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1
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:07,339
Oh, my god!
2
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,007
Last night's game
Was brutal!
3
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,508
Oh, what happened?
4
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,510
"White queen's bishop 3
Takes black rook's pawn 4
5
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:13,712
In 12 moves!"
6
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:16,381
Aah! In your face,
Andrei pershnekov!
7
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:17,416
Oh!
Oh!
8
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:18,450
All right, fellas,
Set up in here.
9
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:19,818
Move all this
Furniture out.
10
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:21,152
Hi, donny!
11
00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:22,387
You want
An omelette?
12
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:23,522
I can't, sally.
13
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,123
I'm here on
Official business.
14
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:27,492
And, yes, I would
Like that omelette.
15
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:29,661
What kind
Of official business?
16
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:31,029
Mushroom and cheese.
17
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,932
Oh! And we suspect
That your neighbor
18
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:36,769
Across the street
Is a video pirate.
19
00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:39,270
Ohh, you mean the guy
With the peg leg
20
00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:41,173
And the eye patch?
21
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:43,342
No, the guy
Right next door to him.
22
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,277
I'm talking about
The kind of scum
23
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,811
That puts new movies
On tape
24
00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:49,548
And then resells them
Illegally for a profit.
25
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:52,517
Don, when you nab
This criminal,
26
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:53,852
As I know you will,
27
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:56,187
Can you get us a copy
Of prince's much maligned
28
00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:57,723
And misunderstood
Film classic
29
00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,291
under a cherry moon?
30
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,393
Dick, you can get that
At any video store.
31
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,727
You'd think so
Wouldn't you?
32
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,662
No.
But no.
33
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,031
Jimmy!
34
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:07,566
Get those 22 power
Binoculars.
35
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,833
Put them on the tripod.
36
00:01:08,835 --> 00:01:10,735
Bob, get the night goggles
For backup.
37
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,370
And, phil!
38
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:13,338
Surprise me.
39
00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:17,909
Man, I love it
40
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,479
When you order
People around.
41
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,747
Order me around.
42
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,716
Well, there's really
Nothing left to do.
43
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,651
I was sort of running
Out of gas with phil.
44
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,153
order
45
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,588
me
46
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,490
around.
47
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,258
Well, I, uh...
48
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:36,261
I guess you could
Make me that omelette.
49
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,397
Are you asking me
Or telling me?
50
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,432
And make it fluffy!
Waah!
51
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,673
Since volume
Is proportional
52
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,308
To the cube
Of the radius,
53
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:28,246
Then the atom is actually
10 to the 15th power--
54
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:29,814
Mmm!
55
00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:32,950
What did I just say, leon?
56
00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:36,421
Uh, "What did
I just say, leon."
57
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:38,089
Students,
We are talking about
58
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,859
The orbital trajectories
Of subatomic nuclei.
59
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,762
This is the fun stuff
I promised you!
60
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:44,929
Dr. Solomon,
61
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:46,965
How can you expect us
To concentrate?
62
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,166
Yeah, this
Is the last class
63
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,234
Before spring break.
64
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:51,236
Ahh, yes, spring break.
65
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:53,372
The time when young people
Give their minds a rest
66
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:56,108
From giving
Their minds a rest.
67
00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:57,276
It's so great!
68
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,311
It's a whole week
Of drinking and partying
69
00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:02,915
And water-skiing naked
At midnight with a live goat!
70
00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:04,182
It's gonna be
So much fun!
71
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,584
That sounds utterly
Infantile!
72
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:09,488
Not to mention a waste
Of a very talented goat.
73
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:11,989
Come on, dr. Solomon.
You were young once.
74
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,560
Why, no.
75
00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:17,896
No, I wasn't.
76
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,063
Well, what do you mean?
77
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,367
None of your business!
78
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:28,807
Nina...
79
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,709
You still pass
For young.
80
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,813
What do you do
During spring break?
81
00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,315
I like to use the time
To relax
82
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:38,450
And find my center again.
83
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,151
And how do you do that?
84
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:43,221
Well, I picture
A 50-mile radius around you,
85
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,823
And I go outside of that.
86
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:50,128
Ah, that does
Sound relaxing.
