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1
00:00:07,267 --> 00:00:08,500
- Today's the day you get
your tiny house, right?
2
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:09,867
- Yep.
They're dropping it off
3
00:00:09,867 --> 00:00:11,167
at the property we bought
4
00:00:11,167 --> 00:00:12,567
and we're sleeping
in it tonight.
5
00:00:12,567 --> 00:00:14,100
- Deb, I think it's so cool
that you and Damien
6
00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:15,733
are reducing
your carbon footprints.
7
00:00:15,733 --> 00:00:17,433
- Yeah, we don't give
a crap about that.
8
00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:18,767
We only bought a tiny house
9
00:00:18,767 --> 00:00:20,533
because we can't afford
a real one.
10
00:00:20,533 --> 00:00:22,200
But maybe literally being
closer together
11
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,067
will help improve
our communication.
12
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:26,667
[horn honking]
- Get out of the way!
13
00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:28,367
[horns honking]
14
00:00:28,367 --> 00:00:30,133
- [bleep] my life.
15
00:00:32,267 --> 00:00:34,567
- Oh, hey.
Am I tripping right now,
16
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:37,533
or is there a giant doll house
in front of the school?
17
00:00:37,533 --> 00:00:39,667
- Deb had it delivered here
by mistake.
18
00:00:39,667 --> 00:00:42,767
- Damien had it
delivered here by mistake.
19
00:00:42,767 --> 00:00:44,000
I need it gone today.
20
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,300
- What happened to you?
21
00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:46,800
You look like you slept
in a bush.
22
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:49,500
- [sighs] Last night, I went
down a weird wormhole
23
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:52,567
of competitive tickling videos
on the Internet.
24
00:00:52,567 --> 00:00:54,467
Gonna have to wing it
in class today.
25
00:00:54,467 --> 00:00:57,433
- Thanks for nothing,
shit stick.
26
00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,733
[sighs] They can't pick it up
till tomorrow.
27
00:00:59,733 --> 00:01:01,900
- At least you'll have
a short commute.
28
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:03,967
- That house is so small,
it freaks me out.
29
00:01:03,967 --> 00:01:07,533
Like little people or
adult women wearing pigtails.
30
00:01:07,533 --> 00:01:10,400
- Typical Damien.
If it doesn't involve his band,
31
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,067
he screws it up.
- How's Throat Goblin
32
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:14,333
doing these days?
- They haven't played a gig
33
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,467
since The Taste of Skokie
last month,
34
00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:18,333
and they got paid in sausage.
35
00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:19,800
- Well, at least
if he's not working,
36
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,733
you have yourself
a househusband.
37
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,700
- If by that you mean
a husband who lies around
38
00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:25,633
the house all day,
then, yeah, I do.
39
00:01:25,633 --> 00:01:27,467
- He doesn't do anything
to help out?
40
00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:30,100
- The way he sees it,
I chill with kids all day,
41
00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:31,100
- [scoffs]
- Uh-uh.
42
00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:32,167
- Get off work at 3:00...
43
00:01:32,167 --> 00:01:33,400
all: No.
- And take
44
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,500
a three-month vacation.
- Oh, my God.
45
00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:36,800
- Are you serious?
- Hell no.
46
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,100
- You should murder him.
47
00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:39,600
- Well, since you're
living in the parking lot,
48
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,567
maybe you can invite him
into your class.
49
00:01:41,567 --> 00:01:43,167
Then he'll see
how hard you work.
50
00:01:43,167 --> 00:01:44,500
- That's actually
a good idea.
51
00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:47,167
Maybe today won't suck ass
after all.
52
00:01:47,167 --> 00:01:48,567
- Hey, our plumbing's
not hooked up
53
00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:50,400
and I had a Burrito Esplosivo
last night.
54
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,067
So I gotta use your dumper.
[kisses]
55
00:01:52,067 --> 00:01:53,700
Hey.
56
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:57,067
[rock music]
57
00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:59,800
- * Tear it down
58
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,133
* Tear it down
59
00:02:01,133 --> 00:02:02,800
- * Clean up your stuff,
everyone *
60
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:06,467
* It's clean up time,
it's good, clean fun *
61
00:02:06,467 --> 00:02:09,233
Great job cleaning up, guys.
62
00:02:09,233 --> 00:02:12,133
Does anyone know where
the green ring is?
63
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,267
Yes, Marcus?
