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1
00:00:01,625 --> 00:00:04,168
I just wanna be clear that I'm here
is a last resort.
2
00:00:04,591 --> 00:00:05,669
I understand.
3
00:00:06,054 --> 00:00:08,766
I don't have a lot of faith
in psychiatry as a science.
4
00:00:10,138 --> 00:00:12,028
I think some of the drugs
you're pushing are interesting.
5
00:00:14,803 --> 00:00:17,328
And I'm all for messing around
with brain chemistry.
6
00:00:19,016 --> 00:00:20,449
I mean, that's all I got
from high school.
7
00:00:22,665 --> 00:00:23,992
But, in my experience,
8
00:00:24,215 --> 00:00:28,618
popping pills doesn't relieve
social anxiety quite as well as say...
9
00:00:29,170 --> 00:00:30,463
bourbon and Marvin Gaye.
10
00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:32,693
Now I get it.
11
00:00:32,770 --> 00:00:34,932
You're desperate and I'm full of hooey.
12
00:00:37,010 --> 00:00:38,933
So in the worlds of Marvin Gaye,
13
00:00:39,743 --> 00:00:40,887
what's going on?
14
00:00:42,644 --> 00:00:44,152
Everything I say is confidential, right?
15
00:00:44,271 --> 00:00:45,502
Whatever you say
16
00:00:45,866 --> 00:00:46,935
stays in this room.
17
00:00:47,135 --> 00:00:48,266
Kinda like Vegas.
18
00:00:48,989 --> 00:00:52,298
Well, if you except there's no way
you're leaving here with more money than
19
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:53,327
when you came in.
20
00:00:55,162 --> 00:00:56,670
Yeah, like Vegas.
21
00:00:59,383 --> 00:01:00,075
Anyway,
22
00:01:00,158 --> 00:01:03,340
last night I'm out
with my stupid lame-ass brother.
23
00:01:03,492 --> 00:01:06,642
Sounds like you've got
some anger towards him.
24
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:08,219
Oh, you're good.
25
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:12,778
This is nice.
26
00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:14,703
You and me, spending time together.
27
00:01:15,293 --> 00:01:16,352
Why don't we do this more often?
28
00:01:17,189 --> 00:01:17,976
I don't have an answer.
29
00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:19,638
Hmm, me neither.
30
00:01:19,818 --> 00:01:21,398
So, how long 'til the movie starts?
31
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:23,437
Uh, about 20 minutes.
32
00:01:23,637 --> 00:01:24,471
Yeah, sure,
33
00:01:24,548 --> 00:01:27,193
20 minutes not counting previews and ads,
34
00:01:27,393 --> 00:01:29,897
the popcorn and the
giant pretzel-holding hands.
35
00:01:30,062 --> 00:01:32,351
The big soda, drinking the little soda,
36
00:01:32,374 --> 00:01:33,811
which frankly is cannibalism.
37
00:01:34,290 --> 00:01:37,167
And the always welcome reminder
to turn off your cellphones and shut up
38
00:01:37,226 --> 00:01:39,000
but nobody ever does because, let's face it,
39
00:01:39,082 --> 00:01:42,550
good manners are just the latest casualty in
the ongoing collapse of Western civilization.
40
00:01:43,493 --> 00:01:44,729
I now have an answer.
41
00:01:48,618 --> 00:01:49,616
I miss Jake.
42
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:51,461
How can you miss him?
43
00:01:51,730 --> 00:01:53,756
We just dropped him off
at his friend's house.
44
00:01:54,249 --> 00:01:56,985
By the way, if you ever get tired
of those magazines under your bed,
45
00:01:57,416 --> 00:01:59,436
the kid's mom looked fairly do-able.
46
00:02:00,014 --> 00:02:00,929
Forget the mom.
47
00:02:00,965 --> 00:02:03,942
Did you see how happy Jake was
to be spending the weekend away from me?
48
00:02:04,212 --> 00:02:05,461
Why would you think that?
49
00:02:05,539 --> 00:02:07,981
Just because he jumped out of the car
while it was still moving?
50
00:02:08,424 --> 00:02:10,235
Come on, Alan,
he was happy to see his friends.
51
00:02:10,268 --> 00:02:12,135
Being away from you is just...
gravy.
52
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:15,190
I know. I know.
53
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:18,808
It's natural for him to want to spend more
time with his peers than his parents. But...
54
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:20,202
all the same...
55
00:02:21,118 --> 00:02:22,045
it's sad.
56
00:02:22,407 --> 00:02:23,059
Yeah.
57
00:02:23,313 --> 00:02:24,839
Sunrise, sunset.
58
00:02:27,152 --> 00:02:29,329
One day, you're holding
a little baby in your arms,
59
00:02:29,352 --> 00:02:30,718
and the next day, he's off
60
00:02:30,882 --> 00:02:34,823
hocking loogies and lighting farts
with a bunch of Ritalin-addled sixth graders.
