All language subtitles for Animal.Control.S02E02

Yeah, so sloth's
climbing up Wall Three,

one of our most popular climbs.

When did he start his
ascent, last week?

Over here.

Up there.

We had a kid's birthday
party yesterday.

I think the petting zoo guy
must have forgotten him.

Oh, did they use Heavy
Petters? We get a lot of calls.

Real sloppy with
their head count.

Oh, little dude's on the move.

[dings bell]

He's getting cocky.

Shred, strap me in.

Frank, let me flag
this one more time.

Are you sure you don't
want me to climb?

Shred, look at him.

I'm just worried about
you overdosing on cuteness

and losing all your
faculties. I got this.

Hurry, Frank! I think
he's losing his grip!

Mmhmm. The yelling helps.

Oh, [grunts] yeah.

Hi, buddy. I'm Frank. It's ok.

Yeah, come on over
here nice and easy.

Oh, alright. Well, um...

He likes the clip, Frank.

Oh, look. It's shiny.

Ok, ok.

No, no, no, no, no!

Ahhhhh!!!!!

[thud]

Are you ok?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

The phone and keys
broke my fall.

[squawks]

[upbeat theme music]

♪

What are you giggling at?

Teresa.

She sent me a video of her
getting knocked over by a wave.

She's very self-deprecating.

Who's Teresa?

One of the women
I'm texting with.

One of the women?

Yeah. I joined a couple
of those dating apps

and maybe it's 'cause
I posted a picture

of me with a baby giraffe

but I'm getting a
lot of messages.

I feel like it was just a week
ago you were so heartbroken

over Emily you couldn't finish
your French toast sticks.

I'm done wallowing,
Frank. I'm done with it.

Man was not put on
this earth to wallow.

Hey, if you had a dazzling
text rapport with someone

would you be willing to
travel to Bainbridge Island?

It's a long way away,
I have to take a ferry,

but I think it
makes a statement.

Well, it's a big
opportunity for her to meet

the most exhausting
person on the planet.

[Emily] Precinct
22 adoption update:

We just found a
home for the goat,

so that makes 68
pets this quarter.

Our kennels are
officially empty.

Alright.

[Emily] Congratulations.

How many did Templeton's
broke ass precinct have?

As of this morning, 75.

Wait, so we don't have a
chance at the ping pong table?

There's only two days left.

Why did you present
this as a win?

Ok, well we're second
in all of Seattle

so we're going to
get the pizza lunch.

But I don't want
the pizza lunch.

I want the table.

Alright, well it's
not about winning,

it's about the
animals' well-being.

Oh, you think the animals
want Templeton to win?

No, they want justice,

and justice is me
winning that table.

I mean us, the collective me.
I just wanna play ping pong!

Ok, bye, Frank.

[Operator] Thank
you for contacting.

US Citizenship and
Immigration Services.

Your call will be answered
by the next available agent.

Yes, I know, because
you've told me 700 times.

[humming]

Don't.

- Gotcha.
- Don't you dare.

- I don't like this part.
- Stop.

Is that a French horn?

[Dispatch] All units:
Police requesting back-up

at 146 Broadway.

It's a French horn.
Truck 8 responding.

[Operator] Thank
you for contacting

US Citizenship and
Immigration Services.

This is torture! I
just need a green card!

Why are you making
this so difficult?

[humming]

Don't.

Hey, officers Flea and Tick.

[chuckles] Oh my god,
you are so funny.

Those improv classes are
really paying off, Jimmy.

What've we got?

Hoarder died alone.
A lot of toasters.

A lot of cats.

How many cats?

I don't know, man. Like 400?

They wouldn't stay
still for a head count.

They're all gonna need homes.

You know what else needs a
home? That ping pong table.

Up top, Shred.

Yep.

Alright, let's go, guys.

[meowing]

Hi.

Ewww, this place freaks me out.

Yeah, I don't wanna toot my
own horn but this is exactly

what I thought a hoarder's
house would smell like.

Classic Frank boast.
No way to verify it.

Just breathe in.

[yelps]

Don't do that!

Sorry.

Who keeps a headless
mannequin in a hallway, dude?

What?

There are dozens of jars
of urine in the other room

and this gives you pause?

Guys, remember that
hoarding is a disease

according to this
pamphlet I found

in a pile of pamphlets
about hoarding.

