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00:00:01,305 --> 00:00:03,438
[rock music]
2
00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:04,830
- Okay, listen up.
3
00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:06,571
Finally, official department
photos are next week.
4
00:00:06,615 --> 00:00:08,443
So mark your calendars.
Make your preparations.
5
00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:10,140
- Hey-o.
- Mm.
6
00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:11,446
- We need a week to prepare?
- Well, you might.
7
00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:13,100
But I don't because I'm noyce.
8
00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,232
- [chuckles] Noyce.
9
00:00:15,276 --> 00:00:18,105
- Hey, this is your first
department photo, probie, hmm?
10
00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:19,541
- Yeah.
- It's important.
11
00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,151
We do it every few years,
and we use it
12
00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:22,631
for all kinds
of professional things.
13
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:25,155
ID cards, press releases,
newspaper articles.
14
00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,070
- Cool, how do I get my picture
in the newspaper?
15
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,245
- You die.
- What?
16
00:00:28,289 --> 00:00:29,638
- These are
also affectionately known
17
00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:31,422
as the "firefighter
death photo."
18
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,598
It's the picture
they use for your obituary.
19
00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:35,470
- So not to be taken lightly
20
00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:37,211
unless you want to end up
21
00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:39,082
like Captain Boris Chaffee.
22
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:41,780
Triple Chin Chaffee.
23
00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:44,305
all: Triple Chin Chaffee.
24
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:45,436
[laughter]
- There he is.
25
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,177
- He was a revered captain.
26
00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:49,614
He died saving an entire
school bus full of kids.
27
00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:51,312
And he was pretty good-lookin',
but...
28
00:00:51,355 --> 00:00:52,748
he did not take picture day
seriously.
29
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:55,272
And this is how he will
always be remembered.
30
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:57,231
- It looks like he's wearing
a necklace of chins.
31
00:00:57,274 --> 00:00:59,624
- I always wondered if that bus
landed on his face.
32
00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:01,322
- All he had to do
was hold that chin up.
33
00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:02,323
- And grow a mustache
for Christ's sake.
34
00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:03,324
- Come on.
- I mean, come on.
35
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,195
- And close your mouth.
36
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:06,153
- You know,
he was actually kind of a dick.
37
00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,155
- Yeah,
with the smelliest feet.
38
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:09,808
- And he was a close-talker.
- And terrible breath.
39
00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:11,288
- Liar.
- Big gambler.
40
00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:12,507
- Philanderer.
41
00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:13,638
- Stole a lot of stuff
from the station.
42
00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:14,857
- But he did save those kids.
43
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,206
- That's true.
- Yes, yes.
44
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:17,816
- Yes. May he rest in peace.
45
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:19,209
both: Yeah, rest in peace.
- Yeah.
46
00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:20,645
- Rest in peace.
- Rest in Peace.
47
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:24,649
[Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"]
48
00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:30,481
♪ ♪
49
00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:33,310
- ♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
50
00:01:33,354 --> 00:01:35,443
♪ Check it and see ♪
51
00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:39,360
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
52
00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:42,014
♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪
53
00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,539
- Hey-o.
54
00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:46,541
Who's ready for picture day,
huh?
55
00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:48,369
- Yeah, Chief,
do you want some breakfast?
56
00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:50,153
- Nope,
I'm gonna stay lean today
57
00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:51,546
for a good, professional photo.
58
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:52,808
- It's a good call, Chief.
- Oh.
59
00:01:52,851 --> 00:01:54,201
- Oh, boy.
60
00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:55,550
- What's wrong
with your shoulder?
61
00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:56,638
- I tweaked it
pulling up my comforter.
62
00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:58,161
- What, do you have, like,
63
00:01:58,205 --> 00:01:59,380
a weighted blanket
or something?
64
00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:00,381
- Nah, just
high-quality comforter.
65
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:01,730
- It's time to switch
66
00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:03,166
to the lightweight
summer comforter.
67
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,167
- I don't know.
I like to sweat.
68
00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:05,212
- If I had a dime...
69
00:02:05,255 --> 00:02:06,387
- Hey, Lucy, don't make fun
70
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,215
of your dad's failing health.
71
00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:10,391
- I'm not failing.
Just got a bad shoulder.
72
00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:14,221
- [chuckling] Okay.
73
00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:15,700
- What is happenin' here?
74
00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:17,224
- Who you takin' to the prom,
there, Tin Tin?
75
00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:19,269
- Okay, settle down.
76
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:21,402
Probie, this is exactly
the picture day energy I like.
77
00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:22,881
Huh?
The hair, the teeth.
78
00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:24,318
Look at him. Perfect.
79
00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,407
- Yeah, yeah.
The kid looks good.
80
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,365
The rest of you could learn
something from the probie
81
00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:29,540
and take some pride
in your photo.
82
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:30,933
- For what?
83
00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:31,890
They always get
my lighting wrong,
84
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,414
and my pictures suck.
85
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:34,545
- What am I supposed to do,
wear makeup?
86
00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:35,894
- Do my hair?
87
00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:37,722
- Maybe you should do
your hair.
88
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:39,289
Your mother bought you that
nice new blow-dryer online.
89
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:40,421
- That thing's from Europe.
90
00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:42,205
And it doesn't even have
the right plugs.
91
00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:43,772
- A little effort
would go a long way.
92
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:46,253
- If you care so much,
where is all your effort, guy?
93
00:02:46,296 --> 00:02:47,863
- This face needs no effort,
guy.
94
00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:49,517
- It is very distinguished,
Cap.
