All language subtitles for Serviced English

[soft music]

- [Raj Voiceover] The
central part of my work

is the fact that

no matter age,

race, size, whatever,

it doesn't matter.

Your body deserves pleasure.

- [Oscar Voiceover]
The reason that I like

providing the service
is because it allows me

to really be present with that
person who's in front of me

to make sure that I give
them the most of my attention

so that they feel like they're
being heard, understood.

- [Rogue Status Voiceover]
In some way or another,

I'm kind of this sexual
teacher, rubber, and leather,

and knot tying, and shibari,
and BDSM play, and limits,

and what's right, what's
wrong, how to navigate

and trust and bond with
your partner in that way.

- [Jon Voiceover] There's
still that taboo of,

oh, you hired
someone for sex work.

That must mean
something about you.

These are people that
want human compassion,

want touch, want a massage,

want, you know, the same
thing that everyone else does.

- [Rogue Status] I think
people lie to themselves

about what their wants and needs

and desires are for so long.

It's a way for them

that they can actually be
themselves for a minute.

- [Oscar] Touch doesn't
always necessarily

have to mean intimacy, and
intimacy doesn't always

have to mean a
romantic situation.

We can separate those things.

- [Raj] That separation
needs to happen.

Sex means so many other
things than what it is.

It's just like another way
of expressing yourself,

another way that your body
receives any kind of healing.

- [Jon] Lots of people
don't have the same benefits

of just that human interaction.

And it really is more of
kind of like a healing,

kind of relaxing, you
know, human contact.

- The more that we live
behind our screens,

the more we forget to
actually keep connected.

I think most people,
in their regular lives,

if anything, they
receive a handshake.

But for the majority of us,

we don't really get a lot of
wanted physical affection.

So professional
cuddler is someone

who dedicates themselves to
providing affection and intimacy

in a platonic way
to those who seek it

or who find are missing it
from their everyday lives.

So a lot of people
have the misconception

that it's just a
coverup for sex work.

So when we talked in the cafe,

you mentioned that you
wanna kinda start off things

to test sort of those boundaries

- with me.
- Yes.

- I do find that there's
value in having conversations

around sex, sexuality
and sex work

because they're part of our life

and there's no denying them.

But the biggest
thing that I always

have to drive home
with people is that,

no, there is room for
a platonic service.

- The service I provide
is a bit more of a

sir dom BDSM kind of
clientele relationship.

I'm mostly in charge
and a sir or dom.

I'm Raj.

I escort.

What it is is I hold space

for people to
experience pleasure.

Initially, what was
stopping me from doing it,

I thought it was about,

I'm like, "Oh, I'm not
attractive enough."

Much in the same way, initially,

when I got into go-go dancing,
it was very much about,

okay, what does
your body look like?

But then, you know, I
had this realization

where whatever it is that
you uniquely give out there

that's you, if
people respond to it,

then that's what
they're looking for.

- And that's why this
kind of platform is there,

because there's a
plethora to choose from.

Also, I just constantly
remind myself

that I'm always
somebody's cup of tea.

I'm constantly having repeat
clients, which is great.

Anyone can fuck and be a bottom,

but if you can actually
provide a mind fuck

at the same time, then
you got something else.

The nice thing about this work

is people are
looking at my picture

and booking me because of me.

They know what they're
getting basically

when they're booking
with me anyway.

My only fear was what if I
just don't like doing it.

But that didn't happen.

I actually really enjoyed it.

One of my favorite parts
during the massages,

I'll get on their back and
just lie on top of them.

And it's amazing having
people just feel that weight,

kind of just that being held,
having a tight bear hug.

And I love seeing that.

That's when they get
really comfortable

and just kind of, you know,
you've had a nice moment,

and you know, you can go on.

You're able to see the journey

from when they are in
their heads and being like,

"Oh, my god, what's going on,"

and then at the
end of the session,

them being completely
in their bodies.

And I'm like that's why I do it.

[soft music]

[Andrew] I moved.

I've been here two and a
half years now, three years.

Two and a half years, so 2016.

2016, June, I moved.

One of my favorite
qualities of Raj

is that he will actively listen
to you and pay attention,

and he'll also share some of
his own personal experiences

of like how his day is going.

- Hug my pillow, yeah,
exactly. [laughs]

- [Andrew] It's so cheesy
but it's adorable--

I know.

