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1
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:07,075
[ whistling sprightly tune ]
2
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:26,194
[ all laughing ]
3
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,762
I'm telling you,
4
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:31,799
I can't remember when
I ever had so much fun
5
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,301
At a lodge meeting.
6
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:35,636
A lot of laughs,
A lot of laughs.
7
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:36,737
I never knew
8
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,340
Howard sprague
Could be so comical.
9
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,575
Yeah. Comical,
Comical, comical.
10
00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:45,479
And I was worried
About him being the
Master of ceremonies.
11
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:48,749
I didn't think
He was gonna be
Nothing at all.
12
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,384
I guess it was the way
13
00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:52,286
That he told those jokes
With that straight face.
14
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,321
Real serious.
15
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,323
He never cracked
A smile.
16
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,226
Oh, and when he
Told that one about...
17
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,728
Yeah!
Which one was that, floyd?
18
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,264
It was the one about
The farmer and the cow.
19
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,798
Oh, yeah, yeah!
20
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:07,301
Oh, I-I-I was locking up
The receipts when he told that.
21
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:09,170
I must have missed that.
How'd that go?
22
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,739
Well, seems that
This farmer got up
23
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:15,476
Earlier than usual
One morning to milk his cow.
24
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,544
Named bess.
25
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,513
Uh...I'm telling
This story.
26
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,315
Well, tell it the way
Howard told it.
27
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:23,617
Anyway, what difference
Does it make
28
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,719
What the cow's name was?
29
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,788
But anyway, it was still dark,
30
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:30,691
And the farmer started
To milk the cow,
31
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:34,295
See, while the cow
Was still asleep.
32
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:35,629
And the cow --
Named bess --
33
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:39,833
Named bess! --
She woke up with a start.
34
00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,502
She turned around,
She saw the farmer,
35
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:44,738
And she said,
"Thank heavens it's you!
36
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:47,275
I thought I was
Being robbed!"
37
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:49,710
[ all laughing ]
38
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:51,479
Hey!
39
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,881
[ all exclaiming ]
40
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,216
Go on in, go on in.
41
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:56,784
Hey, look who's
Here, huh?
42
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,786
Mayberry's number
One comedian.
43
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,221
Oh, come on, goober.
44
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,323
No, you were real
Funny, howard.
45
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,525
Well, I sure was
Nervous up there.
46
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:06,727
Maybe that's what
Made it so funny.
47
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,697
Howard, ever been any comedians
In your family?
48
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:12,200
No. No, not really,
Although my uncle carl
49
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:14,302
Used to come out
With some good quips
50
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,369
From time to time.
51
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:17,538
Quips, quips.
52
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,907
[ chuckling ]
I'll tell you
One thing--
53
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,575
You gonna be
In big demand
54
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:23,377
As a toastmaster
From now on.
55
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,446
Oh, well, I wouldn't say that.
56
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,814
Oh, no?
57
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,350
Well, there's talk
Already.
58
00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:33,321
It so happens harry blake
Is gonna try to get you
59
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:36,757
For the annual high jinks
Over at the elks.
60
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,760
Gee, that'd be shooting
Pretty high, floyd.
61
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:42,530
There's no limit to how far
A good comedian can go.
62
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:45,599
Ooh, and the money
You can make.
63
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,869
Well, gee, fellas, I still have
My job to do as county clerk.
64
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:52,306
You mean, this is
The beginning and
The end of it all?
65
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,942
Well... I wouldn't say that.
66
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:58,846
If something interesting
Came along...
67
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,281
Who knows?
68
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,516
[ all laughing ]
69
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,385
"Who knows?"
70
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:07,455
[ discordant music playing
On tv ]
71
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:08,722
Yeah. Better.
72
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,626
Opie:
What's he playing, paw?
73
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:15,329
He said it was
"The blue danube waltz,"
74
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:17,398
So I guess
That's what it is.
75
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,281
[ song ends ]
76
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,549
Man:
Thank you, thank you,
Evan thorpe.
77
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:36,550
Gee, that was good.
78
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:37,885
Well, friends, this winds up
79
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,920
Colonel tim's talent time
For this week
80
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,922
And we certainly hope
You've enjoyed it
81
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:44,825
And that you'll be with us
Next week at this same time.