87
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:53,131
Oh, dick,
I'm glad you're here.
88
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,433
I wanted you
To see this.
89
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,501
"The bed and breakfast
On sterling lake"?
90
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,302
Sterling lake is
Really special to me, dick.
91
00:03:58,304 --> 00:03:59,905
I spent so many
Happy summers there
92
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,706
With my family
When I was young.
93
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:04,876
Wait a second.
You had a youth, too?
94
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,344
Yes, dick.
95
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:07,812
Well, what was it like,
96
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:09,314
Or can you
Still remember?
97
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,383
It was wonderful.
98
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,786
We lived in log cabins
We built ourselves.
99
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:17,689
Oh! And when mr. Lincoln
Came to town,
100
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,658
We were all a-flutter.
101
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,094
What do you think
It was like, dick?
102
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,595
I'm sorry, mary.
103
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,465
I just feel like...
104
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,200
Like I never had
A youth.
105
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:29,501
What do you mean?
106
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:30,935
While you were
Growing up,
107
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,237
I was working
108
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,272
As a color spectrum
Particle separator
109
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,940
At the assemblage
Dome.
110
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,610
Boy, and I bitched
About working
111
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,144
At the dairy queen.
112
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:44,849
Phil?
113
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:47,786
What is this?
114
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:51,389
I ordered a pastrami on rye
Without mustard.
115
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:54,492
This has mustard!
116
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,761
You call yourself a cop?
117
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:05,670
All right. All right!
118
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,939
Are those cops gonna
Be up here all night?
119
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,006
'cause
I'd really rather
120
00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:11,476
Have them come down
To my place.
121
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,778
They're staking out this
Guy across the street
122
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,681
Who illegally pirates
Videos.
123
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:18,216
Does he have any
Films starring...
124
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,685
Chesty doubloons?
125
00:05:20,753 --> 00:05:23,155
Uh, I'm not sure. Why?
126
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,423
No reason.
127
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,526
Ok, boys,
I'm out of here.
128
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:28,793
Now, listen up.
129
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:30,061
With the police here
Day and night,
130
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,696
I want you all to be
On your guard.
131
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:32,998
Don't do anything
That might expose
132
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,666
Our true identities.
133
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:35,833
Come on, dick.
134
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,001
What do you think
We're going to do,
135
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,336
Walk around in
T-shirts that say,
136
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,472
"Hug me.
I'm an alien"?
137
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:46,311
I'm never gonna
Live that down, am I?
138
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:48,913
Your head looks funny.
139
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:50,715
Watch this.
140
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:52,150
I'm looking
For an officer
141
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:53,985
Don orville.
142
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:58,490
I am he.
143
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,992
Jack mcmannus.
State crime division.
144
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,727
Well, what,
Like the feds?
145
00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:04,362
No.
146
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,864
Feds are federal.
I'm with the state.
147
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,633
It's feds...
148
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,268
State...
149
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,670
You.
150
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,307
Don, is he serious?
151
00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:16,641
Listen up, people!
152
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:17,809
We've been chasing
This video pirate
153
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,711
For a long time,
So I hereby commandeer
154
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,246
This observation post.
155
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,882
But don, this is
Your case. Tell him!
156
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,051
Yeah, what am I
Supposed to do?
157
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,518
You can
Get me a sandwich.
158
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:31,256
Hey,
Who's this guy?
159
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:33,225
Jack mcmannus.
I'm with the state.
160
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,026
Ooh! A fed.
161
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:44,902
And this is your room.
162
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,305
Oh, my god.
163
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:49,240
Mary, come look
At the room!
164
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,747
Oh, it's just
As it was
165
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,248
When I
Was a little girl.
166
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,150
And I remember you!
167
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,585
My family,
The albrights,
168
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,086
Brought me here
Every summer.
169
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,689
I'm sorry, dear.
I don't recall.
170
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:06,158
Oh, you must remember!
171
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,893
I loved your blueberry
Belgian waffles.
172
00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:10,962
I have so many guests here.
173
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,898
You people all
Blend together.
174
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,136
Oh! I have
A wonderful idea!
