All language subtitles for Tacoma FD S04E05 Death Photo 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP 5 1 H 264-CSd_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,305 --> 00:00:03,438 [rock music] 2 00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:04,830 - Okay, listen up. 3 00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:06,571 Finally, official department photos are next week. 4 00:00:06,615 --> 00:00:08,443 So mark your calendars. Make your preparations. 5 00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:10,140 - Hey-o. - Mm. 6 00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:11,446 - We need a week to prepare? - Well, you might. 7 00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:13,100 But I don't because I'm noyce. 8 00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,232 - [chuckles] Noyce. 9 00:00:15,276 --> 00:00:18,105 - Hey, this is your first department photo, probie, hmm? 10 00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:19,541 - Yeah. - It's important. 11 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,151 We do it every few years, and we use it 12 00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:22,631 for all kinds of professional things. 13 00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:25,155 ID cards, press releases, newspaper articles. 14 00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,070 - Cool, how do I get my picture in the newspaper? 15 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,245 - You die. - What? 16 00:00:28,289 --> 00:00:29,638 - These are also affectionately known 17 00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:31,422 as the "firefighter death photo." 18 00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,598 It's the picture they use for your obituary. 19 00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:35,470 - So not to be taken lightly 20 00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:37,211 unless you want to end up 21 00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:39,082 like Captain Boris Chaffee. 22 00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:41,780 Triple Chin Chaffee. 23 00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:44,305 all: Triple Chin Chaffee. 24 00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:45,436 [laughter] - There he is. 25 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,177 - He was a revered captain. 26 00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:49,614 He died saving an entire school bus full of kids. 27 00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:51,312 And he was pretty good-lookin', but... 28 00:00:51,355 --> 00:00:52,748 he did not take picture day seriously. 29 00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:55,272 And this is how he will always be remembered. 30 00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:57,231 - It looks like he's wearing a necklace of chins. 31 00:00:57,274 --> 00:00:59,624 - I always wondered if that bus landed on his face. 32 00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:01,322 - All he had to do was hold that chin up. 33 00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:02,323 - And grow a mustache for Christ's sake. 34 00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:03,324 - Come on. - I mean, come on. 35 00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,195 - And close your mouth. 36 00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:06,153 - You know, he was actually kind of a dick. 37 00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,155 - Yeah, with the smelliest feet. 38 00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:09,808 - And he was a close-talker. - And terrible breath. 39 00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:11,288 - Liar. - Big gambler. 40 00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:12,507 - Philanderer. 41 00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:13,638 - Stole a lot of stuff from the station. 42 00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:14,857 - But he did save those kids. 43 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,206 - That's true. - Yes, yes. 44 00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:17,816 - Yes. May he rest in peace. 45 00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:19,209 both: Yeah, rest in peace. - Yeah. 46 00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:20,645 - Rest in peace. - Rest in Peace. 47 00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:24,649 [Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"] 48 00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:30,481 ♪ ♪ 49 00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:33,310 - ♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪ 50 00:01:33,354 --> 00:01:35,443 ♪ Check it and see ♪ 51 00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:39,360 ♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪ 52 00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:42,014 ♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪ 53 00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,539 - Hey-o. 54 00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:46,541 Who's ready for picture day, huh? 55 00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:48,369 - Yeah, Chief, do you want some breakfast? 56 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:50,153 - Nope, I'm gonna stay lean today 57 00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:51,546 for a good, professional photo. 58 00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:52,808 - It's a good call, Chief. - Oh. 59 00:01:52,851 --> 00:01:54,201 - Oh, boy. 60 00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:55,550 - What's wrong with your shoulder? 61 00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:56,638 - I tweaked it pulling up my comforter. 62 00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:58,161 - What, do you have, like, 63 00:01:58,205 --> 00:01:59,380 a weighted blanket or something? 64 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:00,381 - Nah, just high-quality comforter. 65 00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:01,730 - It's time to switch 66 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:03,166 to the lightweight summer comforter. 67 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,167 - I don't know. I like to sweat. 68 00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:05,212 - If I had a dime... 69 00:02:05,255 --> 00:02:06,387 - Hey, Lucy, don't make fun 70 00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,215 of your dad's failing health. 71 00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:10,391 - I'm not failing. Just got a bad shoulder. 72 00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:14,221 - [chuckling] Okay. 73 00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:15,700 - What is happenin' here? 74 00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:17,224 - Who you takin' to the prom, there, Tin Tin? 75 00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:19,269 - Okay, settle down. 76 00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:21,402 Probie, this is exactly the picture day energy I like. 77 00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:22,881 Huh? The hair, the teeth. 78 00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:24,318 Look at him. Perfect. 79 00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,407 - Yeah, yeah. The kid looks good. 80 00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,365 The rest of you could learn something from the probie 81 00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:29,540 and take some pride in your photo. 82 00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:30,933 - For what? 83 00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:31,890 They always get my lighting wrong, 84 00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,414 and my pictures suck. 85 00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:34,545 - What am I supposed to do, wear makeup? 86 00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:35,894 - Do my hair? 87 00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:37,722 - Maybe you should do your hair. 88 00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:39,289 Your mother bought you that nice new blow-dryer online. 