All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S06E24 The Dating System 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

[theme music]

- Eastman Kodak Company
is happy to bring you

America's favorite
family, the Nelsons:

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky.

They like to go places,
enjoy happy times together,

and they know that good
times are picture times.

Tonight's story will
begin in a moment,

but first, Harriet has
an idea for your family.

- It's a simple idea, but
I think it's a good one.

Why not make this weekend a
picture weekend at your house?

Take some time Saturday and
Sunday to bring your family

snapshot diary up
to date by taking

some new pictures of your home,
your children, and each other.

You can count on getting good,
clear pictures time after time,

just so long as you
use dependable Kodak

film in your camera.

We've depended on it for
years, and we've never once

been disappointed.

So why not make a note on
your shopping list now?

Get Kodak film for this weekend.

As a matter of fact, you'd
better get an extra roll

so you won't run out just when
a good picture comes along.

It's the film in the
familiar yellow box.

- And now Kodak invites you
to enjoy "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet."

- "The measure done, I'll
watch her place of stand,

and, touching hers, make
blessed my rude hand.

Did my heart love till now?

Forswear it, sight!

Why, I ne'er saw true
beauty till this night."

- Boy, that Romeo sure
knew how to talk to a dame.

You'd have done great in those
old days, Wally, with all

that soft soap
that you hand out.

- Me?
No, not me.

I use the comedy approach.

- At least it turns
out to be comedy.

Please, David, I happen
to be very sensitive.

- What's this comedy approach
you're talking about?

- Well, I figure the
best way to break the ice

is to give them a laugh.

For instance, if I see a girl
I'd like to meet, I walk up

and I say, "Oh, pardon
me, did you drop this?"

Naturally, she says no.

So then I pull some others
out and I say, "Well, then

did you drop any of these?"

Lost a lot of handkerchiefs, but
at least it gets 'em laughing.

And the first thing you
know, I ask them for a date.

- Then they really
get hysterical.

- Well, I don't care, as long
as I get the phone number.

- You know, maybe he's
got something there, Dave.

- Wh-- it sounds like an
awful lot of trouble to me.

I think it's much easier
to get a girl's attention

with a little harmless flattery.

- Such as what?

- Well, you just walk up
to her casually and say,

"I couldn't help but notice
that wonderful perfume

you're wearing.

What is it?"

- Well, it happens to be
Bay Rum, but go ahead.

- That's all.

You've started a conversation.

The girl's pleased
because you flattered her

about her perfume, and
first thing you know,

you've got a date with her.

- Who's this you
got a date with?

- Thank you, Mrs. Nelson.

- Nobody in particular.

We were just discussing
the best way to get a date.

- Thought you guys were
studying Shakespeare.

- Well, it started out that
way, but you know how it is.

One word leads to another.

- Thanks.

What do you think's
the best approach

to use if you want to get a
date with a girl, Mrs. Nelson?

- Well, I hate to
sound old fashioned,

but I think most girls resent
any kind of a set routine.

It's always so obvious.

If you want to ask
a girl for a date,

I think the best way
is the honest way.

Just politely ask
her for a date.

- Well, gee, I hate to
take issue with you, Mom,

but I'm not sure
that works nowadays.

- No, you just get an awful
lot of polite refusals.

- Well, maybe so.

- It isn't that girls
are smarter these days,

but they just like to
feel that you've given

the situation a little buildup.

- Well, I still think the
direct, honest approach

is best.
- I think your mother's right.

- Thank you, Bob.

- Oh, pardon me, Mrs. Nelson.

Did you drop this?

- Oh.

Yes, I guess I did.

Thank you, Wally.

[music playing]

- You know, Dave, either
your mother's awful sharp,

or she's all out
of handkerchiefs.

Uh, pardon me.

Did you drop this?

- Well, no, I didn't.

And I didn't drop any of
the other ones either.

That's funny.

I don't remember trying
that out on her before.

I guess I'll have to
start keeping a diary.

- Wally, will you
please be quiet?

We came here to study.

