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1
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,578
KEVIN: Oh, what the hell?
2
00:00:13,223 --> 00:00:15,048
(screams)
3
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,383
Who-who are you?
4
00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:17,484
Charlie McReddin.
5
00:00:17,552 --> 00:00:18,885
Oh, Charlie McReddin.
6
00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:19,920
Daddy, you found him?
7
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:20,921
Yeah.
8
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,635
- What are you guys doing?
- We're playing hide-and-seek.
9
00:00:22,755 --> 00:00:23,957
He's great at it.
10
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:25,287
I'm the best at hide-and-seek.
11
00:00:25,407 --> 00:00:25,966
Oh.
12
00:00:26,086 --> 00:00:27,728
Come on, Charlie, let's go.
13
00:00:27,796 --> 00:00:29,730
JENNY: Is everything all right?
14
00:00:29,798 --> 00:00:30,764
I thought I heard Ellie scream.
15
00:00:30,832 --> 00:00:31,598
No, that was me.
16
00:00:31,666 --> 00:00:32,433
Whoa.
17
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,368
Well, you didn't see what I saw.
18
00:00:33,488 --> 00:00:35,993
Children of the Corn is hiding
inside of our cabinet over here.
19
00:00:35,996 --> 00:00:36,962
What? He's Ellie's friend.
20
00:00:37,030 --> 00:00:37,963
(groans)
21
00:00:38,031 --> 00:00:40,382
In fact, I think he
might be her boyfriend.
22
00:00:40,467 --> 00:00:41,800
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
23
00:00:41,868 --> 00:00:42,968
It's too soon for that.
24
00:00:43,036 --> 00:00:43,969
What?
25
00:00:44,037 --> 00:00:46,755
First, it's hide-and-seek, and
then that turns into doctor,
26
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,924
which leads to seven
minutes in the closet.
27
00:00:49,009 --> 00:00:50,976
You mean seven minutes in heaven?
28
00:00:51,044 --> 00:00:51,977
I never got to heaven.
29
00:00:52,045 --> 00:00:52,978
Oh, I totally did.
30
00:00:53,046 --> 00:00:55,207
That's what I'm talking about,
and then before you know
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00:00:55,214 --> 00:00:57,399
it, it's gonna be her junior
high graduation and she's gonna
32
00:00:57,484 --> 00:00:58,517
be wearing a Baby Bjorn.
33
00:00:58,568 --> 00:00:59,518
What?
34
00:00:59,569 --> 00:01:01,227
Now, can you tell me how to fix the TV?
35
00:01:01,347 --> 00:01:05,272
36
00:01:05,392 --> 00:01:07,443
PETE: Really? You're
really thinking about it?
37
00:01:07,527 --> 00:01:08,444
ANDRE: Yes.
38
00:01:08,528 --> 00:01:10,446
Are you really gonna sell the apartment?
39
00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:12,598
I wasn't thinking about selling
it, but Jenny found me a
40
00:01:12,666 --> 00:01:13,832
buyer, so I have to consider it.
41
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,834
Does he know about Dirty Randy
and the jizz-fest porno?
42
00:01:15,902 --> 00:01:17,703
Do you think I have to disclose that?
43
00:01:17,754 --> 00:01:18,537
Yeah, it's a law.
44
00:01:18,605 --> 00:01:19,471
It's called jizz-closure.
45
00:01:19,539 --> 00:01:20,499
There's no jizz-closure.
46
00:01:20,540 --> 00:01:23,292
If you don't jizz-close, you can
get into a lot of legal trouble.
47
00:01:23,376 --> 00:01:24,843
Look at this guy. Hey!
48
00:01:24,911 --> 00:01:26,011
You-You're blocking me in.
49
00:01:26,079 --> 00:01:27,046
Excuse me? Hello?
50
00:01:27,113 --> 00:01:28,297
Sorry, hi.
51
00:01:28,381 --> 00:01:29,798
Your car is just a little close.
52
00:01:29,883 --> 00:01:31,967
Easy, chemo, I just got it waxed.
53
00:01:32,052 --> 00:01:34,103
Gina? Gina Gibiatti?
54
00:01:34,187 --> 00:01:36,305
It's Andre Nozick from
North Winnetka High.
55
00:01:36,389 --> 00:01:38,891
Yeah, no, I know who you are,
dildo, but if you touch my car,
56
00:01:38,942 --> 00:01:39,892
I'll (bleep) mace you.
57
00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:40,893
Hey, Gina, it's me.
58
00:01:40,944 --> 00:01:41,894
It's Pete Eckhart.
59
00:01:41,945 --> 00:01:42,895
Yeah.
60
00:01:42,946 --> 00:01:43,979
Good to see you.
61
00:01:44,064 --> 00:01:45,397
Yeah.
62
00:01:45,448 --> 00:01:46,699
You look great.
63
00:01:46,766 --> 00:01:48,233
Yeah, I know.
64
00:01:48,284 --> 00:01:51,453
All right, uh, well, it's been
so long since I've seen you.
65
00:01:51,538 --> 00:01:52,905
I heard you moved to Palm Beach.
66
00:01:52,956 --> 00:01:54,123
Stalk much?
67
00:01:54,207 --> 00:01:55,240
Yeah, I'm back.
68
00:01:55,291 --> 00:01:57,543
Just got a divorce, left that tool.
69
00:01:57,610 --> 00:02:00,079
Later, losers.
70
00:02:00,130 --> 00:02:01,997
Gina Gibiatti.
71
00:02:02,082 --> 00:02:04,216
So hot.
72
00:02:04,283 --> 00:02:05,584
So mean.
73
00:02:05,652 --> 00:02:07,853
RUXIN: How did Frank and her
come from the same parents?
74
00:02:07,887 --> 00:02:10,889
Out of all the Gibiattis, she should
be the one called "The Body."
75
00:02:10,957 --> 00:02:14,059
Yeah, and if you need further proof,
her gynecologist married her.
76
00:02:14,127 --> 00:02:16,845
That guy stares at vagina all day
long, and he chose that one.
77
00:02:16,930 --> 00:02:18,313
Because it's the best.
78
00:02:18,398 --> 00:02:20,766
Yeah, but she divorced him,
and now she is on the waiver
79
00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:22,985
wire, so who's gonna try to pick her up?
80
00:02:23,069 --> 00:02:23,986
No way, man.
81
00:02:24,070 --> 00:02:26,070
That's like picking up
Terrell Owens, too volatile.
82
00:02:26,072 --> 00:02:27,823
I've been thinking about it a little bit.
83
00:02:27,907 --> 00:02:28,824
No.
84
00:02:28,908 --> 00:02:30,526
She made you cry in high school, Pete.
