All language subtitles for T S01E09 That New Black Magic 1080p WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-BTN (1)_track3_[eng]

MALE NARRATOR:
Once upon a time,

there was a little
girlnamed Tabitha.

She and her family livedin a
typical American home.

There was a
mother,Samantha...

[ZAPS]

...a father, Darren,

[ZAPS]
Little Tabitha,

and her brother, Adam.

As Tabitha grew older,

her parents discoveredthat
she was a gifted child.

@Book.

Quite gifted.

But wisely,

they didn't paya lot of
attention to that.

And Tabitha grew
upjust right,

with pigtails and freckles,

just like any other@
typical American girl.

@[ZAPS]

Uh, almost.

♪♪ Some people got it ♪♪

♪♪ Some people don't ♪♪

♪♪ You'll never know
Until you try ♪♪

♪♪ You never know, baby
You can fly ♪♪

♪♪ If you try ♪♪

♪♪ It could be magic ♪♪

♪♪ The way I feel ♪♪

♪♪ It could be magic ♪♪

♪♪ But it feels so real ♪♪

♪♪ It could be magic ♪♪

♪♪ Ooh, yeah ♪♪

♪♪ Well, it could be magic ♪♪

♪♪ It could be magic ♪♪

[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

[LAUGHTER]

TABITHA:
Oh, Marv, it's beautiful.

Lorraine's gonna love it.

Yup. 10 years
of marital bliss.

Not a bad record
on your 20th anniversary

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Well, you can joke like that

because you have
such a terrific marriage.

You know, it isn't marriage
itself that bothers me.

It's finding one girl

with all the qualities
it takes to measure up.

And they said
it wouldn't last.

What?

Your love affair.
With yourself.

Now, if they only had
a wife-of-the-month club.

Come on, Marv.
Sure.

Tabitha Stephens?
Yes?

The daughter of Samantha
and Darren Stephens?

Yes.

I accuse you
of being a witch.

Look, uh, i-if you've
come here to--to blackmail me,

I've got only
one thing to say.

How much?

So, you admit you're a witch?

Hey, don't I know you?

You don't remember?

Here's a little memory jogger
for you.

♪♪ Hit 'em high, hit 'em low ♪♪

BOTH:
♪♪ Come on, Central

Go, go, go! ♪♪

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, you!
I can't believe it's you.

You nearly
scared me to death!

Listen, you better
get out of that outfit

before somebody sees you.

Come on.
There.

Is that better?

Yeah. No wonder
I didn't recognize you.

Oh, you look so glamorous.

Your hair, and everything.

You better believe it, sugar.

Hey, how did you find me,
anyway?

PORTIA:
Oh, I ran into an aunt

of yours at an Eskimo wedding.

Oh, Aunt Minerva.

Come on, sugar.
Let's blow this place,

and go out
and have some giggles.

Oh, I'd love to, Portia,
but I can't.

I've got a ton of work to do.

Work? Oh, you're impossible.

Why put that cute little nose
to the grindstone

when you can go out
have a ball wiggling it?

[LAUGHS]

Well, for a very weird reason,
I enjoy working.

Oh, you're sick.

Coffee ready yet, Tabitha?
Oh, yeah. Hey, Marv,

I'd like for you
to meet my friend, Portia.

Portia, this is, uh,
Marvin Decker.

Hi.

Hi.

Portia, like the sports car.

That's right. Sleek, black,

and shifty.

Oh.

Uh, Marvin's our producer.

Producer, hm?

Sounds like you're the, uh,

main man.

Well, not really.

Yeah, but actually, yeah.

Well, it's a pleasure.

Thanks. But you have no way
of knowing...yet.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Ooh, he is bad!

Oh, and I love that
little cookie duster.

I'm gonna get real tight
with that golden oldie.

Marvin?
Oh, he's not your type.

He's married.

I figured that.

Portia, you--you don't seem
to understand.

Marvin doesn't play around.

Heh. Till now.

I'm gonna turn
that little Kewpie doll

every way but loose.

Ooh!

No, you're not.
Not with me around.

[CHUCKLES]

My, my, my. A challenge?

Remember.

My powers were always
more than match for yours.

I'm supposed to be scared
of a witch

who's practically
in semi-retirement?

Semi-retirement?

Does this look like
semi-retirement to you?

[TINKLING]

Sit back, sugar.

And watch me do it to it.

Hey, what's all this?

Uh, the janitor
freaked out.

But we sent him home.

Marv, uh, are you going
straight home to Lorraine?

No, I'm going to the marina
and prowl around

the singles bars.

What?

Of course I'm going home. Why?

Oh, nothing.

Well, have a nice evening
at home

with Lorraine.

Hi, Papa Bear.

You're Mercedes.
Uh, I mean, Portia.

