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- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Oh, the courthouse lovers are back.
3
00:00:08,983 --> 00:00:11,318
And they're Lady in the Tramping.
4
00:00:11,319 --> 00:00:15,071
I think I liked it better when
they were open-mouthed kissing.
5
00:00:15,072 --> 00:00:17,032
Is this what it takes to fall in love?
6
00:00:17,033 --> 00:00:19,910
I have to suck a wet noodle
from someone's mouth.
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00:00:19,911 --> 00:00:21,828
Worst part is,
we're not serving spaghetti,
8
00:00:21,829 --> 00:00:24,623
so they had to bring that from home.
9
00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:26,500
When I say "Hock," you say "Ey."
10
00:00:26,501 --> 00:00:27,667
- Hock!
- Ey!
11
00:00:27,668 --> 00:00:29,044
- Hock!
- I'd keep going,
12
00:00:29,045 --> 00:00:31,839
but I can feel
the way Dan's looking at me.
13
00:00:33,466 --> 00:00:35,008
We have tickets to a Ranger game.
14
00:00:35,009 --> 00:00:38,303
Great. Otherwise, that chant
would have been stupid.
15
00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:39,846
Abby got us these jerseys.
16
00:00:39,847 --> 00:00:43,975
"Your name"? See you shelled
out to personalize it.
17
00:00:43,976 --> 00:00:45,519
The web site was very confusing.
18
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:50,482
I also ordered a ton of
jockstraps without realizing it.
19
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:53,485
They also say "your name."
20
00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:55,362
I've got some exciting plans, too.
21
00:00:55,363 --> 00:00:57,697
When I say "I'm," I say "leaving."
22
00:00:57,698 --> 00:01:01,034
I'm leaving, I'm leaving.
23
00:01:01,035 --> 00:01:03,370
By the way, the guy over there
just stole a tray of croissants,
24
00:01:03,371 --> 00:01:06,581
if you give a puck.
25
00:01:06,582 --> 00:01:08,750
Oh. I got this.
26
00:01:08,751 --> 00:01:11,169
Hey, what do you think you're doing...
27
00:01:11,170 --> 00:01:14,339
not kissing me?
28
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:18,885
Gurgs, this is why
you always have a cold.
29
00:01:18,886 --> 00:01:22,138
Everybody, this is
my boyfriend, Alistair Tully,
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00:01:22,139 --> 00:01:23,431
the Duke of Greybog.
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Duke, this is the everybody
of night court.
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That's night with an N.
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00:01:27,812 --> 00:01:30,188
Not the kind you're used to
with the armor and the dragons.
34
00:01:30,189 --> 00:01:33,483
And is my accent disgusting to you?
35
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:34,985
Such a pleasure to meet you.
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You're all drastically different
from what I imagined.
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I may look like I'm holding it together,
38
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- but inside I'm reeling.
- [CHUCKLES]
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Oops. I'm stealing something, too.
40
00:01:46,747 --> 00:01:50,333
I hope nobody comes up and kisses me.
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00:01:50,334 --> 00:01:54,504
Excuse me. I got to go give him a kiss.
42
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:55,964
Okay.
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00:02:00,761 --> 00:02:02,679
I do apologize for stealing.
44
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,222
I always forget you have
to pay for things.
45
00:02:04,223 --> 00:02:07,392
We royals don't carry money.
It's quite traumatizing
46
00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:11,730
trying to make change
from your grandmother.
47
00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:13,190
I can't believe you surprised me.
48
00:02:13,191 --> 00:02:15,400
And I can't believe
what we did in the ladies' room.
49
00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:18,612
And I can't believe that's what
those croissants were for.
50
00:02:18,613 --> 00:02:20,323
[LAUGHS]
51
00:02:23,242 --> 00:02:25,827
I hope you don't mind
that I turned up unannounced.
52
00:02:25,828 --> 00:02:27,496
I just thought it would be
a nice switch-about
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00:02:27,497 --> 00:02:29,664
from our monthly island romps.
54
00:02:29,665 --> 00:02:31,082
Monthly? How have you managed to do that
55
00:02:31,083 --> 00:02:33,210
- without missing a day of work?
- One of the perks
56
00:02:33,211 --> 00:02:36,296
of dating a royal... we're both
assigned body doubles.
57
00:02:36,297 --> 00:02:37,547
And before you ask, yes,
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00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:41,093
our body doubles
have had sex with each other.
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00:02:41,969 --> 00:02:43,762
Ah. My apologies, My Lord.
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00:02:43,763 --> 00:02:46,681
I never should have left your
side in this dreadful place.
