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00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,994
Un, deux, trois!
3
00:01:30,043 --> 00:01:31,396
Monsieur.
4
00:01:33,083 --> 00:01:37,315
We got an injunction to stop
the Great Elk Bank floating the shares
5
00:01:37,483 --> 00:01:41,442
and they had to let us take over
the Winnipeg Soap Company
6
00:01:41,603 --> 00:01:43,639
at the bottom of the market.
7
00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:47,034
Cleared about $4 million
for my clients.
8
00:01:47,203 --> 00:01:49,478
(Hilda) Oh, did you hear that?
9
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:53,238
You've never cleared $4 million
for your client, have you, Rumpole?
10
00:01:53,403 --> 00:01:56,315
You should be a company lawyer,
like Cousin Everard.
11
00:01:56,483 --> 00:02:00,362
I'll stick to crime.
It's a more honest type of robbery.
12
00:02:00,523 --> 00:02:02,115
Oh, nonsense!
13
00:02:02,283 --> 00:02:06,435
Robbery has never got us a dinner
at La Maison Jean Pierre.
14
00:02:06,603 --> 00:02:09,401
If Cousin Everard hadn't come
from Saskatchewan,
15
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,042
we'd never be here.
16
00:02:11,203 --> 00:02:13,797
Yes, indeed,
from the town of Saskatoon.
17
00:02:13,963 --> 00:02:17,239
There, Hilda, all the way from...
Where?
18
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:20,793
- Saskatoon.
- Saskatoon, Hilda.
19
00:02:20,963 --> 00:02:24,239
Such wonderfully elegant
surroundings here.
20
00:02:24,403 --> 00:02:26,280
Think of it, Rumpole.
21
00:02:26,443 --> 00:02:31,358
It takes Cousin Everard from Saskatoon
to introduce us to gracious living.
22
00:02:31,523 --> 00:02:36,119
Oh, we have several fine dining
restaurants in Saskatoon now, Hilda.
23
00:02:36,283 --> 00:02:39,958
- And igloos and Eskimos.
- (Hilda) What did you say, Rumpole?
24
00:02:40,123 --> 00:02:44,958
- "That's good news, heaven knows."
- What are you staring at, Rumpole?
25
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:49,639
I thought I spotted something familiar
in the twilight.
26
00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:54,042
Madame et monsieurs,
27
00:02:54,203 --> 00:02:57,195
tonight, Jean Pierre recommends
for the main course
28
00:02:57,363 --> 00:03:02,437
la po�sie de la poitrine du canard
aux c�leri et �pinards cru.
29
00:03:02,603 --> 00:03:05,276
Po�sie... That's poetry, Rumpole.
30
00:03:05,443 --> 00:03:08,799
Tastes better than that Wordsworth,
I shouldn't be surprised.
31
00:03:08,963 --> 00:03:12,239
Tell us about it, Georges.
Whet our appetites.
32
00:03:12,403 --> 00:03:16,282
This is just a few wafer-thin slices
of breast of duck
33
00:03:16,443 --> 00:03:19,753
marinated in a drop or two
of Armagnac, lightly grilled,
34
00:03:19,923 --> 00:03:25,281
and served with a celery remoulade
and a few leaves of young spinach.
35
00:03:25,443 --> 00:03:27,320
And mash.
36
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:32,674
- Mashed spuds come with it, do they?
- (Hilda) Shh! Rumpole!
37
00:03:33,683 --> 00:03:36,641
I will have the po�sie.
It sounds delicious.
38
00:03:36,803 --> 00:03:38,953
A culinary experience, Hilda.
39
00:03:39,123 --> 00:03:41,762
Yes, a po�sie for me too, please.
40
00:03:41,923 --> 00:03:43,879
- And for monsieur?
- Hmm?
41
00:03:44,043 --> 00:03:48,639
Oh, I'll have a posy... posy...
of um...
42
00:03:48,803 --> 00:03:51,192
...steak and kidney pudding, not pie,
43
00:03:51,363 --> 00:03:56,517
mashed potatoes and a large scoop
of boiled cabbage and mustard, please.
44
00:03:56,683 --> 00:03:59,641
- English, if you have it.
- (Hilda) Behave yourself!
45
00:03:59,803 --> 00:04:02,397
This pudding is not on our menu.
46
00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:08,233
Oh? "Your pleasure is our delight."
That's what it says.
47
00:04:08,403 --> 00:04:11,998
Couldn't you ask cookie
to pleasure me? Along those lines.
48
00:04:12,163 --> 00:04:16,554
"Cookie"? I do not know
what monsieur means by "Cookie."
49
00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:19,999
Our ma�tre de cuisine is Jean Pierre
O'Higgins himself.
50
00:04:20,163 --> 00:04:23,075
- He is in the kitchen himself.
- How convenient!
51
00:04:23,243 --> 00:04:25,438
Have a word in his shell-like.
52
00:04:26,723 --> 00:04:29,191
Excusez-moi un petit d'instant.
53
00:04:29,363 --> 00:04:30,921
Merci.
54
00:04:43,243 --> 00:04:45,074
- More salt.
- OK.
55
00:04:46,763 --> 00:04:50,836
A customer has ordered steak
and kidney pudding with mashed spuds.
56
00:04:51,003 --> 00:04:55,076
- Go on, Georges, you're having me on.
- Incroyable, mais, c'est vrai.
57
00:04:55,243 --> 00:04:57,962
Bloody cheek! Ice-cold insolence!
58
00:04:59,683 --> 00:05:02,402
Got to get some discipline
into the punters.
59
00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:06,759
Point him out.
I know how to deal with him.
60
00:05:11,243 --> 00:05:13,120
Claude, is there anything wrong?
61
00:05:13,283 --> 00:05:16,673
No, no, Tricia,
absolutely nothing at all.
62
00:05:16,843 --> 00:05:20,153
- What are you doing with that menu?
- The menu? Why?
63
00:05:20,323 --> 00:05:22,632
Not doing anything with it
in particular.
64
00:05:22,803 --> 00:05:24,634
We have ordered, hours ago.
65
00:05:25,523 --> 00:05:28,481
Oh, no! Your wife's not here, is she?
66
00:05:28,643 --> 00:05:31,555
I always seem
to be bumping into people's wives.
67
00:05:31,723 --> 00:05:35,318
Philli? No, she's doing
some town planning in Cardiff.
68
00:05:35,483 --> 00:05:39,761
It's not Philli I'm worried about, not
that I'm worried about anything.
69
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,881
I say, it is fun here, isn't it?
70
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,796
Look, Claude,
I'm not just a pretty face.
71
00:05:45,963 --> 00:05:48,272
I have been a solicitor for five years.
72
00:05:48,443 --> 00:05:53,836
I know about offenders, and you have
the look of a man hiding from the law.
73
00:05:54,003 --> 00:05:56,039
Hiding? From the law?
74
00:05:56,203 --> 00:05:59,513
Good heavens, no.
From a lawyer, perhaps.
75
00:05:59,683 --> 00:06:04,234
I say, you can't see a smallish,
stoutish person, can you?
76
00:06:04,403 --> 00:06:06,792
Next to a formidable lady?
77
00:06:06,963 --> 00:06:11,036
Good heavens, Claude. Isn't that
old Rumpole from your chambers?
78
00:06:11,203 --> 00:06:13,876
Is he...
Is he glancing in our direction?
79
00:06:14,723 --> 00:06:18,113
Not at all. He seems
to be congratulating the cook.
80
00:06:18,283 --> 00:06:23,118
Am I to understand that there are
no mashed spuds for my delight?
81
00:06:23,963 --> 00:06:27,353
Look here, my friend,
I don't know who you are...
82
00:06:27,523 --> 00:06:30,117
This is Horace Rumpole,
the criminal lawyer.
83
00:06:30,283 --> 00:06:32,478
- It's great to...
- Criminal lawyer, eh?
84
00:06:33,363 --> 00:06:36,878
Well, don't come and commit
your crimes in my restaurant.
85
00:06:37,043 --> 00:06:42,322
If you want mashed spuds, I suggest
the caff at the end of the street.
86
00:06:42,483 --> 00:06:44,678
Now, that is a helpful suggestion.
87
00:06:44,843 --> 00:06:49,314
You might get a few bangers
and a bottle of OK sauce.
88
00:06:49,483 --> 00:06:53,476
That suit your delicate palate,
would it?
89
00:06:53,643 --> 00:06:55,520
Oh, very well indeed.
90
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:59,915
I'm not a great one
for wafer-thin slices of anything.
91
00:07:00,083 --> 00:07:03,792
No, you don't look it.
Now, let's get this straight.
92
00:07:03,963 --> 00:07:07,876
People who come to my restaurant
damn well eat as I tell 'em to.
93
00:07:08,043 --> 00:07:12,321
And no doubt, you win them all over
with your irresistible charm.
94
00:07:12,483 --> 00:07:15,043
- Listen to me, Mr...
- Oh, Rumpole.
95
00:07:15,203 --> 00:07:18,036
- He's my husband, actually.
