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1
00:00:05,465 --> 00:00:07,717
Now, this is a real Dick hot spot.
2
00:00:08,426 --> 00:00:14,099
To your right we have some mud
that he might've stepped in. Maybe.
3
00:00:14,599 --> 00:00:20,146
Over there, we have a tree that,
rumor has it, Dick once leant on.
4
00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:21,982
{\an8}I'm sorry, is this it?
5
00:00:21,982 --> 00:00:25,235
{\an8}Your brochure promised
exclusive Dick access.
6
00:00:25,235 --> 00:00:27,988
Yeah. No, there's loads.
I've got loads coming up. Yeah.
7
00:00:27,988 --> 00:00:30,991
The-- I did the trees already, right?
8
00:00:32,116 --> 00:00:33,451
Finally!
9
00:00:33,451 --> 00:00:35,412
It's only the bloody man himself.
10
00:00:35,412 --> 00:00:38,999
- It's Dick Turpin!
- Oh, my goodness.
11
00:00:38,999 --> 00:00:41,334
- It's happening!
- Oh, my God.
12
00:00:42,794 --> 00:00:44,588
What do you mean, he's not available?
13
00:00:44,588 --> 00:00:46,381
Guys, I thought we had an agreement.
14
00:00:46,381 --> 00:00:49,009
He was supposed to be here,
but he's doing a big pamphlet signing.
15
00:00:49,009 --> 00:00:51,595
But we came all this way
to be robbed by Dick Turpin.
16
00:00:51,595 --> 00:00:55,181
Not a bunch of-- and I'm sorry,
I have to say it-- second-rate nobodies.
17
00:00:55,181 --> 00:00:56,933
Hey. Listen. We're not nobodies, yeah?
18
00:00:56,933 --> 00:00:58,560
- We're the Essex Gang.
- Yeah.
19
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,437
We're in all the pamphlets too.
20
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,022
- Are we?
- Most of the time.
21
00:01:02,898 --> 00:01:04,690
Some of the time. Okay, okay.
22
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:06,651
One time, we were in a pamphlet.
23
00:01:06,651 --> 00:01:09,487
Oh, Mama, I just hate them.
This is so unfair.
24
00:01:10,071 --> 00:01:12,032
- Ow! What the f--
- Well done, darling.
25
00:01:12,574 --> 00:01:14,868
Are you happy? Look at Priscilla's face.
26
00:01:14,868 --> 00:01:17,203
She has been looking forward
to being robbed by Dick for weeks.
27
00:01:17,203 --> 00:01:19,664
Yes! This is unacceptable!
28
00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:21,333
No refunds though. All sales are final.
29
00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:24,836
But we were promised a proper highwayman.
A celebrity highwayman.
30
00:01:53,615 --> 00:01:56,368
Hope you don't mind me dropping in.
31
00:01:57,369 --> 00:01:59,329
Now this is more like it.
32
00:02:00,914 --> 00:02:02,499
Oi! We robbed those first!
33
00:02:04,251 --> 00:02:05,252
Apologies,
34
00:02:05,252 --> 00:02:08,796
but I simply cannot allow
such stunning pieces
35
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:12,425
to remain in the hands of
such utterly hopeless highwaymen.
36
00:02:13,343 --> 00:02:14,886
- Bravo.
- Very good.
37
00:02:15,887 --> 00:02:17,514
- Jolly good show.
- You're too kind.
38
00:02:17,514 --> 00:02:19,349
And before I go...
39
00:02:24,771 --> 00:02:27,065
And for you too, of course.
40
00:02:32,445 --> 00:02:34,114
Oh, no. He's not kissing everyone, is he?
41
00:02:34,114 --> 00:02:38,201
Now, while it pains me to depart
from such exquisite company...
42
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:39,869
Me? Really?
43
00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:45,083
...duty calls, and I must bid you au revoir.
44
00:02:45,083 --> 00:02:46,001
That's French.
45
00:02:46,001 --> 00:02:48,295
- He speaks French. See?
- Hey!
46
00:02:48,295 --> 00:02:50,714
You can't just steal our loot
and kiss everyone.
47
00:02:50,714 --> 00:02:52,507
Who are you?
48
00:02:53,383 --> 00:02:54,467
Let me tell you who I am.
49
00:03:05,645 --> 00:03:07,063
Are you doing the whole name?
50
00:03:07,063 --> 00:03:08,481
Yes. One moment.
51
00:03:09,149 --> 00:03:09,983
{\an8}Done.
52
00:03:13,111 --> 00:03:14,446
"Timmy Sillyshoes"?
53
00:03:15,030 --> 00:03:16,990
It's Tommy Silversides. Now, listen.
54
00:03:16,990 --> 00:03:21,536
You tell Dick Turpin
Hempstead is my turf now.
55
00:03:22,537 --> 00:03:23,788
It's Tommy time.
56
00:03:30,462 --> 00:03:32,380
We'll tell him, Tommy!
57
00:03:33,506 --> 00:03:35,884
See you around, I hope.
58
00:03:35,884 --> 00:03:38,637
I mean, I'll be around,
but if you're busy, then it's cool.
59
00:03:38,637 --> 00:03:40,305
- It's cool.
- What's wrong with you?
60
00:03:40,305 --> 00:03:41,431
I don't know.
61
00:03:41,431 --> 00:03:42,349
Just stop.
62
00:03:42,349 --> 00:03:45,352
Now, that's a highwayman.
