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1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:07,372
1, 2, 3,
4, 5, 6.
2
00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:10,075
Ahhh, isn't this great?
Look at us.
3
00:00:10,077 --> 00:00:11,876
An earth family
Sitting around together
4
00:00:11,878 --> 00:00:13,311
On a beautiful
Autumn evening,
5
00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:14,847
Playing a nice,
Friendly game.
6
00:00:14,849 --> 00:00:18,283
Yeah, a game called
"Sex or consequences."
7
00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:20,652
"The naughty, bawdy
Adult party game
8
00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:23,755
Where everybody
Wants to be on top!"
9
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:24,957
Whoopee.
10
00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:26,758
Oh, come on, sally.
You're not even trying.
11
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,795
Look how far you are
From "The erogenous zone."
12
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,030
Fine.
13
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:35,400
Ok. "Lover
Or loser."
14
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:36,668
That should
Be fun.
15
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,503
"With what celebrity
Would you be tempted
16
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:39,705
To cheat on your mate?"
17
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,806
Jon voight!
18
00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:43,474
Man, let her answer.
19
00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:45,410
Say "Jon voight."
20
00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:47,345
I don't have a mate
To cheat on, ok?
21
00:00:47,347 --> 00:00:48,346
Uh-uh. That sends you
Right back
22
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:50,649
To "Chastity corner."
23
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,618
I'm done.
24
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:53,685
Tommy, will you
Please move
25
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,954
Her little metal buttocks
Back 5 spaces?
26
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:57,756
Uh, excuse me.
Sally is the tongue.
27
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,992
I am the buttocks.
28
00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:01,460
You think she's ok?
29
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:02,661
Sally? Sure.
30
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:03,862
She just gets
This way sometimes
31
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,631
Since her painful
Breakup with don.
32
00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:06,932
Ha! Which one?
33
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:08,500
Well, I hear that.
34
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,734
Tommy, your spin.
35
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:11,937
1, 2, 3...
36
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:14,306
"Swap partners
And smooch"?
37
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:16,541
Ooh. Sexy!
38
00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:18,543
Hey! No, no, no!
39
00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:21,079
Dick, why don't you go
Play this with dr. Albright?
40
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,581
Ok?
Oh, fine.
41
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,516
But that's the last time
I bring home
42
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:25,883
A sexually explicit
Board game
43
00:01:25,885 --> 00:01:27,285
For this family!
44
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,822
I hate that game.
45
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,257
You want to play
Strip parcheesi?
46
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,725
You're on!
47
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,998
Oh, good morning,
Dick.
48
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,132
Strudwick.
49
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,234
[slurps]
50
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:21,840
Must you slurp?
51
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,309
Sorry. It's a rich,
Delicious cappuccino.
52
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,476
I just made it.
53
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,145
So you have
A cappuccino machine.
54
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,479
It's a gift
From the chancellor
55
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,848
Just to acknowledge
The success of my book.
56
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:33,785
Yes. Your little
Pamphlet on physics.
57
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:36,321
It's going into
Its third printing.
58
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:41,059
Yep. It's quite a machine.
59
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,227
It's got an auto-frother.
60
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,962
Oh, well, I prefer
To froth manually.
61
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,700
Would you like me to make
You a little cappy, dick?
62
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:51,502
Oh, no, thank you,
Strudwick.
63
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:53,338
I find that
Excessive caffeine
64
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,173
Tends to make one
Look puffy.
65
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,041
Like a jerk.
66
00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:04,883
Ok.
67
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,285
We got one
Pastrami lasorda...
68
00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:08,787
Mm-mmm.
69
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:11,623
And one
Mozzarella fitzgerald.
70
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,024
I don't get the names
Of these sandwiches.
71
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,494
Tommy, here's
Your hammy connick jr.
72
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,096
Well, that one's obvious.
73
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,631
Look, it's piled high
With ham and connick.
74
00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:21,966
Yeah.
75
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:24,836
[motorcycle engine
Shuts off]
76
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,286
Don!
Nice motorcycle, man!
77
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:43,621
Shiny!
78
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:44,922
Sally.
79
00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:46,257
Been a while.
80
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,426
That is the most
Incredible machine
81
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:49,961
I've ever seen.
82
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,129
You're looking at
Rutherford p.D.'s
83
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:53,031
One and only hog.
