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[theme song]
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NARRATOR: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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[music playing]
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Where do you want to go, the bedroom?
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No, just let me off at the couch.
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OK.
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[sighs]
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LAURA: Thank you.
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Yeah, I'll get the rest of the bags.
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Millie.
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Laura, I saw your bags lining the driveway,
and so I wanted to act like a good neighbor.
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You want them, don't you?
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Oh, yeah, thanks.
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I'll get the rest of them.
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What are you doing up so late?
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Never mind that.
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What are you doing home so early.
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You're not supposed to back till tomorrow night.
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Well, let's just say things didn't work out too well.
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Oh, you and Rob have a fight?
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No, Millie, we didn't have a fight.
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I'll start unpacking.
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You did have a fight, didn't you?
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No, we didn't.
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We just look like we did.
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Well, I don't get it.
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You make all these arrangements to spend
a romantic weekend at a beautiful hotel--
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Millie, I know what we planned.
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Well did you at least see the show?
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You didn't see the show.
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Rob, lost the tickets, and you had a fight.
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Rob didn't lose the tickets.
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Well, then why'd you have a fight?
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We didn't have a fight.
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And we didn't see the show, and we didn't have a
beautiful dinner served in our beautiful suite.
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Well, what did you do?
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Well, Rob spent most of his time running
around the room, talking on the telephone.
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She spent most of her time sitting in the bathtub.
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In a bathtub?
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In the bathtub.
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Well, is it something you can't tell me?
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No, as a matter of fact, it's something that
most people would probably find very amusing.
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I suppose I will too someday.
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Some months when the throbbing stops.
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What's throbbing?
53
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Something throbbing? What is it?
54
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What is it?
55
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Well, the whole thing is so stupid.
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Well, OK, I promise not to laugh.
57
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Oh, you can laugh if you want to.
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Come on, you and Rob went down to the hotel.
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Well, we drove down to the hotel, and we checked in.
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And oh, Millie, I was so pleased.
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That suite was so beautiful.
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Everything was just going to be so lovely.
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Oh, Rob, isn't it beautiful?
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Oh, it's all right.
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I'll hang this one in the closet for you, sir.
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Thank you.
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Darling, don't you like this place?
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Well, it's all right.
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I would have preferred something a
little more elegant and expensive.
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More expensive?
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We'd have to postpone Ritchie's orthodontia.
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Yeah, who cares?
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You don't care that your son's back teeth don't mesh?
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Let him eat soup.
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Give me a kiss, baby.
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Darling, what about the bellboy?
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You first.
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If you want the air conditioning
on, this is the control.
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Oh, that's the control.
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That's wonderful.
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Oh, there you are.
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Thank you, sir.
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And congratulations.
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Thank you.
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And thank you, darling.
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For what?
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For making our second honeymoon look like our first.
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I didn't do that, you did.
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Me?
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Yeah.
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That infernal youth of yours.
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You get younger every year.
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Thank you.
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Isn't this a spiffy place?
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Oh, boy.
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You feel that carpeting?
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It's so soft.
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Oh, darling, this is so much fun.
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How come we never did this before?
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Because we never could afford it before.
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That's why.
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So just stick with me, baby we're going
to make your parents eat their words.
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What words were those?
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"Rob Petrie's a bum.
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He's never going to amount to anything."
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Oh.
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When did they say that?
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Last night.
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They're absolutely right, but we
haven't seen my parents for a month.
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Well, I dreamt it.
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Is that the dream you said you couldn't tell me about?
116
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No, that's the one I could.
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Here, unpack.
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Well, don't you want to hear the cast of my other dream?
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Not interested.
120
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Wow-wee!
121
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Where did you get that?
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The hardware store.
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Boy, honey, do you know where to shop.
124
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Hey, how about this plan?
125
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I call down, I get hors d'oeuvres and champagne.
126
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We have that now, and save dinner for after the show.
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That would depend on the hors d'oeuvres.
128
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Pate and wine, caviar champagne,
cornflakes and bananas, you name it.
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Caviar and champagne.
131
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You got it.
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Show your folks what kind of bum I am.
133
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Hello, room service?
134
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Hello, there.
135
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I'd like an order for two, please.
136
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One soft boiled egg for two, half order a buttered toast.
137
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And look, you charge for marmalade?
138
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Well, then forget that.
139
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I don't get marmalade?
140
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Then I'm leaving. - Hello?
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Hi, there.
142
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Hey, this suite 17C.
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I'd like room service.
144
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Yes.
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I'd like an order for two, please.
146
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Some hors d'oeuvres, some caviar,
and a good bottle of champagne.
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January, 1965, very good.
149
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Oh, and one rose.
150
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Thank you.
151
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LAURA: Oh, Rob.
152
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Did you want a rose too?
153
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LAURA: No, darling, I'll share yours.
154
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Gee, you know, even a soft boiled egg
would taste elegant in this place.
156
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Oh, now you tell me.
157
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They got some neat places in this room.
158
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You know, darling, sometimes--
sometimes I'm glad I married you.
