All language subtitles for 3rd Rock from the Sun - S01E05 - Dick, Smoker (1080p x265 EDGE2020)_track3_[eng]

( '50s rock music playing )

Super combo
Number one.

Super combo
Number four.

The fun-tastic goofy
Meal number two.

You heard me.

Earth just doesn't get
Any better than this--
Dinner and a movie.

Mmm. Ooh,
Let's see this one.

Four stars, two thumbs.

"A sweeping drama,
One of the year's

Most intellectually stimulating
Cinematic accomplishments."

- no.
- chick flick.

How are your chicken
Crunchies today?

Harry, we don't
Have all day.

He'll have the super
Combo number two.

Man:
okay, that'll be $10.71.
please drive around.

With pleasure.

- ( car backfires )
- what's that sound?

- man: please drive around.
- we would if we could.

I told you to get this
Looked at two weeks ago,

Not to mention
The phone's still out.

I keep telling you to get
All these things taken care of,
Yet nothing ever gets done.

And yet you persist.
Good for you.

- now we'll never
Make it to the movie.
- nonsense.

- all we have to do is
Get out and push, sally.
- yeah, yeah.

hurry up, I don't want
to miss the previews.

Or that "Audience
Is listening" thing.

( all imitating thx
"Deep note" sound effect )

This seat sucks.

I agree.
The seating
Is all wrong.

Tommy, you should be
To my right so I could
Actually have an armrest.

Harry, you should
Sit on the aisle

Because you go to
The bathroom constantly.

Wait a minute.
Hold it. Everybody
Just sit down.

This is supposed to be fun.
Here, sally, have some popcorn.

I didn't want popcorn.
I wanted good & plentys.

When you're high commander,
You can be in charge
Of the movie treats.

- I will.
- bully for you.

- shh!
- excuse me,
We're talking here!

How did he beat those guys?
Come on, it was 12
Against one.

He has the advantage.

They only have
Machine guns

While he has
The broken pool cue.

Oh! Oh, great
Command decision, dick.

Now I have
A piece of popcorn
Stuck in my teeth.

I'll get it.

Sally, you are right.
I should have sat
Near the aisle.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Excuse me, excuse me.

- is that it?
- ow!

- I'm getting the manager.
- thank you. Have him
Bring floss.

I'm sorry.

Couldn't be sorr--

Ow!

dick, I'm stuck
to the floor.

Oh my god!

Okay, punk,
Court is adjourned.

Yah!

Stop it.
That's an order.

The high commander said
That I could turn myself

Into a lethal
Killing machine.

- did you?
- what?

- tommy, what's
With the toad?
- his name is jack.

- he's my new lab partner.
- no, I meant in the jar.

Oh! That's a dead frog.
We're going to
Reanimate it.

Tommy, I thought I told you
No science projects
In the kitchen.

High commander
Said we could.

- dick, permission to bitch?
- permission granted.

Why do you tell them
They can do things when
I tell them they can't?

- because I'm
The high commander.
- would it kill you

To listen to me
Once-- aah!

♪ ahh ♪
I'm sorry, I thought
We were singing.

This popcorn kernel
Is agony.

I feel like sticking
My head in a microwave
To pop it out.

Just make sure that you
Poke holes in your head

With a fork first.

- well, I'm off.
- wait, we need
To talk about this.

I am second in command here,
And I have no authority
Over these guys.

You outrank them.
Just seize control,
Take some initiative.

All right, permission requested
To schedule initiative-taking.

Just do it.
Take the car
And fix the phone.

- what would you do
If I wasn't here?
- you're always here.

Well, what if I wasn't?

I'd do a happy
Little dance.

( door closes )

Oh, man,
Solomon's here.

- don't look,
He might come over.
- does he see us?

I'll check.

Leon! What
A happy accident.

Now we can spend
The evening getting
To know each other better.

Please, continue
With your conversation.

We can't.
We were talking
About you.

Shut up.

- can I get you something?
- what are they having?

Coffee, for two hours.

I'll have that.

- pitman...
- what?

You look different.
I don't know what it is.

Suddenly you look so--
I've never used this word--

- cool.
- really? I've been--

Now it's gone.
Now it's back.

Now there's an air
Of sophistication.

Somehow that fiery tube
Has mitigated your oafishness.

- may I?
- oh.

( sighs )

You can keep it.

Thank you.

( coughs )
Oh.

( coughs )

An added bonus.

This is creepy.

You have no vision.

What is this thing
In my colander?

Oh, that would be
Its old brain.

Well, dick,
My life is hell.

- I hope you're happy.
- oh, you betcha.

It's like I'm feeling
My lungs for the first time.

