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1
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,113
Come on, get 'em... get 'em!
2
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,583
Oh, damn, damn, damn!
3
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:25,583
Hey, hey, hey.
4
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,019
What happened to "ho, ho, ho"?
5
00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:28,887
Christmas ain't what it used to
be, Alex.
6
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,889
It's the worst bowl
game I've ever seen.
7
00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:32,357
Both teams stink.
8
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:35,093
This ain't a bowl
game; It's a tapestry.
9
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:37,228
Tapestry?
10
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:38,863
Yeah, you know, a tapestry.
11
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,832
It's ridiculous. It's a joke.
12
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,034
It's not a tapestry;
It's a travesty.
13
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,437
Well, I admit there was
14
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,105
some good action in
the first quarter.
15
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,375
You expecting somebody?
16
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,277
No. The easter bunny?
17
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,145
Baby new year?
18
00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:55,313
The great pumpkin?
19
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:56,515
Ho, ho, ho.
20
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:00,919
Phyllis.
21
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,053
Hi, Alex.
22
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,154
Hi.
23
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,489
Oh, excuse me.
24
00:02:04,557 --> 00:02:07,426
You know, I once had a
maternity suit like that.
25
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:09,661
Oh, no, no,
I'm dressed like this 'cause, uh,
26
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,296
I'm going down to
the youth center
27
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:13,632
to give out presents to
the juvenile delinquents.
28
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:14,632
Really? Yeah.
29
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,601
Oh, what a wonderful idea.
30
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,737
Certainly a novel way
to escape the loneliness
31
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,340
and depression that
haunts so many of us
32
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:24,109
on Christmas Eve.
33
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:25,777
Oh, yeah. Phyllis.
34
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:26,978
Your ex-wife.
35
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,247
Well, I got to go.
36
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,048
They're expecting me
down at the center.
37
00:02:30,117 --> 00:02:31,883
If I'm late with the presents,
38
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,986
they'll start opening
up each other.
39
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:35,387
Merry Christmas.
40
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:36,588
Merry Christmas. Bye-bye.
41
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,156
Tony. Bye. Bye.
42
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:41,959
Well, Phyllis,
43
00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:43,528
what brings you here
on Christmas Eve?
44
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:46,832
Alex, a crazy thing happened,
45
00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:49,534
and I think it may have
been god speaking to me.
46
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:52,838
At 3:15 this
afternoon, it struck me
47
00:02:52,907 --> 00:02:54,872
that I really wanted to see you.
48
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:58,009
At that same moment, I knew
49
00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:01,045
that you were thinking
that you wanted to see me.
50
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,714
Now, was I right, Alex?
51
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:03,948
Is there a god?
52
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:07,152
Well, I think a lot of
things all the time.
53
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:08,520
I mean, uh,
it's possible I might
54
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:09,698
have been thinking about
you, but...
55
00:03:09,722 --> 00:03:10,889
Really?
56
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,858
Oh, I thought I was
making the whole thing up.
57
00:03:12,927 --> 00:03:14,426
Phyllis,
58
00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:15,827
what are you doing here?
59
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,263
Get me through the
holidays, Alex.
60
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,865
Please. Oh, Phyllis!
61
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,299
That's right.
62
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,167
"Oh, Phyllis."
63
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:26,204
Alex, you know I don't
have any friends,
64
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,272
our daughter is
out of the country,
65
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:31,743
and my other ex-husband
recently won a court order
66
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:35,147
that forbids me to get
within 400 yards of him.
67
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,314
Oh, no.
68
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,584
Please, Alex, please.
69
00:03:39,652 --> 00:03:41,319
I just don't want this Christmas
70
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,054
to be like last Christmas.
71
00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:44,523
Anything but that.
72
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,824
I just can't go
through that again.
73
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,593
Not that.
74
00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:50,028
Phyllis,
I'm not going to ask you
75
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,107
what happened last Christmas.
76
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,064
You're not?
77
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,899
I swear to god I'm not.
78
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,167
Well, good, because I'm not
about to tear open a wound
79
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,036
that healed after a year. Good.
80
00:03:58,104 --> 00:03:59,604
Okay, good.
81
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:05,110
Alex,
I'm really not asking for much.
