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[MUSIC - THEME "ThE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW"]
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The Dick Van Dyke Show, starring Dick Van Dyke,
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Rosemary Morey Amsterdam, Larry Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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[approaching voices]
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Hi, Rob.
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Morning.
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Hi, fellas.
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Fellas.
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He said it again.
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He said fellas.
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Well, I'm sorry, Sally.
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You're always talking about how you like to be
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treated like one of the guys.
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Yeah, but not when I'm wearing my most feminine outfit.
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Fellas.
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I'm sorry, Sal.
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Look, Rob, just for once make believe I'm a girl.
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We'll do our best, Fred.
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Look, I know I'm doing a man's job, but I am a lady.
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And I should like to say one thing.
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If you gentlemen called me fella once more
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I'm going to belt you one.
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We'll try, Sal.
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Yeah, boy, I know how hard you hit.
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OK, come on.
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Let's get some work done around this office for a change.
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Hey, you know something, we're out of carbon paper.
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Oh, I'll get some.
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Not today, Sal.
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Allow me, your ladyship.
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Agile, isn't he?
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Hey, Sally.
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Yeah, Bud?
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Did I imagine it, or did Rob throw
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something in that top drawer just as we came in?
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Like he didn't want us to see what it was?
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Yeah, something like that.
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I don't think you imagined it.
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That's what I thought.
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Buddy, you got a match.
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No, but there might be some in the desk there.
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Good idea, try the top drawer.
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Right.
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I'll take a look.
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Did you find any?
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Any what?
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Matches.
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Hey, this is interesting.
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What?
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[phone ringing]
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Come in.
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[phone ringing]
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Answer the phone.
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Hello?
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Oh.
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Yeah, all right.
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Yeah.
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Fine.
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What was that?
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That's Rob.
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He's in Alan's office working on a new monologue with him.
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They've been there about a half hour.
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He says for us to try and come up with some new ideas.
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They've been there a half hour?
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Yeah.
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You got an idea?
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Yeah, but I don't know how good it is.
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It's a terrible idea.
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You're right.
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We shouldn't do it.
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That's right, we shouldn't.
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Open the drawer, you're wasting time.
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Gee, this is awfully good.
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What do you think it's for?
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Well, isn't it obvious?
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Rob's writing his memoirs.
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You mean it's going to be made up into a book?
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If someone publishes it.
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Buddy, I-- I don't feel right about this.
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This is like reading Rob's diary.
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You said it's going to be a book.
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Everybody will read it.
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But maybe we ought to wait till he publishes it.
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Why?
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Gee wiz.
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Hey, I just remembered.
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A couple of weeks ago Rob said to me
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that he had something he was writing he wanted me to read.
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Really?
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Honest.
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She said yes, a hesitant, frightened, yes but a yes.
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Did she hear the question correctly?
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It had been fairly well mangled.
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Let me read by myself.
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ROB VOICEOVER: There was no mistake.
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She had said yes.
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I had expected a no, and frankly, would have preferred
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an, I'd like to think about it.
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But now I was stuck.
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How could I talk my captain into giving me two three-day passes?
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Why do you need two three-day passes?
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Well, sir Captain, I'm getting married next week
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and my girl, she's dancing over to the USO show, and I--
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well, she's a girl.
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Well, you know how girls are, sir.
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She wants a honeymoon.
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Well, I'm giving you a three day pass for that.
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Why do you want another one?
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Sir, I have to go back to Danville, Illinois
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to tell my other fiancee that I can't marry her too.
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Oh.
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I see.
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You want to get rid of the girl back home.
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Well, no, no, sir.
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Not exactly.
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She said-- well, yeah, more or less.
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I'm sorry, Petri, one three day pass is it.
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But-- but sir--
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And you can either use it for your honeymoon,
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or you can go back to Danville and do the manly thing.
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Now it's your choice.
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Well, sir, I don't know what to do.
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I know what I'd do.
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I'd tell that girl back home.
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Oh, sir, would you?
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It would mean so much more coming from a Captain.
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Sergeant!
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Yes, sir.
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I understand, sir.
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I'll do it.
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Yes, sir.
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Thank you anyway, sir.
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Danville, Illinois.
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ROB VOICEOVER: The cold beads of perspiration standing out
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of my forehead, I wandered around the rec-hall
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where Laura was rehearsing for the USO show.
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I tried to get up enough courage to tell
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her our honeymoon might have to be postponed a few years.
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I had three courses open to me.
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I could tell Laura that instead of taking her on a honeymoon,
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I was going to Danville by myself
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to tell my hometown fiancee I was marrying another girl.
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Or Laura and I can go to Danville on our honeymoon,
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and while we were there, I could have Laura tell her.
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Or I could go to the rifle range and stand in front of a target.
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While mulling these grim alternatives,
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I took two or three more turns around the rec-hall.
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Meanwhile, Laura's best friend Millie Crumbermacher
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wasn't helping me at all.
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Laura?
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Huh?