160
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What about the other times?
161
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I suffer.
162
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You know what I'd like to do?
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Soak in a hot tub.
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How'd you know?
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Well, you said it in the car about 10 times on our way down.
166
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Do I have enough time before the show?
167
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Oh, you got time to get your toes pruny.
168
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Good.
169
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That's exactly what I'm going to do.
170
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OK.
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Don't get lonely.
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I'll go ahead and start unpacking.
173
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Hey, honey, how shall I dress for the champagne hour?
174
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Oh, David Niven-ish.
175
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You know, smoking jacket, ascot.
176
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Oh, and see if you can grow a mustache.
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Gotcha.
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Marvelous.
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[whistles]
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Hello, there.
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Hi, I didn't-- I didn't hear you come in.
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I brought the towels for you.
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Oh, good, you brought the towels.
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Thank you.
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I'll just put them in the bathroom.
186
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Wait a minutes, my wife's mustache-- bathing in there.
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Put them on the-- thank you.
188
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You need a little more on this side.
189
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Thank you.
190
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[vocalizes]
191
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All right, lady.
192
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This is it.
193
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Just because you happen to be a married woman and
I'm your husband with a very jazzy mustache,
195
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there's no reason for--
196
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I've got some fruit for you, compliments of the manager.
197
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Oh, fine.
198
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Just put them on the table there, will you?
199
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Yes, sir.
200
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Yes, sir.
201
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Here you are.
202
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You are Mr. Petri, aren't you?
203
00:08:47,733 --> 00:08:48,567
Well, yeah of course.
204
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That's right.
205
00:08:50,269 --> 00:08:53,139
You didn't have a mustache when I brought you up here.
206
00:08:53,239 --> 00:08:57,309
Well, yeah, of course I had a
mustache when I-- Oh, no, sir.
208
00:08:57,410 --> 00:09:00,880
You know, I'm studying to be a house detective,
and I remember things like mustaches, and beards,
210
00:09:00,980 --> 00:09:03,115
and false teeth, scars, moles.
211
00:09:03,215 --> 00:09:04,517
I don't remember that mustache.
212
00:09:04,617 --> 00:09:06,552
Well, then you better keep studying, huh?
213
00:09:10,089 --> 00:09:12,091
You painted it on.
214
00:09:12,191 --> 00:09:13,893
Well, yeah.
215
00:09:13,993 --> 00:09:15,761
Why sure, he painted it on.
216
00:09:15,861 --> 00:09:17,096
I knew I wasn't crazy.
217
00:09:28,774 --> 00:09:29,875
LAURA: Rob?
218
00:09:29,975 --> 00:09:32,244
Yes, your loveliness.
219
00:09:32,344 --> 00:09:34,280
LAURA: Can you come in here for a minute?
220
00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:36,882
Your wish is my command, sweetheart.
221
00:09:43,222 --> 00:09:45,357
Don't toy with me, you saucy wench.
222
00:09:52,231 --> 00:09:55,067
LAURA: Darling, can't you open the door?
223
00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:56,502
It's locked, honey.
224
00:09:56,602 --> 00:09:59,038
If you want me, you'll have to get out of the tub.
225
00:09:59,138 --> 00:10:00,206
LAURA: I can't.
226
00:10:00,306 --> 00:10:01,674
Why can't you?
227
00:10:01,774 --> 00:10:04,910
LAURA: Because I'm stuck.
228
00:10:05,010 --> 00:10:06,078
Stuck?
229
00:10:06,178 --> 00:10:07,513
How can you be stuck in a bathtub?
230
00:10:07,613 --> 00:10:11,150
Well, darling, if you'll come in, I'll show you.
231
00:10:11,250 --> 00:10:12,251
LAURA: Call somebody.
232
00:10:12,351 --> 00:10:13,352
Well, yeah, honey.
233
00:10:13,452 --> 00:10:14,320
I will.
234
00:10:14,420 --> 00:10:15,821
How can you be stuck in a bathtub?
235
00:10:15,921 --> 00:10:17,857
Is it that narrow?
236
00:10:17,957 --> 00:10:19,558
LAURA: Rob, I'm not stuck.
237
00:10:19,658 --> 00:10:21,026
My foot is.
238
00:10:21,127 --> 00:10:23,229
Now how can your foot be stuck, honey?
239
00:10:23,329 --> 00:10:25,698
LAURA: Rob, I'm very uncomfortable.
240
00:10:25,798 --> 00:10:26,665
Well, all right, honey.
241
00:10:26,765 --> 00:10:27,433
Just take it easy.
242
00:10:27,533 --> 00:10:30,369
I'm going to call somebody.
243
00:10:30,469 --> 00:10:32,438
Hello?
244
00:10:32,538 --> 00:10:35,674
Hello, listen who would I talk to to unlock a bathroom door?
245
00:10:35,774 --> 00:10:37,109
Well, will you connect me, please?
246
00:10:37,209 --> 00:10:40,012
LAURA: What time is it?
