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1
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,817
When you're single, and your
friends start to get married,
2
00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,324
every wedding invitation
3
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,346
presents a strange moment
of self-evaluation:
4
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,461
"Will you be bringing a guest
5
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,993
or will you be
attending alone?"
6
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,988
What it's really asking is,
7
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,960
"Where do you see yourself
in three months?
8
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,098
"Sitting next to
your girlfriend
9
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,074
or hitting on a bridesmaid?"
10
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:34,003
I always checked
that I was bringing a guest.
11
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:36,198
I was an optimist.
12
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,472
Who the hell am I gonna
bring to this wedding?
13
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,341
Ted, have you ignored
all my teachings?
14
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,940
For the most
part, yeah.
15
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:45,881
No, you don't bring
a date to a wedding.
16
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,116
That's like bringing
a deer carcass
17
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,281
on a hunting trip.
18
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,879
Oh, Ted. Oh, Ted.
No-- no date.
19
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,221
Deer carcass?
Really?
20
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,716
That's the metaphor
you're going with here?
21
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,417
Ted, it's a simile.
22
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,889
Well, it's
too late now.
23
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,257
If I don't
bring a date,
24
00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,956
a $200 piece
of chicken/salmon
will go uneaten.
25
00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:02,658
I got to bring
someone, but who?
26
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,530
Of course, I knew
who I wanted to bring.
27
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:07,768
Robin-- the big unanswered
question in my life.
28
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,365
Problem was, she was dating
29
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,237
this really rich guy
named Derek.
30
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:12,565
( scoffs )
31
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,280
Derek.
32
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:17,252
Well, Derek and I just broke up.
33
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,581
LILY:
Oh, no,
that's terrible!
34
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:20,206
MARSHALL:
Oh...
Are you okay?
35
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,881
Yeah, do you need
a drink or something?
Nah...
36
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,249
We never
really clicked.
37
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:25,187
I felt bad, though.
He was pretty bummed.
38
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:26,493
Aw, don't beat
yourself up.
39
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:27,424
He'll be fine.
40
00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:28,958
I mean, the guy's,
like, a billionaire.
41
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,092
He can put
his platinum card
42
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,258
on a fishing line
43
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,885
and reel in ten chicks
hotter than you.
44
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,560
Thanks. I feel
a lot better.
45
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,569
I think I'll get
that drink now.
46
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,173
Okay, guys,
47
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:41,844
I got to say something.
48
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,742
I think my feelings for Robin
may be resurfacing.
49
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:45,965
( laughing )
50
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,279
Oh, please--
51
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,281
they were buried
in a shallow grave.
52
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,743
MARSHALL:
Not again.
53
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,181
Come on.
Dude?
54
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:53,846
We all know
how this movie ends.
55
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:54,854
Ted falls in love,
56
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,715
love kicks Ted
in the sprouts,
57
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,194
roll credits.
58
00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:00,492
No, you guys just have to look
at the whole picture.
59
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:01,694
Fact:
60
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:04,155
Robin was into me
when we first met.
61
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:05,455
Fact:
62
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,026
Even though she didn't
want a relationship,
63
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,134
we had an amazing kiss
on the roof.
64
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:10,397
Fact:
65
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,504
On New Year's Eve,
we kissed again.
66
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:14,237
Fact:
67
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,272
I need a date to this wedding.
68
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:18,207
Wish me luck.
69
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:21,982
What I don't get is
why is Claudia marrying Stuart?
70
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,642
She's way hotter than him.
71
00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:24,781
How way?
72
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,675
Way way.
73
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:30,777
This wedding does sound
pretty amazing, though.
74
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:34,261
Fancy hotel ballroom,
everybody all dressed up...
75
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:35,992
Oh, here we go.
76
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,426
What?
We can't get
77
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,761
anywhere with our wedding plans
78
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,156
because I want it to be fun
79
00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,598
and Marshall wants it
to be lame.
80
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,562
Oh, yeah. Okay, that's
a pretty fair assessment
81
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,231
of our two arguments.
I thought so.
82
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,399
MARSHALL:
You know what?