64
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,367
- On my penis.
65
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:17,900
[tense musical flourish]
66
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:20,433
- What do you think a chin
implant would do to my face?
67
00:02:20,433 --> 00:02:22,767
- Oh, it'd probably help.
- Yeah?
68
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:25,067
- Yeah, I think so.
- I've been thinking about it.
69
00:02:25,067 --> 00:02:26,533
- Oh.
- Hey, what's wrong?
70
00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:28,633
- Did another species
go extinct?
71
00:02:28,633 --> 00:02:31,200
- Probably. It's just,
when I became the art teacher,
72
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,867
I thought it would be
an opportunity for me
73
00:02:32,867 --> 00:02:34,367
to express my creative side.
74
00:02:34,367 --> 00:02:36,267
But then I found out
that no one respects art.
75
00:02:36,267 --> 00:02:38,533
- Yeah.
- So I decided to do something
76
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,600
that would feed my soul,
and I started making jewelry
77
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,400
and putting it up on Etsy.
- Oh, Etsy's full of people
78
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,967
who wish they were real artists.
79
00:02:44,967 --> 00:02:46,600
Sounds perfect for you.
80
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,367
- No. It sucks.
81
00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:50,100
I haven't sold a single piece.
82
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,533
It's another rejection.
83
00:02:51,533 --> 00:02:53,667
It's like the universe
stepped in dog shit
84
00:02:53,667 --> 00:02:55,567
and is wiping it off
on my life.
85
00:02:55,567 --> 00:02:58,267
- Oh, I'm sure your jewelry
is beautiful.
86
00:02:58,267 --> 00:03:00,067
- Yeah, it's only
a matter of time
87
00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:01,367
before people discover it.
88
00:03:01,367 --> 00:03:04,533
Remember, Beyoncé wasn't
built in a day.
89
00:03:04,533 --> 00:03:06,167
- Do you really think
I should keep trying?
90
00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:07,400
- Absolutely!
- Of course!
91
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:08,467
- You know what?
92
00:03:08,467 --> 00:03:11,100
I'm gonna give you both a pair.
93
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:15,267
- Jesus.
- [gasps] Oh, wow.
94
00:03:15,267 --> 00:03:17,600
Would you look at those.
95
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,200
- We can't take those for free.
96
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,900
- Oh, my God.
Do you really wanna pay?
97
00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:26,433
- I insist.
98
00:03:30,467 --> 00:03:32,467
- Okay, you know what?
99
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:34,067
Who needs a lesson plan?
100
00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:36,367
I'm sure one of you smarties
remembers
101
00:03:36,367 --> 00:03:38,567
what we're supposed
to do today.
102
00:03:38,567 --> 00:03:39,700
Huh?
103
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:42,300
Melinda?
- Talk about the book.
104
00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,933
You know,
"Where the Red Fern Grows."
105
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:48,267
- Really?
Today?
106
00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:50,733
And we've all read it?
107
00:03:50,733 --> 00:03:52,067
Good. Very good.
108
00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:53,700
And of course I've read it.
109
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:57,367
I've read it a few times.
110
00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:58,933
So let's jump right in.
111
00:03:58,933 --> 00:04:02,500
Um, judging
by the title of the book,
112
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:06,567
one would assume
it's a book about ferns.
113
00:04:08,967 --> 00:04:10,400
No. But--
114
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,933
But really,
this book is about...
115
00:04:14,933 --> 00:04:16,133
[whispers] Pablo, yeah.
116
00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:17,700
- A boy
and his two dogs.
117
00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:20,300
- Great.
And the main character
118
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:25,433
had such an interesting
and special and specific name.
119
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,867
I'd never heard it before.
120
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,567
Does anyone remember
what that name was?
121
00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:31,500
Melinda?
- Billy.
122
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:34,967
- Billy. Yeah, it's
a very special name.
123
00:04:34,967 --> 00:04:37,600
Does everyone agree
with that answer?
124
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:40,267
Great job, Melinda.
You're right.
125
00:04:40,267 --> 00:04:41,633
That's awesome.
126
00:04:43,067 --> 00:04:45,667
- Now, I want you to promise me
127
00:04:45,667 --> 00:04:48,700
that you will never put this
down your pants again.
128
00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:51,067
- So I have
to take off my pants
129
00:04:51,067 --> 00:04:53,267
if I want to put it
over my penis?
