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Kenny: This year, my family's
learning to be supportive
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00:00:02,538 --> 00:00:03,667
of each other's changes,
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00:00:03,668 --> 00:00:06,195
even if that change is
upsetting, confusing,
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00:00:06,196 --> 00:00:08,155
or really hard to see.
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What do you think?
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00:00:10,056 --> 00:00:11,881
About?
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My mustache.
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Here. You can see it
better in this angle.
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00:00:15,002 --> 00:00:16,075
You see it?
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I want to be there for
you, but I don't see it.
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[Muffled] It's r... it's right...
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Oh, wh... wait. There it is.
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You look like the old lady who
sells shaved ice in the park.
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00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:26,105
Yes.
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00:00:26,106 --> 00:00:28,065
Kenny, what's this about play auditions?
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What? Did you go through my backpack?
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Well, why didn't you tell me
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you're auditioning for the school play?
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You know the theater's our thing.
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For years, Mom and I have been
the Doris Day and Rock Hudson
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00:00:38,066 --> 00:00:39,205
of our church's
theater productions.
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Oh, Balthazar, I'm so glad
you didn't forget the myrrh.
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And the frankincense was so reasonable!
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00:00:46,076 --> 00:00:49,085
Pat, did you know Kenny was
auditioning for the school play?
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00:00:49,086 --> 00:00:50,240
Oh, yeah. It's all anybody's talking
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00:00:50,265 --> 00:00:51,145
about down in the basement.
27
00:00:51,146 --> 00:00:53,085
Kenny, why would you keep it a secret?
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00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:55,005
You used to tell me everything.
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If I didn't feel so comfortable
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rifling through your
personal belongings,
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I wouldn't know anything about you.
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00:00:58,196 --> 00:01:01,085
Kenny: Look, I didn't
tell anybody about this.
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00:01:01,086 --> 00:01:03,095
You know, I've wanted
to do it for a long time,
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00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:05,055
but I was afraid of
being outed at school.
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00:01:05,056 --> 00:01:07,165
So, you know, now that everyone knows,
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00:01:07,166 --> 00:01:09,065
there's nothing stopping me.
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00:01:09,066 --> 00:01:10,175
You can do a bunch of stuff now.
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00:01:10,176 --> 00:01:13,035
You can be a male cheerleader
or a male ballerina,
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00:01:13,036 --> 00:01:15,095
or you can be one of those
shirtless guys at Abercrombie.
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00:01:15,096 --> 00:01:17,175
Well, I'm working on the play
and currently heterosexual.
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Currently?
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00:01:19,036 --> 00:01:20,185
We'll see what happens in college.
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00:01:20,186 --> 00:01:22,185
Anyhoo, I'm in charge
of the special effects.
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It's gonna be super gory.
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Gory? I thought you were
doing "Romeo and Juliet"?
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"Zombie Romeo and Juliet."
47
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It's our drama teacher's re-imagining
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of the classic play.
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Ms. Hanson felt like
Shakespeare phoned it in.
50
00:01:33,066 --> 00:01:34,075
Dad, could you get me
51
00:01:34,076 --> 00:01:36,035
some crime-scene photos for reference?
52
00:01:36,036 --> 00:01:37,975
Oh, I-I-I-I don't
know about that, honey.
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00:01:37,976 --> 00:01:39,616
I think they might be
a little unsettling.
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00:01:41,116 --> 00:01:44,065
Holy [Bleep].
55
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I made it in shop class.
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I'm gonna throw up.
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If you promise never, ever to do that
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never, ever again, I
will get you some photos.
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00:01:53,986 --> 00:01:55,065
Excellent. Got to go.
60
00:01:55,066 --> 00:01:56,195
No, no, young lady.
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Not until you've cleaned the
blood off the breakfast table.
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00:01:58,206 --> 00:02:00,995
[Sighs] Wait, Kenny.
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00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,205
It says here Ms. Hanson's looking for
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00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:04,155
some parent volunteers.
65
00:02:04,156 --> 00:02:06,035
It sounds like she could use some help.
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00:02:06,036 --> 00:02:07,294
[Chuckles] I could do that.
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00:02:07,436 --> 00:02:09,175
I do want to make her happy,
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00:02:09,176 --> 00:02:13,105
but making her happy will
probably make me sad.
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00:02:13,106 --> 00:02:15,075
Um... Y-yeah.
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00:02:15,076 --> 00:02:16,145
Okay.
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00:02:16,146 --> 00:02:18,095
Yay! Theater buddies.
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- Yay.
- I promise, you won't regret it.
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00:02:20,136 --> 00:02:22,035
Oh.
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00:02:22,036 --> 00:02:24,975
There's no hugging me
at school, though, okay?
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00:02:24,976 --> 00:02:26,480
You can let go any time. [Chuckles]
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Synced and corrected by VitoSilans
- www.Addic7ed.com -
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I'm so excited.
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00:02:33,006 --> 00:02:35,085
Treading the boards together again.
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[Inhales deeply] Oh,
the smell of the theater.
80
00:02:37,136 --> 00:02:40,125
I was talking to Ms. Hanson.
She seems a little overwhelmed.
81
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I am very overwhelmed.
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00:02:41,196 --> 00:02:42,195
To be honest, I thought this would be
83
00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,490
a little more like "Glee."
