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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,502 For the past few years Ricky Gervais, 2 00:00:19,565 --> 00:00:22,233 Stephen Merchant, and Karl Pilkington 3 00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:24,301 have been meeting regularly 4 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,726 for a series of pointless conversations. 5 00:00:26,788 --> 00:00:28,689 This is one of them. 6 00:00:28,747 --> 00:00:30,214 - Testing. - Is that all right? 7 00:00:32,358 --> 00:00:35,560 Hello and welcome to "the Ricky Gervais show" 8 00:00:35,632 --> 00:00:37,399 with me, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant... 9 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:40,490 - Hello. - ... And the little round-headed buffoon 10 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:41,994 that is Karl Pilkington. 11 00:00:42,045 --> 00:00:43,646 Hi. 12 00:00:49,707 --> 00:00:53,143 we do of course, Rick, every week get thousands of emails. 13 00:00:53,218 --> 00:00:56,086 Emily from New York has asked 14 00:00:56,154 --> 00:00:58,489 Karl, if you're on a sinking ship 15 00:00:58,551 --> 00:01:00,385 or you were in a burning building 16 00:01:00,441 --> 00:01:02,876 and you re with myself and Ricky, 17 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:04,672 but you could only save one of us... 18 00:01:04,728 --> 00:01:06,462 I don't know why that's the case, 19 00:01:06,516 --> 00:01:08,183 but you can only save one of us... who would you save? 20 00:01:08,238 --> 00:01:09,805 Would it be Ricky or would it be me? 21 00:01:09,858 --> 00:01:11,793 - I think it's a two-man dinghy. - Right, okay. 22 00:01:11,849 --> 00:01:14,451 - Possibly. - And we're trapped and he knows that if he stays there 23 00:01:14,516 --> 00:01:17,118 to get both our legs out from under this thing... 24 00:01:17,182 --> 00:01:18,816 - The girder. - Yeah... he dies. 25 00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,038 So he's got... so he's got room... He's got time to save one. 26 00:01:21,097 --> 00:01:22,731 It's obviously me. 27 00:01:22,786 --> 00:01:25,955 It's hard to say, isn't it, at this point? 28 00:01:26,026 --> 00:01:27,894 What, 'cause Steve's in the room, you mean? 29 00:01:27,950 --> 00:01:31,753 Just because we don't know what the situation is. 30 00:01:31,831 --> 00:01:34,533 Okay. Well, let's say we're on a sinking ship, all right? 31 00:01:34,599 --> 00:01:36,533 So you're gonna have to rescue one of us... drag us into the... 32 00:01:36,591 --> 00:01:38,091 It's... it's going under. You know... 33 00:01:38,144 --> 00:01:40,311 You know in 30 seconds, okay, 34 00:01:40,371 --> 00:01:42,972 this ship's going to drag you down and you're gonna die, right? 35 00:01:43,038 --> 00:01:46,073 And our legs are trapped. And you got enough time 36 00:01:46,143 --> 00:01:50,746 to untangle one set of legs. Whose legs do you untangle? 37 00:01:50,834 --> 00:01:53,436 Just because my legs are long 38 00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,668 does not necessarily mean it's more complicated. 39 00:01:55,729 --> 00:01:58,797 No, it's exactly the same amount of time. Just have to make a choice. 40 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,769 Terrible... A terrible choice 41 00:02:00,825 --> 00:02:03,960 that Steve would, would not, you know hate you for. 42 00:02:04,032 --> 00:02:05,566 Well, listen listen... 43 00:02:05,618 --> 00:02:07,686 He's gonna drown in 30 seconds. Forget him. 44 00:02:07,745 --> 00:02:09,946 Bear in mind this, Karl: 45 00:02:10,007 --> 00:02:12,375 You are gonna be stuck in a dinghy with Ricky Gervais. 46 00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:14,137 And who knows how long that's gonna take? 47 00:02:14,191 --> 00:02:16,359 Think of all the head squeezing that's gonna be going on, 48 00:02:16,419 --> 00:02:19,221 the comments, the... And do you honestly think that he's gonna... 49 00:02:19,289 --> 00:02:21,323 If there was any provisions, that he's gonna split them evenly with you? 50 00:02:21,381 --> 00:02:24,283 I mean, he's gonna have drunk all the water 51 00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,186 and it's only gonna be about a half an hour in. 52 00:02:26,242 --> 00:02:27,876 The food's gonna be gone. 53 00:02:27,929 --> 00:02:31,098 Look at his gut. Look how much, you know, the food he's gonna have to eat... 54 00:02:31,170 --> 00:02:33,071 - The baked beans that you've got on board. - Come on. 55 00:02:33,127 --> 00:02:34,494 Whereas me, you know how generous I am. 56 00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:36,279 - I'm always sort of helping... - Oh, there we go. 57 00:02:36,334 --> 00:02:39,536 Karl, he's... I think he's put the nail in his own coff there. 58 00:02:39,608 --> 00:02:41,709 "You know how generous I am, Karl." 59 00:02:41,768 --> 00:02:44,203 Let's talk about that Karl. Come on. Think about that one. 60 00:02:44,266 --> 00:02:46,267 Yeah, I mean, have you forgot about that, Steve? 61 00:02:46,325 --> 00:02:48,226 What? What? 62 00:02:48,283 --> 00:02:51,251 The time... the time when we went for a coffee? 63 00:02:51,321 --> 00:02:55,557 We sort of had a heated debate about the 50 pence change. 64 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:58,809 Yeah, you owed me 50p. And you decided 65 00:02:58,881 --> 00:03:01,182 you didn't want to give it to me 'cause it was only 50p. 66 00:03:01,243 --> 00:03:03,144 And my point was it's not a question of 50p; 67 00:03:03,202 --> 00:03:06,037 it's the fact that it's not your decision to decide not to give it to me. 68 00:03:06,104 --> 00:03:07,605 If I wanted to be generous that's my decision, 69 00:03:07,657 --> 00:03:09,725 but you can't go, "oh, it's only 50p, Steve." 70 00:03:09,783 --> 00:03:11,017 It's my decision to... 71 00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:13,768 But you've just given him a free keg of beer. 72 00:03:13,834 --> 00:03:15,802 - Yeah. - No, but... yes, but that was... 73 00:03:15,859 --> 00:03:18,194 That did not come to you. You didn't pay for the free keg of beer. 74 00:03:18,255 --> 00:03:19,756 It was a promotional thing that was sent to you. 75 00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:21,375 - Doesn't matter. - It's the same thing 76 00:03:21,429 --> 00:03:23,897 as the way I gave Suzanne my leaving present from my last job. 77 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,294 A lot of people may not be aware of this 78 00:03:25,344 --> 00:03:26,478 if they haven't heard of something like this before. 