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1
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,271
Welcome back
to the Alien Award Show.
2
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,106
And now the award
3
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,309
for best alien uniform
worn in a non-violent
mission...
4
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:13,778
Sally, come on!
They're doing uniforms!
5
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,046
...the Plecto Alien!
6
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:17,982
Oh, darn. The Plectos
are getting everything.
7
00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,784
Accepting on behalf
of the Plectos
8
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,120
is their High Commander...
9
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,722
Oh, where's the remote?
Lieutenant Colonel Zorgon--
10
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:26,357
I miss anything good?
11
00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:27,626
No. Only the tribute
12
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,061
to all the aliens
who died last year.
13
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:30,795
Oh. Anyway,
how do I look?
14
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:31,796
Oh, fantastic!
15
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:32,864
Thank you. You know,
16
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,466
Albright's
control-top
pantyhose
17
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:35,467
really
do the trick.
18
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,668
Oh, you can
say that again.
19
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,237
Oh, you look great!
Sit. Sit.
20
00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:39,238
Oh.
21
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,446
Okay, what
the hell is that?
22
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:48,780
Oh, it's, uh...
23
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:51,216
it's a--it's the tail end
of a production number.
24
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:52,217
[chuckles]
25
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:54,086
♪ It's the Alien ♪
26
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:57,122
♪ Awards Show ♪
27
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:01,526
And now...the award
for best mission
28
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,228
in a single-sun solar system.
29
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,229
This is us.
30
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,831
This Earth-based crew
31
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,500
has tirelessly chronicled
human feats and foibles
32
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:09,567
in central Ohio.
33
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:10,835
Oh, God!
Oh...
34
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:12,837
I'll do
the thank-yous,
35
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,206
then you step in
and thank me,
36
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,474
and then
I'll wrap it up
with some crap
37
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:18,243
about how this
belongs to everyone.
Okay.
38
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:20,512
And the Probie Award
goes to...
39
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,515
Team X!
40
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,018
Team X?
41
00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:28,187
A-Are we Team X?
42
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,021
No, of course not.
We're the Cougars!
43
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,456
Oh, damn!
44
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:34,326
Team X is on location
and unable to attend.
45
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:35,326
Oh, turn it off.
46
00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:36,895
Accepting on behalf
of Team X
47
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,531
is Sachie Little--
brrraahh! Ah-choo!
48
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,566
Oh. Oh! Did we win?
49
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:42,801
No.
50
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,202
Oh, man! Great!
51
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,303
So much
for the mission
52
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,205
bein' renewed
next fall.
53
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,907
Look, we've got
bigger problems
than that.
54
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:51,643
There are other aliens
in central Ohio.
55
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,978
Harry, Sally,
find this Team X.
56
00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:55,380
I want to know
who they are,
57
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,382
what they're doing,
and--and...
58
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,950
and who
their publicist is.
59
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:02,053
That sounds
way too hard.
That sounds
like a lot of work.
60
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,589
Hey! I think
you're
forgetting
61
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,590
one thing.
62
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,559
Cougar pride.
63
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,263
Cougar pride.
Cougar pride.
64
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,497
[all growling]
65
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,499
♪♪ [show theme]
66
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,936
I must put
these pantyhose
67
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,738
back exactly
where I found them,
68
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,773
or Mary will
get suspicious.
69
00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,211
Missing a leg.
Could be worse.
70
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:01,612
Oh.
71
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,283
What's this?
72
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,954
Oh...dear Mary.
73
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,688
She saved
all the love letters
74
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:11,723
I sent her.
75
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:14,192
Wait a minute.
I never sent her
76
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:15,460
any love letters.
77
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,831
"Love, Scoochie."
78
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,634
"Love, Scoochie"!
79
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,438
"Much...love,
Scoochie."
80
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:28,639
It's getting worse!
81
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:30,808
Who is this
cursed Scoochie?!
82
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,013
And what is this
wonderful, manly scent?
83
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,657
Oh, man!
This alien hunting's
hard work.
84
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,826
Mmm. I know.
By now I thought
we'd have
85
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,162
one gutted, skinned,
and mounted on a wall.
