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1
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:18,843
Okay, count of three.
2
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,179
One, two, three!
3
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:22,447
Come on, Tony!
4
00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:30,956
Down! Down!
5
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,427
The new champ, that's right!
6
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,095
Now, fork over that
championship belt.
7
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:38,296
Right now, hand it over.
8
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:39,564
I lost it.
9
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:40,965
You lost it?
10
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:42,134
Then give me your belt.
11
00:01:42,202 --> 00:01:44,336
My belt?
What are you talking about?
12
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:45,604
Don't be no sore loser.
13
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,439
Fork it over.
14
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,074
I did it! I did it!
15
00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:51,743
Thank you. Hey, uh, nice sport.
16
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,213
Look at you! Oh, come on.
17
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,960
You're not going to really wear
that, are you?
18
00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:58,350
Yeah, I'll have it shortened.
19
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,339
What's left,
I'll use to cover my steering wheel.
20
00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:02,521
Are you kidding, man?
21
00:02:02,589 --> 00:02:03,855
I'm proud of this thing.
22
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:06,458
I had to beat everybody
in the garage.
23
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,893
Oh, well, you didn't beat me.
24
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,828
Well, no, he's ducking you.
25
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:11,997
Oh, I bet.
26
00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:14,098
Well, come on, Elaine.
I want to be fair.
27
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:16,000
No!
28
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:18,202
Come on, uh,
you can use two hands.
29
00:02:18,271 --> 00:02:19,638
No.
30
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:21,940
Come on.
I-I-I'll start from here.
31
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:23,342
Tony...
32
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,810
Well, what are you, all talk?
33
00:02:24,879 --> 00:02:25,977
Yeah, all talk?
34
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:28,680
You're on!
35
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,516
Uh-oh. Oh, I don't believe this.
36
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,317
Yeah. One more match.
37
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,386
Oh, come on.
You're not going to really do this.
38
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:35,454
Here's the belt.
39
00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:36,888
Well, oh, wait, can I stand up?
40
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:38,290
Sure.
41
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,725
All right. Stand up?
42
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,693
Alex, this is a girl.
43
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,795
I'm going to tear her arms off.
44
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:47,065
Well, okay.
Just don't break a nail.
45
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,067
Let's go.
Two hands, you heard him.
46
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:50,569
I'm going to count to three.
Okay.
47
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,137
Ready? Piece of cake.
48
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:54,005
One, two, three!
49
00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:57,642
Come on. You can do it.
50
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:58,788
Alex. Alex: Come on, Elaine!
51
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,012
Push! Alex.
52
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,780
Come on, Elaine! Harder! Harder!
53
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,555
All right! I'm the undisputed
champ of the garage!
54
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:10,822
No, no, it wasn't fair.
55
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:11,891
It wasn't fair, Elaine.
56
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,158
Oh, good, I'm the disputed
57
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:14,492
champ of the garage.
58
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:17,862
Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah, nah.
59
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:20,031
This isn't funny, Elaine. Aww...
60
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,532
Losing never is, kid.
61
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,603
Whoa!
62
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,939
Yay!
63
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:30,008
Alex, you know that wasn't
fair, Alex.
64
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,176
No, it wasn't fair.
65
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:33,445
But then again, life seldom is.
66
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,149
And the most unfair part
is about to walk in.
67
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,623
Banta!
68
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:46,991
Nardo told me what happened.
69
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:50,095
Look, don't feel bad about
losing the championship.
70
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:53,531
The most important thing
is she didn't hurt you.
71
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,033
Did she?
72
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,467
No, but she used two hands.
73
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,903
I was tired. I had...
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
74
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,505
She might hear you.
75
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:03,174
If you rile her,
she could take you apart.
76
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,976
Look.
77
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,845
I, I know what I'll do
to cheer you up, banta.
78
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,948
I'll give you cab 714.
79
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:12,183
It's got power steering.
80
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:15,286
Ooh!
81
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:17,255
Muscle, too, he's got...
82
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,057
A woman beat him.
83
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,295
Come on. It's funny.
84
00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:25,564
Not funny.
85
00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:29,134
You have to have a sense of
humor about these things.
86
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,270
One of the most important
things in this life...
87
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:34,606
Just walked into the garage.
88
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,441
Tony, you want a coffee? Nah.
