All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S06E27 The Record Trout 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

[music playing]

- Eastman Kodak Company
is happy to bring you

America's favorite
family, the Nelsons--

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky.

They like to go places,
enjoy happy times together,

and they know that good
times are picture times.

And now, here's Ozzie.

- Hi.

I'd like to welcome you to
the Kodak Camera Carnival.

All this month at Kodak
dealers across the country,

you'll see Harriet and the
boys and me in displays

like this inviting you to
step out and take pictures

with a modern Kodak camera.

We'd sure like you to
discover the new rewards

that Kodak is built into
all its 1958 cameras.

Until you've used
one, you can't imagine

what up-to-date
picture-taking is really like.

I've been shooting pictures
with these modern Kodak cameras,

and I know how
really fine they are.

In movie cameras and
snapshot cameras,

in 35 millimeter
color slide cameras,

your Kodak dealer has
something new for you to enjoy.

Tonight, the spotlight is
on Kodak's complete line

of Brownie Movie Cameras.

They're wonderful
cameras because they

make colorful home movies as
easy and as inexpensive to take

as snapshots.

And believe me,
they're terrific.

- And now Kodak
invites you to enjoy--

[music playing]

--"The Adventures of
Ozzie and Harriet."

[joyful music]

[car horn honking]

- Hey, Oz!

Oz, are you awake?

- Yeah, I'm all ready.

I'll be right down.

- Ozzie?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to wake you up.
- Oh, that's all right.

I want to get you
breakfast anyway.

- Oh, we're going to
leave a little early.

The trout are calling.
[whistling]

- Come on, Oz!

- That's more like Darby.

[car horn honking]

- Take it easy!

Do you want to
wake everybody up?

- Yeah, take it easy.
You want to wake everybody up?

- --everybody up?

- I'm glad I did
wake up everybody.

These are the best scrambled
eggs I've had in a long time.

- Have some more, Darb.
- Oh, no, not too many, Harriet.

I won't be able to get
up out of this chair.

- How about you, dear?

- No, thanks.
- Oh, you better have some more.

This is liable to be
the last good meal

you'll have for a while.

- Oh, now, don't
worry about him.

I won't let him go hungry.

I'll give him some of my trout.

- [laughs] What made you think
you're going to catch all

the fish?

- Well, you didn't catch
anything the last time

we went fishing.

- I shared my tuna
with you, didn't I?

- Well, only because I
loaned you my can opener.

- Don't worry, Pop.

I have a lot of
confidence in you.

- Me too, Pop.
- Well, thanks, fellas.

- You, too, Mr. Darby.

- Thank you, David.

I'll be satisfied if
we only catching up

just so we won't be
embarrassed, just

two or three good-sized trout.

- How big are they usually?

- Oh, they usually average about
a pound or a pound and a half.

- Oh, I thought they'd be
about the size of the one

they have on the wall
at the Men's Club.

- Oh, are you kidding?

That's a prize fish.

Why do you suppose they
got it hanging up there?

- I thought it was to cover
up the hole in the wall.

- No, that must
weigh 4 or 5 pounds.

- Well, that's not very big.

- Well, it's the
biggest one ever caught

by any member of the Men's Club.

- Well, you know what I'd
do if I were you fellas?

I'd fish for one or two
real big ones instead

of a lot of little ones.

- [laughs] Oh, yeah,
Isn't that good advice?

- [laughs]
- You all ready?

- Yep.
- Well, goodbye, dear.

Wish us luck.

- Good luck.

- Thanks for the
scrambled eggs, Harriet.

- OK, Darb.

[music playing]

[music playing]

- Hey, Oz, what are you using?

- Well, I'm using a fly.

Of course, that's the best
thing for catching trout.

- [laughs]

- What are you using?

- I'm using a worm.

- A worm?

Whoever heard of catching
a trout with a worm?

- I did.

Hey, I got that, huh?

- You call that a fish?

The worm was bigger.

- Oh, come on, Oz.

Don't be a sore head.

[music playing]

Hey, Oz!

The fish are that way.