- Hey, Dave.

Take a look over there.

[dreamy music]

- Hey, she's kind of cute.

- Well, here goes the
old handkerchief trick.

- Oh, Wally, will you sit down?

What are you trying
to do, scare her away

with that cornball
approach of yours?

- What do you mean, cornball?

- You had your chance
with the last girl.

This time, it's my turn.

- [WHISPERING] I saw her first!

- Will you guys be quiet?

I'm trying to study.

Besides, she looks
more like my type.

- Have you ever seen her before?

- No, unfortunately.

- Well, neither have
I, but I'm going

to take care of that right now.

- Relax, will you?

Anybody can tell
she's the type that

goes for the "man of
the world" approach.

- She's the handkerchief
type if I've ever seen one.

I wish your mother hadn't have
taken my lucky handkerchief.

- It wouldn't have done
you any good anyway.

- Ooh, you wouldn't care to
make a small bet, would you?

- What kind of a bet?

- We'll each try our approach,
and whichever one of us

gets a date with her
takes her out to dinner

and the loser pays the check.

- All right.

Sounds fair.

Where can you afford
to have me take her?

- Fellas--

- What do you mean,
have you take her?

- Fellas, save your breath.

She's gone.

- Now look what you've
gone and done, David.

You goofed the whole
thing for both of us.

- No, I haven't!

This makes it even
more interesting.

Whoever finds her and makes a
date with her is the winner.

- It's a deal.

Uh, pardon me, miss.

The young lady who
just left dropped this,

and I'd like to
return it to her.

Could you tell me her name?

- Oh, that's OK,
I'll give it to her.

Thank you very much.

[music playing]

- Hi, Bob.
- Oh, hi, Dave.

- I've been lookin'
all over for you.

I've got kind of a big
favor to ask of you.

- Oh, yeah, what is it?

- Well, you know, I got
this job waiting on tables

over at the Theta
sorority house,

and I can't make it tonight.

I thought maybe you'd
take over for me.

- Oh, gee.

Why don't you ask Wally?
- I already have.

He can't do it.

Look, it's an easy job.

All you have to do is put on
a white coat and serve dinner.

You make $2 bucks and
you get a free meal.

- Gee, I'd like to help
you out, Bob, but--

- Hi, Bob.

- Oh, hi.

- You know those girls?

- Sure, I see 'em
every night at dinner.

- You mean at the
sorority house where

you want me to serve tonight?

- Yeah.

- Bobby, old boy, in the words
of the immortal Shakespeare,

you've got yourself
a serving man.

- Thanks, Dave.

[music playing]

- I hope you're not counting
on me for dinner, Mom.

- Why?

Aren't you going to be home?

- No, not tonight.

- What's going on around here?

Ricky isn't going
to be home either.

- Oh, where's he going?

- Oh, to a place
called The Hot Note.

Is that where you're going?

- No, I'm eating
at the Theta house.

It's a sorority.
- Oh?

Who invited you?

- Bob.

- Well, since when does
Bob belong to a sorority?

- No, he doesn't.

He just works there
waiting on tables.

I'm going to take his place.

I get a free dinner.

- You get a free
dinner here, too,

but you never wait on the table.

- Well, this is a
little different.

It-- it's kind of complicated,
but Wally and I have this bet.

- What kind of a bet?

- Well, we both saw this
girl in the library,

and we wanted to
make a date with her.

- Seems to me you fellas spend
more time worrying about dates

than you do about studying.
- Oh, no.

We worry about studying,
too, like when we're

going to find time to do it.

- Well, what is this bet?

- Well, we both
agreed that whoever

got the date with the
girl, the other guy would

have to pay for the dinner.

- Oh, I get it.

And the girl's in
the sorority, huh?

- Yeah, it may seem like
kind of an unfair advantage,

but you know the old saying.

"All's fair in
love," and so forth.

- Seems like an
awfully complicated way

to get a date with a girl.

Why not find somebody
who knows you

and use the direct approach?