85
00:02:30,610 --> 00:02:31,360
That's true.
86
00:02:31,444 --> 00:02:34,663
You were a senior, she was a freshman,
you asked her privately to the prom, she
87
00:02:34,748 --> 00:02:37,916
brought you into the cafeteria,
publicly said no in front of
88
00:02:37,984 --> 00:02:39,785
everyone, and then you cried.
89
00:02:39,836 --> 00:02:41,036
Yeah, she destroyed me.
90
00:02:41,121 --> 00:02:42,004
I get it.
91
00:02:42,088 --> 00:02:43,255
And now you want to date her?
92
00:02:43,323 --> 00:02:47,042
No, I despise her, but I'm also
extremely attracted to her.
93
00:02:47,127 --> 00:02:49,845
So there's hate, and there's sex.
94
00:02:49,929 --> 00:02:52,631
Oh, you want to hate-(bleep) her.
95
00:02:52,682 --> 00:02:53,632
You got it.
96
00:02:53,683 --> 00:02:56,351
You see, I woo her, I wine her
and dine her, we have sex,
97
00:02:56,436 --> 00:02:58,554
she's thinking it might be a
good thing, and then I'm like,
98
00:02:58,638 --> 00:02:59,688
bam, "No, you're done.
99
00:02:59,773 --> 00:03:00,722
You're crying now.
100
00:03:00,807 --> 00:03:01,974
No prom for you. Good-bye."
101
00:03:02,025 --> 00:03:05,310
I don't think you're capable of it, but
I completely support you in doing it.
102
00:03:05,361 --> 00:03:07,479
Good, 'cause I'm gonna need
your help, all of you.
103
00:03:07,530 --> 00:03:08,490
TACO: I'll help you out.
104
00:03:08,531 --> 00:03:10,816
If you're having sex with her,
you get tired, just tag me in.
105
00:03:10,867 --> 00:03:11,817
I'll finish her off.
106
00:03:11,868 --> 00:03:13,869
That is not what I'm talking about.
107
00:03:13,953 --> 00:03:16,313
While Pete is attempting to have
delusional revenge-sex with
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00:03:16,322 --> 00:03:19,825
a woman he despises, I will be
making love to my wife with
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00:03:19,876 --> 00:03:21,827
the end goal of having an anchor baby.
110
00:03:21,878 --> 00:03:24,663
Well, hopefully it's a girl and
Chalupa Batman can get his
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00:03:24,714 --> 00:03:25,714
dinged-up little donger wet.
112
00:03:25,799 --> 00:03:29,551
I don't want to think about my children
having sex, especially since Ellie
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00:03:29,636 --> 00:03:30,552
now has a boyfriend.
114
00:03:30,637 --> 00:03:31,386
Oh.
115
00:03:31,471 --> 00:03:32,221
Really?
116
00:03:32,305 --> 00:03:34,807
This little kid named Charlie who's
always hanging around the house.
117
00:03:34,874 --> 00:03:36,758
You're gonna have to have
the sex talk with her.
118
00:03:36,843 --> 00:03:38,727
I don't want to have the
sex talk with my daughter.
119
00:03:38,812 --> 00:03:39,561
She's eight.
120
00:03:39,646 --> 00:03:41,980
All you have to do is talk
to kids on their level.
121
00:03:42,048 --> 00:03:44,082
Like Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.
122
00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:46,351
Yes, they're boyfriend and
girlfriend, but sometimes Kermit
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00:03:46,419 --> 00:03:49,104
wants to put his little frog
penis into her pig vagina.
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00:03:49,189 --> 00:03:50,405
Oh, my God.
125
00:03:50,490 --> 00:03:51,523
Wow.
126
00:03:51,591 --> 00:03:52,758
Don't say pig vagina!
127
00:03:52,826 --> 00:03:54,910
Why? It's important to
use the anatomical term.
128
00:03:54,994 --> 00:03:56,028
Hey.
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00:03:56,079 --> 00:03:57,029
Hi, Mr. MacArthur.
130
00:03:57,096 --> 00:03:58,030
Oh! (screams)
131
00:03:58,097 --> 00:03:59,198
Daddy!
132
00:03:59,249 --> 00:04:01,266
I said no more hide-and-seek.
133
00:04:01,334 --> 00:04:03,919
Oh, come on, Daddy, just
one more round, please?
134
00:04:04,003 --> 00:04:06,038
Fine, one more round, and
then that's it, okay?
135
00:04:06,089 --> 00:04:07,039
Thank you, Daddy.
136
00:04:07,106 --> 00:04:08,040
Hey, Kev?
137
00:04:08,107 --> 00:04:09,041
Yeah?
138
00:04:09,092 --> 00:04:10,252
Andre's dying to talk to you.
139
00:04:10,260 --> 00:04:11,210
Hey, Andre.
140
00:04:11,261 --> 00:04:12,211
Hey, pound it out.
141
00:04:12,262 --> 00:04:13,212
I will not.
142
00:04:13,263 --> 00:04:14,213
Okay.
143
00:04:14,264 --> 00:04:15,214
What's up?
144
00:04:15,265 --> 00:04:17,216
I just wanted to say
thank you to you both.
145
00:04:17,267 --> 00:04:18,650
Jenny found a buyer for my loft.
146
00:04:18,718 --> 00:04:19,651
Oh.
147
00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:20,686
That is my job.
148
00:04:20,753 --> 00:04:23,689
I want to do something amazing for you.
I want to give you guys a gift.
149
00:04:23,756 --> 00:04:24,690
Oh.
150
00:04:24,757 --> 00:04:26,692
I want to take us out to dinner.
151
00:04:26,759 --> 00:04:27,526
With you?
152
00:04:27,594 --> 00:04:28,360
Yeah.
153
00:04:28,428 --> 00:04:29,194
That's the gift?
154
00:04:29,262 --> 00:04:30,028
Yeah.
155
00:04:30,096 --> 00:04:31,980
You don't have to do that, Andre, really.
156
00:04:32,065 --> 00:04:33,148
No, I want to do that.
157
00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:36,969
I can't wait to amuse
this bouche with vou.
158
00:04:37,036 --> 00:04:38,237
(moans)
159
00:04:38,304 --> 00:04:40,505
Dinner with Andre's not a gift.
160
00:04:40,573 --> 00:04:41,673
No Andre talk.
161
00:04:41,741 --> 00:04:42,991
Losing blood flow.
162
00:04:43,076 --> 00:04:44,126
(moaning)
163
00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:45,744
Oh, my God, that feels good.
164
00:04:45,795 --> 00:04:48,046
(moaning continues)
165
00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:52,551
Oh, don't stop.
