All language subtitles for The Andy Griffith Show S04E17 My Fair Ernest T Bass 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 2 0 x264-TrollHD (1)_track4_[eng]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:05,373 [ whistling sprightly tune ] 2 00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:13,047 Starring andy griffith... 3 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:15,683 With ronny howard... 4 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,319 Also starring don knotts. 5 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:28,429 [ women screaming ] 6 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,664 [ laughing ] 7 00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:37,071 And then he burst into The house, uninvited, 8 00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:40,208 And started behaving In the most peculiar manner. 9 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,542 Like what, miss wiley? 10 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,678 Oh, he stuck his hand In the punch bowl. 11 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,148 And he ate every bit Of the watermelon rind. 12 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,582 And if that wasn't enough, 13 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:51,119 He soaked the paper napkins In the punch 14 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,387 And then he threw them At the ceiling. 15 00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,789 Well, didn't anybody Try to stop him? 16 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,592 Mr. Schwab Tried to pinch him. 17 00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,694 But he just giggled And jumped away. 18 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,164 You say you never saw This man before? 19 00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:05,399 Never, and I hope I never See him again. 20 00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:06,700 Did he take anything? 21 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,136 No. 22 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,671 He just came in demanding To meet a woman. 23 00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:13,141 -a woman? -as blatantly as that. 24 00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:15,809 And when I ordered him to leave, He became incensed 25 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:18,212 And completely lost control Of himself. 26 00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,680 Here's the rock, mrs. Wiley. 27 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,482 Oh, yes. Thank you, ramona. 28 00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,517 He threw this rock Through the window. 29 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:26,354 I thought you might like it To study for fingerprints. 30 00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:30,458 May I ask just how many of you People have handled this rock? 31 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:31,725 Just me. 32 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,661 Oh, mrs. Poke. 33 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:36,597 Oh, ramona and mr. Schwab. 34 00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:40,168 You laypeople have got to learn To leave evidence alone! 35 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,636 It's going to make it Very difficult now 36 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,572 For us and the boys at the lab. 37 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,574 -what boys at what lab? -please, andy. 38 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:49,543 Well, we want to thank all Of you for your cooperation. 39 00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:50,811 We'll take it from here. 40 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,846 We'll analyze this rock Chemically. 41 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,582 That's to determine its origin. 42 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,684 That way we'll know where The man came from 43 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,153 And whether or not He brought the rock with him 44 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:00,821 Or whether or not It's a local rock. 45 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,157 Now, we also want Your impressions 46 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,459 Of the man's appearance, Both physical 47 00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:09,297 And other aspects of his looks And appearance. 48 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,465 Now, from this information, 49 00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:14,302 Our staff artist will re-create His face 50 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,870 And we'll know exactly Who we're after. 51 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,407 -ernest t. Bass. -yeah, that's a lead. 52 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,842 It's more than that. I'm positive that's who it is. 53 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,577 The rock and the wild giggling. 54 00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:26,280 Dirty hand in the punch. Yeah, It's ernest t. All right. 55 00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:28,882 We'll have this man in custody Within an 18-hour period. 56 00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,351 You can bank on that. 57 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:31,952 Thank you, miss wiley. Let's go, barney. 58 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,554 Okay. See ya. 59 00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,556 I want to thank you again For your cooperation. 60 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:36,824 Come on, barney. 61 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,426 Right, ange. 62 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,861 Your cooperation and your Detailed information. 63 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,430 Let's go, barney. 64 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:43,764 I'm coming, ange. 65 00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,266 -mr. Fife? -ma'am? 66 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,335 The rock. 67 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,604 Don't touch it. Don't touch it. 68 00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:10,758 [ sighs ] 69 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:13,561 Well, now what? 70 00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,663 We've looked on every street. 71 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:19,933 In every store and restaurant, Even looked under two houses. 