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That was my main
preparation for this job,
85
00:02:45,076 --> 00:02:46,075
watching "Glee."
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00:02:46,076 --> 00:02:47,105
Thank god you're here.
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00:02:47,106 --> 00:02:48,195
I thought there'd be way more gay kids.
88
00:02:48,196 --> 00:02:52,095
That one really threw me.
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00:02:52,096 --> 00:02:56,995
Girl, I have to say, your
eyebrows are on fleek.
90
00:02:56,996 --> 00:02:59,045
Stuart, stop it. You go over there.
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00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,115
Okay, I need everyone to focus.
92
00:03:01,116 --> 00:03:03,115
Focus up, okay?
93
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:06,065
All right. Kenny, do you know Mimi?
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00:03:06,066 --> 00:03:08,145
Oh, we know each other.
He was my boyfriend.
95
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,055
Then he came out as gay.
96
00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:12,095
So I know him, yeah.
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Drama.
98
00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:16,075
It's all happening.
99
00:03:16,076 --> 00:03:20,005
Mimi, we're both
auditioning for the play.
100
00:03:20,006 --> 00:03:22,005
- It's so fun.
- Super fun.
101
00:03:22,006 --> 00:03:23,155
Yeah, you've come to the one place
102
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where I didn't have to be
reminded of your deception.
103
00:03:25,126 --> 00:03:27,076
Awesome.
104
00:03:29,036 --> 00:03:31,016
[Fingers snap]
105
00:03:32,186 --> 00:03:36,125
[Sighs] Both my special gals are here.
106
00:03:36,126 --> 00:03:38,185
Yay.
107
00:03:38,186 --> 00:03:40,185
So, Pat, what kind of crime-scene photos
108
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are you looking for, exactly?
109
00:03:41,548 --> 00:03:43,115
Oh, you know, anything gory, really.
110
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Uh, any missing limbs.
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00:03:45,106 --> 00:03:47,175
Uh, any bludgeonings
you have would be great.
112
00:03:47,176 --> 00:03:50,185
Um, just nothing too hard-core,
because it is for my daughter.
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- That's so sweet.
- Ah.
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00:03:52,186 --> 00:03:54,185
- What is Shannon now, 14?
- Yeah.
115
00:03:54,186 --> 00:03:57,095
That's when I started looking
at crime-scene photos, too.
116
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Look at me now, working in
the crime-scene photo department.
117
00:04:00,096 --> 00:04:02,085
Dreams, huh?
118
00:04:02,086 --> 00:04:04,025
I'm gonna send you some
of my personal favorites.
119
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Great. Thank you.
120
00:04:05,066 --> 00:04:06,145
- Hey.
- Hmm?
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[Siren wailing in distance]
122
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Do you maybe want to go
out for a coffee sometime?
123
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Coffee?
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Yeah.
125
00:04:13,206 --> 00:04:16,055
Pbbbbbbht...
126
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:19,085
Coffee, coffee, coffee...
127
00:04:19,086 --> 00:04:21,145
Uh...
128
00:04:21,146 --> 00:04:23,055
Okay, you know what? Never mind.
129
00:04:23,056 --> 00:04:24,976
Okay.
130
00:04:27,026 --> 00:04:29,095
[Chuckles]
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Don't judge me. You
robbed a bank on a bike.
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"O, that I were a glove upon that hand
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that I might touch that rotting cheek."
134
00:04:38,186 --> 00:04:41,095
Oh, that was not good.
135
00:04:41,096 --> 00:04:43,045
How's the scene going?
136
00:04:43,046 --> 00:04:45,175
Well, I don't seem to
be able to express emotion
137
00:04:45,176 --> 00:04:47,115
like a person, or even a zombie.
138
00:04:47,116 --> 00:04:50,025
I mean, Siri read it
with more emotion than I did.
139
00:04:50,026 --> 00:04:51,105
This play is a travesty.
140
00:04:51,106 --> 00:04:54,055
But if you want Romeo,
you can make it happen.
141
00:04:54,056 --> 00:04:55,075
Could you help me?
142
00:04:55,076 --> 00:04:57,065
I mean, you obviously have the range.
143
00:04:57,066 --> 00:04:59,195
You have played everything
from Jezebel to the Holy Mother.
144
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That was quite an Easter.
145
00:05:03,106 --> 00:05:06,005
Announcer: And with one
minute left to go in the game...
146
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:08,005
- Hey.
- Dad, I know you've been wondering
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00:05:08,006 --> 00:05:09,986
why I grew this mustache.
148
00:05:11,086 --> 00:05:15,155
Um... Well, I just figured you
wanted to look like Tom Selleck.
149
00:05:15,156 --> 00:05:16,155
[Laughs]
150
00:05:16,156 --> 00:05:18,015
The grandpa on "Blue Bloods"?
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00:05:18,016 --> 00:05:20,205
[Sighs]
152
00:05:20,206 --> 00:05:22,125
What do you need, son?
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00:05:22,126 --> 00:05:24,995
There's a girl at
school that I really like.
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00:05:24,996 --> 00:05:26,985
- Mm-hmm.
- Her name is Lacey...
155
00:05:26,986 --> 00:05:29,005
Uh, which I assume is
short for Laceandra.
156
00:05:29,006 --> 00:05:31,045
Probably not, but continue.