82
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,327
Any of you folks out there
83
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,496
That would like to appear
On our program,
84
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:49,830
All you do is write to me,
85
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,865
Colonel tim,
Station wasg in raleigh,
86
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,967
And we'll see
That you get an audition.
87
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:56,837
You know, this could be
Your stairway to stardom.
88
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,038
Why, this is the program
89
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,007
That launched
Such television careers
90
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,042
And show business greats
As ozzie snake,
91
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,444
Rosa may johnson,
92
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,679
And jughead peters
And his aristocrats.
93
00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:08,849
Well, it's bye for now
And bless you all.
94
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:12,520
[ music playing,
Audience applauding ]
95
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:17,491
Well, it wasn't much
Of a show, was it, paw?
96
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,393
I don't think
Ed sullivan's
97
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:21,395
Got anything
To worry about.
98
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,397
Oh, you're
Just too critical.
99
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,666
After all,
It's an amateur program.
100
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:29,337
I think that boy soprano
Sang "Trees" beautifully.
101
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,771
Well...
102
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,973
What about the gentleman
From fayetteville
103
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,309
With all
Those funny jokes?
104
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:36,877
Well, I'll tell you.
105
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,813
I'll take howard
Sprague any time.
106
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,582
Our howard sprague?
107
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,683
Yeah.
108
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,485
I never heard
Mr. Sprague
109
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:45,686
Say anything funny.
110
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,921
You would've if
You'd have been
111
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,490
At the lodge banquet.
112
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,058
Our howard sprague?
113
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,326
Yeah.
114
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,894
He told one about this farmer...
115
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,696
Andy?
116
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:56,964
...And his cow.
117
00:04:58,432 --> 00:04:59,967
Tell it, paw.
118
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:04,104
I can't tell it
As funny as he did.
119
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,806
Well, if he's
That good,
120
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,576
Why doesn't he
Go on colonel
Tim's program?
121
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:09,677
Howard?
122
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,612
Yeah. You said
He was real great.
123
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,349
I might mention that to him.
124
00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:18,786
Boy, just think-- somebody
From mayberry on the tv.
125
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,021
Yeah. Might put us
On the map, huh?
126
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,656
Yeah.
127
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,369
[ door opens ]
128
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:36,537
Oh.
129
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,571
Hi, ope.
130
00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:38,739
Morning, mr. Sprague.
131
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:39,940
What can I do for you?
132
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:42,376
Oh, I got to get
My bike license renewed.
133
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:43,944
Oh, we can take
Care of that
134
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:45,145
In pretty short order.
135
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,815
My paw talked
To you about going
136
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,717
On colonel tim's program?
137
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:52,786
Yes. Yes, he did, ope,
But I don't know.
138
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,556
Well, he said you
Were real funny
Down at the lodge.
139
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:56,990
Well, it's a
Little different
140
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:59,393
When you go on tv with
A statewide audience.
141
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:00,428
That's 50 cents, ope.
142
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:01,529
Right.
143
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,831
I, uh, I have
Been going
144
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,567
Over some jokes
Here, though.
145
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,537
Come here
And listen to this one.
146
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:15,809
"A man drove into a garage
And called to the mechanic,
147
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:19,647
'I've got a hole
In my radiator
And it's leaking.'"
148
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,716
"'what's the big deal?'"
Said the mechanic.
149
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,118
"'if I a had hole
In my radiator,
150
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,587
It'd leak, too.'"
151
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,122
See what I mean?
152
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,858
Yeah.
153
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,494
Seems to me like
I ought to have
154
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:34,995
Some kind of an angle
155
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:38,131
On the way to tell
The jokes or something.
156
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:41,101
Yeah.
157
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,972
Yeah.
158
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,576
You know, mr. Sprague,
159
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,578
I watch a lot of
Television shows
160
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,745
With comedians on it,
161
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,614
And it seems like
Most of 'em
162
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,016
Tell jokes
About their wives and their kids
163
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,919
And the town they live in
And the people in the town,
164
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,153
Stuff like that.
165
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:03,824
Oh, you mean
They sort of personalize it?
166
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,158
Yeah. I guess so.
167
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,227
Like if I was to tell
This mechanic joke
168
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,562
And put it onto goober.
169
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,963
Yeah. That's it.
170
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,032
It would sound
Like it really happened.
171
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,100
Yeah.