130
00:04:53,267 --> 00:04:57,067
- No. Don't put anything
on your bathing suit parts.
131
00:04:57,067 --> 00:04:58,700
Ever again, for forever.
132
00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:02,233
And let's not use that word.
133
00:05:02,233 --> 00:05:05,267
- Penis?
- Yes, that word.
134
00:05:05,267 --> 00:05:07,167
Only doctors say that word.
135
00:05:07,167 --> 00:05:08,967
- If you say so.
136
00:05:08,967 --> 00:05:11,967
[rock music]
137
00:05:11,967 --> 00:05:18,367
*
138
00:05:19,567 --> 00:05:21,067
- Hey.
- Uh, what are you doing?
139
00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:23,933
- I'm foraging.
Gonna fill up the mini fridge.
140
00:05:23,933 --> 00:05:26,067
- Those are other
teachers' lunches.
141
00:05:26,067 --> 00:05:28,100
- Wha--
- After we put those back,
142
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:31,067
how about you come help out
in my classroom,
143
00:05:31,067 --> 00:05:32,167
see what I do all day?
144
00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:34,900
- The great mystery revealed.
I'm in.
145
00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:36,300
- Mm, right.
[bell rings]
146
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,167
- I thought Spinoli
was a pasta.
147
00:05:38,167 --> 00:05:41,667
- No, he teaches special ed.
148
00:05:41,667 --> 00:05:44,767
- Hey, guys.
both: Hey.
149
00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:46,333
- Why aren't you
wearing my earrings?
150
00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:49,133
- I, uh...
151
00:05:49,133 --> 00:05:51,867
just hadn't gotten around
to putting them in.
152
00:05:51,867 --> 00:05:55,900
- Yes, and I am saving mine
for a special occasion.
153
00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:57,700
In the future.
154
00:05:57,700 --> 00:06:01,433
- Oh my God. I'm so stupid.
You hate them.
155
00:06:01,433 --> 00:06:04,233
- No, they just didn't go
with what we're wearing,
156
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,633
and we can't afford
any more of your earrings.
157
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:09,533
- Oh, well, in that case,
they're free.
158
00:06:09,533 --> 00:06:11,267
This is good advertising
for me.
159
00:06:11,267 --> 00:06:13,233
[ominous musical flourish]
160
00:06:13,233 --> 00:06:16,233
Now you can pick out the ones
that match all your outfits.
161
00:06:16,233 --> 00:06:19,067
- [laughs]
162
00:06:19,067 --> 00:06:21,267
- That's amazing.
163
00:06:21,267 --> 00:06:24,933
There's nothing to stop us
from wearing them now.
164
00:06:24,933 --> 00:06:26,633
- Today we're gonna be talking
165
00:06:26,633 --> 00:06:28,900
about classifying
parallelograms.
166
00:06:28,900 --> 00:06:30,700
Let's review.
Who can tell me
167
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:34,633
what a parallelogram is?
168
00:06:34,633 --> 00:06:36,633
Fisher, we haven't heard
from you recently.
169
00:06:36,633 --> 00:06:37,900
- Why do we have
to know this stuff?
170
00:06:37,900 --> 00:06:39,767
- Because it's part
of geometry.
171
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,933
- Uh, excuse me.
I think he's asking,
172
00:06:41,933 --> 00:06:43,767
like, how is he
gonna use a perilgram
173
00:06:43,767 --> 00:06:45,333
in, like, his real life.
174
00:06:45,333 --> 00:06:47,100
Right, little man?
175
00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:48,433
- Well, for one,
176
00:06:48,433 --> 00:06:50,133
he can use it to pass
the test when we're done
177
00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:52,733
with the chapter.
- Deb, these little squirts
178
00:06:52,733 --> 00:06:55,967
aren't gonna succeed in life
by preparing for tests.
179
00:06:55,967 --> 00:06:58,600
They're gonna succeed
by following their passion.
180
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,567
Like me and my music.
181
00:07:00,567 --> 00:07:02,900
- Are you serious right now?
- Yeah!
182
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,467
I never learned
what a perilgram was,
183
00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:06,067
and it didn't hurt me.
184
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:08,167
I'll tell you something
that did hurt me, though.
185
00:07:08,167 --> 00:07:10,667
A bunch of teachers
who didn't respect me
186
00:07:10,667 --> 00:07:12,567
for what I really
wanted to do in life,
187
00:07:12,567 --> 00:07:14,267
which is shred on my axe!