157
00:05:31,046 --> 00:05:32,055
Well, you know I've always been
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kind of known for my verbal skills.
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Again, continue.
160
00:05:36,206 --> 00:05:38,085
But there's [Sighs]
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There's something wrong with me.
162
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I-I've been kind of off my game lately.
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164
00:05:44,066 --> 00:05:45,125
Oh!
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Thought I got closer.
166
00:05:47,016 --> 00:05:48,986
What? Hey, Lacey. What's up?
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Books, huh?
168
00:05:51,096 --> 00:05:54,055
Uh... Yeah.
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Books.
170
00:05:55,076 --> 00:05:56,075
Books.
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00:05:56,076 --> 00:05:59,046
Booksssssss.
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'Cause you, uh...
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00:06:03,026 --> 00:06:05,975
Ca... you like cat... Cats.
174
00:06:05,976 --> 00:06:07,055
Y-you're probably good with women.
175
00:06:07,056 --> 00:06:08,085
Well, sure.
176
00:06:08,086 --> 00:06:09,195
I mean, I don't like to brag,
177
00:06:09,196 --> 00:06:13,125
but I have used words to
talk to women before.
178
00:06:13,126 --> 00:06:16,025
Sounds like your first line was fine.
179
00:06:16,026 --> 00:06:18,975
I think that... that we... you...
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00:06:18,976 --> 00:06:23,185
one would need to just
kind of follow that up.
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00:06:23,186 --> 00:06:25,175
You know?
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- Huh.
- Hmm.
183
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:29,005
Interesting.
184
00:06:29,006 --> 00:06:30,055
Yeah, that's right.
185
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:33,115
Just don't worry about what to say.
186
00:06:33,116 --> 00:06:36,995
Just keep talking, and the
rest will happen on its own.
187
00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:39,015
- Just keep talking.
- Yeah.
188
00:06:39,016 --> 00:06:40,145
- That's solid.
- Right?
189
00:06:40,146 --> 00:06:42,155
You know, like...
like we're talking right now.
190
00:06:42,156 --> 00:06:44,185
You know, no big deal.
191
00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:47,035
I mean, a girl's just a dad in a skirt.
192
00:06:47,036 --> 00:06:49,016
Right?
193
00:06:51,126 --> 00:06:53,975
Emotional scenes can be tough.
194
00:06:53,976 --> 00:06:55,045
But there are tricks.
195
00:06:55,046 --> 00:06:58,075
For example, if you want to act sad,
196
00:06:58,076 --> 00:07:00,095
look down at a spot on the floor.
197
00:07:00,096 --> 00:07:01,995
Mm-hmm.
198
00:07:01,996 --> 00:07:03,195
If you need to be thoughtful,
199
00:07:03,196 --> 00:07:08,055
pretend you're watching a
bird flying slowly across the sky.
200
00:07:08,056 --> 00:07:09,095
- Mm?
- Okay.
201
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,145
Um, what about here, when I say,
202
00:07:11,146 --> 00:07:16,135
"It is my undead lady, O, it
is my decomposing love."?
203
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:20,145
Clench your butt real
tight and think about pancakes.
204
00:07:20,146 --> 00:07:22,720
That doesn't really sound...
205
00:07:22,721 --> 00:07:24,135
Who got five out of five rosaries
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00:07:24,136 --> 00:07:27,975
in the church bulletin for
her portrayal of Bathsheba?
207
00:07:27,976 --> 00:07:30,035
Okay.
208
00:07:30,036 --> 00:07:32,016
[Clears throat]
209
00:07:36,116 --> 00:07:42,025
It is my undead lady, O,
it is my decomposing love.
210
00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:46,155
See how she leans her
cheek upon her cold, dead hand.
211
00:07:46,156 --> 00:07:49,095
O, that I were a glove upon that hand
212
00:07:49,096 --> 00:07:54,055
that I might touch that rotting cheek.
213
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,115
End scene.
214
00:07:55,116 --> 00:07:58,165
I knew I'd find my gay!
215
00:07:58,166 --> 00:08:03,095
I think we can all agree that
we have found our zombie Romeo.
216
00:08:03,096 --> 00:08:05,165
And, Stuart,
congratulations, you are his understudy.
217
00:08:05,166 --> 00:08:07,045
Outrageous!
218
00:08:07,046 --> 00:08:09,286
I'm being discriminated
against because I'm heterosexual.
219
00:08:10,976 --> 00:08:13,185
[Door opens, closes]
220
00:08:13,186 --> 00:08:15,115
That was amazing.
221
00:08:15,116 --> 00:08:18,145
I can't believe that
pancake butt-clench thing worked.
222
00:08:18,146 --> 00:08:20,155
It was purely theoretical until now.
223
00:08:20,156 --> 00:08:22,205
I couldn't have done this without you.
224
00:08:22,206 --> 00:08:24,985
I'm... I'm really glad you're here.
225
00:08:24,986 --> 00:08:27,015
Oh! So am I.
226
00:08:27,016 --> 00:08:29,025
And as zombie Juliet,
227
00:08:29,026 --> 00:08:32,175
Kenny's estranged ex, Mimi Waxberg!
228
00:08:32,176 --> 00:08:33,985
I'm sorry. What?