63
00:04:11,628 --> 00:04:13,421
{\an8}My first ever pamphlet signing.
64
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:14,923
It's so exciting.
65
00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:17,216
I can't believe all these people
came here just for me.
66
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,677
You're a star, Dick.
67
00:04:19,678 --> 00:04:22,096
{\an8}Hey, check out my new signature.
Pretty cool, yeah?
68
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,307
{\an8}Yes, it's quite elaborate.
How long did that take?
69
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:26,726
Four hours.
But I reckon I could get it down to three.
70
00:04:26,726 --> 00:04:27,727
Great.
71
00:04:27,727 --> 00:04:29,396
Sorry for the holdup, Dick.
72
00:04:29,396 --> 00:04:34,526
Since this place was featured in the
Reddlehag pamphlet, sales have exploded.
73
00:04:34,526 --> 00:04:36,736
I've even had to hire new staff
to keep up.
74
00:04:36,736 --> 00:04:38,822
Hey, you two, back to work!
75
00:04:39,614 --> 00:04:42,492
I'm gonna have to get rid of them.
They're useless.
76
00:04:42,492 --> 00:04:44,244
Dad, you came!
77
00:04:46,788 --> 00:04:52,127
Never thought I'd say this,
but I am actually so, so proud...
78
00:04:53,253 --> 00:04:54,462
of Benny!
79
00:04:55,130 --> 00:04:57,382
He's already slicing and dicing
at a grade-five level.
80
00:04:57,382 --> 00:05:02,512
The man is a meat magician.
He's a poultry prodigy.
81
00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:04,097
- I'm a chop champ.
- Yeah.
82
00:05:04,097 --> 00:05:06,600
Chop champ.
And are you proud of me in any way?
83
00:05:07,893 --> 00:05:11,313
I don't condone all of this
"self-aggrandisizing."
84
00:05:11,313 --> 00:05:14,107
I'm only here to check the advert
for the shop.
85
00:05:14,107 --> 00:05:18,528
"Eet Meet."
86
00:05:18,528 --> 00:05:22,449
About that, you've spelt both the words
wrong and you haven't listed the address.
87
00:05:22,449 --> 00:05:23,533
No.
88
00:05:24,034 --> 00:05:26,119
It's subliminal.
89
00:05:26,870 --> 00:05:29,456
Coming through. Coming through.
Excuse me. Coming through. Excuse me.
90
00:05:29,456 --> 00:05:30,874
- Pardon me. Excuse me.
- Sorry.
91
00:05:30,874 --> 00:05:34,211
Dick, we got trouble.
There's a new highwayman in town.
92
00:05:34,211 --> 00:05:38,465
He robbed us, and he kissed people,
and he carved his name on my coat.
93
00:05:39,341 --> 00:05:40,675
"Donny Superstore"?
94
00:05:40,675 --> 00:05:41,718
No.
95
00:05:41,718 --> 00:05:45,305
"Tommy Silversides."
He said Hempstead is his turf now.
96
00:05:45,305 --> 00:05:47,265
And that's bad, because this is Hempstead.
97
00:05:47,265 --> 00:05:49,351
- Yeah, and he had fireworks and smoke.
- So?
98
00:05:49,351 --> 00:05:53,855
And this thick, beautiful, gorgeous,
luscious head of hair.
99
00:05:53,855 --> 00:05:56,566
Beautiful, gorgeous,
luscious head of hair?
100
00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:58,443
We need to find this guy immediately.
101
00:05:58,443 --> 00:06:00,695
What was he called again?
Tammy Pesticides?
102
00:06:07,702 --> 00:06:09,162
I'll tell you what my name is.
103
00:06:12,624 --> 00:06:16,378
Who's the dashing desperado
That no enemy can outwit?
104
00:06:16,378 --> 00:06:20,215
Who's the dandy highway hero
In the snazziest outfit?
105
00:06:20,215 --> 00:06:22,217
Does he separate recycling?
106
00:06:22,217 --> 00:06:25,804
Oh, you never need to doubt it
And of course he gives to charity
107
00:06:25,804 --> 00:06:30,225
But he doesn't like to talk about it
108
00:06:30,225 --> 00:06:33,186
Ho! He's Tommy
Ho, ho!
109
00:06:33,186 --> 00:06:37,315
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy Silversides
Tommy Silversides, everyone!
110
00:06:37,315 --> 00:06:42,028
And before the song is over
He will change your lives
111
00:06:42,028 --> 00:06:45,615
No one's cheeky winks are cheekier
No one's sneaky plans are sneakier
112
00:06:45,615 --> 00:06:47,492
Check out his ripped physique
113
00:06:47,492 --> 00:06:49,035
Check out my ripped physique
114
00:06:51,830 --> 00:06:55,208
He makes the masses swoon
He wrote his own theme tune
115
00:06:55,208 --> 00:07:01,631
Look at him, he's even fixing
That front door that he just kicked in
116
00:07:01,631 --> 00:07:05,677
This song is nearly over
So to summarize
117
00:07:05,677 --> 00:07:08,388
His name is Tommy, Tommy, Tommy
118
00:07:08,388 --> 00:07:14,394
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy Silversides
119
00:07:17,981 --> 00:07:18,982
Not so fast.
120
00:07:18,982 --> 00:07:21,985
I'm Dick Turpin, and you robbed my gang,
121
00:07:21,985 --> 00:07:25,113
- and now you're ripping off my act.
- Your act? No, no.