84
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,065
I've been waiting
5 years to get my--
85
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,566
Get back on it.
86
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:56,567
Excuse me?
87
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,338
Get back on it.
88
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,908
Oh, yeah.
89
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,177
Can I buy you a wrap?
90
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,445
Ok.
91
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:07,479
Uhh...
92
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:10,348
Uhh...
93
00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:15,587
Unbelievable.
94
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,822
Every hot mama
In this place
95
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:18,890
Was checking him out.
96
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:19,891
What's the deal?
97
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,125
Must be the machine.
98
00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:23,227
Hot mamas
Love the machine.
99
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,228
Why?
100
00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:25,897
Why do
The hot mamas care?
101
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,632
I don't know.
102
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:28,767
But I'll tell
You something,
103
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,468
Me little buddy,
104
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,203
I'm gonna find out.
105
00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:36,841
Hey!
106
00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:42,480
[slurring]
4, 5, 6.
107
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,482
Straight to
Martini island!
108
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:46,517
All right!
109
00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:47,819
Would you like me
To shake it?
110
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:48,854
Oh, please.
111
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:49,921
Mmmmm...
112
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,057
Mmm!
113
00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:54,292
Ha ha.
114
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,395
This beats the scrap
Out of crabble.
115
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,599
Ahh,
"Naughty or nice."
116
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:06,271
"What's the craziest thing
You've ever done in bed?"
117
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:07,639
Well...
118
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,140
There was
The time I staged
119
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,343
A reading
Of "Othello,"
120
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:12,944
And the role
Of desdemona
121
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:16,781
Was played
By a down comforter.
122
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:22,620
I'm not going to give you
Any spaces for that.
123
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,090
"Truth or dare."
124
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,325
"Who was
Your last fling?"
125
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:30,195
Oh...
126
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:32,664
That would
Have to be...
127
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,701
[both laugh]
128
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:38,003
Vincent strudwick.
129
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,670
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
130
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:44,476
Strudwick!
131
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:45,710
No!
132
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:46,711
Yes!
133
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,713
I'm back on martini island!
134
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,215
You can set me up.
135
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:52,850
You can kiss
My tiny pewter ass!
136
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,626
Oh, I can't get
His face out of my mind!
137
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:02,594
Strudwick's?
138
00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:05,997
No, nina.
Little davey tennant,
139
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:08,533
The boy down the block.
140
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,435
You see, ever since
He was 3 years old,
141
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:12,871
Davey's wanted
More than anything
142
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:16,074
To see a real professional
Baseball game.
143
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,475
He wished
The biggest wish
144
00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:19,443
His little heart
Could muster.
145
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:21,513
But his dad was laid off
146
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:22,614
And couldn't afford
The tickets.
147
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:25,550
Well...
One day last week,
148
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,284
Little davey
Was outside
149
00:06:27,286 --> 00:06:29,353
Playing ball
Like he always does,
150
00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:31,389
And who should
Walk up the block,
151
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,991
Tall as a building,
152
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:35,627
But home run king
Mark mcgwire.
153
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:37,929
To see little davey's
Eyes light up
154
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,765
As mcgwire handed him
4 seats on the first base line,
155
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:43,968
Well, it's something
That I will never forget.
156
00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:47,238
Yes, strudwick's face!
157
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,107
Stop asking
Such stupid questions!
158
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,380
Look, you knew
About her past.
159
00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:59,751
Yeah, but until last night,
Her past was--was faceless!
160
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,753
Now it's got a face.
161
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:05,923
The fuzzy, smirking face
Of vincent w. Strudwick.
162
00:07:08,127 --> 00:07:10,428
I am so hung over.
163
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,763
Ohh.
164
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,932
Well, mary, that's just
Nature's way of telling you
165
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,066
What a tramp you are.
166
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:19,237
What?
167
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,005
Mary, did you fill out
Your form 8-as
168
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,274
For your
Graduate-level courses?
169
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,275
I didn't think
We needed those
170
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:24,509
Until next semester.
171
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:25,610
Strudwick:
The bursar's office says
172
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:26,878
We need them
Before midterms.
173
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:27,879
Oh, I'd better
Get on that.
174
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:28,947
Do you have
Any blank ones?