166
00:04:52,619 --> 00:04:55,003
Oh, God, yeah.
167
00:04:56,806 --> 00:04:58,390
No, no, this side.
168
00:04:58,457 --> 00:05:00,309
Oh, yeah.
169
00:05:00,393 --> 00:05:01,677
Oh, yeah!
170
00:05:01,761 --> 00:05:02,678
Get out!
171
00:05:02,762 --> 00:05:03,695
In!
172
00:05:03,763 --> 00:05:04,980
No, stay out.
173
00:05:05,064 --> 00:05:06,198
Charlie?
174
00:05:06,266 --> 00:05:08,233
Charlie, why were you
hiding in our bedroom?
175
00:05:08,301 --> 00:05:10,235
Because Ellie would
never find me in there.
176
00:05:10,303 --> 00:05:12,354
That's right, she wouldn't
find you in there.
177
00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:15,340
That's why we need you to
forget about everything you
178
00:05:15,408 --> 00:05:16,708
saw up there.
179
00:05:16,776 --> 00:05:17,943
What did I see?
180
00:05:18,011 --> 00:05:19,177
You saw magic.
181
00:05:19,245 --> 00:05:23,248
You saw magic and a real man...
You know what, you saw nothing.
182
00:05:23,316 --> 00:05:24,249
Okay, we're good?
183
00:05:24,317 --> 00:05:25,250
What's in it for me?
184
00:05:25,318 --> 00:05:27,252
What is this, a shakedown, kid?
185
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:28,120
What could you possibly want?
186
00:05:28,187 --> 00:05:28,954
You're eight years old.
187
00:05:29,022 --> 00:05:30,856
I want to be able to hang
out here with Ellie.
188
00:05:30,924 --> 00:05:31,690
Why?
189
00:05:31,758 --> 00:05:32,559
She's my girlfriend.
190
00:05:32,592 --> 00:05:33,525
No way.
191
00:05:33,593 --> 00:05:35,761
So then I'll just tell Ellie what I saw?
192
00:05:35,828 --> 00:05:36,762
Oh, you're good.
193
00:05:36,829 --> 00:05:38,809
Real good, Charlie.
194
00:05:38,929 --> 00:05:40,565
And you have to help me
with my science project.
195
00:05:40,633 --> 00:05:42,968
My God, you're like a young Tony Soprano.
196
00:05:43,019 --> 00:05:45,304
Fine, I'll help you with your
science project, but full
197
00:05:45,355 --> 00:05:48,807
disclosure, I almost failed
chemistry, so it's on you.
198
00:05:57,033 --> 00:05:59,267
Mr. Ruxin, we ran a complete physical.
199
00:05:59,335 --> 00:06:02,871
Uh, unfortunately, your sperm
count is exceedingly low.
200
00:06:02,938 --> 00:06:03,872
What?
201
00:06:03,939 --> 00:06:06,307
If I wasn't a doctor, I'd
say frighteningly low.
202
00:06:06,375 --> 00:06:07,308
But you are a doctor.
203
00:06:07,376 --> 00:06:09,294
Right, so I'm not gonna say that.
204
00:06:09,378 --> 00:06:11,513
You realize that's, like, the
worst thing you can tell a man?
205
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:12,580
Mr. Ruxin, you have AIDS.
206
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:13,515
What?
207
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,517
You see how that's much worse?
208
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:16,518
Do I have AIDS?
209
00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:17,519
You do not have AIDS.
210
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,554
Okay, you have terrible bedside manner.
211
00:06:19,622 --> 00:06:20,555
Yes, I do.
212
00:06:20,623 --> 00:06:22,557
Okay, so how could I
have a low sperm count?
213
00:06:22,625 --> 00:06:24,693
There could be some
contributing factors, diet?
214
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:25,727
I got a good diet.
215
00:06:25,795 --> 00:06:26,728
How about stress?
216
00:06:26,796 --> 00:06:27,829
Yeah, stress is real.
217
00:06:27,897 --> 00:06:30,331
Yeah, I'm the commissioner of
my fantasy football league.
218
00:06:30,399 --> 00:06:32,333
You've brought that up several times.
219
00:06:32,401 --> 00:06:35,870
Have you been working with a
computer on your lap for an
220
00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:37,172
abnormal period of time?
221
00:06:37,239 --> 00:06:39,474
Computer on my lap?
222
00:06:39,542 --> 00:06:42,844
Hmm... The score's not
updating fast enough.
223
00:06:42,912 --> 00:06:45,163
Kevin, let me see your computer.
224
00:06:45,247 --> 00:06:46,631
Give it up.
225
00:06:46,716 --> 00:06:48,883
Now I'm cooking with fire.
226
00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:50,051
Oh! I'm still down by one.
227
00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:53,304
I need one more of...
Ooh, ow, hot, hot, hot.
228
00:06:53,389 --> 00:06:54,355
Nope.
229
00:06:54,423 --> 00:06:57,692
I did notice the tops of your
thighs are completely free of
230
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,095
hair as though they had been singed off.
231
00:07:00,146 --> 00:07:03,164
Doctor, I don't understand why
you think I would lie to you.
232
00:07:03,232 --> 00:07:05,166
I don't know why you would lie to me.
233
00:07:05,234 --> 00:07:07,168
You seem to do it almost on instinct.
234
00:07:07,236 --> 00:07:09,170
Yeah-- that is my knee-jerk
reaction is to lie.
235
00:07:09,238 --> 00:07:11,239
I'm just more comfortable
swimming in those waters.
236
00:07:11,307 --> 00:07:13,241
What do you hope to gain
from all this lying?
237
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,243
I guess just like when I walk
out that door, you're, like,
238
00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:17,245
"Wow, that guy seems pretty cool."
239
00:07:17,313 --> 00:07:19,380
I don't think, "There goes
someone pretty cool."
240
00:07:19,448 --> 00:07:23,501
I think, "There goes someone with high
cholesterol and a fertility problem."
241
00:07:25,588 --> 00:07:26,538
Okay, you go.
242
00:07:26,622 --> 00:07:27,589
Here's the plan.
243
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:30,592
When she leaves her apartment,
these homeless guys are gonna
244
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,059
come up to her, and instead of
asking her for change, they're
245
00:07:33,095 --> 00:07:35,263
gonna ask her to accept this rose.
246
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,265
Then you're gonna come in
and ask her out on a date.
247
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,267
I don't know-- you sure
this is gonna work?
248
00:07:39,335 --> 00:07:40,268
All women love The Bachelor.
249
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,536
This is like having a bunch
of homeless Chris Harrisons.
250
00:07:42,605 --> 00:07:43,521
Trust me.
