All language subtitles for Superior Donuts (2017) - S01E06 - Arthurs Day Off (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 MONOLITH)_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:05,606 Check this out. 2 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:08,542 I signed up for this new app where I bid for odd jobs. 3 00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:11,679 Yesterday a guy paid me 100 bucks to do his dishes. 4 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:14,415 Dude, that's a lot of money. 5 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,050 Right? It was kind of weird 6 00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:19,287 that I couldn't wear my pants while I did it. 7 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,690 But you know the saying, 8 00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:25,193 "The customer watching you from inside the closet 9 00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,527 is always right." 10 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:31,665 Morning, prisoners of enterprise! 11 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:34,068 Morning, Lou! Got to use the bathroom? 12 00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:36,270 How did you know? You have a sixth sense? 13 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,572 No, Lou, I was tipped off by my other five. 14 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:41,109 Uh, be my guest. 15 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,610 ARTHUR: Hey, hey! 16 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:43,711 Where do you think you're going? 17 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:46,114 That bathroom is for customers only. 18 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:47,548 Fine. Luckily, 19 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:52,120 there are no cameras in the Baskin-Robbins parking lot. 20 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,554 Come on, Arthur, have a heart. 21 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,256 Lou, wait! Hold on, buddy. Look, 22 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:56,490 here's a dollar. 23 00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:57,791 Buy a donut. 24 00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,593 Now you're a customer. 25 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:02,130 Now that I have a dollar, I feel more like a beer 26 00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:04,698 than a donut. You guys sell beer? 27 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,834 No, we don't sell beer! Get out of here! 28 00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,871 (scoffs) Man, that was cold. 29 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,574 What? I don't want some bum using my bathroom. 30 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,209 Well, first of all, that bum has a name. 31 00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:17,578 It's Trashcan Lou. 32 00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:19,713 And I've known him my entire life. 33 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,649 And he deserves to be treated with some respect. 34 00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:24,652 Look, I'm not running a homeless shelter here. This is a business, kid. 35 00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,787 Well, I think it's good business to be nice to people. 36 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,789 (chuckles) 37 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:31,659 Oh, I'm sorry, you're serious. 38 00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:34,195 You know, if you weren't always pushing people out, 39 00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,629 you'd bring a lot more people in. 40 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:38,632 Mm, preach, brotha! 41 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,369 I-I apologize. 42 00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:43,571 It was "brother" in my head. 43 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,573 Now, look, kid, you got to be tough sometimes. 44 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,409 You can't say yes to everybody. Otherwise, they'll walk all over you. 45 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,279 Well, Arthur, you can't say no all the time either. 46 00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,714 You know? It's like my Grandma Cici used to tell me, 47 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,416 "You attract more flies with honey." 48 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,818 And something about vinegar and bees. 49 00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,753 I don't remember. She had this little gray beard 50 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,222 I was mesmerized by. 51 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,791 You know... you are so naive. 52 00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:05,893 I mean, it's obvious you've never been a boss. 53 00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:06,894 Well, I could be a boss. 54 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,662 (laughs) 55 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:09,830 Oh, I'm sorry, you're serious again. 56 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,333 Okay. 57 00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:13,667 What, you don't think I'm boss material? No, it's not that. 58 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,769 I mean, you're a great employee. 59 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:16,737 You're just a little too... 60 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,739 Kind? Compassionate? 61 00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:19,940 Caring? 62 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,709 Yeah, yeah, all that crap. 63 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,813 Those are qualities that would make me a good boss. 64 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,615 You know, if you let me run the shop just one day, 65 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:28,616 I could prove it to you. 66 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,850 No, no. It's not gonna happen. 67 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:30,851 Damn. 68 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:34,788 Arthur, what is the harm in giving Franco a shot? 69 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,924 You hired him to ease your workload, didn't you? 70 00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:38,859 Yeah. So let him. 71 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,861 How long's it been since you had a day off? 72 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,864 I don't know. I guess, uh, when Joanie died. 73 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,500 That's been three years. 74 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,969 Hmm. You cannot make your whole life about work. 75 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,504 That's why you're such a grouch all the time. 76 00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:51,505 (chuckles) 77 00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:53,307 Look, I do not need a day off. 78 00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:54,775 And I'm not a grouch. 79 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:57,811 I'm pleasant. It's everybody else that sucks. 80 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,682 (phone chimes) Oh! Here we go. 81 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,751 Let's see if they accepted my bid. 82 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,553 Yes! 83 00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:09,923 Guess who's gonna get paid 200 bucks to assemble a bookshelf. 