175
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:29,948
Fresh out,
But they've got them
176
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:30,949
At the administration
Building.
177
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,016
Oh, I'll call helen.
178
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,052
Oh, why don't you two
Just get a room?!
179
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,722
I'll bring
Some by later.
180
00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:41,993
What is your problem?
181
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,195
Oh, my problem?
182
00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:44,362
So it's my problem
183
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:46,231
That you had an affair
With strudwick.
184
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,700
Nina, how could
You tell him?!
185
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:49,934
You told him.
186
00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:52,103
Oh, I told--
187
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,707
Oh, I told him.
188
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,008
Oh, dick, you've
Got to understand.
189
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,910
Vincent and dottie
Were separated.
190
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,478
It was 7 years ago.
191
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,879
I didn't even
Know you then.
192
00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:03,014
It's ancient history!
193
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,116
Oh, ancient history?
194
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,718
Ancient history
Is dead people--
195
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,688
Pyramids, gladiators
Smiting lions,
196
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,055
A bottle of milk
For a nickel.
197
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:14,092
This is not
Ancient history!
198
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:16,160
Oh, my god.
199
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,262
I can still
Smell him on you!
200
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,234
Hey, I read this
Crazy statistic
201
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,036
In the paper
This morning.
202
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,939
Did you know that
70% of people our age
203
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,340
Are sexually active?
204
00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:33,879
And 40%
Have inhaled solvents.
205
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:37,415
Really. So, uh...
206
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,383
Which crowd do you
Want to hang with?
207
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,820
Are you suggesting
That we have sex?
208
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:45,089
Well, you--
Or inhale solvents.
209
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:46,391
You know,
It's really up to you.
210
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:48,093
I'm just trying
To be a gentleman.
211
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,394
Well, the guys
At the dealership
212
00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:51,663
Wouldn't sell me
A harley.
213
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,397
They said I didn't
Have enough money.
214
00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:54,566
Bummer. Did they have
Something cheaper?
215
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:55,800
Well, they had a yamaha,
216
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:57,468
But I didn't have enough
Money for that, either.
217
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,470
How much money
Do you have?
218
00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:00,839
I have no money.
219
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,607
You didn't plan this out
Very well, did you?
220
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,943
No, sir, I did not.
221
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,014
Hello.
Something wrong?
222
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,248
Yes, something's wrong,
223
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:14,152
Thanks to that mincing
Cretin vincent strudwick!
224
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,554
Hey, that's my dad
You're talking about.
225
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,724
Oh, I am so sorry, honey.
226
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,359
What was I thinking?
227
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,528
Would you please leave
So I can trash your father?
228
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:24,662
But we--
229
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:26,764
Get out!
230
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:28,967
Dick!
Tommy...
231
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:31,836
I don't know how
To break this to you.
232
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,138
Oh, my god.
What is it?
233
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:36,674
Try to stay calm.
234
00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:37,609
Here it comes.
235
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,612
7 years ago,
My beloved mary
236
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:44,049
Had a torrid affair
With vincent strudwick.
237
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:45,583
Oh, god. I thought
It was going to be
238
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,851
Something I cared about.
239
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:49,387
Hey, dick.
240
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,756
Harry?
241
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:52,757
There's no good way
242
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,392
To hear something
Like this.
243
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:55,427
You might want
To sit down.
244
00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,594
Albright
Dorked strudwick.
245
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,333
I almost sat down
For that?
246
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,773
The universe
Is out of balance.
247
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,174
Nothing makes sense
Anymore.
248
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:12,877
Strudwick gets
Everything I deserve.
249
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:14,346
If it's not
A cappuccino machine,
250
00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:15,547
It's a book deal.
251
00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:17,148
If it's not a book deal,
It's mary.
252
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,683
If it's not mary, it's...
253
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,618
A cappuccino machine.
254
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,887
Well, maybe you should
Even the score.
255
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,857
Yes. Yes!
256
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:28,893
I could sleep
With strudwick's wife!
257
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:29,928
Well, I was thinking
258
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:32,263
You could get
A cappuccino machine.
259
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,265
Wait. Dick, you're
Talking about sleeping
260
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,934
With my girlfriend's
Mother?
261
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,302
Uh-huh.
262
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:40,338
Don't you see?
Alissa looks up to her mom.