79 00:03:26,525 --> 00:03:28,459 But, yes. You had a gift from your work 80 00:03:28,517 --> 00:03:30,484 'cause you were leaving after how many years of service, 81 00:03:30,542 --> 00:03:32,409 which you then gave straight to your girlfriend 82 00:03:32,466 --> 00:03:35,367 without telling her that it'd been received from people at work. 83 00:03:35,436 --> 00:03:37,837 Doesn't matter. She wanted the camera. It's the same thing as you... 84 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:41,469 You wanted that lager that I got for free. That doesn't cost you anything. 85 00:03:41,545 --> 00:03:42,845 It doesn't matter where I got it from. 86 00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:44,563 So you now decide because you've given me 87 00:03:44,617 --> 00:03:46,985 a free keg of lager that you can now say, "oh actually, I'm not... " 88 00:03:47,047 --> 00:03:50,216 You know, "in the future, I'll just take your money, Steve, on a whim"? 89 00:03:50,287 --> 00:03:53,389 Listen, it's... You're rockin' the dinghy. 90 00:03:53,461 --> 00:03:55,862 Karl, have some of my cheese. 91 00:03:55,924 --> 00:03:58,760 Can you imagine if he... can you imagine he would ever say that? 92 00:03:58,827 --> 00:04:01,729 Do you imagine him ever ever offering you any of his cheese? 93 00:04:01,797 --> 00:04:03,264 Who you gonna save, Karl, mate? 94 00:04:03,317 --> 00:04:05,651 - I don't want to say. - Well, think about it and... 95 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,648 I might do a sort of a for-and-against something 96 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:11,084 and then sort of, "so the conclusion is..." 97 00:04:11,147 --> 00:04:12,480 Okay, all right. 98 00:04:14,489 --> 00:04:16,857 Well, I've been waiting for this for a week. 99 00:04:16,918 --> 00:04:19,353 It's a regular feature now 100 00:04:19,417 --> 00:04:22,352 when we read from Karl's diary. 101 00:04:22,420 --> 00:04:24,655 Karl decided to keep a diary. 102 00:04:24,716 --> 00:04:26,617 He's gone through with it. I can see it there. 103 00:04:26,673 --> 00:04:31,344 It's massive. It's a huge desk diary that he has to carry around with him. 104 00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:33,668 And he... the pages are getting full up. 105 00:04:33,728 --> 00:04:36,196 - You're... you're really keeping to this. - Yeah. 106 00:04:36,293 --> 00:04:38,961 Right, this is extracts from Karl's diary. 107 00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,696 "Did podcast and went for an Italian with Ricky and Steve." 108 00:04:41,761 --> 00:04:44,029 Italian place is good. We've been there a few times. 109 00:04:44,091 --> 00:04:46,092 I always have the same thing... Spaghetti. 110 00:04:46,149 --> 00:04:47,683 Can't remember what everyone else had. 111 00:04:47,735 --> 00:04:50,003 Last time we went there, Steve had little octopuses with pasta. 112 00:04:50,064 --> 00:04:51,565 You could see that they were octopuses; 113 00:04:51,617 --> 00:04:53,351 they hadn't been cut up or anything. 114 00:04:53,406 --> 00:04:56,608 My rule is that I only eat stuff that looks nice when it's alive... " 115 00:04:59,887 --> 00:05:03,123 "... a cow, a chicken, some fish. 116 00:05:03,195 --> 00:05:05,463 An octopus is an odd-looking thing alive, 117 00:05:05,523 --> 00:05:07,358 even worse when it's dead and limp. 118 00:05:07,414 --> 00:05:09,915 It looks like it just shouldn't have been set in the spaghetti." 119 00:05:09,979 --> 00:05:14,849 Yeah, I agree. I agree with that. 120 00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:16,908 "Ricky drew another picture of my head." 121 00:05:16,966 --> 00:05:18,967 We've given a few of them away as prizes, 122 00:05:19,025 --> 00:05:22,961 but he draws so many of them that they won't be worth as much anymore. 123 00:05:23,042 --> 00:05:25,977 Everyone will eventually have one, 124 00:05:26,045 --> 00:05:28,313 like those pictures of the boy crying 125 00:05:28,375 --> 00:05:31,143 that caused houses to burn down in the 1980s." 126 00:05:31,209 --> 00:05:32,810 - What does that mean? - What you talking about? 127 00:05:32,863 --> 00:05:35,532 It's just some kid. My aunt lenore had one. 128 00:05:35,598 --> 00:05:39,101 And it was just, like, a kid with a blue jumper on 129 00:05:39,176 --> 00:05:41,044 and his... it's like a painting, not a photo. 130 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,801 - Yeah. Exactly, yeah. - And he's just crying. 131 00:05:42,855 --> 00:05:45,523 Like the chocolate box, a really awful sort of sugary... 132 00:05:45,589 --> 00:05:47,256 And what happened is they found out 133 00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:49,979 that a lot of the houses were being set on fire 134 00:05:50,044 --> 00:05:53,113 or burst into flames, whatever. And the weird thing was... 135 00:05:53,183 --> 00:05:56,052 - Oh, it's bullocks. -... every house that burnt down had that photo. 136 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,088 Yeah, 'cause every house had that picture 137 00:05:58,145 --> 00:06:01,047 in the fucking '70s and '80s, idiot. 138 00:06:01,115 --> 00:06:03,283 It's like, "we're linking it to sinks. 139 00:06:03,344 --> 00:06:05,878 Every house that's ever burned down had a sink." 140 00:06:05,942 --> 00:06:08,310 You're talking shit again. Carry on. 141 00:06:08,372 --> 00:06:10,206 "Wednesday: Saw a homeless bloke." 142 00:06:10,263 --> 00:06:13,932 I'm surprised that no companies have thought about sponsoring the homeless... 143 00:06:14,009 --> 00:06:15,410 Something like a clothing company. 144 00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,328 Give them some clothes that have an advert on the back. 145 00:06:17,384 --> 00:06:18,818 Everyone's a winner." 146 00:06:18,869 --> 00:06:20,470 - Good idea. - Not bad is it? 147 00:06:20,523 --> 00:06:22,925 "Got on the tube to camden. Read in a free newspaper" 148 00:06:22,988 --> 00:06:25,823 that hedgehogs could be gone by 2025. 