229
00:08:33,986 --> 00:08:35,075
Okay. You two, come on.
230
00:08:35,076 --> 00:08:37,106
Let's jump up and do the wedding scene.
231
00:08:41,046 --> 00:08:44,065
Okay, you know, zombies are one thing,
232
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:46,095
but there is no wedding
scene in "Romeo and Juliet."
233
00:08:46,096 --> 00:08:48,105
I know. The whole
thing happened offstage.
234
00:08:48,106 --> 00:08:51,075
Shakespeare really left a
lot of meat on that bone.
235
00:08:51,076 --> 00:08:53,115
And no offense, Ms. Hanson,
236
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,065
but this is worse than
when that harlot from "girls"
237
00:08:55,066 --> 00:08:56,145
played Peter Pan.
238
00:08:56,146 --> 00:08:59,196
239
00:09:07,166 --> 00:09:09,015
[Clears throat]
240
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:12,185
I, Romeo, take you, Juliet,
241
00:09:12,186 --> 00:09:15,095
to be my lawfully wedded wife.
242
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,035
Mm, maybe you're
right. Maybe I should cut it.
243
00:09:17,036 --> 00:09:19,045
Don't you [Bleep] dare.
244
00:09:19,046 --> 00:09:21,046
To be my lawfully wedded husband.
245
00:09:22,739 --> 00:09:23,918
A little weird with Mimi.
246
00:09:23,919 --> 00:09:25,938
I was thinking, maybe we could watch
247
00:09:25,939 --> 00:09:28,858
all the "Romeo and Juliet" movies
tonight for inspiration.
248
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:32,838
Um, actually, I'm all
good. I have seen them all.
249
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,808
Even "Gnomeo and Juliet"?
250
00:09:34,809 --> 00:09:36,818
Oh, no. I missed that one.
251
00:09:36,819 --> 00:09:37,958
- I'll bring the snacks!
- Fantastic.
252
00:09:37,959 --> 00:09:40,818
Man: Come on, guys. We
don't have that much time.
253
00:09:40,819 --> 00:09:41,888
God, it's like the whole budget's
254
00:09:41,889 --> 00:09:42,928
going into the wedding scene,
255
00:09:42,929 --> 00:09:44,798
but I have to beg for decent stage blood
256
00:09:44,799 --> 00:09:45,878
for my blood cannon.
257
00:09:45,879 --> 00:09:48,828
Sure, I could go to the
dumpster behind the butcher shop,
258
00:09:48,829 --> 00:09:50,838
but I don't think anyone wants that.
259
00:09:50,839 --> 00:09:52,838
What? N-no.
260
00:09:52,839 --> 00:09:54,898
There are more important
things than your blood cannon.
261
00:09:54,899 --> 00:09:56,111
- These?
- Oh, the color
262
00:09:56,136 --> 00:09:57,808
scheme is ivory and rose,
263
00:09:57,809 --> 00:09:59,828
not champagne and bubble gum.
264
00:09:59,829 --> 00:10:01,858
- Get your head in the game, Lacey.
- Uh-huh.
265
00:10:01,859 --> 00:10:02,808
Mom?
266
00:10:02,809 --> 00:10:04,758
Yeah? Hi.
267
00:10:04,759 --> 00:10:06,858
Um, so, Mimi's starting to get
268
00:10:06,859 --> 00:10:08,798
a little carried away with
all the wedding stuff.
269
00:10:08,799 --> 00:10:10,758
- It's getting awkward.
- Oh?
270
00:10:10,759 --> 00:10:11,948
Well, you know how us girls are.
271
00:10:11,949 --> 00:10:14,778
Sometimes we get a little wedding crazy.
272
00:10:14,779 --> 00:10:16,938
It's true. I bought 19
wedding dresses on credit,
273
00:10:16,939 --> 00:10:18,888
and now I'll never
be able to own a home.
274
00:10:18,889 --> 00:10:20,858
Okay.
275
00:10:20,859 --> 00:10:22,878
Um, maybe you could talk to Ms. Hanson,
276
00:10:22,879 --> 00:10:24,748
just have her pull
back the wedding stuff?
277
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:25,908
Make it more about zombies again?
278
00:10:25,909 --> 00:10:27,798
Sure. I'll... I'll take care of it.
279
00:10:27,799 --> 00:10:28,808
She listens to everything say.
280
00:10:28,809 --> 00:10:29,848
- Awesome. Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
281
00:10:29,849 --> 00:10:31,898
Ms. Hanson: It's all coming
together, Eileen.
282
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:33,878
Oh, good. I was
hoping I could have a word.
283
00:10:33,879 --> 00:10:34,958
Anything you want.
284
00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:37,818
You've got decision-making skills
that I will never have.
285
00:10:37,819 --> 00:10:39,808
- Oh, well, I'm glad to hear that.
- Yeah.
286
00:10:39,809 --> 00:10:41,798
Um, a-about the wedding scene.
287
00:10:41,799 --> 00:10:42,798
I was thinking that...
288
00:10:42,799 --> 00:10:43,798
Mimi: Hey, Kenny.
289
00:10:43,799 --> 00:10:44,798
Here you go.
290
00:10:44,799 --> 00:10:45,808
Thanks.
291
00:10:45,809 --> 00:10:48,779
- This will help your throat.
- Sure.