- Your husband?
96
00:07:18,203 --> 00:07:20,956
You have all my sympathy,
you unfortunate woman.
97
00:07:21,123 --> 00:07:23,557
- Listen to me, Mr Rumbole...
- (Mouths)
98
00:07:23,723 --> 00:07:27,272
This is a gourmet restaurant.
This is La Maison Jean Pierre.
99
00:07:27,443 --> 00:07:29,911
I have three stars in the Michelin.
100
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:34,838
I threw out an Arabian king because
he ordered filet mignon well-cooked.
101
00:07:35,003 --> 00:07:37,961
I have sent film stars away in tears
102
00:07:38,123 --> 00:07:41,433
because they dared to mention
thousand island dressing.
103
00:07:41,603 --> 00:07:44,481
I am Jean Pierre O'Higgins,
104
00:07:44,643 --> 00:07:48,352
the greatest culinary genius
now working in England.
105
00:07:51,363 --> 00:07:55,038
Jean Pierre O'Higgins?
Now, there's a very interesting name.
106
00:07:55,203 --> 00:07:57,671
Your fame has spread to Saskatoon.
107
00:07:57,843 --> 00:08:00,801
You were featured
in our Gracious Living magazine.
108
00:08:00,963 --> 00:08:03,875
True, and let me tell you,
Mr Rumbole...
109
00:08:04,043 --> 00:08:05,715
(Mouths)
110
00:08:05,883 --> 00:08:09,796
I started my career with salads
at the H�tel du Lac, Geneva.
111
00:08:09,963 --> 00:08:13,922
I studied at La Grande Bouffe in Lyons
under the great Ducasse.
112
00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:16,677
I was r�tisseur in Le Crillon, Boston.
113
00:08:16,843 --> 00:08:21,359
I've run this restaurant for 20 years,
and have never, let me tell you,
114
00:08:21,523 --> 00:08:27,871
never in my whole career,
served up a mashed spud.
115
00:08:28,043 --> 00:08:30,352
Un, deux, trois!
116
00:08:30,523 --> 00:08:32,479
(Tricia screams)
117
00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:37,202
Please, don't scream!
118
00:08:40,843 --> 00:08:46,281
I say, old darling, they had
a live mouse on that table over there.
119
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:49,037
Is that your sp�cialit� de la maison?
120
00:09:17,443 --> 00:09:19,274
I'll get you a coffee.
121
00:09:21,443 --> 00:09:23,399
(O'Higgins) Thanks, Mary.
122
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:31,595
"Chateau Duddon, the Lake District's
most luxurious hotel,
123
00:09:31,763 --> 00:09:34,038
"a paradise of gracious living."
124
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:39,272
Everard wants to take me up there
for a break.
125
00:09:39,443 --> 00:09:40,876
"Sole listener Duddon...
126
00:09:41,043 --> 00:09:42,442
(Cutlery rattles)
127
00:09:42,603 --> 00:09:46,232
"To the breeze that played
with thy clear voice
128
00:09:46,403 --> 00:09:48,041
(Crockery clangs)
129
00:09:48,203 --> 00:09:54,881
"I caught the fitful sound that wafted
O'er sullen moss and craggy mound
130
00:09:55,043 --> 00:09:57,637
"A paradise in gracious living!"
131
00:09:57,803 --> 00:09:59,361
How Wo...
132
00:10:00,763 --> 00:10:02,958
How Wordsworth would have painted it.
133
00:10:05,523 --> 00:10:08,037
A break from what, pray?
134
00:10:08,203 --> 00:10:09,875
From you, Rumpole.
135
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,238
Don't you think I need it?
136
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:15,475
What a disastrous evening
when Everard took us out.
137
00:10:15,643 --> 00:10:18,555
Do you think so? I rather enjoyed it.
(Chuckles)
138
00:10:18,723 --> 00:10:23,672
Britain's greatest cook laboured
and brought forth a monstrous mouse.
139
00:10:23,843 --> 00:10:26,755
(Guffaws) People would pay
good money to see that.
140
00:10:26,923 --> 00:10:31,792
- You had to disgrace me, in public.
- Come along, my dear old thing.
141
00:10:31,963 --> 00:10:35,797
There's no disgrace in a good,
honest-to-God steak and kidney pud,
142
00:10:35,963 --> 00:10:37,521
with or without mash.
143
00:10:37,683 --> 00:10:41,392
You did it because you have to be
a character, all the time.
144
00:10:41,563 --> 00:10:46,842
Well, I don't think I can put up with
your character much longer, Rumpole.
145
00:10:47,003 --> 00:10:50,552
- My dear old...
- And I am not your dear old thing!
146
00:10:52,563 --> 00:10:54,042
Not any more.
147
00:10:54,203 --> 00:10:56,876
I was, once, perhaps,
148
00:10:57,043 --> 00:11:00,752
but I am not
your dear old thing any more.
149
00:11:01,683 --> 00:11:04,993
My dear... No.
No, I shouldn't have said that. No.
150
00:11:05,163 --> 00:11:10,032
All right, I won't say it. What do you
mean about my being a character?
151
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:13,195
You have to be one, all the time,
152
00:11:13,363 --> 00:11:16,673
with your cigar ash
and steak and kidney pudding
153
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,232
and Pomeroy's ordinary red
154
00:11:19,403 --> 00:11:22,839
and arguments,
always arguments, in public.
155
00:11:23,003 --> 00:11:25,597
Why do you have to keep doing it?
156
00:11:25,763 --> 00:11:29,153
Arguing in public
has been my whole life, Hilda.
157
00:11:29,323 --> 00:11:32,201
Well, it's not mine, not any more.
158
00:11:32,363 --> 00:11:34,354
Everard doesn't argue in public.
159
00:11:34,523 --> 00:11:38,232
Well, now, if you're talking
about a fellow that lives on
160
00:11:38,403 --> 00:11:42,112
wafer-thin slices of lightly-grilled
duck's breast
161
00:11:42,283 --> 00:11:44,672
together with a little raw spinach,
162
00:11:44,843 --> 00:11:47,596
he probably hasn't got the energy
for an argument.
163
00:11:47,763 --> 00:11:49,594
- Thank goodness.
- You like that?
164
00:11:49,763 --> 00:11:53,358
Yes, I do.
That is why I agreed to this trip.
165
00:11:53,523 --> 00:11:54,876
- Trip?
- Yes.
166
00:11:55,043 --> 00:11:59,958
Everard and I are going to tour
all the restaurants with rosettes,
167
00:12:00,123 --> 00:12:03,081
York, Bath and Devizes.
168
00:12:03,243 --> 00:12:04,722
Oh, yes? Oh, yes?
169
00:12:04,883 --> 00:12:09,354
And what about Mrs Everard?
Left her behind in Saskatoon, has he?
170
00:12:10,803 --> 00:12:14,318
Everard lost his wife
many years ago, Rumpole.
171
00:12:15,163 --> 00:12:18,121
- Walked out into the snow.
- What did you say?
172
00:12:18,283 --> 00:12:21,195
Got to go.
I have a conference in chambers.
173
00:12:21,363 --> 00:12:26,596
Yes, well, when I'm off,
you can mash all the spuds you want.
174
00:12:26,763 --> 00:12:28,435
Oh, my d...
175
00:12:29,723 --> 00:12:33,511
Hilda, you're not serious
about this eating jaunt, are you?
176
00:12:33,683 --> 00:12:35,639
Hurry up, or you'll be late.
177
00:12:35,803 --> 00:12:38,715
I'm sure you can't wait
to argue with someone.
178
00:12:40,123 --> 00:12:43,433
- Exit, pursued by a mouse.
- Oh, it's you, Rumpole.
179
00:12:44,883 --> 00:12:46,441
Horace...
180
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:53,315
You may have noticed me
at Maison Jean Pierre.
181
00:12:53,483 --> 00:12:55,439
Noticed you, Claude? Of course not.
182
00:12:55,603 --> 00:12:57,753
You were with a young lady
183
00:12:57,923 --> 00:13:00,198
who screamed
like a banshee with toothache.
184
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:02,479
No-one
could possibly have noticed you.
185
00:13:02,643 --> 00:13:04,838
That was purely
a business arrangement.
186
00:13:05,003 --> 00:13:07,597
A pretty rum way of doing business.
187
00:13:12,003 --> 00:13:14,597
The young lady
was Miss Tricia Benbow,
188
00:13:14,763 --> 00:13:17,072
my instructing solicitor
in the VAT case.
189
00:13:17,243 --> 00:13:19,518
I've had considerable experience
in the law.
190
00:13:19,683 --> 00:13:22,993
If you wish to entertain solicitors
to tout for briefs,
191
00:13:23,163 --> 00:13:27,759
it's not a good idea
to put a mouse in the plat du jour.
192
00:13:27,923 --> 00:13:30,517
Good heavens!
You don't imagine I did that?
193
00:13:30,683 --> 00:13:33,595
The whole thing was a disaster,
an absolute tragedy,
194
00:13:33,763 --> 00:13:35,879
which may have appalling
consequences.