122
00:07:25,113 --> 00:07:28,950
I've got more flair in my trigger finger
than you have in your entire dated outfit.
123
00:07:28,950 --> 00:07:30,118
Red and black, really?
124
00:07:30,118 --> 00:07:32,370
What is this, huh? 1733?
125
00:07:34,289 --> 00:07:36,625
This is a timeless classic.
126
00:07:36,625 --> 00:07:38,835
And Hempstead is my patch.
127
00:07:38,835 --> 00:07:40,003
And if you want it,
128
00:07:40,003 --> 00:07:44,591
you're gonna have to plow through me
like a hot knife through Battenberg.
129
00:07:45,091 --> 00:07:46,092
Very well.
130
00:07:46,801 --> 00:07:48,428
I challenge you to a duel.
131
00:07:49,679 --> 00:07:51,723
Not really into guns. Bit of a pacifist.
132
00:07:51,723 --> 00:07:55,060
What about a food-sculpting competition?
133
00:07:55,685 --> 00:07:59,147
- Best vegetable person wins.
- What, like this?
134
00:08:00,690 --> 00:08:03,902
Wow. Look at those green bean eyebrows.
135
00:08:04,486 --> 00:08:05,320
So detailed.
136
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:06,863
What about a knit-off?
137
00:08:06,863 --> 00:08:08,490
Most snuggly cardie gets the gang?
138
00:08:08,490 --> 00:08:09,741
Like this one?
139
00:08:10,784 --> 00:08:13,578
My God. Look at the garter stitching.
140
00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:16,081
It's world-class.
141
00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:17,374
It is world-class.
142
00:08:18,083 --> 00:08:20,335
Okay. You want the big guns.
143
00:08:20,335 --> 00:08:23,380
What about a hair-blowing-in-the-wind-off?
144
00:08:23,380 --> 00:08:25,799
Moose, get the unusually large fan.
145
00:08:28,093 --> 00:08:30,345
Yeah. Yes, indeed.
146
00:08:31,596 --> 00:08:32,722
Like this?
147
00:08:43,275 --> 00:08:45,318
I want his conditioner.
148
00:08:45,318 --> 00:08:48,029
And I want to apply it to his head.
149
00:08:48,029 --> 00:08:49,781
All right. A duel it is.
150
00:08:49,781 --> 00:08:54,369
But if I win, you leave Hempstead
and stop stealing my moves.
151
00:08:54,369 --> 00:08:59,916
And if I win,
you leave Hempstead and I get your gang.
152
00:09:01,084 --> 00:09:02,836
Tomorrow, two o'clock.
153
00:09:02,836 --> 00:09:04,254
Lord Rookwood's estate?
154
00:09:04,254 --> 00:09:06,882
And here's tomorrow's pamphlet headline:
155
00:09:07,841 --> 00:09:10,969
"Dick Dies in Deadly Altercation."
156
00:09:10,969 --> 00:09:13,889
Shouldn't it be
"Dick Dies in Deadly Duel"?
157
00:09:13,889 --> 00:09:15,432
I love that. Yes!
158
00:09:15,432 --> 00:09:16,725
You must be the writer.
159
00:09:17,309 --> 00:09:19,060
- I am.
- What's happening here?
160
00:09:19,603 --> 00:09:21,354
And now, away!
161
00:09:27,652 --> 00:09:29,279
It's an absolute nightmare.
162
00:09:29,279 --> 00:09:30,572
Dick, wait.
163
00:09:30,572 --> 00:09:32,908
I'm gonna teach you what I should have
taught you a long time ago.
164
00:09:32,908 --> 00:09:34,451
Conversational Spanish?
165
00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:38,204
Okay. Your turn.
166
00:09:38,872 --> 00:09:40,582
Aim and shoot the target.
167
00:09:40,582 --> 00:09:42,375
I mean, don't call him "target."
He's got a name.
168
00:09:42,375 --> 00:09:43,460
No, he doesn't.
169
00:09:43,460 --> 00:09:46,504
He is a dummy who exists
only to be shot in his straw head.
170
00:09:46,504 --> 00:09:47,923
Actually, he's called Giuseppe.
171
00:09:47,923 --> 00:09:48,840
His dad's Italian.
172
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,426
He's got two kids,
a whippet and a lovely straw wife.
173
00:09:51,426 --> 00:09:53,261
What do you think his favorite food is?
174
00:09:53,261 --> 00:09:54,304
I don't know.
175
00:09:54,804 --> 00:09:56,765
- Pasta?
- What? 'Cause he's Italian?
176
00:09:56,765 --> 00:09:57,766
That's a bit racist.
177
00:09:58,350 --> 00:09:59,684
Actually, he's off solids.
178
00:09:59,684 --> 00:10:01,061
He's on a diet
of coffee and limoncello.
179
00:10:01,061 --> 00:10:02,646
He's out of his mind most of the time.
180
00:10:03,855 --> 00:10:06,358
- Okay. Can you just shoot him, please?
- I can't shoot him.
181
00:10:06,358 --> 00:10:07,525
I've gotten to know him now.
182
00:10:07,525 --> 00:10:09,152
Taking me out on his gondola
next Thursday.
183
00:10:09,152 --> 00:10:12,364
Yeah, there won't be a next Thursday
if Tommy shoots your face off.
184
00:10:12,864 --> 00:10:15,158
Look, Nell, I appreciate
what you're trying to do for me.