263
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,806
If you do that,
264
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,908
It'll undermine
All of her morality,
265
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:45,810
All of the values
That she spent years
266
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,712
Trying to instill
In alissa.
267
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,915
That is so perfect!
268
00:10:52,685 --> 00:10:56,520
Pave the way for
The little guy, caligula!
269
00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:57,655
Hey, hey!
270
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,656
What?
271
00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,958
We could take them
Out together!
272
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,092
What could be cooler
273
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,094
Than double-dating
With your dad?!
274
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,229
Yes!
275
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,964
Yeah!
276
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:14,439
How fast
Will this baby go?
277
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:15,706
You want to
Go faster, baby?
278
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,309
Oh, yeah!
Let's go faster, baby!
279
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:20,144
You got it, baby!
280
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:21,345
Aaah!
281
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:24,782
Redline it, baby!
Redline this hog!
282
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:26,617
This is a hospital
Zone, baby.
283
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,986
Do it, baby!
Do it!
284
00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:30,521
Pop a wheelie!
285
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,158
Yeah!
Aaaah!
286
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:37,061
Sally: that's it, baby.
Taste the asphalt!
287
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:40,097
[doorbell rings]
288
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:42,901
Hello, alissa.
289
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,669
Tommy forgot
His air freshener.
290
00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:45,736
What?
291
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:47,338
He was supposed
To forget his book bag,
292
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:50,308
But he
Forgot to forget it.
293
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,377
Oh, thank you,
Dick.
294
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,444
Ok. Bye.
295
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,979
Oh, uh...
As long as I'm here,
296
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,413
Is your father
At home?
297
00:11:56,415 --> 00:11:57,414
No.
298
00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:58,716
Is your mother
At home?
299
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,351
Yeah, but she's
In the shower.
300
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:01,986
Oh. In the shower.
301
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:04,022
Then my work
Is half done.
302
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,706
Aah! Ohhh!
303
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:23,974
Hi, dottie.
304
00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,542
D-dr. Solomon?
305
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:26,644
Oh, call me dick.
306
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,512
Please, sit down.
307
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:30,548
What are you
Doing here?
308
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:31,616
Let me explain.
309
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,451
You see, 7 years ago,
310
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,352
Your husband slept
With my girlfriend
311
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:36,354
Mary albright?
312
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,689
Vincent?
Slept with mary?
313
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,991
Yeah, I know.
It's an outrage.
314
00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:42,227
But let's
Address the situation
315
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,728
Like rational adults.
316
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,963
For the sake of both
Our relationships,
317
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,566
You and I need to sleep
Together. Agreed?
318
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:49,634
I don't believe this.
319
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,468
Well, I know,
But it's the only way.
320
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:53,304
Fortunately, we're
Both very attractive,
321
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,574
So it needn't be
An unpleasant experience.
322
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:59,477
Oh, I am going
To get him!
323
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:00,478
Now you're talking.
324
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,479
What say
We climb back
325
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:04,215
Into that shower
And get it on, huh?
326
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,416
Hey, mom?
327
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:06,650
Oh, my god!
328
00:13:06,652 --> 00:13:07,851
Uh, alissa,
Please.
329
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:10,621
Your mother and I
Need to make love.
330
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,391
So, uh...
331
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,863
Shall we leave
These adults alone
332
00:13:18,865 --> 00:13:21,732
And adjourn
To the jacuzzi?
333
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,668
Ohhh! Ohhhh!
334
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:24,969
Ohh.
335
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:28,740
What just
Went wrong here?
336
00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:32,309
I honestly don't know.
337
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,120
Doing ok
In there, donny?
338
00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:44,522
Mmmm.
339
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:47,491
Boy, he don't look
So good, do he?
340
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,526
Down
At the precinct,
341
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:51,529
They're calling him
The human scab.
342
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:54,398
Ok, how's
My patient doing?
343
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,768
What? You mean
The skinless wonder?
344
00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,438
I'm referring to don.
345
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,273
Or as we're
Calling him here...
346
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:05,743
Don tartare.
347
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,512
Ol' gravelback!
348
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,949
How about the amazing
Colossal scab?
349
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,151
I already had
The human scab.
350
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,752
Yeah, that
Was good, too.
351
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,487
Mine's just a bit
More...Clever.