[yelps]

[Patel laughs]

That is not cool!

Dude.

What? Just 'cause an old
lady died here doesn't mean

we can't have a little fun.

Can anyone else hear that music?

I can't tell whether it's real
or whether it's in my head.

I totally hear it.

'Cause it's music playing, guys.

- Hello?
- [cats meowing]

Is anybody home?

[laughs]

[keyboard music playing]

Well, I hope you
guys feel silly.

[meows]

What is it?! Is it undead?

Away demon! Off! Get it off!

I think we just added
to the urine smell.

Get it off!

Too bad she didn't
hoard cleaning products.

Sure, it's got a bit of
deferred maintenance,

every surface is sticky,
but it's got good bones.

A savvy investor could come
in here and make a killing.

Look at this. [Knocks]
That's original red oak.

Right.

Is that a working fireplace?

Ooh, I just got confirmation
from Bainbridge Island.

I'm now fully
booked for the week.

You gotta get on one
of these apps, Frank.

Dating apps are for losers.

I get heaps of action
from those apps.

Dating apps are for
losers and illegal aliens.

Oh, burn.

Let's get these cats out of here
and go win a ping pong table.

[Patel] Yeah, working!
Maybe I should invest.

I think you're
changing the subject.

The subject was and
always will be ping pong.

You changed it.

Yeah, but I've known
you a year and a half,

you've never been
in a relationship,

I just think it's weird.

Look, I got ghosted by
the same woman twice.

And my dentist, also a woman,
she keeps rescheduling,

so I'm just gonna
take the spring off.

Frank, you're not
getting any younger.

And don't you wanna meet a
nice lady who can help you

get on and off the toilet?

Yeah, you know, one more comment
like that and I'm calling ICE.

I'm just saying you
have to be careful,

because this situation
could be you.

Lonely, tall man, dies
surrounded by his cats.

Ok.

I think it might
already be too late.

[meowing]

My legs are so well-defined they
think it's a scratching post.

Sure.

Alright everybody, listen up.

We have been given a
gift with these cats.

A screeching, clawing
gift from the gods.

What is going on
with these phones?

Immigration.

That is a French horn, right?

What's your excuse?

Bainbridge Island fell out
and I have to fill her slot.

Let me rephrase that.

Frank, is now a good
time to speak to you

about an investment opportunity?

No.

Because I am on Zillow right
now, excellent school district,

it practically sells
itself to a young family,

not to mention a peekaboo
view of the Space Needle.

I wouldn't even go in on
a bag of M&M's with you,

let alone a hoarder's
house. We need to focus.

There is a ping
pong table at stake.

Sure, I could just buy one,
but it's not about that.

It's about beating Templeton.

We have until end
of business Friday

to get this product
out the door.

Ok, Frank, just a reminder
they're neglected cats,

not product, and it's, you
know, less about speed,

more about finding them
good, loving homes.

Totally. Three of
them are siblings.

So we could probably
put those in one package

and that would leave
us with ten units.

Officer Dudge approaching,
should I deny entry?

- Yeah.
- Yes.

No, it's fine, Bettany.

Ok, not sure if you heard,
we unloaded the beagle

with the infected anal glands.

So next question: Deep
dish or thin crust?

I'm not hungry now after hearing
about that beagle situation.

That ping pong table
is gonna fit nicely

next to the Sno-Cone
machine we won last quarter,

and at some point, Emily,
this is about your leadership.

Or lack thereof.

Ok, you're not gonna make me
feel bad about this, Templeton.

I might.

And you're awfully quiet, Frank.

Don't worry, I'm screaming
plenty of things at you

in my head.

There's that snark,
that wry smile.

Alright, backhand, slice.

Bye.

All clear.

Ok, we're changing
tactics. We're gonna win.

I am so sick of that jerk
just always gunning for my job

and I need to wipe the smug
little smile off of his face.

I like petty, competitive Emily.

Yeah, she's sexy. A
little bit naughty, even.

And I'm not allowed to
say this stuff at work

so maybe I'll get disciplined.

I'm really sorry about that,
I- I've switched birth control

so I'm feeling a bit crazy.

Ok, we need a plan.

I think we all know
what we have to do.

Oh, here we go.

- Any excuse.
- Love it.

- She loves it.
- Love it.

I'm sorry, what
do we have to do?