Well, give it a good yank.

[snap]

- Oh, doggone it!

Now look what you made me do!

- Yeah, that's too bad, Oz.

I'm sorry.

You can use my pole.

I've already caught a fish.

Your turn now.

I'll put a worm on for you.

- Hey, thanks a lot.

- OK.

I'm all tired out from that
big fish I just landed anyway.

[laughter]

Why don't you go on
downstream a little ways?

Looks like a good
spot down there.

- Yeah, I think you're right.

- I'll see if I can
fix your pole, Oz.

[music playing]

- Hey, look, I got a beauty!

- Keep the tip of
your rod up, Oz!

He's going to get away!

No, no, no, keep it up!

Keep it up!

[splash]

- Pull in!

- I'm going to get him!

[music playing]

- He's a beauty.

- Yeah, he's a whopper, boy!

Hey, hey!

[music playing]

- How about this?

Will you look at the
size of this trout?

[laughs]

- Well, we got food enough
there to last for a week.

- Well, wait, we're not going
to cook this and eat it.

- Well, what are we
going to do with it?

- We're going to have
it stuffed and mounted

and then take it
down to Men's Club.

This is bigger than the one
they've got up on the wall

there.

- By golly, Oz, I
think you're right.

Well, hey, how about that?

I've got a record trout?

- What do you mean you
caught a record trout?

I got the fish.

- Well, yeah, but I landed him.

- Well, yes, but you
couldn't have landed him

unless I hooked him first.

- Well, that doesn't
make any difference.

You hooked him, but
I brought him in.

He's my fish.

- Look, Darb, let's
look at this logically.

- Yeah, I am looking
at it logically.

I brought him in.

He's my fish.

- Well, you look at--

I hooked the fish, and I
started to reel him in, right?

- Yeah, but with my pole.

- Sure, you loaned me a pole.

In fact, it was your fault
that I broke my pole.

- What do you mean
it was my fault?

I didn't hook it in that tree.

- Exactly.

Therefore, it's my fish.

- What are you
talking about, Ozzie?

- Well, look, if I hook the
tree, and it wasn't your fault,

then when I hook the
fish, it isn't your fish.

That's logical.

- It certainly is not logical.

Look.

If you hook the tree,
is that tree your tree?

- Of course not.

- Well, then, the fish
you hook is not your fish.

- Oh, that's entirely different.

- Well, it's not
different to me.

I landed him.

I brought him in.

He's my fish.

- He's my fish, and
any impartial jury

would tell you that.

- Oh, impartial jury,
but not in-- now, Oz,

don't be childish.

- Stop being
childish about this.

- You're acting like a little
boy about this yourself.

- Well, it sure is a beauty.

- Well, thanks a lot, Rick,
but that's not the point.

The question is, who
does the fish belong to?

- Well, the answer
is very simple-- me.

- Look, Darb, I
thought we agreed

to settle this on an
impartial, friendly basis.

- OK, but you've got
a packed jury here.

Let me go and get my family.

- Don't worry, Mr. Darby.

We'll give you a fair trial.

- Yeah, in fact,
it'll be so fair,

you won't even know you've lost.

- Now, that's just
what I'm talking about.

- I give you my word, Darb.

We promise to be impartial.

Now, let's hear the testimony.

- Well, all right, I'll
start from the beginning.

- Hey, do you want me to take it
down like a court stenographer?

- That won't be necessary, Rick.

Come on, let's get
on with the case.

- Well, Darby and I
were fishing along

the stream when I broke my rod.

- You mean catching the fish?

- No, catching the tree.

- Well, so far, it
sounds like the truth.

It wasn't my fault
I caught the tree.

It was my fault I
caught the tree,

but it wasn't my
fault I broke the rod.

Darb suggested that.

- Darby suggested you
break your fishing rod?

- Well, no.

He suggested I pull the line,
and that's how I broke the rod.

- Oh, I see.

- So then Darby offered
to let me borrow his rod.

- Well, that was very
nice of you, Darb.

- Well, yeah, that's what
I thought at the time.