89 00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:40,421 - That thing's from Europe. 90 00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:42,205 And it doesn't even have the right plugs. 91 00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:43,772 - A little effort would go a long way. 92 00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:46,253 - If you care so much, where is all your effort, guy? 93 00:02:46,296 --> 00:02:47,863 - This face needs no effort, guy. 94 00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:49,517 - It is very distinguished, Cap. 95 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,345 - Thank you, Mickleberry. 96 00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:52,694 - Distinguished is just another word for old. 97 00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:54,957 - Lucy, that's ageism. - Mm-hmm. 98 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,524 - At least your dad and I care. 99 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,265 Yes, he is over 50 100 00:02:58,308 --> 00:03:00,615 with an uninsurable BMI and shoulder pain. 101 00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:02,399 But the man is foregoing his breakfast 102 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,444 for the death photos. 103 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,446 That's sacrifice. 104 00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:08,449 - Hey! Dingleberry? Who did that? 105 00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:09,798 [both chuckling] 106 00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:11,365 Was this you? - No, it wasn't me. 107 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:12,931 - Was that you? 108 00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:14,455 - No, I don't even know how to sew, Chief. 109 00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:15,891 That's crazy. - All right, listen up. 110 00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:17,588 These photos are gonna be professional. 111 00:03:17,632 --> 00:03:19,547 You're gonna sit up straight. You're gonna smile. 112 00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:21,375 And don't be the jokester trying to sneak in 113 00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:22,376 dirty messages. 114 00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:23,725 - Do not be the jokester. 115 00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:25,466 - All right. - Carry on. 116 00:03:25,509 --> 00:03:28,425 You look good, Mickleberry. 117 00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:29,470 - I did do it. 118 00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:30,906 - [chuckles] - I knew it. 119 00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:32,777 - I knew it. - I do know how to sew. 120 00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:38,479 ♪ ♪ 121 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,481 - What are you doing? - Oh, God! 122 00:03:41,830 --> 00:03:42,961 - Are you putting on makeup? 123 00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:45,529 - Wha-- [chuckles] 124 00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:46,791 No. 125 00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:48,315 I mean, yes. 126 00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:50,317 I am putting on makeup, 127 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,319 uh, to cover my hickeys. 128 00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,277 - On your forehead? - You should see her face. 129 00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:55,583 - Barf. - Oh, whatever. 130 00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:56,584 When two people love each other, 131 00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:57,759 that's what they do. 132 00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:58,716 - Wait, you've never covered up 133 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,327 hickeys before. 134 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,589 - [gasps] Because those are no hickeys. 135 00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:02,894 Those are Botox bruises. 136 00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,679 - What? No way. 137 00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:06,985 - Yeah, way, I watched four seasons 138 00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:08,509 of "Botox Bunnies" on TruTV. 139 00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:10,337 I know exactly what I'm looking at. 140 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,469 - Okay, fine. Yes, I got Botox. 141 00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:13,992 And it's not the first time. 142 00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:16,386 Only this time, I got triple the ccs. 143 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:17,344 - Doesn't look any different. 144 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:18,997 - Ah, it hasn't kicked in yet. 145 00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:22,436 But at any given moment, this face is gonna freeze, 146 00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,351 and these worry lines will be blasted 147 00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:25,874 back to 1986. 148 00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:27,702 You should try it sometime. - I look just fine. 149 00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:29,051 - Sure you do. 150 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:31,314 Whatever you do, don't tell your dad. 151 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,011 - Why not? - Well... 152 00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:35,405 [chuckles] Look at this Harley Clifford-Jones. 153 00:04:35,449 --> 00:04:37,625 He's got rooster throat but a smooth forehead. 154 00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:38,800 He's not fooling anyone. 155 00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:40,497 - Botox is for dorks. 156 00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:41,498 - I totally agree. 157 00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:42,717 There's nothing more attractive 158 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:43,718 than aging gracefully. 159 00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:45,502 - Bullshit, Penisi. 160 00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:47,417 Botox is right up your alley. - That's ridiculous. 161 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:50,551 - I bet you 5 grand you use it within the next ten years. 162 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:51,813 - [chuckles] You're on. 163 00:04:51,856 --> 00:04:53,554 I will never do Botox. 164 00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:55,425 - Oh, ho. 165 00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:56,992 - I am three weeks away from winning that bet. 166 00:04:57,035 --> 00:04:58,036 And I want that money. 167 00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,342 - Why are you risking it 168 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:00,430 with three weeks to go? 169 00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:01,388 - I've actually been on Botox 170 00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:03,085 the last ten years. 171 00:05:03,128 --> 00:05:04,565 In fact, I was on Botox when we made the bet. 172 00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,001 - You hypocrite. - Well... 173 00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:07,872 - You will be splitting this with me, 50-50. 174 00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,396 - Bullshit. 175 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:10,658 - Well, do you want to win 2,500 176 00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:12,399 or lose 5 grand when I tell my dad? 177 00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:15,532 - Oh, you are a rotten little street rat. 178 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,534 Okay, fine. You're on. 179 00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:19,536 But don't you say a word to anybody. 180 00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,756 - Nice doing business with you, you vain asshole. 