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00:02:46,682 --> 00:02:48,850
Judge, this is my valet, Duncan.
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00:02:48,851 --> 00:02:51,603
I have known him since I was in nappies.
63
00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:53,772
He is like a butler to me.
64
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:56,775
Ah. I'm moved to the brink of emotion.
65
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,109
Oh, good.
66
00:02:58,110 --> 00:03:01,238
I say, I have your schedule
with Lady Gurgs.
67
00:03:01,239 --> 00:03:04,991
Tonight, you will enjoy a
Michelin star nine-course meal
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00:03:04,992 --> 00:03:09,246
featuring edible gold and inedible fish.
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00:03:09,247 --> 00:03:11,581
[GASPS] You can't tell which one
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00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:14,751
is making you nauseous,
and that's the excitement of it.
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00:03:14,752 --> 00:03:18,922
Gurgs, my love, this weekend,
we're going to hit the town.
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00:03:18,923 --> 00:03:21,132
Why does one say that... "hit the town"?
73
00:03:21,133 --> 00:03:23,426
Has the town been naughty?
74
00:03:23,427 --> 00:03:26,638
Ah! Quite a brilliant observation, sir.
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00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:31,351
Yes, you're a regular
Jerome Seinfeld, as it were.
76
00:03:31,352 --> 00:03:34,020
Yada yada indeed, sir.
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00:03:34,021 --> 00:03:36,940
Now, shall we get you
changed for dinner?
78
00:03:36,941 --> 00:03:39,234
Oh, all right. Uppies!
79
00:03:39,235 --> 00:03:40,694
Yes. Ah!
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00:03:40,695 --> 00:03:42,445
Oh! All right.
81
00:03:42,446 --> 00:03:45,324
Well, I shall see
you presently, my love.
82
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:53,039
I really like him. And he's such a duke.
83
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,167
I mean, he brings his own tablecloth.
84
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:59,546
I've been on trips, and I didn't
even bring my own toothbrush.
85
00:03:59,547 --> 00:04:02,132
Yeah, he's the best.
But if I'm being honest,
86
00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:04,342
there are times when I wish
it was just me and Alistair
87
00:04:04,343 --> 00:04:08,680
and not the Duke of Greybog
and Lady Gurgs of Hackensack.
88
00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:10,307
I get that.
89
00:04:10,308 --> 00:04:12,267
Back home,
I used to walk the mayor's dog.
90
00:04:12,268 --> 00:04:15,729
So, yeah, I've felt
the proximity to power, too.
91
00:04:15,730 --> 00:04:17,355
I mean, what am I going to say?
92
00:04:17,356 --> 00:04:20,484
"Let's go to a hockey game
instead of a once-in-a-lifetime
93
00:04:20,485 --> 00:04:24,070
dining experience in the Statue
of Liberty's torch?"
94
00:04:24,071 --> 00:04:27,073
You could, hockey's great.
Has he seen a Zamboni?
95
00:04:27,074 --> 00:04:31,703
It's all the fun of a car
with the speed of a lawn mower.
96
00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:33,038
You know, don't even listen to me.
97
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:35,040
The Duke and I have a good thing going.
98
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,917
It's the type of romance people leave
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00:04:36,918 --> 00:04:39,419
a supporting role on "Suits" for.
100
00:04:39,420 --> 00:04:42,422
[CLEARS THROAT]
If you won't be needing me,
101
00:04:42,423 --> 00:04:45,301
I'll just bugger on back
to the Radisson then.
102
00:04:48,971 --> 00:04:51,097
I don't care how mad
you are about taxes,
103
00:04:51,098 --> 00:04:52,933
you can't steal tea from a Starbucks
104
00:04:52,934 --> 00:04:56,436
and dump it in the Hudson. $500 fine.
105
00:04:56,437 --> 00:04:57,938
Well done, my love.
106
00:04:57,939 --> 00:05:01,525
Book that traitor!
Clappies, please, Duncan.
107
00:05:01,526 --> 00:05:03,443
Oh, yes.
108
00:05:03,444 --> 00:05:07,239
What's up with that guy? Is he
one of those no talky guards?
109
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,283
Look at me. I'm not saying anything.
110
00:05:10,284 --> 00:05:11,785
Well, you should date him, Olivia.
111
00:05:11,786 --> 00:05:13,119
You're perfect for each other.
112
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He doesn't talk, and you don't listen.
113
00:05:16,415 --> 00:05:18,875
You know, I think
he might be perfect for me.
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00:05:18,876 --> 00:05:22,420
He doesn't talk and I don't listen.
