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1
00:00:04,603 --> 00:00:05,836
Hi, I'm danny devito,
2
00:00:05,937 --> 00:00:07,806
Executive producer
of reno 911 !
3
00:00:07,906 --> 00:00:11,409
And I just want to
welcome you and thank you
4
00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:16,948
For supporting the wonderful men
and women of this force.
5
00:00:17,049 --> 00:00:19,417
These people lay down
their lives every day.
6
00:00:19,518 --> 00:00:23,354
They put themselves
in harm's way for you, for me,
7
00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:26,058
For the people of reno.
8
00:00:26,159 --> 00:00:30,227
I think-- because, actually,
I've never seen the show,
9
00:00:30,329 --> 00:00:34,399
But I've heard some really good
things about it.
10
00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:36,734
You hear "reno 911!"
you're walking down the street.
11
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:39,537
Or a kid will be
talking or playing
12
00:00:39,638 --> 00:00:43,307
Or fighting in the playground--
"reno 911! Reno 911!"
13
00:00:43,409 --> 00:00:45,810
It becomes
a chant, a cheer.
14
00:00:45,911 --> 00:00:50,381
And, you know, I'm really
gonna watch the show this year.
15
00:00:51,417 --> 00:00:52,650
Whoo !
Come here !
16
00:00:52,751 --> 00:00:54,186
( tires screeching )
17
00:00:54,286 --> 00:00:58,189
Oh... Ah !
18
00:01:00,058 --> 00:01:02,093
Whoa !
19
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,965
( growling )
20
00:01:12,971 --> 00:01:16,041
( sirens blaring )
21
00:01:26,385 --> 00:01:29,720
( siren wailing )
22
00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:35,894
Very, very big news.
23
00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:38,196
President bush is
coming to town,
24
00:01:38,297 --> 00:01:39,731
Doing some campaigning.
25
00:01:39,832 --> 00:01:41,900
He's gonna give a speech down
at the bowlers' hall of fame.
26
00:01:42,001 --> 00:01:44,602
We have been assigned
to motorcade duty.
27
00:01:44,703 --> 00:01:45,637
Whoo !
28
00:01:45,738 --> 00:01:47,906
So, yes, very exciting.
29
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:50,208
Not the driving
motorcade duty.
30
00:01:50,309 --> 00:01:52,710
We'll be blocking off
a stretch of route 80.
31
00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:55,380
So, don't throw eggs
or anything.
32
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:58,516
You're all acting like
33
00:01:58,617 --> 00:01:59,884
I already chucked
something at him.
34
00:01:59,985 --> 00:02:01,452
I'm not gonna do that.
35
00:02:01,553 --> 00:02:02,853
We can salute, right ?
36
00:02:02,954 --> 00:02:03,955
We stand, we salute.
37
00:02:04,056 --> 00:02:06,191
We say,
"good going, dubya,"
38
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,692
And we don't say,
"legalize it"
39
00:02:07,793 --> 00:02:09,126
Or "hey, look at me".
40
00:02:09,228 --> 00:02:11,863
Are we allowed to hold up
signs of support ?
41
00:02:11,964 --> 00:02:13,498
We care about him
in reno.
42
00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:15,700
Are you gonna hold up a sign
that says "dubya '04" ?
43
00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:17,001
I got one.
44
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:18,569
Then, no,
we're not allowed.
45
00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:21,006
How about,
"I love bush" ?
46
00:02:21,107 --> 00:02:22,440
( snickers )
47
00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:24,075
Oh, you got
yourself with that.
48
00:02:24,176 --> 00:02:26,077
This will be a good
opportunity for me
49
00:02:26,178 --> 00:02:27,612
Because what
I intend to do
50
00:02:27,713 --> 00:02:30,615
Is to throw myself
in front of the motorcade,
51
00:02:30,716 --> 00:02:32,183
In front of the car,
52
00:02:32,285 --> 00:02:35,286
And finally have a
one-on-one talk to this man
53
00:02:35,387 --> 00:02:37,255
About not being able
to bring tweezers
54
00:02:37,356 --> 00:02:40,357
Or knitting needles
on an airplane.
55
00:02:41,126 --> 00:02:42,526
Suspended.
56
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:49,767
Sheriff's department.
57
00:02:49,868 --> 00:02:51,669
( monkey screeching )
58
00:02:51,770 --> 00:02:53,671
How are you doing
this day, sir ?