82
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,812
You know,
we could make a little eggnog.
83
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:07,812
Oh, no, please.
84
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:08,913
We could start a fire.
85
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,326
Phyllis, please.
We'll roast a goose.
86
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,350
No.
87
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:12,984
Alex, we can invite
your friends over.
88
00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:15,365
We can have a little party.
I don't want to invite my friends...
89
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:17,556
I think I could scrape up
a band at the last minute.
90
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:20,625
No, I really...
I really don't think so.
91
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,961
Look, Phyllis,
i-i'd really like to help you,
92
00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:24,562
but I-I got to go to work.
93
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:26,798
In fact,
I got to go leave right now.
94
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,333
You're working?
95
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:29,734
Christmas Eve?
96
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:30,902
Yeah, that's right.
97
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,506
Oh, god, how pathetic.
98
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:35,774
Oh, don't feel sorry for me.
99
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,642
No, I'm talking about me.
100
00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:40,845
I mean, you've got it made.
101
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:44,715
Good tips, not much
traffic, interesting people.
102
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,584
Can I come along with you?
103
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:48,353
No.
104
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:49,699
Alex, I won't bother your fares.
105
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:50,788
I'll lie on the floor.
106
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,123
They won't even know I'm there.
107
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:53,458
No!
108
00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:54,592
In the trunk, then.
109
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,461
Just leave it open a
crack so I can breathe.
110
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:57,530
Phyllis!
111
00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:58,830
Please, Alex.
112
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,165
Okay, but just a crack.
113
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,632
No, what am I talking about?
114
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,068
You can't come with me.
115
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,202
I'm sorry.
116
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,970
Alex, don't kick me out!
117
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,675
Let me at least stay
here until midnight
118
00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:14,679
so my doorman will think
that I had some place to go.
119
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,681
Give me that, Alex.
120
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:19,817
Let me impress my doorman.
121
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,654
Okay, you can stay here.
122
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:26,691
There's some leftover jiffy pop.
123
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,560
And, uh, there's a...
there's a rerun
124
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,228
of frosty the snowman
on television.
125
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:32,464
You're a Saint, Alex.
126
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,366
I-I know. Thank you.
127
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:38,069
Thank you... Saint.
128
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,214
Jeff.
129
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:54,252
I know you got your family
at home waiting for you.
130
00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:56,087
It's Christmas Eve.
What the hell?
131
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,722
I'm going to let
you go home early.
132
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:58,956
Go on. Get out of here.
133
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,392
Merry Christmas.
134
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,660
Louie, I get off in six minutes.
135
00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:07,365
Well, go, enjoy them.
136
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,203
Merry Christmas, Jim.
137
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:12,537
Merry Christmas, Alex.
138
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:16,240
Merry Christmas, Elaine.
139
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:17,809
Merry Christmas.
140
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,846
Aw.
141
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,884
Drop the kids off at the
airport, did you?
142
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:27,953
Yes.
143
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:28,988
Aw.
144
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,988
Why, Alex, why?
145
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,491
This is the second year in
a row I've let them choose
146
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,494
where to spend Christmas and
they picked their father.
147
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,598
Now I'm wondering if they love
him more than they love me.
148
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:43,268
Why? Why, Alex?
149
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:47,038
Well, doesn't he have that
great, uh, ski chalet in Aspen?
150
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:50,542
No, I mean,
why do I let them choose?
151
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,654
Listen, I'll get you coffee.
152
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:52,611
You all right? Yes.
153
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:53,679
Cheer up.
154
00:06:57,150 --> 00:07:00,585
Telegram for Elaine nardo!
155
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:01,654
Over here.
156
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:25,811
Aw.
157
00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:30,181
Oh!
158
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:35,153
Aw! I wonder who sent that.
159
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,688
Well, that depends.
160
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:37,989
Did you like it?
161
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,191
I loved it.
162
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,325
I-I sent it.
163
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:44,496
Oh, thank you!
164
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,498
You're welcome.
165
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,901
What better way to spend
my inheritance money
166
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,336
than spreading a little
joy to my friends?
167
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:53,572
Yeah.
168
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,806
Right, Alex?
169
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,642
Hey, now, wait a second.
170
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:58,910
Now, wait a minute.