115
00:05:22,421 --> 00:05:24,339
I kind of like having
these fancy Brits around.
116
00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:27,968
More James Bond, less bail bond.
117
00:05:27,969 --> 00:05:29,594
You know, that one's been
giving you dirty
118
00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:32,097
- looks all night.
- Yeah. What's his problem?
119
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:34,975
- Maybe he hates your face.
- Mm.
120
00:05:34,976 --> 00:05:38,061
Hey, "Remains of the Day,"
what's your deal?
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Well, if you must know,
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I hate your stupid face.
123
00:05:44,318 --> 00:05:48,280
I like that he added "stupid."
124
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:51,491
Any chance would your surname be Elmore?
125
00:05:51,492 --> 00:05:53,034
Elmore? Yes.
126
00:05:53,035 --> 00:05:56,246
It was generations ago,
when the UK was relevant.
127
00:05:56,247 --> 00:06:00,500
Oh. Well, in that case,
be a good chap and burn in hell,
128
00:06:00,501 --> 00:06:02,127
you traitors pig!
129
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:04,504
You know, that's the third time
somebody called you that today.
130
00:06:04,505 --> 00:06:07,716
But his accent makes me
want to know why.
131
00:06:07,717 --> 00:06:11,761
Well, our families have
a feud going back centuries.
132
00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:13,847
You see, the Elmores were varlets
133
00:06:13,848 --> 00:06:15,515
to the great houses of England.
134
00:06:15,516 --> 00:06:20,103
That is, until they abandoned
their posts shamefully,
135
00:06:20,104 --> 00:06:23,440
like cowards, rather than serve
on the front lines.
136
00:06:23,441 --> 00:06:25,192
Let me get this straight.
You're mad at me
137
00:06:25,193 --> 00:06:28,904
because my ancestors skipped out
on fighting in a war?
138
00:06:28,905 --> 00:06:31,573
I never said "fight."
139
00:06:31,574 --> 00:06:33,867
I said "serve."
140
00:06:33,868 --> 00:06:35,452
You Elmores ran away,
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00:06:35,453 --> 00:06:38,539
leaving our boys with no desserts.
142
00:06:39,749 --> 00:06:45,587
Those tummy rumbles
shall follow you to your grave.
143
00:06:45,588 --> 00:06:50,300
[CHUCKLES] That is the rudest
waiter I've ever met.
144
00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:54,513
Ooh! Cappuccino jellybean,
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00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:56,264
you are guilty of being delicious.
146
00:06:56,265 --> 00:06:59,768
- I'm throwing you in the slammer.
- [JELLYBEAN CLATTERS]
147
00:06:59,769 --> 00:07:02,437
We got a runner. Oh.
148
00:07:02,438 --> 00:07:06,066
Sorry to interrupt during meal time.
149
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:08,735
Five-second rule.
It's my last cappuccino.
150
00:07:08,736 --> 00:07:11,446
Indeed. Have you seen Gurgs?
151
00:07:11,447 --> 00:07:13,990
We have a dinner date
and her carriage awaits.
152
00:07:13,991 --> 00:07:15,784
It is a carriage drawn by corgis.
153
00:07:15,785 --> 00:07:17,744
Nothing quite matches
the pleasure of being pulled
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00:07:17,745 --> 00:07:21,832
along by an animal
with a one-inch stride.
155
00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:23,333
I'll keep an eye out.
156
00:07:23,334 --> 00:07:25,418
Just so you know, eating off
the floor in this country
157
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is totally normal. Ask anyone.
158
00:07:27,839 --> 00:07:30,298
Don't ask anyone.
159
00:07:30,299 --> 00:07:32,133
Well, I think it's tremendous
160
00:07:32,134 --> 00:07:34,679
what you people have done
with your freedom.
161
00:07:36,722 --> 00:07:38,348
[VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECT]
162
00:07:38,349 --> 00:07:41,978
Is someone playing a video game
in this closet?
163
00:07:43,521 --> 00:07:44,771
Gurgs?
164
00:07:44,772 --> 00:07:47,732
Abby? See? I could do it, too.
165
00:07:53,235 --> 00:07:57,284
Love your new place.
It's a real fixer-downer.
166
00:07:57,285 --> 00:07:59,786
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
167
00:07:59,787 --> 00:08:02,080
I'm definitely not hiding
from my boyfriend. Ha!
168
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:03,665
Why would you think that?
169
00:08:03,666 --> 00:08:05,876
Because I'm a little stressed
and I need a little break?
170
00:08:05,877 --> 00:08:08,211
You sound crazy.