247
00:10:40,112 --> 00:10:42,147
25 minutes to eight.
248
00:10:42,248 --> 00:10:43,816
Hello?
249
00:10:43,916 --> 00:10:44,717
Yes, it is.
250
00:10:44,817 --> 00:10:46,218
25 minutes of eight.
251
00:10:46,318 --> 00:10:49,155
You're welcome.
252
00:10:49,255 --> 00:10:51,357
This is suite 17C.
253
00:10:51,457 --> 00:10:53,926
Look, you send up a key to unlock a bathroom?
254
00:10:54,026 --> 00:10:55,127
What?
255
00:10:55,227 --> 00:10:57,630
No, my wife locked herself in there.
256
00:10:57,730 --> 00:10:58,697
No, not against me.
257
00:10:58,797 --> 00:11:00,099
It was an accident.
258
00:11:00,199 --> 00:11:04,937
And she can't-- no, she can't because she's stuck in a tub.
259
00:11:05,037 --> 00:11:06,205
I am not sure.
260
00:11:06,305 --> 00:11:08,874
I-- would you just send somebody up here?
261
00:11:08,974 --> 00:11:10,576
Thank you very much.
262
00:11:10,676 --> 00:11:14,580
Honey, the housekeeper's going to
send a maid up here with a key.
264
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:15,848
How do you feel?
265
00:11:15,948 --> 00:11:18,117
LAURA: Wet and stupid.
266
00:11:18,217 --> 00:11:20,286
Honey, what is your foot stuck in?
267
00:11:20,386 --> 00:11:21,520
LAURA: The faucet.
268
00:11:25,024 --> 00:11:26,492
The faucet?
269
00:11:26,592 --> 00:11:29,495
LAURA: You know, the little pipe that the water comes out of.
270
00:11:29,595 --> 00:11:31,830
Well, that's not-- that's not the faucet, honey.
271
00:11:31,931 --> 00:11:34,199
LAURA: Rob, I don't care what you call it.
272
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:37,503
My big toe is stuck.
273
00:11:37,603 --> 00:11:39,371
Well, how did you do it?
274
00:11:39,471 --> 00:11:41,073
LAURA: I was playing with a grip.
275
00:11:41,173 --> 00:11:42,308
What?
276
00:11:45,110 --> 00:11:46,612
Does it hurt?
277
00:11:46,712 --> 00:11:49,014
LAURA: Only when I think of how it may ruin our whole evening.
278
00:11:49,114 --> 00:11:50,916
Oh, honey, don't think about that.
279
00:11:51,016 --> 00:11:51,951
You're not going to ruin it.
280
00:11:52,051 --> 00:11:52,985
[knock at door]
281
00:11:53,085 --> 00:11:54,820
Oh, the maid's here with a key.
282
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,156
Come in.
283
00:11:57,256 --> 00:11:59,091
Good evening, sir.
284
00:11:59,191 --> 00:12:00,359
Your champagne and caviar.
285
00:12:00,459 --> 00:12:02,094
Yeah, I forgot about that.
286
00:12:02,194 --> 00:12:03,862
LAURA: Tell her we need some towels.
287
00:12:03,963 --> 00:12:04,997
It's not the maid, honey.
288
00:12:05,097 --> 00:12:06,398
It's the champagne.
289
00:12:06,498 --> 00:12:07,866
Shall I open it for you now, sir?
290
00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:09,134
I don't know.
291
00:12:09,234 --> 00:12:10,736
You better-- honey, we won't have time.
292
00:12:10,836 --> 00:12:11,670
LAURA: What?
293
00:12:11,770 --> 00:12:13,172
Nothing.
294
00:12:13,272 --> 00:12:15,040
Just leave it,
and I'll-- oh, yeah.
295
00:12:15,140 --> 00:12:18,210
Sign that there.
296
00:12:18,310 --> 00:12:19,411
Oh, I forgot.
297
00:12:19,511 --> 00:12:22,581
What is that 15%?
298
00:12:22,681 --> 00:12:23,315
There we go.
299
00:12:23,415 --> 00:12:24,249
Thank you, sir.
300
00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:25,384
LAURA: Rob, please hurry.
301
00:12:25,484 --> 00:12:27,953
I'm starting to look like a prune.
302
00:12:28,053 --> 00:12:28,988
Did she say she wanted prunes?
303
00:12:29,088 --> 00:12:30,022
No, no.
304
00:12:34,393 --> 00:12:35,461
LAURA: Is that the maid?
305
00:12:35,561 --> 00:12:36,962
No, honey, that was just the waiter.
306
00:12:37,062 --> 00:12:39,798
LAURA: Well, where's the stupid maid with a key?
307
00:12:44,403 --> 00:12:46,372
She's right here, honey.
308
00:12:46,472 --> 00:12:47,606
Stupid maid, huh?
309
00:12:47,706 --> 00:12:49,508
Well, we had a stupid maid once.
310
00:12:53,078 --> 00:12:54,580
Doesn't seem to work.
311
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:55,748
Darn!