95
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,345
- Thank you, Mickleberry.
96
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:52,694
- Distinguished
is just another word for old.
97
00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:54,957
- Lucy, that's ageism.
- Mm-hmm.
98
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,524
- At least your dad and I care.
99
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,265
Yes, he is over 50
100
00:02:58,308 --> 00:03:00,615
with an uninsurable BMI
and shoulder pain.
101
00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:02,399
But the man
is foregoing his breakfast
102
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,444
for the death photos.
103
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,446
That's sacrifice.
104
00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:08,449
- Hey! Dingleberry?
Who did that?
105
00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:09,798
[both chuckling]
106
00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:11,365
Was this you?
- No, it wasn't me.
107
00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:12,931
- Was that you?
108
00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:14,455
- No, I don't even know
how to sew, Chief.
109
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:15,891
That's crazy.
- All right, listen up.
110
00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:17,588
These photos are gonna be
professional.
111
00:03:17,632 --> 00:03:19,547
You're gonna sit up straight.
You're gonna smile.
112
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:21,375
And don't be the jokester
trying to sneak in
113
00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:22,376
dirty messages.
114
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:23,725
- Do not be the jokester.
115
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:25,466
- All right.
- Carry on.
116
00:03:25,509 --> 00:03:28,425
You look good, Mickleberry.
117
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- I did do it.
118
00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:30,906
- [chuckles]
- I knew it.
119
00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:32,777
- I knew it.
- I do know how to sew.
120
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:38,479
♪ ♪
121
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,481
- What are you doing?
- Oh, God!
122
00:03:41,830 --> 00:03:42,961
- Are you putting on makeup?
123
00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:45,529
- Wha-- [chuckles]
124
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:46,791
No.
125
00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:48,315
I mean, yes.
126
00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:50,317
I am putting on makeup,
127
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,319
uh, to cover my hickeys.
128
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,277
- On your forehead?
- You should see her face.
129
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:55,583
- Barf.
- Oh, whatever.
130
00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:56,584
When two people
love each other,
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00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:57,759
that's what they do.
132
00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:58,716
- Wait, you've never covered up
133
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,327
hickeys before.
134
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,589
- [gasps]
Because those are no hickeys.
135
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:02,894
Those are Botox bruises.
136
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,679
- What? No way.
137
00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:06,985
- Yeah, way,
I watched four seasons
138
00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:08,509
of "Botox Bunnies" on TruTV.
139
00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:10,337
I know
exactly what I'm looking at.
140
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,469
- Okay, fine.
Yes, I got Botox.
141
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:13,992
And it's not the first time.
142
00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:16,386
Only this time,
I got triple the ccs.
143
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:17,344
- Doesn't look any different.
144
00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:18,997
- Ah, it hasn't kicked in yet.
145
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:22,436
But at any given moment,
this face is gonna freeze,
146
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,351
and these worry lines
will be blasted
147
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:25,874
back to 1986.
148
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:27,702
You should try it sometime.
- I look just fine.
149
00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:29,051
- Sure you do.
150
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:31,314
Whatever you do,
don't tell your dad.
151
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,011
- Why not?
- Well...
152
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:35,405
[chuckles] Look
at this Harley Clifford-Jones.
153
00:04:35,449 --> 00:04:37,625
He's got rooster throat
but a smooth forehead.
154
00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:38,800
He's not fooling anyone.
155
00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:40,497
- Botox is for dorks.
156
00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:41,498
- I totally agree.
157
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:42,717
There's nothing more attractive
158
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:43,718
than aging gracefully.
159
00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:45,502
- Bullshit, Penisi.
160
00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:47,417
Botox is right up your alley.
- That's ridiculous.
161
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:50,551
- I bet you 5 grand you use it
within the next ten years.
162
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:51,813
- [chuckles] You're on.
163
00:04:51,856 --> 00:04:53,554
I will never do Botox.
164
00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:55,425
- Oh, ho.
165
00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:56,992
- I am three weeks away
from winning that bet.
166
00:04:57,035 --> 00:04:58,036
And I want that money.
167
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,342
- Why are you risking it
168
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:00,430
with three weeks to go?
169
00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:01,388
- I've actually been on Botox
170
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:03,085
the last ten years.
171
00:05:03,128 --> 00:05:04,565
In fact, I was on Botox
when we made the bet.
172
00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,001
- You hypocrite.
- Well...
173
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:07,872
- You will be splitting this
with me, 50-50.
174
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,396
- Bullshit.
175
00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:10,658
- Well, do you want
to win 2,500
176
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:12,399
or lose 5 grand
when I tell my dad?
177
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:15,532
- Oh, you are a rotten
little street rat.
178
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,534
Okay, fine. You're on.
179
00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:19,536
But don't you say a word
to anybody.
180
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,756
- Nice doing business with you,
you vain asshole.
181
00:05:21,799 --> 00:05:23,061
- Get out of here.
182
00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,541
♪ ♪
183
00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:25,890
- Goodness gracious.
184
00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,457
Will you stop
with the primping?
185
00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:29,416
- Easy for you to say.
When you're balding,
186
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:30,591
all you have to do
is shave your head.
187
00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:31,940
- Excuse you?
188
00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:33,507
- This could be
my first and last
189
00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:34,595
department photo, Granny.
190
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:35,683
- Yeah, it's about to be.
191
00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:37,424
- [groaning] Oh, God.
192
00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,513
- Firefighting
is a dangerous job.
193
00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,602
Chief was right to say,
"Take the photo seriously."
