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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:06,841 [♪] 2 00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,085 [woman] Get the fuck away from me! 3 00:00:18,118 --> 00:00:20,722 [man] Jenny, just hold on second let me explain. 4 00:00:20,755 --> 00:00:22,657 Stay away from me! 5 00:00:23,825 --> 00:00:25,158 You're a little confused. 6 00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:26,961 You're filming this? 7 00:00:26,995 --> 00:00:30,965 I just want to talk to you. You're being overdramatic. 8 00:00:30,999 --> 00:00:34,234 You don't need that! I'm not gonna hurt you. 9 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:40,675 You know me, remember? You know my heart. 10 00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:48,917 I would never hurt you. 11 00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:52,820 [tense music playing] 12 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,867 [Jenny gasping] 13 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,242 [Jenny crying] 14 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,394 [muffled conversations] 15 00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:40,702 [woman on computer] Lilly, what'cha drinking? 16 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,404 I'm sorry, was that for me? 17 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,239 Yeah. What you drinking? 18 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:49,176 Oh, it's, um, just tea. 19 00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:53,380 Ooh, do you put honey in it? Honey and some lemon? That's really good. 20 00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:55,016 Especially for the "kckk" throat. 21 00:01:55,049 --> 00:01:57,351 Uh, no, I haven't. I haven't tried that. 22 00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:59,754 Try yerba mate. It's really good. 23 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:03,057 Someone just told me that green tea is, like, better for you than water. 24 00:02:03,091 --> 00:02:04,993 [overlapping dialogue] 25 00:02:05,026 --> 00:02:07,394 [woman] Caffeine releases slower over time, 26 00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:09,530 but I have to have coffee. 27 00:02:09,564 --> 00:02:11,298 [man] I hear boba's nice. 28 00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:13,635 -[man 2] Oh, yeah. -[woman] I don't like boba. 29 00:02:13,668 --> 00:02:15,937 -[woman 2] Yeah. -[muffled conversations] 30 00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:18,006 [music starts to build] 31 00:02:19,741 --> 00:02:21,809 [Lilly] I wish you lived closer. 32 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:23,811 [woman] It's not that far. 33 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,380 [Lilly] Feels like it. 34 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,916 [woman] I know. It sucks. 35 00:02:28,950 --> 00:02:30,585 It really does. 36 00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:34,421 You sure you're okay, hon? I worry about you. 37 00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:35,690 I don't want to cry. 38 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,290 Then don't. 39 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,127 You know what I mean. 40 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,528 I know. 41 00:02:40,962 --> 00:02:41,963 [sighs] 42 00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:44,464 Honestly, I... 43 00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:49,336 don't really feel like anything's getting any better. 44 00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:57,045 Have you thought anymore about seeing a therapist again? 45 00:02:57,078 --> 00:02:58,813 No. I'm not going back to that guy. 46 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,313 He's a mansplaining prick. 47 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,949 I don't think he was listening half the time. 48 00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,285 Well, maybe there's someone else that's-- 49 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:06,721 No. I said no. 50 00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:11,759 Okay. What if you started vlogging again? 51 00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:13,393 [sighs] 52 00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,797 Hear me out! It is not a terrible idea. 53 00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:18,733 Yes, it is. It's stupid and it's a waste of time. 54 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,467 No, it is not. 55 00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,071 Everyone needs an outlet to get their shit out 56 00:03:23,104 --> 00:03:25,907 otherwise it-- it festers and it ties you up in knots, 57 00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:27,542 and it makes you sick. 58 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:33,246 And, besides, your videos were always so funny and so sincere, 59 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,449 and you're such a good writer, I just... 60 00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:40,088 what if you just tried one and saw how it felt? 61 00:03:40,121 --> 00:03:42,456 Nobody ever watched my dumb videos. 62 00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:45,126 I did. And they're not dumb! 63 00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:46,426 I don't know. 64 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,299 Who came up with the word Vlog anyway? 65 00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:55,703 It's, like, so gross. It's like the sound you make 66 00:03:55,737 --> 00:03:58,973 when a barf gets stuck in your throat. 67 00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:01,274 It's like... [retching sounds] 68 00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:03,511 Ew! Gross! 69 00:04:03,845 --> 00:04:05,479 Wait, but what if, hold on. 70 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:09,316 If it's a barf and a gag mixed together 71 00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:12,385 wouldn't that be called a barg? 72 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,622 Or a garf? Could be a garf. 73 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,256 -[cooking timer beeps] -Gar-- oh! 74 00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:18,693 My cookies. Hold on a second. 75 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,393 It's cool, just call me later. 76 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,495 Okay. Love you! 77 00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,531 -Love you! -Garf! 78 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,199 [chuckles] 79 00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:28,136 [ethereal, upbeat music] 80 00:04:28,169 --> 00:04:30,470 [Lilly on video] Hi, guys! Happy Tuesday! 81 00:04:30,505 --> 00:04:32,840 For this Tips Tuesday, 82 00:04:32,874 --> 00:04:35,643 as requested in the comments, thank you guys, 83 00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:39,714 I am going to be doing a little tips about plant care. 84 00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:42,917 Uh, as you guys know, I am a crazy plant lady. 85 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:45,186 If you haven't seen my place, 86 00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:48,990 uh, Tyler and I have so many plants, like, it's ridiculous. 87 00:04:49,023 --> 00:04:51,893 So, specifically today I want to talk about watering 88 00:04:51,926 --> 00:04:53,661 and making sure that you get the light-- 89 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:57,297 Hi, guys! Happy Wednesday! 90 00:04:57,632 --> 00:05:00,201 Uh, I wanted to do something a little different today, 91 00:05:00,234 --> 00:05:04,038 so we were shooting outside. Please don't mind all the crazy noises, 92 00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,339 um, but I wanted to show you guys my happy place. 93 00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:09,277 This is my park. Um, well, that's the corner. 94 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,880 That's the park, see? I park myself, like, right over there. 95 00:05:12,914 --> 00:05:15,183 I don't know if you can see, the dog park is right there. 96 00:05:15,216 --> 00:05:18,853 I situate myself and look out at the dog park as if I had a dog 97 00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:22,422 also playing in the park along with all the other people watching the dogs. 98 00:05:23,224 --> 00:05:25,458 And all the dogs run up and they want to play 99 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:28,296 and they want to be pet and I get to, like, snuggle with them. 100 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,698 And then people are like, "Oh, which one's yours?" 101 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,400 I'm like, oh, the fluffy one over there. 102 00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,970 And no one ever knows. 103 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,939 Oh, favorite quote... 104 00:05:37,972 --> 00:05:40,473 you guys ready for this? ...of the day. 105 00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:41,876 It reminds me of the dogs. 106 00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:46,214 Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. 107 00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:49,917 Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. 108 00:05:49,951 --> 00:05:52,286 [laughter] Okay, that's really stupid. 109 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,955 I get that, but I do. I love it. 110 00:05:53,988 --> 00:05:56,958 [ethereal music builds] 111 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,149 [ethereal music plays] 112 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,926 [no audible dialog] 113 00:06:45,206 --> 00:06:47,775 [music builds] 114 00:07:08,396 --> 00:07:11,766 [phone buzzing] 115 00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,738 [groans] 116 00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:24,412 [yawns] 117 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,948 Oh, fuck. 118 00:07:30,384 --> 00:07:32,019 [sighs] 119 00:07:32,053 --> 00:07:33,754 [woman on voice mail] Hey, Lill! 120 00:07:33,788 --> 00:07:35,256 I just watched your vlog 121 00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:38,259 and I am so, so, so proud of you! 122 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,261 It was amazing! I loved it! 123 00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:44,332 And there's all these comments and views and likes! 124 00:07:44,365 --> 00:07:46,334 And someone said they shared it on Reddit! 125 00:07:46,367 --> 00:07:48,536 It just seems like people are really connecting 126 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,438 -with what you have to say. -[Lilly sighs] 127 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,440 -Shit. -I'm just so proud of you 128 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,442 for getting it all out there! 