Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:01,920
[theme music]
2
00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:05,200
NARRATOR: "THE Dick Van Dyke Show,"
3
00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:14,600
starring Dick Van Dyke, Rosemary, Morey Amsterdam, Mary
4
00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,400
Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
5
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,880
Rob, what is the matter with you?
6
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,000
You've been in a trance all through dinner.
7
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:33,840
I think I lost a couple of friends.
8
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,240
What do you mean?
9
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,600
Honey, how long has it been since Buddy and Sally
10
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:37,800
were out here for a weekend?
11
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:38,680
I don't know, dear.
12
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:39,840
About a month or so?
13
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,040
Don't you think that's kind of odd?
14
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:42,240
No, darling.
15
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,200
I just assume that they've been busy.
16
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,680
They've been busy all right, avoiding me.
17
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:48,680
Avoiding you?
18
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,040
Now, why would they avoid you?
19
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:51,560
I don't know.
20
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,960
I haven't done anything to offend them that I know of.
21
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:54,880
Have I?
22
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:55,920
Oh, darling.
23
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,000
You're just being oversensitive.
24
00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,440
They're avoiding us.
25
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:00,680
Now that's silly!
26
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:01,720
Silly!
27
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,160
Eh?
28
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:11,960
Six pounds of top sirloin.
29
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,600
Precisely.
30
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:14,640
Precisely what?
31
00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:16,160
Buddy was with me when I bought this.
32
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:17,800
He knows he's been in the freezer ever since.
33
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,800
Yet not once, not once, has he said to me, how about barbecue
34
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,080
on that sirloin this weekend?
35
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,400
Well, did you ever think of saying to him,
36
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,120
hey, how about coming up for the barbecue?
37
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,640
Well, sure I did.
38
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,040
Twice I asked them.
39
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,360
They both came up with some pretty flimsy excuses.
40
00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,800
For some reason, they don't want to come out here.
41
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,400
Well, what reason?
42
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:36,760
If I knew the reason, I wouldn't be standing here
43
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,360
taking an aspirin.
44
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,440
You're really concerned about this, aren't you?
45
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,880
Yes I am.
46
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:45,120
Well, then may I make a suggestion?
47
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:46,400
Well, to ask them up again?
48
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:47,240
Why not?
49
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:48,480
They may fool you and say yes.
50
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:49,720
Yeah, maybe.
51
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,600
Then again, they may not.
52
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:53,240
Boy, I'd love to know what those guys have
53
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,720
got against me all of a sudden.
54
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,760
Well, one more joke and we can call it a week.
55
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:06,440
Yeah, one more weak joke, we can call it a month.
56
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:07,760
Now, seriously.
57
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,040
If we write one more joke, we can come in late Monday.
58
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:11,160
Wait a minute, I think I got it.
59
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:12,760
I got the joke.
60
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,160
A panhandler is walking down the street and he sees a fat lady.
61
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:15,360
And he walks up to her and he says,
62
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,840
Fat Lady, I ain't eaten in six days.
63
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:18,880
And she says, Oh!
64
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,720
If I only had your willpower!
65
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,600
So we'll come in early Monday.
66
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:28,480
Yeah, yeah.
67
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:29,560
Goodnight, Rob.
68
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:30,240
Wait, you guys.
69
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,200
What's the big rush?
70
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:32,480
It's early yet.
71
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:33,920
The weekend doesn't start until tomorrow.
72
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,440
Well, why wait till the last minute?
73
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:36,600
Yeah. What?
74
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:37,680
Are you against long weekends or something?
75
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,040
Well, no of course not.
76
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,600
I just-- I mean, we got-- we got work to do here.
77
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,040
And-- if you have something else to do that's more
78
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:45,920
important than your work--
79
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,200
of course, we all have outside interests,
80
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,360
but I think work comes first.
81
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,200
And I'd-- It seems to me like we ought to stay here and finish
82
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,120
up our work before you go rushing off on some--
83
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,160
on some kind of weekend.
84
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,800
Hey, Rob, you feeling all right?
85
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,040
I'm-- I'm-- I'm--
86
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,160
Oh, you're all together. Good.
87
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:02,800
I have a special request.
88
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,680
So have I. Get out of here.