61
00:02:36,476 --> 00:02:38,355
Why do I bother trying
to share my feelings with you?
62
00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:40,903
I don't know.
It's not like I encourage it.
63
00:02:42,439 --> 00:02:43,385
Oh, come on.
64
00:02:43,409 --> 00:02:45,356
So your kid doesn't
need you like he used to.
65
00:02:45,605 --> 00:02:46,591
That's a good thing.
66
00:02:46,814 --> 00:02:48,928
You can spend your weekends
enjoying yourself.
67
00:02:50,364 --> 00:02:51,444
That's true. And...
68
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,235
there's things I want to do
that I haven't had time for.
69
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,787
Like that kid's mom.
70
00:02:56,254 --> 00:02:57,498
No, no, I mean like...
71
00:02:58,010 --> 00:02:59,220
like reading
72
00:02:59,451 --> 00:03:01,271
finally cracking open the classics.
73
00:03:01,479 --> 00:03:04,488
Alan, if you want to crack something open,
I recommend that kid's mom.
74
00:03:05,898 --> 00:03:07,343
No, no, I'm serious.
75
00:03:07,366 --> 00:03:12,052
For years, I have been wishing
that I had time to read all the great books.
76
00:03:13,678 --> 00:03:14,948
Dostoyevsky, and
77
00:03:15,614 --> 00:03:16,938
Hemingway,
78
00:03:17,443 --> 00:03:18,617
Faulkner, and
79
00:03:18,723 --> 00:03:21,071
and Dickens, and Shakespeare
80
00:03:21,236 --> 00:03:24,315
and history! History: U.S. history,
81
00:03:24,386 --> 00:03:27,014
world history, the history of language.
82
00:03:27,033 --> 00:03:30,057
I mean, why doesn't anyone
speak Sumerian anymore?
83
00:03:31,838 --> 00:03:33,705
I don't know because
I haven't read the book!
84
00:03:35,453 --> 00:03:40,689
And, oh, oh... poetry, poetry!
Byron, and Keats, and Shelley!
85
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,626
And biographies! Oh!
86
00:03:42,715 --> 00:03:47,319
Julius Caesar, and Abraham Lincoln,
and, oh, Groucho Marx!
87
00:03:47,330 --> 00:03:48,587
I mean, look at them all!
88
00:03:48,763 --> 00:03:50,269
Look at them!
They're mocking me!
89
00:03:51,744 --> 00:03:53,174
I haven't read any of them!
90
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:56,170
Okay, well, just pick one for now.
91
00:03:56,172 --> 00:03:57,244
Why bother?!
92
00:03:57,267 --> 00:04:00,836
There's not enough time!
There's too many books and not enough time!
93
00:04:01,564 --> 00:04:02,914
Maybe you just need a system.
94
00:04:02,953 --> 00:04:04,696
You know, put a book next to the toilet,
95
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:06,784
and every couple of days or so,
you knock out a couple of chapters and-
96
00:04:06,874 --> 00:04:09,012
No, no! It's too late for me!
97
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:11,350
There's not enough bowel movements left!
98
00:04:15,703 --> 00:04:17,405
Maybe you need to change your diet.
99
00:04:17,526 --> 00:04:18,873
No, it's hopeless!
100
00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:21,487
Jake will be grown up soon and I'll be dead.
101
00:04:21,644 --> 00:04:23,278
And you know what I'll have left behind?
102
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,705
A life of unfulfilled dreams,
103
00:04:25,776 --> 00:04:27,717
a shelf of unread books,
104
00:04:27,762 --> 00:04:30,859
and 3 unopened seasons
of Six Feet Under on DVD.
105
00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:36,550
So what are you doing tonight?
106
00:04:36,922 --> 00:04:38,903
Episode 3x12
That special tug
107
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,885
Transcript : Raceman
108
00:04:40,886 --> 00:04:42,867
Synchro : Relaxx
109
00:04:42,868 --> 00:04:44,849
Corrections: Bouliii + nColas
110
00:04:45,737 --> 00:04:46,993
All right.
111
00:04:47,151 --> 00:04:50,654
So your brother had a panic attack
in the middle of a bookstore.
112
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,599
How'd that make you feel?
113
00:04:53,898 --> 00:04:56,078
What the hell do my feelings
have to do with anything?
114
00:04:57,442 --> 00:04:58,758
Why don't you just humor me?
115
00:05:00,575 --> 00:05:02,606
Well, I felt a little ashamed.
116
00:05:02,642 --> 00:05:05,190
Because you felt
that his behavior reflected on you?
117
00:05:05,376 --> 00:05:06,859
No, because I left him there.
118
00:05:09,139 --> 00:05:10,137
You left him?
119
00:05:10,795 --> 00:05:12,486
Not permanently.
120
00:05:13,807 --> 00:05:17,001
I came back and got him after he was
all cried out and it was time for the movie.
