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[theme song]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show", starring
Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Matthews and Mary Tyler Moore.
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[groans]
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Oh, morning, Sal.
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Hi, Sal.
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Shh!
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Oh.
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Shh.
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What kind of shush?
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What they do, move a hospital in next door?
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Unfortunately, no.
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Oh, here, Sal.
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Here's your mail.
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Oh, Buddy, do you have to deliver it so loud?
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What you doing?
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Unplugging the typewriter.
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The hum is killing me.
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You got a headache, huh?
21
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Oh, it's worse than a headache.
22
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It's ear to ear pain.
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Oh, you went to a party last night, huh?
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A little too much--
[bubbling sound]
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You know,
I don't-- [bubbling sound]
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Sal, did you try an aspirin?
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An aspirin, oh, dear.
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An aspirin for this headache is like trying to
put out the Chicago fire with a seltzer bottle.
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ROB PETRIE: Mhm.
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Gee, Sal, I wish I could help.
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Hey, Sal, I think I got something that'll help you.
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What, a gun?
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No, no.
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You might recall a couple weeks ago
when I had that pain in my back?
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Here, try these pink pain pills.
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They are great. Here, try this.
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I'll get you some water. They'll work great.
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- Wait a minute, Buddy. - What's the matter?
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Wow, no, thanks.
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What do you mean, no, thanks?
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I thought she had a headache.
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Oh, come on, Rob. Let me take them.
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Maybe it'll help.
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No, absolutely not.
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You never, never, ever take anybody else's prescription.
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Why? Pain is pain.
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What's the difference?
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There's a lot of difference.
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This prescription is based on your size and your weight.
52
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You forget it, you two are built differently.
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Thank goodness for little favors.
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Now what-- what-- what can cure pain for one
person can do some weird things to somebody else.
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Yeah, what kind of weird things?
57
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Well, for one, I could look like you.
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ROB PETRIE: [chuckles] Now believe me, Laura
once took somebody else's prescription.
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She had terrible side effects from it.
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Yeah, it wrecked her whole side.
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It almost wrecked our marriage.
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I want to prove to you that you should never,
ever take anybody else's prescription.
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Oh, all right.
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I tell you what.
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When tell me, you'll talk very softly, huh.
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Ah, Buddy, will you-- will you go like this please?
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Oh, sure. I'm a regular doctor.
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OK.
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All right, now go ahead, Rob.
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Excuse me, her heads in the ashtray.
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Will you move for me?
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[inaudible] could be worse that.
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No wonder it felt good.
76
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Anyway, I was still in the army when this happened.
77
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Laura and I had only been married
a couple months at the time.
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We were still living right near the
base, and she'd never met my parents.
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Hi, honey. - Hi, Rob.
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What are you doing home so easy?
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I took a five minute wife break.
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- [moans] - Ow!
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Oh, Rob, I'm sorry, dear.
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I had pins in my mouth.
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I'm sorry, honey.
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It's my fault.
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Well, darling, can I put something on your lips?
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- Yeah, your lips. - Oh.
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Will you take the pins out?
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Yeah, they're gone.
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OK.
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Oh.
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Hey, you know, the other one was more exciting than that.
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Oh, Rob.
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What are you doing home?
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Honey, I got a, ah, surprise for you.
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Another furlough?
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No, no, better than that.
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Better than a furlough?
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ROB PETRIE: Yeah.
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Guess who's coming to see us tomorrow night?
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Who?
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Sam and Clara Petrie.
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Your parents?
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ROB PETRIE: Yeah, honey.
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I got a telegram at the orderly room just now.
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They couldn't wait for us to come and see them in Illinois.
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They're coming out here to meet you, us.
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Tomorrow?
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ROB PETRIE: Yeah, my own parents.
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Ain't that something?
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Something.
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You're not, ah, glad. Are you, honey?
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Oh, yes.
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Darling, I'm glad.
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I-- it's just that, well, the place isn't fixed.
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Stop-- look at the stain on the chair, Rob.
120
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Oh, here.
121
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Honey, I'll fix that right now.
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Just a second.
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There.
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Well, look at the ironing board.
125
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What's the matter with it?
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Well, I wanted to wash and iron the drapes.
127
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Honey, they don't want to see the
drapes, they want to see you.
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LAURA PETRIE: Yeah, well, I'm not in good shape either, Rob.
130
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I mean, look at my hair, [inaudible] with my nose.
131
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What's the matter with your nose?
132
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Well, it's itching.
133
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I think I'm getting a cold.
134
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Honey, when your nose itches,
that means you're gonna kiss a fool.
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Honey, they're gonna love you.
137
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Darling, I just wish I had a little more time to prepare.
138
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What do you have to prepare for?
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Honey, it's just my parents.
140
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I met them two minutes after I was born.
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Besides, you talked to my mother once on the phone already.
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Yeah, well, I talked.
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All she did was cry.
144
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Oh, Rob, I just want to make a good impression.
145
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Honey, you'll make a good impression by being
your own sweet, wonderful, beautiful self.
147
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But that's not good enough.