195
00:13:36,043 --> 00:13:38,921
Sir Erskine-Brown...
Your wife on the telephone, sir.
196
00:13:39,083 --> 00:13:40,516
Oh.
197
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:45,114
Philli, how's Cardiff?
198
00:13:46,723 --> 00:13:49,362
No, I haven't been out
in the evenings.
199
00:13:49,523 --> 00:13:52,481
I stayed at home and cooked myself
an omelette.
200
00:13:52,643 --> 00:13:54,918
- Henry...
- No, no, I'm not bored, no.
201
00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:56,482
Perfectly all right.
202
00:13:56,643 --> 00:13:59,362
Henry, something extremely serious
has happened.
203
00:13:59,523 --> 00:14:03,914
- Someone's nicked the nailbrush.
- How did you guess?
204
00:14:04,083 --> 00:14:07,041
Well, that corresponds
to your idea of serious, Ballard,
205
00:14:07,203 --> 00:14:09,478
besides,
I happen to notice these things!
206
00:14:09,643 --> 00:14:12,555
Odd that you knew
what I was talking about.
207
00:14:12,723 --> 00:14:14,202
Not guilty, My Lord.
208
00:14:14,363 --> 00:14:17,275
Didn't your God-bothering society meet
here last week?
209
00:14:17,443 --> 00:14:20,401
The Lawyers as Christians Committee
met here. What of it?
210
00:14:20,563 --> 00:14:23,714
"Cleanliness is next to godliness."
Isn't that their motto?
211
00:14:23,883 --> 00:14:26,955
The devout
are notorious nailbrush nickers.
212
00:14:27,123 --> 00:14:29,432
- Think about it.
- Nickers?
213
00:14:29,603 --> 00:14:30,956
Yeah...
214
00:14:32,723 --> 00:14:35,954
My client, Mr Rumpole, first consulted
me on another matter.
215
00:14:36,123 --> 00:14:39,001
His marriage is on the rocks.
216
00:14:39,163 --> 00:14:41,677
Some marriages are seldom off them.
217
00:14:41,843 --> 00:14:46,314
Particularly so, as in this case,
if the wife's of foreign extraction.
218
00:14:46,483 --> 00:14:50,954
It's been my experience you can't beat
foreign wives for being vengeful.
219
00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,478
In this case, extremely vengeful.
220
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:56,953
- Hell hath no fury, Mr Pinhorn?
- Exactly, Mr Rumpole.
221
00:14:57,123 --> 00:15:00,479
You've put your finger
on the nub of the case.
222
00:15:00,643 --> 00:15:04,192
I haven't done a matrimonial in years.
My divorce may be rusty.
223
00:15:04,363 --> 00:15:06,513
We're not giving you the divorce.
224
00:15:06,683 --> 00:15:09,117
We're sending that to Mr Tite-Smith.
225
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:12,673
Oh, well, good luck to right little
tight little Tite-Smith.
226
00:15:12,843 --> 00:15:15,801
The matrimonial is not my client's
only problem.
227
00:15:16,643 --> 00:15:18,474
When troubles come, Mr Pinhorn,
228
00:15:18,643 --> 00:15:21,601
they come not single spies,
but in battalions.
229
00:15:21,763 --> 00:15:25,517
- He has something else on his plate?
- On his plate?
230
00:15:25,683 --> 00:15:29,676
(Laughs) That's very apt, that is,
and apter than you know.
231
00:15:29,843 --> 00:15:33,438
Don't keep me in suspense.
Who is this mysterious client?
232
00:15:33,603 --> 00:15:37,881
I won't divulge his name
in case you refuse to act for him,
233
00:15:38,043 --> 00:15:40,238
although he's not short of money.
234
00:15:41,763 --> 00:15:45,039
Huh! Horace Rumpole
refuse a money brief?
235
00:15:45,203 --> 00:15:46,602
(Laughs) Oh, no, no.
236
00:15:46,763 --> 00:15:51,314
He was afraid you'd taken against him,
so he's coming to appeal to you.
237
00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:54,793
I've asked Henry to have him shown up.
Henry!
238
00:15:56,243 --> 00:15:57,642
Mr O'Higgins, sir.
239
00:16:03,283 --> 00:16:05,239
Is it Horace Rumpole?
240
00:16:06,763 --> 00:16:09,277
I rely on you to save me.
241
00:16:09,443 --> 00:16:13,038
You're the man to do it,
the great criminal defender.
242
00:16:13,203 --> 00:16:16,479
Oh, I thought
I was the criminal in your restaurant.
243
00:16:19,283 --> 00:16:24,118
I have to tell you, Mr Rumpole,
your courage took my breath away.
244
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:29,152
Do you know what he did, Mr Pinhorn,
what he had the pluck to do?
245
00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:32,633
Only order mashed spuds
in La Maison Jean Pierre.
246
00:16:33,763 --> 00:16:38,041
A thing no-one has dared in all my
time as ma�tre de cuisine.
247
00:16:38,643 --> 00:16:43,194
I tell you, Mr Pinhorn, a man
who could do that to Jean Pierre
248
00:16:43,363 --> 00:16:46,639
couldn't be intimidated by
all the judges of the bench.
249
00:16:46,803 --> 00:16:48,156
No.
250
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:53,872
What do you say then,
Mr Horace Rumpole?
251
00:16:54,043 --> 00:16:56,273
Will you take me on?
252
00:16:57,363 --> 00:17:01,322
Well, I'll have to think about that.
253
00:17:01,483 --> 00:17:05,601
Be honest. Is it my personality
that makes you hesitate?
254
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:08,721
Do you find me objectionable,
Mr Rumpole?
255
00:17:08,883 --> 00:17:13,399
Mr O'Higgins,
I find your restaurant pretentious,
256
00:17:13,563 --> 00:17:15,713
and your portions skimpy.
257
00:17:15,883 --> 00:17:19,353
Your customers regale themselves
in a dim, religious atmosphere,
258
00:17:19,523 --> 00:17:23,641
more fitting to evensong
than a good night out.
259
00:17:23,803 --> 00:17:29,435
I find you an opinionated
and self-satisfied bully.
260
00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:36,637
However, unlike you, I am on hire to
even the most unattractive customer.
261
00:17:41,203 --> 00:17:43,398
Just listen to that.
262
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,679
How's that for eloquence?
263
00:17:45,843 --> 00:17:48,516
We've picked the right one here,
Mr Pinhorn.
264
00:17:48,683 --> 00:17:52,119
You haven't done away
with this vengeful wife, have you?
265
00:17:52,283 --> 00:17:56,071
I should have, but no,
Simonne is still alive and suing.
266
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:59,474
- Isn't that right, Mr Pinhorn?
- It is, Mr O'Higgins.
267
00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:03,158
I received a telephone call
from the environmental health officer.
268
00:18:03,323 --> 00:18:04,915
My client is being charged
269
00:18:05,083 --> 00:18:08,200
with offences relating to dangerous
practices at La Maison
270
00:18:08,363 --> 00:18:10,752
under the Food
and Hygiene Regulations 1970.
271
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:16,839
"Wee, sleekit, cow'rin,
tim'rous beastie,"
272
00:18:17,003 --> 00:18:19,881
the cause of panic in his breastie.
273
00:18:20,043 --> 00:18:22,352
- The mouse.
- This is it, Mr Rumpole.
274
00:18:22,523 --> 00:18:27,233
How wonderful!
We will elect for a trial by jury.
275
00:18:27,403 --> 00:18:28,836
(Guffaws)
276
00:18:29,003 --> 00:18:32,439
At least we'll give them a few laughs,
Mr Pinhorn,
277
00:18:32,603 --> 00:18:35,515
even if we can't get you off,
Mr O'Higgins.
278
00:18:39,923 --> 00:18:43,074
(Speaks Italian)
279
00:18:43,243 --> 00:18:45,279
Right, that's you, spaghetti face.
280
00:18:45,443 --> 00:18:47,399
(Speaks Italian)
281
00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:53,802
The comis waiter, Alberto Pasquale.
He's Italian.
282
00:18:53,963 --> 00:18:57,512
He saw nothing
until they took off the cloche.
283
00:18:57,683 --> 00:19:01,358
- Been with you long, has he?
- About a year. Works hard.
284
00:19:01,523 --> 00:19:02,956
Make a good manager.
285
00:19:03,123 --> 00:19:07,036
So, now, he takes the dishes out,
286
00:19:11,603 --> 00:19:13,275
to the station waiter.
287
00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:16,992
(O'Higgins) Gaston LeBlanc.
He's been with me forever.
288
00:19:17,163 --> 00:19:19,472
Works all the hours God made,
289
00:19:19,643 --> 00:19:22,953
a sick wife, a kid at university.
290
00:19:23,123 --> 00:19:26,399
Does all sorts of jobs,
even on his night off.
291
00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:31,320
He looks under the covers
to see what's what.
292
00:19:31,483 --> 00:19:33,758
Gaston said
there were only two plates.
