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1
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:17,453
TED:
Kids, life is a dark road.
2
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,688
You never really know
what's up ahead.
3
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:22,563
One night you're cruising along
enjoying the ride,
4
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:25,933
and then all of a sudden,
you're 28.
5
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:27,803
And for the birthday boy,
6
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,001
lasagna.
Thank you.
7
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:31,373
Careful.
The plate is very hot.
8
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,372
'Kay.
9
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:35,641
Oh, go on, touch it.
10
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:38,473
( gasps ):
Ah! Sweet damn,
that's a hot plate.
11
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,977
All right, so, Barney,
are you doing this or what?
12
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,442
Oh, geez, Barney,
don't do this.
13
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,611
I have to, it's my
birthday present to Ted.
14
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,949
You don't have to.
Please, it's going
to be embarrassing
15
00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:50,475
and we're going to have
to stop coming here,
which will suck...
16
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,091
in addition to probably
being kind of healthy.
17
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,564
Come on, Marshall,
18
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:57,092
it's the greatest pickup line
of all time.
19
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,728
Barney.
20
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,303
Oy, gevalt.
21
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:02,632
Ah...
22
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:03,756
Happy birthday, Ted.
23
00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,271
Whoo-hoo!
24
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,071
Uh, excuse me, has
anyone ever told y...
25
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,537
Oh, my God.
26
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,114
What?
Oh!
27
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,143
Call an ambulance!
28
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,577
What's going on?
29
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,182
Try not to speak.
Here, sit down.
30
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:17,614
Just don't talk,
don't talk.
31
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,148
Is she okay?
I'm serious,
call 911.
32
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:21,784
What's wrong?
What's the matter?
33
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:22,879
Shh! Shh!
Just don't move.
34
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,120
Don't move.
Just try...
35
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,815
Here, have some water.
Water!
36
00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:28,455
Here, drink this.
37
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,262
Shh! Shh!
38
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,964
ROBIN:
You know, the more I watch this,
39
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,285
the less convinced I am
40
00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:35,601
that it's the greatest
pickup line of all time.
41
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,573
Wait for it.
42
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:38,631
28.
43
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:41,199
Two more till
the big one, three-oh.
44
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:44,099
Actually, my 30th birthday
wasn't so bad.
45
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:46,772
Well, except for the goat
in my bathroom.
46
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,210
Which is a great story.
47
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:49,636
But I'll get to that later.
48
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:52,580
Still, you know,
another year older.
49
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:53,806
Still single.
50
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,451
You don't hear your
Tedological clock ticking?
51
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,747
Nope. I hit
the snooze button.
52
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,220
And here come
the paramedics.
53
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:03,059
Oh, thank God, you're here.
54
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,433
What is going on?!
55
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,062
I think there might be
some internal bleeding.
56
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,456
Probably some fractures.
57
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,498
We got to get her
to the hospital.
58
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:09,832
What are you
talking about?
59
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,057
You've had
a terrible fall.
60
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,201
No, I haven't.
61
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:13,296
Really?
'Cause I could swear
62
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:14,937
you fell straight
out of heaven.
63
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:17,672
Angel... Bing!
64
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,770
( under his breath ):
Give him your number.
65
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,041
What?
66
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:23,579
( aloud ):
Give him your number.
67
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,654
What?
( louder ):
Give him your number.
68
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,253
Come on,
you're embarrassing me.
69
00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:29,175
( chanting ):
Give him your number.
70
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,490
What are you...?
Come on.
Give him your number.
71
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,952
They're not going to stop
till you give me your number.
72
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,491
Give him your number.
All right!
73
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:36,356
It works!
74
00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:38,434
( cheering )
75
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:42,402
I cannot believe that
she gave him her number.
76
00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:44,703
Maybe she really does
have a brain injury.
77
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:46,996
Thank you, everyone.
78
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,267
Thank you, everyone.
It's been fun.
