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ANNOUNCER: The Dick Van Dyke Show!
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( MUSIC PLAYING )
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( BANJO STRUMMING )
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( BACKGROUND SINGING )
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He's at it again!
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Honey, will you go make up his bed?
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All right.
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ~ Hello roses hello dew
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~ Hello bluebird
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Hi. Hi, Jerry.
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Hi, Stace. Hi ya, Burford.
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It's nap time.
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Look, what do you want to hear?
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Sit down right here. You got any requests?
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How about sleepy time in the den?
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Oh, that's a good one.
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~ When it's sleepy time in the den... ~
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Nap time.
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ~ It's nap time in the
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~ It's nap time in the
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Hi, Laura.
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Bed's all made up.
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Oh, good. I'll trade you a banjo for a pillow.
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No, I better keep it. I might want to play myself awake.
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Excuse me.
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Quiet out there I'm trying to go to sleep.
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Hey, that's a funny guy.
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Is he always that funny around the house?
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Uh, only sometimes, Jerry.
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Is he, isn't he going to do anymore?
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Uh, no, that's it.
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Isn't he going to come out?
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Uh, no.
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What's going on?
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Sit down, Jerry.
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Rob, do you think you ought to tell him?
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Tell me what?
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Look, Jerry, if I tell you,
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will you please not spread it all over the neighborhood?
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I promise. what?
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Well, didn't you notice that my brother Stace
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was acting a little strangely just now?
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Well, yeah, but I thought he was joking.
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Well, yeah, he was joking, all right,
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but he was also acting that way because he has a problem.
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Problem?
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Yeah, and he thought he had it licked, too,
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but obviously he hasn't.
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Well, what's his problem?
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You just saw it!
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What did I see? What?
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Jer, you just saw a demonstration of sleepwalking.
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You mean, your brother's a sleepwalker?
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One of the greatest sleepwalkers in history.
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You mean that just now Stacey was...
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BOTH: sound asleep.
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Rob, are you asking me to believe
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that your brother just did that whole funny bit for me
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while he was asleep?
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Well, it's true. Laura, is he kidding?
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No, he's not kidding, Jerry.
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What do you suppose causes it?
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Well, he's gonna be
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released from the Army where he's been safe and secure,
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and he's gonna have to go out into the world,
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and he wants so much to be a comedian
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and he just doesn't have the confidence to be one.
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Confidence?
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He looked pretty confident to me.
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Oh, well, when he's asleep, he's confident,
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but when he's awake, he's a scared rabbit.
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He's got to audition for Alan Brady tomorrow,
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and he's got to do it awake.
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Can he perform like that when he's awake?
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Oh, no, he can't.
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That's hard to believe.
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Hey, how can you tell when he's sleepwalking?
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Oh, well that's easy
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when he's asleep, he's outgoing.
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He calls everyone Burford
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and he doesn't wear his glasses,
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and when he's awake, he's shy and timid.
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( BANJO STRUMMING )
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there he goes again.
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He sure sounds funny.
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Are you sure he's not awake?
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No, he's asleep.
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If only he could be that good when he's awake.
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You mean, he doesn't know how he is
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when he's asleep?
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He's never heard himself!
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( BANJO STRUMMING )
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hey!
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Honey, will you plug this in?
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Jerry? Yeah.
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Get that stool and put it out in the middle of the floor.
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Plug it in why? Just plug it in.
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Your seat's right there in the middle of the floor.
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ( BACKGROUND SINGING )
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hey, Stace... Hi ya, Burford.
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It's showtime.
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Oh, good.
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It's showtime, and I'm your favorite performer.
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Okay, everybody around the stage.
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Everybody get around here, make a big circle,
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and I'll play a little banjo songbook.
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What's that?
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Oh, we're broadcasting, Stace.
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Oh, good. Hi, Mom.
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( CHUCKLES )
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for my first number, I'd like to do
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a medley of banjo songs
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that you don't get a chance to hear on the banjo too often,
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and you can all be pretty glad of that.
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And here it is.
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( BANJO STRUMMING )
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~ Well won't you come home Bill Bailey ~
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~ Won't you come home?
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~ I moaned all day long yeah
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This fella goes up to a guy on the street
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and he says, "Say,"
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he says, "can you give me 15 cents for a sandwich?"
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And the guy says, "I don't know
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let me see a sandwich.
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( CHUCKLES )
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on the street.
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( BANJO STRUMMING )
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~ Well won't you come home bill bailey ~
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~ Won't you come home?