It's so nice to have
A tenant who smokes.

So many people
Are giving it up.
It just breaks my heart.

We need some duct tape
And jumper cables.

Tommy, have you smoked
Your cigarette yet?

- no, sir.
- there's no reason
To put it off.

You know,
I must say,

This secondhand smoke

Is smooth
And satisfying.

My gift to you.

Dick, you've been
Smoking those things
Since you got home.

- it's almost like
They're addictive.
- don't be silly.

If cigarettes were bad,
They wouldn't sell
Them everywhere.

Besides, I can quit
Whenever I want.

There, you see,
I've stopped.

There's nothing to it.

You know, sally,

If you want to advance,

You're going to
Have to open your mind
To new experiences.

Well, I've started again.

This popcorn kernel
Is driving me crazy.

Honey, don't put
Your hand in your mouth.

It's so unbecoming.

- ( electricity crackling )
- what was that?

- ( frog croaks )
- tommy: it's alive!

( jack screaming )

Hey, what's your problem?

It's a guaranteed "A."

Kids.

- what do you think
You're doing?
- smoking.

Please don't smoke
In front of me.
I just quit a year ago.

You poor, misguided girl.

Don't you miss it?

The first cool drag
In the morning,

A relaxing smoke on the roof
On a warm summer night.

And if I ever have sex,

I think I'm going
To smoke afterwards.

Have you ever read
The warning on
The side of the pack?

( scoffs )
Well, I'm not a fetus.

Those things will take
10 years off of your life.

Yes, but that's off
The end of your life,

And those years
Are crappy anyway.

Well, there happens
To be a policy here--

Cigarettes are only allowed
In university-sanctioned
Smoking zones.

- take it outside.
- all right,

If you're going
To be a big...

Fetus about it.

My people.

Dr. Finkel.
Father.

Mrs. Cross,
You smoke, too?

( hoarse voice )
It comes as a surprise
To many people.

Look at us--
We suck, we blow--

A posse of oral fixators.

Oh, yeah, we're bad.

They can isolate us,
But they'll never
Separate us.

Let them outlaw smoking.

Then they'll just
Have to deal with
A whole bunch of...

Smokin' outlaws!
Who's with me?

All right.

All right,
Rinse out your mouth.

Now spit.

You've never
Been to a...

Dentist's office
Before, have you?

Well, you know,
Gal on the go.

All right. Could you
Open wider, please?

- wider.
- ( coughs )

You can't smoke in here.

All right, I'll smoke
In the waiting room.

You can't smoke in
The waiting room, either.

- then I'll smoke
In the hall.
- I'm sorry,

You can't smoke
Anywhere in the building.

You know, you're
Awfully smug for
A man in a paper coat.

( indistinct chatter on tv )

( thunderclap )

Oh, yes!
The corn is gone. See?

So, tommy, how was
Your science fair?

Oh, uh...
( chuckles )

Funny story. Um...

Remember that frog
I reanimated?

Well, it kind of developed
A taste for human flesh.

Someone's got to go see
My science teacher tomorrow.

- did you tell dick?
- I thought he was with you.

- he ran off.
That was hours ago.
- that's not like him.

Well, what are
We supposed to do?
Dick is always here.

Wait a minute.

Of course...
This is a test.

- what?
- for the next 60 seconds,

She's going to emit
A high-pitched tone.

No.

Dick is testing me.

( chuckles )
He's conveniently
"Disappeared,"

- leaving me in charge.
- ( thunder rumbling )

Well, I'm gonna show him.

Okay, troops, line up
In order of height.

Descending.

It's time
For decisive action.

- harry!
- yes, sir-- ma'am--
Ma'am-- ma'am sir.

You're going to climb
The utility pole
And fix our phone line.

Well, I'll need
A flashlight.

Don't worry.
It's plenty bright
With all that lightning.

Well, how do
I get up there?

( sighs )
We've got that big metal
Ladder in the garage.

Oh, wait.

- you can knock the box open
With this metal golf club.
- good, tommy.

And you want to be safe.
Wrap this chain
Around your waist

And attach it
To the power line
In case you slip.

- ( thunder rumbling )
- prepare to be dazzled.

Oh, well...
( panting )

I'm sure someone will find me
Before the building closes.

( generator hums, stops )

( sighs )
Maybe not.

Now, I'm not one
To discourage

A child's creativity,

But that frog took a bite
Out of patti kinland

The size of
A silver dollar.

- dime, tops.
- that frog destroyed

All the other experiments
And attacked six students,

And tommy refuses
To apologize.

It's clear that tommy
Must be disciplined.

And in the absence
Of mr. Solomon,

We ask that you
Take responsibility.