- Well, as I remember
it, you were more than

happy to borrow my rod.

- Yes, I will admit I was.

- Then you started fishing
with Mr. Darby's rod?

- Well, yes, I started fishing a
little further down the stream.

- Which was my
suggestion, incidentally.

I'd forgotten all about
that until right now.

- I would have
fished there anyway.

- Tell us, please.
- Now, Harriet.

I just want you to get
all the details straight.

- The details are straight.

I caught the trout.

- You hooked it up,
and I landed him.

Look, Ozzie slipped, fell into
the water, and dropped the rod.

I grabbed it, picked it
up, reeled the trout,

and now I ask you,
whose fish is it?

- Obviously, it's my fish.

I'm going to have it
stuffed and mounted.

I'm going to take it
over to the men's club

and have it put up on the wall
where everybody can see it.

- With my name
inscribed on the plaque.

- I don't know what
all the fuss is about.

Look, why don't
you take the fish,

split it right down the middle,
and each have his half mounted?

- Say, that's OK.

That's a good idea, Oz.

Then we can each
claim half the record.

- Well, that might be all right.

- Fine.

Shall I get you a knife?
- No.

[laughs] No offense,
Harriet, but I

think in the
interests of justice,

we should let the
taxidermist split the fish.

- OK, I'll take it
down there right now.

- I'll take it down
there right now.

- We'll both take it down there.

[music playing]

- It's a beautiful job.

- Well, thank you.

We do the best we can.

- I have the change right here.

- That's good.

- Would you mind
holding this for me?

- Oh.

[music playing]

[cha-ching]

- Thank you very much.

- Thank you.
- Oh.

[laughs]

- I'll be with you
gentlemen in just a moment.

- Oh, thank you.

- Thank you.

- Gee, Oz, this fellow
does wonderful work.

- Some of these animals
look almost real.

[scoffs] Look at that dog.

You'd swear he was alive.

- Yeah.

[music playing]

- Oh.

[laughs] No wonder
he looked alive.

Hiya, boy.

[laughs]

- And don't worry.
He won't bite.

- He's a nice dog.
- Down, boy.

Down, George.
Down.

- [laughs]

- Now, isn't this beautiful?

- Oh, yes.

That's very nice.

- What can I do
for you gentlemen?

- Well, we'd like to have this
trout stuffed and mounted,

please.

- Hey, that's a
nice little fish.

Who caught him?

- I did.

- That is, we both did.

- Oh, well, I can do a
real fine job on this.

May I have your name, please?

- My name is Nelson,
and his name is Darby.

See, this is kind of
a funny situation.

- Oh, a joke?

- You might call it that.

- Look, we each
want half the fish.

Now, can you slice it
right down the middle

and then mount each
half on a plaque?

- Well, I think so.

I don't see why not.

Would you like to
pick it up, or shall I

send it out to your house?

- Well, I suppose you
send it out to my house.

Here, I'll give you the address.

- Is that all right
with you, sir?

- Well, yes, it's all right
to deliver it to his house,

but put it in two
separate packages.

- Yes.

[music playing]

[buzzing]

- Hey, Oz, there's a delivery
man at the back door.

- I have two parcels here,
sir, one for Mr. Darby,

care of Mr. Nelson, and one for
Mr. Nelson, care of Mr. Darby.

- Oh, yes, yes.

Thanks a lot.
- Thank you.

- Thank you.

[door closing]

- Hey, wait a minute, Oz.

We forgot to tell
the taxidermist who

gets which profile.

- What difference does it make?

They're both the same size,
sliced right down the middle.

- Yeah, I suppose you're right.

[rustling]

Hey, what's this?

- It's the other half of this.
That's what it is.

- He was supposed to split this
fish right down the middle.

This is all your fault, Oz.

You've ruined my fish!

- What's going on here?

- Look what they've
done to my fish!

- Yeah, look what
they've done to my fish!

- Well, fellas, may
I make suggestion?

The next time you
catch a fish, why

don't you just cook and eat it?