What are you doing here?
Didn't Tabitha mention it?

She said you'd drop me
at my hotel

when you were taking her home.

She just left.

-I guess I'll get home somehow.
-Oh, don't be silly.

Tabitha would never forgive me
if I left you stranded.

Good old Tabitha.

Thanks. I hope
I haven't made you late.

Well, my wife'll be wondering
what happened to me.

Why don't you
use the phone?

I'll be right back.

[CLATTERING]

Now to change
into something more suitable.

[SNAPS]

Hm. Too much.

Tsk.

[SNAPS]

Just right for Papa Bear.

Did you call your wife?

With what?

Why not send her a postcard?

[LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

Ah, you've changed.

Just my clothes.
I've still got a case for you.

Uh, aren't you coming on
a little strong?

Would you like
to kiss me?

I'd love to.
Oh, good.

-Yeah, but I'm not gonna.
-Why not?

Because I've got
a terrific wife.

And if that's not
good enough reason,

she could come up
with a lot more.

Uh, uh, hold it, Papa Bear.

Incase you come
to your senses,

my number is easy to remember.

Just dial area code 311,

H-O-T-

M-A-M-A.

Hot Mama.

Sorry, sugar.

Lorraine would turn me
into a cold papa.

If at 1st we don't succeed,

a magic spell is what we need.

Needles and pins
from regions remote,

weave me my favorite

velvet coat.

I don't care how popular
and adorable he is.

I don't want Benji
on the show again.

Interviewing a dog.

But Tabitha
already booked him.

Well, then unbook him.

Paul, you're wrong
about last time.

Benji did not come off

looking more human
than you did.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Besides...

Besides, he's a mongrel.
Show us some class, Marv.

[DOOR OPENS]

Is Lassie in town?

Thank you.

MARVIN:
Oh, Paul, trust me.

Just trust me.

Marvin, it's for you.
Oh, for cryin' out...

That looks suspiciously
like an anniversary present.

Thank you, Lorraine.
[GASPS]

Uh-huh.
Oh, it's so pretty!

Uh-huh.
Here.

Lorraine has
such good taste.

[LAUGHS]

Look at that.
Perfect fit.

What do you mean
"perfect fit"?

It's out of sight.
Ooh, look out!

Hello. This is my color.

There's no card in here.
That's funny.

Um, uh, Marv,
I'm really curious

about where
that jacket came from.

Let's look at the label.

Tabitha, baby, please.

Remove thy digits
from my threads.

Nothin' is gonna get
this coat off of me.

No label.

It was probably
custom-tailored

by a bunch of little elves.

And one big elf.

Hm?

Excuse me.

I sure will. Besides,

I got a little
private man talk

to carry on with my main man.

Listen. You know
all the action spots in town.

Yeah?

If one were taking out
a hot mama...

just where would one go?

[LAUGHING]

Well, there is a new place
called The Dirty Disco.

[LAUGHING]

But I don't think Lorraine
would ever go there.

Good. That's just the place.

What's the address?

Marv!

Minerva!

Aunt Minerva.
Emergency, emergency!

Minerva!

What is it, dear?

Oh, it's my old
high-school pal, Portia.

The witch
you were so kind enough

to give my location to.

Well, she's got her claws set
for Marv, my boss.

Is that all?
Lucky Marvin.

There's nothing more boring
than a mortal marriage.

Minerva, would you mind

making a personal appearance,
please?

Have you ever heard
of the spell

that works off
a velvet jacket?

You mean Portia's using
that old chestnut?

She hooked Wilt the Stilt
that way.

Hope she had
the sleeves shortened.

I feel terrible.
I introduced them.

If she wrecks
Marvin's marriage,

it--it'll be all my fault.

Gee, I didn't know you were
so shook up about this.

Look, it's my fault, too,

and I intend
to do something about it.

So, let me say this.

I owe you one. Ciao.

Minerva, you come back here!

[GROANS]

Oh, Marv, uh,

how come you're leaving
so early?

Oh, cool it, ace.

I got a little action cookin'
with a hot mama.

Hot mama?

Hot mama?

Yes. My mother has
a very high fever

and I'm going
to look in on her

before I go home.

You dig? Hello.
Mm-hm.

[CHUCKLES]

Paul. Marvin's
fooling around.

Ah, no.

Well, maybe.
That's his business, Tabitha.

I mean, one gentleman
does not blow the whistle

on another gentleman's
sordid affairs.

Really? Then I guess
you haven't noticed

the way that
producer gentleman

doesn't give a hoot
about your show anymore.

Oh, my gosh, that's right.

That bum is no gentleman.

Come on. We're gonna go
to The Dirty Disco.

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS WITHIN]

Hm. There they are.

Lady Macbeth
and her dancing bear.

PAUL:
Oh, wow.