- Believe me, Mom,
it wouldn't work.

[phone ringing]

I'll get it.

The only thing I'm
worried about is

whether Wally's got
enough money to pay off

the bet when he loses.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Wally.

I was just going to call you.

[music playing]

Well, when did this happen?

Oh, OK.

So long.

- What's wrong?
- Everything.

Wally's going to be waiting
on tables tonight, too,

at the same sorority house.

The big cheater.

[music playing]

[music playing]

Look, Wally, why
don't you go home?

- Now, Dave, why
don't you go home?

Bob offered the job to me first.

- Well, sure he did,
and you turned it down,

so he offered it to
me, and I accepted.

- Well, in the meantime,
I changed my mind.

- That's too bad.

You'll have to change
your mind again.

- Now, look, the job was offered
to me first, and I accepted.

- Here's the coat.

- Oh, thank you.

Come on, Wally!

- It's my coat!

- Gentlemen, please!

- Now, Mrs. Mathews, I
was here first, wasn't I?

- Well, yes, but--

- He may have been here
first, but didn't Bob

tell you that I was going
to work for him tonight?

- Well, yes, he did.
- You see?

Now why don't you just go
pedal your handkerchiefs.

- I hate to admit
it, Mrs. Matthews,

but Dave is just
a little jealous

because I have such an
entertaining personality.

- [gasp] Oh, really?

- Oh, well, if it's
entertainment you want,

I have a few routines that
I'm sure the girls would love.

- Well, it would be nice to
have a little entertainment

with dinner.

Why don't you both stay?

[music playing]

- May the better man win.

And do you have another jacket?

- Oh, I'm afraid not,
but I do have an apron.

- Oh, well, give it to Dave.

He's the apron type.

- No, I'll take the coat.

It's more my size.

- Oh, you think
you're so strong.

- I hate to rush
you, but the girls

are waiting for their soup.

- How do I look?

Is my hair all right?

- You look lovely, dear.

- Well, here I go.

[music playing]

- What's the matter?

- Well, take a look.

- Well, how do you do?

- Well, I'll see
you later, Dave.

- Hey, where are you going?

- Oh, well, there's no sense
in my hanging around now.

You can handle it by yourself.

- Is something the matter?

- Well, where are all the, uh,
shall we say, younger girls?

- Oh, they're
eating out tonight.

You see, it's alumni night.

We have a little dinner
like this once a year.

I think it's a wonderful
idea, don't you?

- Oh, sure.

Well, have fun.

- You're not leaving.

I was counting on you
for the entertainment.

- And you couldn't have
made a better choice.

Wally's a one-man show.

- Now, wait a minute.

The only one-man show I know
how to do takes two men.

- Oh, please, David,
won't you stay?

Please?

- Well, OK.

- Thank you.

Well, let's get this
soup on the road.

I hope that's all we get it on.

- Hello?

Oh, hi, Dave.

How's it going?

- Not too good, Pop.

- Well, you haven't broken any
dishes or anything, have you?

- No, nothing like that.

Has Ricky left yet?

- Uh, no, he's upstairs
combing his hair.

- No, I'm not, Pop.

I'm downstairs combing my hair.

- He's right here.

It's--

- Thanks, man.

Hello?
Who's this?

- What do you mean who's this?

It's your brother,
and I'm in trouble.

- Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Dave.
You picked a bad time for it.

I'm just going out.

- Well, this won't
interfere with your plans.

You're going to have dinner
at The Hot Note, aren't you?

- Well, yeah, why?

- Well, I want you to keep an
eye on a girl there for me.

- Well, why don't you keep
an eye on her yourself?

- Because I'm waiting on
tables at the sorority house.

- That sounds like fun!

- Well, it would be,
except it's alumni night,

and I just found out the girls
are eating at The Hot Note.

- Hey, that's where I'm going.

- Well, I know, and I want
you to keep an eye out

for a good-looking blonde.

She's with a bunch of
her sorority sisters

and should be the
prettiest one in the group.

- In that case, it
won't cost you a cent.