185
00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:17,619
But, you know,
I'm not a violent psychopath like you.
186
00:10:17,619 --> 00:10:18,912
- Thank you.
- Besides,
187
00:10:18,912 --> 00:10:20,664
I've given my tiny gun
to Craig the Warlock.
188
00:10:20,664 --> 00:10:22,457
He's gonna enchant it.
Make sure I never miss.
189
00:10:29,089 --> 00:10:31,132
Well, if that doesn't work,
I'll just do what I always do.
190
00:10:31,132 --> 00:10:32,926
Come up with a flamboyant plan.
191
00:10:32,926 --> 00:10:34,219
A plan with panache.
192
00:10:34,844 --> 00:10:36,680
Tommy's got panache. He out-panached you.
193
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:39,474
He didn't out-panache me.
I mean, at best, he matched my panache.
194
00:10:39,474 --> 00:10:43,812
No, he smashed your panache
into tiny, little "panacheo" pieces.
195
00:10:43,812 --> 00:10:45,855
Now, please can you
take this seriously and shoot?
196
00:10:45,855 --> 00:10:48,483
I know what you're doing.
I can see what's happening here.
197
00:10:48,483 --> 00:10:50,068
You care about me a little bit, don't you?
198
00:10:50,068 --> 00:10:51,486
Just a little bit.
199
00:10:51,486 --> 00:10:54,364
- 'Cause we're proper mates.
- Okay, fine. We're proper mates.
200
00:10:54,364 --> 00:10:57,325
Now, please can you try
and be a proper highwayman
201
00:10:57,325 --> 00:11:01,580
and shoot Tommy in his perfect,
luscious, sexy little head
202
00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:04,332
that maybe one day I'd like to kiss
if you don't shoot it first?
203
00:11:04,332 --> 00:11:07,210
Okay, seeing as we're proper mates,
I'll shoot him in the torso.
204
00:11:11,131 --> 00:11:11,965
No, Dick!
205
00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:13,550
Nell, can you stop doing
that ridiculous voice?
206
00:11:13,550 --> 00:11:14,759
I'm trying to concentrate.
207
00:11:15,594 --> 00:11:16,720
We're being kidnapped. Got it.
208
00:11:29,733 --> 00:11:30,775
There he is.
209
00:11:30,775 --> 00:11:33,028
Okay. Are you sure about this?
210
00:11:33,028 --> 00:11:35,322
Trust me. Nell's helping Dick win.
211
00:11:35,322 --> 00:11:37,324
We're gonna help Tommy lose.
212
00:11:37,324 --> 00:11:39,034
Yeah, but Tommy's never lost a duel.
213
00:11:39,701 --> 00:11:41,369
I know that because he's not dead. Yeah.
214
00:11:41,369 --> 00:11:43,079
Three words, my friend.
215
00:11:43,079 --> 00:11:45,332
Sabotage.
216
00:11:45,332 --> 00:11:46,249
Come on.
217
00:11:49,711 --> 00:11:50,545
Tommy.
218
00:11:51,963 --> 00:11:54,883
Let him go! He can't breathe,
and Moose loves breathing!
219
00:11:54,883 --> 00:11:55,884
Apologies.
220
00:11:57,886 --> 00:11:59,721
It's my Krav Maga training.
221
00:12:00,430 --> 00:12:02,182
Sometimes I struggle to keep it in check.
222
00:12:03,808 --> 00:12:07,437
Listen, if you chaps are here
to ask me to call off the duel,
223
00:12:08,063 --> 00:12:09,981
I'm afraid that's a no-go for the T-Man.
224
00:12:09,981 --> 00:12:12,359
Actually, we want you to win.
225
00:12:12,359 --> 00:12:14,236
Yeah. That's why we came here
to take you out.
226
00:12:14,236 --> 00:12:16,196
- I knew it!
- To the pub.
227
00:12:16,196 --> 00:12:17,656
To take you to the pub.
228
00:12:17,656 --> 00:12:19,741
Not to kill you.
Why would we wanna kill you?
229
00:12:19,741 --> 00:12:22,202
We wanna get to know you, you know?
230
00:12:22,202 --> 00:12:24,120
Chances are,
you're gonna be our new leader.
231
00:12:26,456 --> 00:12:27,624
I see your game.
232
00:12:29,167 --> 00:12:35,924
Yeah. You boys are trying to get me
absolutely bladdered so I miss the duel.
233
00:12:38,677 --> 00:12:40,011
I'm joshing, chaps.
234
00:12:41,471 --> 00:12:43,765
The T-Bone never turns down a pint, right?
235
00:12:43,765 --> 00:12:44,891
You know. Come on.
236
00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:46,685
Yeah!
237
00:12:48,228 --> 00:12:49,854
- Careful.
- What?
238
00:12:49,854 --> 00:12:52,691
Okay. First, I'm gonna pump out,
like, 20 more pushies.
239
00:12:56,236 --> 00:12:57,529
- One...
- We'll give you a moment.
240
00:12:57,529 --> 00:13:00,532
No, no. You'll stay. I like to be watched.
241
00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:04,536
One. Two-- Eyes on me.
242
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:06,580
Look how easy I'm doing it.
243
00:13:09,207 --> 00:13:10,208
Where am I?
244
00:13:10,792 --> 00:13:11,793
Where's Nell?
245
00:13:12,419 --> 00:13:14,671
I wouldn't worry about your little friend.
246
00:13:14,671 --> 00:13:16,715
She's right at home here.