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~ I moaned all day long yeah
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~ I'll do the cooking, honey.
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~ I'll pay the rent.
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~ I know I done you...
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...goes up to a guy in the street, and he says, "Say,"
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he says, "say, can you give me 15 cents for a sandwich?"
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And the guy says, "I don't know
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let me see a sandwich."
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~ Bill Bailey won't you please come home ~
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( CLAPPING )
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huh! Is that good? Yeah.
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Stace, that's the way you sound when you're asleep.
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Now I want you to sound that way when you're awake.
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Would you please try it once?
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Oh, I don't know.
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Just try it.
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Okay.
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I'll see what I...
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ~ Hm, hm, won't you... Won't you... ~
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~ Come there, come on, come on, hm, hm... ~
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~ Won't, won't you come... Won't you come ~
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Could I hear it again, Rob?
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Oh, sure, Stace.
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Won't you come home,
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Bill Bailey, won't you come home?
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I moaned the whole day long.
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Okay.
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ~ Won't come on
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~ Come here won't...
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( BANJO STRUMMING ) ~ Come on home
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~ Come here come on hm won't you... ~
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~ Won't you come, won't
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I don't think he's gonna come home, Rob.
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Hey, I just remembered.
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I've got company for dinner tonight.
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I don't want to keep them waiting.
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Hey, uh, Stace good luck on your audition, huh.
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Everything will be just fine.
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See you later.
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( DOOR CLOSES )
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i, I don't, uh, think I'm ready to audition, Rob.
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Doggone it, Stacey. You're a funny guy.
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Yeah, asleep I'm a riot.
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I don't care asleep or awake
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Stace, that was you on the tape.
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That was you at the party the other night.
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You were great!
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Yeah, I'm great on tapes and at parties,
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but not for auditioning for big stars like Alan Brady.
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Rob, I, I, I really appreciate
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what you're trying to do,
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but I just can't go through with it.
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Stace, the other night, here in the living room,
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you were fabulous.
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Yeah, but I was asleep, and I wasn't doing an audition,
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and it was a party.
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Yeah...party.
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Believe me, Rob, we'd both be better off
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if we'd call this whole thing off.
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Can't even keep my foot tapping right to the music...
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I'm not gonna call off the audition.
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Rob, maybe you better.
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I don't think you're ever gonna get him downtown
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to that audition.
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All right, honey, we'll get Alan Brady out here
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and audition him in the living room.
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Well, darling, what difference does it make where it is?
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The point is he's too frightened.
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Honey, he might just bust out of it.
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Somewhere deep inside of that boy is a real performer,
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and when a performer gets up in front of an audience,
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those little adrenal glands
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start pumping confidence into him.
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What audience?
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We are gonna throw a barbecued rib dinner party
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tomorrow night.
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We're gonna have a few neighbors in,
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we're gonna entertain, you and I,
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and we'll get Buddy and Sally to do something...
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And you know where Alan Brady is gonna be sitting?
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Right in his penthouse playing poker
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it's his poker night. I forgot.
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How could we get him up here?
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Uh, honey, you start defrosting ribs.
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I'll think of something. I'll get him up here.
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( MUSIC PLAYING )
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You guys try to understand, for this party to be a success,
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I've got to have Alan Brady there.
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But why? All he does is sit around and smoke cigars
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and kick his feet on the coffee table.
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Yeah, and wait for us to entertain.
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Well, it's for a good cause.
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What, are you running a benefit or something?
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Yeah, you might call it a benefit
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to help wipeout sleepwalking.
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Rob, do you really think
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your brother will stop walking in his sleep
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if he auditions for Alan tonight?
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Well, he might since his doctor thinks
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that the somnambulism is a symptomatic manifestation
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of a compulsive frustration.
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You gonna let him talk to me like that?
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Rob, does that mean that Stacey is too chicken
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to audition when he's awake?
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That's right, so tonight what we're gonna try to do is
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force the issue on him.
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Oh, why didn't you say so?
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Symptomatic frustration.
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What kind of talk is that for a comedy writer?
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Yeah, you keep that up,
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you'll wind up on a hospital show.
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Rob, Rob, I just left Alan's office...
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I wish you just left this one.
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Mel, what did he say? Will he come tonight?
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Well, I, uh, haven't asked him yet.
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You see, when I went into his office,
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he was on the phone trying to arrange
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his weekly poker game.
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Well, did he arrange it?
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Oh, not yet.
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No, four of his regulars dropped out.
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They were going to a party.
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I know, I invited them to my house.
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He replaced them
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at least he replaced three of them.
