All language subtitles for 3rd Rock from the Sun - S02E09 - My Mother The Alien (1080p x265 EDGE2020)_track3_[eng]

Woman on tv:
and one, and two.
and there you go.

that's it!

( techno dance music
playing )

Feel the burn.

( giggling )

Well, hello,
Strange baby.

- who's that?
- I don't know.
Some baby.

That's no baby.
Babies are pink,
And wrinkly,

And wear blankets.
Dick, you better
Come in here.

- who's this?
- I don't know.
Some baby.

- what does it want?
- I'll find out.

What do you want?!

Hello.
Has anybody
Seen my--

There's
My little rug rat.

Mrs. Dubcek,
You had a baby.

He's my grandson.
I'm babysitting him.

My son and his wife
Are spending the week
At caesar's palace.

- ah, rome.
- mmm.

Could I ask you folks
To do me a favor?

( all declining )

Could you watch
The little guy while
I run out to the doctor's?

- no.
- yes, we'd
Be happy to.

Oh, great, great.

He's had his nap,
And he's just
Been changed.

What was he before?

Mrs. Dubcek,
Why do you assume

That sally will
Be taking care
Of the baby?

Well, she's a woman.

Yet another perk.

I'll go get
His stuff.

He may be a little cranky.
He's got teeth coming in.

Well, don't worry.
We'll sign for them.

- permission to ask what
The hell you just did.
- it's an opportunity

To observe
A brand-new human.

Besides, you always said
You wanted a baby.

Not this baby.
I want one of my own,

One I made
From scratch.

What's that smell?

Hey, I've been
Working out.

( '50s rock music playing )

- ( baby crying )
- turn it off!

- I can't.
- then turn it down.

What?!
What do you want?

Are you hungry?
Tommy, entertain him
Till I get back.

- what? I don't
Know what--
- whoa, whoa...

- uh... All right, kid,
I'll read you a story.
- ( continues crying )

Um... "Dingo boy
Released from pound.

- burt reynolds up in arms."
- ( crying louder )

Look.
It's a little
Dingo boy. See?

- move it.
- hey, those are
My croutons!

Let him buy
His own croutons.

Look!
He's eating.

He likes
The croutons,
Harry.

They're
nummy num, yeah!

Why are you talking
Like that to the baby?

I have my reasons.

- well, I'm off.
- dick, look.

Mrs. Dubcek was right.
I am great with this kid.

Well, how hard
Could it be?
Look how cute he is.

( crying )

He's screaming?
Why is he screaming?

- somebody make him stop.
- ( stops crying )

Hey, he stopped.

I'm great
With this kid,
And he hates you.

- give me that baby.
- ( crying )

( stops crying )

( cries )

( stops crying )

( screeches )

Damn!

See?
You make him cry.

Nonsense.
Haven't you ever
Heard of tears of joy?

Yeah.

- come on.
Wear the hat--
- no, no, no.

Come on.
It's mary's
Going-away party.

She's only
Going to be gone
For three days.

- please wear the hat.
Hat, hat, hat!
- no, no, no, no!

Hello.

- surprise!
- surprise.

Mary, I miss you
Already.

Now, dick, you don't
Have to throw me
A surprise party

Every time I go
To a conference.

You wouldn't be
Saying that if nina
Had worn her hat.

Oh, nina...

Here are my keys.

- you know where I
Keep the fish food.
- yes.

- nina's taking care
Of your fish?
- yes.

- mary, shouldn't I
Be doing that?
- uh...

Uh... Nina
Already knows where
I keep the food.

I see.

- she already knows.
- uh-huh.

It must make it
A lot easier
For you, then.

- if you really
Want to do it--
- yes, I do!

Mary, I want to take
Care of your fish
Desperately.

Really, nina,
Thank you so much.

( chuckles )
Just doing my job.

- I have fish,
You know.
- do you?

Mm-hmm.
They're in
My freezer.

Here you go, baby.

Well, he hated that.

When is sally
Going to get back
With those diapers?

Oh, look!

Some coming out
Of his nose again.

Ugh! It's like
He's got wetness

Coming out
Of every hole
In his body.

Dumb, wet baby.

- hey, he likes it.
- oh! Ah.

Maybe not.

Huh?

Yeah.

Suddenly it's not
Quite so funny
When I do it,

Now, is it?
What?

- it's a baby.
- oh.

- oh, mary, this means
So much to me.
- yeah.

Okay, now, let's
Go over this
One more time.

The filter
And the heater
Are automatic.

- don't touch them.
- well, what if I need
To touch them?

Why should you need
To touch them?

What if I want
To touch them?

Just don't
Touch them.

Now, here's something
I like to do.

If the fish
Have been good,

I like to reward them
With a little
Brine shrimp.

And if they're bad,
I'll make them watch

While I eat
The brine shrimp.

Now, this might
Sound silly,

But I'm very attached
To these fish.

Please don't
Kill them.

You love your fish,
And I love you.

That's why I'm going
To love your fish.

Just feed them.

Don't touch
The filter!

Okay, all right.

( phone rings )

- ( rings )
- hello.