247
00:13:17,799 --> 00:13:21,386
So, Dick Turpin.
248
00:13:23,555 --> 00:13:24,639
We meet again.
249
00:13:25,599 --> 00:13:26,600
Have we met before?
250
00:13:29,394 --> 00:13:31,187
No, I don't suppose we have.
251
00:13:32,564 --> 00:13:37,611
My name is Lady Helen Gwinear,
leader of the Syndicate.
252
00:13:37,611 --> 00:13:39,863
I've heard of you. You're the big boss.
253
00:13:39,863 --> 00:13:43,199
Yes, yes. I suppose I am the big boss.
254
00:13:43,825 --> 00:13:46,036
And you stole my gold.
255
00:13:46,036 --> 00:13:47,162
Yeah. Sorry about that.
256
00:13:47,162 --> 00:13:49,539
I'd give it back to you,
but I sort of lost it immediately.
257
00:13:50,081 --> 00:13:52,250
Gambling on a death match
between two old ladies.
258
00:13:52,918 --> 00:13:54,461
Poor Doris, she went down hard.
259
00:13:54,461 --> 00:13:57,047
Very brittle bones.
They had to sweep her up.
260
00:13:57,547 --> 00:13:58,548
Was a horrible sight.
261
00:13:59,341 --> 00:14:00,175
I know.
262
00:14:00,717 --> 00:14:03,136
I've been keeping
a very, very close eye on you.
263
00:14:03,136 --> 00:14:06,681
Yeah. Before you go any further,
can I just say you seem really nice,
264
00:14:06,681 --> 00:14:09,392
but I've just split up
with my last nemesis.
265
00:14:09,392 --> 00:14:10,602
Jonathan Wilde.
266
00:14:10,602 --> 00:14:13,104
Yeah, and I'm not really ready
to commit again.
267
00:14:13,104 --> 00:14:15,106
So, I might fly solo.
268
00:14:15,106 --> 00:14:17,067
Maybe speed date a couple of new enemies.
269
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,318
Just have some fun.
270
00:14:18,318 --> 00:14:21,863
Oh, Dick, I'm flattered,
but that's not why you're here.
271
00:14:21,863 --> 00:14:22,906
Cut the ropes.
272
00:14:25,992 --> 00:14:28,370
- Bring in the other one.
- Get off!
273
00:14:28,370 --> 00:14:30,914
Hey, I'm walking already.
You don't have to drag me.
274
00:14:32,499 --> 00:14:33,708
- Nell.
- Dick.
275
00:14:34,668 --> 00:14:35,919
Oh, my God.
276
00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:40,215
- Mum?
- Hello, darling.
277
00:14:41,925 --> 00:14:43,426
Yes!
278
00:14:43,426 --> 00:14:45,554
Gentlemen, what will it be, huh?
279
00:14:45,554 --> 00:14:48,890
Might I suggest a fine whiskey?
280
00:14:48,890 --> 00:14:50,350
Yeah. That'll put hairs on your chest.
281
00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:52,769
Yeah, I mean-- Well,
how about something stronger?
282
00:14:52,769 --> 00:14:54,604
Medical-grade alcohol, yeah?
283
00:14:54,604 --> 00:14:56,273
That'll put hairs on your hairs.
284
00:14:57,399 --> 00:14:59,818
Okay, big guy.
How about something stronger still?
285
00:14:59,818 --> 00:15:01,027
Pure ethanol.
286
00:15:01,861 --> 00:15:02,862
That'll just kill you.
287
00:15:02,862 --> 00:15:06,283
Guys, all these things sound horrible.
Can we just have a beer?
288
00:15:06,283 --> 00:15:07,659
How about this?
289
00:15:08,410 --> 00:15:11,037
South American Scorpion Rum.
290
00:15:11,037 --> 00:15:13,623
Well, at least that's what I think it is.
291
00:15:13,623 --> 00:15:17,669
There's no label on the bottle because
the brewers who made it went blind.
292
00:15:18,545 --> 00:15:19,921
Perfect.
293
00:15:21,464 --> 00:15:22,883
Thanks, Little Karen.
294
00:15:22,883 --> 00:15:24,134
Enjoy.
295
00:15:24,134 --> 00:15:25,552
- To Tommy.
- To Tommy.
296
00:15:26,553 --> 00:15:30,265
I am gonna lead you guys so good.
297
00:15:38,607 --> 00:15:39,774
Really good.
298
00:15:39,774 --> 00:15:41,192
I thought you said this was strong.
299
00:15:41,693 --> 00:15:43,153
- But it is!
- Okay.
300
00:15:43,153 --> 00:15:44,237
Again!
301
00:15:46,531 --> 00:15:48,992
Are you sure
you're eating enough fruit, darling?
302
00:15:48,992 --> 00:15:50,452
You're awfully pale.
303
00:15:50,452 --> 00:15:53,121
Yes, because somebody kidnapped me.
304
00:15:53,121 --> 00:15:55,415
God, why do you always
have to do this, Mum?
305
00:15:55,415 --> 00:15:57,876
Well, how else would I see you?
You never visit.
306
00:15:58,460 --> 00:16:00,670
Still can't believe this is your mum.
307
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:02,505
Yeah, okay. Go on, say it.
308
00:16:02,505 --> 00:16:05,592
"Your mum's head of the Syndicate.
She's such a big deal.
309
00:16:05,592 --> 00:16:07,260
You're never gonna live up to her."