86
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,298
Harry, we're not
gonna kill them.
87
00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:55,967
What? You can't mount
a live alien on the wall
because they--
88
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:59,003
Harry...look. Just
keep your eyes peeled
89
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,339
for someone who looks
a little off. All right?
90
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,509
Now, let's get us some
of that prize-winnin' fudge.
91
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,345
We also need
two boxes
92
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,346
of 5-inch
nails...
93
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,414
for the barn-raising
94
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:10,415
tomorrow.
95
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,620
Okay, they
look strange.
96
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:16,621
Yeah.
97
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,823
And they can
levitate barns.
98
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,892
All right.
You stay here.
99
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,527
I'm gonna go
feel it out.
All right?
100
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,097
Hello. Excuse me.
Um,
101
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,331
I couldn't help
but notice
102
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,701
that you guys
look really weird.
103
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,370
We are Amish.
104
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,140
They're Amish!
105
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,710
Yeah. They're
from the planet Am!
106
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:39,711
Bingo!
107
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:40,745
All in a day's
work!
108
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,414
Team X! Yeah!
Yeah!
109
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,053
So then we followed
the Team X aliens
110
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,187
in their horse
and buggy.
111
00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:52,223
Most boring
car chase
in history.
112
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,291
Yeah.
113
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,392
I had to make
114
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:57,028
all the tire screeching
noises myself.
115
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,532
[lackluster]
Good work, team.
Stay on it.
116
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:01,900
What'll you be doing?
117
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,301
Moping.
118
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,604
Oh, big surprise.
That's unusual.
119
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,041
Apparently, another man
has been sending
love letters to Mary--
120
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,576
a man named Scoochie.
121
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:13,611
I'm devastated.
122
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,013
Oh, God, Dick,
123
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,082
please
do not freak out.
124
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:19,517
I mean, there's no way
some dumb letters
125
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,787
could affect
your relationship
with Albright.
126
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,121
Yeah. Just
look at ya.
127
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,622
You are
a huge catch.
128
00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:25,623
Huge!
129
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:26,824
[mouths "Huge"]
130
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,593
Thank you, Harry.
131
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,429
Maybe I am overreacting.
132
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,598
I--I mean...just
listen to this...
133
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,267
overripe sap.
134
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,935
"There is a flower inside me
135
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,271
"that blooms
in your faintest shadow.
136
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,273
"There is a heart...
137
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,608
"that beats to life
in the rocks...
138
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,577
"as you walk above.
139
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,612
"The trees,
the grass...
140
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,281
"the chirping
cicadas...
141
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,450
"call out joyously,
'Come to me.'"
142
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,286
"'Come to me.'"
143
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,657
[sobbing loudly]
144
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:05,296
I've never been
so moved!
145
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,166
Listen, Dick.
146
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,135
Oh, my God.
147
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:11,770
I've never even
met this guy,
148
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,672
but I would marry him
in a New York minute.
149
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:17,075
Oh, I know!
Even I'm smitten!
150
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:18,510
Oh...oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh...
151
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,545
Read us another one, Dick.
[Sally] Yeah.
152
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,648
Gather round.
I'll read them all.
153
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:29,487
Yes?
154
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,456
Oh, hey. Uh,
we're Sally and Harry.
155
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:32,823
The Cougars.
156
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,226
And we just wanted
to congratulate you
157
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,729
on takin' home
all that hardware
the other night.
158
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,397
Yes, I'm pleased
to finally have
159
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:41,133
a galvanized
milking machine.
160
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,501
I thought it was
called the Probie,
161
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:44,736
but whatever.
162
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,971
Look, you're winners,
we're losers.
163
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,474
You guys clearly have
the superior mission.
164
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,242
Yeah. We're
here to learn
your ways.
165
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,011
Yeah.
Who is it,
Father?
166
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,013
Outsiders,
Prudence.
167
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,514
Well,
hello there.
168
00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:58,850
Thou.
169
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,251
Others have come
to us and asked
170
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,020
to be shown our ways,
but they lacked the will.
171
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,022
Hey, we got
great stamina.