72 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,802 Doggone that ernest t. Bass. 73 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,471 Every time he hits town, 74 00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:25,839 He's number one On our wanted list. 75 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,475 Yeah. I sure wish 76 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,677 There was some way We could straighten him out. 77 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,412 Oh, nobody can. 78 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:34,848 The man's hostility Is ingrained. 79 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,385 It's carved In the deepest recesses 80 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,819 Of his subconscious id. 81 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,354 His behavior patterns 82 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:42,856 Are a permanent fixture Of his behavior. 83 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:46,527 Now, when you got patterns That are ingrained, 84 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,530 Well, any conflicting conflicts That you might inflict, 85 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:54,868 Well, they can Cause a traumatic...Trauma. 86 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:58,372 You been reading again, Ain't you? 87 00:03:58,406 --> 00:03:59,907 "Aspects of the law." 88 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,775 I got it five more days If you want to take a look. 89 00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,544 I do. 90 00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,748 Sure wish there was some way We could help him. 91 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,518 Aw, forget it. He's too far gone. 92 00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:14,322 I wouldn't touch his id With a 10-foot pole. 93 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,790 Well, let's go in. 94 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:30,003 Well, I guess we can start Looking for him in the morning. 95 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,805 My old uniform? 96 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,807 What in the world? 97 00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,843 Howdy, sheriff. Howdy, deputy. 98 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,445 Ernest t. 99 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,880 Surprise, surprise. 100 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,582 I could see it in your eyes. 101 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,050 I bet you didn't even know I was Here in town, did you? 102 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:47,355 [ laughing ] 103 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:50,458 We knew all right, ernest t. 104 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,593 Miss wiley called us About the broken window. 105 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,028 You sure caused a lot of trouble Over at mrs. Wiley's. 106 00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,897 They were pretty shook up Over there. 107 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,499 Allst I wanted was a girl. 108 00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:00,934 That miss wiley, she just got Mad all over. 109 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,703 The last time you was in town, 110 00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:05,673 We gave you barney's uniform To help you get a girl. 111 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:08,476 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That was the plan, all right. 112 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,910 But it didn't take ahold. 113 00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,512 That's why I brung it back. 114 00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:13,814 See, when I went home wearing That uniform, 115 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,784 I expected all the girls Just to go plunk, 116 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,686 Flop right down at my feet. 117 00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:20,454 But nah, same as always. 118 00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:22,523 Just gazed right on through me. 119 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:26,460 Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Ernest t. 120 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:28,962 I know how important it is To you to get a girl. 121 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:32,633 I tried courting old Hog winslow's daughter, hogette. 122 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,067 Pretty name. 123 00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,737 Hogette? Yeah, it's french. French name. 124 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,707 I courted her just as proper As proper can be. 125 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,675 First off, I wrote her a love note 126 00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,577 Asking her to go on out With me. 127 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,012 And then I tied that love note 128 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,415 On to the prettiest rock You ever did see. 129 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:50,384 And then I give it the prettiest Toss you ever did see 130 00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:51,952 Right through her front window. 131 00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,654 Well, did hogette come out With you? 132 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,888 Couldn't. 133 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,425 Caught her right there. 134 00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,393 Seven stitches. 135 00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:02,830 All my charm, good looks, And lovable traits 136 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,998 Didn't mean a peckity thing. 137 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,500 Ernest t., 138 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,036 You don't throw Rocks through windows. 139 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,672 Now, maybe if you gave it Another chance with hogette 140 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,006 With a more proper courtship. 141 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,675 She's accounted for now. 142 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,910 She's gonna marry The taxidermist 143 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,579 What sewed up her head. 144 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:24,151 Yeah, I reckon best thing is For me to do 145 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:28,121 Is find myself a cave And just hermitize myself. 