194
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:42,646
Especially when you're
as old as he is.
195
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,126
- What?
196
00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:45,083
- You're constantly
cheating death.
197
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,694
- He's right, Chief.
198
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:47,782
You are much closer to death
than all of us.
199
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,087
- We're the same age.
200
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:50,611
[grunts]
- Yeah, but...[sighs]
201
00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:53,135
You're the old same age.
I'm the young same age.
202
00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:54,615
My psyche's
in a much better place
203
00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:55,920
'cause I don't feel old.
You know why that is?
204
00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:58,532
- I know why.
205
00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:01,448
- It's a little something
called "dostadning."
206
00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:04,102
- Dodadning?
- Dostadning.
207
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:06,801
- Dodesting?
- Dostadning.
208
00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:09,673
- Tostitos?
- It means "death cleaning."
209
00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:12,067
It's a Swedish custom
my second wife taught me about.
210
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,460
When you get to a certain age,
211
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:15,113
it's the process
of unburdening yourself
212
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:17,115
of unnecessary belongings.
213
00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:19,466
- Sounds like European bullshit
to me.
214
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:20,815
- Oh, I read about that.
215
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:22,425
You get rid
of your physical clutter,
216
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:23,644
and it eliminates
your mental clutter.
217
00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:24,906
You feel younger.
- That's right, probie.
218
00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:26,429
Even the probie knows.
219
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:27,561
- This whole thing
sounds stupid.
220
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,998
Oh, God, ah.
221
00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:33,131
- Oh, my God.
- Ouch.
222
00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:35,525
- I have a delivery
for Granfield Smith
223
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:36,961
from Tacoma Creative Photo.
224
00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:38,441
- Oh, shoot.
225
00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:41,139
- Um... [laughs]
226
00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:44,491
Wow, I asked you
to deliver that outside.
227
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,754
- What'd you get, Granny?
- Just some body cam stuff.
228
00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,408
- Oh, cool, cool, cool.
- [chuckles]
229
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:51,846
♪ ♪
230
00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:55,023
- [groaning] Oh, boy.
231
00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:57,504
- You know, you really should
get that shoulder checked out.
232
00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,593
- Ah, it's just old age.
233
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:01,986
I know you're full
of false bravado.
234
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:04,032
But does this old age talk
ever bother you?
235
00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:06,817
- Nah, I still kick
so much ass.
236
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:08,645
You know,
I meant what I said out there.
237
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:09,690
I have no mental clutter,
238
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,039
and it keeps me feeling young.
239
00:07:11,082 --> 00:07:13,041
But you are Clutter City.
240
00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:14,869
You can't even let go
of old electric razors.
241
00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:16,479
- Why would I throw away
good batteries.
242
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:19,613
- Well, you need
a good dostadning.
243
00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:21,223
You gotta declutter yourself.
244
00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:22,659
Throw away something
you don't want anymore.
245
00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,618
- That's rough.
246
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:26,968
Oh, you know that throw pillow
you gave me?
247
00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:28,535
- [chuckles]
The one where I'm eating
248
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:30,014
the chicken wings on it?
Yeah, yeah.
249
00:07:30,058 --> 00:07:33,540
- This one.
- [laughs]
250
00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:34,802
"Sit on this."
251
00:07:34,845 --> 00:07:36,891
Oh, man.
That thing is hysterical.
252
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:38,153
- It's pretty funny.
253
00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:39,676
I'm gettin' rid of it.
254
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,722
- Okay.
255
00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:43,158
Okay. How'd that feel?
256
00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:44,725
- I feel
like I just unbuckled my belt
257
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,597
after a rack of ribs.
[chuckles]
258
00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:48,729
You were right.
I never liked that pillow.
259
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:50,600
But you did.
So I held onto it.
260
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:52,254
And, frankly, it was a burden.
- Okay.
261
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,038
- [sighs]
But now I feel lighter.
262
00:07:54,082 --> 00:07:56,084
- That's what dostadning
is all about.
263
00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:58,695
- Then I'm
dostadning-ing-ing-ing.
264
00:07:58,739 --> 00:07:59,914
- Yeah, you are.
265
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:02,743
- Okay.
- [laughs]
266
00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:06,877
[face creaking]
267
00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:12,840
♪ ♪
268
00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:14,363
Lucy.
269
00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:18,193
- Oh, you look pleased
with yourself.
270
00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:20,674
- The Botox kicked in
while I was being smug.
271
00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:23,633
Now I'm stuck in "smug face."
- What?
272
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:25,592
- How the hell
am I gonna hide this?
273
00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:28,116
♪ ♪
274
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:34,731
- I need to avoid Terry
until this wears off.
275
00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,603
- You're gonna avoid him
for the next three months?
276
00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:38,256
You look like the cat
that swallowed the canary.
277
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:39,954
- You mean the cat
that got the cream?
278
00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:41,303
- Don't you dare correct me
279
00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:42,957
with that smug look
on your face.
280
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,307
- Hey-o.
- Cover me.
281
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,614
50-50, remember.
- It's 60-40 now.
282
00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:50,312
- Such a street rat.
283
00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:52,793
- Eddie, You look like the cat
that caught the mouse.
284
00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:54,316
- Gotta run.
- Huh, okay.
285
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,624
Ever get the feeling
he's too cocky?
286
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:58,799
- Every single day.
287
00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:01,671
- Lucy...
288
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:04,282
I've decided to do
the Swedish dostadning.
289
00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:05,980
And in the interest
of decluttering,
290
00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:07,677
I've decided to get
something off my chest.