188
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,733
[yelling]
189
00:07:16,733 --> 00:07:19,533
[imitating guitar music]
190
00:07:19,533 --> 00:07:23,267
Man, they just reward you
for following their rules.
191
00:07:23,267 --> 00:07:25,533
But you know what?
As soon as I dropped out,
192
00:07:25,533 --> 00:07:27,467
it all started
happening for me.
193
00:07:27,467 --> 00:07:29,067
Total, nonstop jamming.
194
00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:31,567
I got a van with carpeting
on the walls.
195
00:07:31,567 --> 00:07:32,800
I started my own band.
196
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,900
I hooked up with
your hottie teacher
197
00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:37,267
because she dug
those sweet riffs.
198
00:07:37,267 --> 00:07:40,533
It all comes down
to one dope mantra:
199
00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:42,633
reject authority;
break the rules;
200
00:07:42,633 --> 00:07:44,433
do what you love!
201
00:07:44,433 --> 00:07:45,833
all: Yeah!
202
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,967
- Yeah!
- Outside. Now.
203
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,900
- [grunting]
204
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:52,433
Whoa! I just made
a huge difference in there,
205
00:07:52,433 --> 00:07:53,800
and it was really easy.
206
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,767
Now I get why you
like teaching so much.
207
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:58,333
- They were supposed to be
learning about parallelograms!
208
00:07:58,333 --> 00:08:00,333
- I thought that was what
teaching is all about.
209
00:08:00,333 --> 00:08:02,900
You start teaching one thing,
but then you go with the flow.
210
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,633
And then you're teaching
something else.
211
00:08:04,633 --> 00:08:06,567
- Oh, like that school
is completely useless.
212
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:09,800
- Hey, you said it, not me.
- Okay, that's it. You're done.
213
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,833
- Whoa. Someone can't handle
a little competition
214
00:08:12,833 --> 00:08:15,233
in the classroom.
- Go back home!
215
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:18,733
Which, thanks to you,
is in the [bleep] parking lot!
216
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,067
[rock music]
217
00:08:24,067 --> 00:08:26,767
- * Tear it down
218
00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:29,700
* Tear it down
219
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,067
[car beeping]
220
00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:33,833
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh! Careful, man.
221
00:08:33,833 --> 00:08:36,400
- Oh, my God.
- Sorry.
222
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,800
[gasps] Thank you, Damien.
223
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,567
I cannot run with
these stupid earrings.
224
00:08:39,567 --> 00:08:41,133
- De nada, señorita
225
00:08:41,133 --> 00:08:42,533
- Well, I would love
to stay and chat,
226
00:08:42,533 --> 00:08:43,800
but we have
to get back to class.
227
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,200
We're doing a unit
on the Mayans,
228
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,467
which was forever ago.
229
00:08:47,467 --> 00:08:50,533
So boring.
- No way. The Mayans were rad.
230
00:08:50,533 --> 00:08:53,767
I was in this drone metal band
called The Servants of Kukulkan,
231
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,300
so I know a ton about 'em.
232
00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:57,567
- Really?
233
00:08:57,567 --> 00:08:59,900
- And so in order
for the Mayans
234
00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:02,733
to keep everything chill
with their gods,
235
00:09:02,733 --> 00:09:07,100
the high priest would reach
into the sacrificial victim's
236
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:10,100
open, bloody chest cavity...
237
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,300
Ahh.
238
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:15,600
And pull out
his still beating heart.
239
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:16,867
[gasps]
240
00:09:16,867 --> 00:09:20,067
[imitating heart beating]
241
00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:24,767
[claps]
- Ohh.
242
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:28,600
- But wait.
Those dogs are so smart.
243
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,067
Why would Old Dan
keep barking up that tree
244
00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:33,800
if the ghost coon
wasn't even there...
245
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:38,067
I remember asking myself
when I read the book.
246
00:09:38,067 --> 00:09:40,300
But the answer is...
Anybody?
247
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:43,333
- Little Ann smelled
the raccoon in the air.
248
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,733
- Are you kidding me?
249
00:09:44,733 --> 00:09:49,200
You can't get anything
past Little Ann, okay?
250
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:54,533
This is amazing.
I'm gonna read this book.
251
00:09:54,533 --> 00:09:56,367
Again.
252
00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:57,667
- Very good, Tiffany.