89
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,000
What is it, Mel?
90
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,040
From Alan Brady.
91
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,000
Well, I want to ask a big favor of you.
92
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,960
And we've got a big refusal for you.
93
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,200
What is it, Mel?
94
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,040
Well, Alan's doing a benefit on Sunday,
95
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,800
and he needs a comedy monologue.
96
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:19,960
Oh, I guess he wants us to give
97
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,440
up our weekend to write it.
98
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,880
Well, Alan's giving up his time, and it is a benefit.
99
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,120
[interposing voices]
100
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,360
Will you hold on just a second, you guys.
101
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,000
Mel, tell him he'll have his monologue.
102
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:34,880
BOTH: What do you mean?
103
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,000
[interposing voices]
104
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,640
Take it easy, you guys.
105
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,440
Now, you tell him he'll have it and he'll have it on time.
106
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,080
Good. I'll tell him it's locked up.
107
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:44,840
Yeah, we should tell him you're locked up.
108
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:45,800
Rob, thanks.
109
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:47,120
I can't tell you how much.
110
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:51,520
You can't tell us how much four and four are.
111
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,280
Yeech.
112
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:54,200
Four and four are yeech?
113
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,760
I thought it was eight.
114
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,960
Rob, just what did you mean by we'll get it to him on time?
115
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,320
Did you mean we we'll or you we'll.
116
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,160
Look, you guys, I got a great idea.
117
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,520
We can get that monologue out of the way,
118
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,240
and still have all the time to ourselves.
119
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:08,480
Yeah, how do you figure?
120
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,120
Well, I've got a sir-- well, you remember
121
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,360
that sirloin steak we bought?
122
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:12,480
Yeah, I remember it.
123
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,040
Well, I can thaw it out and you
124
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,280
can all come up to my house for one
125
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,120
of my world-famous barbecues.
126
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,040
BOTH: We're busy.
127
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,840
We're busy.
128
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:20,960
"We're busy?"
129
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:21,960
I-- I mean, I'm busy.
130
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,240
Yeah, yeah.
131
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,040
And Pickles, my wife, and me, we're busy.
132
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,080
Look, I didn't mean to panic you guys.
133
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,240
I just thought if you, and Sal, and Pickles weren't
134
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,240
busy over the weekend, we could knock off
135
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,280
that monologue between courses.
136
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,120
You can even bring a date, Sal.
137
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:36,400
Thanks, Rob, but my date already
138
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:37,960
has something specially planned.
139
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,040
Yeah.
140
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:40,360
Oh?
141
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:42,360
Yeah, Pickles is coming with-- and-- and Sally.
142
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,240
They're coming with me, the three of us-- we're going--
143
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:45,720
and, uh, she's my date.
144
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:46,880
Yeah, I'm--
145
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,680
I'm his date.
146
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:49,400
Well, look.
147
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:50,560
Couldn't you cancel it?
148
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:51,520
No, no.
149
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:52,800
We've been planning this for weeks!
150
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,400
I made all arrangements for the three of us,
151
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,600
Pickles and me, and Sally.
152
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,920
We're-- we're going out to the island.
153
00:04:58,040 --> 00:04:58,920
The-- what is on the island?
154
00:04:59,040 --> 00:04:59,880
Swimming.
155
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:00,760
Polo.
156
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:01,720
Uh, polo.
157
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:02,760
Swimming.
158
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:03,800
Uh, water polo.
159
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:04,960
Yeah. - Water polo?
160
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:05,880
Yeah, yeah.
161
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:06,800
It's a great game, man.
162
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,720
The wildest.
163
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:12,440
Yeah, sounds wild.
164
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:16,160
Well, you guys have a nice time.
165
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,240
Thanks.
166
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,320
I'll, uh, I'll knock off Alan's monologue myself.
167
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,640
- Thanks a lot, Rob. - Yeah, yeah.
168
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:24,840
Thanks, Rob.
169
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:25,760
So long.
170
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:26,960
BOTH: So long.
171
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,880
Water polo!
172
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,440
Where'd you get that one?
173
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:36,800
What did you want me to tell him?
174
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,360
Deep sea diving?
175
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,720
I suppose you want me to tell him what we're really doing?