171
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,411
I hope that little
wink doesn't mean
172
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,280
you're going to do
something like that for me.
173
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:03,881
Why? Why?
174
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:05,195
Because I would feel
very embarrassed
175
00:08:05,219 --> 00:08:07,396
at everybody staring at me
while some Phillip Morris boy
176
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,887
came in here and
tap-danced and sang at me.
177
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:12,890
You've got nothing to worry
about, Alex.
178
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:16,293
I would never send
a Phillip Morris boy
179
00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:17,529
for a guy like you.
180
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:18,597
All right, all right.
181
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,064
Okay.
182
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,573
I wonder who that could be for.
183
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,675
Wait a minute.
184
00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:38,550
Why don't you take a hike, huh?
185
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:42,553
Yes, very good.
186
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:46,257
Hey, could you keep it down?
187
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,272
Thank you very much.
188
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:52,296
Why don't you just sweep it on out?
Everybody!
189
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,899
For crying out loud!
190
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:57,935
Shut up, will ya?!
191
00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,770
Merry Christmas.
192
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,077
You don't have to say
anything, Alex.
193
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:09,247
The look in your eyes
is thanks enough.
194
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:12,517
Okay, drivers, listen up here.
195
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:15,019
On behalf of myself
196
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:19,657
and the sunshine cab company,
on this Christmas Eve,
197
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:22,326
I just want to say...
198
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,262
Watch out for drunk drivers
199
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:30,235
and don't pick up anybody
who might puke in your cab.
200
00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:33,170
Noel, Noel, joy to the world.
201
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,373
And get your butts out of here.
202
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,908
Donald, 218.
203
00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:40,110
Uh, q.K., cab 387.
204
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:49,087
Hi!
205
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:50,388
Latka told me that you
206
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,290
are making the
cabbies work tonight,
207
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,559
and I think that's terrible.
208
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,861
I didn't say they had to work.
209
00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:59,297
I just said,
if they didn't work,
210
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:02,334
they might not get
cabs with the luxuries
211
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,802
that they've grown
accustomed to...
212
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,938
Like reverse.
213
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:14,078
Well, latka and I are having
a party tonight, Mr. Scrooge,
214
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,913
and I want to get on the radio
215
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:18,282
and invite all our friends.
216
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,419
Well, what would it take for you
217
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:23,655
to... to let us invite
all our friends?
218
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,757
$500.
219
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:26,891
Okay.
220
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:29,093
Will you take a check?
221
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,463
But, simka,
how are we going to...
222
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,798
Shut up, my darling!
223
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,133
There.
224
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,073
I don't think I'll be
able to cash a check
225
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:44,975
made out to "the
bloodsucking jackal."
226
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,212
Really?
227
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,281
Why?
228
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,614
Who would question it?
229
00:10:52,551 --> 00:10:55,353
Simka, I do work for this man.
230
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:58,222
And I didn't hear
my name mentioned
231
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,725
in regard to the party, either.
232
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:06,531
Louie...
Louie, you poor, pathetic thing.
233
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,466
You only wanted money
234
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:11,869
because you thought you
weren't going to be invited.
235
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,138
Oh, Louie.
236
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,341
Oh, Louie, Louie, Louie.
237
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:20,412
Poor Louie.
238
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,313
Does this mean I'm invited?
239
00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:24,382
If we have to.
240
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,118
I accept.
241
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,352
Yes! I'll go spruce up.
242
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,487
You can use the radio.
243
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:31,388
Thank you, boss!
244
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,596
Reiger, reiger.
245
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:40,765
Come in, reiger.
246
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,333
Yeah, this is Alex.
247
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:43,601
Go ahead.
248
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:46,371
Uh, Louie said you don't
have to work tonight,
249
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:49,908
so come on over and spend
Christmas Eve tonight.
250
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:52,343
I-I have to go now.
251
00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:55,713
Uh, that's a big
ten-four, good buddy.
252
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,581
Now, simka, simka,
253
00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:00,217
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to say no,
254
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:02,554
but, uh, thank you anyway.
255
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,790
Should I bring
something to the party?
256
00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:07,792
Oh, uh,
257
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:10,161
simka has made
everything we need.
258
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,630
Do you like Christmas ham
259
00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:15,567
with, uh,
honey glaze and pineapples on it?
