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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:05,373
[ whistling sprightly tune ]
2
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:13,281
Starring andy griffith...
3
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:15,516
With ronny howard...
4
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:18,452
Also starring don knotts.
5
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:25,426
Barn.
6
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:26,794
Andy.
7
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:31,232
Boy, oh, boy,
Oh, boy.
8
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,367
When will people
Ever learn?
9
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,369
When will they
Ever learn?
10
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:36,770
What's the matter?
11
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,707
They're having themselves
A regular crime wave
12
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,709
Over there
In marshall county.
13
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,311
It's no wonder.
14
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:44,445
Huh?
15
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,713
Listen to this--
16
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,715
"A recent rash
Of burglaries
17
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,317
"In this community
18
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:52,853
"Has the local sheriff's office
Greatly concerned.
19
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,457
"The sheriff attributes
Most of the robberies
20
00:00:56,490 --> 00:01:00,528
"To the lack of security
On the part of town merchants.
21
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,831
"Said sheriff wilson, 'we would
Have fewer robberies
22
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:06,167
If folks showed
Less a-pathy.'"
23
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,301
Apathy.
24
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:08,436
Right.
25
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:09,770
Well, my friend...
26
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:13,141
Today it's happening
Over in marshall county
27
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,608
And tomorrow it's us.
28
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,310
What do you mean?
29
00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:19,713
Well, I'm surprised
We've been spared
This long, andy.
30
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,849
Andy, this town
Is a piece of cake.
31
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,318
A crook could come in here
And walk off with the place.
32
00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:25,586
And why?
33
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,721
Because
There's no security.
34
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,723
And why is there
No security?
35
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:30,791
A-pathy.
36
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,226
Apathy.
37
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,162
Would you like me
To give you particulars?
38
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,429
If you want...
39
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:36,697
A: earl johnson
40
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,332
Left his key in
The car all night.
41
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:39,633
Well, don't you
Remember, barn?
42
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,135
That key broke of in there
Last spring.
43
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:42,203
He can't get it out.
44
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:44,305
All right. B:
No night-light on
45
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,574
In the office
Of the mayberry icehouse.
46
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,608
I know it.
47
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,377
What do you mean,
You know it?
48
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:51,212
The light keeps
The watchman awake.
49
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,480
That's "C."
50
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:55,283
Oh, andy, everywhere
You look in this town
51
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:58,319
It's just carelessness
And indifference.
52
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,388
You sure are awful police
This morning.
53
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,556
What did you and thelma lou
Do last night?
54
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:05,326
What's that got
To do with anything?
55
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,695
We gotta shape up here, chief.
56
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:08,929
"Chief"?
57
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:12,366
You never call me chief
Unless, uh...
58
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,869
You went to the movies,
Didn't you?
59
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,605
I think so.
60
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:18,872
What was playing?
61
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:21,309
I don't remember.
62
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:25,279
All I know is the situation
Around here is desperate.
63
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:26,714
Uh...Let's see...
64
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:29,217
Thursday, friday
And saturday
65
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,252
Glenn ford in "G-men."
66
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:32,486
That's what
You saw, huh?
67
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,587
I don't remember.
68
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:34,855
That's what you saw.
69
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,457
Glenn ford in "G-men."
70
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,327
Now you're gonna glenn ford it
All over town.
71
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,595
Try to control it,
Will you, barn?
72
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:42,930
I got to go out
73
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,565
And do
A little business.
74
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,334
I'll be back
After a while.
75
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:47,868
Well, where are
You going to be?
76
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,870
Come on, let's have
Some organization.
77
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,305
Fill me in.
78
00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:52,673
All right.
79
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,643
One: take squad car
To filling station
80
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:56,910
And have lube.
81
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:59,880
Two: walk block and a half
To drugstore.
82
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,450
Three: eat lunch,
Consisting of
83
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:03,984
A: egg salad sandwich;
84
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,953
B: hold lettuce
And tomato;
85
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,555
C: coffee, black.
86
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:11,725
Oh, and, d: have one of them
Little yellow cookies.