176
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:40,760
Ah, you better not!
177
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,480
Yeah, what he don't know won't hurt him.
178
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,840
Hey, listen, Buddy, are you ashamed of what we're doing?
179
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:45,880
That's not the idea.
180
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,400
We got our own lives to live.
181
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,800
Whatever we do outside this office is our own business.
182
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:50,920
It's nobody else's business.
183
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:51,960
Not even Rob's!
184
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,200
Rob, you can't expect them to clear everything with you.
185
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,800
You're not their father, you know.
186
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,000
Of course not, but I thought at least they were my friends.
187
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,680
They are your friends.
188
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,040
Oh, yeah?
189
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,800
Friends don't say behind your back,
190
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,760
"what we do is none of his business."
191
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:10,680
Who said that?
192
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:11,640
Buddy did.
193
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,240
I wasn't in the office 10 seconds.
194
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,040
Well, how do you know?
195
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,400
Huh?
196
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,360
If you weren't there, how do you know he said it?
197
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:23,600
Well, if you drop your hat outside the door,
198
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:25,440
and you bend over to pick it up--
199
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,440
Then your ear just happens to be next to the keyhole
200
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,120
while you're picking up the hat that you
201
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,560
didn't happen to wear today.
202
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,360
Well, it's one of the few ways of finding
203
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:36,600
out the truth about people.
204
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,080
How about concealing a microphone
205
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,520
in the filing cabinet.
206
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,640
Listen, I would go that far if I thought it'd
207
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:42,880
help straighten this thing out.
208
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,400
Well, I'm worried about them!
209
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,000
Rob, are you really worried about them
210
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:48,360
or about your hurt feelings?
211
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,160
I'm worried about both.
212
00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:51,640
I've been giving it a lot of thought
213
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,080
and I got the sneaking suspicion that Buddy and Sally are
214
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,280
picking up some extra money writing
215
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:56,800
for another television show.
216
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:57,920
Well, so what?
217
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,880
Well, so-- honey!
218
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,400
They could be ruined!
219
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,080
They have an exclusive contract with the Alan Brady show.
220
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,280
It could ruin them in the business.
221
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,760
How could they be that stupid?
222
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,080
What excuse did they give you for not coming up here?
223
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:11,400
Oh, well, a pretty flimsy one!
224
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,760
They said they were going to a water polo match.
225
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,400
A water polo match.
226
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,080
Well, there you are, darling.
227
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:19,560
You ought to know Buddy by now.
228
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,600
He's a one-man Disneyland.
229
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,440
He's kidding you and you're falling for it.
230
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:26,840
That's possible, I suppose.
231
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,560
It's probable, I'd say, and you know my intuition.
232
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,080
Yeah, I know your intuition.
233
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,800
You're the one who thought our baby was going to be a girl.
234
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,200
Honey, that cannot be a rip.
235
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,000
Who are you calling?
236
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,520
I'm going to call Buddy.
237
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:42,920
He doesn't want my advice, he's going to get it anyway.
238
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,640
That's what friends are for.
239
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:46,760
Those two are heading for professional disaster,
240
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,280
and if I don't at least try and stop them,
241
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,760
I'll never forgive myself.
242
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:50,680
Listen, don't talk.
243
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:51,360
Don't talk.
244
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:52,400
Just listen to me.
245
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,080
What you are doing is illegal.
246
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,040
It'll ruin you.
247
00:07:56,160 --> 00:08:00,160
Well, I-- no, it's not illegal to take a bubble bath, Pickles.
248
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,680
I'm sorry.
249
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,360
No, I-- I was just kidding, Pickles.
250
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,360
Look, would you-- would you put Buddy on
251
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,240
and get back in the tub?
252
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,400
He isn't?
253
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,720
He's gone away for the weekend?
254
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:20,600
He's working and he said you would be in the way.
255
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:21,320
No, no.
256
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,760
Never mind, Pickles.
257
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:25,000
Good bye.
258
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,360
Pickles is out there alone.
259
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,680
How do you like that?
260
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:29,600
What?
261
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:33,520
How do you like what I'm thinking?
262
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,200
Rob!
263
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:35,440
Yeah, yeah.
264
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,000
That's just exactly what I'm thinking.