260
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:16,700
Yeah.
261
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:18,703
Good. Then you better bring one.
262
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,607
Hi, Phyllis.
I was just dropping by.
263
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,511
I thought I'd just stop in
and see how you were doing.
264
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,912
Did you eat all that?
265
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:29,380
Mm.
266
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:33,083
Alex, I just want to thank you
267
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:35,086
for not kicking me out.
268
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:39,056
This Christmas is so much better
269
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,058
than last year.
270
00:12:42,628 --> 00:12:44,195
You really did eat all that?!
271
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:47,698
You know,
I eat when I'm depressed.
272
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:51,369
I ate everything in
the refrigerator.
273
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,138
Well, anyway, I just, uh,
274
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,808
just want to see
how you were doing.
275
00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,443
Did you know
276
00:12:58,512 --> 00:13:01,712
that frosty the snowman
melted in the end?
277
00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:04,315
Phyllis, I'm missing fares.
278
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:05,583
I have to go.
279
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:06,884
I'll, uh...
280
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:10,454
Alex, you know, sometimes,
when you look back,
281
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,590
things seem much better
282
00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:15,293
than they actually
were, you know, but
283
00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,462
I remember
284
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:21,298
we used to have some wonderful
christmases together.
285
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:22,633
Yeah, you're right.
286
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:24,802
When you look back,
things do seem better.
287
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:27,171
No, no, no, no, hey, no, no.
288
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,674
I mean, we had some wonderful
christmases, we really did.
289
00:13:29,743 --> 00:13:32,310
Look, I'll, um...
290
00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:33,978
I'll check in on you
later, okay?
291
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:38,315
Can I get you anything?
292
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:42,019
A gallon of rocky
road and cable TV.
293
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,898
Oh.
294
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:57,168
Rocky road and cable TV.
295
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,207
You want to go to a party?
296
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:06,343
Did you invite me to a party?
297
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:10,214
Or did I just have
a hypoglycemic rush?
298
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,817
No... come on. I'll take you.
299
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,886
Really? Yeah, come on.
300
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:29,400
Watching you brings
back old memories.
301
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,505
Every Christmas
302
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:38,309
my family would get a-a big,
303
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:42,045
beautiful, scotch pine tree.
304
00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:44,048
We'd gather around
305
00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:46,484
and watch the
servants decorate it.
306
00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:56,194
May I, for old times' sake?
307
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:58,196
Yeah, go ahead, Jim.
308
00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:01,599
Not there, you fool!
309
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,637
Higher and to the left!
310
00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:12,810
Boy, this is one of
the best christmases
311
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:14,812
I've ever had.
312
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,814
Oh, the best!
313
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,689
Hi. Merry Christmas, everybody!
314
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:25,957
Elaine!
315
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,959
Look what my last fare gave me!
What?
316
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:29,126
A manicure.
317
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:30,494
No, no, no, no.
318
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:31,829
This... Jim: Huh?
319
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:33,264
This gift. See?
320
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,233
Well, I picked this guy
up from the airport,
321
00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,446
and he's coming back early
from a business trip, right?
322
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,470
So he's telling me
how great his wife is,
323
00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:40,872
what a precious Jewel she is,
324
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,407
and how no present in the
world is worthy of her, right?
325
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:46,377
So we get to their house,
and she's out in the front
326
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,544
kissing some other guy.
327
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:48,879
Wow!
328
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,026
So the guy leaves the cab,
and I say, "wait a minute."
329
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:53,295
You forgot your gift," and he
says, "no, no, no, you keep it.
330
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:54,563
You deserve it more
than she does."
331
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,420
Well, open it! Elaine: I know.
332
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,089
I wanted to wait.
I wonder what it is.
333
00:15:58,157 --> 00:15:59,357
I'll bet it's a watch.
334
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:02,760
No, no, not a watch,
but jewelry, I bet.
335
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,762
A pair of panties.
336
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,368
They say,
"property of hell's angels."
337
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:13,337
Big spender.
338
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:14,406
A four-dollar item.
339
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,074
Six-fifty.
340
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,343
Oh, well. Merry Christmas.
341
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:20,944
Merry Christmas.