312
00:12:55,848 --> 00:12:56,715
LAURA: What is it?
313
00:12:56,815 --> 00:12:58,584
Well, the key doesn't work, honey.
314
00:12:58,684 --> 00:12:59,652
May I?
315
00:12:59,752 --> 00:13:01,253
Yeah, I don't think that's the right key.
316
00:13:01,353 --> 00:13:03,155
It's the right key.
317
00:13:03,255 --> 00:13:04,390
Apparently it isn't.
318
00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:05,924
Yeah, it has to be.
319
00:13:06,025 --> 00:13:07,092
LAURA: Rob, what's the matter?
320
00:13:07,192 --> 00:13:08,427
Well, we got the wrong key.
321
00:13:08,527 --> 00:13:10,029
It's the right key.
322
00:13:10,129 --> 00:13:13,832
Now, dearie, would you try jiggling the door knob?
323
00:13:13,932 --> 00:13:16,335
LAURA: I can't reach the door knob.
324
00:13:16,435 --> 00:13:17,236
Why not?
325
00:13:17,336 --> 00:13:18,737
She's stuck.
326
00:13:18,837 --> 00:13:19,938
May I, please?
327
00:13:22,908 --> 00:13:25,244
Look, why can't your wife open the door from the other side?
328
00:13:25,344 --> 00:13:26,945
Because she's stuck in the tub.
329
00:13:27,046 --> 00:13:28,113
She calls me stupid.
330
00:13:31,417 --> 00:13:32,618
How could she do that?
331
00:13:32,718 --> 00:13:33,852
What difference does it make?
332
00:13:33,952 --> 00:13:36,155
She did it, and we have to get her out.
333
00:13:36,255 --> 00:13:38,090
Look, are you sure that's the only key?
334
00:13:38,190 --> 00:13:39,425
That's it, ace.
335
00:13:41,860 --> 00:13:43,495
What am I supposed to do, bust the door down?
336
00:13:43,595 --> 00:13:45,631
Well, if you do, they're going to charge you for it.
337
00:13:45,731 --> 00:13:46,699
I'm going to call the engineer.
338
00:13:46,799 --> 00:13:50,069
You keep jiggling that key.
339
00:13:50,169 --> 00:13:51,336
Hello?
340
00:13:51,437 --> 00:13:53,839
Listen, may I have the engineer, please?
341
00:13:53,939 --> 00:13:57,242
LAURA: Maybe you've got the key in upside down, darling.
342
00:13:57,343 --> 00:13:59,478
I know how to use a key, dearie.
343
00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:03,949
LAURA: Sorry.
344
00:14:04,049 --> 00:14:05,317
This is suite 17C.
345
00:14:05,417 --> 00:14:06,719
Engineer?
346
00:14:06,819 --> 00:14:10,622
Could you come up here, and see if you
could open a locked bathroom door for us?
348
00:14:10,723 --> 00:14:13,325
No, no, the housekeeper sent up a maid with the wrong key.
349
00:14:13,425 --> 00:14:14,727
It's the right key.
350
00:14:14,827 --> 00:14:15,828
It's your door.
351
00:14:15,928 --> 00:14:17,229
It's not my door.
352
00:14:17,329 --> 00:14:19,565
Well, when you bust it down it will be.
353
00:14:19,665 --> 00:14:21,934
Well, I got beds to turn down.
354
00:14:22,034 --> 00:14:23,035
Just a minute.
355
00:14:23,135 --> 00:14:25,003
Turn them down, I've got the engineer now.
356
00:14:25,104 --> 00:14:26,171
Hello.
357
00:14:26,271 --> 00:14:28,173
Boy, she gets stuck in the bathroom.
358
00:14:28,273 --> 00:14:29,575
He paints on mustaches.
359
00:14:29,675 --> 00:14:33,078
They're a great match.
360
00:14:33,178 --> 00:14:34,580
Well, wait, wait.
361
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:36,982
How soon can you get up here?
362
00:14:37,082 --> 00:14:38,584
What?
363
00:14:38,684 --> 00:14:41,487
Yeah, well, I'll just bet you my emergency's
a little bigger than your emergency.
365
00:14:41,587 --> 00:14:42,988
I got a lady stuck in a bathtub.
366
00:14:43,088 --> 00:14:45,157
What do you got?
367
00:14:45,257 --> 00:14:46,158
Oh, yeah.
368
00:14:46,258 --> 00:14:47,693
I see.
369
00:14:47,793 --> 00:14:51,663
Well, look if somebody doesn't come up here
very shortly, I'm going to bust down the door.
371
00:14:51,764 --> 00:14:52,998
They'll charge you for it.
372
00:14:53,098 --> 00:14:53,999
So let them!
373
00:14:56,368 --> 00:14:58,470
Honey, I just spoke to the engineer.
374
00:14:58,570 --> 00:14:59,905
LAURA: And?
375
00:15:00,005 --> 00:15:03,675
Well, he's got a more urgent emergency
than having a toe stuck in a thing.