What is the matter
With you two?

How many times do I
Have to go over this?
When that baby is asleep,

The phone
Is not to ring
More than once.

Right.

The one-ring rule.

That's right.

Harry, did you
Throw applesauce
All over the floor?

No, it was
The baby.

He made a cute
Little design.

- mrs. Dubcek--
- shh!

- she won't be back
Until tomorrow.
- what?!

She said she was still woozy
From the medication,

That she got on the wrong bus
And woke up in a petting
Zoo in cleveland.

( groans )

Oh, that old excuse.

We get to
Keep the baby
Another day.

Oh, great.
And by the way,

- it was me that
Spilled applesauce.
- it was?

No, it was
The baby.

- I've been meaning to
Talk to you about that--
- shh!

Shh!

I think I hear him
Turning over.

- I don't hear anything.
- of course you don't.
You're a man.

( all exclaiming )

How could
This happen?

That baby has taken
Control of us.

The one with
The least intelligence
Is running the show.

This is getting old fast.
There are three of us
And only one of him.

We're bigger than him
And way smarter.

We could take this baby.
Who's with me?

( all grunt )

Come on, men.

- ( phone rings )
- ( yells )

- one ring.
- one.

Hello, fish.

Look at you
In there.

What are you thinking?
I know what you're
Thinking.

Are you in the tank,
Or am I?

Well, it's you,
Stupid fish.

Here, I brought you
Some presents--

A treasure chest filled
With gold doubloons,

A topless mermaid.
Try not to stare.

And, best of all,
I brought you

A new friend.

I call her snowflake

Because she's soft
And delicate.

( chuckles )

I thought you
Might like it

If I read you
A night-night story.

It's called
"Tales of the calypso:

Secrets of
The ocean deep."

( mocking french accent )
"Slowly, so slowly,

The day turned
To night.

The darkness
Taunts the light

That dances
In the depths below.

Suddenly
And without warning,

Danger strikes.

Octopus, octopus,

Your children
Are dying."

( sobs )

I want that.
I want that.
I want that.

I want that.
I want that.
I want--

We're here
To get something
For the baby.

- we're not here to get
Something for you.
- nuts.

Here, baby.
What about this one?

Where'd he go?

( gasps )
Oh, no!

- hold on, baby!
- no, sally,
You can't!

Let me go!
I've got to
Save him.

Get a hold of yourself!
It's a bottomless
Ball pit of death!

I don't care!
That's my baby!

- no!
- ( screams )

( pants )

Oh!

I've got him!

- I've got him.
- ( giggles )

Hey, lady,

We only let
Children climb
In the ball pit.

That is so sick.

( door closes )

Lieutenant,
You look like hell.

I mean the "Locked
In a car wash overnight"
Kind of hell.

Yeah, it's this baby.

He ran me ragged
All day.

That insolent
Little twerp.

He's gone too far.
Tomorrow I'm granting you
A one-day furlough.

Go into town.
Get yourself a tattoo.

I can't.
Tomorrow I'm taking
The baby to the park,

And then the zoo,
And then I'm taking
Him golfing.

I think he has
Real talent.

I don't understand.
You sound like you're
Actually enjoying this.

I am.

I know I complained
At the start,

But this is the first
Assignment I've had

Where I really feel
Like I'm using
All of me.

It sounds crazy,
But I cannot do
Enough for him.

The more he needs me,
The more I need him.

( gasps )
I have a great idea.

- let's wake him up, then
Rock him back to sleep.
- no!

- why not?
- what's the matter
With you?

It's as if this baby
Has made you go all soft.

- he's broken down
Your defenses.
- I know.

He's my wittle
Bunny wabbit.

God, what kind
Of talk is that?
You're a weapons expert.

I'm still a warrior.

It's just now
I'm the protector,
Not the aggressor.

I've heard enough.
I'm going to sleep.

You can't.
I've tucked him
In your bed.

As high commander,
I order you to untuck
Him at once.

Dick, I'm not
Taking orders
From you anymore.

I'm taking orders
From a higher commander.

- his rank: baby.
- but wait!

- where am I
Going to sleep?
- use his room.

( groans )

Fine.

Morning, children.

Hello, snowflake.

Where's everybody else?

Come out, come out!

Why, snowflake,
You're looking
A little bloated.

( gasps )
Oh, my god!

You bad fish!
Bad, bad fish!

Where's that
Brine shrimp?

See?
None for you!

Dick!

Mary, you've
Come back early.

The conference
Was a disaster.
I had to get out of there.

Are you sure
That was a good idea?
Maybe you should go back.

No.

Besides,
I missed you.

Oh, I was so lone--

- where's my fish?
- oh... There's
Your fish.

- that's not my fish.
- sure, it is.

- you killed my fish!
- no, I didn't!

He did.

- you jackass!
- yeah, you jackass!

Hello, sweetheart.

Can you say
My name?

- sally.
- no.

Sal-ly.

No.

Sal-ly.

No.

Sal-ly.

You know,
You shouldn't
Try so hard.

Kids develop
At different rates.

And resistance
Is the sign of
An analytical mind.

