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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:08,384 --> 00:01:10,821 Okay. So these are the rules. 2 00:01:10,952 --> 00:01:13,259 You have to get from here to there 3 00:01:13,346 --> 00:01:16,175 without touching the floor or the light. 4 00:01:16,305 --> 00:01:18,177 All right, Bearbear, you can do this. 5 00:01:18,307 --> 00:01:20,440 Just have to go slow, okay? 6 00:01:32,539 --> 00:01:34,541 You can do it, Bearbear. You just have to jump. 7 00:01:35,455 --> 00:01:36,586 Okay, ready? 8 00:02:00,915 --> 00:02:03,265 Sometimes I can feel the sky as it rotates. 9 00:02:08,488 --> 00:02:10,968 It scatters my thoughts, creating this... 10 00:02:12,753 --> 00:02:14,015 sound. 11 00:02:16,322 --> 00:02:17,410 And it'll grow louder. 12 00:02:19,499 --> 00:02:20,499 More aggressive. 13 00:02:23,198 --> 00:02:24,417 Like two people fighting. 14 00:02:27,637 --> 00:02:30,292 I look up and I know I can keep my shit together. 15 00:02:32,816 --> 00:02:34,296 And then it rains. 16 00:03:42,321 --> 00:03:43,887 It's gonna stop, baby girl. 17 00:03:44,018 --> 00:03:46,890 If it doesn't, I'll be the only kid in class 18 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:48,240 with an indoor swimming pool. 19 00:03:49,719 --> 00:03:52,374 Ooh, quefancy. 20 00:03:54,681 --> 00:03:56,552 You don't need a flood to stand out. 21 00:03:57,466 --> 00:03:59,381 You've got grease all over your face. 22 00:04:01,905 --> 00:04:04,430 Oh, yeah. You, like, totally got it now. 23 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,214 It looks all bad. 24 00:04:15,049 --> 00:04:16,268 It will grow louder. 25 00:04:19,183 --> 00:04:20,576 The lights will turn off. 26 00:04:22,535 --> 00:04:23,535 The roof will cave in. 27 00:04:26,974 --> 00:04:28,323 Everything will fall apart. 28 00:04:31,761 --> 00:04:33,110 And I wonder if you can hear me. 29 00:05:01,313 --> 00:05:02,314 Don't let go. 30 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:04,837 Don't let go. 31 00:05:06,274 --> 00:05:07,319 Please. 32 00:05:25,511 --> 00:05:26,990 Hold your hand. 33 00:05:27,121 --> 00:05:29,776 No, don't let me. It's my fault. I did it. 34 00:05:30,951 --> 00:05:32,605 Who's she talking to? 35 00:05:35,956 --> 00:05:37,000 Jesus. 36 00:05:37,392 --> 00:05:38,524 Is he listening? 37 00:05:39,655 --> 00:05:40,700 I don't know, baby girl. 38 00:05:42,005 --> 00:05:43,311 Is she crazy? 39 00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,101 I don't know, baby girl. 40 00:05:51,232 --> 00:05:52,232 You're on fire. 41 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,539 You set it on fire! 42 00:05:55,671 --> 00:05:58,892 I'm holding your fucking hand, 43 00:05:59,022 --> 00:06:01,808 fuck you, you fucking ugly fucker, fucker, fucker... 44 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:05,289 Hold your hand. I'm holding your hand. 45 00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:20,946 You got lost, Chama, or what? 46 00:06:22,002 --> 00:06:23,220 Where you going? 47 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,702 Don't be all nosy, Matias. 48 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,879 She has a job interview. 49 00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:31,838 Oh, where at? 50 00:06:32,229 --> 00:06:33,535 You my PO now or something? 51 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,376 Look, it's, like, a good job opportunity, okay? 52 00:06:48,898 --> 00:06:50,552 Gonna pay real good, 53 00:06:50,683 --> 00:06:52,083 then you won't be seeing us no more. 54 00:06:55,818 --> 00:06:56,906 Who names their kid Chama? 55 00:06:59,561 --> 00:07:00,867 It's short for Elena. 56 00:07:02,869 --> 00:07:04,784 - No, it isn't. - It is, if I say it is. 57 00:07:05,915 --> 00:07:07,955 Anybody ever tell you you got spiders in your veins? 58 00:07:08,004 --> 00:07:09,644 Anyone ever tell you to put on some shoes? 59 00:07:19,581 --> 00:07:21,235 Come on, baby, get your bag. 60 00:07:23,759 --> 00:07:24,759 That you? 61 00:07:25,587 --> 00:07:26,719 Yeah, that's me. 62 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:28,547 Hey, good luck out there. 63 00:07:33,508 --> 00:07:35,205 Let me see. 64 00:07:36,032 --> 00:07:37,967 You're gonna lose everything if you don't close your backpack. 65 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,775 Come on. Got everything you need? 66 00:07:42,648 --> 00:07:43,973 I'm gonna be right here, waiting for you after school. 67 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:44,997 Really? 68 00:07:45,607 --> 00:07:47,087 Yes, really. 69 00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:48,412 Are you gonna give me shit today, too? 70 00:07:48,436 --> 00:07:49,829 Come on. 71 00:07:49,959 --> 00:07:51,308 - I love you. - I love you. 72 00:07:55,748 --> 00:07:56,836 Have fun. 73 00:08:12,155 --> 00:08:13,679 I remember being her age. 74 00:08:16,682 --> 00:08:17,962 That's when I learned how to lie. 75 00:08:19,423 --> 00:08:21,164 I used to tell teachers I was sick. 76 00:08:21,687 --> 00:08:22,927 That's why I was missing school. 77 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,779 When I did go, I tried to blend in. 78 00:08:27,606 --> 00:08:29,477 I brushed my hair, 79 00:08:29,608 --> 00:08:30,739 cleaned my nails... 80 00:08:32,132 --> 00:08:34,830 but inside I felt ants crawling up my skin. 81 00:08:36,876 --> 00:08:39,139 I just wanted to grow up, so everything would be better. 82 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,401 Give me a chance. 83 00:08:42,708 --> 00:08:43,839 I can do the work. 84 00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:46,799 I can! 85 00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:48,757 I'm sure you can. 86 00:08:49,453 --> 00:08:52,152 Come on, quiz me. I know this shit. 87 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,602 When I was younger I used to watch 88 00:08:53,675 --> 00:08:55,155 my abuelo tear cars apart. 89 00:08:55,721 --> 00:08:57,244 He taught me literally everything. 90 00:08:57,984 --> 00:09:00,421 I got an '85 Buick LeSabre I rebuilt. 91 00:09:01,204 --> 00:09:02,597 Runs perfectly... 92 00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:04,599 if it had a fuel pump. 93 00:09:05,252 --> 00:09:06,949 But I can't get a new fuel pump 94 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,960 if I don't got a job and if I don't got a job... 95 00:09:09,952 --> 00:09:11,345 Look. 96 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,280 I'm just trying to get back on my feet, okay? 97 00:09:19,527 --> 00:09:20,528 I have a daughter. 98 00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,665 Look, the economy's kicking my ass. 99 00:09:26,795 --> 00:09:28,231 I'm just not hiring right now. 100 00:11:19,125 --> 00:11:21,518 Abueloused to say that if you find a black feather... 101 00:11:25,044 --> 00:11:26,132 it's a warning. 102 00:15:45,304 --> 00:15:46,740 We made dinner. 103 00:15:46,870 --> 00:15:48,110 There's some left in the fridge. 104 00:15:49,134 --> 00:15:50,439 She's sleeping, Elena. 105 00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:51,963 She's my daughter. 106 00:15:52,615 --> 00:15:53,921 I know she's sleeping, okay? 107 00:15:55,096 --> 00:15:56,619 Don't look at me like that. 108 00:15:57,403 --> 00:15:59,753 - You're in my home. - That the state pays for. 109 00:16:04,976 --> 00:16:06,412 I was robbed, okay? 110 00:16:07,065 --> 00:16:08,145 Don't pretend like you care. 111 00:16:09,545 --> 00:16:11,243 Because if you gave two shits, 112 00:16:11,373 --> 00:16:13,027 you'd drive around and look for them. 113 00:16:13,158 --> 00:16:15,421 Oh, I would drive around and look for your shoes? 114 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,355 Why would you ever want to look for the imaginary person 115 00:16:17,379 --> 00:16:18,598 who stole your shoes, Elena? 116 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,208 That's not my name. 117 00:16:20,339 --> 00:16:21,579 Stop talking to me like a child. 118 00:16:22,210 --> 00:16:23,472 You know, Friday's her birthday. 