129 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,510 I just know this is going to be exactly what you need. 130 00:07:56,544 --> 00:08:00,081 -Move on, start over and just... -[Lilly groans] 131 00:08:00,114 --> 00:08:02,249 [music plays] 132 00:08:02,283 --> 00:08:05,086 [no audible dialogue] 133 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,870 [music continues] 134 00:08:32,847 --> 00:08:35,316 [birds chirping] 135 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,521 [text message beep] 136 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,564 [text message beeps] 137 00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:16,991 [ominous music] 138 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,869 [clicks] 139 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:34,075 [ominous music builds] 140 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,224 [phone vibrating] 141 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,393 [teapot steaming] 142 00:09:56,531 --> 00:09:58,065 [blow dryer humming] 143 00:10:00,569 --> 00:10:03,270 [overlapping conversation] 144 00:10:04,939 --> 00:10:08,175 [woman on computer] Oh! Lilly you look so cute today. 145 00:10:08,209 --> 00:10:11,212 [Lilly] Oh, thanks. I showered. 146 00:10:11,245 --> 00:10:16,383 Nice! I showered today, too. [laughter] 147 00:10:16,417 --> 00:10:19,186 Check it off the list. 148 00:10:19,220 --> 00:10:21,122 Soon as I get off this call. 149 00:10:33,434 --> 00:10:37,905 [ominous music builds] 150 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,466 [car door shuts] 151 00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,268 Lill! Come on! 152 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,771 I'm sorry. I froze. I wasn't wearing any makeup 153 00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,706 And I was feeling bloated and gross 154 00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:15,743 and also just not in the mood to chat up a weird guy. 155 00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,546 You said he was cute. 156 00:11:17,579 --> 00:11:20,881 Well, yeah, but who just waves at strangers like that? 157 00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:24,285 You're right. I just finished the Night Stalker documentary, 158 00:11:24,318 --> 00:11:27,821 and Richard Ramirez was just known for walking around 159 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,592 waving at strangers. It's a known serial killer thing. 160 00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:31,825 Really? 161 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:34,094 No! It is perfectly acceptable 162 00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:36,263 to greet and/or show interest 163 00:11:36,297 --> 00:11:39,733 in another human being one finds attractive by smiling at them 164 00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,402 and yes, even waving. 165 00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:43,337 Very funny. 166 00:11:44,038 --> 00:11:47,007 Oh, gotta go. Date night. Talk to you tomorrow? 167 00:11:47,041 --> 00:11:50,377 -Okay. Bye. Talk tomorrow. -Bye. Love you! 168 00:11:53,682 --> 00:11:55,249 [sighs] 169 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,152 [phone vibrating] 170 00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,921 [electric toothbrush humming] 171 00:12:00,955 --> 00:12:02,624 Morning everybody. 172 00:12:02,657 --> 00:12:04,992 [overlapping greetings] 173 00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:08,262 -TGIF! -Yes. 174 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,197 [overlapping conversations] 175 00:12:15,236 --> 00:12:17,338 [soft music playing] 176 00:12:50,505 --> 00:12:51,640 [man] Hey. 177 00:12:51,673 --> 00:12:53,541 What? Hi. [coughs] 178 00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:57,144 -Are you okay? -Oh, my God. I am so sorry. 179 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,747 -No. No, no you don't-- -That was incredibly gross. 180 00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,649 I'm so sorry you had to witness that. 181 00:13:00,682 --> 00:13:02,883 You don't have to apologize. I'm the one that startled you. 182 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,885 You did kinda sneak up on me there. 183 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,688 What can I say, I'm light on my feet. 184 00:13:06,721 --> 00:13:09,323 Makes it easier to sneak up on my victims that way. 185 00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:12,159 -[coughs] -You're all right? 186 00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:15,929 Yeah. I'm fine. I'm sufficiently embarrassed, but good. 187 00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:18,667 What's that you're choking on there? 188 00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:22,102 Um, just veggies and pesto. 189 00:13:22,136 --> 00:13:23,937 Veggies and hummus. 190 00:13:26,708 --> 00:13:28,777 Do you mind if I sit down and eat next to you? 191 00:13:29,611 --> 00:13:32,179 Sure. Yeah. I mean, I'm just not staying super long 192 00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:33,847 'cause I have to get back to work at some point so... 193 00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:36,518 Understood. 194 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,792 I'm Tom. 195 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:44,892 Lilly. 196 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,360 Lilly. 197 00:13:48,763 --> 00:13:50,864 -I love that name. -[scoffs] 198 00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,433 What? 199 00:13:52,466 --> 00:13:54,636 I mean, it's fine. It's a pretty common name. 200 00:13:54,669 --> 00:13:56,203 No, I'm being genuine. 201 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:57,739 I love it when girls have flower names, 202 00:13:57,772 --> 00:14:01,743 like Lilly or Rose. 203 00:14:01,776 --> 00:14:03,611 -Violet. -Petunia? 204 00:14:03,645 --> 00:14:05,279 [chuckles] 205 00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,181 Okay, maybe not that one quite so much. 206 00:14:21,195 --> 00:14:23,197 Sorry if I'm making this awkward. I'm just... 207 00:14:24,666 --> 00:14:26,634 I'm not sure if I remember how to do it correctly. 208 00:14:27,368 --> 00:14:29,303 -Do what? -You know. 209 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,206 Talk to a cute girl I just met. 210 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,845 My last relationship didn't exactly end well... 211 00:14:38,212 --> 00:14:42,182 and I haven't spent a whole ton of time around 212 00:14:42,216 --> 00:14:43,718 people lately so... 213 00:14:44,819 --> 00:14:46,387 Trust me, I-- I get that. 214 00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:48,322 -You're doing fine. -Yeah? 215 00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,424 Yeah. 216 00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:51,626 Scale outta 10? 217 00:14:51,659 --> 00:14:54,629 Um, like... 218 00:14:54,662 --> 00:14:56,698 like a 6.5? 219 00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:59,133 65 percent? That's like a D. 220 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:00,702 No, I said 6.5. 221 00:15:00,735 --> 00:15:02,469 -Yeah. It's the same thing -That's different. 222 00:15:02,504 --> 00:15:04,104 -I'm basically failing-- oh, my God. -Oh, my God! 223 00:15:04,138 --> 00:15:06,641 -I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! -[both laughing] 224 00:15:06,674 --> 00:15:08,710 Was that not suave? 225 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,246 No, I'm crying. I can't. 226 00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,483 -I'm sorry. I just um-- -Here. Here. 227 00:15:16,518 --> 00:15:18,352 Okay. Thank you. 228 00:15:20,588 --> 00:15:23,792 Oh, my God. That is what I get for wearing makeup today. 229 00:15:23,825 --> 00:15:24,958 Shit. 230 00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:26,360 I think you look lovely. 231 00:15:27,595 --> 00:15:30,698 I'm sorry, this is all just a little surreal. 232 00:15:30,732 --> 00:15:33,434 Strange men don't throw sandwiches at you in the park every day? 233 00:15:34,502 --> 00:15:35,870 [alarm goes off] 234 00:15:35,904 --> 00:15:37,872 Oh, shit. I gotta go. Zoom meeting. 235 00:15:37,906 --> 00:15:39,908 -Oh. Yuck. -Tell me about it. 236 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:41,810 My entire life is staring at assholes 237 00:15:41,843 --> 00:15:44,144 in small boxes on a screen all day. 238 00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:47,582 Not literal assholes. Like, the people I work with. 239 00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:48,982 They're-- they are assholes. 240 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,217 Yeah. I got that. 241 00:15:51,619 --> 00:15:53,387 Sorry. I just really have to get going. 242 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,289 Yeah. Of course. No worries 243 00:16:01,195 --> 00:16:03,230 -Missing something? -Yeah, your handkerchief 244 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,265 -I was gonna wash it for you. -No, it's all good. 245 00:16:05,299 --> 00:16:07,167 Uh, I got it. 246 00:16:07,201 --> 00:16:09,303 Are you sure? It's kind of gross. 247 00:16:10,705 --> 00:16:12,574 Wait a second. 248 00:16:12,607 --> 00:16:14,909 Is this your sneaky way of getting to see me again? 249 00:16:14,943 --> 00:16:16,376 No. 250 00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:18,245 If that's what you're doing... 251 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,080 No! I wasn't, I was... 252 00:16:21,716 --> 00:16:24,017 Okay, maybe that's what I was doing, but I wasn't 253 00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,887 aware that I was doing it. 254 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:29,423 Must have been subconscious. I don't know. 255 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:35,530 I'm at the park for lunch almost every day. 256 00:16:36,965 --> 00:16:39,801 So, yeah, 257 00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:42,937 you can do with that information whatever you want. 258 00:16:43,838 --> 00:16:45,172 The park it is. 259 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,309 Okay. 260 00:16:49,844 --> 00:16:51,011 Bye. 261 00:17:19,874 --> 00:17:22,409 -[woman shrieks] -Oh, my God, my ears! 262 00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,646 I'm sorry! I'm just so excited! 263 00:17:24,679 --> 00:17:26,480 Okay, it's not a big deal. 264 00:17:26,514 --> 00:17:29,182 It is a big deal! It's a huge deal! 265 00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:32,185 You haven't so much as talked to another guy since Tyler. 266 00:17:32,887 --> 00:17:34,989 Oh, fuck. Sorry. 267 00:17:35,023 --> 00:17:37,625 No, it's okay. It's not like he's Voldemort. 