265
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:38,360
I'm going to kill both of them!
266
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,840
I'm going to kill them!
267
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:43,040
Rob, I have never heard anything more ridiculous in--
268
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,400
Buddy and Sally?
269
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,200
Buddy is a married man!
270
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,440
Well, so was George Sanders a married man.
271
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,680
He went to Tahiti to paint ladies.
272
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:52,880
George Sanders, the actor?
273
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:53,920
No!
274
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,400
In the movie, Moon and Sixpence.
275
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,520
He played Paul Gauguin, the famous artist.
276
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,760
He left his wife, he left his family in England,
277
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,520
he took a boat to Tahiti, and nobody
278
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,440
ever heard from him again.
279
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,280
Boy, except for the boat and the native girls,
280
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,080
this is the Paul Gauguin story all over again.
281
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,360
Oh, Rob!
282
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:16,280
Laura?
283
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,440
Honey, good news!
284
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:21,720
Buddy and Sally are writing for another television show.
285
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:22,880
Yeah!
286
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:23,960
No.
287
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,120
No Paul Gauguin, no Tahiti, no nothing.
288
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,960
Yeah, I'm relieved too.
289
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:29,560
How do I know?
290
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,560
Honey, I just found a piece of carbon paper that Sally saved.
291
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,560
Listen to what she typed.
292
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,600
"Direct from their long engagement
293
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:38,440
in the interrogation room at police headquarters,
294
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,640
here they are, those masters of mirth--"
295
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,040
Honey, we don't use this kind of junk on our show.
296
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,680
That's how I know.
297
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,440
Well, of course they're still in a lot of trouble,
298
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:48,840
but at least it's the kind of trouble
299
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,440
could be easily handled.
300
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,320
Honey, I'll-- I'll call you back.
301
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,160
Buddy and Sally just came in.
302
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:55,280
Bye.
303
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:56,280
Hey, Rob.
304
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,600
What's more easily handled?
305
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:58,720
Oh, Oh.
306
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,280
Would you two guys sit down a minute?
307
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,200
Yeah.
308
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,720
Look, do you-- do you mind if I ask you something personal?
309
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,320
Well, not if you tell us what it is first.
310
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,280
I just want you to know that whatever I say now
311
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,760
is only because I'm very fond of you guys.
312
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,240
Sounds like we're getting fired.
313
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,400
No, seriously, friend to friend.
314
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,440
Are you guys doing any outside work?
315
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,080
Well, I--
316
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,000
I watered the geranium on the windowsill this morning.
317
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,400
That's outside.
318
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:29,960
Yeah, and I helped Pickles take the garbage out.
319
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:30,920
Yeah, that's outside.
320
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:31,960
We hope.
321
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,040
Guys.
322
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,360
Rob, what are you doing?
323
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,040
Nobody listens at keyholes, nowadays.
324
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,800
You'd be surprised.
325
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,600
Are you guys writing for any other television show?
326
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,320
Because if you are, you're in breach of contract.
327
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,240
Oh!
328
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,600
Ho, ho!
329
00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,000
Look, if that's what's bugging you, forget it.
330
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,600
We're not writing for any other television show.
331
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,200
You guys leveling with me?
332
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,600
Believe me, we're not writing for any other television show.
333
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,880
Yeah, we ain't writing too much on this one either.
334
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:09,840
Come on, let's go.
335
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:10,560
Yeah.
336
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:11,840
Where's that script.
337
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,280
Listen, we need a joke right-- right here.
338
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:14,440
Remember that?
339
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:15,320
That's the one we were working on.
340
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:16,080
Right there, yeah.
341
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:16,800
I think it's--
342
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:17,840
Mm-hmm.
343
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,720
How'd, uh, how'd the water polo go?
344
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,000
Huh? Oh!
345
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,160
Oh! Fine, thank you.
346
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,120
Great, great.
347
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,360
Our team won.
348
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:31,160
Did, uh, Pickles have a good time?
349
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,040
Yeah.
350
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,240
Rob, the truth is Buddy and I--
351
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,160
And Pickles had a wonderful time.
352
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:40,840
Good.
353
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:49,760
Anybody want any coffee?
354
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:50,440
Yeah.