149 00:06:25,890 --> 00:06:28,959 I think I've seen more dead hedgehogs than alive ones anyway. 150 00:06:29,030 --> 00:06:30,797 So I don't think I'll miss 'em. 151 00:06:32,978 --> 00:06:35,447 Went round to Ricky's house and had a game of pool. 152 00:06:35,510 --> 00:06:37,644 It should have been nice and relaxing, but Jane gave me some cake 153 00:06:37,704 --> 00:06:40,339 and Ricky said I can't play pool if my hands are all sticky from cake." 154 00:06:40,404 --> 00:06:42,539 It was the sugar... And it wasn't that, either. 155 00:06:42,598 --> 00:06:44,566 After he finished it, they weren't just sticky; 156 00:06:44,623 --> 00:06:47,024 he was licking his finger, sucking his fingers off, 157 00:06:47,088 --> 00:06:50,123 and then was gonna pick up pool cues and touch things. And I was thinking, 158 00:06:50,192 --> 00:06:53,128 "go and wash your hands after licking your hands. You're not a cat." 159 00:06:53,197 --> 00:06:56,132 "This turned into an argument when I said I didn't want to wash my hands." 160 00:06:56,201 --> 00:06:58,402 - Why didn't he? - "He goes for a piss all the time 161 00:06:58,462 --> 00:07:01,731 without washing his hands and then squeezes my head. 162 00:07:01,804 --> 00:07:06,040 "I know I prefer to have lemon cake crumbs on my head than knob juice." 163 00:07:10,479 --> 00:07:12,446 "Was gonna do a crossword but I'm tired 164 00:07:12,504 --> 00:07:13,971 and have learned enough today." 165 00:07:14,022 --> 00:07:15,223 What have you learned? 166 00:07:15,272 --> 00:07:18,007 Well, the stuff about hedgehogs and that. 167 00:07:21,044 --> 00:07:22,911 Oh God. 168 00:07:22,967 --> 00:07:24,968 "Was on my way to a mate's and I got on a train." 169 00:07:25,026 --> 00:07:27,594 Got close to his station, but realized I needed a wee. 170 00:07:27,658 --> 00:07:29,893 Was about to go in a cubicle when a blind man with a dog, 171 00:07:29,954 --> 00:07:32,556 who was bumbling his way through the walkway, came around. 172 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,955 I said, 'are you after the toilet?' He said, 'yeah.' 173 00:07:35,017 --> 00:07:36,618 i said, 'it's on your right.' 174 00:07:36,671 --> 00:07:38,739 i shouldn't have let him go first as he took ages 175 00:07:38,797 --> 00:07:41,933 and it would be my stop soon. The dog waited outside the cubicle. 176 00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:43,538 I was gonna stroke it, 177 00:07:43,591 --> 00:07:46,526 but then I remembered someone telling me that you shouldn't." 178 00:07:46,594 --> 00:07:47,561 Why not? 179 00:07:47,607 --> 00:07:49,341 Because something to do with 180 00:07:49,396 --> 00:07:53,799 the owner should be the only one who... Who sort of deals with that dog. 181 00:07:53,885 --> 00:07:55,953 - And you shouldn't sort of... - Well, you shouldn't stroke it 182 00:07:56,011 --> 00:07:57,712 because you're covered in fucking lemon cake. 183 00:07:57,767 --> 00:07:59,734 Well, just because, you know, if you... 184 00:07:59,793 --> 00:08:01,860 If you stroke it and that, it... it might like, 185 00:08:01,919 --> 00:08:04,620 like me and want to go off with me. And he'll come out and be lost and stuff. 186 00:08:04,687 --> 00:08:05,887 Yeah. 187 00:08:08,601 --> 00:08:12,437 People who have sent this in, including Paul "the party animal" Parker... 188 00:08:12,517 --> 00:08:14,251 For some reason we've just assumed he's in school. 189 00:08:14,306 --> 00:08:16,607 I don't think there's any actual proof of that. But I... 190 00:08:16,669 --> 00:08:20,338 I reckon he left in June and he's doing sort of bits and pieces. 191 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:22,717 But he's still a party animal. 192 00:08:22,778 --> 00:08:24,646 Do you think, I mean, do you think he can hold down a job? 193 00:08:24,702 --> 00:08:28,338 - Or is he just partying so hard that he... - He can hold down the job. 194 00:08:28,414 --> 00:08:30,182 He often arrives late. 195 00:08:30,237 --> 00:08:33,139 And the boss who's in over him will go, "parker, 196 00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:36,176 you're late again! " He goes, "yeah, talk to the hand." 197 00:08:36,246 --> 00:08:38,413 I think that he's the sort of guy that he can... 198 00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:41,376 That he'll just happily say, "I can survive on four hours sleep." 199 00:08:41,444 --> 00:08:42,978 - Yeah. - "Sometimes... I've never slept at all." 200 00:08:43,030 --> 00:08:46,833 But I think he comes in with his headphones blaring, right, 201 00:08:46,911 --> 00:08:50,347 on a... on a skateboard. And the bloke goes up to him... the old bloke, 202 00:08:50,423 --> 00:08:52,123 right, the old fuddy-duddy bloke, who goes, 203 00:08:52,178 --> 00:08:55,246 "you... you stupid idiot. You call this... " 204 00:08:55,317 --> 00:08:58,786 He goes, "chill out, man. " And in two minutes, he's got him dancing. 205 00:08:58,860 --> 00:09:01,161 Oh, I know what he's like. 206 00:09:01,223 --> 00:09:02,790 Yeah, he is just like... He just can't resist it. 207 00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:05,111 - 'Cause he's... he's just a fun guy. - Yeah. 208 00:09:05,172 --> 00:09:06,772 Anyway, Paul and a few other people 209 00:09:06,826 --> 00:09:09,027 have sent in this piece of information they've discovered 210 00:09:09,087 --> 00:09:12,023 from one the more respected news networks. 211 00:09:12,092 --> 00:09:13,859 The headline is this: 212 00:09:13,915 --> 00:09:16,183 "Female kidney turns lumberjack on to housework." 213 00:09:16,243 --> 00:09:17,443 Right. 214 00:09:17,493 --> 00:09:19,961 Now a croatian lumberjack apparently has claimed 215 00:09:20,024 --> 00:09:22,559 that he started enjoying housework and knitting 216 00:09:22,622 --> 00:09:24,690 after he was given a female kidney. 217 00:09:24,749 --> 00:09:26,917 He claims he's gonna Sue his local health authority 218 00:09:26,977 --> 00:09:28,944 'cause he says he's become a laughingstock. 219 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:32,070 He used to enjoy heavy drinking sessions and things. 220 00:09:32,141 --> 00:09:34,275 The kidney transplant saved his life, 221 00:09:34,336 --> 00:09:36,003 "...But they never warned me about the side effects." 