All language subtitles for The Dukes of Hazzard S04E20 Dear Diary_track3_[eng]

♪ Just'a good ol' boys ♪

♪ Never meanin' no harm ♪

♪ Beats all you never saw ♪

♪ Been in trouble with the law
since the day they was born ♪

♪ Straight'nin' the curve ♪

♪ Flat'nin' the hills ♪

♪ Someday the mountain might
get 'em but the law never will ♪

♪ Makin' their way ♪

♪ The only way they know how ♪

♪ That's just a little bit more
than the law will allow ♪

♪ Just'a good ol' boys ♪

♪ Wouldn't change
if they could ♪

♪ Fightin' the system like
a true modern-day Robin Hood ♪♪

'Yee-haw!'

Yes, sir. This is one of 'em clean crisp Hazzard County days

when the Duke boys know that life is really worth a livin'.

Even the General
is feelin' pretty good.

That is, except for
a broken brake light.

Which in most places
is a minor traffic violation

but in Hazzard it's the same as stealin' from winners.

That is, if you
happen to be a Duke.

Now, that ain't no ticket
Ol' Rosco's writin'.

That's Rosco's secret diary.

An' if Ol' Boss knew

what Rosco's been tellin'
his diary all these years..

...he'd have
a double conniption fit.

"Dear Diary..

"My little buddy, Boss Hogg
really made a killin'

"this week, again.

"He made approximately
$10,000 profit

"on some hijacked radial tires.

But yours truly
gets at least 50 percent off."

Well...I won't..

Let's see,
I'll make that 30 percent.

You're not gonna let me fib
to my diary, are you?

Well, I'll make it 10 percent.

If I'm lucky...oh!

Oh, oh, look there, Flash.

'There go those Dukes.'

An' they got a tail light out.
We'll get 'em this time.

'Shit, it's Rosco.'

I give up. What does he
want us for this time?

I can always ask him.

Uh...Breaker 1-9
for one Rosco P. Coltrane.

Listen, what exactly is it
we've done wrong this time?

You got a broken tail light
that you don't know.

So, just pull it over.
You're gonna get a $5 ticket.

Rosco, you have a screw loose
or somethin'?

That's-that's the third time
you used that phony brake light

'charge on us this month.
You gonna use it again?'

I'm sure you got a broken tail
light, I mean it. Pull over.

Listen up, Rosco, if you're
gonna try an' stick us

with that phony charge, you're
gonna have to catch us first.

They're makin' a run for it.
Good, good. I love it.

It's hot pursuit time, Flash!

Whoa...whoo!

Ha ha.

Luke, this road
leads to the farm.

What are you leadin'
Rosco back to the farm for?

Just for once, I'd like to have
Uncle Jesse an' Daisy

as witnesses when
Rosco tries to pin us

with a phony
brake light charge.

Ha ha ha.

Boys, what have you
done now?

Alright, you--

Rosco's got
some cockamamie story

'bout us havin' a tail light
that ain't workin'.

- That's right.
- Oh, it is too.

No, it ain't.

Luke, it ain't workin', it's
broke. I saw it as you drove in.

- It ain't workin'.

- Oh! I love it!

Your own kin put the finger
on you. You're gettin' a ticket.

Don't give it to me,
Luke was drivin'.

You're the one who said
we got busted--

'But you had possession
of the steerin'--'

Now, where do you suppose Flash is goin' with Rosco's diary?

You could paper my room
with these things.

Our room.

Most dogs'd rather bury
a bone, than a diary.

Maybe Ol' Flash
is one of 'em vegetarians.

- Alright!
- Here you go.

- Gimme the pen.
- Give us a copy.

'Let me keep the pen,
you keep the blue one.'

Hush! I know which copy.

Oh! Good!

You got more tickets
than I do.

Alright, let's get outta here.
Alright.

Leap into the car.

Just go right on in.

Leap right in there.

I'm gettin' awful tired

of doin' your leapin'
for you, sweetheart.

You know, you're gettin' chubby.

Just like Boss Hogg.
In fact, you're gettin' fat!

But I love you. I love you.

Alright now, not havin'
your car legal ain't funny.

'So just get it fixed
and get to work.'

Maybe we'll make enough out of
the farm to pay your tickets.

- Yes, sir.
- Sorry 'bout that, Luke.