172
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,468
Maybe that's the angle
173
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:15,769
I ought to use;
174
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,905
Talk about
The people in mayberry, huh?
175
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,072
Yeah.
176
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,173
Hey!
177
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,242
[ chuckles ]
178
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,812
[ "When the saints go
Marching in" playing ]
179
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,648
That's better, ope.
Sit down, sit down.
180
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:31,585
[ eating loudly ]
181
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:32,786
All:
Shh.
182
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,022
Mr. Sprague
Isn't on yet.
183
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,657
Yes, opie,
But I know you
184
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,025
And potato chips.
185
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,127
We'll save that crunching
Till after the show.
186
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,029
No, thank you.
I'm too nervous.
187
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,597
What are you
Nervous about?
188
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,065
You're not gonna
Be up there.
189
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:48,569
Goober, we're all gonna
Be up there.
190
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:51,905
Tonight, howard sprague
Is mayberry.
191
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,010
Andy, andy,
Is my tie all right?
192
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,712
Oh, your tie's fine.
193
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,781
You're gonna wear
Out the design,
194
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,249
Tying it and untying it.
195
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,652
I sure appreciate
You coming down here with me.
196
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,720
You can thank me with
An autographed picture
197
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:07,921
When you're
A big hit.
198
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,858
You're on next.
Bless you.
199
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,861
Andy, what's my first line?
200
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:15,563
"Thank you."
201
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,065
Thank you, colonel tim.
202
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,734
Thank you, colonel tim.
203
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:24,204
Thank you, agnes jean babcock.
204
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,706
Isn't she a doll?
205
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,275
And now, friends,
Our next discovery:
206
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:31,879
Here's a man who holds
The position of county clerk
207
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:34,915
And this, tonight,
Is his television debut.
208
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:38,719
I know you're gonna enjoy
The merry madcap of mayberry,
209
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:39,853
Howard sprague!
210
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,855
[ music playing ]
211
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:42,890
Hey, howard!
212
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:43,957
There he is!
213
00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:45,092
There's our howard.
214
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,260
He looks just like
He does in person.
215
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,563
Notice how his hair
Is showing up.
216
00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:51,965
I gave him that trim
Just before he left.
217
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,301
I waxed his car.
218
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,003
Thank you, captain tom...
219
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,037
Colonel tom...
220
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,672
Tim... Sir.
221
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,609
What did I tell you?
222
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:04,277
He's got them
In the palm of his hand.
223
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,846
[ clears throat ]
224
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,981
Well, uh, as you all heard,
225
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:11,284
I come from a small town
Called mayberry.
226
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:13,754
And when I say small,
It's so small,
227
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,322
They had to widen main street
228
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,725
To put a white line
Down the middle.
229
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:21,895
I consider that
A very disparaging remark.
230
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,130
Oh, clara.
231
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:26,834
Where's your sense
Of humor, clara?
232
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,836
Go get 'em, howard.
233
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:30,070
I'd like to tell you
234
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,372
About some of my friends
In my hometown.
235
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,675
First of all,
There's andy taylor.
236
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,309
He's the sheriff,
And he's one
237
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,211
Of the most
Relaxed men I know.
238
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,881
Really likes
To take things easy.
239
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,249
As a matter of fact,
240
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:45,018
He has the only sheriff's office
In the whole state
241
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,154
With an unlisted
Telephone number.
242
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,889
That was funny.
243
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,091
Not to me, it wasn't.
244
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:54,762
It made your father
Look foolish.
245
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,864
Before I drove down here,
246
00:09:56,897 --> 00:10:00,200
I had my car serviced
By my friend, goober, who runs
247
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:01,401
The gas station.
248
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,937
That's me!
He's talking about me!
249
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:06,239
Now, with goober being
A mechanic and all,
250
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,375
You'd assume
He'd be a careful driver,
251
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,778
But people say
When he takes a girl out
252
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,045
He drives with one hand.
253
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:14,347
I happen to know
That's not true--
254
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:15,783
He uses both hands
255
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,785
And drives with his feet.
256
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,019
[ laughing ]
257
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,889
That's not true.
I'm a careful driver.
258
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,290
It's just a joke, goob.
259
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:24,692
Then there's
260
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,760
My good friend
Floyd the barber.
261
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:30,397
Oh, I knew
He wouldn't forget old floyd.