148
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Oh, Rob, look at the bookcase.
149
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We haven't finished it yet.
150
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And the-- well, the candle hasn't dripped.
151
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There's no wax in the wine bottles.
152
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Honey, we don't need any wine bottles.
153
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Rob, how can you have an Italian
motif without wine bottles?
155
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So far we've only got three.
156
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We should drink more.
157
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Rob, we don't even have any records for the record player.
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Are you kidding?
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We got a couple.
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A couple?
161
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Ziggy Elman "And the Angels Sing"
162
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and the Post Marching Band playing
drill music, some collection.
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Honey, my parents don't want to
see bottles or books or bands.
166
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They want to see you and you're in great shape.
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I know, but you know, Rob, I don't have anything to wear.
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Honey, that's just fine.
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(SIGHS)
170
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Look, it's just my parents, it's not royalty.
171
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All you have to do is bow gracefully
and stable their white horses.
173
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Food!
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Boy, you get hungry at the strangest time.
175
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No, darling, not for me, for your parents.
176
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What am I going to serve them?
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Oh, that is a problem.
178
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Maybe I can steal a loaf of bread somewhere.
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Oh, Rob!
180
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Well, honey, what are you talking about?
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I get anything you want at the [inaudible]..
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I gotta plan the menu.
183
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Your mother is such a good cook.
184
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They're not even gonna know what they're
eating when they get one look at you.
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A roast, I don't know how to--
Honey, I gotta get back.
188
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Look, please don't get so worked up.
189
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Will you not?
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Rob, I just want to make a good
impression because I love you.
192
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Honey, I love you too.
193
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Smile, will you?
194
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I want you to be glad they're coming.
195
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I am, I am.
196
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OK.
197
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I'm not, I'm not.
198
00:05:58,633 --> 00:06:01,502
Oh, Millie, seven more hours and they'll be here.
199
00:06:01,603 --> 00:06:04,005
Oh, dear, I wish you wouldn't get so upset, honest.
200
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Why don't you take one of those calming
down pills I brought over for you?
202
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LAURA PETRIE: No, I don't want any, thank you.
203
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They'll calm you down.
204
00:06:09,544 --> 00:06:10,812
No, I don't want one.
205
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:14,983
Millie, what were you like when you first met Jerry's parents?
206
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,517
Well, I was pretty calm.
207
00:06:16,618 --> 00:06:19,053
I mean, I walked in the house and I said, how do you do?
208
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And then I went and hid in the bathroom for three hours.
209
00:06:23,057 --> 00:06:24,759
Oh, would you look at that?
210
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Another drip on the wrong side.
211
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All right, I give up.
212
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Ooh, make a wish, make a wish.
213
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I wish they like me.
214
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:35,670
They'll like you, they'll like you.
215
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,905
Millie, what do I call them?
216
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Wine bottles, what else?
217
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,708
You wanna give each one a name?
218
00:06:40,808 --> 00:06:44,078
Not the wine bottles, Rob's parents.
219
00:06:44,178 --> 00:06:45,613
What do you call Jerry's parents?
220
00:06:45,713 --> 00:06:46,948
Well, that's a good question.
221
00:06:47,048 --> 00:06:50,084
So far, I've just been calling them folks.
222
00:06:50,184 --> 00:06:52,887
Well, what if you're alone in a room with one of them?
223
00:06:52,987 --> 00:06:55,290
Well, that's what I've been avoiding, mostly.
224
00:06:55,390 --> 00:06:59,427
I mean, if we're together, I can say, time for dinner, folks.
225
00:06:59,527 --> 00:07:03,498
Suppose you do get caught alone in a
room with one of them, then-- then what?
227
00:07:03,598 --> 00:07:05,433
I hide in the bathroom.
228
00:07:05,533 --> 00:07:07,802
Millie, I just know tonight's gonna to be a catastrophe.
229
00:07:07,902 --> 00:07:11,072
I mean, I can't even say hello to Rob's mother and father.
230
00:07:11,172 --> 00:07:14,208
Oh, Laura, I wish you'd take one of my pills.
231
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:15,510
No, no, I'm not going to.
232
00:07:15,610 --> 00:07:20,581
Rob says if you are tense, you should let
it out in an honest, intelligent manner.
234
00:07:20,682 --> 00:07:22,116
Yeah, what's he do?
235
00:07:22,216 --> 00:07:27,255
He hits his fist against the door, and I can't do that.
236
00:07:27,355 --> 00:07:31,125
Here, you keep them, and if you need one, take it.
237
00:07:31,225 --> 00:07:32,960
OK, I'll keep it just in case.
238
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:34,462
But don't say anything to Rob.
239
00:07:34,562 --> 00:07:35,430
I won't.
240
00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:36,965
You want me to wash the candy dish?
241
00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:39,100
Oh, no, Millie, I'll do that.
242
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,537
Ah, Millie, thanks for everything.
243
00:07:42,637 --> 00:07:44,272
Millie, did I give you the carrots and peas?
244
00:07:44,372 --> 00:07:47,375
Yeah, you gave them to me and
I'll have them here right on time.