79
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,966
It's Wendy the waitress.
Tip her well.
80
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,307
Thanks a lot, guys.
81
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:52,912
Troilus and Cressida.
Neighborhood Playhouse.
82
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,183
Check them out,
they're good,
they're good.
83
00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:58,150
I realize why
I'm still single.
84
00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,612
I'm picky.
I'm not going to settle.
85
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,980
If I'm going to marry someone,
she has to be perfect.
86
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:03,349
Well, what's perfect?
87
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,487
It's not like
I have a list.
Oh, yes, you do.
88
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,593
Attractive,
college-educated,
89
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,524
she wants two kids--
a boy and a girl...
90
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:09,959
That's not hard.
I know at least...
91
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,293
I'm not done.
She likes dogs,
92
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:13,559
Otis Redding,
does the crossword.
93
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,297
She's into sports,
but not so much so
94
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:18,073
that her legs are, like,
more muscular than mine.
That weirds me out.
95
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,431
And she plays bass guitar
like Kim Deal from the Pixies.
96
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,201
Or Kim Gordon
from Sonic Youth.
97
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,040
Any Kim from
any cool band, really.
98
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,444
Can't be too picky.
99
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,066
You're never going
to find this girl.
100
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,780
Exactly. So I'm just going
to wait for her to come to me.
101
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,513
I am done trying to plan
the unplannable.
102
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,980
So, what, you think fate's
just going to take care of it?
103
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:38,018
That's the plan.
104
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:41,655
And little did I know,
at that very moment,
105
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,992
fate-- in the form of
a 600 gigahertz
106
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,987
superprocessing computer--
107
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,399
was taking care of it.
108
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:51,102
( beeping )
109
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:52,904
( groaning softly )
110
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,566
Whoa, you're up early.
111
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,395
Yeah, thought I'd whip up
some pancakes.
112
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,510
Does Marshall know?
113
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,841
He's still sound asleep.
114
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:06,953
Awesome.
115
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,454
So awesome.
116
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,287
God! Best girl ever.
117
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,722
Screw these pancakes,
118
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:15,086
I should cover you in syrup
and gobble you up.
119
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:18,455
TED:
Please don't do that.
120
00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:20,026
Hey, is this milk any good?
121
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,199
( retches, spits )
122
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,803
Oh, yeah, that totally
got me yesterday.
123
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,736
God, why didn't
you throw it away?
124
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,302
LILY:
I'm going shopping
after work.
125
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,071
I'll pick up some milk.
126
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,339
( groans ):
Oh...!
127
00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:36,337
These pancakes
are delightful.
128
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,622
What's wrong, baby?
129
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,882
This is the high point
of my day.
130
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,221
It was true.
131
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,585
See, Marshall had always
dreamed
132
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,764
of using his law degree
to protect the environment.
133
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,492
But he needed money
for the wedding,
134
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,928
so he'd been interning for two
months at Barney's firm...
135
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,563
and he hated
every minute of it.
136
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,798
Hey, Barney,
I had some questions
137
00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,634
about filling out
these requisition forms.
138
00:04:58,699 --> 00:04:59,469
Binoculars.
139
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:00,873
Second pair on my desk.
140
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,004
I don't have time
to be creepy, dude.
141
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,340
I have a lot of work to do.
142
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:05,765
Just take a look, will ya?
143
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,908
Okay, corner office.
Top floor.
144
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,205
Check out that guy.
145
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,850
Name's Clark Butterfield.
146
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,186
He works over at
Nicholson, Hewitt and West
147
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,991
and every morning,
he orders a sandwich
148
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,123
from the deli downstairs.
149
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,358
So?
150
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:25,633
So guess what I did
to that sandwich?
151
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,333
Here, I took a picture.
152
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,533
Oh! Sweet Lord.
153
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,970
And now I'm e-mailing
said picture to him.