59
00:02:53,772 --> 00:02:54,739
What happened ?
60
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,975
We had a
heated debate.
61
00:02:57,075 --> 00:02:59,978
And then they made some points,
I made some points,
62
00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:02,046
The monkey had
a point or two.
63
00:03:02,148 --> 00:03:05,784
And then finally mob mentality
set in, so, you know it.
64
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:09,521
So, the monkey went just crazy
with fervor and just bit.
65
00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:10,922
That's what happens
66
00:03:11,023 --> 00:03:13,524
When you make a monkey
that mad with discussion.
67
00:03:13,625 --> 00:03:15,760
That is out-of-bounds
for a party.
68
00:03:15,861 --> 00:03:18,263
Do you have a license
for this animal ?
69
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,897
I have a li--
70
00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,033
I obey the law of man,
71
00:03:22,134 --> 00:03:25,536
But this man
obey the law of jungle.
72
00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:27,004
It's a party,
73
00:03:27,105 --> 00:03:29,073
And that's a monkey
can make his own decisions.
74
00:03:29,174 --> 00:03:30,975
I have a hard time
believing--
75
00:03:31,076 --> 00:03:33,311
Mob mentality, my ass,
that monkey didn't bite nobody.
76
00:03:33,412 --> 00:03:34,645
It was all
this fella here.
77
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:37,549
Look at that,
blaming it all on the monkey.
78
00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:40,084
Go out, put him in,
then get the evidence camera.
79
00:03:40,185 --> 00:03:42,053
Bring it back, and we'll
take pictures of the monkey.
80
00:03:42,154 --> 00:03:43,888
It can be our christmas card,
that's a great idea.
81
00:03:43,989 --> 00:03:46,624
All right, come on, fella.
82
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,500
( indistinct shouting )
83
00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:09,447
Is this some damn
costume party or what ?
84
00:04:09,548 --> 00:04:11,149
He started it !
85
00:04:11,249 --> 00:04:13,017
You too !
86
00:04:13,118 --> 00:04:15,186
Slow down, slow down.
87
00:04:15,287 --> 00:04:17,822
Okay, everybody's
gonna be heard.
88
00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:19,958
Okay, tell me.
89
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:22,327
We had just finished
doing the re-enactment--
90
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:23,762
Civil war re-enactment.
Okay...
91
00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:25,263
So, I bring
my guys here
92
00:04:25,364 --> 00:04:27,232
For beer and pizza
afterwards, right ?
93
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:31,302
And so gary decides
to bring his guys.
94
00:04:31,403 --> 00:04:32,537
It's not
all-you-can-eat pizza.
95
00:04:32,638 --> 00:04:34,539
It's all-you-can-eat salad bar
you pay for the pizza.
96
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,309
And yankee
decides to hog off
97
00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:40,044
On all the pizza
he wants to eat.
98
00:04:40,145 --> 00:04:43,214
He starts doing this
weird math where his guys,
99
00:04:43,315 --> 00:04:44,982
Because of
the missouri compromise,
100
00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:47,719
They only have to pay
two-fifths of the bill.
101
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:50,487
Okay, first of all, how do
you figure fifths of a bill ?
102
00:04:50,589 --> 00:04:52,490
I don't even have a calculator.
I don't know how to do that.
103
00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:55,093
So, you're getting the pizza,
and he gets mad at you ?
104
00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:56,728
That doesn't
make any sense.
105
00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:58,262
I slopped the hogs.
106
00:04:58,363 --> 00:05:00,364
He slopped the hogs, and he
went off, and he attacked you ?
107
00:05:00,465 --> 00:05:01,765
He freaked out.
108
00:05:01,867 --> 00:05:03,534
He picks up a piece of pizza,
and he throws it at me.
109
00:05:03,635 --> 00:05:04,636
It hits me
right in the face.
110
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:07,371
With hot pizza-
he threw pizza at me !
111
00:05:07,472 --> 00:05:09,173
I got his statement.
112
00:05:09,274 --> 00:05:12,143
What I'm gonna need to do is
take these guys in right here.
113
00:05:12,244 --> 00:05:13,711
Hold on.
No, no, no, no, no.
114
00:05:13,812 --> 00:05:15,680
You're not taking
these guys.
115
00:05:15,781 --> 00:05:17,749
These guys are the ones
that started it.
116
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:20,217
No, this gentleman said
he went and ate all the pizza,
117
00:05:20,318 --> 00:05:22,052
Went crazy,
and things started that way.