246
00:07:47,475 --> 00:07:50,645
Listen, you don't think Rob's parents are gonna think
that I'm cheating having you cook them, do you?
249
00:07:50,745 --> 00:07:52,046
Ooh, well, listen.
250
00:07:52,146 --> 00:07:54,882
It's not your fault you still only got
two burners and you're using one of mine.
252
00:07:54,982 --> 00:07:56,050
There's nothing wrong with that.
253
00:07:56,150 --> 00:07:57,385
Ah, I guess not.
254
00:07:57,485 --> 00:07:59,921
Take my advice and take one of those pills.
255
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,556
Oh, Millie, what's a pill gonna do?
256
00:08:01,656 --> 00:08:04,792
Listen, it keeps me from hiding in the bathroom.
257
00:08:04,892 --> 00:08:05,727
Bye.
258
00:08:05,827 --> 00:08:06,661
Goodbye, Millie.
259
00:08:06,761 --> 00:08:07,662
Thanks.
260
00:08:10,932 --> 00:08:12,300
What am I gonna call them?
261
00:08:16,838 --> 00:08:18,473
Hello, Mom and Dad.
262
00:08:18,573 --> 00:08:19,507
Nah.
263
00:08:21,976 --> 00:08:24,345
Well, if it isn't Sam and Clara.
264
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,719
Hi, there, both of you.
265
00:08:35,790 --> 00:08:37,825
Hey, would you like to see our kitchen, Mother and Dad.
266
00:08:37,925 --> 00:08:39,660
It's a little
small-- Mom and Dad?
267
00:08:39,761 --> 00:08:41,029
Oh, no, darling.
268
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:43,998
No, I-- I was just practicing.
269
00:08:44,098 --> 00:08:45,166
Honey.
270
00:08:45,266 --> 00:08:47,235
Oh, Rob, I'm gonna be just awful.
271
00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:49,103
They're gonna hate me.
272
00:08:49,203 --> 00:08:50,638
How can they hate you?
273
00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:52,740
You're the sweetest, most wonderful person in the world.
274
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,209
Well, I stole their son.
275
00:08:55,309 --> 00:09:00,148
When my folks walk through that door and take
a look at you, you're gonna knock them out!
277
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:01,716
Hey, honey?
278
00:09:01,816 --> 00:09:03,651
Hey, honey, I'm sorry.
279
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:05,653
Honey, don't do that.
280
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:06,654
Honey?
281
00:09:09,991 --> 00:09:11,926
I really belted her one.
282
00:09:12,026 --> 00:09:15,263
Luckily, she wasn't hurt badly,
just a little mouse under the eye.
284
00:09:15,363 --> 00:09:18,366
But she put some makeup over it and you could barely see it.
285
00:09:18,466 --> 00:09:19,500
Honey, what are you doing up?
286
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,768
I told you to stay in bed and rest.
287
00:09:20,868 --> 00:09:21,736
No, I feel fine, Rob.
288
00:09:21,836 --> 00:09:22,603
I gotta finish the dinner.
289
00:09:22,703 --> 00:09:23,871
They'll be here soon.
290
00:09:23,971 --> 00:09:24,872
Let me see the eye, honey.
291
00:09:24,972 --> 00:09:26,207
How's it?
292
00:09:26,307 --> 00:09:27,341
Hey, it looks pretty good.
293
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:28,242
I can't even tell which one I hit.
294
00:09:28,342 --> 00:09:29,777
Mm-hmm, that one.
295
00:09:29,877 --> 00:09:30,745
I'm sorry.
296
00:09:30,845 --> 00:09:32,213
I can't do anything right.
297
00:09:32,313 --> 00:09:33,815
Look, darling, why don't you go in the living room
298
00:09:33,915 --> 00:09:35,616
and wait for your parents and I'll just finish up here, huh.
299
00:09:35,716 --> 00:09:36,751
OK.
300
00:09:36,851 --> 00:09:37,985
Look, honey, just don't worry about anything.
301
00:09:38,085 --> 00:09:39,287
You're gonna knock-- - Yeah.
302
00:09:39,387 --> 00:09:40,221
I'm sorry. I'm going in the living room.
303
00:09:40,321 --> 00:09:40,922
- OK. - I love you.
304
00:09:41,022 --> 00:09:42,156
I--
305
00:10:00,708 --> 00:10:01,976
[doorbell rings]
306
00:10:02,076 --> 00:10:03,578
ROB PETRIE: Mom, Dad.
307
00:10:03,678 --> 00:10:04,378
Oh.
308
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,113
Greetings, Sergeant Petrie.
309
00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:08,850
Oh, my little baby boy is married.
310
00:10:08,950 --> 00:10:11,819
[sobs]
311
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,388
Honey, the folks are here.
312
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:17,458
I'll be right there, (BELLOWS) darling.
313
00:10:17,558 --> 00:10:21,162
You keep her chained to the stove?
314
00:10:21,262 --> 00:10:24,298
CLARA PETRIE: This is a nice place you have here.
315
00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:28,169
ROB PETRIE: Honey, you coming?