89
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:39,344
I'll get you one.
90
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:44,449
Yeah, yeah, yeah... oh, hello.
91
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:45,951
Excuse me. Can you help me?
92
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:48,286
I'll die trying.
93
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,756
I'm looking for a cabbie.
94
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:55,960
Why settle for a cabbie when
you can have the top dog?
95
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,766
Are you the top dog?
96
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:04,736
Woof, woof.
97
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,305
I'll settle for a cabbie.
98
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:08,685
All right, that would be me.
I'm a cabbie.
99
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,575
Hi, uh, uh... can I help you?
100
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,244
Uh, what would you like?
101
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:15,213
Uh, to get as far away
from him as possible.
102
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:16,314
I'll join you.
103
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:18,549
Want some coffee? Sure.
104
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,018
Oh, uh, I'm Alex rieger.
105
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:22,220
Diane McKenna. Nice to see you.
106
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:23,455
So, uh, what brings you
107
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,457
to this private,
little hell of ours?
108
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:28,326
Well,
do you know Jim ignatowski?
109
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,228
Jim ignatow... sure, I do.
110
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:31,562
Oh, good.
111
00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:33,264
Well, I'm an old friend of his.
112
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,599
Of course, I haven't seen him
113
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,135
since we lived on the
same commune in the '60s.
114
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:39,137
You lived on a commune? You?
115
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,606
Yeah.
116
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,108
Of course, a lot of people
find that hard to believe.
117
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,210
I guess they can't picture
me frolicking naked
118
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,179
through the alfalfa sprouts.
119
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,680
I can.
120
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,418
I've been doing it ever
since you walked in here.
121
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:56,488
I guess we're not as
far away as possible.
122
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,256
I bet you they
never had anything
123
00:05:58,325 --> 00:05:59,591
like Louie on that commune.
124
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:01,893
Oh, no, but, uh,
when we first got there,
125
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,895
we did find something similar
126
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:04,996
living in the barn.
127
00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:06,109
I know what you mean.
128
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,334
That's cute, that's real cute.
129
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,144
Wait a minute.
130
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,984
I haven't seen one
of you for 13 years.
131
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,923
Jim!
132
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,691
It must be her.
133
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,696
Oh, Jim...
you haven't changed a bit.
134
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:39,764
Diane McKenna.
135
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,299
I'm mad at you.
136
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,602
What are you talking about?
137
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:47,605
You were supposed to
meet me at Woodstock
138
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:52,110
13 years ago,
but you never showed up.
139
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:54,078
I was beginning to worry.
140
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:57,448
Woodstock?
141
00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:58,816
Jim, don't you remember?
142
00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,685
Just before you left
for the concert,
143
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,354
you gave me that speech
that convinced me
144
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,023
to give up our way of life
and go back to school.
145
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,257
I did?
146
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:09,394
Yeah. You told me I
didn't fit in and...
147
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:10,995
That I never would.
148
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:14,933
No, no, I was talking
about the Volkswagen.
149
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,235
We already had 12 people.
150
00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:20,572
I assumed you'd
find another ride.
151
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,775
Well, maybe you were
talking about the Volkswagen
152
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,677
at that particular moment,
but you always did tell me
153
00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:27,946
I should go to law school.
154
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:31,116
Yeah, but after the concert.
155
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,423
How did you do in law school?
156
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:41,526
Well, I graduated from Stanford,
157
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:44,429
third in my class.
158
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:47,098
Well, you always were lazy.
159
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,103
Jim, uh,
can I take you some place
160
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,605
where I can buy you a drink?
161
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:56,440
Oh, sure.
162
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:59,110
Uh, how about a bar?
163
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,318
Bye, Alex. Nice meeting you.
164
00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:09,187
Yeah, you, too.
165
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,225
How do you like that?
166
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,861
Beauty and the bean brain.
167
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,065
Hey, Alex?
168
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,967
You really liked her, didn't you?
Huh?
169
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,003
Yeah, I thought she was,
uh, pretty attractive.
170
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:27,205
I mean, I'm not going
to, uh, you know,
171
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,341
go crazy over a
chance encounter.
172
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:30,620
I mean,
I'm just going to take it
173
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,121
one step at a time
and see what happens.
174
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:33,811
And now, if you'll excuse me,
175
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,720
I'm going to have her
name tattooed on my face.