Because it's not...

And I think that
builds connection.

So when we're having sex,
it's like you're having sex

with a real person,
and that's nice.

- And a lot of the clients
that I have are the ones

that it's their first
time experiencing something like this.

And when they first show
up, they've never been,

you know, with
another man before

or haven't experienced
anything like this.

And I've had,
actually, a client,

he had trouble kind of
actually even being naked.

He said, "Thank
you for helping me,

"bringing me from me
head into my heart,

"because I was so
scared of intimacy

"but you helped me
do that and realize

"that my body is deserving of
pleasure however it looks."

- What Raj and I do together
in a session is we chat.

He comes in and we say hello,
and we say, "How's your day?"

It takes away any weird
power imbalances of like

he's a sex worker providing
a service and I'm the lonely,

sad client that needs to
get off with a sex worker.

It takes all that away

and it turns it into
we're just two dudes.

So we'll have that
comfortable chat,

then we'll move into
like some making out

and some touching
and some body stuff.

It's so variant
in what it can be.

We don't decide
we're gonna do this,

and here's a checklist of
things I expect from you.

- The physical part of things
might start a lot later.

It might start right
at the beginning.

It depends on whatever
energy you're bringing,

what each person is bringing in.

It's not for what we do,
but it's the time spent,

that is what they're paying for.

Whatever sort of
happens between us

is whatever happens between us.

So I know a lot of people
might have an a la carte menu,

like this is for this much.

And for me, personally,
I'm not a vending machine.

And keeping that sense of
just going with the flow,

they get surprised because
they end up feeling things

that they never thought
they would ever feel.

The minute I go into,
"Oh, they look like this.

"Oh, my god, how am I
gonna get turned on,"

once again, then I'm
missing the point.

So when it comes to
honoring somebody's body,

I can't be in my head.

I have to be, and tap into
that unique part of me

that connects with them so
they are able to feel good

in however shape, in whatever
place, in however they are.

There you go.

- My stage name is Rogue
Status, and I identify with that

as a deviation of
a standard variety.

There's a lot of negative
definitions of the word rogue,

but one of them specifically
is a deviation of a norm.

And I'm definitely not run of
the mill and never have been.

So,

I left home quite early

and kind of had survival
mode from a really early age.

I guess it kind of was
a bit of a catalyst

for me to get into sex work
because when you need money,

you do things that
you're not, you know,

that you wouldn't normally
think you would do.

I used Rentman, I
used to use Rentboy

before the whole
thing went down.

To protect myself and clientele.

I have a disclaimer that my
payment is strictly for my time

because whatever
happens in that time

is between consenting adults.

Anyone can hire
somebody for time.

It usually starts with a
quick phone conversation,

usually over text or
a quick phone call

if it's very
specific requirements

that they're interested in.

I like to narrow it down
to what the timeframe is

and what they wanna do.

I usually arrive,
take care of business,

which means finances first

because it takes that awkward
element out of the way,

which is always awkward.

Quick freshen up,
and that's usually

doing my shot of
Trimix to make sure

that my boy's good to go
even if I'm not using it.

Trimix, it's a
triple-mix injection

that you put into the shaft
of your penis to hyper dilate

the cavernosa and keep you
hard for quite some time.

Sometimes I fake my
orgasm, most times,

unless they really wanna see it.

But most of the time, it's
not about me getting off.

I cringe at the thought
of touching any stranger.

I also cringe at the thought
of being touched most times.

I try to find something sexy

about each person that I'm
with and focus on that.

People think that you
can just go and get hard

and do your thing
and get paid and go,

but it's a lot more than that.

And the majority of the
time, I don't even get hard.

And I use Trimix because when
you're filming in a movie,

you know, you don't have
to be hard for two hours.

You have to be hard
for many hours.

Not bad, not bad.

But one more time, and slow.

- [Rogue Status] What you guys
all see in that 21 minutes

was actually eight hours.

I've been filming with
Mainline Studios for about,

I don't know, 10 years plus now.

Up against the fucking wall.

Yes, sir.

- You know, a decade ago,
when I started filming,

your pay scale was quite a big
difference to what it is now.

Porn is basically your promotion

for your brand at this point.

I travel all the time for work.

I live very rural,

but I also have full-time
construction work

because it's equally
as good money.

I think it's really
beneficial to have

an element of both worlds.