293
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,835
He checked one
and it was the gentleman's order.
294
00:19:37,003 --> 00:19:39,198
- No side order of mouse.
- Exactly.
295
00:19:39,363 --> 00:19:42,480
He gave the other to Alberto
who took it to the lady.
296
00:19:42,643 --> 00:19:44,122
And then the reputation
297
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:47,593
of England's greatest
ma�tre de cuisine crumbled to dust.
298
00:19:47,763 --> 00:19:51,153
Nonsense. You're forgetting
the reputation of Horace Rumpole.
299
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:56,552
I'd better go out
and keep those Ionely people company.
300
00:19:59,643 --> 00:20:02,396
So, what's our defence?
301
00:20:03,043 --> 00:20:06,001
Oh, we'll cook up something
in the end.
302
00:20:08,443 --> 00:20:11,719
You know, it's extraordinary,
Mr Pinhorn,
303
00:20:12,603 --> 00:20:16,642
the power that can be wielded
by one of these smaller rodents.
304
00:20:16,803 --> 00:20:18,998
You mean it's wrecked the business?
305
00:20:19,163 --> 00:20:24,157
No, no. It's making Jean Pierre
O'Higgins be polite to his customers.
306
00:20:32,923 --> 00:20:34,402
Good morning, Mr Rumpole.
307
00:20:34,563 --> 00:20:37,873
Oh, top of the morning to you,
Mrs Rafferty.
308
00:20:39,403 --> 00:20:45,353
Mrs Rafferty, am I a character,
in your humble opinion?
309
00:20:45,523 --> 00:20:48,993
- Are you a what, Mr Rumpole?
- A character.
310
00:20:50,163 --> 00:20:54,793
There was this old fellow Dalrymple we
had in chambers donkeys' years ago.
311
00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:59,878
You remember, he had an absolutely
filthy flat just off Chancery Lane.
312
00:21:00,043 --> 00:21:03,672
He led a cat around
on a length of pink tape.
313
00:21:03,843 --> 00:21:07,199
He dried his socks
in front of his electric fire?
314
00:21:07,363 --> 00:21:09,638
- Yes. You remember him?
- No.
315
00:21:11,403 --> 00:21:13,917
Well, everybody's very proud
of old Dalrymple.
316
00:21:14,083 --> 00:21:16,836
"Ho, ho!" they'd say,
"Dalrymple, what a character!"
317
00:21:17,003 --> 00:21:19,597
One day,
our head of chambers came in.
318
00:21:19,763 --> 00:21:21,958
He said, "They've binned Dalrymple.
319
00:21:22,123 --> 00:21:25,399
"Caught him climbing into
the divorce court in his pyjamas.
320
00:21:25,563 --> 00:21:27,315
"Certified insane."
321
00:21:30,563 --> 00:21:33,077
Am I a character,
322
00:21:33,243 --> 00:21:34,801
Mrs Rafferty?
323
00:21:34,963 --> 00:21:38,717
Well... each to his own, Mr Rumpole.
324
00:21:38,883 --> 00:21:40,714
That's what I always say.
325
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:43,675
- Mrs Rafferty...
- Sorry, sir?
326
00:21:43,843 --> 00:21:45,481
What's that in your hand?
327
00:21:45,643 --> 00:21:48,555
- Oh, this little fellow?
- Yes.
328
00:21:48,723 --> 00:21:51,681
It was lying
on the floor of the toilet.
329
00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:55,119
Not much of a brush,
but it does the job, sir.
330
00:21:55,283 --> 00:22:02,234
It may not be much of a brush, but I
know somebody who'd be glad of it.
331
00:22:03,483 --> 00:22:05,758
You want it as a gift, sir?
332
00:22:05,923 --> 00:22:10,997
Not exactly as a gift, Mrs Rafferty,
more of a sort of surprise,
333
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,552
that is if you can spare it.
334
00:22:14,763 --> 00:22:19,439
Well, now, you're quite a character,
aren't you, Mr Rumpole?
335
00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:25,713
You don't want to know. It's something
you don't want to hear about.
336
00:22:25,883 --> 00:22:29,842
- It's the same with battery hens.
- Battery hens?
337
00:22:30,843 --> 00:22:33,038
Nobody wants to know, that's all.
338
00:22:35,123 --> 00:22:38,115
But surely, Liz,
battery hens don't get Ionely.
339
00:22:38,283 --> 00:22:40,239
Perhaps they do.
340
00:22:40,403 --> 00:22:43,440
There's an awful lot
of Ioneliness about,
341
00:22:44,323 --> 00:22:46,075
especially amongst old people.
342
00:23:02,243 --> 00:23:04,598
Rumpole. You're all alone.
343
00:23:04,763 --> 00:23:08,392
Oh. Well, yes, I was, yes.
344
00:23:13,763 --> 00:23:16,357
Do you always have breakfast
by yourself?
345
00:23:16,523 --> 00:23:18,354
Ah, it's not always possible.
346
00:23:19,483 --> 00:23:23,840
- It's a lot easier now, of course.
- Now? Why now, exactly?
347
00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:26,198
Well, now my wife's left me.
348
00:23:26,363 --> 00:23:27,876
- Hilda?
- Mmm.
349
00:23:28,043 --> 00:23:30,637
- She's left you, Rumpole?
- Er... yes.
350
00:23:30,803 --> 00:23:32,998
As you would say, Miss Probert,
351
00:23:33,163 --> 00:23:36,599
she's no longer sharing
a supportive relationship with me
352
00:23:36,763 --> 00:23:38,594
in any meaningful way.
353
00:23:39,603 --> 00:23:41,559
But where's she gone?
354
00:23:41,723 --> 00:23:44,681
Oh, she's gone off
looking for gracious living
355
00:23:44,843 --> 00:23:47,038
with her cousin Everard
from Saskatoon.
356
00:23:48,323 --> 00:23:52,362
He's got as many jokes in him
as the Dow Jones average.
357
00:23:52,523 --> 00:23:56,516
- She's gone off with another man?
- That's about the size of it.
358
00:23:56,683 --> 00:23:58,275
Rumpole, why?
359
00:23:58,443 --> 00:24:05,281
Because he is rich enough to be able
to afford very small portions of food.
360
00:24:08,763 --> 00:24:10,435
- Rumpole...
- Yes?
361
00:24:10,603 --> 00:24:12,275
You know Dave Inchcape and I
362
00:24:12,443 --> 00:24:14,911
founded the YRLS,
the Young Radical Lawyers?
363
00:24:15,083 --> 00:24:19,634
We don't only mean to agitate for law
reform, although that's part of it.
364
00:24:19,803 --> 00:24:22,920
We want
to go into community work as well.
365
00:24:23,083 --> 00:24:26,439
We could get someone to look
at your front door.
366
00:24:28,083 --> 00:24:29,960
My front door? Whatever for?
367
00:24:31,123 --> 00:24:35,753
Well, I suppose...
just to count the milk bottles.
368
00:24:35,923 --> 00:24:37,879
Oh. (Chuckles)
369
00:24:39,363 --> 00:24:41,115
(Knock on door)
370
00:24:41,283 --> 00:24:43,877
(Claude) Morning, Ballard.
You're an early bird.
371
00:24:44,043 --> 00:24:46,955
One doesn't like this,
but it's the only way.
372
00:24:47,123 --> 00:24:50,035
- You want to catch the worm.
- Worm? What worm?
373
00:24:50,203 --> 00:24:52,876
A worm in chambers?
What do you mean?
374
00:24:53,043 --> 00:24:55,682
Nothing at all.
Just a figure of speech.
375
00:24:55,843 --> 00:24:58,437
One gets worried
about standards of hygiene.
376
00:24:58,603 --> 00:25:02,039
I'm briefing this restaurant business.
It makes one think.
377
00:25:02,203 --> 00:25:04,592
Well, yes. It's been making me think.
378
00:25:04,763 --> 00:25:08,438
I wanted to have a word
about the Maison Jean Pierre.
379
00:25:08,603 --> 00:25:13,518
- A chain. It's the only answer.
- Just my luck that it was my table.
380
00:25:13,683 --> 00:25:16,516
I'm a fairly well-known member
of the bar.
381
00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:19,356
Henry will have to find
a small padlock.
382
00:25:19,523 --> 00:25:22,560
I don't want my name
associated with a ridiculous...
383
00:25:22,723 --> 00:25:25,635
The fellows in chambers
aren't going to like it.
384
00:25:25,803 --> 00:25:29,716
Rumpole will say a great deal,
but the chain is the answer.
385
00:25:29,883 --> 00:25:32,158
- The what, Ballard?
- Yes. Yes.
386
00:25:32,323 --> 00:25:36,794
Get a new nailbrush and then chain
it up so that nobody can take it.
387
00:25:36,963 --> 00:25:39,602
Can I have your support
in taking stern measures?
388
00:25:39,763 --> 00:25:44,154
Oh, yes, Ballard. I'm right behind you.
Of course you can.
389
00:25:44,323 --> 00:25:49,351
In this restaurant case, will you need
to call the couple who got the mouse?