342
00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:22,513
Oh.
343
00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:23,715
Alex!
344
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,550
Oh,
we're so glad you could come.
345
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:26,784
Oh, hello, everybody.
346
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,352
You all remember
my ex-wife Phyllis?
347
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,721
Alex, do you have to
call me your ex-wife?
348
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:31,889
Oh, excuse me.
349
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,891
You remember Phyllis,
my podiatrist?
350
00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:40,398
Welcome to the party.
351
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:43,100
Oh, thank you very much.
352
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:46,904
Holidays are a time for
family, friends and joy.
353
00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:49,741
And since I have none of
those, I'm glad to be here.
354
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,442
Phyllis, Phyllis, Phyllis...
355
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:55,646
I see the life of the
party has arrived.
356
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:58,616
I got a great idea.
357
00:16:58,684 --> 00:16:59,883
What?
358
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:02,253
Why don't we all tell what
we did last Christmas?
359
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:03,420
Ooh.
360
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:04,955
Last Christmas?
361
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,057
Oh, no, that's a bad idea.
362
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:08,426
That's a terrible idea.
363
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:09,827
Just awful. No, it'll be fun.
364
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,595
Yeah. Yeah, let's do it.
365
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,676
- Who would like to go first?
- No, no, no, no.
366
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:20,270
Last Christmas...
I was alone again,
367
00:17:20,339 --> 00:17:24,542
so I decided, uh,
to go to a restaurant
368
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,978
where at least I would
be with some people.
369
00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:29,947
So, um, sure enough...
370
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:32,383
I mean,
there must have been 50 people
371
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:36,787
at this restaurant...
A party of 49 and me.
372
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:43,327
Not one of those 49 people
asked me to join them.
373
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,528
Yeah.
374
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,163
Phyllis... so I left.
375
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,799
I left,
and I started walking home.
376
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:52,236
And I kept bumping into
all sorts of happiness.
377
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:55,006
I mean, people with loved ones,
378
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,975
just bustling to buy their
Christmas last-minute gifts.
379
00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:01,879
And music and
laughter coming from
380
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,614
parties I wasn't
even invited to.
381
00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:08,019
And suddenly, I was struck...
382
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,821
By a bus, I hope.
383
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,527
No such luck, cutie.
384
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,596
I was struck
385
00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:22,833
by a deeply
depressing revelation.
386
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:27,872
I am a lonely, middle-aged woman
387
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,475
unable to deal with Christmas.
388
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:42,820
Who invited Alex's podiatrist?
389
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:49,393
I...
390
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,128
Merry Christmas, everybody.
391
00:18:51,197 --> 00:18:52,675
Hey, listen,
I hope you don't mind, simka,
392
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,709
but I brought some of the
kids from the youth center.
393
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:55,833
No, the more the merrier.
394
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:57,000
Come on. Louie: Hey.
395
00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:59,437
All right, all right,
listen, everybody,
396
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:02,239
this is Philly fingers,
big al and Joey mook over here.
397
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,574
Hello. Alex: Hi.
398
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,576
Now, you guys steal
anything, I break your heads.
399
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,811
Say merry Christmas.
400
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,612
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
401
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,481
I said say merry Christmas.
Say it!
402
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:12,016
And god bless you. Say it!
403
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,229
Merry Christmas.
404
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:14,663
All right,
get over there and sit down.
405
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:16,687
Latka, hide the silver.
406
00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:24,128
In our country is tradition
that, at this time,
407
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:27,431
someone says the traditional
Christmas prayer.
408
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:31,001
Oh, yeah, and in our
country, it is a tradition
409
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:33,704
that the oldest woman leads it.
410
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:35,206
Oh, no.
411
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:37,608
Oh, great; Just great.
412
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,277
When were you born?
413
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:43,247
Uh, February, 1952.
414
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:44,916
February what?
415
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,251
Fourth.
416
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:48,485
Dear lord...
417
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,121
Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
418
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,989
Oh, we all have to get ready.
419
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,624
Kneel for the prayer.
420
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:54,992
I said kneel for the prayer.
421
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:57,728
Kneel.
Come on, al, kneel, I said.
422
00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:00,164
Good boys.
423
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:01,832
Okay, is everybody ready?