268 00:17:37,659 --> 00:17:39,259 We should probably be able to talk about him 269 00:17:39,293 --> 00:17:41,829 or say his name or whatever at this point. 270 00:17:41,863 --> 00:17:44,331 Giving him any more power over me isn't going to help anything. 271 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,901 So just, yeah. It's all good. 272 00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:49,436 Good. 273 00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,005 I'm okay. 274 00:17:51,039 --> 00:17:52,540 Yeah? 275 00:17:52,574 --> 00:17:55,843 Yeah. I don't want to fucking cry anymore. 276 00:17:55,877 --> 00:17:57,512 I'm sick of it. 277 00:17:57,545 --> 00:18:00,447 His name was Tyler and he was a fucking asshole. 278 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,584 See? There. I'm fine. 279 00:18:04,052 --> 00:18:06,253 Oh, Jesus! Please don't start. 280 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,822 I literally just said I don't want to cry 281 00:18:07,855 --> 00:18:09,389 and if you start then I'm gonna start, too. 282 00:18:09,423 --> 00:18:12,359 I'm sorry I'm just so proud of you. 283 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,762 Thank you. 284 00:18:15,530 --> 00:18:16,831 [taps the door] 285 00:18:16,864 --> 00:18:19,000 Okay. Talk tomorrow. Love you. 286 00:18:19,033 --> 00:18:20,702 Love you. Bye. 287 00:18:20,735 --> 00:18:23,136 Have fun with Mark or whatever you're doing tonight 288 00:18:25,573 --> 00:18:26,708 [sighs] 289 00:18:26,741 --> 00:18:28,977 [ominous music builds] 290 00:18:53,635 --> 00:18:55,903 [woman's muffled voice] 291 00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:03,611 Hey. 292 00:19:03,645 --> 00:19:05,913 [muffled voice continues] 293 00:19:11,919 --> 00:19:13,387 -Hey. -Oh, shit! 294 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:14,756 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. 295 00:19:14,789 --> 00:19:16,256 It's okay. 296 00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,959 It's the most action I've had in a while. 297 00:19:17,992 --> 00:19:19,794 [laughs] 298 00:19:19,827 --> 00:19:23,196 Kidding, of course. Although, not really. 299 00:19:23,765 --> 00:19:25,033 The same. 300 00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,941 So, what were you watching? You were so focused there. 301 00:19:34,575 --> 00:19:36,243 Nothing. 302 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,112 Nothing, oh yeah. I've definitely seen that one. 303 00:19:38,146 --> 00:19:39,614 Yeah. 304 00:19:41,749 --> 00:19:43,316 I don't know, it's... 305 00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:45,452 it's kind of embarrassing. 306 00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:47,722 Oh, was it porn? [laughs] 307 00:19:47,755 --> 00:19:50,525 Yeah, you got me. I was watching porn in the park before our date. 308 00:19:56,430 --> 00:19:58,365 Fine. It was a... 309 00:20:01,602 --> 00:20:03,171 a self-help video. 310 00:20:04,105 --> 00:20:06,841 That's nothing to be embarrassed about. I watch those, too. 311 00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:08,643 -Really? -Yeah. 312 00:20:08,676 --> 00:20:10,410 Who was it? I probably know them. 313 00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:13,748 Barry Wright. 314 00:20:13,781 --> 00:20:15,449 Yeah! My Emotions Belong to Me. 315 00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:16,918 She's my favorite. I watch all of her videos. 316 00:20:16,951 --> 00:20:18,318 -Some of the more than once. -Really? 317 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,954 -I even have her book. Yeah! -No way. 318 00:20:19,987 --> 00:20:22,090 Me, too! That's awesome. 319 00:20:22,123 --> 00:20:25,860 It's just, you know, it's embarrassing to have to admit that. 320 00:20:27,128 --> 00:20:29,097 There's nothing wrong with trying to better yourself. 321 00:20:30,198 --> 00:20:31,165 I know. 322 00:20:31,199 --> 00:20:33,433 But... 323 00:20:33,467 --> 00:20:36,436 watching self-help videos isn't necessarily the most attractive... 324 00:20:37,638 --> 00:20:40,875 It's not the first thing that I want to reveal myself on a first date. 325 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,444 I just said that I watched them too. 326 00:20:45,479 --> 00:20:46,514 Right. 327 00:20:46,881 --> 00:20:48,281 Shit. 328 00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:50,218 I am digging myself in deeper here. 329 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,719 [sharply inhales] Um... 330 00:20:53,054 --> 00:20:54,354 Okay, how about I just start over again? 331 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:58,860 Hi! I'm Tom. 332 00:20:58,893 --> 00:21:01,495 Sometimes, I watch self-help videos 333 00:21:01,529 --> 00:21:03,231 to help me deal with some tough things 334 00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,032 that I've been through in my life. 335 00:21:05,066 --> 00:21:07,568 And, I know that's nothing that I should be ashamed of 336 00:21:07,602 --> 00:21:10,171 because lots of people watch self-help videos. 337 00:21:10,204 --> 00:21:13,306 They can really be a mirror 338 00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,676 to kind of reflect everything that you've been going through. 339 00:21:15,710 --> 00:21:17,512 [speech becomes muffled] And it's good to hear someone else's perspective... 340 00:21:17,545 --> 00:21:20,615 -[unintelligible] -[music builds] 341 00:21:21,582 --> 00:21:23,885 You want to go for a walk? 342 00:21:24,252 --> 00:21:26,587 [muffled] 343 00:21:28,022 --> 00:21:29,157 Lilly? 344 00:21:29,190 --> 00:21:30,591 Hmm? 345 00:21:30,625 --> 00:21:33,094 [laughs] Uh, I was saying 346 00:21:33,127 --> 00:21:35,495 that it might be nice to go for a walk if you're up-- 347 00:21:35,530 --> 00:21:37,231 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah. Sure! I'd love that. 348 00:21:37,265 --> 00:21:38,833 Okay. 349 00:21:42,637 --> 00:21:46,007 [ethereal music builds] 350 00:22:25,847 --> 00:22:28,950 [ethereal music continues] 351 00:23:13,661 --> 00:23:16,664 [ticking clock] 352 00:23:35,883 --> 00:23:37,218 [Lilly gasps] 353 00:23:37,251 --> 00:23:38,619 Was that okay? I didn't mean to-- 354 00:23:38,653 --> 00:23:40,487 Yeah, no. It was great. Really. 355 00:23:40,521 --> 00:23:42,556 I'm good. I'm great. I'm good. 356 00:23:42,590 --> 00:23:44,258 You pulled back. 357 00:23:45,559 --> 00:23:47,662 It's just been a really long time since I've kissed anyone, 358 00:23:47,695 --> 00:23:51,832 or even wanted to kiss anyone and I just... 359 00:23:51,866 --> 00:23:53,901 feel... 360 00:23:55,069 --> 00:23:59,206 really happy right now, which is just kind of bizarre in its own way. 361 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,410 And I just felt a little bit overwhelmed. 362 00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:04,078 That's all. 363 00:24:06,414 --> 00:24:07,882 You take all the time you need. 364 00:24:09,583 --> 00:24:12,720 I get it. Believe me. 365 00:24:14,622 --> 00:24:16,624 It's like Barry says, "You have to... 366 00:24:17,625 --> 00:24:21,262 hold on to your boundaries until you're comfortable breaking them down." 367 00:24:22,129 --> 00:24:26,634 And that shows trust. It took me a long time, too. 368 00:24:27,635 --> 00:24:31,172 My last relationship was a complete disaster, 369 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,110 and afterwards I had to move and start my whole life over again. 370 00:24:36,978 --> 00:24:40,948 Ever since I barely interacted with anyone 371 00:24:40,982 --> 00:24:45,252 except for you and my computer. 372 00:24:47,188 --> 00:24:50,558 So, you really were watching porn in the park. I knew it. 373 00:24:50,591 --> 00:24:52,760 -[chuckles] -Yeah. You got me. 374 00:24:56,496 --> 00:25:00,468 [music plays] 375 00:25:08,476 --> 00:25:12,279 [podcaster] I'd be willing to bet you that Aleister Crowley probably was a Gray. 376 00:25:12,313 --> 00:25:15,816 -He knew some shit... -[woman] Way to go sandwich guy. 377 00:25:15,850 --> 00:25:18,619 Mark, can you turn that down, please? 378 00:25:19,186 --> 00:25:20,821 [sighs] 379 00:25:20,855 --> 00:25:24,592 Respectful and supportive and a good kisser? 380 00:25:24,625 --> 00:25:26,427 Sounds good on paper. 381 00:25:26,460 --> 00:25:28,763 Tom. His name is Tom. 382 00:25:28,796 --> 00:25:31,265 T-O-M or T-H-O-M? 383 00:25:31,298 --> 00:25:33,401 I don't know. I think just regular. 384 00:25:33,434 --> 00:25:37,471 Good. I do not trust a Tom with a T-H. 385 00:25:37,506 --> 00:25:39,940 -Oh, yeah. Me neither. -Either way... 386 00:25:39,974 --> 00:25:41,842 to Thom. 387 00:25:43,944 --> 00:25:46,847 Ugh! I completely recoiled like his lips were covered in acid 388 00:25:46,881 --> 00:25:48,916 and he somehow took it like a champ. 389 00:25:48,949 --> 00:25:51,252 I was pleasantly surprised. 390 00:25:51,285 --> 00:25:53,921 You're hot. Guys put up with a lot when you're hot. 391 00:25:53,954 --> 00:25:55,423 [Lilly laughs] 392 00:25:55,456 --> 00:25:57,291 I mean, I think it could possibly be 393 00:25:57,324 --> 00:25:59,193 that he's just actually a good guy. 394 00:25:59,226 --> 00:26:00,761 Perhaps. 395 00:26:00,795 --> 00:26:02,696 And he likes Barry Wright! 396 00:26:02,730 --> 00:26:04,498 Your YouTube lady? 397 00:26:04,533 --> 00:26:07,101 Yeah, I don't know. 398 00:26:07,134 --> 00:26:10,204 It was just so great to be around someone like that, that was, like, 399 00:26:10,237 --> 00:26:12,873 warm and caring and 400 00:26:12,907 --> 00:26:15,776 also speaks my language, which is a huge bonus. 401 00:26:15,810 --> 00:26:18,612 I mean, we haven't really gotten into all the details, but from what he said 402 00:26:18,646 --> 00:26:21,715 his last relationship was, like, totally fucked, too. 403 00:26:21,749 --> 00:26:24,452 And he had to completely start over and start, like, a whole new life. 404 00:26:24,485 --> 00:26:26,921 And so we talked about Barry and how much her books 405 00:26:26,954 --> 00:26:29,990 have helped us both deal with the guilt and shame of being powerless. 406 00:26:30,024 --> 00:26:32,493 And... [sighs] I don't know. 407 00:26:32,527 --> 00:26:36,130 It's weird. It's kind of like we're the same person. 408 00:26:37,098 --> 00:26:38,699 He almost makes me feel... 409 00:26:39,767 --> 00:26:41,102 normal. 410 00:26:41,902 --> 00:26:43,437 Almost. 411 00:26:44,872 --> 00:26:47,875 Okay, you're not gonna like this, but 412 00:26:47,908 --> 00:26:51,513 I just feel like I have to say something because I love you. 413 00:26:51,546 --> 00:26:53,681 Um... 414 00:26:53,714 --> 00:26:56,817 while I'm all for you having some no-strings-attached fun with a guy 415 00:26:56,851 --> 00:26:59,253 which I have been saying for a while now. 416 00:26:59,286 --> 00:27:03,424 Um, do you really feel like this is the right guy to do it with? 417 00:27:03,457 --> 00:27:08,229 Just because two people with trauma who are still healing, 418 00:27:09,230 --> 00:27:11,765 just seems like it might get a little... 419 00:27:12,466 --> 00:27:13,667 A little what? 420 00:27:14,536 --> 00:27:16,237 Dangerous. 