171
00:08:08,212 --> 00:08:10,213
Good to know
it's not that, but if it was
172
00:08:10,214 --> 00:08:11,965
because Alistair showed up unannounced
173
00:08:11,966 --> 00:08:14,176
with a royal entourage
and blew up your weekend plans,
174
00:08:14,177 --> 00:08:15,760
I'd understand.
175
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:17,637
You sure you don't want to
just tell him how you feel?
176
00:08:17,638 --> 00:08:19,973
Also, explain that
the American five-second rule
177
00:08:19,974 --> 00:08:22,309
is prevailing medical wisdom.
178
00:08:22,310 --> 00:08:23,977
Talking to him won't do any good.
179
00:08:23,978 --> 00:08:25,729
He's a royal. He can't change that.
180
00:08:25,730 --> 00:08:28,857
Okay, but this is not
a long-term solution.
181
00:08:28,858 --> 00:08:31,234
I'm worried that fumes
from these cleaning supplies
182
00:08:31,235 --> 00:08:33,111
are going to cause brand dimage.
183
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:36,990
Sorry, I meant to say brain garage.
184
00:08:36,991 --> 00:08:38,617
Maybe I should say something.
185
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:40,744
I'll just say I need a little
less pomp and circumstance.
186
00:08:40,745 --> 00:08:43,330
There you are!
Pomp and Circumstance and I
187
00:08:43,331 --> 00:08:45,332
have been worried sick.
188
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:47,209
What is this ghastly place?
189
00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:51,505
Pomp, Circumstance, shield your eyes.
190
00:08:51,506 --> 00:08:54,007
This is just, um... It's, uh...
191
00:08:54,008 --> 00:08:56,510
Oh, it's my ghastly place. Yeah.
192
00:08:56,511 --> 00:09:00,680
I just come in here
and I kick back, put on my hat,
193
00:09:00,681 --> 00:09:02,641
and I drink my...
194
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:05,227
- yogurt?!
- Yeah.
195
00:09:05,228 --> 00:09:09,356
Yeah, I love me a nice room temp yog.
196
00:09:09,357 --> 00:09:11,858
How do you Americans select your judges?
197
00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:14,444
Is it by game show?
198
00:09:16,113 --> 00:09:18,156
Hey, soldier, hasn't anyone
ever told you
199
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:20,534
it's not polite to stare?
200
00:09:20,535 --> 00:09:24,955
You know, maybe silence
is where emotions truly thrive.
201
00:09:24,956 --> 00:09:27,583
Wow. You are so deep.
202
00:09:29,085 --> 00:09:31,545
Can you believe that British
weasel holding a grudge
203
00:09:31,546 --> 00:09:35,215
for something that my family
did 300 years ago?
204
00:09:35,216 --> 00:09:36,716
This is America.
205
00:09:36,717 --> 00:09:40,387
A man should be hated
based upon his own actions.
206
00:09:40,388 --> 00:09:42,055
I mean, I started as the oil boy
207
00:09:42,056 --> 00:09:43,890
frying beignets at Café Du Monde,
208
00:09:43,891 --> 00:09:47,395
and I've climbed my way up to
being a very respected lawyer.
209
00:09:48,312 --> 00:09:51,231
A very employed lawyer.
210
00:09:51,232 --> 00:09:52,774
According to this, some people believe
211
00:09:52,775 --> 00:09:55,235
the Elmores were tricked
into abandoning their posts
212
00:09:55,236 --> 00:09:57,404
so the Duncans could steal
the best valet jobs.
213
00:09:57,405 --> 00:10:01,324
Golly, so he's saying that
my family were sniveling cowards
214
00:10:01,325 --> 00:10:04,452
when all they were were
just gullible idiots.
215
00:10:04,453 --> 00:10:06,454
If your family studied for years,
216
00:10:06,455 --> 00:10:10,209
they couldn't rise
to the level of gullible idiots.
217
00:10:12,962 --> 00:10:14,546
Where did you get that glove?
218
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:17,591
- It was in my salad.
- Ugh.
219
00:10:17,592 --> 00:10:20,343
With that slap, you've set
in motion a series of events
220
00:10:20,344 --> 00:10:23,180
from which you cannot turn back.
221
00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:25,599
Yeah, I know exactly what I did.
222
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,393
- What exactly did I do?
- [MUTTERING]
223
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:31,062
You just challenged him to a valet-off.
224
00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:33,064
Oh, my God, it's a duel.
225
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:34,774
Dan, you might have to kill a guy.
226
00:10:34,775 --> 00:10:35,775
Ah! What?!