121
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,145
So you still went to the movie?
122
00:05:19,533 --> 00:05:22,032
Yeah, I bought the tickets online.
They don't refund those.
123
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:30,577
Red Vine?
124
00:05:32,719 --> 00:05:33,553
No, thank you.
125
00:05:33,612 --> 00:05:36,430
I am so sorry.
I don't know what came over me.
126
00:05:36,543 --> 00:05:37,369
Nah.
127
00:05:37,643 --> 00:05:39,121
Who among us hasn't collapsed,
128
00:05:39,145 --> 00:05:41,300
weeping, in the middle of a bookstore
for no apparent reason?
129
00:05:42,819 --> 00:05:45,132
You know,
I think maybe I'd be better off at home.
130
00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:49,228
So I'm supposed to miss the movie
just because you had a nervous breakdown?
131
00:05:50,544 --> 00:05:51,804
Well, kinda.
132
00:05:52,636 --> 00:05:54,456
Don't you think that's
a little selfish, Alan?
133
00:05:56,259 --> 00:05:56,776
It's just,
134
00:05:57,409 --> 00:05:58,125
all of a sudden,
135
00:05:58,132 --> 00:06:01,173
I felt crushed by
this unbelievable sense of grief,
136
00:06:01,525 --> 00:06:04,989
like my entire life has been
an exercise in a pathetic futility.
137
00:06:05,748 --> 00:06:07,306
Well, I wouldn't rule it out.
138
00:06:09,346 --> 00:06:11,291
Come on, bunky, cheer up.
Have a Red Vine.
139
00:06:11,303 --> 00:06:12,383
I don't want a Red Vine.
140
00:06:13,364 --> 00:06:14,538
-Sno-Cap?
-No.
141
00:06:15,144 --> 00:06:16,048
-Raisinets?
-No.
142
00:06:16,861 --> 00:06:18,563
-Goobers?
-How much crap did you buy?!
143
00:06:18,993 --> 00:06:20,319
They couldn't change a hundred.
144
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,032
All right, I'll have a Junior Mint.
145
00:06:27,170 --> 00:06:28,143
I didn't get Junior Mints.
146
00:06:30,583 --> 00:06:31,247
Of course not.
147
00:06:32,138 --> 00:06:32,984
Story of my life.
148
00:06:33,549 --> 00:06:34,960
No Junior Mints for Alan...
149
00:06:35,710 --> 00:06:36,628
just Goobers.
150
00:06:37,337 --> 00:06:39,004
Goobers, Goobers, Goobers.
151
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,943
Dude, dude, you need to be quiet.
152
00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:42,528
Why? Why?
153
00:06:42,650 --> 00:06:45,702
The first amendment gives me the right
to yell "Goobers" in a crowded theater.
154
00:06:45,901 --> 00:06:46,923
Goobers!
155
00:06:49,188 --> 00:06:49,880
Hey, look.
156
00:06:50,232 --> 00:06:51,787
Movie quiz. Let's play the movie quiz.
157
00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:52,926
I don't want to play the movie quiz.
158
00:06:52,949 --> 00:06:55,118
Come on, it'll be fun.
I'll bet you're good at it.
159
00:06:55,225 --> 00:06:56,167
All right, all right.
160
00:06:56,191 --> 00:06:58,113
"Debra Winger and Richard Gere
161
00:06:58,136 --> 00:07:00,205
starred in An Officer and a blank."
162
00:07:00,234 --> 00:07:01,479
Oh, please!
163
00:07:02,254 --> 00:07:03,088
You need a hint?
164
00:07:04,663 --> 00:07:05,661
There's a hint upside down in the corner.
165
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,325
No, I don't need a hint!
166
00:07:07,352 --> 00:07:10,346
I know the answer!
Everybody here knows the answer!
167
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:13,987
Everybody on the planet knows the answer!
We're not stupid!
168
00:07:14,009 --> 00:07:15,101
Chill, chill.
169
00:07:15,461 --> 00:07:17,410
Oh, wait, here's another brain teaser.
170
00:07:17,542 --> 00:07:19,832
"Steven Spielberg directed
this modern retelling
171
00:07:19,853 --> 00:07:21,556
of the H.G. Wells classic
172
00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:23,141
War of the blank."
173
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:24,753
Uh, uh, couch!
174
00:07:24,796 --> 00:07:25,747
War of the Couch!
175
00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:27,204
Stop it.
176
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:28,473
Oh, no, no, I got it!
177
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,411
War of the blow it out your ass!
178
00:07:30,898 --> 00:07:33,235
You know, maybe you're right.
Maybe we should go.
179
00:07:33,279 --> 00:07:34,653
Wait, no, I know this one.
180
00:07:34,681 --> 00:07:36,484
"Johnny Depp cruised to success
181
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,097
in this comedy-action film
182
00:07:38,156 --> 00:07:40,110
inspired by a Disneyland attraction."