316
00:10:28,269 --> 00:10:30,838
(MUTTERING) I'll be right there.
317
00:10:30,938 --> 00:10:32,406
I'll be right there, darling.
318
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,548
Hello.
319
00:10:40,648 --> 00:10:45,820
This must be Laura or you've got some beautiful maid.
320
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,121
Hey.
321
00:10:47,221 --> 00:10:48,723
Oh, wait. [groans]
322
00:10:48,823 --> 00:10:49,790
- Oh, god. - Mhm.
323
00:10:49,891 --> 00:10:50,725
Oh.
324
00:10:50,825 --> 00:10:52,426
I-- [inaudible].
325
00:10:55,229 --> 00:10:58,432
No, it's-- Honey,
I'd-- I'd like you to meet my mother.
327
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:02,303
Mother, I'd like you to meet my honey.
328
00:11:02,403 --> 00:11:04,539
Mrs. Petrie, meet Mrs. Petrie.
329
00:11:04,639 --> 00:11:05,840
You're both named Mrs. Petrie.
330
00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:07,942
[chuckles] Face it, Mom.
331
00:11:13,247 --> 00:11:15,583
How do you do?
332
00:11:15,683 --> 00:11:18,152
Thank you.
333
00:11:18,252 --> 00:11:19,120
Well, shall we all sit down?
334
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,021
Oh.
335
00:11:20,121 --> 00:11:21,355
Yes, son.
336
00:11:21,455 --> 00:11:24,625
I'm so glad we finally got to meet you, Laura.
337
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:27,662
Well, I am too, Mr. And Mrs. Petrie.
338
00:11:27,762 --> 00:11:28,729
SAM PETRIE: No, no.
339
00:11:28,829 --> 00:11:30,565
No, not that Mr. and Mrs. stuff with us.
340
00:11:30,665 --> 00:11:32,266
We're just down to Earthers.
341
00:11:32,366 --> 00:11:34,035
Just call us Mom and Dad.
342
00:11:34,135 --> 00:11:37,438
I'm Dad and she's Mom.
343
00:11:37,538 --> 00:11:39,774
Sit down over here by your old Dad, honey.
344
00:11:43,544 --> 00:11:45,513
My, this is a lovely place you have.
345
00:11:45,613 --> 00:11:47,181
Would you like to see the bedroom?
346
00:11:47,281 --> 00:11:48,482
No.
347
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:58,526
Um, I mean, per-- per-- per-- perhaps later.
348
00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:00,828
Dad, how was the-- how was the trip down?
349
00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:02,363
Oh, fine, fine.
350
00:12:02,463 --> 00:12:04,398
No trouble till I got almost to the post.
351
00:12:04,498 --> 00:12:06,000
They almost wouldn't let me in.
352
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,501
They wouldn't?
353
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,670
All I did was say I want to see my son, the traitor.
354
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:11,906
[laughter]
355
00:12:12,006 --> 00:12:13,240
Why, Sam.
356
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:15,076
I can see where Rob gets his sense of humor.
357
00:12:15,176 --> 00:12:19,580
[chuckles] A sense of humor is a very important thing to have.
358
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:22,617
There are other things far more important than that.
359
00:12:22,717 --> 00:12:25,920
Oh, yes, a sense of serious.
360
00:12:32,059 --> 00:12:33,527
So this is Laura.
361
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:35,396
We finally get to meet her.
362
00:12:35,496 --> 00:12:37,698
I just couldn't wait to meet you.
363
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:43,204
Well, of course, we thought we would meet you at the
wedding, but, uh, none of the parents were invited.
365
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,505
Were they?
366
00:12:44,605 --> 00:12:46,574
Mom, don't-- don't start that.
367
00:12:46,674 --> 00:12:47,975
CLARA PETRIE: I'm-- I'm sorry.
368
00:12:48,075 --> 00:12:53,514
It's not the first wedding or the last
wedding that I won't be invited to.
370
00:12:53,614 --> 00:12:55,249
Mom, we-- we phoned you.
371
00:12:55,349 --> 00:12:57,118
Yes, dear, I know.
372
00:12:57,218 --> 00:13:00,021
Phone calls are very nice too.
373
00:13:00,121 --> 00:13:02,490
Well,
if you'll excuse me-- Yeah.
374
00:13:02,590 --> 00:13:04,025
--I think, I just better check on the dinner.
375
00:13:04,125 --> 00:13:06,327
Um, I'll be right back.
376
00:13:06,427 --> 00:13:08,462
CLARA PETRIE: Robbie, you look thin, dear.
377
00:13:08,562 --> 00:13:09,597
Are you eating right?
378
00:13:09,697 --> 00:13:12,466
ROB PETRIE: Oh, sure, Mom.
379
00:13:12,566 --> 00:13:16,604
CLARA PETRIE: You know, I-- I do hope that
Laura hasn't gone to too much trouble.
381
00:13:16,704 --> 00:13:18,406
We did come on short notice.
382
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,607
ROB PETRIE: Oh, it's not trouble, Mom.
383
00:13:19,707 --> 00:13:22,677
She's a whiz in that kitchen.