355
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:51,840
Yeah, I'll have some.
356
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:52,560
Sal?
357
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:53,800
Yeah, me too, Rob.
358
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:54,840
Thanks.
359
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,280
He knows!
360
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:02,560
He knows we're keeping a secret from him!
361
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,000
I think we ought to tell him. - No, no!
362
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:05,800
He thinks we're writing for some other show.
363
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:06,800
Let him!
364
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:07,720
I still think we ought to tell him.
365
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,080
Why?
366
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,160
Well, I just feel guilty about the whole thing, that's all.
367
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:12,400
Eh, guilty-schmilty.
368
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,320
We had a wonderful weekend, didn't we?
369
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,680
Yeah, I got to admit we did.
370
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,400
Yeah, next week it'll be even better.
371
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,160
You'll see.
372
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,000
You know, Buddy, I've been to Herbie's Hiawatha Lodge before,
373
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,640
but it was never any fun.
374
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,800
You being there made all the difference in the world.
375
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:26,760
Ha!
376
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,440
You're my favorite female, kiddo!
377
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:30,840
Hey, hey, hey.
378
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,720
Next weekend It's just you and me again, huh, baby?
379
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,240
Yeah, but Buddy, what about your wife?
380
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:35,800
Eh, I'll get rid of her.
381
00:12:56,480 --> 00:13:04,160
Buddy, Sally, do-- do you two take any cream in your coffee?
382
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,160
Yeah.
383
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:09,080
Yeah.
384
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,040
Good, good.
385
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:12,680
I'll-- I'll go get it.
386
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,200
He knows!
387
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:22,560
He knows! He knows!
388
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:23,760
But he don't know what he knows, and we're
389
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:24,960
going to keep it that way.
390
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,920
Rob, will you stop fidgeting?
391
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:37,880
Honey.
392
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:38,680
I'm sorry.
393
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:39,600
I can't help myself.
394
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,680
I just feel fidgety.
395
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,200
Let's-- why don't we go someplace?
396
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,200
Where do you want to go?
397
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,360
Well, I-- any-- any place.
398
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,160
Where would you like to go?
399
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,520
Well, you know what I--
400
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,960
Why don't we go up to Herbie's Hiawatha Lodge?
401
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:52,760
Herbie's what?
402
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:53,880
Herbie's Hiawatha Lodge.
403
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,560
Honey, everybody's going up there.
404
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,320
I-- I heard a couple of my friends talking about it.
405
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,320
I picked this up.
406
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,800
Romantic hideaway, two-hour easy drive from New York City,
407
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:09,200
continental cuisine, boating, entertainment, come as you are.
408
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,200
Nothing beats fun!
409
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,840
Well, what does?
410
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,200
Honey, Richie's going to stay over at the Helper's all night
411
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:16,400
anyway.
412
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:17,560
We could get away, just the two of us.
413
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,200
Rob, what are you keeping from me?
414
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,200
Does this have anything to do with Buddy and Sally?
415
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,200
Yeah.
416
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:30,560
Herbie's Hiawatha Lodge is their romantic hideaway.
417
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,840
Rob, nothing will make me believe that!
418
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,160
Nothing will make me believe it either until see it.
419
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:36,640
And I got to see it!
420
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,040
I don't see them in here, either.
421
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,840
Of course you don't see them, darling.
422
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:53,400
You can't see anything with these silly glasses on.
423
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,000
Can't we take them off?
424
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,320
OK.
425
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,280
They're still not here.
426
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,840
It's showtime!
427
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,120
We've got a good seat for that!
428
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,800
All right, folks, let's clear the floor
429
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:06,960
for the entertainment.
430
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,160
ANNOUNCER: Good evening, gentlemen.
431
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,680
Grab the chairs and follow me.
432
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,680
ANNOUNCER: Tonight, we our proud pleasure to present to you,
433
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,120
direct from their long engagement in the interrogation
434
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,640
room at police headquarters, those masters
435
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,200
of mirth and melody--
436
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,280
and you can continue to order drinks throughout the show,
437
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,320
$0.55 for a tall one--
438
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,800
here they are, Gilbert and Solomon!
439
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,720
Gilbert and Solomon!
440
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,960
I guess that wraps this one up, eh, inspector?