Otherwise, you're gonna get
lost in your character too much.

That is one of the
reasons why I go back

to my spot in the bush
because I can get grounded

and reconnected to who
I am after going rogue.

Rogue Status was actually
a performer at big events

and parties before branching
off into a porn career.

By the time I had
already got there,

I had already built this
brand and alter ego.

So Rogue Status
is everything else

that I haven't been
able to be myself.

- I've been called
Kitten Bear for a while.

It was my online
name for a while,

or for Scruff for a while.

I never identified with
the puppy side of things.

I'm too independent.

I'll come and play with you

and then I'm gonna
go do my own thing.

And so Kitten kind of
just worked for me.

But Kitten didn't
really describe it

because I was bigger than that.

And so Kitten Bear kind of
came from cuddly like a kitten,

big like a bear.

And when I met
Nigel, he was the one

that really grasped on
that and jumped on that.

He's like, "Oh, that's
your Scruff name?

"Why shouldn't this be
your Instagram name?

"This is what I'm gonna
call you from now on."

I grew up in Alberta, in a
very small Mormon community.

And as you grow up
and leave, you know,

I'd say it took four or five
years to get fully comfortable.

I'd say now, I'm fairly
well adjusted to, you know,

a new life and just my life.

I have an Instagram.

It's something that me and
Nigel started more as kind of

a fun like, oh, let's see how
many followers we can get.

One of the business
opportunities that took off

kind of from Instagram,
Twitter, things like that

was a site called OnlyFans
where people basically pay

whatever monthly fee
that you're charging

for access to all of the
content that you post.

And so, you know, for us, we
post, you know, naked pictures.

We have friends over
to have sex with.

It's a porn shop for us.

For other people, it's fitness.

You can do anything you want.

It actually became fairly
lucrative, for Nigel especially,

when we actually started
throwing parties together.

It really kind of took off
where, oh, this is something

that can really help
in so many ways,

just having that much influence

as far as number of people
seeing what you're offering.

And so, I mean, there's
OnlyFans, which is that.

We have the parties
that are going on,

and it's only increasing there.

I'm doing massage
right now as well.

No, for sure.

What I offer is an hour
of sensual massage.

So what that means is that

we can both be
naked if you'd like.

It's a lot of touching
on my side to you,

lots of body contact,
lots of that,

and then mutual
touching as well.

Some people, they'll
wear a jockstrap.

They won't even be
naked for the massage.

Other people will
go all the way,

and you know, they'll have
sex at the end of the session.

It's my control.

It's whatever I feel
comfortable with, and obviously,

what the client feels
comfortable with as well.

One client came and I was like,

"Oh, do you get massages often?"

He was like, "Yeah, I
go probably every week."

And he's like, "I just
like to be touched.

"I just like to have
that human interaction."

The boner parties are
really interesting and fun.

That's probably one of the
things I'm most excited to go.

It's my favorite
time of the month.

How the party started was we
both come from big families,

both me and Nigel.

And so we were used to having
people over all the time.

And so we'd throw house
parties, and then we'd invite

our closest friends, and
there'll be like 40 or 50.

And eventually, it
was a hundred people

that were coming to our
house for these parties.

It's a dance party
where there's no rules.

And so there's a candy table.

You can go and, you know,
eat everything you want,

which is one of my
favorite things.

Food is the fastest
way to my heart.

So if you add food anywhere,
I'm automatically sold.

I like dancing.

I like food.

I like sex.

I mean, all three, all combined,

and I don't have to clean up
the mess, I'm in. [chuckles]

Really, the core of the people
that go is the hundred people

that come to our parties, and
they invite their friends.

So it's a really
close-knit group of people

that all get along.

One of the themes for boner

is come in whatever makes
you feel comfortable.

And so you don't
have to go naked.

You don't have wear lipstick.

If you wanna wear
a dress, you can.

If you wanna wear
a wig, you can.

If you wanna go naked, you can.

Do whatever makes you happy.

And that's kind of how we
view our relationship as well.

Do what makes you happy,

and the people that
complement your life,

the people that will fit,
they're gonna fit in there.

[upbeat music]

- There is a lot of stigma
around asking someone

to give you cuddles for a fee.

Do you prefer this or this?

- I think I like it the
other way, like this way,

with the, so that I feel
like I'm being hugged.

Yeah, exactly.

That's great.