84 00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,859 Oh. 85 00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:15,896 Does anybody have bike shorts and a nipple clamp? 86 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:18,866 ARTHUR: Hey, I said no! 87 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,434 Now get out of here! 88 00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:22,436 Now get out! 89 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:25,673 But, mister, we just want to set up a table and sell our cookies. 90 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,775 Hey, can you read the sign? It says "No solicitors." 91 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,344 I don't know what a solicitor is. 92 00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:32,346 Now, look, you're cutting into my business. 93 00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,647 Scram! 94 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,821 I guess one day off couldn't hurt. 95 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,459 * 96 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:53,467 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. 97 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,436 "Don't play basketball with the donuts, Franco." 98 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,704 Oh, what's that? 99 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,771 You're not here, Arthur? 100 00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:58,972 Then I guess I can. 101 00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,774 He shoots! 102 00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:02,576 (grunts) 103 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,345 He burns himself. 104 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,713 Ah. 105 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,548 All right, that rule makes sense now. 106 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:09,917 (grunts) 107 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,852 (door opens) 108 00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,721 My first customer! 109 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,424 What a lovely establishment. 110 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:19,026 (groans) You sell donuts here? 111 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,395 Man, what are you doing? You said this would be your day off. 112 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:22,763 No, no, no, I know, and it's great. 113 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,765 You know, I usually get up at 4:00 in the morning, 114 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:25,866 come in here and make donuts. Mm-hmm. 115 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,601 Today I got up at 4:00 in the morning, 116 00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:30,638 I sat around in the dark for three hours, but here I am. 117 00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,039 But you said you'd leave me alone. 118 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,741 No, I will, I will. 119 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,743 Today I'm just a regular customer off the street. 120 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:36,777 Hmm? All right. 121 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,879 Here. Thank you. 122 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:40,414 Aren't you gonna charge me? 123 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:41,582 It's your shop. 124 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,817 We never give away free donuts. 125 00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:45,886 Fine. 126 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:47,455 89 cents, sir. 127 00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:49,423 All right, all right, that's better. Mm-hmm. 128 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:50,758 Oh, I don't have any change. 129 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,893 Um, but I'm good for it, right? Yeah, it's... 130 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,495 What did I just say?! God. 131 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,798 We never give away free donuts! 132 00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:01,101 (chuckles) Oh, this is gonna be such fun. 133 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,103 Arthur? Yeah. 134 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,905 I thought you were taking the day off. 135 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,874 Shouldn't you be at home with your hand in your pants 136 00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:10,378 watching The Real Somethings of Somewhere? 137 00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:11,812 He's checking up on me 138 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,681 because he doesn't think I'm boss material. 139 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,048 Arthur, you don't need to do that. 140 00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,718 He definitely isn't. 141 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,722 Why is Trashcan Lou pacing back and forth out there? 142 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,858 He just tried to drop a deuce at my dry cleaners. 143 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:27,060 And I don't mean spend a two dollar bill. (chuckles) 144 00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,496 I love English. 145 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,030 So many ways to say "poop." 146 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:32,700 This is ridiculous. 147 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:34,001 I-I got to let him in. 148 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,536 No, no, no, I told you yesterday, 149 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:36,870 he wasn't allowed in the shop. 150 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,606 Well, there's a new sheriff in town, 151 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,708 and I don't know anything about Westerns, so that's it. 152 00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:44,044 Lou, get in here, buddy. 153 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,847 Uh, once again I find myself short on cash. 154 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:52,920 Would you be interested in a bag of teeth? 155 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,055 Nah, I'm okay, man. 156 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,558 Don't worry about it, just go. Thanks, Franco. 157 00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:00,494 You could take a page out of his book. Yeah, yeah. 158 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,797 I'm telling you, kid, you keep up 159 00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:04,632 that "love thy neighbor" B.S. 160 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,834 and it's gonna bite you in the ass. 161 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,002 Oh, well, I'm just getting started, Arthur. 162 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,539 Starting today, running this place the Franco way. 163 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,707 W-With kindness and compassion. Ugh. 164 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,609 I'm letting anyone use the bathroom, 165 00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,711 I'm giving the day-old donuts to the needy. 166 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,847 This place is gonna be a beacon in the neighborhood. 167 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,114 A beacon? 