421 00:27:16,270 --> 00:27:18,005 I'm gonna fucking hang up on you. 422 00:27:18,038 --> 00:27:19,907 No, please, please don't. 423 00:27:19,940 --> 00:27:22,710 -I like him. -I know. 424 00:27:22,743 --> 00:27:26,013 And I'm really happy for you and he seems really nice. 425 00:27:26,046 --> 00:27:28,249 It's just... I'm worried 426 00:27:28,282 --> 00:27:31,586 you're being a little manic about this whole thing, 427 00:27:31,620 --> 00:27:34,623 and I just caution you to take things slow. 428 00:27:34,655 --> 00:27:36,023 Especially with a guy like this. 429 00:27:36,056 --> 00:27:37,224 Manic? 430 00:27:37,258 --> 00:27:39,393 Now you're calling me manic? 431 00:27:39,426 --> 00:27:41,395 'Cause two seconds ago you said this was a good idea! 432 00:27:41,428 --> 00:27:43,130 What the fuck? 433 00:27:43,164 --> 00:27:46,367 Okay, that might have been the wrong choice of words. 434 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:48,369 Don't get mad at me. I just-- 435 00:27:48,402 --> 00:27:50,804 Okay, remember at the hospital at our survivors' group? 436 00:27:50,838 --> 00:27:53,807 Dr. Collier specifically said that two people 437 00:27:53,841 --> 00:27:55,709 with emotional wounds who are still healing 438 00:27:55,743 --> 00:27:58,547 can create a trauma bond that feels intensely like love. 439 00:27:59,947 --> 00:28:01,682 Well, I'm sorry. 440 00:28:02,349 --> 00:28:04,251 I'm sorry, okay? 441 00:28:04,285 --> 00:28:07,388 I guess I'm a terrible person because I'm enjoying the fact 442 00:28:07,421 --> 00:28:09,223 that someone wants to kiss me and hold me 443 00:28:09,256 --> 00:28:11,626 and be supportive and be nice to me. 444 00:28:11,660 --> 00:28:14,128 What the fuck could I possibly be thinking? 445 00:28:14,161 --> 00:28:17,765 I am desperately lonely, Deb. Do you not get that? 446 00:28:17,798 --> 00:28:20,768 'Cause I am by myself, like, all of the time, 447 00:28:20,801 --> 00:28:22,403 and you're always busy with your boyfriend 448 00:28:22,436 --> 00:28:24,805 and you do these things to try to protect me, 449 00:28:24,838 --> 00:28:29,076 but you don't actually understand what I'm going through and he does, okay? 450 00:28:29,109 --> 00:28:31,412 He gets it 'cause he's going through it, too. 451 00:28:31,445 --> 00:28:34,248 And maybe we could help each other heal. Did you ever think about that? 452 00:28:34,281 --> 00:28:36,450 Did that ever occur to you? 453 00:28:36,483 --> 00:28:39,920 Oh, no. I forgot. You're too busy pretending to be my therapist 454 00:28:39,954 --> 00:28:42,189 to actually know what the fuck you're talking about! 455 00:28:42,223 --> 00:28:43,757 [slams closed] 456 00:28:47,061 --> 00:28:49,430 -[ominous music] -Fuck. 457 00:28:49,463 --> 00:28:51,198 [sighs] 458 00:28:51,232 --> 00:28:53,133 Don't put a silver lining on it. 459 00:28:53,167 --> 00:28:54,468 Don't try to fix it. 460 00:28:54,501 --> 00:28:56,638 Don't try to play optimist. 461 00:28:56,671 --> 00:28:59,039 All that they need to hear 462 00:28:59,073 --> 00:29:01,643 is a reflection that you see them. 463 00:29:01,676 --> 00:29:06,447 So what do I mean by that? For example, you can use phrases like, 464 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:10,150 "Wow. I see how hard that was for you." 465 00:29:10,184 --> 00:29:12,286 Or, "I can see"-- 466 00:29:12,319 --> 00:29:14,054 Wow. 467 00:29:14,088 --> 00:29:16,691 I see how hard that was for you. 468 00:29:16,725 --> 00:29:18,492 Wow. 469 00:29:18,526 --> 00:29:20,961 I see how hard that was for you. 470 00:29:23,097 --> 00:29:27,569 "...how hard you're working to try and get past that." 471 00:29:27,602 --> 00:29:31,539 And the best phrase of all everybody needs to hear is, 472 00:29:31,573 --> 00:29:33,642 "You are not alone." 473 00:29:33,675 --> 00:29:35,943 You are not alone. 474 00:29:37,211 --> 00:29:39,113 You are not alone. 475 00:29:41,015 --> 00:29:43,384 You are not alone. 476 00:29:45,587 --> 00:29:48,657 So, I hope that through this video 477 00:29:48,690 --> 00:29:50,224 and in my new book, 478 00:29:50,257 --> 00:29:53,160 you will find all sorts of new ways 479 00:29:53,193 --> 00:29:55,863 to build trust and vulnerability and just remember: 480 00:29:55,896 --> 00:29:58,499 no matter how hard you try, 481 00:29:58,533 --> 00:30:03,904 how patient you are, how open and vulnerable you are with yourself, 482 00:30:03,937 --> 00:30:08,075 your partner may not open up to you on the timeline you expect, 483 00:30:08,108 --> 00:30:10,679 or with the depth that you expect. 484 00:30:10,712 --> 00:30:12,514 And it could get frustrating. 485 00:30:12,547 --> 00:30:16,417 But in those moments always come back to our mantra. 486 00:30:16,450 --> 00:30:19,353 My emotions belong to me. 487 00:30:21,255 --> 00:30:23,758 [woman's garbled voice] 488 00:30:23,792 --> 00:30:27,027 ...so we're gonna end a little early today. 489 00:30:27,061 --> 00:30:30,164 Does anyone have any last words before we sign off? 490 00:30:32,667 --> 00:30:35,302 Tom, you've been quiet today. 491 00:30:35,336 --> 00:30:39,940 Is there anything that you would like to share or comment or...? 492 00:30:41,175 --> 00:30:42,610 Um... 493 00:30:42,644 --> 00:30:44,111 no. 494 00:30:44,813 --> 00:30:48,082 I feel like I'm learning a lot and making progress 495 00:30:48,115 --> 00:30:49,950 just from listening. Thank you. 496 00:30:49,983 --> 00:30:51,251 Great! 497 00:30:51,285 --> 00:30:53,487 That is great! 498 00:30:53,521 --> 00:30:57,491 It is important that we all go at our own pace. 499 00:30:57,525 --> 00:30:59,927 Jenny, would you like to say anything else? 500 00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:01,061 [Jenny] Um... 501 00:31:02,363 --> 00:31:05,099 Yeah. I guess, um, 502 00:31:05,132 --> 00:31:08,936 I just want to thank you guys for being so supportive 503 00:31:08,969 --> 00:31:12,039 and just, like, express how grateful I am that I found this group. 504 00:31:13,808 --> 00:31:15,810 I, um... [sighs] 505 00:31:15,844 --> 00:31:19,279 don't really trust myself in relationships right now, 506 00:31:19,313 --> 00:31:24,084 but I also need to be with people, so, 507 00:31:24,118 --> 00:31:27,287 I'm just really grateful that I'm, I'm here. 508 00:31:27,321 --> 00:31:29,323 So thanks. 509 00:31:29,356 --> 00:31:31,760 [woman] We're here for you Jenny. 510 00:31:31,793 --> 00:31:35,697 And I am grateful for all of you. 511 00:31:35,730 --> 00:31:37,898 See you all again next Wednesday. 512 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:40,702 Bye. 513 00:31:45,305 --> 00:31:48,275 [Jenny] Yes! I swear it was the same guy. 514 00:31:48,308 --> 00:31:50,612 I wanted to scream at him. In the span of a day, 515 00:31:50,645 --> 00:31:52,312 he'd completely forgotten who I was 516 00:31:52,346 --> 00:31:54,982 and now all of a sudden was pretending to be a vet 517 00:31:55,015 --> 00:31:58,452 with cancer, which is just all kinds of despicable. 518 00:31:58,485 --> 00:32:00,454 -No way. -Yeah! 519 00:32:00,487 --> 00:32:02,791 -[chuckles] That's gross. -I know! 520 00:32:02,824 --> 00:32:04,759 So what did you do? 521 00:32:05,426 --> 00:32:07,729 I mean. Nothing. I just turned around 522 00:32:07,762 --> 00:32:10,130 and walked away and now I'm venting to you. 523 00:32:10,164 --> 00:32:12,801 Oh, I felt like such a wuss. I wish I would have punched him in the face. 524 00:32:12,834 --> 00:32:14,268 [Tom laughs] 525 00:32:15,670 --> 00:32:18,506 If it makes you feel any better, I probably wouldn't have done anything either. 526 00:32:18,540 --> 00:32:20,575 I would have just texted you venting about it. 527 00:32:20,608 --> 00:32:23,511 You know, we've got the same issues with confrontation. 528 00:32:23,545 --> 00:32:26,881 Oh, my God! Wait! That reminds me. I wanted to tell you. 529 00:32:26,915 --> 00:32:28,750 Um, I was doing more reading on RW Wayne, 530 00:32:28,783 --> 00:32:30,819 and he said something that really hit me. 531 00:32:30,852 --> 00:32:33,487 He said that being afraid of confrontation 532 00:32:33,521 --> 00:32:36,390 is essentially the same as being fearful of being rejected. 533 00:32:36,423 --> 00:32:40,260 When he said that I was, like, that is so accurate. 534 00:32:40,294 --> 00:32:42,362 Once again, it all comes back to the abandonment stuff, 535 00:32:42,396 --> 00:32:45,065 which is, like, such a part of my freaking DNA. 536 00:32:49,704 --> 00:32:51,506 Tom? 537 00:32:51,539 --> 00:32:56,176 Huh? Oh! Sorry, I was just thinking about what you said. 538 00:32:56,210 --> 00:32:57,779 You do that a lot. 539 00:32:58,245 --> 00:32:59,279 What? 540 00:32:59,881 --> 00:33:01,850 -Think? -[laughs] Yes! 541 00:33:02,617 --> 00:33:05,520 It's like you're studying what I say sometimes. 542 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,957 If that's weird, I can try and stop. 543 00:33:08,989 --> 00:33:11,526 Wait, no! That's-- no, please don't. 544 00:33:11,559 --> 00:33:14,629 Most men don't even listen to half the things you say. 545 00:33:14,662 --> 00:33:19,132 They're just thinking about boobs and football the rest of the time. 546 00:33:20,668 --> 00:33:22,002 You're different. 547 00:33:23,437 --> 00:33:25,138 It's one of the things I like about you so much. 548 00:33:26,574 --> 00:33:27,942 I feel like you actually listen. 549 00:33:29,409 --> 00:33:30,612 I do. 550 00:33:31,913 --> 00:33:33,280 And that you really care. 551 00:33:39,754 --> 00:33:41,355 I care about you. 552 00:33:46,861 --> 00:33:47,996 I care about you, too. 553 00:33:51,933 --> 00:33:53,066 Good. 554 00:33:58,038 --> 00:34:00,008 [music builds] 555 00:34:21,029 --> 00:34:22,830 This is magical. [laughs] 556 00:34:22,864 --> 00:34:25,065 I feel like I'm high or something. 557 00:34:26,233 --> 00:34:27,367 Yeah. 558 00:34:30,237 --> 00:34:31,739 You make me very happy. 559 00:34:34,042 --> 00:34:35,275 Same. 560 00:34:38,378 --> 00:34:40,648 It's amazing 561 00:34:40,682 --> 00:34:44,184 to have found someone that I can truly trust 562 00:34:44,217 --> 00:34:47,187 and completely let my guard down with. 563 00:34:47,755 --> 00:34:48,957 I know. 564 00:35:13,715 --> 00:35:15,349 [sighs] No. 565 00:35:15,382 --> 00:35:16,985 I can't do this. 566 00:35:33,935 --> 00:35:35,235 What just happened? 567 00:35:37,270 --> 00:35:39,007 -Did I do something wrong? -[car starts] 568 00:35:41,274 --> 00:35:42,577 Tom! 569 00:35:45,145 --> 00:35:47,682 [pulsing music plays] 570 00:36:16,611 --> 00:36:18,546 Are you gonna tell me what the fuck is going on? 571 00:36:20,915 --> 00:36:22,016 Tom? 572 00:36:24,284 --> 00:36:25,318 Tom! 573 00:36:27,755 --> 00:36:29,524 What the fuck? Will you talk to me, please? 574 00:36:54,281 --> 00:36:56,249 I don't think we should see each other anymore. 575 00:36:57,118 --> 00:36:58,152 This was a mistake. 576 00:37:00,154 --> 00:37:01,189 What? 577 00:37:03,658 --> 00:37:05,325 I don't understand what's happening right now. 578 00:37:05,358 --> 00:37:07,427 Did I do something wrong? 579 00:37:07,461 --> 00:37:09,664 It was stupid of me to think I could be with someone like you. 580 00:37:10,631 --> 00:37:11,933 Someone like what? 581 00:37:11,966 --> 00:37:13,701 [music builds] 582 00:37:15,469 --> 00:37:16,771 Someone like what? 583 00:37:20,641 --> 00:37:22,043 Broken. 