291
00:09:07,721 --> 00:09:08,896
- Okay.
292
00:09:08,939 --> 00:09:10,245
- You know how
you always asked me
293
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:11,638
why you didn't have
a birthday party
294
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:12,682
until you were seven?
295
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:13,683
- Yes, I recall.
296
00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:15,337
- Well, in 1998,
297
00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:17,078
Ken Griffey Jr.
led the American League
298
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,645
with 55 home runs.
299
00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:20,124
On September 25th,
300
00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:22,649
he was going
for a career high 56.
301
00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:24,346
And I had the tickets.
- Oh.
302
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:27,610
- But, unexpectedly,
Vicky went into labor with you
303
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:28,785
and I had to give up
those tickets.
304
00:09:28,829 --> 00:09:30,657
[chuckles]
305
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:31,919
That night,
when I was in the hospital,
306
00:09:31,962 --> 00:09:34,182
Ken Griffey Jr. hit
his 56th home run.
307
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:36,271
And because of your birth,
I missed it.
308
00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:37,794
- I think you made
the right call
309
00:09:37,838 --> 00:09:39,317
being there for you daughter--
310
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,189
- And for seven long years,
I held it against you.
311
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,670
It was a very difficult
post-partum time for me.
312
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,323
But now I'm over it.
313
00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:47,674
Whoo. [chuckles]
314
00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:49,806
That feels great. Wow.
315
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,808
[chuckles] Okay.
316
00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:53,941
- Are you fucking kidding?
317
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,684
- Excuse me, hey, Chief,
did you want to see me or...
318
00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:59,163
- Oh, yeah.
Come on in, sit down.
319
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:00,730
- Uh, was it just me
320
00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:01,688
or was it Mickleberry
and them too?
321
00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:03,733
- Just you.
322
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:06,214
- Um, if this is about all,
like, the protein shake
323
00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:07,781
and everything
that was left out,
324
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,173
I think Mickleberry
might have got into that.
325
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:10,697
That might not...
326
00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:11,698
- This is not
about Mickleberry.
327
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:12,829
This is something else.
328
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:14,831
As a result
of my dostadning,
329
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,224
I've decided to give you
330
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,356
one of my most prized
possessions.
331
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,794
My joke collection.
- Why me?
332
00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:23,405
- Well, I know you have trouble
completing your jokes.
333
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:25,059
I thought
this could help you out.
334
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:26,800
- I mean, I--
it's not that I have trouble
335
00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,758
completing jokes.
It's that, you know,
336
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,891
sometimes I'm trying to think
of, like, the perfect--
337
00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:32,719
- [chuckles]
My joke collection.
338
00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:35,939
- Oh, whoa.
[chuckles] Cool.
339
00:10:35,983 --> 00:10:38,159
What--it's gotta be, like,
50 popsicle sticks in here.
340
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,814
- Thousands.
And I've sucked 'em all.
341
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,859
- Each one has a joke on it?
- Yeah.
342
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,339
My kids didn't want them,
so I figured
343
00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:45,862
I'd give them to you.
344
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,690
- Ah, wait, your kids
didn't want these?
345
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:48,909
- Yeah, weird, right?
346
00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:51,346
- So many. Okay, uh...
347
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,740
"What's the hardest thing
about learning to ride a bike?"
348
00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,219
both: The pavement!
349
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:58,048
[both laugh]
350
00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,268
- 'Cause you're gonna fall off
and hit your head.
351
00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:02,009
- You picked the best one
right off the bat.
352
00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:03,880
[laughs]
- Oh, that is so funny.
353
00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:05,882
All right--wait,
"What kind of a car
354
00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,754
does an egg drive?"
355
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:10,278
"A yolkswagon."
356
00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:12,889
Yolkswagon?
- Yolks-wagon?
357
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,848
- "A yo..."
[laughs]
358
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:16,327
Yolkswagon.
- [chuckles]
359
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:17,764
- Oh, man.
360
00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,113
- I didn't get it
the first time either.
361
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:20,897
- Wait, do you want me
to give you
362
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:22,246
a handful too and we can,
like, go back and forth?
363
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:23,247
- No, no, I think that's--
that'll be all.
364
00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:24,945
You're dismissed.
365
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,296
- Ugh, so sticky. [chuckles]
366
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:29,950
You know what, Chief?
367
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:31,908
I actually was having
a hard time telling jokes.
368
00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:33,127
- Don't draw it out.
You can go.
369
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:34,824
- Do you want it open
or closed?
370
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,913
- Uh, you can keep it open.
- You got it, Chief.
371
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,088
Yeah!
- Yeah.
372
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:39,786
[sighs]
373
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:42,789
Dostadning.
Dostadning.
374
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,399
Doo-stadning.
375
00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:47,097
Dostadning.Wow.
376
00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:51,798
♪ ♪
377
00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:54,888
- This book is so, so sad.
378
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,977
I think I'm gonna cry.
379
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,413
- Hey, anybody know
380
00:11:58,456 --> 00:11:59,806
when the photographer
showin' up?
381
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:00,981
- Don't know, don't care.
382
00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:03,287
- What you lookin' for?
- What?
383
00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:04,985
Uh, nothing.
384
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:06,813
Has anyone seen
an international plug adapter?
385
00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:09,337
- What do you need it for?
- My radio.
386
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,078
- You still have
a plug-in radio?
387
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:12,949
Cool.
- [chuckles]
388
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:16,170
"Because they live in schools."
389
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:18,868
[snorts]
This one gets me every time.