168 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:23,817 So now you're Batman? 169 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:26,787 Listen, man, I can't run the shop the way I want to 170 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,456 with Arthur looking over my shoulder. 171 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,458 Well, I could take him out for the day. 172 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:31,925 Really? Sure. 173 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,794 Maybe he'll have some fun, 174 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,095 realize what a burden this shop is, 175 00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,164 and then sell it to someone who could flip it 176 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:40,100 for a sizable profit like, uh, I don't know, 177 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,169 me? (chuckles) 178 00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:45,138 I'm just kidding, I knew it was me, I was just-- yeah, okay. Yeah... 179 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,042 Arthur, why are you wasting your day here? Yeah? 180 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,911 You could do anything. 181 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,980 I don't know, I'm just not used to taking a day off. 182 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,848 I don't even know what to do with myself. 183 00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:57,017 Well, I have got the perfect thing. 184 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,553 My cousin, he just opened a day spa. 185 00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:03,624 We go, have a massage, a steam, my treat. 186 00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,826 (chuckles) That, that doesn't sound so bad. 187 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,194 Are you serious? It sounds amazing. 188 00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,962 Dude, go. Go have fun. 189 00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:10,931 All right, all right, what the hell? 190 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,066 Hey, do they massage your feet, huh? 191 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,902 I love a good foot massage. 192 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,203 Anything you want. 193 00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,772 That poor masseuse. 194 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:23,611 Touching Arthur's feet is what they call a "sad ending." 195 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,915 Well, now that he's gone, I can do things my way. 196 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:28,782 And you're already making a difference. 197 00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,951 Look at the nice thing you did for Lou. 198 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,953 Oh, right, Lou. 199 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:35,589 Is he still in there? 200 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:36,824 Yo! 201 00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:38,125 Lou? 202 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,932 Hey, Lou, you okay? 203 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,233 Why wouldn't I be? 204 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,468 I live here now! 205 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,245 This is nice, right? 206 00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,013 Yeah, it is. 207 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:04,618 I thought we were gonna be massaged by a woman. 208 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,888 I didn't want to tell you in front of her, 209 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,590 but that was a woman. 210 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:12,926 Now just relax, 211 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,795 let the heat and the steam 212 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,797 release the toxins from your body. 213 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:20,200 It's what your people would call a "shvitz." Yeah. 214 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:25,272 I don't think I can enjoy the shvitz when I see your schvantz. 215 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,146 Arthur, just think, if you were to retire, 216 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,215 you could be in here every day. 217 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,651 Just relaxing, not a care in the world. 218 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,086 Have you thought about it? 219 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,989 Well, I guess I'll retire somewhere down the road. 220 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,024 How long do you think your road is? 221 00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,895 Retire? 222 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,698 I don't even know how to fill one day. 223 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,633 Arthur, baby... 224 00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,836 think about it. 225 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,706 This could be your life every day. 226 00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:02,710 Come in here, you sweat with other men, 227 00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:05,045 maybe go to the market, you know, uh, 228 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:08,248 handle some fruit you don't intend to buy, 229 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,883 watch the pigeons fight, 230 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:12,552 and then... discotheque! 231 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,823 How does that sound? 232 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:18,992 Well, I guess the fruit thing sounds okay. 233 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,729 Oh, good, the platza. 234 00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,631 "Pl-Platza"? 235 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:25,999 Take it easy on him, it's his first time. 236 00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:28,636 But for me, Vlad, as always, 237 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,604 beat me like I owe you money. 238 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:32,740 (Arthur speaking indistinctly) 239 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,175 Harder! 240 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,877 Harder! Hey, hey! 241 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,912 * 242 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,182 Come on, Lou. 243 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,652 Open the door. I just want to talk. 244 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:48,388 Nope, I fell for that one over at Starbucks. 245 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,891 Well, maybe this will help. 246 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,060 Introducing Superior Donuts' 247 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,162 first gender neutral bathroom. 248 00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:57,898 And now it is my distinct honor 249 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,800 to be the first person to use it. 250 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,970 Madame. 251 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:10,944 Nope. 252 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,681 Ladies only! Men are animals! 