154
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,967
( evil chuckling )
155
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,215
Ooh! Duck!
156
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,852
That is sick!
157
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,621
Why would you do that?
158
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,759
Who knows?
This feud goes so far back
159
00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:00,055
I can't remember who
fired the first shot.
You?
160
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:00,987
Totally.
161
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:04,432
Well, look,
if you would just...
162
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,968
help me fill out these forms,
that would be great.
163
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,171
What?
164
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,296
Butterfield is going
to retaliate
165
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,010
within the next four hours.
166
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,372
That's been his pattern.
167
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:14,441
This is war, Eriksen.
168
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:15,778
I need you to clear
your schedule,
169
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,383
call Lily,
tell her you'll be home late.
170
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:19,005
This is stupid.
171
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,779
Stu...
Come on, man,
172
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,548
I didn't recruit you to work
here for your lawyering skills.
173
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:27,347
I recruited you to be my
executive mischief consultant.
174
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,391
This is a job
for me, Barney.
175
00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:31,557
It's a way to make
some extra wedding
money, and that's it.
176
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,425
Now I'm sorry,
but I have work to do.
177
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,225
( typing )
178
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,996
Tracy, could you
come in here, please?
179
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,239
Would you please inform
Mr. Eriksen
180
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,513
that I'm no longer
speaking to him.
181
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,579
Mr. Eriksen, Mr. Stinson
182
00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:50,742
is no longer...
I get it.
Thank you, Tracy.
183
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,053
( telephone rings )
184
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:57,750
Hello?
185
00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:01,788
Hello. May I speak with
a Mr. Ted Mosby?
186
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:02,555
Speaking.
187
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,463
Mr. Mosby, how you doing, sir?
188
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,955
Bob Rorschach over here
at Love Solutions.
189
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,327
You signed up for our services
about six months ago.
190
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,626
Uh, yeah.
191
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:12,428
You guys never found me a match.
192
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,770
Right. Well...
193
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,544
actually, that's why
I'm calling.
194
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,373
We found her, sir.
195
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,767
We found your soul mate.
196
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,249
I don't understand.
What happened to Ellen Pierce?
197
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:29,445
Doesn't she run this place?
198
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,617
Well, my firm bought
out the company.
199
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:34,345
You know, we're a high-end
meats and textiles conglomerate,
200
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:35,861
but the geniuses
201
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:39,233
at corporate decided
they wanted to diversify, so...
202
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,562
here I am.
203
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,998
So I'm in good hands.
204
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,363
You found me a match?
205
00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:45,501
There she is.
206
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,096
Your soul mate.
207
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:48,467
That'll be 500 bucks.
208
00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:50,566
No way.
The last time I did this,
209
00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:52,108
the girl turned out
to be engaged.
210
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:53,472
She's not engaged.
211
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,141
She's your soul mate.
212
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,378
Just read the file.
213
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,813
( sighs )
214
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,617
So I read the file.
215
00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,952
And by God,
this woman was perfect.
216
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:08,058
She liked dogs, she spent
her summers in North Carolina,
217
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,821
she played bass guitar,
she did the Times crossword,
218
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,331
she played tennis,
she liked old movies,
219
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,562
her favorite food was lasagna,
her favorite book was
220
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:15,858
Love in the Time of Cholera,
221
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,629
her favorite singer
was Otis Redding
222
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:20,228
and she wanted two kids--
a boy and a girl.
223
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,401
All right, fine.
224
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:23,769
Set it up.
225
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:25,912
You wanted to see me,
226
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:27,743
so I guess that means
we're talking again?
227
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,338
Will you taste this latte
for me?
228
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:30,879
I think they gave me decaf.
229
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:36,876
Tastes normal to me.
230
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,490
That's what I thought, too.
231
00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:40,222
Then I got this e-mail
from Butterfield.
232
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,287
Oh, God!
233
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,785
It got me as well.
234
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,488
Well, then why did you
have me drink it?!