222 00:09:36,056 --> 00:09:39,993 I've developed a strange passion for female jobs like ironing, 223 00:09:40,073 --> 00:09:43,909 sewing, washing dishes, sorting clothes in wardrobes and even knitting." 224 00:09:43,988 --> 00:09:45,756 Well, if he likes it, what's the problem? 225 00:09:45,811 --> 00:09:47,779 It's nonsense. It's nonsense. 226 00:09:47,836 --> 00:09:50,471 Hold on, though. What makes me laugh is he's become a laughingstock, 227 00:09:50,537 --> 00:09:52,938 so what do you do when you become a laughingstock? 228 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,467 - Tell the newspapers. - Well, yeah. 229 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,087 Tell the newspapers about it 230 00:09:56,139 --> 00:09:58,074 'cause then they'll have to keep it completely under wraps then. 231 00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:01,000 It's the sort of medical nonsense that Karl would normally come up with. 232 00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:04,037 Absolutely. The, you know, you take on the personality 233 00:10:04,106 --> 00:10:05,807 of the person who gave you their blood. 234 00:10:05,861 --> 00:10:07,595 Exactly. It's like those odd sort of horror stories, 235 00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:09,117 you know... you get given a murderer's hand 236 00:10:09,169 --> 00:10:10,870 and you go around killing. 237 00:10:10,924 --> 00:10:13,092 But... but there can be certain medical things 238 00:10:13,151 --> 00:10:17,154 that would change the way you think and would change you as a person. 239 00:10:17,236 --> 00:10:21,038 Say like how they can do face transplants now. 240 00:10:21,117 --> 00:10:23,752 - Yeah. - Right? I mean, I don't quite understand 241 00:10:23,817 --> 00:10:26,085 how these face transplants work, 242 00:10:26,146 --> 00:10:28,715 because do you get a choice of who you have? 243 00:10:28,779 --> 00:10:31,214 If... if you had something done to your face and you go... 244 00:10:31,277 --> 00:10:33,145 You know, it's burned or whatever or something happens to you 245 00:10:33,201 --> 00:10:34,868 and you need a face transplant... 246 00:10:34,923 --> 00:10:37,124 Well, if you change... if you totally changed your appearance, 247 00:10:37,184 --> 00:10:40,520 then you would eventually change because of how people reacted to you. 248 00:10:40,593 --> 00:10:42,394 - Well, but I'm saying... - So if you gave yourself 249 00:10:42,449 --> 00:10:45,151 the head of an elephant, soon you wouldn't... 250 00:10:45,218 --> 00:10:47,085 You wouldn't be yourself because of the... 251 00:10:47,141 --> 00:10:48,675 I wouldn't have that. That's what I'm saying. 252 00:10:48,728 --> 00:10:50,462 If they had a catalogue, and they said, 253 00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:52,851 "here's some faces you can have. Pick which one you want..." 254 00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:54,447 Yeah. 255 00:10:54,499 --> 00:10:56,567 ...Would you be looked upon badly if you go, "do you know what? 256 00:10:56,625 --> 00:10:58,693 I don't really like the look of any of them. 257 00:10:58,753 --> 00:11:01,488 "Can I just wait for a better face?" 258 00:11:01,554 --> 00:11:04,423 Or at this moment in time, have you just got to take what's on offer? 259 00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:07,325 Karl, there's no one looking through catalogues at faces 260 00:11:07,393 --> 00:11:08,760 they might be able to have. 261 00:11:08,811 --> 00:11:10,879 No, they do now because of the face-transplant thing. 262 00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:13,272 But who are these people putting their face up for... 263 00:11:13,334 --> 00:11:15,001 They wait till someone... 264 00:11:15,055 --> 00:11:17,223 Yeah, I know, but at some point... 265 00:11:17,283 --> 00:11:19,284 Well, I'll tell you what: I would not have a face transplant 266 00:11:19,341 --> 00:11:21,676 if I haven't seen the face before I'm gonna have it. 267 00:11:21,738 --> 00:11:24,573 You are so... 268 00:11:24,641 --> 00:11:27,676 I want to see what I'm having because I could end up with anything. 269 00:11:27,747 --> 00:11:30,215 You mentioned elephant's head. What... do you know what I mean? 270 00:11:30,278 --> 00:11:32,579 Whose head are they gonna use? Is it the latest thing that's died? 271 00:11:32,641 --> 00:11:34,608 "Oh, well, this got run over before. 272 00:11:34,666 --> 00:11:36,633 Here, I'll stick this on your head." 273 00:11:36,691 --> 00:11:38,959 - Where did this come from? - From his mind. 274 00:11:39,020 --> 00:11:42,823 Where are these faces queuing up to be popped on a skull? 275 00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:46,037 Where do you think they have got time to, to put all these... 276 00:11:46,108 --> 00:11:48,943 Maybe this is why it won't catch on. I don't know. 277 00:11:49,011 --> 00:11:52,813 This is extraordinary. You've created in your own head 278 00:11:52,893 --> 00:11:55,661 the existence of this pamphlet. And now you're defending it 279 00:11:55,728 --> 00:11:57,729 even though we don't know if it even exists. 280 00:11:57,787 --> 00:12:00,689 And you're this skull on a... on a hospital bed going, "I'm not having that. 281 00:12:00,757 --> 00:12:02,391 I don't like the look of it. I mean, he looks a bit shifty. 282 00:12:02,444 --> 00:12:03,812 Yeah, don't like that one." 283 00:12:03,862 --> 00:12:06,163 Can I ask this now? Let's say you... we were both... 284 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,827 We'd passed away sadly in something terribly tragic. 285 00:12:08,892 --> 00:12:11,193 The nation mourned. You know, it's just terrible. 286 00:12:11,254 --> 00:12:13,889 It's like one of the great national disasters. 287 00:12:13,955 --> 00:12:16,923 But you... at the same time, you survived the accident. 288 00:12:16,993 --> 00:12:19,027 Okay? But your face is hideously disfigured. 289 00:12:19,085 --> 00:12:22,021 You can take either Ricky's face or mine to have. 290 00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:23,756 I'surprised you're asking this now, Steve. 291 00:12:27,658 --> 00:12:31,161 I mean... I mean, it's just... it doesn't seem like any of them 292 00:12:31,236 --> 00:12:33,804 - is like a great option. - Oh, thanks. 