146 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,990 Ernest t.? 147 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,124 Hmm? 148 00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:33,694 I'd like to try to help you. 149 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,095 -you would? -yeah. 150 00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,097 Now, are you willing to learn? That's important. 151 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,867 And after the learning, There'll be a woman? 152 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,502 It's -- it's possible. 153 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,671 [ clears throat ] 154 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,642 Don't get involved. Ain't it bad enough 155 00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:50,544 We have to run him out of town Once a month? 156 00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,546 All I want to do Is try to help him. 157 00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,948 You know, clean him up, Teach him a few manners. 158 00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:57,985 Maybe he'll even quit Throwing rocks. 159 00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,854 That's impossible. Look at him. 160 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,493 He's a challenge. 161 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,995 He's a mess. 162 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,730 Like that? 163 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,465 That's it. 164 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,734 There you go. 165 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,537 Mr. Bass? Will you pass the bread, please? 166 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,138 Yeah. Here it is. 167 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,239 Mr. Bass! 168 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,008 Throwing food is a sin. 169 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,242 It certainly is. 170 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,144 You pass it, you don't throw it. 171 00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:27,548 I just don't cotton to all this. Too daggone many rules. 172 00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,650 I don't like it. I don't like it. 173 00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,051 Now, ernest t., 174 00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,954 We're just trying to help you Fit into society. 175 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,590 Now, you want a girl Or don't you? 176 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,826 Would you pass the potatoes, Please? 177 00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,863 Here you go. 178 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:46,033 Well, what's the matter? I passed it. 179 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,701 I didn't heave it. 180 00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:51,539 You don't pass one. You pass the whole thing. 181 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:52,706 Whole thing? 182 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,174 The whole thing. 183 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,851 Hi, andy. 184 00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:07,220 Oh, hi, barn. 185 00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:10,624 Well, how is the big experiment With ernest t. Coming? 186 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,092 Fine. 187 00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,528 He had supper with us. He's upstairs cleaning up. 188 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,163 Yeah, I suspect he would be. 189 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:19,633 Well, I still say the whole Thing is a waste of time. 190 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:22,302 You going to work on him Some more tonight? 191 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,938 Mm-hmm. He's showing progress. 192 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:28,208 I bet when I get through with Him, you won't recognize him. 193 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,678 You want to know What I'm going to do? 194 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:31,945 I'm gonna keep working at him 195 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,814 And try to pass him off At miss wiley's. 196 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,315 You're kidding. 197 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,184 No, I'm gonna try. 198 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,219 Oh, this I got to see. 199 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,854 Ought to be better Than a movie. 200 00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:41,922 [ both laughing ] 201 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,523 [ clattering ] 202 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,630 Hey, deputy. 203 00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,331 Oh, he's coming right along. 204 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,833 For a minute there, 205 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,836 I thought it was The count of monte cristo. 206 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,939 It takes time. 207 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,941 Uh, ernest t.? 208 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,844 There's something We got to talk about. 209 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,780 And that's the way you come Into a room. 210 00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:09,850 Too slow? 211 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:13,053 No. No. It was -- It was too noisy, 212 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,254 Too hectic. 213 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,789 Now, you got to remember, 214 00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:17,157 When you come into a room Full of strangers, 215 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,660 They judge you by the first time They see you. 216 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,128 -they do? -yeah. 217 00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:22,896 Barney, suppose you show Ernest t. 218 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,665 The proper way to come Into a room. 219 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:27,735 Oh, no, don't involve me In this. 220 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:30,771 You see, barney Is a perfect example 221 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,873 Of a young man about town. 222 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,307 Granted, on the outside, 223 00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:37,144 He looks like a tough Weather-beaten lawman. 