Meanwhile, Boss Hogg was payin' off them two fellers

who hijacked
the brand new radial tires

that Ol' Rosco has been writin' 'bout in his diary.

Here it is, boys.
Here's your money.

An' I want to thank you
very very much for everythin'.

No, no, no!
No need to count it.

Like they say around here, when
you do business with J.D. Hogg

there's no need to worry.

You're $1,000 short
of our deal, Hogg.

Oh, am I?
Oh, yes, so I am.

Well, I can explain all that.

You see, them hijacked
tires of yours..

Well, they turned out to be
little itty-bitty tires.

Uh, to go on little
itty-bitty phone calls..

So I took myself a little
itty-bitty discount.

An' if you don't give
us our $1,000

we'll have to take a little
itty-bitty out of your hide.

Yeah, like knockin' them
gold fillings outta your teeth.

That oughta be worth somethin'.

Well, wait a minute.
Wait a minute, here.

You boys sure don't know nothin'
'bout doin' business, do you?

I mean, I just decided
to give you a break here.

You understand? An' besides..

...I never even did deduct
my overhead expenses.

You mean like,
fillin' your fat belly?

No, sir!
I-I eat like a bird.

I'm just naturally plump.

Here's your lunch,
Cousin Boss.

Ham hocks, deep fried okra,
hush puppies, an' red eye gravy.

'Cletus, gimme this thing.'

Listen, these gents are takin'
up too much of my time as it is.

So, do your duty an' show them
the fastest way out of town.

No, sir. Now, we ain't goin'
nowhere, till we get our money.

That's right.

Oh, yeah? Well, Cousin Boss
says move, you move.

Cletus, do it again.
Only this time, use your gun.

Okay. Oh, yeah? Cousin Boss
says move, you move.

It worked!

We ain't through
with you yet, Hogg.

Oh, yes, you are.

Oh, yes, you are.

'What in tarnation
is that imbecile doin' there?'

Let's dump this.

I'll be back.

What Rosco's lookin'
for is his diary

that Flash buried out
at the Duke farm.

Flash.

Which is what Flash is sayin'.

If Rosco would just
pay attention.

Oh! Oh, here's a little car.

- Vroom, vroom, vroom!
- 'Rosco!'

Rosco, what do you think
you're doin' there?

You're tearin' up your car?
Have you lost your marbles?

No, I didn't lose my marbles,
I'll tell you what I lost.

I lost my diary.

A diary!
- Yeah. My little red diary.

- Yeah, well, it's a lil' diary.

- The usual diary.

The diary that you write
everythin' in.

Everythin'?
What kind of everythin'?

- You did.

Well, I didn't mean
everythin', everythin'.

I meant just a lil' everythin'
'bout this an' that.

This an' that?
What kinda this an' that?

- You did.

I didn't mean this an' that.
I meant 'bout me an' everybody.

Everybody!
Who everybody?

- Oh, don't start that again!

Let me get it straight,
knuckle head.

It's me you're writin'
'bout in that diary, right?

Well, naturally, you're my lil'
fat buddy. I wrote a little bit.

- A little! A little! A little!
- A little bit.

So, Rosco told Boss
how he wrote his diary.

Every detail, right down
to the fine frog hair.

From their first
one arm bandit operation

right on down to the present
hijacked radial tire.

- Rosco, say you didn't--

Say you didn't write all that
down in your own handwritin'.

I didn't write all that down
in my own handwritin'.

King Jacks. I lied.

Alright. Look, look.
We just gotta find that diary.

Where was the last place
you'd seen it?

The last time I saw it
it was in my car

when I was out
at the Duke farm.

The Duke farm!
Alright, alright.

Then, that's where
you lost it, you dodo.

Now, if them Dukes
find that diary

they've got your true
confessions an' enough on me

to send me up the river
for 500 years to life.

Or even longer.

Come on. We gotta get
that diary back.

Let's get that back seat
in there, so we can get..

Not this end,
take the driver's side.

- Alright, get it in there.
- Don't shove.

Hurry up.

Ol' Flash keeps talkin',
an' nobody's listenin'.

You know, sometimes
I feel that way myself.

Alright, leap in there.

Just leap right on.
Oh, Flash.

Get that thing'
in there, will you?

She wants to go.

Oh, get that flea-collector
in there an' let's go.

Oh, I love this.
I love this!

Hurry up, before somebody else
gets that diary.

- Yeah. Let's go.