390
00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:20,870
- Ike, those popsicle sticks
still look wet.
391
00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:22,132
Please tell me you boiled them.
392
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:24,352
- Uh, no.
I'm not gonna boil them, Lucy.
393
00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:26,136
'Cause that would erase
the jokes.
394
00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,182
The jokes are printed on here.
You know that, right?
395
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:30,010
Oh, here's one.
Hey, here, I got one.
396
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:33,274
"What is a cow's favorite
form of entertainment?"
397
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:34,797
- Moo-vies.
398
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:37,060
- [laughs]
- [laughs sarcastically]
399
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:38,975
- Hey, man, what's with
that smug look on your face?
400
00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:40,542
It hasn't changed for an hour.
401
00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:42,370
- This is the way
I always look.
402
00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:44,459
- Hey, Cap, did you get
the Botox for the picture?
403
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:45,852
- What?
No, Probie, be quiet.
404
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:46,940
- You did. You're frozen.
405
00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:48,028
- Whoops. [chuckles]
406
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:49,246
- Okay, fine. A little bit.
407
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:50,900
- Look at you,
408
00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:53,947
Mr. "I don't care
about the photo. I don't age."
409
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,513
[scoffs] So disappointing.
410
00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:57,037
- Okay, just keep it quiet.
411
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,299
- Wait, Cap,
I got one for you.
412
00:12:58,342 --> 00:13:01,345
"What goes up
but doesn't come down?"
413
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:03,870
"Your age." [laughs]
414
00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:05,219
It's, like, the perfect one.
415
00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:07,177
Literally the perfect one
for this moment.
416
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,396
- [chuckles weakly]
417
00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:09,876
- I feel
like the strawberry ones
418
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:11,399
are always the funniest.
419
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,140
- Hey, Eddie,
can I see you in my office?
420
00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:15,403
- Me? Now?
421
00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,448
- Yeah, now.
Stop being so smug.
422
00:13:17,492 --> 00:13:19,886
- But I'm not being smug.
423
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:21,191
Oh, boy.
424
00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:26,022
♪ ♪
425
00:13:26,066 --> 00:13:28,068
- Eddie, sit down.
- Nah, I'ma stand.
426
00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:29,156
- No, please, sit down.
Come on.
427
00:13:29,199 --> 00:13:30,505
- No. I'd prefer to stand.
428
00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:32,899
- Please.
It's a dostadningthing.
429
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:34,248
Come on.
- [sighs]
430
00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,163
- Sit down, come on.
431
00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:37,599
[exhales heavily]
432
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:40,907
I didn't think
I'd be this nervous.
433
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:43,431
[chuckles] Okay.
434
00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:46,086
In an attempt to get
my affairs in order,
435
00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:48,610
Vicky and I have decided
that in the event
436
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,004
that something
should happen to us,
437
00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:55,573
we would be honored
if you would be the guardian...
438
00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:57,445
of our daughters.
439
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:01,101
[exhales]
440
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,234
I'm being serious.
441
00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:06,236
- Yeah, no, it's incredible.
I'm humbled.
442
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,237
- Do you understand
the significance
443
00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:08,195
of what I'm asking?
444
00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:09,631
- Yeah.
445
00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:10,588
- Then what's
with the smug face?
446
00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:11,938
- Mm-mm, I'm not smug.
447
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,636
I'm overjoyed.
- This is overjoyed?
448
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,943
- That's not how I look.
- This is your face.
449
00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:19,380
- That's not how I look.
- Okay, eh?
450
00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:21,295
That's exactly how you look.
451
00:14:21,338 --> 00:14:23,123
[alarm blares]
- MVA.
452
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:25,386
Engine 24 and rescue...
- Oh, gotta roll.
453
00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:28,128
We'll pick this up later.
454
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,957
- What's wrong with you,
you smug piece of shit?
455
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,654
♪ ♪
456
00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:34,134
- Damn it.
I need to fix my hair again.
457
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,613
The photographer
will be here soon.
458
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:37,528
- Yeah, got time
to go to the salon, bro.
459
00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:39,487
[both laugh]
460
00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:42,446
- Hey, hey.
Luce, Luce, Luce.
461
00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:44,971
Hey, your dad is gonna want
to talk to me again.
462
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:48,409
I cannot accept his dostadning
with my face like this.
463
00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:50,150
- Well, at least
your dostadning
464
00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:51,412
was a heartfelt gesture.
465
00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:52,935
He told me a baseball game
466
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,284
was more important
than my birth.
467
00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:56,025
- Yeah, he hated you forever
for that one.
468
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:57,984
He used to cry every time
he changed your diapers.
469
00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,507
On the flip side, though,
470
00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:00,987
he did give me the tickets
to that game.
471
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,162
So thank you very much.
472
00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:04,338
- It's 70-30 now.
- What?
473
00:15:04,381 --> 00:15:06,166
I'm so mad right now.
474
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:07,297
- I actually can't even tell.
475
00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:08,646
- Oh, I am furious.
476
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,126
- Here, let me help.
477
00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:13,173
♪ ♪
478
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,436
Your face feels like clay.
- I know.
479
00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:16,654
- Okay, hold on, here we go.
[face crackling]
480
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:18,352
Oh, okay. All right.
481
00:15:18,395 --> 00:15:19,657
We're getting
a little traction.
482
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,355
- Oh.
- Whoa.
483
00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:24,140
- Okay, I feel like I felt
my expression change.
484
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:25,663
- Well...
485
00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:27,317
your face is actually dead.