[music playing]

- Hey, why don't we
put it up this way?

- No, it looks like it's
swimming through the wall.

- Wait a minute.

Who put that up there, boys?

- Oh, we did.

We thought it'd make a
good conversation piece.

- Yeah, can't you just hear
your friends coming in here

and saying, "Holy
smokes, Oz, what's this?"

- It's half a trout.

- Well, how did you catch it?

- Well, I was up fishing--

- Oh, oh, yeah, that's
very funny, boys,

but it so happens a man ruined
a perfectly good record-breaking

trout.

- Oh, it's not so bad, Pop.

Just tell people you caught it
while it was swimming upstream.

- Certainly no good this way.

- Hey, I have an idea.

Why don't you take
it to a bar and have

the bartender put a head on it?

- The only head
that belongs on this

is over at Mr. Darby's house.

- You know, I think he
got the best of the deal.

At least you can tell
his half is a fish.

- I think I'll
take it over there

and see what I can
work out with Darby.

[music playing]

- Yeah, I guess
you're right, Oz.

- Well, of course I'm right.

A half a fish is no
good to either of us.

Just take both halves
back to the taxidermist

and have him put
them together again.

- OK, what do we do then?

- Well, and least
one of us has a fish.

[laughs]

- Yeah, but which one?

- Well, I'll toss you for it.

- What are you going to
use, that two-headed quarter

of yours?

- If you don't trust me,
use your own quarter.

- Oh, Oz.

I trust you.

Here.

Call it.

- You call it.

- Go on, call it.

- Well, here's an idea.

Do you have a deck of cards?

- Yeah, right over here.

- OK, we'll cut
the cards and see

who calls the toss of the coin.

The high man calls.

- OK.

Cut them.

- You cut them.

- Go on, cut them.

- I tell you what we'll do.

We'll draw straws to
see who cuts the cards.

Do you have any straws?

- Oh, this is ridiculous.

I thought you were going to be
a good sport about this thing.

- Well, I am be a good sport.

I'm giving you a
chance to win my fish.

- What do you mean, your fish?

- What?

Well, I caught it.

- Oh, you know darn
well I caught that fish.

- I know darn well nothing.

Give me back my f--

- I will not.

- OK.

Just thought of a better idea.

You can keep your fish head.

- OK, suit yourself.

- Oh, uh, good afternoon.

- Oh, hello there.

It's Mr. Darby, care of
Mr. Nelson, isn't it?

- No, no, uh, no.

- I mean, it's Mr.
Nelson, care of Mr. Darby.

- No, well, no.

This time, it's just
plain Mr. Nelson.

- Well, what can I do for you?

- Well, I brought this back.

It seems there was a little
misunderstanding as to how

you're going to divide it.

- Well, I cut it
in half, didn't I?

- Well, yes, you
did, but we thought

you were going to slice
it down lengthwise,

and instead you cut
across the middle of it.

- Well, I cut it this
way because I thought

you said the whole
thing was a joke,

and this seemed pretty funny.

I'm very sorry.

- Oh, well, that's all right.

What's done is done.

It seems to me--

I read someplace in museums
the taxidermist can reconstruct

missing parts of an animal.

I was wondering, do you think
you could put a head on this?

- Why don't you
take it into a bar?

- What are you doing here?

- Pretty sneaky, Oz, trying
to have my fish reconstructed.

- It's not sneaky.

Just you've been
so darn stubborn,

you left me no choice.

By the way, what
are you doing here?

- Don't change the subject.

I know what I'm doing here, and
I know what you're doing here.

And, frankly, Oz,
I'm surprised at you.

- Oh, Mr. Darby, I'm sorry.

This is the only
fish tail I've got.

- So I'm sneaky?

- OK, we're both
sneaky, but, Oz,

I couldn't present a fish's
head to the awards committee.

- And now, wait a second,
there is one solution

we haven't considered yet.

Mr. Taxidermist--

- Well, I have, but they
take a very dim view

of murder in this state.

- That's not exactly
what I had in mind,

although it is an
interesting idea.

May I have that for
a moment, please?