384
00:13:22,777 --> 00:13:24,779
With her looks, she doesn't have to cook.
385
00:13:24,879 --> 00:13:26,213
[laughs]
386
00:13:26,314 --> 00:13:28,282
Sam!
387
00:13:28,382 --> 00:13:32,219
You know, she reminds me a lot of Vivian Fogle.
388
00:13:32,319 --> 00:13:33,220
Who?
389
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:34,622
CLARA PETRIE: Vivian Fogle.
390
00:13:34,722 --> 00:13:38,392
Oh, you know, dear, the girl you almost married.
391
00:13:38,492 --> 00:13:39,727
Vivian Fogle?
392
00:13:39,827 --> 00:13:42,997
You used to go to the orthodontist together.
393
00:13:43,097 --> 00:13:46,600
Oh, by the way, her teeth came out beautifully.
394
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,269
I never almost married her, Mom.
395
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:49,870
I took her out once and I couldn't stand her.
396
00:13:49,970 --> 00:13:53,274
Son, you went out with so many girls back then, I lost track.
397
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:54,542
Dad, come on, you're exaggerating.
398
00:13:54,642 --> 00:13:55,876
SAM PETRIE: Oh, no, no, no, son.
399
00:13:55,976 --> 00:13:57,011
I'm proud of you.
400
00:13:57,111 --> 00:13:58,546
[chuckles]
401
00:13:58,646 --> 00:14:01,148
CLARA PETRIE: Ah, we might just as well face it, Robbie.
402
00:14:01,248 --> 00:14:05,319
You are a very good catch.
403
00:14:05,419 --> 00:14:06,721
ROB PETRIE: Oh, hey.
404
00:14:06,821 --> 00:14:08,289
You didn't see the snapshots of the wedding yet.
405
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:09,790
SAM PETRIE: No.
406
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,192
Here we go.
407
00:14:11,292 --> 00:14:12,126
We've got quite a few here.
408
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:13,060
[chuckles]
409
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,463
My, goodness, yes.
410
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:18,966
SAM PETRIE: [laughs]
411
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,603
Oh, look at that house.
412
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,143
It sure looks delicious.
413
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,478
It is.
414
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:33,114
And we have some nice potatoes and asparagus.
415
00:14:33,214 --> 00:14:34,448
- Oh, asparagus. - Asparagus?
416
00:14:34,548 --> 00:14:35,783
Thank you very much.
417
00:14:35,883 --> 00:14:38,652
Why, Robbie, you never eat asparagus at home.
418
00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:40,855
Oh, she does it different, Mom, with a sauce.
419
00:14:40,955 --> 00:14:41,555
Oh.
420
00:14:41,655 --> 00:14:42,790
Sure looks great.
421
00:14:42,890 --> 00:14:44,225
You ought to make it that way, Clara.
422
00:14:44,325 --> 00:14:45,826
Look here, how she shaved her bottoms.
423
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,461
ROB PETRIE: Mhm.
424
00:14:47,561 --> 00:14:49,697
I just put a little melted cheese on it.
425
00:14:49,797 --> 00:14:51,098
Oh, well, that's all right, dear.
426
00:14:51,198 --> 00:14:52,533
I can scrape it off.
427
00:14:55,536 --> 00:14:58,939
We were gonna have some parrots and keys.
428
00:14:59,039 --> 00:15:01,909
[chuckles]
429
00:15:02,643 --> 00:15:05,246
Honey, anything wrong?
430
00:15:05,346 --> 00:15:08,182
Laura, is anything wrong?
431
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,083
No.
432
00:15:09,183 --> 00:15:10,684
Oh, no, darling.
433
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,888
I just remembered we're supposed to have some peas and carrots.
434
00:15:13,988 --> 00:15:17,291
Will you excuse me while I make a telephone call?
435
00:15:17,391 --> 00:15:19,527
I'll just make a phone call.
436
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:23,531
I-- [chuckles] OK.
437
00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:31,038
She's telephoning for carrots and peas?
438
00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:33,641
Well, I don't-- I don't know.
439
00:15:33,741 --> 00:15:36,343
Ooh, I'm sorry I'm late with the peas and carrots.
440
00:15:36,443 --> 00:15:37,878
Oh, listen, I didn't really cook these.
441
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:41,615
I mean, Laura cut up the carrots and put in a
little peas, made up the recipe and everything.
443
00:15:41,715 --> 00:15:43,417
All I did was turn on my burner.
444
00:15:43,517 --> 00:15:44,652
She doesn't have enough burners.
445
00:15:44,752 --> 00:15:46,253
I just did what she told me to do.
446
00:15:46,353 --> 00:15:47,988
She just borrowed my burner.
447
00:15:48,088 --> 00:15:49,056
Hi, Rob.
448
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:51,592
I mean, Laura went to the market and
got the vegetables and everything.
450
00:15:51,692 --> 00:15:52,993
So you just pretend you didn't even see me.
451
00:15:53,093 --> 00:15:54,228
I wasn't even here.