83
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,437
Excuse me if
I don't want to get married
84
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,342
barefoot in the woods
next to
85
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:51,874
Lake No-One's-Going-
To-Drive-That-Far.
86
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,209
Yes.
87
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,444
I want a ballroom,
88
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,608
and I want a band,
and I want shoes.
89
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,108
I've been dreaming
about this day
90
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,179
since I was, like...
91
00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:01,478
A little girl?
92
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,649
( Barney laughs )
93
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:03,546
What up!
94
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,017
Okay. I'm just
saying that
95
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,515
it's my wedding, too,
and I should have
a say in it.
96
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,018
Yes, but I'm the bride,
so I win.
97
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,829
Well, I thought marriage
was about two equal partners
98
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:12,992
sharing a life together.
99
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,260
Right, but I'm the bride,
so I win.
100
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:18,327
I mean, seriously--
Claudia and Stuart?
101
00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:19,329
I mean,
I've hooked up
102
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,030
with the odd lass
who was beneath
103
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:22,401
my level of attractiveness,
104
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,540
but, you know, I was drunk.
105
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,005
There's no way Claudia
has been drunk for three years.
106
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:28,484
TED:
You know,
107
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,082
I've always found
that the best way
108
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,383
to get over
a failed relationship
109
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,845
is to celebrate someone
else's successful one.
110
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,824
Oh, it makes sense.
111
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,623
So, with that in mind, uh,
112
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:38,885
our friends
Claudia and Stuart
113
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,152
are having this crazy
black-tie wedding on Saturday.
114
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,791
You want to be my plus one?
115
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,526
Ooh... "Plus one."
116
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,662
You make it sound
so romantic.
117
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,097
Fine.
118
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,602
You want to be my date?
119
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:53,174
Your date?
120
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,303
I'd love to.
121
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,768
How fancy are
we talking about here?
122
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,407
Oh, you're going to want
to bring your "A" game.
123
00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,342
Oh, I'll bring it.
124
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,507
I'll bring it so hard,
125
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:01,914
the bride's going
to look like
126
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,405
a big white
bag of crap.
127
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,075
Lily?
128
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,076
I need a dress.
( gasps )
129
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:08,677
You're going?
That's awesome!
130
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,619
Oh, my God.
Four days to find a dress?
131
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,154
I know. It's a suicide mission.
132
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,349
Well, if we leave now...
133
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,291
we can still have
a fighting chance.
134
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:15,986
ROBIN:
Let's do it!
135
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,486
Bye, babe.
136
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:19,429
Whoa!
137
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:20,863
Did you see
how fired up she was?
138
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,028
I don't know,
139
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,055
there's something
there.
140
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,330
And, come Saturday,
a little music,
141
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,968
a little dancing,
a lot of champagne...
142
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,133
Who knows?
143
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,600
Wow. Ted, you're going
to have to find
144
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:29,939
another gender for yourself,
145
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,543
'cause I'm revoking
your "dude" membership.
146
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,776
Yeah... how was that
manicure yesterday?
147
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,679
Invigorating, thanks.
148
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,705
Okay, I wasn't going to say it
in front of the guys,
149
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:44,051
but back then I really thought
that's how it worked.
150
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:48,487
* *
151
00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,616
You put yourself
and a girl you like
152
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:52,791
in some romantic setting...
153
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,660
* *
154
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,128
...the stars line up...
155
00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:59,027
and shazam.
156
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,544
I know now that life
is never that simple.
157
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,644
Hey, Claudia!
Huh...
158
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,906
Yes, I want
Tahitian Vanilla!
159
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,375
You wrote it down wrong?
160
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,883
No, no, no, no,
listen to me--
161
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,184
if I go to my wedding
162
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:13,575
and the cake is not
Tahitian Vanilla,
163
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,717
I will come down there
164
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:16,422
and burn your little shop
to the ground!
165
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:18,224
Do you want to find out
if I'm kidding?
166
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:20,245
Yeah, good-bye.
167
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,920
Hey!
168
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,859
How's it going?
169
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,734
My wedding is in two days--
that's how it's going.
170
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,734
Oh, don't worry.
It's going to be great.
I'm so excited.