176
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,494
Will you knock it off?
177
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,796
You know, you're sick.
You're really sick.
178
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:27,799
Sick.
179
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,639
What are you doing now?
180
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,740
I'm giving you the belt back.
181
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,778
Yeah, well,
I ain't taking it back.
182
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,914
Not without a rematch.
183
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:44,949
You're on.
184
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,517
You got it.
185
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,586
You know, wait, Tony,
you know, if you beat me,
186
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:51,156
I mean, all you've done is
beaten a woman and nobody
187
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,303
around this garage is going
to put you on their shoulders.
188
00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:54,604
Yeah, yeah,
but I'm going to give you
189
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,672
the same advantage I gave you last
time, see, Elaine?
190
00:09:56,696 --> 00:09:57,962
I'm going to start from here.
191
00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,298
You can use two hands
and you can stand up.
192
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,966
Okay, it's a big advantage.
193
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:04,268
Ah-ah, all right,
I still don't think I can beat you.
194
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,704
But just on the outside
chance that I can...
195
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,574
You are never going to live it down.
Yeah, yeah.
196
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,053
Yeah, well,
let me tell you something.
197
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,488
I ain't losing this time, what?
What?
198
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:13,844
'Cause last time I was tired.
Oh.
199
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,813
You're dead meat.
Get over here. Ooh.
200
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:19,917
You know, you do look a
little tired today, too, Tony.
201
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,886
Okay, on three.
202
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,021
One.
Well, you know what, uh, uh...
203
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:25,568
I had, like,
a rough night last night.
204
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:26,691
I didn't get much sleep.
205
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,926
Oh... two.
206
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:31,796
And I skipped lunch.
207
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,965
Three. Keep, keep the belt.
208
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:41,973
Hey, Tony? Tony?
209
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:43,340
Jim in yet?
210
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:45,877
Alex, that's the third
time you asked me that. No.
211
00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,444
I know.
I'm sorry I'm so impatient.
212
00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:49,313
I just wanted to get
Diane's number from him.
213
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:55,653
Welcome to today's episode
of as the loser turns.
214
00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:57,956
The daily drama
215
00:10:58,025 --> 00:11:00,925
that chronicles the
sad and frustrating
216
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,829
sex life of our lonely
hero, Alex rieger.
217
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,631
Will you knock it off?!
218
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,900
Alex's nerves are frayed
219
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:13,104
after a sleepless night
of torment and lust
220
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:17,508
over a woman who wants him as
much as she wants ringworm.
221
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:20,844
Jim, Jim. Uh...
222
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:22,080
I want to tell you something.
223
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:23,548
Huh?
224
00:11:23,617 --> 00:11:27,151
You remember when that girl
Diane walked in here yesterday?
225
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,652
You know...
226
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,755
I had this feeling
of electricity
227
00:11:30,823 --> 00:11:32,189
just run through me, you know?
228
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:33,891
Electricity, huh? Yeah.
229
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,893
And I-I-I didn't know
how to deal with it.
230
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:38,262
Uh...
have you tried fabric softener?
231
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,632
Jim, Jim... I, um...
232
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:46,504
I just... I just want to
get to know her better.
233
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,372
Oh, you should.
234
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,708
Yeah, she's a wonderful girl.
235
00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:51,843
Yeah, I... I think so.
236
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,678
I'll call her and set it up.
237
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:54,890
No, no, just give me her number.
I'll call.
238
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:57,015
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
My treat.
239
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,494
No, come on, Jim.
I couldn't ask you to do that.
240
00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,617
I really should.
241
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:02,186
No, not another word.
242
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:06,457
Incidentally,
I have a simple device
243
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:09,027
for memorizing phone numbers.
244
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:12,397
I assign each digit a letter
245
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,299
and make an easy-to-remember
word out of it.
246
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,001
For instance,
her number is "fblwrkz."
247
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,374
Hello, Diane.
248
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:26,410
Uh, are you, uh,
free for dinner tonight?
249
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:27,711
Oh, good.
250
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,414
How does burgers and beer sound?
251
00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:30,882
No, no, no, no.
Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.
252
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,049
Huh?
253
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:33,161
Uh, something
intimate and romantic.
254
00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:34,285
A fine French meal.