292
00:10:49,919 --> 00:10:51,768
We should go bigger.
293
00:10:51,769 --> 00:10:53,778
Mm.
294
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:56,948
295
00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:58,788
You got this. Just keep talking.
296
00:10:58,789 --> 00:10:59,938
Just keep talking.
297
00:10:59,939 --> 00:11:01,928
Hey. How you doing, Gloria?
298
00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,758
Got some envelopes, huh?
299
00:11:03,759 --> 00:11:04,909
Yep.
300
00:11:09,849 --> 00:11:10,868
Lacey, hey.
301
00:11:10,869 --> 00:11:11,908
Hey.
302
00:11:11,909 --> 00:11:13,758
Ponytail today, huh?
303
00:11:13,759 --> 00:11:16,798
Uh... Yeah.
304
00:11:16,799 --> 00:11:17,848
So, I was thinking about coffee.
305
00:11:17,849 --> 00:11:19,898
[Clears throat] Love French roast.
306
00:11:19,899 --> 00:11:21,928
Been known to dabble in French vanilla.
307
00:11:21,929 --> 00:11:24,788
I like French fries. So,
I'm getting a divorce.
308
00:11:24,789 --> 00:11:26,888
Uh, I see that you are
headed to the bathroom.
309
00:11:26,889 --> 00:11:28,798
I-I noticed that you use the bathroom
310
00:11:28,799 --> 00:11:30,858
every day between 12:45 and 12:50.
311
00:11:30,859 --> 00:11:31,928
You're super regular.
312
00:11:31,929 --> 00:11:34,808
I was married for 18 years.
313
00:11:34,809 --> 00:11:37,808
You know, there's so
many new things out now.
314
00:11:37,809 --> 00:11:40,728
It's... I guess it's the
sexting and the Snapchat.
315
00:11:40,729 --> 00:11:42,948
I mean [Chuckles] I've
never taken a picture of my junk.
316
00:11:42,949 --> 00:11:44,868
Uh, I remember at a party once,
317
00:11:44,869 --> 00:11:46,958
I went to the bathroom after you,
318
00:11:46,959 --> 00:11:48,858
and you were in there for a long time.
319
00:11:48,859 --> 00:11:49,958
[Chuckles]
320
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:52,808
And afterwards, uh, it
smelled like your perfume.
321
00:11:52,809 --> 00:11:54,788
Um...
322
00:11:54,789 --> 00:11:56,758
I mean, if you... if
you pooped in there,
323
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,908
I definitely couldn't tell, you know?
324
00:11:58,909 --> 00:12:01,878
Probably want to do the
weirder sex stuff with other women.
325
00:12:01,879 --> 00:12:02,928
I just need to...
326
00:12:02,929 --> 00:12:04,759
Thank you.
327
00:12:07,799 --> 00:12:08,828
Cool. Yeah.
328
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:12,738
"Weird sex stuff"? What are you doing?!
329
00:12:12,739 --> 00:12:16,748
"Pooped"? Oh...
330
00:12:16,749 --> 00:12:18,838
Oh, we can't seat Cousin
Ronnie next to his sister.
331
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,818
They haven't spoken since
the family reunion.
332
00:12:20,819 --> 00:12:21,868
Oh, man. That got ugly.
333
00:12:21,869 --> 00:12:23,758
I've never seen
anyone throw potato salad
334
00:12:23,759 --> 00:12:24,908
with so much precision.
335
00:12:24,909 --> 00:12:26,858
Well, it wasn't a great time
to find out you were adopted.
336
00:12:26,859 --> 00:12:27,819
[Gasps]
337
00:12:28,769 --> 00:12:29,948
Oh, Romeo!
338
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:32,938
Oh, look how handsome on his big night!
339
00:12:32,939 --> 00:12:35,778
Uh, well, it... it fits.
340
00:12:35,779 --> 00:12:37,838
I'm still not sure it's
better than my regular costume.
341
00:12:37,839 --> 00:12:39,768
Oh, yes. Ms. Hanson and I agreed.
342
00:12:39,769 --> 00:12:40,858
This is what
Shakespeare would've wanted.
343
00:12:40,859 --> 00:12:42,908
Yeah, but it's gonna
get blood all over it.
344
00:12:42,909 --> 00:12:46,728
No, I swapped out Shannon's blood
cannon for a rice cannon.
345
00:12:46,729 --> 00:12:47,938
That doesn't make any sense.
346
00:12:47,939 --> 00:12:49,908
Yeah, she's not happy about it, either.
347
00:12:49,909 --> 00:12:52,768
Okay. Ha ha!
348
00:12:52,769 --> 00:12:54,848
I found the good camera.
It is out of film, though,
349
00:12:54,849 --> 00:12:55,788
so we're gonna have
to stop by the fotomat
350
00:12:55,789 --> 00:12:56,808
on the way to the school.
351
00:12:56,809 --> 00:12:58,808
Pat, I told you about this two days ago.
352
00:12:58,809 --> 00:12:59,908
- Oh, I forgot the flash cubes.
- [Sighs]
353
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,738
Wait, what is going on?
354
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,928
Why is Dad taking photos
with the old-timey camera?
355
00:13:03,929 --> 00:13:05,788
And is that a seating chart?
356
00:13:05,789 --> 00:13:07,878
No, it's not a seating chart.