171
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,826
Well, you should be--
lots of single girls.
172
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:33,528
Oh, well, yeah, I'm...
bringing a date,
173
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,241
so I'll be
off the market.
174
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:36,842
What?
175
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:37,474
I'm bringing a date.
176
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,068
You're not bringing a date.
177
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,109
Uh... yes, I am.
178
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,784
Uh, no, you're not.
179
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,953
I checked "plus one."
No, you didn't.
180
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,622
Claudia,
I'm pretty
sure I checked...
181
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,981
Ted, you did not
check "plus one"!
182
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,949
You are not bringing
a date to my wedding!
183
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,325
But I already
invited someone.
184
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:00,633
You are not bringing
a guest, Ted!
185
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,504
The guest list has been
closed for months-- months!
186
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:04,774
But I checked
"plus one"!
187
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,202
I always check
"plus one"!
188
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,136
You absolutely did not
check "plus one"!
If you had checked
189
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,471
"plus one," I would
have called you to get
the name of your guest,
190
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:13,608
so I could have the place cards
printed up. Did I call you to
get the name of your guest?
191
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:15,214
Is there a place card
with her name printed on it?
192
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:18,005
She doesn't need
a place card.
She knows her name.
193
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,648
What's she eating?! Huh?!
You ordered the chicken.
What did she order?
194
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,724
Do you see how your story
is full of holes?
195
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,951
Come on, Claudia.
We go way back.
196
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,589
Isn't there room for
just one more person?
197
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,985
Don't make me
hurt you, Ted.
198
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,131
I don't believe this!
199
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,532
Claudia's crazy!
200
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:36,034
But, to be fair,
she's also hot.
201
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,866
I totally checked "plus one."
I'm sure I did.
202
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:38,671
Yeah, right.
203
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:39,372
I did!
204
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,503
Yeah, I don't think you did.
205
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:41,538
You know why?
206
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:42,772
Because, deep down,
you didn't want
207
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,236
to show up
at this thing
with a date.
208
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:45,074
See, for all
your big talk
209
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,338
about being ready
210
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,706
for a relationship,
211
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:48,635
deep down,
you're single.
212
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:51,079
It's your default setting.
213
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,814
Ted, you know what's
in the back of your brain?
214
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,351
Oh, great. Here comes
the little Barney speech.
215
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,216
Behind a curtain,
in a dark little room
216
00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,415
secretly controlling
your every move?
217
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,988
MARSHALL AND TED:
A little Barney...
218
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,426
A little Barney.
219
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,759
And you know what he said?
220
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:08,858
( with funny voice ):
"Ted...
221
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,429
"you will bring no dates
to this wedding.
222
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:12,529
"You...
223
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,040
"will hit on drunk bridesmaids
224
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,802
with actual-size
Barney."
225
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,210
( laughing )
Wow. Please stop.
226
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,241
I got to call Claudia.
If I just explain to her...
227
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:22,678
Ted, no!
Let it go.
228
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:23,813
She's about
to get married.
229
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,247
She's got enough
to worry about.
230
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,382
Then what am I going to do?
231
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,816
The only thing
you can do--
232
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,551
tell Robin
she can't come.
233
00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:30,717
( exasperated sigh )
234
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,564
LILY:
Just a second!
235
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,693
( dogs barking inside )
236
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,228
Hey!
Hey.
Listen...
237
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,262
Wait. Two things.
238
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,557
First of all...
239
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,299
I have been laying groundwork
all afternoon.
240
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:44,603
Totally subtle, totally cool,
241
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,625
not pushing,
not even nudging, just:
242
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,840
the theme of today is,
"Ted rocks."
243
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,642
And she's picking up
what I'm laying down.
244
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:51,514
Lily, there's a problem...
Wait, no.
245
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,312
Thing number two: the dress.
246
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:55,644
We got a dress.
247
00:07:58,411 --> 00:07:59,651
Go.
248
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,410
ROBIN:
Well?
249
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:04,621
Did I bring it, or...
250
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,415
did I bring it?
251
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,186
I think I brought it.
252
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,415
Wow.
253
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,330
That's what I was going for.