251
00:07:43,606 --> 00:07:46,274
(groans) How do you always
find the hole, Andre?
252
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,308
Practice.
253
00:07:47,359 --> 00:07:49,310
Okay, we're on.
254
00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:58,536
Excuse me, ma'am?
255
00:07:58,621 --> 00:08:00,038
Could you spare a smile?
256
00:08:00,122 --> 00:08:01,122
Gross.
257
00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:02,323
Get away from me.
258
00:08:02,374 --> 00:08:03,575
Ooh, shit.
259
00:08:03,659 --> 00:08:05,627
You people are everywhere.
260
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,162
Get a job.
261
00:08:07,213 --> 00:08:08,746
Three, go, go, go.
262
00:08:08,831 --> 00:08:10,048
Sir, he's stealing your cart!
263
00:08:10,132 --> 00:08:11,092
He's stealing your cart!
264
00:08:11,133 --> 00:08:12,050
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
265
00:08:12,134 --> 00:08:14,052
Was that your decoy so
you could jack my stuff?
266
00:08:14,136 --> 00:08:14,886
No, no, no, no.
267
00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:15,887
You work for the government?
268
00:08:15,971 --> 00:08:17,889
No, I don't even take insurance.
269
00:08:17,973 --> 00:08:18,890
Put that down.
270
00:08:18,974 --> 00:08:20,175
That's from my dad.
271
00:08:20,226 --> 00:08:21,426
Jerk, you little D-hole!
272
00:08:21,510 --> 00:08:23,061
(yelling)
273
00:08:23,145 --> 00:08:25,146
You don't steal a man's stuff.
274
00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:26,764
(laughing): Oh, my God.
275
00:08:26,849 --> 00:08:27,932
Ooh, I'm so... Gina!
276
00:08:28,017 --> 00:08:28,933
Hey, how are you?
277
00:08:29,018 --> 00:08:30,768
Check it out-- there's a bum fight.
278
00:08:30,853 --> 00:08:31,769
Oh, my God, I love this shit.
279
00:08:31,854 --> 00:08:32,770
Oh, God, your breath.
280
00:08:32,855 --> 00:08:35,406
My breath-- you're no
prize yourself, Sparky.
281
00:08:35,491 --> 00:08:37,408
Don't you just love bum fights?
282
00:08:37,493 --> 00:08:41,779
Yeah, of course I love... Who
doesn't love a good bum fight?
283
00:08:41,864 --> 00:08:42,780
How's that feel?
284
00:08:42,865 --> 00:08:43,781
Who do you think's gonna win?
285
00:08:43,866 --> 00:08:44,782
Who do you have?
286
00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:47,619
Uh, I think the big guy's gonna
make the little one his bitch.
287
00:08:47,703 --> 00:08:48,920
I got you now, fish.
288
00:08:49,004 --> 00:08:50,922
You totally called that, Gina.
289
00:08:51,006 --> 00:08:53,124
You won the bet-- you want
a coffee or something?
290
00:08:53,209 --> 00:08:55,543
Uh... yeah, sure.
291
00:08:55,594 --> 00:08:56,544
Come on, let's go.
292
00:08:56,595 --> 00:08:58,546
Thank you, Andre.
293
00:08:58,597 --> 00:08:59,547
No, no, help me.
294
00:08:59,598 --> 00:09:00,548
Pete!
295
00:09:00,599 --> 00:09:01,549
Oh, what's this?
296
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,551
A rose, my lady?
297
00:09:03,602 --> 00:09:06,187
Gross.
298
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:10,058
Okay, so we'll take pieces of
leaves and maybe some onions,
299
00:09:10,109 --> 00:09:13,278
and we'll put them in a slide,
underneath the microscope, and
300
00:09:13,362 --> 00:09:14,896
we'll magnify it like ten times.
301
00:09:14,947 --> 00:09:16,898
Who knows-- maybe we'll
even do a hundred times.
302
00:09:16,949 --> 00:09:19,133
What were you guys doing
up in that bedroom?
303
00:09:19,201 --> 00:09:20,118
Was it sex?
304
00:09:20,202 --> 00:09:21,119
(exhales)
305
00:09:21,203 --> 00:09:22,303
Why were you on top?
306
00:09:22,371 --> 00:09:23,371
Oh, all right.
307
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,740
I got to get more onions, just... oh.
308
00:09:25,791 --> 00:09:27,742
We're on a deadline here.
309
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:32,964
Brain boner.
310
00:09:33,048 --> 00:09:34,165
Oh, hey, Ellie.
311
00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:35,166
Nice haircut.
312
00:09:35,251 --> 00:09:36,167
I'm Charlie.
313
00:09:36,252 --> 00:09:37,168
Don't talk back to me.
314
00:09:37,253 --> 00:09:38,169
I'm an adult.
315
00:09:38,254 --> 00:09:41,089
Oh, cool-- let me know when
you're done with this.
316
00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:43,091
This will make an awesome guest bong.
317
00:09:43,158 --> 00:09:44,225
Can I ask you about sex?
318
00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:45,226
Sure, buddy.
319
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,979
How old are you?
320
00:09:48,063 --> 00:09:48,980
Eight.
321
00:09:49,064 --> 00:09:50,515
Hmm-- do you own a waterbed?
322
00:09:50,599 --> 00:09:51,516
No.
323
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,534
How many women have you had sex with?
324
00:09:53,602 --> 00:09:54,535
None.
325
00:09:54,603 --> 00:09:55,520
What?
326
00:09:55,604 --> 00:09:56,771
Wow, you're way behind.
327
00:09:56,822 --> 00:09:59,107
I'll introduce you to my
friend Andre's sister.
328
00:09:59,158 --> 00:10:02,343
What I want to do here is find
the perfect dining experience.
329
00:10:02,411 --> 00:10:04,829
Andre, we have been sitting
here for a half an hour.
330
00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:08,116
If you want to give me
a gift, just pick one.
331
00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:10,919
Well, right here is one of
my favorite restaurants.
332
00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:11,920
It's called Rivera.
333
00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:13,288
Great-- sounds fantastic.
334
00:10:13,339 --> 00:10:14,289
Let's do that.
335
00:10:14,356 --> 00:10:16,424
You didn't even hear
what the options are.
336
00:10:16,492 --> 00:10:18,927
I just love the name of it,
Rivera-- sounds great.
337
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:23,264
Rivera is haute cuisine, and
what I need you to do is help me
338
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,967
make a reservation because
Markie the hostess is kind of
339
00:10:26,035 --> 00:10:27,035
irritated with me right now.
340
00:10:27,102 --> 00:10:29,437
Now I need a table for three at 8:15.