584 00:37:22,076 --> 00:37:24,078 [jarring music plays] 585 00:37:38,593 --> 00:37:40,027 Fuck you! 586 00:37:40,061 --> 00:37:41,696 -I'm sorry! -No, you're not! 587 00:37:41,729 --> 00:37:44,132 -It's okay. -No, stop it! 588 00:37:44,165 --> 00:37:46,466 -I'm so confused. -It's okay. 589 00:37:46,500 --> 00:37:49,036 -It's okay. -What are you...? No! 590 00:37:49,070 --> 00:37:51,139 I don't-- I don't understand! 591 00:37:53,708 --> 00:37:55,743 What are you doing? 592 00:37:55,777 --> 00:37:57,645 Oh, my God! 593 00:37:57,678 --> 00:37:59,514 What are you doing? Stop it! 594 00:37:59,547 --> 00:38:01,115 Let me go! 595 00:38:02,449 --> 00:38:03,584 [car door slams] 596 00:38:04,619 --> 00:38:06,554 [Jenny] Get the fuck away from me! 597 00:38:06,587 --> 00:38:08,990 [Tom] Jenny. Just hold on for a second. Let me explain. 598 00:38:09,023 --> 00:38:10,290 [Jenny] Stay away from me! 599 00:38:14,461 --> 00:38:16,831 [ominous music plays] 600 00:38:40,955 --> 00:38:42,924 [spraying] 601 00:38:49,630 --> 00:38:51,833 [phone vibrates] 602 00:39:00,908 --> 00:39:03,044 [Deb] Okay, before you hang up, just let me talk first. 603 00:39:04,278 --> 00:39:05,445 Fine. 604 00:39:06,914 --> 00:39:12,452 I'm sorry I didn't support you in the way that you needed and I love you. 605 00:39:14,989 --> 00:39:16,190 That's it. 606 00:39:17,992 --> 00:39:19,227 Thank you. 607 00:39:19,961 --> 00:39:24,265 I just worry about you and I want you to be safe. 608 00:39:24,298 --> 00:39:27,735 I know. And I admit this is moving a little fast, 609 00:39:27,768 --> 00:39:31,404 but it's taken a really long time for me to get here and I just... 610 00:39:31,438 --> 00:39:33,373 wish you could be happy for me. 611 00:39:33,774 --> 00:39:35,009 I am. 612 00:39:37,477 --> 00:39:39,547 But, like, for real happy for me. 613 00:39:40,948 --> 00:39:42,049 I am. 614 00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,022 He's coming over tonight. 615 00:39:48,055 --> 00:39:49,489 Oh, really? 616 00:39:49,523 --> 00:39:50,591 Mm-hmm. 617 00:39:51,391 --> 00:39:54,896 I'm cleaning now and then I'm gonna shower and shave. 618 00:39:55,395 --> 00:39:56,764 What's the plan? 619 00:39:57,732 --> 00:39:59,000 I don't know. 620 00:39:59,499 --> 00:40:01,702 I just think it's important for me 621 00:40:01,736 --> 00:40:03,604 to have a guy in my apartment who's not Tyler. 622 00:40:05,339 --> 00:40:06,908 I'm really proud of you. 623 00:40:08,910 --> 00:40:12,280 Thanks. I'm proud of me, too. 624 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:14,682 I think if I can get through tonight 625 00:40:14,715 --> 00:40:16,851 without acting like a total freak at any point or crying 626 00:40:16,884 --> 00:40:19,787 that would be a major milestone. 627 00:40:19,820 --> 00:40:24,457 Okay, well keep me updated and touch base with me later. 628 00:40:25,425 --> 00:40:26,961 I will. 629 00:40:26,994 --> 00:40:28,396 I love you. 630 00:40:40,007 --> 00:40:42,143 [Jenny] Get the fuck away from me. 631 00:40:42,176 --> 00:40:44,245 Jenny! Just hold on for a second. Let me explain. 632 00:40:44,278 --> 00:40:46,314 Stay away from me. 633 00:40:46,347 --> 00:40:47,548 [ragged breathing] 634 00:40:47,581 --> 00:40:48,816 You're a little confused. 635 00:40:48,849 --> 00:40:50,084 You're filming this? 636 00:40:50,952 --> 00:40:54,155 Okay, just calm down. You're being overdramatic. 637 00:40:54,188 --> 00:40:55,488 [keys jangling] 638 00:40:56,090 --> 00:40:57,291 You don't need that. 639 00:40:58,759 --> 00:41:00,561 I'm not gonna hurt you. 640 00:41:02,096 --> 00:41:04,298 I would never hurt you. You know me. 641 00:41:06,634 --> 00:41:07,835 You know my heart. 642 00:41:07,868 --> 00:41:10,271 [masturbation sounds] 643 00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:29,590 [ominous music plays] 644 00:41:39,934 --> 00:41:41,969 [sniffles] 645 00:41:44,305 --> 00:41:46,273 [chuckles] 646 00:41:50,911 --> 00:41:53,114 [pretend sobbing] 647 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,396 [Lilly] Hi guys! Um... 648 00:42:09,663 --> 00:42:11,465 I haven't posted in a while. 649 00:42:11,499 --> 00:42:14,969 You probably noticed, um, 650 00:42:16,604 --> 00:42:18,472 I don't know if anyone's even gonna watch this, 651 00:42:18,507 --> 00:42:20,608 but my friend Deb... [sniffles] 652 00:42:20,641 --> 00:42:23,177 told me that it might be, uh, 653 00:42:24,378 --> 00:42:27,148 really healthy for me to release some stuff 654 00:42:27,181 --> 00:42:29,316 and, uh... 655 00:42:30,284 --> 00:42:32,753 I don't know. If I've learned one thing it's that Deb is always right. 656 00:42:32,787 --> 00:42:34,155 So... 657 00:42:35,156 --> 00:42:38,559 I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but I'm here. So, hi. 658 00:42:39,627 --> 00:42:40,928 Um... 659 00:42:43,297 --> 00:42:45,166 some of you guys 660 00:42:46,734 --> 00:42:51,772 might remember, uh, me talking about my boyfriend 661 00:42:51,806 --> 00:42:55,544 on the blog before and... 662 00:43:01,215 --> 00:43:05,419 I guess I just want to, um, tell the truth. 663 00:43:07,421 --> 00:43:10,891 Because I told you guys that he was, um, 664 00:43:10,925 --> 00:43:13,562 kind and funny and 665 00:43:14,595 --> 00:43:17,998 and smart and that we loved each other unconditionally 666 00:43:18,032 --> 00:43:19,467 and, um, 667 00:43:21,502 --> 00:43:23,671 it's just really hard for me to go back and watch those 668 00:43:23,704 --> 00:43:28,109 because it's just really, really embarrassing. 669 00:43:30,744 --> 00:43:34,549 And everyone just keeps telling me that I'm, uh, you know, a survivor 670 00:43:34,583 --> 00:43:37,184 and I'm a warrior and I'm-- I'm so strong, 671 00:43:37,218 --> 00:43:39,987 but I just don't feel that way. 672 00:43:40,020 --> 00:43:43,057 And I'd like to think that maybe there'll be a time that I could feel that way, 673 00:43:43,090 --> 00:43:44,925 but right now I just... 674 00:43:49,564 --> 00:43:52,266 I just feel, like, really fucking embarrassed. 675 00:43:54,603 --> 00:43:55,936 [sobs] 676 00:43:55,970 --> 00:43:57,171 And... 677 00:44:00,141 --> 00:44:02,076 -[panting] -You know, it's really easy 678 00:44:02,109 --> 00:44:03,911 if you've never been in an abusive relationship 679 00:44:03,944 --> 00:44:06,413 to judge someone else, you know? 680 00:44:06,447 --> 00:44:09,350 Like, I get that. Like, I get that from the outside it's so simple. 681 00:44:09,383 --> 00:44:11,620 Like, just leave. Why wouldn't you just leave? 682 00:44:11,652 --> 00:44:13,687 Why would you stay with someone that treats you like that? 683 00:44:13,721 --> 00:44:15,022 But... 684 00:44:16,457 --> 00:44:18,425 from the inside, it's... [sighs] 685 00:44:21,462 --> 00:44:24,798 it's, like, warped, you know? 686 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:31,272 Like, I somehow convinced myself that I wasn't a victim. 687 00:44:31,305 --> 00:44:36,443 I was a strong woman who just happened to fall in love 688 00:44:36,477 --> 00:44:38,679 with a really troubled man. 689 00:44:44,619 --> 00:44:46,854 [sobs] And... 690 00:44:48,455 --> 00:44:51,492 it's really hard to admit 691 00:44:51,526 --> 00:44:56,230 how bad it got, um, but it got really bad. 692 00:44:58,165 --> 00:44:59,200 And, uh... 693 00:45:01,769 --> 00:45:02,903 the drinking got worse 694 00:45:02,937 --> 00:45:05,172 and the violence got worse. 695 00:45:05,206 --> 00:45:08,475 And I was just living 696 00:45:08,510 --> 00:45:12,479 in this constant state of dread. 697 00:45:14,882 --> 00:45:17,586 This dread that the next time 698 00:45:17,619 --> 00:45:21,623 I still wouldn't be able to stand up for myself 699 00:45:21,656 --> 00:45:23,457 'cause that's what would happen. 700 00:45:23,490 --> 00:45:25,694 I would tell myself this isn't gonna happen again. 701 00:45:25,726 --> 00:45:27,494 You're gonna stand up for yourself. 702 00:45:27,529 --> 00:45:29,163 You're gonna do something. You're gonna leave. 703 00:45:29,196 --> 00:45:31,065 You're gonna walk away and then I just... 704 00:45:32,466 --> 00:45:33,702 [sobs] 705 00:45:34,835 --> 00:45:36,003 freeze. 706 00:45:38,739 --> 00:45:40,642 This... 707 00:45:40,675 --> 00:45:44,411 thing would wash over me and I wouldn't... 708 00:45:46,213 --> 00:45:48,082 I don't know. I just... 709 00:45:49,551 --> 00:45:51,885 He could make me feel so weak. 710 00:45:53,020 --> 00:45:56,991 And I would just sit there and cry 711 00:45:57,024 --> 00:45:59,460 while he screamed at me. And I... 712 00:46:00,894 --> 00:46:02,329 [sniffles] 713 00:46:02,363 --> 00:46:04,365 I don't know why I let him do that. 714 00:46:05,933 --> 00:46:10,371 And then he would hit me with his fist or whatever he could find nearby 715 00:46:10,404 --> 00:46:12,973 and I would tell myself that somehow I deserved it. 716 00:46:14,041 --> 00:46:15,909 And it was my fault. 717 00:46:20,781 --> 00:46:22,617 I wanted him to die. 718 00:46:26,554 --> 00:46:29,023 I wanted him to die so bad because I knew 719 00:46:29,056 --> 00:46:31,492 that that's the only way I'd ever be rid of him. 720 00:46:32,893 --> 00:46:35,396 And I wished for it. 721 00:46:35,429 --> 00:46:37,231 I wished for it every single day. 722 00:46:37,264 --> 00:46:39,366 I sat there and I wished that he would die. 723 00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:42,002 And then he did. 724 00:46:47,207 --> 00:46:49,176 He died on the floor right in front of me. 725 00:46:49,209 --> 00:46:50,779 Right there. And I was... 726 00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:54,982 I was heartbroken. 727 00:46:56,917 --> 00:46:59,186 And I am so fucking ashamed to admit that, 728 00:46:59,219 --> 00:47:01,088 but I was heartbroken 'cause I loved him. 729 00:47:01,121 --> 00:47:03,157 Despite everything that he did to me, 730 00:47:03,190 --> 00:47:05,159 I still loved him and I... 731 00:47:06,761 --> 00:47:09,163 I'm just so confused. 732 00:47:11,465 --> 00:47:12,701 And I... 733 00:47:15,903 --> 00:47:21,041 I've spent every single day since just being consumed by the guilt and... 734 00:47:22,176 --> 00:47:25,112 So fucking confused. [sniffles] 735 00:47:29,684 --> 00:47:31,318 What is wrong with me? 736 00:47:34,121 --> 00:47:38,492 I'm sorry, I-- I wanted this to be, like, 737 00:47:38,526 --> 00:47:43,030 inspirational and happy and I'm sorry it's not. It's not. 738 00:47:44,264 --> 00:47:47,368 I don't have any answers. I'm just tired. 739 00:47:48,268 --> 00:47:50,037 I'm really fucking tired. 740 00:47:57,512 --> 00:47:58,912 [sighs] 741 00:48:02,282 --> 00:48:05,219 [traffic sounds] 742 00:48:35,750 --> 00:48:37,886 [phone clicking] 743 00:48:44,158 --> 00:48:47,461 [music builds] 744 00:48:50,865 --> 00:48:52,567 [knock at the door] 745 00:49:21,896 --> 00:49:23,497 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 746 00:49:27,569 --> 00:49:28,603 You like it? 747 00:49:31,205 --> 00:49:32,272 Yeah, it's good. 748 00:49:33,608 --> 00:49:35,577 Booze is pretty much all the same to me, but, 749 00:49:35,610 --> 00:49:38,145 yeah, I like this. 750 00:49:43,718 --> 00:49:44,853 I like you. 751 00:50:06,139 --> 00:50:08,710 What were we talking about? [laughs] 752 00:50:08,743 --> 00:50:10,545 Yeah. Um... 753 00:50:10,578 --> 00:50:13,715 Oh, you were telling me about the movie you were 754 00:50:13,748 --> 00:50:15,282 watching when you were supposed to be working. 