377
00:15:03,776 --> 00:15:05,210
LAURA: What's he got?
378
00:15:05,310 --> 00:15:07,679
People stuck in an elevator.
379
00:15:07,780 --> 00:15:09,281
Honey, how do you feel?
380
00:15:09,381 --> 00:15:10,682
LAURA: Waterlogged.
381
00:15:10,783 --> 00:15:13,051
Well, why don't you let the water out of the tub?
382
00:15:13,152 --> 00:15:14,820
LAURA: It's too chilly in here.
383
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,255
Well, can't you to put your robe on?
384
00:15:16,355 --> 00:15:17,156
No.
385
00:15:17,256 --> 00:15:18,891
Can't reach it.
386
00:15:18,991 --> 00:15:21,093
Well, how about draping some towels around you?
387
00:15:21,193 --> 00:15:23,896
What towels?
388
00:15:23,996 --> 00:15:26,365
Laura, I'm going to bust down the door.
389
00:15:26,465 --> 00:15:29,501
LAURA: Oh, Rob, isn't that kind of drastic?
390
00:15:29,601 --> 00:15:30,936
You want to get out, don't you?
391
00:15:31,036 --> 00:15:33,539
LAURA But not at the expense of a broken husband.
392
00:15:33,639 --> 00:15:35,207
I'm not going to break myself.
393
00:15:35,307 --> 00:15:36,842
LAURA: But it's a very heavy door.
394
00:15:36,942 --> 00:15:39,711
I know, but that doesn't make any
difference, honey, if you hit it right.
396
00:15:39,812 --> 00:15:41,814
LAURA: But, Rob, you'll hurt yourself.
397
00:15:41,914 --> 00:15:44,049
No, no, honey.
398
00:15:44,149 --> 00:15:45,751
No way to hurt myself.
399
00:15:45,851 --> 00:15:48,620
There's a technique to these things.
400
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,088
I wish I knew what it was.
401
00:15:53,091 --> 00:15:55,193
Well, so did you finally get the door open?
402
00:15:55,293 --> 00:15:56,561
Millie.
403
00:15:56,661 --> 00:15:57,862
Oh, of course he did.
404
00:15:57,962 --> 00:15:58,930
You wouldn't be sitting there if he didn't.
405
00:15:59,030 --> 00:15:59,898
Right.
406
00:15:59,998 --> 00:16:01,199
Well, how did you do it?
407
00:16:01,299 --> 00:16:02,400
Did you break it down, like in the movies?
408
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:03,335
Dramatic?
409
00:16:03,435 --> 00:16:05,170
It was more dramatic than that.
410
00:16:05,270 --> 00:16:06,404
What did you do?
411
00:16:06,504 --> 00:16:07,672
Did you shoot the lock off with a gun?
412
00:16:07,772 --> 00:16:08,640
Did you tell her?
413
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:10,608
You're kidding.
414
00:16:10,709 --> 00:16:11,743
No, he's not.
415
00:16:11,843 --> 00:16:13,111
You shot the lock off?
416
00:16:13,211 --> 00:16:14,112
That's just what I did.
417
00:16:14,212 --> 00:16:15,246
Well, did they charge you?
418
00:16:15,347 --> 00:16:16,748
I mean, how did you do that?
419
00:16:16,848 --> 00:16:21,086
Well, the engineer didn't come, and I figured that
Laura had soaked in that tub about long enough.
422
00:16:21,186 --> 00:16:22,554
All right, honey, brace yourself.
423
00:16:22,654 --> 00:16:23,488
I'm coming through.
424
00:16:23,588 --> 00:16:24,889
LAURA: Rob, be careful.
425
00:16:24,989 --> 00:16:26,458
I'll be all right, honey.
426
00:16:26,558 --> 00:16:27,625
Here I come.
427
00:16:27,726 --> 00:16:29,961
LAURA: Don't, Rob!
428
00:16:30,061 --> 00:16:31,196
What? What?
429
00:16:31,296 --> 00:16:32,330
LAURA: Don't break it down.
430
00:16:32,430 --> 00:16:33,631
Did you get your toe out?
431
00:16:33,732 --> 00:16:37,469
LAURA: No, but there's a full length
mirror on this side of the door.
433
00:16:40,338 --> 00:16:41,373
So?
434
00:16:41,473 --> 00:16:47,379
So, Rob, if you ram the door open, it'll smash
right against the heavy brass metal rack
436
00:16:47,479 --> 00:16:50,382
and it'll fly all over the place.
437
00:16:50,482 --> 00:16:54,018
Honey, is there a bathmat next to the tub?
438
00:16:54,119 --> 00:16:55,387
LAURA: Yeah, a small one.
439
00:16:55,487 --> 00:16:56,721
Why?
440
00:16:56,821 --> 00:16:59,991
Well, take it, and put it over and cover
as much of you as you can, and duck down.
442
00:17:00,091 --> 00:17:01,593
LAURA: But I'll drown.
443
00:17:01,693 --> 00:17:04,963
Not that far down.