I have new respect
for old Marv.

Paul, he's a married man.

Well, if you do
something rotten,

at least do it
in style.

Hey, Paul, my main man!

What's shakin'?

A likely story, Marv.

Why, Tabitha, you here to sell
your Girl Scout Cookies?

No, just to, uh,
check the crumbs.

Paul, I want you to meet
my foxy little mama, Portia.

Hello, Portia.

Uh...

Uh, Marv, uh,
there's a little showbiz

I'd like to
discuss with you.

Uh, excuse us, please.

Hey, you crazy?

Introducing that gorgeous girl
as your girlfriend?

At least have
the decency to lie.

Make believe
she's your niece.

No way.
You never saw my niece.

Portia, the game's over.
You've won.

Let's call it quits, okay?

Sorry, sugar.

Maybe it started out
as a game,

but now I'm really
warming up to Papa Bear.

Now, Marv,

there's usually a reason
for these sort of things.

What?
Maybe you're in the middle

of male menopause.

Male menopause?

Man, if that's
male menopause,

then you better hope
you get it.

[CHUCKLES]

Who loves you, baby?

Hm. Terrific.
Just what the world needs.

A Black Telly Savalas.

Look, Portia. We both know
that jacket has a spell on it.

And eventually,
Marvin's gonna take it off.

Then I'll have something
even better planned, sugar.

Time to dance,
Papa Bear.

Yeah, let's get down, Mama.
I'll follow you anywhere.

MARVIN:
Ooh-whee! Hello!

PAUL:
Where did Marv

learn to dance like that?

Wow, is he hot?

And he's gonna get hotter.
Come on, let's dance.

Thought you'd never ask.

MARVIN:
All right!

MARVIN:
Mm-hm!

-[MARVIN EXCLAIMS]
-[TINKLING]

Isn't it kind of hot in here?

That's just
your sizzlin' feet, baby.

[TINKLING]

Looks like Papa Bear's turned
into Smokey the Bear.

I'm burning up.
I'm gettin' out of this coat.

Baby, wait, um...

[ZAPS]

Hey, what am I doing here?

[LAUGHING]

You know
what you're doing, Marv.

Come on, Lorraine's
not going to buy

that old amnesia routine.

Lorraine. Our anniversary!

I gotta get home!

Here's your warm-up jacket.
Sorry if it's

a little scorched.

[SCOFFS]
So what?

When I hook a dude,
he stays...

hooked.

[ZAPS]

[MARVIN EXCLAIMS]

Marvin,
are you all right?

Any questions?

Okay, so round one
is yours.

But in round two, I get Marvin
back with Lorraine.

Don't bother,
Tab, baby.

I've already arranged that
with a little phone call.

Excuse me. Uh, Decker,
Marvin Decker?

I was told he was here.

Never mind, I see him.

Your sick mother, huh?

Lorraine!
I can explain this.

I may need some time,
but I can explain it.

You're also going to need
a clean shirt!

On second thought,
it's too good to waste on you.

I'm gonna take it home
and eat myself into a size 20.

[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

LORRAINE:
Boy, you could've fooled me.

I thought we had
a darned good marriage.

You do, Lorraine.

I always tried to be
loving, understanding.

Like when he first went bald,

I never made
one joke about it.

[CHUCKLING]

Until he did.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, we really had a lot
of laughs, me and Marvin.

Laughs! That's our answer.
What do you mean?

Well, that's
Portia's biggest weakness.

She laughs too much?

Oh, no.
Not when the joke's on her.

Ever since we were kids,

she's never had
a sense of humor.

And when other people laugh,
she gets so angry,

it--it breaks
her concentration.

So what?

Uh, just--just leave it to me.

[IN FRENCH ACCENT]
No, no, no, no, no.

I have the answer.

It is Madam Minerva calling.

Where did
you come from?

With this accent?
[LAUGHING]

[NORMAL VOICE]
Where do you think?

South Philly?

Lorraine, this is
my Aunt Minerva.

Hello.
Mon plaisir.

I am going to make you
so beautiful,

no woman could ever
steal your husband.

Minerva, I've got
my own answer to

Lorraine's problem.

Please do not interrupt me
when I'm in a fashion frenzy.

[GASPS] Many men have
lost their heads

over this look.

Marie Antoinette.

Minerva, I've got
to get to work.

Could you find
the quickest exit?

Trust me.
Lorraine is in good hands.

Right on.
This is kind of fun.

Oh, okay.
I'll keep in touch.

Uh, but listen, Minerva,
this is serious stuff.

We're trying to preserve home,
family, and the American way?

Then I have the perfect look.

Oh, bats!

How on earth
did you do that?

Uh, with mirrors, dear.

I love it.

Darling, you are looking
better and better.

Yeah, but you said
you loved me the way I was.