- Just keep an eye on her.

If she tries to leave,
find out where she's going.

- Hey, what's this all about?

- Well, I just want to get
to her before Wally does.

I'll call you later
at The Hot Note, OK?

- OK.

Just ask for Secret Agent 622.

[music playing]

- Girls!

Girls!

May I have your
attention, please?

[laughs] Has everybody
had enough dessert?

[laughter]

As you know, we always try to
have a little entertainment

at our get-togethers.

And this evening, we're
privileged in having

two students from the
college, Wally and Dave.

[applause]

Wally and Dave!
- You go first.

I'll wait for you out here.

- Well, what's the
matter with you?

You go first.

- Oh, yeah, and while I'm
in there, you'll sneak out.

- I'm sure they'll be
here in just a moment.

- OK, we'll go together.

- Oh!

Oh, here they are now.

[laughs]

[applause]

David!

- Oh, well, I'm going to
introduce him right now.

- Oh, that's nice.

- Thank you, ladies.

I'd like to start off this
evening's entertainment

by introducing my good
friend Dave Nelson.

[applause]

- Wait a moment.
Where are you going?

- Uh, to get my coat.
- Oh.

He's going to get his coat.

He'll be right back.

Uh, I'd like to start off
this evening's entertainment

by introducing my
good friend Wally.

Wally?

[QUIETLY] Thought
you'd get away, huh?

- Talk about you.

Whether you know it
or not, my friend Dave

is gifted with psychic powers.

And I'm sure with a
little persuasion,

we can prevail upon him to
do a little mind reading.

[applause]

Uh, come back here.

I mean, uh, here he is.

- Uh, just a second, Wally.

I'll need an assistant for this.

- I was afraid you might.

- Now, if you'd just pass
out among the ladies--

if you'd just pass among the
ladies and get a few objects,

I'll retire to the next
room and read your mind.

- You'd better read
it from in here.

I have a very weak mind.

Perhaps we'd better
blindfold you.

Take your pick.

- Oh, no, thank you.

I won't need a blindfold.

I'll just turn my back
and, uh, read your mind.

[laughter]

- Now, may I please have some
objects to test the swami?

- Oh, surely.

- Thank you.

Now, swami, this
is very difficult.

Watch out for this one.

- The object is a watch!

[applause]

- Oh, please.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I'd get more watches that way.

Now, let's see.

Shall we have one more, please?

Thank you.

Now, swami, brace
yourself for this one,

and don't let it fool you.

- The object is a bracelet.

[applause]

- Oh, they're making
fine imitations nowadays,

aren't they?

[applause]

[music playing]

[applause]

- Boys, that was just wonderful.

I don't know when we've
had such a good time.

- Oh, well, thank you.

We're glad to help out.

- Maybe I can come back sometime
when the girls are here.

Now, that is, the younger girls.

- Oh, yes.

Do any time.

- Let's face it, Wally.

Your act's nothing without me.

- By the way, David, I
have a message for you.

- A message?

- It's kind of strange,
so I wrote it down.

Uh, somebody called and said
he was Secret Agent number 622,

and the subject
under surveillance

was still at The
Hot Note restaurant.

- Oh, well, thanks very much.

- Well, thanks again,
boys, and bye bye.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- The Hot Note restaurant, huh?

- Well, I guess I'll be going.

- Oh, I think I'll take
in a late movie tonight,

or better still, I think
I'll go home and study.

What are you going to do, Dave?

- Oh, I think I'll go
home and study too.

I'm going to go
out the back way.

I'll see you later.

- Uh, Dave, as long as we're
both going to The Hot Note,

why don't we just take one car?

Do you see her?

- If I did, do you
think I'd tell you?

- Now, there's no need to be
childish about this thing.

- Oh, there's Ricky.

- Oh, fine.

You take him and
I'll take the girl.

- Hi, Rick.
Hi, fellas.

- Oh, hi, David.
Hi, Wally.

- Hi, Rick.

- Uh, Wally, I, uh, want to
talk to my brother for a minute.