224 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,780 But coming through That rough exterior, 225 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,114 That rough hide, 226 00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:44,284 Is a sophisticated, Well-mannered gentleman. 227 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,854 You can afford to be mighty Proud of yourself. 228 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,357 Andy, I got an idea. 229 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,992 What's that, barn? 230 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,628 Why don't I show ernest t. How to come into a room? 231 00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:57,164 Now, that's a good idea. 232 00:09:57,197 --> 00:10:00,834 Okay. 233 00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,770 What kind of a gathering Is it? 234 00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:03,971 Mm, social. 235 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,806 -formal or semiformal? -neckties. 236 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:06,907 -formal. -right. 237 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:07,941 Any city officials? 238 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,176 No, just folks. 239 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,277 How many people? 240 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,945 Are you going to enter 241 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,413 Or are you planning on bringing The sandwiches? 242 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,383 Andy, if you're gonna do Something, do it right! 243 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:19,152 Now, there's different Entrances for different affairs. 244 00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:22,055 Jiminy christmas. 245 00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,693 Watch this. 246 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,427 -ange? -yeah? 247 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,029 About 10 couples You figure? 248 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,064 -about. -anybody in the kitchen? 249 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,332 No. No. Make your entrance. 250 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:33,701 Coming in. 251 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,068 [ knocking on door ] 252 00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:37,370 I wonder who that can be? 253 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,181 [ no audio ] 254 00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,827 I can't hear him. 255 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,094 I can't hear him. 256 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:02,963 Now, how am I gonna learn If I can't hear?! 257 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,298 Doggone you, ernest t., Them are the amenities! 258 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,167 Now, you don't yell out Amenities! 259 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,769 I can't hear your "Ameninies"! 260 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:10,470 Barney, I don't mean To criticize. 261 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,140 I mean, you came in fine, Friendly and everything, 262 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,875 And I got a right nice Impression. 263 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,209 But I got to admit, 264 00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:18,111 The mouth work was a new one On me, too. 265 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,446 You try it, ernest t. 266 00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,849 -ameninies? -right. 267 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:27,154 [ slowly ] How do you do, mrs. Wiley? 268 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,822 Again. 269 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:33,794 How do you do, mrs. Wiley? 270 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,028 Once more. 271 00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:40,233 How do you do, mrs. Wiley? 272 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,335 Now, that's coming along Pretty good. 273 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,171 Now try to talk through Your mouth more. 274 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,505 You're twanging. 275 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,841 You seem to be talking Through your nose. 276 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:52,079 Oh, well, I do that on purpose So's I can talk whilst I eat. 277 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,848 Let's just keep working on it. 278 00:11:54,882 --> 00:12:00,387 How do you do, mrs. Wiley? 279 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,858 Come on, ernest t. 280 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,138 Now, that's the way to come Into a room. 281 00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,007 Mr. Bass, you are stunning. 282 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,408 Go on, ernest t. 283 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,176 Say it to her like You've been practicing. 284 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:27,147 How do you do, mrs. Wiley? 285 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:30,217 Good. Good. 286 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:33,220 Y'all set? 287 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,923 I brought the car to drive you Over to mrs. Wiley's. 288 00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:37,124 -good. -hi, aunt bee. 289 00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,826 -hi. -hi, there. 290 00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:42,095 Well, where is ol' ernest t.? I want to get a good l-- 291 00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:43,463 Ernest t.! 292 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:47,434 How do you do, mrs. Wiley? 293 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,302 You boys have a good time. 294 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,471 What do you think, huh? 295 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,106 Andy, you're a genius. 296 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,808 I didn't even know him. 297 00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,543 You've created a new person. 