181 00:05:21,799 --> 00:05:23,061 - Get out of here. 182 00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,541 ♪ ♪ 183 00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:25,890 - Goodness gracious. 184 00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,457 Will you stop with the primping? 185 00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:29,416 - Easy for you to say. When you're balding, 186 00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:30,591 all you have to do is shave your head. 187 00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:31,940 - Excuse you? 188 00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:33,507 - This could be my first and last 189 00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:34,595 department photo, Granny. 190 00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:35,683 - Yeah, it's about to be. 191 00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:37,424 - [groaning] Oh, God. 192 00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,513 - Firefighting is a dangerous job. 193 00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,602 Chief was right to say, "Take the photo seriously." 194 00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:42,646 Especially when you're as old as he is. 195 00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,126 - What? 196 00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:45,083 - You're constantly cheating death. 197 00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,694 - He's right, Chief. 198 00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:47,782 You are much closer to death than all of us. 199 00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,087 - We're the same age. 200 00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:50,611 [grunts] - Yeah, but...[sighs] 201 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:53,135 You're the old same age. I'm the young same age. 202 00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:54,615 My psyche's in a much better place 203 00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:55,920 'cause I don't feel old. You know why that is? 204 00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:58,532 - I know why. 205 00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:01,448 - It's a little something called "dostadning." 206 00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:04,102 - Dodadning? - Dostadning. 207 00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:06,801 - Dodesting? - Dostadning. 208 00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:09,673 - Tostitos? - It means "death cleaning." 209 00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:12,067 It's a Swedish custom my second wife taught me about. 210 00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,460 When you get to a certain age, 211 00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:15,113 it's the process of unburdening yourself 212 00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:17,115 of unnecessary belongings. 213 00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:19,466 - Sounds like European bullshit to me. 214 00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:20,815 - Oh, I read about that. 215 00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:22,425 You get rid of your physical clutter, 216 00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:23,644 and it eliminates your mental clutter. 217 00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:24,906 You feel younger. - That's right, probie. 218 00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:26,429 Even the probie knows. 219 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:27,561 - This whole thing sounds stupid. 220 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,998 Oh, God, ah. 221 00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:33,131 - Oh, my God. - Ouch. 222 00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:35,525 - I have a delivery for Granfield Smith 223 00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:36,961 from Tacoma Creative Photo. 224 00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:38,441 - Oh, shoot. 225 00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:41,139 - Um... [laughs] 226 00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:44,491 Wow, I asked you to deliver that outside. 227 00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,754 - What'd you get, Granny? - Just some body cam stuff. 228 00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,408 - Oh, cool, cool, cool. - [chuckles] 229 00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:51,846 ♪ ♪ 230 00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:55,023 - [groaning] Oh, boy. 231 00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:57,504 - You know, you really should get that shoulder checked out. 232 00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,593 - Ah, it's just old age. 233 00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:01,986 I know you're full of false bravado. 234 00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:04,032 But does this old age talk ever bother you? 235 00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:06,817 - Nah, I still kick so much ass. 236 00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:08,645 You know, I meant what I said out there. 237 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:09,690 I have no mental clutter, 238 00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,039 and it keeps me feeling young. 239 00:07:11,082 --> 00:07:13,041 But you are Clutter City. 240 00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:14,869 You can't even let go of old electric razors. 241 00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:16,479 - Why would I throw away good batteries. 242 00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:19,613 - Well, you need a good dostadning. 243 00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:21,223 You gotta declutter yourself. 244 00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:22,659 Throw away something you don't want anymore. 245 00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,618 - That's rough. 246 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:26,968 Oh, you know that throw pillow you gave me? 247 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:28,535 - [chuckles] The one where I'm eating 248 00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:30,014 the chicken wings on it? Yeah, yeah. 249 00:07:30,058 --> 00:07:33,540 - This one. - [laughs] 250 00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:34,802 "Sit on this." 251 00:07:34,845 --> 00:07:36,891 Oh, man. That thing is hysterical. 252 00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:38,153 - It's pretty funny. 253 00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:39,676 I'm gettin' rid of it. 254 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,722 - Okay. 255 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:43,158 Okay. How'd that feel? 256 00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:44,725 - I feel like I just unbuckled my belt 257 00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,597 after a rack of ribs. [chuckles] 258 00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:48,729 You were right. I never liked that pillow. 259 00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:50,600 But you did. So I held onto it. 260 00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:52,254 And, frankly, it was a burden. - Okay. 261 00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,038 - [sighs] But now I feel lighter. 262 00:07:54,082 --> 00:07:56,084 - That's what dostadning is all about. 263 00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:58,695 - Then I'm dostadning-ing-ing-ing. 264 00:07:58,739 --> 00:07:59,914 - Yeah, you are. 265 00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:02,743 - Okay. - [laughs] 266 00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:06,877 [face creaking] 267 00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:12,840 ♪ ♪ 268 00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:14,363 Lucy. 269 00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:18,193 - Oh, you look pleased with yourself. 