- Go ahead.
I'm not stopping you.

- David, if it's about the
girl, she's right over there.

- Oh, thanks, 622.

- Hey, come back here!

- Uh, pardon me,
did you drop this?

- No, I didn't.

- Oh, well, then did
you drop any of these?

- No, I'm afraid not.

- Uh, pardon me,
but I couldn't help

but notice that wonderful
perfume you're wearing.

What is it?

- I'm not wearing
any, and goodbye.

- Oh, you'll have to
excuse my friend here.

You know how these
handkerchief salesmen are.

Um, is it possible that you're
here alone this evening?

- Of course not.
I'm here.

- Then you are alone.
- Well, no, I'm not.

I've got a date.

- Oh, hi, Wally, Dave.

I see you've met Sandy.

- You mean she's your date?
- Well, yeah.

That's why I wanted you to
take my place waiting tables

tonight.

Won't you sit down and
join us for a while?

Not too long, of course.

- Just as a point
of curiosity, who's

system did you use to get a date
with this beautiful creature?

- What do you mean, "system"?

- Well, did you use my light,
gay, humorous approach?

- I'll bet he used the
suave, tactful approach.

- Well, let's let Sandy tell us.

Sandy, what kind of a line did
Bob use to get a date with you?

- He didn't use any line.

He just said, "Would you like
to go out to dinner with me?"

And I said I'd love to.

- What kind of an
approach is that?

- That's what your
mother said to do.

Just be honest and
straightforward.

- Hey, look who's here.
- Oh.

[laughs]

- You know, maybe
our mothers are

smarter than we think they are.

- I heard that, and thank you.

- Hi, fellas.

Dave.

- I take it the strategy
didn't work, huh?

- Well, ours didn't,
but yours did.

And Bob used it, and he's
the one who got the girl.

- Well, I hate to
say I told you so

but the straightforward
approach never misses.

That's how I got
invited out tonight.

I used the straightforward
approach on your father.

- What'd you say, Mom?

- Oh, I just said to him,
"I'm tired of doing dishes.

Let's eat out for change."

- And I came right
back at your mother

with a straightforward
approach of my own.

I said, "OK, if you've got
enough money to pay the check."

- And speaking of money, how
come Ricky and his friends

can afford to eat here?

[music playing]

- I think that's your answer.

- [SINGING] I
believe in what you

say when you say you're going
steady with nobody else but me.

I believe what you
say when you say you

don't kiss nobody else but me.

I believe, do believe, I
believe, yeah, I believe,

pretty baby,
believe you're going

steady with nobody else but me.

Well, there's a one thing,
baby, that I want you to know.

When you're rocking with me,
you're going to rock too slow.

Come move on in.

Get told to toe.

We're going to rock till
we can't rock no more.

I believe, do believe, I
believe, yeah, I believe,

pretty baby,
believe you're going

steady with nobody else but me.

Well, let's dig it now.

[guitar]

- He's smiling more
than he used to.

- [SINGING] Well, I
believe what you're

saying when you say you don't
miss nobody else but me.

I believe what you
say when you say you

don't kiss nobody else but me.

I believe, do believe, I
believe, yeah, I believe,

pretty baby,
believe you're going

steady with nobody else but me.

Well, when you kiss me, baby,
when you roll your eyes,

I get a funny feeling
that I'm hypnotized.

Chills run all up
and down my spine.

Tell everybody that
you mine, all mine.

I believe, do believe, yeah,
I believe, oh, I believe,

pretty baby,
believe you're going

steady with nobody else but me.

Oh, yeah!
Well, I believe.

[cheering]

Believe, yeah, I
believe, well, I believe,

pretty, baby,
believe you're going

steady with nobody else but me.

[cheering]

[applause]

[SINGING] Well, my
bucket's got a hole in it.

Yeah, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Oh, well, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

It don't work no more.

Well, I went up on the mountain.

I looked down in the sea.

I saw the crabs and the
fishes doing the bebop bee.