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I know what the surprise is.
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What surprise?
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The one Rob's coming over to tell you about.
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Rob's coming over with a surprise?
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- Yeah. - How do you know?
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Well, never mind.
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Well, don't you dare tell me what it is.
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If it's a surprise, I want Rob to tell me.
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What is it?
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No!
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OK, I won't, but it's going to make you so happy.
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I don't think I could be any happier.
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What is it?
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No, Millie, don't you dare.
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Is it something you can hold?
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Don't you tell me, I'll never speak to you again!
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My wedding dress!
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My wedding dress has arrived, that's it, isn't it?
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Millie, I'm warning you, now don't spoil it for me.
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My aunt Martha is from Ohio, and Rob's bringing her here.
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That's it, isn't it?
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Isn't it?
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Millie, how can you be so mean?
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You really want me to tell you?
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No!
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Give me a hint.
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A tiny, bad, hint.
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OK.
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It has to do with time.
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He bought me a watch for a wedding present.
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Is he sweet!
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But he shouldn't have done it, he doesn't
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have that kind of money.
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Well, that's it. Right?
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I guessed it, it's a watch.
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Millie, why did you give me such a good hint?
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It's not a watch.
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But you said it had to do with time.
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What else has to do with time?
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An egg timer?
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Well, there are other things.
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Millie, if you're going to give me that kind of a hint.
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Time.
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Three day pass.
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He got the three day pass!
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How'd you find out?
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Well.
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You can tell me.
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Well, Sam was in the orderly room when Rob got the pass.
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Millie, I could kill you for telling me!
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[knocking]
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That's Rob, that's his knock, I
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know that sweet, sensitive hand anywhere.
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Hi Sam.
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Hi Laura. Hi Mel.
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Hi Sam.
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They want you on stage for rehearsal.
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OK.
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Hey Laura, your fella's out here.
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Would you ask me to come in, please?
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Come on in, Rob.
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Hi Laura.
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Hi.
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Hi Mil.
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Hi.
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Honey.
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Could we stay in here for a few minutes?
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I have something and I'd like to tell you privately.
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Well, it's against the rules.
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Well, I'll see if we can change the rules,
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and we'll call you when we need you.
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Come on, Sam.
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Thanks, Millie.
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Thanks a lot, Mil.
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I'll see you later, Sam.
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Would you like some coffee?
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No, no, thanks, honey.
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I got something I'd like to tell you.
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Oh?
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Is it something that'll please me?
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Well, I'm not sure.
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Oh, darling, anything you tell me is sure to please me.
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Well, honey, I just saw the Captain.
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Darling, I know.
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Millie just told me.
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You got the three day pass for our honeymoon!
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Darling, I'm so happy.
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Well, where should we go?
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Huh?
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For our three day honeymoon.
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Oh, that.
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Well, I--
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Rob, you did get the pass, didn't you.
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Oh, yeah.
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Yeah, I got one.
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Rob, are you disappointed because I didn't let you tell
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me about it and surprise me?
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Well, no.
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The truth is-- uh, well, as you guessed, honey,
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I got this pass.
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You don't seem very happy about it.
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Well, I'm not.
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You're not?
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Well, I mean not for the reason that you think, though.
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I'm not thinking of any reason.
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Well, I mean, not for the reason
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that I thought you were thinking.
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What did you think I thought?
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Well, I thought maybe you thought I was unhappy
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because, you know, I had misgivings about, you know, us,
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about getting married.
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Why did you think I thought that?
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Honey, come over here and sit down a minute, will you.
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I want to tell you something.
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You want me to sit down?
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Yeah.
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Why?
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Are you going to shock me?
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No.
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I'm not-- you can stand up, if you want to.
272
00:09:48,062 --> 00:09:49,230
Just sit down.
273
00:09:51,499 --> 00:09:54,402
Well, if you don't mind, I'd rather stand.
274
00:09:59,407 --> 00:10:01,008
Well, Rob, what is it?
275
00:10:01,108 --> 00:10:03,444
Well, Laura, you know, I know how
276
00:10:03,544 --> 00:10:06,314
we've been talking and planning about the wedding and
277
00:10:06,414 --> 00:10:07,582
the honeymoon and everything.
278
00:10:07,682 --> 00:10:10,751
And I think-- oh, boy, I think if you're
279
00:10:10,852 --> 00:10:14,222
going to go on a honeymoon, you know, I know,
280
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,790
I think honeymoons are great.
281
00:10:15,890 --> 00:10:18,993
I've been told.
282
00:10:19,093 --> 00:10:21,629
But I mean, when you go on a honeymoon,
283
00:10:21,729 --> 00:10:24,999
honey, if a girl a guy, if they get married.
284
00:10:25,099 --> 00:10:26,200
If they get married?
285
00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:27,902
I'm not-- when.
286
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:28,803
When.
287
00:10:28,903 --> 00:10:29,837
You said if.
288
00:10:29,937 --> 00:10:31,038
Honey, I meant when.