183
00:07:40,363 --> 00:07:42,393
Pirates of the blow it out your ass!
184
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,511
He's behind on his reading.
185
00:07:44,546 --> 00:07:46,378
Oh, oh, and let's not forget
186
00:07:46,401 --> 00:07:48,472
Judy Garland in that immortal classic
187
00:07:48,639 --> 00:07:51,001
The Wizard of blow it out your ass!
188
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,443
That sounds like quite an episode.
189
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,113
Is your brother seeing a therapist?
190
00:07:56,663 --> 00:07:57,672
How would I know?
191
00:07:58,731 --> 00:08:01,196
He's your brother. He lives with you.
192
00:08:01,561 --> 00:08:02,372
So?
193
00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:05,328
All right, go ahead.
194
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,698
Just because I took him in
doesn't mean I have to listen to him.
195
00:08:10,062 --> 00:08:11,141
I understand.
196
00:08:11,506 --> 00:08:14,414
He just whines about the same crap
over and over.
197
00:08:14,443 --> 00:08:15,336
O kay.
198
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:16,891
It's not even interesting crap.
199
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:21,235
It's the crap that bores the crap
out of crap.
200
00:08:22,016 --> 00:08:22,721
I got it.
201
00:08:23,267 --> 00:08:24,899
It's crap. Go ahead.
202
00:08:24,993 --> 00:08:25,780
Thank you.
203
00:08:26,207 --> 00:08:28,516
So we're driving home and...
204
00:08:37,592 --> 00:08:39,799
This seat is very comfortable.
205
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:40,927
Genuine leather,
206
00:08:41,108 --> 00:08:42,165
nine-way adjustable,
207
00:08:42,506 --> 00:08:43,515
lumbar support...
208
00:08:44,097 --> 00:08:45,294
I wish I'd spent a few extra bucks
209
00:08:45,318 --> 00:08:46,766
and gotten the ejection package.
210
00:08:48,639 --> 00:08:49,766
I said I was sorry.
211
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,801
They don't refund those tickets, Alan.
212
00:08:55,362 --> 00:08:56,263
I want to go see Jake.
213
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,624
Why? He's at a sleepover.
214
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,951
I just got this feeling that he needs me.
215
00:09:02,138 --> 00:09:03,828
Really? Some sort of telepathic thing?
216
00:09:03,829 --> 00:09:04,605
Exactly.
217
00:09:04,732 --> 00:09:05,554
I see.
218
00:09:06,932 --> 00:09:07,829
Ow!
219
00:09:08,639 --> 00:09:10,043
Did you know I was gonna do that?
220
00:09:10,267 --> 00:09:10,974
No.
221
00:09:11,188 --> 00:09:13,099
Then I wouldn't trust your psychic powers.
222
00:09:15,017 --> 00:09:17,636
Come on.
We can just stop by for a few minutes.
223
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,843
We have time now
since we decided to skip the movie.
224
00:09:21,081 --> 00:09:23,535
Oh, we decided that, did we?
225
00:09:23,643 --> 00:09:25,387
That's the way it went down for you, huh?
226
00:09:25,575 --> 00:09:27,399
That's how you interpret recent events?!
227
00:09:27,418 --> 00:09:29,414
Whoa, whoa, settle down.
228
00:09:29,455 --> 00:09:30,878
You're acting like a crazy person.
229
00:09:31,088 --> 00:09:31,915
Me?!
230
00:09:32,001 --> 00:09:33,648
I'm acting like a crazy person?!
231
00:09:33,808 --> 00:09:35,350
Are you freaking kidding me?!
232
00:09:36,072 --> 00:09:37,182
Listen to yourself.
233
00:09:37,217 --> 00:09:39,671
You're getting a little scary right now.
234
00:09:42,077 --> 00:09:43,521
Okay, fine, you want to see the kid,
235
00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:44,424
we'll go see the kid.
236
00:09:44,871 --> 00:09:45,540
Thank you.
237
00:09:47,366 --> 00:09:48,341
Is that so hard?
238
00:09:54,897 --> 00:09:57,388
Charlie... the road.
239
00:10:02,548 --> 00:10:03,393
Please.
240
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,116
You know, when you have kids,
241
00:10:10,139 --> 00:10:12,368
you find that there's
a deep spiritual connection.
242
00:10:12,382 --> 00:10:14,986
You feel an actual tug
when your child needs you.
243
00:10:15,911 --> 00:10:16,686
Interesting.
244
00:10:16,971 --> 00:10:18,973
What do you feel
when your brother hates you?
245
00:10:21,295 --> 00:10:23,203
Alan. Is everything okay?
246
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:24,265
Oh, yeah, fine.
247
00:10:24,266 --> 00:10:25,714
I just need to see Jake for a minute.
248
00:10:25,896 --> 00:10:26,976
He's feeling a tug.
249
00:10:27,397 --> 00:10:28,267
Tug?