Oh, I'm ready
To take responsibility.

Believe me, I can
Handle responsibility.
No problem.

Tommy, I'm hereby placing
You under house arrest.

- I just thought counseling--
- your rations will be
Cut in half.

You will report
To calisthenics
At 0500, sharp.

Could I be placed
In a foster home
Or something?

I'm his mother.
I'll handle him.

- I thought you
Were his sister.
- sister, mother, whatever.

I think you're
Actually my aunt.

In our family,
It's kind of hard to tell.

♪ oh, danny boy ♪

♪ the pipes,
The pipes are calling ♪

♪ from glen to glen ♪

♪ and down
The mountainside ♪

♪ the summer's gone ♪

♪ and all the roses falling ♪

♪ 'tis you, 'tis you ♪

♪ must go
And I must bide ♪

( loudly )
♪ but come ye back ♪

♪ when summer's
In the meadow-- ♪

Hey, you're not bad.

Thank you.

( falsetto )
♪ 'tis I'll be gone ♪

♪ in sunshine ♪

♪ or in shadow. ♪

You're not
So bad yourself.

What do you mean,
My car is not ready?
You promised it by friday.

Today's friday.

The carburetor's a rebuild,

- that takes extra time.
- I'm over here.

On the plus side,
Your tranny's in
Really good shape.

Ah, good news.

Excuse me,
This is my car.

She's right.

I just stand
Here and nod.

( laughs )

- well, you gotta humor 'em.
- ( both laugh )

This redhead
Came in last week.

I think she was
Driving a sunbird.
She opened that hood--

( bones crack )

Hello.

I'd like my car ready
In a half hour.

- I don't want a 200%
Mark-up on parts.
- ( mechanic grunts )

- and I'd like it washed.
- ( gasps )

Thank you.
Do you hear that,
High commander?

Sally?

Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry.

Women, huh?

( whimpers )

Oh, boy.

( electronic hum )

- dick?
- sally.

Dick, you can
Come out now.

I've passed
Your little test.

- nina, where's dick?
- I haven't seen him
In two days.

- I was just about to call you.
- will you excuse us
For just a minute?

He's not here, he's gone.
He's actually gone.

I can still hear you.

- could you leave, please?
- try and stop me.

This wasn't a test.

I really am
High commander.

We await your orders,
High commander.

We're here waitin'.

If dick were here,
He'd know what to do.

If dick were here,
He'd know where he was.

We gotta find him.

Dr. Bankson.

Huh.

Dr. Bankson,

We meet at last.

I'm looking for someone--

Dick solomon.

- ( muffled )
Who the heck are you?
- ah.

Looks like you've
Chosen a poor time

To sedate yourself,
Dr. Bankson.

But you know
What they say--

The dentist who drills
His own teeth

Has a fool
For a patient.

Ah, I didn't expect you
To cooperate.

Well, maybe you'll talk

For mr. Sucky thing.

( air hissing )

Death has reared
Himself a throne

In a strange city
Lying alone

Where good and bad
And worst and best

Are gone to
Their eternal rest.

That's nice.
What is it?

It's just...
Something I made up.

Liar. That's
Edgar allan poe.

I was there
When you read it.
Then why ask?!

Just to play
Mind games with me?

What mind?
Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it, stop it,
Stop it!

Harry:
dick, is that you?

- harry?
- dick?

Harry, open the door!
Open the door!

how do I know
it's really you?

- it's really me!
- well, you would
Know that.

- harry!
- dick!

You saved me!

God, when I think of
All the times...

I'm so glad--

A voice inside of you?

And you never knew
It was there before?

By the second day,
I was hearing
My inner voice, too.

- what was it saying?
- I have no idea.

I don't speak french.

You should have seen
The janitor's face

When he walked in
On the four of us.

- I'm just glad
You're alive.
- thank you, sally.

- and good work finding me.
- good work?

I was paralyzed.
I thought I could
Do your job.

You're so arrogant,
Bossy, and condescending,

You make it
Look so easy.

Well, I'm not
Perfect, lieutenant.

After all, I got
Locked in a stairwell
For three days

Just because
I needed a cigarette.

- yeah, that was stupid.
- yes, it was.

Really stupid.
( laughs )

Point taken.

Didn't you even think
To check the door first?

You'd expect a bonehead move
Like that from me, but you?

Okay, a bonehead is
Where I draw the line.

- sally: excuse us.
- after all, I am
The high commander.

- sally: oh, well...
- whoo-ooh!

♪ smoke, smoke, smoke
that cigarette ♪

♪ puff, puff, puff
and if you smoke
yourself to death. ♪

( '50s rock music playing )