289
00:10:31,138 --> 00:10:32,907
I get those two mixed up all the time.
290
00:10:35,910 --> 00:10:41,115
Anyway, what I want to say is, honey, I saw the Captain,
291
00:10:41,215 --> 00:10:43,818
and I ask him for two three day passes,
292
00:10:43,918 --> 00:10:47,221
and all he would give me is this one here.
293
00:10:47,321 --> 00:10:49,156
You're upset because you didn't
294
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:51,292
get two three day passes?
295
00:10:51,392 --> 00:10:52,660
Oh, yeah, very.
296
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,862
You wanted six days?
297
00:10:54,962 --> 00:10:56,998
Oh, you don't know.
298
00:10:57,098 --> 00:10:58,599
Oh, Rob.
299
00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:01,202
I thought when you said if that you meant if and that there'd
300
00:11:01,302 --> 00:11:02,503
never be a when.
301
00:11:02,603 --> 00:11:04,672
Oh, darling, I'm so happy you got that pass.
302
00:11:04,772 --> 00:11:05,406
[knocking]
303
00:11:05,506 --> 00:11:07,175
SAM: [inaudible] Laura.
304
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:08,809
Thanks, Sam.
305
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:10,945
Well, where should we go for our honeymoon?
306
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,947
Well, Danville, Illinois?
307
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:14,415
All the way back there?
308
00:11:14,515 --> 00:11:16,884
Well, we could go to the rifle range.
309
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:22,123
We can talk about it later.
310
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,625
Bye-bye.
311
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:25,826
Thank you, Sam.
312
00:11:25,927 --> 00:11:26,861
Yeah.
313
00:11:28,963 --> 00:11:29,997
Did you tell her?
314
00:11:30,097 --> 00:11:31,365
No.
315
00:11:31,465 --> 00:11:32,934
You didn't tell her.
316
00:11:33,034 --> 00:11:34,535
How could I, Sam?
317
00:11:34,635 --> 00:11:36,370
How can I tell her that I got to go get rid of another fiancee
318
00:11:36,470 --> 00:11:38,673
before I can marry her and go on a honeymoon with her?
319
00:11:38,773 --> 00:11:42,276
You could write a note and pin it to her tutu.
320
00:11:42,376 --> 00:11:43,210
Write a note, Sam?
321
00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:44,745
What do you think I am?
322
00:11:44,845 --> 00:11:45,980
I don't know.
323
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,982
Any guy that would get himself engaged to two girls
324
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,116
at the same time.
325
00:11:49,216 --> 00:11:50,618
Sam, I told you how that happened.
326
00:11:50,718 --> 00:11:54,388
And I forgave you, didn't I?
327
00:11:54,488 --> 00:11:55,990
Go write to the other one. What's her name?
328
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,458
Dorothy.
329
00:11:57,558 --> 00:11:59,460
Yeah, you write Dorothy one of them Dear John letter.
330
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,796
Only you write it dear Dorothy.
331
00:12:01,896 --> 00:12:04,198
You know something, you are no help at all.
332
00:12:04,298 --> 00:12:05,633
I don't get it, Rob.
333
00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:08,336
Why can't you write Dorothy a nice kiss off letter?
334
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:09,570
I can't, Sam.
335
00:12:09,670 --> 00:12:11,205
I've known her all my life.
336
00:12:11,305 --> 00:12:12,106
She's a friend.
337
00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:13,975
A friend?
338
00:12:14,075 --> 00:12:17,244
You were going to marry a friend?
339
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,614
I never once said I was going to marry her.
340
00:12:19,714 --> 00:12:20,982
To who did you never say it to?
341
00:12:21,082 --> 00:12:22,083
To me or to her?
342
00:12:22,183 --> 00:12:23,050
Never said it to anybody.
343
00:12:23,150 --> 00:12:24,318
I don't know.
344
00:12:24,418 --> 00:12:27,188
I never really ever proposed to Dorothy,
345
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,223
it was all just taken for granted, somehow.
346
00:12:29,323 --> 00:12:30,791
Who took it for granted?
347
00:12:30,891 --> 00:12:31,726
Why, her mother.
348
00:12:31,826 --> 00:12:33,160
Why, everybody.
349
00:12:33,261 --> 00:12:34,962
My friends, everybody.
350
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:42,937
Look, Rob, Rob.
351
00:12:43,037 --> 00:12:46,140
Look, I never asked this of another fellow
352
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,810
before, but did you love her?
353
00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:52,713
Well, yeah, I thought I did, until I met Laura.
354
00:12:52,813 --> 00:12:55,116
That's why I got to go talk to her face to face.
355
00:12:55,216 --> 00:12:57,785
How can you break news like that in a letter, anyway?
356
00:12:57,885 --> 00:12:58,786
Well, like this.
357
00:12:58,886 --> 00:13:01,656
You write, Dear Dorothy, how are you?
358
00:13:01,756 --> 00:13:02,690
I am fine.