- Oh, sure.

- I thought we could have
him put this together again

and then present it to
the awards committee

as a fish that was
caught by both of us,

and then we could share
the credit equally.

- Yeah, well, that
sounds like a good idea.

- Just a second, gentlemen.

There's one small problem.
When do you need this?

- Well, by this
weekend at the latest.

You see, our club is having
its annual awards meeting then.

- Gee, I'm sorry.

I'd like to help
you, but I won't

be able to get to this
for quite some time.

You see, I've just accepted
an order to stuff a giraffe,

and I'll be at least two
weeks on the neck alone.

- Well, then, now, now,
now, wait a second.

Why don't we take this down to
the committee just as it is?

I'm sure they'll be
able to get the picture.

- Well, all right.

Let's do it.

- Gee, well, thank you,
very much, you, uh, um--

thank you.

- Thank you, gentlemen.

- Goodbye.

- Well, we certainly
meet some strange people

in this business,
don't we, Walter?

- Gentlemen, I
don't think there's

any doubt, in spite
of the condition

of the fish, that this trout
breaks our existing record.

- Oh, you're absolutely right.

- Fine.

Then the only question
left to be settled

is, who gets the award?

- Well, as we explained,
I hooked the fish,

and I slipped and
fell in the stream,

and Mr Darby picked up the
rod and reeled the fish in.

So we feel we're entitled
to the award jointly.

That right, Darb?
- Yes, that's right.

- Fine.

That seems a
sportsmanlike thing to do.

- Oh, thank you.

- Then we can consider
the matter settled.

- Well, I'm glad you
fellas settled this for us

because, actually, it presents
a pretty interesting problem.

Now, if you were
to ask me, I'd say

that the fella who
reeled in the fish

is the one who's
entitled to the award.

- No, no, I can't
agree with you.

In my opinion, the fellow
who hooked the fish

should get the award.

- Well, no, we feel we're
both entitled to it.

- Yes, that's right.

- Now, now, now, wait
a minute, gentlemen.

Actually, if there were two
fish caught of identical size

and weight, then you'd both
be entitled to the award.

But where there's only
one fish involved,

there could be only
one man who caught it.

- The man who reeled it in.

- Oh, no, no, the
fellow who hooked it.

- Just because you
hook a fish doesn't

mean that you can land it.

- Well, you can't land it
unless it's been hooked.

- Well, see that's the thing...

- Just a minute here.

That fish would have got
away unless I landed him,

and then there
wouldn't be any fish.

- Well, in other words,
you didn't catch a fish.

- I did, too, Oz.

I caught the fish you caught.

- Oh, then you
admit I caught it.

- Yes, but only temporarily.

I landed him.

He's mine.

- He is not.

He's my fish.

- Please.

I thought the whole
matter was settled.

- Well, I thought it
was too, Your Honor.

I mean, Your Chairmanship.

The, uh, Chairman.

- Of course, it's settled.

Even though I
caught the fish, I'm

perfectly willing to share
the credit with Mr. Nelson.

- Oh, don't do me any favors!

- Now, gentlemen.

- Fellas, I'm sorry if
I started an argument.

I just thought it presented
an interesting problem,

like the time we were
playing cards with you

and your wife, Jack.
- Oh.

Oh, yeah.

- You see, the cards were
dealt, and two of the cards

fell on the floor.

And my wife picked
up one of them,

and Jack's wife
picked up the other,

and Jack's wife won the hand.

- [laughs] Yeah.

- Of course, as my
wife said later,

Jack's wife wouldn't
have won the hand if she

hadn't have picked up the card.

It was supposed to have
been dealt to my wife.

- Well, how did
she know what card

it was unless she looked at it?

- Are you implying
that my wife cheated?

- I'm not implying anything.

She looked at the
card, didn't she?

- Well, how do I know?

- If she didn't, how did
she know what card it was?

- Your wife must have told her.

She just can't keep
her big mouth shut.

- Now, you look here.

- Gentlemen, we're not
interested in whose wife

cheats at cards.