293 00:12:33,869 --> 00:12:35,803 And this is what I'm saying about the catalogue. 294 00:12:35,860 --> 00:12:38,195 If those... if those two were on offer, I might go, "do you know what? 295 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:42,059 Pop in again tomorrow. Bring in another booklet." 296 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:46,832 This is from Anne Marie. She says that she loves the podcast. 297 00:12:46,897 --> 00:12:49,766 She listens with her seven-months-old baby. 298 00:12:49,834 --> 00:12:53,437 That cannot be a good idea. 299 00:12:53,513 --> 00:12:56,081 "If you had children, what is the most important lesson 300 00:12:56,146 --> 00:13:00,316 - you'd want to teach them?" - Uh... 301 00:13:00,399 --> 00:13:04,736 I mean, in a way, if you sort of look after a kid too much, 302 00:13:04,821 --> 00:13:07,289 it doesn't learn that much. 303 00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:10,088 But if you let it learn by its mistakes, 304 00:13:10,154 --> 00:13:12,122 it'll probably grow up all right. 305 00:13:12,179 --> 00:13:15,081 But there are some mistakes you can't afford it to make to learn from. 306 00:13:15,149 --> 00:13:17,784 Yeah. Driving a car the wrong way down a motorway. 307 00:13:17,850 --> 00:13:20,852 Testing if the fire really is hot. 308 00:13:20,921 --> 00:13:22,722 No, but say like the time... 309 00:13:22,777 --> 00:13:24,878 Does broken glass really taste horrible? 310 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:27,039 These are lessons you don't want it to learn from mistakes. 311 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,132 You can tell them that. But what I mean is... 312 00:13:29,191 --> 00:13:31,993 But what I mean is there's certain things that... 313 00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:36,096 I just think that there was a kid who grew up in our... in our Avenue, right, 314 00:13:36,178 --> 00:13:39,814 on the estate, who, when it was born, right, 315 00:13:39,891 --> 00:13:42,026 we kind of thought, "he's got no chance, this kid." 316 00:13:42,085 --> 00:13:44,553 'Cause its mom was a bit of a "wrong'un." 317 00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:47,085 "Wrong'un"? What is that? 318 00:13:47,148 --> 00:13:49,349 No, just... just like, you know, she liked going out 319 00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:52,945 and having a fag and, like, having a drink. And she's never at home. 320 00:13:53,021 --> 00:13:55,088 It's the one who had the... The horse in the house... 321 00:13:55,147 --> 00:13:57,248 - Sure. - ... Which I don't want to go over. 322 00:13:57,307 --> 00:13:58,908 - It's old news, yeah. - It's out there, isn't it? 323 00:13:58,961 --> 00:14:01,496 If you want to find out about the horse in the house... 324 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:04,529 She had a kid. And everyone was pretty surprised 325 00:14:04,598 --> 00:14:06,599 when they saw it 'cause it was a good-looking kid. 326 00:14:06,657 --> 00:14:10,393 It was a surprise 'cause, like, you know, the mom wasn't that good looking; 327 00:14:10,471 --> 00:14:12,038 the dad was a bit rough. 328 00:14:12,091 --> 00:14:15,393 But it came out and she was showing it around... 329 00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:17,267 Around the Avenue going, "look at this I've had." 330 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,390 And she was... she was chuffed with it 331 00:14:19,450 --> 00:14:21,451 'cause it waprobably like one of the newest things 332 00:14:21,508 --> 00:14:23,142 she'd ever had. 'Cause everything else was always sort of... 333 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,097 Secondhand? -... secondhand and what have you. 334 00:14:25,154 --> 00:14:27,655 Suddenly she's got this brand-new little baby, right? 335 00:14:27,719 --> 00:14:30,153 Anyway, as it grew up, all right, 336 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:34,520 those looks went. And I'm not talking getting old; 337 00:14:34,604 --> 00:14:36,138 I'm talking by the age of about three. 338 00:14:36,191 --> 00:14:39,293 - It looked... 339 00:14:39,364 --> 00:14:41,332 ... it looked rough already, right? 340 00:14:41,389 --> 00:14:44,792 And all that... that just happened 341 00:14:44,866 --> 00:14:48,435 because that's... that's the life it was in, right? 342 00:14:48,511 --> 00:14:49,845 Yeah. 343 00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:52,997 So, like, he had like a patchy head; Its hair... 344 00:14:53,068 --> 00:14:54,268 What? He had a patchy head? 345 00:14:54,317 --> 00:14:56,017 A patchy head. It's just sort of... 346 00:14:56,072 --> 00:14:58,340 It wasn't north American Indian? 347 00:14:58,401 --> 00:14:59,701 What do you mean, a patchy head? 348 00:14:59,751 --> 00:15:01,385 Just... just his hair was patchy. 349 00:15:01,439 --> 00:15:03,340 He used to Chase sort of cars and stuff. 350 00:15:03,396 --> 00:15:06,799 Chase cars? Sorry? What do you mean? 351 00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,640 Just that's what he did for his... 352 00:15:08,696 --> 00:15:09,996 Sorry, did she let it get raised by wolves? 353 00:15:10,045 --> 00:15:12,914 No. But all I'm saying is 354 00:15:12,982 --> 00:15:17,019 that at the end of the day, what is it that makes a person? 355 00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:20,069 Do you know what I mean? Now I don't know what state he's in now, 356 00:15:20,138 --> 00:15:22,740 but maybe he learned all his mistakes by the age of four. 357 00:15:22,804 --> 00:15:26,273 I'm guessing he's not chasing cars now. But at least he's done it. 358 00:15:26,349 --> 00:15:28,350 - I'm guessing he is. - Yeah. 359 00:15:28,408 --> 00:15:30,008 Do you know what I mean? At least he can go, 360 00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:31,496 "yeah, I've been there, done that." 361 00:15:31,547 --> 00:15:33,081 And you don't go back to it. And you can get away 362 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,635 with doing dafter things when you're a kid, can't you? 363 00:15:35,698 --> 00:15:37,265 I nearly killed a man once. 364 00:15:37,319 --> 00:15:39,153 Oh, okay, right. 