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1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,335
( '50s rock music playing )
2
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,329
Male radio deejay:
we're still taking calls on those ufo sightings.
3
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,331
I'm on the line with jennifer
4
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:34,433
who claims to have actually met aliens.
5
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:38,203
Jennifer:
gary, I have been sucked up by alien spacecraft many times,
6
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,905
- gary: uh-oh.
- and I can tell you they are among us.
7
00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:43,342
Gary:
really? Now, what do you suppose they want?
8
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,810
- jennifer:
well, they want my eggs...
- uh-huh.
9
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,812
...To start their own alien race.
10
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:50,148
Gary:
whoa, thanks for calling. hello. You're on the air.
11
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:52,584
Man:
I saw four aliens in a car.
12
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:56,688
- I think it was a rambler.
- whoa, stylish.
13
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,023
- everyone fully formed?
- all: uh-huh.
14
00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:01,627
- yeah.
- everyone got
10 fingers and 11 toes?
15
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:06,732
- check.
- good. I guess we're in.
Everyone comfortable?
16
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,601
I have three holes
In my face.
17
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,772
Can anyone get your head
To swivel to the rear?
18
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,410
- all: no.
- then how are you supposed
To lick your back?
19
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,914
Maybe you do what
They're doing?
20
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:27,686
Look. Life-forms,
And they're cleaning
Each other.
21
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,522
All: aw!
22
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,524
Look at us.
23
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:35,560
I can't believe
We look like them.
24
00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:37,496
- ( all laughing )
- yeah.
25
00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:42,100
Is anybody else sweating
Under their breasts?
26
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,638
No. In fact,
I don't have any.
27
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,573
I have tiny ones.
28
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,780
- ( horn honks )
- quick, look.
29
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:57,649
That woman is going
To drive with her feet.
30
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,984
Don't you people
Have a home?
31
00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:03,755
Uh, no, we don't,
But thank you
For the idea.
32
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:08,893
See? She called
Us people.
33
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:10,962
( engine starts )
34
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,964
( "Louie, louie"
plays on radio )
35
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,868
Listen.
36
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:20,138
- it's that signal they
Keep sending into space.
- ♪ louie, louie ♪
37
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,975
♪ oh, no, me gotta go ♪
38
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,877
♪ aye, yi-yi-yi, I said ♪
39
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,246
♪ louie, louie. ♪
40
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:31,750
Dick:
our home for this mission is earth, a third-rate planet.
41
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,453
I got a teaching job at a third-rate university.
42
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:36,621
now we're looking at a third-floor apartment.
43
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,857
Come in.
Come on in.
44
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:42,360
It's the attic,
So it's kind of small,
But it's furnished.
45
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:45,597
- we love it.
- yeah, it's so much
Bigger than a car.
46
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,599
Yeah.
We'll take it.
47
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:50,835
This used to be the rumpus
Room back in the '60s.
48
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:54,606
This carpet has
Seen more butts than
Santa claus' lap.
49
00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,178
Ooh! What is
This stuff?
50
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,581
This sweater?
It's angora.
51
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:06,250
Well, it's wonderful.
I've never seen
Anything like it.
52
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,519
- ooh!
- I like the color.
53
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,022
Well, it's very nice.
54
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,725
You're not from
Around here, are you?
55
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:17,062
Well, mrs. Dubcek,
I can stand here and chew
Your fat day all day,
56
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:20,732
But time has no manners.
Bye, now.
57
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,101
Sally, I want you
To observe her.
58
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,737
Find out what women
On this planet do.
59
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,172
- why can't harry do it?
- because you're the woman.
60
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:31,042
That brings up
A very good question:
Why am I the woman?
61
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,646
Because you lost.
62
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,349
Dick?
63
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,453
I can't see
Through my eyelids.
64
00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:44,789
Open them.
65
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,892
( gasps )
Oh!
66
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,828
They're manual.
67
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,968
Oh, good.
You're here.
68
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,437
Did you copy the mainframe
In the library?
69
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,372
I got a little
Distracted.
70
00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:05,744
- again? What happened?
- I was watching these women
Play volleyball,
71
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,713
And they were
All jumping
Up and down,
72
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,650
Up and down
In these little shorts.
73
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,418
And some can't jump
As high as the others,
But it's okay.
74
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:17,689
It's more than okay.
It's really okay.
I mean--
75
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,859
- what is wrong with you?
- I don't know.
76
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,128
We can't leave
Without that information.
77
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,296
So access the mainframe,
Enter the net, download,
78
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,866
And then go straight home
As soon as you're finished.
79
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,802
- why are you talking
To me like I'm a child?
- you are a child.