250
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,336
Or it could be gas. We're not sure.
251
00:10:32,685 --> 00:10:33,917
Could you just call Jake?
252
00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:36,716
Jake! Your father's here!
253
00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:38,777
Put that down, Timmy!
254
00:10:39,201 --> 00:10:40,004
What?
255
00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:42,119
I just wanted to see if you were okay.
256
00:10:44,092 --> 00:10:46,179
Oh, great. Now I'm dead! Thanks a lot!
257
00:10:47,129 --> 00:10:49,583
Doesn't count!
I was talking to my stupid dad!
258
00:10:52,047 --> 00:10:55,124
Well, it seems like you've got
everything under control.
259
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,215
Actually, I ran out of ice cream.
260
00:10:57,258 --> 00:11:00,082
Do you think you could keep an eye
on the kids for a few minutes?
261
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:00,470
Uh...
262
00:11:00,506 --> 00:11:02,361
Thanks a million. I'll be right back.
263
00:11:14,457 --> 00:11:15,995
She ain't coming back.
264
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,240
Three hours she was gone.
265
00:11:21,495 --> 00:11:25,769
And when she finally came back
she was reeking of Old Spice and pot.
266
00:11:26,415 --> 00:11:27,362
I see.
267
00:11:27,462 --> 00:11:29,083
And she didn't even have any ice cream!
268
00:11:30,546 --> 00:11:31,579
All right,
269
00:11:31,785 --> 00:11:36,920
let's stop here for a minute and talk
in general about your feelings towards women.
270
00:11:37,015 --> 00:11:37,801
No, thanks.
271
00:11:39,548 --> 00:11:41,251
-Rather discuss your childhood?
-Nope.
272
00:11:41,372 --> 00:11:42,481
-Father?
-Dead.
273
00:11:42,528 --> 00:11:43,550
-Mother?
-Killed him.
274
00:11:45,295 --> 00:11:46,642
Would you like to discuss that?
275
00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:47,662
We just did.
276
00:11:48,705 --> 00:11:51,098
Charlie, I'm not sure
we're on the same page here.
277
00:11:51,615 --> 00:11:53,446
Have you ever been in therapy before?
278
00:11:54,091 --> 00:11:55,855
Does massage therapy count?
279
00:11:56,734 --> 00:11:57,403
No.
280
00:11:58,435 --> 00:11:59,680
It's almost the same thing.
281
00:12:00,121 --> 00:12:01,476
One on one with
a strange woman
282
00:12:01,477 --> 00:12:04,056
who charges you for an hour
then only gives you 50 minutes.
283
00:12:06,695 --> 00:12:08,410
Why don't we just go back to your story?
284
00:12:08,784 --> 00:12:10,550
Touch a nerve there, did I?
285
00:12:13,902 --> 00:12:15,464
Okay, okay.
286
00:12:15,487 --> 00:12:19,338
Well, Jake ignored his father
the entire time we were there, so
287
00:12:20,071 --> 00:12:22,502
Alan was a little upset
when we got back in the car.
288
00:12:22,525 --> 00:12:23,464
He hates me!
289
00:12:23,663 --> 00:12:25,009
My only son hates me!
290
00:12:26,365 --> 00:12:27,774
He doesn't hate you.
291
00:12:28,382 --> 00:12:30,294
He just didn't appreciate
you telling his friends that
292
00:12:30,329 --> 00:12:32,441
laser tag can induce
epileptic fits.
293
00:12:33,269 --> 00:12:34,346
Well, it can.
294
00:12:34,894 --> 00:12:35,974
Be that as it may,
295
00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:39,208
you probably could've gotten your point
across without flopping around on the floor,
296
00:12:39,244 --> 00:12:41,281
rolling your eyes up
and pretending to swallow your tongue.
297
00:12:42,357 --> 00:12:45,269
Hey, hey, a-a picture is worth a thousand...
298
00:12:48,150 --> 00:12:49,019
Charlie, stop the car.
299
00:12:49,657 --> 00:12:50,256
Why?
300
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,469
I have to get out.
I... I'm feeling claustrophobic.
301
00:12:52,516 --> 00:12:54,548
-There's no place to stop.
-We have to stop!
302
00:12:55,621 --> 00:12:56,420
Where?
303
00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:58,498
I-I can't breathe! I can't breathe.
304
00:12:58,514 --> 00:12:59,437
I-I have to get out.
305
00:12:59,473 --> 00:13:00,828
I have to get out now, now, now, now!
306
00:13:00,931 --> 00:13:02,290
Okay, hold on, hold on.
307
00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:07,882
The seat belt won't come off.
308
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:09,267
Just push the button.
309
00:13:09,302 --> 00:13:11,008
I can't, I can't.
It won't come off. Help me!
310
00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:12,464
Okay, okay, move your hands.
311
00:13:17,768 --> 00:13:18,250
Okay.