118
00:05:22,153 --> 00:05:23,221
I'm taking them in.
119
00:05:23,322 --> 00:05:24,956
But they didn't pay
for the pizza.
120
00:05:25,057 --> 00:05:27,125
And he threw pizza
in his face.
121
00:05:27,226 --> 00:05:28,426
That's assault, sir,
that's assault.
122
00:05:28,527 --> 00:05:30,194
What's wrong with that ?
123
00:05:30,295 --> 00:05:32,196
You like that ?
You like that ?
124
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:34,466
You like that ?
125
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:36,700
( all shouting )
126
00:05:57,123 --> 00:06:01,792
But, mommy, I just got home,
and I don't feel good.
127
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:03,194
Don't you
back-talk me !
128
00:06:03,295 --> 00:06:04,496
You gonna
get in there,
129
00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:07,732
Or else I'm gonna treat you
like antwone fisher !
130
00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:10,267
Now, do you want me
to tie you up in a basement
131
00:06:10,368 --> 00:06:12,570
And beat you
with a wet rag ?
132
00:06:12,671 --> 00:06:16,073
No, mommy, I'm sorry.
133
00:06:16,174 --> 00:06:19,210
I feel strong enough
to clean up now.
134
00:06:19,311 --> 00:06:20,678
Well, good.
135
00:06:20,779 --> 00:06:24,015
And get that oxygen tank up
off that living room floor !
136
00:06:24,116 --> 00:06:27,118
Just leaving your oxygen
laying all around.
137
00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:29,654
What you think
this is, huh ?
138
00:06:29,755 --> 00:06:33,591
I'm just trying to let y'all
know how it's gonna go down
139
00:06:33,692 --> 00:06:34,892
When you
get home, children.
140
00:06:34,993 --> 00:06:35,927
Ha !
141
00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,562
So you can be
prepared, huh ?
142
00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:54,512
We're in
the right place, right ?
143
00:06:54,613 --> 00:06:56,581
Well, this is where
we're waiting.
144
00:06:56,681 --> 00:06:59,951
Yeah. They said bush
was gonna be right here.
145
00:07:00,052 --> 00:07:01,986
Through here.
Through here.
146
00:07:02,087 --> 00:07:04,054
What ?
147
00:07:04,155 --> 00:07:06,857
Not right here.
Through here.
148
00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:07,892
Who ?
Bush.
149
00:07:07,993 --> 00:07:10,361
Oh, bush. Right.
150
00:07:10,462 --> 00:07:12,330
You ever met him ?
151
00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:13,998
Who ?
152
00:07:14,099 --> 00:07:17,101
Huh ?
Who ?
153
00:07:17,202 --> 00:07:19,336
What ?
154
00:07:19,437 --> 00:07:20,505
Met who ?
155
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,006
Him.
156
00:07:22,107 --> 00:07:23,574
Oh.
Yeah.
157
00:07:23,675 --> 00:07:25,777
Seen him ?
158
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:27,779
I seen him.
159
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,981
Well, no, I've seen him.
I mean, I've seen him.
160
00:07:30,081 --> 00:07:32,015
I know what
he looks like. You know what
161
00:07:32,117 --> 00:07:33,751
Yeah.
Oh.
162
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:36,087
So, what was
the question ?
163
00:07:36,188 --> 00:07:38,823
I don't know.
I can't remember.
164
00:07:38,924 --> 00:07:41,425
Have I met him ?
... Yeah.
165
00:07:41,526 --> 00:07:42,894
Oh, you've met him ?
166
00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:44,495
No, yeah, that
was the question.
167
00:07:44,596 --> 00:07:45,997
Oh, right, right.
168
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,832
Yeah.
169
00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:51,068
"yeah" you know
what the question was,
170
00:07:51,169 --> 00:07:52,937
But, "no,"
you have never met him.
171
00:07:53,038 --> 00:07:54,105
Yeah.
172
00:07:54,206 --> 00:07:56,007
Okay, good.
173
00:07:56,107 --> 00:07:57,908
That clears things up
a little bit.
174
00:08:03,048 --> 00:08:04,982
Thanks for letting me
use your sword, brad.
175
00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:06,350
You're welcome, gary.
176
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,119
Sorry I called
you an asshole.
177
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:10,288
I'm sorry
I freaked out.
178
00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:11,555
Yeah, you did,
didn't you.