80
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,672
- I'm older than you.
- well, now I'm bigger,
81
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:37,276
And on this planet
Size matters.
82
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,778
- good morning, dr. Solomon.
- ah, nina.
83
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,047
Here's your mail.
This is nothing.
Nothing.
84
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,550
This is something,
But there's nothing
You can do about it.
85
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:48,787
This is an invitation to
A party at the dean's house.
This is nothing.
86
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,556
And if you don't stop
Staring at whatever
It is you're watching,
87
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:53,692
You're gonna lose
Something.
88
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:57,162
Tommy's just on his way
To the library.
Aren't you, tommy?
89
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,164
Uh, yeah, I am now.
90
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,833
I have to go look up
The word "Throb."
91
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,037
He's older
Than he looks.
92
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,373
- I have to file
Some things for you.
- ( sniffing )
93
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,575
What is that?
( sniffing )
94
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:13,945
It's you!
You smell so nice.
95
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,480
Thanks. I try.
96
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,018
That had better be
Your nose.
97
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:26,157
Is your wife
Out of town?
98
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,660
Mrs. Solomon is
No longer with us.
99
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:32,364
She, uh... Burned up
On reentry.
100
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:35,734
I had a boyfriend
Who used to burn up
On reentry.
101
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,669
He walks with
A limp now.
102
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,240
- good morning, dr. Albright.
- good morning, nina.
103
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:45,076
- good morning, dr. Albright.
- nina, would you tell
Dr. Solomon
104
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,112
He parked
In my space again?
105
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:50,348
- ( sighs )
You parked in her space--
- I know. It was empty.
106
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,784
Would you tell him I'm
Going to have him towed?
107
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:56,287
Tell her I already have
All the toes I need.
I am fully formed.
108
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,757
that's my parking space.
109
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,726
Oh, so you have a car.
110
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:05,163
Nina, go to the chem lab.
Tell them I sent you.
111
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:08,933
Get a pipe bomb,
Put it in dr. Solomon's
Car and blow it up.
112
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:14,505
For future reference,
I have a red volvo.
113
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,676
Please, dr. Albright!
114
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,678
We barely know
Each other.
115
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:25,149
Dr. Solomon,
We should get along.
116
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:28,419
I'm very intelligent.
You have an impressive
Résumé.
117
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,689
I am the high commander.
118
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,024
I must admit,
When I first met you,
119
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:36,127
I was attracted
To your flamboyant
Nature and big head.
120
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:39,664
Thanks, because I almost
Went with a smaller one.
121
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,100
Even though I am
Drawn to genius,
122
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,102
This is a small office
123
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,404
And you are behaving
Like a big hose monkey.
124
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,240
You're not so bad
Yourself, woman.
125
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,209
Knock it off.
126
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,947
What is my thesis
Doing out of my desk?
127
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,949
- I took it out.
- my desk was locked.
128
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,451
Which made it
Very difficult to open.
129
00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:03,054
You might want to make
A note of that.
130
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,123
- you read it?
- I memorized it.
131
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,959
Well, it's just
A few thoughts.
132
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,795
- a few brilliant thoughts.
- really?
133
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:14,165
That's quite a compliment
Coming from someone
With your credentials.
134
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,267
- I'm glad you enjoyed it.
- enjoyed it?
135
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,203
It's the funniest thing
I've ever read.
136
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:22,107
Your theory on "Man
And the animal within,"
137
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,242
It's hilarious.
138
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,377
Nina said you had
No sense of humor.
139
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,379
She is so wrong.
140
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,381
The conclusions
That you draw
141
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,550
Are laugh-out-loud funny.
( high-pitched laughter )
142
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,719
I see.
143
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:37,055
Dr. Solomon, you
Have crossed a line.
144
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,223
You have belittled
My work,
145
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:43,061
And you hurt my feelings.
I don't like you.
146
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:48,466
- I don't understand.
- of course you don't.
You're a man.
147
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,301
Ha!
148
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,470
That's where
You're wrong!
149
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,343
Okay, so meatloaf
Is bread crumbs,
150
00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:02,346
- spices and ground beef?
- that's it.
151
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:05,784
- ground beef is essentially
Nothing more than a cow?
- yeah.
152
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:09,553
Well, doesn't it scream
When they stuff it
In the grinder?
153
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:12,891
Oh, no. That sucker's
Been dead for hours.
154
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,162
I have dead cow
On my hands?
155
00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:21,199
( shouting )
156
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,534
( screaming )
157
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,138
Women.
( chuckles )
158
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:30,408
You can't live
With them, and yet,
They're everywhere.
159
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,045
So "P" itself
Is always even.