253
00:09:57,667 --> 00:09:58,933
Balloon.
254
00:09:58,933 --> 00:10:02,733
Your handwriting
is really improving.
255
00:10:02,733 --> 00:10:04,967
Where are the Os in "balloon"?
256
00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:08,533
They were just right here.
257
00:10:08,533 --> 00:10:11,533
[suspenseful music]
258
00:10:11,533 --> 00:10:15,100
*
259
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:17,733
- Do I have to?
- Give it up.
260
00:10:17,733 --> 00:10:19,300
- [sighs]
261
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:24,867
*
262
00:10:24,867 --> 00:10:29,600
- There are two Os
in "balloon," Marcus.
263
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,133
- [groans]
264
00:10:31,133 --> 00:10:34,300
*
265
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,933
- You promised me that you
would never, ever do that again.
266
00:10:36,933 --> 00:10:41,733
- No, I promised not
to use the green ring.
267
00:10:41,733 --> 00:10:44,567
There's a lot of other things
I can use, though.
268
00:10:44,567 --> 00:10:48,167
[tense music]
269
00:10:48,167 --> 00:10:54,633
*
270
00:10:54,633 --> 00:10:56,100
- Okay, everyone.
271
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:57,933
We're gonna play
a very fun game.
272
00:10:57,933 --> 00:11:02,600
I want you all to find anything
that has a hole in it
273
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,367
and throw it in the garbage!
274
00:11:04,367 --> 00:11:07,067
[rock music]
275
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:10,200
- Ms. Watson needs an adult!
276
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,067
- I'm sorry, buddy.
I don't see one.
277
00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,733
- What about you?
278
00:11:13,733 --> 00:11:16,200
- Oh, yeah. Let's go.
279
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,067
- I was rearranging the desks
280
00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:19,867
when my hideous earring
got caught.
281
00:11:19,867 --> 00:11:22,333
- Got it. Yeah.
282
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:24,200
- [sighs]
- Want me to, uh,
283
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,300
put these desks back in rows?
284
00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:29,067
- Thank you. After all this
trauma, I need to journal
285
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:31,800
and listen to Tracy Chapman's
"Fast Car."
286
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:36,300
- Old Dan and Little Ann are
the toughest dogs in the world!
287
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:37,433
all: Yeah!
288
00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:39,633
- If you can fight
a mountain lion,
289
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:41,700
you can survive anything!
290
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,233
- Yeah.
291
00:11:44,233 --> 00:11:46,233
[somber music]
292
00:11:46,233 --> 00:11:50,100
- But Dan doesn't survive.
293
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,467
- What?
294
00:11:51,467 --> 00:11:54,067
- The mountain lion
cuts him up all over.
295
00:11:54,067 --> 00:11:56,833
- On the walk home,
296
00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:59,433
his intestines
get caught on a bush.
297
00:11:59,433 --> 00:12:04,133
Billy, like, has
to push them back inside.
298
00:12:04,133 --> 00:12:07,100
- Then Dan dies
back at the cabin.
299
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:08,833
- Dan's dead?
300
00:12:08,833 --> 00:12:10,167
- It wasn't fast.
301
00:12:10,167 --> 00:12:12,567
- Does everyone agree
with this answer?
302
00:12:12,567 --> 00:12:15,333
- Mm-hmm.
303
00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:17,533
- These things are gonna
permanently distend my earlobe.
304
00:12:17,533 --> 00:12:20,567
[gasps] Ew, I'm gonna look
like I'm from Portland.
305
00:12:20,567 --> 00:12:21,933
[rummaging]
306
00:12:21,933 --> 00:12:23,933
- Cecelia?
307
00:12:23,933 --> 00:12:25,567
What are you doing?
- Hello.
308
00:12:25,567 --> 00:12:27,700
My muses.
I'm just so inspired
309
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:29,867
you love my jewelry
that I'm gathering materials
310
00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:30,967
to make you some more.
311
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:33,067
[ominous musical flourish]
312
00:12:33,067 --> 00:12:36,333
- Oh, my God.
313
00:12:36,333 --> 00:12:39,167
- We are wearing
literal garbage.
314
00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:40,667
[both exclaiming]
315
00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:42,967
You have a half-sucked
cough drop on your ear.
316
00:12:42,967 --> 00:12:44,300
- Oh, my God!