87
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,561
You got the rundown,
Glenn?
88
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:29,870
Stick 'em up.
89
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,305
Oh, hiya, barney.
90
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:33,607
All right, asa,
On your feet.
91
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,743
This is a security check.
92
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:36,810
What?
93
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,479
On your feet.
94
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,748
Well, give me a hand,
Will you, barney?
95
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,483
I got the misery
In my back.
96
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,525
Now what's this
I can do for you?
97
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:53,694
I said this is
A security check.
98
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:54,962
Security check!
99
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,564
Oh, window number two.
100
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,399
Miss harriet
Will cash it.
101
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,534
No, asa, I don't want
To cash a check.
102
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:02,603
I'm checking
The security
Of this bank.
103
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:03,971
This place
Is a pushover.
104
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,340
For a robbery, you mean?
Have you heard something?
105
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:07,741
Is there going
To be a robbery?
106
00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:08,742
No, no, no.
107
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:09,843
But there could be.
108
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,645
This place
Is just begging for it.
109
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,647
What are your official
Countermeasures
110
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,383
In the event of a 10-12?
111
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:19,620
Seems to me I heard
Someone else say that
112
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,355
In the last few days.
113
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:22,690
Now who was that?
114
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:23,924
Well, come on, who was it?
115
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,559
Maybe the bank's being cased.
116
00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:27,094
Well, let's see...
117
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,896
Come on, think, asa, think.
118
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:33,601
Nice-looking fella about 35,
Dark hair...
119
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:34,635
A stranger?
120
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,637
No. I've seen him before.
121
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,038
Now wait a minute...
122
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,039
Well?
123
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,141
Glenn ford-- that's who it was.
124
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,543
Did you see
That picture?
125
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:43,611
Wasn't he wonderful?
126
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,012
I ain't interested
In movies.
127
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,648
I'm interested in
Your official countermeasures.
128
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,082
What would you do
In the event
129
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,551
Of a holdup?
130
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:51,719
Well, uh...
131
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,921
First thing, I, uh...
132
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,789
I-I'd pull my gun.
133
00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,491
All right, draw.
134
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:09,970
Uh, I should have
Warned you, barney.
135
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:13,040
You see, the flap holds
The handle on the gun.
136
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,743
I lost the screws
About four years ago.
137
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:18,011
I'll get over
To the hardware store
138
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,748
On of these days
And get some new ones.
139
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:24,051
The hardware store
Is right down the street.
140
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,991
What are them green things
In your cartridge belt?
141
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,994
Bullets.
142
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,830
They're moldy.
143
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:41,502
Asa, let me show you what
A bullet ought to look like.
144
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:44,472
Now there's
Bullet maintenance.
145
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,607
Oh, barney, that's beautiful.
146
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,510
I've heard about
Your bullet, barney.
147
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,711
It's beautiful.
148
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,714
I like for things
To be nice and shiny.
149
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,848
One of these days
150
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,717
I'll bring over
My ball of tinfoil.
151
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,659
Hey, barn?
152
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:09,162
I finished eating lunch.
You want to eat?
153
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:11,965
I'm so disgusted,
I don't feel like eating.
154
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:13,767
Come here.
155
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,871
Andy, these people
Are making a fool
156
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,707
Out of the word
"Security".
157
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,475
The bank guard
Is a joke.
158
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,076
Look at him.
159
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,914
Cash drawers
Are left open.
160
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,248
The vault is open.
161
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,918
Barney, you're gettin'
All steamed up over this.
162
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,921
Why don't you just
Take the rest
Of the day off?
163
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,789
Go on over
To the drugstore
164
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,224
And have
A nice lunch.
165
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:40,193
The businessman's special
Is a hollowed-out tomato
166
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,229
Stuffed with avocado
And raisins.
167
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:43,664
It's good, too.
168
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,866
And top things off
With a lemon phosphate
169
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,635
And you're
Right in business.
170
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,236
Take a walk
Over to the grand--
171
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,138
Watch them
Change the marquee.
172
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,707
Well, you always
Enjoy that.
173
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:56,810
You must take me
For the biggest idiot
174
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,679
On the american scene.