444
00:17:05,063 --> 00:17:06,731
LAURA: Oh, Rob, I'm afraid.
445
00:17:06,831 --> 00:17:07,932
Don't be, honey.
446
00:17:08,032 --> 00:17:09,834
Now we're going to get to the
theater in time for the overture.
448
00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:11,169
Are you ready?
449
00:17:11,269 --> 00:17:14,305
LAURA: No, but go ahead, and please be careful.
450
00:17:14,406 --> 00:17:15,840
I will.
451
00:17:15,940 --> 00:17:17,075
You got your bathmat on?
452
00:17:17,175 --> 00:17:18,309
LAURA: OK.
453
00:17:21,679 --> 00:17:23,648
[thunk]
454
00:17:25,450 --> 00:17:27,218
LAURA: Did you hit it yet?
455
00:17:31,389 --> 00:17:35,293
It was just a practice shot, honey, I'll--
456
00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:43,168
all right, honey, this time I'm going to
give it a real shot if you're covered.
458
00:17:43,268 --> 00:17:44,335
LAURA: Covered.
459
00:17:44,436 --> 00:17:46,805
OK.
460
00:17:46,905 --> 00:17:48,473
[thunk]
461
00:17:52,510 --> 00:17:56,714
I think I felt something give that time.
462
00:17:56,815 --> 00:17:58,316
Right there.
463
00:17:58,416 --> 00:18:03,021
I think-- one more time's going to do it.
464
00:18:03,121 --> 00:18:04,989
Honey, you covered?
465
00:18:05,090 --> 00:18:06,624
LAURA: Covered.
466
00:18:06,724 --> 00:18:08,793
OK.
467
00:18:08,893 --> 00:18:10,895
[thunk]
468
00:18:14,265 --> 00:18:16,434
[glass shatters]
469
00:18:17,836 --> 00:18:20,171
Honey, hey are you all right?
470
00:18:20,271 --> 00:18:21,673
Yes I'm all right, Rob.
471
00:18:21,773 --> 00:18:22,607
I'm fine.
472
00:18:22,707 --> 00:18:23,741
What happened in there?
473
00:18:23,842 --> 00:18:27,011
LAURA: You jarred the mirror off the door.
474
00:18:27,111 --> 00:18:28,313
Did it break?
475
00:18:28,413 --> 00:18:30,315
I mean, did it fall in the tub?
476
00:18:30,415 --> 00:18:32,217
LAURA: No, I don't think so.
477
00:18:32,317 --> 00:18:34,085
No, no, it's all on the floor.
478
00:18:34,185 --> 00:18:36,955
OK, then I'm going to give it another try.
479
00:18:37,055 --> 00:18:38,089
LAURA: Oh.
480
00:18:38,189 --> 00:18:39,757
You ready?
481
00:18:39,858 --> 00:18:40,725
LAURA: Rob!
482
00:18:40,825 --> 00:18:43,128
Wait!
483
00:18:43,228 --> 00:18:44,295
What is it this time?
484
00:18:44,395 --> 00:18:49,000
LAURA: Darling, if you break it down, you're liable
to fly through and fall on the broken glass,
486
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:50,101
and cut yourself.
487
00:18:50,201 --> 00:18:51,236
I'll take my chances.
488
00:18:51,336 --> 00:18:52,203
I'm coming in.
489
00:18:52,303 --> 00:18:53,838
LAURA: No. Rob, don't.
490
00:18:53,938 --> 00:18:54,772
No.
491
00:18:54,873 --> 00:18:55,840
Now don't scream.
492
00:18:55,940 --> 00:18:56,908
Nobody's going to get hurt.
493
00:18:57,008 --> 00:18:57,976
LAURA: Please, don't.
494
00:18:58,076 --> 00:18:58,910
Stop screaming.
495
00:18:59,010 --> 00:18:59,844
I'm coming in.
496
00:18:59,944 --> 00:19:01,412
LAURA: Oh, oh, Rob.
497
00:19:01,513 --> 00:19:03,982
Take one more step and you're dead.
498
00:19:04,082 --> 00:19:04,916
Me?
499
00:19:05,016 --> 00:19:05,984
Who are you?
500
00:19:06,084 --> 00:19:07,252
- The house detective. - See?
501
00:19:07,352 --> 00:19:08,453
There's the phony mustache. He's a nut.
502
00:19:08,553 --> 00:19:09,821
Hey now wait just a minute, mister.
503
00:19:09,921 --> 00:19:11,322
Get away from that door or I'll blow you up.
504
00:19:11,422 --> 00:19:12,257
And he's not kidding.
505
00:19:12,357 --> 00:19:13,358
LAURA: What's going on?
506
00:19:13,458 --> 00:19:14,359
It's all right, madam.
507
00:19:14,459 --> 00:19:15,627
Everything's under control.
508
00:19:15,727 --> 00:19:16,861
Just don't come out for a minute or two.
509
00:19:16,961 --> 00:19:18,029
She can't come out.
510
00:19:18,129 --> 00:19:19,230
What have you done to her?