119 00:16:23,603 --> 00:16:25,083 I fucking know Friday's her birthday. 120 00:16:25,213 --> 00:16:26,606 If you weren't my sister... 121 00:16:26,693 --> 00:16:29,174 So, what? You'd go? So fucking go! 122 00:16:29,304 --> 00:16:30,871 You are just like Mom. 123 00:16:32,394 --> 00:16:33,656 One of these times... 124 00:16:34,179 --> 00:16:35,299 they're gonna take her away. 125 00:16:39,227 --> 00:16:40,707 Get the fuck out of my house. 126 00:16:41,621 --> 00:16:42,839 Get the fuck out! 127 00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,148 You know, I used to have this dream... 128 00:18:58,192 --> 00:18:59,411 that I got, like, no face... 129 00:19:00,455 --> 00:19:02,805 and I'm just a shadow, 130 00:19:02,936 --> 00:19:04,155 floating over the desert. 131 00:19:06,548 --> 00:19:09,290 And I got, like, this bag of hammers 132 00:19:09,421 --> 00:19:11,510 and I'm just, like, chucking them at cows. 133 00:19:12,206 --> 00:19:13,686 What do you think that means? 134 00:19:14,295 --> 00:19:15,862 That you need serious help. 135 00:19:15,992 --> 00:19:18,038 Toaster always showed up when I needed her. 136 00:19:25,959 --> 00:19:27,787 You can't just, like, open it. 137 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,355 - Why not? - You broke it. 138 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,400 Last year, Nevaeh loved red. 139 00:19:33,401 --> 00:19:36,361 I think this year, she likes the color purple. 140 00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:40,191 Like that Oprah movie about racism? 141 00:19:42,628 --> 00:19:44,456 Balloons. 142 00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,468 You never, like, look up your dreams 143 00:19:56,598 --> 00:19:57,678 and find out what they mean? 144 00:19:59,471 --> 00:20:00,471 I don't dream. 145 00:20:01,647 --> 00:20:03,562 Every bitch dreams. 146 00:20:03,692 --> 00:20:05,520 Come on, you probably just don't remember it. 147 00:20:09,916 --> 00:20:12,036 Maybe that's what I'll study when I go back to school. 148 00:20:14,399 --> 00:20:15,530 Why Chama don't dream? 149 00:20:18,794 --> 00:20:20,622 Stupid. Siempre. 150 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,103 No. 151 00:20:23,930 --> 00:20:25,584 No, for serious. 152 00:20:27,412 --> 00:20:29,762 I'm going back. 153 00:20:29,892 --> 00:20:32,286 Toaster is one of those bitches from the Heights. 154 00:20:32,417 --> 00:20:34,332 She actually knew her father. 155 00:20:34,419 --> 00:20:36,377 He'd buy her things. 156 00:20:36,508 --> 00:20:38,771 She never worried about nothing. 157 00:20:38,901 --> 00:20:41,252 Toaster was all cool. 158 00:20:41,382 --> 00:20:42,731 And I wanted to be her. 159 00:20:44,603 --> 00:20:45,604 She was a dreamer. 160 00:20:46,431 --> 00:20:47,431 I'm going back. 161 00:20:49,738 --> 00:20:50,957 My dad's gonna pay. 162 00:20:52,915 --> 00:20:54,700 It's gonna be like it used to be, you know? 163 00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,268 He's gonna be proud of me. 164 00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:01,609 I don't know, maybe I'll be just, like... 165 00:21:02,708 --> 00:21:04,405 some counselor, you know? 166 00:21:06,581 --> 00:21:08,757 Like, help all these bitches out. 167 00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,066 I could tell 'em what's up. 168 00:21:16,504 --> 00:21:18,680 Toaster always showed up when I needed her. 169 00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:21,292 She'd help me fix everything. 170 00:21:26,514 --> 00:21:28,081 I can make my daughter happy. 171 00:21:32,999 --> 00:21:34,783 I can keep my shit together. 172 00:21:42,704 --> 00:21:44,445 I can make my daughter happy. 173 00:21:44,576 --> 00:21:46,317 I can make my daughter happy. 174 00:21:55,064 --> 00:21:58,677 I can make my daughter happy. 175 00:21:58,807 --> 00:22:01,593 I can make my daughter happy. I can make my daughter happy. 176 00:22:01,723 --> 00:22:03,943 I can make my daughter happy. 177 00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:06,008 I can keep my shit together. I can make my daughter happy. 178 00:22:06,032 --> 00:22:07,338 I can make my daughter happy. 179 00:22:09,078 --> 00:22:10,645 I can keep my shit together. 180 00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:13,779 I can make my daughter happy. 181 00:22:16,912 --> 00:22:18,653 I can keep my shit together. 182 00:23:37,515 --> 00:23:38,690 Hey, baby girl, what's wrong? 183 00:23:39,778 --> 00:23:40,779 I don't know. 184 00:23:41,823 --> 00:23:43,042 Hey. 185 00:23:43,172 --> 00:23:44,565 Don't let bullshit push you. 186 00:23:52,704 --> 00:23:54,314 Sometimes I just want to hide, too. 187 00:23:56,751 --> 00:23:57,796 Just, like, run away. 188 00:24:01,582 --> 00:24:03,279 But everybody's already here, 189 00:24:03,410 --> 00:24:05,456 so you might as well just take all their presents. 190 00:24:15,988 --> 00:24:17,816 You were born two months early, you know why? 191 00:24:21,297 --> 00:24:23,299 Because you were so excited to meet your mama. 192 00:24:24,953 --> 00:24:26,477 And I was to meet you. 193 00:24:29,001 --> 00:24:30,350 There she is. 194 00:24:35,181 --> 00:24:36,835 You're my baby girl, you're all I got. 195 00:24:38,967 --> 00:24:39,968 You're all I got. 196 00:24:44,625 --> 00:24:45,931 I hope that's not true. 197 00:24:48,890 --> 00:24:50,849 Go on. Have fun, it's your birthday. 198 00:25:39,811 --> 00:25:41,029 I can keep my shit. 199 00:25:44,816 --> 00:25:46,034 Elena? 200 00:26:16,978 --> 00:26:17,978 Elena, are you in there? 201 00:26:31,819 --> 00:26:33,691 Come on. Open up. 202 00:26:33,778 --> 00:26:35,170 Elena. 203 00:26:35,867 --> 00:26:37,307 I've been looking for you everywhere. 204 00:26:38,783 --> 00:26:40,872 You did all right... good, okay? 205 00:26:42,177 --> 00:26:43,614 Not out here to talk shit. 206 00:26:47,226 --> 00:26:48,619 Hey. 207 00:26:51,099 --> 00:26:52,448 Let's just go out and sing. 208 00:27:07,072 --> 00:27:08,073 Look, you know what? 209 00:27:10,205 --> 00:27:11,511 You don't get to do this. 210 00:27:13,078 --> 00:27:14,645 Not today, this isn't about you. 211 00:27:19,475 --> 00:27:22,130 You think you're so special 212 00:27:22,261 --> 00:27:24,021 and that nobody else matters, but guess what? 213 00:27:25,786 --> 00:27:26,961 They do. 214 00:27:51,725 --> 00:27:52,857 Somebody help me! 215 00:27:54,946 --> 00:27:56,556 Somebody help! 216 00:27:59,733 --> 00:28:00,778 Now! 217 00:28:15,140 --> 00:28:16,420 I know what you all are thinking. 218 00:28:17,185 --> 00:28:18,752 Shit gets all fucked. 219 00:28:19,274 --> 00:28:20,667 But that's just the way it goes. 220 00:28:22,060 --> 00:28:24,584 I had this one bitch try to tell me, 221 00:28:24,715 --> 00:28:27,674 "If you just got a real job, everything would be all right." 222 00:28:28,370 --> 00:28:30,764 Bitch! I have a felony. 223 00:28:30,895 --> 00:28:32,853 Who's gonna hire me? Who's gonna teach me? 224 00:28:33,811 --> 00:28:35,769 All I know is selling dope, hustling. 225 00:28:36,378 --> 00:28:38,250 That's all anyone was willing to show me. 226 00:28:39,338 --> 00:28:42,950 So, with four little brothers at home, yeah, 227 00:28:43,081 --> 00:28:46,084 I was gonna hustle to buy them food and, yeah, 228 00:28:46,214 --> 00:28:48,174 I was gonna smoke to forget everything I had done. 229 00:28:49,174 --> 00:28:50,174 And yeah. 230 00:28:51,219 --> 00:28:52,917 Shit's gonna get fucked. 231 00:29:16,114 --> 00:29:17,550 I was once a little girl. 232 00:29:19,770 --> 00:29:21,772 Trying to keep my sister safe. 233 00:29:25,427 --> 00:29:26,994 I thought it would all work out. 234 00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:31,912 I used to run toAbuelo's. 235 00:29:34,567 --> 00:29:35,960 He showed me how to fix things. 236 00:29:40,442 --> 00:29:41,748 You showed me how to break them. 237 00:29:47,362 --> 00:29:48,799 You fucking took them, huh? 238 00:29:48,886 --> 00:29:49,930 Let's go. 239 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,334 You drove around with bottles on the floor. 