312
00:13:19,858 --> 00:13:20,962
It's passing.
313
00:13:21,303 --> 00:13:23,231
Yes, it's... Yes, I-I'm okay.
314
00:13:23,635 --> 00:13:24,504
No, you're not.
315
00:13:24,790 --> 00:13:25,189
What?
316
00:13:25,773 --> 00:13:26,383
Get out.
317
00:13:26,495 --> 00:13:27,698
-What?
-Get out now!
318
00:13:27,775 --> 00:13:29,447
Now, now, now, get out, get out!
319
00:13:37,738 --> 00:13:39,252
That's better.
320
00:13:47,279 --> 00:13:48,664
So you just left your brother
on the side of the road?
321
00:13:50,261 --> 00:13:51,975
He couldn't believe it, either.
322
00:13:53,855 --> 00:13:56,433
You should have seen his face
in the rearview mirror.
323
00:13:57,646 --> 00:14:00,745
All right, Charlie, we've been talking
for quite a while, and I got to tell you,
324
00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:03,833
I still don't understand why you came to see me.
325
00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:05,273
You in a hurry?
326
00:14:06,862 --> 00:14:09,729
Doesn't that undermine your whole pay
by the hour business model?
327
00:14:12,195 --> 00:14:12,817
Go ahead.
328
00:14:13,705 --> 00:14:14,480
Thank you.
329
00:14:15,284 --> 00:14:19,943
So, as I was driving away, I decided
I needed a little quiet time for, you know,
330
00:14:20,028 --> 00:14:21,826
reflection and meditation.
331
00:14:31,624 --> 00:14:32,034
Hey.
332
00:14:32,586 --> 00:14:33,232
Hey.
333
00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:34,890
What took you so long?
334
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:37,523
I was sure you'd come back.
335
00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:39,107
Huh.
336
00:14:39,482 --> 00:14:41,815
I guess that's case closed
on the telepathy stuff.
337
00:14:44,442 --> 00:14:45,311
What are you drinking?
338
00:14:45,822 --> 00:14:46,528
I don't know.
339
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,001
Something soothing.
340
00:14:48,740 --> 00:14:50,147
Uh, uh, Kahlua and cream?
341
00:14:50,614 --> 00:14:53,126
He's kidding. Give him a beer.
Must you always embarrass me?
342
00:14:54,670 --> 00:14:55,809
I've had a traumatic night.
343
00:14:55,845 --> 00:14:59,635
-I feel very exposed, vulnerable, confused...
-Yeah, yeah, okay, shut up, shut up, shut up.
344
00:15:02,536 --> 00:15:03,288
Hi.
345
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,400
-Hi.
-Yeah, hi.
346
00:15:06,231 --> 00:15:07,542
Can we buy you ladies a drink?
347
00:15:07,988 --> 00:15:09,832
No, thanks. We're already pretty blitzed.
348
00:15:09,854 --> 00:15:10,763
Boy, are we blitzed.
349
00:15:12,319 --> 00:15:13,038
Perfect.
350
00:15:14,946 --> 00:15:16,362
I'm Charlie. This is Alan.
351
00:15:16,656 --> 00:15:17,739
-Amy.
-Beth.
352
00:15:18,353 --> 00:15:19,185
Nice to meet you.
353
00:15:19,663 --> 00:15:20,489
How's it going tonight?
354
00:15:20,764 --> 00:15:21,539
Pretty good.
355
00:15:21,851 --> 00:15:22,765
We're blitzed.
356
00:15:24,541 --> 00:15:26,678
-How about you?
-Yeah, how you doin'?
357
00:15:28,081 --> 00:15:29,736
Oh, boy. Where to start?
358
00:15:29,791 --> 00:15:31,094
No one's talking to you.
359
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,088
What's the matter, Alan?
360
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,314
Yeah, what's the matter?
361
00:15:34,669 --> 00:15:36,594
Well, you-you really want to know?
362
00:15:36,646 --> 00:15:38,583
They don't. Trust me, you really don't.
363
00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:43,008
Well, maybe it's a-a late reaction
to the divorce, uh,
364
00:15:43,051 --> 00:15:46,893
maybe it's my son not needing me so much
now that he's growing up, but...
365
00:15:47,832 --> 00:15:49,652
But I think...
I think it's more than that. I-I...
366
00:15:50,061 --> 00:15:51,284
I think it's just life...
367
00:15:51,941 --> 00:15:53,479
grinding me down, and I just...
368
00:15:53,969 --> 00:15:55,919
I don't think I can take it anymore.
369
00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:58,050
Oh, you poor baby.
370
00:15:58,170 --> 00:15:59,635
Poor, poor baby.
371
00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:00,910
Tell us all about it.
372
00:16:00,974 --> 00:16:02,292
Yeah, tell us.
373
00:16:02,436 --> 00:16:05,184
Well, I was never a happy child.
374
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,452
Oh God, I was a miserable kid.