270 00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:20,674 - The Botox kicked in while I was being smug. 271 00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:23,633 Now I'm stuck in "smug face." - What? 272 00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:25,592 - How the hell am I gonna hide this? 273 00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:28,116 ♪ ♪ 274 00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:34,731 - I need to avoid Terry until this wears off. 275 00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,603 - You're gonna avoid him for the next three months? 276 00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:38,256 You look like the cat that swallowed the canary. 277 00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:39,954 - You mean the cat that got the cream? 278 00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:41,303 - Don't you dare correct me 279 00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:42,957 with that smug look on your face. 280 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,307 - Hey-o. - Cover me. 281 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,614 50-50, remember. - It's 60-40 now. 282 00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:50,312 - Such a street rat. 283 00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:52,793 - Eddie, You look like the cat that caught the mouse. 284 00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:54,316 - Gotta run. - Huh, okay. 285 00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,624 Ever get the feeling he's too cocky? 286 00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:58,799 - Every single day. 287 00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:01,671 - Lucy... 288 00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:04,282 I've decided to do the Swedish dostadning. 289 00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:05,980 And in the interest of decluttering, 290 00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:07,677 I've decided to get something off my chest. 291 00:09:07,721 --> 00:09:08,896 - Okay. 292 00:09:08,939 --> 00:09:10,245 - You know how you always asked me 293 00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:11,638 why you didn't have a birthday party 294 00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:12,682 until you were seven? 295 00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:13,683 - Yes, I recall. 296 00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:15,337 - Well, in 1998, 297 00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:17,078 Ken Griffey Jr. led the American League 298 00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,645 with 55 home runs. 299 00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:20,124 On September 25th, 300 00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:22,649 he was going for a career high 56. 301 00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:24,346 And I had the tickets. - Oh. 302 00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:27,610 - But, unexpectedly, Vicky went into labor with you 303 00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:28,785 and I had to give up those tickets. 304 00:09:28,829 --> 00:09:30,657 [chuckles] 305 00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:31,919 That night, when I was in the hospital, 306 00:09:31,962 --> 00:09:34,182 Ken Griffey Jr. hit his 56th home run. 307 00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:36,271 And because of your birth, I missed it. 308 00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:37,794 - I think you made the right call 309 00:09:37,838 --> 00:09:39,317 being there for you daughter-- 310 00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,189 - And for seven long years, I held it against you. 311 00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,670 It was a very difficult post-partum time for me. 312 00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,323 But now I'm over it. 313 00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:47,674 Whoo. [chuckles] 314 00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:49,806 That feels great. Wow. 315 00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,808 [chuckles] Okay. 316 00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:53,941 - Are you fucking kidding? 317 00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,684 - Excuse me, hey, Chief, did you want to see me or... 318 00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:59,163 - Oh, yeah. Come on in, sit down. 319 00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:00,730 - Uh, was it just me 320 00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:01,688 or was it Mickleberry and them too? 321 00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:03,733 - Just you. 322 00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:06,214 - Um, if this is about all, like, the protein shake 323 00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:07,781 and everything that was left out, 324 00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,173 I think Mickleberry might have got into that. 325 00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:10,697 That might not... 326 00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:11,698 - This is not about Mickleberry. 327 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:12,829 This is something else. 328 00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:14,831 As a result of my dostadning, 329 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,224 I've decided to give you 330 00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,356 one of my most prized possessions. 331 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,794 My joke collection. - Why me? 332 00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:23,405 - Well, I know you have trouble completing your jokes. 333 00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:25,059 I thought this could help you out. 334 00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:26,800 - I mean, I-- it's not that I have trouble 335 00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,758 completing jokes. It's that, you know, 336 00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,891 sometimes I'm trying to think of, like, the perfect-- 337 00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:32,719 - [chuckles] My joke collection. 338 00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:35,939 - Oh, whoa. [chuckles] Cool. 339 00:10:35,983 --> 00:10:38,159 What--it's gotta be, like, 50 popsicle sticks in here. 340 00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,814 - Thousands. And I've sucked 'em all. 341 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,859 - Each one has a joke on it? - Yeah. 342 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,339 My kids didn't want them, so I figured 343 00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:45,862 I'd give them to you. 344 00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,690 - Ah, wait, your kids didn't want these? 345 00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:48,909 - Yeah, weird, right? 346 00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:51,346 - So many. Okay, uh... 347 00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,740 "What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?" 348 00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,219 both: The pavement! 349 00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:58,048 [both laugh] 350 00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,268 - 'Cause you're gonna fall off and hit your head. 351 00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:02,009 - You picked the best one right off the bat. 352 00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:03,880 [laughs] - Oh, that is so funny. 353 00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:05,882 All right--wait, "What kind of a car 354 00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,754 does an egg drive?" 355 00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:10,278 "A yolkswagon." 356 00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:12,889 Yolkswagon? - Yolks-wagon? 357 00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,848 - "A yo..." [laughs] 358 00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:16,327 Yolkswagon. - [chuckles] 359 00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:17,764 - Oh, man. 360 00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,113 - I didn't get it the first time either. 