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He still needs one more.
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You know he won't play unless he has six hands.
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Six hands...
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Reminds me of a boyfriend I once had.
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Mel, there is still a chance then
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that the game might be called off, huh?
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A very, very slight chance.
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Yeah, well, don't worry.
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Alan will get another hand
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00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,897
as long as he has a cringing brother-in-law
265
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:44,316
who's so afraid of his job, he keeps "Yes, sir,"
266
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:46,193
"I'll marry your sister," "I'll play poker,"
267
00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:48,862
"I'll do anything you want." Right, Goldilocks?
268
00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:52,699
Hey, Mel, is that it?
269
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:53,825
He asked you to play poker tonight?
270
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:56,203
Well...yes, he did.
271
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,205
Well, Mel, I asked you to my place first.
272
00:08:58,247 --> 00:08:59,498
And I'm a witness.
273
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:00,874
Yeah, but he's a coward.
274
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,377
Oh, come on. That's not fair.
275
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,254
Just because Mel is Alan's brother-in-law
276
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,964
doesn't mean he'd do an unethical thing
277
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,507
like accept a poker invitation
278
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,342
after he promised to come to my house.
279
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,344
He wouldn't do a thing like that, would he?
280
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:13,637
All: Oh, yes, he would.
281
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,516
Get me Alan Brady.
282
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:18,267
Oh, this I gotta see.
283
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,269
Don't worry, he'll chicken out.
284
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,896
Alan, about uh, tonight's poker game
285
00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:24,857
well, I called--
286
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,609
that is, I, you see, Alan I have a, a...
287
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,653
That's telling him, curly. I...
288
00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:33,365
I already accepted an invitation to Rob Petrie's,
289
00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:35,617
and I won't be able to play poker with you tonight.
290
00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:40,372
Well, I, I don't know, Alan.
291
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:41,999
He's right here. Ask him yourself...
292
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,876
He wants to know why he wasn't invited.
293
00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:45,752
Oh.
294
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,379
Hi, Alan. Yeah, well, listen.
295
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:48,714
As a matter of fact, I was gonna invite you,
296
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,632
but you usually play po--
297
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,676
wa-- I'd love to have you.
298
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,511
Oh, fine, Alan.
299
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,013
Bye.
300
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,890
Mel, thanks a million. You did it!
301
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:58,891
Naturally.
302
00:09:58,891 --> 00:10:01,059
I'm not as ill-equipped to handle situations
303
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,020
as some people think I am.
304
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:05,564
Not ill-equipped, overequipped, blubber mouth.
305
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,651
What time would you like me to be there, Rob?
306
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,028
How about just as we're leaving?
307
00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,782
Mel, about 8:30.
308
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:18,035
I'll be there. yuck!
309
00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:21,997
( DIALING PHONE ) better call Laura
310
00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:22,998
and tell her the boss is coming.
311
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,417
She may want to repaint a room or something.
312
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,754
Did you ever notice that whenever Mel comes into a room,
313
00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:29,922
the whole world brightens up...
314
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,673
Not here, the world.
315
00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:35,928
Honey hey, it's all set.
316
00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:37,513
Alan will be there tonight, and uh,
317
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,389
Buddy and Sally have promised to do something.
318
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,517
ALL: ~ By the light of the silvery moon ~
319
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:42,768
~ Moontoodoon....
320
00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:44,686
They've started already.
321
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,314
See you soon. bye.
322
00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:49,942
Now, what else can we do to help besides performing,
323
00:10:49,942 --> 00:10:51,443
you know, and getting Stacey up to entertain?
324
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,403
Nothing, let's just hope that he stays awake
325
00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,364
and doesn't start the sleepwalking bit again.
326
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,615
Well, leave that to me, Rob.
327
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:57,866
When Sally Rogers sings,
328
00:10:57,908 --> 00:11:00,619
nobody sleeps and nobody walks.
329
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,913
( PLAYING PIANO ) ~ All my dreams are over
330
00:11:02,955 --> 00:11:04,915
~ And now I'm wide awake
331
00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:10,587
~ With a lonesome feeling and a constant ache ~
332
00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:14,925
~ Living with my memories just for oldtime's sake ~
333
00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:18,053
~ Crying my heart out for you
334
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:22,558
~ Well I hope you'll be my tender in your next affair ~
335
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:26,645
~ Trust you'll think of me dear when you've time to spare ~
336
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:30,858
~ Hoping you'll be happy is my only prayer ~
337
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:34,361
~ Crying out my heart for you
338
00:11:35,571 --> 00:11:39,116
~ Your heart may ache you friends may forsake you ~
339
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:43,370
~ Sometimes it happens that way ~
340
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:45,372
~ But I'm so for you
341
00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:49,626
~ I'll always adore you I love you I love you ~
342
00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:51,670
~ What more can I say?