175
00:07:58,712 --> 00:07:59,880
Now, barn...
176
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:03,050
Why don't you come
Right out and say it--
177
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,084
I'm a jerk.
178
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,687
Well, come on,
Come on, say it.
179
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:07,721
J-e-r-k.
180
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:08,722
Jerk.
181
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,558
Slapping me
In the face
182
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:13,527
With this
Businessman's special
183
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,529
And a lemon phosphate
184
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,531
And taking
A day off.
185
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:18,799
Andy, barney.
186
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,535
Something
I can do for you?
187
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:24,805
Yeah. I'll give it to you
Straight from the buttonhole
188
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,774
Sheriff taylor
Not withstanding.
189
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:29,009
This bank is a cracker box
And a pushover.
190
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,243
I have given it
191
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,112
A complete
And thorough examination,
192
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,715
And I cannot see one--
Not one, mind you--
193
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:38,018
Acceptable countermeasure
In the event of a 10-12.
194
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,754
Barney, I think
You got hold of something there.
195
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:42,022
Come here.
196
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,894
Harriet, can you
Come here a minute?
197
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,896
I want you
To hear something.
198
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,030
Go ahead, barney.
199
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,999
Tell her
What you told me.
200
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,935
Well, I simply said that
After a thorough examination
201
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:57,671
I find this bank lacking
Any countermeasures whatsoever
202
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,607
In the event of a 10-12.
203
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,810
Well?
204
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,779
Glenn ford.
205
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,281
Of course.
206
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,951
Man:
That was great, barney.
207
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,259
Now simmer down,
Barn.
208
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,629
Four years asa's
Been walkin' around
209
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:23,230
Without any screws
In his gun.
210
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,765
Where's the
Hardware store?
211
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,033
Right down the street
212
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,668
A whiff and
A whisker away.
213
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:28,669
Boy, oh, boy.
214
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,170
All right.
215
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,672
I'll go get screws
216
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,608
And put 'em
In asa's gun.
217
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,044
What kind of
Gun's asa got?
218
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:40,247
Oh, one of them
Old teddy roosevelt
Horse pistols.
219
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,381
I remember it.
220
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,216
My daddy got asa
To show it to me
221
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,685
When I was a boy.
222
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,019
He let me put it in my belt.
223
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,354
Boy, it was heavy.
224
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:48,956
I remember
It slipped through
225
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,591
And tore the buckle
Off my knickers and everything.
226
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,874
What's the action here?
227
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,976
Why are we stoppin'
At mrs. Kelsey's?
228
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,978
Mrs. Kelsey had
To go to mt. Pilot.
229
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,180
Oh, we're going
To check the locks, huh?
230
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,916
Uh, no, we're going
To take in her laundry.
231
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,017
What?!
232
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:18,686
She asked
In very nice way
233
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:19,853
And I said we would.
234
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:20,954
Now come on, barn.
235
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,756
The back
Screen door's open.
236
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,892
Just leave it
On the service porch.
237
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,660
Andy, I'm a deputy sheriff.
238
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,829
You're also a servant
Of the people.
239
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,363
Now come on, barn.
240
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:33,400
Fine work for a highly trained,
Skilled officer of the law.
241
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,669
Hey, barn,
Don't get hurt.
242
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:36,904
What?
243
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,339
Them clothespins
Got awful strong springs.
244
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,821
Well, hello, leon.
245
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,322
Mrs. Kelsey's away.
246
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:58,325
I'm just taking down
Her clothes.
247
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:01,729
Don't never be
A police officer, leon.
248
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,897
Not in this town, anyways.
249
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:07,868
You know what a police officer
Is in this town?
250
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:12,372
A laundry boy.
251
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,009
No, thanks, leon.
252
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,011
Well, I hope
When you grow up
253
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:21,114
You move to a town
That has a better bank.
254
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,183
That bank is in
Such a sorry state.
255
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,853
I'd like to see them
Get held up just once--
256
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,722
Just once, just to scare
The heck out of them.
257
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,958
That's all.
Just once.