175
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,105
We used to go to
This woodsy little place
176
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,373
Called der burgerplatz.
177
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:23,508
The juiciest hamburgers
In the world.
178
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,543
It sounds der wonderful.
179
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:26,978
Shall we go now?
180
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,047
Or later.
181
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,281
After you've earned it.
182
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,683
Oh. You mean
You want to--
183
00:07:32,685 --> 00:07:34,619
But, mary,
It's still daylight.
184
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,823
Sure! That's the charm
Of a place like this.
185
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:40,024
Oh, they should put that
In the brochure.
186
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:46,297
Why do you have to ride
Don like that?
187
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,799
He's a good guy.
188
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,268
Well, I'm sure he is,
But I have a job to do.
189
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,871
I didn't make lieutenant
By being a softie.
190
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,639
Wait a second.
You're a lieutenant?
191
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,074
So am I!
192
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,110
Salvation army.
193
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,412
Yeah, yeah.
194
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:04,615
I get to ring
Your bigger bells.
195
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:05,984
So does the target
196
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,318
Have a back door
Perimeter?
197
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,319
Yeah. I'll have a unit
Standing by
198
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,688
With a reserve blockade.
199
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,390
Oh, how you going in,
"V" formation or 2 by 2?
200
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,560
Wow, you really know
Your military tactics.
201
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,929
Oh, well, you know,
Christmas crowds,
202
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,764
They're
Basically animals.
203
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,500
2 by 2, but
If things get dicey,
204
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,501
I'm gonna have
To fall back on
205
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,502
Sprint and cover.
206
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,871
That's exactly
What I would do.
207
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,173
Shall we talk weapons?
208
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,675
Sure.
209
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,443
Want to see my piece?
210
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,279
Yowser!
211
00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:40,484
[rock music playing]
212
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,889
Oh, this is horrible!
213
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:48,025
Spring break has invaded
My little burgerplatz.
214
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,028
So this is what
Young people do
215
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,462
On spring break?
216
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:53,097
These kids have
Ruined this place.
217
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,365
Oh, I don't know.
218
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,300
It looks like they're having
A pretty good time,
219
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:59,070
Especially those people
Over there with the--
220
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,105
Is that a goat?
221
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,440
Oh, let's
Get out of here.
222
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:03,708
There are other
Places to eat.
223
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:04,875
I'll tell you
What, mary,
224
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:06,311
Why don't you go
And I'll stay?
225
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:07,445
What?
226
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:09,614
Uh, the burgers.
You love the burgers,
227
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:12,983
And you should have them,
So I'll stay and get in line
228
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:14,652
In this fun, awful place,
229
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:15,653
And bring them back
To the room
230
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:17,388
Eventually--right away!
231
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,757
Really, dick?
You're the best!
232
00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:21,226
No, you're the best.
233
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,560
No, wait.
234
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,928
I'm the best.
235
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,966
You see that?
It's so great!
236
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,635
Hey, buddy!
237
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:31,736
Dr. Buddy!
238
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:32,871
Hey!
Hey!
239
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,205
Caryn, pitman,
And leon,
240
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:35,506
What are you doing
Here?
241
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:36,907
A physics experiment.
242
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:38,443
Every time I pour beer
Down my throat,
243
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:41,012
It obeys the laws
Of gravity. Every time.
244
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,280
[belches loudly]
245
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:44,182
I'm pitman!
246
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,816
I'm pitman, too!
247
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:47,084
[belches]
248
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,086
Yeah!
249
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,354
Can I join you?
250
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,789
Um, well,
251
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,424
Here's
The thing:
252
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:53,358
No.
253
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,361
This looks like
So much fun!
254
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:57,595
Please, uh, tell me
What to do.
255
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,197
I'll do
Anything you say.
256
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:00,231
What?
257
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,167
I want to be
Your student,
258
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,636
And you can be
My esteemed professors.
259
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:07,272
I'm so totally esteemed.
260
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,506
Ha ha ha!
261
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,708
Ok, ok.
Lesson one.
262
00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:13,544
This is beer.
Get to know it.
263
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,615
No, no, no, no.
264
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,617
really
Get to know it.