343
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:56,008
~ I was just a scholar made for you to teach ~
344
00:11:56,049 --> 00:12:00,137
~ Searching for someone someone I couldn't reach ~
345
00:12:00,179 --> 00:12:04,183
~ But now I'm just a pebble on a lonely beach ~
346
00:12:04,183 --> 00:12:08,729
~ Crying out my heart for you
347
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:12,774
~ Your heart may ache you friends may forsake you ~
348
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:19,031
~ Sometimes it happens that way but I'm so for you ~
349
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,868
~ I'll always adore you I love you love you love you ~
350
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:25,162
~ What more can I say?
351
00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:29,500
~ I was just a scholar made for you to teach ~
352
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:33,545
~ Searching for someone someone I couldn't reach ~
353
00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:37,508
~ But now I'm just a pebble on a lonely beach ~
354
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,968
~ Crying out my heart for you
355
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:41,887
~ There's no need to tell you ~
356
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:47,434
~ For I am crying out my heart for you ~
357
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,689
( applause )
358
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:02,032
hey, now, boss, boss,
359
00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:03,200
she's not throwing kisses at you
360
00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:04,618
she's just in love with her hands.
361
00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:05,953
Aw, come on.
362
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,120
Where else you gonna get singing writers?
363
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,914
Hey, or cello playing writers?
364
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,123
You brought your cello!
365
00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:11,041
Good.
366
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:12,167
( CROWD SHOUTS )
367
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:14,711
All right. Give me a chair, hard head.
368
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,505
( indistinct ) right here.
369
00:13:16,547 --> 00:13:18,882
Good. Hey, you say you want some entertainment?
370
00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:20,050
You say you want a little music?
371
00:13:20,092 --> 00:13:20,968
You're gonna get as little as possible.
372
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:21,927
Here we go.
373
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:22,845
Tada!
374
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:25,222
Peanuts! Popcorn! Chewing gum! Candy!
375
00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:26,265
A prize in every package!
376
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,059
Stolen refrigerators! Get 'em while they're hot!
377
00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:30,060
Oh, darling, I love you.
378
00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:32,646
You're the only woman in all the world for me.
379
00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:33,605
And I love you, darling.
380
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:35,566
You're the only man in all the world for me.
381
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:38,068
Folks, you've just been listening to Adam and Eve.
382
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:39,903
I'm gonna do a joke for the boss's tailor.
383
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,530
Somebody ask me to stand up.
384
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:42,656
All: Stand up!
385
00:13:42,698 --> 00:13:43,574
Okay, all right.
386
00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:45,200
This, this is the boss's tailor, see.
387
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,326
And a fellow goes in to buy a suit,
388
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,078
and he's looking at himself in the mirror like this,
389
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,038
and the jacket's hanging way down like this,
390
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,123
and the tailor is over his shoulder.
391
00:13:51,123 --> 00:13:53,125
He says, "How do you like the suit?"
392
00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:54,251
The guy says, "Pretty good, but what's this hanging down?"
393
00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:56,712
Ah, what are you worried about the hanging down here
394
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,088
just pull the jacket up like this,
395
00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,798
hold your chin over the lapel like that,
396
00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:01,133
it's gorgeous, see.
397
00:14:01,133 --> 00:14:02,676
So he's walking down the street like this,
398
00:14:02,718 --> 00:14:04,094
and a friend of his meets him.
399
00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:05,262
He says, "Where'd you get this suit?
400
00:14:05,304 --> 00:14:08,640
What, did they give you a ukulele with it or something?"
401
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:09,683
"What's the matter with it?"
402
00:14:09,725 --> 00:14:11,268
He says, "Look how it flares out on the side."
403
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:13,228
This he doesn't even notice either.
404
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:14,313
Back to the tailor.
405
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,147
He says, "What are you worried about the flare now
406
00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:16,815
if you take the jacket like that,
407
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:17,816
hold your hand across your stomach
408
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,276
gorgeous, gorgeous."
409
00:14:19,318 --> 00:14:20,861
Now he's walking down the street like this.
410
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,070
( CHUCKLES )
411
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:22,988
he meets another guy, and the guy says,
412
00:14:22,988 --> 00:14:24,615
"Run for the hills with that suit, kid.