258
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:32,960
I'd like to find
Some way to show them
259
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:35,262
What kind of an easy mark
They are.
260
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,169
Yeah.
261
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,238
Yeah.
262
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:47,941
Don't you say nothin'
About this, leon.
263
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,162
May I help you, ma'am?
264
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,431
I'm mrs. Magruder's
Cousin.
265
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,800
I'm here to clean
For her.
266
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,335
Where's mrs. Magruder?
267
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:49,469
She's sick.
268
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,204
What's wrong with her?
269
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,205
Uh...
270
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,974
Fungus of the knee.
271
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:01,915
[ humming ]
272
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:05,185
[ high-pitched voice ]
* you're as welcome
As the flowers in may *
273
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,388
* to dear old donegal
274
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,557
* mm, to dear
Old donegal *
275
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:16,964
[ humming ]
276
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,383
Mr. Meldrin.
277
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:39,486
What is it, harriet?
278
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,088
Come down here
A minute.
279
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,992
Look at that
Old woman.
280
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,994
[ humming ]
281
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,962
Mrs. Magruder?
282
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,263
It's not
Mrs. Magruder.
283
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:53,000
It's supposed to be
Mrs. Magruder's cousin,
284
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,167
But it isn't.
285
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,435
Take a good look.
286
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,445
Barney fife?
287
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:06,980
Oh, this is incredible.
288
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:09,182
I think we offended
Him this morning.
289
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,184
He's trying to teach
Us a lesson.
290
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,186
Watch this.
291
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,022
Stop, thief!
292
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,626
Oh, my heavens!
293
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,898
It's locked,
And it won't open again
294
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,566
Till 8:00
Tomorrow morning.
295
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,168
He'll smother
In there.
296
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:35,542
[ muffled shouting ]
297
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:38,011
Thank goodness
He doesn't sound
298
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,679
Like he's hurt.
299
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,214
Asa! Asa!
300
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,151
Hmm?
301
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,452
Time to go home?
302
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,454
No. Deputy fife
Is locked in the vault.
303
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,222
Run over to the filling station
304
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,424
And tell them we need
An acetylene torch.
305
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,093
Harriet, get
Sheriff taylor.
306
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:54,361
All right.
307
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,030
Oh, that stupid deputy.
308
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,375
Hey, barn!
309
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,643
You all right?
310
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,645
Hurry up, gomer--
He don't answer.
311
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,147
This stuff's thick.
312
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,683
It ain't like cuttin'
Through a mashed fender.
313
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:19,352
I sure hope
He's all right.
314
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,112
Hi, mrs. Rodenbach.
315
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,279
Hi, barney.
316
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,647
Got a case?
317
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,240
What's the matter?
318
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:16,109
Haven't you ever seen
A man take off a dress before?
319
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,117
Oh, that fool,
That fool.
320
00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:25,385
Why did he do this?
321
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,754
He thought he was doing it
For your own good.
322
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,222
Barney:
Right.
323
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,393
Barney, you're all right.
324
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,694
I'm fine.
325
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:37,230
Doggone you, we thought
You was in that vault.
326
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:38,331
I was.
327
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:40,233
I crashed through
The back wall
328
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:41,401
Into the beauty shop.
329
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,502
If that don't prove
330
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,271
What a crackerbox bank you got,
331
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:45,538
I don't know what does.
332
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,640
You've done nothing
But cause trouble.
333
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,142
You had us all
Worried sick.
334
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:50,243
Well, worried or not,
335
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:52,179
Have I made my point
Or haven't I?
336
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,547
I bet there ain't a bank
In the whole world
337
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:57,684
That has less security
Than the mayberry security bank.
338
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,219
The guard's
Always asleep.
339
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,820
The cash drawers
Are left open.
340
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,189
A faulty vault.
341
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,290
No alarm system.
342
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,457
Oh, I don't know.
343
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,726
Maybe someday
You people'll learn.
344
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,095
Hey, barn.
345
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,329
Barn, listen.
346
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:18,205
Hey, barn, wait up.