265
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:23,821
All chanting:
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
266
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:26,190
[chanting]
267
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,660
Solomon, chug! Chug! Chug!
268
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:29,661
Solomon!
269
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,462
Solomon, solomon,
Chug, chug, chug!
270
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,830
Yeah!
271
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:36,133
[belches]
272
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,302
I'm pitman, too!
273
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,037
[all cheering]
274
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:46,644
So, jack,
What's the perp doing?
275
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,646
Sitting on the couch.
276
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,949
What's he doing now?
277
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,018
Sitting on the couch.
278
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,052
That bastard!
279
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:56,320
He's toying with us!
280
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,755
It's all right, boys.
281
00:10:57,757 --> 00:10:59,157
We are gonna
Tail this freak
282
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,893
Until he makes a move,
And I know guys like this.
283
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,127
They always make a move.
284
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:04,695
Oh, yeah, they move,
All right.
285
00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,864
They move
All over the place!
286
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:10,734
If you'll excuse me,
I gotta take care of a 514.
287
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:11,702
What's that?
288
00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:15,206
Pee-pee.
289
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:17,508
Hey, lieutenant.
290
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,811
Hey, lieu--you.
291
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:22,747
What is it
With that guy?
292
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:24,382
He makes me
Feel so...
293
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,783
Tingly?
Alive?
294
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,385
Yeah! Hey.
295
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:30,121
Would it
Be weird
296
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,356
If I went
And smelled
297
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,589
His jacket?
298
00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:33,758
Oh, we have.
299
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:34,859
Go ahead.
300
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,196
That's the last time
I get coffee
301
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,530
For jack mcmannus.
302
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,764
Oh, hey--
303
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:42,300
Don, you
Gotta sign in.
304
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,069
Since when do we
Have to sign in?
305
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,269
Jack's rules.
306
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:50,708
Yeah? Well,
I am not signing in!
307
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,709
Oh, why did they
Have to bring in
308
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:52,710
The feds?
309
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:53,911
This should've been
My collar.
310
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:55,547
Why don't you break
The case yourself?
311
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,381
Yeah! Get the guy
To incriminate himself.
312
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,784
Yeah. And get it on
Tape to make it stick.
313
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,385
What, you mean
Like a wire?
314
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:04,255
Well, look who
Just woke up!
315
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,525
Wearing a wire.
316
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:08,726
Nice.
317
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:09,894
But who's
Gonna do it?
318
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:10,895
I'll do it.
319
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:11,896
Could be
Dangerous.
320
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:12,997
Harry'll do it.
321
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,037
[soft rock playing]
322
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,476
Solomon:
Oh. Here we go again...
323
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:26,010
[vomiting]
324
00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:27,879
[retching]
325
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,515
Oof!
326
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:32,083
Ok.
327
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,251
I think I'm really done
Throwing up now.
328
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,788
You're a wild man,
Dr. Solomon.
329
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:39,456
Oh, I love this!
Living in the moment,
330
00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:42,559
Alcohol wreaking havoc
On my liver,
331
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:44,662
My body destroying itself
From the inside--
332
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,798
I just feel so alive!
333
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,433
Look at all those stars.
334
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,602
The universe is so big.
335
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:55,406
There has just got to be
Intelligent life out there.
336
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,642
Oh, but they'd
Never come here.
337
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,610
I mean, what can we offer
338
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:02,814
Beings of such supreme
Intelligence?
339
00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:03,815
Beer me!
340
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:06,651
Wow. You turned
Into, like,
341
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:09,053
This whole other person,
Dr. Solomon.
342
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:11,289
You can
Call me dick.
343
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,258
That's so cool,
Dick.
344
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,360
You can call me
Dr. Solomon.
345
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:18,829
Uh-oh.
346
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,734
[vomiting]
347
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,173
Well, he put
The fire out.
348
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,379
I think I'm really done
Throwing up now.
349
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:43,788
Hi, jack.
350
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:46,057
Hi.
351
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:50,929
Ouchy, this dress
Is too tight.
352
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:53,932
Oh, yeah?
353
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,002
And too short.
Ohh!
354
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,137
Yeah.
355
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:11,148
Happy birthday,
Mr. President.