413
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,576
They're gonna capture you."
414
00:14:27,618 --> 00:14:28,660
"What's the matter with it?"
415
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,245
He says, "what's the matter? The pants are too long!"
416
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,163
Back to the tailor.
417
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:32,039
"What are you worried about the pants
418
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,834
you hold 'em like this gorgeous, gorgeous."
419
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,002
Now get this.
420
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:39,087
Gorgeous is walking down the street like this, see,
421
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:40,964
and two doctors go by.
422
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:42,049
One of them looked over. ( CHUCKLES )
423
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,134
he says, "I don't know what's wrong with that fella
424
00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:45,677
but don't the suit fit nice."
425
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,012
( APPLAUSE )
426
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,018
Don't be discouraged, don't be discouraged.
427
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,102
There's a lot of fun coming up
428
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:55,979
because everybody's gonna get up and do something.
429
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:56,939
Huh, how about it?
430
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,024
But first, something for the music lovers.
431
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,776
You ready? All righty.
432
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,945
Excuse me, excuse me.
433
00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:05,030
He's the only guy in the room with taste.
434
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:08,909
There goes another one. Must be an old Indian trail
435
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,911
running through here.
436
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:11,870
What's going on in the kitchen?
437
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:12,955
Oh, I'm sorry, Buddy.
438
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,122
Laura asked me to check her ribs.
439
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,707
Oh, when you get through, doctor,
440
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,042
I've got an ingrown toenail...
441
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:21,255
Can you play something, Buddy?
442
00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,006
All right. Something classical.
443
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:26,093
Tchaikovsky's Second Movement for Nonpayment of Rent.
444
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:28,262
( PLAYS CELLO )
445
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:31,223
Hey, Stace. What are you doing in here?
446
00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:32,933
You're missing all the entertainment.
447
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,852
Yeah, I know.
448
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:36,895
Uh, Laura and I are gonna do something pretty soon.
449
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,982
Who else is gonna entertain?
450
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:42,359
Well, uh, anybody who'd like to get up
451
00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:43,193
and do something.
452
00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:45,237
Uh, if you'd like to get up, you can.
453
00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:47,239
Uh, I don't, Rob. I, I really don't.
454
00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:49,408
Look, Stace, tonight might be the perfect time.
455
00:15:49,408 --> 00:15:50,951
It's just a party.
456
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,411
Alan Brady is nice and relaxed.
457
00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:53,787
He doesn't expect anything.
458
00:15:53,829 --> 00:15:55,873
Now if you got up and did your act...
459
00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:56,957
I couldn't, Rob.
460
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:58,709
Look, would you mind if I went to my room
461
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,419
and stretched out for a little bit?
462
00:16:00,419 --> 00:16:02,087
Uh, Stace.
463
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,839
You're, uh, not gonna go to sleep, are you?
464
00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:05,424
No, don't worry. I won't embarrass you, Rob.
465
00:16:05,424 --> 00:16:09,803
I'm, I'm too upset to sleep and too tired to walk.
466
00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:11,680
I'm sorry I let you down, Rob.
467
00:16:11,722 --> 00:16:12,764
Look, you're not letting me down,
468
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,266
you're letting you down.
469
00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:15,517
Nah, I can't help it.
470
00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:19,313
I'll, I'll go in the back way so I won't disturb your guests.
471
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:23,942
( APPLAUSE )
472
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:29,615
and folks, to think
473
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,283
I only studied for five years in London,
474
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,827
10 years in Paris, and 15 years in vain.
475
00:16:35,913 --> 00:16:36,997
Now what would you like me to play?
476
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,624
Yeah, how about playing some pinochle?
477
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,418
What key?
478
00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:43,795
Hey, look who's back. How's your wife's ribs?
479
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:44,838
Hmm.
480
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,007
Now before I play this next sensational number,
481
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,133
I gotta put a little rosin on the bow.
482
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:52,304
I know this chicken fat don't seem to hold anymore.
483
00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:53,263
Where is he?
484
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:55,849
He's in his room. He's not gonna perform.
485
00:16:55,891 --> 00:16:57,726
That was the whole idea of the party, wasn't it?
486
00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,394
Yes, and he knows it.
487
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:00,729
All right, now here comes
488
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:02,189
the big, flashy finish, you ready?
489
00:17:02,231 --> 00:17:03,440
( PLAYS CELLO )
490
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,072
( APPLAUSE )
491
00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:17,412
Thank you, Zorro.
492
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:18,956
Kemosabe...