240 00:30:02,464 --> 00:30:04,205 Your music turned up. 241 00:30:04,336 --> 00:30:06,033 You'd smoke a full pack, 242 00:30:06,164 --> 00:30:08,514 but you still smelled like roses. 243 00:30:12,692 --> 00:30:14,825 We cried as you pulled the glass out of our skin. 244 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:22,310 I am my mother's daughter. 245 00:30:22,441 --> 00:30:23,790 Elena. 246 00:30:33,104 --> 00:30:34,670 Can you tell me what you were doing? 247 00:30:38,239 --> 00:30:39,675 You're lucky to be alive. 248 00:30:42,374 --> 00:30:44,294 If it hadn't been for the Narcan you'd be dead... 249 00:30:46,204 --> 00:30:48,032 you probably wouldn't be here right now. 250 00:30:52,558 --> 00:30:53,951 How much do you normally use? 251 00:30:57,693 --> 00:30:59,739 Was it an accident or was it intentional? 252 00:31:19,237 --> 00:31:20,978 It's a selfish act, 253 00:31:21,108 --> 00:31:22,348 especially when you're pregnant. 254 00:31:40,127 --> 00:31:41,127 You didn't know? 255 00:32:18,949 --> 00:32:20,428 I was 21. 256 00:32:22,082 --> 00:32:23,779 I'd work on cars, because... 257 00:32:24,998 --> 00:32:26,043 what else am I gonna do? 258 00:32:39,317 --> 00:32:41,145 It was also the last time I used a needle. 259 00:32:42,755 --> 00:32:43,930 Nobody knew. 260 00:32:45,062 --> 00:32:46,062 I was quiet. 261 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:49,414 But I always seemed in control. 262 00:32:51,807 --> 00:32:52,852 You're doing it all wrong. 263 00:32:54,723 --> 00:32:56,683 You should be cranking it the other way, you know? 264 00:32:58,336 --> 00:33:00,033 I'm tightening the tensioner. 265 00:33:00,599 --> 00:33:02,949 Going clockwise, so the nut can do its job. 266 00:33:05,996 --> 00:33:06,996 That's what's up. 267 00:33:10,478 --> 00:33:11,478 You know, I see you. 268 00:33:14,439 --> 00:33:16,006 You was down at Chopay's the other day. 269 00:33:16,963 --> 00:33:18,312 Looking all cool and shit. 270 00:33:21,794 --> 00:33:24,884 I see you and I want to holler at you, mija. 271 00:33:27,147 --> 00:33:28,147 Why? 272 00:33:30,411 --> 00:33:32,051 Because you look like you need someone to. 273 00:33:37,201 --> 00:33:38,202 So what it is? 274 00:33:39,725 --> 00:33:41,031 Can I help you start it or what? 275 00:33:56,785 --> 00:33:59,223 Santi was all bad. 276 00:33:59,353 --> 00:34:00,876 Smelled like hairspray and sweat. 277 00:34:03,749 --> 00:34:05,142 Reminded me ofAbuelo. 278 00:34:07,361 --> 00:34:08,481 Know how many times he lost? 279 00:34:10,495 --> 00:34:11,800 Five. 280 00:34:11,931 --> 00:34:13,541 He worshiped boxing 281 00:34:13,628 --> 00:34:15,413 and the boxers who wouldn't quit. 282 00:34:15,500 --> 00:34:17,260 Know how many times he's got back up and won? 283 00:34:17,328 --> 00:34:18,720 59, baby! 284 00:34:19,808 --> 00:34:21,786 He just sticks out his tongue and he knows no matter 285 00:34:21,810 --> 00:34:23,551 where he grow up, no matter how he grow up, 286 00:34:23,638 --> 00:34:25,158 what he could do, you know what I mean? 287 00:34:26,598 --> 00:34:28,469 He says, 288 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:30,471 "Hey, pass me the ball, pass me the bills. 289 00:34:31,646 --> 00:34:33,518 Albuquerque. 290 00:34:33,605 --> 00:34:36,216 Up to you, champ. Albuquerque. 291 00:34:36,347 --> 00:34:38,262 I'm still the champ. 292 00:34:38,392 --> 00:34:40,264 Hey, Grandma, Grandpa, I'm still your champ!" 293 00:34:42,396 --> 00:34:43,789 I'd tattoo him on my body. 294 00:34:45,747 --> 00:34:47,347 And he promised to never let me get sick. 295 00:34:49,447 --> 00:34:52,276 We'd get a house together. 296 00:34:52,406 --> 00:34:56,193 I'd get pregnant. Stop using. 297 00:34:56,323 --> 00:34:59,544 I'd worship him, because he gave me Nevaeh. 298 00:34:59,674 --> 00:35:03,330 She'd be born at home, just like I was. 299 00:35:03,461 --> 00:35:05,811 He'd play the guitar for our daughter. 300 00:35:05,941 --> 00:35:07,901 He wasn't very good, but I didn't know any better. 301 00:35:09,902 --> 00:35:11,077 Then he was gone. 302 00:35:12,426 --> 00:35:13,427 I was alone. 303 00:35:14,776 --> 00:35:16,082 And seven years later... 304 00:35:35,623 --> 00:35:36,929 I need you to nod your head 305 00:35:37,016 --> 00:35:38,416 that you understand what's going on. 306 00:35:40,454 --> 00:35:41,534 It's in your best interest. 307 00:35:46,504 --> 00:35:48,767 An investigator from CPS is gonna sit down 308 00:35:48,897 --> 00:35:49,942 - with your daughter. - No. 309 00:35:51,378 --> 00:35:52,553 You're going to scare her. 310 00:35:53,119 --> 00:35:54,512 She's already scared. 311 00:36:01,562 --> 00:36:02,762 We've got a house full of love, 312 00:36:02,868 --> 00:36:04,739 you don't even know. 313 00:36:04,870 --> 00:36:06,326 Do you have a contact number for her father? 314 00:36:06,350 --> 00:36:07,590 What do you think he's gonna do? 315 00:36:08,178 --> 00:36:10,005 You just want to take away my baby. 316 00:36:10,136 --> 00:36:12,182 Our intention is never to remove a child 317 00:36:12,312 --> 00:36:13,487 from their home. 318 00:36:14,314 --> 00:36:16,142 Unless we feel the child is in danger. 319 00:36:17,448 --> 00:36:18,797 Do I look dangerous? 320 00:36:20,581 --> 00:36:22,322 The situation at the party... 321 00:36:22,453 --> 00:36:23,453 Was an accident! 322 00:36:27,806 --> 00:36:30,374 It was... it was... 323 00:36:35,988 --> 00:36:37,337 It was an accident. 324 00:36:38,773 --> 00:36:40,340 It's never gonna happen again. 325 00:36:44,779 --> 00:36:46,059 Do you understand why we're here? 326 00:36:56,965 --> 00:36:59,098 Hey, baby girl. Hey. 327 00:37:12,807 --> 00:37:14,026 It's okay. 328 00:37:14,722 --> 00:37:15,722 Here. 329 00:37:17,856 --> 00:37:19,118 Hey, Bearbear. 330 00:37:24,950 --> 00:37:27,605 I'm sorry. I messed up. 331 00:37:28,519 --> 00:37:30,390 Everything's gonna go back to normal. 332 00:37:32,523 --> 00:37:34,264 Will you stop writing down everything I say? 333 00:37:47,842 --> 00:37:49,104 Come here. 334 00:38:04,468 --> 00:38:06,426 - I love you. - I love you. 335 00:38:31,625 --> 00:38:32,626 Fuck them, no? 336 00:38:37,457 --> 00:38:39,329 Fuck them for judging us. 337 00:38:41,331 --> 00:38:42,332 You're a good mother. 338 00:38:43,071 --> 00:38:44,203 I just wanna cry. 339 00:38:45,770 --> 00:38:47,424 But nothing's coming out. 340 00:38:48,250 --> 00:38:49,339 They don't know shit. 341 00:38:53,386 --> 00:38:54,605 What's wrong with me, Toaster? 342 00:39:00,654 --> 00:39:02,134 What are you doing, Chama? 343 00:39:03,048 --> 00:39:05,224 You think you got, like, a choice, really? 344 00:39:06,921 --> 00:39:09,533 A la maquina, dummy. Not even. 345 00:39:11,535 --> 00:39:12,775 Okay, when we was, like, born... 346 00:39:13,885 --> 00:39:16,888 let's say God, yeah, God. 347 00:39:17,323 --> 00:39:18,629 You know, God was like... 348 00:39:21,545 --> 00:39:24,199 "I'm gonna make this child super smart. 349 00:39:24,330 --> 00:39:25,897 And then this one? 350 00:39:25,984 --> 00:39:27,638 This one is gonna be dumb as crackers. 351 00:39:27,768 --> 00:39:29,857 And then this one? Oh, you know what? 352 00:39:29,988 --> 00:39:32,599 That one is gonna get a fucking mental illness, 353 00:39:32,686 --> 00:39:35,341 hell yeah, because that'll be fucking fun, no? 354 00:39:35,472 --> 00:39:36,995 And this one. 355 00:39:37,125 --> 00:39:40,999 This one's gonna have ADHD, hell yeah! 356 00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:42,827 And this one, just for shits and giggles, 357 00:39:42,914 --> 00:39:45,046 let's give it leukemia, right? 358 00:39:45,177 --> 00:39:47,832 Because, you know, life needs more hurdles. 359 00:39:48,528 --> 00:39:50,835 And this one? Yeah, this one. 360 00:39:50,965 --> 00:39:53,098 This one gets an addictive personality. 361 00:39:54,404 --> 00:39:55,404 And that one doesn't." 362 00:39:58,973 --> 00:40:00,235 This is us. 363 00:40:03,717 --> 00:40:06,503 We gotta fucking fight until we win. 364 00:40:08,679 --> 00:40:10,289 We're fucking rebels, no? 365 00:40:12,596 --> 00:40:14,206 And we're gonna take care of all of it. 366 00:40:17,165 --> 00:40:18,297 Just not today. 