486
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,058
[dramatic chord]
487
00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:31,017
- Eddie, can we continue
our conversation, please?
488
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:32,409
- [sighs]
489
00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:37,371
♪ ♪
490
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:39,677
- Ooh. Hi, Ike!
491
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:41,114
- Oh.
- Hi.
492
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:43,203
- Hey. How's it going?
493
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,248
Uh, I--sorry.
494
00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:48,034
Uh, guys, this is Billie Jean,
my neighbor, Billie Jean.
495
00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:49,687
- It's 3:00.
496
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,211
- Oh, yeah!
No, no, no.
497
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:52,734
I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, it's 3:00.
498
00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:56,042
That--because, um,
Billie Jean, wanted to,
499
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,217
have a tour
of the fire station.
500
00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:58,522
She's never been
to a fire station before.
501
00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,220
- Guilty.
[both chuckle]
502
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:01,351
- Okay. Yeah, let's do it.
503
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:02,744
Um, just right this way.
- Oh, okay.
504
00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:06,226
- We can start in here.
- Okay.
505
00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:08,054
- Is Billie Jean his lover?
- I don't know.
506
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:09,707
It ain't none of my business.
507
00:16:09,751 --> 00:16:12,362
♪ ♪
508
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:13,581
- [exhales heavily]
509
00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:17,063
I know I sprung
a big ask on you before,
510
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,065
and I'm sorry about that.
511
00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:20,153
I should have given you
time to think.
512
00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:22,198
- No, no. I'm honored, really.
513
00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:24,070
- Well,
it's just that we're friends
514
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:25,245
and, uh...
515
00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:28,204
Am I catching you
at a bad time here?
516
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:29,727
- Mm-mm. Why?
517
00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:31,120
- Seems like you don't care
about what I'm saying.
518
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:33,122
- I do. I totally care.
519
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:35,429
- All right, well, I'm trying
to do a dostadninghere,
520
00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:36,430
and it seems
like you're refusing
521
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:38,214
my dostadning.
522
00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:40,695
- No, I fully support
the dostadning.
523
00:16:40,738 --> 00:16:43,176
I'm the one who suggested
the dostadning.
524
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:44,394
- Well, I'm not gettin'
a very supportive vibe.
525
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:46,222
Do you not care about my kids?
526
00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,181
- I do. I love your kids.
527
00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:49,704
- You know what, Eddie?
528
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,053
Don't be sarcastic
about someone's kids.
529
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,142
- I'm not.
- That's it.
530
00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:54,622
My offer
is officially rescinded.
531
00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:56,580
- What? No, Terry.
Don't rescind it.
532
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:59,366
- Really?
533
00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:02,543
You know what, from now on,
we keep our relationship
534
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,806
strictly professional,
you heartless prick.
535
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,374
- Wait, Terry.
No, don't be mad.
536
00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:09,115
Te--no, Terry.
537
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:10,638
Please come back.
Let's talk about it.
538
00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:12,118
I really want to talk about it.
539
00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:17,253
[rock music]
540
00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:19,125
- He didn't just rescind
the offer.
541
00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:20,648
He rescinded our friendship.
542
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,606
- I know.
I even saw him throw this out.
543
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,304
- His BFFF mug.
544
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:25,783
I gave him this.
545
00:17:25,827 --> 00:17:27,437
It's his second favorite mug.
546
00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:28,743
How am I supposed
to make amends
547
00:17:28,786 --> 00:17:29,787
with my face looking like this?
548
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:31,093
- Tell him the truth.
549
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:33,095
- To the tune of $5,000?
550
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,227
No, thank you.
551
00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:36,316
This calls
for extreme measures.
552
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,231
Defib time.
553
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,493
- Oh, my God.
554
00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:42,191
Uncle Eddie, no,
no, no, no, no.
555
00:17:42,235 --> 00:17:44,237
[AED whines]
Wait, are you kidding?
556
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,196
- Electricity reverses
muscular paralysis.
557
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,850
I need you to zap
the shit out of my face.
558
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:50,678
- I don't think
this is a good idea.
559
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:52,288
- I put it
on the lowest setting.
560
00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:53,333
It's gonna be fine.
561
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:54,247
One time I even used these
562
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:55,639
to wake up your father.
563
00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:57,337
There wasn't
any lasting damage, so...
564
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,512
- But there was
temporary damage?
565
00:17:58,555 --> 00:17:59,643
- You never wondered
why there's a gap
566
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:01,341
between you and your sisters?
567
00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:03,821
- You put it on his nuts?
- Yeah, it was hysterical.
568
00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:06,128
We were laughing for days.
Let's do this.
569
00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,477
- All right. Fuck it.
570
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:10,306
♪ ♪
571
00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:11,525
- Make it count.
[AED whines, sizzles]
572
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:14,310
- Ah!
- [groans]
573
00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:16,182
- Oh. [chuckles]
574
00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:19,489
Okay.
That's an improvement-ish.
575
00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:23,493
- And that you would
even consider me
576
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:26,496
to be the guardian
of your children
577
00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:28,455
is an honor.
578
00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:31,501
One I will never take lightly.
579
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,721
- Well, you already did.
Then you laughed at me.
580
00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:36,289
- I never laughed.
- First you had your smug face.
581
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:37,681
Then you looked
like you didn't care.
582
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:39,466
- And do I still look
like that?
583
00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:41,163
- You look like you're having
a stroke.
584
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:43,383
- That's because my veins
585
00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:45,559
are clotted with sadness.