390
00:25:49,523 --> 00:25:51,002
The couple? Yes.
391
00:25:51,163 --> 00:25:54,121
The mouse was served,
appalling lack of hygiene,
392
00:25:54,283 --> 00:25:57,992
to a table booked
by Mr Claude Erskine-Brown and guest.
393
00:25:58,163 --> 00:26:00,358
Now, he'll be a vital witness.
394
00:26:02,403 --> 00:26:06,078
- You will be a vital witness.
- That's just it. I can't be a witness.
395
00:26:06,243 --> 00:26:09,519
- There's no way I can be a witness.
- Why not?
396
00:26:09,683 --> 00:26:14,199
My name will get into the papers,
and Philli will know I had dinner.
397
00:26:15,283 --> 00:26:17,877
Why shouldn't she know
you were having dinner?
398
00:26:18,043 --> 00:26:21,319
Most people have dinner.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
399
00:26:21,483 --> 00:26:25,954
Ballard? Sam. You're a married man.
You should understand these things.
400
00:26:26,123 --> 00:26:29,479
Of course I'm married,
and Marguerite and I have dinner.
401
00:26:29,643 --> 00:26:32,441
But I wasn't having dinner
with Philli!
402
00:26:32,603 --> 00:26:34,514
I was dining with a solicitor.
403
00:26:34,683 --> 00:26:36,275
- This was your guest?
- Yes.
404
00:26:36,443 --> 00:26:38,240
- A solicitor?
- Of course.
405
00:26:38,403 --> 00:26:42,362
He apparently leapt on a chair,
held down his skirt and screamed.
406
00:26:42,523 --> 00:26:45,242
Ballard,
the solicitor was Tricia Benbow.
407
00:26:45,403 --> 00:26:49,362
You don't imagine I'd spend a hundred
quid on Mr Pinhorn, do you?
408
00:26:49,523 --> 00:26:51,912
- Patricia Benbow?
- Yes.
409
00:26:52,083 --> 00:26:54,961
The blonde one
who wears all the bangles?
410
00:26:55,123 --> 00:26:56,636
That's the one.
411
00:26:56,803 --> 00:26:59,158
- She's a woman.
- Yes.
412
00:26:59,323 --> 00:27:02,838
- And your wife knew nothing of this?
- And must never know.
413
00:27:03,003 --> 00:27:05,358
Thank you, Ballard.
Thanks awfully, Sam.
414
00:27:05,523 --> 00:27:08,242
Keep my name out of this.
415
00:27:08,403 --> 00:27:11,201
I'll do the same for you, old boy.
416
00:27:11,363 --> 00:27:14,355
- That won't be necessary?
- No? Well, thanks anyway.
417
00:27:14,523 --> 00:27:18,038
- But you will have to give evidence.
- Sam!
418
00:27:18,203 --> 00:27:22,242
Don't you Sam me!
It's all part of the same thing.
419
00:27:22,403 --> 00:27:24,234
Sharp practice over the nailbrush,
420
00:27:24,403 --> 00:27:27,440
failure to assist the authorities
in an important prosecution.
421
00:27:28,323 --> 00:27:30,598
You had better prepare to give
evidence
422
00:27:30,763 --> 00:27:33,482
and to be cross-examined by Rumpole
for the defence.
423
00:27:33,643 --> 00:27:35,713
Do your duty
and take the consequences.
424
00:27:35,883 --> 00:27:37,601
Bastard!
425
00:27:39,883 --> 00:27:43,273
We thought of a way
of cheering him up.
426
00:27:43,443 --> 00:27:45,559
What's the idea, Miss Probert?
427
00:27:45,723 --> 00:27:47,554
Well, actually, it's social work.
428
00:27:50,763 --> 00:27:52,196
Afternoon, all.
429
00:27:53,283 --> 00:27:55,319
Fig Newton.
430
00:27:55,483 --> 00:28:00,477
Mr Pinhorn said Mr Rumpole
would like to tell me about a job.
431
00:28:00,643 --> 00:28:04,875
Take a seat, won't you, Mr Newton?
I'm expecting Mr Rumpole from court.
432
00:28:05,043 --> 00:28:06,601
Much obliged.
433
00:28:10,363 --> 00:28:15,232
(Liz) He must be going out
of his mind, all alone every night.
434
00:28:15,403 --> 00:28:16,961
Shh, Liz!
435
00:28:17,843 --> 00:28:21,552
- (Liz) Hello, Rumpole. Had a good day?
- Oh, perfectly charming.
436
00:28:21,723 --> 00:28:26,922
His Honour, Judge Graves rose from
the tomb to give my client five years.
437
00:28:27,083 --> 00:28:31,759
Ferdinand Isaac Gerald Newton,
private investigator extraordinaire.
438
00:28:31,923 --> 00:28:34,881
- How are you, Fig?
- Oh er... not so dusty.
439
00:28:35,043 --> 00:28:39,161
- You have a little job for me?
- Oh, yes, indeed.
440
00:28:39,883 --> 00:28:41,555
A word with you.
441
00:28:43,243 --> 00:28:47,202
There is a very posh restaurant
called La Maison Jean Pierre.
442
00:28:47,363 --> 00:28:50,036
You need a second mortgage
to eat there.
443
00:28:50,203 --> 00:28:54,162
A couple of the waiters,
I'd like to know what they do.
444
00:28:54,323 --> 00:28:57,395
Gaston LeBlanc...
445
00:28:57,563 --> 00:28:59,519
You coming to Pomeroy's, Rumpole?
446
00:28:59,683 --> 00:29:04,199
No. Sorry, Dave. Duty calls me
to another watering hole.
447
00:29:04,363 --> 00:29:06,831
And Alberto Pasquale.
448
00:29:17,763 --> 00:29:19,754
(Sings in Italian)
449
00:29:19,923 --> 00:29:23,836
Keep your stinking hands off her!
She doesn't want to know you.
450
00:29:24,003 --> 00:29:27,552
- Mary can't stand the sight of you!
- (Speaks Italian)
451
00:29:27,723 --> 00:29:30,795
- Imbecile? Who's an imbecile?
- (Speaks Italian)
452
00:29:30,963 --> 00:29:33,602
- I've had enough of you!
- (Shouts in Italian)
453
00:29:33,763 --> 00:29:38,200
Leave it out! One mouse and you
behave like a bunch of lunatics!
454
00:29:38,363 --> 00:29:42,914
Haven't you wrecked this place enough?
Are you going to slaughter each other?
455
00:29:44,083 --> 00:29:45,880
Am I interrupting anything?
456
00:29:46,043 --> 00:29:49,160
Only the collapse
of a great restaurant.
457
00:29:49,323 --> 00:29:52,281
- Aren't we meeting in court?
- I had some questions.
458
00:29:52,443 --> 00:29:55,355
I thought I'd call in on my way home.
459
00:29:55,523 --> 00:29:57,434
My wife's away at the moment,
460
00:29:57,603 --> 00:30:01,039
and I've forgotten
to get anything in for dinner.
461
00:30:01,203 --> 00:30:03,273
Are you hungry, Mr Rumpole?
462
00:30:04,243 --> 00:30:06,996
A little terrine Jean Pierre?
463
00:30:10,163 --> 00:30:12,757
How about
un petit coup de champagne?
464
00:30:12,923 --> 00:30:15,118
Oh, I thought you'd never ask.
465
00:30:19,443 --> 00:30:21,638
They fight over her, Mr Rumpole.
466
00:30:22,323 --> 00:30:26,760
Ah, the young Mary Skelton exercises
a very powerful attraction.
467
00:30:26,923 --> 00:30:31,394
- She doesn't exactly look the type.
- Maybe she has a warm heart.
468
00:30:33,603 --> 00:30:37,562
Simonne looked the type.
She had a heart like iced consomm�.
469
00:30:37,723 --> 00:30:40,635
Oh, yes, your wife.
A vengeful woman, was she?
470
00:30:40,803 --> 00:30:43,078
Why would she be vengeful to me,
471
00:30:43,243 --> 00:30:47,316
when I am a particularly tolerant
and easy-going type of individual?
472
00:30:47,483 --> 00:30:49,553
I... We're not open yet!
473
00:30:49,723 --> 00:30:53,159
What do you think we'll be serving?
High tea? Cretins!
474
00:30:55,243 --> 00:30:58,041
It's not as though
I'm a difficult man.
475
00:30:58,203 --> 00:31:01,832
Oh, no, of course not,
a very parfait, gentle cook.
476
00:31:02,003 --> 00:31:04,597
A great artist needs admiration,
of course.
477
00:31:04,763 --> 00:31:07,152
He needs almost incessant praise.
478
00:31:08,763 --> 00:31:13,075
And with Simonne, the admiration
flowed like cement, did it?
479
00:31:14,163 --> 00:31:16,040
Had some experience of wives?
480
00:31:16,203 --> 00:31:18,319
A lifetime's experience, you might say.
481
00:31:18,483 --> 00:31:23,159
You'll have to fill all these tables
to pay Simonne's alimony, won't you?