160
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,114
And we can write
"P" equals 2s,
161
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,416
Where "S" is
Some other integer.
162
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,818
Substituting "P," we find
"P" to the second power
163
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,454
Equals 2s to the second power,
Equals 4s to the second power,
164
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,856
Equals 2q
To the second power.
165
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,259
And we find?
Who can tell me?
Anyone?
166
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,697
Okay, I'm getting
Ahead of everyone.
167
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:57,235
- let's simplify.
How far away is cleveland?
- 52 miles.
168
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,404
- someone give me
Another answer.
- an hour away.
169
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,473
Cleveland is an hour away.
Someone give me
Another answer.
170
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:05,343
- a $9 bus ticket.
- cleveland is $9 away.
171
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,445
A felony charge.
The federal courthouse
Is there.
172
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:10,949
Yes! Cleveland is
A felonious assault away.
173
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,951
Someone else.
Yes, leon.
174
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,953
well, come on, leon. speak up.
175
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:18,056
No, never mind.
I had this idea,
But it's wrong.
176
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,159
Leon, of course
It's wrong.
177
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:24,095
I mean, the odds against
Your being right are...
178
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,230
Staggering!
179
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,733
You have a great advantage.
You know the outcome.
180
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,835
You will be wrong.
Don't fear it.
181
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,837
Embrace your wrongness.
182
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:35,306
Leon, how far away
Is cleveland?
183
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,876
Cleveland is
An eternity away
184
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,878
If your heart
Is there.
185
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,613
Leon, that is
So provocative.
186
00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:45,050
Where cleveland
Equals "P"
187
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,052
And eternity equals "Q,"
188
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,054
Transposing the logarithm
Of the heart,
189
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,056
Where the heart
Is an unknown,
190
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,058
We find that
We are forever
191
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:56,460
in cleveland.
192
00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:59,397
No, I'm sorry, leon.
You're wrong.
193
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,399
yes, caryn.
194
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,401
I think that leon meant
195
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:06,470
That cleveland can feel
Like an eternity away.
196
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:09,540
Oh, it's a feeling.
197
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:15,379
Yes, I know all
About feelings.
198
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:17,381
Everything's
Just going fine,
199
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:19,818
And somebody has
A feeling,
200
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,820
And kaboom!
201
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,888
Suddenly they
Don't like you.
202
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:27,158
I think we can all do
Without feelings.
Who's with me?
203
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,360
Your grade depends on it.
204
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,396
Dr. Solomon,
205
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:36,067
I hope this
Doesn't affect my grade,
But I have a thought.
206
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,336
- yes?
- you have to
Have feelings.
207
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,639
Feelings are like the core
Of the human experience.
208
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,874
The core of
The human experience?
209
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,410
Of course. I never
Thought of that.
210
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:49,047
- ( school bell rings )
- tomorrow, I want you all
211
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,883
To write a paper for me
About feelings.
212
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,952
Tell me how it
Feels to use
213
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,821
Only 10% of your brain.
214
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,691
Ooh, everyone was awake.
215
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,727
Nina, where is dr. Albright?
I have to talk to her.
216
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:06,031
She's gone for the day,
But she'll be at
The dean's party tonight.
217
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,999
Dean sumner's party.
Tell him I'll be there.
218
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:11,002
I'll drop everything
And do that right now.
219
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,172
- I'm not sure
How to get there.
- I can pick you up.
220
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,440
That won't hurt
Your back?
221
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,244
I'll be in a car.
222
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,346
Good. Come by
And blow the horn.
223
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,749
I love to hear
People honk.
224
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,751
What, are you
From mars?
225
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,453
Mars?
226
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,389
Oh, no.
227
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,429
( '50s rock music playing )
228
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,579
- hi.
- hi.
229
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:57,982
- you're on the volleyball
Team, aren't you?
- yeah, I am.
230
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:01,819
I watched you
Jump up and down
This afternoon.
231
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:05,022
- you're really good.
- thanks. We won.
232
00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:08,192
Oh... It's a game.
233
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,194
Um, anyway, my name's--
234
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,463
- can I talk to you?
- come on, man.
235
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:15,032
May I remind you that
We are not to alter
236
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:17,468
The lives of the inhabitants
Of this planet in any way?
237
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:20,704
Yeah, but some of them
Are just asking for it.
238
00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:24,475
Pull it together.
I'm extending our mission
For one more night.
239
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,645
- why?
- I have faculty
Obligations.
240
00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:32,383
Don't do this to me.
I never sleep.
I'm exhausted.
241
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:35,085
Besides, you don't
Have the authority
To alter the schedule.
242
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:38,623
- I'm in command.