586
00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:46,821
- What are you doing
with your face?
587
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:48,475
- Nothing.
588
00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:51,565
♪ ♪
589
00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:53,393
[face crackles]
590
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:55,177
- It's hard.
- No, it's not.
591
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,310
- And your forehead's leaking.
- It is?
592
00:18:57,353 --> 00:19:00,182
- [gasps] You got the Botox.
- No, I didn't.
593
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,401
- Your face is pumped
594
00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:02,706
so full of filler
you can't emote.
595
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,317
- Fine. I admit it.
596
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,406
I did do the Botox.
597
00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:09,365
And that's why you can't tell
how much this means to me.
598
00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,585
- Well, I'm happy
you didn't dismiss me earlier.
599
00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:13,413
But I'm sad you felt the need
to inject your face
600
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,328
and look younger.
601
00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:17,417
But then again, I'm happy
that you owe me 5,000 bucks.
602
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:19,201
[laughs] Yes!
603
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:21,247
- That part makes me
pretty sad.
604
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:23,466
But I am genuinely touched
605
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:25,425
that you've made me
the guardian of your children.
606
00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:26,774
- [chuckles] Well, hold on.
607
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:28,297
I don't know
if I can trust my kid
608
00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:29,255
to someone who pumped
their face
609
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:30,691
full of chemicals for vanity.
610
00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:33,302
- Well, Terry, I think
the old age thing
611
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:36,610
affected me
the same way it affected you.
612
00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:39,395
- Hmm.
- I'm sorry.
613
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,267
- What, are we hugging?
- Yeah.
614
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:43,443
- Okay. [grunts]
615
00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:44,879
[sighs] All right.
616
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:46,533
Okay. [chuckles]
617
00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:50,276
- [sighs]
- Ow, my shoulder. [groans]
618
00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:51,407
Too hard.
619
00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:52,800
- You know,
I would probably cry
620
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,541
if my tear ducts
weren't paralyzed
621
00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:56,282
with frog poison.
[knock at door]
622
00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:57,805
- The photographer's here.
623
00:19:57,848 --> 00:19:59,589
- Oh, and I haven't even put
my face on.
624
00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,287
- And I better take
my face off.
625
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:02,897
- Yeah. Okay.
626
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,768
$5,000.
627
00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:06,292
[chuckles]
628
00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:09,556
That's a lot of gear, huh?
629
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:10,948
- What's the deal
with those sunglasses?
630
00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,341
Are they blue-blockers?
631
00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:14,952
- He looks like German Bono.
632
00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:17,477
Oh, Granny, need some help?
633
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:18,956
- No, I got it.
- Probie, help him out.
634
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,393
- No, no, I'm good.
635
00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:21,611
- Let me just
- No, don't touch--
636
00:20:21,655 --> 00:20:23,613
Leave it alone.
Hey! Argh.
637
00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:25,354
- Oh, well, well, well.
638
00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:26,790
Granny, what's
with the lighting equipment?
639
00:20:26,834 --> 00:20:28,444
- Okay, fine.
640
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:30,316
White photographers
from the department
641
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,405
don't know how to light
Black people properly.
642
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:34,450
So this year I'm gonna make
myself look good.
643
00:20:34,494 --> 00:20:35,799
- You said the picture
didn't matter.
644
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,497
- It doesn't.
645
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:39,325
But Black lighting does.
646
00:20:39,368 --> 00:20:41,501
♪ ♪
647
00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:43,285
- Oh, honey, new hairdo
for the picture, huh?
648
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:44,634
Looks great.
649
00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:46,462
[whispering] Always tell them
they look great.
650
00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:47,768
- Well, I tried to use
that foreign blow-dryer
651
00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:50,336
Mom got me,
and it just kept zapping me.
652
00:20:50,379 --> 00:20:51,815
- You look like Simba.
I love it.
653
00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:53,861
- [growls]
654
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,776
I just wanted to look good.
655
00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:57,343
- Aw, poor baby.
656
00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:58,996
Just so you know,
for these pictures,
657
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,824
we wear our hats.
658
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:01,912
- What?
- We do?
659
00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:03,523
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
660
00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:06,003
- I spent $50 on this hair,
Chief.
661
00:21:06,047 --> 00:21:09,964
♪ ♪
662
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:12,706
- Hey-o.
- Hey, guys.
663
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,403
- Where'd you get the makeup?
664
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,405
- Okay, my friend Billie Jean
is a makeup artist.
665
00:21:16,449 --> 00:21:18,538
She did a little...
- I thought she was your lover.
666
00:21:18,581 --> 00:21:19,974
- Uh, no, Mickleberry.
667
00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:21,367
Billie Jean is not my lover.
668
00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:22,803
She's just a girl
669
00:21:22,846 --> 00:21:24,021
who happens to be
a makeup artist.
670
00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:25,806
- What kind exactly?
671
00:21:25,849 --> 00:21:27,503
- I don't know.
I think, like, lots of kind--
672
00:21:27,547 --> 00:21:29,897
like, professional kinds.
673
00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:32,421
I think she works
at a funeral parlor too.
674
00:21:32,465 --> 00:21:34,075
- Ah, that explains it.
675
00:21:34,118 --> 00:21:36,033
- You know,
just because it's a death photo
676
00:21:36,077 --> 00:21:38,427
doesn't mean
you have to look dead.
677
00:21:38,471 --> 00:21:40,995
- Well, I'm glad no one cares
how they look for their photo.