We have to dress the cats up

and put pictures of
them on our website.

And I should probably be
in charge of costume theme.

We're not doing the
Jane Austen thing again.

Why not? It was so cute.

The lizard in the bonnet
sat there for five months.

And two of those
months it was dead.

But it was cute.

Ok, I am gonna pull
rank that I don't have.

Wild West theme, everybody.

Sheriffs, cowboys,
maybe a little bordello.

Yes!

That is what we're doing.

I love the wild west.

Yosemite Sam was always
my favorite Loony Toon.

Everybody knows that
Bugs Bunny was the best.

I'm not having this
argument again.

Pepe LePew?

Cancelled. Always ignored.

[arguing]

I can work with Wild West,

I'm seeing lots of cotton
bloomers and bolo ties,

so you two, I need
you on art supplies.

I need you two on
teeny-tiny cat costumes.

Ok. We need to make these
cats as adorable as possible

as fast as possible.
- Yeah.

Let's go, everybody. Let's go.

Right now? Claws
become features.

The three-legged cat needs
to have a Civil War costume,

give him a back story. Let's go!

[phone buzzing]

[Shred] Bainbridge
Island is back in!

Uh, don't use office hours
for trivial nonsense.

You're supposed to be
ordering tiny cowboy hats.

I don't know if I
can trust her now.

I'm gonna double book a date
just so I have a back-up plan.

Shred, I don't wanna get
involved in your emotional life,

I've been consistent
and unwavering in that,

but you seem a little
nuts with the dating.

Oh, you and my mother.

That's what she thinks,

that I haven't processed
all my feelings for Emily.

Well, process this: Boo hoo.

You know what? You and
your mom covered it.

I'm gonna tell you
what I told her.

Don't clip my wings, mom.

I'm flying into a world
of unknown romantic

slash sexual opportunities.

[Dispatch] Truck 12. Business
owner reporting missing animal.

3247 Kinley Street.

Truck 12 responding,

Officer Shaw and his unhinged
passenger on their way.

[Patel] Frank is a great guy.

I mean, if I had one
constructive criticism

it would be that his
dreams, they're small.

Not like you and me.

Others see storm clouds,

we see an opportunity
to invent the umbrella.

We get it.

I'm not investing in
no disgusting house.

And if it's so great, why
don't you just buy it?

Well, I've sunk a
lot of liquidity

into children's piano lessons.

Oh my gosh, I'm next in
line. This is very exciting.

I've been on hold
for literally hours.

This is very unfortunate timing.

No!!!!

[Frank] Oh boy.

A psychic who can't
find their own pet.

It's gonna be hard for me
to be my best self in there.

So my monkey, Nirvana,

she's the reincarnation
of Kurt Cobain.

That's how she got her name.

Yeah, I put two
and two together.

I got a little ESP of my own.

I know she's going to be ok
because I can see she's safe.

Wanna short cut this and
tell us where she is?

It doesn't work like that.

Of course not.

Hey. We'll alert
the authorities.

Well, actually,
it's actually us.

But don't worry, we
will find your monkey.

You have a kind aura.

Thanks.

Yours is more turbulent.

What gave it away?

My overt hostility,
or that more than once

I've implied that
you're a charlatan?

Hey, can I ask you something?

There's this girl on
Bainbridge Island...

She's not worth
it. Too far away.

Also, she's very indecisive.

Frank, she's good.
Ask her something.

No.

Come on.

Are we gonna win
the ping pong table?

Seriously? You can
ask me anything.

I can see into the future or
communicate with the dead.

Fine.

Reach out to my dead
mother and ask her

if she thinks we're gonna
win the ping pong table.

You're at a crossroads in life.

I can only see one path clearly

and it's a path of
great loneliness.

Have you considered
a dating app?

Just admit you don't know who's
gonna win the ping pong table.

Ping pong is just a distraction.

Underneath you don't think

there's someone
out there for you.

You've given up on love.

I just got a chill.

That chill is because strip mall
medium here can't afford heat.

And she lost an entire monkey.

Alright, let's go.

Thank you.

[Frank] This bartender
looks like my uncle Jimmy.

Holy crap, I think it's
working. Getting a lot of likes.

Really? Here we go.

Ok. Some family wants to
adopt Billy the Kitten

and the hairless call girl.

[gasps] Yes!