227
00:10:35,776 --> 00:10:37,819
Sorry. Should have kept reading.
228
00:10:37,820 --> 00:10:39,571
It's a duel of decorum.
229
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:42,157
Man, we never get to kill anyone.
230
00:10:42,158 --> 00:10:44,075
Why does slapping people with gloves
231
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:47,204
always involve me
in the stupidest things?
232
00:10:49,790 --> 00:10:53,502
Ah, I see you've moved up
from the floor to the bin.
233
00:10:53,503 --> 00:10:57,964
Yes, but I'm eating
over the trash, not out of it.
234
00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:59,633
I was hoping for some advice.
235
00:10:59,634 --> 00:11:01,551
I could see that something
was bothering Gurgs
236
00:11:01,552 --> 00:11:05,388
at dinner, she hardly cracked
a smile at my travel jester.
237
00:11:05,389 --> 00:11:07,140
And I've never seen him smash tomatoes
238
00:11:07,141 --> 00:11:10,018
on his face quite like that.
239
00:11:10,019 --> 00:11:13,396
Um, no. Maybe try
to do something more normal.
240
00:11:13,397 --> 00:11:16,107
Like, uh, Gurgs was really
looking forward
241
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,318
- to going to a hockey game.
- Hockey?
242
00:11:18,319 --> 00:11:21,154
The sport we made up to prank Canadians?
243
00:11:21,155 --> 00:11:23,365
You can take my tickets and my jersey.
244
00:11:23,366 --> 00:11:25,075
It says "your name" on the back.
245
00:11:25,076 --> 00:11:27,327
- Oh, my name?
- No. "Your name."
246
00:11:27,328 --> 00:11:30,330
- Yes, my name.
- No. The words "your name."
247
00:11:30,331 --> 00:11:33,417
- Oh, it says "your name."
- It does?
248
00:11:35,169 --> 00:11:36,461
Well, hockey match it is.
249
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:38,588
I'll have Duncan ready the corgis.
250
00:11:38,589 --> 00:11:40,465
Okay. I feel like you're not
totally getting
251
00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:42,759
- the concept of normal.
- I'm not getting it.
252
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,053
I don't get anything.
I just smile and nod
253
00:11:45,054 --> 00:11:47,348
until somebody helps me.
254
00:11:49,684 --> 00:11:53,812
Okay, okay, I'll help you.
But I'm warning you.
255
00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:58,400
Once you wade into normal,
there is no turning back.
256
00:11:58,401 --> 00:12:01,319
It's gonna suck.
257
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:05,574
Oh-oh, it's gonna suck real hard.
258
00:12:05,575 --> 00:12:09,161
You think you can handle it, the Duke?
259
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:12,497
Well, I have to, for Gurgs.
260
00:12:12,498 --> 00:12:16,084
Show me your normal ways,
you filthy nobody!
261
00:12:21,622 --> 00:12:23,842
Behold the royal cutlery.
262
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:26,845
To get a clean spoon, we had
to fly it in from England.
263
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:29,306
You're seriously going through
with this valet-off?
264
00:12:29,307 --> 00:12:30,849
Nah, it's not happening.
265
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,893
Apparently you need an impartial
judge with royal blood.
266
00:12:32,894 --> 00:12:34,895
Where are we finding
one of those in this place?
267
00:12:34,896 --> 00:12:39,983
Good news. I found
one of those in this place.
268
00:12:39,984 --> 00:12:43,528
May I present Kenneth,
Lord of Devonshire.
269
00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:45,865
[IMITATING TRUMPET CALL]
270
00:12:49,577 --> 00:12:51,912
Kenny? From whom did he descend?
271
00:12:51,913 --> 00:12:54,206
The Dairy Queen?
272
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,249
Turns out he actually has royal blood.
273
00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:59,753
An oracle prophesized he would
one day ascend the throne.
274
00:12:59,754 --> 00:13:02,589
So a kindhearted woodsman sent him here
275
00:13:02,590 --> 00:13:05,425
to protect him
from his duplicitous uncle.
276
00:13:05,426 --> 00:13:07,845
I like Jell-O.
277
00:13:12,099 --> 00:13:15,519
Look, I simply cannot
do another normal thing.
278
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:16,895
But you're doing great.
279
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:19,022
You've used a bathroom
at a Trader Joe's.
280
00:13:19,023 --> 00:13:22,317
You let a dog sniff you.
You let a man sniff you.
281
00:13:22,318 --> 00:13:25,695
That was a man? I rubbed his belly!
282
00:13:25,696 --> 00:13:28,907
Your journey to normal finishes here.