255
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:38,656
Uh-huh. How does a, uh,
fine French meal sound?
256
00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:40,091
Oh, great.
257
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,793
Chez Robert. 8:00.
258
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:44,095
Chez Robert. 8:00.
259
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:47,098
Can't wait to see you.
Bye, Diane.
260
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:47,966
Wait, Jim!
261
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:48,899
Oh, wait, Diane!
262
00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:49,968
What about me?
263
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:51,036
What about you?
264
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:53,204
Jim,
I thought this whole thing was
265
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,806
for me to have
dinner with Diane.
266
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:03,748
Uh, Diane,
do you mind if Alex comes along?
267
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:07,752
No... you're set. Thanks.
268
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,389
Au revoir.
269
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,195
Well, Alex, you got your wish.
270
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:20,097
An intimate,
romantic dinner for three.
271
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,433
Yeah, thanks, Jim.
272
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,736
You owe me one.
273
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,718
Well, at least i'm
having dinner with her.
274
00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:30,608
Hey, at least it's a
start, right?
275
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:35,212
Will our lonely,
frustrated hero, Alex reiger,
276
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:40,951
make a fool of himself at
the chez ptomaine restaurant?
277
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:43,655
Will he get lucky
with the lady lawyer
278
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,323
or will he wind up
279
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,891
with her heel in his eye?
280
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:51,662
Tune in tomorrow when
we'll hear reiger say...
281
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:52,975
How would you like me
to shove that microphone
282
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,499
right down your throat?
283
00:13:54,568 --> 00:13:56,200
All that and more
284
00:13:56,269 --> 00:14:01,338
on tomorrow's episode
of as the loser turns.
285
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:15,386
I mean, there's nothing worse
than putting all that effort
286
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,054
into a case and then losing.
287
00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:19,490
Yeah, I can imagine.
288
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:23,694
And sometimes my clients blame
me for their convictions.
289
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,096
Excusez moi, monsieur,
290
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:28,199
but the other customers are
complaining about the noise.
291
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,069
Uh, no problem.
I'll turn it down.
292
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:34,905
No, no, no, it's not the
noise of the game, monsieur.
293
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:38,409
It's the "yahoos," the
"yipees," and the "gotchas."
294
00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:42,080
Oh. I'll turn down my
volume, too.
295
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:44,081
Merci.
296
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,351
Classy place.
297
00:14:49,623 --> 00:14:52,356
You were, uh... you were saying
298
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,926
that, uh, your clients blame
you when they're convicted.
299
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,160
Oh, yes.
300
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,896
Yes, in fact,
one guy even stood up and said,
301
00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:01,899
"I'm gonna get you if
it's the last thing I do."
302
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:03,067
No kidding?
303
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,501
What happened? He got me.
304
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:05,870
He did?
305
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,338
He wasn't a murderer.
306
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,505
He was a flasher.
307
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:10,743
Oh.
308
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:13,411
Yahoo! Yippee! Gottcha!
309
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,745
What happened?
310
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:16,747
I zapped a martian mushball.
311
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:21,252
You know, you know,
I was always fascinated by the law.
312
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:22,720
Oh.
313
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:25,055
Yeah, I mean, you get to save
people's lives, you know?
314
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:26,823
The only thing I ever
do for my fellow man
315
00:15:26,892 --> 00:15:28,426
is get him to the
airport on time.
316
00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:31,295
But I have had some,
uh, very interesting
317
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:32,997
experiences as a cab driver.
318
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,299
I mean, you have to have
interesting experiences
319
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:36,834
as a cab driver.
320
00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,068
You know, there are some, uh,
321
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:40,972
strange,
bizarre characters in the city.
322
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,974
Yeah, that's why I
keep my door locked.
323
00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,254
You know, just the other day...
324
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,114
Just the other day,
this guy gets in my cab...
325
00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:52,983
Uh, no, wait a minute,
that's not interesting.
326
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:54,151
Um, no.
327
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,320
Oh, yeah, there was this woman,
328
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,789
she gets in the cab
and she tries...
329
00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:58,956
No, no, that wasn't good.
330
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:00,991
Um, oh, got it! Got it.
331
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:02,159
There was this couple.
332
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:03,672
They flagged me down.
No, wait a minute.
333
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:04,795
That didn't happen to me.
334
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,964
Uh, don't worry.