Still no takers on
the hairy call girl.

[knocking]

- Emily?
- Hey.

Can I help you? I mean, you've
been going non-stop all day.

Um, yeah, actually could
you hand me that tiny little

hang man's noose for our
cattle wrestler here?

Wow, look at that. You've
got a real creative side.

Thanks.

Ever thought about working
on a bigger canvas?

No, I'm not investing
in your house, Patel.

I'm taking an early lunch.

Ok.

Agent.

Agent.

I'm saying agent!

Officer Dudge approaching.

This is pandering,
whoring your pets.

- Emily's in her office.
- Okay.

This is pandering,
whoring your pets.

I've already registered
my complaint online.

Wait, are you catdignity99?

Yes, I am.

'Cause someone has to speak
for those who have no voice.

Have you ever considered a
vow of silence in solidarity?

Never.

Doesn't your supervisor
ever wonder where you are?

Yeah.

Oh, starting tomorrow

he will be able to find me
at our new ping pong table.

I don't know.

I mean, you wouldn't
have come all this way

if you weren't a little
sweaty and nervous.

You know I have a
diminished thyroid,

so that is workplace harassment.

I can't keep track of all
your shrinking body parts.

Why don't you make a complaint
to one of your cat forums?

Maybe I already did.

- Oh, you did?
- Yeah.

Oh, what did it say?

Meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,

he was mean to me.

Hey, Shred.

Hey, what's up?

Hey yo, how come you haven't
asked me to invest yet?

Ah, you're a young kid, man.

You don't have that
kind of extra dough.

I mean, you know I
had a lot of sponsors

when I was a snowboarder, right?

Really?

Wait, so would you be
interested in investing?

Oh, I wish I could.

Of course you just build me
up just to cut me down, huh?

Dude, I don't have time for
side projects right now.

I'm dating non-stop.

Let me take you by after work,

you see the neighborhood
at night, no commitment.

Alright, yeah.

I'm always looking for ways
to expand my portfolio.

Yeah. That's it.

Portfolio?

I'm not worried.
We're leading by six

and closing time is
fast approaching.

- [notification alert]
- Oh, boom.

Found a home for
the labradoodle.

Well, I wouldn't get
too confident because

boom, just found a home for
Fluffy Frontier Pharmacist.

[laughing] That was a
picture of a cappuccino.

We will find a home for
Fluffy Frontier Pharmacists!

And all of the
citizens of Cat Town.

Feels very desperate,
people. Very desperate.

That's an ace.

That's a slice.

[Victoria] Put a freaking
agent on the phone.

Bam!

[Patel] Look at this.
Sycamore lined streets,

I mean, this place just
has all the intangibles.

Oof, there she is, right
in the middle of the block.

What're all those
people doing there?

Is that an open house?
That's not in the MLS.

You think they're
doing a pocket listing?

Look at those beams.

Welcome, I'm Ben.

Ah, you must be
the listing agent.

Hi.

Uh, no. I'm Audrey's son.

So help yourself to some food

and the rabbi will begin
prayers in a few minutes.

Oh. There's been a
huge misunderstanding.

I'm so sorry, we thought
this was an open house.

I am so sorry for your loss.
That is just devastating.

But in regards to the house

have you guys come up
with an asking price?

Not that there's-that's
not for today.

No, for today is
about your mother.

We're... um, we're gonna...

Wait.

Don't go.

My mother didn't
have many friends

and we need ten
people for a minion.

[singing Hebrew prayer]

Please be seated.

[Hebrew prayer]

The house is great
for entertaining.

Ten in the living
room, no problem?

We come in low but
we come in fast.

[phone ringing]

Hello, Templeton. Are
you calling to concede?

I know you cheated. We
were up by three at 4:45.

That ping pong table
should be ours, Frank!

What can I tell ya?

An animal lover came in
right before the bell.

But you still got that
pizza lunch, right?

What is it, two medium
pies for 30 people?

That sounds like fun.
Enjoy the stampede.

I'm launching a
formal investiga...

Alright guys, let's not
get too comfortable, ok?

This isn't permanent.

You're leaving when
we find you new homes.

Except for you, Doc Whiskers.
Obviously you're staying.

Because I love you, and
I've always loved you.

I sure do.

Hey, what do you ladies
wanna watch, huh?

What's happening to me?