310
00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:10,222
This is the very reason
I ran away from home.
311
00:16:10,222 --> 00:16:11,681
That's not what I'm talking about.
312
00:16:11,681 --> 00:16:13,391
I mean, how is this your mum?
313
00:16:13,975 --> 00:16:15,769
You literally look the same age.
314
00:16:15,769 --> 00:16:19,231
Now, Mr. Turpin. I see what you're doing.
315
00:16:19,231 --> 00:16:20,565
Stop it.
316
00:16:20,565 --> 00:16:24,194
Yeah, okay. Sorry. Can you stop
flirting with my mother, please?
317
00:16:24,194 --> 00:16:25,946
She obviously wants to kill you.
318
00:16:25,946 --> 00:16:28,823
I do not want to kill him, poppet.
319
00:16:28,823 --> 00:16:30,951
Actually, I'm somewhat of a fan.
320
00:16:30,951 --> 00:16:32,369
You're only human.
321
00:16:32,911 --> 00:16:34,871
Dick Turpin, pamphlet star.
322
00:16:34,871 --> 00:16:36,373
I never miss an issue.
323
00:16:36,998 --> 00:16:40,919
But I must say,
that cover art does not do you justice.
324
00:16:40,919 --> 00:16:43,588
That's what I always say.
They never give my hair enough oomph.
325
00:16:43,588 --> 00:16:44,965
Not nearly enough oomph.
326
00:16:44,965 --> 00:16:48,552
Oh, my God. Torture me now.
Please, just torture me now.
327
00:16:48,552 --> 00:16:50,804
In fact, that's why I brought you here.
328
00:16:52,806 --> 00:16:54,808
Welcome to the Syndicate.
329
00:17:00,814 --> 00:17:04,943
Our organization controls almost all
criminal activity in the country.
330
00:17:04,943 --> 00:17:08,154
Kidnappers in Cornwall,
burglars in Berkshire
331
00:17:08,154 --> 00:17:10,864
and every estate agent in England.
332
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:13,285
That makes sense.
I knew those guys were evil.
333
00:17:13,285 --> 00:17:14,619
But that's not all.
334
00:17:16,412 --> 00:17:19,583
We're very proud
of our grassroots crime programs,
335
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:22,752
nurturing
the next generation of criminals.
336
00:17:22,752 --> 00:17:25,213
So, what's the moral of the story?
337
00:17:26,590 --> 00:17:28,425
Support local businesses.
338
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:30,010
So close Edward.
339
00:17:30,010 --> 00:17:32,971
But it's extort. Extort local businesses.
340
00:17:35,473 --> 00:17:38,643
Wow. This place is almost
as incredible as you.
341
00:17:38,643 --> 00:17:39,853
Thank you.
342
00:17:39,853 --> 00:17:42,147
My grandfather built it
with his actual bare hands.
343
00:17:43,106 --> 00:17:45,191
No, that is not true, is it?
344
00:17:45,191 --> 00:17:46,985
He had a team of 40 builders.
345
00:17:46,985 --> 00:17:49,446
Yes, but he had to flog them all day,
every day.
346
00:17:49,446 --> 00:17:51,406
Wonderful work ethic.
347
00:17:51,406 --> 00:17:54,159
So, what is it exactly
that you want from me?
348
00:17:54,159 --> 00:17:57,621
I want you to join us, Dick.
349
00:17:59,414 --> 00:18:03,835
Together, we can make you a legend.
350
00:18:03,835 --> 00:18:06,296
Oh, God.
351
00:18:10,133 --> 00:18:13,178
One more, Mr. "Sliverslides?"
352
00:18:13,178 --> 00:18:17,515
Sorry, chaps. Your little plan
to get me blotto isn't going to work.
353
00:18:18,099 --> 00:18:21,061
Switched out the hard liquor a while back
for the good old agua.
354
00:18:21,061 --> 00:18:23,396
You knew we were tricking you?
355
00:18:23,396 --> 00:18:24,481
Abort.
356
00:18:24,481 --> 00:18:26,608
- Abort!
- Wait! Okay.
357
00:18:26,608 --> 00:18:29,069
Calm down. Sit down.
358
00:18:29,069 --> 00:18:30,403
We're gonna be gangmates,
359
00:18:30,403 --> 00:18:33,406
and I think that
you are bloody good chaps.
360
00:18:33,406 --> 00:18:35,450
So, what is your story?
361
00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:37,327
Moose, ever been in love?
362
00:18:37,327 --> 00:18:38,411
Once.
363
00:18:39,412 --> 00:18:41,873
A seamstress from Sidcup.
364
00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:45,794
We courted for a summer
and married in the spring.
365
00:18:47,087 --> 00:18:48,463
I was never good enough.
366
00:18:49,506 --> 00:18:51,841
She ran off with a local cheesemonger.
367
00:18:51,841 --> 00:18:56,805
Can't smell Brie now without
feeling an overwhelming sense of regret.
368
00:18:58,098 --> 00:19:00,976
Honesty, what about you?
Any secret passions?
369
00:19:00,976 --> 00:19:02,060
I write poems.
370
00:19:02,561 --> 00:19:05,188
- You don't.
- Yes, I do. I've got one right here.
371
00:19:05,188 --> 00:19:06,606
Stand up and let us hear it.
372
00:19:06,606 --> 00:19:08,358
- What, now?
- Yes.
373
00:19:10,026 --> 00:19:10,860
Okay.