298 00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,912 You've taken a raw piece Of clay, 299 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,580 And you've molded it into a -- 300 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,549 Well, you're just a genius. 301 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,417 That's good, ernest t. Good. 302 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,320 How do you do, mrs. Wiley? 303 00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,456 [ laughing ] 304 00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:12,459 Can he say anything besides "How do you do, mrs. Wiley"? 305 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,561 Well, sure. Talk to barney, ernest t. 306 00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:17,330 Good evening. 307 00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,499 Good. Good. 308 00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:20,567 That's good. 309 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,369 Nice evening, ain't it? 310 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:26,339 May I have this dance? Thank you for the dance. 311 00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,108 May I have the next dance? 312 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:32,245 No coffee, tea, or punch, Thank you. 313 00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,047 Mm-hmm. 314 00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,883 Who are you gonna Pass him off as? 315 00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,918 My cousin from raleigh, Oliver gossage. 316 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,619 -oh, ollie. -yeah. 317 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,022 This is one night I'd just love To be a wall at mrs. Wiley's. 318 00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,391 -just love to be a wall there. -well, why don't you? 319 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,927 Why don't you go home and change And meet us there? 320 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,129 I'm gonna do just that. 321 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,463 Go ahead. 322 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,065 You know, if you wrote this Into a play, 323 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,566 Nobody'd believe it. 324 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,038 Your cousin from raleigh. 325 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,406 Well, how nice. 326 00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:02,042 It was so thoughtful of you To bring him. 327 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:04,044 We do need eligible young men. 328 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,578 Well, thank you, mrs. Wiley. 329 00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:08,081 Well, we'll just mingle And socialize. 330 00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:12,085 No, no. You're not gonna steal Him away from me. 331 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,321 Oliver and I are going to get Acquainted. 332 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,457 Well, he's very shy. 333 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,326 That's what we're here for. 334 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,129 Now you go talk to ramona, Sheriff. 335 00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,932 Oliver, you come with me. 336 00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:27,634 Well, uh, I'll see you, oliver. 337 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:31,972 [ big-band music plays ] 338 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:37,377 Well, now, oliver, tell me All about yourself. 339 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:41,381 How do you do, mrs. Wiley? 340 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,950 Yes. 341 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:46,053 Have you and the sheriff Been having a nice visit? 342 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:49,322 What have you been doing In town? 343 00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:52,425 Well, I've been coming Into rooms nice. 344 00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,394 I ain't been shaking Ladies' hands. 345 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:57,998 Oh! 346 00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,400 Oh, now, be serious. 347 00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,570 Oh, no. No, thank you, mildred. 348 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:07,474 No coffee, tea, or punch, Thank you. 349 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,410 Will you say that again? 350 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,579 No coffee, tea, or punch, Thank you. 351 00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,581 Once more. 352 00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:18,185 No coffee, tea, or punch, Thank you. 353 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:21,488 Something funny Is going on here. 354 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,426 Evening, miss ancrum 355 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:30,363 Good evening, sheriff... If it doesn't rain. 356 00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,199 Huh? 357 00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:33,566 Oh, yes. 358 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,802 It will be a nice evening If it doesn't rain. 359 00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:41,574 Excuse me a moment. 360 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,710 Go right ahead, sheriff. 361 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:49,082 Oh, evening, mr. Schwab. 362 00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,250 How's it going? 363 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,484 So far, so good. 364 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:53,486 Ernest t. Is really Behaving himself. 365 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,523 She ain't at all suspicious? 366 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,391 Not so far. Keep your fingers crossed. 367 00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:00,460 This could be a whole new life For ernest t. 368 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:01,594 [ scoffs ] 369 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,431 He sure got slim pickings here. 370 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,100 -dogs. Nothing but dogs. -barney. 371 00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:09,636 Andy, if you flew a quail Through this room, 372 00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,438 Every woman in it would point. 