All language subtitles for Taxi (1978) - S05E13 - Louie Moves Uptown (480p DVD x265 Silence)_track3_[eng]

Now I know what drove
Scott Fitzgerald to drink.

What's that?

A little piece of
paper that says

"you drained your soul into
the typewriter for naught."

Let me see. Let me see.

It's from the kenderson
literary agency.

"Dear Mr. Ignatowski,
although your submission

"was one of the most
interesting we've read,

"unfortunately,
it does not suit our needs at this time.

Therefore, we are returning
your ms♪h script herewith."

Oh! Ho-ho!

You wrote a script for ms♪h?

I gave birth to a
script for ms♪h...

A great script.

Well, Jim, what was it about?

A simple story.

I'm surprised they
haven't done it.

Hawkeye has to perform
surgery on colonel Potter,

all the while being disrupted by
shelling from the north Koreans

and a zaxalonian starship.

Oh, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Are you talking about
aliens from another planet?

Yeah, the zaxalonians.

Their bodies are
the size of a grape.

And here is where
the switch comes in.

The queen of the zaxalonians,

disguised as an earring,

falls in love with klinger.

Huh?

Um...

Well, how does it end?

Comedy... tragedy...

And a statement against war.

And a pie fight.

Hey, reiger.

Yeah.

Uh, Jeff told me to tell you

that he was picking up
some shipment of yours

at the airport.

Oh, thanks, Lou. Hey!

I've got a surprise
for you guys.

So guess who's going to be
licking my face in 15 minutes.

Not me.

Buddy. You got it!

All right, buddy! Hey! Buddy!

Oh, Alex! How come you didn't
tell us buddy was coming?

I would have gotten him
a bone or something.

I wanted to surprise you.

Uh... name of buddy,

licks faces, likes bones.

Buddy hackett?

No, no, no, not buddy hackett.

No, no, no, no. Buddy's my dog.

I raised him from a puppy.

The last few years,
I let my sister take care of him.

She's got this, uh,
backyard and kids, you know,

for the dog to play with.

But, well, he's gotten old,

so I'm going to take him back

and he's going to come and
live with me in my apartment.

You're going to love
him, too, Jim.

Yeah. This dog's really smart.

This dog is the smartest
dog in the entire world.

Now wait, wait, wait, Alex...
Alex, I mean, the dog is smart,

but I don't think he's the
smartest dog in the whole world.

Oh, yes he is.

This dog is probably the
smartest dog that ever lived.

Now, wait a minute, Alex.

I've known a lot of
smart dogs in my time,

so when you say you've got the
smartest dog that ever lived,

I have to, I have to,
I have to call you on it.

Ah... what does this dog do?

You point your finger at him like a
gun, you go bang,

he rolls over and plays dead.

You must have stole
him from a circus!

Ooh, I sure hope I
don't get an assignment

before buddy gets here.

Buddy? You mean that shipment
you're expecting is buddy?

Yeah. Your dog?

Yeah. The man-eater?

What?

I thought that wretched cur

had been dead for years.

Damn it!

I slept better thinking

that that mongrel was
roasting in doggie hell.

He's vicious!

He's not vicious. Oh, yeah?

The last time he was
here, he bit me.

You bit him first.

Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.

I guarantee he's not going
to bite you again, all right?

Oh, I don't know, Alex.

Uh, they say that once a
dog has tasted slime...

You won't be,
won't be making funny remarks, nardo,

when that dog's got his
fangs in your vocal cords.

Reiger, that dog had better
be in a cage and muzzled

because he is a hound of hell.

He's a devil dog.

Oh, come on.

Hey, Alex, here's your dog.

There's my buddy.

Oh, buddy. There's my buddy.

Hey. There's my buddy.

It is better to be back with
me, hmm?

Hey, bud.

Buddy, buddy, buddy,
buddy, buddy, buddy.

Buddy, buddy,
buddy, buddy, buddy.

How's my buddy, huh?

Come on, buddy, come on.