361 00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:20,897 - Wait, do you want me to give you 362 00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:22,246 a handful too and we can, like, go back and forth? 363 00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:23,247 - No, no, I think that's-- that'll be all. 364 00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:24,945 You're dismissed. 365 00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,296 - Ugh, so sticky. [chuckles] 366 00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:29,950 You know what, Chief? 367 00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:31,908 I actually was having a hard time telling jokes. 368 00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:33,127 - Don't draw it out. You can go. 369 00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:34,824 - Do you want it open or closed? 370 00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,913 - Uh, you can keep it open. - You got it, Chief. 371 00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,088 Yeah! - Yeah. 372 00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:39,786 [sighs] 373 00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:42,789 Dostadning. Dostadning. 374 00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,399 Doo-stadning. 375 00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:47,097 Dostadning.Wow. 376 00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:51,798 ♪ ♪ 377 00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:54,888 - This book is so, so sad. 378 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,977 I think I'm gonna cry. 379 00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,413 - Hey, anybody know 380 00:11:58,456 --> 00:11:59,806 when the photographer showin' up? 381 00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:00,981 - Don't know, don't care. 382 00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:03,287 - What you lookin' for? - What? 383 00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:04,985 Uh, nothing. 384 00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:06,813 Has anyone seen an international plug adapter? 385 00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:09,337 - What do you need it for? - My radio. 386 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,078 - You still have a plug-in radio? 387 00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:12,949 Cool. - [chuckles] 388 00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:16,170 "Because they live in schools." 389 00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:18,868 [snorts] This one gets me every time. 390 00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:20,870 - Ike, those popsicle sticks still look wet. 391 00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:22,132 Please tell me you boiled them. 392 00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:24,352 - Uh, no. I'm not gonna boil them, Lucy. 393 00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:26,136 'Cause that would erase the jokes. 394 00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,182 The jokes are printed on here. You know that, right? 395 00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:30,010 Oh, here's one. Hey, here, I got one. 396 00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:33,274 "What is a cow's favorite form of entertainment?" 397 00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:34,797 - Moo-vies. 398 00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:37,060 - [laughs] - [laughs sarcastically] 399 00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:38,975 - Hey, man, what's with that smug look on your face? 400 00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:40,542 It hasn't changed for an hour. 401 00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:42,370 - This is the way I always look. 402 00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:44,459 - Hey, Cap, did you get the Botox for the picture? 403 00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:45,852 - What? No, Probie, be quiet. 404 00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:46,940 - You did. You're frozen. 405 00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:48,028 - Whoops. [chuckles] 406 00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:49,246 - Okay, fine. A little bit. 407 00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:50,900 - Look at you, 408 00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:53,947 Mr. "I don't care about the photo. I don't age." 409 00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,513 [scoffs] So disappointing. 410 00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:57,037 - Okay, just keep it quiet. 411 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,299 - Wait, Cap, I got one for you. 412 00:12:58,342 --> 00:13:01,345 "What goes up but doesn't come down?" 413 00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:03,870 "Your age." [laughs] 414 00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:05,219 It's, like, the perfect one. 415 00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:07,177 Literally the perfect one for this moment. 416 00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,396 - [chuckles weakly] 417 00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:09,876 - I feel like the strawberry ones 418 00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:11,399 are always the funniest. 419 00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,140 - Hey, Eddie, can I see you in my office? 420 00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:15,403 - Me? Now? 421 00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,448 - Yeah, now. Stop being so smug. 422 00:13:17,492 --> 00:13:19,886 - But I'm not being smug. 423 00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:21,191 Oh, boy. 424 00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:26,022 ♪ ♪ 425 00:13:26,066 --> 00:13:28,068 - Eddie, sit down. - Nah, I'ma stand. 426 00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:29,156 - No, please, sit down. Come on. 427 00:13:29,199 --> 00:13:30,505 - No. I'd prefer to stand. 428 00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:32,899 - Please. It's a dostadningthing. 429 00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:34,248 Come on. - [sighs] 430 00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,163 - Sit down, come on. 431 00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:37,599 [exhales heavily] 432 00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:40,907 I didn't think I'd be this nervous. 433 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:43,431 [chuckles] Okay. 434 00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:46,086 In an attempt to get my affairs in order, 435 00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:48,610 Vicky and I have decided that in the event 436 00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,004 that something should happen to us, 437 00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:55,573 we would be honored if you would be the guardian... 438 00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:57,445 of our daughters. 439 00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:01,101 [exhales] 440 00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,234 I'm being serious. 441 00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:06,236 - Yeah, no, it's incredible. I'm humbled. 442 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,237 - Do you understand the significance 443 00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:08,195 of what I'm asking? 444 00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:09,631 - Yeah. 445 00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:10,588 - Then what's with the smug face? 446 00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:11,938 - Mm-mm, I'm not smug. 447 00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,636 I'm overjoyed. - This is overjoyed? 