The big thing that we're
trying to address here

with professional
cuddling is that we want

all cuddling and any form
of physical connection

to be asked for and received
in a respectful manner.

Can I trace your eyebrows
and like your face?

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

'Cause I always like
people tracing on my face.

I think that this
practice as a whole

can be a great
conversation starter

to get people really
thinking about, you know,

what their own preferences are,

and also being able to stand
by their own boundaries

but also respect other
people's boundaries.

Michelle, can I give you a hug?

[Michelle] No, thank you.

Perfect.

You wanna give it a try?

Oscar, can I

touch your ear?

One of the things that we do

is called the no,
thank you exercise.

The point of the exercise
is to make three to five

simple requests, but then
the goal of the other partner

is to say, "No, thank you."

Can I pat your thigh?

No, thank you.

And the point of this exercise
is to reinforce that a no

doesn't necessarily have
to be a negative thing.

We don't have to accommodate
for the other person.

It's about what you feel and
what you want to get out of it.

- Mm-hmm.

Okay.

So the next one is
called the ask and wait.

So now, when I wanna ask,
I wanna make a request,

you have three choices.

You can either say,
"Yes, I would like that,"

"No, thank you," or you
can suggest something else.

So you can say, "No, thank you,

"but I would like to receive x."

So the ask and wait
method is more so

to create that understanding

that you don't have to make
the choice out of guilt.

Only do things that
you want to do.

Cool, um.

[Oscar laughs]

- All right, so how is
this feeling right now?

Good.

I think that I'm full.

Yes.

- I remember there was one
of the positions in the book

with just like the
leg and the arm

- sort of like hooked.
- Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you wanna try that one?

Yeah.

Okay.

I like to start off the session
with giving them, you know,

three simple poses,
a good hug, you know,

even just interlocking
hands, and then the eye gaze

to kinda get them started
with that level of intimacy.

And then we go from there.

- Like if my leg gets pins
and needles or something,

I'll be like, "Let's
move on from this."

Let's switch it up. [chuckles]

And switch it up.

So that's like a nice comfort.

- So with cuddling, we're
open to taking any clients

regardless of like sex,
race, identity, gender,

anything like that.

But I am predominantly
looking to help out

professional women, the reason
being because right now,

as it stands in the
cuddling industry,

there are more female cuddlers

and there are more male clients.

Touch-based services have always

catered more to male clientele.

Where I see myself in
the grand scope of things

as a gay man, it's a
good opportunity for me

to sort of give female
clients that male attention

with that extra layer
of that I'm for sure

not gonna try to give any
sexual advances with them.

- Yeah, and I feel like if
I did something like this,

I don't know, every few
weeks or even once a month,

whatever the case may be, that
I might feel more comfortable

with my own physical body.

I feel like I feel a little bit

out of touch with
that sometimes,

and doing something like
this, I already feel

like I'm feeling
each part of my body

in a way that's nice
and strong and secure,

and I don't feel
stressed or uncomfortable

that you're expecting
something else than what it is.

So yeah, it's nice.

- And if you are someone who,
you know, is already working,

you know, eight to 10
hours or more at your job

and all you want to
do is just feel held,

you know, going through the
courtship of either going out

to a bar or even logging
on to social media apps,

all of that takes effort and
it takes emotional effort too.

- There's a lot of, you
know, successful people

that don't have time to go,
you know, on social sites

to spend an hour, hour
and a half, half an hour

finding someone that
likely isn't gonna be good.

It's easier to be like,
"Oh, I know I'm gonna have

"a good time with so and so.

"I'm gonna call you
so it's just easy.

"It's looked after."

- I was looking for
relationships on the apps.

I was looking for
sex on the apps.

I was doing all the
things that we all do,

and I wasn't getting anywhere.

I was brushing up against
ableism constantly,

dealing with discrimination

against my disability
all the time.

[Raj] That was your bum.

[Andrew] My bum.

Your bum. [chuckles]

- Make sure that I don't
fly across the room.

Being just discouraged
that one day I decided

that, okay, let me go on these
sites and see what I can do.

And it's not anybody giving
it to me out of charity.

It's me actively deciding
this is what I want.

The marginalized community of
individuals with disabilities,

their access to their bodies

and their access to their
own sexuality is so limited

by financial things,

by stigma around
disability and sexuality.