172
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,027
Father, it is
harvest time.
173
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,997
I suppose in years past
we have taken on
extra hands.
174
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,368
"Extra hands"?
175
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,803
Okay, that
we gotta see.
176
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:18,803
Yeah.
177
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,374
Oh. Good morning,
Dr. Solomon.
178
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,375
Fat lot you know.
179
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,345
Or should I say...
180
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:29,314
fat lot you know
Scoochie?
181
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:31,883
Mind your own business.
182
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,052
What are you doing?
183
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,253
One day there's
going to be
184
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:36,888
something called
a competency hearing,
185
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,156
and I want
to be prepared.
186
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:40,592
Well...well, do I...
187
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,161
Do I have to
study for it?
188
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:44,996
Morning, Dick.
189
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,833
Mary, yesterday I went
through your things,
190
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,601
and I found
the Scoochie letters.
191
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:53,437
Someone has some
explaining to do!
192
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,274
You went through my things?
193
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,910
That part
doesn't need explaining.
194
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,579
How dare you
keep love letters
from another man?!
195
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:02,580
That part.
196
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,785
Frankly, Dick...
197
00:08:06,853 --> 00:08:08,520
I'm relieved.
198
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,121
Who is Scoochie?!
199
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,322
I don't know!
200
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,490
You don't know!
201
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:14,693
I swear I've
never met him!
202
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:16,093
I started getting
these letters
203
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,562
a couple
of years ago.
He's probably
204
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,996
an old student
with a crush.
205
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:23,067
No student
from our college
could write that well!
206
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,769
I know.
207
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,203
I thought about
throwing them out,
208
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:29,607
but nobody's ever said
such beautiful things
about me.
209
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,743
Oh, Mary, it's easy
for some stranger
to say nice things.
210
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,612
They don't know you
like I do.
211
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,118
[flatly]
Thanks.
212
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,253
I felt guilty about
hiding them from you,
213
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,055
but...they're
kind of exciting.
214
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:47,325
Where is your head, woman?
You know nothing
about this Scoochie!
215
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,395
Only that he is
an extremely sensitive,
216
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:53,865
incredibly romantic man
who makes me feel special!
217
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,967
"Feel special."
That is so ridic--
218
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,239
No idea who he is?
219
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:02,373
None.
220
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:04,642
No idea
whatsoever?
221
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:05,776
None whatsoever.
222
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:06,978
Mary.
Huh?
223
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,482
I am Scoochie.
224
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,297
You know, Annabet,
I love these outfits.
225
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,565
But as
a practical matter,
226
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,834
how do you tell who
has the biggest boobs?
227
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,006
Sally, we are not
concerned with such things.
228
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,073
Huh!
229
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:38,443
I guess I know
what you got.
230
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:44,282
Ohh...boy. Howdy.
Am I tired!
231
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,951
But it's
a good tired...
232
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:48,553
'cause with
work like this,
233
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:51,089
it makes you feel
like you've really
accomplished somethin'.
234
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:52,757
Brother Harry,
you sound like you plowed
235
00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:54,459
the entire south field.
236
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:57,461
No, but he finally
got both boots on.
237
00:09:57,531 --> 00:10:01,032
Yeah. I tell you,
I was racin' the sun.
238
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,366
I hope you're
hungry, Harry.
239
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,968
We set a mighty table.
240
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,503
Mmm. I know.
241
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:08,039
I saw one of your forks
out there in the barn.
242
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,542
Supper is ready.
243
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,543
Let us gather.
244
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,545
All right!
245
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,799
Harry, Sally...
246
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:37,035
now that you've seen
something of our way,
what do you think?
247
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:39,971
Well...
honestly...
248
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,906
uh, you know,
you guys could
do a better job
249
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,642
blending in.
I mean,
right now,
250
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:46,277
you're sort of
screamin',
"We're different!"
251
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,880
We believe it's best
not to fit in.
252
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,047
Huh?
253
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,049
We remain apart
from society
254
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:53,684
so we don't
lose ourselves
255
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,886
and forget why we were
placed on Earth.
256
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,090
Oh, my God,
Harry.