375
00:16:09,414 --> 00:16:12,889
And-And-And the only thing
that gave my life meaning was my son.
376
00:16:12,913 --> 00:16:14,557
At least you've got a son.
377
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,357
I've got nothing
378
00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:18,437
except...
379
00:16:19,316 --> 00:16:20,321
epilepsy.
380
00:16:21,619 --> 00:16:24,020
-Oh, no.
-Yeah. Oh, no.
381
00:16:32,039 --> 00:16:32,995
So anyway,
382
00:16:33,394 --> 00:16:35,457
there I was on my wedding day
383
00:16:35,583 --> 00:16:38,395
in front of the priest and all our friends,
384
00:16:38,642 --> 00:16:41,208
flopping around on the altar
like an epileptic trout,
385
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:43,897
when I heard her father say,
386
00:16:44,335 --> 00:16:45,701
"You can't marry this man.
387
00:16:46,190 --> 00:16:47,693
He's damaged goods."
388
00:16:48,092 --> 00:16:51,197
-Oh, gee.
-Yeah. Oh, gee.
389
00:16:52,019 --> 00:16:54,804
That's when I realized
that all the money in the world--
390
00:16:55,034 --> 00:16:56,092
and I do have a lot
391
00:16:57,926 --> 00:17:01,167
can't replace that special tug you feel...
392
00:17:03,078 --> 00:17:05,438
when someone loves you unconditionally.
393
00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:06,975
-Oh!
-Oh!
394
00:17:07,041 --> 00:17:10,000
-Look, that's the ocean.
-Ooh, the ocean.
395
00:17:10,019 --> 00:17:11,492
-Let's go skinny dipping.
-Yeah, skinny dipping.
396
00:17:11,518 --> 00:17:12,751
-You want to come?
-Yeah, come with us.
397
00:17:14,259 --> 00:17:15,572
I'd love to, but I'm
398
00:17:15,810 --> 00:17:17,971
too sad, and I might swallow my tongue.
399
00:17:18,696 --> 00:17:19,657
You two go.
400
00:17:20,010 --> 00:17:24,318
Swim, splash, frolic,
enjoy your healthy bodies.
401
00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:25,184
Okay.
402
00:17:25,219 --> 00:17:25,947
Bye.
403
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,188
Have you no shame?
404
00:17:29,795 --> 00:17:30,500
Let me think.
405
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:31,737
Nope. Just a tug.
406
00:17:32,576 --> 00:17:33,621
Now that's another thing.
407
00:17:33,655 --> 00:17:34,672
My angst is real.
408
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:37,997
I-I do not appreciate you taking my tug
and using it to get in someone's pants.
409
00:17:38,096 --> 00:17:39,171
News flash, Alan
410
00:17:39,207 --> 00:17:40,817
they're already out of their pants.
411
00:17:42,108 --> 00:17:45,564
And they're gonna come back cold, wet,
and in desperate need of body heat.
412
00:17:45,585 --> 00:17:47,707
Which means for those of us
with normal skin temperature,
413
00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:49,365
it'll be a seller's market.
414
00:17:50,344 --> 00:17:51,146
You're unbelievable.
415
00:17:51,192 --> 00:17:52,316
No, I just think ahead.
416
00:17:52,824 --> 00:17:55,525
They're only gonna last about two seconds
in that water, so we have to hurry.
417
00:17:55,554 --> 00:17:58,120
I'll get the wine, you light some candles,
get a little ambiance going.
418
00:17:58,155 --> 00:17:59,572
I'm sorry, I'm really not in the mood.
419
00:18:00,869 --> 00:18:03,981
Are you saying that I have to get you
liquored up so I can get laid?
420
00:18:05,799 --> 00:18:08,384
All right, I'll go along,
but only as a favor to you.
421
00:18:08,736 --> 00:18:09,511
Thank you.
422
00:18:11,388 --> 00:18:12,797
I'm probably gonna have to apply the condom
423
00:18:12,823 --> 00:18:15,347
and get a rope and pulley
to lower one of those broads onto him.
424
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:20,351
Since you're making me do this,
425
00:18:20,527 --> 00:18:21,396
I get Amy.
426
00:18:21,592 --> 00:18:22,792
The hell you do!
427
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:24,624
Which one's Amy?
428
00:18:25,692 --> 00:18:27,911
Amy's the one who overcame
the eating disorder.
429
00:18:28,142 --> 00:18:29,886
Starving herself or throwing up?
430
00:18:30,745 --> 00:18:31,719
Does it make a difference?
431
00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,747
It does if you're paying for dinner.
432
00:18:35,161 --> 00:18:36,282
Amy is the brunette.
433
00:18:36,362 --> 00:18:38,051
Got it. So I have Jennifer.
434
00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:39,573
You mean Beth.
435
00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:41,707
Right, right, "B" for blonde.
436
00:18:42,696 --> 00:18:44,175
"B" can also be for brunette.