[beeping]

I can't talk, I'm on hold.

Mock me all you want,
I need your help.

I need you to get me
on those dating apps.

Aren't those for losers?

Oh, absolutely.

And I am ready to
join their ranks.

I'll be right there.

[meow]

I know.

I was so embarrassed, you know?

And then my mom came to
pick me up from school

with a brand new baseball glove.

Which she probably has
in the basement somewhere

along with every pair of
cleats I've ever owned.

[chuckles]

She has a hard time
letting go of things.

Now I'm having a hard
time letting go of her.

Thank you, Ben.
That was beautiful.

Beautiful.

Would anyone else like to share?

I would.

What?

Uh, being with all of you
has made me very aware

of how hard it is to
lose someone you love.

To know that you can
never be together.

To know that your life
is forever changed.

To know that she's
with someone else now.

And the odds of finding
somebody with a radiant beauty

that likes dressing
cats in adorable outfits

is pretty much zero.

And I've been running from
my feelings for a while,

but the truth is I'm
just really, really sad.

I'm sad.

[sniffles]

Thank you.

You save animals for a living.

I... I don't understand
why you're fighting it.

I think most women would
find that very appealing.

There's so much more
to me than that.

I'm a deep thinker.

I'm a graduate of
the school of life.

Do you wanna add
celibate to the list?

Look, it's very simple, Frank.

You are six foot four,
you don't have kids,

you save animals for a living.

It wouldn't hurt to mention
your shoe size, they look big.

Can you at least add that I'm a
bourbon and scotch enthusiast?

Yeah, sure. Drinks too much.

Why don't we just
lead with that?

Alright, just say
whatever you want.

But don't use the photo of
me and the baby giraffe.

Oh, it's good actually.

Yeah, my hair looked
good that day.

Vain.

You alright? You got
pretty emotional in there.

Yeah.

I mean, you probably
already know

but I'm having some
trouble getting over Emily.

Totally. Emily.

Honestly, I did not know that.

Really?

Yeah, you'd be surprised at
how self-centered I can be.

Oh. Well, yeah.

I guess I thought I was
ready to start dating

but I'm just not, man.

You'll get there, buddy.

Thanks.

You know what might be nice?

Hmm?

Just throw yourself
into a project.

Something with incredible
upside potential.

You really are self-centered.

You have no idea.

Why do you want this
house so bad, anyway?

Well, Maya is on bed rest,
my kids are monsters,

I want something that's mine.

I get that, man.

Yeah.

I need something
that's mine, too.

Let's do it.

Really?

Yeah, dude. Let's, like,
let's actually do it.

Are you...?

I'm serious. No, let's be,
like, real estate tycoons.

Yes! Yes! Let's run
this town, baby!

Yeah, dude!

[laughing]

Wait.

Hey, woah, in that tree, is
that a... is that a monkey?

Ok, are you ready to
unleash your manhood

on the greater Seattle area?

What the hell app did
you sign me up for?

Too late, we're live.

I hope you meet someone great.

I don't have a very
good track record.

No, neither do I.

But I'm a lot younger than you
so I feel like I've got time.

[operator] Citizenship and
Immigration, what can I do for you?

Oh my god!

No way! It's a real
live actual person!

Hello.

Sorry, um, I just... uh,
I have questions about uh,

the application process.

[operator] Hold on, let me
transfer you to that department.

Wait, no. Do not
put me on hold...

[growls] I hate your country!

[operator] Hello, applications?

That was really quick.

Hello? - Hang on, I'm coming!
- [operator] Hello?

Just wait.

Wait a hot minute, I
just have to find you.

I'm coming. Do not hang up.

[operator] Hello?

Do not hang up! Do not hang up!

[dial tone]

[frustrated scream]

Hey, I've already
gotten two matches.

Ah, one's a cousin.

Officer Taylor?

I found your little friend.

That's not my monkey.

I knew this was going to happen.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I
present to you Lady Monkeyton.

[Victoria] She's
totally getting adopted.

[Frank] She's so aristocratic.

It's hard to believe that
just five minutes ago

she was throwing her own feces.

Alright, who wants
to play ping pong?

- [Shred] I'll play ping pong.
- [Frank] Let's go.

[Victoria] Yes.

Lady Monkeyton, you are the
most beautiful eligible monkey

in all of the land.

You might get a proposal soon.