Hot pursuit.

- Alright, come on now.
- Hang on, hot pursuit.

- Oh, wait, wait.

Naturally, Ol' Rosco's diary

was still where Ol' Flash
had buried it.

- Hey, Bo.

That brake light workin'?

Yeah, it works fine.
You're a genius.

Alright!

- No, that don't work so good.

You got it fixed, huh?

Yeah, the bulb wasn't burned out
after all, just a loose wire.

Alright, alright.
Now watch it, will you?

- Watch it when you stop.
- Calm down, Boss.

Oh ho ho!

I'll tell you somethin'.

Just I can't believe what
you've done with this car.

Nice piece
of drivin' there, Rosco.

J.D., just state your business
an' get on. We got chores to do.

Yes, an' the only chores
I wanna see outta you Dukes

is you givin' Rosco
back his diary.

You know, doggone
well which diary.

The one I lost when I was
writin' Luke that ticket.

Rosco, was it red an' had
a little gold clasp on it?

Oh, yeah. That was it!
Give it to me.

I ain't got it, I know
that's the only kind

Mr. Rheubottom
sells at his store.

So, you musta lost
it somewhere else, Rosco.

Besides, what's so important
'bout a dang diary?

Are you kiddin'? I'll tell you
what's so important.

It had all my private little
thoughts in there.

I know what
you're gonna do.

You're gonna blackmail
Boss an' I--

Rosco, zip!
You talk too much.

J.D., we ain't got the diary
an' that's the end of it.

No, it ain't. I ain't buyin'
that story no how.

So if you don't
give back the diary

I'm havin' you guys
taken in an' locked up.

Lockin' us up?
On what charge?

We don't need a charge.

You Duke boys are guilty
in Hazzard County

until proven innocent.

Rosco!

Listen, if you wanna charge
I got a whole file of charges

back in my office. The first
charge is Grand Theft Diary.

Rosco, cuff them Duke boys
an' stuff 'em!

Right. Come on.

No, no, no!
They're gettin' away.

They're gettin' away.
After 'em! Come on!

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on!
Come on, move it!

- Come on. Don't just..
- Hot pursuit!

Hang on, Luke!

Three cars, two lanes.

An' everybody knows that three don't go into two..

...without some pieces
left over.

Get out of the way!

Oh, watch it!

- Oh ho ho ho.
- Oh, dagblast it!

She's not used to
those sudden stops either.

Boy, I tell you, we're in
the free an' clear, cousin.

Hang on a minute.

Whoo!

Why is it every time we think
we're in the free an' clear..

...somethin' like this happens.

Well, that dang Rosco's dairy's
already cost us a tire.

What worries me more is that
file of charges against us.

Wonder why he kept it
a secret so long.

I'll get the keys.

The tire ain't
gonna change itself!

Now, meanwhile Ol' Jesse an'
Daisy kept up with the chores

even though inside
they were plum eat up

with what Ol' Boss an' Rosco
was doin' to the boys.

Alright, Bonnie-Mae, let's get
with it. It's time to get milk.

Uncle Jesse,
take it easy.

Bonnie-Mae is not the one
you really angry at.

Well, you're right
'bout that, girl.

I'm sorry, dear,
let's go without..

Hey, would you
look at this?

Rosco's diary?

Must be! Like I said
this only kind

that Mr. Rhuebottom
sells at his store.

Just to make sure,
I'm gonna read it.

No, no, Daisy,
we can't, it's private.

It's private an' I'll bet you
the way Ol' J.D. was after this

that every rotten deal
that the two of 'em ever made

is written down
right inside here.

You know, I'll bet you,
Boss wants it bad enough

he'll let Bo an' Luke
off the hook for this.

That's exactly
what I am thinkin'.

And to think you nearly
ate it, Bonnie-Mae.

'Well, it's a good thing
you didn't, Bonnie-Mae'

because what's in here would've
made you sick to your stomach.

- Let's give Ol' J.D. a call.
- Yeah, I'll take care of this.

No, no, no, you don't.
I know what you are up to.

Now, friends, that's integrity.

- Let it down easy now.
- I get it.

Slid up that jack.

Oh, for Pete's sake,
the spare's flat.

Looks like one of us
has to get the pump--

I'll get the pump,
we'll both pump.

Yeah, that's right, J.D.
I found Rosco's dairy.

- 'Right where it was buried.'
- Listen, Jesse, this is Rosco.