511
00:19:19,330 --> 00:19:22,734
I tied her up.
512
00:19:22,834 --> 00:19:23,668
You'll regret that.
513
00:19:23,768 --> 00:19:25,703
Oh, you-- LAURA: What's
going on out there?
514
00:19:25,803 --> 00:19:26,838
Craziness.
515
00:19:26,938 --> 00:19:28,673
All right, craziness, lie down on the floor.
516
00:19:28,773 --> 00:19:29,607
What?
517
00:19:29,707 --> 00:19:30,508
You heard him.
518
00:19:30,608 --> 00:19:32,510
Watch it.
519
00:19:32,610 --> 00:19:33,778
Everything's all right, madam.
520
00:19:33,878 --> 00:19:34,913
We've got him under control.
521
00:19:35,013 --> 00:19:36,080
Watch him, Bruce. - I got you.
522
00:19:36,180 --> 00:19:37,382
LAURA: Rob! - I'm a writer.
523
00:19:37,482 --> 00:19:38,750
- You stuff that in his mouth. - Right.
524
00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:39,951
When I call my office-- - All right, open.
525
00:19:40,051 --> 00:19:40,885
Open.
526
00:19:40,985 --> 00:19:41,786
Ow!
527
00:19:41,886 --> 00:19:43,688
He bit me.
528
00:19:43,788 --> 00:19:44,422
Stop biting.
529
00:19:44,522 --> 00:19:46,324
LAURA: What's going on?
530
00:19:46,424 --> 00:19:47,825
Where are you in the room?
531
00:19:47,926 --> 00:19:49,294
LAURA: I'm in the bathtub.
532
00:19:49,394 --> 00:19:50,195
Good thinking.
533
00:19:50,295 --> 00:19:51,829
Now look here.
534
00:19:51,930 --> 00:19:55,800
I'm going to blow the lock off, if he
didn't tie your hands, hold your ears.
536
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:56,701
One, two.
537
00:19:56,801 --> 00:19:57,802
Give me that gun.
538
00:19:57,902 --> 00:20:00,805
Hmm?
539
00:20:00,905 --> 00:20:01,873
Move, move.
540
00:20:04,642 --> 00:20:06,210
Give me-- Back, back.
541
00:20:06,311 --> 00:20:07,445
Give him the gun.
542
00:20:07,545 --> 00:20:12,116
Now only a husband can go to lock up a bathroom
with his wife in a bathtub with nothing on
544
00:20:12,216 --> 00:20:14,185
and her toe stuck in a pipe.
545
00:20:14,285 --> 00:20:17,155
Now call me a prude if you like.
546
00:20:17,255 --> 00:20:19,023
[gunshot]
547
00:20:19,123 --> 00:20:21,726
Uh-- you-- you stay right there.
548
00:20:21,826 --> 00:20:23,294
Don't make a move.
549
00:20:23,394 --> 00:20:25,029
Honey, you all right?
550
00:20:25,129 --> 00:20:26,397
LAURA: Oh, Rob.
551
00:20:32,303 --> 00:20:34,238
ROB: I'm sorry, you look so funny.
552
00:20:34,339 --> 00:20:37,442
LAURA: Well, gee!
553
00:20:37,542 --> 00:20:39,744
Do you guys want to see something ridiculous?
554
00:20:39,844 --> 00:20:41,412
Wait a minute.
555
00:20:47,085 --> 00:20:50,021
[music playing]
556
00:20:52,757 --> 00:20:54,926
ENGINEER: Yeah, let me have the foot.
557
00:20:55,026 --> 00:20:56,594
It's stuck.
558
00:20:56,694 --> 00:20:57,595
Other one.
559
00:21:00,365 --> 00:21:01,332
LAURA: What are you doing?
560
00:21:01,432 --> 00:21:02,333
I'm measuring it.
561
00:21:02,433 --> 00:21:03,635
What for?
562
00:21:03,735 --> 00:21:08,773
Now tell me is that toe similar to
the one that's stuck in the pipe?
564
00:21:08,873 --> 00:21:09,807
Well, of course it is.
565
00:21:09,907 --> 00:21:11,075
Why?
566
00:21:11,175 --> 00:21:12,910
Wouldn't want to nip off any of this little piggy.
567
00:21:15,913 --> 00:21:18,549
That's the one that went to market.
568
00:21:18,650 --> 00:21:19,717
Look, can you snap it up a little?
569
00:21:19,817 --> 00:21:21,686
We'd like to see some of that show.
570
00:21:21,786 --> 00:21:22,387
Here we are.
571
00:21:22,487 --> 00:21:24,322
Have you off in no time.
572
00:21:30,695 --> 00:21:33,865
Is there any particular reason you're sawing so slowly?
573
00:21:33,965 --> 00:21:34,899
The best one.
574
00:21:34,999 --> 00:21:38,303
I'm 75 years old.
575
00:21:38,403 --> 00:21:40,571
[music playing]
576
00:21:47,712 --> 00:21:50,715
I've never felt so silly in my whole life.