367 00:41:01,166 --> 00:41:02,950 I want my baby. 368 00:41:08,869 --> 00:41:11,002 - I want my baby. - It's okay. 369 00:41:11,611 --> 00:41:14,092 I want my baby. 370 00:41:14,222 --> 00:41:17,095 Shh, can you just, like, think it 371 00:41:17,225 --> 00:41:18,879 instead of saying it out loud? 372 00:41:19,010 --> 00:41:20,751 I want my baby! 373 00:41:20,881 --> 00:41:22,840 And I would like her to shut the fuck up! 374 00:41:24,537 --> 00:41:25,537 What the fuck you say? 375 00:41:29,150 --> 00:41:30,674 No, it's okay. 376 00:41:31,457 --> 00:41:32,937 You can, like, say that one more time. 377 00:41:33,590 --> 00:41:34,852 Just shut her up. 378 00:41:44,818 --> 00:41:46,898 Do you know what the fuck my friend has been through? 379 00:41:48,213 --> 00:41:49,823 You want her to shut the fuck up? 380 00:41:51,172 --> 00:41:52,522 Just go back to your seat. 381 00:41:54,132 --> 00:41:55,525 Go back to my seat? 382 00:41:57,091 --> 00:41:58,789 I'll stand here if I want to. 383 00:42:04,621 --> 00:42:05,622 You're drunk. 384 00:42:08,015 --> 00:42:09,190 What'd you say? 385 00:42:09,756 --> 00:42:11,541 You fucking stink, you're drunk. 386 00:42:16,110 --> 00:42:18,591 Fuck! Get this crazy bitch off me! 387 00:42:18,722 --> 00:42:19,897 Fuck you! 388 00:42:21,463 --> 00:42:22,552 Fuck! 389 00:42:25,032 --> 00:42:26,817 - Fuck! - Fuck you! 390 00:42:26,947 --> 00:42:28,166 Look at this place, mija. 391 00:42:28,296 --> 00:42:29,689 That's what you dreamed of. 392 00:42:31,865 --> 00:42:33,737 We can put my mother's papal cross right here. 393 00:42:33,867 --> 00:42:35,129 Yeah? 394 00:42:40,134 --> 00:42:42,920 Maybe, like, a painting right there? 395 00:42:43,007 --> 00:42:44,182 You could put up two. 396 00:42:44,312 --> 00:42:45,749 What do you think? 397 00:42:46,314 --> 00:42:47,446 What do you think? 398 00:42:52,756 --> 00:42:56,934 Oh, and... oh, I have this doll collection 399 00:42:57,064 --> 00:42:58,999 that my mother found outside a dumpster in the mall. 400 00:42:59,023 --> 00:43:01,460 - Really? - It's in perfect condition. 401 00:43:01,591 --> 00:43:03,177 Well, like, perfect condition for, like, the dumpster, 402 00:43:03,201 --> 00:43:04,641 but I've always wanted to display it. 403 00:43:05,943 --> 00:43:06,983 Where you gonna put it up? 404 00:43:08,728 --> 00:43:10,034 What do you think? 405 00:43:12,166 --> 00:43:13,167 Are you happy or what? 406 00:43:33,013 --> 00:43:34,101 I wanted a miracle. 407 00:43:35,712 --> 00:43:36,712 And I got one. 408 00:43:39,106 --> 00:43:40,499 I didn't need anything else. 409 00:44:10,268 --> 00:44:11,922 My husband was at home with my daughter. 410 00:44:13,924 --> 00:44:15,795 I was at the long bar with my friends. 411 00:44:18,798 --> 00:44:19,798 Boyfriend. 412 00:44:21,671 --> 00:44:22,976 We were all fucked up. 413 00:44:24,891 --> 00:44:25,979 Breaking vows... 414 00:44:27,807 --> 00:44:28,982 and I fell. 415 00:44:29,679 --> 00:44:31,115 Cracked my fucking tailbone. 416 00:44:33,247 --> 00:44:35,162 I put one of those blue ice packs on it. 417 00:44:35,946 --> 00:44:36,947 It broke. 418 00:44:38,775 --> 00:44:40,037 Dyed my ass blue. 419 00:44:43,954 --> 00:44:45,999 So, I go home smelling like turpentine... 420 00:44:47,218 --> 00:44:49,220 with a serious fucking injury, 421 00:44:49,350 --> 00:44:50,569 a blue ass... 422 00:44:51,788 --> 00:44:53,267 all the while, 423 00:44:53,354 --> 00:44:55,074 I was just supposed to be picking up dinner. 424 00:46:10,562 --> 00:46:12,825 Look who finally decided to show up. 425 00:46:13,434 --> 00:46:15,697 I was out looking for a present for my dad. 426 00:46:15,828 --> 00:46:17,134 I don't know what to get him. 427 00:46:17,264 --> 00:46:19,049 Maybe another World War Two book 428 00:46:19,136 --> 00:46:21,016 with the card inside that says, "Happy birthday. 429 00:46:21,138 --> 00:46:22,530 We got nothing in common." 430 00:46:22,661 --> 00:46:24,794 What? 431 00:46:26,186 --> 00:46:27,927 You know your jacket smells? 432 00:46:28,058 --> 00:46:29,189 You ever wash it? 433 00:46:30,103 --> 00:46:31,583 It's not like it touches my ass, 434 00:46:31,670 --> 00:46:33,150 I'm not, like, farting in it... 435 00:46:34,412 --> 00:46:35,500 all the time. 436 00:46:37,154 --> 00:46:38,372 Oh, come on, that was funny. 437 00:46:39,286 --> 00:46:40,806 You know, you really should laugh more. 438 00:46:40,853 --> 00:46:41,853 Especially here. 439 00:46:55,389 --> 00:46:57,217 Not sure if I'm supposed to be here. 440 00:46:58,479 --> 00:47:00,264 If you're standing there, you probably are. 441 00:47:00,394 --> 00:47:01,700 But we don't detox. 442 00:47:03,049 --> 00:47:04,224 I'm clean. 443 00:47:04,703 --> 00:47:05,704 We're full up. 444 00:47:07,271 --> 00:47:08,794 Plus, it's 3:00 PM. 445 00:47:08,925 --> 00:47:10,317 We don't take anyone past noon. 446 00:47:16,323 --> 00:47:17,934 This is the third place I've tried today. 447 00:47:20,327 --> 00:47:21,851 What's worse than being invisible? 448 00:47:23,330 --> 00:47:24,897 Being seen as disposable. 449 00:47:39,129 --> 00:47:40,608 I go to the hospital. 450 00:47:40,739 --> 00:47:43,046 Be responsible. Get checked. 451 00:47:43,133 --> 00:47:44,134 Dose. 452 00:47:48,181 --> 00:47:49,748 I want to rip off my skin. 453 00:47:52,185 --> 00:47:53,230 The way she looks at me. 454 00:47:56,711 --> 00:47:58,322 Does she need to double up? 455 00:47:59,105 --> 00:48:01,020 The nurse. The fucking nurse. 456 00:48:02,021 --> 00:48:05,285 I'm dirty. Disgusting. 457 00:48:05,416 --> 00:48:07,418 She doesn't see me. 458 00:48:07,548 --> 00:48:09,942 She'll check my chart. 459 00:48:10,029 --> 00:48:11,109 She'll know what I've done. 460 00:49:22,536 --> 00:49:24,321 I told you last time I wanted to sell you, 461 00:49:24,451 --> 00:49:25,757 you know what I mean? 462 00:49:26,540 --> 00:49:28,344 I just didn't like the way y'all went out like that. 463 00:49:28,368 --> 00:49:29,587 I know you got something. 464 00:49:29,717 --> 00:49:30,980 Nah, not this time. 465 00:49:37,682 --> 00:49:39,249 Fuck you up. Fucking kill you. 466 00:49:40,641 --> 00:49:41,903 This shit ain't over. 467 00:49:48,432 --> 00:49:49,781 Santi, what did you do? 468 00:49:54,177 --> 00:49:55,482 Keep your fucking mouth shut. 469 00:51:43,460 --> 00:51:44,460 Who's there? 470 00:51:48,900 --> 00:51:50,380 What are you doing, Chama? 471 00:51:52,077 --> 00:51:53,122 Toaster. 472 00:51:57,387 --> 00:51:59,084 You gotta go away. 473 00:52:04,568 --> 00:52:05,568 Go away! 474 00:52:13,707 --> 00:52:14,969 Toaster. 475 00:52:16,275 --> 00:52:18,712 Toaster! 476 00:52:18,843 --> 00:52:20,123 I thought you wanted me to leave. 477 00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:24,892 No, no. 478 00:52:30,594 --> 00:52:31,638 I'm all alone. 479 00:52:39,298 --> 00:52:41,953 Remember when we first met? 480 00:52:42,083 --> 00:52:44,216 We were working at some old folks' home 481 00:52:44,347 --> 00:52:45,522 and making food and shit. 482 00:52:48,655 --> 00:52:50,483 Yeah. 483 00:52:50,614 --> 00:52:52,485 We both hated the way old people were treated. 484 00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:56,054 Like they were a nuisance. 485 00:52:57,751 --> 00:52:59,927 Like they chose to be old and shit. 486 00:53:00,058 --> 00:53:02,191 You thought I was like your sister and shit. 487 00:53:02,321 --> 00:53:03,888 You got all mad. 488 00:53:21,035 --> 00:53:22,559 You know what the worst part is? 489 00:53:23,647 --> 00:53:25,605 All of it. 490 00:53:25,736 --> 00:53:27,216 When you're out, Chama. 491 00:53:30,393 --> 00:53:32,743 You start smoking the crumbs. 492 00:53:32,873 --> 00:53:34,397 I've seen you do it. 493 00:53:34,527 --> 00:53:36,268 You're a dummy. 494 00:53:36,399 --> 00:53:37,759 You smoke the crumbs and then more. 495 00:53:37,878 --> 00:53:40,968 Then you put Selena on full blast. 496 00:53:41,055 --> 00:53:45,538 But it's not the same as when you kiss it. 497 00:53:45,625 --> 00:53:47,236 - Put it in. - No, shut up! 498 00:53:48,759 --> 00:53:50,108 Open up. 499 00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:52,197 No. No! 500 00:53:54,895 --> 00:53:56,723 I've got something for you, Chama. 