347
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:21,808
All right,
I'll pay a half
348
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,443
But I think the sheriff's
Department
349
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,112
Ought to pay
The other half.
350
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,313
Okay.
351
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,215
[ woman screams ]
352
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,183
Oh, I forgot
To tell you--
353
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,185
That door's still hot.
354
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:44,231
Did you pass the check?
355
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:46,399
Didn't even get
To the window.
356
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,668
I got a better idea, mort.
357
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,504
You been wanting to do
A bank job, haven't you?
358
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:52,605
Yeah.
359
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:53,773
Well, this is it.
360
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,608
The softest touch
I've ever seen.
361
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:58,445
Get in. I'll lay
It out for you.
362
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,089
Good morning.
363
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:13,193
Good morning, leon.
364
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,861
No, thank you.
365
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:17,164
I just had breakfast.
366
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,351
Reach.
367
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:39,619
What on earth...?
368
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:40,887
Barney, barney, barney.
369
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,355
Won't you ever learn?
370
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:43,890
Just reach and shut up.
371
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,658
Barney, enough's enough.
372
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,627
Now, I have a bank to run.
373
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,429
Smart guy.
374
00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,539
You're not barney.
375
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:00,707
Never mind who I am.
376
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:01,941
Now, let's get to it.
377
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,476
Come on. Come on.
378
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,416
Good morning,
Harriet.
379
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,551
Don't "Good morning"
Me, sheriff.
380
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,686
That barney fife
Is at it again.
381
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:14,821
What?
382
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,289
Another fake holdup.
383
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:18,825
I saw him plain as day
Through the bank door
384
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,493
Waving his gun
And wearing
385
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,429
A silly stocking
Over his face.
386
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,864
All right, let's go.
387
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,973
All right, now move.
388
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,542
Keep 'em up,
Keep 'em up.
389
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:42,249
All right, that's good,
Right here.
390
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,584
Face the wall
With your hands up
391
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:47,787
And don't move
Till you've counted a hundred.
392
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:50,990
Good morning, everybody.
393
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,693
Get over against the wall
With your friend.
394
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:54,927
That you in there,
Barn?
395
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,296
Better come over here, asa.
396
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:57,330
That isn't barney.
397
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:58,665
This is a real holdup.
398
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,999
All right,
Get over there.
399
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,234
Oh, mercy. Mercy.
400
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,577
All right, barney,
Enough's enough.
401
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,581
Quit handling
Asa so rough.
402
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:15,982
He's a old man.
403
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:18,885
And take that silly-looking
Stocking off your face.
404
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,620
[ screams ]
405
00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:25,892
Pull that shade down
And toss that gun
406
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,294
Over here.
407
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,864
I've been trying
To tell you, andy,
408
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,266
This isn't barney.
409
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,435
All right,
Get over here,
Both of you.
410
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:36,503
Come on, move.
411
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:00,827
He broke my gun.
412
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:01,994
That's all right, asa.
413
00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:03,363
Go get the other gun.
414
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:04,597
Yes, sir.
415
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,369
I'll check
The getaway car.
416
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,871
Beat it, howie!
417
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:14,006
Hold it!
418
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,475
You're covered!
419
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:16,909
All right, come on!
420
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,077
Back here.
421
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,579
Come on, move.
422
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,747
[ grunts ]
423
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:21,914
Come on.
424
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:24,384
Congratulations,
Barn. You got him.
425
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:26,486
Yeah, these
Out-of-town smart alecks.
426
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:28,087
I'm throwing
The book at him.
427
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,389
Overtime parking.
428
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:30,557
Causing a nuisance.
429
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:31,858
No driver's license.
430
00:21:31,891 --> 00:21:32,825
Bank robbery.
431
00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,327
Bank robbery...
432
00:21:34,361 --> 00:21:37,063
No registration certificate,
Resisting arres...
433
00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:39,699
Bank robbery?
434
00:21:48,941 --> 00:21:51,978
Look, mr. Butler, you're
A newspaper publisher, right?
435
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:55,715
Okay. You're
A well-educated man, right?
436
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:57,049
You know a lot of facts.