356
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,752
Yowser.
357
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,721
Listen, jack,
358
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:19,022
I'm not gonna
Lie to you.
359
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:20,858
I find you
Very attractive,
360
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,192
And I know you
Must find me
361
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,895
Attractive,
Because...
362
00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:26,564
Well, you
Have eyesight.
363
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:28,932
But I'm on duty.
364
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,368
I'm wearing a thong.
365
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,202
I'll sign out.
366
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,305
[cell phone rings]
367
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,241
Ohh.
368
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:38,342
Mcmannus.
369
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:43,347
Yeah, captain, I understand.
I'll be right there.
370
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:45,349
I'm sorry, doll.
371
00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:46,717
I gotta go.
372
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,653
There's something that needs
To be taken care of,
373
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,621
And I'm the only guy
Who can do it.
374
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:51,588
Ohh!
375
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,826
You ain't kiddin',
Baby.
376
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:00,597
[snoring]
377
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:10,608
Isn't she hot?
378
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:11,976
She is so hot.
379
00:15:11,978 --> 00:15:14,245
Can I make out
With her?
380
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,180
No, you cannot.
She's my girlfriend.
381
00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:17,181
But I let my friends
382
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:19,584
Make out with my
Girlfriend all the time.
383
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,720
Get over it, dude.
The girl is mine.
384
00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:34,365
Aah!
385
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:37,635
Hello, light sleeper.
386
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:39,203
What's going on?
387
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:40,538
Ah, there was
Nowhere else to go.
388
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,206
The bars were all closed.
389
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:43,474
So you brought them here?
390
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:44,809
Well, yeah!
391
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,911
Well, that's it!
The party's over!
392
00:15:47,913 --> 00:15:49,613
Oh, come on, mary,
Weren't you ever young?
393
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:50,948
Hey, leon!
394
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,650
Dance break!
395
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:53,851
Whoo!
Whoo!
396
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,286
[loud music playing]
397
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,454
I can't believe
You would ruin this
398
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,955
Place for me, dick,
399
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,091
A place that meant
So much to me.
400
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,391
Grind it, mary!
401
00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:03,594
Grind all your
Problems away!
402
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,567
Stop! Stop this ruckus
This minute!
403
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,002
I am so sorry!
404
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:12,970
I have never been
So embarrassed.
405
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,505
Oh, you should be.
406
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,173
And I do remember you.
407
00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:19,009
You're that fat
Little girl
408
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:21,979
Who ate everybody's
Belgian waffles.
409
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:22,980
Well, I--
410
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:26,884
And this is the kind
Of wild parties
411
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,652
And drunkenness
412
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,288
That your family brought
When they came here.
413
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:32,289
What?
414
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:35,492
I want you out of here
By tonight!
415
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:38,895
[door closes]
416
00:16:38,897 --> 00:16:40,731
Dance break!
417
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:41,932
[loud music plays]
418
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:48,139
[chiming]
419
00:16:49,743 --> 00:16:53,745
Testing 1, 2.
Testing 1, 2.
420
00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:55,747
♪ I've got you ♪
421
00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:57,715
♪ under my skin ♪
422
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,383
♪ I've got you-- ♪
423
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:02,353
Pizza delivery.
424
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,989
I didn't order
A pizza.
425
00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:07,291
Yeah, well,
It's part of a special
426
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:08,759
Promotional thing.
427
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,529
There's nothin'
But crusts.
428
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:15,132
[static]
429
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:16,467
Tommy: don, don,
Something's wrong.
430
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,903
I can't hear
Harry at all.
431
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,771
What the hell
Was that?
432
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,273
Don: oh, crap.
433
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,808
I think we've got the mic,
And he's got the speaker.
434
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:26,410
Tommy: what?
435
00:17:26,412 --> 00:17:30,014
But--but then that means
That the video pirate
436
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:33,050
Can hear everything
We're sayin'!
437
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,685
Don: run, harry.
438
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,521
Run!
439
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,923
Run, you idiot! Run!
440
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,926
I gotta run.
441
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,994
Aah!
442
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,032
Look at this place.
443
00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:51,836
You really know how to
Trash a hotel room, dick.