359
00:13:02,790 --> 00:13:04,291
Regards to your mother and father,
360
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:05,826
sincerely Sergeant Petri.
361
00:13:05,926 --> 00:13:08,696
P.S. I'm sorry you couldn't make it here for my wedding.
362
00:13:12,266 --> 00:13:14,502
Sam and I walked out to the rec-hall.
363
00:13:14,602 --> 00:13:17,772
I must have asked him 100 times, what should I do, Sam?
364
00:13:17,872 --> 00:13:19,073
What should I do?
365
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,542
If I were you, I'd shut the door, Sam, I think I hear.
366
00:13:21,642 --> 00:13:25,646
Oh so, Alan, Alan has a dancer come out and sing a song.
367
00:13:25,746 --> 00:13:27,248
- Hey, gang. - That's good.
368
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,650
Alan wants a run down of the whole show right after lunch.
369
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:31,052
No problem.
370
00:13:31,152 --> 00:13:32,620
Well, did you fellows--
371
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:36,190
ladies-- come up with anything exciting while I was gone.
372
00:13:36,290 --> 00:13:38,259
Oh, yes, we think it's very exciting.
373
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:39,527
Good, let's hear it.
374
00:13:39,627 --> 00:13:40,961
Well, we haven't quite finished it yet.
375
00:13:41,062 --> 00:13:42,563
Yeah, yeah, why don't you wait till we finish it,
376
00:13:42,663 --> 00:13:44,131
and then we'll show you the whole thing.
377
00:13:44,231 --> 00:13:46,434
Well, how long will it take.
378
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,968
How long, Buddy?
379
00:13:48,069 --> 00:13:48,869
Not too long.
380
00:13:48,969 --> 00:13:51,372
Not too long.
381
00:13:51,472 --> 00:13:52,873
Tell you what I'll do.
382
00:13:52,973 --> 00:13:54,675
Laura is in town shopping for some fabric she wants me
383
00:13:54,775 --> 00:13:56,410
to see, so I'll go out and meet her and be
384
00:13:56,510 --> 00:13:57,845
back in about an hour, OK? - Good idea.
385
00:13:57,945 --> 00:13:59,447
When you come back, we'll be all finished.
386
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,315
I hope this thing is as exciting as you say it is.
387
00:14:01,415 --> 00:14:02,516
Oh, it is, it is.
388
00:14:02,616 --> 00:14:03,884
We can't wait to get back to it.
389
00:14:03,984 --> 00:14:04,919
Oh.
390
00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,222
Oh yeah, that's where Alan comes out
391
00:14:08,322 --> 00:14:09,623
in a deep sea diving outfit.
392
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,325
That's the kind of spirit I like to hear out here.
393
00:14:11,425 --> 00:14:12,727
So long, Rob.
394
00:14:12,827 --> 00:14:14,829
Alan comes out in a deep sea diving outfit,
395
00:14:14,929 --> 00:14:18,532
and a mermaid swims by, and he's very polite,
396
00:14:18,632 --> 00:14:21,502
so he tips his hat and darn near drowns.
397
00:14:32,012 --> 00:14:34,749
My trip to Danville was spent phrasing a speech so
398
00:14:34,849 --> 00:14:36,851
honest and forthright that Dorothy would not only
399
00:14:36,951 --> 00:14:39,387
have to forgive me for breaking off our engagement,
400
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:41,188
but might well be provoked into blessing
401
00:14:41,288 --> 00:14:43,357
my forthcoming marriage to Laura.
402
00:14:43,457 --> 00:14:44,458
How do you like that?
403
00:14:44,558 --> 00:14:46,026
He's going to do it.
404
00:14:46,127 --> 00:14:48,662
He's going to use his three day pass to tell Dorothy off.
405
00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,131
Oh, he got a lot of class.
406
00:14:52,733 --> 00:14:54,268
As I was entering Dorothy's house--
407
00:14:54,368 --> 00:14:56,971
Buddy, will you read to yourself?
408
00:14:57,071 --> 00:14:58,939
ROB VOICEOVER: As I was standing in Dorothy's living room,
409
00:14:59,039 --> 00:15:01,876
I felt like a soldier who was AWOL.
410
00:15:01,976 --> 00:15:03,511
Absent without love.
411
00:15:06,547 --> 00:15:09,617
And as Hamlet once said, hark, here comes Dorothy,
412
00:15:09,717 --> 00:15:12,186
and I wish I was dead.
413
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:15,823
I'd forgotten how beautiful and graceful Dorothy was.
414
00:15:15,923 --> 00:15:17,158
She was lovely.
415
00:15:17,258 --> 00:15:21,729
Blonde, about two inches taller than Laura, and about 45%
416
00:15:21,829 --> 00:15:23,330
sexier.
417
00:15:23,430 --> 00:15:24,932
My Robby Bobby Boo!
418
00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:30,371
Hello, Dorothy.
419
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,972
Oh, you're so formal.