I don't want you readin'
any of my personal thoughts.

Especially, 'bout my mama
readin' "Jack an' The Beanstalk"

to me at night to get me to
sleep. That ain't your business.

No, I didn't read it, Rosco,
an' I got no mind to read it.

Look, hope you ain't
read 'bout Rosco's teddy bear.

None of that stuff,
you know, Jesse.

No, I didn't read
'bout no teddy bear.

Now, I'll tell you
what I wanna do, J.D.

I wanna make a deal with you.

I'll give you this your diary,
if you'll drop all 'em charges

you say you got against my boys.
Now, is that a deal?

'Like I said, that book is just
'bout Rosco's teddy bear.'

Well, now look who else
has got their ears on

for this conversation.

Them ol' boys,
that Boss double-crossed.

'J.D., have we got us a deal
or not? I'm a waitin'.'

How can I be sure, you ain't
really read Rosco's dairy

from cover to cover an' you're
waitin' to use Rosco's words

against him
in the court of law.

J.D., 'cause I say I didn't
read it an' I got more integrity

in my little pinky than
you got in your whole body.

If I say I didn't read it,
I didn't read it.

Alright, alright,
it's a deal.

Only, we gotta spit
an' shake on it first.

Alright, I'm a spittin'.

An' I'm a spittin'.

An' I'm a shakin'.

An' I'm a shakin'.

- Done.
- Done.

I'm proud of you.

Now, listen, Jesse,
you just get that diary

over here lickety-split, you
hear? An' I mean lickety-split.

Alright, J.D.,
I'm a comin' in.

Now, I'm comin' down
the Old Mill Road

so you tell Rosco an' Cletus to
take in all their speed traps!

'You got that?'

- He's gone.
- Oh.

- Phew.

Nobody, every read
'bout my teddy bear before.

Yeah, an' nobody would have,
if hadn't put in writin'.

An' it didn't take
much thinkin'

to figure out
what was in that diary, too.

An' how they could use it
to get back at Boss

for double-crossin' 'em.

That diary can get us
that $1000 Hogg owes us

an' then some, Avery.

Yeah, Jesse Duke said he'd be
comin' around Old Mill Road.

Let's do it.

Jesse didn't know he had
a whole truck load of trouble

headin' his way,
as he talked to Bo an' Luke

an' told 'em 'bout Bonnie-Mae
findin' Rosco's diary.

An' his deal with Boss to drop all the charges against 'em.

So, when you boys
get through there

while you high-tail
it over to J.D.'s office.

I'll meet you there.

'We'll get this
whole thing settled'

an' get back to doin'
what we're supposed be doin'.

Runnin' the farm.

This is Shepherd. Clear!

Well, it's just 'bout here
with that load of trouble

caught up with Jesse.

Must be him.

Run him off.

What in the world are you..

Numbskull!

Now, Jesse didn't know
who them fellers were

but it was pretty plain to see

their intentions
were a might malicious.

Looks like I got
myself some company.

Alright, boy.

Let us see
how good you are.

Move it, Avery!
You're losin' him!

I've got my teeth
on the likes of you.

I'll just keep you
with me a little while

an' then you wonder
what happened to Uncle Jesse.

Friends, it takes
an awful good man

to catch an old ridge runner
like Jesse.

However, what was chasin'
wasn't the problem.

This dang road.

Good gracious!
They ought to be made to..

Ooh! Oh, that's 'bout..

Howdy.

Alright, Duke.
We'll take that diary.

What diary?

Look in the truck.

'Who are you fellers?'

It ain't there.
He must have it on him.

Hand it over, Duke.

I don't know what
you're talkin' 'bout.

Uh-uh, listen, fellers.

I need a doctor bad.

Ouch. Ooh. Ooh.

- That hurts.
- Thank you.

Real sorry we gotta
leave you like that.

Come on, let's go.

Gotta get to that C.B.

Oh!

Look at her toe nails.
Aren't they--

- Look at her toe nails.

- They just shine.
- Oh!

What in- Oh, here's
another one. Ah!

'Trim your cuticle.'

You got a lot cuticle
with a lot little..

- Hi, y'all.

Well, I was just askin'
myself the same question.

Somethin's wrong. He should've
beat us here by five minutes.

He should! If he ain't here in
two minutes with Rosco's diary

you boys are headed
straight for the hoosegow.