452
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:55,563
Oh, here, in case she wants more peas and carrots.
453
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:56,564
Laura did at all.
454
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:57,865
I'm just Millie, I'm nobody.
455
00:15:57,965 --> 00:15:58,566
Bye.
456
00:15:58,666 --> 00:15:59,834
It was nice meeting you.
457
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:04,271
That was, ah, our neighbor.
458
00:16:04,371 --> 00:16:06,974
Energetic.
459
00:16:07,074 --> 00:16:10,711
Well, Millie wasn't home,
so I-- oh, I see they're here.
461
00:16:10,811 --> 00:16:12,012
Millie just brought them in.
462
00:16:12,112 --> 00:16:13,113
Oh.
463
00:16:13,214 --> 00:16:15,449
You see, our stove only has the two burners.
464
00:16:15,549 --> 00:16:16,984
ROB PETRIE: Yeah, Millie, explained that too.
465
00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:18,853
Isn't she a wonderful neighbor?
466
00:16:18,953 --> 00:16:23,057
I thought she was the army's new secret weapon.
467
00:16:23,157 --> 00:16:24,658
Secret weapon, hee.
468
00:16:24,758 --> 00:16:26,527
SAM PETRIE: [laughs] She likes my jokes.
469
00:16:26,627 --> 00:16:28,596
[continues laughing]
470
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,698
Honey, don't, ah-- don't do that.
471
00:16:30,798 --> 00:16:32,533
We've tried to convince him for years he's not funny.
472
00:16:32,633 --> 00:16:35,769
[laughing]
473
00:16:36,470 --> 00:16:37,771
Ah, honey?
474
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:38,939
(SIGHS)
475
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,308
ROB PETRIE: Is there anything-- anything wrong?
476
00:16:41,408 --> 00:16:42,243
No.
477
00:16:42,343 --> 00:16:43,744
No, no, Darling.
478
00:16:43,844 --> 00:16:46,146
I just, ah-- I felt a little dizzy
there for a minute, that's all.
480
00:16:46,247 --> 00:16:47,081
Dizzy?
481
00:16:47,181 --> 00:16:49,016
Laura, you're not--
Oh, we're not, Mom.
482
00:16:49,116 --> 00:16:50,684
No.
483
00:16:50,784 --> 00:16:52,553
Honey, you're, ah-- you're not, are you?
484
00:16:52,653 --> 00:16:53,587
No, I'm not.
485
00:16:53,687 --> 00:16:54,989
She's not.
486
00:16:55,089 --> 00:16:55,956
About what?
487
00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:57,324
Oh, Sam, grow up.
488
00:17:02,663 --> 00:17:05,833
Oh, that's what she's not.
489
00:17:05,933 --> 00:17:07,434
Dad, how about a little wine?
490
00:17:07,534 --> 00:17:08,836
I'd love some, son.
491
00:17:08,936 --> 00:17:09,937
Wine?
492
00:17:10,037 --> 00:17:11,906
Why, Robbie, you never drank wine at home.
493
00:17:12,006 --> 00:17:13,507
He never drank wine at home.
494
00:17:13,607 --> 00:17:16,143
Well, neither did I, but this is sort of a special occasion.
495
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:17,077
[chuckles]
496
00:17:17,177 --> 00:17:23,384
We had many-- many special occasions
at home, but he never drank wine.
498
00:17:23,484 --> 00:17:24,752
Clara, grew up.
499
00:17:24,852 --> 00:17:27,388
Come on, let's all have a little.
500
00:17:27,488 --> 00:17:28,322
Thank you, darling.
501
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:29,256
There we are.
502
00:17:29,356 --> 00:17:30,190
Cheers.
503
00:17:30,291 --> 00:17:31,559
Cheers.
504
00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:32,793
Mhm.
505
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:50,711
(SINGING) I dream of Laura with the light brown
hair, floating like a duckling on the [inaudible]..
507
00:17:50,811 --> 00:17:53,647
I think she's making a big production out there.
508
00:17:53,747 --> 00:17:54,848
I'd better go help her.
509
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:57,451
LAURA PETRIE: (SINGING)I dream of Laura.
510
00:17:57,551 --> 00:17:58,886
Hiya, darling.
511
00:17:58,986 --> 00:18:00,621
What's the matter with you?
512
00:18:00,721 --> 00:18:01,689
Nothing's the matter with me.
513
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,124
I feel just fine.
514
00:18:04,224 --> 00:18:07,227
Yeah, you feel just a little-- a little bit too fine.
515
00:18:07,328 --> 00:18:08,796
How much wine did you have?
516
00:18:08,896 --> 00:18:11,098
Well, just that little bit that I had in there, darling.
517
00:18:11,198 --> 00:18:12,232
That's all.
518
00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:14,201
Then how much did you have before I got home?
519
00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:16,637
Oh, Rob.
520
00:18:16,737 --> 00:18:19,573
All right, no more wine for you tonight.
521
00:18:19,673 --> 00:18:20,975
Good.
522
00:18:21,075 --> 00:18:23,210
[vocalizing]
523
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,712
Oh, I'll get them.