420
00:15:32,072 --> 00:15:34,241
You forgotten what you used to call me?
421
00:15:34,341 --> 00:15:35,409
No, no, I haven't forgotten.
422
00:15:35,509 --> 00:15:36,811
Well, go ahead and say it, then.
423
00:15:36,911 --> 00:15:37,511
Well--
424
00:15:37,611 --> 00:15:39,547
Go on, go ahead.
425
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,716
Hi, Dory-do
426
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,451
That's so much better.
427
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:46,353
Oh, let me look at you, Sergeant.
428
00:15:46,454 --> 00:15:49,323
Come here, stand next to your picture.
429
00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:50,891
Why, you haven't changed a bit.
430
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:55,529
You're still the best looking man who ever wore a uniform.
431
00:15:55,629 --> 00:15:57,565
Well, the army's been good to me.
432
00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,167
Darling, I can't tell you how good it is to see you.
433
00:16:00,267 --> 00:16:02,236
I missed you so.
434
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:03,237
Are we sitting down?
435
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:07,708
Did you think about me every day?
436
00:16:07,808 --> 00:16:10,044
Every single whole entire minute?
437
00:16:10,144 --> 00:16:11,045
Well.
438
00:16:11,145 --> 00:16:13,614
Oh, look at this pretty GI haircut.
439
00:16:13,714 --> 00:16:16,717
Well, they cut off all those little pieces of hair.
440
00:16:16,817 --> 00:16:18,586
Did you save them for me?
441
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,754
I didn't think of it.
442
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,756
I bet you thought I was a silly dilly
443
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:24,692
for sealing every letter with a kiss
444
00:16:24,792 --> 00:16:26,460
and putting perfume on them.
445
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,561
No, no.
446
00:16:27,661 --> 00:16:29,263
You didn't think they were silly?
447
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,198
No, no, they smell great.
448
00:16:31,298 --> 00:16:35,169
Oh, I'm so glad you said that.
449
00:16:35,269 --> 00:16:36,203
Dorothy.
450
00:16:36,303 --> 00:16:39,373
Yes Robby Bobby Boo?
451
00:16:39,473 --> 00:16:43,110
I think my arm's going to sleep.
452
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:45,479
Oh, I'm sorry.
453
00:16:45,579 --> 00:16:47,882
Oh.
454
00:16:47,982 --> 00:16:50,317
Here, let me kiss it and make it better.
455
00:16:50,417 --> 00:16:51,986
That's all right, Dorothy.
456
00:16:52,086 --> 00:16:54,655
Dorothy, what I came here to talk to you about,
457
00:16:54,755 --> 00:16:56,891
it's a very difficult thing.
458
00:16:56,991 --> 00:16:58,726
Oh I know, darling, it's something a man
459
00:16:58,826 --> 00:17:00,895
does only once in his whole entire lifetime.
460
00:17:00,995 --> 00:17:02,863
And well, I know how shy you can be.
461
00:17:02,963 --> 00:17:05,466
Oh, are you embarrassed, Robby Bobby?
462
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:06,800
Oh, boy, Dory-Do.
463
00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:12,373
There.
464
00:17:12,473 --> 00:17:13,908
Does that make it any easier for you?
465
00:17:14,008 --> 00:17:16,243
No, as a matter of fact, it doesn't, Dorothy.
466
00:17:16,343 --> 00:17:19,013
Dorothy, would you sit down right over there
467
00:17:19,113 --> 00:17:21,482
and let me please go about this in my own way?
468
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:22,816
Oh, I'm sorry darling.
469
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,285
You probably worked out a nice little speech,
470
00:17:24,385 --> 00:17:25,619
and I'm not letting you say it.
471
00:17:25,719 --> 00:17:27,221
Well, Dorothy.
472
00:17:27,321 --> 00:17:28,789
Uh-huh?
473
00:17:28,889 --> 00:17:32,159
Dorothy, you and I have known each other for a long time.
474
00:17:32,259 --> 00:17:33,160
Since fourth grade.
475
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:34,061
Please, Dorothy.
476
00:17:34,161 --> 00:17:34,995
Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
477
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:37,064
Please go on.
478
00:17:37,164 --> 00:17:39,166
Well, as I said, Dorothy, you--
479
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,335
you and I have known each other for a long time.
480
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,971
Oh, I'm so excited, Robby Bobby.
481
00:17:44,071 --> 00:17:46,573
Dorothy, please, will you just sit down and let
482
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,242
me say what I have to say?
483
00:17:48,342 --> 00:17:49,376
Oh, I'm sorry.
484
00:17:49,476 --> 00:17:51,579
I'm making it so difficult for you.
485
00:17:51,679 --> 00:17:53,881
Boy, you don't know.
486
00:17:53,981 --> 00:17:55,849
I want you to know that no matter what you say
487
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:59,253
or how you say it or phrase it, my answer to your question is--
488
00:17:59,353 --> 00:18:01,689
Dorothy, please, will you not say one more word?