262
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:34,234
In mayberry, there are three
Main forms of communication:
263
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,904
Telephone, telegraph
And tell floyd.
264
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:41,308
Is he calling me a bigmouth?
265
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,677
A customer came into the shop
One day.
266
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:46,413
He said, "Floyd, you ought
To take up violin lessons."
267
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,081
Floyd asked him, "Why?"
268
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,383
He said, "Well, it would give
Your chin a rest."
269
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:53,687
He I calling me a bigmouth.
270
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:58,125
Why, where's your sense
Of humor, floyd?
271
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,861
Every town
Has its social leaders,
272
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,062
And in mayberry
273
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,396
They're aunt bee taylor
274
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:04,865
And miss clara edwards.
275
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,199
That was nice of him.
276
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,736
Aunt bee's family came over
On the mayflower.
277
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,003
Of course, in those days,
278
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:12,105
The immigration laws
Weren't so strict.
279
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:16,009
Well, I never.
280
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,748
Miss edwards' family
Goes way back, too.
281
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,349
Her father fought with pershing.
282
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,852
Her grandfather fought
With teddy roosevelt
283
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,487
And her great-grandfather fought
With general lee.
284
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,990
Her folks couldn't get along
With anybody.
285
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,260
I've never been so humiliated
In my whole life.
286
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,829
What are you
Complaining about?
287
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:38,098
He didn't call you
A bigmouth.
288
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,933
I thought
He was funny.
289
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,234
Well, thank heavens
290
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,871
There are still laws
In this country
291
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:46,974
To protect the innocent
From libel and slander.
292
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,443
I thought he was funny.
293
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:52,345
[ audience applauding ]
294
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:55,883
Congratulations, howard.
295
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:56,984
Was I all right, andy?
296
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,385
All right?
You were a riot.
297
00:11:58,418 --> 00:11:59,787
When you get to mayberry,
298
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,089
You're gonna be the toast
Of the town.
299
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,769
[ bell rings ]
300
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,945
Well, ready to greet
Some of your fans?
301
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,914
Come on.
302
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,985
Well, morning,
Floyd, goob.
303
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,220
Here he is.
304
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,855
Morning, andy.
305
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,356
Hey, andy.
306
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,258
What's the matter
With you guys?
307
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,393
You watched him last
Night, didn't you?
308
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,862
Oh, yes, I watched him.
309
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:44,131
You watched him, too,
Didn't you, goob?
310
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:45,332
Yeah. I watched him.
311
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,566
Everybody watched him.
312
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,801
What's the matter?
313
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,402
What kind of
Reception is this?
314
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,871
He was a big hit.
315
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,906
Colonel tim wants him
On the show next week.
316
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,342
Oh, maybe you'll need
Some new jokes
317
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,177
About the village bigmouth.
318
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,546
Maybe you'd like
For me to give you
319
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:02,449
Some driving lessons
Since I'm so careful.
320
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:05,118
You guys have got
To be kidding.
321
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,187
Goober, floyd,
It was all
322
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,122
In the spirit
Of fun.
323
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:12,259
I didn't
Mean anything
Personal by it.
324
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,295
I don't know why
You're so chummy with him.
325
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:18,932
"The only sheriff's office
With an unlisted number."
326
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,267
Oh, boy.
327
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,569
That certainly made
Our sheriff look smart.
328
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,104
I don't believe it.
329
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,873
I just don't believe it.
330
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:28,308
Look, fellas, if I hurt
Your feelings, I'm sorry.
331
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,410
It was the farthest thing
From my mind.
332
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:33,313
The only reason I personalized
Those jokes was because...
333
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,048
Let me put it this way.
334
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:38,551
Next time you need a haircut,
You can send your hair
335
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:41,288
To that poodle trimmer
In mt. Pilot.
336
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,156
Come on, floyd.
337
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,557
Fellas, please.
338
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:47,494
Good day, mr. Sprague.
339
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:50,630
Come on, howard.
340
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,999
Come on.
341
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,071
Don't let those guys
Get you down.
342
00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,173
Let's drive
Over to the house
343
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,875
For a cup of coffee, huh?
344
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,946
It's simply inexcusable
To try to be funny
345
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,480
At your friends' expense.