179
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:12,724
We good ?
180
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,091
Yeah.
181
00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:18,096
How about you guys ?
Come on, make up.
182
00:08:18,196 --> 00:08:21,566
Make up ?
183
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,168
Come on.
Come on.
184
00:08:24,269 --> 00:08:25,537
Just do it.
185
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:27,372
Apologize.
186
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:29,473
Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
187
00:08:29,574 --> 00:08:31,408
Sorry you're
a punk-ass redneck.
188
00:08:31,509 --> 00:08:32,443
Goddamn--
189
00:08:32,544 --> 00:08:36,047
( both shouting and grunting )
190
00:08:37,449 --> 00:08:42,486
Ow ! Ow !
Aaaaaaaah !
191
00:08:42,587 --> 00:08:46,224
He's seriously
biting him.
192
00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:47,158
( both grunting )
193
00:08:47,259 --> 00:08:48,258
Come on !
194
00:08:48,359 --> 00:08:50,828
Who's a cracker, huh ? !
195
00:08:52,097 --> 00:08:53,631
Let go !
You let go !
196
00:08:53,732 --> 00:08:55,433
You let go
of me first !
197
00:08:58,704 --> 00:08:59,703
Hi.
198
00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:01,872
Hi, craig.
199
00:09:01,974 --> 00:09:04,108
Hi.
200
00:09:04,209 --> 00:09:05,910
How you doing ?
Thanks for coming to visit me.
201
00:09:06,011 --> 00:09:08,779
Okay, thanks
for being here. No problem.
202
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,516
You look good.
Thanks, thanks. You too.
203
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:13,050
You look kind of buff.
204
00:09:13,151 --> 00:09:16,186
No, it's-- it's actually
just bruises, really.
205
00:09:16,288 --> 00:09:18,188
Oh...
206
00:09:18,289 --> 00:09:19,724
Sort of swollen up
a little bit.
207
00:09:19,824 --> 00:09:23,627
But that's all right.
Things are good.
208
00:09:25,030 --> 00:09:26,063
Hello ?
209
00:09:26,164 --> 00:09:27,364
Hello ?
210
00:09:27,465 --> 00:09:29,066
Oh, I didn't know
if you could hear me still.
211
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:32,470
Yeah, these things
cut in and out, I guess.
212
00:09:32,571 --> 00:09:34,571
No, I don't think so.
I think we just...
213
00:09:34,672 --> 00:09:37,041
Had nothing to say
at that moment.
214
00:09:37,142 --> 00:09:38,376
Which is normal, I think.
215
00:09:38,476 --> 00:09:40,544
This is kind of
a weird situation.
216
00:09:40,645 --> 00:09:42,045
It is,
it's awkward.
217
00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:43,548
It's awkward and weird.
218
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:44,748
Yeah.
219
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,317
Yeah, I guess
it's 'cause
220
00:09:46,418 --> 00:09:48,552
We're not actually
in the same room, really.
221
00:09:48,653 --> 00:09:50,888
We're in the same room, but
we're behind bulletproof glass
222
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:52,323
'cause you killed
a bunch of people
223
00:09:52,424 --> 00:09:54,459
And now you're
on death row.
224
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,160
It's a little different
than meeting at bennigan's
225
00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:58,396
For a cup of soup.
226
00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:01,131
But you need
reservations for both,
227
00:10:01,232 --> 00:10:02,733
So that's
kind of similar.
228
00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:04,135
That's true.
229
00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:06,436
This is taking
too long.
230
00:10:06,538 --> 00:10:08,071
I want him
to see my sign
231
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:11,476
So I can be like,
"go, sharpton ! Go, sharpton !"
232
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:12,777
I thought about this,
233
00:10:12,878 --> 00:10:14,745
And I want to start
my own party.
234
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:16,280
( laughs )
what kind of party ?
235
00:10:16,381 --> 00:10:17,882
My own par-tay.
236
00:10:17,983 --> 00:10:19,617
And I think
a good animal,
237
00:10:19,718 --> 00:10:23,420
I think a good mascot
would be, like, a centaur.
238
00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:27,124
I've got a frog
playing a banjo on my boob.
239
00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:28,558
It's a cool tattoo.
240
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:29,627
You do not !
241
00:10:29,728 --> 00:10:32,429
It'd look good
in bumper stickers, I think.
242
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:33,831
Let me see it.
243
00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:36,100
It's kind of faded now,
but I think...