- really?
- no.

Don't listen to him.
You know what
I'm going to do?

I'm going to find
Mr. Sock monkey.

- you like mr. Sock
Monkey, right?
- dick: sally!

Sally, I feel
Just awful.

- I've killed the fish
Of the woman I love.
- uh-huh.

Mr. Sock monkey,
Where are you?

Those fish were
Everything to her.

- I've got to find something
To replace them.
- come on out,

- you argyle
Piece of crap!
- sally? Hello?

She can't hear you.
She can only hear
The baby.

Harry, have you seen
Mr. Sock monkey?

Why, no.

Why would
You ask me?

I haven't seen
Him all day.

♪ la, la-la,
La, la, la-la ♪

It's probably
In the bedroom.

Call me if he
Needs anything.

What am I
Going to do?
( sobs )

( kisses )

Well, hello.

Sock monkey!
( laughs )

Give that to me!

Yes, yes,

You should do
Just fine.

You might even fit
In the tank.

Mary? Mary,
Do you remember how
I killed your fish?

- no.
- well, I did,

But I brought you something
To make you feel better.
Come on in!

( giggling )

- whose baby is that?
- mine.

Well, not for keeps.
It's really sally's.

I mean, she got it
From mrs. Dubcek.

Let's just call it
A rental.

Come on.
Play with it.

You've got to take
That child back
To its mother.

Come on.
Just hold him.

- I guarantee
You'll like it.
- I'm serious.

Just take him for
A spin around the block,
And then we'll talk.

There you are!

There you are.

I'll deal with you,
As soon as I deal
With you, sweetie.

Come on, honey.
Come on, dick!

Oh...

- dick: why are you so angry?
- I'm not talking to you.

- oh, you found--
- oh, good.

Now we can
Stop looking.

I was going to bring
Him right back.

If I were a good mother,
I'd push you down
Those stairs.

- you're not a mother.
- technically, no, but
That's going to change.

- how?
- I've decided
To keep the baby.

- what?!
- no!

- you can't. He's not yours.
- I'm willing to overlook that.

He needs me.
He's helpless.

And what am I?!

You can't keep him.
They have rules
About these things.

They have laws
About these things.

They have tv movies
About these things.

- dick, I'm keeping him.
That's final.
- ( footsteps, knocking )

- mrs. Dubcek:
hello! anybody home?
- oh, my god!

- I have to hide him.
- what?

You're coming right back
In here this instant!
Sally!

Thanks so much
For watching
My grandson.

I have been
To hell and back.

- I won't bore you.
- you're too late.

Well, where is
My little fella?

Mrs. Dubcek, I'm
So glad you're here.

- we're having
A problem with our oven.
- what kind of problem?

How should I know?
You're a landlady.
You tell us.

Show mrs. Dubcek to the oven.
Stuff her in it if you have to.

- sally!
- is she gone yet?

- no.
- then we're
Not coming out.

- I order you
To think this through.
- okay. Hmm, no!

Sally, no--

Your oven seems fine.

I'll just get
My little boy,
And I'll be on my way.

So soon,
Mrs. Dubcek?

We've been living
In this attic
For almost a year,

And we know very
Little about you.
Sit down.

Tell us everything
About yourself.
Leave nothing out.

- everything. Travel?
- marriages.

Medical history.

Well, there's
A doctor in mexico

That once said
I had the exact dna
Of a lemur.

All:
Ooh!

That's fascinating.
I'll be right back.

Sally!

Well, here he is.

You have to go
Home now, baby.

There's
My little man.

- bye, baby.
- bye, sally.

Aw! Come on,
Sweetheart.

Oh, what a big boy
You are.

Were you
A good boy?
Yes!

Well,

Thank god
He's gone.

I'm going
To miss him.

Excuse me.
I'm going to go take care
Of the other baby.

What was that
All about?

- I thought
You loved him.
- I do.

Then why
Did you suddenly
Give him back?

I guess I love him
Enough to know

That his real mom
Needs him more
Than I do.

You know, when I
Couldn't find him,
I went crazy.

I couldn't put
His mother through that.

- why don't you have
One of your own?
- that would be great.

Why don't you
Go for it?

Yeah, right.
And let this body
Go to hell?

( doorbell rings )

Mary, we have
To talk.

- you have a dog.
- yes.

I want everything
To go back to
The way it was

Before I killed
Your fish.

I'm afraid that's going
To take some time.

I know what it means
To lose something
That you care about,

And what I did was
Very, very wrong.

- why do you have a dog?
- well, I went
To the pet store

To buy you some
New fish, and I saw
This cute little guy.

Oh, dick, I can't
Take care of a dog.

If you can love a fish,
You can love a dog.

Well, he is kind of cute.

Come here, boy.

oh, look at him.
he loves you, mary.

he's so curious...

( indistinct pleading )

Don't miss
This, mary.

Give into it.
He needs you.

He loves you.
Mary, he really
Loves you.

Don't miss this.
Let him love
You, mary.

Let him love you.

Yes, mary, that's it.
( entreaty continues )

( '20s jazz music playing )