346
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,117
I didn't mind
His sarcastic references
347
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,953
To my social leadership,
But when he said
348
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,522
That my family,
Whom he's never even met,
349
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,624
Couldn't get
Along with anyone
350
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,526
It was just
Plain vicious.
351
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:29,502
Now, howard, will you
Stop worrying about it?
352
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:33,006
Yeah, but they're two
Of my best friends, andy.
353
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,641
Oh, they'll get over it.
354
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,276
Come on.
355
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,380
Oh, hi, ope.
356
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:41,414
Hi, paw.
357
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:42,950
Hi, mr. Sprague.
358
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,385
Everything okay
Here at home?
359
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,954
Fine, paw.
360
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:49,289
Gee, mr. Sprague,
You were wonderful on the show.
361
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:50,423
Oh, thanks, ope.
362
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:52,125
You really liked it, huh?
363
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,660
Well, I laughed.
364
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,595
Hey, hear that, andy?
Opie laughed.
365
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,364
Yeah.
You really laughed, huh?
366
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,565
Out loud.
367
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,033
How 'bout your aunt bee?
368
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,302
She's fine, thank you.
369
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,104
I believe howard means
370
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:07,140
How did aunt bee
Like him on the show?
371
00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,942
Uh... Well...
372
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:12,412
Aunt bee and miss edwards
Are just now talking about him.
373
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:15,582
Ooh, then I made an impression
On miss edwards, too?
374
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,985
Oh, yeah.
375
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,252
We'd better
Get in there.
376
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:20,320
Mr. Sprague?
377
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,588
Yeah, ope?
378
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,156
[ sighing ]
379
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,724
I thought you were real good.
380
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,961
Well, let's...
381
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,435
Well...
382
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:38,571
Here's the star.
383
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,408
Hello, andy.
Hello, andy.
384
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:45,212
Howard sprague, you should be
Ashamed of yourself.
385
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,647
Aunt bee, where's
Your sense of humor?
386
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,350
Oh, I lost it on the mayflower.
387
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,419
Aunt bee...
388
00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:57,490
Miss edwards,
I didn't realize.
389
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,026
I was just tryin' to...
390
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,697
Andy, you explain it
To them.
391
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:05,999
Do that, andy.
392
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,367
Explain how anybody
393
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,703
Dares ridicule one
Of mayberry's first families.
394
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:13,273
Howard didn't mean
Anything by it.
395
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,708
He got his jokes
Out of a joke book.
396
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,511
Nobody takes any of
That for the truth.
397
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,013
Is that so?
398
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,149
Well, my father
Did happen to have
399
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,751
A little run-in
With general pershing.
400
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:28,188
And, howard, your mother knew
The entire story.
401
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,157
That was just
A coincidence.
402
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,324
I got those jokes
403
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,593
Out of a book
Under "Family humor."
404
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,295
Clara, another cookie?
405
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,596
No, thank you, bee.
406
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,066
I've suddenly lost
My appetite.
407
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,471
You can talk
All you want to, andy,
408
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,373
But I'm not makin' up
With him.
409
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:49,042
After all, a man's got
His pride.
410
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,044
Well, would you think
About how howard feels?
411
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:52,779
I don't care
How howard feels.
412
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,447
Think about
How I feel.
413
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,583
I got feelings, too,
You know.
414
00:16:56,616 --> 00:17:00,620
Goober, all howard was trying
To do was tell a few jokes --
415
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:03,590
If you'll excuse me,
I've got to go to work.
416
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,559
Oh-ho, excuse me.
417
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:07,694
Ah, you must be...
418
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:09,629
You've got to be sheriff taylor.
419
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:10,630
Huh?
420
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,165
That's right.
421
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:13,700
Well, I was
Just passing
Through town.
422
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,436
I thought I'd drop
In and ask you
423
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,705
Your unlisted
Phone number.
424
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,107
[ laughing ]
425
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:22,475
You must've seen
Colonel tim's program
426
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:23,843
With howard sprague.
427
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,212
Oh, it was great!
428
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,480
And you got
To be goober, right?
429
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:28,548
Goober? Huh?
430
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,350
Yeah.
431
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,618
Well, I was going
To drop over
432
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:32,752
And get some gas from you,
433
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:35,088
And I wanted
To ask you something.
434
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:38,491
You see, I got this girlfriend
That I take out.
435
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:42,262
You think you could teach me
To drive with my feet?