357
00:13:07,879 --> 00:13:10,858
It's just a chart telling
us where everyone's gonna sit.
358
00:13:10,859 --> 00:13:11,908
The reception's open seating.
359
00:13:11,909 --> 00:13:13,928
- The reception?
- Uh, the cast party.
360
00:13:13,929 --> 00:13:15,798
In Europe, it's called a reception.
361
00:13:15,799 --> 00:13:17,918
They also call
bathrooms toilets. [Laughs]
362
00:13:17,919 --> 00:13:19,808
It's gonna be fabulous.
363
00:13:19,809 --> 00:13:21,908
What... why are you acting
like this is a real wedding?
364
00:13:21,909 --> 00:13:23,379
Don't be ridiculous.
365
00:13:23,380 --> 00:13:24,788
I don't think this is a real wedding.
366
00:13:24,789 --> 00:13:25,788
Wedding cake's here.
367
00:13:25,789 --> 00:13:26,908
[Sighs]
368
00:13:26,909 --> 00:13:29,838
Guy said it serves 100.
369
00:13:29,839 --> 00:13:31,958
- Thanks.
- [Smacks lips]
370
00:13:31,959 --> 00:13:33,918
[Clears throat]
371
00:13:33,919 --> 00:13:34,938
I see what you're doing.
372
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,320
You're using the play
373
00:13:36,321 --> 00:13:37,898
to get me and Mimi back together again.
374
00:13:37,899 --> 00:13:39,788
I-I promise you,
375
00:13:39,789 --> 00:13:41,878
I am not trying to get you
and Mimi back together.
376
00:13:41,879 --> 00:13:44,748
She is the last girl on
earth I would want you to marry.
377
00:13:44,749 --> 00:13:45,958
- She's terrible.
- You're lying.
378
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,818
I am not lying. I just...
379
00:13:48,819 --> 00:13:49,818
You just what?
380
00:13:49,819 --> 00:13:51,838
I just...
381
00:13:51,839 --> 00:13:53,768
This is the only chance I'm gonna have
382
00:13:53,769 --> 00:13:55,919
to see you marry a woman.
383
00:13:57,909 --> 00:13:59,818
Wait. That's what this is about?
384
00:13:59,819 --> 00:14:01,888
Yes. And I don't see
what the big deal is.
385
00:14:01,889 --> 00:14:02,938
[Sighs]
386
00:14:02,939 --> 00:14:05,868
Is it too much to ask to
have some pictures of you
387
00:14:05,869 --> 00:14:07,778
with a girl in a white dress?
388
00:14:07,779 --> 00:14:09,808
And some nice cake afterwards
389
00:14:09,809 --> 00:14:12,758
while a string
quartet plays Josh Groban?
390
00:14:12,759 --> 00:14:13,938
Oh, my god.
391
00:14:13,939 --> 00:14:16,778
I've been making mom porn!
392
00:14:16,779 --> 00:14:19,778
Where are you going? The
play's in 40 minutes!
393
00:14:19,779 --> 00:14:22,728
I don't care. I'm done with the play.
394
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:23,788
You can go have your
precious hetero wedding
395
00:14:23,789 --> 00:14:24,928
with someone else.
396
00:14:24,929 --> 00:14:26,809
[Door slams]
397
00:14:31,176 --> 00:14:34,055
How'd you know where to find me?
398
00:14:34,056 --> 00:14:35,975
Come on. You've been running
away to the garage
399
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,005
since you were 4 years old.
400
00:14:38,006 --> 00:14:41,125
Remember, you got so upset
Martha Stewart went to jail?
401
00:14:41,126 --> 00:14:43,045
They were making an example of her.
402
00:14:43,046 --> 00:14:44,512
[Laughs]
403
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:47,125
Well, look, buddy, [Clears throat]
404
00:14:47,126 --> 00:14:49,115
you don't have to go through
with this if you don't want to.
405
00:14:49,116 --> 00:14:50,115
Okay?
406
00:14:50,116 --> 00:14:53,975
But, uh, your mom feels a little bad,
407
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:55,165
and she's pretty upset.
408
00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:56,206
So am I.
409
00:14:58,046 --> 00:15:00,005
You know, I was just
starting to feel like,
410
00:15:00,006 --> 00:15:01,975
you know, maybe we
were getting close again.
411
00:15:01,976 --> 00:15:03,125
And then...
412
00:15:03,126 --> 00:15:04,175
I don't know.
413
00:15:04,176 --> 00:15:06,085
She's never going to
accept that I'm gay.
414
00:15:06,086 --> 00:15:08,975
No, I think she is. I think she is.
415
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:11,205
I think this whole bizarre wedding
play is proof of that.
416
00:15:11,206 --> 00:15:13,055
Please, tell me how.
417
00:15:13,056 --> 00:15:15,025
Well, not too long ago,
418
00:15:15,026 --> 00:15:17,005
she was trying to turn
you straight, okay?
419
00:15:17,006 --> 00:15:18,155
And now I think that
she's really accepted
420
00:15:18,156 --> 00:15:21,125
the fact that you're
never gonna marry a woman.
421
00:15:21,126 --> 00:15:24,015
And for her, that is progress.