577
00:21:50,815 --> 00:21:52,417
I know.
578
00:21:52,517 --> 00:21:55,153
Neither did I. This stupid mustache.
579
00:21:55,253 --> 00:21:58,923
Honey, don't ever buy any of that
indelible eyebrow pencil again.
581
00:21:59,023 --> 00:22:01,225
Why do you plan to continue penciling on mustaches?
582
00:22:01,325 --> 00:22:02,894
I don't know what I'm talking about.
583
00:22:02,994 --> 00:22:05,496
Look, now how can we get that stupid thing off her toe?
584
00:22:05,596 --> 00:22:06,664
A jeweler's saw.
585
00:22:06,764 --> 00:22:08,299
Oh, well, do you have one?
586
00:22:08,399 --> 00:22:11,402
Oh, I got all kinds of little
things in this little old toolbox.
588
00:22:11,502 --> 00:22:12,570
- Oh, wonderful. - Yeah.
589
00:22:12,670 --> 00:22:13,838
Wish I had one of those.
590
00:22:18,342 --> 00:22:20,511
Rob, we're going to have to miss the play.
591
00:22:20,611 --> 00:22:23,247
Well, honey, you can't go clomping around
a theater with that chromium faucet
593
00:22:23,348 --> 00:22:25,350
or whatever it is on your foot.
594
00:22:25,450 --> 00:22:27,652
But we'll never get tickets to this show again.
595
00:22:27,752 --> 00:22:30,655
Oh, Rob, let's try to salvage a part of the weekend.
596
00:22:30,755 --> 00:22:33,691
Well, honey, you mean you want to go to
the theater with that thing on your foot?
598
00:22:33,791 --> 00:22:39,097
Well, look, I could bandage it up, and people
would just think I had a sprained ankle.
600
00:22:39,197 --> 00:22:40,431
Well, I'm game if you are.
601
00:22:40,531 --> 00:22:42,600
Well, sure.
602
00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:45,370
We can go to the hospital after the show.
603
00:22:45,470 --> 00:22:48,906
Well, can you stand that thing on
your toe for another three hours?
605
00:22:49,006 --> 00:22:49,741
Oh, easy.
606
00:22:49,841 --> 00:22:51,609
It's almost become a part of me.
607
00:22:55,212 --> 00:22:59,049
I walked out of the hotel with a bandage that big.
608
00:22:59,149 --> 00:23:00,550
I looked like I had gout.
609
00:23:00,650 --> 00:23:01,885
Well, now wait a minute.
610
00:23:01,985 --> 00:23:03,019
I don't understand.
611
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,689
Now, you're telling me you went to the
show, and before you said you didn't.
613
00:23:05,789 --> 00:23:07,324
We didn't go to the show.
614
00:23:07,424 --> 00:23:11,928
Yeah, but you just said-- We went to the theater,
but we were just too embarrassed to go in.
617
00:23:12,028 --> 00:23:13,263
Well, why?
618
00:23:13,363 --> 00:23:14,564
Well, we got into the lobby.
619
00:23:14,664 --> 00:23:20,270
It was just before curtain time, and who do we
almost run into but a theater party from our church.
621
00:23:20,370 --> 00:23:22,072
Minister and all.
622
00:23:22,172 --> 00:23:23,106
Charles Brown.
623
00:23:23,206 --> 00:23:24,708
And half the flock.
624
00:23:24,808 --> 00:23:28,612
It was just too embarrassing so we went right to the hospital.
625
00:23:28,712 --> 00:23:31,214
Well you could have explained the bandage.
626
00:23:31,314 --> 00:23:32,349
I know.
627
00:23:32,449 --> 00:23:33,884
Well, then why didn't you go in?
628
00:23:33,984 --> 00:23:38,722
Because Rob didn't think he could explain his mustache.
629
00:23:38,822 --> 00:23:40,924
You mean, you still had it on?
630
00:23:41,024 --> 00:23:43,093
He didn't use my eyebrow pencil.
631
00:23:43,193 --> 00:23:44,694
It was a laundry marker.
632
00:23:47,597 --> 00:23:52,836
I tried soap, cold cream, benzene, alcohol.
633
00:23:52,936 --> 00:23:54,704
Well, how did you finally get it off?
634
00:23:54,805 --> 00:23:56,439
I didn't get it off.
635
00:23:56,540 --> 00:23:57,874
Well, it's not there.
636
00:24:05,215 --> 00:24:06,550
I put makeup over it.
637
00:24:06,650 --> 00:24:08,618
I don't think of makeup till I got back to the hotel.
638
00:24:08,718 --> 00:24:10,387
You know who you look like?
639
00:24:10,487 --> 00:24:11,521
David Niven?
640
00:24:11,621 --> 00:24:12,422
MILLIE: Ben Turpin.
641
00:24:12,522 --> 00:24:13,924
Ben Turpin.
642
00:24:14,024 --> 00:24:17,561
[music playing]
643
00:24:23,700 --> 00:24:28,038
[theme music]
41058
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