I'll think of one.
335
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:08,332
Excuse me, Alex.
336
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,566
Where is the ladies' room?
337
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,869
To the right of the pay phone.
338
00:16:11,937 --> 00:16:13,470
Will you excuse me?
339
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:17,508
Yeah, sure.
340
00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:18,609
Oh, I remember one.
341
00:16:18,677 --> 00:16:19,977
I'll be back. It'll keep.
342
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:25,683
You like Diane, don't you, Alex?
343
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,117
Yeah, I do. I really do.
344
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:29,687
Hey, listen, Jim, um, you know,
345
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:32,189
when I said that I wanted
to get to know Diane better,
346
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:37,294
I was, uh, hoping for an
evening with just the two of us.
347
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:40,398
Well, it's not too late, Alex.
348
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:42,400
I'll send her home.
349
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:49,039
I was talking about
just her and me.
350
00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:53,544
Oh. You should get
to know each other.
351
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,379
Yeah.
352
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,948
I want you two to be friends.
353
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,150
Thanks, Jim. I'll leave.
354
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:01,018
No, no, no.
You can't leave now. It'll...
355
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:02,865
Not in the middle of dinner.
It'll be awkward.
356
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:04,088
It won't be awkward.
357
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,489
Just tell her I'm sick.
358
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,291
No, no, no.
That would sound a little phony.
359
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,871
I mean,
I don't think she'd believe that.
360
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:12,597
She'll believe it if she
asks any of these folks here.
361
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,631
Huh?
362
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:18,502
Oh! Jim!
363
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:23,007
Oh, oh, my stomach! Jim.
364
00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:25,909
My guts are going to explode.
Oh!
365
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,579
Jim. Jim, please.
366
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:32,182
What's in the veal?
367
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:35,285
Oh, I'm going home!
368
00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:38,322
I've got a stomach pump there.
369
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,029
Everything's fine.
370
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:48,632
Uh, believe me,
everything is fine.
371
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:49,800
Oh.
372
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:50,801
Where's Jim?
373
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:53,904
Uh, he left.
He wanted us to be alone.
374
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,839
He-he made believe he was sick.
375
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,253
I mean,
you should have seen that one.
376
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:58,409
No. He did everything
377
00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,778
but make his head revolve
and spit up pea soup.
378
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,779
I don't understand.
379
00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:04,348
Don't try to understand it.
380
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:07,251
I mean, on the ignatowski scale of
weird, it was just a three.
381
00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:09,587
Please.
382
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:10,866
He's all right, he's all right.
383
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,134
I mean, all the guys
down at the garage think,
384
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:13,224
you know, he's wonderful.
385
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:15,259
We all think he's adorable.
386
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,295
Because what he lacks up
here, he's got right here.
387
00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:20,764
But listen, you know,
I have to admit i'm, uh...
388
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,600
I'm really glad he's
not here right now.
389
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,602
What do you mean,
"what he lacks up here?"
390
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,738
Well, you know,
he's-he's a flake.
391
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,339
He's kind of spacey.
I mean, uh...
392
00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:30,575
Oh.
393
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,444
His porch light has been
flickering for years,
394
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:34,878
if you know what I mean.
395
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,448
But let's not talk about Jim.
396
00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:42,018
Listen, Diane, uh, you know,
I've known a lot of women,
397
00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:44,855
but, uh,
I think you're kind of special.
398
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,958
I mean, you're bright,
you're beautiful.
399
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:48,525
I got a...
I-I really have to, uh...
400
00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:49,838
You know,
when you walked into that garage,
401
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,028
I must tell you...
402
00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:52,396
Uh, Alex. Uh, before you go on,
403
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,432
I must tell you something.
404
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,033
I am involved with someone.
405
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:57,802
Oh, how involved?
406
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:01,004
Emotionally and
physically involved.
407
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:02,873
Oh.
408
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:05,710
Anyone I know?
409
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,511
Yes.
410
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:11,182
The, uh, flake with the
flickering porch light?
411
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:14,919
Jim?
412
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:21,692
Will there be anything
else, monsieur?
413
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:25,162
Yes, I'd like a small glass of
poison, please.
414
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:27,164
Anything for you?
415
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,306
Yeah, yeah.
I said, "wait a minute."
416
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:39,643
Who is it?