422
00:15:24,016 --> 00:15:28,015
It's incredibly
slow, very weird progress,
423
00:15:28,016 --> 00:15:29,165
but it's progress nonetheless.
424
00:15:29,166 --> 00:15:31,145
And that's pretty huge for her.
425
00:15:31,146 --> 00:15:34,006
Stop making me feel
like she has feelings.
426
00:15:36,086 --> 00:15:41,185
Well... Just remember that, uh,
427
00:15:41,186 --> 00:15:43,065
you've had 16 years
428
00:15:43,066 --> 00:15:45,145
to get used to the fact
that you're gay, okay?
429
00:15:45,146 --> 00:15:47,116
We've only had six weeks.
430
00:15:54,006 --> 00:15:57,025
So, the whole Martha
Stewart thing, and still no idea?
431
00:15:57,026 --> 00:15:59,015
Really?
432
00:15:59,016 --> 00:16:02,145
I'll admit, not my
finest detective work.
433
00:16:02,146 --> 00:16:04,723
434
00:16:07,146 --> 00:16:09,176
[Grunting]
435
00:16:10,156 --> 00:16:11,195
My Romeo!
436
00:16:11,196 --> 00:16:12,206
Oh!
437
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:20,185
Juliet, thy father canst
ne'er stop us now.
438
00:16:20,186 --> 00:16:22,065
Wilt thou be my wife?
439
00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:23,155
Yes!
440
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:26,055
I finally understand why
people go to the theater.
441
00:16:26,056 --> 00:16:28,185
My bounty is as boundless as the sea.
442
00:16:28,186 --> 00:16:31,035
You're just in time to
see our son's ex-girlfriend
443
00:16:31,036 --> 00:16:33,075
marry an effeminate zombie.
444
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:35,105
Oh, all right.
445
00:16:35,106 --> 00:16:39,155
["Pachelbel's Canon" plays]
446
00:16:39,156 --> 00:16:43,035
Romeo, ghostly death canst part us.
447
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:47,096
I shall hunt for brains
with thou tilst the end of time.
448
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,025
- I object to this wedding!
- [Music stops]
449
00:16:51,026 --> 00:16:52,145
[Audience murmurs]
450
00:16:52,146 --> 00:16:54,165
That zombie is a liar!
451
00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:56,115
I am your Romeo!
452
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,976
Bitch, you have got to be kidding me.
453
00:17:02,976 --> 00:17:05,985
He came back.
454
00:17:05,986 --> 00:17:07,065
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, no.
455
00:17:07,066 --> 00:17:08,975
The audience is gonna
be totally confused.
456
00:17:08,976 --> 00:17:10,115
I know. It's just like "Glee."
457
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:12,165
[Music resumes]
458
00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:16,175
I, Romeo, take you, Juliet,
459
00:17:16,176 --> 00:17:22,115
to have and to eat brains
with all the days of my life,
460
00:17:22,116 --> 00:17:24,165
which, barring any
unforeseen blunt trauma to the head,
461
00:17:24,166 --> 00:17:26,035
should be forever.
462
00:17:26,036 --> 00:17:29,045
I now bind thee as man and wife.
463
00:17:29,046 --> 00:17:30,185
You may kiss your undead bride.
464
00:17:30,186 --> 00:17:32,125
Here it goes.
465
00:17:32,126 --> 00:17:34,165
If it helps my mom take
a tiny step forward,
466
00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:36,604
then the show must go on.
467
00:17:37,146 --> 00:17:39,135
[All gasp]
468
00:17:39,136 --> 00:17:40,205
Sorry, Mom.
469
00:17:40,206 --> 00:17:43,025
But that was so much cooler than rice.
470
00:17:43,026 --> 00:17:45,175
Man: Geez. I've never seen that before.
471
00:17:45,176 --> 00:17:46,975
It's a bloodbath!
472
00:17:46,976 --> 00:17:47,995
- Ms. Hanson: Just like "Glee"!
- Yeah!
473
00:17:47,996 --> 00:17:49,055
[Cheers and applause]
474
00:17:49,056 --> 00:17:51,045
Can someone explain this to me?
475
00:17:51,046 --> 00:17:57,015
Everybody's on the same page
476
00:17:57,016 --> 00:18:00,065
No new chapters
477
00:18:00,066 --> 00:18:03,155
I'm sorry things didn't
work out with Lacey, buddy.
478
00:18:03,156 --> 00:18:05,036
No.
479
00:18:06,026 --> 00:18:08,155
I did not grow this
mustache for nothing.
480
00:18:08,156 --> 00:18:11,045
Honestly, I still don't see
it. Wait, I wasn't finished.
481
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:12,085
Oh, boy.
482
00:18:12,086 --> 00:18:14,075
Laceandra. Hi. Hey.
483
00:18:14,076 --> 00:18:15,155
H... uh, hey. Listen.
484
00:18:15,156 --> 00:18:17,115
I am not good at this.
485
00:18:17,116 --> 00:18:19,195
But I want you to know th...
486
00:18:19,196 --> 00:18:21,095
uh, there was this one
time in the cafeteria,
487
00:18:21,096 --> 00:18:23,065
we were both eating lucky charms,
488
00:18:23,066 --> 00:18:26,112
and we noticed that we both like
to pick out the blue moons.
489
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,985
Anyway, uh...