489
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,258
I don't think you know at all what's on my mind.
490
00:18:04,358 --> 00:18:05,926
I don't?
491
00:18:06,026 --> 00:18:08,929
Oh, didn't you come here to talk about marriage?
492
00:18:09,029 --> 00:18:10,598
Yes, no.
493
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:12,166
Which is it?
494
00:18:12,266 --> 00:18:16,170
Well, I came to talk about marriage, but not our marriage.
495
00:18:16,270 --> 00:18:17,404
Whose marriage, then?
496
00:18:17,504 --> 00:18:18,405
Mine.
497
00:18:18,505 --> 00:18:19,340
Yours.
498
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,240
Yeah.
499
00:18:20,341 --> 00:18:21,976
Yours and who's?
500
00:18:22,076 --> 00:18:22,676
Laura.
501
00:18:22,776 --> 00:18:26,080
Who the devil is Laura?
502
00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:27,948
Dorothy, she's a girl that I met down at camp,
503
00:18:28,048 --> 00:18:30,684
and I proposed to her last week, and that's why I came up here.
504
00:18:30,784 --> 00:18:32,453
You came up here to tell me you're
505
00:18:32,553 --> 00:18:34,321
going to marry someone else?
506
00:18:34,421 --> 00:18:36,557
Well, Dorothy-- would you rather
507
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,258
I wrote it to you in a letter?
508
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,260
Would you?
509
00:18:40,361 --> 00:18:41,929
No!
510
00:18:42,029 --> 00:18:46,400
No, I'm glad you did it this way, Robert.
511
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,701
If you had written it in a letter,
512
00:18:47,801 --> 00:18:49,169
I would have felt cheated.
513
00:18:49,269 --> 00:18:50,504
Cheated?
514
00:18:50,604 --> 00:18:52,973
Cheated out of the opportunity to tell you a few things.
515
00:18:53,073 --> 00:18:56,210
Oh, what do you want to tell me?
516
00:18:56,310 --> 00:18:57,111
This!
517
00:18:57,211 --> 00:18:57,845
And this!
518
00:18:57,945 --> 00:18:59,113
I knew you'd be upset.
519
00:18:59,213 --> 00:18:59,947
Upset!
520
00:19:00,047 --> 00:19:03,017
What makes you think I'm upset!
521
00:19:03,117 --> 00:19:04,785
Oh!
522
00:19:04,885 --> 00:19:08,522
I'm sorry it had to end like this.
523
00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:09,423
Oh!
524
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,558
Oh, Dorothy!
525
00:19:11,658 --> 00:19:12,793
Yes!
526
00:19:12,893 --> 00:19:13,994
Dorothy, I gave--
527
00:19:14,094 --> 00:19:15,362
I gave-- I gave up a three day pass--
528
00:19:15,462 --> 00:19:16,864
A three day pass?
529
00:19:16,964 --> 00:19:18,832
I gave up half my life!
530
00:19:20,668 --> 00:19:21,802
Ow!
531
00:19:24,104 --> 00:19:27,007
And to think I gave up a weekend with Roger Mosby
532
00:19:27,107 --> 00:19:29,710
to be kind to a service man!
533
00:19:29,810 --> 00:19:31,345
Hold it!
534
00:19:31,445 --> 00:19:34,181
Who's Roger Mosby?
535
00:19:34,281 --> 00:19:35,215
This!
536
00:19:39,286 --> 00:19:40,521
He's someone who can make me happy.
537
00:19:40,621 --> 00:19:42,189
Dory-do, wait a minute.
538
00:19:42,289 --> 00:19:42,890
Wait a minute.
539
00:19:42,990 --> 00:19:44,658
Let me go, let me go!
540
00:19:44,758 --> 00:19:47,294
Are you serious about this Roger Mosby?
541
00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:49,563
He asked me to marry him!
542
00:19:49,663 --> 00:19:50,764
Then why are you angry with me?
543
00:19:50,864 --> 00:19:52,399
Why am I so angry with you?
544
00:19:52,499 --> 00:19:55,269
Because no one turns me down!
545
00:19:55,369 --> 00:19:56,537
Do you hear me?
546
00:19:56,637 --> 00:19:57,771
No one!
547
00:19:57,871 --> 00:20:00,140
Dorothy, I hate to see you like this.
548
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:08,582
I'm sorry, but your door's been broken.
549
00:20:08,682 --> 00:20:09,750
Dorothy, wait.
550
00:20:09,850 --> 00:20:11,652
What can I do to make this up to you?
551
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,620
Just hand me my shoe and get out!
552
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,289
OK, OK Dorothy.
553
00:20:15,389 --> 00:20:16,290
I will.
554
00:20:23,797 --> 00:20:24,598
Here's your shoe.
555
00:20:24,698 --> 00:20:26,266
Thank you.
556
00:20:26,366 --> 00:20:27,334
Goodbye, Robert.
557
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:28,836
You know your way out.