257
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,258
That's what
happened to us.
258
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,427
We blended in
too much!
259
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:06,230
Yeah...like creamy
frappuccinos.
260
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,499
What's a frappuccino?
261
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,000
Oh, I'll show you.
262
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,602
Annabet,
two frappuccinos.
263
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,970
Oh, no.
Make that
three, babe.
264
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:14,572
Three
frappuccinos.
265
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,441
Come on! What
am I speakin',
Chinese?
266
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:17,975
Let's move.
You want some...
267
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,781
Well, Mary...
what do you say
268
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,116
we slip back
into the tub
269
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,819
and...get dirty?
[chuckles]
270
00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:30,855
I haven't had
this many showers
271
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:33,625
since I caught lice
in the Peace Corps.
272
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:38,396
Just glad they left
some of you for me
to nibble.
273
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:40,598
Ohh...oh, Dick,
274
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:41,832
these letters
have injected
275
00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:43,768
so much heat
into our relationship.
276
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:45,803
Scoochie's good.
277
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,004
[chuckles]
278
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,806
Ooh! By the way...
279
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,508
I got Scoochie's
latest letter.
280
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:53,911
Ohh. Any favorite parts
that I should know about?
281
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:55,513
Well, some of it's
kind of racy.
282
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:57,582
You're welcome.
[chuckles]
283
00:11:57,651 --> 00:11:59,984
Anyway, I'll go
get the shower caps.
284
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,485
Okay.
285
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,155
Ooh. You know
what I found
286
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,623
particularly
intriguing?
287
00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:06,924
Of course I do.
288
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:09,059
It was the suggestion
289
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:10,962
of finally meeting
Scoochie
290
00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:13,130
at a special rendezvous.
291
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,300
[chuckles] I thought
you would like that.
292
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,302
[chuckles]
A rendezvous?!
293
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:20,305
Uh, uh, I--I--
I wouldn't take that
too seriously, Mary.
294
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:23,807
He was probably joking.
Scoochie loves to laugh.
295
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,977
No, no.
I was surprised.
296
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:27,678
And titillated.
297
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,381
So I RSVP'd
with a sexy little note
298
00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:32,983
to Scoochie's P.O. box
just like he asked.
299
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,519
Why the hell
did you do that?!
300
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,254
Uh, I--I--I mean...
301
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:38,189
that's 34 cents
that we could've spent
302
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,024
on...good times.
303
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,864
Hello there,
brother.
304
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,199
Let me see...
305
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,567
"TV Guide,
306
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:50,969
"Hydrox Cookies,
307
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:53,738
that new Nsync CD."
308
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:55,807
Hey. It's
one of them.
309
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:58,376
You wanna go
mess with him?
Yeah.
310
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,144
Yeah, but they
aren't supposed
to fight back.
311
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:02,747
Mmm.
"George Foreman
Grilling Machine,
312
00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:04,081
and a--"
Hey, Amish boy,
313
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,249
you want
some ice cream?
314
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:07,185
Oh. That would be nice.
315
00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:08,186
Whoops.
316
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:09,220
[both laugh]
317
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,655
I get it.
It's one of them
318
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,991
open the hanger,
here comes the plane
type deals.
319
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:14,793
Let--Let's try it again.
320
00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:15,794
Yeah.
321
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:17,896
Oh...oh...
[laughs]
322
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:20,064
Maybe I'm movin'
around too much.
323
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,766
Whatcha gonna do
about it, Amish boy?
324
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,334
Well, I'll stand
really still, all right?
325
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,069
I think we almost
had it that time.
326
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:28,907
Oh, oh, ohhh!
327
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,942
It's funny how
the simplest things
328
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,310
can be
so difficult.
329
00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:34,212
Harry...
are you comin'?
330
00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:35,613
Oh. Hello.
331
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:37,414
Look at the big
Amish girl. [laughs]
332
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,916
Oh, she
looks scared.
333
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,385
Why don't you go
quilt yourself
a hanky...
334
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,386
and cry?
335
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,488
[both laugh]
336
00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,257
[laughs]
337
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,625
Well...well,
first of all,
338
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:49,093
you wouldn't
quilt a hanky.