417
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:41,645
The flake!
418
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:49,520
Remember me, the weirdo?
419
00:19:49,588 --> 00:19:51,021
Huh.
420
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,924
The-the man with the
flickering porch lights.
421
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,563
The man you call spacey.
422
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:02,165
I made a mistake.
I made a mistake.
423
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:04,702
I'll explain it all tomorrow
424
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:07,149
and you'll see that maybe if you
told me about you and Diane...
425
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:10,374
I don't want an explanation.
426
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:12,510
It doesn't matter why
you said those things.
427
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:14,378
All I know is that you said them
428
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:17,581
and that means
you don't love me.
429
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:23,721
Oh, Jim, it's very late.
430
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,456
Admit, Alex.
You don't love me, do you?
431
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:30,494
Jim, I don't know if I love
anybody at 3:00 in the morning.
432
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,696
Look, I'm not going to baby you.
433
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,632
Sometimes I like you,
and sometimes you get on my nerves.
434
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:36,901
I know that I like you,
435
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,414
but I don't know if
I love you right now.
436
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:39,803
Well, I know.
437
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:42,707
You don't love me or you
wouldn't call me a flake.
438
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,008
But you are a flake.
439
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,645
And all I mean by that is
you've done some strange things.
440
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:49,847
Name one!
441
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,215
Huh?
442
00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:54,585
You lived in a condemned
building for four years.
443
00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:58,021
You're confusing
flakiness with style.
444
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:02,893
You burned down
Louie's apartment.
445
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,395
It was an accident.
446
00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:06,597
I left something on
the stove for too long.
447
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:09,199
Yeah, a beanbag chair.
448
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:12,303
And you kept a broken-down
racehorse in your own apartment.
449
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:13,804
That horse had a name.
450
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:15,239
I know. Gary.
451
00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:17,408
And you let him sleep
in your bedroom.
452
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:19,777
Well, not everybody
has a guest room, Alex.
453
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:22,112
Jim! Jim!
454
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:25,516
You hung on the wall in a
radiation suit for three days,
455
00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:27,651
thinking it was a sleeping bag.
456
00:21:27,719 --> 00:21:28,819
I did?
457
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:29,753
Yeah.
458
00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:31,121
Ha!
459
00:21:31,189 --> 00:21:34,925
Oh, my... ha!
Boy, I'm a lunatic!
460
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,964
Do you remember cutting
up your own Van?
461
00:21:40,033 --> 00:21:42,465
What did I do with it?
462
00:21:42,534 --> 00:21:45,670
You made a sculpture out of it.
That's what you did with it.
463
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:48,138
Oh, no!
464
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:49,340
Oh, my!
465
00:21:49,408 --> 00:21:51,475
You know what my favorite
one of all time was?
466
00:21:51,544 --> 00:21:54,645
Uh, no, but I wish I did.
467
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:56,881
It wasn't something you did,
it was something you said.
468
00:21:56,949 --> 00:21:59,516
I mean, it wasn't just
funny, it was quotable.
469
00:21:59,585 --> 00:22:01,685
It was so priceless,
I repeated it to everybody.
470
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:04,322
You told me that if you could
be anybody in the world,
471
00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:05,589
you'd still be yourself,
472
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:08,325
so you wouldn't have
to buy new clothes.
473
00:22:15,301 --> 00:22:16,934
You remember that?
474
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:19,636
Yeah.
475
00:22:19,705 --> 00:22:21,872
You quote me?
476
00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:24,241
Yeah.
477
00:22:24,310 --> 00:22:27,143
You remember little
things about me
478
00:22:27,212 --> 00:22:29,646
that I don't even
remember, myself.
479
00:22:29,715 --> 00:22:36,086
Well... you think I'm a flake,
480
00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:38,789
but you love me.
481
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:45,729
My god, I think I do.
482
00:22:45,797 --> 00:22:49,366
Well, I'm glad that's settled.
483
00:22:49,435 --> 00:22:51,368
Yeah.
484
00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:56,907
I better go back to Diane.
485
00:22:56,975 --> 00:23:01,044
She thinks I'm in the
bathroom, brushing my teeth.
486
00:23:03,649 --> 00:23:05,182
Good night. Good night.
487
00:23:48,860 --> 00:23:50,160
Good night, Mr. Walters!
33713
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