- yeah? Well, I'm
In puberty, pal.
243
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:45,196
I don't care what you say.
It can't be that bad.
244
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,731
I could pop
At any minute.
245
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,369
Aren't you exaggerating
Just a little?
246
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,604
- give me your mind
For just a second.
- please.
247
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,540
Come on.
Just give me your mind.
248
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:02,280
- oh! That's disgusting!
- I know.
249
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,315
- you think like that?
- all the time.
250
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,817
We've gotta get you
Out of here.
251
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,723
- dick, what are you doing?
- I'm unpacking.
252
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:15,526
I've changed my mind.
We're going to stay
A little longer.
253
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,528
I'm a dead man.
254
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,830
Oh, d-- w-w-w--
Whoa, that's mine.
255
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:22,100
Be careful.
It's, uh...
256
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,902
Very valuable.
257
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:27,872
You know, I have
An urge to hold that.
258
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,208
- that's exactly
What it's for.
- may I?
259
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,977
Please.
260
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,480
- I find this
Very satisfying.
- I know.
261
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,715
- I like this.
- I know.
262
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,852
I wonder what dr. Albright
Is doing right now.
263
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:44,855
Give that back.
Let's break it
Up here.
264
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:48,026
I will be so glad
To get out of this body.
265
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,028
- what are you doing?
- I'm unpacking.
266
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:53,531
- the commander wants to stay
A little while longer.
- what for?
267
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,599
Because we
Can't leave yet.
268
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:59,237
Did you know that our bodies
Can produce feelings?
269
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:02,373
I got a whole lot of them
From dr. Albright
This afternoon.
270
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,708
- really?
- yes. And I'm
Going to a party
271
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:07,445
To see if I can get
A little tonight.
272
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,380
Oh, dick, no.
273
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,815
I'm telling you, it's
A crime against science
274
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:13,951
Not to experiment
With ourselves.
275
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,953
Couldn't we just conduct
These experiments
276
00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:17,955
In the privacy
Of our own home?
277
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:20,391
- what can she do
That I can't?
- lieutenant.
278
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,427
- what?
- permission
To speak freely?
279
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,295
- permission granted.
- sir,
280
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,998
Would you jump up
And down for us?
281
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,733
Oh, yeah, and put
Your hands
282
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,869
Back behind
Your head like this.
283
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,839
- I will not.
- please, for
Science, truly.
284
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,010
No. It's not that
I don't want to help.
285
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:41,579
It's just that I don't
Know how comfortable
We would feel
286
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,581
Working together after
An experiment like that.
287
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,351
- it'll be fine.
- go ahead. Do it.
288
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,853
- in your dreams!
- every night.
289
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,156
- look, absolutely not.
- okay, fine.
290
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:55,493
You leave me no other choice.
Now we have to experiment
At a party.
291
00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,964
Listen to me.
Women are trouble.
I should know.
292
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:02,867
- I've been one
For two weeks.
- I know.
293
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,869
Which brings up
Another point.
294
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:07,405
I command you to shave
Under your arms.
295
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,341
Doable.
296
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,177
I'm sorry you find me
So offensive.
297
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,413
Damn it,
Pull yourself
Together, man!
298
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:19,050
- we're going out.
- okay.
( sniffles )
299
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:22,086
- okay. Give me an hour.
- an hour?
300
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,056
Yeah. I gotta
Rotate these.
301
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,991
It's a party.
302
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,529
( doorbell rings )
303
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,933
Dr. Solomon,
How nice to see you.
304
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,602
- good evening, mrs. Sumner.
- won't you come in?
305
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:41,305
If you'll back up.
306
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:44,975
Please forgive sally.
She's not from ohio.
307
00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:48,646
Ooh, I love where
You've put these walls.
308
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,648
May I take your coat?
309
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,617
If I can keep my pants.
310
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:58,489
Listen, I want you
To keep an eye on
This albright experiment.
311
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,491
Yeah, sure.
What are these?
312
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,661
Crustaceans. I mean,
Dick is endangering
This entire mission.
313
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,897
- mm-hmm, right.
And these?
- unborn fowl.
314
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:09,733
I'm beginning to question
His ability to command.
315
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,735
Yeah, too bad.
And these are?
316
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:13,737
- cocktail weenies.
- cocktail weenies.
317
00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:17,007
I've seen these before.
They should be bigger.
318
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,378
Nina, right?
319
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,380
Oh, hi, sally.
Nice dress.
320
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:25,349
- it's just something
I threw on.
- yeah.
321
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:27,885
Well, you
Almost missed.
322
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,956
- uh, hello. Here I am.
- yes, there you are.