339
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,461
You'd quilt
a pot holder.
340
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,729
And second...
341
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:52,764
Ooh!
Ooh!
342
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,000
Ohhh...
Ohhh...
343
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:57,835
We've only been Amish
for a little while.
344
00:13:57,904 --> 00:14:00,738
Hey, I got
an idea.
345
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,840
You stand still, and
I'll come to the cone.
346
00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:03,941
Ohh!
Harry!
347
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,821
Good morning, Dick.
Oh, hello there.
348
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,222
[chuckles]
What's this?
349
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,961
Ooh, a letter
from Scoochie.
350
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,329
On my letterhead.
351
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,032
Scoochie's thrifty.
352
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,468
[chuckles]
353
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,070
"Dear Mary...
354
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:33,137
"How are you?
355
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,639
I am fine."
356
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,811
"I'm canceling
our bad night
of activity
357
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:40,878
"we had planned.
358
00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:42,447
"Instead, you and I
359
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:46,150
will be eating
hot dogs and wieners
in your backyard."
360
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,320
"From...your friend...
361
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,321
Scoochie."
362
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,558
This is not
one of his best.
363
00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:54,892
The point is,
364
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:56,694
the rendezvous
has been relocated.
365
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:57,995
I guess so.
366
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,764
Good. That's that, then.
367
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:01,299
Mary Albright?
Hmm?
368
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:02,599
I have
a special delivery
369
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,602
from a Mr., uh...
Scoochie.
370
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:05,937
Uh-oh.
371
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,838
Thank you.
372
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:08,839
[laughs]
373
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,011
"Dearest Mary...
374
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,880
"Your voice
is a perfume
375
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:17,582
"that fills my lungs.
376
00:15:17,651 --> 00:15:20,184
The very wind
is jealous."
377
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,521
Now, that's
more Scoochie's style.
378
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:27,057
"Kindly ignore
my last letter."
379
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:28,058
What?!
380
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,128
"And instead,
meet me tonight
381
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:32,563
as planned
at the Medieval
Festival."
382
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,765
Oh, let me
see that!
383
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,134
Damn!
What?
384
00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:39,369
[stammering]
I--I misspelled
"Medieval."
385
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,007
[whistling]
386
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,474
Hey there, Sally.
387
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:45,475
Hey!
388
00:15:45,544 --> 00:15:47,044
Yeah. Doin'
some laundry?
389
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,981
No. Harry, this
is a butter churn.
390
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:54,352
Mmm. No wonder
my whites
came out yellow.
391
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:55,619
[chuckles] You know,
392
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:59,057
I have learned
so much from Team X.
393
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,058
Patience.
394
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,392
Discipline.
395
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,294
The only thing
I really miss
are zippers.
396
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:04,628
You know, I never did
get the hang of those.
397
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:05,729
I know.
398
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:09,033
Listen. Harry.
399
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,401
I've been thinkin'.
400
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,071
Maybe we could
transfer
401
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,172
to this outfit
for good.
402
00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:16,473
Join Team X?
403
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:17,909
Join a winner!
404
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:19,910
Okay!
405
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,578
[chuckles]
Ha ha!
406
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,414
[both laugh]
407
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,516
Oh, but...what about Dick?
408
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:28,352
Forget Dick. He's
an outsider now.
409
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:31,389
Yeah. Maybe he could
come by from time to time
and we can shun him.
410
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:32,390
Ahhh...
411
00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:33,658
Ahh.
412
00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:35,626
Brother Harry,
Sister Sally.
413
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:38,762
Jedediah, we have
great news.
414
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,597
Harry and I
have decided
415
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,966
to join your team
permanently.
416
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,571
It's funny you
should say that.
417
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,873
Because we want you
to leave our community.
418
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,911
Leave? But...
we're making
such a difference!
419
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,312
That's the problem.
420
00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:59,617
You organized buggy races
for gambling purposes.
421
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,119
And you made
1-900 calls
422
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,087
from our community
phone. Shame.
423
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:07,124
And worst of all,
you've corrupted
424
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,592
our daughter
Prudence.