352
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:20,290
Sally: oh, don!
353
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:22,459
Don! Look at you!
354
00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:24,228
[groans]
355
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:25,563
That is don, right?
356
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:26,564
Yeah.
357
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,399
Oh, don!
358
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,801
How is it
He looks like that,
359
00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:31,902
And you look
Like that?
360
00:14:31,904 --> 00:14:35,707
Well, you see, we were
Going into the skid,
361
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,408
And, uh, I...
362
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:41,412
I just used donny's
Body as a sled.
363
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,547
[groans]
364
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,848
Oh, god.
He was so heroic.
365
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:46,350
Now look at you.
366
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:51,589
All prone,
Helpless...
367
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,690
Tied up.
368
00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:55,560
See,
It never fails.
369
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,929
Babes love guys
On machines.
370
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:58,929
Well, that's good
For don,
371
00:14:58,931 --> 00:14:59,998
'cause he's gonna
Be hooked up
372
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,133
To that mechanical bladder
For quite a while.
373
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,602
I think it's sexy.
374
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,276
Have you gotten
Dottie strudwick
375
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:13,277
On the phone?
376
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:14,412
She keeps hanging up.
377
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,081
Please clean up
Your phone manners, nina.
378
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,349
I'm trying to sleep
With this woman.
379
00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:21,318
You're having me call
380
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,154
So you can sleep
With her?
381
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,588
Oh, nina.
382
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,223
You're right--that
Is so impersonal.
383
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:27,825
I'll bring her
Flowers and candy.
384
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:28,826
No, no!
385
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:29,827
Just flowers.
386
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,462
I don't want her fat.
387
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:33,731
What's the rush?
388
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,099
Oh, I'm off
To the florist,
389
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,467
Then sex with
Dottie strudwick,
390
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,068
Then, hey,
What say I swing by
391
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:39,503
And pick you up for
A celebratory dinner
392
00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:40,538
At mario's, huh?
393
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,973
Lovely.
394
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:44,175
I don't know
How the hell he thinks
395
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:45,943
He's gonna get
A reservation at mario's--
396
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:50,648
Nina, what did
He just say?
397
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,150
He's going
To the florist.
398
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,284
No, no, no, no.
After that,
399
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,718
But before mario's?
400
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,521
Strudwick's.
401
00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,088
Oh, my god!
402
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:04,661
Dottie.
403
00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:06,130
Dottie?
404
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:07,464
Are you home?
405
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,033
The door was open!
406
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:10,301
Dick: dottie?
407
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,302
Are you home?
408
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,570
The door
Was open!
409
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,007
Mary, what are you
Doing here?
410
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,041
I came here to stop you
411
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:19,177
From doing something
Completely irrational.
412
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,911
Mary, please.
It's perfectly rational.
413
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:22,946
I'm evening the score
With strudwick.
414
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:24,349
It doesn't even
Involve you.
415
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:25,916
What?!
416
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,785
Oh, god. Now I've got
To explain things to dottie.
417
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,787
Oh, no, don't.
I want to keep her mad.
418
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,789
Anger breeds revenge.
419
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,358
Strudwick:
Dottie? Dottie?
420
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,993
Honey, the front door
Was wide open--
421
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,995
Dick. Mary.
422
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:38,997
What the hell
Is going on?
423
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,465
What are you
Doing here, strudwick?
424
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:42,200
This is
My master suite.
425
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,200
Why the hell
Are you here?
426
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:44,201
I'm trying
To stop mary
427
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:45,769
From talking
To your wife!
428
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:46,770
About what?
429
00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:48,005
Oh, like you
Don't know.
430
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,573
Oh, my god.
431
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:51,342
No, no.
She's got to understand
432
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,078
That what happened
Between us was a mistake.
433
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,046
I didn't know it was
A trial separation.
434
00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:57,348
Mary, what are
You thinking?
435
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,216
What is going on
Out here?
436
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:00,217
Hi, pumpkin.
437
00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:01,218
Pumpkin?!
438
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:02,453
Who are you
Calling pumpkin?
439
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:05,957
Should I turn off
The jets, dottie?
440
00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:08,659
Dottie, what is our
Pool guy doing here?
441
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,394
Oh, my god!
442
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:11,629
You have a pool?!
443
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,468
It's all out
In the open, vincent.