365 00:15:39,243 --> 00:15:41,377 No, that time when I was in... In wales, 366 00:15:41,436 --> 00:15:43,938 and I was having a walk with me dad on the cliffs and that... 367 00:15:44,001 --> 00:15:46,036 I just picked up a big rock, right, 368 00:15:46,094 --> 00:15:48,228 chucked it off the edge. And as I chucked it off the edge, 369 00:15:48,288 --> 00:15:50,823 i noticed a fellow was walking down below. 370 00:15:50,887 --> 00:15:51,987 Jeez. 371 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:54,436 And I missed his head by, like, inches. 372 00:15:54,499 --> 00:15:59,136 Now I've never chucked a rock off a bridge or off a cliff or anything. 373 00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:01,659 And it only took one man to almost lose his life 374 00:16:01,722 --> 00:16:03,356 for you to learn that lesson. 375 00:16:03,410 --> 00:16:05,278 Yeah, but that's how you learn your lessons, isn't it? 376 00:16:05,334 --> 00:16:06,701 See, a lot of people just said that maybe your dad 377 00:16:06,751 --> 00:16:08,285 should have said, "hey, Karl, what you doing?" 378 00:16:08,338 --> 00:16:09,805 No, but he didn't know I was doing it. 379 00:16:09,856 --> 00:16:11,223 I didn't say, "I'm gonna Chuck this off here." 380 00:16:11,275 --> 00:16:12,909 I just picked it up and chucked it. 381 00:16:12,962 --> 00:16:15,230 And as I let go of it, I noticed the fellow was down there. 382 00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:18,560 You live and you learn. That's a little mantra. 383 00:16:18,632 --> 00:16:20,033 Right, okay. 384 00:16:20,084 --> 00:16:22,619 You live and you learn. So the woman who's had the kid, 385 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,650 sort of look after it... Feed it; 386 00:16:24,708 --> 00:16:27,677 make sure it's got shoes and that. 387 00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:31,048 - But let it roam about. - That's great. 388 00:16:31,121 --> 00:16:33,089 - There's the advice for you, Anne Marie. - I love that. 389 00:16:33,146 --> 00:16:36,515 Good luck. Just let your seven-month-old baby roam about. 390 00:16:39,492 --> 00:16:42,160 Karl a lot of people are absolutely fascinated 391 00:16:42,226 --> 00:16:46,462 to find out how you met Suzanne, 392 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:50,016 - your girlfriend of how long? - Ages. 393 00:16:50,090 --> 00:16:53,826 Yeah. And they, they can't comprehend how... 394 00:16:53,905 --> 00:16:56,406 Well... I suppose that there's any woman out there who... 395 00:16:56,470 --> 00:16:57,970 There's someone for everyone, isn't there? 396 00:16:58,022 --> 00:16:59,556 - Yeah. - That's always my... my thing. 397 00:16:59,609 --> 00:17:01,510 And it's reassuring, I think, you know? 398 00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:03,701 We chatted about the face transplants 399 00:17:03,761 --> 00:17:06,396 and that, you know? There's a face for everyone. 400 00:17:06,461 --> 00:17:08,429 - It's a philosophy, isn't it? - Yeah. 401 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,454 I mean, it's really unbelievable. 402 00:17:10,511 --> 00:17:13,013 No, there is someone for everyone, no matter what... 403 00:17:13,077 --> 00:17:14,878 What condition you're in or whatever. 404 00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:17,068 'Cause there's... I read on the email... 405 00:17:17,127 --> 00:17:21,297 Someone emailed in an old chinese proverb. 406 00:17:22,831 --> 00:17:26,801 It's something about everything, no matter what it is, 407 00:17:26,882 --> 00:17:30,952 has got one talent. And that's the same way in a relationship isn't it? 408 00:17:31,033 --> 00:17:33,134 That everyone... you know, there's always someone out there. 409 00:17:33,193 --> 00:17:35,795 I like the chinese. There's another chinese proverb 410 00:17:35,860 --> 00:17:37,594 - that I learned on an email. - Go on. 411 00:17:37,649 --> 00:17:41,618 "He who cuts the wood up 412 00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:44,935 warms himself twice." 413 00:17:45,007 --> 00:17:46,908 - Yeah. That's good. Yeah. - That's good. 414 00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:50,034 And then someone sent in that one about, 415 00:17:50,104 --> 00:17:55,041 "too many chinese cooks spoil the broth." 416 00:17:55,133 --> 00:17:56,733 Well, why is... Would that... 417 00:17:56,787 --> 00:17:58,421 I don't know who slipped the word "chinese" in there, 418 00:17:58,475 --> 00:18:00,142 but I think that it's "too many cooks spoil... " 419 00:18:00,196 --> 00:18:03,765 Well, it was all... it was just all sort of chinese proverbs and that. 420 00:18:03,841 --> 00:18:05,909 One of my favorite on the same subject 421 00:18:05,968 --> 00:18:10,172 is, "a camel is a horse designed by committee." 422 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,555 What do you mean? 423 00:18:11,605 --> 00:18:13,305 Well, it... - I mean, 424 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,394 it's having a go at the camel and it shouldn't. 425 00:18:15,453 --> 00:18:17,353 But it's just, you know, it's just a metaphor. 426 00:18:17,411 --> 00:18:20,346 If you wanted to design a horse, and you had that vision, 427 00:18:20,414 --> 00:18:23,517 but you let... you let 12 people in the room have their say, 428 00:18:23,587 --> 00:18:25,588 it wouldn't come out as you wanted it to do. 429 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:28,815 And it wouldn't be as good. A vision is more perfect than committee, 430 00:18:28,886 --> 00:18:32,089 because everyone having their say... it becomes anodyne. 431 00:18:32,161 --> 00:18:35,730 It becomes compromised, whereas the best thing you can do 432 00:18:35,806 --> 00:18:38,841 is have an idea and have a vision... an auteur that. 433 00:18:38,911 --> 00:18:41,046 Rick, can I just say now, I can tell from his look 434 00:18:41,105 --> 00:18:43,640 that he's thinking, "which committee designed the camel?" 435 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,090 Well, I just say... I'd say, who... 436 00:18:47,147 --> 00:18:49,615 Why would you request the hump bit? 437 00:18:52,176 --> 00:18:54,945 'Cause that's just gonna get in the way, isn't it? 438 00:18:55,011 --> 00:18:58,647 I mean, I've always... I've always said that about a lot of animals. 