244
00:10:36,201 --> 00:10:39,270
Oh, yeah, yeah.
245
00:10:39,371 --> 00:10:40,504
He's playing the banjo,
246
00:10:40,605 --> 00:10:42,339
And then there's
the musical notes--
247
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:43,740
( siren wails, horns honk )
248
00:10:43,842 --> 00:10:45,643
Shit, shit !
249
00:10:49,481 --> 00:10:50,981
Quiet !
250
00:10:51,082 --> 00:10:54,685
Little niñas, I said people
have things to do around here !
251
00:10:54,786 --> 00:10:56,120
Sheriff's department,
ma'am.
252
00:10:56,221 --> 00:10:57,621
Hello ? Hello ?
253
00:10:57,723 --> 00:10:59,256
Yeah, I called you
over an hour ago, what happened ?
254
00:10:59,357 --> 00:11:02,192
Hey, hey, hey, hey !
255
00:11:02,293 --> 00:11:03,561
You hear that ?
256
00:11:03,662 --> 00:11:05,496
Yes, uh-huh,
debbie reynolds hears it ?
257
00:11:05,597 --> 00:11:07,131
You don't hear
what's going on down there ?
258
00:11:07,232 --> 00:11:09,400
Listen to that.
Listen to that crap.
259
00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:10,735
It's constant !
260
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:13,771
Yeah, uh, I don't hear
anything right now, ma'am.
261
00:11:13,872 --> 00:11:16,940
Well, I yell
and scream my head off !
262
00:11:17,041 --> 00:11:19,477
They're probably, like,
you know, flipping me a bird
263
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:23,047
And going into some room and
getting, you know, a pop tart !
264
00:11:23,148 --> 00:11:24,348
"sugar me up" !
265
00:11:24,449 --> 00:11:25,716
Is that an
alcoholic beverage ?
266
00:11:25,817 --> 00:11:27,184
And ?
And what ?
267
00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:29,487
I'm not
gonna make--
268
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:31,021
Are you calling me
a drunk ?
269
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:32,389
No, ma'am, that's not
what I said at all.
270
00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:34,325
'cause I smell it
on you, too.
271
00:11:34,426 --> 00:11:36,293
There's something
I'm smelling.
272
00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:38,696
Ma'am, are your dogs
passing wind right now ?
273
00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:40,464
No, that is me.
274
00:11:40,565 --> 00:11:42,533
What ?
275
00:11:42,634 --> 00:11:44,901
Ma'am, what I'm gonna
do for you today
276
00:11:45,003 --> 00:11:48,005
Is I'm gonna give you
my home phone number.
277
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,708
My name is
lieutenant jim dangle.
278
00:11:50,809 --> 00:11:52,075
Please call me,
all right ?
279
00:11:52,176 --> 00:11:55,112
I will be here any time,
day or night.
280
00:11:55,213 --> 00:11:56,347
So, if I called you
in five minutes,
281
00:11:56,448 --> 00:11:57,748
You would be here ?
282
00:11:57,849 --> 00:11:59,116
If I called you at 12 midnight,
you would be here ?
283
00:11:59,217 --> 00:12:02,386
If I said to come over
and have a drink, you'd come ?
284
00:12:02,487 --> 00:12:03,353
I'm running.
285
00:12:03,454 --> 00:12:05,522
Whoo !
Oh, it's a party !
286
00:12:14,699 --> 00:12:17,968
Boy, there is nothing
to do after school.
287
00:12:18,069 --> 00:12:20,638
Oh, yeah, there is.
288
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:22,573
You could be
part of my gang.
289
00:12:22,674 --> 00:12:25,742
We go out and
we go robbing people
290
00:12:25,844 --> 00:12:28,312
And stealing
and stabbing them.
291
00:12:28,413 --> 00:12:29,880
Time out.
292
00:12:29,981 --> 00:12:33,284
Why would you want
to be in a gang ?
293
00:12:33,385 --> 00:12:35,853
Make a better
choice for yourself,
294
00:12:35,954 --> 00:12:38,589
Because it will really
piss off your parents
295
00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:40,124
If you're in a gang,
296
00:12:40,225 --> 00:12:44,228
And then you would
get arrested by me.
297
00:12:44,329 --> 00:12:47,598
So, don't be in a gang.
298
00:12:47,699 --> 00:12:49,466
You got to make
a choice--
299
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:53,671
Be a square
or be in a gang.