501 00:53:58,334 --> 00:53:59,465 No! 502 00:54:11,608 --> 00:54:13,523 I'll do better, I'll do better, 503 00:54:13,653 --> 00:54:15,307 I'll do better, I'll do better, 504 00:54:15,394 --> 00:54:16,569 I promise I'll do better. 505 00:54:19,833 --> 00:54:21,879 You lied. You lied. 506 00:54:32,019 --> 00:54:33,891 No, don't... Don't move, don't move. 507 00:54:33,978 --> 00:54:35,936 Is it cold? Is it cold down there? 508 00:54:36,067 --> 00:54:39,157 Please hold on to my hand. Oh, my God. 509 00:54:47,252 --> 00:54:48,252 Toaster. 510 00:54:49,820 --> 00:54:51,082 Are you fucking with me? 511 00:54:52,083 --> 00:54:53,998 What are you doing, Chama? 512 00:54:54,128 --> 00:54:55,826 Hey. 513 00:54:58,829 --> 00:55:00,309 - Don't you? - No, sorry. 514 00:55:02,398 --> 00:55:03,518 I only got a couple of bucks. 515 00:55:07,881 --> 00:55:09,492 Come on. Please. 516 00:55:13,452 --> 00:55:15,802 Come on. Come on. Please. 517 00:55:22,026 --> 00:55:26,335 Come on. Come on. Come on, please. 518 00:55:34,343 --> 00:55:36,693 I've been talking to you and not once, 519 00:55:36,780 --> 00:55:39,435 through everything, have you said anything back. 520 00:55:42,438 --> 00:55:43,526 Are you not there? 521 00:55:45,005 --> 00:55:46,355 Can you not hear me? 522 00:56:28,309 --> 00:56:29,309 Nine months. 523 00:56:32,705 --> 00:56:33,837 Clean. 524 00:56:38,711 --> 00:56:39,756 Look at your arms. 525 00:56:40,452 --> 00:56:43,368 You're a worthless fucking... 526 00:56:44,804 --> 00:56:45,804 junkie. 527 00:56:48,591 --> 00:56:49,871 Why don't you just kill yourself? 528 00:56:59,950 --> 00:57:00,950 Or you could... 529 00:57:02,735 --> 00:57:03,736 go. 530 00:57:05,085 --> 00:57:06,130 Grab your daughter... 531 00:57:08,349 --> 00:57:09,742 and get out of here. 532 00:57:10,264 --> 00:57:11,614 Get the fuck out of here. 533 00:57:14,791 --> 00:57:15,792 Get the fuck out of here. 534 00:57:18,229 --> 00:57:19,448 Police department, don't move! 535 00:57:19,535 --> 00:57:20,753 Police department! 536 00:57:53,873 --> 00:57:56,528 You wanna know the... 537 00:57:56,659 --> 00:57:59,662 two worst words in the English vocabulary? 538 00:58:02,795 --> 00:58:04,754 What if... 539 00:58:05,842 --> 00:58:07,757 um, what if... 540 00:58:10,020 --> 00:58:11,630 my dad was the president? 541 00:58:13,502 --> 00:58:14,503 Or what if... 542 00:58:15,939 --> 00:58:17,375 um, my mom... 543 00:58:18,637 --> 00:58:20,291 actually wanted me? 544 00:58:22,946 --> 00:58:24,382 What if... 545 00:58:25,209 --> 00:58:26,950 I was born in London, 546 00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:28,212 or... 547 00:58:29,082 --> 00:58:30,388 or Ireland? 548 00:58:33,086 --> 00:58:35,306 Lived on a farm far away? 549 00:58:42,008 --> 00:58:44,141 What if when I ate food 550 00:58:44,228 --> 00:58:45,969 I could keep it down, 551 00:58:46,099 --> 00:58:49,538 like, that wasn't even a thought, you know? 552 00:58:56,066 --> 00:58:57,328 What if they didn't say... 553 00:58:58,634 --> 00:58:59,634 it was all my fault? 554 00:59:02,638 --> 00:59:03,900 Make up lies about me? 555 00:59:10,776 --> 00:59:12,735 What if he came to get me? 556 00:59:16,216 --> 00:59:17,522 You know where I'm at? 557 00:59:22,483 --> 00:59:24,877 You know, what if I didn't have to ask what if? 558 01:00:05,744 --> 01:00:06,744 Can't. 559 01:00:14,144 --> 01:00:16,929 Look, I've... I've been calling 560 01:00:17,016 --> 01:00:20,063 over and over and no... Nobody will tell me nothing! 561 01:00:29,594 --> 01:00:30,813 Where is she? 562 01:00:37,123 --> 01:00:38,603 Don't worry, 563 01:00:40,126 --> 01:00:41,824 No, don't... don't hang up. 564 01:00:41,954 --> 01:00:43,869 I just... I want to know where she is. 565 01:01:04,411 --> 01:01:05,499 Can't. 566 01:01:06,326 --> 01:01:07,719 Come on! 567 01:01:08,328 --> 01:01:10,635 What the... what the fuck? 568 01:01:10,766 --> 01:01:11,984 We need help! 569 01:01:12,115 --> 01:01:13,246 Who's gonna help us? 570 01:01:13,638 --> 01:01:15,988 Who? Who, who, who? 571 01:01:16,119 --> 01:01:18,251 - I don't know, I just... - Say it. What? 572 01:01:18,382 --> 01:01:20,062 - Say it! What are you, dumb? - I feel like... 573 01:01:20,123 --> 01:01:21,298 Who's gonna help us? 574 01:01:22,168 --> 01:01:24,040 - Who's gonna help us? - I don't know! 575 01:01:25,302 --> 01:01:26,302 I don't know! 576 01:01:28,174 --> 01:01:29,785 - We need help. - Who's gonna help us? 577 01:01:29,915 --> 01:01:31,308 I don't know. I don't know. 578 01:01:32,004 --> 01:01:35,051 I don't... I feel... I feel... 579 01:01:35,181 --> 01:01:37,575 I feel like I wanna rip my hair out. 580 01:01:38,794 --> 01:01:41,144 I wanna tear my skin off 581 01:01:41,274 --> 01:01:42,885 and walk away from this shit 582 01:01:43,015 --> 01:01:44,582 I feel all the time! 583 01:01:55,854 --> 01:01:56,854 What? 584 01:01:57,726 --> 01:01:58,727 Where are you going? 585 01:02:03,862 --> 01:02:04,863 Where are you going? 586 01:02:06,256 --> 01:02:07,605 You just gonna stumble off? 587 01:02:08,867 --> 01:02:10,027 You gonna stumble right back. 588 01:02:15,265 --> 01:02:16,745 No one gives a shit. 589 01:02:18,268 --> 01:02:19,965 We ain't stupid. 590 01:02:20,096 --> 01:02:21,532 We know there's nothing else. 591 01:02:22,707 --> 01:02:23,839 Where are you going? 592 01:02:25,797 --> 01:02:27,581 Where are you going, Chama? 593 01:02:54,608 --> 01:02:57,133 When Abuelo died, I ran away. 594 01:03:01,441 --> 01:03:02,965 Which brought me right back to you. 595 01:03:05,315 --> 01:03:06,925 Do you want them to think you're loca? 596 01:03:07,012 --> 01:03:08,927 Because that's what they're gonna say, hm? 597 01:03:09,058 --> 01:03:10,738 Look at that crazy, going around losing it. 598 01:03:21,070 --> 01:03:23,463 It's not fair. I don't want Abuelo to go. 599 01:03:24,203 --> 01:03:25,883 You think anyone cares about what you want? 600 01:03:29,426 --> 01:03:31,186 Your sister's not gonna live with us anymore. 601 01:03:31,820 --> 01:03:33,430 Her father wants her. 602 01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:34,886 Take her back to Texas and I'm too fucking tired 603 01:03:34,910 --> 01:03:35,910 to keep fighting him. 604 01:03:38,174 --> 01:03:39,828 Just us now. 605 01:03:47,444 --> 01:03:49,422 Don't be mad at what it is because we're just paying 606 01:03:49,446 --> 01:03:50,886 for something we did in another life. 607 01:03:52,449 --> 01:03:53,449 Here, drink this. 608 01:03:54,843 --> 01:03:56,279 Not too much. 609 01:03:56,409 --> 01:03:57,809 Just enough to make you feel better. 610 01:04:57,166 --> 01:04:58,526 I thought you looked thirsty, mama. 611 01:05:03,607 --> 01:05:05,407 Chart's looking like you're eight weeks along. 612 01:05:06,262 --> 01:05:07,785 Someone talk to you about your options? 613 01:05:11,615 --> 01:05:12,921 It's okay, mama, take your time. 614 01:05:21,973 --> 01:05:23,148 Thank you. 615 01:05:24,106 --> 01:05:25,170 You think you gotta keep it yourself, 616 01:05:25,194 --> 01:05:26,760 but you don't. 617 01:05:27,674 --> 01:05:29,304 I don't know what direction you gonna go with this pregnancy, 618 01:05:29,328 --> 01:05:31,635 but we can help you safely transition. 619 01:05:31,765 --> 01:05:33,245 Detox that stuff out your system. 620 01:05:35,117 --> 01:05:36,379 Or you can continue your way. 621 01:05:39,251 --> 01:05:41,166 You got two options here. 622 01:05:41,297 --> 01:05:43,734 First, you leave, then there's the second one. 623 01:05:51,524 --> 01:05:53,048 I know I'll see her face again. 624 01:05:59,706 --> 01:06:00,925 The bedpost. 625 01:06:02,231 --> 01:06:03,231 The ceiling. 626 01:06:04,276 --> 01:06:05,276 The mole. 627 01:06:06,235 --> 01:06:07,714 The itch. 628 01:06:07,845 --> 01:06:09,194 Did you hear that? 629 01:06:14,765 --> 01:06:16,462 I know I'll see her face again. 630 01:06:21,990 --> 01:06:24,122 The bedpost. The ceiling. 631 01:06:25,341 --> 01:06:27,038 The mole. The itch. 632 01:06:39,616 --> 01:06:41,357 I know I'll see her face again. 633 01:06:48,581 --> 01:06:51,584 The bedpost. The ceiling. The mole. 634 01:06:51,715 --> 01:06:52,846 You're looking better. 635 01:06:56,459 --> 01:06:58,287 I know I'll see her face again. 636 01:06:58,417 --> 01:06:59,617 I know I'll see her face again. 