755 00:50:15,315 --> 00:50:18,151 Mmm, very, very important stuff. 756 00:50:18,185 --> 00:50:19,319 Um... 757 00:50:20,354 --> 00:50:21,723 I don't know. 758 00:50:21,756 --> 00:50:23,791 It was sci-fi. I heard it was good. 759 00:50:23,825 --> 00:50:25,392 It wasn't good. 760 00:50:25,425 --> 00:50:27,327 -It's kind of the whole story. -[both laugh] 761 00:50:28,428 --> 00:50:29,697 It's fascinating. 762 00:50:30,598 --> 00:50:32,232 Sci-fi is my favorite, 763 00:50:32,266 --> 00:50:34,067 -so I've probably seen it anyway. -Oh, yeah? 764 00:50:34,101 --> 00:50:36,504 Yeah. Especially if it has anything to do with androids. 765 00:50:36,538 --> 00:50:37,839 How come? 766 00:50:39,974 --> 00:50:41,241 I don't know. 767 00:50:48,883 --> 00:50:51,853 I haven't tried to talk about this with a human in a while. 768 00:50:52,654 --> 00:50:54,822 Usually doesn't go quite like I'd hoped. 769 00:50:55,890 --> 00:50:57,190 You can tell me. 770 00:50:58,125 --> 00:51:00,595 With everything I've been through, I promise 771 00:51:00,628 --> 00:51:03,430 I'm the last human who would ever judge you 772 00:51:03,463 --> 00:51:04,933 for anything you want to share with me. 773 00:51:07,735 --> 00:51:08,836 Okay. 774 00:51:09,971 --> 00:51:11,039 Um... 775 00:51:13,073 --> 00:51:14,408 [sighs] 776 00:51:16,310 --> 00:51:19,013 I identify with the tragedy of their lives. 777 00:51:20,682 --> 00:51:22,717 All of that potential. 778 00:51:23,383 --> 00:51:26,186 All that beautiful engineering, but... 779 00:51:27,555 --> 00:51:29,958 their existence is ultimately hollow. 780 00:51:32,894 --> 00:51:34,394 Is that how you feel? 781 00:51:35,530 --> 00:51:37,832 Androids don't actually feel anything. 782 00:51:37,865 --> 00:51:39,534 They're just mimics. 783 00:51:43,605 --> 00:51:45,272 See, I knew you wouldn't understand. 784 00:51:46,074 --> 00:51:48,442 -No, I-- I-- -No. It's okay. It's my fault. 785 00:51:51,846 --> 00:51:53,748 I should have known someone like you wouldn't get it. 786 00:51:55,016 --> 00:51:56,718 Someone like me? We're the same-- 787 00:51:56,751 --> 00:51:58,385 -No, we're not. No. -Yes, we are. 788 00:51:58,418 --> 00:51:59,921 Just because you don't want to talk about it-- 789 00:51:59,954 --> 00:52:01,388 You think I don't want to talk about it? 790 00:52:03,791 --> 00:52:06,728 I wish I could talk about it with you and everybody else. 791 00:52:08,195 --> 00:52:09,564 But, I can't. 792 00:52:12,366 --> 00:52:15,168 You said you weren't going to judge me and I feel pretty judged right now. 793 00:52:16,638 --> 00:52:19,239 You're making me feel like I'm crazy or something. 794 00:52:26,814 --> 00:52:28,448 The look on your face. 795 00:52:29,483 --> 00:52:31,853 -I-- -It's like... 796 00:52:33,988 --> 00:52:36,490 someone just died right in front of you or something. 797 00:52:47,769 --> 00:52:49,137 [door slams] 798 00:52:49,937 --> 00:52:51,673 [sobbing] 799 00:53:05,285 --> 00:53:06,654 Lilly? 800 00:53:08,589 --> 00:53:10,625 [sobbing] 801 00:53:12,093 --> 00:53:14,194 -[knocking on door] -Lilly, are you okay? 802 00:53:15,362 --> 00:53:17,497 I'm fine. I just need a second. 803 00:53:29,777 --> 00:53:32,345 I'm sorry if I said anything that made you upset. 804 00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:35,248 [knocking on door] 805 00:53:35,282 --> 00:53:37,985 -Can I come in? -I just need a second, please. 806 00:53:41,488 --> 00:53:42,857 [quiet sobbing] 807 00:54:24,565 --> 00:54:26,366 [bottle sprays] 808 00:54:48,455 --> 00:54:49,557 You okay? 809 00:54:50,892 --> 00:54:54,695 Yeah. I'm-- I'm fine. It's just something you said. 810 00:54:54,729 --> 00:54:57,665 It was a major trigger for me and it's not your fault. 811 00:54:57,698 --> 00:54:58,766 You didn't know. 812 00:54:59,801 --> 00:55:02,236 I guess I'm just not as tough as I thought. 813 00:55:04,639 --> 00:55:06,339 It's not about being tough. 814 00:55:07,575 --> 00:55:09,277 All survivors have triggers. 815 00:55:11,879 --> 00:55:13,514 At least, 816 00:55:13,548 --> 00:55:15,983 now I know what happens when I hit yours. 817 00:55:22,156 --> 00:55:23,291 Can I have a hug? 818 00:55:37,772 --> 00:55:39,907 I'm sorry. I really have to pee. 819 00:55:39,941 --> 00:55:41,542 We can talk about it after, okay? 820 00:55:41,576 --> 00:55:42,710 Okay. 821 00:56:22,717 --> 00:56:23,885 Hey, Tom. 822 00:56:27,521 --> 00:56:28,756 Tom? 823 00:56:32,059 --> 00:56:33,194 What? 824 00:56:33,728 --> 00:56:35,529 Do you think you'll want another drink? 825 00:56:35,563 --> 00:56:37,798 I was thinking I could open us another bottle of wine 826 00:56:37,832 --> 00:56:39,934 or maybe a cocktail or something? 827 00:56:42,169 --> 00:56:43,237 Sure. 828 00:56:44,672 --> 00:56:45,873 Okay. 829 00:56:53,681 --> 00:56:55,383 [sighs] 830 00:56:56,684 --> 00:56:59,120 [door opening] 831 00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:13,968 Okay. 832 00:57:20,741 --> 00:57:23,244 -Mmm. -Yeah. 833 00:57:25,179 --> 00:57:26,814 Let's go again. 834 00:57:27,447 --> 00:57:28,883 [sighs] 835 00:57:32,620 --> 00:57:37,325 [slow pulsing music] 836 00:58:03,651 --> 00:58:05,619 [sighs] 837 00:58:12,660 --> 00:58:14,695 [water running] 838 00:58:20,468 --> 00:58:21,769 [water turns off] 839 00:58:30,978 --> 00:58:34,715 [pulsing music builds] 840 00:58:46,327 --> 00:58:48,295 [gasps] 841 00:58:48,329 --> 00:58:49,663 [exhausted exhale] 842 00:58:58,773 --> 00:59:01,909 [phone vibrating] 843 00:59:10,951 --> 00:59:12,319 Hey. 844 00:59:12,353 --> 00:59:13,888 [Tom] Morning. 845 00:59:17,358 --> 00:59:19,593 So, how are you? 846 00:59:19,627 --> 00:59:22,830 Pretty good. You know, a little tired. 847 00:59:23,631 --> 00:59:25,132 What time did you get up? 848 00:59:25,166 --> 00:59:27,168 I'm not sure. I was kind of up all night. 849 00:59:27,536 --> 00:59:29,136 Sorry I kept you up too late. 850 00:59:29,170 --> 00:59:30,638 No, no, no, no. It's not your fault. 851 00:59:30,671 --> 00:59:32,239 I just don't always sleep super well. 852 00:59:32,907 --> 00:59:35,910 Kind of hard to turn the brain off sometimes, you know? 853 00:59:36,577 --> 00:59:39,514 Yeah. Apparently I did not have that problem last night. 854 00:59:39,548 --> 00:59:43,084 I must have passed out on you. Sorry. It's embarrassing. 855 00:59:50,424 --> 00:59:52,359 -So... -So... 856 00:59:52,393 --> 00:59:54,361 No, no you go first. 857 00:59:54,395 --> 00:59:56,864 I need to see you again as soon as possible. 858 00:59:56,897 --> 00:59:59,166 Would you want to go somewhere with me? 859 00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:00,468 Sure. 860 01:00:00,501 --> 01:00:01,969 I mean, go somewhere like a trip. 861 01:00:03,204 --> 01:00:04,805 Oh. 862 01:00:04,839 --> 01:00:06,640 Just for a couple of days. No big deal. 863 01:00:08,275 --> 01:00:09,810 Where were you thinking? 864 01:00:11,112 --> 01:00:13,314 I could tell you or... 865 01:00:14,549 --> 01:00:15,916 we could make it a surprise. 866 01:00:17,751 --> 01:00:19,653 Surprise sounds fun. 867 01:00:19,687 --> 01:00:22,656 Um, I guess just let me know 868 01:00:22,690 --> 01:00:25,259 if I need to bring anything special, otherwise I'm-- 869 01:00:25,292 --> 01:00:26,627 I'm good with that. 870 01:00:27,761 --> 01:00:29,230 Pick you up tomorrow morning? 871 01:00:30,097 --> 01:00:31,566 So soon? 872 01:00:32,066 --> 01:00:33,767 -Is that a problem? -No. 873 01:00:33,801 --> 01:00:35,803 No, no I'm-- 874 01:00:36,403 --> 01:00:40,074 I'm one of those people that just, like, loves adventure. 875 01:00:40,107 --> 01:00:41,175 Uh... 876 01:00:42,042 --> 01:00:44,178 Yeah, I guess I could just bring my laptop 877 01:00:44,211 --> 01:00:46,847 and do some work from there if I need to. 878 01:00:46,881 --> 01:00:48,282 Great. 879 01:00:48,315 --> 01:00:49,917 Adventure it is then. 880 01:00:49,950 --> 01:00:51,452 Okay. 881 01:00:52,820 --> 01:00:54,755 I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. 882 01:00:56,957 --> 01:00:58,292 Bye. 883 01:00:58,325 --> 01:00:59,660 Bye. 884 01:01:07,001 --> 01:01:09,604 [Lilly] Hi, guys. Um... 885 01:01:11,071 --> 01:01:14,675 I haven't posted in a while. You probably noticed. 886 01:01:15,442 --> 01:01:16,511 Um... 887 01:01:17,778 --> 01:01:19,747 I don't know if anyone's even gonna watch this, 888 01:01:19,780 --> 01:01:24,485 but my friend Deb told me that it might be, uh... 889 01:01:25,686 --> 01:01:28,789 really healthy for me to release some stuff 890 01:01:28,822 --> 01:01:30,324 and, um... 891 01:01:31,660 --> 01:01:33,260 I don't know. If I've learned one thing 892 01:01:33,294 --> 01:01:34,862 it's that Deb is always right, so... 893 01:01:38,699 --> 01:01:42,169 [ominous music plays] 894 01:03:10,592 --> 01:03:11,825 Ta-da! 895 01:03:14,228 --> 01:03:15,597 Uh, this is it? 896 01:03:15,630 --> 01:03:17,599 Yeah, you like? 897 01:03:18,566 --> 01:03:20,301 Um, yeah. 898 01:03:21,135 --> 01:03:22,537 Yeah, it seems nice. 899 01:03:22,570 --> 01:03:23,738 [Tom laughs] 900 01:03:23,772 --> 01:03:24,972 What? 901 01:03:26,373 --> 01:03:28,075 We're not here for the house. 902 01:03:29,476 --> 01:03:33,581 We're here for the hiking and the Joshua trees and the sunsets. 903 01:03:35,249 --> 01:03:38,952 I know you said you've been feeling a little cooped up lately so... 904 01:03:40,054 --> 01:03:42,657 I figured you could use a couple of days in the great outdoors. 905 01:03:44,858 --> 01:03:47,529 Mmm, so thoughtful. Thank you. 906 01:03:49,731 --> 01:03:50,864 You're the best. 907 01:03:52,399 --> 01:03:54,001 [seatbelts unbuckle] 908 01:03:54,769 --> 01:03:57,605 Yeah, we're kind of in the middle of nowhere, but it's cute. 909 01:03:57,639 --> 01:03:59,340 He said he thought I needed some time outside. 910 01:04:00,474 --> 01:04:02,976 I'm almost done, I swear. I just want to show Deb the place. 911 01:04:03,010 --> 01:04:04,779 Here, come here. Say hi. 912 01:04:07,047 --> 01:04:08,916 -Hey. -[Deb] Hi. 913 01:04:08,949 --> 01:04:11,318 Took my girl out to the middle of nowhere, huh? 914 01:04:11,352 --> 01:04:12,787 Yep. 915 01:04:12,821 --> 01:04:15,055 Where are you guys, exactly? 916 01:04:15,089 --> 01:04:17,057 Uh, near Joshua Tree somewhere. 917 01:04:17,091 --> 01:04:18,492 I gotta pee. Nice to meet you. 918 01:04:21,862 --> 01:04:24,632 Um, so, how is everything going thus far? 919 01:04:24,666 --> 01:04:27,836 Great! I think he's just a little tired. 920 01:04:27,868 --> 01:04:32,106 Okay, um, well have fun, um, and be safe, please. 921 01:04:32,139 --> 01:04:35,175 And text me the address or just at least drop me a pin. 922 01:04:35,209 --> 01:04:37,478 I will. Love you! 923 01:04:37,512 --> 01:04:38,879 Love you! 924 01:04:56,029 --> 01:04:57,030 Everything good? 925 01:04:57,064 --> 01:04:58,566 Yeah! 926 01:04:59,534 --> 01:05:03,505 I was thinking maybe I'd get cleaned up and put on something more comfortable? 927 01:05:04,204 --> 01:05:05,439 Sounds great. 928 01:05:06,574 --> 01:05:08,743 Okay. Be back soon. 929 01:05:11,846 --> 01:05:14,616 [ominous music plays] 930 01:05:18,887 --> 01:05:20,220 Something's not right. 