How come all the changes?

Everyone can stand
a little improvement, sugar.

There.

Now for the final touch.

There. Check the mirror.

Check what?

[EXCLAIMS]

Where'd that come from?

From my heart, super dude.
You look fabulous!

Yeah. I do
kind of like myself fuzzy.

Hey, Marvin, they want you
on the stage.

[GASPS]

Wow...

Hello. Uh, hi, Portia.
Where's Marvin?

Oh, no.

Listen,
they wanna know

if Benji gets
his own microphone.

Oh, I'll check it, man.
You dig my new natural?

Oh, perfect. If you were
guarding Buckingham Palace.

Well, Marv,
I guess pink is you.

Yeah, it does take
some getting used to.

I don't see
what's so funny.

He looks just
the way I want him.

Well, as a matter of fact,

he looks just
the way I want him.

And, Marv, would you mind
stepping out into the hall

a second?

There's someone
I'd like you to meet.

Sure, I'll be there
in a minute,

if Hot Mama doesn't mind.

Portia, is it okay?

Sure.

And since you're asking
my permission, um,

obviously you're admitting
that I won.

Whatever you say.

It's all set.
Where is she?

Are you ready
for Masterpiece Theater?

Ta-da!

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, wow!

What do you think?

I love it.

You look terrific,
and ridiculous. It's perfect.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

[IN FRENCH ACCENT]
The genius strikes again.

Just wait right here,
Lorraine.

And don't forget
your wonderful sense of humor.

Thanks, Minerva.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, good luck.

Oh, and tell Portia for me,

I hope her broom
loses power

over the Hollywood Freeway

during rush hour.

[LAUGHING]

Goodbye.

Eh! I think
it might be better

if you, uh, left
through the door this time.

Gee, how do you do that?
It's been such a long time.

Oh, that was easy.

Marvin, I'd like you
to meet the new Lorraine.

Lorraine, meet
the new Marvin.

[EXCLAIMS]

Ex-Mama,
you are somethin' else.

And you are ridiculous.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

You don't like
my new natural?

I like your old natural

skin.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I think I kind of
look like OJ.

Right. "Old jerk."

[ALL LAUGHING]

I think we both look
kind of comical.

But we'd be great
on The Gong Show.

Oh, Portia!
Come out here, please.

[MARVIN AND LORRAINE LAUGHING]

My jump suit!

A-And my hair do!

Hey, Marv,
you got bookends.

King Midas
never had it so good.

Marvin.

Marvin, are you
laughing at me?

[LAUGHING]
I'm laughing at everything.

Don't.

Oh, well,
when Marv starts laughing,

he--he can't stop.

Well, I'll stop him.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Portia, I looks like, uh,
in the battle of the bookends,

Lorraine is having
the last laugh.

Who cares?

[LAUGHING]

I'm splitting this scene.

And you may think you've won,

but you didn't.
You have to live with these

ridiculous mortals.

Adios, sugar.

Lorraine, aren't we supposed
to be celebrating

our 20th anniversary?

Well, that was last night.

But it doesn't mean
we can't celebrate a day late.

MARVIN:
What am I doing in pink?

I hate pink!

TABITHA:
Well, as long as you're

shedding your groovy threads,

why not shed
your super toupe?

Now, everything's
back to normal.

Will be in a second.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Well, it's nice to have
the old Marv back.

[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

I don't see Marv anywhere.

I'm sure he got
held up in the traffic.

Well, it better not be
the same traffic

he got held up in last night.

Lorraine, there's nothing
to worry about.

He probably had
an accident.

Baby,
I'm sorry I'm late.

Oh, Marvin,
not again!

Folks, Cynthia and I
have an announcement to make.

Marvin, how could you?

Honey, I wanna introduce you
to Reverend Cynthia Jenkins.

Reverend? Oh, come on.

Of the First Baptist Church.
Right up the street.

Now, I know it sounds silly
and sentimental,

but since it's
our 20th anniversary,

I thought
we'd get married again.

Oh, Marvin!
I don't think it's silly.

And I love you for it.

[MARVIN AND LORRAINE LAUGHING]

Tabitha, I'd like for you
to be my bridesmaid.

Oh, it'd be a pleasure.

Hey, and I'll be
the best man.

Second best.

And afterwards, we can all
go out for Chinese food.

We'll throw fried rice at you.

[TABITHA LAUGHING]

Oh. Sorry.

[ALL LAUGHING]

♪♪ It could be magic ♪♪

♪♪ Ooh, yeah ♪♪

♪♪ It could be magic ♪♪

♪♪ Come on, baby ♪♪

♪♪ Make me fly ♪♪

♪♪ Ooh, yeah, honey ♪♪

♪♪ I'm sure gonna try ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, it could be magic ♪♪