You see, I knew we couldn't
trust you Duke boys.

Hold on, he gave his word,
he'll be here an' he'll be here.

Shepherd to Lost Sheep.

Shepherd to Lost Sheep.

'Shepherd to Lost Sheep.'

'Shepherd to Lost Sheep.
You out there? Come in.'

This here's Luke, Uncle Jesse.
What's wrong. Where are you at?

I'm on the Old Mill Road
right near Sutter's Creek.

Ah, it seems I kinda got
my ankle outta joint.

I stepped in a gopher hole
or somethin' here.

'Some fellers tried
to run me off the road--'

The diary! Rosco's diary,
Jesse, where is it?

They took it.

This is sad to hear.

- They took it.
- Uncle Jesse, listen.

Luke an' me are on the way.
Don't you move!.

Oh, wait, wait, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

You boys ain't goin'
nowhere, but jail.

'Rosco, you know
what's a ploy?'

- Well, no. It's a--
- You're lookin' at one.

This is a ploy to get back
that file of charges I got.

- Oh, now, wait a minute, Boss.
- Aah! Rosco, lock 'em up.

Alright. Freeze, you boys!
Listen, just move it.

You heard Uncle Jesse
on the C.B. He hurt himself.

Get over there
an' get in that cell.

- We can't sit around here--
- Just hush it right there.

Hold this.

- Rosco, I can't hold a gun.
- Come on.

'Don't throw
that gun in there.'

- 'Cletus, get after 'em.'
- 'I haven't a gun either.'

Nobody's got a gun around here!

Freeze!

'Alright,
get your guns together.'

Alright. Come on, get 'em.
Go on after 'em.

- Come on, Cletus. Get in there.
- Go, go.

Looks like Ol' Rosco watched
the same cowboy movies I did.

You scrumped my posterior
an' you scrumped my watch.

You're lucky.
Get out of here. Git!

Follow me!

'Follow your leader.'

Uncle Jesse, this here's Luke.
We're on our way.

'
- I hear you, Luke.

Shoot up Plainview Road.
It'll save us a couple 'a miles!

Ooh, hot pursuit.
Hot pursuit.

Okay, Charlie.
Yeah, raise it up there.

Easy now.

Raise it on up.
Yeah, easy. Easy now.

That's it. You got it.

Keep on goin'.

Bo, what in the heck is that?

'Hey, look out!'

Look out?
What good will that do?

Hang on.

Ooh!

Oh ho ho!

What a scuff.
You-you dipstick!

You alright, Sheriff?

Get that big oversized
toothpick off my..

That's a big pole.

'You don't know what
that could've done to my..'

'Don't let me crash.'

Hey, right over there.
There he is.

- 'Glad to see you.'
- We're glad to see you, too.'

How bad is it,
Uncle Jesse?

Well, it's a long way from the
heart, but it sure does hurt.

Yeah, you might've torn
somethin' pretty bad.

We gotta get you to Doc Appleby.
Don't put no weight on it.

Nice to see you boys.
You can give us a hand here.

Alright.

Looks like Ol' Doc Appleby
has to make a house call..

...to the jailhouse.

- Just be careful, now.
- 'Uncle Jesse, hi.'

- Oh, I'm fine, fine, fine.

Just--
Will you watch it?

Daisy came runnin' over
from the Boar's Nest

when she heard what had
happened to Uncle Jesse.

All the boys could do from that cell was just watch an' wonder

what Boss Hogg had in mind
for them this time.

Rosco, Do you believe Jesse's
cock an' bull story

'bout being ambushed
with that diary?

- Uh, I-I do--
- So do I.

- Yeah.

But don't you ever, ever,
ever tell him, I said so.

No, I won't.

- The question is..

Who else would want to use
that diary against me?

Well, just 'bout
anybody in town.

Th-there's a phone.

J.D. Hogg.

'We ain't through with you yet.'

Avery an' me, uh, we got
this little red book

we think you might
be interested in.

What

Avery an' Hadley have got their
hands on that diary of yours.

Ah, say 'bout the diary..

How do we know that we're
talkin' 'bout the one

an' the same book.

Well, I could, uh, read a page
or two of what's in it.

Well, it says here how, uh..

"Boss ran a stolen
car operation in 1978."

That's in there.
That's in there.

How he robbed his own bank
for the insurance money in 1979.

Oh, that's in there too.