300
00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:55,806
Be square.
301
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:14,024
What should we do ?
We've been here.
302
00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:15,659
Wait.
303
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:16,727
Wait ?
We just wait ?
304
00:13:16,828 --> 00:13:18,996
What else are we
supposed to do ?
305
00:13:19,097 --> 00:13:20,397
I don't know.
306
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:22,733
( straining )
waiting is what we are doing.
307
00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:25,369
So, we should
keep doing it here.
308
00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:29,139
Maybe we should--
309
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:31,308
( roadblock collapses )
310
00:13:34,646 --> 00:13:36,914
( bird screeching )
311
00:13:52,830 --> 00:13:54,531
Did I miss anything ?
312
00:13:54,632 --> 00:13:57,234
I had to poop.
I'm sorry.
313
00:13:57,335 --> 00:13:58,669
You missed
the president.
314
00:13:58,770 --> 00:14:00,103
He went by ?
Yeah.
315
00:14:00,204 --> 00:14:02,038
Either that
or michael jackson.
316
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:05,276
Oh, fuck.
317
00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:14,318
Ciao.
318
00:14:15,086 --> 00:14:17,822
Not a lot of nice places
to use a bathroom
319
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,723
When you're out on patrol,
320
00:14:19,824 --> 00:14:23,861
But this italian joint over here
has a pretty nice powder room
321
00:14:23,962 --> 00:14:29,333
For a quick 10-100
or a 10-200 in an emergency.
322
00:14:39,343 --> 00:14:41,712
Hey.
323
00:14:41,813 --> 00:14:43,414
How's it hanging ?
324
00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:45,549
Good...
Can't complain.
325
00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:46,650
U-s-m-c.
326
00:14:46,751 --> 00:14:48,052
Yeah.
Yeah.
327
00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:49,386
Yeah, how could
you see that ?
328
00:14:49,488 --> 00:14:50,354
You noticed.
329
00:14:50,455 --> 00:14:51,789
I saw the "s.M."
I saw and "s" and "m."
330
00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:53,791
Uh-huh.
( laughs )
331
00:14:53,891 --> 00:14:55,792
Jim.
Jim ? Mac.
332
00:14:55,893 --> 00:14:57,528
Mac, how you doing ?
So good to meet you.
333
00:14:57,629 --> 00:14:59,729
Boy, you got big arms.
You got big, tough hands.
334
00:14:59,831 --> 00:15:00,664
Thanks.
335
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:02,399
That's a jarhead.
Yeah.
336
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,034
Coast guard reserves.
337
00:15:04,135 --> 00:15:05,936
Oh, seafood, huh ?
Yeah, oh, yeah.
338
00:15:06,037 --> 00:15:07,604
( laughs )
swab jockey.
339
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:09,940
Yeah, that's me.
That's me-- swab jockey.
340
00:15:10,041 --> 00:15:11,308
Are you from
around here ?
341
00:15:11,409 --> 00:15:12,542
No, actually.
342
00:15:12,643 --> 00:15:15,045
I've never seen you.
I would've noticed you, I bet.
343
00:15:15,146 --> 00:15:16,680
I would've
noticed you, too.
344
00:15:16,781 --> 00:15:18,482
No, actually
I'm from carson.
345
00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:20,918
I'm just-- I'm down here
to meet an old friend.
346
00:15:21,019 --> 00:15:23,220
Oh, old friend, like...
347
00:15:23,322 --> 00:15:27,490
Well, we were in
marine boot camp together.
348
00:15:27,592 --> 00:15:28,759
It's been quite
a few years.
349
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:30,461
Right, right.
350
00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:33,630
Yeah, I'm kind of hoping
a little magic happens.
351
00:15:33,732 --> 00:15:35,132
Oh, I get it.
You know what I mean ?
352
00:15:35,233 --> 00:15:37,134
This is a pager number,
353
00:15:37,235 --> 00:15:39,036
And the best thing usually
to do is just--
354
00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:43,307
You type in your number
and then put a "911" after it.
355
00:15:43,408 --> 00:15:44,608
Means call right away.
356
00:15:44,709 --> 00:15:45,743
Fall in line !
357
00:15:45,844 --> 00:15:47,278
Where's that
big mac daddy ?
358
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:48,812
Jimmy !
359
00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:52,182
Semper fi, never die !
360
00:15:52,283 --> 00:15:53,416
Whoo-hoo !