254
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,702
I'm so excited about tomorrow.
We're going to have so much fun.
255
00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,263
Yeah, about that...
256
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,840
I'll pick you up at 5:00.
257
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,849
So? The dress?
258
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:34,512
I don't have a plus one
for the wedding.
What?
259
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:35,952
I ran into Claudia,
and she told me
260
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,616
I didn't check "plus one"
on the reply card.
261
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,085
Why didn't you check "plus..."?
262
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,592
I did check "plus one."
263
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,324
But Robin is so excited.
264
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:43,419
I know.
265
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,420
And the dress!
266
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:45,591
I know.
Uh...
267
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,659
Okay, okay.
268
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:47,927
Well, we'll
sneak her in.
269
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,355
We can't sneak her in.
We're not ninjas.
270
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,330
Oh, I wish
we were ninjas.
271
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,299
I know.
272
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,137
You could always ask Stuart.
273
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,303
Can I do that?
274
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,570
Well, sure.
275
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,939
You guys have been friends
for a long time.
276
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,138
And it's 40% his wedding, too.
277
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,311
I don't know.
278
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,608
It's going to be
a tough sell.
279
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,250
Dude, no problem whatsoever.
280
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,345
Really?
281
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,946
Sure. The more
the merrier.
282
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:13,188
Wow! Wow, thanks for being
so cool about this, 'cause
283
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,223
you know,
Claudia said...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
284
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,688
This morning at
the rehearsal,
Claudia called
285
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,388
our seven-year-old
flower girl a whore.
286
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,600
So, don't take it personally.
287
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:22,802
She's just
a little stressed.
288
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,533
Yeah, she's not usually
like that.
289
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:25,928
No.
290
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,898
Well, thanks, Stu!
291
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,770
It's going to be
a great wedding.
292
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,842
Honey, this magazine says
more and more couples
293
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,580
are opting to have
nontraditional weddings
294
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:39,646
out in the woods.
295
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,013
Well, if a magazine says so,
296
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,721
we should go get married
in the woods,
297
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,453
like a couple of squirrels.
298
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:47,417
Squirrels don't get married,
Marshall.
299
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:50,117
Like you could possibly
know that.
300
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,060
I did it.
301
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,055
I did it. I'm taking her
to the wedding.
302
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,657
Nice!
What? How?
303
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:56,629
I talked to Stuart.
304
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:57,697
( groans )
305
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,095
You went around
the bride.
306
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,500
"Oh, this hornets' nest
looks harmless.
307
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,469
Maybe I'll poke it
with a stick."
308
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,737
"Oh, look, some Gremlins.
309
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,266
Let me go feed them
after midnight!"
310
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,780
Did you know about this?
311
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,380
It may have been my idea.
312
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,254
( sighs )
313
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,482
What?
314
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,116
Stuart doesn't get a say?
315
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,682
Ah! So you admit it--
316
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,050
the groom should
have an equal say.
317
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,588
Well, yeah, sure, on the stupid
stuff, like who comes.
318
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:24,085
So I can invite
whoever I want?
319
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,687
Sure. There's plenty of room
in the woods.
320
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,060
( cell phone ringing )
321
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,299
It's Claudia.
322
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:31,633
Uh!
323
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,329
So it begins.
324
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,840
Come on, it can't be that bad.
325
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:35,642
( ringing continues )
326
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:36,573
Here, Lily,
327
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,436
you answer it.
328
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,744
What? Why?
329
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,666
Because this whole thing was
your idea.
330
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:42,311
And... Claudia scares me.
But... but you're the...
331
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,275
But I just want to...
332
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,413
Oh!
( groans )
333
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,508
Ted's phone.
334
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:48,179
Oh, hi, Claudia.
335
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,218
What?
336
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,693
Now, I wasn't there,
but from what I heard,
337
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:54,193
it went something like this...
338
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,794
Oh, by the way, honey,
Ted stopped by
339
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,986
and I told him he could bring
his date to the wedding.
340
00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,658
You what?
341
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:03,027
( argument in fast forward )
342
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:05,126
...always undermining me
at every turn...
343
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:08,338
( argument in fast forward )
344
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,201
...try to show
a little flexibility, but no!