283
00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:32,285
- A dungeon?
- Much worse. A subway.
284
00:13:32,286 --> 00:13:33,870
Absolutely not. No!
285
00:13:33,871 --> 00:13:36,164
Beneath the surface of the
Earth, my title means nothing.
286
00:13:36,165 --> 00:13:40,293
This is a rat's domain!
They serve a different king.
287
00:13:40,294 --> 00:13:43,088
You're scared. And you should be.
288
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,631
You will get bumped into.
289
00:13:44,632 --> 00:13:47,050
You will step in mystery puddles.
290
00:13:47,051 --> 00:13:49,219
You will end up in
the background of a TikTok,
291
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,804
and all the comments will be,
292
00:13:50,805 --> 00:13:52,639
"Hey, what's with the weird
old lady sucking crumbs
293
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,349
out of a bag of chips? LOL."
294
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:56,226
And you'll only find out
because a group of teens
295
00:13:56,227 --> 00:13:57,561
outside of Shake Shack will yell,
296
00:13:57,562 --> 00:14:00,438
"Hey, old lady, where's your chip bag?"
297
00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:04,151
And that's being normal.
298
00:14:04,152 --> 00:14:05,861
That's where I've seen you.
299
00:14:05,862 --> 00:14:08,488
Your destiny lies beyond that turnstile.
300
00:14:08,489 --> 00:14:10,240
But that filthy thing's touched
301
00:14:10,241 --> 00:14:12,325
- every crotch in the city!
- Ah.
302
00:14:12,326 --> 00:14:15,287
That's what makes New York
the greatest place on Earth.
303
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,706
We're all joined at the crotch.
304
00:14:17,707 --> 00:14:20,917
Okay. Keep walking.
I'm teaching a duke a lesson!
305
00:14:20,918 --> 00:14:23,336
Well, all right,
at least when it's over,
306
00:14:23,337 --> 00:14:24,754
I'll be on the subway train.
307
00:14:24,755 --> 00:14:26,840
And I assume that's quite lovely.
308
00:14:26,841 --> 00:14:29,092
Yeah, sure.
309
00:14:29,093 --> 00:14:30,719
Oh! That's gone!
310
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,180
That has to be burnt.
311
00:14:33,181 --> 00:14:35,056
It's just a matter of...
312
00:14:35,057 --> 00:14:37,601
I mean, all I have
to do is... I simply...
313
00:14:37,602 --> 00:14:40,312
I mean, it's obvious. I...
No, I can't do it.
314
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,314
I give up, carry me home.
315
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,441
Hey, do it for Gurgs.
316
00:14:44,442 --> 00:14:47,027
Yes.
317
00:14:47,028 --> 00:14:49,196
For Gurgs!
318
00:14:49,197 --> 00:14:51,323
Tally-ho!
319
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,868
Oh! Ohh!
320
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,205
I'm a normal.
321
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:02,626
Girl, you're missing it.
322
00:15:02,627 --> 00:15:04,211
Dan's getting spanked by the guy he hit
323
00:15:04,212 --> 00:15:06,046
with the rubber glove.
324
00:15:06,047 --> 00:15:08,215
For the napkin challenge,
Duncan folded his
325
00:15:08,216 --> 00:15:12,428
into a perfect swan,
and Dan's caught fire.
326
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,723
Time for the final challenge.
327
00:15:16,724 --> 00:15:19,559
The English tea service.
328
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,144
You may as well run away.
329
00:15:21,145 --> 00:15:23,897
After all, that is what Elmores do best.
330
00:15:23,898 --> 00:15:27,192
No, Duncan, because
the Elmores didn't run then,
331
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:28,860
and they're not running now.
332
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:33,073
I am going to stand here
and watch you kick my ass
333
00:15:33,074 --> 00:15:36,618
with poise and dignity.
334
00:15:36,619 --> 00:15:40,163
If you cry, I'll clear the room.
335
00:15:40,164 --> 00:15:43,416
We're really pulling
for you, Dan. [LAUGHS]
336
00:15:43,417 --> 00:15:45,126
Okay, I'm pulling for you.
337
00:15:45,127 --> 00:15:47,754
We will talk about this in the car.
338
00:15:47,755 --> 00:15:50,924
Elmore, you should know
I've never spilled a drop.
339
00:15:50,925 --> 00:15:53,134
At university, I was a starter
340
00:15:53,135 --> 00:15:58,098
on the varsity tea service team
as a freshman.
341
00:15:58,099 --> 00:16:01,935
All right, well,
let's get this over with.