482
00:31:23,323 --> 00:31:27,396
Well, not exactly. After the divorce,
she'll own half the restaurant.
483
00:31:28,363 --> 00:31:32,072
Ah... Now,
that was not made clear to me.
484
00:31:34,083 --> 00:31:37,393
Simonne, she was the one
with the business sense.
485
00:31:38,123 --> 00:31:42,594
But she's French, so she insisted
on us getting married in France.
486
00:31:42,763 --> 00:31:46,073
- Was that wrong?
- No. It was right, for Simonne.
487
00:31:47,723 --> 00:31:51,796
They have a thing there
they call community property.
488
00:31:51,963 --> 00:31:57,162
I had to agree to give her
half of everything if we broke up.
489
00:31:57,323 --> 00:31:59,883
But you know all about the law.
490
00:32:00,043 --> 00:32:01,999
Well, no, not all about it.
491
00:32:02,163 --> 00:32:05,633
Often, knowledge of the law's
a handicap to a barrister.
492
00:32:05,803 --> 00:32:10,035
You are going to get us out
of this little trouble, Mr Rumpole?
493
00:32:11,243 --> 00:32:14,519
- The business of the mouse.
- Oh, the mouse.
494
00:32:14,683 --> 00:32:17,277
The mouse
is the least of your worries.
495
00:32:17,443 --> 00:32:20,355
Thank you. Thank you very much.
496
00:32:23,083 --> 00:32:28,032
Well, the animals will be arriving.
It's almost feeding time.
497
00:32:45,683 --> 00:32:48,561
Zim Saladin! Haroota mahroopa!
498
00:32:48,723 --> 00:32:51,601
And hey... oop!
499
00:33:00,323 --> 00:33:03,395
"For oft, when on my couch I lie
500
00:33:03,563 --> 00:33:05,758
"In vacant or in pensive mood
501
00:33:06,323 --> 00:33:08,518
"They flash upon that inward eye
502
00:33:08,683 --> 00:33:11,072
"Which is the bliss of solitude."
503
00:33:11,243 --> 00:33:12,801
(Doorbell rings)
504
00:33:14,203 --> 00:33:15,636
She's back!
505
00:33:15,803 --> 00:33:17,555
Ah, Hilda...
506
00:33:17,723 --> 00:33:20,362
- (Rock music)
- Party, party, Mr Rumpole!
507
00:33:24,563 --> 00:33:28,078
Surprise party, Rumpole.
Cheer you up in your Ioneliness.
508
00:33:35,843 --> 00:33:40,280
My wife's having dinner at the mansion
house of the South London Mayors.
509
00:33:40,443 --> 00:33:42,274
No consorts allowed, thank God.
510
00:33:43,323 --> 00:33:46,633
And I hear
Mrs Rumpole's done a bunk, sir.
511
00:33:46,803 --> 00:33:52,196
- No, not exactly a bunk, Henry, no.
- Which is why we're on the loose, eh?
512
00:33:52,363 --> 00:33:56,879
- Makes you feel young, don't it?
- Not particularly young, Henry, no.
513
00:33:57,043 --> 00:34:00,353
What could the Lord Chancellor know
about being pregnant
514
00:34:00,523 --> 00:34:03,162
and your boyfriend's been arrested
for doing dope.
515
00:34:03,323 --> 00:34:04,676
(Phone rings)
516
00:34:04,843 --> 00:34:06,959
Very little, I should imagine. Yes.
517
00:34:08,043 --> 00:34:11,353
- That's the telephone.
- The police, I shouldn't wonder.
518
00:34:11,523 --> 00:34:13,718
- I'll get it.
- Oh, thank you.
519
00:34:20,723 --> 00:34:22,076
Thank you.
520
00:34:23,443 --> 00:34:27,197
Yes, officer? Oh, Hilda!
Oh, hello.
521
00:34:28,963 --> 00:34:34,037
(Ballard) Members of the jury, many
of you may find this case shocking,
522
00:34:34,203 --> 00:34:35,795
concerning, as it does...
523
00:34:35,963 --> 00:34:40,912
'His Honour, Judge Gerald Graves,
never a friend to Rumpole.
524
00:34:41,083 --> 00:34:43,358
'Look, he's looking at me now
525
00:34:43,523 --> 00:34:47,152
'as though I were a porridge saucepan
that hasn't been washed.
526
00:34:47,323 --> 00:34:51,441
'No doubt he lives
on a diet of organic bran, iced water
527
00:34:51,603 --> 00:34:53,480
'and colonic irrigation.
528
00:34:53,643 --> 00:34:59,001
'Huh! The last person in the world
to laugh this case out of court.
529
00:34:59,163 --> 00:35:02,041
'Ah, well.
I'll have to do my best without him.'
530
00:35:02,203 --> 00:35:03,636
In this highly-expensive,
531
00:35:03,803 --> 00:35:06,920
allegedly three-starred restaurant,
members of the jury,
532
00:35:07,083 --> 00:35:10,792
the environmental health officer
discovered cracked tiles,
533
00:35:10,963 --> 00:35:13,557
open waste bins,
gravy on the ceiling...
534
00:35:13,723 --> 00:35:16,556
- On the ceiling, Mr Ballard?
- Yes, My Lord.
535
00:35:16,723 --> 00:35:19,442
Obviously not a short-order cook.
536
00:35:19,603 --> 00:35:21,878
Absence of nailbrushes
in hand basins...
537
00:35:22,043 --> 00:35:23,442
(Gasps) Horror!
538
00:35:23,603 --> 00:35:27,562
All this is bad enough,
but on the night of May 18th,
539
00:35:27,723 --> 00:35:31,796
a common house mouse was served
up to a customer's dinner table.
540
00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:35,512
No doubt, we're dealing,
Mr Ballard, with a defunct mouse.
541
00:35:35,683 --> 00:35:39,881
Again, alas, no, My Lord.
The mouse in question was alive.
542
00:35:40,043 --> 00:35:42,238
And kicking.
543
00:35:42,403 --> 00:35:46,635
Need one ask if an establishment is
in breach of food hygiene regulations
544
00:35:46,803 --> 00:35:48,794
if it serves up a mouse?
545
00:35:48,963 --> 00:35:50,874
As proprietor of the restaurant,
546
00:35:51,043 --> 00:35:55,036
Mr O'Higgins is, say the prosecution,
absolutely responsible.
547
00:35:55,203 --> 00:36:00,596
Whomsoever he seeks to blame in his
employ, he must take the consequences.
548
00:36:01,963 --> 00:36:05,512
- I will call my first witness.
- Who is this pompous imbecile?
549
00:36:05,683 --> 00:36:07,241
Shh! Quiet!
550
00:36:10,563 --> 00:36:12,918
What are your full names, sir?
551
00:36:13,083 --> 00:36:17,554
My Lord, may I write them down?
There may be some publicity.
552
00:36:17,723 --> 00:36:21,033
- Aren't you a member of the Bar?
- Well, yes.
553
00:36:21,203 --> 00:36:24,513
That's nothing to be ashamed of
in most cases.
554
00:36:24,683 --> 00:36:28,312
Tell the jury who you are
in the usual way.
555
00:36:28,483 --> 00:36:31,634
- Claude Leonard...
- No, do speak up.
556
00:36:32,643 --> 00:36:35,203
Claude Leonard Erskine-Brown.
557
00:36:35,363 --> 00:36:38,002
Leonard?
He's not owned up to that before.
558
00:36:38,163 --> 00:36:40,802
Were you dining
at La Maison Jean Pierre?
559
00:36:40,963 --> 00:36:45,036
Well, yes. Yes, I did just drop in.
560
00:36:45,203 --> 00:36:47,319
- For dinner?
- Yes.
561
00:36:47,483 --> 00:36:51,192
In the company of a young lady
named Patricia Benbow?
562
00:36:51,363 --> 00:36:54,082
Ah, well, now, that is...
563
00:36:54,243 --> 00:36:57,952
Mr Erskine-Brown, it seems
a fairly simple question to answer,
564
00:36:58,123 --> 00:37:00,591
even for a member of the bar.
565
00:37:00,763 --> 00:37:03,402
I was in Miss Company's Benbow,
My Lord.
566
00:37:03,563 --> 00:37:07,351
- And were the plates covered?
- Yes, they were.
567
00:37:07,523 --> 00:37:09,878
When the covers were lifted,
what happened?
568
00:37:10,043 --> 00:37:12,432
- A mouse ran out.
- Do speak up!
569
00:37:12,603 --> 00:37:15,595
- A mouse ran out, My Lord!
- Hickory, dickory, dock.
570
00:37:15,763 --> 00:37:18,197
(Ballard) Thank you, Mr Erskine-Brown.
571
00:37:18,363 --> 00:37:20,319
(Rumpole) Mr Claude?
572
00:37:23,203 --> 00:37:25,637
Leonard Erskine-Brown.
573
00:37:25,803 --> 00:37:29,842
- Is Miss Benbow a solicitor?
- Well, yes.