437
00:21:57,083 --> 00:21:59,085
You get 'em all straight,
Right?
438
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:01,354
Okay,
Now listen carefully.
439
00:22:01,388 --> 00:22:02,822
It happens every time.
440
00:22:02,855 --> 00:22:05,358
I tell you
Every time it happens,
441
00:22:05,392 --> 00:22:06,859
But you don't remember.
442
00:22:06,893 --> 00:22:11,030
My name is fife --
F-I-f-e.
443
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:12,765
For the third time now,
444
00:22:12,799 --> 00:22:16,703
You've printed it fike --
F-I-k-e.
445
00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:20,006
Okay.
Appreciate it.
446
00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:21,774
Oh, for pete's sake.
447
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:23,042
What'd he say?
448
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:26,012
"I'll get it right
Next time, howie."
449
00:22:29,048 --> 00:22:31,050
Oh, hiya, asa.
450
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:32,819
Hello, andy.
Hi, asa.
451
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:35,922
Hey, barney,
Look at this.
452
00:22:35,955 --> 00:22:37,690
See there?
I got it fixed.
453
00:22:37,724 --> 00:22:39,526
I went
To the hardware store
454
00:22:39,559 --> 00:22:41,661
And got some screws
For the handle.
455
00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:42,929
Good. Good.
456
00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:44,564
Ain't they good-lookin' screws
In there?
457
00:22:44,597 --> 00:22:45,998
Yeah, they look
Just fine.
458
00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:47,800
Show it to andy.
459
00:22:47,834 --> 00:22:49,769
See my new screws,
Andy?
460
00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:51,838
Nice-lookin' screws, asa.
461
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,573
Yeah. Genuine brass.
462
00:22:53,606 --> 00:22:56,876
They won't rust
In case the gun gets wet.
463
00:22:56,909 --> 00:22:58,144
For pete's sake, asa,
464
00:22:58,177 --> 00:23:00,079
Why would you ever
Get your gun wet?
465
00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:03,015
Well, sometimes I leave it
Out on the front porch
466
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,517
And it gets rained on.
467
00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:06,719
And sometimes
When I take a shower,
468
00:23:06,753 --> 00:23:08,120
The room gets all steamy.
469
00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:09,489
That could make it rust.
470
00:23:11,558 --> 00:23:12,792
And look here, barney.
471
00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:14,927
Remember how you used to
Hate my bullets
472
00:23:14,961 --> 00:23:17,930
Because they were all green
And moldy?
473
00:23:17,964 --> 00:23:19,131
Look.
474
00:23:19,165 --> 00:23:21,067
Oh, good.
That's good.
475
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:24,671
I polished it with emery cloth
And laundry soap.
476
00:23:24,704 --> 00:23:26,072
Compare it with yours.
477
00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:33,179
See, andy?
478
00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:35,147
It's nice, asa.
479
00:23:35,181 --> 00:23:38,585
You and barney got the most
Beautiful bullets in town.
480
00:23:38,618 --> 00:23:40,653
Really, andy?
Sure.
481
00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:43,189
Uh, asa, let me
Ask you something.
482
00:23:43,222 --> 00:23:44,724
Are you off today?
483
00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:45,892
No.
484
00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:47,026
Well, is it some kind
485
00:23:47,059 --> 00:23:48,495
Of holiday or something?
486
00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:50,863
No.
487
00:23:50,897 --> 00:23:52,665
Why?
Well, nothin'.
488
00:23:52,699 --> 00:23:55,034
I was just wondering who's
Over there watching the bank.
489
00:23:55,067 --> 00:23:56,202
Huh?
490
00:23:56,235 --> 00:23:59,071
Oh, the bank.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
491
00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:01,641
I'll see you, boys.
492
00:24:01,674 --> 00:24:04,477
Asa, you forgot
Your gun.
493
00:24:04,511 --> 00:24:06,078
[ clatters ]
494
00:24:15,655 --> 00:24:19,091
Well, some days are like that,
Huh, howie?
495
00:24:25,732 --> 00:24:28,735
[ whistling sprightly tune ]
32740
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