374
00:19:12,487 --> 00:19:15,031
"I like writing poems,
375
00:19:16,032 --> 00:19:18,660
but I wonder whether
376
00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:23,582
I will ever get any better at them...
377
00:19:26,167 --> 00:19:27,460
- muh."
- Amazing.
378
00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:29,629
- Beautiful.
- Amazing. Thank you so much.
379
00:19:29,629 --> 00:19:32,340
Now, listen. I have to ask.
380
00:19:34,551 --> 00:19:36,636
{\an8}Has Dick ever inquired about any of this?
381
00:19:36,636 --> 00:19:41,141
Or is it all just about him?
382
00:19:41,641 --> 00:19:45,270
With me in charge,
we'd all be on the pamphlets.
383
00:19:46,605 --> 00:19:47,814
Think about that.
384
00:19:48,565 --> 00:19:51,985
And no need to get the bill.
385
00:19:52,986 --> 00:19:54,112
I've already paid.
386
00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:56,615
Thanks, Tommy.
387
00:20:09,669 --> 00:20:10,670
Wow. Steak.
388
00:20:10,670 --> 00:20:13,256
- I'm actually a--
- Vegan. I know.
389
00:20:13,256 --> 00:20:15,634
It's a pulled mushroom-jackfruit blend.
390
00:20:15,634 --> 00:20:19,888
- Probably poisoned.
- Goodness, sweetheart.
391
00:20:19,888 --> 00:20:21,765
I tried to poison you one time.
392
00:20:21,765 --> 00:20:23,433
It's all you ever go on about.
393
00:20:23,433 --> 00:20:24,976
Now, to business.
394
00:20:24,976 --> 00:20:26,353
I want to help you, Dick.
395
00:20:26,353 --> 00:20:29,773
Money, resources, hair care products.
Anything you need.
396
00:20:29,773 --> 00:20:32,275
You've got loads of criminals
working for you. Why do you need him?
397
00:20:32,275 --> 00:20:34,861
- He's rubbish.
- I'm not rubbish.
398
00:20:34,861 --> 00:20:36,112
Actually, I'm quite rubbish.
399
00:20:36,780 --> 00:20:40,367
But you're also a celebrity,
which means the silly, little people,
400
00:20:40,367 --> 00:20:43,203
bizarrely,
seem to enjoy being robbed by you.
401
00:20:43,203 --> 00:20:44,287
Isn't that something?
402
00:20:44,287 --> 00:20:47,707
Well, I've got an easy charm
that the mums enjoy.
403
00:20:47,707 --> 00:20:54,047
So, what if I were to help you
grow your legend far beyond Hempstead?
404
00:20:54,047 --> 00:20:56,591
- What? Colchester?
- Further still.
405
00:20:56,591 --> 00:20:58,134
You're not talking Norwich?
406
00:20:58,134 --> 00:20:59,594
Try the whole world.
407
00:20:59,594 --> 00:21:01,972
By which, of course, I mean Britain
and her colonies.
408
00:21:03,056 --> 00:21:05,016
I could make you a star.
409
00:21:07,018 --> 00:21:10,188
All you need to do is sign.
410
00:21:10,939 --> 00:21:12,190
I don't know, Lady Helen.
411
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,860
It just all seems a bit... evil?
412
00:21:16,736 --> 00:21:18,697
Of course it's evil. She's evil.
413
00:21:18,697 --> 00:21:20,740
Don't be so dramatic, darling.
414
00:21:20,740 --> 00:21:23,910
We're all a little bit evil.
That's what makes it fun.
415
00:21:23,910 --> 00:21:27,664
Look, I'm flattered,
but after all I've seen,
416
00:21:27,664 --> 00:21:31,459
I've realized I don't really need
fame or fortune to be happy.
417
00:21:31,459 --> 00:21:32,586
I just need my gang.
418
00:21:34,546 --> 00:21:36,089
And the occasional Thai massage.
419
00:21:36,089 --> 00:21:37,632
I'm gonna have to pass.
420
00:21:37,632 --> 00:21:40,343
Nell, we've got a duel to win. Let's go.
421
00:21:45,015 --> 00:21:46,600
You're not gonna let us go, are you?
422
00:21:49,477 --> 00:21:51,605
In that case, run.
423
00:21:51,605 --> 00:21:53,481
- Yep.
- Absolutely terrible manners.
424
00:21:56,443 --> 00:21:58,570
Tommy? What's all this?
425
00:21:59,613 --> 00:22:01,823
Oh, my God. He works for you.
426
00:22:02,449 --> 00:22:03,450
Of course.
427
00:22:03,450 --> 00:22:05,243
He was going to be a gift.
428
00:22:05,243 --> 00:22:08,413
Someone for you to defeat
in a wonderfully exciting duel.
429
00:22:09,039 --> 00:22:11,875
But seeing as you're too good for that,
I'll be moving onto plan B:
430
00:22:11,875 --> 00:22:13,668
Tommy wins by default.
431
00:22:14,252 --> 00:22:17,505
When you fail to attend tomorrow,
you'll be branded a coward.
432
00:22:18,632 --> 00:22:21,885
Tommy will become the pamphlet's hero,
433
00:22:22,469 --> 00:22:25,013
and everything that is yours
will become his.
434
00:22:25,722 --> 00:22:27,098
Aka mine.
435
00:22:27,098 --> 00:22:29,226
Okay, one question.
Are you free Saturday night?