436
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,464
You makin' fun of me?
437
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:45,665
Makin' fun of...?
438
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:46,766
Oh, no, no, no.
439
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,335
I expect you're about
440
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,803
The best-known mechanic
In the state.
441
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:55,142
Well, yeah. I could be, at that,
Couldn't I?
442
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,610
Oh, you're a real famous fella.
443
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,379
[ laughing ]
444
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,650
Bee! Bee!
445
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,685
The phone
Has been going all day.
446
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,687
You have no idea
How many people
447
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,622
Heard my name
Mentioned on tv.
448
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,592
People I haven't heard of
For ages-- mabel pollock,
449
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,694
Billy sinsabaugh,
Charles humbold.
450
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:15,728
No!
451
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,297
Yes.
452
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,898
And the same thing's
Been happening to me.
453
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,534
And look at that--
A telegram inviting
Me to address
454
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,636
The ladies' historical
Society of summitville.
455
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:24,637
No?
456
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:26,139
I guess they heard
457
00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:28,441
Mr. Sprague talking
About you on tv, huh?
458
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,310
We apparently
Have achieved
459
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:31,444
A measure of fame.
460
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:34,247
Well, not that that's important.
461
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:38,151
No. No, of course not.
462
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,789
I, uh, heard your name
Mentioned on television.
463
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,757
Say --
464
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,626
Let me tell you
About that.
465
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,395
That howard sprague is
Nothing but --
466
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:49,596
That's his name.
467
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,931
How does it feel
To be famous?
468
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:55,868
Using my good name like that,
Saying all those things ab--
469
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:57,804
Famous?
Did you say "Famous"?
470
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,907
The guy's a riot!
471
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,842
Is he funny like that
All the time?
472
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,444
Floyd:
Andy! Andy!
473
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,679
This gentleman heard
My name mentioned on television.
474
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:07,947
Is that right?
475
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,550
You know this
Fella sprague
Pretty well?
476
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,752
Know him?! We're
Together all the time.
477
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,854
He's a fine boy, fine boy.
478
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:17,224
I've cut his
Hair for years.
479
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,491
As a matter of fact
480
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,793
I've given him most
Of his jokes, you know?
481
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,330
You know, it's kind
Of a barber's business
482
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,665
To sort of cut up
And amuse the customers.
483
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,268
Say, have you heard
The one about the zebra
484
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,603
That fell in love
With a pair of pajamas?
485
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:32,739
[ laughing ]
486
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:43,783
They all out there?
487
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,918
Anytime you want
To come in.
488
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:47,487
I really dread this,
489
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,290
But a formal apology
Is the only way.
490
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,825
Howard, you know, this
Might not be as bad
491
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,727
As you think
It's gonna be?
492
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,743
No.
493
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:14,581
[ clears throat ]
494
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,549
Folks, uh... I asked andy
495
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:19,919
To have you all drop over here
This evening
496
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:24,391
So that I could formally
Apologize to all of you at once.
497
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,659
I'm sorry
For what I said on the program.
498
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,261
And... Well, to make certain
499
00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:30,497
That none of you will be
Offended again,
500
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:33,433
I'm going to call colonel tim
And cancel my appearance
501
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,502
On his program
Next week.
502
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:42,342
Well, I'm sure you know
What's best for you, howard,
503
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,544
But do you think
It would be ethical
504
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:47,314
For you to break
Your promise to colonel tim?
505
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,616
Yes, after you've
Given him your word?
506
00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:52,952
No. No, I just couldn't go back
On that program.
507
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:56,623
My skin just isn't thick enough
For show business.
508
00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:58,691
What are you talkin' about?
509
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:02,462
Your skin's as thick
As anybody's in this room.
510
00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:03,696
Thicker.
511
00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,832
But I thought
I made you all mad.
512
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:09,969
Oh, well, I'm not the type
Of person to hold a grudge.
513
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:10,970
Me, neither.
514
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:12,505
Well, since you're all
515
00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:15,375
So ready to forgive, I
Think the whole matter
516
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:18,311
Can be quickly forgotten
By howard's suggestion
517
00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:20,613
That he not go on
The program again.
518
00:21:20,647 --> 00:21:23,450
Why don't you stay out of this?
519
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:26,719
I'd never forgive
Myself if I felt
I was responsible
520
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:29,856
For making howard
Break his word
To colonel tim.