Cause my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Yeah, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Well, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

It don't work no more.

I'm going to see my baby
before the sun goes down.

I'm going to tell my baby
that I'm leaving town.

Cause my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Yeah, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Well, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

It no work no more.

Hey, guitar!

[guitar]

- Do you really like my perfume?

- Oh, yes.

[sniffs] Delightful.

- Thank you.

- Say, would you like to go out
with me tomorrow night, too?

- Oh, I'd love to.

- Oh, swell.

- [SINGING] I'm waiting for a
woman that ain't got no man.

'Cause my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Yeah, it's got a big hole in it.

Well, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

It don't work no more.

Well, I went up on the mountain.

I looked down in the sea.

I saw the crabs and the
fishes doing the bebop bee.

'Cause my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Yeah, it's got a big hole in it.

Oh, well, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

It don't work no more.

Well, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

Yeah, a big, big hole in it.

Well, my bucket's
got a hole in it.

It don't work no more.

[cheering]

[applause]

- Well, that turned out pretty
well after all, didn't it?

Of course, getting
mixed up on their dates

is nothing new to
the Nelson boys.

I remember there was quite a
mix up on David's 17th birthday

when he was trying to give the
impression that he was really

18.

Perhaps you remember it.

- Today is your 17th
birthday, isn't it?

- Yeah.

Now you know.

- I wasn't sure how old you are.
- Yeah.

17 today.

- It was awfully nice of you to
send me those violets, David.

- Oh, that's OK.
Glad you liked them.

- That was one of the
reasons I stopped by.

I wanted to thank you for them.

The other reason was to invite
you to my birthday party

next Wednesday.

Can you make it?

- Oh, yeah.

Gee, thanks a lot.

This may sound kind of
impolite, but how old are you

going to be?

18?

- No, not quite 18.

- 17?

- No, not 17 either.

- You mean you'll be 16?

- Ask her once more
and she's mine.

- Get lost, will you, Ricky?

- I was just trying
to liven things up.

- I suppose you think
16's awfully young.

- Oh, heck, no.

But the way your cousin talked,
I thought you were a lot older.

- Oh, I asked her to say
all those things because I

thought you were a lot older.

You looked just like a
college man the day I met you.

- I did?

[laughs] [clears throat]

- Say, this looks
like a wonderful movie

at the Bijou, David.

Maybe Sally'd like to go.

- Oh, how about it?

- Oh, I'd love to.

- Would you excuse
me for a minute?

I'll be right down.

Excuse me, Mom.

- Hurry up, David.

We don't want to be late.

- Wait a minute.

Where do you think
you're going, jazzbo?

- Somebody mentioned
movies, so here I am.

- Well, you know the
old saying, Ricky.

Two's company, three's a crowd.

- Don't you think
they need a chaperone?

- No, I don't think so.

- Thanks, Mr. Nelson,
but I'll just carry it.

- OK.

- Well, I never get
to go any place.

- You can go with us
the next time, Ricky.

- Well, I'm all set.

- Oh, David, what a
beautiful sweater.

It's so athletic-looking.

- Oh, thanks.

Mom got it for me
for my birthday.

Well, good night, Pop.
- Good night, son.

- Good night, dear.
- Good night, Mrs. Nelson.

Good night, Sally.
- Bye, Ricky.

- Good night.

Fine thing here I am all
dressed up and no place to go.

- Hey, wait a minute.

I know a girl who'd love to
go to the movies with you.

- Oh, you do, Mom?
- Mm-hmm.

Of course, she's a
slightly older girl.

- You mean she's about 17?

- Well, she's 17
once upon a time.

- You mean she's 18?

- She was 18 once, too.

- Wait, how old is this girl?

- Uh, she doesn't
look a day over 21.

- Oh, do you know her, Pop?

- Uh, well, uh,
sometimes I wonder.

I'll tell you this much, though.

She's not going out
with a dasher like you

unless her husband goes
along as a chaperone.

- I'll get my coat.

[music playing]

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- "Ozzie and Harriet" are
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