931 01:05:22,724 --> 01:05:24,958 -Huh? -I wasn't talking to you. 932 01:05:26,193 --> 01:05:27,428 Okay. 933 01:05:29,597 --> 01:05:31,766 Something's not right. I can feel it. 934 01:05:32,767 --> 01:05:35,135 What-- are-- are you talking to me now? 935 01:05:35,169 --> 01:05:37,037 Yes. Take your headphones off. 936 01:05:37,938 --> 01:05:39,641 What do you want? 937 01:05:39,674 --> 01:05:41,275 Just come here. 938 01:05:44,244 --> 01:05:45,713 [sighs] 939 01:05:49,283 --> 01:05:50,451 What? 940 01:05:51,853 --> 01:05:53,020 I'm worried about Lilly. 941 01:05:53,053 --> 01:05:55,890 Oh, I'm shocked. Hey, hey! 942 01:05:55,924 --> 01:05:57,592 I'm being serious. 943 01:05:57,625 --> 01:05:59,661 Yeah, I know. So am I. 944 01:06:01,462 --> 01:06:04,431 You're worried about Lilly, like, legit 90 percent of the time. 945 01:06:04,465 --> 01:06:06,233 This is different. 946 01:06:06,266 --> 01:06:08,736 This guy has her in a random house in the desert. 947 01:06:08,770 --> 01:06:10,237 I just... 948 01:06:10,270 --> 01:06:11,940 I have a really bad feeling about it. 949 01:06:13,307 --> 01:06:15,543 That true crime shit's really warping your brain, huh? 950 01:06:15,577 --> 01:06:18,880 No, they practically just met and he takes her 951 01:06:18,913 --> 01:06:23,016 to some extremely remote mystery location as a surprise? 952 01:06:23,718 --> 01:06:25,854 He was super sketchy on the phone and apparently 953 01:06:25,887 --> 01:06:27,956 he has some really fucked-up past. 954 01:06:27,988 --> 01:06:30,090 And get this, I tried to look him up online 955 01:06:30,123 --> 01:06:31,926 and no pictures. 956 01:06:31,960 --> 01:06:34,529 I even tried to do a background check and nothing! 957 01:06:34,562 --> 01:06:35,964 Jesus, Deb! 958 01:06:36,997 --> 01:06:38,131 What?! 959 01:06:38,165 --> 01:06:40,000 Something is wrong! I'm-- 960 01:06:40,802 --> 01:06:42,436 I'm not crazy! 961 01:06:43,303 --> 01:06:44,772 Right? 962 01:06:46,473 --> 01:06:48,408 I mean, I don't know. I... 963 01:06:48,442 --> 01:06:49,644 I'm gonna track her phone. 964 01:06:50,277 --> 01:06:51,980 We have to know where she is. 965 01:06:53,615 --> 01:06:56,518 Right. Well, I'm gonna go back to my game. 966 01:07:00,354 --> 01:07:01,890 [sighs] 967 01:07:01,923 --> 01:07:04,024 [humming] 968 01:07:08,630 --> 01:07:11,031 [ominous music] 969 01:07:52,205 --> 01:07:53,206 Hey. 970 01:07:53,240 --> 01:07:54,341 Hi. 971 01:07:55,510 --> 01:07:56,711 Wow. 972 01:07:57,477 --> 01:07:58,880 Yeah? You like? 973 01:07:59,413 --> 01:08:00,582 Yeah. 974 01:08:01,381 --> 01:08:03,250 -You look incredible. -Thanks. 975 01:08:06,654 --> 01:08:08,823 So I feel really vulnerable and kind of silly, 976 01:08:08,856 --> 01:08:11,224 but I really want to have sex with you this weekend. 977 01:08:11,258 --> 01:08:13,861 And I figure that it probably would happen eventually, 978 01:08:13,895 --> 01:08:15,797 so maybe it's better just to get it out of the way now 979 01:08:15,830 --> 01:08:17,164 because otherwise I'm gonna be super anxious 980 01:08:17,197 --> 01:08:19,067 and nervous about it all weekend. 981 01:08:20,602 --> 01:08:21,703 Okay. 982 01:08:22,904 --> 01:08:25,974 I guess we should just get it out of the way then. 983 01:08:34,348 --> 01:08:36,283 [Lilly sighs] 984 01:08:38,586 --> 01:08:40,287 [Lilly] What's your tattoo mean? 985 01:08:41,089 --> 01:08:42,657 It's a birthmark. 986 01:08:53,467 --> 01:08:55,069 You're so special. 987 01:08:57,304 --> 01:08:59,172 Are you sure you want to do this? 988 01:09:00,240 --> 01:09:01,976 Just fuck me already. 989 01:09:08,281 --> 01:09:10,317 [gasping] 990 01:09:17,625 --> 01:09:19,359 [gasps] 991 01:09:21,896 --> 01:09:24,264 [moaning] 992 01:09:33,941 --> 01:09:35,777 [gasps] Her phone is off! 993 01:09:36,476 --> 01:09:37,979 What? 994 01:09:38,012 --> 01:09:40,313 Lilly's phone is off! 995 01:09:41,015 --> 01:09:42,382 How do you know? 996 01:09:42,416 --> 01:09:44,217 Because it disappeared on the app. 997 01:09:46,120 --> 01:09:47,655 Find my phone. 998 01:09:47,689 --> 01:09:49,157 That's how I know it's off! 999 01:09:49,189 --> 01:09:51,125 [scoffs] You need to leave her alone. 1000 01:09:51,159 --> 01:09:52,760 Honey. 1001 01:09:52,794 --> 01:09:54,562 The day that I picked up Lilly from the hospital 1002 01:09:54,595 --> 01:09:56,764 I promised her I would never turn 1003 01:09:56,798 --> 01:09:58,566 off my phone in case she needed me. 1004 01:09:58,599 --> 01:10:01,368 And she swore to me that she would do the same. 1005 01:10:01,869 --> 01:10:04,304 Since that day, she has not turned off her phone 1006 01:10:04,337 --> 01:10:06,507 or let it die once. 1007 01:10:09,944 --> 01:10:11,145 It's never off? 1008 01:10:11,179 --> 01:10:13,081 No, never. 1009 01:10:13,114 --> 01:10:14,214 Huh. 1010 01:10:14,682 --> 01:10:16,117 I'm calling the police. 1011 01:10:16,150 --> 01:10:18,019 To tell them what? 1012 01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:20,988 They're not going to drive all the way out to the boondocks 1013 01:10:21,022 --> 01:10:23,490 to check on her just 'cause her friend is worried about her. 1014 01:10:23,524 --> 01:10:26,994 We don't even know if anything bad has actually happened. 1015 01:10:27,028 --> 01:10:30,198 Maybe she just forgot her charger or something. 1016 01:10:30,230 --> 01:10:31,699 No way. 1017 01:10:31,733 --> 01:10:34,434 I'm calling them and telling them whatever 1018 01:10:34,468 --> 01:10:36,838 I need to say for them to go and check up on her. 1019 01:10:36,871 --> 01:10:40,541 Ehh, it's not really a great idea to lie to the police. 1020 01:10:42,577 --> 01:10:44,912 And I don't even know where they are. 1021 01:10:47,181 --> 01:10:48,983 You said you had her location on-- 1022 01:10:49,016 --> 01:10:50,952 I did, but I didn't write it down! 1023 01:10:53,386 --> 01:10:54,555 All right. 1024 01:10:54,589 --> 01:10:55,790 Same team. 1025 01:10:57,859 --> 01:11:00,094 [soft music plays] 1026 01:11:30,224 --> 01:11:32,593 [music turns ominous] 1027 01:11:35,530 --> 01:11:37,999 [gasping] 1028 01:11:41,035 --> 01:11:43,171 [moaning] 1029 01:11:53,413 --> 01:11:55,917 [crying] 1030 01:12:03,390 --> 01:12:06,994 It's good. It's all good, baby. 1031 01:12:08,729 --> 01:12:10,430 It's all good. 1032 01:12:13,067 --> 01:12:14,702 It's all good. 1033 01:12:23,077 --> 01:12:25,012 [breathing heavy] 1034 01:12:30,651 --> 01:12:32,553 what are you doing? 1035 01:12:34,255 --> 01:12:36,157 Stop. 1036 01:12:36,190 --> 01:12:38,326 [Tom panting] Yes! 1037 01:12:38,358 --> 01:12:39,794 Yes! 1038 01:12:53,373 --> 01:12:56,577 [moans loudly] 1039 01:13:01,481 --> 01:13:04,518 [maniacal laughter] 1040 01:13:10,490 --> 01:13:13,060 [Lilly sobs] 1041 01:13:28,709 --> 01:13:30,745 It's like your eyes bleed opium. 1042 01:13:35,149 --> 01:13:37,919 Although opium never did for me what you can. 1043 01:13:40,187 --> 01:13:41,956 We make a good team. 1044 01:13:45,359 --> 01:13:47,929 Stop trying to hide. I'm talking to you. 1045 01:13:50,064 --> 01:13:51,198 Lilly. 1046 01:13:52,833 --> 01:13:54,769 [Lilly whimpers] 1047 01:13:56,837 --> 01:13:59,807 They say that the eyes are windows to the soul. 1048 01:14:04,779 --> 01:14:06,580 When you look into mine, 1049 01:14:09,250 --> 01:14:10,785 do you see anything there? 1050 01:14:17,258 --> 01:14:18,693 Lilly, 1051 01:14:18,726 --> 01:14:21,162 I'm not going to ask you again. 1052 01:14:22,096 --> 01:14:23,998 [Lilly sobs] 1053 01:14:28,636 --> 01:14:30,738 You said you wanted to know more about me. 1054 01:14:32,440 --> 01:14:33,507 Well... 1055 01:14:36,877 --> 01:14:39,280 there is no software fix, 1056 01:14:40,247 --> 01:14:43,084 no god, no drugs, 1057 01:14:43,117 --> 01:14:45,286 no daredevil shit, no puppies to hug, 1058 01:14:45,319 --> 01:14:47,755 no pussy that does anything for me. 1059 01:14:48,823 --> 01:14:49,924 Nothing. 1060 01:14:50,958 --> 01:14:52,660 It's all like styrofoam. 1061 01:14:55,763 --> 01:14:58,099 But one little taste of you... 1062 01:14:59,967 --> 01:15:03,804 And there's this explosion of pain 1063 01:15:04,672 --> 01:15:06,440 and sorrow 1064 01:15:06,907 --> 01:15:10,277 and anger and in that moment 1065 01:15:10,311 --> 01:15:12,046 I know joy. 1066 01:15:16,017 --> 01:15:19,020 I don't expect your feeble little brain to understand that, but... 1067 01:15:19,954 --> 01:15:21,756 it's like 1068 01:15:21,789 --> 01:15:24,725 I get to be a real boy even if it's just for a second. 1069 01:15:26,794 --> 01:15:28,396 Can I go home now? 1070 01:15:29,997 --> 01:15:31,999 -Please. Please. -No. 1071 01:15:33,334 --> 01:15:35,236 No, baby. We're not done yet. 1072 01:15:37,338 --> 01:15:40,541 -[whimpering] -Shh. 1073 01:15:42,343 --> 01:15:44,912 -[coughing] -Shh, shh. 1074 01:15:44,945 --> 01:15:47,048 Are you not listening to me? 1075 01:15:47,848 --> 01:15:51,419 I could kill you right now and I wouldn't feel anything. 1076 01:15:51,986 --> 01:15:55,322 Not guilt or remorse. Nothing. 1077 01:15:55,890 --> 01:15:57,625 I can watch the life leave your body 1078 01:15:57,658 --> 01:16:00,061 and never think of it for a second afterwards. 1079 01:16:02,830 --> 01:16:04,432 [Tom sighs] 1080 01:16:06,167 --> 01:16:07,902 But then where would we be? 1081 01:16:09,637 --> 01:16:11,372 That would be a total waste, 1082 01:16:11,405 --> 01:16:14,175 and I'd just have to start over again with somebody else. 1083 01:16:15,643 --> 01:16:17,311 Somebody 1084 01:16:17,344 --> 01:16:18,946 disposable. 1085 01:16:20,848 --> 01:16:22,249 But not you. 1086 01:16:24,251 --> 01:16:26,454 I think I'm gonna keep you for a while. 1087 01:16:29,023 --> 01:16:33,594 [breathes heavily] 1088 01:16:37,665 --> 01:16:39,066 We're going. Get your bat. 1089 01:16:39,100 --> 01:16:41,068 I-- mmm. 1090 01:16:42,169 --> 01:16:43,404 Fine. 1091 01:16:43,437 --> 01:16:45,574 [dramatic music] 1092 01:16:47,542 --> 01:16:48,876 I couldn't find my bat. 1093 01:16:50,211 --> 01:16:51,546 Are you sure you want to do this? 1094 01:16:52,547 --> 01:16:54,014 I mean, we don't even know where they are. 1095 01:16:54,048 --> 01:16:55,584 Yes we do. I saw it on the map. 1096 01:16:55,616 --> 01:16:57,918 I don't know the specific street name, 1097 01:16:57,952 --> 01:16:59,920 but, once we're close, I'm sure it'll look familiar. 1098 01:16:59,954 --> 01:17:01,590 But even if you're right, it's gonna take, 1099 01:17:01,622 --> 01:17:03,324 like, three hours just to drive there. 1100 01:17:03,357 --> 01:17:04,658 And then what? 1101 01:17:04,692 --> 01:17:06,227 There's hundreds of houses out there. 1102 01:17:06,260 --> 01:17:07,695 It could be any one of them. 1103 01:17:07,728 --> 01:17:09,697 So we'll knock on doors all night. 1104 01:17:09,730 --> 01:17:12,066 I'm not gonna let this happen again, okay? 1105 01:17:12,099 --> 01:17:13,634 Okay. Okay. All right. 1106 01:17:14,702 --> 01:17:17,037 Look, it was not your fault. 1107 01:17:17,071 --> 01:17:18,239 You didn't know. 1108 01:17:19,640 --> 01:17:21,510 I love you, 1109 01:17:21,543 --> 01:17:23,744 but you need to get your ass in the fucking car right now. 1110 01:17:25,146 --> 01:17:26,313 Okay. 1111 01:17:28,983 --> 01:17:30,818 [gasps] 1112 01:17:44,231 --> 01:17:45,966 [knocking on door] 1113 01:17:48,169 --> 01:17:49,203 Hey. 1114 01:17:53,608 --> 01:17:54,975 [puts cup down] 1115 01:17:55,610 --> 01:17:57,311 [sighs] 1116 01:18:01,115 --> 01:18:02,283 I am... 1117 01:18:04,519 --> 01:18:08,155 so sorry that things got a little rough last night. 