253 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,750 You know, I could probably get that door open. 254 00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:18,218 FRANCO: You know what? 255 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,319 If Lou needs to get off the streets 256 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,788 for a little bit, he can chill here. 257 00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:23,323 It's the compassionate way, the Franco way. 258 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,825 Speaking of which, 259 00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,927 I saved our leftover donuts from yesterday. 260 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,328 I figured, instead of just throwing them out, 261 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,830 we can give them to people in need. 262 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,399 And I call the box 263 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:35,235 "Donuts for the needy, not the greedy." 264 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,704 (sighs) 265 00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:39,673 Oh. Hey, Randy. You look good. 266 00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,308 MAYA: Yeah. Why are you so dressed up? 267 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,010 I'm here for a coffee date. 268 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,878 Nice! Where'd you meet him? 269 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:47,848 Mm, back of my squad car. (chuckles) 270 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,850 He's a criminal? 271 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:52,019 No. He's a suspect. 272 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,788 Big difference. 273 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:57,357 Ah. That felt nice. 274 00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,828 You know, just one good deed can make such a big difference. 275 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,130 Do I smell bacon? 276 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,834 Or am I having the awesomest stroke of all time? 277 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,903 No, I-I smell it, too. 278 00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:11,805 (sniffing) 279 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,842 (sizzling) Lou! 280 00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:16,877 Lou! 281 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,111 What's all the hubbub? 282 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,780 What the hell, man! 283 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,114 Are you cooking bacon? 284 00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,984 How else am I gonna make a BLT? 285 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,088 Okay. You know what? These things happen. 286 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,791 Who doesn't love a good bathroom sandwich, all right? 287 00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,092 Nothing wrong with that. 288 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,827 (smoke alarm beeping) 289 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,997 (alarm stops) 290 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:40,901 Silver lining: 291 00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,170 I didn't shower today. 292 00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,015 Wow, that was a lot of water. 293 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,283 It's okay, it's okay. 294 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,185 This place needed a little shower, all right? 295 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,754 So we'll clean up, and Arthur will never have to know. 296 00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:03,523 Logan, is that the man who yelled at you? 297 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,892 No, no, 298 00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,894 that was a 75-year-old white guy. 299 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,962 Um... that's cool. 300 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,164 People confuse us all the time, so... 301 00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:13,233 But look, uh, we're under new management now, 302 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,235 and I'd love to make it up to you, 303 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,905 so, uh, how would you like to sell your cookies in here? 304 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,139 (gasps) Really? Thanks, mister. Yeah. 305 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,373 MAN: Hey, kid. 306 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,809 Are any of those cookies chocolate? 307 00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,243 Well, we have chocolate chip, 308 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,278 chocolate swirl, chocolate chunk... 309 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,214 We get it-- you got a lot of cookies. Damn. 310 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,317 Aw, I got to make more donuts, man. 311 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,952 Arthur's never gonna like the "Franco way" 312 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,553 if I don't sell anything. 313 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,155 (gasps) 314 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:37,324 Arthur! Hey. 315 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,426 Why aren't you at the spa, man? 316 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,228 Did everyone refuse to touch you? 317 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,963 (laughs) 318 00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,998 No, it just wasn't for me. 319 00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:47,267 Oh? I thought I'd come back here and hang out with you guys, okay? 320 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,803 Oh, well, r-remember, you know, our deal that you'd 321 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,504 take a day off and I would run the shop? 322 00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:53,473 Right, fine, fine. I'll just grab a cup of coffee. No! 323 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:56,343 No, no, no. I'll... I'll get the coffee, 324 00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,045 you just... you just sit down 325 00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,880 and, uh, play-play with this. 326 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:01,481 Oh. 327 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,583 Wait, wait, what-what-what am I, four years old? 328 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,218 (chuckling) 329 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,291 Okay, so, here's his coffee. 330 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,360 You think you can get a old man out of here? 331 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:15,528 Uh, it's 4:00 in the afternoon. 332 00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:17,831 Maybe I'll take him to dinner. 333 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,434 (imitates engine) 334 00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:26,406 Arthur, what the hell? 335 00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:30,377 Ah, I guess that, uh, that spa just wasn't for me. 336 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:33,346 Just a bunch of naked, sweaty guys in oil. 337 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,316 Yeah, add a can of sangria, 338 00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:40,420 you just described my last trip to Lake Havasu. 339 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:43,156 I don't know what to do with myself. 