441
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,400
Here we go! [big band music]
442
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:43,760
(SINGING) I'm Gilbert.
443
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,120
- (SINGING) I'm Solomon. - (SINGING) I'm Solomon.
444
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,600
(SINGING) I'm Gilbert.
445
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,080
(SINGING) When we are on the beat, you won't sleep.
446
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,240
(SINGING) I'm Gilbert.
447
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:51,520
- (SINGING) I'm Solomon. - (SINGING) I'm Solomon.
448
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:52,640
(SINGING) I'm Gilbert.
449
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:53,600
BOTH: (SINGING) We're working here
450
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,840
because we're working cheap!
451
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,560
We'll make a deal with all you folks.
452
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,920
Here's all you have to do.
453
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,920
(SINGING) Don't tell a soul you saw us here.
454
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,600
(SINGING) Yeah, we won't tell them we saw you!
455
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:03,920
- (SINGING) I'm Gilbert. - (SINGING) I'm Solomon.
456
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,160
- (SINGING) I'm Gilbert - (SINGING) I'm Solomon.
457
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:06,320
(SINGING) I'm Gilbert.
458
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:07,200
BOTH: (SINGING) Hooray for the USA!
459
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:15,040
[applause]
460
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,000
Wait a minute!
461
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,200
That takes care of the jazzy stuff.
462
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,560
And now for the music!
463
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:19,800
Bring the instruments out, will you, chief?
464
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,120
Let me have that, honey. - There you go.
465
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,680
There you are. BUDDY: Oh, thank you very much.
466
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,080
SALLY: Oh! BUDDY: You can take this.
467
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:24,920
All right.
468
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,600
How do you tune up pot covers?
469
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:27,720
They're not pot covers.
470
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:28,920
They're cymbals.
471
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:30,360
Did you ever have to play those before?
472
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:31,440
No, what do you do?
473
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:32,840
You just-- cymbal!
474
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,960
[clang]
475
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,160
You sure you never played those before?
476
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:39,360
- Word of honor. - Boy!
477
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:40,480
What talent!
478
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,720
[tuning instrument]
479
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,400
Good. You all tuned up?
480
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:46,360
Tuned up, nothing.
481
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:47,920
That's my first selection.
482
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:51,560
[jazzy music]
483
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:52,560
(SINGING) I'm coming home.
484
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,120
I'm coming Home.
485
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,840
Raise that window high.
486
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,440
I'm coming home.
487
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,080
I'm coming home.
488
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,000
Raise that window high!
489
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:04,960
What?
490
00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:06,240
Are you coming home with a giraffe?
491
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:07,240
Oh!
492
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,400
Is there any other song you'd like to hear?
493
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,320
Save a dance.
494
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:12,360
Thank you!
495
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,040
Oh, beautiful, beautiful.
496
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,320
Hey, wait a minute.
497
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,640
Don't you folks know you folks is supposed to applause
498
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,080
with your tomahawks here?
499
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,320
This man'll take your applauder away, for Heaven's sake.
500
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,960
Hello!
501
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:27,240
There's some old Indian folklore burnt in on this handle.
502
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,600
What does it say?
503
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:29,720
"I got a know--"
504
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:30,800
I got a know--
505
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,120
"It's like a ban."
506
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,000
It's like a ban.
507
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:33,960
"Hannah."
508
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:34,680
Hannah.
509
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:35,800
Now, say the whole thing.
510
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,760
I got a nose like a banana.
511
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:46,040
Bring-bring!
512
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:46,800
Bring-bring?
513
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,320
A telephone call for me?
514
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,280
Hello?
515
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,240
Who?
516
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,200
Paramount?
517
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,400
Shorts?
518
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:54,600
Yeah, thanks.
519
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:55,800
- Hey, who was that? - Paramount.
520
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,000
I left my shorts there.
521
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:00,600
All righty.
522
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:01,800
Ladies and gentlemen, my partner
523
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,640
will attempt to get some serious music
524
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,240
out of that overgrown ukulele.
525
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,960
A little Hungarian folk song.
526
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:08,960
Uh, Bela?
527
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,920
[eastern european music]
528
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,360
[applause]
529
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:10,720
And now, my lovely partner, Sally Gilbert.