361
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:57,121
One, two, three !
362
00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:00,157
Come on, jimmy !
363
00:16:00,258 --> 00:16:01,959
Whoo !
364
00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:03,227
Look at you !
365
00:16:03,328 --> 00:16:04,528
Let me look at that !
366
00:16:04,629 --> 00:16:06,197
Look at you, man !
You're looking great, man !
367
00:16:06,297 --> 00:16:07,598
Look at that.
Damn. 20 years, boy.
368
00:16:07,699 --> 00:16:09,700
Look at
that mighty howitzer.
369
00:16:09,801 --> 00:16:11,635
Stand at attention !
There's ladies present !
370
00:16:11,736 --> 00:16:13,270
Look at-- ( smooches )
371
00:16:13,371 --> 00:16:15,673
Oh, I like that.
372
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:18,509
Hey, hey, jimmy,
how you doing ?
373
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:20,077
How are you doing,
jimmy ?
374
00:16:20,178 --> 00:16:21,545
Hey.
375
00:16:21,646 --> 00:16:22,847
What's up ?
376
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:25,816
You know garcia's
not "on the team" ?
377
00:16:25,917 --> 00:16:30,087
I wasn't either
when I was in boot camp.
378
00:16:30,188 --> 00:16:31,555
Okay, hang on
to that.
379
00:16:31,656 --> 00:16:33,624
Break a leg.
380
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:38,595
( whistling )
381
00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:52,176
Argh !
382
00:16:55,747 --> 00:16:56,846
ââ¢Âª do do
do-do-do ââ¢Âª
383
00:16:56,948 --> 00:17:00,317
ââ¢Âª do do do do,
do do do do ââ¢Âª
384
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:02,986
ââ¢Âª join my parade
it's a brand-new day ââ¢Âª
385
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:04,554
Been blocking
city traffic.
386
00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:08,024
That's andrew,
he does this every year.
387
00:17:08,125 --> 00:17:11,528
And, uh, he doesn't have
a parade license, of course.
388
00:17:11,629 --> 00:17:13,064
Right now we're hoping
he just gets tired.
389
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:14,832
I don't want to
really have to...
390
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:15,966
Run him over
or anything.
391
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:18,435
So, just being cautious.
392
00:17:18,536 --> 00:17:20,004
You know what
we're doing ?
393
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:23,040
We're adding
to the parade.
394
00:17:23,141 --> 00:17:25,643
I mean, by not
pulling him over.
395
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:27,611
Well...
Pull over, andrew.
396
00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:29,980
No, you got
no business here.
397
00:17:30,081 --> 00:17:31,482
You know what ?
398
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,117
Look, I'm gonna
tell you the story.
399
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:34,852
I don't want
to hear a story.
400
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:35,919
You're gonna
hear my story,
401
00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:38,155
Then you're gonna go,
"parade proceed."
402
00:17:38,256 --> 00:17:39,290
No parade proceed.
403
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,591
You cannot parade
in the middle of the street.
404
00:17:41,693 --> 00:17:44,061
You're blocking traffic,
that is disturbing the peace.
405
00:17:44,162 --> 00:17:45,662
Look at all the
traffic that's going.
406
00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:47,364
I'm not gonna lay down
with the lion when
407
00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:49,733
I'm a fucking tiger.
408
00:17:52,537 --> 00:17:53,737
See that ?
Yeah, walk away.
409
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:55,906
Have a nice parade, andy.
410
00:17:56,007 --> 00:17:57,441
You know what ?
411
00:17:57,542 --> 00:18:00,610
Uncle sam's crying
a tear today, okay ?
412
00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:04,348
I can put it back together.
Art rebuilds.
413
00:18:04,449 --> 00:18:07,684
Governments crumble,
but art rebuilds.
414
00:18:16,394 --> 00:18:20,931
Which of these is
illegal while driving ?
415
00:18:21,032 --> 00:18:26,470
"a", listening to music through
headphones that cover both ears.
416
00:18:26,571 --> 00:18:29,806
"b", adjusting
your outside mirrors.
417
00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:31,308
"c"...
418
00:18:31,409 --> 00:18:34,644
Transporting an unrestrained
animal inside the vehicle.
419
00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:36,680
I'm gonna say "c."
420
00:18:36,781 --> 00:18:39,783
Yes ?
"a."
421
00:18:39,885 --> 00:18:41,851
Ah, it's "a,"
listening to music
422
00:18:41,952 --> 00:18:43,787
Through headphones
that cover both ears.