Come on, buddy.
Come on, come on.

Come on, come on.
Get yourself up.

There you go.

How's my buddy, huh?

You glad to see me?

Sure you are.

Have you been up to mischief
today or were you a good dog?

Were you a good dog today?

Huh?

Aren't you going to answer me?

Aren't you going to answer
me, buddy?

Buddy, come on.
I know you can talk.

Say, "reiger."

Reiger.

Reiger.

Come on,
the "rrr" and the "grr" are easy.

All you gotta do is
put an 'e' in it.

Reiger.

You like it when I'm an idiot to
you, don't you?

I love it.

Huh? Oh.

Oh, hi, hi, simka. Hi...

Reiger.

I didn't even realize
you were there.

Don't worry about nothin', Alex.

I not going to tell
nobody about this.

If anybody finds out about this,

it'll be because buddy
can't keep his mouth shut.

So, uh, what brings you here?

Well, Alex, in my
country, it's a tradition

that when a friend gets a new
beast, it must be blessed.

Do I mind if I bless your beast?

Well, no, I guess the,
uh, beast is agreeable.

Sure.

Good. Sure.

Okay, stay there.

All right.

Keps!

That's it?

If you wanted a bigger blessing,
you should've got a elephant.

Now, let's see this trick.

What trick?

You know, the trick that
Elaine told me about.

You know, Alex,
the greatest trick that a dog ever did,

the one where you,
you point your finger like a gun

and you shoot buddy
the wonder dog

and he staggers,
as though mortally wounded,

and then he spins around

as if he's dying a
slow, agonizing death

until he shudders, collapses,
breathes his last breath,

falls over on his back,

kicks all four legs up
into the air and dies.

Oh, that trick.

No, uh,
I-I think it's been exaggerated.

I mean, basically,
what I do is I point my finger at him

and he just lies
down on the floor.

All right, I'm flexible.

Well, well, you see, I,
I've been trying to get him to do it

all day, but somehow I
think he's forgotten it.

But, you know, he's an old dog.
He's 19 years old.

You know how old
that is in dog years?

Yeah, that's about 600.

It's 133.

I said "about."

What about this trick, Alex?

Huh?

Are you trying to
change the subject?

Okay, the trick.

Yeah! Okay.

Come here, buddy. Come here.

There, just stay right there.

Sit, sit, sit, sit.

There's a good dog.

Buddy, watch up now.

Return with us now to the
thrilling days of yesteryear.

Look out, buddy!
There's one on the roof behind you.

Look out! You can't see him!

Oh! It's too late.

Bang!

Oh...

What's wrong?

Oh, Alex.

You got such a stupid beast!

So what's the matter with
buddy, doc?

Uh, Alex,

a dog is like an automobile.

No matter how well
you take care of it,

eventually,
the parts will wear out.

It breaks down.

Now, in a newer car,
it's usually just a,

just a fan belt or a battery.

But in an older car,
it's more likely to be something major,

like the transmission.

So what's wrong with the
dog, doc?

Is it a transmission or
do his paws need rotating?

Yes, that was a bad analogy.

I think I should say that a dog
is, is like a wine.

Yes, a French burgundy,

that has its peak years...

Doctor...

And then, later on...

Doctor, would you just tell
me when a dog is like a dog?

In cold, stark terms,
your dog has advanced diabetes.

His kidneys are
beginning to fail.

He has some disorders of the
intestinal tract and bladder.

I'm afraid he hasn't
much time left.

How much time does he have?

Well, I can't be sure.

Could be two weeks.
Could be a month.

And as difficult as it
is for me to say this,

the logical thing to do is
to put him to sleep now.

Is he in pain?

No.

Then you're not going
to put him to sleep.

I'm going to make his
life worth living.

As long as there's a
breath left in this dog,

you're not going to
put this dog to sleep.

He's going to be
the happiest dog

that ever walked the
streets of New York City,

I'll tell you that.

And I don't want to hear any
more about putting him to sleep.