345
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,141
It's all about you!
346
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,175
( argument in fast forward )
347
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,842
...and your mother...
348
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:20,150
( argument in fast forward )
349
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,683
You know what?
350
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:22,879
The wedding's off!
351
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,254
( door slams )
352
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,348
They broke up!
353
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,390
Ow!
354
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:29,385
Uh-huh.
355
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:30,716
Uh-huh.
356
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:31,691
It's not because of me,
is it?
357
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:32,989
Uh-huh.
358
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,930
And my dad already paid
for this huge wedding!
359
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,966
Oh, he's going
to kill me!
360
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,901
And then he's
gonna kill Ted!
361
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,767
Then I'm gonna
kill Ted.
( phone ringing )
362
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,335
It's Robin.
363
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,473
Answer it!
364
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,837
Uh, Lily's phone.
365
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:48,006
Ted, where's Lily?
I need to tell her
366
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,275
about these awesome shoes
I just bought.
367
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,053
Uh, Lily's busy.
368
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,912
Oh, okay, well,
I just wanted to say
369
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,951
they're gorgeous,
and Ted's going to love them.
370
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,916
That's great. I'll tell
Lily to tell me.
371
00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:59,745
Uh, listen, I really
want to keep talking,
372
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,860
um, but now's
not a good time,
373
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,692
so I'm really excited
about tomorrow.
Okay, bye.
374
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:04,787
Bye-bye.
375
00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:06,888
Crap! She bought
some expensive shoes.
376
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,760
She's really looking forward
to this.
377
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,259
Do you think
she's into me?
Ted, focus!
378
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,971
Okay, okay, sweetie,
just calm down.
379
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,904
Do you want to go somewhere
and talk?
380
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,009
I want to go somewhere
and drink!
381
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,571
Okay, meet me
at MacLaren's.
382
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:20,909
I'll see you there.
383
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,782
Oh, I feel terrible.
Well, feel
terrible later.
384
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,054
Right now,
we gotta fix this.
385
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,752
Lily, you go
down to the bar
and comfort Claudia.
386
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:29,154
Ted and I will go
and try to talk
some sense into Stuart.
387
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,646
Right.
Um, tell Claudia I'm sorry.
388
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:32,788
Did she seem pissed at me?
389
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,063
She said, if there's
no wedding tomorrow,
390
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,262
you owe her father
$400,000.
391
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,761
What say we get these crazy kids
392
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,957
back together?
393
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,866
Hi, sad eyes.
394
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:50,065
What's got you down?
395
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:54,337
( weepy ):
Stuart and I just broke up.
396
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,937
Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
397
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,710
That's just... that's...
398
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,008
Two vodka cranberries, please.
399
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,418
You remembered I drink
vodka cranberries.
400
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:04,653
Remember?
401
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:07,387
When it comes to you,
how can I forget?
402
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,427
They all drink
vodka cranberries.
403
00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:18,031
So... is there anything else
you need... sweetie?
404
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,602
You got $400,000?
405
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:22,998
( chuckling ):
No.
406
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,270
But I do have a hug.
407
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,550
( softly ):
Thank you.
408
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,815
Stuart, I-I don't
know what to say.
409
00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:42,788
If I caused this in any way...
Ted, for all I know,
you did me
410
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:43,956
the biggest favor
anyone's ever done me.
411
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,794
Oh, come on, man,
you don't mean that.
412
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,759
No, I do. This whole thing
has made me
413
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,957
realize I miss being single.
414
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,229
I miss staying out late,
415
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:52,027
and making messes
and not cleaning them up.
416
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,829
I miss owning porn.
417
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,801
Dude, who doesn't?
418
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,099
And, you know, I'll see
419
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,910
some super-hot model chick,
and I'll think,
420
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,342
"Why am I with Claudia?
421
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:01,337
I could be with her."
422
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:02,838
( laughing ):
That's just crazy!
423
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:04,880
I mean...
424
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,375
you're the luckiest...
425
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,276
You and Claudia both...
426
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,847
The point is, I want
to get married.
427
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,416
I want to settle
down, but right now,
428
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,553
that's just not who I am.