Oh, we figured this could
make real nice readin'

for the Federal Marshal
in Atlanta.

Oh, no, no, no!
No, don't do that.

Alright, alright,
how much?

Twenty five thousand.

Deliver it in small bills
to the Sycamore Road

dead end in one hour.

An' no funny business.

'Cause you know how good
Avery is with a gun.

They're blackmailin' me

with that dagblasted
dumb diary of yours.

Ah! What you got here?
Get me out of this.

Ah! You caught me again.

Listen, Boss.

Listen, listen.

I am just terribly sorry--

Yeah, well, bein' sorry
ain't gonna save me

from payin' out 25,000 simoleons
of my hard earned money.

- Well, maybe--
- Legal or illegal.

- Maybe, you know, if I could--
- Illegal money.

- Yeah, that's it.
- Illegal money, illegal money!

- Oh-oh, I got it, I got it.
What?

Listen, we still have lots
of that counterfeit money

down in the evidence bin,
don't we?

- Yeah, it's down there, but--
- Oh, but me nothin'.

Listen, you go get it.

Because that's what I'm payin'
off Avery an' Hadley with.

Are you kiddin'? Listen, if they
found out that's funny money

that's gonna be hazardous
to anybody that delivers it.

Yeah, I know, I know.

That's why I'm gonna have
the Duke boys deliver it for me.

Oh!

In exchange
for their freedom.

Oh, that's brilliant.
That's brilliant.

- Yeah, yeah, shh!
- I just love you.

Well, alright Jesse,
Doc got you back in one piece.

J.D., now you can just
let them boys outta jail

because when I tell you
them fellers bushwhacked me

'an' ran me off the road,
that's a livin' truth'

an' you know it.

Well, of course I do, Jesse.

In fact, I just heard from
them an' you know what?

They want $25,000 in return
for Rosco's diary.

Yeah, my guess is they're
just partners of your boys.

Partners?

Oh, now wait a minute,
they're no partners of ours.

We don't even know
who you're talkin' 'bout.

- Well, then prove it.

You just deliver
that money to them fellers

whoever they are,
an' bring back Rosco's diary.

That ought to
prove you innocent.

- You'll get outta jail, free.

'How's that go down with you?'

Plus, I'll destroy that big file
of charges I got against you.

Rosco, go show
'em that file.

Don't now boys, boys.

'Don't listen to J.D. He's gotta
have somethin' up his sleeve.'

Both sleeves, more likely!

Oh, Jesse, Jesse, the only thing
I got up my sleeve..

...is a one way ticket
to the state pen

if you boys don't
bring back that diary.

Uncle Jesse,
we gotta take the chance.

Alright Boss, we'll deliver
the money for you

an' we'll get
that dang diary back.

Well, that's more like it.
Alright, come on.

Let's go get that money.

Daisy, why don't you make sure
Uncle Jesse gets home okay.

Yeah, you bet I will.

You boys, I still don't like
what your doin', but..

...be careful.

Jesse headed home to Daisy's tender lovin' care.

Rosco went to put
that phony $25,000 together.

An' all Bo an' Luke could
do was just sit there

like a sack of grits.

Just like these
two fellers waitin'

for Boss an' that money.

Boss gave Bo an' Luke the bag
filled with the money

an' sent them out to meet
them fellers to bring back

Ol' Rosco's diary.

Where are we
meetin' these guys?

They said they'll be waitin'
at Sycamore Road, dead end.

But don't give 'em
the money

until you get your hands
on the diary.

An' once you got the diary,
I'm sure Rosco wants you

to keep your nosey
eyes outta it.

Yes, yes, I don't want you
readin' 'bout my teddy bear.

Oh, hush.

Well, he'll read
'bout your rubber ducky.

Hush! This time I mean it.

Rosco, you sure are makin' that
diary awful temptin' to read.

Well, there is page 4
you can--

Oh, would you just zip up?
Here, take the money.

Get started.

An' you bring
back that diary..

...unread. Now git.

- Yes, sir.

There, they're gonna take it.

- Bo.
- Hey, Luke.

- Bo.

Spare the paint job,
we ain't in a rush.

Oh, yeah.
You're right.

Oh, gun them
tires.

There must be somethin' awful,
awful important in that diary

for Boss to part
with that kinda money.

Yeah, I don't feel none
too good 'bout it either.

It just don't seem right.