373 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,174 Don't talk like that. 374 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,143 -uh-oh. -what's wrong? 375 00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,477 I don't know yet. 376 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,047 I want to speak with you, Sheriff taylor. 377 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,514 Will you excuse us, deputy? 378 00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:28,721 Did you think you could Really fool me? 379 00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:30,257 Now, miss wiley. 380 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,759 Sheriff, I have been around A long time. 381 00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,362 And I've been To a great many places. 382 00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,230 This man is not from raleigh. 383 00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,666 I know. I'm sorry. 384 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:43,470 Definitely back bay, boston. 385 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,605 How's that? 386 00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,575 Why didn't you tell me The truth? 387 00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:50,110 Oh, well. 388 00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:53,380 I wanted everybody to be at ease Around him. 389 00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:55,448 Well, that was a mighty Sweet thought, 390 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,317 But go on, Move around the room, 391 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,451 Have him meet people. 392 00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,387 Have him dance with ramona. 393 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:01,754 Yes, ma'am. 394 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,757 Huh? Huh? 395 00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:07,327 I thought it was all over. 396 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,197 She thinks he's from boston. 397 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,831 She thinks he's from boston. 398 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,334 -boston? -yeah. 399 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,668 Either you did you That good a job 400 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,505 Or mrs. Wiley is a nut. 401 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,408 Ernest t., you're coming along Like a million dollars. 402 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:24,511 Hi, ernest t. 403 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,114 How do you do, mrs. Wiley? 404 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,448 You said that already. 405 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,317 Now, get a girl to dance A little. 406 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,518 Where? 407 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:32,752 You see that girl Right over there? 408 00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,854 Her name is ramona. 409 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,823 Now go ask her to dance With you. 410 00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,258 Well, I don't know. 411 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,792 You want to know girls, Don't you? 412 00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:42,495 Well, go on. Dance like you've Been practicing. 413 00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:44,431 -go ahead. -have I got the rhythm? 414 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,099 Yeah, you got it. Go on. 415 00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:01,281 May I have this dance? 416 00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:04,151 I'd be delighted. 417 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,728 It rained last week, you know? 418 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,231 Uh-huh. Yeah. 419 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,567 I was right there in it. 420 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,902 Doing good, huh? 421 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,438 Yeah, he's got a good rhythm. 422 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:28,841 You want to dance with anybody? 423 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,810 No. 424 00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:45,758 It's supposed to rain tonight, But I don't think it will. 425 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,560 Do you? 426 00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:50,730 Ma'am, you have to keep talking About rain? 427 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,232 Well, no. 428 00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,934 What do you want to talk about? 429 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:58,171 Let's talk about me. You want to know about me? 430 00:18:58,205 --> 00:19:00,540 I don't spill at the table. I don't throw food. 431 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,609 And I try not to talk Through my nose. 432 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,877 That's wonderful! 433 00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,379 And I'm strong. 434 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:09,216 You know I can lift you Real easy, ma'am. 435 00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,283 Mr. Gossage. 436 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:11,718 No, I could. I could. 437 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,354 Why don't you let me Heft you once, huh? 438 00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,955 I'll set you right down As soon as you say. 439 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,458 -huh? Here. -oh! 440 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,726 See that? 441 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,829 Mr. Gossage, you are strong. 442 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:26,633 I once held up a goat like this Whilst the vet gave him a shot. 443 00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,468 Oh, my. 444 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,203 Ladies and gentlemen, 445 00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:33,206 Now we're going to have Our weekly -- 446 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,675 Where is mr. Gossage? Ramona? 447 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,378 Ramona? 448 00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:40,647 We better go inside. 