235
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,260
Because now...
236
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:50,028
you're in.
237
00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:51,727
MARSHALL:
Okay.
238
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:53,329
Don't think
I'm overlooking
239
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,340
the obvious fact that I
should just be mad at you.
240
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:59,213
But Executive Mischief
Consultant Marshall Eriksen
241
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,642
reporting for duty.
242
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,579
Let's make that bastard pay.
243
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,754
You think that we should
brush our teeth first?
244
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,283
Yeah, it's probably
a good idea.
245
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,449
So that night
I had a blind date
246
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:11,917
with my perfect match.
247
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,245
I was so excited,
I got there early.
248
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:15,761
But before it even started...
249
00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:17,263
( cell phone rings )
250
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:19,789
Lily?
251
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,600
Hey, Ted, are you busy?
252
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:24,002
Um... yes.
253
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,204
Oh, right. Soul mate.
Forgot.
254
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:28,736
Listen, could you take a cab
out to Duchess County
255
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:32,042
and change a flat
on Marshall's Fiero?
256
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,805
What? No.
257
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,284
Can't you just call Marshall?
258
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,412
Marshall can't know about this.
259
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:39,447
Look, Ted, it's dark,
260
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,012
I don't know how
to change a tire,
261
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,821
and I've stumbled into
the beginning
262
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,393
of a very scary campfire story.
263
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:46,522
Can you please hurry?
264
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,546
I can't, I'm waiting...
265
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,321
Oh, my God, is that a drifter
266
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,959
with a hook for a hand?
267
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,294
( gasps ):
No, drifter, no!
268
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,390
Come on, Lily.
269
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,501
But you see my point.
270
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:57,563
( sighs )
271
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,131
All right, stay there.
272
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:01,129
I'm on my way.
273
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:11,806
TED:
And, so,
one $90 cab ride later,
274
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:15,149
I was in the middle of nowhere.
275
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,975
Oh, thank God.
276
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,420
I'm so sorry
about this.
277
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:20,516
Did you get ahold
of your date?
278
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,287
Yes.
And was she okay
279
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,755
about pushing it back?
Yes.
280
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,734
Because she's perfect.
So what am I doing here?
281
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,703
You can never
tell Marshall.
282
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,061
I won't.
Ever.
283
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,399
Swear. Swear on the lives
of your unborn boy and girl.
284
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,195
I swear on Luke and Leia.
285
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:39,838
About a month ago,
I started getting insomnia.
286
00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:43,237
Marrying Marshall had been
all I wanted for a long time.
287
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,180
But, now that
it was really happening,
288
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,305
it seemed kind of huge
and scary.
289
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,150
TED:
Did you talk to Marshall
about it?
290
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,816
LILY:
He wouldn't have understood.
291
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:53,454
He's not exactly nervous
about tying the knot.
292
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,390
( snoring )
293
00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:00,964
So I spent my nights reading,
painting,
294
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:03,098
setting the high score
on Super Bomber Man...
295
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,833
TED:
That was you? Awesome!
296
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,268
LILY:
I know!
I just got in the zone and...
297
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,304
Not the point of the story.
298
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,669
And then I started thinking
about Victoria
299
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,839
and how she followed her dream
to Germany,
300
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,637
and I found
this art fellowship.
301
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:18,279
Let me guess.
It's somewhere far away.
302
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,905
San Francisco.
303
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:23,221
But it's not like
I'm going to do it.
304
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,723
The dates conflict
with the wedding.
305
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:28,686
But I love painting,
306
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:32,386
and I've always wondered
if I'm any good.
307
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,389
This was a way to find out.
308
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:36,231
And the interview is tonight.
309
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,166
In New Haven.
310
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:44,102
You don't want
to get married.
311
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:47,241
Of course I want to get married.
312
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:51,037
I... It's not like
I was ever going to do it.