521
00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:31,824
Well, how about
This, then?
522
00:21:31,858 --> 00:21:33,626
How about
Howard agrees
523
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:36,396
To go on the program
Again, but promises
524
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:38,631
Not to mention
Any of your names?
525
00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:40,500
Floyd told you
To stay out of it.
526
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:42,535
Not to mention
Any of our names?
527
00:21:42,569 --> 00:21:45,572
Oh, I think you should
Reconsider that point, howard.
528
00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:47,640
Yes. The reason
Colonel tim wants
529
00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:48,941
You back on the program
530
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,378
Is because you tell
Such amusing stories
531
00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:53,012
About the people
In mayberry.
532
00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:55,615
Yes. By the way, a funny thing
533
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:58,818
Happened to me
At the shop yesterday.
534
00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:01,521
Ned gresham said to me, he said,
535
00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:03,590
"Floyd, you look tired."
536
00:22:03,623 --> 00:22:05,758
And I said, "I'm so tired,
537
00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:08,761
I can hardly keep
My mouth open."
538
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:12,031
Feel free to use that one
If you want.
539
00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:14,367
Goober:
If you think
That's funny,
540
00:22:14,401 --> 00:22:16,869
A customer said to me,
"Goober, for a mechanic,
541
00:22:16,903 --> 00:22:19,406
You got the cleanest hands
I've ever seen."
542
00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:21,708
And I said,
"Well, they ought to be clean.
543
00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:22,775
"I just wiped them
544
00:22:22,809 --> 00:22:24,577
On your
Seat covers."
545
00:22:24,611 --> 00:22:27,880
Howard, howard,
I had a hilarious experience
546
00:22:27,914 --> 00:22:29,916
With a jar of apple butter.
547
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:33,686
I was down in the cellar
When the minister came...
548
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:37,624
I had this eccentric uncle
You might tell about.
549
00:22:37,657 --> 00:22:41,528
He was a sailor,
And every time he came to port,
550
00:22:41,561 --> 00:22:43,396
He had the habit of...
551
00:22:43,430 --> 00:22:45,998
He had the habit...
552
00:22:55,742 --> 00:22:57,009
Paw?
553
00:22:59,446 --> 00:23:01,180
I still don't understand
The whole thing.
554
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:03,983
You don't
Understand what?
555
00:23:04,016 --> 00:23:07,487
Well, everybody got mad
At mr. Sprague
556
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,855
When he made jokes
About them.
557
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,022
That's right.
558
00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:11,658
And now they want him
559
00:23:11,691 --> 00:23:13,560
To go back on the program
And tell more jokes.
560
00:23:13,593 --> 00:23:16,863
Oh, well, ope,
561
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:18,965
That has to do with ego.
562
00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:21,033
What's that, paw?
563
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:23,803
Oh, you want to know
What ego is?
564
00:23:23,836 --> 00:23:25,605
Yeah.
565
00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:28,908
Well, ego is --
Is what people have --
566
00:23:28,941 --> 00:23:32,144
Most people have it,
And it makes them, uh --
567
00:23:32,178 --> 00:23:34,614
Yeah?
568
00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:37,817
Well, it makes them, um --
569
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:41,754
See, pride, pride is important.
570
00:23:41,788 --> 00:23:43,022
Yeah.
571
00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:45,224
And, uh, it comes from,
572
00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:48,828
From the latin,
And it means, "I."
573
00:23:48,861 --> 00:23:49,996
Yeah?
574
00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:52,565
Well, you know what "I" means.
575
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:53,933
It's a personal pronoun.
576
00:23:53,966 --> 00:23:55,134
That's right.
That's right.
577
00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:56,202
Personal pronoun.
578
00:23:56,235 --> 00:23:58,471
And it -- ahem --
579
00:23:58,505 --> 00:24:01,608
Ego, it's, it makes, um,
580
00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:06,145
Uh...Don't you have
Some homework to do?
581
00:24:10,717 --> 00:24:12,752
Opie:
Gee, whiz.
582
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,053
What's the matter?
583
00:24:14,086 --> 00:24:15,922
Well, whenever
Somebody in this house
584
00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:17,189
Can't explain something,
585
00:24:17,223 --> 00:24:18,991
I always have to do my homework.
40754
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