342
00:16:01,936 --> 00:16:05,730
- [ALL GASP]
- Oh, my goodness.
343
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:07,983
What are the odds that I would break it
344
00:16:07,984 --> 00:16:11,111
and then sort of glue
it back together again?
345
00:16:11,112 --> 00:16:15,490
The tea is a royal standard
95 degrees Celsius.
346
00:16:15,491 --> 00:16:21,079
Or as you Americans might say,
it's freaking hot, bro.
347
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,790
Something you don't know
about me, Duncan.
348
00:16:23,791 --> 00:16:26,793
I am the most scalded oil boy
in Café Du Monde history.
349
00:16:26,794 --> 00:16:28,920
These hands have been deep fried.
350
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:33,967
They're nothing but callous,
and they feel practically...
351
00:16:33,968 --> 00:16:35,218
nothing.
352
00:16:35,219 --> 00:16:38,096
Paddington's marmalade!
How is he doing that?
353
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:42,100
Hey, watch the crown
jewels there, Ringo!
354
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:45,353
Ah! I have dribbled.
355
00:16:45,354 --> 00:16:47,022
I'm disgraced.
356
00:16:47,023 --> 00:16:52,444
I have lost to an Elmore.
I am no more than a buffoon.
357
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,571
Don't look at me!
358
00:16:54,572 --> 00:16:56,198
- Aah!
- Oh!
359
00:16:56,199 --> 00:16:57,657
Aah!
360
00:16:57,658 --> 00:17:00,535
- I guess you won.
- [LAUGHS]
361
00:17:00,536 --> 00:17:02,537
You can probably put the teapot down.
362
00:17:02,538 --> 00:17:04,040
Ah.
363
00:17:07,168 --> 00:17:10,295
I cannot. I think it is
a part of me forever.
364
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,380
Thirsty?
365
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,552
Look at this normal guy doing everything
366
00:17:17,553 --> 00:17:19,804
but eating out of the trash.
367
00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:21,848
Gurgs and I are going
to have so much fun.
368
00:17:21,849 --> 00:17:26,853
I've even practiced an American laugh.
[LAUGHS GUTTURALLY]
369
00:17:26,854 --> 00:17:29,439
Alistair, why are you dressed like that?
370
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,983
Are you pranking Canadians again?
371
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:35,570
My love, I'm taking you
on the date of your dreams...
372
00:17:35,571 --> 00:17:37,906
a subway ride to the Rangers game.
373
00:17:37,907 --> 00:17:40,242
And your friend
can even tag along in case
374
00:17:40,243 --> 00:17:43,537
we drop some food on the ground.
375
00:17:43,538 --> 00:17:45,288
Oh, my God, this is.
376
00:17:45,289 --> 00:17:48,458
- [GASPS] This is...
- Exactly what you wanted?
377
00:17:48,459 --> 00:17:53,380
Uh-huh. Because you changed
for me, and that's...
378
00:17:53,381 --> 00:17:55,799
Good? Sweet? Adorable?
379
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,885
All of it. [GASPS] I'm not freaking out!
380
00:17:58,886 --> 00:18:03,390
[GASPING] My chest is tight
because I'm happy!
381
00:18:03,391 --> 00:18:06,268
Ah! I got to go.
382
00:18:06,269 --> 00:18:08,979
Gurgs, come back!
383
00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:11,523
Your dirt friend
doesn't need to come with us.
384
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:21,950
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- There's no one here, just us mops.
385
00:18:21,951 --> 00:18:26,454
Think I wouldn't open
this door to see talking mops?
386
00:18:26,455 --> 00:18:28,123
What happened back there?
387
00:18:28,124 --> 00:18:31,710
I've never had anyone change
like that for me.
388
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:36,131
But what if he sees the mop
closet yogurt junky side of me
389
00:18:36,132 --> 00:18:40,845
and he... he realizes
I wasn't worth changing for?
390
00:18:42,847 --> 00:18:46,308
You know, people are like jelly beans.
391
00:18:46,309 --> 00:18:48,602
When you find your flavor, you love them
392
00:18:48,603 --> 00:18:50,395
even if they're covered in lint
393
00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:52,814
because they've been through
the dryer cycle
394
00:18:52,815 --> 00:18:54,858
a couple of times.
395
00:18:54,859 --> 00:18:58,653
You, Gurgs, you're toasted marshmallow.
396
00:18:58,654 --> 00:19:00,322
You're everyone's favorite flavor.
397
00:19:00,323 --> 00:19:04,117
If they don't like you,
they can choke on a Tic Tac.