530
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,320
[MUSIC - "COME RAIN OR COME SHINE"]
531
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:26,760
(SINGING) I'm going to love you like nobody's loved you,
532
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,040
come rain or shine.
533
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:41,400
High as a mountain and deep as a river, come rain or shine.
534
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:55,560
I guess when you met me, it was just one of those things.
535
00:19:55,640 --> 00:20:07,360
But don't ever bet me, cause I'm going to be true if you let me.
536
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:12,880
I'm going to love you like nobody's loved you,
537
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,840
come rain or shine.
538
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:25,960
Happy together, I'm happy together, and won't it be fine.
539
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:33,880
Days may be cloudy or sunny, we're
540
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:39,280
in we're out of the money.
541
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:48,280
That I'm with you always, I'm with you rain or shine!
542
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,080
Rain or shine!
543
00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:01,120
Rain or shine!
544
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,400
[applause]
545
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:16,600
[big band music]
546
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,280
(SINGING) We're Gilbert and Solomon,
547
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:19,840
we're Solomon and Gilbert.
548
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,960
Hooray for the USA!
549
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,080
All right, all right!
550
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:38,440
There'll be a two-minute intermission to give you
551
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:39,720
a chance to order some drinks.
552
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,120
Let's order up, everybody!
553
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,160
Order up!
554
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:46,560
Go ahead, say it!
555
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:47,760
Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
556
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:49,320
Make a wisecrack.
557
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:50,560
No wisecracks.
558
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,040
You guys were great!
559
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,040
Buddy, I didn't know you play the cello so beautifully.
560
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,640
And Sally, that song was sensational!
561
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:57,760
Thank you, Laura.
562
00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:58,880
Look, just one thing.
563
00:21:58,960 --> 00:21:59,880
Why the big secret?
564
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,680
Why didn't you guys tell me?
565
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:02,960
Well, I don't know.
566
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:04,560
We thought a lot of sophisticated friends
567
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,200
would come up here from New York, and they wouldn't get--
568
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,520
you know, they would realize we're
569
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,040
just doing this for kicks.
570
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,000
And they-- they'd make fun of us, and we'd be a big flop.
571
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,400
Oh, it was wonderful!
572
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:13,800
Hey, you get paid for this?
573
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,640
Well, we split $42.50.
574
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,200
Not bad!
575
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,240
Yeah, but they give us rooms and the meals are thrown in.
576
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:20,680
Yeah, you stay in your room and they
577
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:21,880
throw the meal right in.
578
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,240
All right, all right, all right.
579
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:24,000
Here's--
580
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,840
[interposing voices]
581
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:34,880
Here they are, for your entertainment.
582
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,640
From New Rochelle, those dancing suburbanites,
583
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,280
Lester and Ester Bushmaster.
584
00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:42,000
[applause]
585
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:46,200
[music - "harmony"]
586
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,520
(SINGING) If you don't trust me like you should--
587
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,280
(SINGING) That's no good.
588
00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:55,440
If you won't take my best advice--
589
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,200
(SINGING) I'm not nice.
590
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,920
If you don't say you think that I'm OK,
591
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,320
that isn't any way to be.
592
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,400
BOTH: (SINGING) What we need is good old harmony.
593
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:11,120
Harmony!
594
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,320
Harmony!
595
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,840
(SINGING) Imagine Minneapolis without St. Paul.
596
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,600
BOTH: (SINGING) It's Harmony.
597
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:22,600
That's all!
598
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,120
(SINGING) If you won't cheer my when I'm sad--
599
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,040
(SINGING) That's too bad.
600
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:38,080
If I can't ask for your last dance--
601
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,840
(SINGING) I ain't no gent.
602
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,800
(SINGING) And if I hurt you, would you take my word?
603
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,320
You'd have to face that third degree!
604
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:50,400
BOTH: (SINGING) What we need is perfect harmony!
605
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:54,080
Harmony!
606
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,200
Harmony!
607
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,600
Harmony!
608
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:09,600
Harmony!
609
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,640
It's harmony!
610
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,640
Good old harmony!
611
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:25,400
Make it harmony for you and me!
612
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:30,640
That's all!
613
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:51,000
[theme music]42374
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.