678
00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:43,824
[laughter]
679
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:47,393
♪ ♪
680
00:21:47,436 --> 00:21:48,394
- Make love to the camera.
681
00:21:49,743 --> 00:21:52,572
[camera shutter snapping]
682
00:21:52,615 --> 00:21:54,313
- There's my girl.
683
00:21:55,444 --> 00:21:57,054
Here you go.
684
00:21:57,098 --> 00:21:58,969
- "They use Swine language"?
685
00:21:59,013 --> 00:22:00,884
I don't get it.
686
00:22:00,928 --> 00:22:02,059
- Okay, that should be
a good one.
687
00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:04,410
- You know what?
I like this one.
688
00:22:04,453 --> 00:22:07,413
Thanks.
689
00:22:07,456 --> 00:22:08,675
Please press
the lighting board cue
690
00:22:08,718 --> 00:22:09,632
before you take the picture,
all right?
691
00:22:09,676 --> 00:22:11,286
- Yeah.
692
00:22:13,462 --> 00:22:14,420
- [groans]
693
00:22:14,463 --> 00:22:16,422
- Aw, Dad.
694
00:22:16,465 --> 00:22:18,815
- Looks sexy, Chiefy.
695
00:22:18,859 --> 00:22:24,908
♪ ♪
696
00:22:27,911 --> 00:22:30,479
- Hey, Eddie,
mark your calendar.
697
00:22:30,523 --> 00:22:32,525
Two tickets, Mariners-Yankees,
behind home plate
698
00:22:32,568 --> 00:22:33,743
for me and my little buddy.
699
00:22:33,787 --> 00:22:34,788
- Aw.
700
00:22:34,831 --> 00:22:36,137
Oh, me and you, Skipper?
701
00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:37,878
- Well, you know,
I had 5K to burn,
702
00:22:37,921 --> 00:22:39,575
so I figured what the heck?
- Yeah, you're welcome.
703
00:22:39,619 --> 00:22:41,795
- Hey-o.
Hey, pictures came in.
704
00:22:41,838 --> 00:22:43,623
- Hey, all right.
- Oh, cool.
705
00:22:43,666 --> 00:22:45,451
- Crystal. McConky.
706
00:22:45,494 --> 00:22:47,061
Penisi. McConky.
707
00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:49,977
Look at that, in order.
- All right, death photo day.
708
00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:51,979
- This was the best choice?
- Looks good.
709
00:22:52,022 --> 00:22:54,590
- I really can't die
until I take another one.
710
00:22:54,634 --> 00:22:57,114
- At least I'm not too dark.
[chuckling]
711
00:22:57,158 --> 00:22:58,638
- That's kind of cool.
712
00:22:58,681 --> 00:23:00,161
I look a little bit sleepy
or something.
713
00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:01,815
- [chuckles]
- You look like a dead mime.
714
00:23:01,858 --> 00:23:03,469
- Oh, "What language do
pigs speak?"
715
00:23:03,512 --> 00:23:06,428
"Swine language." [laughs]
716
00:23:07,647 --> 00:23:09,518
- [laughs]
I remember sucking that stick.
717
00:23:09,562 --> 00:23:11,999
- Was it strawberry?
[chuckles] Of course it was.
718
00:23:12,042 --> 00:23:13,479
'Cause they're
always the funniest.
719
00:23:13,522 --> 00:23:15,568
- Hey, at least I look young.
720
00:23:15,611 --> 00:23:17,178
I'm definitely getting
Botox again.
721
00:23:17,221 --> 00:23:18,484
- Let's see yours.
- Hey, hey, let's see it.
722
00:23:18,527 --> 00:23:19,528
- No.
- Da-da-da-da.
723
00:23:19,572 --> 00:23:21,051
- I just had a bad hair day.
724
00:23:21,095 --> 00:23:22,488
- [laughs]
- Whoa.
725
00:23:22,531 --> 00:23:24,141
[all chuckle]
726
00:23:24,185 --> 00:23:25,665
- Is that hair attached
to your hat or something?
727
00:23:25,708 --> 00:23:27,014
- Oh.
728
00:23:27,057 --> 00:23:28,189
- This is
actually the best photo
729
00:23:28,232 --> 00:23:30,017
I've ever taken,
look at that.
730
00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:31,497
Eh?
- Yeah, Chiefy, noyce.
731
00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:33,673
- Aw, Dad,
you look so handsome.
732
00:23:33,716 --> 00:23:35,979
Look at that. [sighs]
733
00:23:38,939 --> 00:23:40,767
Who's Hugh Janus?
734
00:23:40,810 --> 00:23:42,638
Hugh Janus.
735
00:23:42,682 --> 00:23:44,118
Hugh Janus?
Hugh Jan--
736
00:23:44,161 --> 00:23:46,120
Hugh Janus.
- Hugh Janus?
737
00:23:46,163 --> 00:23:49,863
- Huge anus? Who did that?
738
00:23:49,906 --> 00:23:51,125
- What, are we hugging?
- Yeah.
739
00:23:51,168 --> 00:23:52,822
- [grunts]
740
00:23:52,866 --> 00:23:54,215
[sighs] All right.
741
00:23:55,912 --> 00:23:58,175
[groaning] Oh, my shoulder.
742
00:23:58,219 --> 00:24:00,047
Oh, God.
743
00:24:00,743 --> 00:24:01,831
- It was me.
744
00:24:01,875 --> 00:24:03,006
[laughter]
745
00:24:03,050 --> 00:24:04,530
- Eddie!
746
00:24:04,573 --> 00:24:06,706
- He really got you.
52242
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