439 00:18:58,725 --> 00:19:00,392 It's like we've doubled up on a lot of them. 440 00:19:00,446 --> 00:19:01,947 We've chatted about elephants and mammoths. 441 00:19:01,998 --> 00:19:04,933 - One or the other. 442 00:19:05,003 --> 00:19:07,137 And that's the same with... With a camel. 443 00:19:07,197 --> 00:19:08,964 I'd have it up there as, "what're they doing?" 444 00:19:09,019 --> 00:19:11,421 They were good years ago in the Jesus times and that. 445 00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:15,286 Don't need them now. You know what I mean? We've moved on. 446 00:19:15,365 --> 00:19:18,534 Well, not people who use camels to cross deserts. 447 00:19:18,606 --> 00:19:21,574 Whatever. I'm gonna... I'm gonna throw some animals at you, 448 00:19:21,643 --> 00:19:25,145 and you tell how you'd improve them if you'd have been designing them. 449 00:19:25,220 --> 00:19:28,356 Okay? The octopus. 450 00:19:28,427 --> 00:19:30,328 So I can now go back. I can look at them 451 00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:31,853 and go, "what are they doing?" 452 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:34,172 And where have they gone wrong? What's up with the... 453 00:19:34,233 --> 00:19:37,335 How could you improve it? Like the camel, you'd go, "lose the hump." 454 00:19:37,406 --> 00:19:40,708 I'd probably... I'd probably give it a bit more of a body, 455 00:19:40,781 --> 00:19:45,085 - cut down on the arms... 456 00:19:45,169 --> 00:19:48,772 ...And... and give it some bones. 457 00:19:48,848 --> 00:19:51,783 'Cause I don't understand how all this getting in a jar is good. 458 00:19:51,853 --> 00:19:54,254 When does he want to get in a jar? 459 00:19:54,316 --> 00:19:56,985 Well, it only wants to get in a jar 460 00:19:57,050 --> 00:19:58,451 according to your stories. 461 00:19:58,502 --> 00:20:00,236 No, but there's something that says it can get in a jar 462 00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:01,824 'cause it hasn't got any bones. 463 00:20:01,877 --> 00:20:05,679 But I don't know why it'd want to do that in the first place. 464 00:20:05,759 --> 00:20:07,493 I can't even begin to answer that. 465 00:20:07,547 --> 00:20:09,181 Once again, you've... You've said... 466 00:20:09,236 --> 00:20:11,704 You've claimed that you've read that they like to get in jars. 467 00:20:11,767 --> 00:20:13,902 I mean, how do they know that octopus like to get in jars. 468 00:20:13,994 --> 00:20:16,729 Oh God, I love it. You can improve on an octopus! 469 00:20:16,796 --> 00:20:18,830 Millions and millions of years of evolution 470 00:20:18,888 --> 00:20:20,823 making it perfect for its surroundings. 471 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,549 Okay, another animal for you then, Karl. Uh... 472 00:20:24,627 --> 00:20:25,860 Giraffe? 473 00:20:27,968 --> 00:20:31,337 What... what are they adding to the world? 474 00:20:31,411 --> 00:20:32,845 What are they doing? 475 00:20:32,897 --> 00:20:34,898 Well, it's not about what they add to the world, is it? 476 00:20:34,955 --> 00:20:36,856 But I thought... I thought that's what everything's about. 477 00:20:36,913 --> 00:20:39,048 It's about things are here for a reason. 478 00:20:39,107 --> 00:20:43,010 The reason they're here is 'cause they didn't die. That's it. 479 00:20:43,089 --> 00:20:45,958 No, but there seem to be a lot of animals that are like... 480 00:20:46,026 --> 00:20:47,694 Do you think there's a lot of cheating? 481 00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:49,549 Is that what you're saying? Is there lots of doubling up? 482 00:20:49,604 --> 00:20:51,672 - There seems to be a lot of doubling up. - Yeah, so you want, you want... 483 00:20:51,730 --> 00:20:53,965 You... you'd get it down to, like, eight animals 484 00:20:54,026 --> 00:20:56,327 that represented all of those... 485 00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:58,723 Okay, who would get in your... In your team? 486 00:20:58,785 --> 00:21:00,552 - You can choose any animal. - This is what I'm saying. 487 00:21:00,642 --> 00:21:03,477 If I was Noah, I would have gone like, "hang on a minute. 488 00:21:03,545 --> 00:21:06,847 I've just seen something that looks a bit like this. 489 00:21:06,919 --> 00:21:10,488 Let it drown and have a clear out." 490 00:21:10,565 --> 00:21:14,034 But he didn't. He was messing about saving everything. 491 00:21:14,109 --> 00:21:16,344 He was instructed by God to save everything, to be fair to him. 492 00:21:16,404 --> 00:21:18,238 Yeah, but if he's been given that job, 493 00:21:18,295 --> 00:21:21,430 for me, he's sort of manager of that job. 494 00:21:21,502 --> 00:21:24,036 So you... so you believe Noah as well? 495 00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:26,001 You believe Noah happened as well? 496 00:21:26,058 --> 00:21:29,928 And he built a boat big enough to carry two of every species? 497 00:21:30,007 --> 00:21:32,242 You actually believe that as fact, do you? 498 00:21:32,302 --> 00:21:33,802 Well, it's out there in book form. 499 00:21:33,855 --> 00:21:36,189 - Brilliant. - All right. 500 00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:38,319 Well, you haven't answered the question that we started with. 501 00:21:38,378 --> 00:21:41,347 - How did you meet Suzanne? - Just at work. 502 00:21:41,416 --> 00:21:42,816 Thanks. 503 00:21:46,107 --> 00:21:50,911 Oh, chimpanzee that, monkey news! 504 00:21:51,001 --> 00:21:52,935 There was this airline. 505 00:21:52,993 --> 00:21:55,628 And it was having a lot of problems and... 506 00:21:55,693 --> 00:21:58,595 - What, pilots too tall? - Yeah, the cabin was so tiny... 507 00:21:58,663 --> 00:22:02,099 ... only bananas were allowed in the cockpit for fuel. 508 00:22:02,173 --> 00:22:04,174 Anyway, there was a lot of strikes going on, 509 00:22:04,233 --> 00:22:06,868 right, because... I don't know what it was about. 510 00:22:06,933 --> 00:22:09,568 It was over money or whatever. And the... 511 00:22:09,633 --> 00:22:11,501 Well, get someone who doesn't need money. 