448 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,943 - That's not how I look. - This is your face. 449 00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:19,380 - That's not how I look. - Okay, eh? 450 00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:21,295 That's exactly how you look. 451 00:14:21,338 --> 00:14:23,123 [alarm blares] - MVA. 452 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:25,386 Engine 24 and rescue... - Oh, gotta roll. 453 00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:28,128 We'll pick this up later. 454 00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,957 - What's wrong with you, you smug piece of shit? 455 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,654 ♪ ♪ 456 00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:34,134 - Damn it. I need to fix my hair again. 457 00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,613 The photographer will be here soon. 458 00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:37,528 - Yeah, got time to go to the salon, bro. 459 00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:39,487 [both laugh] 460 00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:42,446 - Hey, hey. Luce, Luce, Luce. 461 00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:44,971 Hey, your dad is gonna want to talk to me again. 462 00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:48,409 I cannot accept his dostadning with my face like this. 463 00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:50,150 - Well, at least your dostadning 464 00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:51,412 was a heartfelt gesture. 465 00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:52,935 He told me a baseball game 466 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,284 was more important than my birth. 467 00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:56,025 - Yeah, he hated you forever for that one. 468 00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:57,984 He used to cry every time he changed your diapers. 469 00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,507 On the flip side, though, 470 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:00,987 he did give me the tickets to that game. 471 00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,162 So thank you very much. 472 00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:04,338 - It's 70-30 now. - What? 473 00:15:04,381 --> 00:15:06,166 I'm so mad right now. 474 00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:07,297 - I actually can't even tell. 475 00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:08,646 - Oh, I am furious. 476 00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,126 - Here, let me help. 477 00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:13,173 ♪ ♪ 478 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,436 Your face feels like clay. - I know. 479 00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:16,654 - Okay, hold on, here we go. [face crackling] 480 00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:18,352 Oh, okay. All right. 481 00:15:18,395 --> 00:15:19,657 We're getting a little traction. 482 00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,355 - Oh. - Whoa. 483 00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:24,140 - Okay, I feel like I felt my expression change. 484 00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:25,663 - Well... 485 00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:27,317 your face is actually dead. 486 00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,058 [dramatic chord] 487 00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:31,017 - Eddie, can we continue our conversation, please? 488 00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:32,409 - [sighs] 489 00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:37,371 ♪ ♪ 490 00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:39,677 - Ooh. Hi, Ike! 491 00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:41,114 - Oh. - Hi. 492 00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:43,203 - Hey. How's it going? 493 00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,248 Uh, I--sorry. 494 00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:48,034 Uh, guys, this is Billie Jean, my neighbor, Billie Jean. 495 00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:49,687 - It's 3:00. 496 00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,211 - Oh, yeah! No, no, no. 497 00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:52,734 I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's 3:00. 498 00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:56,042 That--because, um, Billie Jean, wanted to, 499 00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,217 have a tour of the fire station. 500 00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:58,522 She's never been to a fire station before. 501 00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,220 - Guilty. [both chuckle] 502 00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:01,351 - Okay. Yeah, let's do it. 503 00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:02,744 Um, just right this way. - Oh, okay. 504 00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:06,226 - We can start in here. - Okay. 505 00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:08,054 - Is Billie Jean his lover? - I don't know. 506 00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:09,707 It ain't none of my business. 507 00:16:09,751 --> 00:16:12,362 ♪ ♪ 508 00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:13,581 - [exhales heavily] 509 00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:17,063 I know I sprung a big ask on you before, 510 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,065 and I'm sorry about that. 511 00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:20,153 I should have given you time to think. 512 00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:22,198 - No, no. I'm honored, really. 513 00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:24,070 - Well, it's just that we're friends 514 00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:25,245 and, uh... 515 00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:28,204 Am I catching you at a bad time here? 516 00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:29,727 - Mm-mm. Why? 517 00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:31,120 - Seems like you don't care about what I'm saying. 518 00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:33,122 - I do. I totally care. 519 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:35,429 - All right, well, I'm trying to do a dostadninghere, 520 00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:36,430 and it seems like you're refusing 521 00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:38,214 my dostadning. 522 00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:40,695 - No, I fully support the dostadning. 523 00:16:40,738 --> 00:16:43,176 I'm the one who suggested the dostadning. 524 00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:44,394 - Well, I'm not gettin' a very supportive vibe. 525 00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:46,222 Do you not care about my kids? 526 00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,181 - I do. I love your kids. 527 00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:49,704 - You know what, Eddie? 528 00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,053 Don't be sarcastic about someone's kids. 529 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,142 - I'm not. - That's it. 530 00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:54,622 My offer is officially rescinded. 531 00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:56,580 - What? No, Terry. Don't rescind it. 532 00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:59,366 - Really? 533 00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:02,543 You know what, from now on, we keep our relationship 534 00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,806 strictly professional, you heartless prick. 535 00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,374 - Wait, Terry. No, don't be mad. 536 00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:09,115 Te--no, Terry. 537 00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:10,638 Please come back. Let's talk about it. 538 00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:12,118 I really want to talk about it. 539 00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:17,253 [rock music] 540 00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:19,125 - He didn't just rescind the offer. 