What we're interested in is
Mr. Nelson cheating at fishing.

- Who cheated?

- His wife.

- Well, who are you
to condemn anybody?

- Yeah, that's what I say!

He catches a fish, and you
try to take the credit.

- Now, just a minute!

I thought you were on my side.

- He's on-- how could anybody
possibly be on your side when

the plain fact is that I caught
the fish, and we all know it?

- You caught it?
- Yes, I caught it.

- Please, gentlemen.

- Don't you "please,
gentlemen" me!

[slams table] I
caught that fish,

and I'm taking credit for it.

- You can only take
credit for half of it!

- And you can take
credit for half of it,

and you know which half.

- Gentlemen, now, let's
calm down, please.

Now, that's better.

Now then, suppose you leave
this matter for us to decide.

- I've already decided.

- You've decided what?

- I'm never going to play
cards with your wife again.

That's what I've decided.

- Gentlemen, please.

[music playing]

- So, Harriet, when it
comes right down to it,

I really don't want to go
to that banquet tonight.

- Well, everybody's going.

They're giving out other awards.

They'll think you're poor
sport if you don't show up.

- Well, yeah, I'll go, but
I'll tell you this much,

I'm going to leave early.

- I know, dear, right after
you've had your second dessert.

[gavel pounding]

[applause]

- Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I know you're all

anxious to find out the
winners of our awards.

So we're going to
present them now,

and we can have our
coffee and dessert later.

- Whose bright idea was that?

- The first award for the
lowest golf score of the season,

and the winner is Eddie Johnson.

[applause]

- Eddie, on behalf
of the Men's Club,

I would like to present you
with this cup for the lowest

score of the year, a 68.

- Thank you.

[applause]

- And just a moment, Eddie.

You are the recipient
of another award.

This is the anodized
award for being

the biggest liar in the club.

[applause]

Ordinarily, our next award would
be for the best bridge team.

However, we're not going to make
this award this year in as much

as the members of our
committee failed to agree.

That brings us to
our fishing award.

This is the record catch that
was submitted to the committee.

As you can see, it
presented a unique problem.

However, I think we have
come to a fair decision.

This is a record catch.

And as soon as we can
get it glued together,

it will be hung on the
wall in the place of honor.

Will Mr. Darby
please come up here?

- Darby?

- Wait, now, just a second.

- Oh, and you, too, Mr. Nelson.

- Oh.

[applause]

- After much deliberation,
the committee

has decided that this
beautiful cup belongs jointly

to Mr. Darby and Mr. Nelson.

- Oh, well, thank you very much.

[applause]

Well, I guess that's the
fairest way to decide it.

- Yeah, the whole thing's
forgotten, huh, Oz?

- [laughs]

- It's a beautiful
thing, isn't it?

- Oh, just beautiful.

- I've got just a
spot for it in my den.

- Well-- well, I've got just
a spot for it in my den, too.

- I'll keep it in my den
for a couple of months,

then you keep it in your
den for a couple of months.

- Oh, well, we'll keep
it in my den first.

- Look, Oz, I caught the fish.

- Oh.

[interposing voices]

- Just a minute.

Gentlemen, please.

The committee has
foreseen this contingency.

Gentlemen?

[clink]

[music playing]

[applause]

[music playing]

- "Ozzie and Harriet" are
brought to you on film

by Eastman Kodak Company,
whose complete line of cameras,

projectors, and film is designed
to meet every picture taking

need.

Remember, if it's made by
Kodak, you know it's good.

- It's not marked
on the calendar,

but April 27th is going to
be a pretty important day

for the more than 750,000 people
throughout the United States

who are afflicted
with a mental illness

and are depending on
the contributions made

during National Health
Week for the clinics

guidance centers,
facilities, and personnel

that are so desperately needed.

With your help, almost
70% of those afflicted

can improve or
recover completely.

So make the beginning
of National Health Week

the beginning of a new
life for these people.

Send your contribution today
to your local mental health

campaign or to mental health in
care of your local postmaster.

- This has been an ABC
Television Network film

presentation.