524
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,947
You're gonna have to wash them all, dear.
525
00:18:31,285 --> 00:18:32,586
Rob, you are so lucky.
526
00:18:32,686 --> 00:18:33,554
Huh?
527
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:34,955
Oh, nothing, nothing.
528
00:18:35,055 --> 00:18:35,723
Mhm.
529
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:45,466
(SINGING) I dream of-- Sam, ah,
does that girl seem funny to you?
531
00:18:45,566 --> 00:18:48,168
You should be as funny as she is.
532
00:18:54,441 --> 00:18:57,077
I think there's something wrong with that girl.
533
00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:59,413
Ah, could be, but she's worth straightening out.
534
00:19:04,084 --> 00:19:06,987
Did you look in that closet when we came in?
535
00:19:07,087 --> 00:19:08,022
No.
536
00:19:08,122 --> 00:19:11,592
There were at least a dozen
empty wine bottles on the shelf.
538
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:12,860
There were six.
539
00:19:16,263 --> 00:19:18,132
- I was not singing. - You were too.
540
00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:19,166
I was not.
541
00:19:19,266 --> 00:19:21,802
Here we are folks, ice cream sundaes.
542
00:19:21,902 --> 00:19:22,803
Oh, that's wonderful.
543
00:19:22,903 --> 00:19:24,972
Sundaes on a Saturday.
544
00:19:25,072 --> 00:19:27,641
[chuckles]
545
00:19:27,741 --> 00:19:29,143
My, isn't that amusing.
546
00:19:32,346 --> 00:19:34,915
Well, where- where's the ice cream?
547
00:19:35,015 --> 00:19:35,983
Huh?
548
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:40,087
All I've got is chocolate sauce and nuts.
549
00:19:40,187 --> 00:19:42,256
But it's good.
550
00:19:42,356 --> 00:19:45,192
I knew I forgot something, of course, the ice cream.
551
00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:46,126
If you'll excuse me.
552
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:49,763
[inaudible]
553
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:57,404
Rob, does Laura have a-- a problem?
554
00:19:57,504 --> 00:20:01,842
Oh, I don't think, ah-- no.
555
00:20:01,942 --> 00:20:05,612
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.
556
00:20:05,713 --> 00:20:18,792
One for Robbie, one for Mumu,
one for Daddy and one for Laurie.
558
00:20:18,892 --> 00:20:20,227
I'll get it later.
559
00:20:20,327 --> 00:20:22,763
I completely missed the table, isn't that something?
560
00:20:22,863 --> 00:20:23,964
But it doesn't matter.
561
00:20:24,064 --> 00:20:26,533
See how nicely it matches the table.
562
00:20:26,633 --> 00:20:29,770
Do you want me to get--
No, no, you have your own.
564
00:20:33,807 --> 00:20:36,610
There.
565
00:20:36,710 --> 00:20:37,611
I dropped my spoony.
566
00:20:37,711 --> 00:20:38,846
I'll get it.
567
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:39,880
LAURA PETRIE: No, no, it's all right.
568
00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:41,315
I'll get it, darling.
569
00:20:45,319 --> 00:20:46,253
Oh.
570
00:21:00,234 --> 00:21:03,370
How's the, ah, weather, down here, son?
571
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:04,338
Oh, fine.
572
00:21:04,438 --> 00:21:05,405
Fine, Dad.
573
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:11,245
We had a little rain back home.
574
00:21:15,949 --> 00:21:17,084
Excuse me.
575
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,328
Laura, what is the matter with you?
576
00:21:28,428 --> 00:21:31,064
LAURA PETRIE: I'm looking for the spoon.
577
00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:33,801
ROB PETRIE: It's in your hand.
578
00:21:33,901 --> 00:21:35,269
LAURA PETRIE: OK.
579
00:21:35,369 --> 00:21:37,437
Isn't it funny how it's always the last place you look?
580
00:21:37,538 --> 00:21:38,739
[laughter]
581
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:40,774
Oh, darling, thank you for finding it for me.
582
00:21:40,874 --> 00:21:42,442
Give me a kiss. ROB PETRIE: Honey, stop this.
583
00:21:42,543 --> 00:21:44,645
LAURA PETRIE: You need to--
Oh, Sam.
584
00:21:44,745 --> 00:21:46,146
Now relax, Clara.
585
00:21:46,246 --> 00:21:48,348
We were young once, remember?
586
00:21:48,448 --> 00:21:49,950
[chuckles]
587
00:21:50,050 --> 00:21:51,752
Boy, there's something the matter.
588
00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:52,653
What?
589
00:21:52,753 --> 00:21:54,154
With you.
590
00:21:54,254 --> 00:21:55,789
There's nothing the matter with me, darling.
591
00:21:55,889 --> 00:21:58,225
What could possibly be wrong with me?
592
00:21:58,325 --> 00:22:00,928
I like Robbie and Robbie likes me.
593
00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:02,896
Well, it's, ah, been a hard trip.
594
00:22:02,996 --> 00:22:05,465
I guess, we're all a little tired and punchy.