429
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,888
I'm not a commitment guy.
I'm a single guy.
430
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,864
Stuart, you don't have to be one
or the other.
431
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:18,133
Everybody feels
this way sometimes.
432
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:21,191
Relationships aren't easy.
They're hard work.
433
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,161
It's about compromise,
growing together,
434
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,860
all that Dr. Phil crap.
435
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,072
How would you know?
You're not even married.
436
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,803
Okay, ask this guy.
437
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,397
Nine years he's
been with Lily.
438
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,399
He's the pro. This
guy knows relationships.
439
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,241
Tell him, Marshall.
440
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,506
Stuart,
don't get married.
441
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,605
Dude...
What?
442
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:37,976
Look, I'm sorry.
443
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,575
Being in a couple is hard.
444
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:42,976
And committing,
making sacrifices-- it's hard.
445
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:45,820
But, if it's the right person,
then it's easy.
446
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,285
Looking at that girl
and knowing she's all
447
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,094
you really want out of life--
that should be
448
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:50,656
the easiest thing
in the world.
449
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,663
And, if it's not like that,
then she's not the one.
450
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,156
I'm sorry.
451
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:03,172
You know I don't
have $400,000, right?
452
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:06,036
Maybe we got
together too young.
453
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:08,606
Maybe that's what
the problem was.
454
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:12,205
I mean, I'm
28 years old,
455
00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:16,419
and I've really only
ever been with one man.
456
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:17,753
( whimpers )
457
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,417
That's just, that's...
458
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:24,887
Two more
vodka cranberries, please!
459
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:29,658
Claudia...
it's all gonna be okay.
460
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:32,469
Oh, thanks for
listening, Barney.
461
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:33,672
( chuckles )
462
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,373
It really means
a lot to me.
463
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,895
Isn't it weird
that we should...
464
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,311
run into each other
like this?
465
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:45,453
Two souls, of equal levels
of attractiveness,
466
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:48,952
both fitting together
like two pieces
467
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:52,846
of a very
attractive puzzle.
468
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,289
Oh, hell, no!
469
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,824
Ow! Ow! Ow!
470
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,859
Claudia is
getting married tomorrow!
471
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:00,385
And, so help me God,
472
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,600
if I catch you even so much as
breathing the same air as her,
473
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,433
I will take those peanuts you're
trying to pass off as testicles,
474
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:09,139
and I will squeeze them so hard
your eyes pop out,
475
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,442
and then I'll feed them to you
like grapes!
476
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,874
Wait, my eyes or
my testicles?
477
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,640
One of each.
478
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,978
All right! All right!
479
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,845
Claudia?
480
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,452
Stuart.
481
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,784
I'm so sorry.
482
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:23,879
I'm so sorry, too.
483
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:24,980
I love you.
484
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,322
I love you too, babe.
485
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,546
Marshall and Ted
set me straight.
486
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,820
And, when Marshall told me
not to marry you,
487
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,019
it made me realize I...
488
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,191
Marshall said what?!
489
00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:34,390
It's more complicated than that!
490
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,231
He made me realize
how much I love you.
491
00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:37,626
These guys got us
back together.
492
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,467
Okay, I'm cool, I'm cool.
493
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:57,080
So where did we land on
the whole plus one thing?
494
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,490
No, no, no, no!
495
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:03,322
TED:
It took three more vodka
cranberries to subdue Claudia
496
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,360
but, eventually,
she graciously agreed
497
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,125
to let me bring Robin.
498
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,401
Still wow.
499
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,874
Wow yourself.
500
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,472
Look who else brought it.
501
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,474
Oh, yeah.
502
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,765
I thought about
leaving it at home,
503
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,766
but I figured I don't want
to get there and realize
504
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:21,638
I need it and have to go
all the way back to get it.
505
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,738
So, yeah, I brought it.
506
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,510
( phone rings )
507
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,818
Oh, sorry.
508
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,551
Hello.
509
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,521
Oh, my God. Tonight?
510
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:34,616
You're kidding.
511
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,517
They want me
to anchor the news tonight.
512
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:38,289
Really?
513
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,088
Like anchor anchor?