340 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,425 Guess I'm just not a day-off kind of guy. 341 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:49,562 Oh, no, this is pathetic. 342 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,965 You have to have some fun today. 343 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,400 (sighs) Didn't you and Joanie 344 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,968 used to go bowling? 345 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:57,938 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we were in a league, yeah. 346 00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,639 We called ourselves the Rolling Pins. 347 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,641 (chuckles) 348 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,377 Lost the championship to Those Douches. 349 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,313 A feminine hygiene company. Uh-huh. 350 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,315 Yeah. 351 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,317 Uh, well, 352 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,519 why don't the two of us go bowling? 353 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,387 Really? 354 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,356 That's not exactly bowling attire. 355 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:19,392 Yeah, well, I had a date, but I'll cancel. 356 00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,161 Never would have worked, anyway. 357 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:25,065 I'm a Gemini, he's an arsonist. 358 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,369 Hey, look, thanks for helping so much, y'all. 359 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,304 All right, I'm gonna check on the needy/greedy table. 360 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:34,607 (screaming) 361 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,183 (pins clatter, fall) 362 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,452 Ooh-ooh! 363 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,024 Well, congratulations. You want a cookie? 364 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:53,326 Sure, if it's vegan. 365 00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,199 What the hell happened to this place, huh? 366 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,569 Hipsters, fancy beer, neon balls. 367 00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,171 Arthur, what is wrong? 368 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,406 I thought you liked bowling. 369 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:07,607 No, it's so different, you know? 370 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:08,976 When I came here with Joanie, I mean, 371 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,277 we didn't care about bowling. 372 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,145 It was great-- we just had a couple of beers 373 00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:14,314 and made fun of the other bowlers. 374 00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,149 I remember one time we were bowling 375 00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:17,284 next to this church group, 376 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:18,651 and Joanie-- she was so cute-- 377 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:22,155 she just walked up and said, "Hail, Satan!" 378 00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:23,456 We had a couple of lanes all to ourselves 379 00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,292 the rest of the night. 380 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,162 So is that why you haven't taken any days off? 381 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:31,031 Huh? 382 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:33,466 'Cause you don't have Joanie to hang out with? 383 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,302 You know, when I'm at the shop, it's okay. 384 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,337 I mean, I'm busy, I like it. 385 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,472 But today, with all that time off, 386 00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:41,574 I mean, I... I really felt her 387 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,143 not being here. 388 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,277 Mm. 389 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:46,613 Yeah, I know you miss her. 390 00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,149 I do, too. 391 00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:51,684 But you've got to be open to starting a new chapter. 392 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,353 Yeah. 393 00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,993 Maybe all you need is a little jump-start. 394 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:03,263 Jump-start? Mm-hmm. 395 00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:07,434 Hey, bearded lady... 396 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:13,240 ...what's in the vape pen? 397 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,208 Tobacco. 398 00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:18,211 Seriously? You're wearing a Rasta beanie, 399 00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:21,314 and you smell like day three of Coachella. 400 00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:22,515 Hand it over. 401 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,317 No. Uh-huh. 402 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:25,352 I'm a cop. 403 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:27,587 Okay. 404 00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:32,625 Now, I'm gonna go get myself a cheeseburger. 405 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:35,262 You make sure this doesn't fall into the wrong hands. 406 00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,430 Yeah, I got it. 407 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:41,101 Ooh... 408 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:44,137 Hey, get me a cheeseburger, too, huh? 409 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:46,206 And one of everything else. 410 00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:51,311 Here you go, Tush. Thank you. 411 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,246 (scrambling, clattering) 412 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,183 Oh, boy, I recognize that sound. 413 00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,151 Those raccoons must have gone up the drainpipe 414 00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,386 and into your ceiling. 415 00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,456 Wait! 416 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:06,326 I'll handle it. 417 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,828 Those raccoons may run the streets, 418 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,797 but you go up into a crawlspace, 419 00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:13,366 that's my natural habitat. 420 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:17,237 Damn, this day's been a disaster. 421 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:19,206 I've ruined more donuts than I've sold, 422 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,208 and I'll be lucky if we break even. 423 00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:22,842 Maybe it's just one of those days where 424 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,711 people aren't in the mood for something sweet. Yeah. 425 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:29,249 98, 99-- Yes! 300! 426 00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:32,419 (sarcastically): Yes! 300! 427 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:34,854 I'm sorry, Logan. 