341
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:32,190
I also want to make sure that
the bathroom is nowhere near
342
00:10:32,274 --> 00:10:34,709
where the table is, so make...
If you keep giving at this
343
00:10:34,777 --> 00:10:36,778
rate, honestly, Andre, I'm going
to be peeling onions for my own
344
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:37,612
dinner.
345
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:38,613
You're gonna want to.
346
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:39,614
Hey, guys.
347
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:40,448
Hey.
348
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:41,449
Thank God.
349
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,451
Big time Gina date coming up, okay?
350
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:45,720
My first idea was maybe I'll
commission, like, a cool piece
351
00:10:45,788 --> 00:10:48,239
of graffiti for her, but then I
remembered she just basically
352
00:10:48,324 --> 00:10:49,257
hates poor people so that's out.
353
00:10:49,325 --> 00:10:51,259
She sounds like a real keeper.
354
00:10:51,327 --> 00:10:54,078
No, she's the worst, but I
have to be at my best so I can
355
00:10:54,163 --> 00:10:55,413
truly impress her.
356
00:10:55,497 --> 00:10:56,748
You like her, don't you?
357
00:10:56,832 --> 00:10:58,832
No, I hate her-- I'm just
focused on the hate date.
358
00:10:58,834 --> 00:10:59,751
I don't know, Pete.
359
00:10:59,835 --> 00:11:01,602
What about those flowers you got her?
360
00:11:01,670 --> 00:11:02,603
Yeah, they were hate flowers.
361
00:11:02,671 --> 00:11:03,604
And the poem you wrote?
362
00:11:03,672 --> 00:11:04,422
Hate poem.
363
00:11:04,506 --> 00:11:07,141
Beware-- beware and do not fall for her.
364
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:08,393
And I'll see you at dinner.
365
00:11:08,477 --> 00:11:09,394
Okay, bye-bye.
366
00:11:09,478 --> 00:11:10,395
Bye.
367
00:11:10,479 --> 00:11:14,232
Jenny, as a woman, what would
be the ultimate date for you?
368
00:11:14,316 --> 00:11:17,318
Have you been to Rivera?
369
00:11:17,386 --> 00:11:18,853
RUXIN: Why are we here, Taco?
370
00:11:18,921 --> 00:11:20,254
You know I hate Chinatown.
371
00:11:20,322 --> 00:11:23,483
This place has something that's gonna help
you with your sperm count, my friend.
372
00:11:23,525 --> 00:11:25,460
We gonna chug a punch
of three penis wine?
373
00:11:25,527 --> 00:11:29,163
No, three penis wine builds the
theater, but it doesn't fill the seats.
374
00:11:29,231 --> 00:11:32,166
If you want real results, you need
to go straight to the source.
375
00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:33,167
And what's that?
376
00:11:33,235 --> 00:11:34,252
It's off the menu.
377
00:11:34,336 --> 00:11:36,954
This is one of only four
restaurants in Chicago that
378
00:11:37,039 --> 00:11:38,539
serves animal D and B.
379
00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:39,707
And what's D and B?
380
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:40,958
Dick and Balls.
381
00:11:41,043 --> 00:11:43,094
Oh, dear God.
382
00:11:43,178 --> 00:11:45,046
Mmm, yummy.
383
00:11:45,097 --> 00:11:47,982
Delicious male organs.
384
00:11:48,050 --> 00:11:50,284
Horse, donkey.
385
00:11:50,352 --> 00:11:51,352
Mmm.
386
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:52,353
Is this legal?
387
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,988
Mmm, some parts of China.
388
00:11:54,056 --> 00:11:54,989
What's in there?
389
00:11:55,057 --> 00:11:56,190
The pee-pee platter.
390
00:11:56,258 --> 00:12:00,528
Six kinds of penis, four
kinds of testicles.
391
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,163
That's a spicy meatballs.
392
00:12:02,231 --> 00:12:04,449
Just think of it as a genital jambalaya.
393
00:12:04,533 --> 00:12:06,467
Can't I just take some
sort of pill for this?
394
00:12:06,535 --> 00:12:09,120
Ruxin, you can lead a horse to
the horse cock, but you can't
395
00:12:09,204 --> 00:12:10,121
make him eat it.
396
00:12:10,205 --> 00:12:12,140
That is not a Chinese proverb.
397
00:12:12,207 --> 00:12:14,142
That's what it said on
my fortune scrotum.
398
00:12:14,209 --> 00:12:16,377
So, what do I use, like,
a chopstick or spork?
399
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:17,712
This isn't charm school.
400
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,882
Grab a hold of that cock and
shove it down your throat.
401
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,651
Does eating this animal dick make me gay?
402
00:12:23,719 --> 00:12:27,004
It's animal dick-- at the
very worst, it's bestiality.
403
00:12:27,089 --> 00:12:28,556
Yeah, put it in your mouth.
404
00:12:28,624 --> 00:12:30,558
Mm-hmm, there it goes.
405
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:31,893
Slip it in.
406
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,428
Put the dick in your mouth.
407
00:12:33,495 --> 00:12:35,329
Just the tip-- mmm.
408
00:12:35,397 --> 00:12:37,648
(groans) Dear God.
409
00:12:37,733 --> 00:12:38,933
Mmm.
410
00:12:38,984 --> 00:12:40,685
This tastes like dick.
411
00:12:40,769 --> 00:12:44,605
Aw, man-- this place does penis right.
412
00:12:44,656 --> 00:12:45,690
Yummy, huh?
413
00:12:45,774 --> 00:12:46,691
(groans)
414
00:12:47,655 --> 00:12:50,707
Ah, think I just clipped a vein.
415
00:12:50,792 --> 00:12:53,640
All right, let's split this guy.
416
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:55,245
All right, give me your plate.
417
00:13:03,605 --> 00:13:07,007
Welcome to a culinary
experience like no other.
418
00:13:07,075 --> 00:13:08,196
I'd like to propose a toast.
419
00:13:08,243 --> 00:13:09,343
Oh, God.
420
00:13:09,411 --> 00:13:12,246
Tonight, we're going on a
journey, and when we go on that
421
00:13:12,314 --> 00:13:15,349
journey, we must board a ship.
422
00:13:15,417 --> 00:13:17,518
A friendship.
423
00:13:17,586 --> 00:13:18,686
I'd like to jump overboard.
424
00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:21,088
I'm saving you and pulling you back.
425
00:13:21,156 --> 00:13:22,089
Tonight, we board a friendship.
426
00:13:22,157 --> 00:13:22,923
Cheers.
427
00:13:22,991 --> 00:13:24,991
And I hope that... Okay,
okay, let me get in there.