512 00:22:11,557 --> 00:22:13,959 But... but what else could you pay something in, Rick? 513 00:22:14,021 --> 00:22:16,623 - Well, peanuts. - Peanuts or fruit, yeah. 514 00:22:16,688 --> 00:22:19,557 So anyway, the boss of the airline, 515 00:22:19,624 --> 00:22:21,692 he had, like, one pilot who he could trust, right, 516 00:22:21,751 --> 00:22:23,819 - and that was his son. Right. 517 00:22:23,877 --> 00:22:26,846 But the problem is with a lot of these planes you need two pilots. 518 00:22:26,915 --> 00:22:29,450 - 'Course you do. - And he's like, "if only I had two sons." 519 00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:31,916 But he didn't. There's no point harking on about it, right? 520 00:22:31,978 --> 00:22:34,546 - Sure. - This is... he runs an airline? 521 00:22:34,611 --> 00:22:35,944 He runs an airline, yeah? 522 00:22:35,995 --> 00:22:37,595 But how many pilots are there? 'Cause there must be loads? 523 00:22:37,649 --> 00:22:39,683 No, there's loads, but the problem is a lot of them 524 00:22:39,742 --> 00:22:43,377 are going on strike. And each week he can see that, "we're struggling here. 525 00:22:43,454 --> 00:22:45,488 - We haven't got... " - Well, just close it down. 526 00:22:45,547 --> 00:22:47,381 - No, you can't do that, Rick. - No can't... 527 00:22:47,437 --> 00:22:49,238 - Of course you can. - It would cost him a fortune if he closes it down. 528 00:22:49,293 --> 00:22:51,228 Yeah, but one plane's not gonna make a difference in an airline, is it? 529 00:22:51,285 --> 00:22:53,019 - No no, it's all the planes. - It's all the planes, mate. 530 00:22:53,074 --> 00:22:55,042 So the son... he's flying the planes and that. 531 00:22:55,099 --> 00:22:56,600 He's getting worried for his dad 532 00:22:56,652 --> 00:22:58,153 'cause of his business... It's falling apart. 533 00:22:58,204 --> 00:22:59,338 He's like... Anyway, listen... 534 00:22:59,386 --> 00:23:01,220 One plane won't make any difference. 535 00:23:01,275 --> 00:23:03,310 "Don't worry about it. We found someone who you could work with." 536 00:23:03,368 --> 00:23:07,004 He said, "he's staying over near the sort of quarantine area 537 00:23:07,082 --> 00:23:08,982 where all the animals are kept." 538 00:23:09,039 --> 00:23:11,207 Oh yeah, right. Okay. 539 00:23:11,267 --> 00:23:14,269 "They won't be looking in there. They won't bother." So he's like, "all right." 540 00:23:14,338 --> 00:23:15,772 No animal that could be a co-pilot, that's why. 541 00:23:15,823 --> 00:23:18,692 "I'll see you... he'll meet up with you in the cockpit. 542 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,027 "He'll meet up in the cockpit?" Yeah, sure. 543 00:23:20,077 --> 00:23:22,278 So anyway, he gets in there. He meets him. 544 00:23:22,338 --> 00:23:25,140 At first, a little bit of a shock who he's gonna be working with. 545 00:23:25,207 --> 00:23:26,841 - Why? - But he's thinking, 546 00:23:26,895 --> 00:23:29,229 "as long as I can keep my dad's business alive, I can... " 547 00:23:29,291 --> 00:23:31,058 - Not with one plane. - Everyone's happy. 548 00:23:31,114 --> 00:23:34,750 Then one day what happens is a little bit of the problem. 549 00:23:34,827 --> 00:23:36,995 - Oh, dear. - Well, what happened is 550 00:23:37,054 --> 00:23:40,056 one woman who was on the... on the plane got a bit peckish... 551 00:23:40,126 --> 00:23:41,193 Right. 552 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,341 ...And said to the air-hostess woman, 553 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,935 "I'm little bit peckish. Have you got any sort of nibbles and that?" 554 00:23:45,999 --> 00:23:48,100 She went, "no we've got... Got a sandwich." 555 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,760 She said, "I don't really want a sandwich. 556 00:23:49,814 --> 00:23:51,514 I want some... you know, like the usual stuff 557 00:23:51,569 --> 00:23:53,503 that planes give out, just like a bag of nuts or something." 558 00:23:53,559 --> 00:23:54,993 What, have they not given those out yet? 559 00:23:55,045 --> 00:23:56,912 So... no, they don't give it... - For some reason, 560 00:23:56,968 --> 00:23:58,836 she was like, "look, we've stopped giving out the nuts. 561 00:23:58,893 --> 00:24:00,494 We can get you a sandwich. And the woman's like, 562 00:24:00,546 --> 00:24:02,581 "I don't want a sandwich. I just want some nuts. 563 00:24:02,639 --> 00:24:04,140 You know what I mean? A sandwich is quite a big meal. 564 00:24:04,192 --> 00:24:05,659 I just want some nibbles. I want some nuts." 565 00:24:05,711 --> 00:24:07,813 "Then that's not available." Done. End of story. 566 00:24:07,871 --> 00:24:10,039 So she said, "well, you're saying there aren'any nuts. 567 00:24:10,099 --> 00:24:14,002 But earlier I saw you put a tray outside the cockpit, right? 568 00:24:14,082 --> 00:24:16,584 It had a sandwich on it, two cokes and two bags of nuts." 569 00:24:16,647 --> 00:24:19,716 She said, "so you're saying there aren't any, but the pilots getting... " 570 00:24:19,786 --> 00:24:22,154 "Well, there aren't any now 'cause that was the last two packets." Done. 571 00:24:22,217 --> 00:24:24,184 - No no, so... - Let's go home. 572 00:24:24,242 --> 00:24:26,376 "Well, I'll go and have a word with the pilot myself. 573 00:24:26,436 --> 00:24:28,303 'Cause you only put them out there a few minutes ago. 574 00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:30,694 - He can't have eaten them... " - Karl, you cannot... no no. 575 00:24:30,756 --> 00:24:33,125 This is it. She was saying, "you cannot go over." 576 00:24:33,186 --> 00:24:34,586 - No. Yeah? - Listen. 577 00:24:34,638 --> 00:24:36,472 - "I'm gonna go over because... " - "No no, you can't." 578 00:24:36,528 --> 00:24:37,962 - "... I know I've been lied to." - "No, you can't." 579 00:24:38,013 --> 00:24:39,414 - So she goes. - There's no way. 580 00:24:39,464 --> 00:24:40,764 - The pilot... - They can't get in anyway. 581 00:24:40,815 --> 00:24:42,315 ... chat about the nuts and what have you. 582 00:24:42,368 --> 00:24:43,835 And he's thinking, "what's going on out there?" 583 00:24:43,886 --> 00:24:45,620 He opens the door. She gets a glance in. 584 00:24:45,709 --> 00:24:47,243 Little monkey's up there with headphones on. 585 00:24:47,295 --> 00:24:49,330 Fucking bullocks. 586 00:24:49,380 --> 00:24:53,930 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 52204

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