637 01:06:59,723 --> 01:07:01,159 You're looking better. 638 01:07:01,290 --> 01:07:02,682 I know I'll see her face again. 639 01:07:02,813 --> 01:07:04,119 You're looking better. 640 01:07:04,249 --> 01:07:05,449 I know I'll see her face again! 641 01:07:20,048 --> 01:07:21,049 First time here? 642 01:07:25,618 --> 01:07:27,794 They think we're all crazy. 643 01:07:27,925 --> 01:07:29,525 Kind of makes me wanna pop their eye out. 644 01:07:30,841 --> 01:07:33,061 I'm Nell. 645 01:07:37,195 --> 01:07:38,196 Chama. 646 01:07:39,197 --> 01:07:40,198 Like the town. 647 01:07:42,722 --> 01:07:44,072 Chama, New Mexico. 648 01:07:51,296 --> 01:07:53,255 Everything is out to beat us, 649 01:07:54,125 --> 01:07:56,365 but I'm just biding my minutes 'til I get into Guadalupe. 650 01:08:02,133 --> 01:08:03,133 Is this your first time? 651 01:08:04,483 --> 01:08:05,484 Sixth. 652 01:08:10,750 --> 01:08:11,882 See you later. 653 01:08:19,759 --> 01:08:20,759 Bedpost. 654 01:08:24,242 --> 01:08:25,242 Ceiling. 655 01:08:34,687 --> 01:08:36,080 Boredom. 656 01:08:44,697 --> 01:08:45,959 Itch. 657 01:08:49,746 --> 01:08:51,791 Not as sick. 658 01:09:02,367 --> 01:09:03,562 I was in my Grandma's double-wide 659 01:09:03,586 --> 01:09:04,891 playing with her cat. 660 01:09:05,370 --> 01:09:06,730 Her neighbor stopped over and asked 661 01:09:06,850 --> 01:09:07,970 if I wanted to try something. 662 01:09:08,808 --> 01:09:10,593 I was like, "How does it feel?" 663 01:09:10,723 --> 01:09:12,443 He was like, "Don't be a baby. Just try it." 664 01:09:14,031 --> 01:09:15,685 So I smoked meth out of a light bulb. 665 01:09:16,773 --> 01:09:18,373 I was like, "I don't even feel anything." 666 01:09:19,428 --> 01:09:22,300 Then it was days later 667 01:09:22,431 --> 01:09:24,172 and there was no concept of where time went. 668 01:09:24,302 --> 01:09:26,913 All I know is Grandma's cat was dead 669 01:09:27,044 --> 01:09:28,437 and I missed my 16th birthday. 670 01:09:37,010 --> 01:09:40,492 I was just thinking how fucking awesome life is. 671 01:09:40,623 --> 01:09:43,452 I know. We have clothes and groceries. 672 01:09:43,582 --> 01:09:45,236 Mom's not snorting dust off the carpet 673 01:09:45,367 --> 01:09:47,238 and we have college funds. 674 01:09:47,369 --> 01:09:49,289 I'm so glad you're not fuck ups like Tina's kids. 675 01:09:49,371 --> 01:09:51,460 They smell like garbage. 676 01:09:51,590 --> 01:09:53,394 You're also lucky to have a house with a working heater. 677 01:09:53,418 --> 01:09:54,724 Do people live without a heater? 678 01:09:54,811 --> 01:09:56,247 Oh, yes. 679 01:09:56,334 --> 01:09:58,162 Because usually those people 680 01:09:58,249 --> 01:10:00,077 are fucking strangers for coke. 681 01:10:01,644 --> 01:10:03,515 - Hey, Nick. - Hello. 682 01:10:08,738 --> 01:10:10,043 Bring back a chicharrón? 683 01:10:13,482 --> 01:10:15,005 Are you even New Mexican? 684 01:10:16,485 --> 01:10:18,443 Born and raised. 685 01:10:18,574 --> 01:10:20,414 You're as New Mexican as Taco Bell green chili. 686 01:10:20,750 --> 01:10:22,969 There, you see? You do have jokes. 687 01:10:23,056 --> 01:10:24,536 They're not necessarily good, but... 688 01:10:52,521 --> 01:10:54,349 Hey, hey, hold up. 689 01:10:54,479 --> 01:10:55,698 Hold up. You got a place to go? 690 01:10:57,526 --> 01:10:58,788 Yeah, sure. 691 01:10:59,441 --> 01:11:01,573 There's other spots you can try. 692 01:11:01,660 --> 01:11:04,100 Yeah, everyone's really rolling out the red carpet these days. 693 01:11:11,496 --> 01:11:13,455 Francis, don't. 694 01:11:13,803 --> 01:11:15,587 Come on, Francis. 695 01:11:15,718 --> 01:11:17,807 'Cause I ain't got nothing left! 696 01:11:17,894 --> 01:11:19,809 Please, will you just go inside? 697 01:11:19,896 --> 01:11:21,114 Francis. 698 01:11:26,511 --> 01:11:27,817 People come and go. 699 01:11:27,947 --> 01:11:29,688 If you want it, you want it. 700 01:11:29,819 --> 01:11:32,735 If you don't, don't take someone else's bed. 701 01:11:33,649 --> 01:11:35,489 There's a box of donated clothes in the corner. 702 01:11:41,396 --> 01:11:42,440 Looks like you made it. 703 01:12:09,946 --> 01:12:11,121 Look... 704 01:12:13,558 --> 01:12:14,678 I don't know what I'm doing. 705 01:12:16,648 --> 01:12:17,648 Are you on anything? 706 01:12:19,434 --> 01:12:20,522 No, I'm clean. 707 01:12:23,829 --> 01:12:25,396 Plus, I don't even got any money. 708 01:12:26,136 --> 01:12:27,416 Has that ever stopped you before? 709 01:12:31,446 --> 01:12:32,446 Whatever. 710 01:12:45,590 --> 01:12:46,678 I'm not gonna fuck you. 711 01:12:51,814 --> 01:12:52,814 I'm sorry. 712 01:13:00,823 --> 01:13:01,911 Why are you here? 713 01:13:02,651 --> 01:13:05,088 Because I need to get my daughter back. 714 01:13:13,444 --> 01:13:14,663 Because I need to be normal. 715 01:13:18,928 --> 01:13:20,088 You know what that word means? 716 01:13:21,234 --> 01:13:23,454 The usual, the average, 717 01:13:23,585 --> 01:13:25,543 the typical state or condition. 718 01:13:27,502 --> 01:13:28,503 What's normal to you? 719 01:13:31,854 --> 01:13:32,854 I don't know. 720 01:13:33,986 --> 01:13:34,986 Think about it. 721 01:13:43,953 --> 01:13:45,911 Two girls drinking at a party. 722 01:13:49,915 --> 01:13:51,439 One stops when it's empty. 723 01:13:52,788 --> 01:13:54,572 For the other, it never ends. 724 01:13:55,965 --> 01:13:57,357 So you want to be able to drink... 725 01:13:57,488 --> 01:13:58,488 No! 726 01:14:00,099 --> 01:14:01,449 I don't fucking need this shit. 727 01:14:08,804 --> 01:14:10,849 Look, it don't have to be easy, 728 01:14:10,980 --> 01:14:13,678 but just, like, fair, you know? 729 01:14:13,809 --> 01:14:15,680 Nothing in life is fair. 730 01:14:15,767 --> 01:14:16,767 We'll see. 731 01:14:17,987 --> 01:14:19,292 What do you know about it? 732 01:14:22,295 --> 01:14:24,646 I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 30. 733 01:14:24,776 --> 01:14:26,082 My parents won't talk to me. 734 01:14:26,212 --> 01:14:28,606 My first boyfriend ended in assault 735 01:14:28,693 --> 01:14:30,521 and my last one cheated on me. 736 01:14:30,956 --> 01:14:32,610 I would love a drink, 737 01:14:32,697 --> 01:14:34,177 but I haven't had one in 12 years. 738 01:14:35,221 --> 01:14:37,746 Nothing in life is fair, nothing is normal. 739 01:14:38,747 --> 01:14:40,387 But there's beauty if you fight to see it. 740 01:14:45,841 --> 01:14:48,452 You're gay? 741 01:14:48,583 --> 01:14:49,983 That's what you took away from that? 742 01:14:55,067 --> 01:14:56,747 You know what I did when I first got sober? 743 01:14:58,375 --> 01:14:59,535 I'm sure you're gonna tell me. 744 01:15:03,685 --> 01:15:05,005 I wrote a moment on each of those. 745 01:15:06,905 --> 01:15:08,883 The moments that got me down, the ones that kept me going. 746 01:15:08,907 --> 01:15:10,300 Everything, leading up 'til now. 747 01:15:13,651 --> 01:15:14,811 Sounds like a lot of triggers. 748 01:15:16,132 --> 01:15:17,916 When you're done, 749 01:15:18,047 --> 01:15:19,047 stick 'em on that wall. 750 01:15:35,064 --> 01:15:36,344 What happened when you were born? 751 01:15:38,241 --> 01:15:39,503 I tried to kill myself. 752 01:15:40,809 --> 01:15:42,201 There you go. 753 01:15:42,288 --> 01:15:43,376 Start from the beginning. 754 01:15:54,213 --> 01:15:56,825 Cord wrapped around my neck. 755 01:15:56,912 --> 01:15:58,522 It was my first struggle. 756 01:16:05,747 --> 01:16:06,747 This world. 757 01:16:08,488 --> 01:16:09,577 School. 758 01:16:09,707 --> 01:16:11,753 I failed. 759 01:16:11,883 --> 01:16:14,582 If I can fix cars I can fix anything. 760 01:16:18,673 --> 01:16:21,676 My mother's new boyfriend. 761 01:16:21,763 --> 01:16:23,721 My new boyfriend. 762 01:16:23,808 --> 01:16:26,768 He called me beautiful, ugly. 763 01:16:26,898 --> 01:16:28,160 Look at this place, mija. 764 01:16:30,032 --> 01:16:31,381 This is what you dreamed of. 765 01:16:31,511 --> 01:16:32,687 You gave me no fucking choice 766 01:16:32,774 --> 01:16:33,794 and you have to live with it! 767 01:16:33,818 --> 01:16:34,993 You did this, Elena. 768 01:16:35,124 --> 01:16:36,865 Transforming. 769 01:16:37,387 --> 01:16:38,475 Shut your fucking mouth. 