So especially in queer male
spaces, we can't go to the gym,

can't access certain
social things we do,

can't access all
the clubs we go to,

can't access the
community the way we do,

are assumed to be asexual or
non-sexual by our community,

so we don't tend to have a lot
of success in going on dates.

Putting aside that money,
there's a power play,

a really positive power
play of me deciding

that this is money that
I want to use for this.

I love pre-booking because
it means that I can buy

two or three sessions
and know that,

okay, for the next month,
my sex is figured out.

I have it figured out.

It's a very selfish, a
positively selfish act.

- I know how good that
feels when you have

that part of you expressed
and that part of you nurtured.

It's been a journey as with
my acceptance of my own body.

Being South Asian,
there's like that sense

of being less than because
you're usually seeing bodies

that are white having sex
when you're watching porn

or in movies or in
things like that.

It creates these things.

Or if your body has to
look a particular way,

it's more deserving of pleasure

than if your body
looks this way.

You deserve love, pleasure,
intimacy no matter how you look.

So the benefit of
a repeat client

is you really get
to know somebody,

how their body
receives pleasure.

And you feel the healing kind
of happen within the person.

It's an awesome part.

That's like the main,
obviously, the central reason

why I do it, because I thin
we take on these conditions

that we see in media and
in porn and whatever,

and they'll be like," Oh,
this is supposed to happen,"

or, "This is
supposed to happen."

And I think with porn
and stuff like that,

I think there's a lot of
power given to sex means this.

It's penetrative.

But there are so many other ways

your body can experience sex.

And the thing is I
think through my work,

I wanna be able to help people
understand their bodies.

And I think that's
what's so amazing,

because I think it
teaches people that

there's so much possibilities
when it comes to their body.

There are so many
things that you can feel

that you don't even know.

Now I'm warm.

[Raj] There you go.

- Depending on the
scene with the client,

I can feel really good about it

or I can feel
really bad about it.

Clients don't know their
limits and want me to push them

further than they're
capable of to the point of

broken skin, or blood,

or very extreme heavy play.

Even for me, that's
pretty extreme.

It takes me a minute to
regroup after, sometimes a day.

I don't want anyone to get hurt.

I don't want anyone to get sick.

So scat play is out.

Anything with blood and
serious pain is out.

When it comes to BDSM,
there is an element

of pain and pleasure
involved with it,

but I'm not about inflicting
heavy bodily harm on people.

When I go to work, it's
completely different

than what my sex life
at home is going to be.

I don't really wanna
have that crossover,

like I don't wanna
bring work home.

I do have elements of
BDSM play that I like

in my personal sex life, but
that's more about bonding

and creating connection
and trust and safety.

One of the best ways to
feel safe and comfortable

with somebody is to
be tied up by them

because you have to really let
yourself go somewhere else.

And it's gonna be cathartic,
and you might cry.

Sex work affects almost
every relationship I have.

Everybody has a negative
stigma based around it

as far as I can see.

Dating somebody that's
not in the trade

or hasn't done the
trade, you know,

again, trying to convince
them of work being separate

from personal life is
next to impossible.

- I think sex and kind
of our views on sex

is changing drastically.

I definitely think
religion had a long hold

that people don't
realize is there,

but religion set up
what sex should be.

It should be man and wife,
depending on your religion,

when you're trying to have kids.

Even with OnlyFans
and things like that,

I think that that helps the
sex image because before,

you had studios and
kind of what was,

oh, this is what it looks like.

Whereas with OnlyFans,

it really is us and our
friends just having sex.

We set up a tripod
on the counter

and then just enjoy ourselves.

And so it kind of
takes away of like,

oh, people talk during sex.

Oh, you know what?

There's gonna be a mistake.

Sometimes it's gonna be
like, oh, it didn't work.

Or this doesn't work, or
you'll try to say something.

And today, we're gonna make
for you guys a beef stir fry.

Let's get naked.

Perfect.

But it's nice because
you see a different side

that's light and funny.

All right, let's get started.

It's fun.

It's all of our
friends and lovers.

It's not these strangers
that you don't know

and have no connection with.

Invite the people that
you're most close with,

that you want to spend
the most time with,

and invite them
into the bedroom.

You will have a better time

than someone that
you don't know.

And the best part about
relationships is that

it can be anything
you want it to be.

And I think that's
where religion has had

such a negative impact, is
it's this is what it must be.