493
00:17:23,836 --> 00:17:24,753
Well, that concludes
494
00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,839
our little series of Shakespearean plays.
495
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,340
And now, back to the entertainment.
496
00:17:28,382 --> 00:17:31,051
We have a young, talented soldier here who is--
497
00:17:31,093 --> 00:17:32,010
( CLEARS THROAT )
498
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:35,848
uh, uh, oh, no, we don't have a young...
499
00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:37,724
But we do have his not-too-young
500
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,393
and not-too-talented older brother
501
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:40,769
and his very lovely wife
502
00:17:40,811 --> 00:17:42,855
who just had her ribs checked.
503
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:45,315
They have chosen a medley of about 42,000 son--
504
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:46,275
what are you gonna sing?
505
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:48,068
I don't know, what would you guys like to hear?
506
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,736
How about "Mountain Greenery?"
507
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,029
Oh, what wonderful taste, honey.
508
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,030
They want "Mountain Greenery."
509
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:54,199
Not really. Yeah.
510
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,368
Hey, Jerry, can we have some stools?
511
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:57,411
( indistinct ).
512
00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:58,996
Okay, get the stools out here.
513
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:00,747
All right, fellas, we're gonna sing,
514
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:01,957
uh, "Mountain Greenery."
515
00:18:01,999 --> 00:18:03,834
What are you gonna play?
516
00:18:03,876 --> 00:18:07,880
( MUSIC PLAYING )
517
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,882
~ Mountain greenery
518
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:15,053
~ Oooh what scenery in our mountain greenery ~
519
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,972
~ Where God paints the scenery
520
00:18:17,014 --> 00:18:19,892
~ Just two crazy people together ~
521
00:18:19,892 --> 00:18:21,018
~ Always together
522
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,978
~ When you love your lover
523
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:25,105
~ Let blues skies be your coverlet ~
524
00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:28,275
~ When it rains we'll laugh at the weather ~
525
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:30,235
~ And if you're good ~ And if I'm good
526
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,237
~ I'll search for wood ~ You'll search for wood
527
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,406
~ So you can cook ~ So I can cook
528
00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:35,574
~ While I stand look
529
00:18:35,574 --> 00:18:37,242
~ While you stand by just looking ~
530
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:41,330
~ Beans could get no keener reception in a beanery ~
531
00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:45,209
~ Bless our mountain greenery home! ~
532
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,169
~ In a mountain greenery where God paints the scenery ~
533
00:18:47,211 --> 00:18:49,213
~ Ooowee ooowee ooo what scenery ~
534
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:53,258
~ Just we two crazy people together ~
535
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:57,346
~ While you love your lover let blue skies be your cover ~
536
00:18:57,387 --> 00:19:00,849
~ And when it rains we'll laugh at the weather ~
537
00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:01,433
~ And if you're good
538
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:02,351
~ And if I'm good
539
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:03,268
~ I'll search for wood
540
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:04,478
~ You'll search for wood
541
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,438
~ So you can cook ~ So I can cook
542
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:07,898
~ While I stand look
543
00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:09,525
~ While you stand by just looking ~
544
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:13,445
~ Beans could get no keener reception in a beanery ~
545
00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:17,574
~ Bless our mountain greenery ooh, what crazy scenery ~
546
00:19:17,616 --> 00:19:21,161
~ Bless our mountain greenery home ~
547
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:23,622
~ Beedoobee beedoobeedoodoo ~
548
00:19:23,622 --> 00:19:27,167
~ Beedoobeebee
549
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:28,460
( APPLAUSE )
550
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,636
Okay, folks, that's, that's just about it.
551
00:19:37,636 --> 00:19:39,471
No, that's not quite it, Burford.
552
00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:41,473
( indistinct )
553
00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:43,141
( APPLAUSE )
554
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:45,310
I haven't played my banjo for your guests, yet.
555
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:46,895
Hi, guests.
556
00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:47,896
Hi, Mr. Burford. How are you?
557
00:19:47,938 --> 00:19:48,981
Aha, how are you?
558
00:19:48,981 --> 00:19:50,482
I like your show, but you need me.
559
00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:52,067
Hahaha!
560
00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:53,151
Folks, I'd like to do--
561
00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:55,445
I do what we call a banjo playing act.
562
00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:56,363
Now, I figure it's my act,
563
00:19:56,405 --> 00:19:59,241
and I can call it what I want to call it.