770 01:16:39,737 --> 01:16:41,870 Santi. A dealer. 771 01:16:42,958 --> 01:16:44,829 My first kiss. 772 01:16:44,960 --> 01:16:47,049 Curious. 773 01:16:55,013 --> 01:16:57,712 Play the same song over and over. 774 01:16:57,842 --> 01:16:59,583 I stuck a needle in my veins. 775 01:16:59,714 --> 01:17:01,629 My sister listened to me. 776 01:17:01,759 --> 01:17:03,587 My sister wouldn't ask if I came home. 777 01:17:03,718 --> 01:17:05,676 Abuelo used to say 778 01:17:05,763 --> 01:17:07,123 that if you find a black feather... 779 01:17:08,157 --> 01:17:09,419 it's a warning. 780 01:17:12,901 --> 01:17:14,541 Come on, come on, we don't have much time. 781 01:17:20,865 --> 01:17:22,171 I love you. 782 01:17:22,301 --> 01:17:24,695 I love you, I love you. 783 01:17:38,927 --> 01:17:40,537 Where are you going, Chama? 784 01:17:41,190 --> 01:17:42,495 You broke it! 785 01:17:45,455 --> 01:17:47,979 I am my mother's lost sisters. 786 01:17:54,856 --> 01:17:56,466 The dealer. 787 01:18:01,601 --> 01:18:02,601 Scared. 788 01:18:14,397 --> 01:18:15,572 Always felt like home here. 789 01:18:16,747 --> 01:18:19,010 - The river. - It's dirty. 790 01:18:19,141 --> 01:18:20,741 Half the time it doesn't even have water. 791 01:18:24,581 --> 01:18:26,322 You find what it is you were looking for? 792 01:18:26,452 --> 01:18:28,411 - Don't be like that. - Like what, Chama? 793 01:18:29,325 --> 01:18:30,325 Like your mother? 794 01:18:31,196 --> 01:18:32,196 What else have you got? 795 01:18:41,293 --> 01:18:43,339 Your Abuelo used to say, "I don't need a watch... 796 01:18:43,469 --> 01:18:44,557 I got the river." 797 01:18:54,089 --> 01:18:55,089 If you leave... 798 01:18:56,569 --> 01:18:58,049 I don't ever want to see you again. 799 01:19:01,618 --> 01:19:03,228 I wish I would've put my arms around you. 800 01:19:04,447 --> 01:19:05,448 One last time. 801 01:19:07,406 --> 01:19:10,279 I wish I would have held you, felt you, 802 01:19:10,409 --> 01:19:12,455 smelled that lipstick. 803 01:19:12,585 --> 01:19:15,066 I wish I would have been home when they found you. 804 01:19:15,197 --> 01:19:16,894 I hated you. 805 01:19:17,025 --> 01:19:18,940 I blamed you. 806 01:19:19,070 --> 01:19:20,670 I skipped your funeral and Mari hated me. 807 01:19:23,683 --> 01:19:25,903 But I pretend in that last moment... 808 01:19:27,426 --> 01:19:29,602 you saw something beautiful. 809 01:19:56,368 --> 01:19:57,368 I used to be married. 810 01:19:59,371 --> 01:20:00,971 He's famous, I can't tell you who it was. 811 01:20:02,461 --> 01:20:03,811 Okay. 812 01:20:05,421 --> 01:20:06,857 I was independent though. 813 01:20:07,510 --> 01:20:09,381 Yeah, I loved to work. 814 01:20:09,512 --> 01:20:12,297 I ran five restaurants. 815 01:20:12,384 --> 01:20:15,344 I mean, most people only, like, oversee one. 816 01:20:15,474 --> 01:20:16,824 Wanna know how many I ran? 817 01:20:18,564 --> 01:20:20,001 - Five? - Five! 818 01:20:21,176 --> 01:20:23,700 Yeah, they respected me. 819 01:20:23,831 --> 01:20:25,136 You know, like... 820 01:20:26,050 --> 01:20:27,450 I wasn't a bitch to them or anything 821 01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:29,749 if that's what you're thinking, 822 01:20:29,880 --> 01:20:30,880 but I was the boss. 823 01:20:32,404 --> 01:20:33,947 You should see the way they looked at me 824 01:20:33,971 --> 01:20:35,131 when I walked into a Chili's. 825 01:20:36,582 --> 01:20:38,367 Nell likes to talk. 826 01:20:38,497 --> 01:20:40,586 A lot. 827 01:20:40,717 --> 01:20:43,111 She says she first tried heroin at age ten. 828 01:20:43,241 --> 01:20:45,330 Given to her by a neighbor. 829 01:20:45,417 --> 01:20:48,725 She told her father, who went to her and beat her. 830 01:20:48,856 --> 01:20:50,703 She started cutting her knuckles in high school, 831 01:20:50,727 --> 01:20:52,816 but her sister found out and threw away the razors. 832 01:20:55,036 --> 01:20:57,342 All her friends worked at a local Chili's. 833 01:20:57,473 --> 01:20:59,562 Nell claims she did, too. 834 01:20:59,692 --> 01:21:03,087 She goes on and on and on about it. 835 01:21:03,218 --> 01:21:05,176 I just want to scrub a toilet in peace. 836 01:21:05,307 --> 01:21:06,961 Yeah, I don't really like Chili's. 837 01:21:09,006 --> 01:21:10,312 Oh, you're one of those... 838 01:21:11,487 --> 01:21:12,880 Applebee's motherfuckers? 839 01:21:19,451 --> 01:21:22,280 Anyways I was doing really well, you know? 840 01:21:22,411 --> 01:21:23,542 My husband was like... 841 01:22:23,428 --> 01:22:25,300 Okay, let's check in. 842 01:22:27,476 --> 01:22:28,796 It's a cloudy day out there today. 843 01:22:30,392 --> 01:22:31,752 What's that make everyone think of? 844 01:22:46,451 --> 01:22:47,451 Rain. 845 01:22:49,585 --> 01:22:51,465 Makes me think of my son playing in the puddles. 846 01:22:53,023 --> 01:22:54,023 Sweaters. 847 01:22:56,070 --> 01:22:57,985 I hate t-shirts and short pants. 848 01:23:03,599 --> 01:23:04,774 How about you, Gata? 849 01:23:06,428 --> 01:23:07,428 Go fuck yourself. 850 01:23:10,345 --> 01:23:11,785 That's what my ma used to always say. 851 01:23:14,001 --> 01:23:15,002 Clouds remind me of her. 852 01:23:17,439 --> 01:23:18,439 Every time I'd mess up... 853 01:23:19,615 --> 01:23:21,704 like, when she'd catch me slipping. 854 01:23:23,140 --> 01:23:24,140 "Great... 855 01:23:25,099 --> 01:23:26,274 go fuck yourself, Gata." 856 01:23:27,666 --> 01:23:29,538 First time I came here, 857 01:23:29,668 --> 01:23:32,367 - Nick suggested that I say... - Go love yourself. 858 01:23:33,194 --> 01:23:34,847 Yeah, so now... 859 01:23:36,719 --> 01:23:38,025 when I think about my ma... 860 01:23:39,722 --> 01:23:40,853 it's like... 861 01:23:43,334 --> 01:23:44,379 Go love yourself, Gata. 862 01:23:48,296 --> 01:23:49,819 Go love yourself back. 863 01:24:22,808 --> 01:24:24,767 Well, I did it, because I wanted to. 864 01:24:28,684 --> 01:24:32,079 I climbed out of the second story window 865 01:24:32,209 --> 01:24:35,386 at my parents' house and, um, I jumped. 866 01:24:35,517 --> 01:24:38,172 Probably broke, like, two bones. 867 01:24:39,042 --> 01:24:41,392 But, you know, he was... 868 01:24:42,741 --> 01:24:44,526 He was older, uh... 869 01:24:46,310 --> 01:24:49,096 he liked me, uh, everyone liked me. 870 01:24:52,925 --> 01:24:55,667 And, um, I wanted to see him. 871 01:24:56,538 --> 01:25:00,281 So, yeah, we got a little strung out... 872 01:25:03,501 --> 01:25:04,501 and, uh... 873 01:25:06,983 --> 01:25:08,115 well, I woke up in a trailer 874 01:25:08,245 --> 01:25:09,986 with four men... 875 01:25:11,727 --> 01:25:12,727 that I didn't know. 876 01:25:14,860 --> 01:25:16,645 I don't even think they knew my name. 877 01:25:19,648 --> 01:25:22,694 I had to take Clonazepam, so I wouldn't get seizures. 878 01:25:23,608 --> 01:25:25,288 But one night after my husband got rough... 879 01:25:26,568 --> 01:25:27,960 I took too many and OD'd. 880 01:25:29,223 --> 01:25:31,225 This spark plug is fried. 881 01:25:32,139 --> 01:25:33,401 I got arrested in middle school. 882 01:25:35,272 --> 01:25:36,621 Sent to Las Nunes. 883 01:25:37,144 --> 01:25:38,449 He ordered a youth diagnostic. 884 01:25:39,537 --> 01:25:41,235 I spent Christmas in jail. 885 01:25:41,365 --> 01:25:42,645 When I got out of the hospital... 886 01:25:43,672 --> 01:25:44,672 the doctor... 887 01:25:45,717 --> 01:25:47,458 prescribed me Clonazepam. 888 01:25:47,806 --> 01:25:49,243 But I liked jail. 889 01:25:50,069 --> 01:25:51,349 No one was gonna molest me there. 890 01:25:53,334 --> 01:25:55,336 People always ask what's your favorite number. 891 01:25:56,250 --> 01:25:58,034 I always thought that was a dumbass question. 892 01:25:58,730 --> 01:25:59,992 Favorite color I get... 893 01:26:01,037 --> 01:26:02,580 but it's not like you're gonna decorate your house 894 01:26:02,604 --> 01:26:03,604 in multiples of seven. 895 01:26:05,302 --> 01:26:06,999 But I'm a survivor of suicide. 896 01:26:08,740 --> 01:26:10,351 I tried to kill myself eight times. 897 01:26:12,440 --> 01:26:13,680 I know I won't live to see nine. 898 01:26:14,746 --> 01:26:16,008 So eight. 899 01:26:16,966 --> 01:26:18,402 That's my favorite. 