1118 01:18:11,091 --> 01:18:13,060 I didn't mean to hurt you like that. 1119 01:18:14,261 --> 01:18:15,296 But... 1120 01:18:16,665 --> 01:18:18,165 you kind of made me do it. 1121 01:18:23,137 --> 01:18:24,573 Is it okay if I sit? 1122 01:18:27,808 --> 01:18:29,977 [bed creaks] 1123 01:18:33,814 --> 01:18:36,585 I think the best thing for us to do would be 1124 01:18:37,117 --> 01:18:40,487 to just put it behind us and move on. 1125 01:18:41,055 --> 01:18:42,256 Yeah? 1126 01:18:45,993 --> 01:18:47,529 I want to show you something. 1127 01:18:53,968 --> 01:18:55,836 I found this in the garage. 1128 01:19:01,141 --> 01:19:04,078 It's just like what he used when he almost killed you, isn't it? 1129 01:19:06,880 --> 01:19:09,216 Steel toe and everything. Oof. 1130 01:19:11,418 --> 01:19:13,521 Yeah, I saw it sitting there... 1131 01:19:16,524 --> 01:19:18,259 and I just started picturing it... 1132 01:19:20,327 --> 01:19:21,762 You... 1133 01:19:23,230 --> 01:19:26,066 huddled up in a little ball, kind of like you are now. 1134 01:19:26,867 --> 01:19:28,335 So 1135 01:19:28,369 --> 01:19:31,138 -weak and helpless. -[Lilly whimpers] 1136 01:19:32,707 --> 01:19:35,976 Him just raining blow after blow down on you. 1137 01:19:37,444 --> 01:19:41,616 Fracturing your ribs, breaking your skull. 1138 01:19:44,084 --> 01:19:46,120 How long did it take you to recover? 1139 01:19:55,229 --> 01:19:56,463 That man... 1140 01:19:57,865 --> 01:19:59,266 was a monster. 1141 01:20:00,635 --> 01:20:02,836 I would never do anything like that to you. 1142 01:20:06,073 --> 01:20:07,575 You know that, right? 1143 01:20:13,581 --> 01:20:15,316 Think of me... 1144 01:20:16,216 --> 01:20:17,818 more like a gardener. 1145 01:20:20,321 --> 01:20:22,990 I just want my beautiful Lilly to blossom. 1146 01:20:23,891 --> 01:20:25,292 So, 1147 01:20:25,326 --> 01:20:27,328 I'm gonna give her what she needs. 1148 01:20:33,500 --> 01:20:34,769 Speaking of... 1149 01:20:35,969 --> 01:20:38,138 Lilies need water, so... 1150 01:20:46,080 --> 01:20:49,316 It's just water. Here. Take it. 1151 01:20:51,085 --> 01:20:52,486 You need to hydrate. 1152 01:20:56,857 --> 01:20:59,093 -[Lilly sobs] -There you go. 1153 01:20:59,126 --> 01:21:00,961 [gulps] 1154 01:21:02,863 --> 01:21:04,131 [exhales loudly] 1155 01:21:04,164 --> 01:21:05,734 That's my girl. 1156 01:21:06,300 --> 01:21:08,168 Can't let the tank go empty, can we? 1157 01:21:12,339 --> 01:21:13,407 Okay, well... 1158 01:21:14,875 --> 01:21:17,978 you get some rest and I'll be back in a little bit. 1159 01:21:19,213 --> 01:21:21,014 [bed creaks] 1160 01:21:32,527 --> 01:21:35,429 [sobs] 1161 01:21:38,833 --> 01:21:40,501 [muffled screams] 1162 01:21:43,504 --> 01:21:46,674 [tense music builds] 1163 01:21:48,375 --> 01:21:50,177 [Mark] So, where to next? 1164 01:21:50,911 --> 01:21:53,715 I think just go north one more street 1165 01:21:53,748 --> 01:21:55,683 and we'll turn left the next place we can 1166 01:21:55,717 --> 01:21:59,086 and it's starting to look familiar. 1167 01:22:02,423 --> 01:22:04,024 Okay. 1168 01:22:12,266 --> 01:22:13,535 [door opens] 1169 01:22:13,568 --> 01:22:15,068 Hey. 1170 01:22:15,102 --> 01:22:16,905 Ready for round two? 1171 01:22:18,338 --> 01:22:19,973 Please. 1172 01:22:21,543 --> 01:22:23,812 Don't act like I'm some pathetic rapist. 1173 01:22:24,579 --> 01:22:26,648 I told you that's not what I want. 1174 01:22:33,253 --> 01:22:34,756 What I want is this. 1175 01:22:38,760 --> 01:22:40,461 This is incredible. 1176 01:22:41,295 --> 01:22:42,831 [chuckles] 1177 01:22:44,431 --> 01:22:46,668 I've lost track of how many times I've watched this. 1178 01:22:48,770 --> 01:22:50,003 You want to see? 1179 01:22:58,412 --> 01:23:01,415 [Lilly sobbing] He could make me feel so weak, 1180 01:23:02,550 --> 01:23:04,117 and I would just 1181 01:23:04,819 --> 01:23:09,022 sit there and cry while he screamed at me and I... 1182 01:23:11,124 --> 01:23:12,493 [sharp exhale] 1183 01:23:16,063 --> 01:23:18,298 You are not a strong person, Lilly. 1184 01:23:23,003 --> 01:23:25,172 You let Tyler do anything he wanted to you. 1185 01:23:26,841 --> 01:23:28,308 Why didn't you just leave? 1186 01:23:31,946 --> 01:23:34,014 You must have had a thousand chances. 1187 01:23:38,853 --> 01:23:40,655 It's because you couldn't. 1188 01:23:40,688 --> 01:23:41,990 Right? 1189 01:23:44,358 --> 01:23:46,293 Because you didn't want to. 1190 01:23:52,165 --> 01:23:53,601 [sniffles] 1191 01:23:53,635 --> 01:23:55,803 I don't know why I let him do that. 1192 01:23:57,605 --> 01:24:00,140 And then he would hit me with his fist 1193 01:24:00,173 --> 01:24:02,510 or whatever he could find nearby and I would 1194 01:24:02,544 --> 01:24:04,879 tell myself that somehow I deserved it. 1195 01:24:05,547 --> 01:24:07,015 And it was my fault. 1196 01:24:08,315 --> 01:24:09,584 See? 1197 01:24:10,484 --> 01:24:11,920 You said it yourself. 1198 01:24:15,557 --> 01:24:20,895 There are some people in this world who are, at their core, victims. 1199 01:24:22,564 --> 01:24:24,364 Born prey animals. 1200 01:24:29,369 --> 01:24:31,673 That wasn't the first time someone hurt you, was it? 1201 01:24:35,977 --> 01:24:37,679 And it wasn't gonna be the last. 1202 01:24:41,516 --> 01:24:44,217 You have a role to play, 1203 01:24:45,687 --> 01:24:50,090 and you play it over and over and over again. 1204 01:24:59,934 --> 01:25:01,869 I wanted him to die. 1205 01:25:05,540 --> 01:25:07,909 I wanted him to die so bad 1206 01:25:07,942 --> 01:25:10,778 'cause I knew that that's the only way I'd ever be rid of him. 1207 01:25:11,846 --> 01:25:14,481 And I wished for it. 1208 01:25:14,515 --> 01:25:16,584 I wished for it every single day. 1209 01:25:16,618 --> 01:25:21,055 I sat there and I wished that he would die, and then he did. 1210 01:25:26,761 --> 01:25:29,162 He died on the floor right in front of me-- right there-- 1211 01:25:29,196 --> 01:25:33,968 and I was just heartbroken. 1212 01:25:35,770 --> 01:25:38,539 And I am so fucking ashamed to admit that, 1213 01:25:38,573 --> 01:25:40,908 but I was heartbroken 'cause I loved him. 1214 01:25:40,942 --> 01:25:44,277 Despite everything that he did to me, I still loved him and I-- 1215 01:25:46,114 --> 01:25:48,281 I'm just so confused. 1216 01:25:50,317 --> 01:25:51,451 And I... 1217 01:25:54,756 --> 01:25:57,025 I've spent every single day since 1218 01:25:57,058 --> 01:26:00,193 just being consumed by the guilt and... 1219 01:26:01,428 --> 01:26:04,364 so fucking confused. 1220 01:26:08,770 --> 01:26:10,605 What is wrong with me? 1221 01:26:12,507 --> 01:26:14,474 [sobs] 1222 01:26:14,509 --> 01:26:16,443 [exhales] 1223 01:26:18,278 --> 01:26:19,614 Wow. 1224 01:26:23,316 --> 01:26:25,053 What is wrong with you? 1225 01:26:31,025 --> 01:26:32,860 You killed him, Lilly. 1226 01:26:36,496 --> 01:26:38,666 You can't say it wasn't your fault. 1227 01:26:41,268 --> 01:26:43,671 Maybe if you'd been a more caring... 1228 01:26:45,540 --> 01:26:47,041 supportive partner. 1229 01:26:49,209 --> 01:26:51,244 More understanding of his mental illness, 1230 01:26:51,278 --> 01:26:52,747 you wouldn't have been so miserable. 1231 01:26:55,348 --> 01:26:56,651 But, no. 1232 01:27:05,059 --> 01:27:06,426 You weren't. 1233 01:27:09,664 --> 01:27:10,932 You were selfish. 1234 01:27:12,900 --> 01:27:14,234 Self-absorbed. 1235 01:27:16,403 --> 01:27:18,740 Completely consumed with your own shit. 1236 01:27:24,244 --> 01:27:26,714 You put the bottle in his hand. 1237 01:27:32,352 --> 01:27:37,525 You sat and watched as he tore himself apart drink by drink... 1238 01:27:38,492 --> 01:27:41,229 and you just cowered there... 1239 01:27:42,530 --> 01:27:45,365 as his head went right through that glass table... 1240 01:27:47,034 --> 01:27:48,536 three feet in front of you... 1241 01:27:51,338 --> 01:27:53,908 and then bled out all over the floor. 1242 01:27:57,912 --> 01:28:00,447 I bet you can still smell the blood, can't you? 1243 01:28:10,691 --> 01:28:13,761 [tense music playing] 1244 01:28:13,795 --> 01:28:15,763 If it's any consolation, 1245 01:28:18,966 --> 01:28:21,002 I'm sure that he never really loved you. 1246 01:28:22,904 --> 01:28:25,606 Because how could anyone love someone like you? 1247 01:28:31,245 --> 01:28:35,049 No one will ever want to be with you 1248 01:28:35,082 --> 01:28:36,984 except to use you. 1249 01:28:38,719 --> 01:28:40,021 Like he did. 1250 01:28:43,758 --> 01:28:45,492 Like I am. 1251 01:28:50,164 --> 01:28:52,166 Because that's all you're good for. 1252 01:28:57,404 --> 01:29:01,042 And deep down, you know that's what you deserve. 1253 01:29:02,977 --> 01:29:04,278 Oh, yeah. 1254 01:29:05,613 --> 01:29:06,781 Yeah. 1255 01:29:07,849 --> 01:29:09,584 That's my girl. 1256 01:29:09,617 --> 01:29:11,018 [Lilly sobs] 1257 01:29:11,986 --> 01:29:13,020 Yeah. 1258 01:29:14,021 --> 01:29:15,488 Oh, that's so good. 1259 01:29:16,824 --> 01:29:18,559 [whimpers] 1260 01:29:42,516 --> 01:29:44,051 [Tom screams] 1261 01:29:45,620 --> 01:29:47,221 [muffled screams] 1262 01:29:52,660 --> 01:29:54,195 [spits] 1263 01:29:55,029 --> 01:29:56,998 [continues yelling] 1264 01:30:01,569 --> 01:30:04,071 [music builds] 1265 01:30:16,817 --> 01:30:19,452 [breathing heavily] 1266 01:30:38,005 --> 01:30:41,474 [ethereal music plays] 1267 01:31:19,613 --> 01:31:20,948 Mark! 1268 01:31:35,229 --> 01:31:36,897 Lilly! 1269 01:31:36,931 --> 01:31:38,766 Oh, my God, you're hurt! 1270 01:31:38,799 --> 01:31:40,868 No, it's not my blood. I'm okay. 1271 01:31:40,901 --> 01:31:43,704 I'm here. It's okay, I'm here. 1272 01:31:43,738 --> 01:31:46,474 All right, come on, let's get you to the hospital. Let's go. 1273 01:31:46,507 --> 01:31:48,976 No, police first. Wait, what are you guys doing here? 1274 01:31:49,944 --> 01:31:51,579 I think you're in shock. 1275 01:31:51,612 --> 01:31:53,447 -Come on. -I'm okay. I'm good. 1276 01:31:53,481 --> 01:31:55,149 I'm good. I'm okay 1277 01:32:16,303 --> 01:32:17,805 What did he do to you? 1278 01:32:20,875 --> 01:32:22,710 He wanted me to cry. 1279 01:32:29,150 --> 01:32:30,519 I'm done crying. 1280 01:32:52,873 --> 01:32:55,510 ["Tearsucker Motherfucker" by Ian Pitts] 1281 01:33:17,064 --> 01:33:20,535 ♪ Give me your sadness ♪ 1282 01:33:21,001 --> 01:33:24,205 ♪ Give me your pain ♪ 1283 01:33:24,972 --> 01:33:28,609 ♪ This love is madness ♪ 1284 01:33:29,009 --> 01:33:31,812 ♪ I feel insane ♪ 1285 01:33:32,746 --> 01:33:35,983 ♪ Coming for your fears ♪ 1286 01:33:36,917 --> 01:33:39,787 ♪ Preying on your tears ♪ 1287 01:33:40,788 --> 01:33:43,624 ♪ Eat you up inside ♪ 1288 01:33:44,859 --> 01:33:47,661 ♪ Nowhere you can hide ♪ 1289 01:33:47,695 --> 01:33:50,565 ♪ Tearsucker motherfucker ♪ 1290 01:33:51,665 --> 01:33:54,468 ♪ Tearsucker motherfucker ♪ 1291 01:33:55,436 --> 01:33:58,172 ♪ Tearsucker motherfucker ♪ 1292 01:33:59,373 --> 01:34:02,243 ♪ Tearsucker motherfucker ♪ 1293 01:34:02,276 --> 01:34:04,912 ♪ I'm here to drain you ♪ 1294 01:34:06,180 --> 01:34:08,682 ♪ I'm here to drain you ♪ 1295 01:34:10,217 --> 01:34:12,653 ♪ Open up your eyes ♪ 1296 01:34:13,988 --> 01:34:16,157 ♪ I'm here to drain you ♪ 1297 01:34:18,159 --> 01:34:23,964 ♪ Open up your eyes ♪ 1298 01:34:49,857 --> 01:34:51,392 [tense music plays]95149