558
00:20:40,214 --> 00:20:41,181
Oh, boy.
559
00:20:44,251 --> 00:20:46,420
She'll make somebody a fine wife.
560
00:20:52,993 --> 00:20:54,895
Hey where's the next page?
561
00:20:54,995 --> 00:20:55,929
I think that's it.
562
00:20:56,029 --> 00:20:57,231
What do you mean, that's it?
563
00:20:57,331 --> 00:20:58,532
Rob's in Danville with a lump on his head.
564
00:20:58,632 --> 00:20:59,900
What happened to Laura?
565
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,301
You know what happened.
566
00:21:01,401 --> 00:21:03,337
They got married and they had a kid named Richie.
567
00:21:03,437 --> 00:21:05,139
Hey, listen, probably be back any minute.
568
00:21:05,239 --> 00:21:06,940
Let's get these memoirs back where they belong.
569
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,275
I want to know if they went on their honeymoon.
570
00:21:08,375 --> 00:21:09,676
Well, you just have to wait till he
571
00:21:09,776 --> 00:21:10,811
writes the next installment.
572
00:21:10,911 --> 00:21:13,647
Maybe we should ask him.
573
00:21:13,747 --> 00:21:15,516
Maybe we should ask him.
574
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,289
Come on, let's get some of that exciting sketch down on paper
575
00:21:22,389 --> 00:21:23,357
that we promised him.
576
00:21:23,457 --> 00:21:24,858
All right, where were we.
577
00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:26,660
Something about Alan with the diving helmet.
578
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:27,594
And the mermaid.
579
00:21:27,694 --> 00:21:28,595
Hi, gang.
580
00:21:28,695 --> 00:21:30,030
Excuse me.
581
00:21:30,130 --> 00:21:31,465
Oh, hey, Rob, did Laura find any fabrics she liked?
582
00:21:31,565 --> 00:21:32,399
Oh, yeah.
583
00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:33,801
Fine, fine fabric.
584
00:21:33,901 --> 00:21:35,169
I found some fine.
585
00:21:35,269 --> 00:21:36,270
Oh.
586
00:21:36,370 --> 00:21:38,906
How did you guys come out with the sketch?
587
00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:40,507
We had an idea for a honeymoon sketch.
588
00:21:40,607 --> 00:21:43,944
Yeah, where did you and Laura go on your honeymoon?
589
00:21:44,044 --> 00:21:45,212
Why do you ask?
590
00:21:45,312 --> 00:21:46,947
All right, Rob you might as well know.
591
00:21:47,047 --> 00:21:49,183
Because we read it, we're sorry, we apologize, we loved it.
592
00:21:49,283 --> 00:21:50,851
Yeah, and did you and Laura have a honeymoon?
593
00:21:50,951 --> 00:21:52,319
- Yeah. - Wait a minute.
594
00:21:52,419 --> 00:21:54,721
Did you read that manuscript I had hidden in the desk?
595
00:21:54,822 --> 00:21:55,856
Well, I didn't want to--
596
00:21:55,956 --> 00:21:56,890
It wasn't my idea.
597
00:21:56,990 --> 00:21:58,825
But fact remains you read it.
598
00:21:58,926 --> 00:22:00,260
Yeah, we did.
599
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:01,261
Good.
600
00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:02,396
Good?
601
00:22:02,496 --> 00:22:03,230
Yeah.
602
00:22:03,330 --> 00:22:04,965
I was hoping you would read it.
603
00:22:05,065 --> 00:22:06,867
Boy, you guys are the slowest readers world.
604
00:22:06,967 --> 00:22:08,902
I've been walking in that hall for a half an hour.
605
00:22:13,106 --> 00:22:14,608
You mean, you wanted us to read it.
606
00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:16,009
I was dying for you to.
607
00:22:16,109 --> 00:22:17,644
Well, then, why don't you give it to us instead
608
00:22:17,744 --> 00:22:19,046
of making sneaks out of us?
609
00:22:19,146 --> 00:22:20,747
Because if I gave it to you, then you would be
610
00:22:20,848 --> 00:22:21,949
forced to make a comment on it.
611
00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:23,550
This way if you didn't like it, you
612
00:22:23,650 --> 00:22:24,651
can keep your big mouth shut.
613
00:22:24,751 --> 00:22:25,819
You did like it? - It's great.
614
00:22:25,919 --> 00:22:26,820
Wonderful.
615
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,388
Did it hold your interest?
616
00:22:28,488 --> 00:22:30,490
You tell us first, how did you explain Dorothy to Laura?
617
00:22:30,591 --> 00:22:31,625
It held your interest.
618
00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:32,526
Yeah, what about the honeymoon?
619
00:22:32,626 --> 00:22:33,527
Did you get to have one?
620
00:22:33,627 --> 00:22:34,795
I don't know yet.
621
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:36,964
What do you mean, you don't know yet?