428
00:13:24,993 --> 00:13:27,762
Can we just do it... can you just
do it again so I can get in there?
429
00:13:27,829 --> 00:13:30,598
So tonight we board a
friendship and... Cheers.
430
00:13:30,665 --> 00:13:31,599
You guys are so quick.
431
00:13:31,666 --> 00:13:35,936
Okay, I'm just gonna leave my glass
here and then you guys can toast... me?
432
00:13:36,004 --> 00:13:40,107
Actually, you're not supposed to drink
that wine-- it's a sniffing wine.
433
00:13:40,175 --> 00:13:43,110
You don't sniff wine;
you sniff glue, Andre.
434
00:13:43,178 --> 00:13:44,145
No, you don't drink it.
435
00:13:44,196 --> 00:13:45,317
Hey, guys, sorry we're late.
436
00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:46,280
There you are.
437
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:49,567
No, no, no, this is a private gift
that I'm giving to Kevin and Jenny.
438
00:13:49,651 --> 00:13:51,402
And gifts are meant to be shared.
439
00:13:51,486 --> 00:13:53,404
With you guys, not with everybody.
440
00:13:53,488 --> 00:13:56,488
Andre, are you being rude to our guest--
oh, would you like a glass of wine?
441
00:13:56,491 --> 00:13:58,242
It's for sniffing, but you can drink it.
442
00:13:58,326 --> 00:13:59,326
Mmm, smells really cheap.
443
00:13:59,327 --> 00:14:01,078
You guys all remember Gina, of course.
444
00:14:01,163 --> 00:14:02,079
Gina, hey-- Kevin.
445
00:14:02,164 --> 00:14:02,913
Hi.
446
00:14:02,998 --> 00:14:04,915
Hey, how are... No, we went
to high school together.
447
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:05,916
Right.
448
00:14:06,001 --> 00:14:06,917
This is, uh, my wife Jenny.
449
00:14:07,002 --> 00:14:07,751
Hi.
450
00:14:07,836 --> 00:14:09,804
Hi-- did you go to our
high school as well?
451
00:14:09,871 --> 00:14:10,588
No, I didn't.
452
00:14:10,672 --> 00:14:14,442
Oh, you look like one of those girls
that went to our high school.
453
00:14:14,509 --> 00:14:15,176
Thank you.
454
00:14:15,243 --> 00:14:15,776
Andre!
455
00:14:15,844 --> 00:14:16,927
Hey! Hello.
456
00:14:17,012 --> 00:14:19,012
That homeless guy was all
over your shit, you guys.
457
00:14:19,047 --> 00:14:19,814
It was so hot.
458
00:14:19,881 --> 00:14:20,815
Did you get his number?
459
00:14:20,882 --> 00:14:22,683
What? I didn't get his number, no.
460
00:14:22,734 --> 00:14:23,651
Did he deny you?
461
00:14:23,718 --> 00:14:25,986
No, I gave him money,
and it was fine, okay?
462
00:14:26,054 --> 00:14:27,688
You paid for homeless man sex?
463
00:14:27,756 --> 00:14:28,606
No, no, no!
464
00:14:28,690 --> 00:14:29,623
And he still said no.
465
00:14:29,691 --> 00:14:30,971
Another glass of the vermentino.
466
00:14:31,026 --> 00:14:31,986
Oh, thank you very much.
467
00:14:32,027 --> 00:14:32,527
Thank you.
468
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,495
And this is the deconstructed
chile relleno imported
469
00:14:34,563 --> 00:14:36,580
from Barcelona, in a gentle
shower of pecorino-romano.
470
00:14:36,665 --> 00:14:38,199
You know you're just a waiter, right?
471
00:14:38,266 --> 00:14:38,766
Excuse me?
472
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,001
You don't need to tell us
where our food's from, right?
473
00:14:41,069 --> 00:14:43,771
I mean, we want to eat it,
not hang it on a wall.
474
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:46,040
Don't talk to us like you're a
professor at Hogwarts, okay?
475
00:14:46,107 --> 00:14:48,268
Well, technically, Hogwarts
is like a school for magic.
476
00:14:48,276 --> 00:14:51,095
And this is... Okay, go tell it to
your homeless boyfriend, Andre.
477
00:14:51,179 --> 00:14:53,130
The lady would like a cosmo, please.
478
00:14:53,215 --> 00:14:55,783
And what kind of vodka
would the lady prefer?
479
00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:57,935
The kind that doesn't
have your bullshit in it.
480
00:14:58,019 --> 00:14:58,986
I'm so sorry.
481
00:14:59,054 --> 00:15:02,556
Okay, so nice to be with everybody
all dressed up and looking great.
482
00:15:02,607 --> 00:15:04,287
Gina, you look absolutely
stunning tonight.
483
00:15:04,292 --> 00:15:04,825
Thank you.
484
00:15:04,893 --> 00:15:05,226
Yeah.
485
00:15:05,293 --> 00:15:07,413
Although, it's not really a
compliment coming from you
486
00:15:07,445 --> 00:15:11,365
because you look like you were in the
jerk-off stand at a Romanian sex circus.
487
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:12,366
(laughter)
488
00:15:12,434 --> 00:15:13,117
Fives, bitch.
489
00:15:13,201 --> 00:15:15,452
And here's to Gina, guys.
490
00:15:15,537 --> 00:15:16,654
I like you, Gina.
491
00:15:16,738 --> 00:15:17,404
Oh, everybody toast.
492
00:15:17,455 --> 00:15:18,489
We'll have a toast.
493
00:15:18,573 --> 00:15:19,306
Come on in.
494
00:15:19,374 --> 00:15:21,959
I got a bunch of animal crank
running around my stomach right
495
00:15:22,043 --> 00:15:23,577
now, so what exactly is the plan?
496
00:15:23,628 --> 00:15:25,746
All right, well, the animal DNB
should be working instantly,
497
00:15:25,797 --> 00:15:27,965
so we're gonna test out how
your guys are swimming.
498
00:15:28,049 --> 00:15:28,883
Where?
499
00:15:28,950 --> 00:15:29,667
In my lab.
500
00:15:29,751 --> 00:15:31,335
You talking about Kevin's garage?
501
00:15:31,419 --> 00:15:34,305
I got a professional entry-level
children's microscope right here.
502
00:15:34,389 --> 00:15:37,558
All I need is for you to
rub one out on this slide.
503
00:15:37,625 --> 00:15:40,227
This slide, you want me to
jerk off onto this slide?
504
00:15:40,295 --> 00:15:44,732
Yep.
505
00:15:44,799 --> 00:15:45,816
Oh, sorry.