425
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,561
That is
an absolute lie!
426
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:14,465
We found this quilt
in her room!
427
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:18,803
Okay, maybe
a little bit
of corruption, but...
428
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:21,305
All right, look.
We're sorry. Okay?
429
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:25,142
We tried to live
up to your purity,
but...
430
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,644
I guess we should go.
431
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:30,848
By the way, Annabet,
432
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:33,116
you hit the Trifecta.
433
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,154
Pumpkin...
434
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:39,323
I know you're
gonna miss me.
435
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:42,159
But some night...
when you're
feelin' lonely...
436
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,494
just look up there.
437
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,762
At a star?
438
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,630
No, at a satellite,
'cause wherever I am,
439
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:49,233
I'm gonna be watchi''
satellite TV.
440
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,367
Get out!
441
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:51,368
Okay.
442
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,744
Ooh!
Ooh!
Ooh!
443
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,682
Hello!
444
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,217
Are you who
I think you are,
445
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,718
Scoochie?
Oh. Yeah.
446
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,220
I thought you wanted
to meet me by the moat.
447
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:11,856
I did? It's
a stupid idea. Let's
get outta here, Mary.
448
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,525
No! Scoochie,
we can't leave.
449
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,960
All right, I'll stay
for the wet bodice contest,
but that's it!
450
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,062
No!
451
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,998
The Black Knight
is about to select
452
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,000
an opponent
for a duel.
453
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,869
♪♪ [fanfare]
454
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,103
Ohh...
Ohhh...
Ohh...
455
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:27,138
Wow!
456
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,273
Who among you
is brave enough
457
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:32,509
to face
the Black Knight?
458
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,177
You, sir.
459
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:36,647
Oh...no. No, no.
No, no, no, no.
460
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:39,883
Ohhh...valiant
Sir Scoochie...
461
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:40,884
defend your lady.
462
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,453
Uh, no! Mary!
463
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,187
You know, if you fight
with the performers,
464
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:45,589
you have to tip them.
465
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,726
Now, just...
knock that off!
466
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:51,729
Or I'll take that
cardboard sword
of yours--
467
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,931
That's good cardboard.
468
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,567
Valiant Sir Scoochie...
469
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,769
defend
your lady!
Oh.
470
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,104
Oh, yes.
471
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:02,573
Uh...uh, yes.
Of course.
472
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,908
Well, let's
go to it, then.
473
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,711
I will dispense
with you presently!
474
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,747
[crowd clamors]
475
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,057
I'm only fighting
with you to impress
my girlfriend,
476
00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:24,127
so if you could pretend
to fall at her feet,
that would be huge.
477
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,402
That scent.
I know that scent!
478
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,607
The letters!
479
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:37,842
Scoochie?
480
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,781
I should warn you
that I've killed...
481
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,317
with everything
from a steak knife
482
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:48,785
to a penny dropped
from a skyscraper.
483
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,156
So don't be too brave
484
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,457
for your own good!
485
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:55,359
[crowd shouts
and chatters]
486
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,465
[cheering and applause]
487
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,067
You are so brave!
488
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:04,101
Oh, yes. I know.
489
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,102
Oh!
490
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,574
Get back in there!
491
00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:11,575
Whoo!
492
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:12,709
Unhh!
493
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,448
Aaahh!
494
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:19,449
Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh!
495
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,218
No! Scoochie!
496
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:22,219
Reveal yourself!
497
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:23,821
I can't take it
anymore!
498
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,669
Dick?
499
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,771
Did you just
call him Scoochie?
500
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,873
Dick, it's been
a long time.
501
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:45,342
Liam! Uh--uh--uh,
how are you?
502
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:48,212
Oh, splendid. I, uh,
recently won a Probie.
503
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:49,846
Uh...
504
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,515
Scoochie
is from Team X?
505
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,749
Look, I'd love to chat,
506
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,551
but there's the small matter
of your beheading.
507
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:55,552
Uh, sire?
508
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,857
No! Thumbs up
means that I live.
509
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,093
Well, not
where I come from.
510
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:09,967
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