313
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:54,921
I just... I just really wanted
to see if I could get this.
314
00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:57,082
Lily, we live
in the center
315
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,090
of art and culture
in America.
316
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:00,652
I'm sure you could
find a program here
317
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,020
that's just as selective.
318
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,419
But you chose one in a
city 3,000 miles away,
319
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,031
and you didn't
tell Marshall.
320
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,833
I think it's pretty
clear what that means.
321
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:15,170
Okay, I was...
I was having second thoughts.
322
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,265
Oh, man!
323
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,166
But I'm not anymore.
324
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:21,508
I... I mean,
this flat tire was a sign.
325
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,344
I'm not supposed to do this.
326
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:27,780
I'm supposed to go home
and-and be with Marshall.
327
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,748
You must think I'm so stupid.
328
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,887
I don't think
you're stupid.
329
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,622
I love Marshall.
330
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:35,086
I know you do.
Come here.
331
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,425
It's okay. Look...
332
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,004
Marriage is big.
333
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,663
You're allowed
to freak out.
334
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:47,201
But why am I the only one?
335
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,767
How come Marshall
isn't doing anything crazy?
336
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:54,507
So all we need is one
large shipping box
and 100 white mice.
337
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,310
All done.
338
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:03,147
Ted, let's go to New Haven.
339
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,886
Lily, don't do this to yourself.
340
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:08,393
I just need to know
if I can get in.
341
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,555
If I do this interview,
and get into the program,
342
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,393
then I'll know, and I can forget
all about it, and get married.
343
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,460
Come on!
344
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:15,657
It's an adventure.
345
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:16,958
No, it's not
an adventure.
346
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,130
It's a mistake.
347
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,298
Okay, yes, it's a mistake.
348
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,797
I know it's a mistake.
349
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,639
But there are
certain things in life
350
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:25,073
where you know it's a mistake
351
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,438
but you don't really
know it's a mistake
352
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,506
because the only way
to really know it's a mistake
353
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,705
is to make the mistake,
and look back, and say, "Yep.
354
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:31,947
That was a mistake."
355
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:33,812
So, really, the bigger mistake
356
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,181
would be
to not make the mistake,
357
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,648
because then
you go your whole life
358
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:39,086
not really knowing if something
is a mistake or not.
359
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,252
And, damn it,
I've made no mistakes!
360
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,861
I've done all of this--
my life, my relationship,
361
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,785
my career-- mistake-free.
362
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:50,061
Does any of this
make sense to you?
363
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,500
I don't know. You
said "mistake" a lot.
364
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:56,135
Lily, don't do this.
365
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,503
Ted, I'm getting married
in two months,
366
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,510
and I'm freaking out,
and you're my best friend,
367
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,412
and you just have
to forgive me for this.
368
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:02,614
Forgive you for what?
369
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,445
Lily. Lily!
370
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,416
Hey, Lily, this is Ted,
371
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:19,289
the guy you left stranded
by the side of the road.
372
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,589
I just wanted to say
good luck with the interview,
373
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:22,701
remember to pick up some milk...
374
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,632
Oh, and, when I get home,
375
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,167
I'm going to kill you.
376
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,374
And, also, I texted you
the same thing.
377
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:38,950
Hey, I need a big favor.
378
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,312
Anything, bro.
379
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,180
I need you to come up to
Duchess County and pick me up.
380
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:43,719
No.
381
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,953
It's kind of an emergency.
382
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,449
What are you doing
in Duchess County?
383
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,120
Apple picking.
384
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,489
Can you just get up here?
385
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:53,087
I wish I could help, buddy,
but I'm stuck here at work.
386
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,560
We're kind of swamped.
387
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,797
Is that Ted?
388
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:57,262
Yeah. He's stuck
in Duchess County.
389
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,300
Don't you have
a big date tonight?
390
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:02,196
Uh... Marshall. Hi.
Yes. Yes, I do.