436
00:22:29,226 --> 00:22:30,435
Do you like Italian food?
437
00:22:30,435 --> 00:22:32,687
- Take him away.
- Takeaway is cool.
438
00:22:32,687 --> 00:22:34,689
What about Ethiopian?
439
00:22:34,689 --> 00:22:37,400
Tapas? Tiny plates that keep coming.
440
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,278
Like the gang
will ever let you get away with this.
441
00:22:40,278 --> 00:22:43,156
Sarcasm alert, they won't!
442
00:22:43,156 --> 00:22:44,658
They will, Eleanor.
443
00:22:45,909 --> 00:22:47,953
Because if you don't find
a way to make them,
444
00:22:49,246 --> 00:22:50,372
I'll kill him.
445
00:22:51,665 --> 00:22:54,501
Now, please,
have a bath and put on some makeup.
446
00:22:54,501 --> 00:22:56,836
You look like
you've been sleeping in the woods.
447
00:22:59,047 --> 00:23:00,674
You know that's where I sleep.
448
00:23:11,768 --> 00:23:13,687
Get in there, you maggot.
449
00:23:13,687 --> 00:23:15,730
- Guys!
- Shut it.
450
00:23:15,730 --> 00:23:18,567
You didn't even tell me
how to order room service.
451
00:23:20,110 --> 00:23:21,152
Minibar?
452
00:23:36,877 --> 00:23:39,504
{\an8}I'm starting to get worried. Where's Dick?
453
00:23:39,504 --> 00:23:42,924
He doesn't need this much beauty sleep.
He's beautiful already.
454
00:23:42,924 --> 00:23:47,304
Welcome to Rookwood Towers
for today's exciting duel.
455
00:23:47,304 --> 00:23:50,682
Tommy Silversides versus Dick Turpin.
456
00:23:50,682 --> 00:23:53,476
Also known as Future Man!
457
00:23:55,312 --> 00:23:58,773
My Lord, I thought we agreed
he probably wasn't from the future.
458
00:23:59,608 --> 00:24:00,984
But he was a chicken?
459
00:24:00,984 --> 00:24:04,237
Yes. According to the pamphlets,
I believe he was a chicken.
460
00:24:04,237 --> 00:24:05,572
A chicken from the future.
461
00:24:05,572 --> 00:24:08,158
Well, well, well.
462
00:24:08,825 --> 00:24:11,202
Where is Turpin lurkin'?
463
00:24:12,245 --> 00:24:15,206
Is he Turp-in or Turp-out?
464
00:24:16,374 --> 00:24:18,627
Will Turpin turn up?
465
00:24:19,502 --> 00:24:20,629
I've got loads of these.
466
00:24:20,629 --> 00:24:21,713
Wait!
467
00:24:25,425 --> 00:24:27,052
Everyone, I have news.
468
00:24:27,594 --> 00:24:29,387
Dick Turpin is gone.
469
00:24:29,888 --> 00:24:31,139
He's dead.
470
00:24:31,139 --> 00:24:33,850
No!
471
00:24:34,434 --> 00:24:36,978
- He's gone away.
- It's okay, Moose.
472
00:24:36,978 --> 00:24:38,146
He left this letter.
473
00:24:39,356 --> 00:24:42,108
"Dear Nell, Moose and Honesty,
474
00:24:42,108 --> 00:24:45,779
I'm afraid it's not working out
between us.
475
00:24:45,779 --> 00:24:48,073
I want to see other gangs."
476
00:24:48,073 --> 00:24:50,659
Yes, I was hoping
we could read that in private.
477
00:24:50,659 --> 00:24:52,118
Too late. I've started now.
478
00:24:52,118 --> 00:24:54,663
"Moose, you're too clingy."
479
00:24:54,663 --> 00:24:57,040
I knew I should have
given him more space!
480
00:24:57,040 --> 00:25:01,211
"Honesty, I don't know
what you're talking about half the time."
481
00:25:01,795 --> 00:25:04,297
Which half?
482
00:25:04,297 --> 00:25:09,886
"And, Nell, you just intimidate me because
you are so brilliant at everything."
483
00:25:09,886 --> 00:25:12,597
- Yep. Yeah.
-"Basically, you're all a bit rubbish,
484
00:25:12,597 --> 00:25:13,848
apart from Nell,
485
00:25:13,848 --> 00:25:15,976
and not worth dying for."
486
00:25:15,976 --> 00:25:18,770
"Also, I hate Hempstead."
487
00:25:20,355 --> 00:25:22,232
"Goodbye forever. Dick Turpin."
488
00:25:22,232 --> 00:25:26,027
I declare Tommy Silversides the winner!
489
00:25:26,027 --> 00:25:28,405
He is Hempstead's new highwayman!
490
00:25:30,907 --> 00:25:37,122
Now, all of you have ten seconds
to get off my land.
491
00:25:37,122 --> 00:25:39,541
Ten, nine...
492
00:25:40,250 --> 00:25:41,918
Tommy! Oh, thank God.
493
00:25:42,502 --> 00:25:44,963
Something isn't right.
Dick would never leave us like--
494
00:25:44,963 --> 00:25:48,216
Cease your incessant blubbering,
you ignorant lump.
495
00:25:48,216 --> 00:25:51,887
- What?
- You work for Tommy Silversides now.
496
00:25:52,762 --> 00:25:54,139
It's Tommy time.
497
00:25:54,139 --> 00:25:55,098
...one!
37283
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