900 01:26:18,533 --> 01:26:20,491 Okay. Should be good. 901 01:26:24,582 --> 01:26:26,497 Wow, nice. 902 01:26:27,672 --> 01:26:28,672 Thanks. 903 01:26:55,700 --> 01:26:58,355 I've already been transferred six times. 904 01:26:58,442 --> 01:26:59,704 Does anyone actually work there? 905 01:27:02,490 --> 01:27:03,490 Hello? 906 01:27:12,282 --> 01:27:13,282 Coke? 907 01:27:15,938 --> 01:27:17,331 Mostly opiates. 908 01:27:19,420 --> 01:27:22,553 Mm, no, do you want a Coke? 909 01:27:25,643 --> 01:27:27,384 - Yeah, Sprite. - Okay. 910 01:27:48,318 --> 01:27:49,450 I never worked at Chili's. 911 01:27:54,542 --> 01:27:55,542 They wouldn't hire me. 912 01:28:01,940 --> 01:28:03,464 Maybe you should have tried Applebee's. 913 01:28:54,123 --> 01:28:55,883 He was a penguin, but he was cold all the time, 914 01:28:55,907 --> 01:28:57,431 so he wore a hat 915 01:28:57,561 --> 01:28:59,346 and a little muffler around his neck. 916 01:28:59,868 --> 01:29:01,348 Nobody? 917 01:29:03,654 --> 01:29:04,892 I don't really know what's going on with my head. 918 01:29:04,916 --> 01:29:06,962 - I don't know. - Okay. 919 01:29:07,092 --> 01:29:08,180 All right, we're starting. 920 01:29:10,531 --> 01:29:11,836 Where's Nell at? 921 01:29:12,750 --> 01:29:13,838 She left. 922 01:29:14,796 --> 01:29:15,797 And if she left... 923 01:29:28,200 --> 01:29:30,551 Please hang up and try your call again. 924 01:29:34,119 --> 01:29:35,556 I've called CPS a million times, 925 01:29:35,686 --> 01:29:37,384 and all I get is the run around. 926 01:29:37,514 --> 01:29:39,211 - They're busy. - Whose side you on? 927 01:29:42,171 --> 01:29:43,825 They won't even let me see her, Nick. 928 01:29:43,955 --> 01:29:45,087 I gotta see her. 929 01:29:45,957 --> 01:29:46,957 You will. 930 01:30:03,932 --> 01:30:06,500 Hey, it's me. Don't hang up. 931 01:30:07,588 --> 01:30:10,155 If you check out, you come back by 8:00 PM. 932 01:30:10,242 --> 01:30:13,028 If you come back by 8:00 PM, you take a test. 933 01:30:13,158 --> 01:30:15,465 Anything you bring back will be searched. 934 01:30:15,596 --> 01:30:17,293 Anything on the list will be confiscated. 935 01:30:18,163 --> 01:30:19,643 That includes mouthwash. 936 01:30:20,252 --> 01:30:22,385 Don't think we're not wise on mouthwash. 937 01:31:11,913 --> 01:31:12,913 We're closed. 938 01:31:13,697 --> 01:31:14,697 That's okay. 939 01:31:16,700 --> 01:31:17,832 I don't got any money. 940 01:31:18,963 --> 01:31:20,095 I have somewhere to be. 941 01:31:20,791 --> 01:31:21,942 Can't get caught up in you right now. 942 01:31:21,966 --> 01:31:23,359 I'm not in any trouble. 943 01:31:24,708 --> 01:31:26,797 Well, you know what I mean. 944 01:31:30,714 --> 01:31:32,354 I heard you've been checking up on Nevaeh. 945 01:31:34,152 --> 01:31:36,720 Yeah. I understand. 946 01:31:37,765 --> 01:31:39,593 You're incognizant, you don't give a shit. 947 01:31:40,768 --> 01:31:42,648 I have enough of my own problems to worry about. 948 01:31:45,990 --> 01:31:47,209 I can't be your broken record. 949 01:32:04,095 --> 01:32:05,532 Mari. 950 01:32:14,236 --> 01:32:15,411 I got shoes on. 951 01:32:38,956 --> 01:32:40,436 I keep thinking about Toaster. 952 01:32:41,698 --> 01:32:42,698 What she told me. 953 01:32:44,353 --> 01:32:46,398 We gotta fight until we fucking win. 954 01:33:14,165 --> 01:33:15,906 Don't look at me like that. 955 01:33:16,037 --> 01:33:17,386 She's taking a shit. She'll be... 956 01:33:17,516 --> 01:33:19,344 Where are you taking us Nick? Disneyland? 957 01:33:19,475 --> 01:33:21,651 Yeah, right, I bet he's gonna take us to an NA meeting. 958 01:33:21,782 --> 01:33:22,822 Yeah, I'd be down for that. 959 01:33:22,913 --> 01:33:24,219 Come on. 960 01:33:25,002 --> 01:33:26,284 - Let's go to Splash Mountain. - Yep, yep! 961 01:33:26,308 --> 01:33:28,005 Come on, Gata. Smile for me. 962 01:33:28,571 --> 01:33:30,878 Here's your smile, Shorty. 963 01:33:31,008 --> 01:33:32,769 Don't be like that. Just one. Don't be like that! 964 01:33:32,793 --> 01:33:34,577 All right. Everybody in. 965 01:33:34,708 --> 01:33:35,883 Hey, what about Chama? 966 01:33:36,013 --> 01:33:37,013 Yeah, where's Chama at? 967 01:33:44,152 --> 01:33:45,152 It's fucking hot in here. 968 01:33:47,808 --> 01:33:48,808 Come on, girl. 969 01:33:52,769 --> 01:33:54,118 I like the sun on my face. 970 01:33:57,948 --> 01:34:00,516 It calms the pounding in my chest. 971 01:34:01,952 --> 01:34:03,127 I wonder where we're going. 972 01:34:06,217 --> 01:34:09,003 If Nick really gets it. 973 01:34:09,133 --> 01:34:11,135 I told him the truth. 974 01:34:11,266 --> 01:34:13,660 About the doctor. That I'm scared. 975 01:34:25,236 --> 01:34:27,021 The sun feels bright on my face. 976 01:34:48,738 --> 01:34:50,609 Take this over Magic Kingdom. 977 01:34:50,740 --> 01:34:52,524 Damn, this shit's no joke. 978 01:34:56,311 --> 01:34:57,311 Come on, Lucy. 979 01:35:36,612 --> 01:35:38,745 There are thousands of women that can't have kids. 980 01:35:42,444 --> 01:35:43,750 And God's got jokes. 981 01:35:48,885 --> 01:35:49,885 You want this baby? 982 01:35:57,154 --> 01:35:58,765 But I don't deserve either of them. 983 01:36:06,337 --> 01:36:08,209 My first boyfriend ended in assault. 984 01:36:11,386 --> 01:36:12,474 Yeah, uh... 985 01:36:15,042 --> 01:36:16,130 I wasn't the victim. 986 01:36:23,702 --> 01:36:24,702 I was 18. 987 01:36:25,748 --> 01:36:26,748 High. 988 01:36:28,882 --> 01:36:30,927 Made a terrible decision, 989 01:36:31,058 --> 01:36:33,930 ended up hurting the one person that I truly loved. 990 01:36:40,371 --> 01:36:42,678 Spent some time locked up, hating myself. 991 01:36:44,332 --> 01:36:45,812 Yeah, that never really goes away. 992 01:36:49,990 --> 01:36:53,428 But if you can turn guilt, 993 01:36:53,558 --> 01:36:55,082 hate into something else... 994 01:37:00,478 --> 01:37:02,524 you can do something for the world 995 01:37:02,654 --> 01:37:04,918 that's beyond yourself. 996 01:37:15,363 --> 01:37:16,668 We're at the bottom of a hill. 997 01:37:18,496 --> 01:37:19,671 Can you climb? 998 01:39:32,282 --> 01:39:33,282 The 15th. 999 01:39:35,416 --> 01:39:36,416 Next Friday. 1000 01:39:39,246 --> 01:39:40,486 You'll get to see your daughter. 1001 01:40:17,588 --> 01:40:19,199 My name isn't really Chama. 1002 01:40:22,506 --> 01:40:25,335 I saw this postcard once of a mother and daughter 1003 01:40:25,466 --> 01:40:27,468 standing outside Chama, New Mexico. 1004 01:40:29,383 --> 01:40:31,037 I wanted to live in that postcard. 1005 01:40:36,172 --> 01:40:37,172 I talk to my mom. 1006 01:40:39,784 --> 01:40:40,872 And tell her things... 1007 01:40:42,265 --> 01:40:43,440 but not in real life... 1008 01:40:44,311 --> 01:40:46,052 because this reality took her away. 1009 01:40:50,360 --> 01:40:52,580 I talk to her, because I got to try 1010 01:40:52,710 --> 01:40:54,190 to understand my scars... 1011 01:40:56,279 --> 01:40:57,933 and not just pick at my scabs. 1012 01:41:06,637 --> 01:41:07,899 I've been through a lot of shit. 1013 01:41:10,641 --> 01:41:12,252 I've put people through... 1014 01:41:13,688 --> 01:41:14,863 a lot more. 1015 01:41:17,735 --> 01:41:18,867 It's not fair. 1016 01:41:21,870 --> 01:41:23,089 But like Nick says... 1017 01:41:25,178 --> 01:41:26,178 "Nothing is fair... 1018 01:41:27,484 --> 01:41:28,484 nothing is normal." 1019 01:41:33,838 --> 01:41:34,926 What have I done? 1020 01:41:38,626 --> 01:41:39,626 What am I doing? 1021 01:41:43,152 --> 01:41:44,240 If I'm not Chama, then... 1022 01:41:47,374 --> 01:41:48,462 who am I? 1023 01:42:03,564 --> 01:42:04,564 I'm an addict. 1024 01:42:09,309 --> 01:42:10,589 I've slept on the streets, but... 1025 01:42:12,399 --> 01:42:13,487 I'm not homeless. 1026 01:42:17,578 --> 01:42:19,232 I'm terrified. 1027 01:42:25,760 --> 01:42:26,848 We need help. 1028 01:42:29,111 --> 01:42:30,111 I will help. 1029 01:42:41,732 --> 01:42:42,732 I'm here... 1030 01:42:43,821 --> 01:42:44,996 and I will be a mother. 1031 01:42:47,608 --> 01:42:48,608 I am a mother. 1032 01:47:21,403 --> 01:47:22,926 - Love you, Peggy. - Love you, Mama.69266

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