444
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,072
I'm sorry, mary.
445
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,573
What are these?
446
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,275
Oh, those are
Cantaloupe balls
447
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,110
Injected with vodka.
448
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,046
Stupid.
449
00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:08,051
I'm just so sorry.
450
00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:09,453
I've ruined this place
451
00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:12,489
That holds so many
Happy memories for you.
452
00:18:12,491 --> 00:18:14,658
Memories?
453
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:17,094
No, that old woman was right.
454
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,330
My parents only
Brought drunkenness
455
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,098
And chaos to this place.
456
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:24,268
I guess I romanticized it
Because I was fat and unhappy
457
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,303
And I just didn't want
To remember it that way.
458
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:27,804
That's so sad.
459
00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:29,707
Have you ever thought
About selling your story
460
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,408
To lifetime?
461
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:32,977
You could call it
462
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,312
fat, fat little girl,
463
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:37,381
the mary albright story.
464
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:42,119
Why does your youth
Always seem better
465
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,554
When you look back on it?
466
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:46,023
Mary, however unpleasant
Your youth was,
467
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:48,359
It's made you
Who you are today,
468
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:51,295
A bright, accomplished,
Mature woman,
469
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,964
The woman I love.
470
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,399
Ohh, dick.
471
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,407
Ohh-hh-hh!
472
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:09,713
Jack, are you
Leaving?
473
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,282
This case is a bust.
474
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:12,816
Barney fife here
Alerted the perp
475
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,385
To our presence,
And now he's fled.
476
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:16,119
Boy, give us some credit.
477
00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:18,655
Yeah. We screwed up
The case, too.
478
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,824
You are a disgrace
To that uniform,
479
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,360
And not just because
Of that haircut.
480
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:25,595
Hey, hey, hey!
481
00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:27,665
At least
Don took some action.
482
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,333
Yeah. He blew
All my hard work.
483
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:33,003
I can't even believe
I was ever attracted to you.
484
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,004
Huh?
485
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,005
You know something?
486
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,274
You may be a big time
State cop,
487
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:40,110
And you may be gorgeous
And get high profile cases
488
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,478
And make a lot of money,
489
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:45,282
But you got nothin'
On my donny!
490
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:46,417
Thanks, sally.
491
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,018
That wasn't
Emasculating at all.
492
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,186
You're welcome.
493
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,188
Bunch of yokels.
494
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,489
I'm outta here.
495
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:53,723
What's a yokel?
496
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,459
I don't know.
Some kind of cop talk.
497
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:56,460
Probably means brave.
498
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:57,394
Yeah.
499
00:19:58,797 --> 00:20:00,464
Were you really
Attracted to him?
500
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,834
I thought I was.
501
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:06,470
But, don...
502
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,272
You--
503
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:13,778
You had the guts
To risk harry's life.
504
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:17,081
Nothing makes me hotter
Than a man of action.
505
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:18,583
I'll show you
Some action.
506
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:21,719
Oh, yeah. Order me around,
You funky small town cop.
507
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,786
Get in there!
508
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:25,156
Waah! No! Aah!
509
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,327
It's funny. When
Young people get rowdy
510
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:31,528
And dance in a bar,
511
00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:33,663
Everybody says
They're just having fun.
512
00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:37,467
But when an adult does it,
They say, and I quote,
513
00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:38,802
"Quick, call an ambulance!
514
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,605
Some creepy old man is
Having a seizure in here!"
515
00:20:41,607 --> 00:20:44,108
I don't know. I think
Youth is overrated.
516
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:45,643
Greasy hair
And pimples,
517
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,244
Constantly having
To cover your lap
518
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,712
With a 3-ring binder.
519
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:50,347
Yeah, but without
Young people,
520
00:20:50,349 --> 00:20:51,414
We wouldn't have
the young guns
521
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:52,582
Movie franchise.
522
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:54,451
Or the young and the restless!
523
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:57,054
Or the noted psychologist
Carl jung.
524
00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:58,455
No, that's with a "J."
It doesn't count.
525
00:20:58,457 --> 00:20:59,456
It has to.
It's a homonym.
526
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:00,891
Homonyms
Don't count!
36305
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