595
00:22:05,566 --> 00:22:06,700
I'm tired.
596
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:07,901
Folks, look.
597
00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:09,570
I want you to understand one thing.
598
00:22:09,670 --> 00:22:11,572
Vivian Fogle is a fink.
599
00:22:15,442 --> 00:22:16,944
I beg your pardon?
600
00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:18,078
I'm a little drowsy, myself.
601
00:22:18,178 --> 00:22:19,980
It's been a kind of a long evening.
602
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,516
Oh, isn't he cute?
603
00:22:22,616 --> 00:22:25,219
Isn't he the cutest thing?
604
00:22:25,319 --> 00:22:26,353
Now honey, will you stop that?
605
00:22:26,453 --> 00:22:28,855
But you like me to do that though.
606
00:22:28,956 --> 00:22:31,859
Laura-- You know what
the dinner needs?
607
00:22:31,959 --> 00:22:33,060
It needs some nice music.
608
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,494
Gonna have some music, Mumu.
609
00:22:34,595 --> 00:22:35,629
Oh, yes, here we go.
610
00:22:39,132 --> 00:22:42,836
Sam, our daughter-in-law is a drunken.
611
00:22:42,936 --> 00:22:44,504
This thing isn't as bad as it looks.
612
00:22:44,605 --> 00:22:46,306
[music playing]
613
00:22:46,406 --> 00:22:49,176
And [inaudible] the possibilities.
614
00:22:49,276 --> 00:22:56,817
[humming] (SINGING)I dream of Laura
with the light brown hair [inaudible]
616
00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:58,785
around the flag pool.
617
00:22:58,885 --> 00:23:02,155
Laura, stop that.
618
00:23:02,256 --> 00:23:06,526
SAM PETRIE: One thing you've gotta say, she's obedient.
619
00:23:06,627 --> 00:23:07,561
ROB PETRIE: Honey.
620
00:23:13,166 --> 00:23:15,669
You mean just taking those
pills made Laura flip like that?
622
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:16,937
That's right.
623
00:23:17,037 --> 00:23:17,971
Hey, I need to give some of them to Mel.
624
00:23:18,071 --> 00:23:19,206
- [chuckles] - Hey, come on.
625
00:23:19,306 --> 00:23:20,240
I wanna hear the story. What happened?
626
00:23:20,340 --> 00:23:21,375
Did your folks get mad at Laura?
627
00:23:21,475 --> 00:23:22,476
Oh, no.
628
00:23:22,576 --> 00:23:26,213
After we found out what really had happened, it kind
of endeared Laura to them as she-- it meant so much,
630
00:23:26,313 --> 00:23:27,948
you know, she make a good impression on them.
631
00:23:28,048 --> 00:23:31,852
As a matter of fact, Sally's asleep.
632
00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:33,387
Sally.
633
00:23:33,487 --> 00:23:34,554
Sal.
634
00:23:34,655 --> 00:23:36,590
Oh, I'm busy today.
635
00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:38,025
Call me tomorrow, Rock.
636
00:23:40,494 --> 00:23:42,863
Boy, when this kid dreams, she dreams.
637
00:23:42,963 --> 00:23:43,930
Sally, come on, wake up.
638
00:23:44,031 --> 00:23:44,965
Mhm.
639
00:23:45,065 --> 00:23:45,932
Sal, there's a world going on.
640
00:23:46,033 --> 00:23:46,833
Come on.
641
00:23:46,933 --> 00:23:47,768
Oh, I'm sorry.
642
00:23:47,868 --> 00:23:49,169
I must have dozed off.
643
00:23:49,269 --> 00:23:51,305
Sally, I just told this whole thing for your sake.
644
00:23:51,405 --> 00:23:52,773
Well, no hard feelings, Rob.
645
00:23:52,873 --> 00:23:55,475
But I think the nap did my
headache more good than your story.
647
00:23:55,575 --> 00:23:58,211
You mean you missed the whole thing?
648
00:23:58,312 --> 00:24:02,449
Well, I think I fell asleep when Laura
was calling for the carrots and peas.
650
00:24:02,549 --> 00:24:03,850
Yeah.
651
00:24:03,950 --> 00:24:07,287
Well, you missed the part where Millie came
in with the carrots and pees and then--
653
00:24:07,387 --> 00:24:10,457
Wait a minute, we haven't got time to
go through the whole story again, Buddy.
655
00:24:10,557 --> 00:24:11,558
Sure, I have.
656
00:24:11,658 --> 00:24:13,360
Millie came in with the carrots and peas.
657
00:24:13,460 --> 00:24:15,529
And then her folks came in and she got all upset
because-- no, but Robs folks had come in.
659
00:24:15,629 --> 00:24:19,099
[fast forwarded voices]
660
00:24:24,171 --> 00:24:25,205
SALLY ROGERS: Forget it, Buddy.
661
00:24:25,305 --> 00:24:27,708
You're bringing back my headache.
662
00:24:27,808 --> 00:24:29,376
BUDDY SORRELL: OK, I quit.
663
00:24:29,476 --> 00:24:34,247
[theme song]
43635
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