541 00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:20,648 He rescinded our friendship. 542 00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,606 - I know. I even saw him throw this out. 543 00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,304 - His BFFF mug. 544 00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:25,783 I gave him this. 545 00:17:25,827 --> 00:17:27,437 It's his second favorite mug. 546 00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:28,743 How am I supposed to make amends 547 00:17:28,786 --> 00:17:29,787 with my face looking like this? 548 00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:31,093 - Tell him the truth. 549 00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:33,095 - To the tune of $5,000? 550 00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,227 No, thank you. 551 00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:36,316 This calls for extreme measures. 552 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,231 Defib time. 553 00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,493 - Oh, my God. 554 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:42,191 Uncle Eddie, no, no, no, no, no. 555 00:17:42,235 --> 00:17:44,237 [AED whines] Wait, are you kidding? 556 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,196 - Electricity reverses muscular paralysis. 557 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,850 I need you to zap the shit out of my face. 558 00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:50,678 - I don't think this is a good idea. 559 00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:52,288 - I put it on the lowest setting. 560 00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:53,333 It's gonna be fine. 561 00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:54,247 One time I even used these 562 00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:55,639 to wake up your father. 563 00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:57,337 There wasn't any lasting damage, so... 564 00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,512 - But there was temporary damage? 565 00:17:58,555 --> 00:17:59,643 - You never wondered why there's a gap 566 00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:01,341 between you and your sisters? 567 00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:03,821 - You put it on his nuts? - Yeah, it was hysterical. 568 00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:06,128 We were laughing for days. Let's do this. 569 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,477 - All right. Fuck it. 570 00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:10,306 ♪ ♪ 571 00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:11,525 - Make it count. [AED whines, sizzles] 572 00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:14,310 - Ah! - [groans] 573 00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:16,182 - Oh. [chuckles] 574 00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:19,489 Okay. That's an improvement-ish. 575 00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:23,493 - And that you would even consider me 576 00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:26,496 to be the guardian of your children 577 00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:28,455 is an honor. 578 00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:31,501 One I will never take lightly. 579 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,721 - Well, you already did. Then you laughed at me. 580 00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:36,289 - I never laughed. - First you had your smug face. 581 00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:37,681 Then you looked like you didn't care. 582 00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:39,466 - And do I still look like that? 583 00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:41,163 - You look like you're having a stroke. 584 00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:43,383 - That's because my veins 585 00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:45,559 are clotted with sadness. 586 00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:46,821 - What are you doing with your face? 587 00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:48,475 - Nothing. 588 00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:51,565 ♪ ♪ 589 00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:53,393 [face crackles] 590 00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:55,177 - It's hard. - No, it's not. 591 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,310 - And your forehead's leaking. - It is? 592 00:18:57,353 --> 00:19:00,182 - [gasps] You got the Botox. - No, I didn't. 593 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,401 - Your face is pumped 594 00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:02,706 so full of filler you can't emote. 595 00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,317 - Fine. I admit it. 596 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,406 I did do the Botox. 597 00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:09,365 And that's why you can't tell how much this means to me. 598 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,585 - Well, I'm happy you didn't dismiss me earlier. 599 00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:13,413 But I'm sad you felt the need to inject your face 600 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,328 and look younger. 601 00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:17,417 But then again, I'm happy that you owe me 5,000 bucks. 602 00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:19,201 [laughs] Yes! 603 00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:21,247 - That part makes me pretty sad. 604 00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:23,466 But I am genuinely touched 605 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:25,425 that you've made me the guardian of your children. 606 00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:26,774 - [chuckles] Well, hold on. 607 00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:28,297 I don't know if I can trust my kid 608 00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:29,255 to someone who pumped their face 609 00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:30,691 full of chemicals for vanity. 610 00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:33,302 - Well, Terry, I think the old age thing 611 00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:36,610 affected me the same way it affected you. 612 00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:39,395 - Hmm. - I'm sorry. 613 00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,267 - What, are we hugging? - Yeah. 614 00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:43,443 - Okay. [grunts] 615 00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:44,879 [sighs] All right. 616 00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:46,533 Okay. [chuckles] 617 00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:50,276 - [sighs] - Ow, my shoulder. [groans] 618 00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:51,407 Too hard. 619 00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:52,800 - You know, I would probably cry 620 00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,541 if my tear ducts weren't paralyzed 621 00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:56,282 with frog poison. [knock at door] 622 00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:57,805 - The photographer's here. 623 00:19:57,848 --> 00:19:59,589 - Oh, and I haven't even put my face on. 624 00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,287 - And I better take my face off. 625 00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:02,897 - Yeah. Okay. 626 00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,768 $5,000. 627 00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:06,292 [chuckles] 628 00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:09,556 That's a lot of gear, huh? 629 00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:10,948 - What's the deal with those sunglasses? 630 00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,341 Are they blue-blockers? 