437
00:18:44,695 --> 00:18:45,920
But Amy's the brunette.
438
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:48,023
So you could do "A" for anorexic.
439
00:18:48,749 --> 00:18:50,940
Unless it's "B" for bulimic.
440
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:52,556
Good point.
441
00:18:52,713 --> 00:18:53,758
We're gonna need a new system.
442
00:18:55,243 --> 00:18:56,192
Do you smell something?
443
00:18:57,184 --> 00:18:58,640
Yeah, what is that?
444
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,146
I think you do these things
just to piss me off.
445
00:19:12,092 --> 00:19:13,408
Oh my God, what happened?
446
00:19:13,438 --> 00:19:14,800
Well, while I was trying to put it out,
447
00:19:14,965 --> 00:19:16,997
my brother stupidly called
the fire department.
448
00:19:17,748 --> 00:19:18,946
Why was that stupid?
449
00:19:19,156 --> 00:19:21,312
Have you seen a Malibu fireman recently?
450
00:19:22,938 --> 00:19:23,913
They're all young,
451
00:19:23,948 --> 00:19:26,827
buff surfer dudes whippin'
their big hoses around.
452
00:19:29,103 --> 00:19:32,367
Amy and Beth jumped on their hook
and ladder like a couple of Dalmatians.
453
00:19:32,944 --> 00:19:34,071
I never saw 'em again.
454
00:19:35,294 --> 00:19:37,701
Ah yes, the Malibu fire department.
455
00:19:37,725 --> 00:19:41,272
I have several patients who compulsively
masturbate to their calendar.
456
00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:42,567
No kidding.
457
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:43,672
Both sexes.
458
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:46,384
So anyway, Charlie,
459
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:49,596
I'm still not clear on what it is
you would like me to help you with.
460
00:19:49,639 --> 00:19:52,622
Uh, your anger issues, your sexual issues,
461
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,216
-your drinking?
-No, no, no, no, that's all cool.
462
00:19:56,648 --> 00:19:59,818
Then tell me, why are you here?
463
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,114
Okay. Well,
464
00:20:01,494 --> 00:20:04,213
I'm here to lay some groundwork
for the future.
465
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:05,551
Some groundwork?
466
00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:06,419
Yeah.
467
00:20:06,501 --> 00:20:07,931
I've come to realize that there's
468
00:20:08,013 --> 00:20:10,737
a very good chance that
I might some day snap
469
00:20:10,770 --> 00:20:11,994
and kill my brother.
470
00:20:14,456 --> 00:20:17,814
And I figure, if I'm already
under a psychiatrist's care,
471
00:20:17,826 --> 00:20:19,950
then I can always
cop an insanity plea.
472
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:24,418
You're thinking of killing your brother?
473
00:20:24,535 --> 00:20:26,038
Shh!
474
00:20:27,919 --> 00:20:30,525
Doctor-patient confidentiality.
475
00:20:38,325 --> 00:20:39,417
Where's the bottle opener?
476
00:20:39,676 --> 00:20:41,552
Check in the drawer by the coffee machine.
477
00:20:42,271 --> 00:20:43,988
Hey, what do you think of this
for the new drapes?
478
00:20:46,042 --> 00:20:47,052
Too small.
479
00:20:48,567 --> 00:20:50,321
I don't know. I think it's kind of cheerful.
480
00:20:50,724 --> 00:20:52,009
I'll put it in the maybe pile.
481
00:20:54,171 --> 00:20:55,474
You do that.
482
00:20:56,944 --> 00:20:59,192
You know, we're also gonna have
to reupholster the couch.
483
00:20:59,496 --> 00:21:00,208
You think?
484
00:21:00,269 --> 00:21:01,690
Well, there was a lot of water damage,
485
00:21:01,749 --> 00:21:02,893
which, quite frankly,
486
00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:05,464
I think was the result of the firemen
showing off for the girls.
487
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,258
You could be right.
488
00:21:09,755 --> 00:21:10,354
You know,
489
00:21:10,452 --> 00:21:11,649
I-I just want to tell you,
490
00:21:11,650 --> 00:21:15,439
I-I really appreciate you stickin' by me
in the past couple of days, you know,
491
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,213
pulling me out of my funk.
492
00:21:17,518 --> 00:21:19,104
You really are a great brother.
493
00:21:21,263 --> 00:21:22,425
I don't know what I'd do without you.
494
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,609
I don't know what I'd do without you, either.
495
00:21:28,336 --> 00:21:29,228
But, golly,
496
00:21:29,826 --> 00:21:31,816
it's sure fun to think about.
497
00:21:33,601 --> 00:21:35,160
Synchro : Relaxx
498
00:21:35,366 --> 00:21:36,980
Trranscript : Raceman
499
00:21:37,074 --> 00:21:39,493
Corrections : Bouliii + nColas
500
00:21:39,916 --> 00:21:42,475
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