And so soon as you deviate
from that, it's different.

I had a previous relationship

where the sex and intimacy
were kind of as one.

So I remember coming
out of that relationship

and it was very like, I felt
like super fucked up about sex.

It was this thing where
I realized the only times

that I was sober was when
I was like with clients.

Like I was just like, okay,
so I can do this work,

but I'm like, I have some
healing to do within myself.

To be able to help people
condition that part

is something that I
feel like is a very,

I think is very important,
especially when it comes

to gay men and our bodies
and what that means.

- When a client goes
on to my website,

in order to book a session,

they'll see the
cuddling commandments.

So these are the 10 basic
ground rules that we have

with regards to the
cuddling session,

which means that you have to
be at least 18 years of age.

You have to be free of
mind-altering substances.

You can't come drunk or
high or anything like that.

It's basically talking about
how it's not a sexual service.

And so once they agreed to
all that and they book a time,

then it's up to the
client to decide

whether they want to come
to the cuddler's space

or host the cuddler
at their own space.

And so if they're
coming to my space,

what I'd like to do is I like
to get some nice music going.

I have some sweetwood,
and I have some sage

and incense that
I like to light.

And then I prepare wherever
we're gonna be cuddling.

So it could be on a couch.

It could be on the ground.

It can be on a bed.

I always like to
encourage the clients

to come with their own
ideas of cuddling positions

that they like to try,
or to even think about

examples of touch in their
lives that they have enjoyed.

- Yeah, generally, scalp
touch is very therapeutic.

Yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

Cool.

So how about we start with that?

I started my performing
career back in high school,

doing musical theater,
which introduced me

to the world of dance and
singing and just acting

and general body awareness.

I've noticed that a big
component of the acting

and singing and even dancing,

there's a big understanding
of breath work

and the benefits that that
can bring along to our craft.

So that's something that I
like to bring to our sessions.

Say we're in the
middle of an embrace,

like breathing together
can be very helpful

and stress relieving.

Very good, very good breath.

Touch has an immensive
power to heal.

Because we're being
taught to be so tough

and show a tough face, a poker
face and not let the world

see our problems, I think
that by reintroducing touch

in a healthy platonic
way is a great way for us

to remind ourselves that
it's okay to feel vulnerable,

because it's so easy to
think that we're alone

in all these things
that we're feeling.

It's so easy.

If you ever feel
alone, something that you could always do

is you can take your hand
and place it over your heart.

And if you just slowly breathe,

it's a great way for you
to reconnect with yourself

and remind yourself
that you're here

and that you're not alone.

There are studies
that actually show

that you placing your hand
over your heart and breathing

will help you reconnect, and
it's almost as good as a hug.

By you acknowledging and
connecting with yourself,

it will allow you to
have deeper connections

with other people too.

[man speaks in foreign language]

[group chuckles]

- I always say in order
to give of myself,

I need to know how
to give to myself.

I give to myself
through making sure

having like a spiritual sort
of practice through meditation,

through writing, through
my chosen family,

and through also
having, you know,

intimate experiences for
my own personal self.

Then before a session,
it's so much easier for me

to go from here to here,
'cause then I'm very much like,

okay, it's all here.

- I call on Raj because
I know he's reliable.

I've worked with workers
who don't show up.

That's important for me as
somebody who already lives

on the margins of
trying to find [mumbles]

and trying to find connection.

- So when it comes
to it being kind of

about sexual
surrogacy and my work,

I had a client actually
describe it as that, I remember.

And he said, "I've
never heard an escort

"speak about their work
in that way before.

"And it sounds like you're
a surrogate or a conduit."

I mean, whatever I do,

it's healing work.

It is what it is.

When I got into my work, I
think it deepened my connections

to the people who
matter in my life

because I have a certain
understanding and truth

in how I do my work and
why it's fulfilling for me.

And if people can
see that in me,

that means they can see me.

All of my friends know what I do

and understand why
it's important to me.

And when you have that,
you're able to tap into

your own intuition, which
that helps you in avoiding

any potentially
dangerous situations.

I've never had a bad experience.

I've had one where
it could have been,

but then I kind of like
listened to my inner voice

and got out before the
person even showed up,

and I ended up being
right on my [mumbles].

It was a good idea
that I did not stay.

- You know, there's a scary
dark side to the business.

Thankfully, I've never
been in a situation

that's gotten out of hand.