631 00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:14,952 - He looks like German Bono. 632 00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:17,477 Oh, Granny, need some help? 633 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:18,956 - No, I got it. - Probie, help him out. 634 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,393 - No, no, I'm good. 635 00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:21,611 - Let me just - No, don't touch-- 636 00:20:21,655 --> 00:20:23,613 Leave it alone. Hey! Argh. 637 00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:25,354 - Oh, well, well, well. 638 00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:26,790 Granny, what's with the lighting equipment? 639 00:20:26,834 --> 00:20:28,444 - Okay, fine. 640 00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:30,316 White photographers from the department 641 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,405 don't know how to light Black people properly. 642 00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:34,450 So this year I'm gonna make myself look good. 643 00:20:34,494 --> 00:20:35,799 - You said the picture didn't matter. 644 00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,497 - It doesn't. 645 00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:39,325 But Black lighting does. 646 00:20:39,368 --> 00:20:41,501 ♪ ♪ 647 00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:43,285 - Oh, honey, new hairdo for the picture, huh? 648 00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:44,634 Looks great. 649 00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:46,462 [whispering] Always tell them they look great. 650 00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:47,768 - Well, I tried to use that foreign blow-dryer 651 00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:50,336 Mom got me, and it just kept zapping me. 652 00:20:50,379 --> 00:20:51,815 - You look like Simba. I love it. 653 00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:53,861 - [growls] 654 00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,776 I just wanted to look good. 655 00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:57,343 - Aw, poor baby. 656 00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:58,996 Just so you know, for these pictures, 657 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,824 we wear our hats. 658 00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:01,912 - What? - We do? 659 00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:03,523 - Yeah. Mm-hmm. 660 00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:06,003 - I spent $50 on this hair, Chief. 661 00:21:06,047 --> 00:21:09,964 ♪ ♪ 662 00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:12,706 - Hey-o. - Hey, guys. 663 00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,403 - Where'd you get the makeup? 664 00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,405 - Okay, my friend Billie Jean is a makeup artist. 665 00:21:16,449 --> 00:21:18,538 She did a little... - I thought she was your lover. 666 00:21:18,581 --> 00:21:19,974 - Uh, no, Mickleberry. 667 00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:21,367 Billie Jean is not my lover. 668 00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:22,803 She's just a girl 669 00:21:22,846 --> 00:21:24,021 who happens to be a makeup artist. 670 00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:25,806 - What kind exactly? 671 00:21:25,849 --> 00:21:27,503 - I don't know. I think, like, lots of kind-- 672 00:21:27,547 --> 00:21:29,897 like, professional kinds. 673 00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:32,421 I think she works at a funeral parlor too. 674 00:21:32,465 --> 00:21:34,075 - Ah, that explains it. 675 00:21:34,118 --> 00:21:36,033 - You know, just because it's a death photo 676 00:21:36,077 --> 00:21:38,427 doesn't mean you have to look dead. 677 00:21:38,471 --> 00:21:40,995 - Well, I'm glad no one cares how they look for their photo. 678 00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:43,824 [laughter] 679 00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:47,393 ♪ ♪ 680 00:21:47,436 --> 00:21:48,394 - Make love to the camera. 681 00:21:49,743 --> 00:21:52,572 [camera shutter snapping] 682 00:21:52,615 --> 00:21:54,313 - There's my girl. 683 00:21:55,444 --> 00:21:57,054 Here you go. 684 00:21:57,098 --> 00:21:58,969 - "They use Swine language"? 685 00:21:59,013 --> 00:22:00,884 I don't get it. 686 00:22:00,928 --> 00:22:02,059 - Okay, that should be a good one. 687 00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:04,410 - You know what? I like this one. 688 00:22:04,453 --> 00:22:07,413 Thanks. 689 00:22:07,456 --> 00:22:08,675 Please press the lighting board cue 690 00:22:08,718 --> 00:22:09,632 before you take the picture, all right? 691 00:22:09,676 --> 00:22:11,286 - Yeah. 692 00:22:13,462 --> 00:22:14,420 - [groans] 693 00:22:14,463 --> 00:22:16,422 - Aw, Dad. 694 00:22:16,465 --> 00:22:18,815 - Looks sexy, Chiefy. 695 00:22:18,859 --> 00:22:24,908 ♪ ♪ 696 00:22:27,911 --> 00:22:30,479 - Hey, Eddie, mark your calendar. 697 00:22:30,523 --> 00:22:32,525 Two tickets, Mariners-Yankees, behind home plate 698 00:22:32,568 --> 00:22:33,743 for me and my little buddy. 699 00:22:33,787 --> 00:22:34,788 - Aw. 700 00:22:34,831 --> 00:22:36,137 Oh, me and you, Skipper? 701 00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:37,878 - Well, you know, I had 5K to burn, 702 00:22:37,921 --> 00:22:39,575 so I figured what the heck? - Yeah, you're welcome. 703 00:22:39,619 --> 00:22:41,795 - Hey-o. Hey, pictures came in. 704 00:22:41,838 --> 00:22:43,623 - Hey, all right. - Oh, cool. 705 00:22:43,666 --> 00:22:45,451 - Crystal. McConky. 706 00:22:45,494 --> 00:22:47,061 Penisi. McConky. 707 00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:49,977 Look at that, in order. - All right, death photo day. 708 00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:51,979 - This was the best choice? - Looks good. 709 00:22:52,022 --> 00:22:54,590 - I really can't die until I take another one. 710 00:22:54,634 --> 00:22:57,114 - At least I'm not too dark. [chuckling] 711 00:22:57,158 --> 00:22:58,638 - That's kind of cool. 712 00:22:58,681 --> 00:23:00,161 I look a little bit sleepy or something. 713 00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:01,815 - [chuckles] - You look like a dead mime. 714 00:23:01,858 --> 00:23:03,469 - Oh, "What language do pigs speak?" 715 00:23:03,512 --> 00:23:06,428 "Swine language." [laughs] 716 00:23:07,647 --> 00:23:09,518 - [laughs] I remember sucking that stick. 717 00:23:09,562 --> 00:23:11,999 - Was it strawberry? [chuckles] Of course it was. 718 00:23:12,042 --> 00:23:13,479 'Cause they're always the funniest. 719 00:23:13,522 --> 00:23:15,568 - Hey, at least I look young. 720 00:23:15,611 --> 00:23:17,178 I'm definitely getting Botox again. 721 00:23:17,221 --> 00:23:18,484 - Let's see yours. - Hey, hey, let's see it. 722 00:23:18,527 --> 00:23:19,528 - No. - Da-da-da-da. 723 00:23:19,572 --> 00:23:21,051 - I just had a bad hair day. 724 00:23:21,095 --> 00:23:22,488 - [laughs] - Whoa. 725 00:23:22,531 --> 00:23:24,141 [all chuckle] 726 00:23:24,185 --> 00:23:25,665 - Is that hair attached to your hat or something? 727 00:23:25,708 --> 00:23:27,014 - Oh. 728 00:23:27,057 --> 00:23:28,189 - This is actually the best photo 729 00:23:28,232 --> 00:23:30,017 I've ever taken, look at that. 730 00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:31,497 Eh? - Yeah, Chiefy, noyce. 731 00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:33,673 - Aw, Dad, you look so handsome. 732 00:23:33,716 --> 00:23:35,979 Look at that. [sighs] 733 00:23:38,939 --> 00:23:40,767 Who's Hugh Janus? 734 00:23:40,810 --> 00:23:42,638 Hugh Janus. 735 00:23:42,682 --> 00:23:44,118 Hugh Janus? Hugh Jan-- 736 00:23:44,161 --> 00:23:46,120 Hugh Janus. - Hugh Janus? 737 00:23:46,163 --> 00:23:49,863 - Huge anus? Who did that? 738 00:23:49,906 --> 00:23:51,125 - What, are we hugging? - Yeah. 739 00:23:51,168 --> 00:23:52,822 - [grunts] 740 00:23:52,866 --> 00:23:54,215 [sighs] All right. 741 00:23:55,912 --> 00:23:58,175 [groaning] Oh, my shoulder. 742 00:23:58,219 --> 00:24:00,047 Oh, God. 743 00:24:00,743 --> 00:24:01,831 - It was me. 744 00:24:01,875 --> 00:24:03,006 [laughter] 745 00:24:03,050 --> 00:24:04,530 - Eddie! 746 00:24:04,573 --> 00:24:06,706 - He really got you. 52242

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.