574
00:37:30,003 --> 00:37:34,519
And is your wife a well-known
and highly-regarded Queen's counsel?
575
00:37:34,683 --> 00:37:39,916
No. Mrs Erskine-Brown has sat here
as a recorder, members of the jury.
576
00:37:40,083 --> 00:37:42,756
(Rumpole) I'm obliged to Your Lordship.
577
00:37:42,923 --> 00:37:46,996
And is Miss Benbow instructed
in an important and forthcoming case,
578
00:37:47,163 --> 00:37:51,156
that is the Balham minicab murder,
579
00:37:51,323 --> 00:37:56,522
in which she intends to instruct
Mrs Erskine-Brown QC?
580
00:37:56,683 --> 00:37:59,151
I... Is she?
581
00:37:59,323 --> 00:38:02,042
Were you dining with Miss Benbow
582
00:38:02,203 --> 00:38:05,957
in order to discuss the defence
in that case,
583
00:38:06,123 --> 00:38:09,399
your wife being
unfortunately delayed in Cardiff?
584
00:38:09,563 --> 00:38:11,474
Was I?
585
00:38:11,643 --> 00:38:13,599
Well, weren't you?
586
00:38:18,523 --> 00:38:20,878
Oh, yes, of course.
587
00:38:21,043 --> 00:38:23,603
I remember now. Of course I was.
588
00:38:23,763 --> 00:38:27,312
I did it all to help Philli. To help
my wife. Is that what you mean?
589
00:38:27,483 --> 00:38:30,077
- (Ballard) My Lord...
- That is exactly what I mean.
590
00:38:30,243 --> 00:38:33,076
Thank you, Horace.
Thank you very much.
591
00:38:33,243 --> 00:38:36,155
Mr Rumpole,
when are we coming to the mouse?
592
00:38:36,323 --> 00:38:38,757
Thank you, Your Lordship,
for reminding me.
593
00:38:38,923 --> 00:38:43,599
- What sort of an animal was it?
- A small mouse, hardly noticeable.
594
00:38:43,763 --> 00:38:48,393
A very small mouse, and ha...
595
00:38:50,283 --> 00:38:52,319
hardly noticeable.
596
00:38:52,483 --> 00:38:57,079
You first saw it when it emerged
from under the silver dish cover?
597
00:38:57,243 --> 00:39:00,553
You couldn't swear
it got there in the kitchen?
598
00:39:00,723 --> 00:39:02,395
(Claude) No, I couldn't.
599
00:39:02,563 --> 00:39:07,478
Or if it was inserted by someone
who had access to the serving table?
600
00:39:07,643 --> 00:39:11,079
Oh, yes, Mr Rumpole, you're
perfectly right. It might have been.
601
00:39:11,243 --> 00:39:14,360
I take it you're not suggesting
this creature appeared
602
00:39:14,523 --> 00:39:19,438
by some sort of miracle,
are you, Mr Rumpole?
603
00:39:19,603 --> 00:39:22,071
No, My Lord, not a miracle.
Perhaps a trick.
604
00:39:22,243 --> 00:39:24,438
But isn't Mr Ballard perfectly right?
605
00:39:24,603 --> 00:39:29,438
For the purposes of this offence,
it doesn't matter how it got there.
606
00:39:29,603 --> 00:39:34,154
A properly-run restaurant should not
serve up a mouse for dinner.
607
00:39:34,323 --> 00:39:38,236
- The thing speaks for itself.
- Oh, a talking mouse, My Lord?
608
00:39:39,323 --> 00:39:42,633
Mr Rumpole,
this is not a place of entertainment.
609
00:39:42,803 --> 00:39:48,673
Remember, this is a most serious case
from your client's point of view.
610
00:39:48,843 --> 00:39:51,880
We will continue with it
after luncheon.
611
00:40:07,043 --> 00:40:10,752
- Well, the battle continues.
- This is a mysterious case.
612
00:40:10,923 --> 00:40:13,801
It's more than mysterious, Mr Pinhorn.
613
00:40:13,963 --> 00:40:18,991
There is no evidence of droppings,
no sign of mice in that kitchen.
614
00:40:19,163 --> 00:40:23,122
No. The mouse was put under
the cover to ruin the business.
615
00:40:23,283 --> 00:40:25,672
- Mrs O'Higgins?
- Oh, no. Certainly not.
616
00:40:25,843 --> 00:40:29,552
She'd want the place to be
as prosperous as possible.
617
00:40:32,683 --> 00:40:34,355
No, the guilty person
618
00:40:34,523 --> 00:40:38,402
is someone who wanted Simonne
to get as little as possible.
619
00:40:39,723 --> 00:40:42,521
So, what did this someone do?
620
00:40:42,683 --> 00:40:44,913
You tell me, Mr Rumpole.
621
00:40:45,083 --> 00:40:47,722
Broke a few small rules to begin with,
622
00:40:47,883 --> 00:40:50,920
took away the nailbrushes,
the covers off the bins,
623
00:40:51,083 --> 00:40:53,358
but they needed something sensational,
624
00:40:53,523 --> 00:40:55,718
something
that would hit the headlines.
625
00:40:55,883 --> 00:41:00,638
They remembered one of the waiters
had a talent for sleight of hand.
626
00:41:00,803 --> 00:41:04,398
He had a spare-time job
producing livestock out of hats.
627
00:41:04,563 --> 00:41:07,123
- Gaston LeBlanc?
- Exactly.
628
00:41:08,043 --> 00:41:11,672
He put the mouse under the cover,
handed it to Alberto,
629
00:41:11,843 --> 00:41:15,961
who passed it on
to the unfortunate Miss Benbow.
630
00:41:16,123 --> 00:41:18,432
Consequence,
the ruin of the restaurant
631
00:41:18,603 --> 00:41:22,118
and a poor investment
for the vengeful Simonne.
632
00:41:22,283 --> 00:41:25,480
Whoever it was
must have paid Gaston very well.
633
00:41:25,643 --> 00:41:27,998
Who are we talking about,
Mr Rumpole?
634
00:41:28,163 --> 00:41:33,954
Ah, well, now, who had the greatest
possible reason for hating Simonne?
635
00:41:34,923 --> 00:41:36,322
(Pinhorn) Who?
636
00:41:36,483 --> 00:41:40,635
(Rumpole) Who other than our client,
the great Jean Pierre O'Higgins himself?
637
00:41:40,803 --> 00:41:43,601
No! No! It's not true!
638
00:41:44,843 --> 00:41:46,993
Jean Pierre knew nothing about it.
639
00:41:47,163 --> 00:41:52,874
It was my idea entirely. Why should
she get anything out of him?
640
00:41:53,043 --> 00:41:54,874
Well now, back into court.
641
00:41:56,163 --> 00:41:59,872
Why don't you take a statement
from Miss Mary Skelton?
642
00:42:01,723 --> 00:42:03,918
We'll call her as a witness.
643
00:42:06,883 --> 00:42:09,841
I'm afraid
I left something here last night.
644
00:42:11,603 --> 00:42:13,673
Yes, I think you did. It's in there.
645
00:42:13,843 --> 00:42:15,196
Young Radical Lawyers?
646
00:42:15,363 --> 00:42:18,992
I suppose that means free and easy
with other people's husbands.
647
00:42:19,163 --> 00:42:22,041
What? You don't honestly imagine...
648
00:42:22,203 --> 00:42:25,593
I don't have to imagine anything,
do I? It's obvious.
649
00:42:25,763 --> 00:42:28,118
Don't think I fancy Rumpole, do you?
650
00:42:28,283 --> 00:42:30,797
Well, I don't see why not.
651
00:42:30,963 --> 00:42:35,195
Rumpole is a character, and some
people like that sort of thing.
652
00:42:35,363 --> 00:42:38,321
Look, Mrs Rumpole, please listen.
653
00:42:38,483 --> 00:42:42,078
Dave Inchcape and a load of us
gave Rumpole a party
654
00:42:42,243 --> 00:42:44,837
to cheer him up because he was Ionely.
655
00:42:45,003 --> 00:42:47,722
Well, he was missing you so terribly.
656
00:42:47,883 --> 00:42:49,714
- He was what?
- Missing you.
657
00:42:49,883 --> 00:42:53,193
I saw him at breakfast.
He looked so sad.
658
00:42:53,363 --> 00:42:57,356
"She's left me," he said. "She's gone
off with her cousin Everard."
659
00:43:00,443 --> 00:43:03,674
- He said that?
- He sounded broken-hearted.
660
00:43:05,043 --> 00:43:07,034
He saw nothing ahead, I'm sure,
661
00:43:07,203 --> 00:43:11,276
but a Ionely old age stretching out
in front of him until...
662
00:43:11,443 --> 00:43:15,118
...until he couldn't take in the milk
any more.
663
00:43:15,283 --> 00:43:18,992
Well, anyone could see
how much he was missing you.
664
00:43:20,683 --> 00:43:24,437
Oh, well...
Thank you for telling me that.
665
00:43:24,603 --> 00:43:27,640
I... really didn't know.