317
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,233
- * Tear it down
318
00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:49,833
- Oh, God.
I wonder what kind
319
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:52,633
of trash earrings
she'll have for us today.
320
00:12:52,633 --> 00:12:56,467
- I don't know.
Maybe an old hot dog with AIDS.
321
00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:58,367
- [groaning]
322
00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:00,200
- Did you stay out late
again last night?
323
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,867
- No. I'm depressed.
324
00:13:01,867 --> 00:13:04,800
Yesterday I found out
that Old Dan died.
325
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,067
- Is that the homeless guy
that used to bury his poop
326
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:08,567
like a cat in the sandbox?
327
00:13:08,567 --> 00:13:11,833
- No. The dog from
"Where the Red Fern Grows."
328
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,633
I didn't even see it coming.
329
00:13:13,633 --> 00:13:16,133
Neither did Old Dan.
330
00:13:16,133 --> 00:13:19,667
- Hey, Deb. How was sleeping
in the parking lot last night?
331
00:13:19,667 --> 00:13:21,067
- It sucked.
332
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:23,333
Turns out a tiny house
is a lousy place to sleep
333
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:24,833
when you're having
murder fantasies
334
00:13:24,833 --> 00:13:26,567
about your husband.
- I know you're having
335
00:13:26,567 --> 00:13:29,267
issues with Damien,
but he was great
336
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:32,400
in my class yesterday.
- Oh, yes. So helpful.
337
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,767
He jumped right in.
I didn't even have to ask.
338
00:13:34,767 --> 00:13:38,567
- Look! Damien and I
are having problems, okay?
339
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:40,467
And he doesn't respect
what I do.
340
00:13:40,467 --> 00:13:43,100
And as my friends, you're
supposed to hate him for me.
341
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:44,767
That's Girlfriend 101.
342
00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:46,800
I don't want any of you
hanging out with him anymore.
343
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,667
- He's dead to me.
- Yeah. Chicks before dicks.
344
00:13:49,667 --> 00:13:51,833
- As a Christian, I love him,
but as your girlfriend,
345
00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:55,300
I will shun him.
- Oh, this'll be easy for me.
346
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:58,667
I'll just go back to judging him
by his appearance.
347
00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:00,233
[groans]
348
00:14:00,233 --> 00:14:04,200
- Good morning,
my little learning lemurs.
349
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,633
Today we're going to practice
350
00:14:06,633 --> 00:14:11,067
how to tell time.
351
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:13,933
[ominous musical flourish]
352
00:14:13,933 --> 00:14:15,133
Where's my doughnut?
353
00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:16,900
[ting]
354
00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:20,133
No. No!
355
00:14:20,133 --> 00:14:21,833
- Ms. Feldman?
356
00:14:21,833 --> 00:14:24,267
Are we gonna finish
talking about the book today?
357
00:14:24,267 --> 00:14:26,867
- [exhales]
358
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:31,600
Okay.
At least it can't get any worse.
359
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:36,533
Who knows what happened
after Old Dan passes away?
360
00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:39,067
- The other dog dies
of grief and starvation.
361
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:41,933
- Little Ann dies?
362
00:14:41,933 --> 00:14:45,167
Both dogs die?
363
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:47,733
I gotta go.
- Are you okay, Ms. Feldman?
364
00:14:47,733 --> 00:14:51,067
- Yeah, I just got glass
in both my eyes.
365
00:14:51,067 --> 00:14:54,067
[rock music]
366
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:55,067
*
367
00:14:55,067 --> 00:14:56,767
- Feldman, what's wrong?
368
00:14:56,767 --> 00:14:59,433
- I can't talk to you, man.
- Oh, yeah, you can.
369
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:01,733
I got nothing but time.
370
00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:04,833
- I just found out both dogs die
in "Where the Red Fern Grows."
371
00:15:04,833 --> 00:15:06,933
- Ohh.
- It's destroying me.
372
00:15:06,933 --> 00:15:09,800
- Yeah, and I read that one
for my GED prep class.
373
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,333
It really got me too,
until I realized
374
00:15:12,333 --> 00:15:15,300
the whole thing
about the red fern.
375
00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:19,067
- What about it?
- Oh.
376
00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:20,400
Here.
377
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,333
It's like the whole point
of the book.
378
00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:25,067
The red fern represents
the memory of the dogs,
379
00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:26,467
which is gonna live on forever.
380
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,300
- But they're dead.