I don't want to hear you mention

putting him to sleep.
You understand?

Now, Mr. Reiger,
you're obviously upset.

I am not upset,
so don't call me upset!

I'm in perfect control
of my faculties.

I know exactly what I'm doing.

I know, I know!
I did it to amuse the dog.

He happens to like humor.

You love it, buddy?
Come on, buddy.

You like funny stuff, don't you?

You want another doggie candy?
Want another doggie candy?

Okay, but first you have to
lie dead; You have to lay dead.

Come on, bang, bang, bang.

Oh, well, what the hell?
Have one.

You like being alive,
don't you, buddy, huh?

Don't you? Yeah.

No more till after
dinner; That's it.

Stay there.

No more of this cold dog
food straight out of the can

for you, my friend. Uh-uh!

I'm warming it up for doggie.

And a little cheese.

A little wine.

Mmm, mmm!

Oh, it's so good.

You want to taste it?

Here, taste this.

What do you think? Hmm?

A bit more oregano?
Just what I was thinking.

Oh, look who's here. It's Shawn.

Hi, Alex. Hi, Shawn.

Shawn, I don't think you
ever met my dog buddy.

Buddy, this is Shawn.

She's going to be
around a lot more.

I hope, I hope, I
hope, I hope, I hope.

How about a kiss?

Sure, he likes people.

Hey! Nah.

Hey, come on.
Let me take your coat.

And, uh, I'll put a record on.

Ah!

Ooh, this smells delicious.

I didn't know you cooked.

That stuff on the stove
is, uh, dog food.

Don't be modest.
This is excellent.

No, really, it's dog food.
It's for my dog.

It's my... oh, no.

It-it-it's... that's for my dog.

Oh, come on, Alex,
there's wine in here and...

No, no, really.

It's been heated and seasoned.

No, really, it...
this is the main ingredient.

Dog food.

Hey, hey, hey, come on, come
on, you liked it a minute ago.

And, besides,
there's nothing disgusting in here.

Just read it. Look, here.

Fish by-products,
artificial caramel coloring

and pork organs.

Oh, my... god.

Nobody should eat that stuff.
Eh...

No more of that stuff for
you, my doggie.

No sirree, Bob!

From now on, it's prime rib
and chateaubriand and...

Alex! Huh?

Oh, I'm sorry. Uh...

You see,
my-my dog is a very old dog.

He's, uh...
he hasn't got much time left.

He's probably got about
two weeks to a month

and I just want
to make him happy.

That's why your
apartment looks like

a testing lab for
hartz mountain.

Oh, hey, come on.

Just because I'm trying
to make him happy

doesn't mean I can't
make you happy.

Come on, sit down.

Sit down.

Oh, you look great.
You look great.

Mmm...

Hey, I bet you there's a great
old movie on the tube tonight.

Why can't we just
go out to a movie?

Oh, no, no, no, I can't.
I can't leave him alone.

He's got a weak bladder.

You know, uh, Alex,
we'd only be gone a couple of hours.

He couldn't possibly
do that much.

Oh, yes, he could.

Sometimes, when I come home,
there's a rainbow in here.

Okay, okay, we can watch TV.

Oh, goody, goody, goody.
Did you hear that?

We're going to watch TV
tonight, dog.

Ah, is there any particular
show that buddy likes?

Uh, yeah, actually he
likes the letterman show,

but he complains about
too many commercials.

You know, Alex,

I'm sorry I was a little upset
earlier, but, uh,

I got to tell you,
eating dog food

isn't exactly a great
way to start an evening.

Hey, these are great!

Huh? Oh, no, uh...

Yeah, that's-that's
what I've been told.

You haven't tasted them?

No, i-i... come on, try one.

No, i-i... come on. For me?

No, I-I don't really like them.

I... come on, Alex.

Ah, nah... oh.

Have another. Whoo.

No, no...

I'm sorry.
You can't have any of these, buddy.

These are people food.

Oh, hi, how's buddy?

