before buns, 824 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,713 Little man. 825 00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:22,716 We're gonna be okay. 826 00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:27,654 Unlike joe pesci 827 00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:27,654 In about three, two, one... 828 00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:30,557 [gunshot] 47980

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