490
00:18:28,986 --> 00:18:31,985
I felt like we
really had a moment there.
491
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:36,125
Or... or ma-maybe that
was just all in my head.
492
00:18:36,126 --> 00:18:38,005
It... yeah, it was probably all... yeah.
493
00:18:38,006 --> 00:18:39,115
I'm gonna... this
was... sorry. I'm sorry.
494
00:18:39,116 --> 00:18:41,985
No, no, no, no. It
wasn't just in your head.
495
00:18:41,986 --> 00:18:43,135
Blue moons are for freaks.
496
00:18:43,136 --> 00:18:44,205
[Chuckles]
497
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:46,025
Whew!
498
00:18:46,026 --> 00:18:47,115
Right. Yeah.
499
00:18:47,116 --> 00:18:48,175
So, how'd you know my full name?
500
00:18:48,176 --> 00:18:50,185
What else could it be?
501
00:18:50,186 --> 00:18:52,045
- Oh, my god. Yeah.
- Right?
502
00:18:52,046 --> 00:18:54,195
I don't care what they think
503
00:18:54,196 --> 00:18:59,035
No, I'm not listening
504
00:18:59,036 --> 00:19:01,085
Honey, I'm sorry I tried to force you
505
00:19:01,086 --> 00:19:03,185
to live out my dream of
seeing you marry a girl.
506
00:19:03,186 --> 00:19:06,175
Oh, please. That old clich? again?
507
00:19:06,176 --> 00:19:08,085
I really did start out
508
00:19:08,086 --> 00:19:10,105
just wanting to spend
more time together,
509
00:19:10,106 --> 00:19:13,185
but things just... Got away from me.
510
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,205
Come on, show them
511
00:19:15,206 --> 00:19:20,975
You know, I do want
to get married one day.
512
00:19:20,976 --> 00:19:23,065
Mm. But it won't be
in a Catholic church.
513
00:19:23,066 --> 00:19:25,975
Mm, I don't know about
that. The new Pope drives a Fiat.
514
00:19:25,976 --> 00:19:27,135
Everybody's born to be different
515
00:19:27,136 --> 00:19:31,165
But even if it's not
exactly the way you pictured it,
516
00:19:31,166 --> 00:19:33,075
at least there won't be a blood cannon.
517
00:19:33,076 --> 00:19:35,025
Well, you never know if
your sister's invited.
518
00:19:35,026 --> 00:19:37,045
Yeah, no, that's very true.
519
00:19:37,046 --> 00:19:40,085
But I hope that when I do get married,
520
00:19:40,086 --> 00:19:43,056
you'll be just as
excited about planning it.
521
00:19:43,334 --> 00:19:46,025
Don't let them make you
into something you ain't
522
00:19:46,026 --> 00:19:48,025
By the way, I'm picturing orchids.
523
00:19:48,026 --> 00:19:51,005
Oh, absolutely not. Orchids
are all wrong.
524
00:19:51,006 --> 00:19:52,085
Okay, well, obviously not by themselves.
525
00:19:52,086 --> 00:19:54,095
I'd want orchids and lilies.
526
00:19:54,096 --> 00:19:56,175
Oh! [Laughs] I'm sorry.
527
00:19:56,176 --> 00:19:58,085
I thought we were planning a wedding,
528
00:19:58,086 --> 00:20:00,105
not a Hawaiian funeral.
529
00:20:00,106 --> 00:20:02,095
Oh, my god!
530
00:20:02,096 --> 00:20:04,055
That's a fantastic idea.
It could be a luau theme!
531
00:20:04,056 --> 00:20:05,975
- Don't you dare.
- Come on, we could bury a pig.
532
00:20:05,976 --> 00:20:07,085
I can see right now
533
00:20:07,086 --> 00:20:08,975
I'm gonna have to start
taking over the planning.
534
00:20:08,976 --> 00:20:11,472
Come on, the caterers
could be fire dancers!
535
00:20:15,176 --> 00:20:19,065
All right, be honest with
me. Is it too drastic?
536
00:20:19,066 --> 00:20:20,175
I don't know what I'm looking at.
537
00:20:20,176 --> 00:20:21,165
Did you shave your mustache?
538
00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:22,270
No.
539
00:20:22,447 --> 00:20:24,066
I grew a beard.
540
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,025
Oh.
541
00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:30,105
[Scoffs] Yeah, there it is.
542
00:20:30,106 --> 00:20:32,095
- Lush.
- Yeah.
543
00:20:32,096 --> 00:20:34,095
It's gonna be a little warm for summer.
544
00:20:34,096 --> 00:20:36,155
Yeah, and you're gonna get
a lot of food caught in it.
545
00:20:36,156 --> 00:20:37,205
Mm-hmm.
546
00:20:37,206 --> 00:20:39,975
[Sighs] You guys are so right.
547
00:20:39,976 --> 00:20:41,135
I'm gonna go shave it off.
548
00:20:41,136 --> 00:20:43,075
549
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:45,695
When we grow up, is he gonna live
in your guesthouse or mine?
550
00:20:45,853 --> 00:20:47,579
One, two, three.
551
00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:50,075
Ha ha!
552
00:20:50,076 --> 00:20:51,202
Ow!
553
00:20:51,411 --> 00:20:57,426
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554
00:20:57,476 --> 00:21:02,026
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