564
00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:00,868
( STRUMMING BANJO ) ~ Won't you come home
565
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:02,578
~ Bill bailey won't you come home? ~
566
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:04,913
~ I moaned all day long
567
00:20:04,955 --> 00:20:05,956
~ Yeah
568
00:20:05,998 --> 00:20:08,667
~ I'll do the cooking honey I'll pay the rent ~
569
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:10,961
~ I know I done you wrong
570
00:20:11,003 --> 00:20:12,045
~ Yeah yeah yeah
571
00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:13,172
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have with us tonight,
572
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:16,592
one of the newest rock 'n' roll singing sensations.
573
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,594
Here he is, the new teenage rage,
574
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:20,220
Skid Row.
575
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:21,513
You'll have to ...take centerstage here.
576
00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:22,472
Get that outta
577
00:20:22,514 --> 00:20:24,308
give me a little rock 'n' roll music, okay.
578
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:26,018
A little rock 'n' roll music. Hey, is he asleep?
579
00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:27,436
He sure is!
580
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,605
( MUSIC PLAYING )
581
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:31,648
( APPLAUSE )
582
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,070
( indistinct )
583
00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:45,913
( indistinct )
584
00:20:45,954 --> 00:20:48,207
I wanna say to y'all, I wanna say to y'all...
585
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:49,500
I wanna say... Hold it there,
586
00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,168
we ain't ready to sing yet.
587
00:20:54,046 --> 00:20:56,924
I wanna say, uh, I wanna say, uh, I wanna say, uh,
588
00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:59,051
what, what do I wanna say?
589
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,053
I wanna say I want to do a number
590
00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:05,265
a number here from my latest album
591
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:06,725
called "Music to Strip Cars by".
592
00:21:06,725 --> 00:21:09,019
They had, uh,
593
00:21:09,061 --> 00:21:12,064
( CHUCKLES ) oh, Rob, he's funny.
594
00:21:12,064 --> 00:21:12,981
I wish he was awake.
595
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:15,734
I wanna say one thing to all you parents
596
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:17,236
the way I feel about a lot of you parents
597
00:21:17,236 --> 00:21:19,196
been telling your teenage daughters and sons
598
00:21:19,238 --> 00:21:21,573
not to listen to this kind of music,
599
00:21:21,615 --> 00:21:23,200
and I don't like that.
600
00:21:24,243 --> 00:21:26,328
Everybody that listens to music has got their--ah
601
00:21:26,370 --> 00:21:28,080
everybody has got--
602
00:21:29,748 --> 00:21:31,250
everybody that listens to music got their own
603
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:32,751
everybody has got their own opinion.
604
00:21:32,751 --> 00:21:33,961
Eh, has got their own opinuh, opinyun,
605
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:38,215
have got their own opin--, yer have got their own opinyun,
606
00:21:38,257 --> 00:21:43,178
I got my, uh I got my opinyun,
607
00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:46,098
and you got your opin--opinyun.
608
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:48,559
The way you feel. The way I, uh I don't think,
609
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,478
I don't think you outta listen to Leonard Bernstein.
610
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,022
( indistinct )
611
00:21:54,064 --> 00:21:55,232
from my album,
612
00:21:55,274 --> 00:21:57,109
a little number go, uh, it go,
613
00:21:57,109 --> 00:21:58,402
uh, somethin' like this...
614
00:21:58,443 --> 00:21:59,444
( PIANO PLAYING )
615
00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:01,280
it go exactly like this.
616
00:22:04,074 --> 00:22:08,328
~ Well we're gonna rock rock rock ~
617
00:22:08,370 --> 00:22:10,622
~ Everybody's gonna roll roll roll ~
618
00:22:10,664 --> 00:22:13,083
~ Everybody's gonna go go go ~
619
00:22:13,125 --> 00:22:14,626
~ Everybody what a hand you're gonna give me ~
620
00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:15,711
~ When you see the way I shimmy ~
621
00:22:15,752 --> 00:22:17,337
~ Gonna rock rock rock gonna rock rock rock ~
622
00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,590
~ Everybody's gonna ( indistinct ) ~
623
00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:21,592
~ Roll roll roll gonna rock rock ~
624
00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:22,634
~ Yeah ( indistinct )
625
00:22:22,634 --> 00:22:26,471
For my next number...
626
00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:29,057
I'm gonna, I'm gonna do another ballad...
627
00:22:31,310 --> 00:22:35,439
Bleh, and here it is my biggest hit of all...