449 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,649 Mm-hmm. 450 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:46,419 Ramona? 451 00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:49,789 Oh, there you are! 452 00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,324 I didn't think you'd want To miss this. 453 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,626 We're going to have a tag dance. 454 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,395 Now, you all know the rules. 455 00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:58,265 When you're tagged, You give up your partner. 456 00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,467 Ready? 457 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:04,871 [ music plays ] 458 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:09,242 Where do you suppose ernest t. And ramona was off to? 459 00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:10,543 I don't know. 460 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,712 Apparently he didn't do Nothing wrong. 461 00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:14,314 She seems to like him. 462 00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:15,515 Yeah. 463 00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:27,394 -ain't fair. -it's perfectly all right. 464 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,629 Now, if you want to dance With somebody else, 465 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,698 Well, you just tag And you get your turn. 466 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,700 -just like that? -just like that. 467 00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,649 It didn't take. 468 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,618 Well, you didn't tag him Firm enough. 469 00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,453 -hmm? -let him know you're there. 470 00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:54,721 Tell him you're cutting in. 471 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,623 -give it to him firm? -that's the idea. 472 00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:58,625 Firm. 473 00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:20,447 [ screaming ] 474 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:21,814 Cutting in. 475 00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:24,951 He ain't gonna get you away From me this way. 476 00:21:24,984 --> 00:21:26,853 Ernest t., Put that girl down. 477 00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,655 Oh, no! It's him. 478 00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:30,957 That animal. That creature. 479 00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:34,394 Creature? Who are you calling a creature? 480 00:21:34,427 --> 00:21:36,496 Aahhh! 481 00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:39,366 [ all yelling at once ] 482 00:21:48,941 --> 00:21:50,343 Come on! 483 00:21:58,117 --> 00:22:00,987 He wouldn't give me back My chosen woman. 484 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,355 It ain't fair. 485 00:22:02,389 --> 00:22:04,824 And she called me a creature. 486 00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:06,859 Ernest t. Bass, I was right about you. 487 00:22:06,893 --> 00:22:08,528 There ain't no changing you. 488 00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:10,763 You can't make a silk purse Out of a sow's ear. 489 00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:14,100 I ain't no sow's ear, And I ain't no creature! 490 00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:15,735 Just calm down. 491 00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:23,676 I -- I thank you for trying Anyway, sheriff. 492 00:22:23,710 --> 00:22:26,979 I'll pay you for the clothings. 493 00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,982 Forget it, ernest t. 494 00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:32,752 Let's go. 495 00:22:32,785 --> 00:22:38,425 Well, I reckon I'll give up My thoughts of femaling. 496 00:22:38,458 --> 00:22:40,126 Bachelor life ain't too bad 497 00:22:40,159 --> 00:22:44,130 If you get enough chipmunks and Squirrels to move in with you. 498 00:22:44,163 --> 00:22:47,600 Sheriff! Mr. Gossage, wait! 499 00:22:47,634 --> 00:22:49,068 Wait for me! 500 00:22:49,101 --> 00:22:53,973 Mr. Gossage, you're not leaving, Are you? 501 00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:55,842 Huh? 502 00:22:55,875 --> 00:23:00,913 Well, I was hoping we could Spend some more time together. 503 00:23:00,947 --> 00:23:05,452 You -- you mean it, romena? 504 00:23:05,485 --> 00:23:08,154 Of course I do. 505 00:23:08,187 --> 00:23:11,891 I surely did enjoy our little Talk and our dance 506 00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:14,594 And [giggling] The porch. 507 00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:16,696 You mean when I... 508 00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:18,130 Yeah. 509 00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:20,667 [ laughing ] 510 00:23:41,187 --> 00:23:43,089 Well, I guess it's true. 511 00:23:43,122 --> 00:23:45,625 There is a woman for every man. 512 00:23:50,663 --> 00:23:54,033 You know, it's amazing, It's just amazing. 513 00:23:54,066 --> 00:23:55,502 What? 514 00:23:55,535 --> 00:23:57,937 Oh, I don't know, Life's little tricks. 515 00:23:57,970 --> 00:24:00,239 I mean the way things Turned out. 516 00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:03,142 Ramona ancrum running off After ernest t. Bass 517 00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:05,645 The way she did -- It's just amazing. 518 00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:08,815 It's the darnedest thing I ever saw. 519 00:24:08,848 --> 00:24:12,485 Now what would cause a quiet, Sweet, demure girl 520 00:24:12,519 --> 00:24:13,986 To suddenly go ape? 521 00:24:14,020 --> 00:24:16,556 I mean, she comes from such A respectable family. 522 00:24:16,589 --> 00:24:19,258 The ancrum charcoal company has Been in business for years. 523 00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:21,561 Well, you're getting close. 524 00:24:21,594 --> 00:24:24,997 She's the granddaughter Of rotten ray ancrum. 525 00:24:25,031 --> 00:24:27,600 Rotten ray ancrum. 526 00:24:27,634 --> 00:24:31,003 Come down out of the hills in 1870 and burnt the town down. 527 00:24:31,037 --> 00:24:32,539 Burnt the town -- 528 00:24:32,572 --> 00:24:34,807 And then went into The charcoal business? 529 00:24:34,841 --> 00:24:36,075 -right. -you see? 530 00:24:36,108 --> 00:24:38,511 Blood will tell. Breeding will out. 531 00:24:38,545 --> 00:24:40,547 This is fantastic. 532 00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:42,682 You know, if you wrote this Into a play, 533 00:24:42,715 --> 00:24:44,216 Nobody'd believe it. 534 00:24:49,922 --> 00:24:52,925 [ whistling sprightly tune ] 37203

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