I had one violent
situation in Florida,

and that set my precedent
for what was never, ever,

ever gonna happen again.

I was flown down
and had my ticket

relying on somebody
else's, you know,

because they booked
it kind of thing.

Yeah, like now, I always
make sure that, you know,

if somebody wants me to
travel to go see them,

that they transfer a
deposit which is enough

for me to manage my own booking.

I get every request you
could possibly imagine.

Somebody requests to have
me as a sub or bottom

in a bondage or BDSM
scene, it's a firm no.

We already know that
that's putting yourself

into serious danger, so
that's not gonna happen.

I would never do
that with somebody

until I have established a
rapport with this client.

In terms of being a sex worker

and not having an agency per
se as female sex workers might,

when it comes to male sex work,

you're basically on your own.

Whenever I'm going to work,

I always let somebody
know where I'm going.

I have my location shared.

Depending on how
long the session is,

I get something called
knocking to happen,

which is, you know, a friend
will call and check in

and make sure I'm okay.

- I like the fact that it's
not me living here alone.

So if there was a problem, for
the most part, Nigel's home.

If things get really bad,

I could yell and
hopefully have that.

A few precautions I take
before I head into this,

with meeting people,
I generally don't do

the same day [mumbles]
because I find people,

they're like, "Oh,
I want a massage.

"Can you be free in 20 minutes,"

probably not the
best kind of clients.

Whereas if you can have a
little conversation beforehand.

If they're polite and
nice, you know what,

I'm gonna take people that
I feel comfortable with

because if I'm not enjoying it,

that client is likely not
gonna enjoy it either.

What I like about the massage
part is that I'm in control.

With escort, it kind of is
assumed of what you're doing.

This is the first time
I haven't had a job

with money coming in regularly.

With losing my job,
it was definitely

one of the more traumatic
things I've had in my life,

which sounds stupid,
losing a job,

but just the manner it was done.

I've always been
a good employee.

I've never been fired from
a job in my entire life.

They pulled me, and
the HR person came,

pulled me into a meeting.

They handed me a letter.

I read it.

With all your
Instagram, due to this,

you're being
terminated with cause,

no severance, no anything.

So right now, I'm going through
kind of a lawsuit with them,

just feeling like it's
not fair, you know,

after seven years working
there, to walk me out the door

because you don't agree with
something in my lifestyle.

I mean, luckily, I had OnlyFans.

I had a few things
coming in that did help,

but it's just a different
mindset to all of a sudden,

you know, go on one
day and have your,

really, entire life changed.

And the more I looked at
different job postings

and looked at other
things out there,

I realized that it just, none
of that sounded interesting.

It was like, maybe this
isn't the end of the world.

Maybe this is a good
chance to, you know,

try something that I
haven't done before.

It wasn't the right
circumstance or the right time

or how it was done,
but I do think

that it'll be something
that I look back on

and it's something
that benefited my life.

- Now that I have
kind of come out

as working with sex workers
as part of my platform,

it's been a really
freeing experience

because the stigma goes away.

I've talked about it on my
podcast, Disability After Dark.

I had Raj as a guest
a few weeks ago.

- [Announcer] Disability
After Dark with Andrew Gurza,

shining a bright light
on sex and disability.

[Andrew] Did you feel like,

what did you think
when I was like,

"Hey, I'm a wheelchair user."

Did you have any feelings about
what that might look like,

what gay sex with a wheelchair
user might look like

and how disability
would impact all that?

- [Raj] The thing is
everybody's different

with however they are,
with their disabilities.

So the thing was I
was more coming at it

from a place of,
you know, curiosity.

I had no idea what to expect.

I just was more curious to see

like how it would
sort of like happen.

You know what I mean?

[Andrew] Awesome.

Were you like scared?

Were you like, "Oh,
my god, this is wrong,

"What am I doing?"

- [Raj] There was
a sense of just

I hope I do everything right.

It was more like you're
another human being

looking to experience pleasure,

and our connection will be
to help facilitate that.

You know what I mean?

- Thank you so much for
being so vulnerable with me

and sharing intimacy with me.

I really appreciate it.

Telling my mom that I
work with sex workers

was kind of a long time coming.

I just said, "Okay,
look, I work with people,

"I work with sex workers
to get my needs met."

She, without missing a
beat, said, "Oh, okay.