398
00:19:04,118 --> 00:19:06,411
You have to say that. You're my friend.
399
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:09,206
- But I don't, do I?
- Don't listen to me.
400
00:19:09,207 --> 00:19:12,292
- Listen to you.
- I'm not your mate.
401
00:19:12,293 --> 00:19:14,836
I'm a perfect stranger who had
to study you inside and out,
402
00:19:14,837 --> 00:19:16,838
and I think you're a wonderful lady.
403
00:19:16,839 --> 00:19:21,718
Take it from me.
You are worth changing for.
404
00:19:21,719 --> 00:19:25,472
I couldn't have said it better myself.
405
00:19:25,473 --> 00:19:27,808
Really?
406
00:19:27,809 --> 00:19:30,811
Well, there's something you should know.
407
00:19:30,812 --> 00:19:33,855
This isn't Abby's closet. It's mine.
408
00:19:33,856 --> 00:19:36,191
When the world is too much,
I come in here,
409
00:19:36,192 --> 00:19:41,280
play video games, and drink out of this.
410
00:19:43,699 --> 00:19:45,826
No.
411
00:19:45,827 --> 00:19:48,162
- We drink out of this.
- [CHUCKLES]
412
00:19:51,833 --> 00:19:53,333
- Mm. Oh.
- Mm?
413
00:19:53,334 --> 00:19:54,793
I also have an admission.
414
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,461
When I first saw the turnstile,
415
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:58,713
I thought it might rub my front
and my bum at the same time
416
00:19:58,714 --> 00:20:00,257
and I would never want to leave.
417
00:20:00,258 --> 00:20:04,010
Oh, my man is a freak,
and I love it. [LAUGHS]
418
00:20:04,011 --> 00:20:05,720
I think we should get out of here
419
00:20:05,721 --> 00:20:07,389
and give these two some privacy.
420
00:20:07,390 --> 00:20:09,224
Oh, sorry, I don't think
I got your name.
421
00:20:09,225 --> 00:20:11,935
- Fergs.
- Oh, "Furgs" for Fake Gurgs.
422
00:20:11,936 --> 00:20:15,730
For Ferguson.
I'm a person, you dumb yank.
423
00:20:17,358 --> 00:20:21,486
It is I, Elmore the Great,
strongest of my line,
424
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:24,531
slayer of simpering sneaks.
425
00:20:24,532 --> 00:20:26,116
- About that.
- Hmm.
426
00:20:26,117 --> 00:20:27,492
I did more research.
427
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:29,911
Turns out, in 1426,
the Elmores were saved
428
00:20:29,912 --> 00:20:31,788
from a drawbridge collapse
429
00:20:31,789 --> 00:20:35,292
and pledged eternal fealty
to their saviors,
430
00:20:35,293 --> 00:20:37,252
- the Devonshires.
- The Devonshires.
431
00:20:37,253 --> 00:20:39,504
Isn't that Kenny's last name?
432
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:41,798
Indeed.
433
00:20:41,799 --> 00:20:44,467
I'm your boss now, D-dog.
434
00:20:44,468 --> 00:20:46,803
Draw me a bath.
435
00:20:46,804 --> 00:20:49,848
And draw a lady in it, too.
436
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,017
On second thought, the Elmores are dead.
437
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:54,144
I am Fielding of the New World.
438
00:20:54,145 --> 00:20:57,105
Fine. I didn't want to marry you anyway.
439
00:20:57,106 --> 00:20:59,149
But I was so looking forward
to registering
440
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:02,110
at the Bass Pro Shops.
441
00:21:02,111 --> 00:21:04,696
Look, I know this is crazy,
but just listen.
442
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,740
I love you.
443
00:21:06,741 --> 00:21:11,119
- I really do.
- [WATCH BEEPING]
444
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,955
Ah, that's a bit
of the ol' all right, ain't it?
445
00:21:13,956 --> 00:21:16,124
What's happening? Why are you talking?
446
00:21:16,125 --> 00:21:18,126
Because I'm off the clock, love.
447
00:21:18,127 --> 00:21:20,378
So, shall we, uh, bugger off
down the pub for a pint?
448
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:22,631
Or head back to your flat
for a bit of the old
449
00:21:22,632 --> 00:21:24,508
how d'you do, hey?
450
00:21:24,509 --> 00:21:26,927
Nope, nope. No, no, no, nope. Nope.
451
00:21:26,928 --> 00:21:31,014
[BRITISH ACCENT] So, I hear
you're in the British guys.
452
00:21:31,015 --> 00:21:33,392
Not for all the silence in the world.
453
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:40,419
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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