Well, look for yourself.
He's a new dog.

See how frisky he is?
Frisk, frisk, frisk, frisk.

What's that dog doing here
again, reiger?

Uh, look, Louie, uh...

When I'm driving around
in the cab all day,

well, that's eight hours
that I'm not with him,

so, uh, I want to take him
in the cab with me, okay?

Forget it.

Look, I got a suggestion.
You wanna hear it?

Yeah.

Why don't you take
him in for a shot

of "go to sleep, my doggie"?

Oh, no. Louie, no.

Louie...

Hey, wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

What about Marino? Remember him?

You let him take
his dog in the cab.

That was different.

It was a seeing eye dog.

Marino was blind?!

Legally blind.

He could still sort of see.

The dog barked at red lights.

It was during the strike.

I tried it out for a week.
It didn't work.

Well, if you can't bend
the rules a little,

I'll just have to take
a leave of absence.

Come on, Alex. No, Alex.

What're you going to do,
start missing paychecks

for the dog now?

I don't care!
I made a promise to buddy

and I'm going to keep it.

Alex, look, it's perfectly
all right that, you know,

you want him to live out his
natural life and everything,

I mean, and it's wonderful
that you want him to be happy,

but don't you think you're
getting a little excessive?

You're saying I should
put this dog to sleep?

No! No, we love buddy.

Why not?

Look, the dog is senile, reiger.

I mean, look at him.

His brain has turned to alpo.

Reiger,

look, maybe you don't want to
face the truth about buddy,

but look, look,
that dog doesn't even know where he is.

How do you know that?

How does anyone know that?

How can anyone say when to...
when you put a dog to sleep?

How can anyone say if
the dog is alert or not?

There's no way to find out
what's in that head right now.

Except one. Except one!

What? What?

Have buddy do that trick.

Very interesting idea.

Let's see him do the trick.

Okay, he'll do the trick.

Alex, you know he couldn't...
no. Come on.

No, he'll do the trick.

If he doesn't do it,

I'll walk out of here
right now with the dog.

But if he does it,
he goes with me in my cab.

And what's more,
I'll let him drive.

I know you can do it.

Return with us now to the
thrilling days of yesteryear.

That's five aces you got
there, partner.

You know what we do to cheats
in dodge city, don't you?

Up.

You... bang!

All right! Yes! Yay, buddy!

- That's the best...
- All right, Alex.

He did it.

Dog did it.

That is the best dog trick ever.

I've never seen
anything so convincing.

Uh-oh.

Buddy? Buddy!

Buddy? Buddy.

Good dog.

Oh! Oh, buddy!

You did it! You did it!

I'll be taking cab 134, Lou.

See you guys after
the shift for a beer.

Come on, buddy,
we'll split the tips.

What are you doing back here?

You still got four hours
left on your shift.

Yeah, well, I'm quitting early.

You're quitting early?!

You know, reiger,
ever since I let you

take that mutt in the cab,

you been breaking
rules right and left.

Where is the old fleabag?

He died.

He died?

You mean he died in the cab?

No, Louie, he died at the vet's.

He was asleep in the cab
and, uh...

I stopped off to get
myself a cup of coffee

and, uh, him a donut...

And when he woke up,
he didn't look too good,

so I rushed him
over to the vet's.

And he died?

Yeah.

Oh. God.

Oh...

I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to do.

I'm so awkward in
these situations.

Um, uh,
reiger's got to be alone!

Every-everybody, out of here.

Come on, come on,
let's show a little sensitivity.

Get your butts out of here!

Come on. Come on.

Come on, come on.
Go on, go on, go on.

Let me buy you a cup of coffee.

I have a cup of coffee.

Well, let me give
you the quarter back.

I don't want your quarter.

Let-let me buy you
another cup of coffee.

Louie, please.

I'm a big boy.

It wasn't like he
was a human being.

He was a dog; Just a dog.
And the dog died.

Yeah.

All right.

I'll go call them and
get them back in here.

Good night, Mr. Walters!