666
00:43:27,803 --> 00:43:30,192
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
667
00:43:30,363 --> 00:43:33,753
Miss Mary Skelton, the cashier,
was in love.
668
00:43:34,563 --> 00:43:39,683
She was in love with her boss, that
larger-than-life cook and character,
669
00:43:39,843 --> 00:43:42,118
Jean Pierre O'Higgins.
670
00:43:43,403 --> 00:43:45,394
People do many things for love.
671
00:43:45,563 --> 00:43:48,999
They commit suicide. They leave home.
672
00:43:49,163 --> 00:43:51,472
Sometimes, they simply pine away.
673
00:43:52,363 --> 00:43:53,876
But it was for love
674
00:43:54,043 --> 00:43:59,276
that Miss Mary Skelton
caused a live mouse to be served up
675
00:43:59,443 --> 00:44:01,559
in the Maison Jean Pierre
676
00:44:01,723 --> 00:44:05,238
after having paid the station waiter
a considerable sum
677
00:44:05,403 --> 00:44:07,712
to perform the trick.
678
00:44:09,483 --> 00:44:12,441
She it was
who wanted to ruin the restaurant
679
00:44:12,603 --> 00:44:17,518
so that my client's vengeful wife
Simonne should get nothing out of it.
680
00:44:17,683 --> 00:44:19,116
(Judge) Mr Rumpole...
681
00:44:19,283 --> 00:44:23,276
But my client knew nothing of this plot.
He was entirely innocent.
682
00:44:23,443 --> 00:44:27,356
Mr Rumpole, if a restaurant serves
unhygienic food,
683
00:44:27,523 --> 00:44:30,799
the proprietor is guilty in law.
684
00:44:30,963 --> 00:44:35,195
You are not concerned with the law,
members of the jury.
685
00:44:35,363 --> 00:44:38,355
You are concerned with justice!
686
00:44:38,523 --> 00:44:40,991
That is a quite outrageous thing to say!
687
00:44:41,163 --> 00:44:46,362
On the admitted facts of this case,
Mr O'Higgins is clearly guilty.
688
00:44:46,523 --> 00:44:49,401
No British judge has the power
689
00:44:49,563 --> 00:44:52,873
to direct a British jury
to find a defendant guilty.
690
00:44:53,043 --> 00:44:57,673
I warn you, Mr Rumpole, I shall tell
the jury that he is guilty in law.
691
00:44:57,843 --> 00:45:01,802
His Honour may tell you that
to his heart's content.
692
00:45:01,963 --> 00:45:04,716
What you do, members of the jury,
693
00:45:04,883 --> 00:45:08,432
is a matter between God
and your consciences.
694
00:45:08,603 --> 00:45:12,960
Can you, in all conscience,
find a man guilty
695
00:45:13,123 --> 00:45:15,557
and condemn him to ruin
696
00:45:15,723 --> 00:45:19,398
when he was as free of criminal intent
and conspiracy
697
00:45:19,563 --> 00:45:21,758
as the innocent little mouse itself?
698
00:45:21,923 --> 00:45:24,596
Can any of you? Can you?
699
00:45:24,763 --> 00:45:28,995
The facts of the matter in this case
are in your hands
700
00:45:29,163 --> 00:45:32,314
and your hands alone,
members of the jury.
701
00:45:32,483 --> 00:45:34,678
My task is done.
702
00:45:34,843 --> 00:45:39,359
The future
of that great ma�tre de cuisine,
703
00:45:39,523 --> 00:45:42,560
Jean Pierre O'Higgins,
704
00:45:42,723 --> 00:45:46,796
is in your hands and your hands alone.
705
00:45:46,963 --> 00:45:48,715
(Applause)
706
00:45:52,643 --> 00:45:54,201
(Woman) Mr O'Higgins!
707
00:45:57,683 --> 00:46:01,471
- You were brilliant.
- I've got one or two left in me yet.
708
00:46:01,643 --> 00:46:04,760
No, all that nonsense
about a brief for Philli.
709
00:46:04,923 --> 00:46:07,118
- It was not nonsense, Leonard.
- Claude.
710
00:46:07,283 --> 00:46:08,762
I rang Miss Benbow.
711
00:46:08,923 --> 00:46:11,995
She is going to brief Philli
with the minicab murder.
712
00:46:12,163 --> 00:46:13,915
Would Rumpole deceive the court?
713
00:46:14,083 --> 00:46:17,314
- Am I getting a brief?
- She said nothing about that.
714
00:46:17,483 --> 00:46:20,555
Well,
thanks for getting me out of a scrape.
715
00:46:20,723 --> 00:46:22,281
Think nothing of it.
716
00:46:22,443 --> 00:46:25,480
My life is devoted
to assisting the criminal classes.
717
00:46:27,403 --> 00:46:30,793
I say, Rumpole.
This is the QC's robing room.
718
00:46:30,963 --> 00:46:35,241
Yes. Holy ground. I promised
to give a pen to Boll... er... Ballard.
719
00:46:35,403 --> 00:46:37,997
- Which is his locker?
- Over by the window.
720
00:46:38,163 --> 00:46:40,119
Thank you.
721
00:47:03,643 --> 00:47:07,556
There is nothing else for it.
I shall chain up the next one.
722
00:47:07,723 --> 00:47:12,717
Chain it up? Come on, Ballard.
Isn't that a bit drastic?
723
00:47:12,883 --> 00:47:16,193
If fellows and ladies in chambers
cannot be trusted,
724
00:47:16,363 --> 00:47:18,558
I am left with no alternative.
725
00:47:18,723 --> 00:47:23,353
I hate to do this, but tomorrow
Henry is being sent for a chain.
726
00:47:23,523 --> 00:47:26,242
Yes. Look, hang on to that, will you?
727
00:47:26,403 --> 00:47:29,042
Could I have 25p
for the Evening Standard?
728
00:47:29,203 --> 00:47:31,398
Another restaurant may be in trouble.
729
00:47:31,563 --> 00:47:34,760
Why are you
never provided with money?
730
00:47:34,923 --> 00:47:36,879
Well, he...
731
00:47:37,043 --> 00:47:39,079
That's... That's our old nailbrush!
732
00:47:39,243 --> 00:47:41,552
- Oh.
- I'd recognise it anywhere.
733
00:47:41,723 --> 00:47:44,396
- But it's black!
- Been cleaning shoes with it?
734
00:47:44,563 --> 00:47:47,919
Of course not. How did it get in here?
735
00:47:48,083 --> 00:47:51,519
Oh, evidence gets in anywhere,
old love, just like mice.
736
00:47:54,083 --> 00:47:56,039
Cousin Everard about, is he?
737
00:47:56,203 --> 00:47:59,434
- He had to go back to Saskatoon.
- Ah.
738
00:47:59,603 --> 00:48:02,561
You knew I'd be back,
didn't you, Rumpole?
739
00:48:02,723 --> 00:48:04,202
Well, I had hoped.
740
00:48:04,363 --> 00:48:07,435
You couldn't manage without me,
could you?
741
00:48:07,603 --> 00:48:12,916
- Well, I had a stab at it.
- Liz Probert said that you missed me.
742
00:48:13,083 --> 00:48:16,200
Hilda, of course I missed you.
743
00:48:16,363 --> 00:48:19,082
- Life without a boss...
- What did you say?
744
00:48:19,243 --> 00:48:24,078
- I said you were a frightful loss.
- She said you were terribly Ionely.
745
00:48:24,243 --> 00:48:27,952
I must say
I was glad to hear that, Rumpole,
746
00:48:28,123 --> 00:48:31,638
because you don't very often say much
about your feelings.
747
00:48:32,683 --> 00:48:35,038
Words don't come easily to me, Hilda.
748
00:48:35,203 --> 00:48:39,276
Well, now that you are so pleased
to see me back,
749
00:48:39,443 --> 00:48:42,480
why don't you take me out
for a little celebration?
750
00:48:42,643 --> 00:48:45,555
I've become quite accustomed
to dining � la carte.
751
00:48:45,723 --> 00:48:49,841
Ha! That's a... a very good idea.
752
00:48:50,003 --> 00:48:54,235
I know a little place where
we can get it on the mou... house.
753
00:49:07,083 --> 00:49:09,472
Un, deux, trois!
754
00:49:09,643 --> 00:49:11,793
Steak and kidney pudding!
755
00:49:11,963 --> 00:49:15,353
Oh, George, thank you so much.
756
00:49:23,083 --> 00:49:25,039
Bon app�tit.
757
00:49:28,243 --> 00:49:31,394
I suppose that's why
I enjoy your company, Rumpole.
758
00:49:31,563 --> 00:49:34,157
- Oh, Hilda...
- Because you are a character.
759
00:49:35,283 --> 00:49:39,117
You need me to tell you off
when you go too far.
760
00:49:39,283 --> 00:49:42,992
Hilda, I've got what I want at last.
761
00:49:44,043 --> 00:49:45,761
Mashed spud.
762
00:49:46,163 --> 00:49:49,278
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