628
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,481
( PLAYS PIANO )
629
00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:41,278
~ My heart told me that I should get a wife ~
630
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:46,783
~ My heart said I was in a rut, oooh ~
631
00:22:46,825 --> 00:22:51,079
~ My heart told me that I should get a wife ~
632
00:22:51,121 --> 00:22:55,375
~ I wish my heart would keep its big mouth shut! ~
633
00:22:56,793 --> 00:22:59,505
~ Oh, I got me some winners ~
634
00:22:59,505 --> 00:23:02,341
~ And I won't keep on singin' that kind o' music ~
635
00:23:02,341 --> 00:23:05,844
~ And you can tell Elvis and Ricky to stay outta my way ~
636
00:23:05,844 --> 00:23:08,347
~ Because I'm begging you tonight here baby ~
637
00:23:08,347 --> 00:23:09,515
( indistinct )
638
00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:11,517
( APPLAUSE )
639
00:23:22,277 --> 00:23:28,742
Rob, Rob, Rob! Uh, I'd like--
640
00:23:28,784 --> 00:23:31,286
Rob, I want that boy to do that on our show.
641
00:23:31,328 --> 00:23:32,496
You think you could arrange that?
642
00:23:32,538 --> 00:23:33,747
Oh, of course he can.
643
00:23:33,789 --> 00:23:35,541
Well, I, I, I'm not, uh, I, I don't know.
644
00:23:35,541 --> 00:23:37,376
Oh, sure you can Alan wants him.
645
00:23:37,376 --> 00:23:38,794
Well, I'll, I'll talk to him, Alan.
646
00:23:38,836 --> 00:23:40,712
You do that. I like that boy!
647
00:23:40,754 --> 00:23:41,672
Vroom, vroom, vroom.
648
00:23:41,713 --> 00:23:42,756
Ahahaha.
649
00:23:42,798 --> 00:23:44,341
( MUSIC PLAYING )
650
00:23:47,386 --> 00:23:49,388
Hot, hot dog!
651
00:23:49,388 --> 00:23:51,098
Hey, hi ya, Burford. How was I?
652
00:23:51,139 --> 00:23:52,391
Well, you were very good.
653
00:23:52,391 --> 00:23:54,101
You want to lie down for awhile, Stace?
654
00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:56,687
I'm not a bit tired, Laura, and you know what else I'm not?
655
00:23:56,728 --> 00:23:57,563
What?
656
00:23:57,563 --> 00:23:59,481
I'm not asleep, Rob.
657
00:23:59,523 --> 00:24:01,525
You're not? W-when did you wake up?
658
00:24:01,567 --> 00:24:03,569
I was awake for that whole audition.
659
00:24:03,569 --> 00:24:05,571
You mean, you weren't sleepwalking out there?
660
00:24:05,571 --> 00:24:08,156
No, I was wide awake, and I was good!
661
00:24:08,198 --> 00:24:09,741
Well, how in the world did you do it, Stace?
662
00:24:09,741 --> 00:24:11,869
Well, I made up my mind last night
663
00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:13,495
I was going to listen to that tape recorder,
664
00:24:13,537 --> 00:24:15,581
and I listened to it and made up my mind
665
00:24:15,581 --> 00:24:18,458
I was gonna impersonate myself and be like me.
666
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:19,668
ROB: Well, that was--
667
00:24:21,545 --> 00:24:23,630
that was a great impression of yourself.
668
00:24:23,672 --> 00:24:25,632
Listen, you know, I think you got this sleepwalking licked.
669
00:24:25,674 --> 00:24:28,385
If you can do an impersonation of this guy when you're awake,
670
00:24:28,427 --> 00:24:29,761
you won't be doing him in your sleep!
671
00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:31,471
You know Alan Brady said you were terrific.
672
00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:33,223
He wants you to be on his show.
673
00:24:33,265 --> 00:24:34,266
Hot dog!
674
00:24:34,308 --> 00:24:35,350
You think you can do it?
675
00:24:35,392 --> 00:24:37,352
Guys, I can do that guy anyplace!
676
00:24:37,394 --> 00:24:38,228
( STRUMMING BANJO )
677
00:24:38,270 --> 00:24:39,730
~ Won't you come home Bill Bailey ~
678
00:24:39,771 --> 00:24:41,148
~ Won't you come home...
679
00:24:41,190 --> 00:24:42,107
( STRUMMING BANJO )
680
00:24:47,529 --> 00:24:49,615
~ I know I done you wrong
681
00:24:51,492 --> 00:24:54,620
( APPLAUSE )
682
00:25:29,238 --> 00:25:32,157
( MUSIC PLAYING )49664
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