428 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,356 I'm having a bad day. 429 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:39,092 Not anymore, here comes two more customers. 430 00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:40,827 Okay. (clears throat) Welcome to Superior Donuts. 431 00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:42,395 What can I get you? 432 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:43,763 Oh, we're just here to see our friend. 433 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:46,266 He's having a housewarming party. 434 00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:50,470 Fred, Doris. Let me take your coats. 435 00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,275 Arthur, perfect. 436 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,377 Hey, look, man, before you say anything, 437 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,379 you were right. 438 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,713 I was nice to people, 439 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,382 and now we got a bum in the bathroom, 440 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,151 and we got raccoons in the ceiling. 441 00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,285 And someone stole my "take-a-penny, 442 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,354 leave-a-penny" dish. 443 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:08,821 You win. 444 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:13,393 You are so freakin' cute. 445 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,428 Oh. 446 00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:18,331 Arthur, are you high? 447 00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:21,301 No. Well, a little. 448 00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:25,372 If anyone asks, he has restless-leg glaucoma. 449 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:26,873 (giggles) 450 00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:29,142 Well, Randy and I had the best day, yeah. 451 00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,211 Oh. We went to the Field Museum, saw a movie. 452 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:32,379 We had deep-dish pizza. 453 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:35,415 Wherever we went, Oprah was there. 454 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:38,318 Definitely not Oprah. 455 00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,387 Lots of apologies. ARTHUR: Oh. 456 00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:43,790 Well, you know what, I'm-I'm glad someone had a good day. 457 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,392 Oh, hey, come on, don't be so hard on yourself, kid. 458 00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,227 Oh, it's actually great how much you care. 459 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:51,231 You're a leave-a-penny guy in a take-a-penny world. 460 00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,632 You do not know what you're saying, man. 461 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,901 You are blazed. Hey, come on, kid, no, 462 00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:57,337 we'd be a great team together, don't you think, huh? 463 00:18:57,370 --> 00:19:00,540 I'm the brains, you're the heart. 464 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,342 Thanks so much. 465 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,910 There are not a lot of places 466 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:04,911 that would let her do this. 467 00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,279 Anytime. 468 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,514 Hey, my company does this big 469 00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:08,748 breakfast meeting every week. 470 00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,783 Could you handle a standing order 471 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:11,951 of ten dozen donuts a week? 472 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,454 (gasps) Hmm? 473 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,490 Yeah, we... yes. Hell yeah, absolutely. 474 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:18,925 Thanks very much. 475 00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:22,495 Thank you. Well, kid, 476 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:23,763 I guess there must be something 477 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,432 to the Franco way, huh? 478 00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,968 Yeah, but every now and then, 479 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,470 you need a little bit of the Arthur way, too. 480 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,804 Excuse me. 481 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:34,441 Lou! You took advantage of me, man! 482 00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,509 That stops right now! 483 00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:37,844 I got a cop outside. 484 00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,546 If you don't come out in 30 seconds, 485 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:40,580 she's coming in after you. 486 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,282 Geez, Franco, 487 00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:44,517 you don't have to be such a hard-ass. 488 00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:45,785 What did you do to him? 489 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:51,624 I will send for my things. 490 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:54,427 You see that, kid? 491 00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:55,828 You should give yourself some credit. 492 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:56,963 You know what you're doing. 493 00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,566 Yeah, I guess I do. 494 00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:07,940 TUSH: I'm okay, this pipe broke my fall. 495 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,410 And my hopes of ever having children. 496 00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:13,012 You all saw that, right? 497 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,548 Uh, no. Uh, no, uh-uh. We did not. 498 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,550 You know, Arthur, we should get you home. 499 00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:20,387 (giggling): Man, I am so lit! 500 00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:29,862 Morning. 501 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,667 I'll have a cold towel and a hot tea. 502 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:37,537 Uh-huh. You still feeling it, Arthur? 503 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,772 No, I'm just a little fuzzy. 504 00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:42,842 But all in all, I think I did very well last night. 505 00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:44,544 Oh, really? 506 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:48,815 You ordered a pizza at a CVS. 507 00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:53,052 And then you proposed to a police horse. 508 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,422 Please tell me you got that on camera. 509 00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:57,524 Oh, I would never do that. 510 00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,659 Check your e-mail. 511 00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:01,561 Captioning sponsored by CBS 512 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,863 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 36263

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