391
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,199
So what are you doing
in Duchess County?
392
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,341
Can't a brother go apple picking
393
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,136
without getting
the third degree? Damn!
394
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,209
Okay, well, hang on.
I'm coming to get you.
395
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:12,048
No!
396
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:13,752
Relax, man.
I'll take the Fiero.
397
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,683
No, no, no. Just...
forget it.
398
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,548
Ha, ha! A little prank.
399
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,017
I'm not in Duchess County.
400
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,416
So that's the prank?
401
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,557
That you're not
in Duchess county?
402
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:25,562
Yep. Gotcha! Classic!
403
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,185
Gotta go.
404
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,802
Hey, check out
this one.
405
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:34,074
It actually looks
like Butterfield.
406
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,544
You know, over at the NRDC,
407
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,313
it's a bunch
of really committed people
408
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,771
who take their job
of saving the earth
409
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,109
very, very seriously.
410
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,605
Which is great,
and everything,
411
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:47,176
but I can't imagine having
this much fun over there.
412
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:50,177
You thinking about coming
to work here full-time?
413
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,650
Maybe.
414
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:53,985
Don't tell Lily, okay?
415
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,464
Taking off for the night.
416
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:56,822
Thanks, Tracy.
417
00:15:56,889 --> 00:16:01,029
Are you guys planning on
punching some holes in that box?
418
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,734
Of course we are.
419
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,532
Were you going
to think of that?
No.
420
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,439
That would have been bad.
Horrible. Ooh!
421
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:12,141
Luckily, there was still
one person I could call
422
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:13,535
to get a ride home.
423
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,106
Need a ride, cowboy?
424
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,335
Sorry. I don't get in vans
with strangers.
425
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,350
Hmm, too bad.
I got candy.
426
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,082
Candy?!
427
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,293
So you're not going to tell
me what you were doing
428
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,322
by the side of a highway
in Duchess County?
429
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,987
Nope.
Sworn to secrecy.
430
00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,386
Oh, come on.
431
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,787
I like your hat.
432
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:34,158
Right. This is embarrassing.
433
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,127
I got highlights.
434
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,496
Oh, for the waiting room
of your dental practice?
435
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,770
Highlights
is a children's magazine.
436
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:42,844
Yeah, I got it.
437
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:45,342
I thought it might look cool.
438
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:48,005
Of course my colorist took
"highlights" to mean,
439
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:51,075
"I want to look like a tiger,"
hence the hat.
440
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:52,754
Oh. I gotta see this.
441
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:53,752
No way.
442
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:54,853
Please.
443
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,154
I bet it doesn't look that bad.
444
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,546
I bet it looks grr-eat!
445
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:03,218
So, she says,
changing the subject.
446
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,060
Big date tonight.
447
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,185
How does she rate
on the Mosby checklist?
448
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,600
Kind of amazingly.
449
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,061
Uh, she's 28, like me.
450
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,500
Wow, I'm 28.
451
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,095
Hmm. Uh...
452
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,197
College educated-- check.
453
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,668
Plays tennis-- check.
454
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,566
Uh, favorite book is Love
in the Time of Cholera-- check.
455
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,069
I read that.
456
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,811
More like "Love in the Time
of Don't Bothera."
457
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,346
( laughs )
458
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,152
You know, it's very rude
to wear a hat indoors.
459
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,424
I'm just saying.
460
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:29,921
We're not indoors.
We're in a van.
461
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,682
Vans have doors--
let me see your hair.
462
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,691
Never. What else?
463
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:34,753
She loves lasagna.
464
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:35,891
Barf.
465
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,855
You know,
I am sensing a pattern here.
466
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:39,834
What else?
467
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:40,962
( inhales deeply )
468
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,097
Let's see what else...
469
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,702
Oh, she doesn't look
like a tiger-- check.
470
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,233
Ah!
471
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,928
And she's looking to get
married and have kids?