622
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:39,900
Well, I think it would be better if they don't get
623
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,101
another three day pass, and they had
624
00:22:41,201 --> 00:22:42,736
to spend their honeymoon apart.
625
00:22:42,836 --> 00:22:45,939
Or do you think it'd be better if they get the honeymoon,
626
00:22:46,039 --> 00:22:47,941
but they spent it in some kind of a funny place.
627
00:22:48,041 --> 00:22:49,176
Like the company barracks.
628
00:22:53,847 --> 00:22:54,781
Wait a minute, please.
629
00:22:54,881 --> 00:22:56,049
What do you mean they?
630
00:22:56,149 --> 00:22:57,718
Isn't this book about your experiences?
631
00:22:57,818 --> 00:22:59,419
Well, based on my experiences.
632
00:22:59,519 --> 00:23:01,521
Some of these incidents are true.
633
00:23:01,622 --> 00:23:03,423
Well, how about Dory-do?
634
00:23:03,523 --> 00:23:05,459
Well, I had to change the names of some of the characters
635
00:23:05,559 --> 00:23:10,130
to protect myself from certain people I'm married to.
636
00:23:10,230 --> 00:23:11,899
You mean there's no big blonde Dorothy?
637
00:23:11,999 --> 00:23:13,533
Oh, yeah, but her name is really Daphne,
638
00:23:13,634 --> 00:23:18,171
is she's short and dumpy and speaks with a lisp.
639
00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:20,474
But you did get to Danville to break the engagement?
640
00:23:20,574 --> 00:23:21,408
No, I did not.
641
00:23:21,508 --> 00:23:22,809
Don't tell us you sent a letter.
642
00:23:22,909 --> 00:23:24,177
No, she sent a letter to me telling me
643
00:23:24,278 --> 00:23:25,479
she was marrying a friend of mine.
644
00:23:25,579 --> 00:23:26,580
She dumped you?
645
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:27,614
Yeah.
646
00:23:27,714 --> 00:23:28,515
Seems impossible, doesn't it?
647
00:23:28,615 --> 00:23:29,716
I mean I'm so tall.
648
00:23:32,486 --> 00:23:34,688
So if she left you, did you write it this way?
649
00:23:34,788 --> 00:23:36,223
Listen, this is my book.
650
00:23:36,323 --> 00:23:38,091
When Daphne writes her book, she can tell her own story.
651
00:23:49,770 --> 00:23:51,004
Well, honey, what did you think?
652
00:23:51,104 --> 00:23:52,339
Should I continue with it.
653
00:23:52,439 --> 00:23:53,840
- I don't know. - What you mean you don't know.
654
00:23:53,940 --> 00:23:54,808
Didn't you like it?
655
00:23:54,908 --> 00:23:56,009
Rob, it's good.
656
00:23:56,109 --> 00:23:57,811
It's very good.
657
00:23:57,911 --> 00:24:00,447
But it needs a little work.
658
00:24:00,547 --> 00:24:01,948
Well, I mean, what kind of work, honey?
659
00:24:02,049 --> 00:24:02,983
What?
660
00:24:03,083 --> 00:24:04,618
Is it the characters, you think?
661
00:24:04,718 --> 00:24:06,153
No, the characters ring true.
662
00:24:06,253 --> 00:24:07,454
Well, how about style.
663
00:24:07,554 --> 00:24:08,956
And I a little heavy handed on the style?
664
00:24:09,056 --> 00:24:10,991
No, no, the style's fine.
665
00:24:11,091 --> 00:24:12,192
You were bored.
666
00:24:12,292 --> 00:24:14,061
No, it held my interest beautifully.
667
00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:15,062
Well, what kind of changes?
668
00:24:15,162 --> 00:24:16,063
What do you mean?
669
00:24:16,163 --> 00:24:19,499
Well, cutting and editing.
670
00:24:19,599 --> 00:24:20,600
What do you mean?
671
00:24:20,701 --> 00:24:22,002
Well, right around here.
672
00:24:22,102 --> 00:24:22,903
This part.
673
00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:23,870
What, where?
674
00:24:23,970 --> 00:24:25,439
Well, right around there.
675
00:24:25,539 --> 00:24:26,673
Well, here?
676
00:24:26,773 --> 00:24:29,943
She was lovely, blonde, two inches taller than Laura
677
00:24:30,043 --> 00:24:33,980
and about 45% sexier.
678
00:24:34,081 --> 00:24:37,484
Yeah, around there.
679
00:24:37,584 --> 00:24:41,021
Do you think if I cut that 45% sexier,
680
00:24:41,121 --> 00:24:42,556
would that improve the book?
681
00:24:42,656 --> 00:24:44,725
100%.
682
00:24:44,825 --> 00:24:45,692
That's what I thought.
683
00:24:45,792 --> 00:24:48,762
Oh, oh, would it improve.
684
00:24:48,862 --> 00:24:50,597
[MUSIC - END THEME "THE DICK
685
00:24:50,697 --> 00:24:52,566
VAN DYKE SHOW"]
46663
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