444
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,604
You and your dirty
Little secret.
445
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:20,605
We were separated.
446
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,339
It was
A trial separation!
447
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,975
I did not know that
At the time.
448
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:25,976
Oh!
449
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,112
Oh, for god's
Sake, dottie...
450
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,282
I'll get dressed.
451
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:35,953
What a ripoff.
452
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:36,954
Look what
You've done.
453
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:37,955
Oh, me?
454
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:39,457
You're the one
Who had the fling
455
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:40,758
With a married strudwick
456
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,927
And then got drunk
And blabbed all about it.
457
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,197
Ok...
458
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:47,398
Dick, you've
Got to understand.
459
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,667
I had a life
Before I met you.
460
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:52,070
But I didn't.
461
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:55,173
I feel like my life
On earth started
462
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,375
When I met you.
463
00:17:57,377 --> 00:18:00,577
You're the only thing that's
Been mine and mine alone.
464
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:03,180
In the "Mary" column,
It's always been dick, one,
465
00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:05,216
Strudwick, zero.
466
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,817
And now it's a tie.
467
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,723
Well, if it would
Make you feel any better,
468
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,191
You've been to the plate
A hell of a lot more times
469
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,260
Than he has.
470
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:18,729
Oh, mary.
471
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:19,730
Oh, dick.
472
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:24,868
Now let's
Go to mario's.
473
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,072
Dick?
474
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:29,073
I'll meet you there.
475
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:30,241
I'm gonna go pee
In his pool.
476
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,609
Dick!
477
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:02,573
Don.
Ohhh!
478
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,074
Sally.
479
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:05,242
What are you
Doing here?
480
00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:06,944
I had to come.
481
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:09,413
We've been apart
Too long.
482
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:11,148
I must be with you.
483
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,617
I don't have
Any skin.
484
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:15,453
Ow!
485
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,888
I can't resist you
Any longer.
486
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:18,889
Ohhh!
487
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,524
Shh!
488
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:22,860
I'll be gentle.
489
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:26,096
Aaaah! Oooh!
490
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:29,666
Ohhh! Oh.
Ah.
491
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:36,440
So, tommy, how did
Alissa take all this?
492
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:39,744
Well, she kicked me
Very hard
493
00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:42,613
In the, uh,
Swimsuit area.
494
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:43,814
Oooh.
Oooh.
495
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:46,016
But that counts as
Second base action, right?
496
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,318
Well, in my book
It does.
497
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,819
You know, these
Terry-go-rounds
498
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:49,886
Are really
Comfortable.
499
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:50,955
Yeah, they
Really are.
500
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:53,624
It's the towel
That wears like a pants.
501
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:54,925
Hmmm.
Hmmm.
502
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,994
Hey, dick, you
Feeling any better?
503
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,129
Ohh, a little.
504
00:19:58,131 --> 00:20:00,063
But, you know, there's
Still an empty space
505
00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:01,532
On my scorecard.
506
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,733
Everyone else
In the game...
507
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,235
Everyone but me...
508
00:20:04,237 --> 00:20:06,937
Has gotten
Some forbidden nookie.
509
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:07,939
What's up with that?
510
00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:08,940
Hon, I think
It's time
511
00:20:08,942 --> 00:20:09,974
To let it go.
512
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,242
Oh, you're right.
513
00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:13,377
The past
Is past.
514
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:14,745
Time only moves
In one direction
515
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,747
On this planet.
516
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,382
I just have
To move on.
517
00:20:23,322 --> 00:20:24,321
Oh, who am I
Kidding?
518
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:26,657
I can't
Let it go!
519
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,596
[doorbell rings]
520
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:38,235
Hello.
You don't know me,
521
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,703
But my girlfriend's
Ex-lover's wife
522
00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:41,004
Slept
With your husband.
523
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:42,740
Excuse me?
524
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,074
Ok, that's not
Important.
525
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,242
What's important is
526
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,511
That the universe
Is out of balance,
527
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:48,612
And the only way for us
528
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,247
To bring some measure
Of justice to the world
529
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,083
Is for you and me
To make love.
530
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,585
Man: what's going
On there, carmen?
531
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:57,555
Hi, dick.
532
00:20:57,557 --> 00:21:02,159
Nooooooo!
36329
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