"If this is what you're
doing to make yourself happy

"and this is what you
need to feel okay,

"I support it."

My family all knows I'm gay.

They know I'm dating Nigel
and I live with Nigel.

I would say that's
pretty much the extent.

I remember I posted
a picture of us,

me and friends in a bar
on my family Facebook,

because I have a
separate account as well.

Yeah, my mom called
and she was like,

"Honey, I'm concerned that
you're at a bar drinking,"

where I was like,
oh, wow, I forgot

we were that many
steps back as far as

what you're comfortable with
and what you're aware of.

Our lifestyles are so
different, but my family knows

I would say on the lower side
of most things that I'm doing.

My mom now knows.

It's the one conversation

where I was always
so scared to have.

So I initially started talking.

I was like stammering
a little bit.

I'm like, oh, my god.

And then once again, I
just started to explain

the whole thing about the
importance of the work.

And then she says to me that
she's listening to my voice

and she says, "Well, I can
tell that you're doing it

"from a good place, because
I've heard your voice

"when you were not
in a good place,

"and I'm hearing
your voice now."

And my mom says, you know,
"You were meant to be here

"to do something really
great, and I can see

"that you're meant to be
here to make people happy.

"And for that,
I'm proud of you."

And to go to your mom
and just say your truth

and just to hear that
sense of understanding,

my abilities, I feel like I can
tap into them that much more

because that shame, that
fear takes up space.

- I'd like to not have
secrets in my family.

So we have a very
open-minded family

I guess is the way to put it,
two gay kids, hippie parents.

I don't like to keep
secrets about it

because at a time of
survival, it was a secret.

Do I have an exit strategy?

Kind of.

Do I have a plan for it?

Almost.

Do I have a shelf life
that I wanna cap it up at?

Absolutely.

Will all those things
happen according to plan?

Probably not.

Rogue Showtime Status, five
foot eight, 175 pounds.

This is my first time--

This is a very hard business
to exit because it's your body.

You can't just leave yourself.

You get accustomed to
a certain lifestyle.

My advice to anybody considering

getting into sex work or porn

is don't.

The porn industry will
shoot you and chew you up

and spit you out until the
next best thing comes along,

put you up to pasture
before you even knew it.

Then you fall back
on your sex work.

And when you become
this 40-year-old hooker

that's washed up,
then what do you have?

If you're really smart about it

and you do it right,

then you can make your
good money and get out.

It's a bit of a trap as well

'cause it's really
hard to leave.

- My goal is to kinda push
this forward now so that

it can be recognized as an
official holistic practice,

because right now, there is
no regulation, obviously,

around it because
it's relatively new.

Of course, people are more
used to going to yoga class,

or buying essential oils,
or going for massages,

or even therapy to address
their own individual needs.

So if I can get it to that
point, then that would mean

that it would allow for, you
know, licensing of my teachings

or the practice, maybe
writing books around it,

working with businesses who
maybe are having HR problems

with what consent is
and all that stuff,

working with those people

so that we can progress
the narratives around touch

in a healthy way
that promote consent.

- We have our own little
family in Toronto of people

that, you know, we're
very comfortable with.

We all get along.

We see each other
separately, together.

The people that don't
want that lifestyle,

they know who we are,

and they either stay away
or they keep their distance.

There's that.

But because we are so open
with it, you really do attract

the people that are kind of
ready and looking for that.

And so, you know, I would
say we're polyamorous

in the sense of
we're allowed to have

multiple lovers and
partners and friends.

It's that.

But I would say we're even
moving past that a little bit

into more of kind of the family
structure where, you know,

people that stay around,
that's who you're with.

You're not dating.

I'm looking after
me in doing that,

but obviously, the
people I care about,

I'm gonna put their
interests first.

But really, my happiness
at the end of the day,

it's up to me to decide.

And people look at our lifestyle

and our sex life especially,
something that is

a lot more taboo that
people don't talk about,

especially having sex
with your friends,

because that's even worse.

It's like, oh, you can
have with strangers.

That's kind of the
acceptable norm now.

But people see our
Instagram posting

with all these
friends in towels.

I mean, hopefully,
it's coming through

that our personalities
as much as possible,

that it's like
these are not just,

oh, they're having
sex [mumbles].

No, these are real
genuine people that,

yeah, are just having fun

and sharing their journey
with everyone else.

[soft music]