Think I hear
a car comin'.

- You know what to do.
- I know what to do.

Alright, that's far enough.

Avery.

Alright.

Now, listen, we've got..

We got your money.

- Bo.

- I don't know you two.

Why didn't Boss Hogg
come himself?

Just lazy, I guess.

Hey, look, we're not
tryin' to pull anythin'

all we want is that diary.

You'll get the money,
we'll be gone.

But we'll teach you a lesson
for gangin' up on our uncle.

That ain't what
we came here for.

Yeah, take it easy.

An' hand over
that money.

We wanna see
that diary first.

See it?

Now, let's take
a look at that money.

Alright, here you go.

All that money
look beautiful.

Go on, give 'em the diary,
let's get outta here.

Yeah, I would...
if it was real.

But it ain't.
Here, feel it.

Feels good enough.

But it ain't good enough.

Look at these slightly
smudged serial numbers.

'The U.S.A is a lot
more neat than that.'

We've been had.

I'll teach you a lesson.

Fights dirty, don't he?

I've lost my gun.
Come on, let's get outta here.

Bo, can you drive?
I ain't feelin' up to it.

I-I can't see nothin', Luke.

One thing the boys
knew for sure.

They didn't bring
that diary back to Boss..

...he'd throw
his own book at 'em

figured that they was in
with them fellers, after all.

- I think so.

Once I start breathin'
I'll feel a lot better.

They're headin' up
Arrowhead Road.

What's wrong?

I don't think this dang thing
gonna make it up this hill.

They're slowin' down.

- Try the emergency break.
- I did.

It ain't workin' either.

- They're backin' up at us.
- You better reconsider.

Get outta the way!

We're gonna go over the edge.
Jump for it, Avery!

Quick, I smell gas.

Well, thank goodness they
got outta there alright.

But Rosco's diary didn't.

You know, some days
nothin' goes right.

Come on,
come on.

Alright, listen now,
where's that diary?

You want it?

Go get it.

Are you kiddin' me?
Come on.

Hold on, Bo.
Come on.

They ain't worth
nothin' to us now.

'It is that diary.'

'Well, that's for sure.'

Well, the boys started
back to town to tell Boss

an' Rosco the good news
'bout the diary burnin' up.

But then Ol' Luke
thought of somethin'.

Well, there ain't no reason
for us to drive back into town

an' tell Boss
the diary burned up.

Give me one good
reason why not?

He never believed us before,
why should he start now?

That's one good reason.

He'll still think we read it
an' robbed the blackmailer.

He's still got that file of
charges to hold over our head.

How the heck we gonna get
that thing away from him?

I only wish I knew.

If Boss had seen
that diary burn up

with his own beady little eyes,
we'd be outta this mess.

What'd we stop for?

I think you might've just
hit the nail on the head.

How'd I do that?

Well, what if Boss did get
to see that diary destroyed?

We just saw the dang thing burn
up with our own eyes.

Yeah, but he didn't.

All we gotta do is get
ourselves another diary

an' then let him see it
get destroyed, like...like that.

Oh, oh, wait a minute.

Now, how we gonna
get him out here to see it.

That's gonna take
a little plannin'.

I've got an idea.

Daisy, got your ears on?

A part of Luke's plan
was to get Daisy

to make a special trip over
to Rhuebottom's general store

an' buy another red diary
just like Roscos'.

An' meet the boys
over at Cooter's garage.

- Hey.
- Hey, fellers.

There you go.

- Alright.
- Oh, it's perfect.

Anythin' else
you want me to do?

No, you just make sure
Uncle Jesse's okay, alright?

I'll make sure
he's off that foot.

An' hey, good luck!

Thanks a lot.

Time to call Boss.

Mabel, can you get me Boss Hogg
at City Hall office?

I'm a get me a ring-side seat
for this stunt.

Boss Hogg,
this is Luke Duke.

Luke Duke, yeah.
How you doin'?

You boys have any trouble
or anythin'?

I mean, have you got the diary?

Yeah, we got the diary, alright?

Oh, they got the diary.
They got the diary!

Well, alright.

Then why ain't you bringin' it
over here, instead of callin'?

I know.

This time you actually
read that diary

an' now, you're plannin'
to blackmail poor old Rosco

because of it, ain't you?

Or maybe you're gonna use it
to blackmail me, huh?

- Naughty naughty.

We didn't read it.
We don't want money.