381
00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:31,400
- Are they?
You just read a book about 'em.
382
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,767
And so did millions
of other people.
383
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,633
- [sighs]
384
00:15:35,633 --> 00:15:38,933
Wow.
That's beautiful, man.
385
00:15:38,933 --> 00:15:40,400
- So you're gonna be okay?
386
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,067
- Yeah, I just want to move on
to our next book.
387
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,067
It looks like a lot of fun.
- Oh, what is it?
388
00:15:45,067 --> 00:15:47,300
- "Old Yeller."
- I don't think I read that one.
389
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,633
- Oh, really?
390
00:15:48,633 --> 00:15:50,300
[suspenseful string music]
391
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:52,133
Chicks before dicks.
- What?
392
00:15:52,133 --> 00:15:55,567
*
393
00:15:55,567 --> 00:15:58,933
[door thuds]
- [whistling]
394
00:15:58,933 --> 00:16:01,367
- You can't be here.
395
00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:03,967
We can't be seen together
in public.
396
00:16:03,967 --> 00:16:08,433
Just go. I'm dealing with
a very delicate situation.
397
00:16:08,433 --> 00:16:13,500
- Maybe I can help.
- Oh, I wish you could.
398
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:18,833
How could it be so wrong
when it feels so right?
399
00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:22,133
I assume you can be discreet.
- I guess so.
400
00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:24,067
- Come with me.
401
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,067
- So I hear you've been putting
round things
402
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:27,633
over your penis.
- Yeah.
403
00:16:27,633 --> 00:16:29,800
- Dude, I totally get it.
404
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,067
When I was your age,
405
00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:33,967
I used to stick my wang
everywhere,
406
00:16:33,967 --> 00:16:35,633
anywhere it would fit.
407
00:16:35,633 --> 00:16:37,967
But it's starting
to bum Ms. Bennigan out.
408
00:16:37,967 --> 00:16:39,900
And we don't want that, right?
- No.
409
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:43,267
- So I was thinking
that maybe instead,
410
00:16:43,267 --> 00:16:47,600
you just put round things
over your penis in private.
411
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,767
- Okay. [sighs]
- That sound good?
412
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:51,400
- Yeah.
413
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,200
- Rock and roll.
414
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,933
- [mouths words]
415
00:16:54,933 --> 00:16:57,833
[intense music]
416
00:16:57,833 --> 00:17:00,167
- Yeah, so, uh,
gimme a call sometime.
417
00:17:00,167 --> 00:17:01,733
Let me know how it goes
with Marcus.
418
00:17:01,733 --> 00:17:03,967
- I can't do that.
Don't get me wrong.
419
00:17:03,967 --> 00:17:07,633
You've been wonderful.
But we can't talk anymore.
420
00:17:07,633 --> 00:17:10,533
It's just not right.
421
00:17:10,533 --> 00:17:12,500
- Mary Louise,
what are you doing?
422
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,267
We're supposed to be
shunning him.
423
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,533
- What?
- Oh, Mylanta.
424
00:17:16,533 --> 00:17:19,267
Why do you guys have that stuff
hanging from your ears?
425
00:17:19,267 --> 00:17:20,633
- We're wearing them
out of pity.
426
00:17:20,633 --> 00:17:22,733
Cecelia made us these earrings
out of garbage.
427
00:17:22,733 --> 00:17:24,900
- I know.
I threw all those things out
428
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:29,067
because one of my students
kept putting them on his...
429
00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:30,267
[warbles]
430
00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:31,933
- Penis?
431
00:17:31,933 --> 00:17:33,133
- [gasps]
432
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:35,500
We're wearing penis jewelry?
433
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:37,400
- Cecelia, there's not
434
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,067
an easy way to tell you this,
but--
435
00:17:39,067 --> 00:17:41,567
- We love you, but there comes a
time when honesty is the best--
436
00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:43,067
- Whoa-ho-ho!
437
00:17:43,067 --> 00:17:45,567
These are some radical
Christmas ornaments, man.
438
00:17:45,567 --> 00:17:48,167
Oh, my mom is, like,
a Christmas maniac.
439
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:49,400
- Oh.
- She would love these.
440
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,633
- Oh, they're not
Christmas ornaments.
441
00:17:51,633 --> 00:17:54,567
- Really?
- You know what? They are.