514
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,801
( sighs )
515
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,402
What happened to Sandy?
516
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:45,974
Okay.
517
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,572
Okay. Sure.
518
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,674
What time do you need
me to... right now?!
519
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:50,966
Oh.
520
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,167
Do it.
521
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,444
Do it.
522
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:01,106
Okay, I need, like,
five minutes to change,
523
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,881
and, um, I'll call
you from the cab...
524
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:07,619
* I've seen a million faces *
525
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:12,887
* But still,
my heart embraces... *
526
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,259
So admit it.
527
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:18,027
This wedding is both
indoors and amazing.
528
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,627
I'll give you the crab puffs.
529
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:20,899
The crab puffs are good.
530
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,367
The crab puffs
were incredible.
531
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,995
We should totally have them
at our wedding.
532
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:26,870
Definitely. Hey.
533
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,339
We just agreed
on something.
534
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,938
Did we just start planning
our wedding?
535
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,480
I think that we did.
536
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:37,678
We totally have to get
that brown dipping sauce.
537
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,490
Ooh, I thought the red
sauce was, like, awesome.
538
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,593
My God! Were you born
without taste buds?
539
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:44,516
( chuckles )
540
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,131
( chuckles )
What?
541
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,633
I love you.
542
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:51,634
* No, nobody *
543
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,498
* Like you... *
544
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:57,267
Coming up, are there snakes
living in your walls?
545
00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,667
The answer may surprise you...
after the break.
546
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,980
* *
547
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,583
( chuckling )
548
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,084
Man, you know something?
549
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,378
Stuart's my new hero.
550
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,150
If that dude
can bag a nine,
551
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:15,689
I got to be able
to bag, like, a 16.
552
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:16,655
What's a 16?
553
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,893
Those two eights
right over there.
554
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,026
Yeah.
555
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,903
Hi, Ted.
556
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:24,302
Claudia.
557
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,704
We just wanted to get a picture
with the woman
558
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,666
who almost ended
our relationship.
559
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:29,535
Yeah, where is she?
560
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:33,712
Um... she couldn't make it.
561
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,013
( laughing )
562
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:37,935
What's so funny?
563
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,050
Oh, plan a wedding.
564
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:40,681
You'll see.
565
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:45,987
Look at that.
566
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,852
That's how it's
supposed to be.
567
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,120
That right there.
568
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,718
Easy, simple.
569
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,261
It's just not like that
with Robin.
570
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:57,027
It's not easy and,
on some level,
571
00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,566
it has to just be easy.
572
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:03,272
Speaking of easy...
bridesmaids, Ted.
573
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,836
Bridesmaids.
574
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:05,944
CLAUDIA:
By the way,
575
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,635
I almost forgot.
576
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,207
We found this.
577
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:14,246
* *
578
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:16,624
I didn't check "plus one."
579
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:17,553
You were right.
580
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,747
Of course
I was right.
581
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,919
I'm single.
582
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,789
Maybe that's just who I am.
583
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:25,957
And you know what?
584
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,425
I like being single.
585
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:28,404
Being single's
the best.
586
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,031
Yeah. Stay out
as late as you want.
587
00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:31,256
Answer to no one.
588
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,731
The whole world
full of endless possibilities.
589
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,470
Never having to go
to a farmer's market.
590
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,365
Okay.
591
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,611
Ah... doing
some math here.
592
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,306
Table six has got
three bridesmaids:
593
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,408
an eight, an eight,
and a seven.
594
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,350
I am willing to give
you one of the eights,
595
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,347
lowering myself
to a 15,
596
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,349
which means
you owe me...
597
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:57,291
So there we were,
two single guys
598
00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:59,587
doing our usual
single-guy thing.
599
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,299
For whatever reason,
I had let myself believe
600
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:04,632
that this night
would be a turning point,
601
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,427
that this was the night
my life--
602
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,439
my real life--
would finally begin.
603
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:13,972
The funny thing is...
I wasn't totally wrong.
604
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:19,550
* Ba-da, ba-da-ba-ba, ba-da,
ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba... *
605
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:23,052
Because that night
was just beginning.
38957
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