472
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,070
Check and check.
473
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,536
She wants two kids--
a boy and a girl.
474
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,113
Wow.
475
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,942
You know,
I've been thinking about this.
476
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:57,037
I think I want to have
zero kids.
477
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,510
Really? You don't want kids?
478
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:02,718
You know, Ted, not everyone
is as much of a woman as you.
479
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,286
Hey. I'm driving.
480
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,286
( sighs )
Look at that.
481
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,228
8:56. You're early.
482
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,633
Hey, thanks for picking me up.
483
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:16,655
Good luck on your date.
484
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:19,569
I hope she's everything
you're looking for.
485
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,702
Thanks.
486
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,370
( exhales heavily )
487
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,068
All right, you've clearly had
a rough night.
488
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:29,541
I want you to
go in there
489
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:33,249
with a smile on your face, so,
uh, here's what I'm going to do.
490
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,553
You're going to show me
your hair?
491
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,784
Actually, I was going
to show you my breasts,
492
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,219
but... sure, we can do hair.
493
00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:39,585
( chuckles )
494
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:47,963
( chuckles softly )
495
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,897
You just made my night.
496
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:53,831
Go.
497
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:57,140
* Oh, mother of pearl *
498
00:18:57,204 --> 00:19:03,484
* Submarine lover
in a shrinking world *
499
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:06,353
* Oh, lonely dreamer *
500
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:12,493
* Your choker provokes
a picture cameo *
501
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:15,322
* Oh, mother of pearl *
502
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:22,128
* So, so semi-precious
in your detached world *
503
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,855
* Oh, mother of pearl *
504
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:29,241
* I wouldn't trade you
for another girl *
505
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:34,268
* Oh, mother of pearl *
506
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:38,681
* I wouldn't trade you
for another girl *
507
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:43,216
* Oh, mother of pearl *
508
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:46,423
* I wouldn't trade you
for another girl... *
509
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,886
( music stops )
510
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:56,656
Tomorrow morning, Barney's going
to send out the package,
511
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:59,729
and Butterfield's going to be
knee-deep in angry white mice.
512
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,169
( laughing )
513
00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:02,104
Oh, hey, dude.
514
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,168
Hey, guys.
515
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:04,966
Hi.
516
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,207
Hey.
517
00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:10,483
So, Lil, did you, uh,
get the milk?
518
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,383
Yeah.
519
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:15,345
Yeah, I-I got it.
520
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:19,015
You think you might want to...
drink the milk?
521
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:21,685
No.
522
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,324
Nope, I'm good.
523
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:26,660
I don't need any milk.
524
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:31,297
Look, guys, I know
milk is important--
525
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,774
it's got vitamin A,
vitamin D,
526
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,643
it's a great way to
start the morning--
527
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,172
but Ted just
had a huge date.
528
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,706
How'd it go, dude?
529
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,741
I didn't go.
530
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:42,337
What? Why?
531
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,809
I changed my mind.
I don't want to meet her.
532
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,007
Why? She sounds perfect.
533
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,279
I don't want perfect.
534
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,049
I want Robin.
535
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:54,247
Oh, God, not this again.
536
00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:55,621
Ted, it's a mistake.
537
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:57,218
Maybe.
538
00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,560
But it's a mistake
I have to make.
539
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:02,186
Wrong. It's a mistake
you don't have to make.
540
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,431
Look at the evidence.
541
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,866
You and Robin have tried
this again and again...
542
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:07,872
TED:
Here's the thing
about mistakes.
543
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:10,474
Sometimes, even when you know
something's a mistake,
544
00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:12,507
you gotta make it anyway.
545
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:15,942
Ah, sweet damn
that's a hot plate.
546
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:17,008
Hey, is this milk any good?
547
00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,475
( grunts and spits )
548
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:26,620
Even really,
really dumb mistakes.
549
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:28,516
( mouse squeaking )
36032
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