442
00:17:54,567 --> 00:17:57,233
- Yes! I can't believe
I am saying this,
443
00:17:57,233 --> 00:18:00,633
but they are even more beautiful
as Christmas ornaments
444
00:18:00,633 --> 00:18:02,333
than as earrings.
445
00:18:02,333 --> 00:18:04,867
- Oh, shit! I forgot!
446
00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:05,933
No!
447
00:18:05,933 --> 00:18:07,800
Stupid Damien!
448
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,733
[grunting]
449
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:18,133
My mom is
a recycling freak.
450
00:18:18,133 --> 00:18:21,500
And I'm not allowed to bring
anything new into the house.
451
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:24,300
- Oh, they're made
from repurposed refuse!
452
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:27,167
- You're kidding.
453
00:18:27,167 --> 00:18:29,633
Really?
- Yeah.
454
00:18:29,633 --> 00:18:31,533
- I'll buy all of 'em!
- Ah, fantastic!
455
00:18:31,533 --> 00:18:33,333
- Yes!
- Ohh.
456
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:35,500
- Take mine.
- Mine too.
457
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:37,067
I love these,
but it would look
458
00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:39,067
so much better on a tree.
- It would.
459
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:41,567
- Yeah, so we were doing
buttery nipple shots
460
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:42,900
and you guys know
what those are, right?
461
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:45,067
- Yeah.
- I chipped my tooth
462
00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:47,667
while getting motorboated
on an actual motorboat.
463
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:49,400
[all exclaiming and laughing]
464
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,067
- Oh, my God!
465
00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:53,167
- You can't even tell!
- Yeah, it's a fake tooth.
466
00:18:53,167 --> 00:18:54,267
- Oh, my God.
- Oh--
467
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:57,267
[somber piano music]
468
00:18:57,267 --> 00:19:04,467
*
469
00:19:05,733 --> 00:19:07,100
- I didn't mean
to let him help me, Deb.
470
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:08,367
It just happened.
471
00:19:08,367 --> 00:19:11,067
- Get out.
472
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,633
- Okay.
473
00:19:14,967 --> 00:19:17,733
- What the [bleep]
is all this trash?
474
00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:23,867
- Why is it that you can help
everyone but me?
475
00:19:23,867 --> 00:19:26,333
- It never seemed
like you need any help.
476
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,767
You do everything.
477
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,433
You're like super Wiccan.
478
00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:31,800
- [chuckles]
No, Damien. I'm not.
479
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,667
I need help all the time.
- Really?
480
00:19:34,667 --> 00:19:37,100
- Yeah, you just
never offer it.
481
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:41,067
When I get home at the end
of the day, I'm exhausted.
482
00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:43,633
- I get it. Being here today
helped me realize
483
00:19:43,633 --> 00:19:46,833
how hard it is to be a teacher.
484
00:19:46,833 --> 00:19:49,333
I'm sorry I said
it was an easy job.
485
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:52,200
It's not.
- Thanks.
486
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,400
Maybe I can be a little bit
more helpful.
487
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,400
- That would be great.
488
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,400
[sweeping orchestral music]
489
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,400
*
490
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,233
- Oh, oh. Okay. Okay.
491
00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:06,200
- Oh, yeah!
Oh, it's so tiny!
492
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:07,833
Oh, it's so tiny!
- Wha--what is?
493
00:20:07,833 --> 00:20:09,333
- Oh, no, the house, the house!
- Oh, yeah!
494
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,167
- The house--
- Oh, you like it so tiny!
495
00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:12,367
- Yes, it's hurting!
496
00:20:12,367 --> 00:20:15,200
[rock music]
497
00:20:19,533 --> 00:20:22,100
- Mmm.
498
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:25,133
- Oh, no, Chelsea.
499
00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:29,033
- Don't say a word.
It is my cheat day.
500
00:20:29,033 --> 00:20:31,267
Mmm.
501
00:20:31,267 --> 00:20:33,800
This is so good.
Mmm.
502
00:20:36,367 --> 00:20:39,367
[rock music]
503
00:20:39,367 --> 00:20:46,300
*
504
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,233
- * Tear it down
505
00:20:50,233 --> 00:20:52,867
* Tear it down
506
00:20:52,867 --> 00:20:55,633
* Tear it down
507
00:20:55,633 --> 00:20:57,833
* Tear it down
508
00:20:59,367 --> 00:21:01,367
- Oh, yeah.
36181
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