506
00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:46,850
What are you doing?!
507
00:15:46,935 --> 00:15:47,818
I need some privacy.
508
00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:50,437
Well, if you want me to go get
something that'll help you
509
00:15:50,488 --> 00:15:53,274
out with the whole process...
Uh, yeah, okay.
510
00:15:53,325 --> 00:15:56,944
First, I want to start with the
pool scene from Wild Things.
511
00:15:56,995 --> 00:15:57,495
Okay.
512
00:15:57,512 --> 00:16:00,080
Or that grape-stomping video
where the woman falls and gets
513
00:16:00,148 --> 00:16:01,269
the wind knocked out of her.
514
00:16:01,316 --> 00:16:02,950
She's, like, (gasping).
515
00:16:03,001 --> 00:16:04,201
I love that video.
516
00:16:04,286 --> 00:16:07,087
If you don't have that, then, like,
an Abercrombie catalog, 2002.
517
00:16:07,155 --> 00:16:09,390
Kevin must have one of those
hidden away somewhere.
518
00:16:09,457 --> 00:16:09,857
Okay.
519
00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:12,343
I'm gonna go put these cock-and-ball
leftovers in the fridge.
520
00:16:12,427 --> 00:16:12,927
Have fun.
521
00:16:12,994 --> 00:16:15,095
All right. Hey, hit the
lights on the way out?
522
00:16:15,163 --> 00:16:15,512
Yes.
523
00:16:15,597 --> 00:16:17,431
It's the only way I can do it.
524
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,538
Enjoy pleasuring yourself.
525
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,802
All right. Well, we've done this in worse
places, haven't we, little Rodney?
526
00:16:21,870 --> 00:16:23,854
Wasn't one of you guys in the band?
527
00:16:23,939 --> 00:16:26,974
Andre was in the sub
band, the Magic Club.
528
00:16:27,025 --> 00:16:27,775
That's right!
529
00:16:27,842 --> 00:16:29,276
It was a whole club for magic?
530
00:16:29,344 --> 00:16:31,395
No, no, it was just him by himself.
531
00:16:31,479 --> 00:16:32,446
He met once a week.
532
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,949
The picture in the yearbook
must have been amazing.
533
00:16:35,016 --> 00:16:36,700
Can we actually get the check, please?
534
00:16:36,785 --> 00:16:39,920
No, no, no. I would hate
for this date to end.
535
00:16:39,988 --> 00:16:42,072
We've been having so much fun, right?
536
00:16:42,157 --> 00:16:43,078
Quick question for you.
537
00:16:43,158 --> 00:16:45,626
Have you had the distinct
pleasure of experiencing
538
00:16:45,693 --> 00:16:46,543
Andre's podcast?
539
00:16:46,628 --> 00:16:46,961
What?
540
00:16:47,028 --> 00:16:48,545
Please... No, no, that's mine.
541
00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:50,881
This is, this is something
that I think you in particular
542
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:51,915
would really enjoy.
543
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,551
This is one of my favorite
episodes of what Andre calls
544
00:16:54,636 --> 00:16:55,219
Witchy Woman.
545
00:16:55,303 --> 00:16:56,003
What?
546
00:16:56,054 --> 00:17:00,140
It combines my love of Don Henley
and magic... Here he goes.
547
00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:02,977
Welcome to another
edition of Witchy Woman.
548
00:17:03,044 --> 00:17:06,146
In a top hat! It's glorious.
549
00:17:06,147 --> 00:17:08,065
Magic-- it can be interesting
or illuminating, erotic
550
00:17:08,149 --> 00:17:09,066
or entertaining.
551
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:10,067
Whoops.
552
00:17:10,151 --> 00:17:11,151
This is shit.
553
00:17:11,219 --> 00:17:13,404
I mean, this is the worst
shit I've ever seen.
554
00:17:13,488 --> 00:17:15,422
I told my Web guy not to upload that one.
555
00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:17,157
That's another episode of Witchy Woman.
556
00:17:17,225 --> 00:17:18,626
You want to see some magic?
557
00:17:18,693 --> 00:17:19,193
Get ready.
558
00:17:19,227 --> 00:17:19,777
Come on.
559
00:17:19,861 --> 00:17:24,331
You never know when it might disappear.
560
00:17:24,399 --> 00:17:25,449
Oh!
561
00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:26,583
He's gone.
562
00:17:26,668 --> 00:17:27,601
No, he's still there!
563
00:17:27,669 --> 00:17:28,919
He's still there!
564
00:17:29,004 --> 00:17:32,506
Oh, but he's going, he's
going, and now he's gone!
565
00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:34,775
What happened to David Lame?
566
00:17:34,843 --> 00:17:37,011
I just appreciate you didn't
call me David Cockerfield.
567
00:17:37,078 --> 00:17:38,962
And this is Andre's podcast, everybody.
568
00:17:39,047 --> 00:17:41,015
Let's get out of here.
569
00:17:41,082 --> 00:17:42,132
Andre, thank you so much.
570
00:17:42,217 --> 00:17:44,184
I could not have done this without you.
571
00:17:44,252 --> 00:17:45,352
All right, let's hit it.
572
00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:46,103
Good night, guys.
573
00:17:46,187 --> 00:17:46,954
Good night.
574
00:17:47,022 --> 00:17:48,105
Have a lovely evening.
575
00:17:48,189 --> 00:17:49,440
Such a great gift.
576
00:17:49,524 --> 00:17:50,357
I mean, really.
577
00:17:50,425 --> 00:17:51,442
Cheers.
578
00:17:51,526 --> 00:17:53,394
Cheers.
579
00:17:53,445 --> 00:17:54,812
Look at these projects.
580
00:17:54,896 --> 00:17:55,779
They're really good.
581
00:17:55,864 --> 00:17:58,232
Did you guys know that a
lemon can be a battery?
582
00:17:58,283 --> 00:18:00,067
Huh. I knew it could be a weapon.
583
00:18:00,118 --> 00:18:01,952
You guys can keep your lemons.
584
00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:03,404
Charlie's project is fantastic.
585
00:18:03,455 --> 00:18:06,957
Can I ask why you are so invested
in Charlie's project today?
586
00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:09,677
Well, if he's gonna be Ellie's
boyfriend, then I want
587
00:18:09,744 --> 00:18:11,161
to take an interest in him.
588
00:18:11,246 --> 00:18:12,286
That's really sweet, babe.
589
00:18:12,297 --> 00:18:14,832
Not as sweet as those meatballs
and sausage you left
590
00:18:14,916 --> 00:18:15,666
in the fridge.
591
00:18:15,750 --> 00:18:16,633
They were delicious.