424
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,101
Yeah, let the good times roll.
425
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:11,976
Dear lord, no offense, but, uh,
426
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,045
could you spend less time
427
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:16,314
with the people
that don't need it?
428
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:20,250
I mean, like the women
from the ice capades
429
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:22,586
and ballplayers.
430
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,621
I mean, lord, what do you care
431
00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:27,158
if a guy's stranded
on second base?
432
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,093
You got better things to do.
433
00:20:29,162 --> 00:20:32,396
Phyllis, you're nudging god.
434
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:37,634
Also, for me, lord,
stop short skirts
435
00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:40,204
and bring back two refills
436
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,973
per prescription on valium.
437
00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:45,008
Oh.
438
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,411
And peace on earth
439
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,180
and goodwill toward men.
440
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,282
Nice of you to throw that
in, Phyllis.
441
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:56,620
Yeah, great prayer, Phyllis.
442
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:59,957
If I could die now,
I'd be a happy man.
443
00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:02,793
Oh, really, uh,
I shouldn't have come here.
444
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,939
I mean, I feel like I-I
ruined everybody's Christmas.
445
00:21:04,963 --> 00:21:06,964
No, no, no, no, no. Elaine: No.
446
00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:08,566
No, that-that's all right.
447
00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:09,733
Okay.
448
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:12,235
You can be as
depressing as you want.
449
00:21:12,304 --> 00:21:14,872
It won't hurt,
because I've got money.
450
00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:18,508
Well,
what's money got to do with it?
451
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,679
This.
452
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,821
I didn't know what to pick,
453
00:21:30,889 --> 00:21:34,058
so I told 'em to
send everything.
454
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:45,069
Alex, about new year's Eve.
455
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:46,236
What?
456
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,606
You don't have to see me.
457
00:21:48,674 --> 00:21:52,676
I'm gonna be on an airplane
far, far away.
458
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:55,746
Oh.
459
00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:58,215
It's my Christmas gift to you.
460
00:21:58,284 --> 00:22:00,351
Uh-huh.
461
00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:03,554
So,
how do you like your present?
462
00:22:03,622 --> 00:22:05,055
Like it? L-Like it? I love it.
463
00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:06,957
It's perfect.
How-how did you know?
464
00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:09,393
Well, it was either
that, or a shirt.
465
00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:18,001
Well, anyway, um...
So long as, you know,
466
00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:21,805
I'm not gonna be here new year's
Eve, uh, um...
467
00:22:21,874 --> 00:22:24,375
Could I have my kiss now?
468
00:22:24,443 --> 00:22:25,542
Hm?
469
00:22:25,611 --> 00:22:27,144
Oh, come on, Phyllis,
please, will you?
470
00:22:27,213 --> 00:22:28,312
Come on, Alex.
471
00:22:28,381 --> 00:22:29,558
No. Come on, let's... come on.
472
00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:31,159
Just give me a little kiss.
Come on. Phyllis.
473
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:32,327
Phyllis, please...
Alex, come on.
474
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,118
Come on, let's just
pretend, you know...
475
00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:36,152
I don't want...
I don't want to...
476
00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:38,655
Alex, come on,
we'll just pretend it's new year's Eve.
477
00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:40,824
Okay? Right here.
No, we don't have
478
00:22:40,893 --> 00:22:41,992
to do this. Four...
479
00:22:42,061 --> 00:22:43,160
Phyllis... three...
480
00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:44,361
Oh, come on, Phyllis.
481
00:22:44,430 --> 00:22:45,762
Two... please, please.
482
00:22:45,831 --> 00:22:46,931
One. Why don't you just
483
00:22:46,999 --> 00:22:48,132
make it a nice...
484
00:22:49,601 --> 00:22:51,201
Phyllis, Phyllis, stop that.
485
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:53,170
Phyllis, Phyllis, stop that.
486
00:22:53,239 --> 00:22:54,704
I'm not gonna do it, Phyllis.
487
00:22:56,742 --> 00:22:58,442
Phyllis!
488
00:23:24,803 --> 00:23:27,037
Happy new year, Phyllis.
489
00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:29,640
Happy new year, Alex.
490
00:24:03,341 --> 00:24:04,809
Merry Christmas, Mr. Walters!
33029
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