423
00:18:43,888 --> 00:18:46,891
You guys...
424
00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:48,726
Oh, I better start getting
some of these right.
425
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:51,094
Okay...
426
00:18:51,195 --> 00:18:52,863
I'm gonna be naked
in about two minutes.
427
00:18:52,964 --> 00:18:54,764
Number four.
428
00:18:57,869 --> 00:19:03,774
ââ¢Âª whose broad stripes
and bright stars ââ¢Âª
429
00:19:03,874 --> 00:19:08,679
( in kinda tight harmony )
ââ¢Âª o'er the ramparts we watched ââ¢Âª
430
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:14,084
ââ¢Âª were so gallantly streaming ââ¢Âª
431
00:19:14,185 --> 00:19:27,665
ââ¢Âª and the home
of the braaaave ââ¢Âª
432
00:19:34,672 --> 00:19:36,139
Hey, gang, I heard
you weren't feeling so good,
433
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:37,941
So the deputy
jimbo one-man band
434
00:19:38,042 --> 00:19:39,310
Is here to cheer you up
435
00:19:39,410 --> 00:19:41,411
With a fun,
old-timey irish song.
436
00:19:41,512 --> 00:19:44,081
And it goes
a little something like this.
437
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:50,854
ââ¢Âª but if you come
when all the flowers are dying ââ¢Âª
438
00:19:50,955 --> 00:19:58,128
ââ¢Âª and I am dead
for dead I well may be ââ¢Âª
439
00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:00,297
How are you ?
440
00:20:00,398 --> 00:20:01,598
Hi, guys.
441
00:20:01,699 --> 00:20:02,866
Jaws of life.
442
00:20:02,967 --> 00:20:04,535
Where are
the jaws of life ?
443
00:20:04,636 --> 00:20:08,238
Wow... You guys
can't park here.
444
00:20:08,339 --> 00:20:09,973
Do you understand that I would
only have to sign two forms
445
00:20:10,074 --> 00:20:12,376
To get you sent someplace
446
00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:15,512
Where you will do
hard, hard time ?
447
00:20:15,613 --> 00:20:16,980
Well, I'm just saying
448
00:20:17,081 --> 00:20:18,448
I'm not trying
to be disruptive.
449
00:20:18,549 --> 00:20:20,117
I was cleaning up puke.
450
00:20:20,217 --> 00:20:23,019
After I make this copy,
can I get a gun ?
451
00:20:23,121 --> 00:20:26,189
Terry ! Terry !
452
00:20:26,290 --> 00:20:27,458
Whoo-hoo !
453
00:20:27,558 --> 00:20:29,526
Terry !
454
00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:33,930
Hey !
455
00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:35,665
( shouting )
456
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:37,767
( screaming )
457
00:20:38,803 --> 00:20:39,903
Shut up !
458
00:20:40,004 --> 00:20:43,039
Keep the noise down !
459
00:20:43,141 --> 00:20:46,043
Keep your shirts down !
460
00:20:46,144 --> 00:20:49,680
Unless you're
getting paid.
461
00:20:57,255 --> 00:20:58,555
That's me,
swab jockey.
462
00:20:58,656 --> 00:21:00,791
Yeah ? I love
those uniforms.
463
00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:02,459
They're good, yeah.
You know the bell-bottoms ?
464
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,894
It's not a jarhead uniform,
you guys got the real deal.
465
00:21:04,995 --> 00:21:07,464
Oh, well, no.
But I'll tell you what.
466
00:21:07,565 --> 00:21:09,065
You just couldn't beat
those bell-bottoms.
467
00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:10,733
Just couldn't beat them.
468
00:21:10,835 --> 00:21:12,035
Oh, sailor boys, yeah.
469
00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:13,670
Maybe you could come
to carson sometime.
470
00:21:13,771 --> 00:21:15,172
What do you do
down there ?
471
00:21:15,273 --> 00:21:16,372
I have a flower shop.
472
00:21:16,474 --> 00:21:19,143
Get out !!
"johnson's floral affair."
473
00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:21,612
I am just crazy
about petunias.
474
00:21:21,713 --> 00:21:24,915
I got to do this 'cause
you stole my life apparently.
475
00:21:25,016 --> 00:21:27,584
Please, oh, don't. No.
Someone stole my life.
476
00:21:27,634 --> 00:21:32,184
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