323
00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:36,226
- dr. Albright, I've been
Thinking about us all day.
- I haven't.
324
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:38,596
I want to try again.
325
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,532
I want very much
To feel,
326
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,902
And I want, even more,
To be felt,
327
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,104
And I mean that from
The heart of my bottom.
328
00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:49,640
Well, yours up.
329
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:54,044
No, I wouldn't do that.
( stammers )
330
00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:56,980
I mean--
I'm new at this.
331
00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:59,383
You see, I've been
Getting a feeling,
332
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,385
And I'm trying
To identify it.
333
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,888
Rub it.
Maybe it'll go away.
334
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,891
I just want to make it
Feel better.
335
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:09,927
Well, you could start
By saying "I'm sorry."
336
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:13,597
- okay, I'm sorry.
- you could say it
As if you meant it.
337
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,500
Oh, of course.
338
00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:19,369
Dr. Albright,
I'm very sorry.
339
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:22,072
Thank you.
340
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:24,341
That felt great.
341
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:27,244
Let's do it again.
342
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,847
Dr. Albright,
I'm very sorry.
343
00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:33,484
Oh!
344
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,053
Ooh! Ohh!
345
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,222
- get away from me!
- what did I not do right?
346
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,391
- go away!
- I don't understand!
347
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:46,764
What do you think?
They seem to have
Greater power
348
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,500
When they collide.
I'm not wrong, am I?
349
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,402
Sally, will you excuse us
For a moment?
350
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,304
( sighs )
Come on, girls.
351
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:56,273
Let's go.
352
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:03,681
- you're coming on to me.
- I have no idea
What that means.
353
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,916
It's all right.
It's in my thesis.
354
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,552
It's basic
Animal attraction.
355
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:10,721
We all have
The animal within.
356
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:14,758
Some are one swing
Closer to the tree.
357
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:19,363
I've see you
Preen and strut
Around the office.
358
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,167
I admit...
359
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:25,135
I like it.
360
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:29,106
Are you planning to do
Something important
361
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,108
With your mouth tonight?
362
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,277
Because you've
Painted it bright red.
363
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,313
This always happens.
364
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,481
Dr. Erdman had
A thing for me.
365
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:40,284
Dr. Wallach, dr. Zucker,
Dr. Thomas,
366
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:43,521
The guy from cornell
Who was here for a week.
That was insane.
367
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,523
E-excuse me.
368
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,526
I have a sudden urge
To clean you.
369
00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:00,438
Oh!
370
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,841
( gasps )
371
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,876
( panting )
372
00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:09,079
( water running )
373
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,955
Oh, dr. Albright.
374
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,890
I was just
Thinking of you.
375
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,131
Thanks for
The weenies.
376
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,968
Good night, dr. Solomon.
Thank you so much
For coming.
377
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,070
Good night.
378
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:42,446
Man on radio:
♪ spinning through space ♪
379
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:48,986
♪ the smile upon your face ♪
380
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:52,390
♪ welcome to the human race, yeah... ♪
381
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,458
What a terrific evening.
382
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,627
I just had a great time.
Didn't you?
383
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:59,329
( sighs )
Whatever.
384
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:02,400
I think this is
The most incredible
Place we've ever been.
385
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:05,168
The people are
So... Complex.
386
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:08,472
I love them.
I just think
They're wonderful.
387
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,441
You probed her,
Didn't you?
388
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,978
I might have scanned
Her a little.
389
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:18,682
I think
We've underestimated
The life on this planet.
390
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:21,752
The people have
So much courage.
391
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,321
Here they are,
Hurling through space
On a molten rock
392
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:26,490
At 67,000 miles
An hour,
393
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:29,993
And the only thing that
Keeps them from flying
Out of their shoes is...
394
00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:32,797
Their misplaced faith
In gravity.
395
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,865
I'm so glad we're staying.
396
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,334
I want to find out
What else they know,
397
00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:40,270
What makes them happy,
How they raise their young,
398
00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:42,606
What happens
When they die,
399
00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:45,676
Why they call themselves
The human race.
400
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,778
Did they think
Someone's going to win?
401
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:52,483
Ooh, look.
A shooting star.
402
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:56,386
( gasps )
I think this is going to
Be our greatest mission.
403
00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:00,123
Yeah, he probed her,
All right.
404
00:21:02,227 --> 00:21:06,530
♪ isn't that a lovely ride? ♪
405
00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:08,365
♪ oh, yeah ♪
406
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:12,269
♪ sliding down and gliding down ♪
407
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,873
♪ and try not to try too hard ♪
408
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:19,376
♪ it's just a lovely ride. ♪
34389
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