592
00:18:16,718 --> 00:18:18,085
I ate, like, all of them.
593
00:18:18,136 --> 00:18:19,086
Oh, those weren't meatballs.
594
00:18:19,137 --> 00:18:21,305
Those were, uh... Hello, MacArthurs!
595
00:18:21,389 --> 00:18:22,139
Lindsay! Wow!
596
00:18:22,223 --> 00:18:22,556
Hi!
597
00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:23,724
It's great to see you.
598
00:18:23,791 --> 00:18:24,725
Great to see you, too.
599
00:18:24,792 --> 00:18:26,560
Yeah. Are you Ellie's teacher this...?
600
00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:27,394
Oh, God, no.
601
00:18:27,462 --> 00:18:28,679
I'm running the science fair.
602
00:18:28,763 --> 00:18:30,898
Well, you know, she still speaks
incredibly highly of you.
603
00:18:30,965 --> 00:18:34,234
And how many four-letter words
is she using when she does it?
604
00:18:34,302 --> 00:18:38,021
(chuckles) So, Ellie, why don't
you show me what you've done?
605
00:18:38,106 --> 00:18:40,991
My project is "What's in Your Landfill?"
606
00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:42,409
What is in your landfill?
607
00:18:42,477 --> 00:18:44,027
This stuff, apparently.
608
00:18:44,112 --> 00:18:46,246
Oh, we've got beer bottles, cigarettes.
609
00:18:46,314 --> 00:18:47,581
Is that a condom?
610
00:18:47,648 --> 00:18:48,615
That's mine.
611
00:18:48,666 --> 00:18:50,000
It belongs there. It's used.
612
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:51,034
I don't know, Ellie.
613
00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:54,171
It looks like you just took a
bunch of trash and then put some
614
00:18:54,255 --> 00:18:55,255
dirt on top of it.
615
00:18:55,323 --> 00:18:56,373
You think this is crap?
616
00:18:56,458 --> 00:18:58,792
Did you see these other (bleep)projects?
617
00:18:58,843 --> 00:18:59,593
Oh, my God.
618
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,462
Okay. I see a lot has changed.
619
00:19:01,513 --> 00:19:02,596
Have a wonderful day.
620
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:05,182
This is what we prepared
for, so lock it in!
621
00:19:05,266 --> 00:19:07,267
Okay, let's see what we have here.
622
00:19:07,335 --> 00:19:08,802
I have 20 slides prepared.
623
00:19:08,853 --> 00:19:09,970
Very impressive.
624
00:19:10,021 --> 00:19:11,305
BOTH: Thank you.
625
00:19:11,356 --> 00:19:14,558
Kevin, what are you doing
helping Charlie McReddin?
626
00:19:14,642 --> 00:19:17,361
Charlie is Ellie's boyfriend, so...
Oh, I see.
627
00:19:17,445 --> 00:19:19,563
Well, why don't you show
me the first slide?
628
00:19:19,647 --> 00:19:21,031
They're onion skins.
629
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:22,783
Onion skins.
630
00:19:22,850 --> 00:19:24,401
Mm-hmm.
631
00:19:24,486 --> 00:19:28,205
Excuse me. Is that what I think it is?
632
00:19:28,956 --> 00:19:30,740
Oh, that's semen.
633
00:19:30,825 --> 00:19:32,626
Taco!
634
00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:33,994
It's not mine.
635
00:19:34,045 --> 00:19:35,007
It's a friend of ours.
636
00:19:35,127 --> 00:19:37,348
Not the friend whose penis
you broke with your...
637
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:40,584
Okay, you are disgusting
people, and you should not be
638
00:19:40,668 --> 00:19:41,668
around children.
639
00:19:41,719 --> 00:19:44,137
Charlie, this was very
inappropriate to bring to school.
640
00:19:44,205 --> 00:19:45,069
You need to speak to the principal.
641
00:19:45,189 --> 00:19:47,090
But it wasn't my fault.
642
00:19:47,175 --> 00:19:48,391
Disappointing, McReddin.
643
00:19:48,476 --> 00:19:49,176
Not bad, huh?
644
00:19:49,227 --> 00:19:49,810
Stop talking.
645
00:19:49,877 --> 00:19:51,011
Those boys are swimming now.
646
00:19:51,062 --> 00:19:52,413
Please tell me you didn't make that here.
647
00:19:52,533 --> 00:19:54,283
I saw you guys having sex.
648
00:19:54,403 --> 00:19:55,645
What? What?!
649
00:19:55,765 --> 00:19:57,350
What?! No!
650
00:19:57,401 --> 00:19:58,343
And he saw me watching.
651
00:19:58,463 --> 00:19:59,853
Really?!
652
00:19:59,904 --> 00:20:01,438
It looked boring.
653
00:20:01,522 --> 00:20:03,365
It didn't seem like you guys
were having a good time.
654
00:20:03,485 --> 00:20:04,455
Excuse me?
655
00:20:04,575 --> 00:20:06,159
It was Missionary Wednesdays.
656
00:20:06,227 --> 00:20:07,187
No one's ever satisfied.
657
00:20:07,195 --> 00:20:09,112
Well, you didn't stay till the end.
658
00:20:09,197 --> 00:20:10,341
Oh, did one of you finish?
659
00:20:10,461 --> 00:20:12,310
Usually, it just kind of tatters off.
660
00:20:25,014 --> 00:20:26,263
Hey, Kevin, guess what.
661
00:20:26,548 --> 00:20:28,082
Mission accomplished.
662
00:20:28,150 --> 00:20:29,526
No, no, no, I haven't
told her off just yet.
663
00:20:29,608 --> 00:20:31,175
As soon as she comes in, bam!
664
00:20:31,243 --> 00:20:32,376
I'm shutting it down!
665
00:20:32,444 --> 00:20:34,312
No prom for you! Pete wins!
666
00:20:34,379 --> 00:20:35,179
Hey, Pete?
667
00:20:35,247 --> 00:20:37,632
I gotta go. Hey.
668
00:20:37,716 --> 00:20:39,813
I made us coffee.
669
00:20:39,933 --> 00:20:40,804
Cool.
670
00:20:40,924 --> 00:20:41,769
So, I had a great time last night.
671
00:20:41,854 --> 00:20:43,789
Yeah, last night was fun.
672
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,306
So, do you want to go out again?
673
00:20:45,390 --> 00:20:51,112
Really? Well... I'd love to.
674
00:20:51,196 --> 00:20:51,896
Mmm, yeah!
675
00:20:51,947 --> 00:20:55,010
Oh, Gibiatti!
676
00:20:56,546 --> 00:21:07,042
677
00:21:07,092 --> 00:21:11,642
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