Uncle Jesse brought us up
better than that.

That's right. Your Uncle Jesse,
he is an honorable man.

An' I sure hope that honor
runs in the family.

They didn't read it.
So they say.

Alright, then,
what are you callin' me for?

Hold on, I just want
to check the original deal.

We give you the diary, you give
us that file of charges, right?

Yeah, right, right.
That's our deal.

You just bring me that diary
an' we'll forget everythin'.

We will forget.

You'll have that diary in your
little hands before you know it.

Alright. They're bringin'
it right over.

- Let's go, boys.
- Alright.

This I gotta see.

'Knock knock knock.'

- Come in.
- Come in.

- There it is!
- There it is.

Rosco's diary.
Now, hand over that charge file.

'Alright, alright.
Fair exchange.'

That for this,
this for that.

Give it here.

I ain't sure I trust you.
Hand me that first.

Listen, I have
a humongous idea.

Listen, on the count of three,
you both exchange, okay?

Agreed.

Okay, one, two..

I didn't say three.
You're cheatin'.

Wait a minute.
I've been thinkin'.

You've been tryin' to snooker
us Dukes at everythin' we own.

I think it's 'bout time
you paid for it.

Bo, listen, we had
a deal 'bout this.

No, sir, you made a deal with
Luke. You never talked to me.

Alright, Rosco,
I'm gonna take care of this.

Listen, I don't take kindly
makin' me look like a fool.

'Now, I promised
that man that diary.'

Luke, I thought
you'd be on my side.

He's been tryin' to snooker us
at everythin' we own.

'I ain't givin' it back,
not unless you pay for it.'

You think you're man enough
to go through me?

I think I can go through you.

- Bo, you're overactin'.
- Sorry.

Oh!

Tell him, give us
back the diary.

Oh!

Luke, you an' me
are through permanent.

As for you, Boss, if you ever
want to see this diary again

you gonna have to pay me
real good for it. You got it?

Wait a minute.

Hold on, Rosco.
Let me drive.

I know every move of that
double dealin' cousin of mine.

Good idea.
Let him drive.

Are you kiddin'?
He can't drive.

He's no lawman. He can't drive
the Sheriff's car.

- Well, then deputize me.
- Yeah, deputize him.

The diary's gettin' away.

I can't just go, poof,
you're a deputy.

Go poof or you're fired.

- Poof, you're a deputy.
- Come on.

Alright, here we go!

Cooter sure did enjoy
the boys performance.

But it wasn't over yet.

Bo's gonna try an' lose us
at Cottontail Road.

Listen up, Bo, I'd hate to have
to run you off the road.

You ain't runnin'
nobody of no road, Cuz.

'First of, you gotta learn how
to drive in order to do that.'

Uh, it sounds like they mean it.
You sure they're actin'?

Oh, I'm positive,
Uncle Jesse.

- Shoot, he's gonna jump.
- Oh, no.

Yee-hoo!

Here we go.

Alright, Bo,
hand over that diary.

You gotta come get it, Luke.

Alright.

You win.

There's your dairy.

Good work, good work, Luke.

Now, just hand over the dairy.

Set that file of charges
right there.

Set the file of charges
on General Lee an' back up.

There we had a deal.
There it is.

An' now step back.

Step back.
What you gonna do, throw it?

- Alright, well, throw it.
- Catch.

My diary.
My precious little diary.

All my precious memories, gone.

'Oh, quit your cryin'.'

Most of which were in
there was 'bout me, wasn't it?

Good riddance to that thing.

Now that that diary has all been
shredded into itty-bitty pieces

there's no reason
for you boys to keep

that file of charges
against you, so hand it over.

It ain't our fault
you couldn't catch that diary.

- Rosco, just go get it.
- Yeah, give me that file.

It's your fault.
It's your fault.

I mean it took me 20 years,
just squeezin', pinchin'

an' doin' everythin'
to get all that charges.

Now, the boys finished
up their little play lit

by makin' up with each other
in front of Boss an' Rosco.

Ol' Boss made Rosco promise that he'd never write anythin'

on paper again, unless it was
a citation against the Dukes.

Which meant startin' up
a whole new file

of charges against 'em.

Jesse an' Daisy just loved
hearin' the whole story

'bout all that play act.

You know 'em Duke boys
ain't half bad.

...right into the shredder.

That is for Hazzard County.